They Love Each Other!

Charlize Theron and Stuart Townsend made like love at a Lakers Game. Get a room! I wonder if the smoked an apple before the game?

She's hot shit, though.

David Blaine is Going to Die

David Blaine is currently preparing for his huge underwater stunt. The stunt is called "Drowned Alive" and will involve David living for 7 days in a fish bowl like device underwater. After the 7 days he will come out of the fish bowl and try to hold his breath, breaking the world's record. But yesterday during preparation bitch passed out while trying to hold his breath. He blames it on exhaustion.

He said: "I've been working too hard and I'm already dieting, so missing one meal can really mess me up,"

This ho is hot, but nuts.

[Page Six]

And You Call Yourself a Model!

Christy Turlington showed off her true fugliness at the Tribeca Film Festival. What the hell kind of outfit is that?! Is she starting an Andrew Sisters tribute band?

HoHan's Trailer Trash Family!

Damn! Lindsay HoHan comes from a family full of straight-up pieces of trash! Not only is her father in the slammer for drunk driving, but her fucking uncle pleaded guilty yesterday for swindling a 9/11 fund.

Paul Sullivan, 48, pleaded guilty to ripping off a 9/11 victims' relief fund. Sullivan, brother of Lindsay's mom, Dina, admitted stealing $646,900 intended to help struggling downtown businesses by forging U.S. Treasury checks and cooking the books of his Ropa Group company. He faces 37-46 months in the Federal pen.

No wonder her ass is a coke fiend! Trash runs through her veins!

[Page Six]

What is a Grown Man Doing in a Palm Tree?

Keith Richard was hospitalized in New Zealand after falling out of a palm tree at a luxury resort in Fiji. Keith, 62, suffered a mild concussion and was treated just as a precaution.

"Following treatment locally and as a precautionary measure, he flew to a hospital accompanied by his wife, Patti, for observation," Curtis said.

The statement did not elaborate on Richards' condition or explain how he was injured.

But media reports in Australia and New Zealand said Richards hurt his head after falling out of a palm tree at an exclusive Fiji resort and remained hospitalized in Auckland.

A newspaper report Sunday said Richards was flown to Auckland's Ascot Hospital on Thursday after the accident. Hospital duty manager Steve Kirby would not comment on whether Richards was a patient there, citing the hospital's privacy policy.

The Fijilive.com news Web site reported that the accident was believed to have happened at Fiji's exclusive Wakaya Club resort.

I still need an explanation on what his ass was doing on a tree?! Bitch was high.

[Forbes][Thanks Stacy]

Glamour. Beauty. Class. Jordan.

Jordan never ceases to take my breath away like a punch in the stomach. Here's our girl at the Millionare's Fair in Shanghai. What is the MF? Well, it's just that. It's a huge fair held in Shanghai for Millionares. They showcase new luxury products, vacations, entertainment, etc... So what was Jordan doing there? Well, she's a fucking millionaire.

But she was probably there to give titty fucks to Japanese businessman.

Wonky Eye

Can you get wonky fixed? Lucy Liu has it bad. One eye is like twice the size of the other. She's hot, but that eye thing totally makes her look like a retarded fish. And that's not an Asian joke! Ling Woo from Ally McBeal still gets me everytime though.

Hot Slut of the Day!

Crystal Waters

Birthday Sluts

Michelle Pfeiffer (48)
Andre Agassi (36)
Master P (36)
Uma Thurman (36)
Carnie Wilson (38)
Eve Plumb (48)
Daniel Day-Lewis (49)
Kate Mulgrew (51)
Jerry Seinfeld (52)

KFed Doesn't Even Know!

KFed was a guest on L.A.'s Power 106 this morning. When quizzed about his woman being knocked up. He said this:

"I wouldn't bet on it."

I hate to say it, but I think her ass is pregnant and separated from his dumb ass. And yes I'd still hit it.

You can listen to the entire shit here

[TMZ]

TiVo the Daytime Emmys Tonight!

Apparently, the official announcement about Rosie O'Donnell joining The View will be made at tonight's Daytime Emmys on ABC. Someone wrote and told me it's going to be hot. I hope they do some huge production number and Rosie shoots Star with a fucking pistol. Only that way it would be hot or if Rosie told Star that she ran into her husband at Rawhide.

Anyway tune in...Kelly Monaco is also supposed to whore it up with some slutty dance number.

Fill in the Blank

Lisa Rinna's lips remind me of __________

On a sidenote, I started this new feature yesterday afternoon and you bitches had me cackling in the hall like a crazy Liza Minnelli! I love it. Well, this morning I see this. I guess imitation is the sincerest form of flattery!

