Say Something Nice

Janice Dickinson Without Make-up: Um...well...that's very creative of her to have her own face on that cute t-shirt she's wearing!

Chrissy Amphlett Has Crazy Face

Chrissy Amphlett is the lead singer of the Australian group The Divinyls that had a huge hit in the 90s with I Touch Myself. Above is a vide of Chrissy performing on Australian TV. Homegirl still sounds hot, but she has crack face! Damn, this ho is scary. But Scary hot. Below is the original video of the song. My how times have changed.

When Were They Hotter?

[Photo: People]

What the Hell is Wrong With These People?!

Jackass Number 2 hits theaters on September 22nd and here's a couple of stills from the flick. It's Bam getting branded by a cowboy. WHY?!



[Popbytes]

That Dude Really Wants Prince William

Prince William took part in the Sovereign's Parade yesterday in Great Britian. That dude on his left really wants to hit it. I bet you they do circle jerks in the bunks. Prince William is hot and all, but then I remember that underneath that hat he's totally balding.

A PT Cruiser!

This is an old clip from The Soup where EXTRA interviews Heather Mills McCartney's publicist and she's disgusted by the fact that she drives a PT Cruiser and not some fancy luxury car like she should be driving. This shit is a classic.

It's a slow news day people!

Posh Needs to Get a Job

In case you haven't heard, David Beckham was left off the England football squad. The National team was set to battle Greece next week and a new manager left the fashion icon off the team. Is this the end of Becks England career? Probably not.

Mr. McClaren (the new manager) issued this statement:

"I spoke with David last Monday and notified him of my decision and said I was planning for the future, to change things and go in a different direction, and that David wasn't included in that. I have great respect for David, he was a fantastic captain, a great player and still is. He took the news well. He was disappointed but I got the reaction I wanted. That was for him to continue to fight for a place. I will never close the door. That was the end of the conversation."

Who cares?! Doesn't he have Madrid anyway and if not Posh can get back to work. Better yet, put that ho on a budget!

[OhMyInt]

JesSICKA Continues to Copy

JesSicka Simpson in a promo picture for her new album and JLo like 2 years ago! Actually, I can't stand both these snatches.

Hot Slut of the Day!

Cookie Monster

Birthday Sluts

Peter Krause (41)
Dominique Swain (26)
Casey Affleck (31)
Pete Sampras (35)
Rebecca Gayheart (35)
Bruce Greenwood (50)
Dana Ivey (64)
George Hamilton (67)

A Special Birfday greeting to my hot (yet dumb) chihuahua who turns 4 today! Old bitch! Happy Birfdays Elvie!

The Old 52's

Fred Schneider, Kate Pierson and Cindy Wilson performed in Brooklyn last night. My first thought was, damn they look old. But they are old, so that makes sense right? Kate is still one hot bitch and even thought they have traded their fringe and glitter for Depends and Bengay I still love them.

Jodie, Which Finger Do You Use On Your Girlfriend?

Jodie Foster showing us the finger and her commitment ring in NYC's West Village on August 9th

Move Over Lewis!

There's a new bitch on the scene! Lewis the cat may have some competition and it comes in the body of squirrel. Residents are fighting mad over a bitchy squirrel in Winter Park, FL's Central Park. Just this month, seven people were attacked.

A 3-year-old boy was bitten by the animal several times and has a two-inch wound on his leg, according to the report. Another child was reportedly bitten on his calf and a man sitting on a park bench was attacked by the squirrel. He suffered a bite and scratches on his arm. The attacks took place between August 1 and August 4.

Some people now say the attacking animal should have been captured sooner. One citizen said he captured the squirrel under a bucket after it attacked his friend. He said he released the squirrel when county animal-services workers failed to arrive after two hours. City employees captured the animal this week. Winter Park received notice from the Florida Department of Health Epidemiology stating that the results on the squirrel were negative for rabies.

He doesn't have a name yet, but I'm calling him Hot Ho or H.H. for short. Unfortunately, Hot Ho is probably a dead ho right now. I am severely obsessed with these angry animals and need to start some kind of shelter for them and then train them to deliver serious beat downs to my enemies.

[Local6] [Thx Jennifer]

Afternoon Crumbs

Caprice for Governor! [A Socialite's Life]

My darling Gwen Stefani is turning into a fashion victim [Just Jared]

I like Lucy Pinder, whoever she is [Hollywood Tuna]

Paris Hilton's wannabe gets a Playboy spread [OMG Blog]

KFed wants to confirm his white trashness [Hollywood Rag]

Eva Mendes sure likes her condoms [The Bastardly]

If Keira Knightley was a Lautrec painting [Gallery of the Absurd]

Mel Gibson just can't catch a break [IDLYITW]

Don't worry Kristen Bell is going to live [Egotastic!]

Justin Timberlake knows everything [Popsugar]

Jay-Z knows a lot about water [Mollygood]

Guess the Ho?

UPDATE - Click here to see the ho behind the smile. Congrats to tobelaughing2 for getting it right first!

Lou Diamond Phillips Will Beat Your Ass

TMZ is reporting that Lou Diamond Phillips was arrested this morning for allegedly giving the beating of a lifetime to his girlfriend. The coppers were called to his Northridge home at 2am where they found the couple having words. Lou apparently hit her ass doing the argument and he was taken into custody. He is currently being held on $50,000 bail.

That sucks, cause I kind of had a crush on him. We would never make a good pair, because I have a mouth of garbage and will probably send him into a beatdown frenzy on my ass.

Seriously, I hope his ass is getting a major beating while in the slammer. Dumb mofo.

Jordan's Breasts are Gigantic!

Jordan just signed a multi-million dollar deal with Panache to be the "chest" of their new range of bras for big-chested women. She has started by modeling a line based on sweets. She was extremely surprised when she was professionally measured by the label. Jordan has been wearing a size 32DD this entire time, but she's actually a size 30G!

She said: “I know I’ve got big boobs but I never realised they were THAT big. It just shows you how a good-fitting bra makes all the difference — and I didn’t even need to get another boob job!

“Now I’ve got support and I look and feel great.”

That's really small, I think she should go bigger! Damn, she is so hot. Here's some photos below of a recent photo shoot which proves that she's the most gorgeous woman in the World! I'd ask her to be the mother of my child, but I don't want it to come out all fat and slow and shit. Ugh, I just keep digging my own grave. I don't blame her for hating my ass!

[The Sun]

Celebrities Are Really Special

Jennifer Garner is too boring to do drugs and booze, so when she fainted on the set of her new movie it really was because she was overheated. The actress was filming scenes for The Kingdom in 110-degree weather in Phoenix. Ben Affleck dropped everything he was doing to be with his wife.

Seriously, what is wrong with these hos?! I mean when you become a celebrity do you just suddenly become all fragile? Obviously, it's just them because you never hear of crew members or the director passing out.

This is probably the most exciting that has ever happened to Garner.

[Starpulse]

Chestica is No Kate Moss

Look familiar? On the right is a cheap ad for Jessica Simpson's new shoe line and on the left is a Gucci ad starring Kate Moss back in 2003. While Kate Moss looks like a hot ho, Ches's looks like an advertisement for a late night phone chatline for TRANNIES!

[Thx Mikee]

WTF is Up with Val Kilmer's Lips?!

Val has a vag on his face! What did he do to his lips? They look sick! He should've spent the money on having the fat in his belly sucked out. His fat belly will come in handy while he surfs though. It'll be nice cushion to lay on. Seriously though, bitch is fug!









[Splash News]

Dina Lohan is "The White Oprah"

Dina Lohan is famous, because her daughter, Linday Lohan, is famous. That reason and that reason alone. If her daughter wasn't a big star, she would probably be selling her wares at a truck stop. She feels that because her daughter has success, she should also. Ugh, typical stage mom trash. She's currently trying to shop around a talk show and believes she's "the white Oprah", because her friends are always coming to her with their issues.

Dina said: "I love to talk." "I have a talk show in the works. I would host it and co-produce it. It's a good heartwarming show. It's nothing trashy. We're not going to follow dates to bars and see what happens, or anything like that. But it's a girl-empowered, woman show. I would only do something that would help other people, because that's just who I am and how I was raised. I think the public would listen to me before someone who doesn't live it - you need someone who lives it."

What is wrong with these people?! Dina Lohan pretends to care about her daughter, but she only cares about herself. She talks about Lindsay, because it keeps her in the press. If she really cared, she'd try to get her daughter off the drugs. Dina is a piece of trash and always will be. Even the residue on her tampon doesn't have 1/10th of Oprah's talent.

[ONTD]

Kanye West is Engaged!

Sorry ladies and fags...Kanye West is off the market. Oh shucks! I really wanted to land a man who constantly talked about how amazing he was and how he's so successful and shit.

Anyway, People has learned that Kanye proposed to his girlfriend, Alexis, overseas and she of course accepted. Alexis' last name and occupation are unknown, but the pair have apparently been an item for almost 3 years now.

I'm thinking her last name is Carrington and she's the owner of the biggest company in Denver.

The "Who Cares?" News

Courtney Coxsucker admits she's in therapy. Any reason to keep her off TV works for me.

Elle Macpherson and Heidi Klum are arguing over who has the hotter body or something like that. They obviously can't argue about brains, so I guess this makes sense.

