A Group of Messes

Last night was the Race to Erase MS event in Century City, CA. No, Brooke Shields didn't just randomly decide to wear an afro wig...the theme was like 70s with a Tommy Hillfiger fashion show.



Natalie Cole took that shit one step further! Ack! She better wash her wig when she gets home, because Paris Hilton's crabs are jumping into that shit.



An event wouldn't be complete without some trashy snatch!



What did that poor dog do in a past life to deserve this?



Paris doesn't give a hell about dogs! She even passed that poor thing off to Lara Flynn Boyle and she probably used that puppy's youthful blood to inject her lips with.



Lisa Rinna needs to stop the dancing thing. It's not cute. Kelly Osbourne looked well...she looked..um..well..yeah.



Feed the children!



Seriously! Hey, is that one of Dorothy Hamill's old costumes on Blohan?



After the picture above was taken, Jon Lovitz ate them.



Quick! They are all together in one place, quarantine them!

Kabbalah Out, SPF In!

What kind of religion is SPF!? Is that where you can eat Cheetos, drink red bull, mistreat your kid and wear flip flops as much as you want? Shit, sign me up!

Why does this ho feel like she has to tell everyone?

Courtney Love in an Electrical Storm!

Someone either had a bad perm, a knife fight with a grizzy bear or stuck her thumb in the light socket. Courtney Love showed some Phil-Spector-like hair while shopping in Los Angeles. She was doing so well and there she goes! Leave it to her ass. At least her crazy hair matches her personality now.

Violet Affleck and Mommy

Jennifer Garner's still more boring than oatmeal, but at least she has a cute kid. She looks Asian and I'm into that.

KFed Does What He Does Best

KFed visits a local liquor store in Malibu probably to pick-up Thunderbird for himself and some Boones Farm for Britney. Ugh, I can just smell his cheese from here.

Hot Slut of the Day!

Christopher Atkins

Birthday Sluts

Dennis Rodman (45)
Samantha Morton (29)
Darius Rucker (40)
Stephen Colbert (42)
Stevie Wonder (56)
Harvey Keitel (67)
Beatrice Arthur (83)

Who's Fuglier?!?

Marla Maples or Sharon Stone?

Like They Even Have to Ask?

And below are pictures of the very masculine Brandon Routh at a Superman event held at Kitson a couple of weeks ago. Because everybody knows only the manliest of men shop there!





[Defamer]

Brangelina Present African Housewares Line

Brad and Angelina Jolie have a lot of time on their hands while they are waiting for her to pop the next Jesus in Namibia. The pair are working with local craftsmen to create a line of rugs, pottery and other items.

A source said: "It combines their two passions. Brad's involved with design and Angelina is committed to humanitarian work."

They will donate all profits to the Namibian community.

God, Angie is getting so boring. I bet you she's knitting and shit. Bitch needs to break out the leather and become a bad ass again.

[Female First]

Jake Gets Spooged On!

I know the feeling!

Afternoon Crumbs

Kelly Osbourne + Water + Hawaii + BF = Barf [Just Jared]

Alexis Arquette's scary hands [Cityrag]

Tyra Banks sticky hairline [Hollywood Rag]

Michelle Rodriguez thinks jail is cool [Egotastic!]

Tila Tequila can get Red Bull like anytime she wants [A Socialite's Life]

Kimora puts fear into her lip gloss [Crunk + Disorderly]

Blohan's music gets punished [IDLYITW]

Blohan has totally blown Joe Francis and we don't blame her [Popsugar]

Get Mimi on your celly [TMZ]

Melissa Joan Hart's Baby is Nothing Like Her!

Look at that baby!!!! He actually came from the mess that is Melissa Joan Hart?! He probably looks like his daddy, because he's awesomely adorable. Melissa on the other hand, she is a trashy mess!

What the Hell Kind of GD Outfit is That?!

Oh, Teri Snatcher!!!! I know you're just getting on a plane, but pink jumpsuits are only reserved for 13-year-old girls name Amber or Brittani.

Two Homos Dancing

And he didn't show Sorry's Suri's baby photos! I'll be damned!

[Best Week Ever]

The British Britney Spears

An anonymous girl we'll call Crystal is set to be Britian's youngest mother when she gives birth next month. Crystal was just 11 when she conceived her first child and will only be 12 when she has it. She isn't letting pregnancy get in the way of her smoking and drinking. She smokes about 20 fags a day.

She also conceived the child during a drunken night out with a 15-year-old-boy. The boy in question is currently facing statutory rape charges.

Her 34-year-old mother, who gave birth to her youngest child eight months ago, said she was 'proud' of her daughter. The youngster, who lives near Edinburgh, says looking after her younger brothers has prepared her for motherhood.

But the girl admits she "panics and cries" when babies are unwell and does not feel able to bathe them.

She told the Sun: "I didn't think I'd get pregnant because it was my first time. But I'm really excited and looking forward to being a mum.

"I can't wait to take the baby swimming and out for walks in the pram. I think I'll be able to cope as I've had lots of practice looking after my brothers.

"I know how to feed a baby its bottle and I can change nappies. But I panic and cry if they're sick and I don't like giving them a bath because I'm a bit frightened.

"It's good to know I'll have my mum here to help me if I need her."

The girl, who has shoulder-length dark hair, began smoking at nine and started drinking tonic wine and vodka cocktails at ten. She claimed her cigarette habit was not harming the health of her unborn child.

She said: "I can give up smoking at any time, but I don't find it affects my pregnancy."

The girl, whose parents split up several years ago, said she would like a baby boy - and may call him Leo.

This really isn't even funny. Poor Leo is going to be one fucked up kid. They need to spay this girl!

[Daily Mail][Thanks Pamboy]

Paris Hilton Hawks Crap She Doesn't Even Know the Name Of

Paris Hilton is launching a line of video games featuring her whore face. The games can be played on your cell phone. At last night's launch of the game, she showed up late and even forgot the name of her dumb game. The first game is called “Paris Hilton'’s Jewel Jam.

And here's what she told reporters: "I'’m really excited to have my new video game, Diamondquest.’ Thank you all for coming, and you can download the game,"

Damn she's dumb. Somebody punch this slut in the face already.

In the game you play Paris Hilton and must suck and jack off dick in order to receive money to buy crap at Kitson.

Here's our favorite whore at a birthday party for Joe Francis at Six Flags in California. She's that close to kissing the bunny between the ears.

[MSNBC] [Thanks Jason]

Someone Wants an Emmy Bad

The Tyra Banks Show is something to see. It's basically Tyra stroking her own dick. She will introduce a guest, talk to them for like 2-seconds and immediately start talking about herself. She's that party guest you hate getting stuck talking to.

Tyra also prides herself on getting to the real. She's gone undercover as a stripper, a fat chick and now she's going undercover as a prison inmate. Ho is deep!

Former model TYRA BANKS has been experiencing life behind bars - as research for her talk show. The beauty spent a day in jail having asked to be treated as an inmate, and was horrified at the plight of incarcerated women. Banks was especially shocked to learn that the majority of women were jailed because of men and she brought some of the inmates out with her to share their stories on her show. She says, "I wanted to do this because I was shocked to learn that the majority of women in prison are there because of their husbands or their boyfriends. "A lot of them were facing life sentences...and they came from all walks of life. They could be your mother, your sister, or even your daughter. These women truly touched my heart, and what I learned definitely changed my life forever. "It was one of the most shocking, eye-opening and terrifying experiences of my life. I felt violated. It felt too real to me."