The Hottest Reality Show Since Flavor of Love!

I don't have Fox Reality Channel, but I'm considering on getting sattellite in order to watch this mess of a show.

The FOX Reality Channel will this fall air a three-hour, three-episode series that follows four porn stars as they learn to act.

My Bare Lady “will follow a group of U.S. porn stars as they travel to London and attempt to carve out acting careers on the West End stage,” according to the Hollywood Reporter. We’ll see “[t]heir experiences undergoing a crash course in acting and appearing before a discerning British audience,” Reuters reports.

The paper notes that the show is being co-produced with a British production company using a financial model never before used with reality TV that “will give both companies a chance to air an ambitious, high-production-value show for less than it would cost to make in the U.S.”

It's funny that these hos will perform in the West End. I'm sure they've done the West End many times. Ok, I have no idea what that means but it was my lame attempt to try and make the London stage sound dirty.

[Reality Blurred]

Jade Quote of the Day!

From America's Next Top Model:

"With Jade what you see is what you get. Don't judge a book by its cover."

Kirk Cameron's Banana Friend!

*I had to remove the embedded player, because it was crashing some of your browsers. So click here to see it!*

Those crazy Christians!

[Thanks Avrielle]

Afternoon Crumbs

Freddie Ljungberg gets banned from Sweden [Towleroad]

A Mischa Barton upskirt [Egotastic!]

How does she keep getting hot guys? [Just Jared]

Cheap imitations [Cityrag]

Brad and Jen are extremely professional [IDLYITW]

Charlize to play Marilyn? [Glitterati]

Tom Cruise stops everything for his fans [Hollywood Rag]

Omarosa and her new tits [Crunk + Disorderly]

Cirie from Survivor is a true mastermind [TVGasm]

There's no hiding Scarlett Johansson's breasts [Hollywood Tuna]

Tyra Banks is Dating a Drag Queen

Tyra Banks and director/writer/actor Tyler Perry seem to be an item. According to sources Tyra has been desperate to get Tyler's attention and it seems that her hard work has paid off.

At Friday’s performance of Perry’s “Madea Goes To Jail” at the DCU Center, the “America’s Top Model” mistress only had eyes for Tyler “like an adoring significant other,” said Someone Who Was There.
She was in the audience last month in Philadelphia for the “Madea” madness. After which, the pair was, “chillin’ backstage pretty cozily,” said our spy. According to the gossip from that gig Tyra had flown 3,000 miles from La-La to take in Tyler’s show.
“Tyler and Tyra have been friends for some time now,” Banks’ spokesgal Melissa Kates said at the time. “She was amongst a large group of entertainers congratulating Perry on his most recent success.”

That's cute! They can share wigs!

[Boston Herald]

I Thought We Talked About This Mimi!

Why does she insist on buying her clothes at fucking Judy's!? Does that even exist anymore?

How Did This Woman Have a Kid?!

Didn't the having a penis get in the way of that? Just kidding! I love Janice Dickinson. She is a train wreck in every sense of the phrase. I think she just knows how to get attention so she does it. She knows her time in the spotlight is slowly coming to an end. So why not act the fool and embarrass your kids in order to get a few pictures some rags. Right? Oh and I think she always had trout lips like that.

Damn, I Guess She is Knocked Up

Access Hollywood is confirming US Weekly's confirmation of the pregnancy of Britney Jeans Spears. Brit is 5-months pregnant and this comes only 7-months after the birth of SPF.

The only thing that's certain is you will probably never seen her ass looking like this:



Again...

Getaway to Namibia!

Namibian officials are hoping that the birth of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's baby in their country will help boost their tourism.

Namibian's Ambassador said this: "It would be an honour for Namibia to become the birthplace of the Pitts' first biological child. If Angelina Jolie gives birth in Namibia, she would have done for our tourism sector what our tourism board budget cannot do in a year. The publicity we are receiving is because of Angelina and Brad and not the paparazzi. The paparazzi will not come to Namibia on their own. They will only do so when following a celebrity. Angelina and Brad Pitt can boost tourism but the paparazzi cannot."

I think this is a great idea! I can see the ads now!

Namibia: Homewreckers Welcome!

Namibia: The Only Place You Can Truly Get Away From Jennifer Aniston!

Namibia: We Embrace Wearing Sunglasses 24-Hours a Day!

[Contact Music]

Denise Richards is a Lying Bitch!

