Don't Try and Fool Us!!!

Nicole Richie pretending to eat at Cipriani's in NYC on August 31st

Shiloh's Too Good for the Cameras

When Zahara and Maddox were little babies, Angelina Jolie had no problem showing their shit off to the photographers and such. But since her biological baby, Shiloh Nouvel, has been born she has barely brought her out. When she has brought her out, she has her security team cover Shiloh in blanket to shield her from the paps. That's fine and everything, but why the hell doesn't she do that with Zahara? I see how it is.

Here's Angelina trying to make it up to them by buying them toys at a New Orleans toy store on August 30th.

Um..Why Didn't She Lip Sync?

Jessica Simpson sounded like hell as she performed on The Today Show yesterday. Dumb ho, should've followed her sister's ways and lip synced. Eeek.

Hot Slut of the Day!

Beth Gibbons of Portishead

Birthday Sluts

Keanu Reeves (42)
Aimee Osbourne (23)
Shauna Sand Lamos (35)
Camille Grammer (38)
Cynthia Watros (38)
Salma Hayek (40)
Tuc Watkins (40)
Lennos Lewis (41)
Mark Harmon (55)

Afternoon Crumbs

KFed is actually working - TMZ

Janet Jackson has photoshop artists working overtime - Concrete Loop

Alyssa Milano has hairy arms - Hollywood Tuna

The Alba is hot in pink - Egotastic!

Xtina was actually pretty hot at the VMAs - Hollywood Rag

Johnny Depp is good to his fans - IDLYITW

Beyonce is NOT Mrs. Smith - Just Jared

Ok, Harry Morton is hot - Drunken Stepfather

Give your baby a new look - BWE

Everyone wants a piece of Penny Cruz - A Socialite's Life

Brangelina are rebuilding New Orleans - Popsugar

Why are Nicole Richie and Brody Jenner famous? - Mollygood

The CAPTION THIS CONTEST Winner for September 1st!

What the dork on MySpace really means when he says he has "four girlfriends." - Peggy

Angelina Jolie Pisses Off Oprah!

Oprah Winfrey has launched a girls-school in Africa asked the Queen of Africa herself, Angelina Jolie, to participate. Angie straight-up told Oprah to talk to the hand.

A source told Star magazine: “Oprah thought Angelina would jump at the chance because she knows how much Angelina loves Africa,”

“Oprah says it’s the last time she’ll ask Angelina to help with any of her causes.”

Jolie is allegedly still raw from Oprah’s siding with Aniston in the wake of her split from Jolie’s new man Brad Pitt.

A friend of Jolie’s added: “Angelina has never forgiven Oprah for siding with Jennifer Aniston after Brad Pitt split from Jen.”

Don't mess with Oprah! Seriously, Angie had no idea what she's dealing with. Oprah will steal her man, children, career and money without even lifting a finger. Homegirl is her own army.

[Entertainmentwise]

Why?!?

Paris & Perez Hilton at the Blender/Vitaminwater VMA after-party on August 31st

The "Who Cares?" News!!

George Bush was assassinated on British TV!

Kristie Alley will make an appearance on Oprah in only a bikini and will make her exit with two security guards escorting her.

KFed finally got himself a real life record deal. Too bad his wife had to pay for it.

Vanity Fair has hired a team of security guards to keep Suri Cruise's photos safe. Hahaha, the blogs are still gonna get them first you turds! Just kidding, don't sue us!

The winner of Who Wants to Be a superior? Was revealed. Why do I watch this crap?

Jamie Lynn Better Check Herself!

Why is Jamie Lynn Spears giving her big (BIG) sister, Britney the evil eyes. Bitch better realize! If it wasn't for that fat tub of mess, she wouldn't have herself a career.

I'm going to give it to Brit, she looks happy and hot. Probably because she has a huge sundae in her hand!

Scrunchie Power!

[x17]

Mos Def Gets Locked Up!

Mos Def found himself sleeping in jail last night after he gave a surprise performance outside the MTV VMAs. The impromptu performance got him in trouble with the coppers, because he didn't have permission.

The rapper, born Dante Smith, was charged with disorderly conduct after attempting to perform on a flatbed truck for a crowd outside of the event.

Police ordered the rapper to end his impromptu performance of "Katrina Clap," a freestyle criticizing the Bush administration's response to the Hurricane Katrina disaster.

The request to halt the performance was not immediately relayed to MOs Def. According to reports, members of the rapper's entourage were arrested as well.

Representatives for MOs Def said the rapper was unjustly arrested and that the whole situation was captured on camera.

Mos Def was released this morning (Sept. 1).

I could name a lot of other people that had permission to perform that should've been arrested. Justin Timberlake and Panic! at the Disco to name a few. Horrendous!

[AllHipHop]

The End is Near!

And this is evidence...KFed's video for "Lose Yourself"

Pete Doherty is the Worst Tenant in History!!

Not surprisingly, Pete Doherty has been kicked out of his London apartment. He has racked up over $18,000 in overdue rent and damages.

Doherty was sent to rehab earlier this month for drug addiction where he is currently being treated for. But his landlord is shocked about the rocker's behavior at home where Pete has caused more than $630,000 in damages to his London apartment.

The lead singer of Babyshambles has reportedly not kept up with rent payments since January.

His landlord, Andreas Panayiotou, expressed outrage about the rocker's property neglect. He said, "As well as not paying his rent, there's both graffiti and blood on the wall, and goodness knows what else. We have never known anyone like him. (Doherty) is the worst tenant in my company's entire history."

His home is also said to be covered with syringes and pieces of cracked glass on the floor.

Residents of the property have also expressed concern and relief that the rocker has finally been evicted-once and for all.

"The front door was nearly always boarded up and covered in graffiti. Then there were the groupies hanging around on the doorstep and his junkie pals banging on his door at all hours and the endless headbanging racket. We are glad he's leaving," said one resident.

I think the landlord must've been smoking crack (with Petey) when he let him have the apartment!

[AHN]

Pete Wentz's Beard

Asshole Simpson is supposedly in love with her bandmate, but things didn't look that way the other night. Asshole was partying with her dumb ass sister, Chestica at G-Spa in NYC. Witnesses saw her ugly ass cozying up to Pete Wentz. They were apparently cuddling and getting all into it and shit.

The pair even showed their love for eachother on the red carpet at the VMAs. Asshole is such a slut for going naked to the event!



[Page Six]

In Case You Missed the VMAs...

Don't feel bad, because you didn't miss shit! It sucked balls. MTV had so many technical issues and it was awkward and poorly directed. The performances were pretty blah and nothing exciting happened.

However, here's a true gem from the show. Britney Spears and KFed taped this little segment just for this special occasion. It looks like it was thrown together by two cats and a 3-year old. I think SPF could've done a better job.

The MTV VMAs: Who Looked a Wreck, Part III

While watching the VMA arrivals, I thought to myself "I haven't had my Coco today!" There she appeared like a beacon of light. In this case though, my light was a platinum haired, fake-tittied Amazon beauty. This is what I like to see on the red carpet. The only critique I have is that she seems to have only one dress in like 10 colors. Actually, I think she just has 1 dress and uses RIT to dye them.

Can't her pimp give her a gift certificate to Susie's Deals at least?! God, she's hot.








James Blunt needs a blunt. Maybe it will give him an appetite. Ho looks green and ill.





Is that Axl Rose's parole officer?





Who the hell is AFI?! Why are they wearing the same shoes? I love how the two guys on the right are trying to distance themselves from the two girls on the left.

The MTV VMAs: Who Looked a Wreck, Part II

Fergie Ferg is working the Clockwork WHORange overtime. Don't you love the word "whore"? Like you can incorporate it into anything. Try it today!





Scott Storch looks the best he could look which isn't saying much. I would hate to see what's behind those sunglasses, because it's hideous enough with them on. How much do you think he paid for that chick? I bet you she has to do some nasty ass shit, like kiss him!





Ashley Angel is such a douche. That's all I can say about him. That being said, I'd still hit it.





Victoria Silvstedt is ready to party and by party I mean find the richest and ugliest man in the room and force him to get her head in public and then by her a yacht. I kinda love her.





Somebody tell Constantine Mouralis that his bedroom eyes look more like bathroom eyes. His hypnotic stare is better than Metamucil!

The MTV VMAs: Who Looked a Wreck, Part I

Paris Hilton makes it so easy. Let's start with the hair. She was going for a pompadour, but it looks like a pompaWHORE! Stupid slag. Paris, you can't hide the severe wonky eye with fake eyelashes and heroin raccoon eyes. It just doesn't happen. Now, I think the dress started out as beautiful, but when she put it on her vagina stank shredded the skirt. Which totally sucks.







Vanessa Minnillo can't get away from looking like a Las Vegas performer can she? Please will Nick Lachey use some of Chestica Simpson's money to buy this broke bitch a proper dress? It's embarrassing that she has to stoop to rifling through the MTV costume closet to dress up.





Mama, I'm a big girl now! Bitch looked more like a linebacker in a Mimi hand-me-down. I'm sorry, Chestica Simpson looks like a cheap truck stop whore no matter what she wears. And she's the annoying hooker that will talk to you while sucking your dick!





Brooke Hogan...why?! Why even bother showing up. Just save yourself some time and ridicule and just skip the venue and head straight to the Bunny Ranch. Do they have whorehouses in Bedrock?

