Just a Diet Coke and an Empty Bag Please!

The Photoshop Awards: Kristin Cavallari

Angelina Jolie Giving Birth Today?

According to several reports, Angelina Jolie is set to give birth to Jesus Jolie-Pitt anytime today in Namibia.

The actress' doctors convinced her to give birth by Caesarean section yesterday due to a minor complication, according to American publication In Touch.

But insiders insist the birth will be "routine" when the 30-year-old becomes a natural mother for the first time later today.

Jolie and her boyfriend Brad Pitt along with their adopted children Maddox and Zahara have been holed up in a compound at Namibia's Burning Shore resort for almost two months awaiting the arrival of their first child together.

The baby will be born in a local hospital, according to the In Touch insider after Jolie was advised against giving birth naturally, as planned, at her Swakopmund resort home late last week.

Earlier too Jolie had said that if the baby didn’t make it into the world by June 3, she will have labour induced at the beginning of next month.

I really hope she holds it in until June 5th when the box office estimates for The Break-Up come out and it will be the worst day of Jennifer Aniston's life!

[HT]

Vanity Has to Be the Hottest Bitch EVER!

I try to listen to a Vanity song at least once a day. This bitch used to be a hot motherfucker back in her day! Too bad she's married to Jesus now. Anyway, here's a throwback of her and Vanity 6 doing Pretty Mess.

Happy Saturday!

The Dlisted Challenge!

Rip on Kimora Lee without calling her a tranny, dude or anything with a penis. Yeah, it's pretty impossible.

Scary is Right!

Behold! It's Scary Spice aka Melanie Brown showing her shit in Hawaii. Bitch put her bathing suit on the wrong way! I ain't gonna hate her for that. Her face is scary, but her body is hot. Methinks this is Janet Jackson's body double! Hey, mama's gotta feed the kids.

It's Not Snowing!

*The Photo Agency That Owns These Pictures Asked For Them to Be Removed*

It's warm in Los Angeles, right? It's not like a snowy tundra? So, why in the hell is Jessica Simpson wearing this shit. They are ugly to begin with and should only be worn when you're about to get rescued by a giant St. Bernard carrying hot cocoa, because your shit is half frozen. And what's the point of wearing them with coochie cutters. I've had it with this piece of trash!

Tobey Maguire is No Longer Fat, But Still Fug

Looks like Tobey Maguire has lost the chunk, but in my opinion he still has a face made for fugging. His mug looks a little downsey. Anyway, here's Spidey Man shooting the third installment in my fair Hamlet.

Hot Slut of the Day!

Harvey - Son of Jordan

Birthday Sluts: Happy Birthday Harvey!!

Harvey (4)
Andre 3000 (31)
Denise Van Outen (32)
Paul Bettany (35)
Joseph Fiennes (36)
Todd Bridges (41)
Adam Corrola (42)
Peri Gilpin (45)
Sioxsie Sioux (48)
Cynthia McFadden (50)
Louis Gosset Jr. (70)
Christopher Lee (84)

Hitching a Ride to the DQ

Britney Spears, SPF and her manny are in the middle of some road. I don't know why, but I would guess they are hitchhiking to somewhere super classy like Wal-Mart or Food for Less. The curlers add a nice touch.

Gwen Stefani Has Baby Boy!

How do magazines know this? Jesus. Anyway, US Weekly is reporting that Gwen Stefani is currently getting ready to pop out her kid.

A very pregnant Gwen Stefani and rocker husband Gavin Rossdale arrived at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles this morning where doctors plan to induce labor and deliver the couple’s child via C-section at noon PST. Rossdale dropped his wife off at the maternity ward, parked Stefani'’s silver Range Rover and "“seemed a little nervous and he checked the baby car seat before he got out,"” according to a witness. Rossdale then took the elevator to the maternity ward. "“Gwen was wearing her signature red lipstick and looked so excited,"” the onlooker added.

Do they induce for a C-section? I just thought they cut that baby out. Anyway, we'll be patiently waiting to see what effed up name their gonna give him/her. I'm thinking Artichoke Dust or Platypus Tuna Melt.

UPDATE: She had the kid, a boy at 1pm PT! They apparently want to name him "King" or Kingston"

[Us Weekly]

What is this Video About?

Paris Hilton shot another day of her video wearing only some ugly-ass bathing suits. She showed that this video is basically of about her being a whore and ripping off the shorts of men. So, I guess it's just a day in the life sort of vid.

Bobby Brown Quote of the Day!

"My wife is wonderful ... she is fine."

"We are ... working on our relationship. I look in her eyes and I see God."

[Thx Stacy]

If I Had a Frappuccino for Every Time She's Threw Him Out....

...I'd be as fat as her ass!

PREGNANT Britney Spears has thrown hubby Kevin Federline out of her home — heightening divorce rumours.

Kevin, 28, has spent three out of the last four nights holed up in a flat with pals in Sherman Oaks, California — while Britney has remained at home in Malibu.

Britney, 24, refuses to comment.

A pal said: “Things have suddenly turned very sour. It looks bad.”

Please, ho is as dickmatized as they cum. Seriously, she'll come begging for it in no time.

[The Sun] [Thx Anonie]

Hilary Swank Files for Divorce!

I guess these two kids aren't going to try and work it out. Hilary Swank filed for divorce from her husband, Chad Lowe, after 5 years of marriage.

The couple's lawyer said: "Hilary Swank and Chad Lowe have jointly decided to divorce They continue to be friends and have the utmost respect for one another."

[People]

This is Her Daily Meal

Nicole Richie had to ask a friend for some cash to buy a snow cone in L.A.

How much does a snow cone cost? She has like $12 there? Somebody's getting screwed! They are totally high-fiving her for eating that much today!

Holiday Weekend Crumbs

Victoria Silvstedt pops out at Cannes [Hollywood Tuna]

Brandon Davis says he's sorry [Popsugar]

Goodbye Tony Danza [BWE]

Hugh Jackman would never take roids [A Socialite's Life]

Jennifer Aniston is box office poison [Just Jared]

The Pussycat Doll are not dolls [IDLYITW]

Michelle Rodriguez is getting deported [Egotastic!]

Nick Lachey's new woman [Hollywood Rag]

Rachel Bilson's nipples [Drunken Stepfather]

Kiki's mouth full of corn [Cityrag]

Did This Movie Even Make Money?

Is reality whore, Kristin Cavallari, replacing Chestica Simpson as Daisy Duke in The Dukes of Hazzard movies? I mean, are they even making another one?

Bill Gerber, the producer of last year's The Dukes of Hazzard, tells PEOPLE in its new issue that he is working on a prequel to the movie that brought Simpson (and her rear view) film fame – and he thinks Cavallari, 19, would fill out those Daisy Duke shorts quite nicely.

"She's at the top of the list," he says. "I like her innocence and her beauty."

Why not just stick with Simpson, 25? "It's a prequel, like Batman (Begins)," he says. "We're going for a whole new cast."

So she tries to take her man and now she's trying to take her role? That's cold. Next thing you know she's going to try and take Ken Paves. Ewww, even the sounds of his name makes me hot.

[People]

Find the Clay!

[Idol 2006 Blog] [Thx Stacy]

Jared Leto is as Gay as a Goose

Jared Leto was mostly likely teasing when he did an interview with AOL.

