Dlisted: 05/28/2006 - 06/04/2006

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Ears Go Deaf

Parasite Hilton called into Ryan Seacrest's morning radio show on L.A.'s KIIS FM to debut her new single "Stars are Blind." She also took calls from fans, but refused to talk about Brandon Davis. During her interview she basically talked about what a slut she is, and how she's going to be in some movies and is planning to play a superhero. She also talked about how important her music is to her and how she's so shy.

I listened to a small clip of the song from TMZ and that thing is a piece of shit! It's basically completely electric and not even her. It's a fucking machine doing the singing. Her vagina lips could've done a better job.

Visit TMZ to listen to the song and some of the interview. Oh and please clear small children out of the room.

[Thx HR]

Ashlee Simpson Gets Punched in the Face!

Ashlee Simpson trained to be a female boxer while shooting the video to her song "Invisible" which is inspired by "Million Dollar Baby". During one of the shots her dumb ass got socked hard in the jaw.

She said: "I got hit hard on the chin! (In the video) I get knocked down, but keep getting back up. I can relate to that!"

The person that hit her in the chin probably lost their hand. That chin is fucking serious.

Here's Ashlee performing at MTV's Summer Sizzle. This ho got like a complete face transplant to match Chestica, right? She doesn't even look like her fug self! She looks fuglier!

[Post Chronicle]

Guess Where Beyonce is Performing?

She's performing at a Wal-Mart Shareholders Meeting. WTF?!


This Picture is a MESS

Jordan is All Class

Jordan has splashed out and has gone super-classy by purchasing a bright pink VW Beetle. The gorgeous one isn't stopping at just the bright pink color, she's planning to crystallize that shit.

She said: "I'm going to have Swarovski crystals stuck around the mirror and the gear stick.

"I know it's cheesy but I have put some sparkly dice in it. I want to get some flashy alloy wheels too."

Not surprisingly her inspiration for her new project is Barbie!

"I remember Barbie had a pink Beetle so I wanted one the same. When I drive it, everyone just stares. It looks like a cartoon car."

Barbie is exactly who a 28-year-old woman should be looking up to!

[Female First]

What Do These Wrecks Know About Champagne?

Hot Slut of the Day!

Shirley Manson of Garbage

[For Ryan]

Birthday Sluts

Anderson Cooper (39)
James Purefoy (42)
Melissa Mathison (56)
Suzie Quatro (56)
John Dykstra (59)
Colleen Dewhurst (80)
Tony Curtis (81)

Friday, June 02, 2006

Fill in the Blank

Paris Hilton uses __________ as powder.

Mmmmm Bop!

The youngest Hanson is getting married to a woman.

Zac Hanson (20) of pop group Hanson will marry longtime girlfriend, Kate Tucker (22), on Saturday in Atlanta, according to the group's publicist, Katie McNeil.

"The couple is planning an intimate ceremony with close family and friends," McNeil informed the Associated Press.

The bride, 22, and groom, 20, have been going together for five years.

Taylor (the girly one in the middle) is also married and has two kids. Those Hansons start young! Are they like mormon? You know they still hit it with each other.


The Dick isn't Good!

Christian Bale isn't packing. In "cut" scenes for American Psycho, Christian shows that his shit isn't worthy. Whatever, I'd still hit. He can just use a strap-on.

Click here to see the full monty!


Remember Pumkin?

Cause I don't!

[Thx nerdnoir]

Buy This For Me!

My birthday is coming up and all you sluts get your pennies together and buy me this shit. I need something shiny to suck on, because the shit I suck are dirty.

A website called Itsmybinky.com has sent a one-of-a-kind 14K gold and diamond studded pacifier worth $17,000 to Shiloh Jolie-Pitt. The binky is made of European white gold and 3 carats of white diamonds.

Interestingly, the design was inspired by the birth of Donald and Melania Trump's son Barron William.

That's a waste of fucking money! That money would buy a lot of shit for their beloved Namibia.


The Best Show Ever

by Lahoma00

Because I have a generous heart, I'm telling all you sluts to watch Season 4 of Footballers Wives. It starts airing this Sunday at 10:00 pm on BBC America.

This show is seriously better than Masterpiece Theater. All the women are crazy and slutty, all the men are hot, and everybody smokes cigarettes and backstabs each other. We need to be more like the British!

This is a hot catfight from last season!

Saryn Hooks Was Robbed!!!!

[Finola Hackett, front and Saryn Hooks, back]

The 2006 Scripps National Spelling Bee was on last night. Let me just say that these kids are insanely smart or they have really good memory. Out of the 100 or so words that were given, I spelled like 1 of them correctly. I'm really dumb though, so that's an accomplishment all on its own. Very early on I started to root for the stunningly gorgeous, Saryn Hooks from North Carolina. In the 8th round Saryn was knocked out, because she spelled the word "hechescher" incorrectly. However, at the beginning of the 9th round the judges realized she spelled the word correctly and they had it wrong. WTF?! Those dumb asses. Saryn being the class act she is didn't create a stink. My ghetto ass would've started hootin' and hollerin' and demanded they give me the trophy now! Saryn managed to not get ghetto and found herself in the championship round with two other chicks: Finola Hackett from Canada and Katharine Close from NJ.