All JLo Needs is a Thousand Cats and a Rundown Yard

Grey Gardens the Musical is debuting on Broadway this Fall and looks like JLo is already getting into the spirit. Is this ho going broke, because instead of getting her hair done she just ripped the bottom hem of her dress and made a do-rag. Homegirl is gangster.

It's funny, because Marc Anthony actually looks healthy standing next to her.

Will Lindsay Become, Blohan Morton?

Harry Morton made a little stop into Cartier the other day sparking rumors that he's going to propose to Lindsay Blohan. He reportedly went ring shopping and picked out a little bauble. The very next day the pair left for Hawaii.

The two have only been dating a month, but Harry is said to be dickmatized over Blohan.

He probably was just buying her a candy dish or something. He'd be stupid to get engaged to a crackhead at this time.

[Splash]

The Dlisted Report

Supermodel Gemma Ward will make her feature film debut opposite Liv Tyler in Strangers. The film revolves around a couple in a remote suburban house who are targeted by three masked strangers. Tyler is the female half of the couple. Ward is one of the masked strangers. Shooting begins this Fall with a 2007 release. - THR

Edward Furlong will play a recurring character on CSI: NY. Furlong will play a young man embroiled in a case where a serial killer uses the codes and stories found on a series of trendy t-shirts as inspiration for his grisly murders. He debuts on the show October 11. - CBS

Peter Jackson (Lord of the Rings) has confirmed that he's making The Dam Busters, a remake of a 1954 British war film. The 1954 film told the true story of how Britain developed bouncing bombs to destroy German dams in World War II. Michael Redgrave starred as Barnes Wallis, who developed the bomb, and Richard Todd as Wing Commander Guy Gibson, who led the RAF bombing mission. Shooting begins next year with a budget of $40 million. - Variety

The CAPTION THIS CONTEST Winner for August 31st!!

Madonna teaches Fergie how to hold her dick and aim for the cup when peeing on stage. - Teffi

Hot Slut of the Day!

Chynna Phillips

Birthday Sluts

Scott Speedman (31)
Melissa George (32)
Tempestt Bledsoe (34)
Gloria Estefan (49)
Dr. Phil (56)
Lily Tomlin (67)
Yves Saint-Laurent (71)
Yvonne De Carlo (84)

Happy Birfday to Gabe, Meredith and Scott!!

ICYDK: The MTV VMAs are Tonight!

I know you can't wait. That shit is going to be boring, but if you're not doing anything open up a can of Pabst and laugh at the dumbasses.

Here's a promo featuring Paris Hilton...you know that ho doesn't know what a book looks like let alone has ever read one.

They Better Make Her Ass Pay Taxes!

Chestica Simpson pulled out the winning key at The Style Villa at The Bryant Park Hotel in NYC today. Ches won a brand new Chrysler Crossfire roadster.

WTF does she need a free car for? Does this make any sense? They are giving expensive crap to whores who could buy it themselves. I hope she crashes. Just kidding!

Paris Hilton: "I've Only Given Head to 3 People"

Parasite Hilton's mother, Kathy Hilton, scared her away from giving head until she was about 19 admits America's favorite piece of trash. She claims she first gave head to ex-boyfriend, Rick Soloman. The incident of course was captured on tape and helped catapult her from undercover slut to a full-blown media slut. She was not as eager to do it, because her mother told her that it would leave you deformed.

She said: "My mom told me that you get those holes in your face, craters... from giving blow jobs. "I totally believed her. She's like, 'It's from sucking.' I'm like, 'Ewwww!' "I told my boyfriend - he's like, 'Why don't you ever do that?' I'm like, 'Because my mom told me you get these craters.' And he's like, 'Paris, you're 19. You're allowed to do this.' "I've only done that (fellatio) with maybe three people in my life."

Oh, this is rich. I don't even know where to start. I'm guessing by "craters" her mother meant warts and I'm sure Paris had those long before she was 19. I'm guessing she had them on her vag and asshole.

I am also speechless that she thinks she only gave head to 3 men in her life. This is just not scientifically possible. Sluts give head to everyone, it's just the way nature is and Paris is a slut.

Oh and watch this video of Paris trying to dance all hot with Chad Muska. What a tool.

[Contact Music]

Afternoon Crumbs

Sylvester Stallone protein pudding? - Mollygood

Paris Hilton is separated at Miss Prissy - Cityrag

Courtney Love's night of passion...ewwww - Hollywood Rag

Is KFed heading to Entourage? - IDLYITW

Critics think Scarlett Johnasson's sex scene is unnecessary - Egotastic!

Kanye West needs to check himself - Hollywood Tuna

Your first look at Hairspray the movie - Just Jared

The Spelling bitch fight continues to boil - A Socialite's Life

Not another stupid celebrity perfume - Popsugar

Guess the Ho?

UPDATE - Click here to see the ho behind the smile. Congrats to Nellie for getting it right first!

Superhead Just Can't Stay Away

Karrine Steffans is back to her old tricks again. The woman that is nicknamed "superhead" seems to be involved in a Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown love triangle. According to friends of Whitney, Bobby Brown is currently not living at home and has been seen around Los Angeles with video ho Karrine.

"It's a really tricky situation," she (Karrine) told us this week, as she test-drove a Mercedes SLK 280. "He is my dearest friend. But I'm not saying it's romantic. We won't know what it is till we're ready.

"There's a wife and children involved," the single mom went on. "I don't want to wreck any marriages. But if a marriage is already wrecked, that's not my fault."

So she and Bobby have been intimate? "It's none of your business," she scolded. "I'm still celibate. And if you believe that, I'll tell you another one."

"Look," she said, shifting the Benz into a higher gear, "there are way bigger things in the works than a romance. I'm a businesswoman. Bobby and I are working together on some things."

Somebody told online gossip Janet Charleton that Karrine is "using Bobby because she wants her own reality show."

"Please," she said. "You think I need Bobby Brown to get a reality show? I've turned down four reality shows."

And what about the supposed "love of my life," Bill Maher? In April, Karrine told us that she was so besotted by the comic that "I will never be with another man."

"We still talk," she says. "I'm going to have dinner with Bill next week" to celebrate her 28th birthday.

The funny thing is I always get Superhead mixed up with that other crazy, Dessarae Bradford. I swear, those two media whores just can't stay out of the spotlight. I would really love for Bobby to leave Whitney for Superhead, so Whit can clean her act up and start singing again.

Why do they call her Superhead anyway? Dumb question.

[Daily Dish]

The "Who Cares?" News!!

Rosie admits she was "Katie Couric-ed" for this promo shot. They should've went a step further and taken her out completely.

Jessica Simpson and Bam have themselves a little reunion and by reunion I don't mean he did her in the butt, AGAIN.

Good to know! Johnny Knoxville claims Willie Nelson is always up for a joint.

Nick Lachey chases after Vanessa Minnillo, literally!

Lance & Paris!?!

Lance Armstrong and Paris Hilton arrived together at the Key Club in Los Angeles on Tuesday night to catch the band, Vacation. They hung out all night and then left together. No cuddling or kissing was witnessed. Paris is currently rumored to be dating that fat ass, Brandon Davis.

Why the hell would Lance hang out with this twat? I mean how can you go from hanging out with the hotness that is Jake Gyllenhaal and Matthew McConagay to this crap? I really just hope it was all part of the "Mentor a Skank" program.

UPDATE - Reader LA (love yo ass) saw Lance with some skank that was not Paris the same night at the Pantages. So unfortunately, Lance isn't BFFs with Paris.

[Page Six]

I'll Admit..She Looks Less Dumb as a Brunette

Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore are BFFs. They do everything together. Shop, save the World, annoy us, make bad movies, etc... They had themselves a little spree at Fred Segal the other day and looked happy despite the fact that Cameron might be getting the dump.

Friends of Justin Timberlake claim that he wants to be rid of her ass. He's currently traveling around promoting his CD and is using this time to distance himself from her. He is also currently in NYC for the MTV VMAs and she is nowhere to be seen.

UPDATE - I lied, she's in NYC with his dumb ass.

Trump to Carolyn: "You're Fired!"

Carolyn Kepcher has been one of Donald Trump's right hands and all seasons of The Apprentice. She has also worked for his organization for many years. Well, her ass been fired! Rhona Graff (yes the woman that calls the candidates in the morning) confirmed that she was let go earlier this week and no longer works for Trump.

The New York Post, which first broke the story, quotes an unnamed source who says Carolyn "“became a prima donna. Being on '‘The Apprentice'’ went to her head. She was no longer focused on business. She was giving speeches for $25,000 and doing endorsements." The Post reports “that when Trump tried to reach her recently, she was off on a trip to make a speech. Another time, while giving a tour of the pro shop at the Briarcliff club, she didn'’t seem to know the prices on any of the merchandise.”

Despite the firing, Trump and Carolyn are reportedly still buddies. According to a Post source, "“Trump told her what she had to do was take some time off and spend it with her family, and then get another job. They have a great relationship."

NOOOO!!! Carolyn is my favorite. As long as she continues to appear on the show, I'm alright. I'm surprised to hear that she actually worked for him. I always thought she was some actress hired to pretend to be his right hand. Anyway, I hope Melania takes her place. She would look killer in a business suit.

