Sing Along with the GLOW Girls!

By Lahoma00

Growing up, one of my favorite shows was GLOW: The Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling. An all-girl wrestling league started by Jackie Stallone, it was taped at some mall in Vegas and featured such talents as MT. FIJI and military dyke Attache. How could I not? That's like a guaranteed hit with seven year old fags.

Anyway, look at this hot shit I found on YouTube. It's a musical number with the GLOW girls!

Would You Hit This Shit?

David Schwimmer: You know, I just might. Just as long as he calls me Rachel.

What a Fucking Slut!

Cacee Cobb (Assistant of Chestica Simpson) left a Los Angeles night club minutes after Nick Lachey. Sources say the two are totally hooking up. Ewww, she's totally brushing the jizz residue off her mouth. Cacee's hair totally belongs in 1985 and her face belongs in a toilet full of straight-up shit!

SAVE POSH!

The world's most gorgeous woman in the world is disappearing! Fuck Nicole Richie, Posh Beckham is the real bitch that needs help. E.T. phone him is right! Damn, break that ho off a piece of buttered bread or something. That watch is fug.

David Blaine's Afternoon Delight!

This is just out of control. You know that little boy thinks it's really thin apple sauce and that's yummy to him. Shame on David Blaine for flaunting his piss bag around!

UPDATE- David's PR firm wrote me and let me know that it's actually Gatorade in that bag and not his own piss!

Hot Slut of the Day!

Ron Popeil for Pamela

Birthday Sluts

George Clooney (45)
Melania Knauss (36)
Roma Downey (46)
Tom Bergeron (51)
Lynn Whitfiled (53)

Dlisted Interview: Adam Carl, star of The Monster Squad

by Lahoma00



Dlisted had the opportunity to interview Adam Carl, star of the Monster Squad, Life Goes On, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II and other fine works. Adam (seen below on the left) is really fucking hot and was gracious to talk to me.



Hello Adam! Tell me how you got cast in The Monster Squad

Wow, you’re making reach way back here in the old memory banks. Well, if my recall can be trusted (and I’m not swearing it can), I originally read for the role of “Rudy”, the tough kid played by Ryan Lambert, but was not at all right for the part. So I ended up getting a callback for the role of EJ, one of the two school bullies that pick on Fat Kid. That role eventually went to Jason Hervey and I got the role of the other bully, Derek. Damn, I actually remember more than I thought I did.

What is your favorite scene in the movie?



That’s a tough one, because my attachments to certain things in it are more personal and sort of arbitrary. For example, I love when Ryan Lambert is at the church door and yells “It’s locked is what it is!” because it’s such an atrocious line reading and I harassed him about it for years. I also love when he says to the Mummy “See ya later Band-Aid breath!” because it tortured him so much to have to say it, which gives me a tremendous amount of pleasure. And for years my sister and I went around quoting Scary German Guy saying “This is your last chance for pie”. So it’s bits like that that I like the most.




I think the Monster Squad is one of the most quotable movies ever. Some of the exchanges are just brilliant. Here are a few of my favorites:

(Fat Kid after kicking Wolf Man in the balls): "Whoa, Wolf Man's got nards."

(Rudy, delicately asking Brooke if she's a virgin): "Have you, and to what degree, have you done, or been, dorked?"

(Phoebe the Feebs after the Squad runs away from Frankenstein): "Come on you guys, don't be chicken shit!"

Am I missing any?



When I first read the screenplay (by Shane Black and Fred Dekker), I thought it was the best script I had ever read. I read it from cover-to-cover in one sitting, actually laughing out loud. Shane and Fred made even the stage directions enormously entertaining. They would write things like “now’s not the time to get up for popcorn, folks, you’re not gonna want to miss this.” No audience member would ever see that, of course, but it made reading the script such a pleasure and it really let you see in your mind’s eye what their vision for this movie was, especially the tone they wanted to achieve.

Some other great quotes:

Fat Kid: “Scary German Guy is bitchin”.

And of course, the classic, from Patrick: “Aww, man, Fat Kid farted.”




Totally! Those are great. I also love when stupid Brooke can't repeat what Scary German Guy is saying so she just offers "ya ya, what he said!"

Do you still talk to anyone from the film?

Ryan Lambert (“Rudy”) and I became best friends after that movie. We ended up getting a place together when we were about sixteen. And then we went to Indiana to make a movie together called “Freeze Frame” with everyone’s favorite A-list movie star Shannen Doherty. Ryan lives in San Francisco now, pursuing a music career, but his fourteen year old son is like my godson and lives here in L.A. and I’m still really close to his mom, dad and brother. They’re basically like a second family to me. In fact, Ryan’s dad Bob recently played a part for me in an indie movie I directed. I also ran into Andre Gower ("Sean") a couple years back when I was directing and acting in a play in Hollywood, and we’ve shot a few emails back and forth since, but I haven’t really had a chance to hang out with him recently. You’ve just reminded me that I owe him a call. I haven’t really seen any of the others, although I don’t know if you know this, but Brent Chalem (“Fat Kid”) died a few years back. I believe it was pneumonia, and I think he was working as a legal assistant at the time, but I’m not totally sure I have the correct information.



Holy Fuck! Fat Kid dying is just terrible, terrible news. Why are more people not taking about this? Is Shannen Doherty a bitch?

Yeah, I don’t know why, but it’s not something you hear a lot about. As for Shannen, I haven’t seen her in close to twenty years, so I can’t vouche for what she’s like now, but back then, at 17, she was a nightmare. And I worked with her before she did 90210, before Heathers was even released. She was coming off of Little House and Our House, her whole House period… she was nobody… and she was already brutal to work with. A stunningly unpleasant human being.



The monsters in the film were hot shit, especially the Gill Man and the Dracula Brides. However, what was the deal with the Mummy? He's so thin and decrepit, he makes Nicole Richie look like Shamu! Dakota Fanning could kick that bitch's ass! Why was he so wimpy?

Unfortunately, that’s something you’d have to ask the director, Fred Dekker. Maybe that was Fred’s thing. I mean, I made a career out of playing neurotics and geeks, so why’d they cast me to play a bully? Dakota Fanning could probably have kicked my ass too. It’s very possible she still can.




Was there a premiere party for the Monster Squad? With a red carpet event? Were there any coked up celebrities there? Perhaps the mom from the Goonies, who gives a stirring performance as a misunderstood and ignored wife in the Monster Squad.


The mom was played by Mary Ellen Trainor who at the time was married to the director Robert Zemeckis. She also played Mel Gibson’s police psychiatrist nemesis in “Lethal Weapon”. At least I think that’s what her character was.



There was, in fact, a premiere party at the Hard Rock Café. Arnold Schwarzenegger made an appearance. I don’t remember who else. I spent most of the evening standing in the corner talking with a young Drew Barrymore, who was really sweet. And I guarantee you there’s no way she remembers that. She was probably about twelve.

Here’s a great story from the premiere. It was a huge screening and there were a lot of celebrities there, many with their families, as you might imagine. And all of us young cast members were really excited. Well Billy Crystal was sitting directly in front of me with his wife and kids. And Ryan Lambert was sitting to my right and was really nervous and jumpy and was swinging his foot and kicking the chair in front of… me. So he’s kicking Billy’s chair. And so all of a sudden Crystal turns around and snaps at me, “Stop kicking my chair!”. I mean, he wasn’t even polite or gracious about it and it wasn’t like I’d been warned. And it wasn’t even me! So I was non-plussed and was all “I don’t know what you’re…” and he cut me off and barked “Please! Okay? Please”. Really rude. Really cranky. Really schmucky. But I guess if you’re the man responsible for such comedic gems as “Memories of Me” and “Forget Paris”, it gives you a certain carte blanche to be an asshole to overly excited fifteen year old kids at their movie premiere. What a dick. Ryan swears that years later he was introduced to Crystal at a Laker game and told him the story - and copped to being the kicker - and that Crystal said “Tell him I’m sorry.” But I’m fairly sure that Ryan is a lying sack.


You worked on Life Goes On. What was Corky like? Did he sing? He's got a band now. My favorite song of theirs is "Eating is Fun, Eating is Serious." Do you have a favorite?



I did not know that about Corky’s band, I’ll have to check that out. But he was a really, really sweet kid. And he always remembered me each time I came back, which at the time I thought was impressive. I don’t think I ever saw him sing. But it couldn’t have been any worse than Tommy Puett, who actually did sing on the show. His rendition of “Footloose” in the episode “Spring Fling” was one of the most appalling things you’ve ever heard. It would’ve put Simon Cowell into a coma. I have it on tape, I’ll have to show it to you some time. If you can handle it.

There were a couple of times on that show where I had to kiss Kellie Martin, and I’m fairly sure she was disgusted by it, cause at the time I was a two pack a day smoker. But I carried spearmint Binaca around and tried to make sure my breath wasn’t too ashy. I don’t know how successful I was. Plus, I was nineteen and I think she was, like fifteen, so that was kind of weird.