Why couldn't they keep her ass there?! Why couldn't the warden say to her:

"I see a girl before me with all the potential in the world, but who won't shut up. The judges are rooting for you, but all you have to do is shut your mouth and think about somebody else for a change. So who did we pick the girl who is gorgeous and the outside and takes beautiful pictures, but won't shut her pie hole or..."

[Contact Music] [Pic: HollywoodsBest]

Nicole Richie Doesn't Watch Porn

Nicole Richie is denying that she held a screening of Paris Hilton's sex tape. That event was apparently one of the big reasons for the two falling out.

Nicole told Vanity Fair: "A--I don't watch porn. And B--I don't want to see someone I've known forever having sex. I mean, that's gross!"

She does have a point. But come on, this ho watches porn. It wasn't that long ago she was caught with a gay porn magazine.

Actually, come to think of it I don't think she even has sex. I mean a body like that can't even handle a 3-incher!

[Hollywood] [Thanks Stacy]

Who are The Twinz?

I miss Wendy and Lisa or Diamond and Pearl! These tramps are cross-eyed for fuck's sake! At least one of them is. Well, these two girls are Prince's new back-up dancers and singers for his new album and tour. They call themselves The Twinz. They helped Prince in welcoming the 18 winners of the purple ticket contest.

Earlier, Prince hid 18 tickets Willy-Wonka-style in CDs and those winners were brought to his West Hollywood home to celebrate.

[Saving Face]

But We've Only Just Begun!

Denise Richards and Richie Sambora adulterous affair has basically come to an end. But it seems like just yesterday they were screwing over their spouses by screwing each other! We'll always have the memories.

Richie considered the feelings of his estranged wife, Heather Locklear, and decided to end things with Denise. Heather was distraught that one of her friends would shack up with her ex and she was even more upset with Richie. His family means more to him than some two-bit piece of trash.

However, a rep for Denise denies the claims and insist the pair are still together.

InTouch is reporting the Richie and Denise break-up and her rep is going after them:

"But I guess it's not that surprising someone would get a cover story wrong, considering that they didn't even perform the basic diligence of contacting Richie or his representative, who could have easily clarified the factually-challenged so-called exclusive."

I honestly don't care and I'd like to bring in a new team of writers to kill off a few of the lead characters in the Locklear/Richards/Sambora/Spade/Sheen melodrama.

[National Ledger]

I Hate Crunchy Hair!

Janet Jackson showed off her slim figure again at Oprah's Legend Ball at the JP Morgan Library in NYC. Ok, her hair is not quite that crunchy..but it's just one spray of Aquanet away from getting there. Her breasts look fantastic, fake or not. Jermaine DuPree is a troll and he totally has the secret password to the enchanted bridge.

Honey, You Split Your Dress

Looks like someone had a mishap at Oprah's Legends Ball. Mimi showed she was no legend in a disgusting piece of filth that not even a hooker at Hunts Point in the Bronx would rock. This ho is either on or off and most of the time she's off. Personally, I think she was trying to be nostalgic and work that black dress she wore on her first album cover, but split that shit right open! Size 4 she's no longer!

Paula Abdul Wants Elliott

American Idol's drunk judge, Paula Abdul, was once rooting for Chris Daughtry to take the title. But now that's not an option, so she has focused her attention on Elliott Yamin. Last week, she infamously cried for Elliott. She was so touched by his performance that he made her cream. So, it's not a surprise that her allegiance is with him.

She told People: "I am going to be honest with you, I want Elliott to win,"

"I feel like I changed the face of the competition by making America wake up and see the talent that Elliott possesses."

How can you wake up a group of people when you ain't even awake yourself. Bitch is drunk 24/7 and here's a hilarious video courtesy of TMZ to prove it. She needs to stick the sauce and shut her trap.

Watch it!

By the by...Spellbound was the shit! So wicked!

[Thanks Info]

O.J. Simpson is the Most Tasteful Man in the World

Remember that White Bronco O.J. Simpson used to get out of town? Yeah, it was pretty famous. It was that infamous car that O.J. Simpson used after he killed his ex-wife. Allegedly. Well, he's using that car for his new DVD called Juiced which is a ripoff of Punk'D and shows O.J. playing practical jokes on unsuspecting bystanders.

In one of the features, O.J. tries to sell the famous Bronco at a used car lot.

He tells one buyer: "It was good for me - it helped me get away. It's a car that I personally made famous. The car has escapability, if you ever get into some trouble."

Who is going to buy that piece of crap DVD? Whoever buys it, you can expect that sales will not go to the $33.5 Million he owes the Simpson and Goldman families. That shit still has gone unpaid.

[Page Six]

The Dlisted Report

Twins Kelly and Sabrina Alridge (8th and Ocean) will play the daughters of Kristen Chenoweth and Danny DeVito in Deck the Halls. Kristin Davis has also joined the cast as Matthew Broderick's wife. The story revolves around two neighbors in a small New England town who go to war when one of them decides to decorate his house for Christmas with so many lights that it will almost be visible from space. The neighborhood is turned upside down as the two families try to discover the true meaning of Christmas. [THR]

Nicolas Cage will star in Crazy Dog for director Joe Ruben (Sleeping with the Enemy). The story revolves around a New York City cop who causes the death of a friend in a moment of cowardice. Consumed by guilt, he goes on a self-destructive spree but then seeks redemption. [Variety]

Michelle Williams will play author Charlotte Bronte in the biopic Bronte. Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, Imelda Staunton and Ben Chaplin will also be featured. Shooting will begin later this year in England. [Production Weekly]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

"Not a puppet? Whudya mean it's not a puppet? I've got ma finger up it's damn asshole!" - amandalicious

Runner-Up:

"Shit, I'd rather be with the Federlines!" - JDa

Hot Slut of the Day!

Maya Rudolph

Birthday Sluts

Mackenzie Astin (33)
Jason Biggs (28)
Christian Campbell (34)
Jamie Luner (35)
Samantha Mathis (36)
Kim Fields (37)
Tony Hawk (38)
Stephen Baldwin (40)
Deborah Kara Unger (40)
Emilio Estevez (44)
Ving Rhames (47)
Gabriel Byrne (56)
Steve Windwood (58)
Burt Bacharach (77)

The Voice of an Angel

TMZ presents the beautiful and innocent voice of Fergie belting out Sweet Child O' Mine. Her song will take you on a journey to places you really don't want to go to. Make sure you close all your windows before playing this song, because it will attract cats in heat.

Watch it!

Who's Fuglier?!?

Fergie or her younger sister, Dana?

Marky Mark's Gay Uncle Taught Him Everything

Marky Mark may have grown up on the rough streets of Boston, but his gay uncle taught him about the important things in life. Like the proper way to suck dick. Just kidding!

Marky said: "My uncle was gay and he was a teamster and a truck driver and he was a guy's guy, but he kept this secret his whole life. Imagine how hard that must have been for him. I feel so bad. Every time my dad brings it up, he cries because he loves his brother more than anything. He doesn't care what it was. He was born that way. Acceptance is the key. The only way you're gonna succeed in life and really grow as a human being is through acceptance."