[NY Post]

Nicole Kidman, Pregnant by Photoshop

Spokeswhores for Nicole Kidman claim that new photos of that ho looking pregnant have obviously been doctored. The magazine that published the pics paid $20k for them and Nicole's reps say they were ripped off. Nicole is not knocked up. She's too busy working and Keith Urban shoots blank. Ok, scratch the last part.

"I'm virtually certain paparazzi are distorting photos to make her look pregnant. I've seen her, she's her regular slender self."

I don't think she's pregnant, but I don't think she's been photoshopped either. Homegirl just suffers from the bloat. Lots of skinny people do. You know she passes toxic gas.

[Tittle Tattle Too]

George Clooney Loves the Old Poontang

George Clooney has apparently found himself a new broad. He is head over heels for Ellen Barkin. The pair are currently shooting Ocean's 13 and George can't get enough of that Barkin goodness. He is 45 and she's 52, so they are closer than age.

A source said: "It's a match made in heaven. George has been a shoulder to cry on for Ellen - he's helping her get over the divorce.

"She fancies him like mad and you can cut the sexual chemistry on set with a knife.

"He is so different from her ex-husband, which she loves."

George usually dates young meat, but once you go old you never go cold!

[Female First]

The Hoff Quote of the Day!

"I'm coming to England in September and I want to find myself a beautiful girlfriend. But I don't want some dumb blonde. I'd like a woman who is really intelligent."

Gwen Stefani Looks Good in a Wife Beater

Oh yeah, Gwen Stefani went jogging in Manhattan. Good stuff.

Jessica Comes Clean About Her Fake Lips

Jessica Simpson has done what her sister, Asshole Simpson, should do and that is telling the truth about her fake parts. In the October issue of Glamour magazine, Jessica confessed to getting her lips done last year.

"“I had that Restylane stuff. It looked fake to me. I didn'’t like that. But, it went away in, like, four months. My lips are back to what they were. Thank God!"

I personally liked the look. It made her look like a sad clown and I think deep down that's what she is. A little sad clown with big boobies and an annoying voice.

[ICYDK]

Lione Richie is Happy For His Daughter

Lionel Richie has said that he approved of Nicole Richie's new beau, Brody Jenner. He also revealed that Brody has been a close family friend for many years. This relationship has been 20 years in the making.

He said: "I was there when (Brody) was born! They grew up together. To see them together now is like, 'Where are you going with this?' But they're having a wonderful time."

Why is Lionel always talking about his daughter and shit? He uses her ass to promote himself! Oh well, she owes him I guess.

[People]

Mimi's $4 Million Gift

Before taking the stage at one of her New York City concerts last week, Mimi got a $4 million surprised delivered to her dressing room. Someone had given her a 8-carat diamond necklace with matching ring. No, it wasn't her boyfriend of many years. It was a Prince! Prince Azim is the son of the Sultan of Brunei and is so in love with her ass that he flew in the gift by private jet just for her.

She gladly accepted the gift.

Dumb whore, marry him! Dump your man and marry this dude so he can buy you a new body!

Do they worship the cow in Brunei?



[Page Six]

No Pam, That Little Vitamin Doesn't Cure the Hep

Pamela Anderson wore her signature virgin-white as she made a little stop into Vitamin Bar the other day in California. She probably needs her vitamins since she's screwing Kid Rock after every wedding ceremony. Ok, that was pretty sick. She looks good considering that fact that she's used goods.

Kelly Preston Never Looked So Hot!

[National Enquirer]

The Dlisted Report

A German director plans to make a controversial film about the last hour in the life of Princess Diana. Christopher Schlingensief revealed that 12 hours of footage has already been shot including scenes at the Ritz hotel in Paris. German actress Jenny Elvers-Elbertzhagen has landed the part of Diana. The car crash will be shot and included in the film. - Dark Horizons

Harold Perrineau (Lost) will star in the sequel to 28 Days Later called 28 Weeks Later. In the sequel, Perrineau will play an upbeat American Special Forces pilot who documents and leads to safety the families returning to London after the viral outbreak. The film will be released May 2007. - THR

Vincent Cassel will star in David Cronenberg's Eastern Promises. He joins already announced Naomi Watts. The London-based thriller centers on a nurse investigating the identity of a young Russian prostitute who dies in childbirth. She unwittingly stumbles into a Russian police operation that seeks to expose a major Russian Mafia prostitution ring. - THR

The CAPTION THIS CONTEST Winner for August 30th!

Gay guys really do hang around with Kathy Griffin. - tjon

Runner-up:

Lance and Reichen appearing soon in "Memoirs of a Gaysha." - Anonymous

Hot Slut of the Day!

Jody Watley

Birthday Sluts

Richard Gere (57)
Sara Ramirez (30)
Chris Tucker (34)
Debbie Gibson (36)
Julie Brown (48)
Marcia Clark (53)
Van Morrison (61)
James Coburn (78)

Charlotte Church Quote of the Day!

"We asked Paris to be on the show. I thought it would be funny to make fun out of her because she's such an airhead but she wanted a ridiculous amount of money. Having her on would have cost us the price of a big house - £350,000. It's pathetic. It's not as if she would say anything earth changing."

[Female First] [Thx Jonathan]

Those Straps Aren't Going to Hold!!!!

Aretha Franklin is flirting with disaster as she performs at Radio One's 25th Anniversary party on August 17th. This could be the nipple slip from hell! Homegirl needs like barbed wire to hold those things up!

Grumpy is a Grump!

Meet Grumpy the cat. This bitch makes Lewis look like Alice in Wonderland. Grumpy earned his name by being just that. He is notortious in his England neighborhood for terrorizing any living thing. Grumpy is constantly on the search for food, because he's such a fat fuck! He enters homes through the pet gates and chases any animals that live there and then eats their food. If he encounters a human he will jump on your ass and scratch your eyes out.

His antics in a small leafy street in Swindon, Wiltshire, have been described as a 'four-month reign of terror' by neighbours, who finally caught the cat and put it in a cage this week.

'It was the nastiest cat ever, it would just attack you and come at you with its claws and teeth,' said one 21-year-old resident.

'If you came home or woke up to see it, he would go crazy, bouncing off furniture at you before running out of the door.

'But you never saw Grumpy in the street or outside your home - that is why we named him the Phantom cat because we never saw him except for in our homes.'

At first the neighbours felt sorry for the puss, but after four received nasty cuts and scratches, they called the RSPCA for help.

They finally trapped Grumpy behind the sofa and used a broom to push it into a cage.

Helen Briggs, of the RSPCA, said the was very unusual for the cat to react with such ferocity.

'It is common for cats to go into other people's houses because they have a curious nature and some do stand their ground when they are approached if they feel threatened,' she said.

'But to actually leap up and attack a stranger is not as common. The poor thing must really be at its wits end and must not really have any love at all.

'I hope that it has a microchip inside it so that we can find its owner.'

Grumpy is being checked over by a vet and will be collected by the RSPCA for re-homing if no owner is found.

'He has been hissing at us and scratching our arms for four months now and I'm quite glad to see the back of him,' another resident said.

'I trapped him in the living room and ran to get my neighbour. In the end there were three of us in pyjamas running around my house after a cat.

'We finally trapped him behind the sofa and I got a broom and pushed it into the cage. It was great. Four months is a long time.'

'We felt sorry for it to start with but after four months we have had enough. We finally got it and we were all really happy and cheered."

Um...why not just shoot him? Just kidding!

Hell no, that bitch knows better than to try that shit in New York. We would kill his ass and then eat him with a side of french fries. English people are too nice! If a cat started beating my ass, I would beat that ho down, skin him and then make a jacket out of him.

That being said, Grumpy is one hot ho!

[ThisIsLondon] [Thx to all the hos who sent this to me]

God Bless Paula Abdul!

I love Paula Abdul so much! She's that crazy aunt at the family reunions that is plastered and is always smiling with eyes glazed. Above is a pre-Emmy interview she had with E! and below is a post-Emmy interview she had with E! Now, she probably popped dolls and drank Jack in her limo on the way over and most likely she continued to do so during the entire telecast. I love in her interview with Ryan Seacrest how he asks her a question and she says something like "I just saw you yesterday" and walks off.

Hey, I'm not hating because I'd be smashed during the Emmys too.

Afternoon Crumbs

CBS is sending Katie Couric a message - Popsugar

Do they have STDs in space? - A Socialite's Life

Nick Lachey wants some balls - Celebrity Nation

Beyonce's nipple slip - Hollywood Tuna

Shakira or Zahara? - IDLYITW

Katie Holmes plans a daring escape with Suri, bitch is dead - Popbytes

Scarlett Johansson's Venice adventure - Hollywood Rag

Vince Vaughn shirtless = gross - Just Jared

Michelle Trachtenburg's naked butt is coming soon - Egotastic!

Kid Rock has a small head, actually he probably has two small heads - Cityrag

Kristin Cavallari is such a piece of trash - Mollygood

A-Rod is packing - Towleroad

Guess the Ho?

UPDATE - Click here to see the ho behind the smile. Congrats to Layla for being the first to get it right!

It Was Cute the First Time

The same Brooklyn gallery that featured Britney Spears giving birth on a bearskin rug has created a new piece of art. They called this "Suri Cruise's Baby Poop Bronzed for Charity".

BROOKLYN, NY (August 2006) – Bronzed baby shoes are out, and bronzed baby poop is in, for Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes as they celebrate baby’s “first poop”. The commemoration of baby Suri Cruise’s first poop strives to be the evidence of her existence for a public yet to see photos of the superstar couple’s four month old infant. Suri Cruise’s commissioned bronzed baby poop goes on display August 30th at Capla Kesting Fine Art in Brooklyn’s Williamsburg gallery district and will be offered on eBay with the proceeds to benefit the March Of Dimes.

