Beauty and Two Beasts

I know Lil' Kim isn't actually a beauty, but compared to Kimora Lee Simmons and Janice Combs...she's a fucking supermodel. Kimora is like the Jolly Chocolate Tranny and Janice looks like Diddy in a wig by Ken Paves.

These three messes met up at the Baby Phat fashion show in NYC on September 8th.

KFed is a True Thespian!

I'm thinking that KFed isn't studying his lines, he's trying to read his damn lines because white trash slut don't know how to read! Here's our favorite panty creamer on the set of CSI where he plays a thug. Yeah, that's a stretch. His episode which is called "Fannysmackin" debuts on CBS October 12th.

Looks like the Emmy winner of Guest Star in a Drama Series has a new frontrunner!

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I'm Into This

Plot: Turning her back on her wealthy, established family, Diane Arbus falls in with Lionel Sweeney, an enigmatic mentor who introduces Arbus to the marginalized people who help her become one of the most revered photographers of the twentieth century.

Stars: Nicole Kidman, Robert Downey Jr. & Jane Alexander
Director: Steven Shainberg
Due: November 10, 2006

Alien Head

Natalie Portman at an Elle Mag party in London September 7th

Hot Slut of the Day!

Sherman Hemsley

For Phonked

Birthday Sluts

Hugh Grant (46)
Michelle Williams (26)
Goran Visnjic (34)
Henry Thomas (35)
Rachel Hunter (37)
Adam Sandler (40)
Tom Wopat (55)
Michael Keaton (55)

Brad Pitt Makes Up Excuses to Marry Angie

Brad Pitt is joining Charlize Theron in refusing to get married in America until the marriage rights change.

He told Esquire: "Angie and I will consider tying the knot when everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able."

As a gay bitch, that's pretty noble of him and others should stand up too. Part of me is kinda glad I can't get married legally, because honestly my scandalous ass would've been married and divorced like 6 times.

Oh and Maddox put him up to this.

Viva Maddox!

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Afternoon Crumbs

Paris Hilton most likely gave her arresting officer a few bumps before he filled out the report - Mollygood

Are Penny and Matthew going to re-sign their contract? - Popsugar

Posh and Becks set Venice into a frenzy - A Socialite's Life

Celebrity hair twins - Cityrag

Xtina knows her first child will be a boy - Hollywood Rag

Elizabeth Hurley is about to pop out - Egotastic!

Mos Def getting arrested at the VMAs - Concrete Loop

TomKat are planning a wedding - Just Jared

Blohan's pussy-shot pictures are real - IDLYITW

Carmen Electra gets some fashion sense - Hollywood Tuna

50 Cent: Arrested - TMZ

Image Source

Wonky Eye Gets a Barker

What happened to this celibate bullshit? Wonk Eye Hilton hit Hyde last night following her DUI arrest the night before. She showed up in the passenger seat of her spokeswhore's car. She also donned a black wig, because her extensions got covered in jizz from all the action she gave to the cops the night before. Getting jizz out of polyester is a bitch!

She was also photographed sort of kissing Travis Baker. He's freshly single and ready to get some open chocha and that's Wonk's middle name! There goes that not getting any action for a year shit.

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Beyonce in a Banana Skirt?

Beyonce has indeed lost her mind. She wore this little doozy at last night's Fashion Rocks concert which will be on TV tonight. House of Dereon put out another winner. All she's missing is a pineapple on her head and a monkey with a tambourine on her shoulder!

Vintage Ben Affleck

He was so much cooler then...

The "Who Cares?" News!!

Esquire is really milking this whole "Guess the Sexiest Woman Alive" thing...

Paris Hilton is back to boozing! This time she went out with a wig, because maybe just maybe if she gets pulled over this time they'll book her as somebody else. She's so slick.

Big Brother: All-Stars is going to end on the shittiest note ever!

Shanna Moakler claims she was faithful to Travis Barker and by faithful she means she didn't take it in the butt more than twice in one night.

She Gets the Chulapa and Dips it in Butter

Britney Spears skipped the hospital yesterday and instead headed to Taco Bell to get some pintos and cheese. There were published reports that Britney was going to pop Jailynn yesterday, but she popped something else instead. She loves her some Taco Bell. I bet she has major skid marks in her cotton panties.









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It's Fashion Week!

Last night was the Conde Nast Fashion Rocks concert to kick off Fashion Week in New York. The stars came out in their worst to strike a pose and mingle with the coke heads of fashion.

Nelly Furtado was beamed up from Pluto. She came to represent the demoted planet and fight for their rights!





Two turtles and a tranny walk into a bar....



Mischa Barton, we get it! You want to be Mia Farrow.



Fergie IN I Dream of Depends.





Denise Richards is seriously a housewife from Orange County. People talk about Suri Cruise not being real. This is the real fake bitch in the house. I dare you to try and name one thing on this broad that's real.





Ok, Xtina looks hot.





Carrot Top lightened his hair! I have no idea who that is, but I'm scared.

Denise Richards & Richie Sambora are Engaged!

Star Magazine is claiming that a source close to Denise Richards and Richie Sambora confirmed that the pair are engaged. Denise only split from Charlie Sheen a few months ago and Richie the same with Heather Locklear. The two are said to be madly in love and hoping to make it legal before the end of this year.

The source said: "Denise is head over heels in love with Richie. She says he's the perfect guy for her — and that she's never so looked forward to the future."

Denise's pr whore denies the story.

I love these "sources". The source is probably Denise's hairdresser's father's uncle's priest's lawyer's nurse's escort's grandmother's fiancee's drug dealer's ferret.

Good Job Scooby Doo: Blohan's Bag Found!

Yesterday, a tearful Lindsay Blohan was comforted by her boyfriend after her orange Hermes bag containing $1 million was stolen from her at London's Heathrow Airport. This morning Scotland Yard has announced the bag has been found, but there's no word yet if any items were taken.

They said: "A member of the public contacted us to say they had found it and brought it in. We have not yet established what, if anything, is missing."

Ok, if there's nothing missing then either this shit is fake or the person that stole is a retard. I'm guessing homegirl was high as a kite and left that shit in the bathroom stall.

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The Decoy Suri

Earlier this week the first pictures of Suri Cruise hit newsstands on the cover of Vanity Fair. To some this ended months of speculation that she didn't exist. Tom Cruise revealed that in order to protect his daughter they tricked photographers with a fake Suri. Ok, this is funny.