He's so fucking poignant. I'm sure those skills came in handy when he had to drop to his knees for Calvin to get that underwear gig.

[Starpulse]

I Think Ryan Seacrest is In Love!

He's living for its dick! Ryan is such a size queen!

Fuel Wants Chris Daughtry!

It isn't Live that is asking Chris Daughtry to join their band...it's Fuel!

In an EXCLUSIVE interview, the multi-platinum rock band Fuel comes to Extra and to say they want American Idol’s eliminated Chris Daughtry!

Fuel bass player Jeff Abercrombie and songwriter/guitarist Carl Bell came straight to Extra’s Idol Correspondent Terri Seymour with the offer of a lifetime... they want Chris.

The band has been searching for a new lead singer and definitely took notice of Chris’ rendition of their hit “Hemorrhage” March 1st on Idol. “Chris, if you’re watching,” Bell says, “we’ve talked about this before, if you wanna entertain it again, we’ll entertain it again and go!”

How’d the idea get hatched? Extra Senior Executive Producer Lisa Gregorisch-Dempsey played the matchmaker. “It came to me last night as I watched Chris get voted off,” she says, “the wife of Fuel’s bass player works for Extra so I know the guys in the band well. It seemed like a perfect fit!”

As for Elvis, Bell says no worries. “Chris, you won’t have to do any Elvis songs if you come to Fuel bro- they’re no more! You won’t have to do that.”

According to sources, Chris can't really accept the offer for another year or two because he's on contract with the devil Idol.




[TMZ]

Afternoon Crumbs

Jakey helps a homeless dude [Hollywood Rag]

A new Dolly Parton documentary [Lady Bunny Blog]

Starborgs [Cityrag]

Diana Ross has dangerous hair [Concrete Loop]

Nancy Sinatra gets her star [Popbytes]

Lindsay Blohan dresses like a $2 hooker [Hollywood Tuna]

Some dumb ho paid $60k for a yoga lesson with Fishsticks [TBLE]

Who wants to see Britney naked? [Egotastic!]

Brad Pitt is Cannes bound [Just Jared]

Britney may surprise KFed with a divorce [IDLYITW]

Ashlee Simpson's "Maybe" Means "Yes"

Ashlee Simpson was blatantly asked by the Associated Press whether or not she had her nose clipped and altered. She was apparently caught off guard, because she really didn't know what to say.

"Everybody's already saying it, so I just don't talk about it. I'm like, okay, whatever. It doesn't bother me."

AP would not take that for answer and asked her ass again.

"Maybe. Who knows!"

Just admit that shit, bitch. There's nothing wrong with a little nip and tuck, however you still look hella fug.



[People]

This is why I love the 80s

BY LAHOMA00



In what other decade could you get Muhammad Ali, Cyndi Lauper, Hulk Hogan, Liberace and the magnificent Wendi Richter together for a picture? Fuck I love the WWF back in the day!

Jennifer Aniston Still Friends with Jane Pitt

Even though her marriage to Brad Pitt has been done along time ago, Jennifer Aniston is still in contact with his mother, Jane Pitt. Sources say that Jen and Jane gossip about his new girlfriend, Angelina Jolie. Even though Jane supports her son, she apparently is wary of Angie. The two find joy in bashing her ass probably because they are jealous of her gorgeous vagina and her perfectly pink butt-hole.

In other Aniston news...Vince Vaughn was on Oprah yesterday and although he wanted to keep his mouth shut about his personal life...he couldn't help it and joked about it:

"Jennifer's great. She's just really smart and funny and easy to be with - very considerate. She's great ... I think (having children) takes a lot of focus, takes a lot of attention. I think it would be nice at some point to have a different priority. I think that time would come. But not any time in the near future for me ... No, I have not talked about having kids with Jennifer. First we have to have the $8 million wedding."

Gross.

The pic above was taken from an AFI Event honoring the Arquette family. Jen looks so happy to be there.

[Post Chronicle]

Tom Cruise to Show Off Suri Pictures

So maybe he didn't take a million dollar deal, because Tom Cruise is going to show off pictures of his precious Sorry Suri on Ellen tomorrow according to Celebrity Baby Blog.

If you happen to tune in, don't look directly at the picture. You know he's putting some fucked up hypnotic shit in that picture.

[CBB][Thanks Stacy]

Nicole Richie Hates Herself

Nicole Richie has said that she doesn't like her nose and would totally have a nose job if she had to have something.

She said: "If I could change anything about myself it would be my nose. I see a lot of nose jobs in Los Angeles but it's a big decision."

Earlier she said that she also realizes that she's abnormally thin and is trying to do something about it.

"I know I'm too thin right now, so I wouldn't want any young girl looking at me and saying, 'That's what I want to look like.'"

What's wrong with her nose? That shit looks perfect to me. She needs to stop worrying about her nose and pick up a roast beef sandwich smothered in cheese and BBQ sauce.

[AHN]

Boxing Does Make You Brain Dead

Mike Tyson wants to join the boy band Westlife. Yes, you heard right.

Mike believes that his voice isn't that great, but with enhancements and training he can sound just as good as any of the other members. He also believes that he can fill the void Brian Mcfadden has left.

A friend of his said: "He loves their music so much he wants to be part of it. He's not a Pavarotti or Domingo - but neither are the members of Westlife. Mike's asked me to make contact with Louis Walsh to set the wheels in motion. He'd be happy just to sing on the chorus of a track, but he could always replace Brian McFadden."

Hmm...I think Mike is actually more Spice Girls material. I think the world wants to know what he really really wants. Zing a zing ahhh...



[Female First]

She Had a Brain Tumor!?

I guess The National Enquirer reported a story a while back about Whitney Houston having a brain tumor. Was this before or after the pictures and stories about her crack den?!

Anyway, Whitney is fighting mad about the "brain tumor" story and is threatening to sue their asses.

A source said: "It's an absolute lie and Ms. Houston is evaluating her legal options at this time."

So let's correct it for the NE: Whitney Houston is a crack whore WITHOUT a brain tumor!

[IOL][Thanks Stacy]

Chris Daughtry Gets on Offer!

AMERICAN IDOL SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Yes, Chris Daughtry might not be America's Next Top Idol or whatever, but according to Extra TV, he will receive an offer to be the front man of a major band. The offer will be made tonight on EXTRA so watch that shit.

I have it on good authority the band Live is the band in question.



[TMZ]

Pamela Sue Martin is Hot!

You may know Pamela Sue Martin as the original Fallon on Dynasty. She left that show at its peak to pursue a film career. Yeah that didn't happen, but she did star in the seriously hot Poseidon Adventure. Pamela attended the premiere of the remake of the film in Los Angeles last night.

She's actually aged pretty well and I'm still into her. She was so hot in that movie, especially when she ripped off that skirt to reveal shorty shorts. Bitch came prepared!

Jordan the Goddess!!!

Jordan looked as ravishing as ever at OK! Magazine's 10th Anniversary in London. Jordan basically owns that mag. She's on the damn cover every week. Look at her! She's fucking perfection. She's the epitome of a classy lady.