According to Charlie Sheen's friends, Denise Richards completely lied about allegations that he was into gay kiddie porn and threatened to kill her ass. His manager claims that Charlie requested 50-50 custody from Denise and she turned his ass down. When he told her that he was going to take her to court for it, she released those shocking tidbits just a day before the launch of his little girl's clothing line.

His manager said: "Did he gamble on sports? Big deal. Every guy I know does. Show me a guy who hasn't seen porn on the Internet. Does that mean he's not a good father? No. This guy lives for his kids. And she drummed all this up so he can't see his kids. It is the single worst behavior of a parent I have ever seen."

Of course his own manager is going to defend him...I mean duh! I still find it kind of weird that he has that little girl's clothing line.

[Post Chronicle]

Sharon Stone Needs a New Stylist

Her breasts are looking fantastic though. A little lumpy, but I like that shit.

Elizabeth Taylor is NOT Dying

Yesterday I posted a story on how Elizabeth Taylor was almost knocking on the Gates of Heaven. Her spokeswhore claims that's a falsity!

Dick Guttman says that he can refute every allegation in these published reports. In fact, he says they didn't get anything right.

Guttman says Taylor has a very busy life, with her successful perfume and jewelry lines and the work she does for AIDS.

The published reports have gone, as far as, to say Taylor is already planning her own funeral and she wants to be laid to rest next to her ex-husband, Richard Burton. Guttman says those are also lies.

The endless health stories surrounding Taylor's supposed impending death, Guttman says, have just become exasperating.

Thank the Lord. Hopefully, we're have more moments like the time she totally fucked up presenting at The Golden Globes. That was a classic!

[ABC News][Thanks Stacy]

Is That Her Kid?!

Elizabeth Hurley got some ice cream with her son in London. That boy is cute! He belongs in like the Harry Potter movies or some shit. Thank God he doesn't resemble his mom. I know some of you like her, but I can't stand her ass.

Pete Doherty is a Hero!

Yup, the pictures say it all. It's our guy Pete Doherty injecting heroin into a girl passed out on the floor. How kind of him.

DRUG fiend Pete Doherty stoops to a shocking new low in pictures showing him injecting heroin into an unconscious fan.

The junkie Babyshambles singer, who has won the heart of supermodel Kate Moss, was snapped jabbing the pretty youngster as she lay in his squalid kitchen.

Other pictures seen by The Sun show the rocker — who faces drugs charges — injecting himself and being helped to take drugs by a girl using her hands to form a makeshift tourniquet.

Yet another sees Doherty, 27, smoke a “crack bowl”, his tattooed and blood-stained arms betraying his addiction.

The disturbing scenes were captured by a pal at Doherty’s pad in Hackney, East London, within the last five weeks.

As disgusting as this it is. It doesn't surprise me at all. I'm actually surprised that pictures like this didn't surface earlier. Bitch is on death watch! That bitch that's letting him shoot her up must be retarded. His needle contains some nasty ass shit.

[The Sun] [Thanks Stacy & MomtheMumsie]

I Kinda Love Melissa Joan Hart!

I think she might becoming one of my favorites. Why you ask? Because she's fucking trash! Here she is at the Broadway opening of The Wedding Singer and she doesn't give a fuck that she's wearing a leftover costume from Sabrina the Teenage Witch or the fact that she's bloated as hell. I can dig that.

UPDATE - Reader Bridget pointed out her lovely nursing pads from behind the dress. That's reason #34 that I love MJH!

Who the Hell is Daniel?

I mean...I know Alec..I know Billy..I even know Stephen! But who the fuck is Daniel Baldwin? Whoever he is, he got busted for cocaine.

TMZ has learned that Daniel Baldwin has been arrested on charges of possession of cocaine. Police sources tell TMZ that Daniel, brother to Alec, Stephen and Billy, was arrested on April 22nd, after cops received a call that a woman had been threatened at the Ocean Park Motel in Santa Monica, California.

We're told that the police responded to a motel room where Baldwin and man named Buddy Winston were front and center. Cops said they found cocaine and arrested both men. Baldwin's bail was set at $10,000.

I wouldn't expect anything less from a Baldwin! Even a broke, non-famous one!

[TMZ]

Star Jones is Shaking in Her Payless Shoes!

It's true! Rosie O'Donnell will join the cast of The View replacing Meredith Viera. The news hit last night and the announcement is expected to be made during today's View in a few minutes.

Star Jones is fucking shitting in her pants! I can't wait for the kinds of argues that will take place!