Saryn didn't last very long in the final round and was eliminated when she spelled the word "icteritious" wrong. I was surprised she didn't say to the judges "Are you sure? Double check, because you screwed that shit up last time." Anyway, Finola fucked up too and Katharine Close won. The winning word was "ursprache". Big deal!

Saryn will go on to bigger and better things like teen modeling and soap opera acting. So she doesn't give a hell!

[ABC News]

Afternoon Crumbs

Brad Pitt wants out of Africa [A Socialite's Life]

Don't tell me you don't love Mimi [Crunk & Disorderly]

I don't need to see Chestica Simpson's camel toe [Hollywood Rag]

Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey sitting in a tree [IDLYITW]

Tera Patrick is FHM's first porn star cover girl [Hollywood Tuna]

Tattooed eyebrows?!? [Cityrag]

Brandon Davis is dragging this shit out [BWE]

Jessica Alba is just asking to be topless [Egotastic!]

Let's all audition for The Real World, too bad my ass is too old [Glitterati]

Brandon Routh's beard [Just Jared]

David Copperfield's Lame Attempt at Resurrecting His Career

David Copperfield is holding on to his magic career for dear life. Since David Blaine seems to have most of the "magic" spotlight these days, he must find ways to top him. And unfortunately, by topping I don't mean screw the hell out of his "magical" ass.

David plans to get a bitch pregnant LIVE on stage. Yawn...

He said: "There is a great deal of new territory to conquer. I'm going to make a girl pregnant. Naturally there will be no sex. Everybody will be happy about it, but I'm not telling you any more."

All I ask of David is that he use some of Lewis' sperm, because I really need one of his kittens.

[Contact Music] [Thx KatieRose]

Sondra Pill Lives!

Sondra Pill is the next YouTube star! Trust me. Sondra had a public access show in Tampa, FL in this early 90s. Though her videos look like they were shot in the early 80s. She can't sing worth shit and she can't fucking dance. In these two videos she covers Whitney Houston's "Saving All My Love" and Bette Midler's "From a Distance." This bitch is hot and she has many more videos on YT. She seriously is a hidden gem! Ok if gems were rusty, smelled like old tuna and could make your ears bleed.

[Thx JP]

We Botox Together

There is nothing "fresh" about this look, but here's Mimi showing off a newly botoxed face at the Fresh Air Fund gala last night in NYC. Someone needs to tell Mimi that most people prefer their chicken thighs without hormones.

Charles Was Not in Charge of This Look

I used to have such a crush on Nicole Eggert back in her Charles days. Seriously, she was the hotness. Now, she just looks like a housewife from Orange County with an emphasis on ORANGE. Ho needs to calm down.

He Wants to Spend More Time with Me

Matthew McConagay has decided to leave Penny Cruz, because spending time with her lesbo-ass was getting in the way of his qt with me.

They issued this statement:

"We have decided to take time off as a couple. Due to busy work schedules and so much time apart, they mutually decided four weeks ago that separating was the best thing to do at this time,"

Okay, somehow that statement was totally lost in translation. You see sometimes Mattey gets really drunk and gay and the lisp takes over. Here's what was meant to be said:

"Penny's a dyke and I am in love with Michael K. I must devote all my time to him, because he's kind of bitchy."

[People] [Thx Stacy]

Guess Who Thinks Kimbo Stewart is Hot?!

I know this is a long time coming, but I have finally realized that Parasite Hilton really does have mental troubles. There are several screws loose in that washed up head of hers. Maybe her brains are filled with jizz. This statement alone confirms it:

"Kimberly is hysterical. She's six feet tall, blonde, beautiful and has luscious blue eyes,"

"She's hot. I feel so comfortable with her and I can just act like myself."

[The Sun] [Thx Momthemumsie]

Taylor Hicks is Not Gay

Taylor Hicks is mad at The National Enquirer for writing lies about him. The tabloid says that Taylor is currently caught up in a gay sex scandal. This little story hit right before the American Idol finale and sent him into a frenzy. He really thought that this gay smear campaign would ruin his chances of winning.

A source said: "First, he blamed a fruity purple velvet jacket he wore. And he was told there were rumors about his sexuality all over the place."'

Rest assure lads, Taylor does not play for our team. Damn! I guess that fantasy about eating out his hairy grey asshole will never become a reality.

[Post Chronicle] [Thx Stacy]

KFed is Staying Put!!

Things are getting pretty bleak at the Spears household. Despite Britney's wishes, KFed continues to smoke pot and drink with his homeboys at their Malibu mansion. Brit has apparently turned to her mother to get out of this situation. She wants to leave him, but needs her mother's help to do so.

KFed however thinks differently and is completely solid in his position as her boy toy. He was heard telling a friend: "She doesn't have the guts to leave me, she's been threatening to divorce me since the honeymoon."

He's such a frog. Maybe she is leaving his ass. Here's Britney with a new vintage Porsche and an instructor. This is totally her "suddenly single" car.

[Post Chronicle]

Who is that Dude?

Janet Jackson was at some joint in Miami last night looking hotter than a cat's pussy. Whoever that dude is she should stick with him rather than the troll she's bagging now!

Michael K on MySpace

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