I was on the set one day on what I think was like my sixth episode and the ABC liaison came over to me and said “We just want you to know… we’re really happy that you’ve joined the cast.” And in my head, I’m thinking “I have? I’ve joined the cast? Sweet!” That was last time I ever worked on the show.


You mentioned you've directed a film. Tell us more about what you are up to now.

I wrote and directed an indie movie called “Pieces of Eight”, which is a character and dialogue driven ensemble romantic comedy about love, relationships, marriage and the one night stand who gets up in the morning and puts on your kimono. Shot the whole thing digitally in a little over two weeks with a cast of fresh new twentysomething actors you’ve never seen before but will soon. It got rejected by Sundance and Slamdance, which I’m beginning to consider a badge of honor, frankly. After all, it doesn’t have any movie stars in it and there’s no scene with Chloe Sevigny giving Vincent Gallo a blowjob. I’m seriously considering dubbing the whole thing in French and adding English subtitles because then it might seem artsy and foreign get some attention.




I’m right now working on creating the DVD and building a website so I can sell the damn thing straight to consumers. And maybe I’ll convince a few retailers to pick it up along the way. But it’s a relationship comedy with no movie stars, no car chases, no guns, no nudity, and a few scattered sociopolitical references. So a tough sell, I admit.

I’m also trying to take my play “Waiting For Ophelia”, which had its world premiere here in L.A. a few years ago, and find a new theater to do a second production of it.

Put two shirtless buff guys kissing in it, and you've got a whole new audience. Homos eat that shit up. OMG, I just realized you were also the voice of Donatello in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II. Is that the one with Vanilla Ice?



Yes. Yes it is. And at the premiere party, a bunch of us were sitting around our table making fun of Vanilla Ice and his performance. And it turned out that one of guys at our table was his manager. Yikes.

Corey Feldman was the voice of Donatello in the original but they recast the role for the second one after his drug bust. That’s where I came in. Well, when it came time to shoot the third one, they re-hired him. I guess that’s how much they hated me. I remember a review of the movie, I think it was in the L.A. Weekly, said something to the effect of “I never thought I’d say this, but I actually missed the presence of Corey Feldman.” Ouch. I blew up that review and framed it, to keep me forever humble.

What do you think of Joan Van Ark?

I can honestly say without a moment’s hesitation that I have never once thought of Joan Van Ark.



Wait, holy shit, and you were a voice on Defenders of the Earth and appeared on Mathnet! You are like a fucking 80s icon! Any stories?

Yeah, on Defenders I was the voice of Kshin, Mandrake the Magician’s adopted Asian son. Although my portrayal of an Asian wasn’t nearly as offensive as, say, Mickey Rooney’s in Breakfast at Tiffany’s. I got to work with some amazingly talented voice actors on that show, like Tress MacNeille who’s been doing various voices on the Simpsons for years.



Thanks Adam, you are hot shit!

Afternoon Crumbs

Everyone loves bubble boy [Popsugar]

Love is in the heir [Just Jared]

Kate Hudson in a bikini, blah [Egotastic!]

The Bulgari burglary [Cityrag]

Wilmer gets some Terra Patrick [Hollywood Tuna]

Heather Locklear shops the pain away [Hollywood Rag]

Denise Richards takes crazy pills [IDLYITW]

HoHan's expensive hotel room [A Socialite's Life]

Kate Moss' Nikon Commercial

Here's a sexy commercial of Kate Moss for Nikon's new Coolpix S6 camera. The commercial is set to premiere today in movie theaters before MI:3. Don't ask me what any of this has to do with Tom Cruise.

She looks hot, though.

[Adrants]

Gayle King to Be Viera's Real Replacement?

Apparently, Rosie O'Donnell was really hired to be a replace to Star Jones. And now producers are looking for a more "newsy" kind of person to fill Meredith Viera's spot. According to Fox News, producers have already decided on Oprah's pussy muncher, Gayle King.

This is all just speculation and according to sources near the show it ain't gonna happen.

I doubt it too. Producers would be stupid to not let Rosie and Star fucking go at it. Ratings gold!

[Fox News][Thanks kitkatwoman]

Nicole Richie in Vanity Fair

This photoshoot of Nicole Richie sucks! They totally photoshopped an ass for her. That was kind of them. That picture above gives me the creeps. It's like a cross between kiddie and geriatric porn. Which basically means not hot. This is the same issues where she talks about wanting to gain weight and shit.





[ONTD]

HoHan Wants Curves

Lindsay HoHan desperately wishes she could have curves and breasts. It wasn't that long ago that she had just that and the bitch is crying about it.

She said: "You want to be called sexy, and you want to have tits and an ass,"

"I like food. I eat all types of things. I'd never be able to do the no carbs and no sugar thing. I just ordered a peanut and jelly sandwich. I like McDonald's and I love sushi.

"I do good stir-frys, but the meal I cooked the other night was grilled chicken Parmesan, sauteed spinach and mashed potatoes."

And she forgot to mention that she can cook up a nice batch of crack! It's not hard to gain weight, just fucking eat and stop doing coke. Shit. Bitch is dumb.

[3am Girls] [Thanks Maria]

How Gay is This?

What in all that is pink and glitter did Ricky Martin do to his hair? Yeah, way to fight the gay rumors. Just get a haircut that makes you look gayer and "special." He's totally going Elton John with this new do.

Sexy Hands!

I totally called it! I knew this man was going to get a bad case of prune hands.

Poor David Blaine, he needs some Neutrogena. That shit is wretched, but I'd still hit it. I bet you that shit would do wonders on exfoliating my ass.






[Towleroad]

Charlie Sheen Hit This

Charlie Sheen has been known to splash thousands of dollars on escorts of the female kind. But a private investigator is making claims that he got freaky with famed Las Vegas tranny, Kayla Coxx.

Kayla responded like this: "I don't want to comment on that. But I will say, I'm so sick of buying cheerleader outfits it's not even funny."

She was of course referring to Heidi Fleiss' statement that Charlie liked her girls to dress up as cheerleaders.

Her ass is nasty, couldn't Charlie have picked a hotter tranny. This isn't that surprising. Charlie seems like a "anything goes" kind of guy and besides doesn't every straight man want to do it with a tranny at least once?

[National Ledger][Thanks Stacy]

Pete Doherty is a True Artiste!

Well, Pete Doherty is true to his word. He really did make some paintings with his own blood and he's gonna get his own show.

The singer is to exhibit them at a London gallery and charge about £1,000 each to sell them, the Evening Standard has learned.

His friends say they help prove his innocence over claims he injected a female fan with heroin while she lay unconscious at his Hackney flat. Doherty was arrested on Saturday by police investigating a photo in The Sun, apparently showing him sticking a needle in the arm of Laura McEvoy, 21.

He faces a maximum 10-year jail sentence if prosecuted and found guilty under the Offences Against The Person Act. But Doherty, 27, claims he was actually drawing blood from Ms McEvoy to use in a painting.

The paintings shown here were completed over the past six months. They are being stored at the home of Paul Roundhill, 51, his self-styled literary agent, in Whitechapel.

Mr Roundhill said today: "I picked these pictures up at his flat in Hackney. Blood paintings are something he has done for a long time. I think they help explain the photograph of Laura. It shows he does do blood paintings." He said convent-educated Ms McEvoy was not a "druggie" but a "nice girl".

"I really don't think Pete was injecting her," he said. "It was just staged."

Ewww, I'm not going near that show. Did he use his own blood? Even if he didn't all his friends are probably druggies and at least one of those whores have HIV and I'm not taking my chances. They better give out masks at the door. Just kidding! It should be safe! Well as long they are covered in plexiglass.

[This is London][Thanks Emily]

Becks Gets Fashion Tips from KFed

I mean....come on....



tragic...



disgusting...



And his inspiration?



[Thanks PoshSlice]

Elijah Wood is Working the Leather Daddy Thing

Elijah Wood is sick of looking like a bottom, so he thought he'd butch up his act a bit. He's actually filming some movie called Day Zero with Chris Klein. He looks so menacing!

[Thanks Youri]

Vince Talks About Jen

On last night's David Letterman, Vince Vaughn finally talked about his boring and high profile relationship with Jennifer Aniston.

Taking a direct approach to get his guest to talk, David Letterman tells Vaughn on Friday night's Late Show, according to a preview obtained by the Associated Press: "Hey, nice going on that Jennifer Aniston thing."

Slightly thrown off balance, Vaughn – who costars with Aniston in the upcoming The Break Up – recovers and responds: "It's very nice of you to say that, Dave, thank you. Yeah, it's been kind of interesting for me, and I just choose not to talk about my private life that much publicly."