A doll was created to look like Suri.

I'm confused, because TomKat was seen out a lot but without the baby. So, when was the doll used or is this the doll now?

Seriously, the doll was probably used to trick Katie Holmes into thinking she actually had a baby while Tom and company were in Hong Kong picking out the real Suri. Katie hardly noticed the pillow under her shirt, but bitch isn't that dumb to not notice a baby.

I'm playing, I believe that's the real Suri and I'm getting hell for it! Tom is a loon and doesn't know what the hell he's saying.

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John Travolta is Liking This Drag Thing a Whole Lot

Here's another picture of John Travolta in drag for Hairspray the movie which is currently shooting in Toronto. Methinks that John is loving this hardcore. He goes home with his costume still on and touches himself while looking in the mirror. Better yet, he goes to straight bars and tries to pick up chubby chasers.

That girl is a trooper, you know she's sickened.

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Nicole Kidman Will Soon Receive a Beating From Angelina Jolie

Nicole Kidman is preparing herself for a trip to India as the United Nation's Goodwill Ambassador. She's in the giving mood, so she's decided to hit out against one of Hollywood's most devoted charity workers, Angelina Jolie. Nicky thinks Angie is just a candy striper.

She said: "It's not like Angelina is any better than a nurse working in a hospital but she's getting the publicity for her contribution.

"I have a friend who is a doctor and every year he works in Africa for two months for no money. So everyone is on the same playing field, whether you offer your services as the doctor or as Angelina does."

Angie is also a UN Goodwill ambassador and Nicole Kidman is an idiot.

Why choose Angelina? That just shows bitch is jealous. Why not hit out at Paris Hilton, who's idea of charity work is giving a blow job to a college student.

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Portia De Rossi is Going to the Oscars!

Ellen Degeneres will take over for Jon Stewart as next year's Oscar's hosts to be held February 25, 2007 at the Kodak Theater in Hollywood, CA. Ellen is no stranger to award show hosting, she has previously hosted the Emmy Awards in 1994, 2001 and 2005.

Ellen said: "When (Oscars producer) Laura Ziskin called, I was thrilled. There's two things I've always wanted to do in my life. One is to host the Oscars. The second is to get a call from Laura Ziskin. You can imagine that day's diary entry."

So, is she going to wear a tux or a tux?

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Kelly Carlson Quote of the Day!

on Christopher Reeve's 1995 accident:

"OK, this is going to offend people. I love Christopher Reeve . . . But it was more his fault. When you're jumping a horse, 99.9 per cent of the time it's your fault . . . You never take a horse over a fence unless your horse is totally trained to do it, and you have a relationship with the horse. It's all about trust . . . You have to have your hip bone and heel bone in a straight line up and down. If you don't, you'll go over the horse's head . . . Chris probably wasn't sitting right in the saddle. That's the only reason why you fall off."

The CAPTION THIS CONTEST Winner for September 7th!

Law & Order STD - youpeoplearemorons

Runner-ups:

That's hot! - Gary Coleman

Paris blows an .08, then she blew 7 inches, then she blew 6 inches, then she blew 7 inches and then she finally blew another 8 inches. - Rob

I didn't know Peggy Bundy had a sister! - Anonymous



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Hot Slut of the Day!

Bo Derek

Birthday Sluts

Pink (27)
Jonathan Taylor Thomas (25)
Larenz Tate (31)
Henry Thomas (35)
David Arquette (35)
Brooke Burke (35)
Kimberly Peirce (39)
Aimee Mann (46)

Who Stole Blohan's Coke Stash?!

Lindsay Blohan was in tears at Heathrow Airport in London when she found out that someone stole her orange Hermes bag which contained nearly $1 million worth of jewels. Lindsay left terminal one when she noticed that her Hermes bag was missing from her trolley and she freaked out.

Lindsay's rep confirmed: "She is begging for the return of the items. She doesn't care how she gets them back, she just wants her stuff back." He said the bag also contained asthma medication.

Oh is that what we're calling it these days?

Scotland Yard said they are investigation, but they don't have any leads yet. Trust me, this shit is going to end up on eBay like any minute. Below are some pictures of this ho crying to her boyfriend outside the airport.

If the bag was so valuable why the hell didn't she guard it with her life?! Dumb ass!

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Courtney Needs to Lay Off the Plastic!

When I first saw these pics of Courtney Love at the Suicide Girls 5th Anniversary party last night, I immediately thought of this creepy fetish website that's into fake women masks. Like these masks look more natural than Courtney. WTH did this ho do to her face?

If you get a minute check out this mask site, because it's hella scary. I should send one to Kimbo Stewart though so I don't have to look at her fugly fug fug face anymore.

Um...Maybe Deep Fried Ice Chips Covered in Powdered Sugar!

KFed was on Ellen yesterday and spoke open about Britney Spears' second pregnancy. He said she was due later this month and that her cravings aren't that bad.

He said that Britney is craving "ice chips all the time" and he doesn't understand why. He said he had to ask his mother to explain to him why Britney was craving thing.

I don't think he listens to her, because Britney craves ice chips in her Venti Mocha Frap!

I guess Jail Federline wasn't born today. Oh well, I'll always have Suri.

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Who is Kiki Macking With?

Don't you love that word? Macking? I'm bringing it back for this post.

Kiki Dunst and a mystery man went for a walk and then were caught by photographers making out. I hope they are walking towards a hair salon, because that weave is messed up.

Afternoon Crumbs

Stephen Dork needs to lay off the carbs - Just Jared

McConagay's freakishly short arms - Cityrag

KFed loses control on Ellen while I lose my lunch - IDLYITW

Scarlett Jo is one drunken ho - Hollywood Tuna

Eve has some good wigs - Concrete Loop

Kristin Cavallari needs her ass kicked - Hollywood Rag

Badgley Mischka gets a real woman for their ad campaign - Popsugar

A Suri Cruise conspiracy theory - A Socialite's Life

Nicole Richie has a song - Mollygood

Mischa Barton is a fat ass hog - The Bastardly

Natalie Portman is like God's gift to us - I'm Not Obsessed

It's always something with Blohan - Egotastic!

I Think My Eyes Just Exploded!!!

This is John Travolta in drag on the set of Hairspray in Toronto. How is this legal? I really hope they are hiring a staff of millions to make this nasty ass look human in post-production.

