Dlisted: 09/17/2006 - 09/24/2006

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Kate is African....and Lame

Kate Moss is effin everywhere and yesterday was no exception. She graced the cover of The Independent which was edited by guest Giorgio Armani. Mr. Armani decided to focus on issues in Africa, specifically the AIDS crisis. This kind of copies the "I Am Africa" campaign featuring Fishsticks Paltrow.

Why couldn't they just get a real African? She doesn't look African at all. She looks like she was dipped in tar and then photoshopped to death.


Rosie O Helps Elmo Knock One Off

This past week was the 10th Anniversary of "Tickle Me Elmo" and this joyous event was launched with the "TMX Tickle Me Elmo." TMX stands for Tickle Me Extreme. Rosie brought the newest Elmo on The View to show some of his features. One of my favorite features includes Elmo jacking it furiously, breaking into a crazy, manic seizure.

Do you think the Big E would be into a circle jerk?


Sting Thinks Beyonce is "Soulless"

Beyonce at the VIP Club in Paris on September 22nd

Sting doesn't get today's music. Even though Beyonce and Justin Timberlake sell hundreds of thousands of albums a week, Sting isn't buying in. He said in an interview that he finds their music lacking soul.

"Today's music is not designed for me. I don't understand a Beyonce or Justin Timberlake."

"For me, singing is a spiritual journey. I'm devoutly musical. As for my voice, I'd say it's become more mature. Encrypted with life, it's developed texture.
This particular album I made in our home in Tuscany. I don't work in any thematically soundproofed room. I like ambient noises - fire crackling, birds singing, church bells. It's organic."

Jealous much? Doesn't he work with these bitches anyway? You know there's a time and a place for everything. When I want cheesy, superficial shit...I listen to Beyonce and the like and when I want shit with more meaning I listen to...um...I listen to...umm...Enya?


Hard Gay is Awesome!

Hard Gay is this Japanese show which features some leather, gay dude and his adventures. In this clip he tries to help a child get over his fear of carrots! Yeah, this is kind of wrong, but that's why it's so right.

Miss Cleo is a Lesbo?!!!?

The Advocate magazine will feature an interview with late-night, super-psychic, Miss Cleo, and she's coming out of the closet!

From the late 1990s through 2002, the woman whose real name is Youree Dell Cleomili Harris was a late-night staple who, in a thick Jamaican accent, urged viewers to dial a charge-by-the-minute 900 number to have their fortunes read.

What those viewers didn’t know, and what some members of her own family still don’t know, is that Miss Cleo is a lesbian. Four years after the infomercials were pulled from the air under a cloud of various lawsuits and federal and state investigations, Harris says she has been inspired to come out publicly by a teenage godson.

“He and I started talking when he was concerned about coming out. He was 16. When he made the decision I told him I’d be there to support him 100%, and he embraced [coming out] wholeheartedly,” Harris says. “It’s a different vibe than when I was his age, being raised Catholic in an all-girls boarding school. But he was afraid of nothing, and I thought, I can’t be a hypocrite. This boy is going to force me to put my money where my mouth is.”

On the late-night infomercials, Miss Cleo said she was a mystical shaman from Jamaica. Doubt was cast on that claim when a Florida newspaper reported that she had been born in Los Angeles. But Harris simply says, “I am who I say I am,” and insists she has Jamaican roots. She says she’s actually not a psychic but more of a spiritual counselor or spiritual adviser.

“I’m more a shaman, an elder in a community who has visions and gives direction to people in their village. My clients and my students are my village. I take care of this community. If you sit down at my table, you have to take away a lesson and not just learn what is going to happen tomorrow. I also perform weddings—both gay and straight marriages—and house cleansings and blessings.”

How did I not see this coming?! I never got that vibe from her and I would spend many a late night glued to her shit. I think she should join The View now!


Hot Slut of the Day!

Willie Nelson

Birthday Sluts

Julio Iglesias (63)
Kip Pardue (30)
LisaRaye (34)
Jason Alexander (47)
Rosalind Chao (49)
George C. Wolfe (52)
Bruce Springsteen (57)
Mary Kay Place (59)
Mickey Rooney (86)

Friday, September 22, 2006

Sly Stallone's Face is Melting Fast!!!

Sly at the Miss Italia 2006 contest in Italy September 22nd

Sylvester Stallone is turning into his mother, Jackie Stallone. He needs a red wig and a floral housecoat to complete the transformation.