Letterman then flat out asks if Vaughn and Aniston are a couple. Replies the comic actor: "I'm not saying we are or aren't a couple. I think she's great, but I just don't discuss whether we are."

As the conversation develops, Vaughn, 36, turns to the audience and, referring to Letterman, announces: "Do you like the way he just kind of takes the approach that it's fact?"

Do we even care anymore? I'd rather hear about the civil uprising in Chechnya. Is there even civil uprising in Chechnya? What the hell is civil uprising? What the hell is Checnya?

[People]

Anna Nicole's Baby Daddy

Star Magazine thinks that Anna Nicole Smith's baby daddy is a 31yo entertainment reporter by the name of Larry Birkhead. The two have been dating for several years. The two met at the Kentucky Derby.

Anna's creepy lawyer, Howard K. Stern said: "If Anna Nicole is pregnant, she obviously doesn't want anybody to know yet. If she's not pregnant, she's not denying the rumor because she thinks it's funny."

If she is preggers, I hope she's not drinking that beer. I wouldn't put it past her ass. I hope that baby doesn't come out retarded or blind.

[Star Magazine]

The Katie Holmes Robot is Complete!

The new Kate Cruise robot was revealed at last night's Mission Impossible 3 premiere in Los Angeles. As expected, Tom and his robot girlfriend smooched and tried to look mighty in love...but we all knew that this poor thing has no idea what's going on. Kate looked tired and fug, but I would look ten times worse if I had to deal with his mess.

In other Tom news....looks like there's a ban on personal ultrasound machines because of his ass.

The Dlisted Report

Jennifer Garner is in final talks to star with Jamie Foxx and Chris Cooper in The Kingdom. The film revolves around an FBI team on assignment in a Middle Eastern country investigating a terrorist bombing in one of the compounds housing Western workers. Shooting begins this June. [THR]

Pierce Brosnan, Chris Cooper, Rachel McAdams and Patricia Clarkson have all signed up for the 1940s set-drama Marriage. The story concerns a married man who cheats; to spare his wife the shame of a divorce, he plots to kill her. Shooting is set to begin this July. [Variety]

Holly Hunter will star in the erotic ghost thriller Frost Flowers. The story is a unique love-thriller that explores the story of Cora (Hunter), a woman from the spirit world who finds herself pregnant with the child of successful young actor David, who has crossed the line and finds that he has the powers to touch and see Cora... their love can only be reconciled with David's death in exchange for the love and life of their child. Gavin Rossdale (Bush) will also star. [Production Weekly]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

Evil Scientival - NoAnjl

First Runner-Up:

Eyes wide shut, butthole wide open. - Stoney Baloney

Second Runner-Up:

Nothing says sodomy like Tom Cruise on a motorcycle, except the word 'sodomy'. - El Bastardo

Hot Slut of the Day!

Cirie from Survivor Panama

Birthday Sluts

Craig David (25)
Henry Cavill (23)
Danielle Fishel (25)
Tina Yothers (33)
Richard E. Grant (49)
Kurt Loder (61)
Roger Rees (62)
Tammy Wynette (64)

WTF is happening to television?

by Lahoma00



In development at Oxygen is a new show, Once More With Feeling. It's described as half-hour reality show that takes someone with an announcement, like a marriage proposal or pregnancy, and follows that person as they learn to sing and dance the announcement in a public place, like a Broadway musical.

This show is either going to suck or be the hottest shit ever! I can't wait for the episode where some bitch tap dances while she tells her boyfriend she gave him gonorrhea!

Tori Spelling is Getting Married

According to The National Enquirer, Tori Spelling is currently in Fiji to get hitched to Dean McDermott.

The former Beverly Hills 90210 star arrived on the South Seas island at 4 p.m. (pacific) and immediately went to the local registrar's office to apply to wed.

Spelling, who now stars on the VH-1 reality hit So NoTORIous spoofing her own life, was granted a divorce April 20 from first husband Charles Shahnaian, according to papers on file in Los Angeles Superior Court and obtained by the ENQUIRER.

The actress will be 33 on May 16. She met McDermott while filming the TV movie Mind Over Murder in Canada last year. Both were married at the time.

They reportedly moved in together shortly after meeting and became engaged Christmas Eve.

The ink is barely dry on her fucking last divorce! I give this one 8 weeks tops!

At least those locals are safe now, because not even a Tsunami is going near that dog face!

[Tabloid Whore][The National Enquirer]

Jake Drops a Load

I'm sure he'd rather be the one getting pumped. I'm sorry bad joke.

The Return of Lewis!

Over a month ago I became fascinated with the hottest cat on Earth: Lewis. Lewis was that crazy bitch who terrorized a Connecticut neighborhood and almost killed an Avon lady. Neighbors were fed up with his ass and wanted him burned alive!

Well, Lewis is going to court! Ruth Cisero is his owner and withdrew her bid for probation, because she would've had to have poor Lewis euthanized. Prosecutors would only allow giving Ruth probation if Lewis was murdered!

Lewis has already become a cult classic over the internet. Over 500 "Save Lewis" t-shirts have been sold in order to raise funds for Ruth's defense. He even has his own MySpace!

Buy a t-shirt here! I know I am. Lewis is way too hot to leave this world! Stupid bitches gotta support one another!

[Thanks Maj]

Afternoon Crumbs

Kellie Pickler is already getting passed around in Hollywood [Hollywood Rag]

Chestica Simpson wants James Blunt's small dick [Egotastic!]

Xtina's new blow-up doll look [IDLYITW]

Prince Willy needs a mystic STAT [Just Jared]

There's no need for Tom Cruise to dance [Concrete Loop]

Madge's nude W magazine pics [Queerty]

Parasite and Matt Leinart cuddle and kiss in Vegas [TMZ]

Is Mischa getting killed off The OC? [Popsugar]

R. Kelly has lost his mind [Crunk + Disorderly]

Jade is My Jesus!

Since the end of Flavor of Love, I have been looking for another reality show bitch that I can fall in love with. I must say that at first I didn't like Jade, but she's quickly become my favorite piece of reality show trash. She is a true philosopher and scholar. She seriously should teach a class at Harvard.

Anyway, this week the girls shot with elephants and this gave us two amazing Jade quotes:

"To be next to a creature that preposterous and that big, it was just like wow"

"I always remember this...shooting with an elephant reminds me of an ancient dinosaur, because they are in the dinosaur family"

I mean...genius!

Star Jones in HIV Scare!

Star Jones still won't admit that she lost 1 million pounds by having gastric bypass surgery. The world knows it, but apparently her scary ass doesn't. Well, the place where she had the surgery was the Scripps Memorial Hospital in San Diego, CA.

The hospital recently has warned its patients that they may have been exposed to the HIV virus. DAMN!

According to the hospital a dumb ass nurse failed to properly clean instruments used in stomach-reduction surgery.

The hospital spokesman said: "the risk (of HIV exposure) is extremely low but to be safe and take every precaution, we are having blood drawn and tested."

The hospital is actually known for its gastric bypass procedures.

I don't think she has much to worry about. All the hate and venom in her body is strong enough to kill any virus.

[MediaTakeOut][Thanks Lucia]

American Idol: Not Elvis!

Everything went according to plan on last night's American Idol!

Spoilers Ahead!!!

Elliot Yamin and Paris Bennett occupied the bottom 2 spots with of course Princess P going home. Everyone saw this coming, because people were getting sick of her freaky ass.

Unfortunately, that leaves the Top 4 in Memphis at Graceland rehearsing for Elvis night. NOOOO!!!!

If I have to see Taylor do another retarded dance, I'm going to choke my own puke. You know he's going to do Jailhouse Rock or even Hound Dog. Why God Why?

Thank God this show is ending soon. I'm over it.

I Don't Care if It's For Charity! Put on Some Make-Up!

Ashley Judd has a gorgeous heart. I mean she's in Guatemala visiting HIV+ babies. She is a true angel and deserves a purple heart. Wait, that's war times right? Ok, like a silver heart or something. Anyway, but couldn't she have brought along her make-up artist...because she seriously needs some eye cream.

Actually, she looks hot in some photos. So, I'm just going to pretend she's going for that dewey, jungle look. I can dig that. Hey, she stills look 1,000,000,000 times hotter than her hog of a sister.

The Jones/Douglas Spawn are Quite Cute!

Catherine Zeta-Jones and her two children, Carys and Dylan, got some ice cream at park. Her kids are quite cute for having a grandpa as a dad. Catherine however...hmm...is she dressing for a 6-day cruise to the Bahamas?









[Teddy and Moo][Thanks Bellastar]

KFed Wants Jessica Alba in a Threesome

Jessica Alba is probably creaming in her panties at the thought of a KFed and Britney Spears threesome. KFed told Power 106 in Los Angeles that he fantasizes about Jessica and wants to get with her and his wife together. Poor Alba...she probably got an STD just from KFed thinking about her in that way.