He looks like a bear in a human costume trying to steal some honey and cherry pie from unsuspecting campers.

If you can excuse me, I must find a doctor that will help me see again. Thank God, I have my keyboard done up in braille.

How Many Men Does It Take To Get Posh Out of a Boat?

Look at all these dudes trying to help her skinny ass out of that boat in Venice today. I mean a light breeze could carry that ho to safe ground. Someone on the boat should've just blown her way and she would've been halfway down the block.

At least homegirl knows how to keep her legs shut when she's in a boat unlike a lot of other whores that open that shit for the seagulls to suck the crabs out.

And were Posh and Becks going to a costume party? He's like Oliver Twist with his pet rat!

All She Wanted Was a Burger

Parasite Hilton called into Ryan Seacrest this morning following her release from jail. She told him that she was driving her Mercedes a little fast, but only because she really wanted a burger from In N' Out.

Paris told Ryan she had an excruciatingly long day on Wednesday filming the video for her new single "Nothing in This World." She told Ryan she wrapped shooting for the day, went to dinner with sister Nicky and girlfriends (guess she didn't eat at dinner), attended a charity event hosted by Dave Navarro and had one margarita. She says she left to drive home -- which, she says, was only a few blocks away-- and may have been going a little fast because she was "starving" and just wanted an In-N-Out Burger!

Hmm...so how does this explain that you were charged with a DUI? This dumb whore is the queen of denial though. Nothing is her fault and everything is blamed on something else. Just admit that you got caught. She was probably smoking weed and that's why she suddenly got a craving for beef.

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The "Who Cares?" News!!

Mel Gibson resurfaces and looks like he could use a drink!

Gayken has been appointed to serve Bush.

Mimi's fake tan is made of 24k gold dust. That was the only material that she didn't try and eat.

Blohan thinks her generation should be more political and by political she means, get trashed in DC more.

A Reporter Gets a Beat Down!

A news reporter was trying to interview a woman that was involved in a fraud scheme when her husband jumped out of his car and beat the reporter down!

This woman is a crazy ho! Seriously, that reporter kept his cool for a long time. I would've beat both of their asses down with the camera. I would've ripped that tree out by its roots and starting hitting them with it.

Click here to see an unedited version of it!

Thx DobryDen

Scarlett's Hair Don't!

Scarlett Johansson at The Black Dahlia premiere in L.A. on September 6th

Daniel Craig Really Hates Los Angeles

The new James Bond, Daniel Craig, has declared his hatred for the entertainment capital of the World: Los Angeles, CA. Smart move, idiot.

He moaned to Elle Magazine: "Los Angeles may be a good place to visit, but it's also a good place to get out of. It doesn't feel like a proper city. Perhaps I shouldn't have said that - I'm going to get hate mail now."

"You can't party in Los Angeles. Everything closes at 10 o'clock! The studios made that happen to stop actors staying in bars until three o'clock in the morning. Everybody parties at home."

Doesn't this moron know that he's going to be working in Los Angeles a lot while promoting the Bond movie? And since when does everything close at 10? I thought last call was at 2? In London everything closed at 11! I'm not defending Los Angeles, but he needs to get his shit straight.

That being said, he still a hot bod and I'd gladly debate this topic with him over Trojans and KY.

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4 Girls and a Dude

Eve, Xtina, Dita Von Teese and Lil' Kim escaped death last night when they barely got away from a monster named Lisa Marie Presley at the Viva Glam VI Dinner.

What in Elvis' name happened to this woman? Her neck is gone and she looks like she's on the starting line-up of the Dallas Cowboys. I have no idea what that means, but I'm proud of myself for giving some kind of sports reference.

Lil' Kim looked like a hot mess!!

Heather Locklear Will Finally Get Some!!

Heather Locklear will finally a see another orgasm as her relationship with David Spade has ended! The couple got together right after Heather announced her split from Richie Sambora earlier this year. They have been dating for five months.

Friends of David claim that he broke things off, because Heather was a real bitch!

"They broke up simply because she became more and more of a b-tch as she became more comfortable with him, and was difficult in every way. He was really cautious and saw some of the danger signals. She just became so high maintenance, and so not worth it to be with."

David's rep would not confirm or deny the split.

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I Prefer Him Furry

Jake Gyllenhaal debuted a clean-shaven face as he spent time with his family on the beach. He also debuted a flabby gut! I know you're going to say that he's not fat, but please - we make fun of chicks being fat and so why not the dudes? He seriously needs a slim fast and a thigh master.

I bet he has a really hairy butt.

Fishsticks Never Looked So Good

Click here to see the original!

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Is Britney Giving Birth to Jail Federline Today?

Brit Brit at Taco Bell

According to reports, Britney Spears is due to deliver her second child with KFed today in Los Angeles via C-section. Apparently, she has scheduled an appointment today at the UCLA Santa Monica Medical Center. This is just a week before SPF's first birthday.

KFed recently told reporters that she was giving birth at the end of October.

The two already have a name picked out for their baby which is believed to be a girl. Britney is combining her mother and father's names, Jamie and Lynne to create Jailynn.

Yup! Jail Federline! Sounds kind of fitting, no? Good one Brit, leave it to you to fuck up a name somehow.

Seriously, with a name like Jailynn she's already destined to selling her wares at a truck stop in Bakersfield.

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Does Jizz Have Alcohol In It?

Parasite Hilton at the Suicide Girls 5-Year Anniversary Concert in L.A. on September 6th


Oh this story is bringing me such joy! Who needs caffeine this morning when you have something like this.

Parasite Hilton was busted in Hollywood on suspicion of DUI. She was pulled over at 12:30am last night for driving erratically. The officer on scene said:

"The officers observed that Hilton exhibited the symptoms of intoxication. A field sobriety test was conducted at the scene and the officers determined she was driving under the influence."

She was arrested and then released. She was picked up at the police station by her sister, Nick Hilton and Nicky's boyfriend, Kevin Connolly.

Paris' spokeswhore claims that she was working all day on a music video and then attended a charity event that night. He said she only had one margarita, but it was on an empty stomach. He said she was "probably the result of an empty stomach and working all day and being fatigued."

She was at a "charity event"? Really? Since when is the Suicide Girls 5-year anniversary party, a charity event? That's where that ho was last night. This dumb whore probably thinks just showing up to a party is charity for her. Ugh, I really wish they roughed her ass up.