Please...that dress is so cheap. It looks like one of the frocks those sluts wear on My Super Sweet 16.

Peter Andre needs to come out already. Spiky hair? 1995 it ain't. Oh and where's Harvey? I'm getting worried.

Meg Ryan Not Looking Bad!

Looks like this ho dropped the botox and the lip filler and has decided to go natural. Either that or she has so much make-up on that it's hiding the fact that she's a plastic surgery fiend. Here she is at the Magazine Awards the other night and isn't look that awful. Actually, in this pic she's a little tight. Ewww, I still can't stupid the dumb bitch.

American Idol: The Bomb Has Dropped

OMG! I can't believe I forgot to recap American Idol yesterday. It's not that I don't care about it, I mean I was talking about it all day. Anyway, I guess everyone's kind of over it. None of these bitches are hot. They all bore the hell out of me. If I have to see Taylor Hicks do another shitty dance, I will beat a ho down.

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!

It's no secret who was voted out of last night's Idol. I must say that I was a little shocked, because I thought it was going to be boys club next week. The way it went down was hotter than hot. Ryan Seacrest named Kat and Chris as the bottom and then started to talk about Chris and we thought he was going to talk about Kat, but instead plainly and flatly said "Chris, you're going home tonight." The look on their faces was priceless. Kat knew she was toast and her mouth instantly dropped because somehow, her ass was saved. Chris was pissed!



Damn, Chris was cocky and got what was coming to him.



Paula however...had a complete nervous breakdown! I think she's at Cedars now being treated for "exhaustion." At least she can fuck him now.



Taylor's gonna win this. Mark my words.

The Dlisted Report

Maggie Grace (Lost, The Fog) has joined Sarah Michelle Gellar and Alec Baldwin in The Girls' Guide to Fishing and Hunting. Based on Melissa Bank's best-seller, the story chronicles a young woman's journey through the New York publishing world and her relationship with one of the industry's luminaries as her father battles a terminal illness. Grace will play the best friend of Gellar's character. [THR]

Jason Bateman has joined the cast of The Kingdom for director, Peter Berg. Jamie Foxx and Jennifer Garner also star. The film follows a team of American counterterrorism agents who go to a hostile Middle Eastern country after a bombing attack against Americans there. Shooting starts this Summer. [Variety]

Regis Philbin will be the host of America's Got Talent debuting June 21st on NBC. Simon Cowell will executive produce. Cowell and FremantleMedia will bring the hottest performers from across the country to TV audiences in this new series that allows viewers to determine who will walk away with a $1 million cash prize. The series features a colorful array of hopeful future stars. Singers, dancers, comedic performers and unique acts of all ages will have a chance to strut and perform in front of a panel of judges who will determine which acts advance to the final rounds. [NBC]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

I've heard of beer runs, but this is ridiculous! - LaQuisha

Runner-Up:

An actual beast of burden - Stoney Baloney


[Thanks Lynn]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Florence Henderson

Birthday Sluts

Nicky Katt (36)
Jonathan Jackson (24)
Holly Valance (23)
Natasha Richardson (43)
Peter North (49)
David Gest (53)
Shohreh Aghdashloo (54)

Photoshopped or Real?

I know Kiefer Sutherland likes to party, but WTF?! He probably wanted a little cheese to go with his burger and beer.

[24 Headquarters] VIA [Saving Face]

Teri Snatcher Quote of the Day!

on her nipples:

"They don't age, they don't sag ... Mine point in a perfectly good direction ... It doesn't mean they're great or anybody else would like them. It just means I like them."

Blohan Loves Those Already Men!

Here's our favorite coke lover at her Just My Luck after party making plans with director, Gary Marshall for later. They are going to renact scenes from Pretty Woman. What the hell is that girl wearing?

Afternoon Crumbs

Queen Aretha does a dance [Crunk + Disorderly]

Natalie Portman is cute [Egotastic!]

Ashlee Simpson in Orlando [Hollywood Rag]

Beyonce in a bikini [A Socialite's Life]

Charlie Sheen's pimp is doing some talking [IDLYITW]

Ryan Phillipe on the beach but not shirtless [Just Jared]

Vince Vaughn on Oprah [Popsugar]

Jessica Alba loves old people [TMZ]

TomKat fuck up a small town [People]

Diddy can't escape child support [OMG Blog]

Models are Smart

I guess it's true when they say you can't have looks AND brains. Model, Tayana Simanava, almost met Jesus when she mistook the exit door on a bus for the door to the restroom.

Tatyana Simanava nearly became a tragic fashion victim yesterday - stepping off the runway of a moving bus and tumbling out the door onto the Gowanus Expressway.

The Russian stunner hit the pavement at 40 mph, smashing her arm, dislocating a shoulder, cutting her face and head - but somehow surviving the plunge.

"She's lucky she wasn't killed," said a police source. "She could have easily gotten run over."

The 21-year-old model had been traveling to a Staten Island photo shoot with other members of international agency Next Models, cops said.

She somehow got disoriented after stepping into a passageway outside the bathroom of the luxury bus.

"There was a door leading back inside the bus to her left, and one leading out of the bus to her right," said a traffic cop at the scene.

"I guess she got disoriented."

In place of rows of seats, the bus is fitted with changing rooms, a kitchen and an open living area - to where Simanava was trying to return.

Instead, she plunged out a door on the driver's side of the bus, narrowly avoiding being struck by the rear wheels of the vehicle.

Poor thing. All she wanted to do was snort a few rails in peace and instead she ate rails.

In all seriousness, our thoughts and prayers are with her brain...because clearly that's her major asset.

[NYDN]

Denise Richards' Sister Scares Me!

Damn! It's strange, because Denise Richards' sister looks just like her...but also fug at the same time. Maybe it's that disgusting bob. Anyway her sister, Michelle McLaughlin, has come to her defense and states that Denise and Richie Sambora have always been friends and didn't cheat on their spouses with each other. Her sister also confirmed that Denise is dating Sambora, but isn't pregnant. When did that pregnancy shit come into play?

Of course her sister is going to defend her ass. Ugh, I'm so over this shit. The cast of this mess is getting larger than a Robert Altman film!

[Popbytes][Thanks Stacy]

Is Danny Masterson a Scientologist?

I didn't think someone in That 70's Show could annoy me more than Ashton or Wilmer. What a fucking downer.

[Goldenfiddle]

Brad Pitt Out of Ocean's 13?

George Clooney and producers of Ocean's 13 are extremely nervous since Brad Pitt hasn't yet committed to starring in the flick. Brad is currently in Africa with Angelina Jolie and has yet to sign on officially.

A source said: "“Brad hasn't been able to confirm 100 per cent that he will be available– and that's making George very anxious.

"“His best pal is out of the country and looking forward to being a dad for the first time. But the movie is only weeks away now.

"“Instead of being there to work on the project, Brad is in the middle of Africa. People are worried he will prefer to carry on being a dad rather then go back to work."

Everyone else is waiting for his ass to sign on. I think George needs to go to the head of the family for this one. He needs to have a man to man with Angelina Jolie. Bitch has to approve everything around there.