The strange thing is that he looks like he has had some face work, but that shit is still falling a part. It's melting before our very eyes.

This being said, I'd still play hide the sausage with him.

It Was Over Before it Began

People is reporting that Lindsay Blohan and Harry Morton have ended their relationship. According to sources close to the couple, Harry broke it off with her yesterday after dinner.

The source said: "Harry broke up with Lindsay yesterday at Chateau Marmont after they had dinner on the courtyard patio. Nothing happened at dinner, but shortly afterward, he broke up with her."

She was seen last night crying up a storm according to sources. The reason for the split is that Harry is sober and she's too much drama. Even though she cut down on her partying, he just wanted to move into another direction.

"Lindsay did cut down on the partying, but with her it's all relative. Harry is sober. It wasn't the partying that broke them up. She's young and a little bit immature. Harry's more low-key and not into the same stuff she's into."

This comes only weeks after it was rumored that the pair got engaged. Friends of Blo say that they are just taking a break.

Harry wised up and realized what a coke whore she was. She should seriously stop trying to find the right guy and hook up with Pete Doherty already. These two like belong together, they are trash. Better yet she should marry her mother, that's the real match made in heaven.

- A rep for Lohan denies the break-up and insists they are together.

Thx Brenda

Afternoon Crumbs

Willie Nelson's tour bus rocks - BWE

Zahara Jolie-Pitt will be the face of Carol's Daughter - Concrete Loop

Tara Reid downgrades the tits and still looks like trash - Hollywood Tuna

OJ Simpson is getting punk'd for life - Cityrag

Why does Clooney always recycle? - Mollygood

Baking got Jessica Simpson through her divorce and she doesn't mean she got high all the time - Hollywood Rag

Rachel Bilson would be cuter without that fug hat - Egotastic!

Is Cindy Crawford a bad parent for letting her daughter take questionable photos? - Popsugar

How did Nicole Richie keep her bony ass in that log? - Just Jared

Meet Paris Hilton at your local AA meeting - IDLYITW

Heather Graham and Scott Speedman are boning...yawn - I'm Not Obsessed

Steve-O Pisses on the Red Carpet

At last night's Jackass Number Two premiere in Los Angeles, Steve-O pissed on the red carpet. Yeah, it's not surprising since this piece of trash will do anything for a little attention. It was cute for like twenty-five seconds and now it's just desperate. Think about the poor bitch that has to clean that shit up.

If I was the manager at that joint, I'd do Steve-O the way I do my dog when he pisses on the carpet. I rub his fucking face in it!

Click here to see this public act of desperation


Paris Hilton is Truly Original

Paris Hilton's second single off her album (which has dropped off Billboard's Top 100 list) is called Nothing in this World. It's about some girl who is trying to get a dude that has a chick. Yeah, thrilling shit. For the video, Paris has decided to do a mock trailer of a movie that came out years ago. The movie is The Girl Next Door which starred Elisha Cuthbert as a porn star who falls in love with some geek that lives next door. The whole idea is pretty lame and is just an excuse to have Paris in various generic slutty outfits.

The production value and performances in amateur porn is higher than this crap.

VIA Popbytes

The "Who Cares?" News!!

Desperate Housewives creators have told cast members to stop getting knocked up. Don't worry, they will be off the air next season and can have many babies as they want then.

Giorgio Armani is joining the skinny bitch ban!

Broadway is going to the dogs, literally!

Jessica Simpson still sleeps in Nick Lachey's shirts. Do you think he still sleeps with her wigs?

Will the FCC Please Step In?

Rosie O'Donnell is going way beyond the boundaries of decency by appearing topless in an upcoming episode of Nip/Tuck. Last week, Mario Lopez bared some hot ass and it should've been left at that.

It wasn't originally in the script, but when Rosie accidentally showed something that was never meant to be seen by human eyes, producers decided to keep it in.

Rosie will play a lottery winner who ends up screwing Julian McMahon's character. The director tried to shoot the scene with Rosie in plastic wrap, but it wasn't working.

I could name at least ten billion things that I would rather see than Rosie topless. I would rather see a swarm of maggots eat a human head, I'd rather see Paris Hilton's scrambled eggs in a tub of peanut butter, I would rather see Beatrice Arthur eat out Shari Belafonte.

TV has definitely crossed the line!


Blohan Checks Out Some Rehab

Lindsay Blohan is a dumb bitch and probably thinks this drink will help her kick her coke habit.