ThirtySecondLeto: I’ll give you an exclusive....
TyeinMusic: ooh. lay it on me
ThirtySecondLeto: I’m gay
TyeinMusic: *!*
TyeinMusic: please tell me you're serious
ThirtySecondLeto: as a goose.
TyeinMusic: so does this mean that in real life, you were more “Ricky Vasquez” than “Jordan Catalano”?
TyeinMusic: don’t tease me, jared!

Most likely he was just teasing or maybe Blohan turned him gay. I hope it's the latter, cause his shit is hot. Oh and I think that he's completely stereotyping geese by calling them gay!

Read entire interview

What are They Holding?!

Break me off a piece of that! Seriously and butter it. I like that shit with tons of better, I don't go for that olive oil crap. Homey don't play that.

Anyway, here's a vintage ad from the 70s which is basically hotter than hot. They don't make em' like this anymore.

[Thx rymills]

Janice Dickinson's Spills the Beans on "Mating" with Mick Jagger

When Janice Dickinson is promoting something, you can bet your ass she's going to try to shock and appall us. This isn't so much as shocking or appalling as it is nasty. She talks about what it was like to "mate" with Mick Jagger.

"Mating with Mick for me was like a boxing match; the ring was my queen-sized mattress. He'd flip me over and then I'd flip him over - which wasn't hard because he only came up to my shoulders if we were standing. In the throes of passion, I thought about my ideal man - who was not Mick Jagger. My dream was a Jewish JIM MORRISON; Mick was more like the Dutch Boy you see on paint cans...He wasn't at all my type. But then again, it didn't matter - because he was Mick Jagger."

Gross. I don't know why imagining sex between these creatures grosses me out. It should be hot, but not in my eyes it ain't and who the hell says "mating"? Janice, quit trying to act like a lady. Whores say "fucking" and that's what you should be saying!

[PR Inside] [Thx Stacy]

Underdog Lady dances into my heart!

by Lahoma00



Suzanne Muldowney, aka Underdog Lady, is a brilliant dancer that needs to be seen by the world! Underdog Lady dresses up as Underdog and dances around in parades and stuff. Apparently she also dresses up as Dracula, but doesn't do it often because she feels it's too terrifying for people to handle.

Here is this bitch performing on Jimmy Kimmel and then talking to him afterwards. I love her!

Is Posh Actually Eating?!

Posh Beckham was driven around yesterday and looked to be eating something. Perhaps she was just tricking her stomach by pretending to eat. That's a new diet thing. Anyway, I'm surprised she even sat in the front seat!

The Dlisted Report

Willem Dafoe has joined the sequel to the 1997 hit Bean called Bean II. The second film finds the hapless Mr. Bean (Rowan Atkinson) traveling to the South of France on holiday, causing the usual mayhem and ending with an unscheduled screening of his video diary at the Cannes Film Festival. Shooting started last week in Paris. [Variety]

Eva Mendes will topline the feature Live! The film, seen through the lens of a documentary film crew, follows ambitious president of programming Katy (Mendes), who attempts to produce a highly-controversial reality TV show which has contestants competing for five million dollars playing Russian Roulette with loaded guns live on the air. Shooting begins next mont in Los Angeles. [Production Weekly]

The starry cast of Wong Kar Wei's English-language debut film has grown. Kevin Spacey and Ed Harris have joined My Blueberry Nights which stars Norah Jones. The film is about a young woman journeying across the U.S. in an attempt to resolve her questions about the meaning of love. Along the way she encounters some quirky characters. Jude Law, Natalie Portman and Rachel Weisz also star in the film with shooting to begin this Summer around the country. [THR]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER for May 25th!

When somebody asked Vin if he had a little Jew in him, he said, "No, but I'm about to." - 2Pink

RUNNER-UP:

Larry King lands another trophy wife - Jay stalk'g TIM GUNN's Manmeat

Hot Slut of the Day!

Wayne Newton

Birthday Sluts

Lenny Kravitz (42)
Matt Stone (35)
Kylie Ireland (35)
Helena Bonham Carter (40)
Pam Grier (57)
Stevie Nicks (58)

This is Scary!

Madame Tussauds Wax Museum has presented a new statue they call BRING BACK BRITNEY. It's basically their campaign to save Brit from KFed and fatness and shit. I'm sorry, that thing is scary. It will haunt me in my dreams. Attach any Brit song to that and the combination could be deadly. Screw Feddy Krueger! He's like a pre-school teacher compared to that thing!

Lois Lane is Such a Rudie!

Somebody get Kate Bosworth a mochachino or a cookie...she's a straight-up grump! Kate flips the bird to the paps and tattles to the coppers as she shops for furniture. You'd think she'd be in a better mood since she's hitting hot meat (Orlando Bloom). Wait, are they even together? If they are, he's probably too busy exfoliating or like doing his nails to worry about her situation.

So She is Getting Laid!

Part of me thought that Paula Abdul's craziness might come from not getting any action lately. Well, she does have a boyfriend and even though he's not the hottest ho in the land...at least she's getting some. That's if she's not too hopped up on dolls to get wet. I guess there is Crisco and KY. Ugh, I'm so crude.

Katharine McPhee Quote of the Day

on performing with Meat Loaf:

"They just came to me. It wasn't like it was my choice. They just said, Okay, you'll be singing with so-and-so...I didn't even know who he was. But now I do. He was like really big in the '70s, right?"

Afternoon Crumbs

Still by still of Paris Hilton's WHOREiffic music video shoot [Egotastic!]

Raven scares me [Crunk + Disorderly]

Surprisingly, Lestat the Musical has been killed [Glitterati]

Dixie Chicks on Howard Stern [Cityrag]

Nachos has him a new blonde ho [Hollywood Rag]

Jen & Vince's first photoshoot [Just Jared]

Jen shows her stems on Letterman [Popsugar]

Brian Austin Green has a huge one [Drunken Stepfather]

Britney or Jessica? [Hollywood Tuna]

Madge takes defense [ONTD]

Attack of the Clones!

Faye & Pete!

Aishwarya Rai is NOT Dead

It seems that there's a basic template floating around that spins the tale of a horrific car accident that ends in tragedy. Somebody out there is adding celebrity names to it every now and again and sends it to the news agencies. The latest name on that template was Bollywood superstar and one of the most gorgeous women in the world: Aishwarya Rai. Here's the bogus story:

Aishwarya Rai was pronounced dead at the scene by paramedics responding to the accident.

Highway Safety Investigators have told reporters that Aishwarya Rai lost control while driving a friend's vehicle on Interstate 80 and rolled the vehicle several times killing her instantly. The vehicle was believed to have been traveling at approximately 95 miles per hour in a 55mph zone at the time of the accident. Witnesses have stated that Aishwarya Rai's car crossed the double lines several times prior to the accident and hit the center lane divider causing the vehicle to flip and roll.

Toxicology tests will be performed to determine whether she was driving under the influence.

The following statement was issued shortly after that false story broke:

"This story was dynamically generated using a generic 'template' and is not factual. Any reference to specific individuals has been 100 per cent fabricated by web site visitors who have created fake stories by entering a name into a blank 'non-specific' template for the purpose of entertainment."

Aishwarya is perfectly fine and currently filming a movie.

[IBN Live] [Thx Claudia]

Is This Video Going Directly to Playboy?!

Click here to watch this video of Paris Hilton shooting her first video off her first and last album. For those of you who can't see it, simply pop in any softcore porn movie and you'll get the same effect. It's the mighty whore rolling around the beach in a nasty swimsuit. At one point she flashes her nipples at the camera.

I changed my mind, this is not even classy enough for Playboy.