Suri’s bronzed poop is purportedly cast from the excretion of her first solid meal. “Babies mostly breastfeed for the first four months, so a baby’s first meal of solid food may be a baby’s first meal at the dinner table,” said David Kesting, director of Capla Kesting Fine Art. “A bronzed cast of baby’s first poop can be a meaningful memento for the family.” Suri’s bronzed baby poop will be exhibited under a display case until the ebay auction ends, explains Kesting, but he admits they’ve commissioned artist Daniel Edwards to produce a limited edition plaster replica.

Casting of the baby poop with a bronze finish and mounted on a base that includes a brass plate engraved with baby Suri’s name, comes at a time when Tom Cruise is increasingly known for his eccentricity. Capla Kesting assures the trend for bronzing baby poop isn’t so eccentric and simply follows the popularity of the critically acclaimed children’s book, “Everybody Poops”.

Not hot and note cute and don't you need a real-life baby in order to make poop? Unless this is the "chosen poop"? It's the Immaculate Defecation!

[Capla Kesting Fine Art]

The Photoshop Awards: Hilary Swank

It probably took at least a dozen highly-skilled graphic artists and some new programming to transform Hilary Swank into this. She looks absolutely gorgeous, but frankly it looks nothing like her. Steven Meisel shot her for a new Calvin Klein underwear campaign.

I bet it's the same people that did Simone.

UPDATE - This is shit like two years old. Sorry y'all!

[ONTD]

It Will Take an Army to Clean That Ho Up

Lindsay Blohan will not be attending the MTV Video Music Awards tomorrow night, she won't even be in New York City. Blohan is attempting to clean up her act with the help of new boyfriend, Harry Morton. Harry doesn't drink or do drugs and has been a support system for Blohan since her own mother isn't even helping her clean up.

Harry gave her a dog hoping that it will give her some responsibility and curb her partying. Blohan is still going out, but not getting wasted. It looks like others are looking out for her as well. She recently attended an Entertainment Weekly party and was carded when she tried to order a drink.



[Page Six] [Pics: x17]

The "Who Cares?" News!!

Kristin Cavallari has a message for Nicole Richie. Too bad Nicole is too busy banging her ex-boyfriend to care.

Paris Hilton's ex-bedmate, Matt Leinart has knocked up some 20-year-old basketball player. And no it's not Kobi Bryant.

Vadge and Guy are fighting about their children's education. I don't know what gave them that right. I think their children already have more education than them.

The winner of Rock Star: Supernova has been leaked. Yeah, you can't click fast enough right?

Panty Creamer of the Day: Markus Schenkenberg

Jacko Calls Janet "Fat Butt"

Janet Jackson has confessed that her sister, Michael Jackson, made her life a living hell when they were growing up. She (Michael) constantly teased Janet for being a fat ass.

She said: "I was always made to feel like a fat kid by Michael. He'd say, 'This is what your butt should look like' and show me a picture from a magazine.

"He was such a happy kid, but then when he became a teenager he got issues. That's when he became an introvert and projected all that onto me. He called me brutal names, like fat butt, and say it was meant affectionately. It really affected me."

Janet recently lost a ton of weight by having it sucked out with a wet vac in preparation for her album release. Michael however is no longer looking at girl's asses, so Janet shouldn't worry about him judging her anymore.

[Female First]

Note to Leto: The Emo Look Sucks!

Jared Leto being all Prince of Azrael and shit at the MBZ Polo Challenge on August 26th

I know Jared Leto is trying to be a rock star and shit, but he's looking more like a kicked out member of Good Charlotte. Somebody give him a Hot Topic endorsement deal already. He's seriously bringing me down.

Gwen Stefani's Boycott

Gwen Stefani has apparently boycotted the MTV Video Music Awards this year, because she didn't win any awards last year. Gwen was nominated heavily last year and thought she would at least win something. Instead, Kelly Clarkson won every single category Gwen was in and the camera would automatically pan to her. Kelly also closed the show, something Gwen thought she was going to do.

Deal with it honey. Just realize there's always a younger ho behind you just waiting to take your place.

I personally don't see Gwen acting like that. She is probably busy staying home dressing her kid up in some more fug outfits.

[Page Six]

Michelle Rodriguez and Her Girlfriend

Michelle Rodriguez has never officially come out of the closet, but we know she likes to go muffin diving. I mean she once said she dated Vin Diesel and please that bitch is queerer than a $3 bill. Anyway, I approve of her longtime girlfriend. She's kind of hot. I feel sorry for her, because you know Michelle beats her ass. Bitch is crazy!

Hilary Swank's New Man is Fug

I know Hilary Swank is no prize, but couldn't she do any better? I mean I hate to say it, but I think Chad Lowe is hotter than this bitch.

She claimed she wasn't dating Creative Artists Agent, John Campisi, but that's not true. She's heavily involved with his ugg ass. The two heated up their romance in Rome where they openly let their emotions do the talking.

Hilary is not yet divorced from Chad and John is still going through a divorce with his wife. So, these two have lots of baggage.

[Us Weekly]

Blind Items...I Guess...You Guess....

WHICH TV star is doing a little too much cocaine? The actor recently went to the Soho Grand where he "did lines out in the open bar," and at the Emmys he "wore a dirty brown shirt and smelled of drugs".

Adrian Grenier

WHICH recently separated couple liked to have another woman join them in the bedroom? Sadly for the husband, his wife liked the women more than him - and when he finally banned others from his bed, his wife realized she was no longer attracted to him at all.

Kate Hudson & Chris Robinson

[Page Six]

Colin Farrell is Safe for Now

Colin Farrell has been granted a 3-year restraining order from that crazy bitch, Dessarae Bradford. This crazy ho recently stormed Jay Leno where Colin was guest and starting shouting craziness. Dessarae has in the past sued Colin for sexual harassment and has had her lawsuits dismissed by the courts.

Thankfully, the restraining order also protects his son James and James' mother, Kim Bordenave.

Dessarare is no stranger to celeb stalking. She wrote a book about doing Alec Baldwin in the butt. Trust me, this isn't the last we heard from this loon.

Why isn't she on Flavor of Love?

[People]

Chestica Simpson Tells a Lame Joke

Chestica Simpson thought she was being cute at a Yahoo! party for her album A Public Affair in NYC last night. The sign really should've said "I Lost My Talent" or better yet "I Lost My Anal Virginity to John Mayer."

Even though she's lost her voice she still manages to open that bird beak of hers. I thought at least this whole fake laryngitis thing would force her mouth to be kept shut.

You know she did it with that robot man later that night. Actually, with that robot man and Paves. I hope he's getting a lot of money for parading around like an idiot with that moron. He needs retirement money anyhow since he looks like he's due to retire in like 5 years.

The Dlisted Report

Sarah Michelle Gellar will headline the supernatural thriller, Addicted. The story revolves around a woman whose husband and brother-in-law end up in a coma after a horrible accident. When the brother-in-law wakes up, he says he is her true husband. - Variety

The writers of Legally Blonde will write a new comedy for Anna Faris. The project is based on an original idea by Faris that she brought to the writers. She'll star as a newly unemployed centerfold with no other skills to parlay into a new career. She then takes the only job she can find -- house mother at UCLA's lamest sorority. - Variety

Alison Lohman will join Halle Berry, Benecio Del Toro and David Duchovny in Things We Lost in the Fire. The story centers on a woman (Berry) whose husband (Duchovny) suddenly dies. Lohman has been cast as the co-dependent girlfriend of Del Toro's character, the husband's surviving best friend, who helps the grief-stricken family confront their loss. Shooting is currently taking place in Vancouver. - THR

The CAPTION THIS CONTEST Winner for August 29th!

Kid Rock and Pam Anderson invite their friends and family to their 97th courthouse wedding. - JP

Runner-up:

Looks like Kelly Ripa and Faith Ford are promoting thier new movie - "Hope and Faith do America". - lizpy

Hot Slut of the Day!

Marie Osmond

Birthday Sluts

Andy Roddick (24)
Lisa Ling (33)
Cameron Diaz (34)
Frederique Van Der Wal (39)
Michael Michele (40)
Michael Chiklis (43)
Paul Oakenfold (43)
Peggy Lipton (59)

Danity Kane Beat Paris

Paris and Kim Karasssobig shopping on August 27th

Diddy's manufactured reality stars, Danity Kane, have debuted at #1 on Billboard's album charts. The group sold 215,000 copies beating out Outkast who came in at #2 with 191,000.

Paris Hilton debuted at a disappointing 75,000 to come in at #6. She also flopped in the UK debuting at #23. Insiders say that the album probably will drop significantly next week and then slowly fade away.

That's what that dumb whore gets for thinking she's God's gift to music. Stick with what you're good at! Which is I'm not, but I'm sure you're good at something.

Damn, her friend has a fat ass!



[ONTD]

Flavor of Love 2's Toastee Speaks!

Foofy Foo left Toastee in tears as he told her she had to go, because of some nude modeling she did in the past. She was evicted from the Flavor of Love mansion on this past week's episode after Nibblz told Foofy that she was a porn star and was lying about it. It was a tearful finale for Toastee and she graciously answered some questions about what went down and how she feels about it.