[AP]

The Dlisted Report

Adrien Brody and Lindsay Lohan will star in the romantic comedy Speechless. The project, previously known as "The Guided Man," is a modern Cyrano de Bergerac story about an introverted man (Brody) who is invited to give a speech at his childhood friend's wedding and turns to a service that allows someone -- played by Lohan -- to speak through him. Shooting is scheduled for later this year. [Variety]

The teasers trailer for the new film starring Brad Pitt called The Assassination of Jesse James has launched. Click here to see it!

Halle Berry and Morgan Freeman may star together in The Patient. Freeman plays a mental patient at a Harlem hospital psychiatric ward who believes himself to be Santa Claus. And Halle Berry plays the psychiatrist who's evaluating him. Shooting begins this summer for a Christmas 2007 release. [Coming Soon]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

Looks like George W. Bush is gonna be added to Mt. Rushmore - fo sho

[Thanks Lohan]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Tiffani Thiessen

[For Marcia]

Birthday Sluts

Jessica Alba (25)
Penelope Cruz (32)
Elisabeth Rohm (33)
Mary McDonnell (54)
Ann-Margaret (65)
Saddam Hussein (69)

Panty Creamer of the Day: Mickey Rourke

at a party a Vanity Fair party for The Tribeca Film Festival

Please Let This Shit Get Ugly!

Chestica Simpson is apparently heartbroken over Nick Lachey's story to a magazine. Nick told US Weekly that he felt sucker punched by her and that she refused marriage counseling. He also said he didn't know if she cheated or not. Ches was devastated and didn't think he would do something like that, says friends.

She felt that only said those things to get publicity for his upcoming album which drops in 2 weeks.

Hmm...I wonder where he learned to exploit his personal life in order to promote his two-bit album?

[People]

Julia Stiles Looks Like Amateur Porn

Julia Stiles attended the United 93 screening at the Tribeca Film Festival after a ride on the Bang Bus. She's like Kiki Dunst's slightly less slimy older sister. Honestly, her face just looks like it had a load of jizz like 10 minutes before this picture was taken.

What Happened to David Bowie?!?

Iman looks flawless and someone beat David Bowie with the bloated stick! Somebody deflate his ass.

Afternoon Crumbs

Sally Kirkland is the hottest shit ever [TBLE]

Mandy Moore doesn't like unlimited orgasms [Egotastic!]

Damn, he looks fruity [Just Jared]

Alicia Silverstone leaves yoga looking like death [Hollywood Rag]

Keira Knightley is the sexiest, again [IDLYITW]

Graham Norton gives up on men [Queerty]

Who beat up Golden Brooks? [Concrete Loop]

Jenny McCarthy can read? [Hollywood Tuna]

Eddie Murphy does your feet good [Cityrag]

Sharon Stone loves her son [Defamer]

Mimi's a lazy bitch [Glitterati]

Fill in the Blank

Victoria Silvstedt's breasts were made for __________

Tom Cruise Quote of the Day

on Katie's name change:

"Katie is a young girl's name.

"Her name is Kate now; she's a child-bearing woman."

[Thanks Stacy]

Gaying Up 60 Minutes

Anderson Cooper will hopefully bring some hotness to the decrepit 60 Minutes and liven things up.

CNN's Anderson Cooper will become a contributor to "60 Minutes" under a deal he's hammering out with CBS.

Cooper will stay at CNN as the host of "Anderson Cooper 360" and will contribute occasional reports to "60 Minutes" - which will also air on Cooper's show.

It will be the second time the networks have shared on-air talent. Cooper's CNN stablemate, Christiane Amanpour, contributed to "60 Minutes" for several years.

RuPaul has also been asked to redo the theme song.

[Pic: ONTD]

Mom Hair

Jennifer Love Hewitt is sporting a new do that makes her look about 25 years old and 3 kids heavier. She probably got a discount at the JcPenney salon.

Hasn't She Almost Died Before?

According to several sources, Elizabeth Taylor is on her death bed as we speak. She is apparently planning her funeral and has cancelled plans to see friends.

A friend said: "“Liz is inching closer to death every day and she knows it. She cancelled her Easter brunch because she just didn’t have the strength to see people.

"“It is very sad, these days she is very depressed and has lost her lust for life, She'’s finally given into the fact that she is living on borrowed time and it is very painful to see."

The friend also said that when she dies most of her estate will go towards AIDS research. Methinks this is a false alarm. It seems she's always on her death bed. She's a crazy ass fighter and will pull through.

[Entertainmentwise]

Snoop Heads to the Pound

Snoop Dogg and five members of his entourage were arrested at London's Heathrow airport after getting into a fight with security.