Seriously, an energy drink called Rehab? First there was one called Cocaine and now this shit? Fergie should seriously jump on the bandwagon and put one out called Methface.

In another Blohan news...she's apparently become such a primadonna that she asked her assistant to remove dog poo from her shoe. When her assistant refused, bitch threw a hissy fit.

A source said: “Lindsay had a tantrum after her assistant refused to clean dog poo off her shoes.”

Lindsay then kicked off her shoes and walked barefoot.


PJ Harvey Keeps Her Shit Natural

PJ Harvey has a face only a mother could love, well probably not my mother because she's vain, and it's obvious she's not one of those pop-star tarts that cares about stupid things like waxing and shaving. I have no problem with a hairy bush. It makes good floss. She should perhaps learn to keep her legs closed, so the whole entire internet doesn't see that she really loves the 70s.

Click here to see the grizzly man!


Good News for Arnold's Assistant

Click here to read the full story

Tyra Banks Has Lost Her Damn Mind!

The Tyra Banks talk show has always been near and dear to my heart, because it honestly makes Montell Williams look like 60 Minutes. Oh and before I start, the Flavor of Love girls will be on Tyra today! Don't forget to watch.

Anyway, a memo was put out for a Tyra show taping soon. She is looking for audience members to appear in their underwear.

Tyra is looking for a SPECIAL audience for this one!! For an upcoming episode of the show, the producers are requesting only people comfortable sitting in just their UNDERWEAR sign up to be in this taping's audience.

Big, small, short, tall, as long as you dont mind stripping down to your skivies Tyra wants you there. Acceptable dress is bra and panties, boxers and a tanktop, or slips; but NO PAJAMAS this is an UNDERWEAR show.

Plan on arriving fully dressed and stripping down on set DURING THE SHOW!!!
If you're a show-off this is your chance to shine.

Multi-talented superstar model, actress and all-around celebrity Tyra Banks now has her own talk show. A real hit with the 18-40 crowd, The Tyra Banks Show is a one-hour, daily talk show focusing on the dreams, hopes and challenges of young women. Tyra's goal is to empower women to be the best they can be for themselves, their families and their communities. Interesting guests and compelling stories that are sure to touch your heart are just a part of daytime's hottest new talk show, The Tyra Banks Show!

Parking is available at The Grove, the mall next to CBS. Parking is not free and the show does NOT validate. There is also limited street parking around the studio.

Tyra is planning to empower woman by taping them exposing their guts and cellulite which she will probably point out and make fun of. If you really want to be in this audience, click here. I personally will wait when she's looking for audience members to perform sex acts on farm animals. That I can do, but sitting in a cold studio in my tightey whities? No dice.

P.S. - Above is a clip of this past ANTM where Tyra pretends to be a supermodel on a rampage. The skit falls flat and is really akward.

Thx Stacy

Those Breasts are Just Aching for a Money Shot!

Barbra Streisand, 64, forget her bra and mind while attending the Clinton Global Initiative in New York. I think she took the whole "global" theme a little too far. For being 64, her tits aren't that bad. I'm sure she really gets into James Brolin titty fucking her while singing songs from Yentl. Hurl.


Her Mother Was a Rockette, Right?

TMZ came across Lindsay Blohan giving the performance of her life in a parking lot while smoking a ciggie. She performed several hot moves like high-kicks and karate stretches. When she noticed she was being filmed, she immediately stopped and went away.

This performance is a lot more entertaining than even the thought of Asshole Simpson in Chicago.

The Fall of Skinny Jeans

It's a slow news day people, be patient with me.

Kate Moss was seen for the second time this week in non-skinny-like pants. Ok, this is lame. I can't continue. I'm just gonna go sit on the toilet!


Move Over Hooters!

Jessica Simpson's father, Joe Simpson, will cheapen his daughter's image even more by opening a chain of restaurants based on the character she played in the Dukes of Hazzard remake. The restaurant chain will be called Daisy Duke's and feature waitresses dressed like whores serving beat-up barbecue.

A source told America's Life and Style Weekly magazine: "Joe's going to make a lot of money from this."

The flagship eatery will open in Las Vegas' Caesar's Palace next year, and Jessica will reportedly commit to make at least five appearances at the venue each year.

A spokesman for the 26-year-old star, whose divorce from Nick Lachey was finalized this year, has so far refused to confirm the restaurant plans.