[TMZ] [Thx Mouse]

Where in the World is Suri Cruise?!

TomKat attended another baseball game yesterday for Tom's son. Damn, they really love baseball. However, they decided to leave Suri at home. You would think they would want many photo-ops with Scientology's next ruler.

Kate is looking..um...well...beat the hell up. Are combs not cool with the Scientology rules? I also see some herps coming on the lips.

At Least She's Trying

Britney Spears had some Starbucks with a producer named JR Totem who is working on her new record. She's trying to not look like she's coming from the trailer park and I have to hand it to her. She also seems to be wearing the red string even though she said she was over Kabbalah.

Ok enough nice shit, she still looks like day old bread.

Paris is Open for Anybody!

Popbitch always has the hottest gossip ever. If you don't subscribe to that, head on over and do it now. Who knows if it's real, but this little tidbit about Paris Hilton sounds real to me:

Paris Hilton has been partying in London and Cannes over the past week. Fellow clubbers should make the most of her while they can. A regular on the LA party scene tells us of a recent occasion in LA when he was at a club with Paris. She was happily chatting away to friends when a guy she didn't know sidled up close to her and started fingering her.... Paris apparently didn't bat an eyelid and just carried on her conversation.

It doesn't surprise me that she doesn't feel a finger up in there, because you probably park three Hummers and a helicopter and ho wouldn't feel it. What boggles my mind is that a dude would actually risk his life like that? Somewhere in Cannes an idiot is walking around with a severed finger.



[Thx Albz]

Gay Aiken's Biggest Fan

What the hell was he doing there?! Gayken and him are totally bumping pussies!

[Thx Kelly]

Mimi's Fishy Diet

Ok, I'm going to try and not make any jokes about her vagina. So here we go...Mimi has to thank the creatures of the sea for helping her get a dynamite body. She is currently just eating plain fish and soup to help her lose more weight.

She said: "It's really bleak diet, which is basically soups and fish prepared really blandly".

"But I've gotta slow it down because the other day someone told me I was losing my ass - and I don't want to lose that."

Hmm....by looking at a recent promo pic above...I believe the only diet she's on is photoshop.

[Female First]

American Idol Finale is Gayer Than a Pink Poodle!

Exhibit A:



Exhibit B:



[Thx Atlchick & Towleroad]

Pete Doherty Left Me on the Sidewalk to Die!!!!

Pete Doherty has left his cousin lying on the street comatosed due to a heroin overdose. I mean...

According to the Sun, when Doherty found his cousin Mark Peter, 30 comatosed on a couch he panicked and warned that no one should call the police until they got him outside.

It appears that Doherty was more concerned about the police finding him in yet another compromising situation rather then for his cousin’s safety.

Instead of calling an ambulance and telling them the details, Doherty decided to tip of an ambulance about his ill cousin’s whereabouts…the pavement.

Mark told the paper: “I passed out on a couch and the next thing I recall is waking up in hospital. I know it wasn’t Pete who injected me.

“He’d just left the room and he just wouldn’t do that to me. The problem with Pete isn’t him but all his hangers on.”

Mark’s mother turned up at Aberdeen’s Music Hall after discovering who her son had gone to see.

A source said: “It was horrible. She had rushed to the venue after hearing that her son was meeting up with Pete.

“The last thing she wanted was her son – a former junkie – meeting Doherty - a known junkie.”

Those 'great' songs are starting to matter less and less as this guy unravells in front of our eyes, someone lock him in a room please!

Is this so surprising!?! I'm surprised he actually picked him up and put him on the sidewalk. You know he took his wallet before leaving his ass! If you're dumb enough to get high with Pete, then you deserve to be left on that damned concrete!

[Entertainmentwise]

When Were They Hotter: Then or Now?

[People]

G-R-O-S-S

Is this Chestica or Ashlee? It's one of those Simpson whores. They are looking a lot alike lately and that's probably thanks to the madness that is Ken Paves. Anyway, here she is shooting a video called Invisible. It's a new single off the re-release of her album I Am Me.

The Ice Queen Has a Sense of Humor...Sort Of...

Anna Wintour accepted an invitation to attend a screening of The Devil Wears Prada which stars Meryl Streep and Anne Hathaway. The film is based on a novel that was written by a woman who was a former intern at Vogue where Anna is top bitch. The novel's super-bitch character is basically based on Anna.

Once the credits rolled, Anna and posse scrambled out of the theater to avoid a photo op with Meryl Streep who plays the Wintour character in the film. Anna's spokesbitch said: "She thought the movie was very funny."

Anna didn't attend the charity dinner after. She probably just showed up so she can take names on who to personally ruin. She probably called an emergency staff meeting at 1am to get her minions involved.

[Page Six]

The Dlisted Report

Danny Glover will join Mark Wahlberg in The Shooter. The film centers on an ace marksman (Wahlberg) who is double-crossed and framed for a presidential assassination he was trying to prevent. He is forced to go on the run while trying to track down the real killer and find out who betrayed him. Filming begins next month. [Coming Soon]

Craig Brewer (Hustle & Flow) has named Maggie Lynn as his next project to direct. Maggie Lynn follows a woman who gets her heart broken and achieves a sense of self-worth by returning home to Tennessee, where she teams with her older brother to play country music in honkytonks. John Singleton will produce with production to begin later this year. [Variety]

Morgan Freeman will star in Gone, Baby, Gone for director Ben Affleck. The Miramax feature is based on the Dennis Lehane novel of the same name and was adapted by Affleck. The story revolves around two Boston private eyes who investigate the case of a missing child in a neighborhood of broken families, bitter cops and crazy ex-cons. Casey Affleck, Michelle Monaghan and Ed Harris will also star. [Coming Soon]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER for May 24th!

Woman head. It's what's for dinner. - NoAnjl

Hot Slut of the Day!

Marcia Cross

Birthday Sluts

Cillian Murphy (30)
Ethan Suplee (30)
Lauryn Hill (31)
Molly Sims (33)
Jamie Kennedy (36)
Anne Heche (37)
Mike Myers (43)
Connie Selleca (51)
Frank Oz (62)
Leslie Uggams (63)
Dixie Carter (67)
Ian McKellen (67)

Who is the Next American Idol?

More importantly, what the hell did Gay Aiken to do his hair?! Relax much?




Click here to find out the WINNER!









Taylor Hicks!!!!

I was actually more surprised that Prince decided to show his mess there! He brought the trannies too. Damn, his album sales must be hurting!

Fill in the Blank

Jodie Marsh's dog is thinking __________

The Photoshop Awards: Janet Jackson

Justine Bateman Quote of the Day!

on who is going to win American Idol:

"Sorry, I don't watch reality shows - I think they're evil and there's nothing real about them. Oh, was that too angry?"

Damn, sounds like she's pissed for not being selected for Dancing with the Stars 3.

[Thx Stacy]

You Know You Wanna Hit This!

Borat (Sacha Baron Cohen) has a photocall in Cannes, France

Afternoon Crumbs

Ashley Olsen is a smooth criminal [Hollywood Rag]

The almost Elizabeth Hurley nip slip [Egotastic!]

Jake Gyllenhaal likes male contact sports [Just Jared]

Is Mischa Barton moving to her homeland? [Glitterati]

Farewell Alias [The Deli]

Gwen Stefani is still pregnant [Popsugar]

Kelly Osbourne's muffin top [Drunken Stepfather]

Peter Wentz has a lot of time on his hands [IDLYITW]

Oprah is worried about Jennifer Aniston [Popbytes]

Oprah's final solution [Gawker]

Drunk from a Bottle

I'll have what she's having! Here's Xtina and Jordy leaving The Ivy last night.