Can you imagine being the arresting officer? Oh what joy that would be!

Dumb slut probably was used to the handcuff part. She was probably asking for them to be tighter.

Go on over to TMZ to see some video of this piece of trash arriving at her house after being released.

The CAPTION THIS CONTEST Winner for September 9th!

Brandon Davis' bear crotch - Britt

Hot Slut of the Day!

Anita Pointer

Birthday Sluts

Tom Everett Scott (36)
Evan Rachel Wood (19)
Devon Sawa (28)
Oliver Hudson (30)
Shannon Elizabeth (33)
Angie Everhart (37)
Chrissie Hynde (55)
Julie Kavner (55)
Gloria Gaynor (57)

The Original Firecrotch is Knocked Up!

Maria Cross and her who-cares husband are expecting their first child together.

Desperate Housewives star Marcia Cross is expecting her first child with husband Tom Mahoney, PEOPLE has learned exclusively and the actress's rep confirms. The baby is due in April.

Cross, 44, and Mahoney, 48, a stockbroker, got married in June after dating for more than a year.

Let's hope the bitch lays off the botox during her pregnant. She doesn't want her baby coming out all surprised looking and shit.

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Thx Kristi

Last Suri Cruise Post Today!!! I Promise!

I'm sorry! I'm obsessed with Suri Cruise. Most likely because we both look Eurasian. I know aliens don't know how to love, but I will teach her! She's precious. Anyway, here's the full spread from Vanity Fair magazine. Suri has been photoshopped to hell which is creepy, but I'm still in love with her. Fuck, why do I go and do that? I know I've just moved up like ten spots on the "alien attack" list and trust me there's one.
Tom does his best to act like all straight and family-oriented and shit. He is probably playing Jerry Maguire.

Suri, you had me at "phone home".

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Afternoon Crumbs

Asshole and Pete are a match made in fug - Hollywood Rag

Brangelina's tying the knot and I yawn to that - Popbytes

The celebs that are giving hip-hop a bad name - Cityrag

Mischa Barton has the grossest body - Egotastic!

The Stefani and Klum playdate - Celebrity Nation

Xtina gets gay - Hollywood Tuna

Firecrotch airs it out - IDLYITW

Katie Holmes actually goes out by herself, sort of - Just Jared

Britney gears up for the new baby - Popsugar

Suri Cruise rocks the Emo - BWE

Beyonce and Paramount, bitchfight - A Socialite's Life

Tyra Banks needed some photoshop love for a recent ANTM promo shot - Crunk + Disorderly

The Photoshop Awards: Suri Cruise

BEFORE:



AFTER:



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UPDATE - Gawker photoshopped the first photo as a joke! Damn them!

Guess the Ho?

UPDATE - Click here to see the ho behind the smile. Congrats to Suse for being the first to get it right!

These Dolls Have Fat Heads!

Gwen Stefani is joining the doll market and giving Barbie and Bratz a run for their money.

The singer and fashion designer is launching a line of limited-edition "Love. Angel. Music. Baby" dolls that will be dressed in the styles worn by Stefani and her Harajuku Girl dancers on her most recent tour, the Associated Press reports.

"The Harajuku Girls and I wore such wicked costumes we had to share them with the world again," Stefani said in a statement.

Retailing for $24.95 at Target and other stores, each of the eight 10-inch dolls resembles the rocker or one of her dancers and comes with posters, pocket mirrors or trading cards.

I'm just saying, but those dolls look cheap. $24.95 for those pieces of trash?! I can get that shit down at the 99-Cent store and this isn't a lie.

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Thanks LA!

The "Who Cares?" News!!

Why won't Jenny Shimizu keep her dyke-mouth shut already about Angelina Jolie?!

Diddy is expecting twins with Kim Porter. He's totally going to name them Cristal and Bentley. Wait, we're on a Cristal strike right? Ok, Dom Perignon and Bentley.

The sluts in Lost can't hold their booze!

Jessica and Nick settle their money fight. She has a lot and he has none. That was easy!

Can't Get Enough of Suri!

Suri Cruise is spreading through the internet faster than a Paris Hilton sex tape. Here are two new images of the Princess of Xenu. Again, I think she's precious must that may just be her alien powers working on me. Some of you may be immune to that.

The pic above is hella creepy though. Oh and go buy the issue of Vanity Fair that is on newsstands right now!

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Save Harvey!

Screw Suri Cruise, Harvey really needs our help!

Jordan is absolutely worried about Harvey's weight and she should be. Harvey is weighing in at almost 100lbs and he's only 4-years old! It's not her fault, he suffers from a rare grown hormone. Jordan and Peter Andre are doing everything they can to stop his weight gain.

She said: "We've been taking Harvey to the hospital for more tests as he's been putting on a lot of weight recently and it's worrying us. He's now 7st, which is really unhealthy for a four-year-old. But we've been through tough times with Harvey before and we'll get through this."

On top of all his issues, Harvey was recently diagnosed with autism just last week.

"I went to the doctors and he's been diagnosed as autistic, which I've been saying for ages. Now they'll discuss how best to deal with him. I don't get love from Harvey and I don't expect it, so it's weird to think that Junior will know what a cuddle is."

Jordan may have some mistakes in the past, but she's doing the best that she can with Harvey.

Just a suggestion though - she should probably stop spreading animal crackers on the foor, so he can spend his time grazing and not bothering her. Just a word of advice, really!

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Well, She Certainly Doesn't Spend Her Dough on Clothes

It takes a lot of money to make Pamela Anderson look that cheap. She has confessed that she has been known to spend $9,000 a day on make-up help alone. She has learned to cut back and has learned to do her own make-up.

She said: "The most liberating thing I've done lately is learn to do my own make-up. I never wore make-up in Canada and when I moved to Los Angeles Playboy did my make-up and hair so I never really learned to do it myself. I am not a slave to the industry anymore. Ha!

"I just did my own make-up at a shoot - I brought my Barbie box of eyelashes, glue, black eyeliner, eye shadows, pink lip gloss, very little foundation and went to town. We were all a little nervous at first. But it turned out fine. Liberation! No more 9 g's a day for makeup bills!

"I learned a lot from pro make-up artists. But what I really learned is you know yourself best. No stress. 15 minute make-ups are the best."

Like she was really dishing out that kind of cash? Wouldn't the magazine or company that you were doing the shoot for, pay the bill? Dumb broad.