[Entertainmentwise]

Colin Out, Heath In

Colin Farrell will not be playing Bob Dylan in the upcoming biopic I'm Not There. No concrete reason has been given, but apparently director Todd Haynes (Far From Heaven) has fired his ass and hired Heath Ledger to replace him. Some sources are claiming that Haynes and the producers felt that he was liability, because he's a drunken mess.

Heath Ledger will join previously announced Christian Bale, Cate Blanchett, Charlotte Gainsbourg, Julianne Moore and Richard Gere. All six actors will take turns playing Dylan.

Shooting begins this Summer and this shit is going to be hot.



[Cinema Blend]

CaCee Dumps Jessica

CaCee Cobb was assistant and bff to Jessica Simpson, but apparently she's quit and is moving on.

After more than two years as Jessica Simpson’s personal assistant, CaCee Cobb finally told her childhood friend that she wanted out. On May 7, Cobb celebrated her last day on the job with friends at Arnie Morton’s Steakhouse in L.A. Fighting tears, Simpson, 25, raised her glass and said to Cobb, “You are my best friend. I will be your best friend forever.” Simpson’s rep confirms the professional parting of ways to Us, “It’s true. They remain close.”

CaCee finally quit so she can screw Nick Lachey out in the open. You know those two hit it during his marriage.



[US Weekly][Thanks Bluepants]

What's Gayer Than Gay?

Peter Andre in a sequined skull cap and his wife Jordan in feathered pumps! Jesus!!! Their outfits together are worth like ten cents! Their stylist Harvey is honestly doing a great job!

Bruce Willis Refuses to Screw Halle Berry!!

Most men would pay top dollar to simply sniff on Halle Berry's toes, but not Bruce Willis! He's getting paid major bank to star alongside her in Perfect Stranger. No, this shit isn't based on the TV show. Although, I think Halle would probably play Balki.

Anyhow, the two were all set to shoot a hot sex scene...but Bruce backed out at the last minute. Sources say he felt Halle was too sexy? What? He gay.

Halle had to shoot the scene herself and alone by writhing on the bed and pretending she was doing Bruce. They played Bruce's voice to portray that he was in bed with her. They shot his scene separately and then effects editors have used the magic of computer technology to piece that shit together.

Computer sex?! Shit, sex scenes on The Sims is probably hotter than that shit. That's just pathetic, but their performances are probably robotic anyway so we wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

[Post Chronicle]

What Do These Scientologists Have Against Noise?!

First, Katie Holmes' has to keep her yapper shut during labor and now John Travolta is making those around him turn their music off?! At a recent stay at the Tribeca Grand in New York City, John alerted the hotel staff that all music must be turned off before he entered a room.

A source said: "They had to turn the music off whenever he appeared. Everyone else had been enjoying it.

"If he'd come out and there'd be music on, he'd go through the kitchen."

A spokescrazy from the Church denied that this has anything to do with their beliefs. They state that it was probably just John's personal tastes.

He fucking probably heard his own album finally which has ruined his ears to music altogether. Have you heard that shit? It's actually kind of hot. I'd do hot sex to it.

[Female First]

This Baby is Going to Be Fug and Bitchy

Lizzie Grubman is expecting a baby.

Nuff said!

[Page Six]

Looking Like Shit!

Blohan showed up to her Just My Luck premiere fucked up out of her mind. I know that shit is getting old, but I know what this chick looks like sober and lately she's NOT sober most of the time. Which is a shame, because I want to like her......but the whole coke whore shit doesn't fly. I love how she's covering up her dark circles with more dark circles.

Her mom is a totally a real housewife from Orange County.

Clip-On Bangs!

No she didn't! Britney Spears brought out a white trash woman's necessary item: clip-on bangs, to tell the World on Letterman that indeed she's knocked up. SPF is just rolling her eyes at the thought of another child for her ass to endanger. I bet you she's already training him to take care of the new one.

The Dlisted Report

50 Cent will star in Live Bet a heist thriller set in the New York underworld. Variety reports that brothers Charley and Vlas Parlapanides wrote the script, while Mary Parent and Scott Stuber will produce along with Chris Lighty and Jackson through his G Unit Films. [Variety]

Emily Mortimer (Match Point) has joined the comedy Used Guys starring Ben Stiller and Jim Carrey. Set in a futuristic, woman-run society where men are cloned and sold like cars, the story revolves around two men who are returned and then go in search of the lost meaning of manhood. Shooting begins June 11th. [THR]

Three Days of Rain which is currently on Broadway with Julia Roberts will head to the big screen. Set in 1960 and 1995, "Rain" follows a brother, sister and their childhood friend, who regroup following the death of the siblings' father, a celebrated architect. Shooting will begin next Spring with no cast yet attached. [Variety]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Jade from America's Next Top Model

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

Kellie lost it after seeing her dad's "ballsy". - PricoLatino

Birthday Sluts

Bono (46)
Kenan Thompson (28)
Leslie Stefanson (35)
David Fincher (44)
Victoria Rowell (46)

It's Official! Bitch is Pregnant!

Yup, Britney Spears confirmed on David Letterman tonight what we've already known.

"Don't worry Dave, it's not yours," the 24-year-old singer told the late-night talk show's host as she walked onto the stage in a black dress that revealed a tell-tale tummy bulge.

Her entrance was accompanied by the band playing My Prerogative, the title song on her greatest-hits album.

"Oh. Well, I think that's good news for both of us," Letterman joked back.

The comedian went on to ask Spears point blank: "So, we've established now that you are in fact pregnant, is that right?"

"Yes, sir," she answered to wild applause from the studio audience.

Letterman then took Spears' hand and kissed it.

Damn, she's a white piece of trash! Somewhere KFed is getting wasted with another chick. Hey, at least he's celebrating.

[ABC News]

I'm Already Bored

Reese Witherspoon and Jennifer Garner did their good deed of the year by visiting New Orleans. Yeah..yeah, they are nice and generous whatever. I can only imagine the conversation between these two. They probably talk about their children and yarn, missionary positions and like pies and shit. God, they are boring. Oh, they talk about The Gap a alot too, like a lot. But deep down they are good women. Boring ones, but good.

They Have Matching Hair!

How many times has Chestica Simpson flown with her dog, Daisy? Probably like a million right. Well this idiot was about to put her dog through the X-ray conveyer belt. That pooch's ass would've been fried. What a dumb bitch!

[TMZ] [Thanks Stacy]

SPF is an Angel!

Britney Spears looks like a haggard mess while shopping in NYC today. Thank God, she at least puts SPF in a hot outfit. He seriously is the cuteness. Let's hope he doesn't turn out like his trashy parents.









[BB]

Vintage Paris Hilton

[Hollywood, Interrupted] VIA [Goldenfiddle]

Times Are Tough for Kelly Rowland

I bet you Kelly Rowland flew coach to attend the MTV Asia Awards in order to accept an award on behalf of Destiny's Child. Not only did she wear some beat-up wig, but she even wore one of Posh's leftovers. Posh rocked this dress nearly a year ago. Aww..poor Kelly. Send her your loose change.

Afternoon Crumbs

HoHan fucks Kate Moss' leftovers [Egotastic!]