The Press Association news agency said members of the star's entourage had hurled bottles of whisky and argued with staff at a duty free shop after being refused entry to a first-class lounge.

London's Metropolitan Police said officers were called to "reports of a disturbance involving 30 people in a business lounge" at Terminal 1 of the busy airport on Wednesday.

When police told the group that they would not be allowed to board their flight, "a number of the group became abusive and pushed officers," a spokeswoman said on the force's customary condition of anonymity.

Six men were arrested on charges of violent disorder and affray and spent the night at London police stations. Police did not name the men, but said all were U.S. citizens in their 30s.

Fo shizzle my dizzle or whatever the fuck he says. I'm disappointed in Snoop. When I read the headline, I was hoping he was arrested for being caught with marijuana. I mean he is like the King of the Green or whatever. But I'll take an airport fight, especially since whiskey bottles were involved.

[CBS]

I Was So Close to Going Straight!

Jessica Alba almost bared her naked nipple for all to see as she posed for photographers at the US Weekly Hot in Hollywood party. If you click on the picture below, you can see her nipple past the lace. Thank God, it didn't completely pop out or I probably would've kissed gaydom goodbye and left for Hollywood to pursue this Goddess. Actually, I take that back. We'd probably just shop and drink Mochachinos anyway.

She's fucking perfect though.

Because She Never Get Any Press!

What a shocker! People Magazine named Angelina Jolie as the Most Beautiful Person in the World. How original! The other original choices were comprised of Jessica Alba, Eva LongWHORIA, Beyonce, Rachel Bilson and Nicole Kidman. I've never heard of any of these people! Leave it to People to truly have original and exciting celebrities on their list!



[Thanks Mousie]

You and Me Both Jello!

Jello is completely misunderstood and shame on all of you for not feeling what she's all about!

She said: "I think a lot of people just don't understand what I'm about."

"They see me laughing, having a good time, and they may think, 'Oh, she's so ambitious and everything,' but the thing is that I'm just a creative person.

"If I could describe myself to somebody, that's how I would do it."

"I'd say 'I'm creative and that's what drives me.' I think people think I'm driven by the money things and all that stuff. They get it so mixed up that they forget that's not why I started doing it. I started doing it because I love to perform."

This whore is a money hungry bitch and the world knows it. I'm sure "creativity" drove her to put out 10 perfume lines, a shitty clothing line, crappy music and Gigli.

[People]

Nicole Kidman Sets a Wedding Date!

According to Page Six, Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban will tie the knot June 25th in Sydney.

Finally, their highlights will become one.

I know...I know...I try..I try!

Avril is So Punk Rock

Can someone put out a memo to Hollywood bitches and let them know that flipping the bird just makes them look kind of desperate. It's not punk rock or rock 'n' roll and it never was. Besides, shouldn't Avril Lavigne spend less time flipping the bird and more time shooting a Panteen commercial or something. She totally has the hair for it.

Figure Skating is So Masculine

This dude makes Johnny Weir look like He-Man. I'd still hit it though. Who the fuck is that anyway?

UPDATE - Thanks to reader Arlene his name is Yevgeniy Plushenko and that bitch won Gold at the most recent Olympics.

[Thanks Jannine]

Don't Adjust Your Screens!

Damn, she never gets prettier does she?! Why is someone like Kimberly Stewart even invited to a party with the word "hot" in it. Here she is at US Weekly's Hot Hollywood party. She was probably invited to make the not-so-attractive people look gorgeous. Actually, get me one of those!

Melissa Joan Hart is the New Britney Spears

The white trash scale is going up on Melissa Joan Hart and her husband. Lately, she just looks like she smokes Parliaments and drinks Strawberry Hill from plastic wine goblets all day. Her and Britney should hook up again. They'd rule the trailer park.

Parasite Hilton's Fake Strikes Again!

Natalie Reid is a Paris Hilton look-a-like. Yes there are honestly people retarded enough that want to be confused with that piece of trash. Natalie however has what it takes to be that whore's doppelganger. She is a former stripper and escort.

Natalie was recently bounced out of a night club, because she pretended to be someone she wasn't:

PARIS Hilton lookalike Natalie Reid has struck out again. Reid, a former Scores stripper who delights in passing herself off as everyone's favorite heir-head, was ejected from Stereo the other night after pretending to be Hilton in order to score a plum table between Axl Rose and Stephon Marbury. When owner Michael Satsky approached Reid and her sizable entourage, he realized "Paris" was a fraud, and not only had her escorted out, but, we're told, banned her permanently from the club.