KFed also dissed one of wifey's hits: "“I don't think there'’s one [song] that I really hate."

” "“I could do without hearing 'Baby One More Time' anymore."

And where's that press conference? I guess it's not happening. Damn, I was hoping Britney was going to dump his ass in front of anyone. Looks like bitch is more dickmatized than we thought.

[National Ledger]

Goodbye Elma

by Lahoma00



Elma Farnsworth passed away on April 28th at age 98. Most of you don't know who this bitch was. She was the wife of Philo Farnsworth, who invented television. In fact, Elma helped Philo in his lab and was the first person to ever be featured on television---in Philo's lab---back in the 20s.

So basically without this bitch's help in the lab, and by keeping her husband Philo happy in the sack, none of us would have TV. What the fuck would my life be? Without Elma shows like Dynasty, Falcon Crest, America's Next Top Model and the late, great Footballers Wives wouldn't exist!

If you think about it, without television, America probably wouldn't be filled with fat stupid fucks like me! Elma is a patriot and I love her!

She Totally Blew Him for a Role

The Prairie Home Companion premiere was held in St. Paul, MN yesterday. Robert Altman and Lindsay HoHan shared an intimate moment. He's probably telling her that he's not through with her mouth. God, I'm disgusting. But he is telling her that.



Why does she look like a 65-year-old woman? No offense to 65-year-old women.



Honestly, Meryl Streep looks like HoHan's daughter!

The End of Footballers Wives

One of the greatest TV shows of all time has been cancelled! Footballers Wives just ended their 3rd season here in the US on BBC America, but has just finished showing their 5th and final season in the U.K. The show's last season wasn't doing so well in the ratings, so the network and producers decided to close the door on this beloved gem.

An insider said that the hugely successful formula, which included weird storylines such as hermaphrodite babies, orgies, rapes, murders and over the top weddings "had run out of steam", and axed because of "falling ratings".

ITV director of drama Nick Elliott said: "It was one of the best series of its time and caught the mood of the early 21st century."

Brian Park, boss of makers Shed Productions, added: "Footballers' Wives has had a great run and we're proud we created one of the most talked about TV shows of recent times. It really caught the mood of the nation.

This saddens me and I'm going to need some time to pull myself together. What saddens me even more is that the show was never given a proper finale. Damn them! Bring Tanya Turner back!

[The Sun]

That Jodie Marsh is So Flat Chested!

I mean she should really consider having her boobs bigger. It's embarrassing and disgusting how flat she is. Why even bother wearing such a revealing outfit if you have nothing to show? Jordan should really give her the name of her personal surgeon, so Jodie can have those things made much bigger.

Let the Suri Picture Bidding Begin!

Tom Cruise is currently shopping around the exclusive picture rights to Suri Cruise. The bidding is apparently up to $1 Million. The bidding war currently underway could reach even higher. Shit, I'll give you a Suri picture for free:



I know, lame. But seriously that's what Suri looks like. Tom did she says he had a head full of hair and gorgeous eyes. It's the same affect.

[Female First]

Jonathan Rhys-Meyers Doesn't Do Actress

Fruit-cake and actor, Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, has worked with the likes of Scarlett Johansson and Angelina Jolie but claims that he's not attracted to them in the least. It's all smoke and mirrors he said and they don't really look like that. He also says that all his friends he's the luckiest son of a bitch in the world, because he gets to bang these beauties all day.

He said: "I go back to Ireland and they're like (of Johansson), 'You fucker, did you ride her? Is she a good ride? I bet you banged the ass off her, didn't you?' "I'm like 'Nah, nah, nah.' My friends are like, 'Angelina Jolie, what's she fucking like?' "These women are much more beautiful in magazines than they'll ever be in real life. They're all airbrushed. I'm not sure that I fancy movie stars. I'm not sure that turns me on."

Sweetie darling, it's not that you aren't turned on by Scarlett and Angie...it's that you're not turned on by vagina. Once you realize that, you'll have a much better time! Cheerio! Oh wait, he's Irish. Um...Lucky Charms!



[Contact Music][Thanks CrankyProf]

Nicole Richie's Doctor Can't Lie For Her Ass Anymore!

Nicole Richie claims she doesn't have an eating disorder and isn't addicted to drugs. She wants everyone to know she's naturally skinny and she eats, but she doesn't gain weight.

She said: "I know I'm too thin right now, so I wouldn't want any young girl looking at me and saying, 'That's what I want to look like.'"

"I started seeing a nutritionist and a doctor... I do recognize that I have a problem, and I want to be responsible and fix it, and I'm on that path right now."

But her doctor, Jeffrey Wilkins, can't say that she's not anorexic.

"If it's not anorexia, she should be able to gain the weight. If it ends up being anorexia we can help her with that."

She's hot, but she has issues. Bitch stop lying, we know you don't eat shit! The only thing this chick eats is laxatives and Dexatrim.

[Post Chronicle]

The Dlisted Report

Forrest Whitaker, Michelle Williams, Catherine O'Hara, Benicio Del Toro, Tom Noonan and Michael Berry haved joined the film adaptation of the beloved children's book Where the Wild Things Are. Catherine Keener stars with Spike Jonze in the directors chair. The film is due to be released in 2008. [Variety]

Catherine Zeta-Jones is in final talks to join the Harry Houdini biopic Death Defying Acts starring Guy Pearce as Houdini. Described as a lavish period film, "Acts" centers on Houdini during the height of his career in 1926, when he toured the world, amassing large crowds with his elaborate and daring escape performances. Zeta-Jones is set to play an exotic psychic with whom Houdini embarks on a passionate affair. Gillian Armstrong (Little Women) is set to direct with shooting to begin this summer in the UK. [THR]

Parker Posey, Gena Rowlands, Jeanne Moreau and Drea de Matteo will star in Broken English. The film tells the story of a dynamic New Yorker (Posey) who meets a mysterious Frenchman. The encounter makes her rethink her cynical outlook on love. [Variety]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

You should see the REALLY big bag of Funions they brought. - pageantgal

runner-up:

"Marijuana is not a drug. I used to suck dick for coke. Now that's an addiction. You ever suck some dick for marijuana?" - Jennifer

[Thanks Maria]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Robert Altman

Birthday Sluts

Lance Bass (27)
Ana Gasteyer (39)
Pia Zadora (52)

A Girl for Britney?

InTouch Weekly is reporting that Britney Spears is knocked up with a girl.

Pregnant Britney Spears has learned that her second child with husband Kevin Federline will be the little girl she has wanted all along, In Touch has learned exclusively.

Sean Preston’s little sister is due in early October, shortly after his first birthday, and already Britney is shopping for frilly, little-girl clothes. A room in her Malibu mansion is currently being converted into a second nursery, an insider says, adding: “She is going with pink.”

Britney is said to be delighted with the news, revealed during a routine ultrasound exam. “She will never admit it, but she had hoped that her first child was a girl,” adds the insider. “Now her family will be complete.”

I'm not sure how they know this shit, but ok! They always get shit wrong anyway.

And the above pictures are old, but make me laugh. That's like some Sears studio shit!

[Thanks Stacy]

Nicole Richie Loves Herself!

A Dlisted reader sent me in this funny story about Nicole Richie:

I actually had the pleasure (barf) to sit next to her those two days and had to tell you that she literally would hand her sony digital camera to her bodyguard (Jose or whatever) and tell him to take pictures of her pretending to talk to her friends!!! Literally...no joke. He would walk around her snapping shots of her turning her head from left to right pretending to mumble shit. Then she would immediately review all photos and say "thanks" or "retake." I couldn't stop laughing......OH, wait, I laughed the hardest when I saw her take two tiny bites of someones burger, that was seriously the best

I love that girl.

Miss Jackson If You're Nasty!

Damn, someone got caught not at the right time. Sucks for her, but is good for us. She looks hot though.

[Thanks Gillian]

You Can Run...But You Can't Hide!

Anthony Kiedis and his girlfriend tried to outwit the paparazzi in Milan, Italy with several disguises. None of it worked, so they made a run for it. I'd totally hit it. Him that is. She's a dog.

Afternoon Crumbs

R.I.P. Earl Woods [Jossip]

Charlie Sheen goes after Heather Locklear [Glitterati]

Sienna Miller and Hayden Christensen are still boinking [Egotastic!]

Katie Holmes' $40 Million Prenup [Cityrag]

Eva LongWhoria likes to play air hockey naked [IDLYITW]

Denise Richards talks, but is anybody listening? [Popsugar]

Nick Lachey is not attracted to HoHan [Hollywood Tuna]

Tom Cruise drinks olive oil [Just Jared]

Janet is still skinny and Jermine DuPree is fat and short [Crunk + Disorderly]

Ivanka Trump makes me wanna la la [Hollywood Rag]

Is There a Shortage of Dudes in Hollywood?!