MK: Toastee, I was a little confused about what you said went down between Nibblz and Foofy. They kept bleeping that shit out, so I don't know if she gave him a hand job or a blow job?

Toastee: I still think she gave him a hand job. I was turned the other way because there's no way I could look at that!! There is no way I would have been able to stay in that room without slitting my wrists if I saw Nibblz put her mouth on him.

MK: Ewww, I'm going to slit my writs just thinking about that. Were you and Nibblz really close? She made it look like you were her BFF.

Toastee: No, we weren't as close as editing made it seem. I didn't go on the show to make friends but I guess Nibblz gravitated towards me because I wasn't as quick to judge her as the other girls were.

MK: Ok so in telling the other girls about what you felt Nibblz did with Foofy, were you trying to ruin her game? Like what was the purpose of telling them?

Toastee: It wasn't an attempt to sabotage Nibblz because she doesn't seem like the type of girl to keep her bedroom business private in my opinion. Bootz asked me what happened that night and I wanted to make sure it was on record that I for one certainly did not touch Foofy.

MK: So you didn't get with Foofy? Ok, that answered my other question. Now let's get the real shit. Tell me exactly how you felt about Foofy showing that nude picture of you to everyone and why did Nibblz spill it to him like that?

Toastee: The tears that everyone saw on TV were real- I was a mess. I was really, really shocked that Flav decided to print out a photo and whip it out at the elimination ceremony. I still stand by my opinion that I've never done porn. The photo that he found was from a shoot I did when I was 18 years old. It was a photo of me naked, in a very "open" pose, but just me, nobody else. Yes it was immature for me to have done that kind of work in the past, but it IS the past. I am not a stripper. I am a medical school student and I own a modeling agency now to help new models find safe and reliable work. I think it's very hypocritical for online strippers like Nibblz and crackheads like Flav to judge me or look down on me at all for something I did at 18. There was no reason to show the photo to everyone at the elimination ceremony other than to hurt me. THAT is very immature. I am not mad at Nibblz- she did what she felt she had to do to get me off the show. I expected something cheap and low-class from someone cheap and low-class like herself. It's a shame however that VH1 and Flavor Flav had to manipulate and humiliate a young girl on national television to bring ratings. I really do think this was staged since the audition process and could have easily happened to any of the other girls with "pasts" on the show. You live and you learn though. I've learned from the show just like I've learned from the past. I've gotten hundreds and hundreds of emails from fans that are just sooo nice and really caring. It means a lot that strangers feel the need to show me their support! Thanks everyone!

MK: I know, I've seen a lot worse photos from other bitches on the show. I mean Bootz has some nasty ass ones! Do you still talk to any of those hos?

Toastee: Absolutely not. The reunion should be real fun.

MK: So now that this part of your life is almost over, what's next for your ass?

Toastee: Taking a year off to travel and spend time with friends and family. I'm still running my modeling agency which is getting a lot of attention through the show. I'm also doing a lot of promotional appearances, interviews, etc. I'm working with the charity RAINN because I don't need any money that comes my way from this show nearly as bad as many other people do. Then I'm heading to med school in California next fall! Wish me luck bitches!

MK: Well, good luck slut. You're gonna be one hot doctor. I'll see your ass at the reunion. Dlisted loves you!

Toastee: I love Dlisted!!!

If you wish to send your love to Toastee be sure to visit her website. We will miss her on the show, but she's moving on to bigger and better thing. That Nibblz is gonna get it!

Can I Get My Hot Dog, Uncut?

Some convenience store failed to see the phallacy in this advertisement for bacon wrapped hot dog. I don't want to eat it, I want to take it out on a date and then back to my place to watch "a movie." With mayo please!

[Adrants]

Gross Couple Alert!

UsWeekly is reporting that Chestica Simpson told them exclusively that she's getting it on with John Mayer. Ironically enough her album hits stores today and his hits on September 12. Get this! They both are having vocal issues. He has laryngitis and she is on vocal rest. I'm not sure what that means, but I thought I should you know.

I smell publicity stunt. Actually, I smell a mixture of fat cheese, sweat, Dessert by Jessica Simpson and fake hair.

Her body is so not a Wonderland.

[ONTD]

Afternoon Crumbs

I'm telling you Nicole Kidman is just bloated not preggers - Popsugar

Vadge's track suit for H&M is gross - Cityrag

Blohan buys Kate Moss a dildo - Hollywood Rag

Kyra Phillips gets caught in the bathroom - Hot Air

What is going on with Foxxy Brown? - Concrete Loop

Nick Lachey can't get enough of Vanessa Minnillo - Egotastic!

Shannon Elizabeth should quit her day job - Hollywood Tuna

Jaime Pressley is lickable - IDLYITW

Lindsay Blohan is way overrated - Mollygood

Beyonce's B'Day on Ellen - Just Jared

Fergie will open Thursday's VMAs and no doubt send thousands running out the door - A Socialite's Life

Guess the Ho?

Update - Click here to see the ho behind the smile. Congrats to Lisa for being the first to get it right!

There Was a Little Breeze That Day

Someone must've been whispering near Nicole Richie, because homegirl almost went down. I love how Brody Jenner is just ignoring her ass. I'm sure she broke a bone or three.

[x17]

Something I Didn't Need to Hear or See: Diddy in the John

Diddy is continuing his painful podcast series on YouTube and his current video is all about the pee. He goes on and on about how taking a good piss is better then sex.

Urinate the sexy?

Is This a Gift From God?

Click here to read the article

The "Who Cares?" News!!

Britney Spears registers thousands of dollars worth of crap for her baby. The items she registered for indicate she could be having a boy or a girl. Let's hope someone buys that poor kid a stun gun and a life alert!

Tori Spelling's husband hates cats, but loves dogs. Um...do I even have to comment on that?

Asshole Simpson has signed on for the London production of Chicago. Now let's see if she can lip sync AND dance! That's the challenge!

John Mark Karr is reaching a little high. He wants Johnny Depp to play him in the movie.

No Wonder She Hates His Ass!

Shakira-Zahara, it's all the same to Jon Voight. While speaking with a reporter at the BAFTA Tea Party in London Jon decided to send out birthday wishes to Maddox. He pulled that off, but then he took it even further by giving a shout out to Shiloh and Shakira. Yes, Shakira. The thing is her name is Zahara not Shakira. Oops!

Hey, he tried! His daughter, Angelina Jolie, doesn't talk to his ass anyway so how should he know?! The problem is Zahara's hips do lie while Shakira's don't.

Watch the video!

[TMZ]

What's Missing From This Wedding?

Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson had their like 25th wedding ceremony in Nashville last week and here's some pictures from the classy affair. Pammy really does make such a demure bride. When the hell is she going to give up this blonde bimbo shit? She's almost 50!

The only thing missing from this wedding to make it complete is wild turkeys, Frito-Lay pie, a stripper pole, a 2 Live Crew soundtrack and naked kids running around.

Angelina Jolie Spends an Afternoon By Herself

This is a commercial for Shisedo featuring Angelina Jolie. The ad basically shows Angie loving herself under a frosty lense. You know she spends most afternoons like this. I mean she's gorgeous, but any average ho can look like that with a frosty lense, bright lighting and Maddox's cosmetic talents. Seriously, you know he can curl a killer lash.

Natalie Portman is Such a Brave Soul

Natalie Portman is visiting her relatives in Israel despite warnings and threat of getting her ass bombed. She is really a trooper. She should've worn a hotter outfit though. If you're gonna get your ass bombed you might as well look hot.

Those sunglasses are seriously fug.

Gay Al Can't Get Away from Star Fast Enough

wit


The minute Star Jones and Al Reynolds stepped into their NYC home from their European vacay, Al put on some tight pants and went clubbing with his boyfriends. Gay Al was spotted at Lotus with three young men and a female and partied to the earlier hour before going home to his checking account. However, a friend of Al's insists that they were executives from BET and Al is courting them for a job.

Executives my ass! Three young men? Girlfriend bought their asses for the night! The female was there just to keep things looking kosher.

[Page Six]

Somebody Needs to Tape Her Mouth Shut

Beyonce is in trouble with Peta again for this photoshoot above. For her second single "Ring the Alarm" Beyonce used alligators and apparently taped their mouths shut! Her ass apparently boasted about it and Peta is fighting mad.

Seriously, they should've taped her crazy mouth shut instead. I'm so sick of her hootin and hollering. Ewww and she's wearing an old bathing suit, embarrassing!

[Mediafax ] VIA [SAYOR] [Thx Clint]

Trolls in Canada

Ashley Olsen and her ugly twin sister, Mary-Kate Olsen were hosts on Canada's MuchMusic Demand yesterday. MK still refuses to leave the 60s and personally I think Ash is hot shit.

They still cast dark spells though, I know it.

Kate Hudson & Chris Robinson Back Together?

Amidst rumors that she's shagging Owen Wilson, Kate Hudson and husband Chris Robinson may be patching things up. The pair have been seen together here and there with their son. The two are set to spend Labor Day weekend together at California Speedway in Fontana, CA for the Sony HD 500 Nascar races.

A source said: "They never really split. They love each other - Chris can be sarcastic and biting, but not with her."

A rep for Kate would not comment.

Please, Owen probably dumped her annoying ass when she left her husband and vowed to be with him. He realized what he was getting himself into.