They probably realized it wasn't the real Paris when they didn't smell the strong stench of rotten fish and Hello Kitty perfume.

[Page Six]

American Idol: Thank You Heavens!

SPOILER ALERT!

I have to put that shit up now since people were complaining about being spoiled, even though basically it's shouted from every rooftop on who goes home on American Idol.

Finally, Jesus has answered my prayers and has taken Kellie Pickler away from us! I must say that part of me is a little sad. Who do I project my intense hate on now? That's an easy answer...Paris Bennett! That little Chucky Doll seriously needs to take her squeaky voice and her nasty-ass wigs and hit the road.



I think Kellie was a little bit surprised, after all the blow jobs she gave I'm sure she was hoping to at least "cum" into the top 3. It didn't happen and now you can see that whore 3 times a night at the "Muffins and Bits" strip club in Tulsa.

[Pictures: TVGasm]

The Dlisted Report

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are considering on starring together in Atlas Shrugged. The film is based on an Ayn Rand novel. The Russian-born author's seminal novel, published in 1957, revolves around the economic collapse of the U.S. sometime in the future and espouses her individualistic philosophy of objectivism. The violent, apocalyptic ending has always posed a challenge but could prove especially so in the post-9/11 climate. [Variety]

Mike Meyers is attached to star in How to Survive a Robot Uprising. Myers will play the lead character, a technical administrator who has the thankless job of sounding warnings against the growing presence of robots and researching ways to keep those robots from taking over. [Variety]

Wes Craven and his son, Jonathan, have been hired to write the sequel to the recent remake of The Hills Have Eyes. He said: "This time, a group of National Guard screw-ups come face to face with the mutants on their last day of training in the desert. We will take the audience underground [into the mines] as well. The studio, Fox Searchlight, wants the sequel out a year to the day after the last one, so we have to deliver our script in a matter of weeks." [Coming Soon]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

That's it these Vanity Fair covers have hit an all time low!!!! - First Class

runner-up:

Please, please, don't ask them if they can touch their toes! Please! - NoAnjl


[Thanks Clint]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Pippi Longstocking

[For Nolta]

Birthday Sluts

Sheena Easton (47)
Kylie Travis (36)
James LeGros (44)
Casey Kasem (74)
Anouck Aimee (74)
Jack Klugman (84)

I Leave You With...

......Matthew McConagay who may be one of the hottest men on the planet. He's working with 1 brain cell, but who cares. He's an asshole in the sack and he'd be likely to give you a donkey punch. He's seen here filming some shit hole movie that's going to bomb anyway. In the last picture, he's texting me...but I'm mad at him. He ate the last of the hot fries.

Wal-Mart is the Temple of Morals!

A North Carolina woman is suing Wal-Mart, because she claims an employee masturbated in front of her young daughter. The event took place six years ago in their local Wal-Mart. Maria Collins claims that three-time convicted sex offender, Bobby Devon Randall, approached her daughter and started touching his dick in front of her. When a customer appeared, he fled, but returned to finish the deed.

The entire incident was caught on video. Now that's not the hot part of the story. The next day, Maria came back to the store and told the store manager the entire dirty deed. And what did the sm do? Did she call the police? No. Did she fire the employee? No.

She offered Maria a $25 Gift Certificate to Wal-Mart! The same store that scarred her daughter's life forever!

Their slogan should be: Wal-Mart....Buying Your Daughter's Innocence One Stroke at a Time

[The Consumerist][Thanks Mikee]

SPF Has Bad Taste in Music

KFed sat down with Extra to talk about his music, his wife and his son. The interview is filled with the same boring trash, but one thing that made me laugh a bit was what he said about his son.

Apparently, SPF likes his album. When asked if his son has heard the album, KFed said:

"“He'’s all smiles whenever he hears it."

"“You can tell the musically inclined thing is already there with him."”

He's smiling, because his dad's music gives him gas.

[Extra]

And I Thought Moses Was a Bad Name!

This chick's name is Diva Muffin Zappa! Yup, had to be a Zappa right. Her sibling's also have screwed up names: Ahmet, Moon Unit and Dweezil.

Diva Muffin felt her name was too cutesy so later on in life she changed it to Diva Magika. Is it possible to already be born with acid running through your veins?

Visit Diva Muffin's website!

Project Runway 3 Coming This Summer!

Project Runway usually runs in the wintertimes, but because it's hot in the ratings they've moved the third chapter of one my favorite reality shows to this summer. Casting began last year with the series currently shooting. The final 3 will debut their collections at Olympus Fashion Week in the Fall.