Seriously!

Lindsay HoHan has been spotted at a L.A. club getting jiggy with Parasite Hilton's ex, Nachos. The two were at Element drinking and dancing like horny people on the dancefloor.

A bartender said: "“Lindsay was all over Stavros. At one point, he had his hand up her skirt!"

Nachos was also seen leaving her hotel room early in the morning.

Good! I'm glad they share each other's men. This way they can keep hep and who knows what other jungle diseases between them!

[The Scoop] [Thanks Lysette]

Can She Give Her Vagina a Break?!

This whore doesn't even let the jizz dry before she goes off finding a new victim. She has split up with Nachos and has confirmed this saying they are just "best friends." Blah Blah Blah...She attended Matt Leinhart's draft party in Vegas at Pure for joining the Arizona Cardinals.

Parasite got on stage and made half of the crowd deaf by singing and dancing like a stripper.

The two were said to be getting all cuddly and shit. Parasite apparently has set her vagina lips on Matt.

When asked if they were dating, Matt denied it and said they were just friends.

Is Nicole Kidman Heartbroken?

The Nicole Kidman/Keith Urban union may be over. They were planning to marry this June, but sources say the wedding has been called off as has the relationship. Keith wants to work on his drug and booze problems and thinks he would do better battling that shit without being in a relationship. Nicole is said to be devastated by the break.

I don't know...they are always off and on. They always seem to kiss and make up. I didn't know his ass had drug problems. He probably just smokes weed and her tight ass thinks he has "drug issues."

[3am Girls] [Thanks Maria]

Jennifer Aniston Buys Chicago Pad!

Jennifer Aniston recently purchased a huge mansion in a Chicago suburb with Vince Vaughn. They reportedly dropped over $10 Million for the 9-bedroom, 13-bedroom, 7 acre estate.

"Jen and Vince have spent ages looking for the right place and when they found this, they knew it was perfect. It's in a quiet, private neighborhood and Vince is so well-liked there that he and Jen are hoping they're just going to be allowed to keep a low profile and get on with their lives."

Sick! That house is going to be a house of boredom. I'm happy for them. Hopefully, she can keep her mouth full with his dick so she can't whine about her ex-marriage.

[Post Chronicle]

Tom Cruise Makes Me Gag

He used to be hot, right? I mean, all of the sexiness and hotness he ever had is all gone. That man is disgusting. His creepy laugh just makes me think of the laugh a serial killer would make after slicing a bitch's throat. He was on Letterman last night and talked about his fake family and went on about how gorgeous "Kate" is.

He also said he can't wait to get married. Yeah, as soon as they put the robot Katie together. Because you know after she gave birth they killed her ass.

What a Stupid Liar!

Angelina Jolie has slammed the rumors that she homerwrecked by the home of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston by wooing Brad with her hypnotic vagina. She still insists that she never fucked his ass while he was with Jen. What a dumb whore.

She said: "I wouldn't be attracted to a man who would cheat on his wife.

"But I've grown too much to be hurt by what people's opinions of my love live is. That doesn't hurt me. I don't read the gossip - although it is never nice when the world feels entitled to an opinion about your family."

Seriously, who is she fooling? We all know she used her powers to bring Brad to the darkside, the better side, but the dark side. She's like a sexy Darth Vader!

[Female First]

Own a Piece of Britney for a Rock Bottom Price!

Britney Spears has yet again slashed the price of her Manhattan apartment. The downtown penthouse has been on the market for 2 years now.

The 4,000-sq.-ft., three bedroom, four and a half bathroom, four-floor apartment (which also has a media room, library and terrace), has a new asking price of $4.55 million, reduced from the previous $4.95 million, reports the New York Observer and confirmed by the pop princess's real-estate broker.

Spears, 24, bought the apartment in 2002 for $3 million and then put it on the market in 2004 – for $6 million, says the paper. Last year the price came down to $4.95 million. The latest reduction is new.

People! Buy this shit! She has another kid on the way and needs more dough. She can always get SPF a job as chauffeur.

In other Brit news she's due to give a mystery press conference tomorrow. Nobody has any idea on what she's going to talk about. Sources think that she's going to officially announce her second pregnancy and split from KFed. Others think that she will announce her next album plans with Jive.

I hope she announces her plans to murder KFed! She needs to hold that shit off until I get a piece.

[People]

JLove is an Angel Sent From Above!

JLove put her mom-bob to good use by acting all maternal for a fallen photographer yesterday. Damn, she's nice. Too nice if you ask me. I bet you she's fucking crazy. She probably keeps money in the freezer and farts in her hand then smells it.

How Does Ken Paves Still Have a Job?

Ken Paves needs to stop kissing Chestica Simpson's ass and start doing her hair. If I had a fucking hair dresser on staff and I went out looking like that, that whore would not only be fired...but he would be killed. Seriously, it looks like two raccoons fought over an apple core on her head. Ewww...Ken Paves is SICK!

A Topless Kimberly Stewart!

I know these aren't the words you wanted to hear this morning, but here's some vintage shots of a 20-year-old Kimbo Stewart taken for an artsy magazine called Black+White in 1999. Reader Obscene Pickle scanned this shit for me. Her face actually looks hot. Barf, I can't believe I typed that shit. But her tits are like missles.


Click here to see NSFW versions!

Somebody Save That Child!

Is Anna Nicole Smith pregnant? God no, it can't be possible.

Anna just won a supreme court ruling that she can still battle for his late husband's millions. Apparently, she may have a new battle with her unnamed baby daddy.

A source said: "Anna's freaking out because she got pregnant by this guy, who's now saying, 'I want money and access to the kid,'"

Her spokesbitches would not comment.

I bet you it's her lawyers baby, Howard K. Stern, you know she hits that. Gross! I don't even want to think of this chick pregnant. She better have an abortion or give it to Angelina.

[NY Daily News][Thanks Stacy]

Keith Richard is Having His Skull Drilled!

Rolling Stone Keith Richards is going to have his skull drilled after he suffered a bad brain haemorraghe from falling out of a palm tree in Fiji. Doctors originally diagnosed him with just a mild concussion. The 62-year-old now has to go under the knife so they can drain blood from his brain.

A friend said: “Keith’s accident has turned out worse than everybody feared.

“After the tests doctors decided they should drain his skull. It has given him a scare but he has been told that he should make a full recovery once it’s done.”

Apparently, the accident happened when Keith climbed the tree to get coconuts. Dumb ass!

Imagine the shit they are going to find in his brain. Pete Doherty is probably rushing over there so he can drink from Keith's drug guts.

[The Sun][Thanks Maria]

Madonna Topless in W Magazine

Madge graces June's cover of W Magazine. It isn't really an interview, but a 58-page photo spread with an equestrian theme shot by Steven Klein. More photos should surface soon including a topless Madge with a horse and shit. I must say, she looks pretty hot.



[Thanks Youri]

American Idol: Funerals are More Exciting Than This

Will this show end already?! I was too bored with that shit to actually sit down and cap it, so I got these from TVGasm. Go read their hilarious recap. Anyway, everybody pretty much sucked as usual. I have to say that I pray Taylor Hicks is the next to go. That bitch is annoying as fuck. We all know that you're quirky and fucking "different", get the fuck over it. I mean his "dancing" has become as predictable as Paula's transparent comments.



His stupid ass even got on the floor to try something new. And Simon totally called it, Taylor is like a bad wedding singer. Even Adam Sandler isn't proud.

Katharine also got on the ground and tried to channel her best Joss Stone. Katharine is probably one of my favorites, but she's still boring as stale oatmeal. And please don't sing Phil Collins, it ain't cute.



Chris was the same, blah and Elliot...well he tries. He still has a face for radio, but he's the most level headed. And Paris...Paris..Paris?! What the fuck was she wearing? That second outfit was like a reject from Beyonce's old closet. Seriously.

So to make this shit short...bottom 2 tonight will be Katharine and Paris with P going home. I'm sorry, but America is probably sick of her freaky ass. She has some small animals to torture anyway and rehearsing for Idol has gotten in the way of that.

The Dlisted Report

Warner Bros. is moving forward on a big-screen adaptation of The Jetsons. The storyline will be based on the popular animated Hanna-Barbera TV show, which revolved around the travails of George Jetson, wife Jane, daughter Judy, son Elroy and their dog, Astro. Adam F. Goldberg is currently writing a new screenplay. [Variety]

Emma Roberts (Nancy Drew) will star in Rodeo Gal. Roberts will play the title character, a debutante equestrian who falls for a cowboy. Circumstances lead her to enter the rodeo. Roberts it the niece of Julia Roberts. [Variety]

The trailer for Bryan Singer's Superman Returns has hit online. It hits theaters June 30th and stars Brandon Routh as the title character. Click here to see it.

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

Britney-PUT THAT BABY DOWN! - Erin

Hot Slut of the Day!