Kerry Katona Will Lose Her Children!

I know you guys don't give a fig about Kerry Katona, but I can't help but not love her and give her some attention. So skip this if you want to know nothing about UK's biggest and lowest piece of trash.

Kerry's ex, Brian McFadden, is said to be ready to take Kerry to court in order to receive full custody of their two children.

He said: "I am appealing for full custody of the kids, as she is an unfit mother who is using our kids as a weapon."

Kerry says she's ready to fight him every step of the way. Unfortunately, this ho is probably a bad mother. What kind of mother goes to Bargain Booze at 9am and does coke every single night? Yes a hot one, but also a bad one. Jordan even said she wasn't the best of mothers and you know if Jordan thinks you're an unfit mother that you probably should hand them over to just about anyone.

I wonder what her boyfriend the tax driver thinks of all this? Shit, they will celebrate handing those brats over by going on a shopping spree at BB!

[Sky Showbiz] [Thx Albz]

Act Two, Scene 9: Tom Dumps Katie

Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise have got into a huge fake fight which caused Katie to go running home to Ohio with baby Suri. Tom isn't going to go, because he knows Katie's family hates his crazy ass.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes reportedly got into a big fight — that ended with Holmes deciding to take baby Suri to Ohio to introduce the infant to family and friends. Tom, who is rumored to have a rocky relationship with Holmes’ parents, won’t be joining them, according to Life & Style Weekly.

“He told Katie he wasn’t going, considering the bad relations between him and her family,” an “insider” told the mag. “Katie was really happy he said that, because she’d been afraid to admit to him that she didn’t want him to go.”

The couple allegedly had a “huge argument” which ended with Katie declaring, “I’m doing this and you can’t stop me.” Her rep denies the story.

Cruise reportedly decided to fly his fiancée and tot to Toledo, drop them off and fly back to pick them up.

The episode, however, may be giving Holmes second thoughts. A “confidant” of hers told the mag: “Katie’s very unhappy and beginning to realize she may have made a major mistake being with Tom.”

This movie is ending quicker than I thought. Tom probably got a new writer in to do last-minute rewrites. Where the hell is Suri?

[The Scoop] [Thx Maria]

Coco is Only 27?!

Ice-T's main ho, Coco, claims she's only 27! That's according to IMDB. I think that she's 27 in skank years which is like 48 in real years. That doesn't mean I still don't love her, because look at her...what's not to love? Anybody who wears a two year-old outfit from Strawberry's to Blender's 5th Anniversary has my back!

No Oscar for Kiki!

Kiki Dunst and Sofia Coppola's Marie Antoinette drew boos and hisses from the audience when it premiere at Cannes today. The film spins the tale of the demise of the infamous Austrian Queen. French audiences hated that shit! They were probably booing at the fact that producers made them see Kiki naked. Hell, I'd scream in terror.

Sofia didn't let this bother her and responded:

"“It'’s better to get a reaction, it'’s better than a mediocre response. Hopefully some people will enjoy it. I think it'’s not for everybody."

Yeah, it's not for anybody that actually wants to be entertained.

I once said that if Kiki Dunst was nominated for an Oscar for this shit that I'd eat my own pubic hair. Thankfully, my pubes won't see a drop of Tobasco sauce anytime soon.

[IOL] [Thx Stacy]

Anna Nicole's Daughter Can Join Bluebell's Band!

Anna Nicole Smith has yet to confirm that she is 5-months pregnant by freelance entertainment reporter, Larry Birkhead. Sources close to her ass are confirming she's pregnant as well as her future daughter's name. Apparently, Anna will name her:

Cherri Pie

Anna already has a DOG named Sugar Pie.

She has apparently already spoken with her TrimSpa bosses about her being knocked up. A source said: "They're being really supportive, and she's even thinking about doing an TrimSpa baby campaign."

God save Cherri Pie. She's destined for a career in stripping or porn films. That's basically it.

[CBB] [Thx Mmm-hmm]

Janet Jackson Calls Mimi Fat!

Ok, not in those exact words....

Janet Jackson lies explains to ET why she got super fat.

She said: "I put on the pounds for a film I was to do with LEE DANIELS, the producer of 'Monster's Ball,' which a lot of people didn't know,"

"They wanted a full-figured woman. She's from the South, a waitress."

As you know the film is called Tennessee and Mariah Carey is now taking over the role Janet passed on.

"I had to turn around and take it off, which was a task -- I started my regimen in January; it took a 'little minute. I've still got work to do. I have to build my endurance and muscle for the tour. That's the next phase of this whole thing."

Janet's album which is called "20 Years Old" will drop in September and her single "Call On Me" is expected June 19th.

Her ass is lying, she gained weight for a movie called Popeyes and KFC! The funny thing is, Mimi doesn't have to gain anything! She probably has to lose weight for the role.

[ET] [Thx Don]

This Dude Really Hates Madge!

Glen Beck of CNN really hates the Material Girl or the Jesus Hag, whatever people are calling her these days, he went on his show and basically went off on what an idiot she says. Here's what he had to say:

"Ok the people that went to Madonna's concert in L.A. Spent $380 A Ticket to
see this (he shows pic of her hanging on the cross) and let me tell you that's worth every dime that you paid really. Hey Madonna will you do me a favor, knock off the Christ bashing for 10
minutes will you. She doesn't even offend me anymore I've gone numb to Madonna's antics. What really bugs me is the hypocrisy. Last year she was promoting her horrible children books Madonna said 'we shouldn't let our kids watch TV, Americans have to stop doing that
theres too much filth on television'."

"Gee Madonna why would you think theres too much filth on TV? (he plays her
videos for like a virgin and American pie) Look at this I'm not even sure but I think I'm getting crabs just from watching this, really in fact if youre at home grab some penicillin, swallow
it otherwise youre gonna be peeing cookie dough tomorrow."

"Do you remember when Madonna made out with Britney spears at the vmas apparently that confused her daughter Lordes, which is a stupid name, she asked her mom she said "mom are you gay?" Madonna's response in that fake British accent "I am the mummy pop star and
she is the baby pop star and I am kissing her to pass my energy on to her." By energy, Madonna if you mean cold sours then yeah youre probably right."

"Madonna's latest antics has everybody shocked, I don't know why really she's a one trick pony, since 1983 same stuff. The only thing that shocks me anymore is when people are who they say they are they don't play games with who they are just to make
money."

"Instead of humping a stack of bibles Madonna, maybe you should lose the fake British accent, act your age, spend a little more time with your kids and leave mine alone.

That Madonna would be truly shocking."

Is this guy like a crazy Christian? If he's not, he's like my new hero.



[Thx to Youri]

Goldie Hawn's Many Faces

Yes Goldie Hawn looks major fug and needs a nap, haircut and facial...but I just can't talk shit on her. Well, I think I just did. Anyway, I think she's kinda hot if she puts on some make-up and combs that rat's nest. It's her daughter I can't stand.

Nicole Kidman Needs a Wedding Singer Pronto!

Looks like a famous bitch like Nicole Kidman has the same troubles every other bride does. Nicole had asked friend Bette Midler to sing that cheesey song, Toejam Between My Toes, at her upcoming extravaganza wedding to Keith Urban. Bette declined, because she hates her ass. Keith had asked Midnight Oil frontman, Peter Garrett , to take Bette's place and perform at their wedding. But his ass is like some political activist and has schedule issues. So as of now the pair are scrambling to find someone that will travel to Australia and sing for their asses.