Let's see...Jessica has a wig line, shoe line, clothing line, cosmetics line, music career, film career, whore career and now is a restauranter. I'm guessing a line of feminine products isn't far behind.


Lou Diamond Phillips: Wifebeater

La Bamba star (did he do anything else?), Lou Diamond Phillips, was charged with delivering a beat down to his girlfriend. He was booked and arrested on the night of August 11th after the coppers were called to the actor's home.

According to news website TMZ.com, Phillips was charged late last night. Documents filed in Los Angeles Superior Court regarding the incident claim Phillips "unlawfully used force and violence upon the person."

He has been out on $50,000 bail since the incident. If convicted, he could face one year in jail and a $2,000 fine. Phillips is due back in court for arraignment on October 18.

I get him confused with Benjamin Bratt all the time. I thought, damn Benjamin is too fine to be a girlfriend beater.

The picture above is not the girl Lou Diamond gave a beating too. He just tried to eat this girl's head.


Just Plain Bullshit

NBC has brought the TV rights to air Madonna's Confessions tour in November. There's a segment where Madge is strapped to a disco-cross and re-enacts the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. The network is currently deciding on whether to air that part of the show or not. This number has also caused many religious groups to send her death threats. She finally spoke out about it.

"I am very grateful that my show was so well received all over the world. But there seems to be many misinterpretations about my appearance on the cross and I wanted to explain it myself once and for all.

"There is a segment in my show where three of my dancers 'confess' or share harrowing experiences from their childhood that they ultimately overcame. My 'confession' follows and takes place on a Crucifix that I ultimately come down from. This is not a mocking of the church. It is no different than a person wearing a Cross or 'Taking Up the Cross' as it says in the Bible. My performance is neither anti-Christian, sacrilegious or blasphemous. Rather, it is my plea to the audience to encourage mankind to help one another and to see the world as a unified whole. I believe in my heart that if Jesus were alive today he would be doing the same thing.

"My specific intent is to bring attention to the millions of children in Africa who are dying every day, and are living without care, without medicine and without hope. I am asking people to open their hearts and minds to get involved in whatever way they can. The song ends with a quote from the Bible's Book of Matthew:

"'For I was hungry and you gave me food. I was naked and you gave me clothing. I was sick and you took care of me and God replied, "Whatever you did for the least of my brothers... you did it to me."'

"Please do not pass judgment without seeing my show."

Why does she have to lie? I mean she did it to be controversial and get some press for her show. There's nothing wrong with that. The old Madonna would that in a second, but to say it's like to show us mankind not to hate each other...WTF?! What does a disco ball cross have to do with mankind loving one another?

The CAPTION THIS CONTEST Winner for September 21st!

"My sexual orientation is my personal business. How rude of you to ask" - Clay Aiken, age 65 - V


A picture of the woman who 'raped' DMX. - Randi


Thx AA

Hot Slut of the Day!

Megan Follows

Birthday Sluts

Scott Baio (45)
Tom Felton (19)
Matthew Rush (34)
Bonnie Hunt (45)
Catherine Oxenberg (45)
Andrea Bocelli (48)
Joan Jett (48)
Nick Cave (49)
Debby Boone (50)
John Woo (58)
Toni Basil (63)

Thursday, September 21, 2006

My Christmas Card

No, this isn't an ad for Asshole Simpson in Equus, it's the newest promo shot of LaToya Jackson's Australian malt liquor campaign. I'm not sure what a toy horsey has to do with malt liquor, but I'm going to guess that they are pushing that their beverage will get you so fucked up that you will hallucinate LaToya in a cheap nightgown, horrible wig, riding a fake pony. That works for me.

Honestly, this is one of the most beautiful images I've seen in a long time. I'm guessing Angelina Jolie will pay $450,000 for it.


Japanese People Really Know How to Entertain

The above video was made to help Japanese people learn English. I don't think they also realized that it would also entertain thousands. This video is probably best viewed after a night of drinking and drugging over a plate of stale nachos and a Smartwater.

It's a long video, but it's high art. If music video directors just follow this format for every video, there would be a lot of really hot shit out there.

Thx Lahoma00

The Face of a Claymate

Hundreds of Clay Aiken's biggest (literally) fans filled a local Wal-Mart to purchase several copies of their idols new album "A Thousand Gays Ways".

Yes, this is pretty much what I thought his fan base looked like. Oh and the eagle sweater is really hot. I need one of those.