Richard Grieco

Birthday Sluts

Kimora Lee Simmons (31)
Dule Hill (31)
Damon Dash (35)
Bobby Cannavale (35)
Frankie Vallie (69)
James Brown (73)

Seacrest Dumped Snatchers

Teri Snatchers was on Oprah today, crying about whatever and wherever. She answered Ope's questions about those disgusting Ryan Seacrest pictures. Here's how it went down:

Teri: “It was our third date, but it was our first alone. We went to this shacky place, way way outside of L.A…”

Oprah: “How did the paparazzi get there?”

Teri: I have no idea, but interestingly enough I haven’t seen him since that day.”

Oprah: “Not a word since then? What did he say? What did he say when the pictures came out?”

Teri: “The pictures came out three days later. We knew they had been taken. It must’ve bothered him though — bothered him enough that an hour after they were taken he called and said ‘I don’t think I can do this with you.’”

Oprah: “He did? Why?”

Teri: “I don’t know.”

Oprah: “Was it because you were too high profile?”

Teri: “It was because I ate too much lobster. [laughs] No you’d have to ask him.”

WTF? How pathetic is it to get dumped by Seacrest? Especially if you're a woman! She also forgot to mention that it ended because the contract only stated one session.

Michael Jackson Totally Directed This Commercial!

This ain't right.

[Thanks Emily]

Vh1 Will Greenlight Anything!

Are you kidding me?! Who is going to watch this shit? Ok, I am.

[Thanks Stacy]

Wentworth Miller Quote of the Day!

"If you're a young Tom Cruise, Hollywood knows what to do with you because Tom Cruise has worked so well. They're desperate for a young Tom Cruise. But if you don't fit into a particular mould, you have to actually go out and establish that type first."

"It's my greatest hope that in 10 to 15 years there's some casting director in Los Angeles who says, 'I need a young Wentworth Miller'."

[The Daily Telegraph][Thanks Frenkenberg]

Set Your Tivos!!!

Tonight is the hottest night of TV this year! We will see how tight Linda Evan's face is and how beat-up Joan Collin's wig is, because it's the Dynasty Reunion! So watch that shit tonight on CBS at 10pm.

[CBS][Thanks Britton]

The Hot One Gets Arrested!

The hottest member of 98 Degrees was Jeff Timmons and bitch got busted for drunk driving. And he was busted without a valid license.

Timmons, who sang alongside Nick and Drew Lachey in the popular 90s boy band, was pulled over by deputies from the Brevard County, Fla. sheriff's office for going 60 mph in a 45 mph zone, after he left a celebrity softball game.

According to the police report, Timmons was driving with two "very intoxicated" passengers, one of whom Timmons identified as Mitch English, host of the syndicated tv show "The Daily Buzz." The police report indicates that English said he was "unable to drive because he had way too much to drink."

When the police asked Timmons if he had had anything to drink that night, Timmons first replied "a lot" and then said he "only had two beers." When the officer checked Timmons' record, it indicated that his driver's license had expired in 2005 and was suspended.

He was totally fucking Mitch English. Anyway, I know this story is boring but I used to have a crush on his trailer trash ass!

[TMZ]

At Least She's Hiding Her Fug Face!

Scarlett Johansson is carrying around some dumb sign that says she's harassed by photographers. How dumb is this slut? She looks "special." You know her bodyguard are laughing at her ass and can't wait to talk shit about her when they drop her off at the salon to have her tits exfoliated.

Afternoon Crumbs

Anderson Cooper on Vanity Fair [Popsugar]

Kate Bosworth is super [Egotastic!]

Gwen Stefani doesn't know how to carry a dog [Hollywood Rag]

Halle Berry plans to adopt [IDLYITW]

Kate Beckinsale should rethink that outfit [Just Jared]

Ashlee Simpson's nose job [Cityrag]

Nicole Richie's leftover coke [Defamer]

Britney shops for baby clothes [Celebrity Nation]

Khia is some hot shit [Crunk + Disorderly]

Panty Creamer of the Day: Jake Gyllenhaal

What Do These Whores Know About Being Sober?

What the hell? These chicks are actually at a party for drug awareness. It's called 1st Annual "Sober Day USA" Launch Party with The Brent Shapiro Foundation For Drug Awareness. I mean is this a fucking joke? Courtney Love, Paris Hilton and that other one are making a complete mockery of this event! They aren't even sober at this event.

They know nothing about being sober. Now if this was the 1st Annual Dumb Ass Day USA, then ok! They totally think wearing white makes them look drug free and innocent.

Courtney is totally giving Paris her drug dealer's digits below.

Star Jones Out of The View?

Yesterday, I heard from someone that the shit was going down at ABC. Star Jones' contract is up very soon and apparently producers are trying to get her ass off the show. They are hoping Star demands tons of money and Meredith's spot at the table in which it will be easy for them producers to refuse making her walk.

To make matters worse for that fug whore, everyone is waiting for Rosie O'Donnell's presence to really set Star off. People are already speculating that the two will go at it.

Barbara Walters obviously hates Star, because she had this to say about any possible animosity Star may have with Rosie:

"The only concern would be Star's. If Star wants to continue to be there, she is welcome."

Oh, I doubt this ho is going to make it to September's debut. They want this bitch out more than Gay Al wants hard dick.

[Page Six]

American Idol's Top 5

The Top 5 of American Idol will pop our ear drums again tonight. Each contestant will perform 2 songs. One will be a song that debuted during their birth year and the second must be a Top 10 Billboard hit. Here's the rundown:

Paris Bennett -- "Kiss" by Prince (Tom Jones in 1988) and "Be Without You" by Mary J. Blige.

Katharine McPhee -- "Against All Odds" by Phil Collins and "Black Horse and Cherry Tree" by KT Tunstall

Taylor Hicks -- "Play that Funky Music" by Wild Cherry and "Something" by the Beatles (George Harrison wrote this one)

Elliot Yamin -- "On Broadway" by George Benson and "Home" by Micheal Buble

Chris Daughtry -- "Renegade" by Styx and "I Dare You" by Shinedown

I think it's going be Katharine's night. Hopefully, that's the only ho I can really stand. Plus she's got nice ones. Taylor is going to turn up the tourette syndrome with Wild Cherry. Paris is going to butcher Kiss. Ewww...I really don't want to see her making those smoochie faces or I'm going to have to keep a wastebasket nearby to barf into.

[Thanks Stacy]

Katie Holmes Could've Been a Bond Girl

Katie..um..oh..I mean Kate Holmes was apparently the #1 choice for producers of Casino Royale as the latest Bond girl. She was apparently at the top of the list, but then got fertilized with an alien fetus.

The producers said: "Katie's audition is still on file. She wasfavoritee to play a Bond girl. Perhaps she'’ll appear in the follow-up to ‘Casino Royale"

They were really scraping at the bottom of the barrel for this shit. Here's the French teaser trailer for the film. Eh...



[India News]

She's Holy Alright!

Parasite Hilton claims she is a religious woman. She told Out Magazine:

"I'm Catholic. Of course, they're not going to run pictures of me in church."

They can't run in the pictures of her in church, because they are pornographic! You know she does a holy train with all the priests and altar boys.

[Page Six]

Please Let This Sex Man Live!

Magician, David Blaine, began his 7-day long stunt at NYC's Lincoln Center yesterday. David will live in a water-filled tank for a week before trying to break the world record for holding his breath.

The 33-year-old American was lowered into an eight-foot (2.5-meter) high water-filled acrylic sphere at the Lincoln Center for the Performing Arts, where he will remain submerged for seven days.

"My only fear is the unknown," said Blaine before descending into the sphere. He admitted that the world would see something "pretty insane" if his plan goes wrong.

A mask and air line will keep Blaine alive, while food will be provided in the form of liquid nutrition through a tube.

He said that after the week is up, he would come out and be handcuffed, wrapped in 150 pounds (68 kilos) of metal chains and dropped back inside the sphere.

Blaine will aim to hold his breath for about nine minutes, while escaping from the chains. The current world record for a human holding his breath is eight minutes and 58 seconds.

He's gonna get the worst raisin fingers ever!

[CNA]

It's Just a Silly Misunderstanding!

Pete Doherty is laughing off the pictures that surfaced in the British tabloids of him shooting up a passed-out fan with heroin. Pete now claims the syringe was empty and he was actually removing blood from her ass so he could paint pictures. WTF?! I think that injecting heroin into her actually sounds more sane!

Troubled rocker Pete Doherty has told police he was drawing blood from the girl who featured in the British newspaper photographs which prompted his arrest on Saturday.

The pictures, published in Friday's edition of The Sun, appear to depict the self-confessed drug addict injecting himself with heroin, as well as a comatose young fan on his kitchen floor.