After tonight, Katharine McPhee will be pretty available.

In other Nicky news....she will not have a pre-nuptial agreement with Keith Urban, because they both make the same amount of cash.

Dumb bitch! She's gonna get burned!

[Post Chronicle]

The Dixie Chicks Piss Off "The View"

The Dixie Chicks have pissed off yet another group of insignificant people. This time they have the cackling ladies of The View mad as hell over something the country group said in Newsweek.

Their first topic of the day: a Dixie Chicks interview in Newsweek in which one of the members said the group tries to follow the kind of career path that Bruce Springsteen does and "would Bruce do The View?"

Joy Behar ripped up the magazine issue and said that it's one thing to diss the Bush administration (as the Chicks got in trouble with their fan base for doing), but it's "treason" to diss The View .

The women then rolled some tape from 1998, when The Dixie Chicks DID appear on the show, back when they were just starting out. They spent the rest of their opening segment dissing the Chicks and naming the many other esteemed guests they have had (at one point, in discussing Oprah Winfrey's new book deal, Star Jones said, "She may not be a Dixie Chick, but...").

When they went to commercial, Meredith Vieira quipped, "The Dixie Chicks are on the line."

I do love me some Dixie Chicks, but they shouldn't go around burning bridges. They do have an album to promote. Damn and besides Joy could be a hot ally for them. And Natalie is just the big mouth to tell Star Jones what a fag her husband is.

[BC Beat] [Thx Stacy]

A Holiday for Jesus Jolie-Pitt!!

Almost half of all Namibian citizens believe that the day Angelina Jolie gives birth should be named as a National holiday. Some reports have Angie giving birth on June 3rd by c-section and some reports say she's in labor now.

Half of Namibians voting in an informal radio survey believe the day
Angelina Jolie gives birth should be declared a national holiday, an honor usually reserved for kings, queens and national heroes.
ADVERTISEMENT

"We have a tie, it's 50-50," the DJ for popular local radio station Radio Wave announced on Tuesday after listeners were asked whether the "Brangelina" baby should be accorded the honor. She said voting was still going on.

How do you celebrate an Angelina Jolie holiday? I think you're supposed to steal a homely chick's man!

[Yahoo News] [Thx Bellastar]

The Olsens Play Dress Up

Ashley and Mary-Kate Olsen showed they are true downtown hipster wannabes by attending some Free Arts Gallery event in NYC. Ashley is clearly the hotter of the two, but not with those fucking Heidi braids. MK is totally training to be a Steve Nicks impersonater. She needs to cut that witch hair off. On a positive note, she's looking much better and healthier!

Lucy Liu Fugs Herself Up

Lucy Liu presented a new shorter hairstyle at the Longchamp flagship store opening in Soho, NYC last night. I liked her with longer hair, because it distracted from her severe wonky eye. Paris Hilton and her should switch eyes so at least their shit is even.

The Dlisted Report

Michelle Williams has joined the cast of Todd Haynes' Bob Dylan biopic I'm Not There. The picture features six actors playing the role of Dylan at different stages in his life. Williams will join Heath Ledger, Cate Blanchett, Richard Gere, Christian Bale, Julianne Moore and Charlotte Gainsbourg. Shooting begins in Montreal this July. [Production Weekly]

Ang Lee (Brokeback Mountain) has chosen Lust, Caution as his next project to direct for Focus Features. Lust, Caution' is a uniquely Asian story which, in Ang's hands, will surprise and attract audiences around the world. The Chinese-language feature will be scripted by Wang Hui-Ling (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon). [Coming Soon]

John Malcovich will play a magician in The Great Buck Howard also starring Tom and Colin Hanks. Malkovich will play the famed magician on the downside of his career who takes on an eager assistant (Colin Hanks). Tom Hanks will play Colin's father. [Variety]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Jordan - Katie Price - Katie Andre

I can't believe I missed her birthday yesterday! It was her 10th Annual 28th Birthday! Please forgive me Jordan, I'll send Harvey a pair of glasses!

Birthday Sluts

Patti Labelle (62)
Heavy D (39)
John C. Reilly (41)
Kristin Scott Thomas (46)
Alfred Molina (53)
Jim Broadbent (57)
Priscilla Presley (61)
Bob Dylan (65)

American Idol: What the Hell Was Taylor Wearing?

Tonight's American Idol went according to plan. Taylor Hicks did brilliantly and won the judge's approval. He also wore this hideous purple, velvet jacket which to me means that he shouldn't win. But he will....trust me.

Katharine tries her hardest, but she is no match for the Soul Hole or whatever they call Taylor Hicks. She stayed on the ground though. It feels safe for her.



And Mandisa and Kevin Covais are now dating. No really they are. Just kidding, but don't they make a hot couple? How the hell would they fuck?



Can you believe that some of us actually thought that mess was hot? I take dumps that are hotter than him. I'd still hit it and that doesn't mean I hit my dumps!



They are going to dp Kellie any second!



You've all been asking for a picture of Chris Daughtry's wife and there she is in all her normal glory!



Wait, is Paula Abdul eligible to win? I'd vote for her ass a million times over!

Kimora Lee Quote of the Day!

Block out the visual:

"I'm always naked... Growing up in the fashion industry... I don't know if I'm a little bit of an exhibitionist, but mostly I don't care, I don't give a damn."

Britney Too Broke for Kabbalah

Britney Spears left a message on her website a while ago saying that she was no longer in the Kabbalah and that SPF is her new religion. Apparently, she left because she's a broke mofo!

A source said: "“She'’s tired of the way [Kabbalah leaders] kept hassling her for money."

"“Actually, it was mostly her mother'’s decision. They were always asking Britney to tithe [donate a percentage of her salary]. There was a lot of pressure, and finally her mom said, 'Enough is enough'’."

I am not going to blame her. I wouldn't pay shit to their asses just so I could take a nap during church or whatever they call it. Only Madge is dumb enough to pay a shit load of money to them. They own her dumb ass.

However, Britney really can't afford it.

[MSNBC]

YIKES!!!!! Put on a Mask!!!

[click on image to enarlge]

What the Hell Kind of GD Outfit is That?!

A yacht is nothing without Bai Ling posing on it! Yup, she's still posing on that tired ole' boat in Cannes, France. She's also brought back the body glitter from the other day or is that she hasn't even bathed. I say the latter. Oh and click the pics below to see a small nipple slip.

Is This About Food or DJ Am?

Nicole Richie released this statement today:

"We are confirming that we have amicably separated,"

[People]

Somebody Needed to Quarantine this Event!

Kimora Simmons, Paris Hilton, 50 Cent, Tommy Hilfiger AND Brandon Davis in one room?! It looks more like a Valtrex convention than a party at Cannes.

Meet Paula Abdul's New Man!!

Paula Abdul introduced the new man in her life while she presented the cheapest jewelry in the World to QVC viewers. Paula now has a jewelry line there made from her favorite precious materials like Vicodin, ludes and Simply Sleep.

Afternoon Crumbs

Don't ask gay Clay if he's gay, ok? [Queerty]

Fran Drescher wants to be President [Cityrag]

The Rhonetta Johnson interview we've all been waiting for [Glitterati]

Wendy Williams is a scary looking person [Crunk + Disorderly]

Firecrotch speaks [BWE]

Avril Lavigne tries to act like a lady in Cannes [Egotastic!]