Carmen Electra files for divorce from Dave Navarro. Take a good look, because this is the last time you'll see these two has-beens for a while.

Blohan wants to run a tattoo shop. They better clean those needles with battery acid.

Paris Hilton's Goat to Be Buried Next to Marilyn Monroe

Paris Hilton can't keep her legs closed on August 9th

Parasite Hilton proved once again that she is a waste of human flesh. Reportedly she purchased the plot next to Marilyn Monroe to bury her goat, Billy Hilton. She also booked a gospel choir to perform at his funeral.

A source said: "It's absolutely disgusting. Paris booked the plot for a 'Billy Hilton'. Everybody was very understanding because they presumed it was one of her relatives.

"But it has transpired that it's just an old goat. Normal people are content to bury their pets in the garden and be done with it. But not Paris. This is one of the most prestigious cemeteries in the world, it's not for animals. "

In addition to Monroe, Jack Lemmon and Truman Capote are also buried at Hollywood's Pierce Bros. Westwood Village Memorial Park.

When I first read the headline, I got excited because I thought that ho was going to get buried. I only assumed that the Hollywood crowd nicknamed her vagina "the goat" because it devours anything in sight.

[LSE] [Photos: x17]

Nobody Puts Angie in a Corner

Brad Pitt wanted to show Angelina Jolie who wore the pants in the family and told her that she needed to stay home and play mom while he works on Ocean's 13. Angie is a smart bitch and knows it's her ass that wears the pants and Brad wears some white, lacy panties!

Angie didn't like this new part of Brad, so she packed up her crew and checked in a hotel.

Brad doesn't know what to do and is moping on the set and Angie refuses to come back.

Hells yes! Brad needs to know his place! Ho is only good for two things, looking purty and giving up the dick!

[Tittle Tattle]

McConagay Wants a Rachel

In the "yeah right" rumor of the day, Matthew McConagay apparently called up Jennifer Aniston to ask her out on a date. Matthew has been smitten with her for a while and decided now what probably a good time to ask Brad Pitt's ex out.

"When Matthew called, Jen told him she was flattered, but she didn't think it would be right to go out with Matt while she's dating Vince."

Yeah I'm really going to believe that shit. Matthew probably just called her up, because he's trying to get his Rachel Green impersonation down and needs some tips. He's a total girl.

[Female First]

An Ugly Hat to Match Her Ugly Face

Eva LongWHORIA at Hyde in Los Angeles on August 10th





More photos of Eva at x17

Damnit! I Want Janelle Out!

Last night's episode of Big Brother ended with Erika winning HOH. This win most likey sealed the fate of Janelle as the next contestant to be shown the door. During the competition for HOH, Howie's buzzer seemed to not be working and he was eliminated from the competition. After Erika won, Howie bitched to producers and after watching back the tape they agreed and redid the HOH competition. And guess who won? Yup, Janelle won and quite smugly showed everyone in the house that she was here to stay for another week. It now seems that Danielle is the next bitch out.

Many of the contestants echoed my thoughts. Will said "The production value on this show sucks!"

That it does...that it does. Damnit! I wanted that bitch Janelle out of there! They need to finally release her so she can get that schnoz fixed!

The Dlisted Report

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian will begin shooting in the forests of Europe this January. Andrew Adamson will again co-write and direct the second installment of the series. Disney is targeting a 2008 release date. [THR]

Hayden Christensen has been confirmed to join Samuel L. Jackson in The Jumper for director Doug Liman (Mr. and Mrs. Smith). Based on the Steven Gould novel, Jumper follows a young man from a broken home who discovers that he has the ability to teleport. In his quest for the man he believes is responsible for the death of his mother, the kid draws the attention of the National Security Agency and another youth with the same abilities. [THR]

John C. Reilly will star in the comedy Walk Hard. The story is about fictional music legend Dewey Cox, whose life becomes as messy as the protagonists in Ray and Walk the Line, films that inspired the comedy. Shooting is expected to begins early next year. [Variety]

The CAPTION THIS Contest Winner for August 10th!

My mom went to the RenFaire and all I got was this fat assed step daddy -mishma

Runner-up:

Meat Loaf and Ann Wilson team up for the Heart Attack Tour. - Carmella

[Thx pcw]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Laura Bennett from Project Runway 3

Birthday Sluts

Hulk Hogan (53)
Carolyn Murphy (31)
Viola Davis (41)
Miguel A. Nunez Jr. (42)
Ian McDiamid (62)
Jerry Falwell (73)
John Gorrie (74)

And a special Birfday shout out to Tivona!

When Were They Hotter?

George Clooney: Then or Now?

This Ad is Hideous!

Popbytes has the ad starring Katharine McPeePee for Big Sexy Hair. Doesn't it look like she's wearing a mask?! This should be an ad for Cheap Ass Wig!

Baby Luv is One Hot Ho!

Can I just tell you that Baby Luv is my new idol. This is why:

Perhaps channeling the spirit of Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton's pet kinkajou, Baby Luv, bit Paris on the arm early Tuesday morning while the two were playing. We repeat: PARIS' KINKAJOU BIT HER ON THE ARM.

The wound was superficial and Paris spent a few hours at the hospital and received a tetanus shot.

Paris called her publicist, Elliot Mintz, at about 3AM Tuesday morning after the incident occurred. Mintz tells TMZ he drove her to the emergency room where she was seen by a doctor, treated and released. The whole ordeal took just a few hours.

The bad part is...who knows what poor Baby Luv has now! Too bad that hot ho didn't go for the froat! Baby Luv probably freaked out when he heard this mess.

[TMZ]

There's a Lot of Fake Hair in These Pics

Tyra Banks and Nicole Richie went on a shopping spree at the 99 cent store and then lunch at the Ivy for Tyra's show. The two women also hit other stores on Robertson.

I'm not sure what they bought at the 99 cent store, but let's hope it's scissors and make-up remover, because they look like drag queens.







[ONTD]

Afternoon Crumbs

Tobey Maguire's belly matches the belly on his pregnant wife [Just Jared]

Panty flashing is the new exhaustion [Cityrag]

Blohan doesn't want to be seen [Hollywood Tuna]

Please say Chestica Simpson is not going to be in a remake of Working Girl [Hollywood Rag]

I really didn't need to see Somethin's (from FOL2) porn video. At least she doesn't shit on the dick [Crunk + Disorderly]

Heidi Klum almost gets nude [Egotastic!]

Like all anos, Kate Bosworth claims she eats like a pig [IDLYITW]

Blohan gets slammed again, not what you think [Celebrity Nation]

Jamie Pressley debuts her skanky lingerie line [Popoholic]

Grace Jones is my homeboy [A Socialite's Life]

Hold my Strawberry Hill while I beat the trash out of Brooke Hogan [Mollygood]

Are Kate and Pete already engaged? [Popsugar]

Meet Adrien Brody's Chick

Adrien & Elsa in Miami on August 9th

Yesterday, when I posted pictures of the hotness that is Adrien Brody many of you wanted to know who he was banging. Meet Spanish actress, Elsa Pataky. She is 30-years-old and hails from Madrid. She has starred in several Spanish films and TV shows, but can be seen in the upcoming masterpiece, Snakes on a Plane.

She's aight, but not hot enough for my Adrien. Besides she probably can't handle the donkey dick he's packing! I think Adrien and myself need to star in our own version of SOAP. He can pack his anaconda up into my overhead bin anytime!

Is This Baby Suri?!

x17 was taking aeral shots of the Cruise mansion and claims these are pics of Baby Suri. I can't see anything! That could be a doll...I still don't buy it! It's a baby, but they bought that thing!

Furthermore, isn't that creepy how Katie is just standing there staring at the window? You know she's thinking about escaping. We can't see the ball and chain attached to her ankle.

Esquire Magazine Names Worst Dressed Man! And it's SPF!

That's cold!!!!

Esquire has a heart of coal and has named SPF, the Worst Dressed Man of the Year! It's not his fault he dresses all white trash and shit!

The September issue of Esquire names little Sean Preston Federline as the “Worst Dressed Man in the World” on its annual best and worst dressed men list. Okay, now this is just wrong, y’all. It’s not the kid’s fault his parents buy his accessories at Pimps ‘R Us. But according to the mag, “being the offspring of a hyper fertile backup dancer and prematurely wilted flower is no excuse, but being 12 months almost is.”

Esquire adds, “As soon as you gain some dexterity, straighten out your hat.”

Little Federline joins Jennifer Lopez‘ husband Marc Anthony and aging, leg-biting rocker Axl Rose on the Worst Dressed list, while upcoming star of the new James Bond film, Daniel Craig, gets top honors.

I'm all for making fun of babies, but it looks to me like Esquire is just trying to sell some mags and get some press. I mean KFed dresses much worst than poor SPF!

[Us Weekly] [Thx Brenda]

Fishsticks is so African

Let's send her there for good and pray a lion attacks her ass!

Posh is Back to Being Hot!

For a while there I thought Posh Beckham was catching the speed train to Fuglytown. I think she's back now! Yes, she still has a long way to go...but she's making progress. She was seen yesterday doing what she does best...shopping. I think she should actually spend more time eating and getting that pig nose fixed, but beggars can't be choosers.

That neck-stamp is still mentally challenged.





[Thx Valerie]

Get That Mic Away!!!!

Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez sent thousands of people running to get their ears fixed after singing a gorgeous duet at the Juntos Tour last night. Why do they do this to people? Did they not learn anything from performing together at the Grammy Awards in 2005.

Helen Keller had a better singing voice than JLo!

The "Who Cares?" News!!

Fishsticks Paltrow is still going on and on about what a fat hog she is and how it's been SOOOO hard to get skinny.

UsWeekly is still trying to prove that they are an honest and respected publication.

Today is National Underwear Day, this is only reserved for the sexy people...right?

Chris Daughtry announces the release date for his debut (AND LAST) album.

I Think This is Beyond "Unflattering"

Yesterday, this picture of Val Kilmer hit the internet. Today his spokeswhore has this to say:

"Anybody can take an unflattering photo of a human being. It’s a mean-spirited thing to do."

She is right. Anybody can take an unflattering photo of a human being. However, Mr. Kilmer is a FAT COW not a human being.

Bon Jovi Still Isn't Over Diane Lane

Who knew that Jon Bon Jovi wrote "You Give Love a Bad Name" for actress, Diane Lane? You learn something every single damn day, y'all!

Back in the mid-80's, Bon Jovi had a hot and heavy romance with Diane that ended in heartbreak and tears for him. It was so awful that he penned the classic song about her.

The lyrics go:

An angels smile is what you sell
You promise me heaven, then put me through hell
Chains of love got a hold on me
When passions a prison, you cant break free
Shot through the heart
And youre to blame
You give love a bad name
I play my part and you play your game
You give love a bad name

Who knew Diane was such a man-killer? I thought she was just a boring sap that got off on knitting and drinking Bourbon. I'm suddenly intrigued!

Bon Jovi doesn't seem to be over what went on over two decades ago. At a recent premiere party for Hollywoodland (Diane stars) in the Hamptons, BJ was a no-show. He was invited and many expected him to attend since he's been such a fixture on the Hampton scene.

Awww...you know he was at home crying with his teddy bear.

[Page Six]

Posh Meet Suri

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have invited their British BFFs, Posh and David Beckham, to visit their California compound and be the next celebrities to lie about meeting Suri Cruise. According to friends close to Posh and Becks they have been issued a list of instructions on how to behave around the Alien Queen.

"Apparently they can't take any photographic equipment, they're banned from touching Suri and they're not allowed to do any baby-talk around her."

"It will be very difficult for Victoria, because she just loves babies and is trying for a daughter with David at the moment."

I think this will be good for Suri. She will finally meet one of her people with Posh being half Alien and all.

[Female First]

You Know Things are Bad When You're Getting Kicked Out of This Place!

Blohan and Bryan Rabin at the Rabin Rodgers party on August 9th

The Chateau Marmont in Los Angeles has been the home base for many a rocker. So, I'm sure it's seen its days of partying, drugs, sex and whatever else we can come up with. With that being said it comes as a complete surprise that the posh hotel may be kicking Lindsay Blohan to the curb.

"They are trying to kick her out. It is very disruptive with all of her friends coming in and out and her late nights. Even for the Chateau, it is too much."

However, a rep for the hotel claims it is not true. They are kicking her out.

Hopefully she will clean up her act now that she's dating Harry Morton. Friends describe Harry as laid-back and hard working. He doesn't drink or do drugs.

In reference to the picture above, why does she always look so cracked out?! She looks like she's an 8-ball away from Pete Doherty territory!

[Page Six]

This is What Botox Was Made For

Rachel Zoe showing off those wrinkles at Rabin Rodgers party on August 9th

Rachel Zoe (stylist to Nicole Richie) claims to only be mid-30s. But I think what she meant was that she was BORN in the mid-1930s. God Dayum, she needs something injected up in there and quick. She's the modern day Medusa!!!

The Dlisted Report

Brett Ratner will helm a remake of the classic film, The Boys from Brazil. Based on the Ira Levin novel, the original film fit the mode of 1970s paranoid thrillers, with Laurence Olivier uncovering a diabolical plot by Nazis in South America to revive the Third Reich through the use of cloning. Gregory Peck played Dr. Josef Mengele, the plot's mastermind. Ratner will shoot Brazil after completing Rush Hour 3 next year. [Variety]

Neill Blomkamp will make his directorial debut with Halo based on the popular video game. He is widely regarded as one of the most innovative and original artists currently working in short films and commercial advertising. Halo will be shot in New Zealand and released in the Summer of 2008. [Coming Soon]

Another Christmas Carol is currently in the works and is set to be directed by Lasse Hallstrom (The Cider House Rules). This version of the popular Holiday story will be told through the eyes of a 40-year-old Scrooge. [Variety]

The CAPTION THIS Contest Winner for August 9th!!

Since Mariah Carey is too lazy to get her fat ass on tour. Her manager however found the perfect solution. - Youri

Runner-ups:

I bet her dirt-star tastes like a 9-volt battery. - Gary Coleman

Small Wonder robot set to be on next seasons Dancing with the Stars. - Michelle


[Thx AA]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Sylvia Browne

[For Kristi]

Birthday Sluts

Justin Theroux (35)
Devon Aoki (24)
Angie Harmon (34)
Antonio Banderas (46)
Rosanna Arquette (47)
Diane Venora (54)

Happy Birfday to my friend Kristi who turns like 89 today!!!

The Honeymoon Continues!

Lance Armstrong and Matthew McConagay continue the love in Miami Beach! The pair took off their shirts and got sweaty for a little jaunt down the beach this afternoon. I can only imagine what happened back at the hotel. Lance is totally the top. Who knew that bitch had such a hot body.

"Sixteen Deezigners!"

Heidi Klum hawks Victoria's Secret new bra in NYC today. Let's hope the new bra helps fix her wonky eye. Open your eyes ho when there's a camera on you! She looks hot from afar though and I wish I could hear her talk through these photos!

Panty Creamer of the Day: Nicole Richie's Mystery Man

I Want to Be As Skinny as Heed!

This is Heed and he's from San Diego, CA. He is 14-weeks old and on his way to becoming the smallest cat in the World! He weighs just 2lbs and is just 3 1/4 inches tall.

His owner, Tiffani Kjeldergaard, 40, of Potrero, San Diego, explained: "Munchkins are a breed that have the same mutant gene as little people. But they usually weigh 3-5 lbs and stand at around 6 inches.

"Heed was one of a litter of seven and was the only one with this gene. His mother is a Munchkin and his father is a normal sized cat.

"We called him Heed because he was born with a big head and a tiny body and it reminded us of a line in a Mike Myers film called So I Married an Axe Murderer where he shouts in a Scottish accent, 'Look at the size of his heed!'"

I want one of those, my dog is getting too fat! I'd train that ho to like break into stores and steal me shit! He can fit into anything!

[Daily Mail] [Thx Pamboy]

Afternoon Crumbs

These tabloid covers totally contradict each other [Popbytes]

Bill Clinton needs to bag the bags [Cityrag]

The hot meat of Ocean's 13 [Popsugar]

Xtina looks hot on Rolling Stone [Hollywood Rag]

Sienna and Jude are off again [Egotastic!]

JLove's boyfriend didn't get the memo about the collar being up [Hollywood Tuna]

Is the Paris and Nicole fued just a hoax? [Mollygood]

Kate Hudson looks way better without make-up [Gabsmash]

Keep the gun away from Blohan [IDLYITW]

Naw, Jodie Foster isn't a dyke [Just Jared]

Is it just me or is Nicole Richie starting to look like Rachel Zoe? [Drunken Stepfather]

Val Kilmer is a dream boat or just a boat [SOW]

"Hey Paparazzi, We're Behind the Palm!" - TomKat

Sucio! Here's TomKat acting madly in love in front of the cameras. I love Tom's usual uniform of I'm totally gay, but want to be straight so bad. Gay Al has the same kind of fashion choices. As for Katie, homegirl shops at Dress Barn. I know it. I love the last picture. It pains Tom so hard to kiss a girl.

[Thx Brenda]

Kiki Dunst Makes Me Sick!!!

Kiki grossing people out at Joan's on Third in L.A. on August 3, 2006

How can anyone eat lunch with her? Ok, that's my rant about this marshmallow for today.

Guess the Ho?

UPDATE - Click here to guess the ho behind the mouth. Congrats to anon 6:04 for being the first to get it.

Blohan's Made Up Boyfriends

Lindsay Blohan graces the cover of Elle and in the magazine she talks about how she sometimes makes up that she's dating someone to make her love life look more exciting than it is.

"I say things that aren't true a lot… If I was dating one person (I'd) probably tell them I was dating someone else and then I'd call my friend and be like: 'Do you mind if I say that we're dating?'"

She's a slut, but she doesn't want her man to be.

"If I'm going to give my body to someone, I'd rather them not be with other people, but I want to be able to (date) if I like someone else.

"I don't think I've had enough experience with dating one guy for a long time."

Ok, so she's a liar and a slut. And she's right, she does say things that aren't true. Like saying she's never tried cocaine in her life. Ho probably owns her own field in Colombia.

[IE]

Robin Williams in Rehab!

Robin Williams was recently missing at The Night Listener premiere in NYC. The reason? Bitch was in rehab. According to The National Enquirer he checked into the Hazleden Springbrook Rehab Clinic in Newburg, Oregon on July 11th. The tabloid also has a picture of Robin walking around the town.