While looking for PR pictures, I found this photo of what may be a nude Austin Scarlett from Season 1. Please say it ain't so! I can never have children now. Oh...you say I couldn't in the first place? Fuck it.

[Reality Blurred][Thanks Stacy]

Two Jordan Posts in One Day!

Here's some lovely scans of our girl Jordan trying to be that proper English woman again and again. Too bad she's just a dirty whore. I'm loving the horse though, she totally blew him.





[Mutt][Thanks Qua]

Afternoon Crumbs

Tom Cruise just does it [BWE]

The Nanny Diaries has officially begun filming [Just Jared]

Body retouching, Hollywood style [Cityrag]

It's no surprise that Cindy Margolis will finally do Playboy [Egotastic!]

MK of Popbytes agrees with me that it's time for Pickler to get the hell out of town [Popbytes]

Tom Cruise and his London surprise [Hollywood Rag]

It's a new day for you porn freaks [OMG Blog]

Nick gets screwed [Popsugar]

Natalie Portman is the world's sexiest vegan and the world's sexiest boring person [IDLYITW]

David Copperfield robbed at gunpoint [Glitterati]

She's so dumb [Hollywood Tuna]

Note to The Simpson Sisters: Both You Whores are Fugly

Ashlee Simpson thinks she's hotter than Chestica. Yeh, I laughed too. She said:

"I'm taller than she is and my legs are longer than hers. I got lucky because my chest size isn't completely massive"

She forgot to mention: "My chin is bigger, my hair is thinner, my face is more retarded and my voice is worse."

Actually, it's a toss-up between these two pieces of slut.

Yes they were always fugly. Here's an old pic of them:



[Female First]

How Can You Eat With That Staring You in the Face?!

My love for Posh Beckham is slowly dying. She used to be my favorite and now she's falling down the totem pole. I just can't ignore the fact that she's slipping further and further in Uglyville and will soon be Mayor. The bright color of her dress provides a nice distraction from her mug. David Beckham can probably only do it to her doggy style.

Return to Neverland

Michael Jackson has paid $49,000 in fines in order to open his beloved Neverland Ranch in Encino, CA. Jacko has been living in Bahrain ever since he was acquitted of touching the no-no of a little boy. He was forced to close his ranch in March and several employees were let go.

He's made his peace with the government and paid his taxes and re-opened that den of sin! He's also hired new employees to take care of the animals and the property.

How did mama come into so much cash? Diddy prolly borrowed him some.

[Female First]

Oooooh Gina!

I pray that a bee bit her in the lips or she's allergic to fish. Because there's no reason for Tisha Campbell to walk around with lips like that. Only fish and trannies need to have those kind of smackers. As freaky as Vivica Fox looks, she looks like Natalie Natural next to that mess. Even Miss Jay looks better than her. Damn, Gina! Why?! Somebody give that ho an ice pack already.





[Crunk + Disorderly]

Even the Dog Wants to Get Away From Her Fugly Ass!

Britney Fires Nanny!

Britney Spears has fired her nanny, because of the SPF falling out of his high chair incident. According to sources she has been severely depressed ever since the accident and blames herself. She just wants to be a good mom, y'all! She thinks that letting go of the nanny is in SPF's best interest.

She may have fired the help at a bad time. Britney is apparently pregnant again.

I think that firing the nan was the WORST thing for SPF. Seriously, he's a dead man. They need Supernanny, but not for SPF for Britney and KFed!

[The Scoop]

Charlie Sheen Shot Kelly Preston?!

Before marrying John Travolta, Kelly Preston dated and lived with Charlie Sheen from 1989-1990. Shortly after he gave her an engagement ring and asked her to be his, she was accidentally shot in their apartment by Charlie. He of course said it was an accident. She was shot in the arm. Shortly after that, he dumped her for porn actress Ginger Lynn. I never knew this and Kelly has never set the record straight about what really went on.

Denise Richards better watch it!

[Gossip Mama][Thanks TGOM]

FASHION TREND ALERT!

Mary-Kate Olsen has sent thousands of hipster girls running into stores to purchase a garment bag as their newest accessory! Fuck plastic bangles and beads, it's all about the garment bag.

Looks like her paparazzi-proof idea isn't so clever.

Panty Creamer of the Day: Wentworth Miller

Teri Snatcher Almost Dies on Desperate Housewives Set!