Gavin Rossdale plays with balls [Just Jared]

Paris Hilton is still friends with Brandon Davis [Hollywood Rag]

Brad Pitt skips Cannes [Popsugar]

Denise and Richie on vacay [Drunken Stepfather]

The CAPTION THIS Contest for May 23rd!

*No Caption Winner*

[Thx Willie]

Now They Have to Empty the Mediterranean!

Kiki Dunst stunk up the Mediterranean in Cannes, France yesterday by jumping in it. Even the fish said "p u" and headed for less smelly parts.

Marilyn Manson Looks Better Out of Drag

Dita Von Teese is hot shit and Marilyn Manson looks slightly better out of drag. He ain't no hunk, but he cleans up nice. He should keep that shit together. And whoever came up with that rumor about Marilyn being Paul from The Wonder Years is a genius. They are truly separated at birth.

What are the Final 2 American Idols Singing Tonight?

Katharine McPhee and Taylor Hicks will each sing 3 tunes tonight at the Kodak Theater in Hollywood.

Taylor will sing Levon by Elton John and Living for the City by Stevie Wonder. The new song he will sing which will become the Idol single is called Do I Make You Proud written by Tracy Ackerman, Andrew John Watkins and Paul David Wilson. Paul Wilson and Tracy Ackerman have worked with Lisa Stansfield, Al Green, Tina Turner, the Spice Girls, and S Club.

Katharine will sing the two songs she performed while on her fat ass, Somewhere Over the Rainbow and Black Horse and the Cherry Tree. The single she will perform is called My Destiny. Her destiny being not becoming the American Idol.

The line-up for tomorrow's finale is continuing to grow. In addition to Carrie Underwear, Clay Aiken, Live with Chris Daughtry, Elliott Yamin with Mary J. Blige, Meat Loaf and Daniel Powter....Dionne Warwick will perform That's What Friends are For. Bucky Covington and Kevin Covais will also sing Burt Bacharach songs. Paris Bennett will perform with Al Jarreau.

The Idol girls will perform a rendition of I'm Every Woman/Natural Woman/I Feel Like a Woman by Chaka Kahn, Aretha Franklin and Shania Twain.

This will no doubt be the longest and most annoying 2-hours of National TV ever! Don't worry Americans! We're not alone, 154 other countries will also suffer along with us.

[TMZ and Stacy]

Parasite Hilton Has Never Used the "C" Word

I'm going to start this story with rebuttal her spokeswhore released, because it's comedy in itself:

"I've never heard her use that word (cunt)."

This in response to Parasite Hilton apparently getting an angry voice message from Firecrotch Lohan. In case you live under a rock, Paris was captured on video laughing uncontrollably at Brandon Davis' retarded jokes about Lohan's firecrotch and clitoris. After hearing the message, P was heard calling Lohan a "cunt."

Please, Parasite uses the word cunt so much that her vagina can probably repeat it to her like a talking parrot.

The pics below are of that dumb whore her starfucker shopping it up in Cannes. And below that is Firecrotch at Shag in L.A. last night.





[R&M]

JLove Has a New Wig

Ok it's not a wig, but it seems that Jennifer Love Hewitt has a new do' every single week. She's seen here at last night's Break-Up premiere with a mystery man. You'd think since she can hear the whispers of ghosts and shit that they would tell her that her haircut sucks! I mean ghosts keep it real! At least Casper did...

Bluebell Madonna?!!!!!

WTF?! Ginger Spice has named her poooooor baby girl, Bluebell Madonna Halliwell.

She said: "Scarlett was another name I loved, as Scarlett O'Hara was my fictional heroine. But as I walked round the park in the last few weeks of pregnancy, I seemed to see bluebells everywhere.

"But what really clinched it for me was my mother telling me that the bluebell is increasingly rare - it's a precious flower, which seems just right for my daughter. There's a good reason I picked Madonna as a middle name, too. As she came out of my tummy, Bluebell had both arms flung wide in the air as if announcing to the world, 'Hi! I'm here!'

"She was screaming her head off, as though she was shouting, 'Hello Wembley!' No one else has that name, apart from the Virgin Madonna and the singer, whom I love."

Bluebell's profession has already been chosen. She must hook up with Apple Martin and start a Japanese pop group.

The Supercouple together again!!!

by Lahoma00



Blair and Jo reunited! Their battles were epic, but their love was stronger. These two were hotter shit than Luke and Laura and represented the thin line between love and hate!

The above pic is from Lisa Whelchel's (Blair Warner's) website, which is so hot. Every week Lisa tells you how to discipline your kids in a Christian way and gives you an update on her life. I'm completely obsessed with it and everyone should read it. Read about her reunion with the Facts of Life girls here.



I love the below picture of the cast. It's like the before of a before and after shot of a bunch of convicts.

Ok! No Miss Piggy Jokes!

Here's Missy Piggy - Damn! I can't even follow my own lame-brain instructions! Ok, here's Mimi at an event for the Boys and Girls Club of Newark. I hope they loaded her trough with tons of carrots, because she needs that so her eye sight can improve and she can see how terrible her hair looks like this way.

MRod Loves Being Locked Up!

Michelle Rodriguez just completed her 5-day sentence in jail for drunk driving in Hawaii. She now has to deal with the Los Angeles courts. When Michelle was arrested in Hawaii this was violating her probation in California. She has now been ordered to 60 days in the slammer.

In addition to jail time, she must complete 30 days of community service, complete a rehab program and her probation has been extended to June 2009.

That cunning lingus! She probably paid the L.A. judges to throw the book at her. You know she loves it in the big house with all those hard and sweaty girls. She's seriously the belle of the ball at shower time!

[TMZ]

Whose Hair Looks More Natural?

Sharon Stone and her daughter at the Life Ball in Vienna. The pictures below are from the press conference and the pictures below that are of her at the actual ball. Someone needs to get that weave worked out.

Jen and Vince Stay Separate at Break-Up Premiere

Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston showed up and worked the line separately at last night's The Break-Up Premiere in Los Angeles. Jen actually didn't wear black and looked hot from the neck down. Vince is still fat and bloated. Oh and their movie is going to bomb.

However, the two are considering moving to Australia to stay away from the prying lenses of the paps. They are due to promote their flick their next month and are possibly looking for real estate.

Jen said: "I have heard from everybody that's ever been there (that) it's one of the most beautiful places.

"The people are so kind and you end up wanting to live there. So who knows, maybe I'll live there!"

[Hollywood] [Thx Daniella]

Not Only is Her Face Busted, But Her Dad is Too!

Dawson's Creek star, Michelle Williams' father has been arrested in Australia. Larry Williams, 64, was busted by the feds when he arrived in Australia and was sent right back to the U.S. Larry is accused of tax evasion and creating false documents to hide $1.5 Million that he earned while giving lectures. Larry who ironically is some kind of financial whiz has wrote several best-selling books and once ran for Senate in the state of Montana.

His lawyer said: "There is no suggestion of anything sinister, such as money laundering or the like."

Michelle Williams could not be reached to comment.