I believe this shit. I once heard a story that Robin Williams went to Scores in NYC and would not stop doing lines of coke. Like he was doing them in front of everyone and didn't give a damn.

I personally love this ho and wish he will get himself together. However, if that means he loses his touch then don't quit the pipe Robin. Just kidding!

UPDATE - Robin's rep released this statement:

"After 20 years of sobriety, Robin Williams found himself drinking again and has decided to take proactive measures to deal with this for his own well-being and the well-being of his family. He asks that you respect his and his family's privacy during this time. He looks forward to returning to work this fall to support his upcoming film releases."

Jessica and Ashlee are Finally Realizing Their Dad is a Slime Ball

In the past Joe Simpson has been open about talking about his daughter's breasts and sexuality. Yeah, he's creeped many of us out with comments like "“You can'’t cover those suckers up!"” and "“She'’s got double Ds!"”. A source (and we all know how reliable they are) claims that the girls are distancing themselves from their father/manager.

"“It creeps everyone out. And he thinks he knows what he'’s doing, and that he'’s doing the best for his kids."

The two girls haven't been seen with their father for a while now. They probably got too old for him.

[Us Weekly]

Zayra Alvarez Can't Go Tonight!

I will be the first to admit that Zayra Alvarez is a trainwreck, but she's the only reason I'm watching Rock Star: Supernova. Everybody on that show is just a clone of each other and then there's Zayra. Freaky, sexy, crazy Zayra Alvarez. She's like Bai Ling meets Bjork meets Charo. Last night she performed David Bowie's All the Young Dudes in another hot outfit.

I know voting is closed, but I am praying if Zayra goes home..please CBS fix the votes! I beg of you! That Pamela Anderson wannabe, Jill, needs to go home. I'm so sick of looking at her white eyeshadow!

No Hoff, You Are Christ!

David Hasselhoff is obsessed with googling his names. However, he isn't always pleased at what he finds. He said:

"I Google myself. This morning it said, 'References to David Hasselhoff: seven million, three hundred and thirty-three thousand, six hundred. Everything from me being a God to being the Antichrist. "I actually read it and believed it. I started thinking, 'Maybe I am the Antichrist? Maybe why that's why all this weird s**t that has started happening to me and women yell at me on the street."

When I google his name I get this picture. Ok, he's the Antichrist.

[Contact Music]

Brooke Hogan is 18?!

Brooke & Nick Hogan leave a Miami club on August 8th

Riddle me this...how in Hulk Hogan's name is Brooke Hogan only 18? Is she 18 in Flavor of Love years? If you don't know what I'm talking about, visit the bios of the FOL girls and they all claim they are like 22 and shit. You know they were 22 back when Reagan was president!

Back to Brooke..she's so beat she makes Tara Reid look like a nun. She needs to return those shoes to the stripper store on Hollywood Blvd, because they aren't working for her.

Suri Cruise Might Be a Vanity Fair Cover Girl

According to sources, Suri Cruise pictures taken back in April will make their way into the Fall pages of Vanity Fair. The photos were shot by famed photographer, Annie Leibovitz. Reps for VF and Tom Cruise had no comment.

In other Suri news, Penny Cruz regrets ever talking about the alien baby. She recently said that she met her and thinks she is the most gorgeous, blah, blah, blah, beautiful, phoney, blah, blah, blah baby in the Universe!

"I'’m not going to talk about that anymore. I answered that yesterday and I"’m not going to talk about it in detail because I really protect the people that I love."

What she meant was: "I'm sick of the LIES! I can't take it. I'm hearing voices and I can't control it anymore. I don't want a part of this, but I'm afraid for my life. OMG, please someone save me. I can't lie anymore! No Tom, put down that knife! Ah dios mi! "

[Tittle Tattle Too]

Don't Mess with Candy!

Page Six is reporting that Candy Spelling is on a major tirade to ruin her daughter, Tori Spelling's already in-the-gutter career. Not only did she ax her trust fund from the death of her father, but Candy has apparently cancelled an Aaron Spelling tribute on ABC, because Tori was set to host. Candy didn't stop there! She put down her bedazzler and made a call to get Tori disinvited to the Emmy Awards where Aaron is going to receive another tribute. Randy Spelling is in the process of directing and producing a biopic based on his father's life and isn't including Tori in it.

However, Candy's reps are denying any of this.

"I don't know about [the biopic project]. But as for the special, Candy just felt the timing was not right for the ABC special because the Emmy Awards are doing a big tribute, and it was all too close together. It has nothing to do with Tori hosting the ABC special . . . And she is not having Tori disinvited from the Emmys. She has no power over the invitations . . . She's dis heartened by all of these stories."

Oh Candy! Embrace your cuntness. There's nothing wrong with it. I'd do a lot worse to that hag if she was my daughter!

A Match Made in STD Heaven!

Jenna Jameson confirmed on her MySpace that her marriage to some dude named Jay is over. She is also confirming that she is dating Carmen Electra's ex, Dave Navarro.

As Star first reported, TMZ has confirmed with legendary adult film star Jenna Jameson's publicist that she has split from her husband and is, in fact, dating Dave. This actually makes sense given the pairing of rock stars and porn stars. Tommy Lee was reported to be dating "Vivid Girl" Stefani Morgan, and of course, Tommy also turned Pammy Anderson into an amateur porn star! Then you also have Evan Seinfeld of Biohazard and VH1's "Supergroup" fame who is married to adult star Tera Patrick and Korn's Jonathan Davis' wife is recently retired from the biz.

I am happy for them. I just hope they don't decide to make a porn together. I really don't want to see Dave get all freaky. He used to be hot, but now he just looks like a dyke. And in that photo is that the wax Jenna or the real one?

[TMZ]

The "Who Cares?" News!!

Heather Mills gets questioned by the popo outside Paul's home

Heather Mills hires Princess Diana's divorce lawyer. She is a royal pain in the ass.

The Lady in the Water is knocked up! Opie's gonna be a grand daddy!!!

Kristin Cavallari and Brody Jenner call it quits. Sucks for her, because that was the only thinking keeping her career alive.

Somebody mugged Screech. This bitch just can't catch a break. I'm guessing it was Mr. Belding.

More Evidence on Why Britney is a Sexy MoFo

Britney Spears and SPF visit a recording studio yesterday. YES! Please let her make more beautiful music for me to laugh at...I mean for me to get emotional over.

Hot pink bikini top under a hot pink tube mumu paired with kitten wedges? YES! Britney is a fashion genius!

More photos at x17

Is Janice Min a Liar?

Janice Min, editor of Us Weekly, went on The Today Show this morning and swears Vince proposed to Rachel.

On June 27, as the couple returned home on a private Gulfstream jet to L.A. after a romantic, nine-day vacation at Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis’ $25 million coastal retreat near Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, the actor nervously got down on bended knee. At that moment, he asked for Aniston’s hand in marriage – with, say sources, a substantial diamond ring.

“He was going to propose on the beach during the trip, but he chickened out because he wasn’t sure if she would accept,” says the source. “But he knew he was leaving town [to film Into the Wild in South Dakota] for awhile, so he just felt he had to ask her before they landed.”

I thought they were engaged already? But I thought they broke-up? Ugh, I guess I'm too busy looking at pictures of Brad and Angelina to give a crap.

UPDATE - Jen's rep issued this statement: "It is not true. There is no engagement."

[Us Weekly]

The Dlisted Report

NBC will present a new reality-show called You're The One That I Want. The show will find contestants battling it out American-Idol-Style to play Sandy and Danny in a new Broadway production of Grease that will bow in 2007. [Playbill]

Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson will reunite for Fool's Gold. McConaughey and Hudson play married treasure hunters whose eight-year search for booty leaves them broke and out of gas. Just as they divorce, they stumble upon a missing clue that might lead them to a fortune. Shooting will begin in Australia this October. [Variety]

Jeremy Piven has joined the Peter Berg-directed The Kingdom. Piven will play a conniving American diplomat in Saudi Arabia who assists an FBI team sent to the Middle East to capture terrorists responsible for an attack on Americans working in Riyadh. Jamie Foxx, Chris Cooper, Jennifer Garner and Jason Bateman also star. [Variety]

The CAPTION THIS Contest Winner for August 8th!

George Michael doubles his pleasure, doubles his fun with the Doublemint Bears - Vizzini

Runner-up:

Siamese Hims - NoAnjl

[Thx Seth]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Darlene Conley

[For Youri]

Birthday Sluts

Whitney Houston (43)
Eric Bana (38)
Audrey Tatou (28)
Divine Brown (37)
Gillian Anderson (38)
Melanie Griffith (49)
Sam Elliott (62)

Are These Two Engaged Yet?

McConagay and Lance Armstrong at Sky Bar in Miami on August 7, 2006

Adrien Brody Needs a Mystic, But I Still Want It

Adrien Brody in Miami Beach on August 8, 2006

I personally think Adrien Brody is the hotness. Now, many of you think he looks straight out of Auschwitz, but I'm that shit. We'd totally rub our bones together and start a camp fire. He looks like he's losing his hair though and I'm not into that mess. He seriously needs some plugs and a mystic. Do you think he's packing?

The Barkers Gets Cancelled!

Well, their marriage anyway. Travis Barker filed for divorce today confirming rumors that the pair are done.

People Magazine reports:

"I can confirm that Travis filed this morning," Barker's rep, Dvora Vener, tells PEOPLE.