[Page Six]

Angie Gets Drunk at Maddox's Birtthday Party

Brad & Angie go flying in Los Angeles

Brad Pitt's parents flew into Los Angeles from Missouri in order to celebrate King Maddox's special day. Mrs. Pitt was shocked and offended when she witnessed Angelina Jolie get drunk at her own son's party. Angie's mother was also there along with Zahara and Shiloh. Angie barely talked to Mrs. Pitt and spent more time at the open bar.

A source said: "They were the only ones not drinking and it was uncomfortable for them. To Jane, drinking is unhealthy, and she thought Angelina was intoxicated.

"Things were very tense that weekend, and they left with an even worse impression of Angelina than before. They think she is tactless and doesn't consider other peoples feelings."

Mrs. Pitt was so disgusted that she left Los Angeles that day and headed home.

Um, she was drinking because her relationship is falling apart! Duh! Besides getting drunk at a kid's party is very glamorous. I have fond memories of seeing my mother sloshed as she tried to cut the cake and work the pinata. Nothing says "Happy 4th Birthday" like slurring words and drunken dancing.

[Entertainmentwise] [Pics: x17]

The Boss Denies Break-Up Rumors

Bruce Springsteen is denying that he has left his wife for a 9/11 widow. He posted a message on his website, BruceSpringsteen.net denying the gossip.

"I hesitate to use this website for anything personal believing it should remain a place where fans of my music can come free of the distractions that occasionally arise with the rest of my job." "However, due to the unfounded and ugly rumors that have appeared in the papers over the last few days, I felt they shouldn't pass without comment. Patti and I have been together for 18 years – the best 18 years of my life. We have built a beautiful family we love and want to protect and our commitment to one another remains as strong as the day we were married."

Thank God! I was truly having trouble sleeping!

[Thx Denise]

The Dlisted Report

Ashton Kutcher has just signed a deal to star in The Engineer. The film covers 24 frantic hours in the life of an American engineer in Tokyo after he's labeled a terrorist. Kutcher will shoot in The Engineer after he makes The Arrangement in which he stars as a florist who fixes relationships. [Variety]

Allison Janney will play the overbearing mother of Penny Pingleton (Amanda Bynes) in the big-screen version of Hairspray the Musical. Shooting begins this September in Toronto with a 2007 release. The film also stars John Travolta, Queen Latifah, Michelle Pfeiffer, Christopher Walken, James Marsden, Zac Efron and Nikki Blonsky. [Variety]

A week after their dismissal from Paramount, Cruise/Wagner Productions have teamed up with a finance company called First and Goal. The deal gives Cruise/Wagner Productions development and overhead costs for two years, with the option to renew long term. The pact is said to be part one of a three-step process for C/W in setting up an independently operated production company post-Paramount. The other two parts of the deal include distribution and finance elements. [Variety]

The CAPTION THIS CONTEST Winner for August 28th!!

Me love you large time. - StoneyBaloney

Hot Slut of the Day!

Kate Linder

Birthday Sluts

Michael Jackson (48)
Carla Gugino (35)
Frances Ruffelle (41)
Rebecca De Mornay (44)
Robin Leach (65)
Joe Schumacher (67)
Elliot Gould (68)

Xtina Is Taking This New Look Way Too Far!

Xtina and Jordy at a costume party in L.A. on August 27th

"Duh" of the Day!

John Mark Karr will not be charged with the murder of JonBenet Ramsey after DNA tests did not match.

"The warrant on Mr. Karr has been dropped by the district attorney," public defender Seth Temin said outside the jail. "They are not proceeding with the case."

He said a hearing scheduled later Monday afternoon has been canceled.

Temin also said he was "deeply disturbed" that authorities in Boulder brought Karr from Thailand with what appears to have been scant evidence.

Colorado authorities have not commented on their decision not to pursue charges against the man named in a warrant alleging murder, kidnapping and sexual assault on a child.

But CNN's Denver affiliate, KUSA, reported that the DNA sample taken from Karr does not match DNA found on JonBenet's body. KUSA quoted two sources in a bulletin on its Web site.

KUSA reported that samples of Karr's saliva and hair were taken in Boulder after his arrival Thursday evening. Those samples were tested over the weekend by the Denver Police Department's crime lab.

Those tests ruled out Karr's DNA as the foreign DNA left on JonBenet's body when she was slain in December 1996, the station reported on its Web site.

John could face child pornography charges in California.

Stupid bitch just wanted a first-class ride back from Thailand! He should look into going into fashion though. Ho is a fashion plate!

[CNN]

Poor Tara!

TMZ has a more than funny video of Tara Reid trying desperately to get into L.A.'s hottest night spot Hyde only to be kept waiting on the sidewalk. This hilarious video shows as she patiently waits while Paris Hilton easily gets in. Paris throws Tara a look of pity as Tara stands there fuming.

Homegirl should try IHOP. I'm sure she get in there with no problem. Well, a 10-minute wait probably, but she'd still get in!

Watch it!

Mario Lopez All Gay on Nip/Tuck!

Mario Lopez will play a gay character on Nip/Tuck's new season which will debut on September 5th. He will have some kind of homoerotic encounter with Julian McMahon's character. No word yet on what this encounter is or how long Mario will be on the show.

Damn, Mario looks pretty hot!! He's seriously pumping up the gay this year. He plays another gay character on Dancing with the Stars!

[Most Proper]

This is How It's Done!

Before entering The Flavor of Love house each woman should be given this video to teach them how it's really done. It's a 2 Live Crew video for Pop That and they don't make videos like this anymore which is a damn shame.

Now these ladies really have talent!

[Thx Youri]

Afternoon Crumbs

Ne-Yo is most likely not coming out of the closet in October's Essence Magazine - Concrete Loop

Sick! Britney Spears leftovers are on ebay - Cityrag

Katherine Heigl looked pretty hot last night - Hollywood Rag

The Crawford's 11 years of help - IDLYITW

Aniston for Nike - Just Jared

The Olsens actually have a home? - Popsugar

Blohan may have moved her addiction for coke to bikinis - Hollywood Tuna

Nicole Richie's toothpick legs - Mollygood

Just say no to berets, Maggie Grace - The Bastardly

Adrian Grenier gets naked - OMG Blog

Charlize Theron is bikini hotness - Egotastic!

No Punch Line Needed

Read the story at TMZ

Are Angie and Aniston BFFs?

Jennifer Aniston reportedly hated Angelina Jolie's guts following the break-up of her marriage to Brad Pitt. Jen blamed Angie for using her hypnotic vagina to woo Brad away from her. The two have apparently buried the hatchet and have had several conversations.

A friend of Jennifer claims that the two have spoken a couple of times when Jen has called for Brad. Jen also wished congratulations to Angie.

They had probably had phone sex, because you know they ain't getting any at home.

[Tittle Tattle Too]

Emmys Nip Slip!

Mindy Kaling had a quick nip slip on camera during The Office's acceptance speech last night. Is NBC going to get fined like a million dollars from the FCC for this?

[BWE]

Cher's Son Caught Something from Paris!!

Cher's son, Elijah Blue Allman, told Howard Stern last week that he did the deed with Paris Hilton before she was famous and that he was extremely worried he caught something horrid from the skank. He said that the two met up, got down to business and as soon as they were done he ran downstairs and scrubbed his privates with a household cleaner. He thinks he used Tilex.

Paris is said to be raging mad at his comments and calling him a liar. Please, bitch has screwed everyone from Los Angeles to the North Pole. She's probably even done Santa Claus.

Tilex, should seriously use him to market their products to sex partners of Paris Hilton and you know that's at least like a thousand people a week.

[The Scoop]

The "Who Cares?" News!!

Not since Godzilla has a monster like this hit Japan!

Britney Spears finally unloads her biggest waste of space. No, not KFed!

Somebody tells Heather Mills to stop posing nude!

The Hoff is a trickster!

The Emmy Awards: Who Looked Hot?

Screw those young whores! Last night belonged to the oldies who brought the glamour back! Yes, there was plenty of fake hair and surgery going on...but they know how to do it right!

Joan Collins is perfect!



Helen Mirren is a Goddess!!





Cloris Leachman is a sexy kitten!!





Morgan Fairchild is a wet dream!





Yes I'm joking, but they still turned it.

The Emmy Awards: Who Looked a Wreck? Part III

The expression on that woman's face in the back says it all. Paula Abdul was on crazy pills the entire night. I can't wait till some of her shit hits youtube!



I don't know who this woman is with Gregory Itzin, but at far away I thought it was Laura Leighton from Melrose Place with a bad perm. I was seriously bummed out to find that it isn't!



Grey Gardens for the 21st Century! Joan and Melissa Rivers have no business making fun of a bitch. Their eyes are pulled so far a part that they can't see too well anyway!





Oh Kathy Griffin! You know she wouldn't look that awful if she had different hair and a different dress and a different face. Ok, she's hopeless.





Jeremy Piven's mother can't believe she has to come to one of these things again! She's so sick of it. Just because her son can't get a date doesn't mean she has to be it. And that Gilligan's Island look is doing nothing for his heterosexuality!

The Emmy Awards: Who Looked a Wreck? Part II

Who is Kate Linder?! Let's hope she does something behind the scenes, because I don't think America is read for this level of fugness!



Did Mary Hart catch whatever Cojo has? She looked wrong! I can't stand Giuliana DeSuckDick...I just want slap that ho in the teeth!