[Page Six]

The Dlisted Report

Jude Law, Rachel Weisz, Natalie Portman and Norah Jones will star in My Blueberry Nights for famed Korean director Wong Kar Wai, making his English-speaking film debut. Jones, the Grammy Award-winning singer, stars as a young woman who travels across America to find the true meaning of love, encountering offbeat characters along the way. Shooting starts this Summer across the country. [Variety]

Akiva Goldsman has been hired to adapt the prequel to The Da Vinci Code called Angels & Demons. "Code" was Brown's second novel centering on Robert Langdon, a Harvard professor who's an expert in religious symbols. "Angels & Demons," published in 2000, introduced the Langdon character. Tom Hanks and Ron Howard are in talks to return. [Variety]

Teri Hatcher will voice two characters in the animated film Coraline opposite Dakota Fanning. The young Coraline steps into a world that appears to be a much better version of her own reality, but when her artificial parents attempt to keep her there forever, she must escape the dangerous situation and take a brave journey to get back home. [THR]

Sean Combs, Audra McDonald, Sanaa Lathan and Phylicia Rashad will recreate the roles the played on Broadway in A Raisin in the Sun for ABC TV. The movie will debut in 2007. [Playbill]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Denny Hazen - The Average Homeboy

[For Tiffany]

Birthday Sluts

Maxwell (33)
Kelly Monaco (30)
Jewel (32)
Eric Nies (35)
Guinevere Turner (38)
Karen Duffy (44)
Lea DeLaria (48)
Drew Carey (48)
Joan Collins (73)

Rebecca Romjin Lettuce Quote of the Day!

"I love to be nude and I love sex.

"Being a dominatrix in the bedroom, sex in cars and in public places all turn me on. And I love fantasising about being naked on an island with lots of other naked people."

The Votes are In!

Prince is the World's Sexiest Veggie!

According to Peta.....and I have no comment!!!!

[Forbes]

Is Zahara Jolie-Pitt Sick?

Angelina Jolie is due to give birth at any second and apparently she's fighting with Brad Pitt over the health of Zahara. Their daughter is suffering from a recurring illness that she received due to malnutrition in an African orphanage.

A source says: "Brad is desperate to take Zahara back to the US for medical attention. But Angelina insists on staying in Africa until their baby is born."

They will apparently stay in Namibia until Jesus is born.

Why the hell is she set on having the baby in Africa? She's all about labels. Zahara has nothing to worry about, Maddox will cure her. He has the power.

[Entertainmentwise]

They are Still Hot!

Two members of Bananarama are seen here signing copies of their new CD at Borders in Los Angeles. Karen Woodward and Sara Dallin are still hot after all these years! They were still hotter before though!

Michelle Williams Dining at Mr. Chow's

Looks like she was the only one at the restaurant that was able to actually eat anything. Damn girl, put on some make-up! She's selfish!

[Bombastic Love] [Thx HR]

Afternoon Crumbs

In honor of the Idol finale, let's remember Rhonetta [Glitterati]

Becks shirtless [Just Jared]

Drunk in Sutherland [Cityrag]

Tom Cruise's kids are good readers [BWE]

Mischa Barton loves old man [Egotastic!]

Stacy Kiebler is doing fine after having a seizure [Hollywood Tuna]

Why did Madge marry Guy Ritchie? [A Socialite's Life]

Brooke Burke and David Charvet fight and then make up [Hollywood Rag]

Carnie Wilson's baby fat [Drunken Stepfather]

Is Outkast over? [Concrete Loop]

Brandon Davis Tastes His Own Medicine

A very sober looking Brandon Davis is seen getting yelled at by a Firecrotch supporter outside of a Hollywood night club. Last week, Brandon was caught on video calling Lindsay Lohan every name in the book including Firecrotch.

The tables have turned now. It's actually pretty funny seeing this coward with his tail between his legs. This woman is all sorts of crazy too.

Watch video!

[Video courtesy of TMZ]

Bai Ling Brings Back Body Glitter

Dlisted Hot Slut of 2005 and overall Queen of the Hotness, Bai Ling, is in Cannes. Why? Well, because they need some hot ho to pose in nasty outfits on top of a yacht. Who ever made those shoes needs to quit their day job. Shit, she probably made those herself.

In other Bai news, she's set to star in the film version of the acclaimed novel Shanghai Baby.

The tale of sexual liberation in modern China will feature a Chinese woman, played by Ling, who is torn between her oriental traditions and her lust for a Western lifestyle.

Ling's character must also choose between two men - one in Shanghai, China, and one in Berlin, Germany.

I smell an Oscar...well..maybe a Razzy.

[Starpulse]

Parasite Hilton's Album will Never Be Heard (Thanks God)

Parasite Hilton's album debut was supposed to be out ages ago, but kept getting pushed back. She told reporters earlier this year that it would no doubt be out in July. July was then pushed to August. It now seems that the album won't debut until September, because she wants to include a cover of Gnarls Barkley's "Crazy".

Producers must now try and get permission to include the track and that has caused a delay.

A source said: "“It's just Paris's latest idea and because she shares a label with Gnarls, she thinks that it will all be a piece of cake."

"The chances of it happening are minute, but everything has to go on pause again while it's all discussed. That means the album won't now be out until about September. At first it was July, then August. It keeps nearly getting finished and then something else happens."

Paris was also in Cannes to sing some songs from the upcoming Grammy-winning album. This album is destined to debut soon alright. Debut in the half off bin at Sam Goody's!

Below is a picture of that whore trying to catch the crabs from her vagina before they get to her face.

[AHN]

I Did Pilates!

Rosie O'Donnell took another jab at Star Jones' weight loss at a charity event in New York City. Rosie took the stage and said to the crowd:

"It is black tie tonight, and I am wearing jeans, and I'd like to apologize."

"But frankly, I'm in the ones. Okay, it's 199, but still, screw you, it's in the ones. I do a lot of Pilates."

She is of course referencing Star Jones' comment that she lost 5,000 lbs by doing pilates when the entire Earth knows that she had her shit stapled up.

Star is expected to be replaced on The View, but I for one want to see this woman stay. Think of all the hot moments that will transpire between Rosie, Star and Joy.

[Post Chronicle]

Madge Still Trying to Push Buttons

Madge's Confessions of a Tired Vagina tour opened last night in Los Angeles. She went on 50-minutes late and performed for 2 hours and mostly did songs from her latest album. Madge again tried to push buttons by dressing up as Jesus and screening images of Bush with Hitler.

The enthusiastic crowd at the Los Angeles Forum included Nicole Richie, Rosie O'Donnell and Madonna's Kabbalah guru, Rabbi Yehuda Berg.

On Sunday, Madonna made her entrance lowered from the ceiling in a giant disco ball. Outfitted in dominatrix-like riding gear, she sang her new song "Future Lovers" accompanied by shirtless male dancers with ball gags in their mouths.

During "Live to Tell," she wore a crown of thorns and hung from a giant mirrored cross as video screens showed scenes of third-world poverty.

Another video montage mixed images of Bush and Tony Blair with footage of Adolf Hitler and Osama bin Laden. Midway through the new song "I Love New York," she cracked a joke about Bush and oral sex.

Madge will tour the country for 2-months before heading to Europe and Japan. There are also rumors that she will perform in Russia's Red Square for the first time.

I was going to go see this shit, but I'm not about to drop $350 to see some half-assed dancing and singing. Besides, they will show this shit on HBO or Showtime and that way I can ridicule her from the privacy of my sofa without getting bitchy stares from old ass queens.

[People] [Thx Youri]

Coco 4 President!

Coco is my pick for our next President in 2008. She has everything it takes. I mean she's bringing back dark lip liner and that's enough to warrant her as the most powerful leader in the World. If anybody knows how Ice-T met her ass please let me know. I know it was in a dark alley or a Tijuana strip club, but I just want to confirm for myself. She is truly a gorgeous creature and needed a record contract like yesterday.