Through her publicist, Moakler tells PEOPLE, "My only concern right now is for the welfare and best interests of my children."

Barker, 30, and Moakler, 31, were married in a Gothic ceremony on Halloween eve in 2004. The theme of the wedding was Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas.

They have two children: son Landon, 2, and daughter Alabama, 7 months. Moakler also has a daughter, Atiana, 7, from a previous relationship.

Seriously, once you get a MTV reality show...your marriage is over. It happened to Nick and Jess didn't it?

Who Ordered the Cottage Cheese and Oatmeal Sorbet?

Do they have ab-transplant surgery? Tara Nicky should be first in line for that! She's selfish showing her shit like that. People are probably losing their lunch in the background.



[Thx Brenda]

Afternoon Crumbs

Britney Spears should buy stock in Photoshop [BWE]

Snakes on Claire Danes [Popbytes]

I thought Natalie Portman was too good to play a working girl? [Egotastic!]

Mimi, drop the effin tank dresses already [Hollywood Tuna]

Is Hoopz from FOL1 preggers? [Concrete Loop]

This man is taking Jessica Simpson across the River Jordan [OMG Blog]

Nicole Kidman's hair looks like ash [Just Jared]

Cameron Diaz is so hideous [Hollywood Rag]

Mel Gibson has spoiled brats [IDLYITW]

It's a Laguna Beach double break-up [Popsugar]

JLove shops at ugly grocery stores [The Bastardly]

Kate Moss Needs to Kick This Addiction

Kate Moss and Pete Doherty are back together. Um...are we surprised? The pair have broken up like 1,234,589 times. Kate had a problem with Pete being a crack head in the past and apparently she's willing to give him another shot since he's gone clean.

Kate, 32, could barely conceal her delight on her first public outing with the singer at a rock gig at Clapham, near Bedford, on Sunday.

Onlookers at the low-key Rhythm Festival were stunned when she stepped out of her chauffeur-driven Range Rover at around 7.45pm - closely followed by Pete.

One said: "It's a small, intimate festival and the last person we expected to see was someone as glamorous as Kate. But to see her with Pete was just phenomenal.

"They got out of the car and held hands as they walked to the VIP area - laughing and touching each other the whole time. They were acting like a couple of honeymooners."

Kate and 27-year-old Pete joined singer Jerry Lee Lewis backstage - where no one was left in any doubt about their rekindled romance.

OUR source added: "You've never seen a couple so tactile. They were kissing passionately and didn't leave each other's side all night.

"When Jerry came on they danced like mad at the side of the stage - but all the time they were stroking each other and whispering sweet nothings. It was really quite touching."

Festival-goers remarked how "clean-cut and coherent" Pete seemed following his recent stint in rehab.

Sick! I would like to know Pete's definition of "going clean". I'm thinking that means he's getting high with cleaning supplies instead of street drugs. Hey! Don't tell me you haven't tried to sniff Windex before?! Maybe, that exlains why I love doing windows.

Oh and back to the point...expect them to break-up in like 36 hours.

[3am Girls]

Posh Loves Vadge!

Posh Beckham took her new hair out in public to watch Vadge perform on August 4th. I must say this new hair is a million times hotter. Word on the net is that she went through the drastic change, because she's about to become Burberry's new cover whore. Did she also have her breasts fixed? She usually has some wonky-ass titties going on, but they look pretty fine here. Don't get me wrong they are still separated by a couple of seas, but at least they don't look THAT horrendous.





[Thx Val]

In Case You Missed It!

The Flavor of Love 2 "poop incident" in all its glory! Part 2 where Somethin explains herself is below.

Kerry Katona Will Smoke Through Her Pregnancy

Kerry Katona is mother of the year! Despite being 3-months knocked up, Kerry will not quit smoking. Kerry is expecting a child with her cabbie boyfriend.

She said: "My doctor said, if you're more stressed about not having a cigarette, you're better off having one - the stress harms the baby more."

"You're more likely to have a miscarriage or stillbirth if you smoke while pregnant."

This sounds familiar! Did this ho say this during her first pregnancy?! Anyway, she's hot shit and her baby is going to come out with four eyes or like retarded. Actually, it will come out retarded anyway because it has her genes.

[Daily Record]

Would You Hit It?

Ever since Channing Tatum was photographed as Jake Gyllenhaal's new BFF, lots of bitches have said he is hot shit. I personally don't see it. He's especially not that hot since Jake has dumped him for McConaGay and Armstrong. Here he is hawking that piece of trash movie, Step It Up.

Mischa Gets Stumped

Australian designer, David Jones, hired Mischa Barton to attend his Summer launch. She was paid a hefty $100,000. However, at a press conference Mischa seemed not to not be so in tune with Australian fashion. Shit, she wasn't in tune with reality! She talked about how she loved Australian fashion so much and blah blah blah...but when asked who she was wearing...bitch had no idea what "AMAZING" Australian fashion designer she was wearing.

Mischa also denied that she was dating 20-year-old rugby star, Mark Robinson.

"I don't even know who Mark Robinson is,"

I'm going to stop right now. What the hell am I writing?! I apologize.




[Thx Daniella] [The Australian]

Who Wants to See 80-Year-Old Nude Bits?!

Janet Jackson has vowed to keep showing her shit until she's 80! She told Vibe Magazine that she lost a lot of weight and loves to show off her body. She said she doesn't plan to stop doing sexy photo shoots anytime soon, "when I'm 80... That's when I'll call it quits.".

SUCIO! Who the hell wants to see that shit at 80? You know her fake titties are going to look hellish by then. I mean she won't have anymore ribs by then, because she keeps pulling them out.

Janet, please don't do this to us. Please say you'll stop posing sexy like next year!

[Starpulse] [Thx Clint]

Keanu Reeves is Serious About Not Getting Tan

Keanu Reeves spent the day with a mysterious lady at the beach. His beach attire included black jeans, a black blazer and a grey t-shirt. Ho doesn't trust SPF and decides to be safe than sorry. Either that or he's homeless.



[Splash News]

Suri Cruise: The Myth

A spokeswhore for Tom Cruise said that pictures of Suri Cruise will be released to the media very shortly. It's been nearly 4 months and there's still no sighting of the Cruise offspring. Several have claimed they have seen her and tell us she's "the most beautiful baby in the universe" and shit. But we still haven't seen her for ourselves. There have been rumors that Tom hasn't taken her out, because he's afraid of kidnapping threats.

His spokeswhore dispels all those rumors. He said: "He hasn't been reluctant," spokesman Arnold Robinson tells the Scoop. "They will be making a decision to release the photographs [of Suri] shortly." Will the pics be released to a single or few media outlets, or will it be a general release? "That's part of the decision they'll be making shortly,"

There's not going to be any pictures! Just instructions. Here are the instructions on how to see Suri Cruise:

1) Go into your bathroom with a drunk friend
2) Turn off all the lights, but leave the door slightly open
3) Laugh hysterically
4) Seat your friend on the toilet or bath tub
5) Turn off the faucet
6) Splash water on the mirror while you both chant "Suri Cruise, Suri Cruise, Suri Cruise"

This is when she will finally show herself to you.

[The Scoop] [Thx MomtheMumsie]

Julianne Moore is Still My Homegirl

Julianne Moore is one of the most gorgeous women in the World in my eyes. Bitch isn't looking so hot at the Trust the Man premiere in New York. She's looking a little red. Yes, I know she's a redhead, but her eyes and shit are red. Anyway...she's still hot.

Why does Eva Mendes always wear like gowns to premieres? This shit looks like it was held at the $2 theater and bitch shows up like she's going to the opera!

Don't Interview Joe Francis

L.A. Times writer, Claire Hoffman, wrote a very interesting and very lengthy story on Girls Gone Wild creator, Joe Francis. Claire tagged along with Joe on the GGW tour to learn more about the man and his process. What she didn't sign up for is to be pressed down on the hood of a car by Joe as he whispers to her to kiss him. Joe is a mad man.

Joe has built a multi-million dollar empire at out these videos. He has dated everyone from Kimberly Stewart to Tamara Mellon and has partied with Lindsay Lohan and Vince Vaughn. He has faced many legal battles including sexual harassment and more. Basically, he's nuts.

The article is way too much for me to go into, but it's extremely interesting. It paints Joe Francis as this Dr. Jeckyl/Mr. Hyde type ho. I mean he's hot, but bitch is one crazy slut.

[Thanks SweetSoaps]

Jake's Camel Toe!!

[Queer Click]

Jessica Simpson Needs to Realize She's Not Sexy

New promo pics of Jessica Simpson for her upcoming CD

Jessica Simpson really wants to be Jennifer Lopez. She is branding and whoring herself at every turn. She has a shoe line, a cosmetics line, a clothing line and she's not stopping there. Jessica is planning to design and sell a lingerie line. Because she's so sexy.

A friend said: "Jess finds it really hard to find bras that she likes so she's decided to make her own."

Jes...I mean Chestica has said in the past that she has fantastic breasts.

"I have amazing boobs. They're just perfect. At school, my boobs were bigger than all my friends and I was afraid to show them. "Now, I feel they make my outfits look better. They're like an accessory."

The sad thing is, people really buy this crap. Jess probably also finds it hard to buy bras, because her tit size is always changing! Maybe she should stop fussing with them and she'll finally find shit that fits.