Jakey's got a new beard [Popsugar]

Madge is one rich mofo [A Socialite's Life]

What on earth does that sign mean? [Cityrag]

Dennis Rodman and his daddy fight it out [Crunk + Disorderly]

Bruce Willis wants the news [Gabsmash]

Playgirl wants to show off Ace Young's kibbles and bits [Glitterati]

Axl Rose on a comeback [Hollywood Rag]

Tom Cruise gets some help from his friends [IDLYITW]

Jude and Sienna make magic at the beach [Just Jared]

It's Elvis Night on American Idol!

This night was tailor made for Taylor Hicks! He can wear his blue suede shoes and show off his hot moves. And by hot I mean that he looks like a parapalegic trying to put out a fire. Anyway, this is the supposed song list according to AOL.

Elliott Yamin: "Trouble" and "If I Can Dream"

Chris Daughtry: "A Little Less Conversation" and "Suspicious Minds"

Taylor Hicks: "In the Ghetto" and "Jailhouse Rock"

Katharine McPhee: "Hound Dog/All Shook Up" and "Can't Help Falling in Love"

I'm going to have to wear ear plugs, because In the Ghetto and Suspicious Minds are amazing songs. These whores will fuck it up and I pray that Taylor wears a little jailbird outfit for Jailhouse Rock.

[Thanks Stacy]

A Little Grey Doesn't Hurt Anyone

JLo rocked grey roots for the second time this week. First it was the ALMAs and now at a Time event. Didn't she fire her hairdresser, Oribe, a while back? She must have some other bitch on the payroll. I mean damn, it only takes a second. Shit, ask your momma to do it or better yet wipe off some of that fake tan your hubby is wearing and touch your shit up. 37 is really creeping up on that ho.

Besides that, yes she looks hot.

Isn't She Always Cutting Him Off?!

I think the press thinks Britney Spears has a bigger spine than she really does. There's always a story on how she's sick of KFed and kicking him out and blah, blah, blah. Well, the latest report apparently states that Brit has cut off her husband, because once again she's sick of his partying ways.

A source said: "Kevin asked Britney for money to go to Las Vegas in two weeks, but she shut him down. Britney told him that she won't be funding his trips with his friends any longer - he used to fly everyone out on her dime."

Please, this ho will do anything for him. She is severely dickmatized and needs to snap out of it. Because I know KFed's dick ain't that good.

By the by, what the hell died on her body? That thing she's wearing is truly hideous. I wouldn't even dust my furniture with that rag!



[AHN]

Nicole Richie's Hair is Fried Up

She's losing her hair isn't she? Nicole Richie brought out those massive sunglasses again and some wet cat hair while she visited her drug dealer stylist, Rachel Zoe. Maybe that Sidekick II is sending an electronic volt up her ass.

The Photoshop Awards: Kimora Lee Simmons

Madge Admits to Being a Shitty Mom

Madge has two lovely children, Lourdes and Rocco. She is also one of the World's biggest stars. So how does a star of her magnitude deal with raising two children? Well, if you're Madge you probably hire a huge team so that you never have to see their faces. This of course, bothers her.

She said: "I'm always going, 'Oh God, I'm a crap mother'. I want to get home and put my kids to bed."

She also struggles with the fact that she has kids and probably shouldn't have, cause they get in the way of her career.

"And then sometimes, if I'm spending a lot of time with my children, I think, 'Oh God I just want to be an artist.' And you know it's hard."

Oh god, the choices that Madge has to make are so hard and so taxing. How does she do it? I feel so sorry for her that it makes me just wanna fart.

[Female First]

Tom Cruise Gets Some Iron

Tom Cruise is in talks to star in the big-screen adaptation of Iron Man. Yeah, you can laugh now.

Jon Favreau just signed to develop and direct the flick, to be produced by Marvel Comics' new movie arm, about a billionaire industrialist who fights crime in a super-powered suit.

I don't know if Tom is full of Iron, but he's sure full of protein. That's if the rumors about sperm containing loads of protein are true.

[Post Chronicle]

No Star Jones, You're Husband Isn't Gay AT ALL!

Brooke Hogan is Gansta!

Somebody rip that cheap shit off her teeth and beat the fuck outta of her! This ho is 17 and a good beating like that will beat the old age out of her. Why does she look like she's straight up 40?And that's Paul Wall putting up with her mentally challenged ass.





[Concrete Loop]

The Fall of a Star

Barabra Walters hates Star Jones with a passion and has found an ally in Rosie O'Donnell. The two have reportedly pushed Star out of The View and are speaking with Gayle King about replacing her ass. The news hit last week, but it looks to be coming together. Star's agents are apparently hard at work finding her ass a new job.

ABC will announce this week that the big-boned talking head is out at "The View," a source close to the inner workings of the late-morning gabfest tells Page Six. What network brass won't say is that she's being unceremoniously ousted at the direct behest of the show's grand dame Barbara Walters and the incoming Rosie O'Donnell.

"It was always Rosie's condition of joining the show, and Barbara agreed to those conditions from the outset," our source said. The network and Jones are now concocting a face-saving scenario in which Jones will be touted as moving on to pursue important new projects.

Jones' camp yesterday denied the blustery babbler is going anywhere. "It's 100 percent not true. Where are you hearing this?" a rep for Jones said. A "View" flack echoed that. But those denials come on the heels of reports that Oprah Winfrey's best friend, Gayle King, may be in line to take over Jones' chair on the kitschy coffee klatch.

The Surreal Life 8 is likely to get a new tenant! Oh and that picture of her ass NEVER gets old.

[Page Six]

David Blaine is a Liar!

We were cheated! David Blaine and ABC promised that he would beat the World record for holding his breath or he would die trying. Well, guess what?! Neither happened. David tried to beat the record, but started convulsing and freaking out after over 7 minutes. Not even close to the 9 minutes he needed to come out victorious. What a pussy! He did look like hell though.

What a pussy!

The Dlisted Report

The Weinstein Company is putting a feature-film adaptation of the TV series Knight Rider into full gear."Knight" follows a cop who's been left to die and is nursed back to health by a mysterious millionaire. The moneyman also gives the cop a new face; a new name, Michael Knight; and crime-fighting gadgetry, including KITT, the car with artificial intelligence. They have sealed a deal with creator Glen Larson for rights. [Variety]

Ashanti has joined the cast of Resident Evil: Extinction. Milla Jovovich and Sienna Guillory return to star in the third film. Extinction revolves around the continuing battle against the evil Umbrella by Alice (Jovovich) and her allies. [Coming Soon]

Catherine Keener and Ellen Page (Hard Candy) will star in The Basement.
The Basement is based on the shocking true story of a murder that stunned the nation back in the mid-1960s. The film centers on Getrude Baniszewski (Keener), a seemingly ordinary housewife and the mother of seven, who imprisons a beautiful teenager Sylvia Likens (Page), who has been left in her charge, in the basement of her Indiana home. Filming begins later this month in Los Angeles. [Production Weekly]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

"well, if it smells like blood...and looks like roast beef..." - Tim

Runner up:

Fed up with Britney's stingy ways, Kevin Federline heads to the beach in search of quality time with his fans. - Mousie


[Thanks Blue Rose]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Shannon Tweed

Birthday Sluts

John Corbett (45)
Andrew W.K. (27)
Rosario Dawson (27)
Frenchie Davis (27)
Amy Hill (53)
Alley Mills (55)
Billy Joel (57)
Candice Bergen (60)
James L. Brooks (66)
Glenda Jackson (70)
Albert Finney (70)

Speechless

by Lahoma00

This speaks for itself

Love the Shoes!