Heather's Gonna Tepee Denise's House Next!

Heather Locklear and Denise Richards have taken their rivalry to a new level.

The other day, Denise was at home probably watching Starship Troopers when she heard the Bon Jovi song "Livin' On a Prayer" being blasted from outside. She looked out her window and saw Heather with a girlfriend playing the song at full speed from her car.

As you may know, Richie Sambora is in Bon Jovi and is Heather's ex and Denise's new.

Will these girls be adults about this already and do a dance-off?

[Page Six]

What is Jessica Simpson Doing with Victoria Principal?

Jessica Simpson and Victoria Principal were photographed having lunch in Malibu. What the fuck is that blonde whore doing with such class and elegance? I really hope that Victoria was giving Jessica her Principal Secret, because bitch needs it. Jessica could also be meeting with Vicky on the possible Dallas remake. If this piece of trash plays Pamela Ewing, I will flip out!!!

And Ken Paves was there sucking on Jessica's butt raisins as usual.

Secrets of the American Idol Finale!

Wednesday night's American Idol finale plans to be a huge affair. So far, here are the details:

Carrie Underwear will perform some boring single of hers
Clay Aiken will do a tribute to Liberace
The band Live will perform with Chris Daughtry
Katharine McPhee will perform fellatio on Meat Loaf
Daniel Powter will sing that awful awful "Have a Bad Day" song
Elliott Yamin will perform with Mary J. Blige
Taylor Hicks will be crowned the winner

On Tuesday, Kat and Taylor will sing three songs including the American Idol single which some say has been written by Nick Lachey and former Idol contestant, Tamyra Gray.

And hopefully after Thursday we'll never hear from any of these people ever again! Well, that's until next season when they crawl back to perform their failed singles.

[Thx Stacy]

Naomi Campbell is Buttering Up a Future Victim

Supermonster, Naomi Campbell, seems to have a new man in her life. Naomi waltzed into Lounge on Broadway in SoHo with a younger man and dropped loads of dough buying him jeans and CDs. When staffers asked about the dude, she replied that she was a sheik from Dhubai. She also refused to pose for pictures and said: "I know I need to stay out of the limelight with all the trouble I've gotten myself into!"

I think that's nice of Naomi to pamper her prey before she beats the living shit out of them.

[Page Six]

Dog the Bounty Hunter Celebrates Tragedy and Happiness in One Day!

Reality stars, Dog the Bounty Hunter and Beth were due to get married this past Saturday. Unfortunately, his 23-year-old daughter was killed in a car accident the day before. Beth and Dog brought together their entire family to discuss whether or not they should go on with the wedding. They agreed and used the time to band together to celebrate the life of Barbara Katy Chapman.

A&E issues this statement: "“They all decided unanimously they should celebrate the wedding and her life."

[Reality Blurred] [Thx Renee]

Life's in Shambles for Pete Doherty

It not such a surprising move, Rough Trade Records has dropped Pete Doherty and Babyshambles from their line-up. The label was sick and tired of Pete's problems and dealing with his issues. That leaves Pete and his bandmates scrambling to find another label. At this point with all his problems, there might not be a label that will take him.

Pete is also trying for the 1,456,789th time to stay clean so he can win the heart of Kate Moss back. Pete is said to be desperately heartbroken for her and has vowed to lead a straight life in order to get back her affections.

Oh well, it's not gonna keep this one down. Trust me.

[Earvolution] [Thx Stacy]

The Dlisted Report

Susan Sarandon, Colin Firth, Rachel Weisz and Ian McKellen will star in the war thriller The Colossus. Based on the novel "Manly Pursuits" by Ann Harries, the $15 million-budgeted movie tells of ailing arch-colonist Cecil Rhodes' belief that he can only recover his health if he can hear the sound of English song birds outside his window in Cape Town. Sean Mathias (Bent) will begin shooting this Fall. [THR]

Cillian Murphy (Batman Returns) has joined Miranda Richardson and Sam Neill in Telepathy. The film tells the story of Josef and Viktor Zalenski, estranged identical twin brothers who are chosen by the Russian government as the subjects of a top-secret experiment to test the powers of telepathy as a viable form of communication between earth and outer space. [Production Weekly]

Despite mixed reviews The Da Vinci Code opened at #1 with $77 Million domestically and nearly $224 Million Worldwide. Over the Hedge came in at #2 with just under $38 Million. MI3 dropped to #3 with $11 Million. [Box Office Mojo]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

Brandon Davis gets singed by Lindsay's fire crotch. - Coffey0072

The Runner-Up:

Not surprisingly, 95% of people polled would prefer waking up next to this than next to Paris. - MJF

[Thx KitKatWoman]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Kerry Katona

Birthday Sluts

Morrissey (47)
Ginnifer Goodwin (28)
Jadakiss (31)
Alison Eastwood (34)
Naomi Campbell (36)
Johnny Gill (40)

Please Let Her Do a British Accent!

Lindsay Lohan is going period in Oscar Wilde's A Woman of No Importance. Blohan has been cast in the ensemble comedy which also stars Sean Bean and Annette Bening. The story is about an ambitious young man, Gerald Arbuthnot, who introduces his prospective employer, Lord Illingworth, to his mother. But she realizes that Illingworth is the man who jilted her long ago and is Gerald's father.

Shooting is to take place in England with all actors expected to do a British accent.

Blohan wants to be taken so seriously as a real actress. She's so jealous of Scarlett Johansson. I have to hand it to her, at least she's trying to turn things around. But maybe she should lay off the white shit first.

I can't wait to hear her completely bludgeon the British accent.

Oh and that's some dude named Derek Lloyd that Blohan is coking it up with.

[Variety]

Nips and Camel Toe

Parasite Hilton has landed in Cannes and no doubt her dirty snatch is stinking up the French town. She arrived with star fucker Caroline D'Amore and another dude she's probably fucking. Who knows why this whore is there? Probably to kill more ear drums with her shitty music.

Silvia Night Was Robbed!

Silvia Night is a fictional Icelandic pop star that apparently is hot shit in Japan and parts of Europe. Here's her horrific performance at Eurovision which led to boos from the audience and ultimately not making it to finals. This is before her freak out on top off that bridge (see below).

Even though she's fake, I love this whore. She has way more talent than Paris Hilton.

Hot Slut of the Week: Sheena Easton

Age: 47
Birthday: April 27, 1959
Birth Name: Sheena Shirley Orr

Original Date of Hot Slut of the Day: May 19, 2006
Claim to Fame: Music superstar of the 80s with hits like "Sugar Walls", "Morning Train", "The Lover in Me" and "We've Got Tonight".

Where is she now? Recording music and also starring in several TV shows and doing voiceover work.

Why is she Hot Slut of the Week? I love her sugar walls!

Shoes are Nicole Richie's Protein

Who needs food when you can have Choos? Nicole Richie's at Barney's getting really excited over a pair of hot shoes.

When Animals Attack!

Posh Beckham and husband David are seen here going to a Diddy party at Cipriani. David is hot, Posh it not. Well, she's hot from the neck down.

I See Tongue!

Prince William and his receding hairline are seen here kissing singer Natasha Hamilton. I have no idea who she is, but she looks like trash. William does have a girlfriend in Kate Middleton, so I'm sure this is just a friendly kiss. But Natasha is slipping him the tongue!

Hot Slut of the Day!

Bonnie Bedelia

Birthday Sluts

Mr. T (54)
Fairuza Balk (32)
Nick Cassavates (47)
Al Franken (55)