I think she should design a line of cyanide pills and use that shit on herself!



[Stuff.co.nz]

Do They Have Good Narcotics in Iraq?

Blohan with Wyclef at the Xgames party on August 2, 2006

Lindsay Blohan told Elle Magazine that she's in the process of planning a trip to "entertain" the troups in Iraq. She will accompany Hilary Rodham Clinton.

People reports:

"I've been trying to go to Iraq with Hillary Clinton for so long," Lohan, 20, tells Elle magazine in its September issue, according to the New York Post. "Hillary was trying to work it out, but it seemed too dangerous."

She continues, "I wanted to do what Marilyn Monroe did (during the Korean War), when she went and just set up a stage and did a concert for the troops all by herself. It's so amazing seeing that one woman just going somewhere, this beautiful sex kitten, who's basically a pinup, which is what I've always aspired to be."

Even without Sen. Clinton, Lohan is confident she can handle an Iraq trip on her own. "I'm not afraid of going," she says. "My security guard is going to take me to a gun range when I get back to L.A., and I'm going to start taking shooting lessons."

The difference between Blohan and Marilyn Monroe is that Marilyn actually had some talent. I'm afraid that the soldiers have been through enough and don't deserve to be subjected to Blohan's singing abilities. She really wants to go, because some ho at LAX probably told her they have really good shit in the Middle East.

The Dlisted Report

Adrien Brody and Jason Schwartzman will play Owen Wilson's brothers in Wes Anderson's The Darjeeling Limited. The film follows three brothers as they travel through India. Shooting is scheduled to begin this December. [Coming Soon]

Paul Giamatti will play Sci-Fi author Philip K. Dick in a new biopic. Dick, who died in 1982, wrote more than four dozen books and numerous short stories, with at least seven being adapted for the big screen, including Blade Runner, Total Recall and Minority Report. A Scanner Darkly is in theaters now. The film will weave elements of Dick's real life and situations in his novels. [Variety]

Alan Ball (Six Feet Under) has finally announced casting for his long-awaited feature film directing debut. Aaron Eckhart, Toni Collette and Maria Bello will star in Towelhead. The film tells the story of Jasira, who struggles with identity and sexual issues as the daughter of a Lebanese-American father and an American mother in Texas during the Gulf War. Shooting begins next month in Los Angeles. [Variety]

Ewan McGregor has signed to co-star with Hugh Jackman in The Tourist. McGregor plays Jonathan, an accountant disconnected from life, who is reinvigorated by his new friend Wyatt (Jackman), a powerful and charismatic lawyer, who introduces Jonathan to a mysterious sex club known as The List. Shortly after meeting the woman of his dreams, Jonathan becomes the number one suspect in not only the woman's disappearance and possible murder, but also a $20 million theft. Shooting begins October 9th in New York. [Production Weekly]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Tanya Tucker

The CAPTION THIS Contest Winner for August 7th!

whitney houston will do some crazy shit when she gets high! - kj

Birthday Sluts

Drew Lachey (30)
Meagan Good (25)
Countess Vaughn (28)
Lindsay Sloan (29)
J.C. Chasez (30)
Faye Wong (37)
Deborah Norville (48)
Robin Quivers (54)
Connie Stevens (68)
Dustin Hoffman (69)

We Haven't Seen Jake in a While!

Jakey G took his pups for a little walk in the park today. I know lots of you get wet over him, so here you go. Who am I fooling? I'd hit it.

Bjork Wants Her Dress Back

Cate Blanchett beamed up to appear at the Volver premiere on August 2, 2006

We Get It Denise! You're a Good Mom!

Denise Richards found time out of her busy schedule to actually spend time with her kids in Malibu. She made a grand spectacle and almost had me believing. You know that as soon as the paps left, she dumped her kids on the nanny and went to shag Richie Sambora.

[Pics: x17]

Isn't Johnny Weir Sexy?

[Gawker]

Afternoon Crumbs

Henry Chance kind of scares me [A Socialite's Life]

You know you want Tom Cruise's uniform [Cityrag]

Vadge writes to Mel Gibson [Hollywood Rag]

A shirtless Scott Caan [Just Jared]

Hello Hilton is disgusting [TMZ]

More pictures of Jenna Jameson getting waxed [IDLYITW]

Video of Blohan boxing in a bikini [Egotastic!]

Just say no to the tube dress [Hollywood Tuna]

Thanks God Kelly O isn't wearing a thong [Drunken Stepfather]

Rachel Bilson has one last kiss [Popsugar]

Blohan is high on a bike [Mollygood]

[photo: Splash]

Flavor of Love 2's Toastee Talks With Michael K!!

Toasteee and I go way back! We here at Dlisted know this ho as Jenesis, but the World now knows her as Toasteee. She is one of the girls battling it out to win the affections of Foofy Foo aka Flavor Flav.

Each week, Toasteee will share with us what really went down with some of the crazy moments on the show. I only got a few minutes with her this week, because homegirl was getting ready to leave for L.A. She's all fancy now and shit!

MK: Toasteee, you are a hot bitch. Let's get right into it. WTF happened with Somethin taking a dump on the floor? I mean that shit (pun intended) was straight-up nasty. She said that she told the producers prior to the ceremony that she needed to take a poo and they denied her request. Give me the lowdown.

Toasteee: The Shit Story. Well... Somethin claims she tried to hold it in because she thought that if she left to go to the bathroom during the elimination ceremony, she'd get cut. I don't remember her asking the producers anything, but I highly doubt that they wouldn't stop filming for a sec so some girl can go shit rather than do it all over the floor. They would stop filming and re-film scenes all the time, to get camera angles right and all. I did not actually see the infamous poop. Supposedly she picked it up with her hands then when she was running upstairs it dropped on the stairs. I was perfectly content not seeing or knowing the consistency of her shit.

MK: Speaking of piles of poo...What is up with Spunkeeey aka Stinkeey. Why was she such a bitch? Also, why the hell didn't she listen to Hottie (from Season 1) and wear a sexy outfit?

Toasteee: Spunkeey is soooo annoying and in my opinion the fakest person on the show
including anyone on season 1 either. As far as her outfit choice, I couldn't understand the wardrobe choices of a lot of the girls that night (for example Wire and Buckwild).

MK: We already know that you don't like Spunkeeey's ass, but who did you like?

Toasteee: At the first episode, I didn't take the time to get to know the girls and I really didn't care to. H-Town actually was really cool.

MK: H-Town of course got into that huge fight at the beginning of the episode with that ghetto chick. What happened there? Also, what would you have named Ghetto chick if she got to stick around for the name ceremony?

Toasteee: Miss "$800 Weave" scared the fuck out of me from the second I saw her. Actually I swear to god I really really think she's a man. She/he/it was giving us all dirty looks from the second we all met. She WANTED to fight, and I'm not at all surprised that happened in the first 5 minutes. I stayed way the hell away from her because H-town is small like me but I think that bitch could and would have seriously killed me. I hope she doesn't read your site because I'm still afraid of her. I don't know what name would be best for her. Her real name is fucked up as it is- Sapphire but pronounced (or maybe even spelled) Safirey. Yeah I am pretty sure it's actually spelled like that. She was probably born "Stephen" though.

MK: Wait, her name was Safirey?!!!! OH DAMN! Why the hell didn't they keep her around?! I seriously hope bitch doesn't read this shit, because then both you and I are in danger. Let's move on. Straight up...are you a drunk? In the first episode they portrayed you to be a major sauce lover.

Toasteee: The first episode we all drank. Of course yeah like I said I cared MUCH more about the open bar than trying to find a bed, make friends, or spend time with Flav. I was definitely drunk as you could tell but I'm not an alcoholic and I'm not like that in every episode. I like to have fun and I always control my liquor. I didn't throw up or start fights. Or shit on the floor ;)

MK: True, but that would've been hot. There seemed to be a lot of talk about sexuality. Why do you think a lot of the girls had problems with you being bi-sexual and some the others also liking the cat?

Toasteee: I honestly don't remember saying I was bisexual. To straighten that up, I'm not. I'm very straight, lol. I think the part you're talking about is when I said in confessional "I don't have a problem being with girls" or something like that. It was taken out of context. I was referring to the fact that the body shot thing with Nibblz (who is very openly bisexual) was all cool with me and I didn't have a problem at all with licking each other to do the shots. A lot of the other girls thought that was gross. It wasn't like she licked my cooch or anything. I kinda think it was ridiculous that some of the girls DID make a big deal saying that was out of line and bisexuality is gross, then the later on they go shake their asses and sleep with any guy who gives them an ounce of attention. Dumb hos ;)

MK: So, I guess you didn't "lick the clit" as Somethin put it?

Toasteee: No!

MK: I know you gotta go bitch, but what can we expect from this season?

Toasteee: Lots to look forward to! I'm quite sure there's no more shitting on the floor, but more fights and high drama, OTHER people getting drunk and taking it way worse than I did, several "jobs" we had to do, hot tubbing, girls throwing themselves all over Flav, and cameos from a lot of different people.

MK: Thanks ho and I'm rooting for you!!!

If you want to learn more about this hot bitch, visit her website. Also, read this interview Toastee gave to the Philly News. If you want to know what went down on the episode read my recap posted this morning!