Prince William is Not Aging Well

Prince William had potential on being kind of hot. There's a point in your life when you could either go the hot route or go the not route. When PW got to that point, he went the NOT route.


Afternoon Crumbs

Mollygood's DOA contest is awesome - Mollygood

Mischa Barton
is delusional and thinks her new movie is too sexy for US audiences - Popsugar

This is what $226,000 of Angelina Jolie's money bought - Cityrag

Avril Lavigne's love is dirty and smelly - Egotastic!

Posh shows off what her husband's money has bought - Hollywood Tuna

Jacko really likes leprechauns - IDLYITW

Naomi Campbell's former assistant is still deathly afraid of her - Hollywood Rag

Fishsticks and Stella try to set their parents up with each other - A Socialite's Life

Lily Allen makes hot music, but has pig face - Drunken Stepfather

Kimora Lee goes off on a poor manager at Barney's - Concrete Loop

Britney's manny gets a better gig - BWE

Bradley Pitt's new tattoo - Just Jared

Guess the Ho?

- Click here to see the ho behind the smile. Congrats to NK for getting it right!

Can't The CW Budget In New Wigs?

I am all for the wig! Why not? If you're going to wear a wig at least don one that doesn't look like it was put together on your head with scotch tape. Tyra Banks is the hotness, but she needs Ken Paves. Her wigs are made out of alley cats. I'm not talking about your regular alley cat either, I'm talking about strung-out, crack head cats. The kind of cat that doesn't care when it's raining, because they are so hungry. That's what that bitch is wearing on her head.

Remember Tamera Tia Mowry? She is one half of the Mowry twins that had a semi-successful show on ABC called Sister Sister? Well, she's back. She is a cast member on the CW show, The Game. She is also joining Tyra in the beat down wig category. All she needs is a lift in the back and she could be Elvira.

So much hotter then!

A Jungle Cruise Movie?

Disney is hoping to strike gold twice with another movie series based on one of their rides. Pirates of the Caribbean worked for them, but will the Jungle Cruise movie do the same? The creators of the television series Smallville have been hired to write the script.

The ride debuted in 1955 and was one of the original rides when Disneyland opened. It takes riders in a little safari boat through the jungles where they encounter animals and shit. The best part of the ride is when your safari guide shoots some hippos with a fake gun. I think Star Jones can play that role. The hippo not the guide.

Honestly, I'd rather see a movie about my asshole. It has a much more compelling story to tell.


The "Who Cares?" News!!

All the plastic surgery in the world still will not make Barbra Streisand look human.

Guy Ritchie and Madonna have a very exciting relationship. They fight over scrabble, but like really fight, no...like seriously, they have major fights over it. The passion!

Matt LeBlanc's divorce is finalized. Good, now he can focus on that huge career of his.

Xtina sent Britney Spears a huge basket of baby goods congratulating her on the birth of SPF2. The basket also contained hundreds of recent sexy photos of Xtina with the words "awesome and crazy body" written all over them.

Katie Holmes to Play Posh Spice?

The Beckhams and the Cruises have been hanging around a lot lately and the reason may be Katie Holmes' involvement in a biopic based on the life of David Beckham. Tom Cruise pitched the idea to Paramount (before he was fired) and they picked it up. Posh Beckham has apparently asked her bff, Katie, to play her. A source said:

"Tom has a brilliant grasp of what the public want to see and thought David's story was wonderful."

"A football star emerges from humble origins, there's drama within the matches and romance in his love affair with Victoria at the height of her pop star fame. The quartet have become very close friends and the Beckhams would only be happy about their story being used if Tom and Katie were involved.

"Katie is perfect to play a young Posh and has been working on her accent."

A script is currently being written and Tom may executive produce. No word yet on who may play David Beckham. My vote is for Maddox Jolie-Pitt.

This is the worst idea EVER! Katie Holmes playing Posh? This has to be a joke. First of all, bitch doing a British accent is bad news and she would have to lose at least 120lbs. At least! If any Cruise is going to play Posh, it's going to be Suri Cruise. She is probably the same dress size as Posh.


He Kind of Looks Like Heather Locklear

David Spade is currently shooting "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" which stars Adam Sandler and Kevin James. The flick is about two firemen who pretend to be gay so they can receive domestic partner benefits. David plays a gay fireman and in this scene has to dress in drag.

He looks pretty comfortable if you ask me. He looks like a full-blown woman even with the stache and chest hair.


Michael K on MySpace

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