Damn, I'm on Britney overload today. Here's some news pics of Brit and a friend taking little SPF for a walk. She's worth about $50 million I'd say, but her outfit is worth like $5. Will she confirm that she's a fat pregnant ho already?! Damn! SPF is the cuteness though.





[BB]

Vintage Madge

Love the accent!

[Thanks Shomari]

Wait, Which is the Real Celine Dion?

I'm stumped! Celine Dion and her grandaddy induct a wax statue of her Canadianess at Caesar's Palace to celebrate the 500th time she's screwed over an audience out of $200 each!

[Pic: Towleroad]

Because You are a Whore!

Chestica Simpson has apparently completely cut Nick Lachey out of her life after he said some things about her in the press. Nick questioned her possible infidelities publicly and her ass isn't about to forgive him. She feels betrayed and saddened.

She said: "Now everyone is looking at me like I'm a whore. I wouldn't care that much if things hadn't been going well between us lately. But from now on, I will not talk to him."

Well, she is a whore. If it looks like a duck.....

That's Papa Joe totally grabbing for a feel.

[Post Chronicle]

Dueling Cleavage

Jordan and Peter Andre's cleavage fought for the attention at the Radio Awards in London today. Is Peter a Gotti?

Afternoon Crumbs

Scarlett Jo's new hair [A Socialite's Life]

Lindsay HoHan is the hardest working piece of trash in the World [Egotastic!]

What's really going on in the halls of The View [Cityrag]

Jane Fonda is the new face of L'Oreal [Glitterati]

Pam Anderson's nipples AGAIN [Hollywood Rag]

Adam Brody is terrified of Meg Ryan [IDLYITW]

Which is trashier? [Just Jared]

In case you missed it, Ashlee Simpson's new nose [Popsugar]

Hot Slut of the Month: Lamb Chop

Thanks to all who voted! Lamb Chop is April's Hot Slut of the Month! He/She beat out Pippi to take the title! You'll see this bitch at the finals!

Nicky Hilton Attacked By Wild Boar!

Nicky Hilton was either attacked by some wild animal or her boyfriend screwed her in the back of their car on the way to some party at The Palms Casino in Vegas. Methinks it was the former, because her ass is a prude. The boyfriend is creepy. He looks like he wacks off to geriatric porn.

Paris Hilton Quote of the Day!

"Gay guys are more fun and they dress better and they're usually hotter.

"All the hot guys are gay."

[Pink News]

Is David Blaine Going to Die Tonight?

David Blaine will end his 7-day crazy trip by trying to hold his breath underwater for 9 minutes, breaking the World record. David has been in a water globe for the past 7-days in Lincoln Center in New York City.

The 33-year-old magician, wearing a diving helmet that allows two-way communication, has been submerged in the 8-foot snow globe-like acrylic sphere since last Monday.

"Everything is still on as planned, and I'm going to give it my best shot," Blaine said Sunday from his perch on the plaza of Lincoln Center for the Performing Arts as spectators gawked and waved at him.

Blaine's finale was to be aired live in a two-hour ABC special, "David Blaine: Drowned Alive," starting at 8 p.m. EDT Monday.

He told AP Television News he "will do his best" to complete the feat despite peeling skin, sharp pains in his joints and a severe earache.

The stunt artist planned to put on 150 pounds of chains and handcuffs, remove his oxygen tube and then escape while holding his breath longer than the record of 8 minutes, 58 seconds.

"If I don't get out of the chains and I black out in 9 minutes, which is about the length of time it would take these guys here (who) have been preparing a stretcher to pull my body out and do what they have to do, so I have to have faith that they know what they are doing," Blaine said.

Bitch is dead. His girlfriend should've married his ass before he went through with it. At least she'd be rich. Bitch is assed out now.

[Yahoo]

Nicole Kidman is Afraid For Her Life!

Nicole Kidman is obviously afraid of those crazy Scientologists. She doesn't say anything bad about Tom Cruise. She actually only says nice things. You know they've threatened to skin her ass if she so much as thinks a bad thought about him. They have totally injected her with some kind of device that reads her thoughts too. They are some fucked up shit.

Anyway, Nicole had this to say about Tom. Try not to gag.

"He was huge; still is. To me, he was just Tom, this lovely man, but to everybody else, he is huge. But he was lovely to me.

"And I loved him. I still love him."

And by huge, she doesn't mean his dick size. You know that thing is so small, he can't ever fuck properly. It keeps popping out and shit. Don't you hate when that happens?

Oh and she mumbled something about their divorce:

"I knew I was going to get hit by something, but I think a divorce, and the demise of what your family is, is a little like a death in itself."


[The Sun]

What the Hell Was This About?!

I didn't catch the ALMA Awards, but what the hell was this?! Was it like a homage to Latin sluts of each generation? Roselyn Sanchez, Carmen Electra, Eva LongWHORIA, Paulina Rubio and Constance Marie shaked their t&a for the crowd. I bet producers didn't even have to ask. Carmen and Eva carry outfits like that in the trunk of their SUVs. Even Jello was probably disgusted.

The Photoshop Awards: Britney Spears

It's for UK Glamour and notice there aren't any full body shots. Even Photoshop can't work that kind of magic. That's black magic!







[ONTD]

Tom Cruise Fans are as Crazy as Him

Blind Items...You Guess...I Guess...

WHICH Hollywood hellcat supposedly has a sick sexual fetish for something called the "Donkey Punch?" The starlet was having sex with a much-older boyfriend a while back and begged her shocked bedmate to "hit me in the face" at the peak of their passionate lovemaking .

Brittany Murphy

WHICH large-living celebrity chef may be about to get an intervention from concerned friends who are increasingly worried about his gargantuan appetite for cocaine, cigarettes and expensive cheese?

Rocco

[Page Six]

Chad Michael Murray Banned From Prom!

Chad Michael Murray has been banned from attending his 18-year-old fiancee's prom in Wilmington, North Carolina. Chad began dating Kenzie Dalton right after his failed marriage to Sophia Bush.

Chad was banned, because sluts over 20 aren't allowed to attend school parties. Kenzie attended solo, but Chad threw her an after party where many of her young friends attended.

The real reason he was banned is because school officials don't want anymore students to be exposed to the crazy jungle STDs Chad Michael currently carries.

[National Ledger][Thanks Stacy]

Britney Spears is Hot in Bed

KFed is the master at giving us information our stomachs really can't take. His latest confession involves the sex-skills of his wife, Britney Spears. He was asked who was better in bed? Britney or his ex and baby mama, Shar Jackson. KFed of course said Brit. Well duh, she's the one cutting the checks.

In other KFed/Brit news...the two may renew their wedding vows in Las Vegas. He apparently told her: "Let's fucking do it again!"

The ceremony is to confirm their love for each other as they are about to welcome a baby girl into this world.

And all of these events are leading up to the music event of the year, the year of his retarded album! I'm sure accolades and awards will follow!