A Friendly Note to Tori Spelling

Dear Tori,

This is MK and I'm just dropping you a friendly note from one bitch to another. I know you want to look your best and I want you to look your best as well. I suggest that in the future if you want to look your hottest don't pose with objects, animals or persons that are more attractive than you. I'm sorry, but you're four-legged friend is Angelina Jolie compared to you. Let me make a few suggestions on items you can pose with: a decapitated body, diarrhea, Star Jones' chest scar, Paris Hilton's ham sandwich and Haylie Duff.

I know the event you attended required you to bring a dog, but your husband could've just brought you. Love you and let's do the Ivy soon.

xoxoxoMichael K

P.S. - Please don't have a baby. Hasn't this World been through enough?

Vintage Brit Brit

Since old Britney Spears videos are recyling themselves on the internet...I thought I'd play for your one of my favorites. This video was taken back in April and shows a fat-ass Britney dancing to a song of hers called "To My Sister (Little Me)".

The best part of the video is watching the nanny take SPF for a walk around the studio, white poor Britney loosens the floor boards.

[Thx Katrina]

Fishsticks Thinks She is a Fat Cow

Fishsticks Paltrow is apparently considering surgery to lose some baby fat. She gave birth to Moses Martin only 4 months ago, but she's already worried since the fat isn't going away. She recently told a friend: "My stomach is rippling, my breasts don't feel good. I've been trying to work out. I want to do something about it."

The friend suggested she have post-pregnancy surgery to get rid of the extra weight. Reportedly, she has visited a doctor in NYC to go under the knife.

This ho is dumber than I thought. Now, I'd be the first to call a fat bitch out...but this girl isn't fat all. The only fat on her is her dumb mouth!

The picture above was taken only 2 weeks ago.

[LSE]

Pink Pisses On the Floor!

Some things don't need commentary. This is one of them!

Trouble in Brangelina Paradise?

Brad Pitt is back at work and some say he's neglecting Angelina and the kids. Brad is currently shooting Ocean's 13 in Los Angeles and Las Vegas and although he said he keeps contact with his family via podcasts, others say that he isn't being his usual self. Brad hardly spends time with his family and when he does have downtime, he is usually messing around with his bike or hangs with friends.

A source close to Angie said: "He's out with friends and doesn't bother to call. I don't understand why he feels committed to seeing so many people."'

Angie is about to become busy herself. She starts shooting the Mariane Pearl biopic very soon.

Who knows if all this time a part will break this perfect relationship.

This shit ain't true. I can't see them breaking up anytime soon. Brad can't stay away from that hypnotic vagina. Trust me. However, I can see Angie dumping his poor ass. She got what she wanted.

[Tittle Tattle Too]

Jello is Too Good for Travolta

Jennifer Lopez relaxes in Miami on July 31, 2006

Jennifer Lopez abruptly left her role as Sue Ellen Ewing on the much anticipated big-screen version of Dallas last week. Reportedly, a terrible script and the casting of her leading man were the reasons why she ditched the project. Jello didn't think Travolta is leading man material, especially since he will be donning lipstick and a dress for Hairspray.

A source said: "The script sucks. And John Travolta? If it had been a man's man like Ed Harris or Tommy Lee Jones, but you don't just go from doing 'Hairspray' to 'Dallas'. "

Dallas has been nothing, but trouble since the beginning. Original director, Robert Luketic, jumped shit after creative differences.

Shooting is expected to begin very soon and a cast is yet to be nailed down.

Finally, this dumb ho made a good career choice. I love me some Dallas, but unfortunately it's going to suck watermelon balls. Hmm...watermelon balls. I say they should seriously camp that shit up and cast a bunch of wrecks. We can start with Bai Ling and we'll go from there.





[Female First]

Posh Vows to Become a Fatso

David Beckham has asked his wife, Posh Beckham, to put on some weight and get healthy. He wants to try for a fourth child and needs his oven to be in tip-top-shape. According to friends, she usually keeps a strict diet of just vegetables and very little carbs, but to pack on the pounds will devour chips and other fatty foods.

A source said: "“David has pleaded with her in the past to put on weight, but now he's finally taken serious action and given her a diet plan to ensure that she fattens up.

"Victoria's agreed to go along with it because she and David are happier than ever at the moment and also because she is desperate to conceive. After having three sons, who they love dearly, both of them would absolutely love a little girl to dote on."

Um...all she needs to do is eat like two brownies and I'm sure she'll gain like 10lbs instantly.

[Entertainmentwise]

Pamela & Kid Marry in Detroit! Is She Knocked Up?

Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock kept their promised and held their second wedding at a Detroit courthouse yesterday. Pam left this message on her website:

"It's official. Just left the courthouse!!!!!!! Mr. and Mrs. Ritchie have left the building.... Off to honeymoon in Detroit! Go Tigers,"

Honeymoon in Detroit? Does that involve dodging bullets and smoking crack? I'm joking! I love Detroit.

Anyway, the pair are now expected to hold a third wedding in Malibu. Pam told Howard Stern that they were skipping the Detroit and Nashville weddings. Bitch lied, so who knows if they are going through with Nashville or not.

Pammy also might be pregnant. She hinted at possibly being knocked up when she spoke to Ryan Seacrest. When he asked if the pair had plans to extend their family, she responded: "There might be one in there now."

Wait, Howard Stern and Seacrest? Bitch is doing publicity for her wedding? I give this union 9-months TOPS!

[PR Inside]

Jordan is Back!!!

Jordan graces the cover of New Woman magazine looking so hot. Our girl Jordan was spotted for the first time since her miscarriage at a toy shop in Brighton near her home. She was picking up some toys for Harvey and Junior.

Awww...she looks perfect. Even her cheap-ass extensions look rather pricey.







[Thx Qua] [ONTD scanned by mutt182]

Good Morning! Who Ordered the Rotten Egg and Sardines on a Roll?

It's way to early for this! I'm not going to be able to eat until like 3pm...Wednesday. This is Parasite Hilton giving the crabs and lobsters a little bit of air. You know that ho has some lobsters up in there. I mean crabs are way too amateur for her! If you find yourself in St Tropez, put on a mask!

[Teddy & Moo]

Does Britney Really Need That?!

Doesn't a frappucino have like a million calories or something? And you know Britney Spears did not get it with non-fat. The whipped cream is a nice touch too and I'm guessing she has 3 chocolate donuts in that bag. For real, girlfriend needs some Smart water and carrot sticks.

She's looking hot again and there's those platform flip-flops. I swear I need me some of those. Calling this girl "white trash" is getting old. So let's call her something else, something that doesn't sound so mean. "déchets blancs"? Yeah I like that. Britney is so déchets blancs!





[Photos: x17]

Flavor of Love 2: Return of the Messes

The night that we've all been waiting finally came upon us, last night. Flavor of Love 2 swooped down from the heavens to bring us delights and well lots of shit. Literally. In this recap, I won't talk much about Foofy Foo, because let's face it...this mess of a show is about the hos and only about them. So let's get started.


Continue reading "Flavor of Love 2: Return of the Messes"



Not even 15-minutes into this shit and the first fight broke out. These two bitches were fighting over the same bed. The white ho didn't have a chance in hell! That's like a ghetto tiger going after a kitten. The other white bitch in the blonde hair stood there like a dumb ass. Either get involved or run bitch! Damn!



I think that blonde bitch is calling over her fairy helpers with that magic flower!



The cap below is either from a porno or a Jerry Springer episode....



Damn, don't eff with this ho. She is ruff....ruff...ruff!



The fight was broken up and each piece of trash was sent to a corner. Meanwhile, downstairs the real reason why 20 girls would try and meet Foofy took place...open bar!

That martini glass was never heard from again. That girl's name is "Somethin" and let's just say there's a lot going on in that trunk. I can hear the rumblin' as I type...more on her later...

P.S. - Those pop-ups are annoying!



Introducing......Dlisted's own...TOASTEEE!!!!! This bitch has been one of my readers for the longest time. I got her back. You won't find me dissing this ho. Yeah right...bitch likes to drink. Her eyes were squinted so hard that for a second I thought she was Mister Miyagi.



Nothing says "classy lady" like Boones Farms AND Mike's Hard Pink Lemonade.



Oh shit! There she blows! Someone's about to let the chunks fly!



But for real if I was in a house with a bunch of crazies...I'd been hitting more than the bottle. I'd be hitting the pipe...the crack pipe! Seriously, I love this bitch and nobody better mess with her ass or they'd have to get through me and yes I'd run...but it's the thought that counts.



Damn, this ho is crazy!



Back at the boxing ring...ghetto and white girl got their shit together. Ghetto found it in her heart to offer white girl some "lip chap". WTF is that shit?!



Is that a brand that you can only buy in Crenshaw?!



Ghetto also prayed and thanked God for not letting her "whoop that bitch's ass!" That's what I like to hear! I didn't know God was a pink unicorn. That makes so much sense now.





When Ghetto was asked to explain herself she said the most classic thing of the evening:

"Den she grabbed my hair...right you know I got a weave. She was trying to pull my track out! You can't be pulling peoples track and stuff like that! This is $800 hair! You can't pull no $800 hair, no it don't go down like that!"

Um...ok not only is she more ghetto than a grown man riding the horsie in front of the supermarket ( you know what I'm talking about) but I think she may be mentally retarded!

Is this Harvey's real mother?! I think so. Damn, that stung.