She should stick with going natural. She looks radiant without make-up. Smirk.

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Jack Osbourne's Getting Fat Again

Jack Osbourne and Kimbo Stewart joined some much hotter friends for a little jaunt down the beach in Malibu on September 3rd. Kimbo looks her usual fug self and looks like Jack O is hitting the twinkies again. He's seriously sick. They also shouldn't hang out with people a million times hotter than them. But that's probably hard to do.

Kimbo totally pissed herself.







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Beyonce's Million Dollar Birthday Pressie

Beyonce didn't get an engagement ring from Jay-Z on her 25th Birthday, but she did get something else worth a ton of cash. Yesterday morning, Jay-Z took his girlfriend to the garage at the Time Warner Center in NYC and surprised her with a 1959 Rolls-Royce convertible said to be worth $1 million.

This is a good present for her, because maybe she can sell it when her album flops.

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Dork Dream

Mayer Dumped Chestica

Chestica Simpson announced on The View yesterday that she was not dating John Mayer. She was responding to the confirmations that People and Us Weekly ran. The publications claimed that Chestica and John were madly in love.

Sources say that they were in fact dating, but John dumped her ass because she was too loose-lipped about their union. The source said that their relationship "was a 2 [that] her camp spun into an 11 . . . [Mayer] thinks it's desperate . . . an attempt to stay in the spotlight."

I think John dumped her, because he was jealous of Papa Joe.

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She Has Feelings?!

Katie Holmes actually has feelings and tells Vanity Fair that she's hurt and sickened by the rumors surrounding her fake relationship with Tom Cruise and her baby, Suri.

Holmes, 27, tells Vanity Fair that the gossip about her and fiancé Tom Cruise's daughter – born April 17 but unseen until now – "eats away at me because it's just not okay. … Some of the crap that's out there – the stuff that's said about my parents and my siblings (implying that they didn't approve of her relationship with Cruise, 44) – it's really frustrating the amount of s– that's out there. And the stuff they say about Suri? You shouldn't say that about us, and you can't say that about my child."

Still, she says, she keeps up on the rumors because "this is my future. This is my family, and I care so much about them. To see how someone as caring and good as Tom is – to see how things can just get so twisted and turned around. I mean, where does it come from?"

Holmes also says she "was overjoyed in being pregnant, and then had to withstand ridicule about my pregnancy when it was the most normal, non-controversial thing imaginable."

Oh damn. Ok, that melted by black heart a little bit. I want to believe Baby Suri is kosher, but I just can't. There are too many questions surrounding. I personally don't think she's Chris Klein's baby, but definitely something strange is going on.

I think she's cute for being an Asian Elvis.

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Flavor of Love 2: Bend Over and Give it to Them

Do not adjust your screens, that is not a chupacabra..it's Buckwild defending her "wigganess" to Like Dat. The fifth chapter in the Flavor of Love series opens with that fat bitch telling Buckwild that she is having trouble believe that she's being real.

Like Dat asked her: "Is that your raisin and the whole nine?" WTF?!! That's like diarrhea talk!

Because real ghetto, black people drink cheap oj out of a plastic container. Look at Krazy, she's such a damn lady!
Buckeey had this to say about Like Dat's bad habits: "Like Dat is from New York and a lot of women that I have met from New York are very very very nasty."

I'll have to agree with her on this. (I will explain this later)





Continue reading "Bend Over and Give it to Them"



After that whole thing, the girls are told they are going to host a party for Foofy Foofy's friends. You know what that means, it's time to take off the panties and shake those vag lips. Foofy's friends consisted of a bunch of bitches I didn't know. G-Who? Ying-Yang Who? Three Six Wha?



It don't matter, you know what they came to see!



Some asses up in the air! Haaaay! Now that's a party!

Bootz is such a gracious host that she was serving up some fish and chips!



Damn already, they ate enough! Notice the only one watching is the fug, old one! No wonder Foofy wants some of that!



Ewww, you know she gave him a moustache by the end of that day! Bootz plays like that! These bootz were made for ass clapping.



Poor Nibblz, she's a low-rent Bootz and that's pretty pathetic. She couldn't even get the main guests to watch her jiggle her junk. She had to shake it for one of the entourage. She explains why in her signature lisp:

"The thelebrities at the party are getting lots of lothe and attention from the other girls. So I thake it upon mythelf to make sure their enthourage feelths good too."

She knows the joy of a big belly and he knows the joy of a pastrami sandwich!



Minutes later, this is where Nibblz found herself. Somebody can't hold their sperm!



Like Dat proved that even big girls can be sexy! And how do they do that?! They dive into the pool and make the men think of Shamu at Sea World. That's sexy, yet nostalgic.



Oh, it's not like dat!



The truth of the gross is that Delishis is actually wiping sweat from her.



Meanwhile, some of Foofy's friends questioned Krazy's love for him. They pretty much got the fake-bitch vibe from her and called her on it. They asked if she listened to Foofy's music and like a dumb bitch she said "yes". She was asked to sing for them one of her favorite Foofy songs.

Instead of making something up, because you know all those rap songs sound the same...dumb bitch went and did this.



And Delishis is one smug ho. I can read the words off her tranny eyes.

Ewww, Krazy needs V05.



Foofy made an interesting observation.

Hmnm....you think?! Sherlock Holmes ain't got nothing on you!



After the party, Like Dat continued to question Buckwild's "ghettoness" and called her on it again. Bitch is beating a dead horse. Wouldn't she enjoy eating it, more?



Why is Buckwild Agnes from Moonlighting?



This really bothered Buckwild (the fact that Like Dat doesn't think she's real, not the fact that she's like Agnes) and she started to pack. She cried while doing it and Like Dat begged her to stay.



Buckwild don't cry. You look ugly when you do that. Seriously, just go on being black and talking about how much you like fried chicken and shit.



Is that Bootz or Buckeey? Seriously, I'm not playing!



The real truth came out as to why Like Dat begged Buckwild to stay.

Something is getting Buckwild in there. Seriously, where's Like Dat's other hand? She's making Buckwild's vagina vomit! Sucio!



While Buckwild and Like Dat made some beautiful babies...Bootz declared war on Krazy. Why, because she was bored probably. Hell if I was there, I'd get drunk and fight with a bitch. Why not?

She had to tell Krazy that she was "a fake ass bitch" to her face. Why do you have to use the word bitch, Bootz? That's just degrading and hurtful to women. Why couldn't you just say "fake ass". Is nothing sacred?