[Post Chronicle][Thanks Stacy]

Jordan to Flex Her Tonsils

Jordan will work her tonsils and not in the way she's used to. She's currently in talks to star in the Celebrity version of X-Factor over in England. X-Factor is just like American Idol, but with old bitches. Simon Cowell is executive producer and has confirmed he's talking with the big-tittied slut. Jordan is desperate for a music career and hopes this will launch it.

In order to launch her music career, I'm afraid she's gonna have to use those tonsils as a plate for jizz and not for singing. That's the only way this gorgeous thing is gonna get a contract.

[Entertainmentwise][Thanks Sandoval]

Jello Doesn't Look Half Bad!

Jello and Marc Anthony are seen here at the ALMA Awards. She doesn't look half bad. It probably took ten hours and fifty people just to make her look soft. Marc ain't bad either. I know...I know...he's still nasty..but a quick tan helped his ass.

Gay Diesel

Vin Diesel looks like he's dressed up for a circuit party rather than going to fetch a new cell phone. I bet you he's getting a Swavorski crystalized Sidekick. But camo crystals of course! He's not that fey. I love how he's twisting his leg like that. He's such a girlish flirt!

Melanie Griffith Goes to Rehab!

Melanie Griffith is pulling her life together and I think we should all applaud! Here she is coming back from rehab which was held at the Red Rock Bar in Los Angeles. Um...who holds rehab at a bar? Are we sure this was really rehab or did she just tell the photographers that as she headed into the bar to get sloshed. Whatever the case may be, we hope she's on the right track!

Fire Ken Paves Already!!!

Ken Paves is the luckiest sonofabitch in Hollywood. He can turn a woman that already looks like a fool and make her look like a bigger fool and still keep his job. That's exactly what he did to Chestica Simpson. She showed up at the ALMA Awards looking like a straight up toasted marshmellow. Was she trying to look Latin or something? Dayum! Ginger from Gilligan's Island she ain't! She ain't even that damn monkey that won Miss Gilligan's Island!

The Dlisted Report

Halle Berry and Benecio Del Toro have signed up for Things We Lost in the Fire. The project tells the story of a woman (Berry) whose husband suddenly dies. She invites her husband's troubled best friend (Del Toro) to live with her family, and as the friend turns his life around, he helps the grief-stricken family confront their loss. Sam Mendes will produce. [Variety]

Broadway star, Kristen Chenoweth, has been cast to star alongside Matthew Broderick and Danny DeVito in Deck the Halls. The film centers on two neighbors (DeVito, Broderick) in a small New England town who go to war when one decides to decorate his house for Christmas in an effort to be visible from space. Chenoweth will play DeVito's wife. The film will shoot later this month in Vancouver. [Variety]

Sophia Bush (One Tree Hill) will play the lead in the horror remake of The Hitcher. The new version will follow two young travelers who are tormented by a mysterious hitchhiker. Shooting is set to begin next month in Austin, TX. [Production Weekly]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

The Cherokee Fire Department - Tabatha

Hot Slut of the Day!

Catherine Oxenberg

Birthday Sluts

Enrique Iglesias (31)
Martha Wainwright (30)
Melissa Gilbert (42)
Janet McTeer (45)
Toni Tennille (63)

Goodbye Camdens!

by Lahoma00



Tonight the last episode of 7th Heaven will be broadcast. It's going to be mourned by hipsters who laugh at it, and the four people out there who actually watch it because it espouses good, clean values.

Still, this show is really hot. I'm truly going to miss Catherine Hicks, aka Poodle, named because she looks like a poodle, especially when she gets mad. I've always been convinced that Ruthie is biracial and is not the Rev's daughter. Hopefully this shit will end with that bombshell and Poodle can freak out.

Obviously They Want Us to Believe She's Nursing

TomKat ventured out of their crazy house for a night out in Los Angeles. Kate prominently showed off her nursing bra. Probably to try and make us believe she was ever pregnant. Does that bitch have a permanent smile on her face? Poor thing...she's gone. I can see it in the eyes.

Oh and MI3 didn't do that well at the box office. All that work for nothing!

The Spawn of Sonny Bono is Pretty Hot

Meet Chez Bono, the 18-year-old son of Mary and the late Sonny Bono. He's put that handy Razr to work by taking some shirtless pics of himself for his MySpace profile. That mirror totally screams Bono. That whole taking pictures of yourself in the bathroom mirror totally turns me on. Do straight dudes do that? Yeah I think I'd hit it.





[Towleroad]

Does Ashton Kutcher Get Fuglier by the Second?

You know, it seems to me that Ashton Kutcher gets fuglier while Demi Moore gets hotter. Yes she's dresses like a librarian, but he dresses like a tool. I hate to say it, but I think she's hotter than him.

Coco is a Fucking Dude!

Ice-T's wife, Coco, has to be a dude right? I mean look at her! It's not only her titties, but her face. Damn...she's a dude I know it. However, she's still hot. I'm slightly scared of her, because she's some weird dude/cat/pig hybrid. She probably has super powers. Totally imagine her fucking Ice-T, seriously I can see it. She probably has a big one.

Barbra Streisand Flips Her Shit!

I'm not sure how old this recording is, but it's funny shit. It's a montage of Barbra Streisand fucking freaking out! It's a classic.

Download it!

[Thanks DJ Tennessee]

Melissa Joan Hart is Trying Desperately to Bring Back the Choker!

Did Melissa Joan Hart not get the memo that the year is 2006 and not 1996. She seriously looks like an extra from Beverly Hills 90210. However, I still love her trashy ass. She's just so endearing, because she doesn't know any better. MeJo is seen here with her sort of hot husband at the wrap party for That 70's Show. Her husband is sort of hot, but sort of not hot. I'd still hit it, especially if MeJo is involved. Oh and I'm not sure what the hell they are doing, but that shit isn't natural.

Hot Slut of the Week: Karrine Steffans

Age: 27
Birthday: August 24, 1978
Birth Name: Karin Stephens

Original Date of Hot Slut of the Day: May 2, 2006
Claim to Fame: Video ho turned author of Confessions of a Video Vixen.

Where is she now? Promoting her retarded book, doing porn and still talking about how she's fucked almost every dude in hip hop.

Why is she Hot Slut of the Week? She's nicknamed Superhead, because she's a superslut. I know all of you hate her ass, but I love her. Any chick who writes a book about being a huge slut is alright in my neck of the woods.

Tori Spelling Makes It Official

Just as it was reported, Tori Spelling married Dean McDermott in Fiji. There were no guests, just the bride and groom.

Tori said: "We didn't want to wait another day to get married."

I thought I'd pair this story with a picture of Tori, Dean and the new PetaPotty. Because that's basically where their marriage is going to end up.

[People]

Jake and His Daddy

Jake Gyllenhaal and his daddy are seen here going to eat. Jake's whole bearded-man shit is getting old. Even his dad thinks so. You know, Maggie looks just like her dad and that's not a good thing.

Kate Sure Loves Her Coke

Bad joke! Here's our girl Kate Moss leaving her home in London without a stitch of make-up. Yeah, she's hot...but bitch needs to put on some cover-up or something. Her shit isn't the clearest.

Hot Slut of the Day!

Danielle Fishel

Birthday Sluts

Breckin Meyer (32)
Traci Lords (38)
Amy Heckerling (53)
Robin Strasser (61)