But 21-year-old Laura McEvoy, who is seen lying with her eyes closed while the Babyshambles singer inserts a needle into her arm, insists she was fully conscious when the picture was taken.

Doherty told police following his arrest he was taking blood from McEvoy to use to paint pictures - and six of his friends have given statements that no drugs were involved.

Doherty was bailed yesterday after spending a night behind bars.

An unnamed friend of the singer sold the images to the newspaper, claiming they had been taken over the past five weeks.

I want to see the pictures! I love art! Do you think he does landscapes?

[IOL]

Denise is Setting Her Sights on David Spade

Uh-oh! David Spade better watch his ass, because he pissed off Denise Richards. David recently called her ass a back stabber for hooking up with Richie Sambora, Heather Locklear's estranged husband. David has a reason to defend Heather, he's apparently dating her!

A source very close to Richards tattled to Page Six: "David is notorious for preying on married women like Heather Locklear and Rebecca Romijn and Krista Allen, who goes back and forth between David and George Clooney . . . And Heather was seeing David last year." (While we didn't want to interrupt our source, we should point out that Allen is not married.)

By way of comparison, our Richards intimate insisted that the "Wild Things" actress only began dating Sambora in March, after both of their marriages had fallen apart.

Spade's spokeswoman, Meredith O'Sullivan, said of our source's claims: "These remarks are completely false and unfounded. It is unfortunate that anyone would feel the need to attack the character of someone who has done nothing wrong and isn't involved in this situation."

I must say that David has got his game on. He always seems to be romancing the hot chicks just at the right time. When they are vulnerable as easy! However, I wouldn't fuck with Denise. She has time on her hands and an ice heart! She's hot shit.

[Page Six]

HoHan is a Clumsy Coke Fiend!

HoHan held a press conference yesterday for her newest failure, Just My Luck or Just Gonna Suck as I like to call it.

HoHan waddled in with crutches and explained that she slipped AGAIN! This is like the third time in 6 months that this dumb whore fell down. Doesn't she know that coke totally makes you clumsy!

She said: "I was coming out of the shower yesterday morning and I slipped. I have a hairline fracture in my foot," she continued. I can't wear heels though. That's the bad thing."

She showed the press that having a fractured foot wasn't getting her down and she immediately did push-ups.

That just shows us you can fuck. What the hell? Looks like she didn't look a little boo-boo hinder her partying. She got on a plane and attended the Costume Gala in NYC.

Damn, she's stupid.

[Chicago Tribune][Thanks Stacy]

The Costume Institute Gala - Part III

Finally! These are the last set of pictures I'm going to show your ass from this boring ass-event! I promise.

I just had to show you the gorgeous Charlize Theron. She is seriously at the top of my list. Not only is she a stoner, but this bitch can dress. I know you whores are going to rip her apart, but she's perfect. She can play Krystal, Alexis AND Fallon in the Dynasty remake!

That clown with her is Galliano. Gross.





The Corpse Groom and his Jello and yes she had to show us the back!





Eva, you ain't ever gonna be Jello. Nice rack, though.





Just for fug!

The Costume Institute Gala - Part II

And here we go again! Damn! So many bitches turned out to see some GD costumes last night.

Of course HoHan showed up. Where there's an open bar and dick, she'll arrive. Seriously, I bet you she crashes bar mitzvah's in Hoboken and shit.





Jessica Alba is still gorgeous, however she's looking more and more like America's Next Top Model material and that isn't a good thing.





Elizabeth Hurley is a peach mess in this frock that she probably borrowed from Miss Teen USA 1999.





Chloe Sevigny...ruffles do not de-fug your face!



Dita Von Teese is the hottest shit and Marilyn Manson scares the hell out of me.



Kate Moss....that's a hot pantsuit! Too bad she got coke residue all over it later in the night.



Mandy Moore is more like Mandy Boore!

The Costume Institute Gala - Part I

Last night was the MET's Costume Institute Gala celebrating British designers or some shit. Every year when the MET throws this event in NYC, it gives celebrities the chance to look their most heinous.

Sarah Jessica Parker didn't let this chance pass her by! She was always jealous of those Scottish ponies. So now she gets to dress like one for just one magical night! Like Cinderella or like Cinderhorsie! Alexander McQueen escorted her. He put the Queen in well Queen.







Ashley Olsen went overboard with the red lipstick. But overall she looks hot.



Her sister MK is another story! Damn, I guess she's trying out for that Elvira reality show.





Kim Basinger is a yawn-fest. Doesn't she have to be at home slandering Alec Baldwin?



Sienna Miller dropped by in something she picked up at Forever 21. She's just stopping in for a Red Bull and Vodka before she boinks the entire cast of Pride & Glory.





Posh my dear. This was so important to her. You know she didn't sleep a wink, because she was so excited that she actually got invited to an American event. Too bad she wore that same dress a few days ago. Ask Becks to up your allowance!





And why isn't Scarlett exposing more breast?

Who Cares?!?

Parasite Hilton and Nachos have finally called it quits.

The two have been dating over a year and have finally ended their shit after months of speculation.

Her spokeswhore said: "It is not my policy to comment on my client’s private life. But I would not offer a denial."

Parents, hide your sons! There's a Parasite on the loose!

[People]

The Dlisted Report

Jack Black will star in Be Kind Rewind. The film stars Black as a man who becomes accidentally magnetized while trying to sabotage a power plant. His magnetic field erases all the tapes in the video store where his best friend works. To save the store, the duo re-enact and re-film every movie that its single loyal customer, an elderly woman, rents. Michel Gondry (The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind) will write and direct. [Variety]

Richard Gere and Terrence Howard (Hustle & Flow) are currently in talks to star in Spring Break in Bosnia. The comic drama is based on an Esquire article by Scott Anderson about the half-hearted attempt he and fellow journalists Sebastian Junger and John Falk made at corralling an alleged Bosnian war criminal. The three found themselves in a predicament when they were identified as a CIA hit squad. Shooting will begin this summer in Europe. [Variety]

Luke Wilson will join Sarah Jessica Parker in Vacancy.The script by Mark L. Smith concerns a couple who check into a motel and, unaware there's a hidden camera, become the subjects of a snuff film. Wilson would play the husband, Parker the wife. [Variety]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

Lowered Expectations entry #314: Kathy

Hi, I'm Kathy. I love cats, walks in the park, watching Oprah, collecting miniature owls and eating mayo. - Prico Latino

[Thanks Nic]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Karrine Steffans

Birthday Sluts

David Beckham (31)
Brooke Hogan (18)
Jenna von Oy (29)
The Rock (34)
Stephen Daldry (45)
Christine Baranski (54)
Bianca Jagger (61)

Would You Hit It?

Brendan Fraser: Yeah, but somebody get that ho propecia right away.





On a sidenote: Thanks for putting up with my technical issues today. You guys are the hotness. They are currently installing a new server, because this bitch keeps crashing. I should be up by morning times!!!

Chelsea Clinton is Like the Walking Dead!

Former first child, Chelsea Clinton, walked the streets of New York in search of virgin blood.

Damn, ho looks beat up. I know Chelsea isn't trying to be a beauty, but still. She needs a mystic, face work and a 10-hour nap. I hope that water she's drinking is vitamin water. She needs some nourishment.

How Gross is Rachel Zoe?

She's disgusting! This is the woman that apparently got Nicole Richie and HoHan addicted to coke! She's like pushing 50 at least and holding on to 20 so bad. Ewww, she turns my shit black!

Even Gina Gershon threw up all over her plate by just looking at that wreck!

Afternoon Crumbs

Britney frustrates her agents [TMZ]

Jessica Alba is a woman in charge [Hollywood Rag]

Eminem and his mom patch things up [Glitterati]

Rosie O'Donnell to get glam [A Socialite's Life]

Tom Cruise drops a bomb [Just Jared]

Superman flies [Egotastic!]

Deryck Whibley is a beast [IDLYITW]

Chestica Simpson is a dog [Popsugar]

The dangerous David Blaine [Popbytes]

He's Cleaned Up!

Colin Farrell and Piper Pearbo (she was in Coyote Ugly) posed together at the premiere of First Snow at the Tribeca Film Festival. He actually doesn't look like he's just rolled out of a crack den. I think he even took a shower to the event! And someone should tell Piper to not even try the sexy.

Don Johnson is a Father!

Don Johnson and his wife of 7 years have welcome their third child into this cruel world!

The 27 1/2" long, 7 lb. baby boy, who is yet to be named, arrived Saturday morning at a Los Angeles hospital, according to spokesman Elliot Mintz, who quoted Johnson as saying he was "over the moon times six."

Mother and baby were both doing well, reports the Associated

I guess Don's 56yo sperm is still working.

[People]

Jennifer Aniston is Soothing Me

With all these server issues...these pictures (which may be old) of Jennifer Aniston playing frisbee are truly soothing to me. The other person isn't in any of the pictures. Therefore, I'm just going to have to assume that she's playing by herself. She doesn't have any friends. I feel sorry for her.