Unfortunately, because she beat a ho down..she was taken back to the battered women's shelter they found her from. At least give her a free pair of Nikes.



Then the "name ceremony" began. This is where Foofy gives each girl a name.

There's that Somethin again and her ass. If Foofy could tell the future he would not put his fingers near that girl's a-hole. It's like a volcano in there.



Bootz knows how it to work it. Homegirl came in knowing what time it is. Someone knows there way around a dollar pill, a greasy pole and wet latex.



So...Foofy gave out the following names:

Toasteee, Buckeey, Wire, Nibblz, Somethin, Hood, Eye'z, Tiger, Beatuful, Bootz, Like Dat, Choclate, Spunkeey, Payshintz, Krazy, Buckwild, H-Town, Bamma and Delishis

Um..I think his ass needs to spend less time on TV and more time in the 2nd grade. Payshintz?! Foofy probably doesn't even know "what time it is", because he can't tell time!



Buckwild is one hot ho! I don't even need to say anything about her. I just need to post some of her quotes:

"I was raised by television. My mom and dad is probably like Oprah and Jerry Springer. That's why I'm like crazy and black. I think that's why."

"Hood being religious was kind of scary, like talking in tongues and all...I mean I've never heard nobody talking in tongue...I mean I tongue kiss somebody, but I never had the Lord talk through me with tongues."

I mean is that not better than Shakenspeare or what?





Now, I got a little ax to grind and I'm going to grind that ax into Spunkeey's head! Bitch messed with my girl, Toastee. You see my girl was just trying to get in some QT with Foofy, when that nasty-ass ho called her a "classless girl." I mean what ISN'T classy about 8 glasses of Korbel and a sparkly, rayon dress. I mean....



Spunkeey...I mean...Stinkeey better watch her ass! And what the hell is she wearing? Did she not learn ANYTHING from Hottie?! This show is called "Flavor of Love" NOT "Flavor of the Boardroom". Check yourself Stinkeey.



Doesn't Beautful look like a cross between Solange Knowles and Rick James? I'm only saying.



Speaking of musical legends...who let Tracy Chapman in the house?



Earlier in the evening, Somethin revealed that she wants to "lick the clit" as she put it. So while she was cozying up to Foofy...that damn hag..Stinkeey called her out on it and it was on.



Can somebody tell me why Stinkeey always has her fingers in her hair? I'm thinking that she tried to get a fly out of it like 6-months ago and hasn't been able to free her finger. She needs a VO5 treatment like I need an enema...or actually...like Somethin needs an enema...more on that later!



Isn't that statue in the back real purty. I like that green detail. Wait, is that a feather boa? I thought that shit was classy until I saw the boa!



Seriously, are her fingers stuck? Is she called "Spunkeey" because that's what's stuck in her do'?



Somethin is putting on some poor unfortunate souls at Stinkeey. That's some Ursula from The Little Mermaid if I've ever saw one!



Or is that a fat Miss J from America's Next Top Model? I'm confused.



After Hurricane Somethin, we find out that Foofy has a spy in the house. He's hired Eye'z to come and dish the dirt. Basically, it's a twist in the game that isn't really a twist. Sorry, producer-men but that little thing was a dud and a dude.



So...the elimination ceremony happens and Foofy tells everyone that Eye'z was a spy for him and they all pretend they were so surprised...blah..blah...blah..

Basically, a bunch of hookers we will never hear from again left the show. I mean who the hell is Tarasha? You know she's just wearing a glamour scarf. You know the kind that they made you wear for your Glamour Shots. She's nude from the chest below.



During the commerical, they gave these two fags their own spot and WHY? They basically acted super gay and lisped about how hot the girls of Flavor of Love are. That poor satin pillow is about to end up in the stomach of a fat fairy along with a shit load of sperm, I'm sure.



After the elimination ceremony...Somethin did...well she did something. Right on the floor! You see she told producers before the ceremony that she had to take a major dump. They told her ass to hold it and when you gotta go...you gotta go!



Somethin headed for the stairs and Nibblz found it! It was Somethin in the foyer with the load.

I mean how the hell is she holding a glass full of champagne and looking at a pile of doo at the same time?! That's a hidden talent she should look into.

Do you think that fancy F stands for feces?



"EAT THAT BITCH!" Ok she didn't say, but you know she was thinking it. And she's pointing to another trail of poo poo left by Somethin.



When nature calls, right? Hey, if you had to kiss Foofy you have to find a way to vomit that isn't so obvious. All Somethin was doing was vomitting through her ass, because she had to kiss that troll!



"That's shit folks!" - Somethin

The Dlisted Report

Winona Ryder, Famke Janssen, Gretchen Mol, Liev Schreiber, Ron Silver and Oliver Platt have joined the cast of The Ten, a spoof of the Bible's Ten Commandments. They join previously announced Jessica Alba, Justin Theroux, Adam Brody and Paul Rudd. Shooting will take place in New York and Mexico. [THR]

Jim Broadbent will play Wilbur Turnblad in Hairspray opposite John Travolta. Shooting is set to begin September 7th in Toronto. The film also stars Queen Latifah, Nikki Blonsky, Amanda Bynes, Zac Efron and Michelle Pfeiffer. [Variety]

Talladega Nights was the #1 movie this weekend with $47 million. Barnyard came in at #2 with $16 million and Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest dropped to #3 with $11 million bringing its grand total to $380 million. [Box Office Mojo]

The CAPTION THIS Contest Winner for August 4th!

After visiting Ashlee Simpson's plastic surgeon, the Olsen twins finally get rid of their fug...

Bob Saget is said to be "thrilled". - Gary Coleman

Hot Slut of the Day!

Erica Slezak

Birthday Sluts

Charlize Theron (31)
Eric Johnson (27)
Rachel York (35)
Sydney Penny (35)
Harold Perrineau Jr. (38)
David Duchovny (45)
Garrison Keillor (64)

Blohan Wants to Be Left Alone!

Lindsay Blohan always cries on how she wants the paparazzi to just leave here alone and how they are ruining her life and shit. So what does she do? She goes to have lunch at The Ivy which even my mother knows is crawling with photographers and people wanting to see celebs.

This hooker loves every flash and every cry. Her hair looks hot though, I'll give her that.

Hot Slut of the Week: Nancy Grace

Age: 48
Birthday: October 23, 1958
Birth Name: Nancy Grace

Original Date of HSL of the Day: August 1, 2006

Claim to Fame: Former prosecutor and victim's right advocate. She found fame on CNN.

Where is she now? Hosts CNN's Headline News every night and Court TV's Closing Arguments.

Why is she HSL of the Week? She doesn't take shit from anyone! Her on-air arguments are the best!

Colin Farrell Sucks in Bed!

Woody Allen's French au pair, Angelique Jerome, claims to have had sex with Colin Farrell 3 times. According to Angelique he sucks in bed. She met him on the set of Woody's new film in London which Colin is starring in. Yes they did it 3 times, but it added up to about 10-minutes total.

She said: "He has a great body and a charm that any woman would kill for. But he's all talk. Between the sheets, he is a let-down with only half a baguette in his lunchbox, if you know what I mean. He comes across as a tiger on screen, but behind closed doors he's as wild as Mickey Mouse.

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"He kept saying 'C'est bon (it's good), you're beautiful, c'est bon'. He sounded like James Blunt.

"Once he'd got what he fancied - in about 10 seconds flat - he just wanted to go to sleep."

Angie goes on and on to say how they met and how hot his body is. The most interesting thing is that they didn't use protection. You know the poor girl has something now. Dumb ass bitch. I wondered why she wasn't like wowed by Colin's skills. Compared to Woody he's probably a tiger. And you know she had to hit it with Woody.

Read the rest of the article here


[Thanks JamesBond]

So, Posh Doesn't Have Fake Hair!

Posh and Becks are leaving a restaurant and she is still extension-less. Earlier pictures of her with long hair were probably old. Becks is hot shit, but Posh's 80s outfit seriously isn't working. I loved the hair at first, but now it seems to accentuate her "alieness".







[Thx Valerie]

Britney Spears is a Fashion Icon!

Move over Kate Moss....hit the road Sienna Miller...this is a true fashion icon. Britney Spears' current look is what I'm basing my overall Fall look on. Think platform flip-flops, cheap sunglasses, a fat pout, dried-up hair, a baseball cap and a cup of brownie batter permanently attached to my hand. Come on, you know that's brownie batter.

Britney, Lynne Spears, SPF, Jamie Lynn, Perry and JL's boyfriend went out to lunch the other day. You know they went to like Applebees, my favorite.

I love BS so much.

Okay...Mimi is the Hotness!

I give Mimi tons of shit, but I have to hand it to her...she is hot. Yes, ho should cover up a bit, but who gives an eff. Bitches love her and I do too. Her pigness opened up her Adventures of Mimi tour last night in Miami. She opened with "It's Like That" and had fags and their hags freaking out. She will tour the country entertaining hundreds of thousands and no doubt gobbling up every recipe of fried chicken she can sink her teeth into!

Hot Slut of the Day!

Natalie Mendoza from The Descent

Birthday Sluts

Adrianne Curry (24)
Melissa George (30)
Soleil Moon Frye (30)
Asia Carerra (33)
Geri Haliwell (34)
M. Night Shyamalan (36)
Michelle Yeoh (44)
Catherine Hicks (55)