JLove has the weirdest body. She's skinny but fat. Skinny fat! I tried to find pictures of her from the back, because you know she pulled those extensions out of Paris Hilton's leftover pile and dyed them brown with shoe polish.



Danny Bonaduce must've been drunk and high when he picked out his wife's dress. Gillian Anderson must be making some kind of political statement by dressing like a pregnant nun.



Phoebe Price is becoming the new Bai Ling. She crashes events that she doesn't belong to wearing things that should only be worn on professional Flamecno dancers. That security guard in the back is being kind to her. He's waiting until she has her picture taken to escort her out of the venue.



Sara Ramirez is like a fat Angelina Jolie with bad bangs. Kyra Sedgwick said she was wearing a Giorgio Armani Prive gown more like a Giorgio Armani pity gown.



Kimberly Caldwell of American Idol fame showed her Flist colors by wearing a dress that looked like it was made from one of the Project Runway flunkees. I'm not even commenting on that hair don't!

The Emmy Awards: Who Looked a Wreck? Part I

TV people are usually too boring to make fun of. I mean they usually play it safe and wear something that's flattering and blah blah. But last night there was a lot of fug. Let's start with the Queen of Fugness: Ellen Pompeo. She easily won last night's WORST dressed. Homegirl should've stayed home and ate a couple of twinkies.

I call her look drunk, wet, alley cat meets Nightmare Before Christmas. I didn't know John Galliano made children's clothes. He probably took a size zero and cut it in half. Thankfully, she has no ribs or it could have been pretty painful.



Mariska Hargitay really tried to be hot shit, but her hair looks like it was blown out by a blind dwarf.





Eva LongWHORIA with dress by Kleenex. She realized that there must be an easier way to get all that jizz off her dress.



Stockard Channing should play for the Steelers and Sandra Oh needs to realize that there weren't any Asians in the Victorian era. I can say that, I'm half Asian!





Vanessa Minnillo looks like a San Gabriel Valley hooker dressing up for her neice's quinceanera



Tyra Banks can't fight the tranny and Candice Bergan needs to just "say no" to Southwestern chunky belts!



Cheryl Hines looked hot until she turned around. A chick like her needs to go simple and not try and be all cutting edge. That thing looks like it was put together with a bedazzler.

Meredith Viera Was Smart to Get Out of That Mess

Meredith Viera is readying for her job as the new co-anchor of The Today Show. She makes her debut on September 13th. She recently said that she doesn't even watch her old show, The View, anymore. She stopped watching after Star Jones made an ass out of herself on the show.

"But I have to admit, the day after Star made her announcement, I watched. I feel very sad for everything that's happened and for everybody involved."

"It's hard to watch. It sort of became a joke."

You said it bitch, not us.

[MSN]

Was Conan's Opening Skit in Poor Taste?

Bitches are pissed off at Conan O'Brien's opening skit to last night's Emmy Awards.

The Emmy Awards began on an awkward note on the day of the deadliest American airlines flight in five years, which killed 49 in Kentucky. Host Conan O’Brien’s opening skit found the host visiting the sets of several highly rated shows, including 24, House and Lost.

The prerecorded opening skit began with O’Brien boarding a private plane to Los Angeles. Asked by a stewardess if he was nervous about hosting the show, O’Brien answered “Nervous? What could possibly go wrong?” The plane then crashed, with O’Brien later washing up on the set of Lost.

Los Angeles Times television columnist Scott Collins called the scene “cringe-inducing” and “of questionable taste.” Tim Gilbert, general manager of NBC’s Lexington, Ky., affiliate, WLEX, said he plans to ask NBC for an apology.

“We wish somebody had thought this through,” Gilbert told the Associated Press. “It’s somewhere between ignorance and incompetence.”

I personally was not offended by it. It didn't even cross my mind until I read this article. Bitches are too sensitive and need to get with it.

[Us Weekly] [Video: Jossip]

Hugh Hefner Will Beat Eminem's Ass!

Kendra Wilkerson is one of the three stars of E!'s Girls Next Door and one of Hugh Hefner's girlfriends. She apparently was treated like shit by rapper, Eminem. Kendra was hired to play his love interest on the video Smack That Ass. He did more than smack that ass when he came out of his trailer. He threw water all over her ass!

A source said: "Eminem came out of his trailer and threw water on her and was really disrespectful."

Wilkerson's agent Jonathan Baram said. "He flipped out on her. She's a tough girl. She didn't take it, and they went at it - not physically but verbally."

Eminem has since apologized and Kendra says it was probably just a joke. So there's no love lost.
How is that a joke?! She should've beat his ass. I mean, she's ghetto enough.

[Page Six]

Flavor of Love 2: Did You Bleep Him Off?!?

After last week episode's elimination Toastee and Nibblz found themselves in Foofy's bed. Why would you want to do that to yourself and your private parts? I'm not sure.

Nibblz the camera man must hate you. Damn close-ups are not your best friend. I thought Delishis's poo poo marks (more on that later) were bad, but you take the shit and pun intended!




Continue reading "Did You Bleep Him Off?"



Foofy introduced the girls to several famous hip-hop dancers that were going to teach the girls some hot moves.

I see Somethin is back and got her hair colored.



Aja One showed her shit for the girls to which Buckeey responded:


"I think they are fly. I am excited, because I know I can do that."

Girl, I don't think your weave can handle it and your implants would probably explode into your face which isn't such a bad thing. I mean then I would totally be able to tell her and Bootz a part without that yellow banner across their chests. Seriously, they should just walk around with those.



The girls split into 3 groups and each took one of the superstar dancers with them. After saying that Buckwild "dances like a white girl" Like Dat shows how real black girls do it. I'm not sure how HER black girls dance, but that was a tragedy. Girlfriend was dancing like she had a stick up her ass and a string pulling her head. Buckwild is blacker than her!




The first time coached by Tommy the Clown went up. The team consisted of Toastee, Beatuful and Buckeey. Buckeey didn't seem impressed by Toastee's talent and said "Toastee can't dance. We're supposed to be learning how to krump, but she wants to be on the pole. Without me we'd be nothing."

Um...I think we all know Foofy would rather have some ho shaking her shit on a pole than "krumping".



Buckeey looked like a damn fool trying to be all Rize and shit. Homegirl looked like she just escaped out of a mental institution and that scary clown in the background doesn't help.

Toastee got knocked out from that bitch's cockiness. Seriously, is she dead? Someone tap her ass or shake a bottle of Boones Farmes at her.



The second teams consisted of one dyke, one tranny and a prostitute. Nibblz, Delishis and Krazy can't dance so they just put on some panties and proceeded to give us the sexy even though they were really giving us the gross.

Nibblz's (on the right) done split her panty hose. You know that's a damn shame when your ass smells so bad even your hose don't want to be near it.



The third team isn't even worth mentioning. Seriously, I kind of fast forwarded through that bore. I've been more entertained by a cat jumping through a hoop. Now, that's the talent!

So it came down to the Tommy's Girls and Foofy's Whores Flav's Angels.

Delishis and Toastee had a dance-off, but it looks like they were doing the "stop, drop and roll". You know the fire is coming from Nibblz's chocha.



Does Krazy think she's in the Joffrey ballet?! She wouldn't know a plie from a dirty vagina. The dirty vagina being Nibblz. Ok! Ok! That is my last joke about Nibblz's punane for this sentence.



Nibblz is the only black girl in the house that can't dance according to all of the girls. So, instead of even trying she just went over and cut one in front of Foofy.

I mean if that ass was coming towards me I'd probably try to hang myself with one of those gaudy tassel things.



Yup, even Buckeey was disgusted by this "internet stripper" as she called it.

Buckwild had a hot rhyme for it that I'm going to try and steal and sell to Paris Hilton for her next album:
"One clap, two clap, three clap, four...I'm going to put my pussy in Flav's face some more"

She really should join Three 6 Mafia.



Foofy of course chose the whores to win. I mean he chose the girls would most likely give him a hand job or a dirty sanchez on their date.



Krazy was up first. Foofy was going to take her to his most favorite restaurant in the city. I love how Krazy put on the black silk gloves so she could look all elegant. I mean it's endearing really. She went through the Frederick's of Hollywood catalog and tried to find something that was sexy yet sophisticated and that's what she came up with.

Personally, I think she's wearing them because she doesn't want to feel Foofy skin on skin. Smart move.



Yup, that's his favorite joint and mine too. Don't knock the colonel!



Is the picture below not the most perfect image of everything Flavor of Love stands for. All you need is a Salvation Army Santa Clause in the background and the picture would be complete.



I mean is this not the epitome of romance? If you can't find love over a chicken wing and a biscuit, I don't know where you can find love.



After they finished like six buckets of fake chicken they headed back to the pad. Now before they began their romantic bath soaking you know they took some mean poo-poos. Ewww, I mean NASTY-ass ones.

Why did Foofy have to go and take off his shorts? Why? I would love it if the camera was on her expression. It's probably a fog of disgust hidden by fake lust.



Now to the juicy shit! As Foofy harassed Krazy in the bath tub, Toastee told the other girls about the night she spent with Foofy and Nibblz. She claimed that Nibblz gave Foofy a blow job.

SCANDAL! At least Nibblz's lisp was put to good use. I'm not sure how a lisp can help you out in that department...I'm just speculating. So don't get all crazy and write me on how you went home with a raging queen with a lisp for days and expected him to be good at the head. I'm just saying!