And you don't want to mess with Bootz. You saw earlier what her ass cheeks are capable of!

Basically, these two went at it for a while. Krazy doesn't stand a chance. She's a lover not a fighter. I mean, she's a retard not a fighter.



Seriously, Bootz stood there and went off on that bitch. Krazy is a dumb ho.

Look at this picture. All bitch had to do was push homegirl and Bootz would've been on her bootz.



Instead, this weak ho went to sit down and get a good whiff of dirty gina. You know that green terry cloth isn't blocking any kind of stench.



I love you Bootz!!!



Because she's the Queen Bitch of the house, Foofy rewarded her by taking her swimming. How the fuck is this a reward? Other hos got to be wined and dined at KFC and this is what she gets?

She has some big ones! Ewww, Foofy is so disgusting.



Bootz had this to say before she jumped into the pool.

"What am I doing? I'm going to bust my weave!"



And that you did honey!

Look at the bright side, you can use some of Like Dat's pubic hair to make a new one! You know that ho doesn't wax.



Speaking of Like Dat, she tried to step up her game by showing Foofy what could be his.

Foofy was probably excited when he saw Like Dat entering his room in an apron. He thought she was going to cook him up some cheesecake or something!



Nope! Wishful thinking. Instead, she showed him her big girl lingerie!



And then she smothered him to death.



And then she got eliminated. Oh well Darra, now you and Buckwild can mate out in the open!



After Like Dat was shown the door, a special guest arrived.

A Pussycat Doll! No, that's not a PCD member?! Oh, let's try this again.

Janice from the Muppets! No...oh shit.

It was just New York. Ugh, won't this dude ever go away? The sad part is you know she didn't even get paid for this.



I can tell because of that broke weave. Couldn't she of kept her tucked penis out of season 2?



Damn! Delishis was pretending to vom, but she was excited deep down. She can't wait for her and New York to sword fight. I say New York is packing larger.

The CAPTION THIS CONTEST Winner for September 5th!

tina yothers tries desperately to recapture her lost fame by performing a solo running man on dancing with the stars. her dance partner, which she mistook for a danish, was an early-round casualty. - dirty

Runner-up:

i didn't know my throw up could dance. - decka

Hot Slut of the Day!

Pat Benatar

Birthday Sluts

Rosie Perez (42)
Foxy Brown (27)
Naomie Harris (30)
Justina Machado (34)
Macy Gray (36)
Ce Ce Peniston (37)
Jeff Foxworthy (48)
Jane Curtin (59)
Swoosie Kurtz (62)

Suri Cruise Unveiled!

Katie Couric showed the cover of tomorrow's Vanity Fair with Suri Cruise on the cover as she started her job on the CBS Evening Shows. I missed it, but those on other coasts can still catch it! I will update with the screen shots when I find them!

UPDATE - ONTD has the first pics!!! Why is she an Asian with a bad toupee?







UPDATE II - Here are clearer pics! She kind of resembles Tom a bit! But could be a mask or photoshop!

Orlando Bloom Gets Sick of Doing it With a Skeleton

Orlando Bloom and Kate Bosworth have ended their four year relationship. Although it hasn't been confirmed by their reps, friends say that they are no longer a match made in greasy bones heaven.

Bloom, 29, is currently on location in Southern California shooting Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End. He recently attended the Teen Choice Awards on August 20 solo, where he accepted the surfboard award for “Choice Hottie.”

However, there could be some awkward moments in the former couple’s future. This month, they’re set to start filming Seasons of Dust, a Depression-era drama about a young woman (Bosworth) whose uncle commits suicide, forcing her on the lam with a dashing thief (Bloom).

He probably realized he was dating a skeleton and she realized she was dating a woman.

Source

Blast from the Past!

Remember Color Me Badd?! They were the shit in the 90s! "I Wanna Sex You Up" was my song!

Anyway, Chris Watters of CMB married American Idol contestant Tamyra Gray in Italy on Saturday. They can afford to get married in Italy?!

Gray, 27, and Watters, 36, wed before 45 guests on a cliff overlooking the ocean. After the ceremony, "They walked through the city and townspeople were opening their windows and cheering for them," Gray's manager, Lisa Braudé, tells PEOPLE.

The couple have been together for two years. They got engaged on Valentine's Day when Watters proposed with an antique diamond engagement ring in a platinum setting.

Unfortunately, two D-lisers do not make an A-lister. I think that makes a F-lister.

Source

Lohan Shimmers in Venice!

I will be the first bitch to call this ho fug, but she looks extra hot here. Blohan must've gotten in a day nap and some surgery, because she looks hot as hell at the "Bobby" premiere in Venice, Italy today. Homegirl also showed her love for Harry Morton. Bitch is dickmatized, because you know his ass is packing large.

Jessica Simpson Calls People Mag, Dirty Liars!

Jessica Simpson was Rosie O'Donnell's very first guest on The View today. She spoke out about People Magazine's confirmation that she was in love with John Mayer. Joy Behar and Rosie double teamed her and asked her about it. Jess answered with:

"I love it that she just goes right there! I'’m actually not dating John Mayer. They put in this quote saying that I'm in love! But he'’s my friend. I'’ve known him for a couple of years."

She also talked about a bunch of other boring things like her beat clothing line, her beat wig line and her beat album.

Looks like her sister Asshole is also single! Now there's more for Papa Joe!

Source

The iGallup!

It's great for children too! The only thing getting any exercise with this thing is your vagina!

The Piven Doesn't Do Anything for Me

Jeremy Piven takes a leisurely stroll in Malibu yesterday and frightens little kids. His body isn't half bad, but he probably smells like Nair. You know that bitch nairs everything!

Source

Afternoon Crumbs

Why is this ho behind a wheel? - Just Jared

Jessica does her best Asshole - BWE

Manhole love - Cityrag

Another reason why I love Harry Morton - Mollygood

Dayum! Nicole Richie looks used and abused - Hollywood Rag

Rachel Bilson is not getting naked - Egotastic!

Justin is waiting for pizza face to propose - A Socialite's Life

Blohan hits Venice then hits the pipe - Popsugar

Kelly Clarkson hates porn stars - IDLYITW

Blohan's breasts get a tune-up - Hollywood Tuna

Posh is NOT Knocked Up!