Water Birth for Brangelina

Angelina Jolie is reportedly going to have her first birth-child in a tub full of water. Angelina and Brad Pitt have been checking out the tubs at the Welwitschia Hospital in Namibia.

A source at the hospital said: "It will be natural and beautiful. "Instead of a man like Brad being pushed into the corner of a labour ward, he will be part of the birth process."

Is that water even clean?

[Female First]

Alessandra Ambrosio Doesn't Like Madonna

Brazilian model Alessandra Ambrosio didn't like the fact that Madge played the Coachella festival in the desert of California.

She said: "I'm here for anything but Madonna. Madonna is too pop to be here."

What would she know? She was too busy doing lines in the port-o-potty.

Madge played a quick 30-minute set to a hordes of fans in the dance tent.



In other Madge news...according to sources her husband, Guy Ritchie, will follow her all over the world to film a documentary on her latest tour. He's apparently only doing this to save their marriage. They believe that this will hopefully bring them closer together. Yeah, but it will ruin his career yet again!

[Contact Music]

More Technical Difficulties

A Monday wouldn't be complete without server issues. I'm working on this shit after I drink 4 shots of espresso and get a Brazilian. This shit is frustrating! So the site looks like Paris Hilton's wonky eye right now, but be patient.

xoxoxoMichaelK

Blind Items...You Guess...I Guess...

Could it be that a certain bilingual babe has been flitting around the Big Apple with that terribly attractive lady lover? Ever since these two were thrown together as co-presents, tongues have been wagging that the two are more than friends. The sexy starlet and the grounded guru?
A high-flying combination, to be sure, but one that has all the ingredients for a spicy dish that will leave you wanting more. Stranger things have happened. [Billy Masters]

Penny & Salma!

WHICH A-list comedian shocked cast members on his latest film when his improvisation of a scene went a bit too far? He undid his fly, peed in full view of everyone on set and walked off. [3AM Girls]

Chris Rock

Which allegedly hetero Hollywood leading man celebrated his birthday with a gay ménage à trois? The story comes with another report that he gives his hookups strict instructions about how much he's allowed to be touched. [Gatecrasher]

Matthew McConagay

Viva Anna Nicole!

YAY! Momma's gonna be able to afford a new weave soon!

Anna Nicole Smith won a ruling this morning from the U.S. Supreme Court giving her a new chance to collect millions of dollars from her late husband's estate.

The justices unanimously overturned a U.S. appeals court ruling that the blond widow was entitled to nothing because federal courts lacked jurisdiction to hear claims that are also involved in state probate hearings.

The high court sent the case back to the federal appeals court in California for more proceedings in the long-running legal battle involving the former Playboy centerfold who also had her own reality television show.

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said in the ruling for the Supreme Court that the appeals court was wrong and the district court properly asserted jurisdiction over Smith's claims against the son.

I wonder how many times she had to make Ruth cum in order to get that ruling. She totally titty fucked her clit. Like my bodeeee?

[Reuters][Thanks Stacy]

Smoking is Soooo Sexy and Hot!

Parasite Hilton is proving once again that not only is she the most useless thing on the planet. I mean she's more useless than pet rock. But she's a terrible role model to just about anyone! And here's why I say this:

"Smoking is so sexy.

"It's like so cool how you all smoke everywhere in the UK."

I bet you she smokes cigs out of her chocha as a party trick.

[Female First]

I Must Find Posh!

Posh Beckham is in NYC! I must track her down and force feed her a Quiznos sub! A large one on white bread and tons of melted cheese. Bitch needs the carbs, because she's turning into an amphibian! Honestly, she's going to grow a tail and a large tongue and slither away into the marsh.

Nicole Richie is Officially an Elderly Woman

Look at how much hair she lost?! She's going bald! She went from 21 to 85 super-fast. Anyway, here's our favorite granny at Coachella with Taryn Manning. Since when is it hot to go looking like a dirty rat with huge sunglasses and tons of scarves. It's fashion darling.

Lindsay HoHan was shocked to find another woman/girl/whatever at Brett Ratner's home. Late last Monday night, HoHan decided to stop by his house with a friend unannounced. She had tried to call him all night, but he wasn't answering.

Once she arrived, her ass was shocked to find Brett in bed with his girlfriend, model Alina Puscau.

Her ass didn't know he had a chick.

A source said: "Alina jumped out of bed and went ballistic. They started screaming at each other and took the fight first into the living room and then out to the driveway while Brett hid in the bedroom.

"Lindsay said she could get Alina deported and left. What she doesn't know is that Alina and Brett are so serious, he gave her a big diamond promise ring last November which she wears on her right hand. She doesn't care that he may cheat. She's got the big diamond ring."

Why couldn't these bitches fight? Boring. Anyway, HoHan and Brett patched things up and insist they are just friends.

Brett is fat and directs bad movies. I don't know why a bitch would want him anyway.

[Page Six]

The Dlisted Report

Catherine Keener and Vince Vaughn will co-star in the Sean Penn directed Into the Wild. The film, which chronicles the true story of Christopher McCandless, who graduated from college in 1992, abandoned his possessions and hitchhiked to Alaska to live in the wilderness and return to nature. He died four months later in an abandoned bus at a remote campsite. Emile Hirsch will play McCandless. [Variety]

McG (Charlie's Angels) is producing the remake of Revenge of the Nerds. Kyle Newman will direct the film which is currently being written for Fox. [THR]

Chris Cooper will star with Jamie Foxx in The Kingdom. Cooper and Foxx play part of an FBI team that goes into a Middle Eastern country to investigate a terrorist bombing in one of the compounds that houses western workers. Shooting will begin this Spring. [THR]

RV was the #1 movie this weekend with $16.4 Million. United 93 opened in the #2 spot with just over $11 Million. Stick It also debuted at #3 with just under United 93. [Box Office Mojo]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

catdog? - Tabatha

runner up:

Mighty Hermaphrodite! - Maldaror

[Worth][Thanks Nolta]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Casey Kasem

Birthday Sluts

Joanna Lumley (60)
Julie Benz (34)
Wes Anderson (37)
Tim McGraw (39)
John Woo (60)
Glenn Ford (90)

It's Amazing How Two Pictures Can Ruin Your Sunday

There goes my lunch and my nap. Here's Star covering up her nasty tits at the Daytime Emmys. Too bad she didn't think to put those things over her face as well.

Jamie Lynn Spears at Boyfriend's Prom

She's like the opposite of her sister! I mean...she actually combs her hair and washes her face. Thank God, little JL has gone on a different path! She will be saved!

She'll be knocked up by Christmas.

We All Knew She Was a Dyke!

The News of the World did a little expose on Lost star Michelle Rodriguez. They were interested in finding out about her relationships with women. Yeah, she's a big lesbian. I didn't think that was a huge mystery? I remember a few years ago she was arrested or in trouble with the law for getting into a huge fight with her girlfriend outside their NJ home. Anyway, apparently she's been known to fuck Blu Cantrell and Kristianna Loken. I wouldn't be surprised if she got into Pink's pink either. Who knew Blu swung that way?

According to the article she's like the lesbian Angelina Jolie, a true woman eater. I'm sure she eats pussy like a champ!

Click here to read the entire thing.

[Thanks X]

A Little Botox, Right?

Cindy Crawford's skin is like flawless. Zero wrinkles. She's been botoxed out, right? Here she is with her hot husband at a Lakers game. He needs some lips though. She should share the injections!

Hot Slut of the Week: Inger Nilsson aka Pippi Longstocking

Age: 47
Birthday: May 4, 1959
Birth Name: Karin Inger Monica Nilsson

Original Date of Hot Slut of the Day: April 27, 2006
Claim to Fame: The original Pippi Longstocking in Sweden

Where is she now? She's still acting in her native Sweden

Why is she Hot Slut of the Week? Pippi was my first crush, probably because she was more of a boy than me!

A Lolita Looking Angelina Jolie

Here's a teenage Angelina Jolie in a short film she made years ago. She's hot, but that shit's boring.

[Thanks Sweetcan]

Little Mallory Keaton is All Grown Up!

And fug!

Jake Gyllenhaal Offensive? NO!

Jake Gyllenhaal has offended Gulf War veterans with a little comment he made while promoting Jarhead in England.

He said: "The U.S. soldiers were sent to the desert for 122 days and they sat in the same tent and did nothing, except a little too much masturbating."

Methinks Jake has been watching way too much gay porn.

[Starpulse][Thanks Stacy]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Rowan Atkinson aka Mr. Bean

[For KitKatWoman]

Birthday Sluts

Willie Nelson (74)
Kirsten Dunst (24)
Johnny Galecki (31)
Lars Von Trier (50)
Jill Clayburgh (62)
Cloris Leachman (80)