Anyway...she said she heard "sounds".



Bitch was drunk!

The other girls asked her "What does that sound like?"

Um...if you're on Flavor of Love and you have to ask what a blow job sounds like...you're either retarded or delusional. Actually if you're on FOL you are retarded and delusional, but really slutty which is hot.




There's that Agent Bootz again! She's on the case! She wasn't buying it.
"And that's when I was thinking she was lying, but then I wasn't sure."

Oh Toastee better watch out now, because that Agent Bootz is the next Jessica Fletcher...only like 40 years younger with a bigger rack. Wait, did Angela Lansbury have big ones? My eyes were trained to never look that low.



Nibblz got the morning date with Foofy and came dressed for the occasion. Ain't that about a whore!



After her date with Foofy, Bootz confronted her about what Toastee said. Bitch didn't waist anytime and axed (her word not mine) if she sucked him off. Nibblz of course denied it and said she told Foofy she wasn't that kind of girl.

She also said (in a lisp):

"Apparently, Thoastee hath been thelling the girls that I was playing wit hith pee pee underneath the covers"



On his third date, Foofy took out Delishis. Now now...I've been making fun of homegirl and calling out her poo poo marks. I apologize since her poo poo marks were made, because she was in a terrible car accident. She hasn't gotten them removed because they are to remind her of everything she has been through. So Delishis, I apologize.

But let's be real, you know those poo poo marks came from a botched sex change operation you tried to have in Mexico. God, I can't be nice for a damn second!



You let Foofy touch em? They just got worse bitch!



Back at the mansion, Nibblz confronted Toastee for telling the others that she did some nasty ass illegal shit with Foofy.

Toastee said that she felt motions from the other side of the bed. Ok, I'm confused. Because it's Vh1 they keep bleeping out whenever they say suck off or jack off. So I don't know if she jacked him off or sucked him off. So she bleeped him off which is way worse than both of those.



Toastee stands by her claims as the wind blows into her hair. The wind is most likely coming from Nibblz gaping woman-hole. And I'm not talking about her vagina, I'm talking about her pee hole because you know that shit is large!



After her conversation with Toastee, Nibblz dropped a bomb on Foofy.

Said in her signature lisp:

"I tink there is someting you thould know. Thoastee does porn."

Apparently, Toastee told everyone she was a model but she told Nibblz she was an adult model and porn star. She cried through the entire conversation, but please. Bitch you were trying to sabotage your girl! Hey, that's the name of the game.

On a sidenote: Nibblz has done nude modeling before and let's just say she has doesn't have meat curtains, she has straight-up shredded pastrami with a side of sauerkraut!



He confronted Toasteee right away and she denied it. She told him she did nude modeling, but never porn. Doesn't she kind of look like Diane Lane?



The two girls went into Foofy's suite to talk it out. Nibblz still stood by her story as did Toastee.

Nibblz told him that Toastee told her, her porn name was Natalia and you could find her on VHS and the internet. But not DVD?! Cheap!



Foofy told both of them that he would do some research to find out the truth and whoever was lying would go home.

No seriously, doesn't she look like Diane Lane?



Yeah, even these two whores see it!



Toastee was extremely bothered by Nibblz accusations and couldn't take it anymore. Before elimination she went into Foofy's room and told him she was going to leave the show.



When she announced she was quitting, Foofy asked her "You came to see me" and she agreed but then broke down as she said "I came here to meet you."

You know she was crying, because she realized what she was saying!



Foofy turned her mind around and told her that if it isn't true then she shouldn't let it bother her. Toastee took his advice and stayed...oh but I wish she didn't do that!



And the time came. Every bitch got a clock except for Nibblz and Toastee. It came time to find the tuth!



Foofy gave some speech about how one of the slut's was lying and blah blah blah...

Bitch in the back needs to take a hot comb to that shit!



Nibblz said (in her lisp of course): "I wouldn't be anything buth truthful...that's a promithe."

Toastee promised to Foofy that she didn't do porn.



And then bomb dropped! Foofy presented the girls with a picture of Toastee. Now, of course it was blurred but I'm guessing it was Toastee showing just how burnt her toast is. That didn't make sense, but you get my fucking meaning! Jesus, I'm drunk!



The girls were shocked! Delishis was blushing only because she hadn't seen a real life vagina before.

Like Dat said this about the picture: "Girlfriend's got her fingers where her girl fingers ain't supposed to be unless you're washing it."

Come on bitch, you know you don't wash it.



I think Buckwild had a little queef at the site of that picture. Come on, you know she likes the ladies.



That Nibblz made my Toastee cry and for that she will pay! I'll beat her ass down so hard that she won't lisp anymore! She cried telling us that it was something she was ashamed of and didn't want to end like that. Awww. DAMN YOU NIBBLZ!!!!



Nibblz had a closing line:

"I am thrilled that Flav beliethes that I'm the theal girl that he hath believed me to be thus far and I'm thrilled that I'm sthill here."

Just someone stick a dick in her lispy ass mouth!

The Dlisted Report

Stuart Townsend has written and will direct Battle in Seattle. His girlfriend, Charlize Theron, will star. Set in 1999, during the World Trade Organization meeting in Seattle, an eclectic group of demonstrators, including environmental activists, doctors, anarchists, attorneys, eco-terrorists and just plain folks, brings the city to a state of near-chaos, and chases the WTO straight out of town. [Production Weekly]

Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter) will play Jack, the son of author Rudyard Kipling in the telepic My Boy Jack. The story recounts how Kipling used his influence to get his 17-year-old son an officer's commission in the British army during WWI despite Jack's poor eyesight. Jack never returned from the French trenches, and Kipling and his wife spent years looking for his body. The telepic will air on ITV. [Variety]

24 was the big winner at last night's Emmy Awards taking home Best Drama Series and Best Actor in a Drama. Other winners included Mariska Hargitay, Tony Shalhoub, Andre Braugher, Julia Louis-Dreyfuss, Megan Mullally and Alan Alda. [AP]

Invincible starring Mark Wahlberg brought in $17 million to come in at #1. Talladega Nights ended its reign at the top spot and brought in $8 million to take #2. Little Miss Sunshine wasn't far behind with $7.5 million to come in at #3. [Box Office Mojo]

The CAPTION THIS CONTEST Winner for August 25th!

Scientists finally capture examples of the fauna nesting in Paris Hilton's fish mitten. - CrankyProf

Runner-up:

FINALLY!!! Someone finally caught those animals living under the toenail in that fungus commercial. - NoAnjl

Hot Slut of the Day!

Toastee from Flavor of Love 2

Birthday Sluts

Jason Priestley (37)
LeAnn Rimes (24)
Jack Black (37)
Shania Twain (41)
Jennifer Coolidge (43)
Scott Hamilton (48)

WTF Happened to Cojo?!

Cojo at the Emmys on August 27th

Jesus! He looks like Chastity Bono! Okay, I know he's having treatment for his illness so I'm not going to be mean, but seriously. I didn't even recognize his gay ass! Let's hope this treatment is paying off, because bitch looks worse off than he was before and that's pretty bad!

Coco in Virginal White

Coco and her husband, Ice-T, dressed in their best to do a little shopping California. Coco really should think about showing more skin. A girl of 27 should feel more comfortable with her body.

If there was ever a clothing store called "Whores R Us" bitch would've bought that outfit there.

[Concrete Loop]

Is He Wearing Crocs?!

I'm sorry I don't get the whole croc thing. They are straight up nasty and should remain in the garden. Better yet they should find their way into the time capsule along with Uggs. I mean, I know Jared Leto is trying to be ironic and shit. But he just looks like a stupido.





[x17]

Hot Slut of the Week: Pluto

Age: 76
Birthday: February 18, 1930 (Discovered on)
Birth Name: Pluto

Original Date of Hot Slut of the Day: August 25, 2006
Claim to Fame: Being the planet furthest away from the sun. Bitch doesn't get enough credit!

Where is she now? Demoted! Slut was demoted to a dwarf planet.

Why is she Hot Slut of the Week? Again this ho doesn't get enough credit. This bitch is probably sad since she's been fired and maybe this will cheer her up. We try and do good in the Universe too!

Owen Wilson Wants Nothing to do With Kate Hudson

At the London premiere of You, Me and Dupree...photographers tried to get Owen Wilson to stand next to the poster of Kate Hudson. Instead, Owen pushed co-star Michael Douglas to that side.

Yeah, they are together. I mean if you have nothing to hide you would just do it to show that it isn't bothering you. Unless Owen is a fag like me and thinks that two blondes shouldn't stand next to each other. I mean the brunette should be in the middle to break up the color! I'm just saying.


[Us Weekly]

Still Dirty

Lindsay Blohan and her friend Samantha Ronson turned the tables at the EW Magazine 4th Annual pre-Emmy party last night in Los Angeles. Blohan doesn't look as dirty as usual. She's still a dirty ho though. You know she's let Samantha go down on her at least once.

Katie Holmes Quote of the Day!

"My favorite thing is in the morning when Tom and me and the baby are all in bed together."

[Page Six]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Rita Rudner

Birthday Sluts

Pee Wee Herman (54)
Alexa Vega (18)
Sarah Chalke (30)
Jonny Moseley (31)
Mase (32)
Mario (34)
Downtown Julie Brown (43)
Yolanda Adams (44)
Peter Stormare (53)