DAMN! Will they make up their damned minds?! A spokeswhore for Posh & Becks have issued a statement declaring that the ho ain't pregnant! That dumb ass David doesn't understand Spanish! He's hot, but dumb as shit!

The 31-year-old former English soccer captain had allegedly confirmed to a Spanish video paparazzo that his ex-Spice Girl wife, 32, was pregnant with their fourth child. The couple are already parents to sons Brooklyn, 7, Romeo, 3, and Cruz, 1.

A source tells PEOPLE that Beckham, who plays for the Real Madrid soccer team, was signing autographs and simply misunderstood what the female paparazzo was asking. He thought she was asking, in Spanish, how Victoria and the babies are, when in fact was asking how Victoria and the new baby are doing.

Still, a source close to the family says the couple, who divide their time between the Spanish capital and an English mansion – dubbed Beckingham Palace – north of London, plan to expand their brood.

You know she leaked that story herself, because she hasn't been in the papers enough. Damn ho! Quit playing games with my heart!!!

Source

Would You Hit It?

Adam Brody at Hyde in L.A. on August 30th

Who is This Dumb Whore?!

Germaine Greer is some feminist icon that is using the death of Steve Irwin's to get some publicity. She spoke out about the death of Steve Irwin to London's Guardian newspaper.

She said: "There was not an animal he was not prepared to manhandle. Every creature he brandished at the camera was in distress. Every snake badgered by Irwin was at a huge disadvantage, with only a single possible reaction to its terrifying situation, which was to strike. The animal world has finally taken its revenge on Irwin."

I mean I sort of agree with her, but at the same time...why say that shit? It does nothing for anybody. The fact is that he had a family and it's sad and to say something like that is hurtful and inhumane.

I hope this ho gets trampled by a bunch of hot hookers. Wouldn't that be ironic? A feminist getting a beat down by a group of hot hos?

Source

Here Comes Suri!

After 4-months of waiting, the World will finally get a clear glimpse of Suri Cruise. The pictures shot by Annie Leibowitz will be released tomorrow in Vanity Fair.

The exclusive photos reportedly show baby Suri nestled against Tom's neck as he sleeps. Another is said to show Suri sleeping on the couple's bed, with Katie grinning at the camera.

Finally we can start using real picture of her, instead of ones like this shit! Though you know this is how the pictures are going to turn out. Wouldn't that just be the cat's coochie?

Source

Somewhere in Malibu, A Clown is Missing His Shoes

KFed proving why he is a fashion icon





Source

Keira Gets Served!

Keira Knightley was shocked and appalled when she found out that she had to pay a $4,000 VAT bill on a goody bag she received a charity dinner worth $12,000. The bag contained diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, a cashmere sweater and other luxury items.

A friend said: "Keira had no idea new US tax laws mean American-based celebrities have to pay tax on free gifts. That's why the Oscars committee are axing goodie bags."

Eheheh! That's what these bitches get! I mean, they are one of the few who can actually afford that crap and it's not right that they get it for free. However, I wouldn't turn down a free bag of diamonds either.

Source

I Thought His Fat Ass Went on a Diet?

I thought Jennifer Aniston put this beast on a diet? Bitch looks fatter than ever. Here he is showing the gut as he pumps gas in Los Angeles. He should spend his time with the ab roller instead. I'm only saying!

Why is Paris Crying?

Remember how Paris Hilton smirked at Tara Reid recently when Tara couldn't get into Hyde night club in Los Angeles? Well, looks like payback is a bitch. Paris and Brandon Davis found themselves being denied entry to a VMAs after-party held at Bungalow 8 in NYC. Diddy also found himself waiting outside. It's unclear as to why they weren't let in, but Brandon being the asshole he is threw a fit and the cops were called.

I'm guessing letting that slut in would be a biohazard that the club wasn't willing to risk. Smart move.

Julia Roberts Smells Dirty

Rupert Everett was Julia Roberts' co-star in My Best Friend's Wedding and in his new book he talks about the way she smelled. Why, I don't know? In his book "Red Carpets and Other Banana Skins" Rupert said "Julia smelt vaguely of sweat, which I thought was very sexy."

Yeah it's sexy if you're a dude or a bull dyke! He went on to give her some credit though.

"There is a male quality to the female superstar. There has to be. If a girl is going to survive in Hollywood . . . Flocks of executive seagulls will try to take her and drop her onto the rocks. She must learn to [bleep] them before they [bleep] her if she is to survive, so she becomes a kind of she-man, a beautiful woman with invisible balls."

Source

Will Steve's Last Moments Ever Be Public?

The Crocodile Hunter's last moments were captured on film, but the details are still fuzzy. Steve Irwin was killed by being stabbed in the heart with a sting ray while filming a documentary in Australia. John Stainton, Steve's manger was quoted as saying that the camera caught Steve pulling the barb out of his chest and also captured his last moments. Stainton is now going back on that, saying he said no such thing. He also said that he hasn't seen the tape and probably won't.

Ben Cropp, a cameraman who was on the reef when Irwin was killed, told The Australian newspaper he'd spoken to a member of the production crew who said he'd seen footage of the incident.

The tape shows Irwin in shallow water following a large stingray, Cropp said. The animal "probably felt threatened because Steve was alongside and there was the cameraman ahead, and it felt there was danger and it baulked. It stopped and went into a defensive mode and swung its tail with the spike."

The Australian reported Tuesday that police superintendent Mike Keating said investigators had viewed the footage. "There is no evidence that Mr. Irwin was intimidating or threatening the stingray," he said. "My advice is that he was observing the stingray. There are no suspicious circumstances in relation to the death of Mr. Irwin"

But a rep for the state coroner told the paper, "Queensland police are continuing their investigation into Mr. Irwin's death on behalf of the Cairns Coroner."

Funeral arrangements have yet to be announced, though Queensland State Premier Peter Beattie said on Tuesday that Irwin would be given a state funeral if his family approved. Irwin leaves behind his American-born wife Terri, 42, daughter Bindi, 8, and son Bob, 2.

Also on Tuesday, Australia's parliament paused to honor Irwin, who Prime Minister John Howard said had died in "quintessentially Australian circumstances."

Other Australian notables have weighed in as well. Russell Crowe, who was friends with Irwin, said in a statement he was "unable to think about anything else" after hearing of Irwin's death. "He was a great friend of mine. I loved him and I'll be there for his family."

The footage will most likely never to see the light of day and why should it. Steve's family has final say on if the film will ever be made public.

It honestly shouldn't. Who the hell wants to see that? That's some Faces of Death crap. That shit is sad.

Source

Hot Slut of the Day!

Suzanne Whang

[For LA]

Birthday Sluts

Raquel Welch (66)
Stacy Bear (30)
Rose McGowan (33)
Dweezil Zappa (37)
Michael Keaton (55)
Werner Herzog (64)
CarolLawrence (72)
Bob Newhart (77)

And We're Back!

It seems that my server couldn't handle the traffic I'd be sending them, so we're back here while they fix us up a couple new servers. That shit was too slow and I'm too impatient. Those bitches didn't anticipate my load (pun intended) so they are regrouping. We'll move for real in a few of days. You know the truth is my check bounced. Anyway, the new Forum is still open for business.

Just come in through Dlisted.com, so when we finally do move your ass will be there.

Thanks for being patient with my beat ass. I leave you with Rupert Grint, because she's so hot.

xoxoxoMichael K

Katie Holmes is Such a Beautiful Girl!

Has all that drugging finally taken a toll on Katie Holmes? Bitch looks like Pete Doherty on a BAD day! I mean Tom and his doctors are going to have to find a better drug cocktail for this chick, because homegirl looks like she was ridden hard. And you know she isn't getting any sex!

Source

Al Pacino Quote of the Day!

on working with Madonna:

"It's private information. She was doing a dance and she was naked under her coat. Over the course of the dance, she became inspired and opened her coat, and there she was. She has an extraordinarily beautiful body, like it has been cut out of ivory. One day when I'm old, and I'm wheeled out on the porch wrapped in a blanket, if I have a beatific smile on my face, I'll probably be thinking of that."

Being African is the New Being Pregnant

Fishsticks Paltrow was the first celebrity to jump on this whole "I Have AIDS, I Am African" thing and now everyone else is African. It should read "I Look Stupid", just kidding they are making a difference by posing for a picture in make-up and probably getting paid. But, a difference still!

Elijah Wood is AFRICAN!

Afternoon Crumbs

Xtina is the lunch lady - Hollywood Rag

Everyone's getting sick of Blohan in a bikini - Egotastic!

Tom apologizes to Brooke in person - Popsugar

Rachel Bilson's perfect legs - Just Jared

Jessica is really ugly - IDLYITW

Christina Ricci's perky nipples - The Bastardly

Lil' Kim after the lock up - Concrete Loop

The Alba bends over - Hollywood Tuna

Portia and Ellen go crashing - TMZ

Hot Slut of the Week: Marie Osmond

Age: 46
Birthday: October 13, 1959
Birth Name: Olive Marie Osmond

Original Date of Hot Slut of the Day: August 25, 2006
Claim to Fame: The Osmond Family and most importantly being one half of Donny & Marie!

Where is she now? She's the bitch judge on Celebrity Duets!

Why is she Hot Slut of the Week? She's crazy and wears beat-up wigs!

Posh is Pregnant!

David Beckham just confirmed on Spanish TV that his wife, Posh, is expecting their fourth child! The TV Show Gente showed footage of Becks being asked by a photographer if Posh was knocked up. He turned to the camera and said "Si!"

Posh wants a girl really bad so she can dress her ass up and shit! Let's hope she has one. Congrats!!!

Do Pilgrim Do Coke?

Lindsay Blohan sailed into Venice in true Blohan style by wearing a hat that belongs on either a pilgrim or a homeless person. Yes, she had her knight in shining armor, Harry Morton, with her but he should've told her ass she looked like a fool. Blohan is in Venice for the Film Festival, because she's such a serious actress.

Parasite Hilton Gets Hijacked!

A British artist named Bansky has stolen 500 debut CDs from Parasite Hilton and changed the cover artwork to feature a topless Paris with a dog's head. He has also tampered with the CD's tracks and replaced them with remixes by an artisted named DM. The CDs were delivered to an HMV music store.

Banksy's rep, Jo Brooks, tells the BBC the artist doctored discs in 48 record stores across the U.K., including Virgin and HMV branches and independent shops.

Without explaining why Banksy targeted Hilton, Brooks tells the Associated Press the forgeries are "very subtly done and do look like the original albums. You have to look quite carefully to see what he's done."

A spokesperson for HMV tells the BBC the chain has recovered seven copies of the altered CDs – and plans to auction them off. He said no coustomer has complained or returned a Banksy version of the disc. "It might be that there will be some people who agree with his views on the Paris Hilton album," he says.

In the past, Banksy has replaced classic paintings with doctored versions in major art galleries around the world. Last year, he stenciled balloons, mountain vistas and other images on the Palestinian side of Israel's West Bank security barrier.

Hilton's camp has not commented on his latest project.

I got a copy of her shit and I wish I would've gotten a hijacked copy instead. It sound much more entertaining. I'm sure not many people really noticed that he replaced with her fug mug with a dog's head! Speaking of dogs, the above is of that slut kissing Fat Elvis on Saturday. Sick!

Source

The Photoshop Awards: Carrie Underwear for Milk

RIP Steve Irwin

1962 - 2006

Hot Slut of the Day!

Sting

Birthday Sluts

Beyonce Knowles (25)

Wes Bentley (28)

Kirsty Hume (28)
Shar Jackson (30)
Nona Gaye (32)
Ione Skye (35)
Noah Taylor (37)
Mike Piazza (38)
Damon Wayans (46)
Dr. Drew (48)

Little Richard is Saving the Face of Television!

I wanted to write about this earlier, but I needed some time to figure it out. Little Richard makes Paula Abdul look sane. He is one of the judges on Celebrity Duets (my newest guilty pleasure) and seriously this bitch is on drugs. His wig has it more together than him. Shit, if you can make Marie fucking Osmond look normal then you must be on the wrong side of sane!!

Enjoy, he's a fucking genius.

[The Malcontent]

Diane Keaton, Barefoot

I never got the whole walking barefoot thing. Especially in Los Angeles andNew York. I mean yes she's walking in Beverly Hills, but Lindsay Blohan hangs aground there and could've dropped her needle. I love me some Diane Keaton, but this ho can't dress.

Hot Slut of the Day!

Michelle Phillips

Birthday Sluts

Dominic West (37)
Jennifer Paige (33)
Charlie Sheen (41)
Valerie Perrine (63)
Eileen Brennan (68)