Wishful thinking! Teri Snatcher's face melted after a light bulb hit her ass. The light bulb probably fell after she had a broken thought. OMG, that was an awful joke. I apologize. I need to go get a mochachino or something.

Teri Hatcher's right eye was injured when a light bulb exploded on the Desperate Housewives set on Tuesday, PEOPLE reports.

"Glass lodged in my right eye and proceeded to scratch my cornea," the actress tells PEOPLE exclusively. "I was taken to a wonderful eye doctor, and now am wearing a most glamorous eye patch over the right half of my face. I like to look at the positive and the good news is, the cornea is the fastest healing tissue in the body."

Hatcher says she should be back to production in two days and explains, "I'm in some pain, but trying to see the humor in the oddity of it all. No one was at fault."

Oh and by the way, this shit never happened. She's just making excuses so she can go in and have more work done. That way when she comes out with bandages and shit, we won't ask any questions.

[People][Thanks Stacy]

Jordan's Pink Ride

Jordan thinks she's a 12-year-old girl. Well, a 12yo girl with bongo breasts. She recently purchased a pink horse trailer to transport her little horsies and shit. This kind of shit belongs to Barbie not a grown-ass woman.

I think her son, Harvey, has a higher IQ than her dumb ass.

Viva Jordan!



[The Sun][Thanks CokeMonkey]

American Idol: Did Kat Flash Her Kat?!

Last night's American Idol was again a disgusting and horrendous cornucopia of bad choices and terrible voices. The night's theme was "love songs" and was coached by Andrea Bocelli and producer David Foster. Andrea basically didn't say anything, just things like "I like her" and "she is blonde."

The night opened with Katharine trying her best to sing Whitney Houston's I Have Nothing. And she did have nothing. Actually she wasn't that awful. She looked hot and who knew she had hot breasts like that? There's also a little controversy brewing on the internet about whether or not she flashed her vagina to the world?



According to this picture, Katharine gave us a front row view of her kitty kat. I personally think it's just her undies. But flashing the camera probably would've helped her performance.

Elliot sang something that I totally can't remember. Yeah, he basically sucked too. But the good part came when Paula fucking cried for his ass!



This bitch needs to get into AA pronto! Seriously, she is such a fucking downer. Anyway, she gave this speech on how much he moves her and how much he's grown and how handsome he is and how she wants to swallow his cum...blah...blah...blah



Simon joined the world in laughing at her indecent ass!



And of course Kellie Pickler fucking butchered Unchained Melody. When I say butchered, I mean she took that song to the back alley, beat the shit out of it, cut off all its limbs, torched it and then poured cement all over it. And I'm being nice.



Sela Ward seemed to like it. Is she sick or just trying to be a Kennedy?



Paris sang...um...she sang..who cares?! Did she buy her outfit from a Chinatown kiosk?



There goes Paula again! They need to strap her down like she was one of Joan Crawford's children.



Tori, showing up at American Idol is not going to save your piece of shit show. That little boy knows it too.



Chris laid down, ready to receive Paula's delicious muffin.



He sang some Bryan Adams song and he was pretty decent. He needs to stop with that head jerk thing.



And Paula went at it again! This time she did some crazy "I Love You" dance. More like the "I Love Johnnie Walker" dance!



"I'm ain't drunk! Shit! That ain't booze it just smells like it, because it's my medicine!"



"OK! Fuck, ok it is booze, but I only have one drink and you people scrutinizesss me for it! Jeez! Straight up now tell me!"



"That's all folks!"



I'm guessing the bottom 3 will contain all the girls: Kellie, Kat and Paris. I am going out on a limb and sending Kellie home. Please Jesus let me be right and I promise I won't wet the bed anymore. Also if that bitch goes home, I won't have to eat my pubic hair like I promised I would.

[Thanks Stacy]

The Dlisted Report

Ben Stiller will reteam with the Farrelly brothers on Seven Day Itch. Stiller is in final talks to star as a man who hastily weds a woman he thinks is perfect -- until he falls in love with another while on his honeymoon. It is a loose remake of The Heartbreak Kid which was written by Neil Simon. [Variety]

Will Smith has signed up for I Am Legend for Warner Bros. Set in post-apocalyptic New York, I Am Legend is about the last healthy man following the release of a virus that decimates the population. To survive, he must battle mutants that wreak havoc during the night. They are planning a 2007 shooting date in New York. [Variety]

Sarah Jessica Parker will headline the thriller Vacancy. The film is about a couple who check into a motel and, unaware there's a hidden camera, become the subjects of a snuff film. Parker will play the wife, who is still reeling from the death of her infant son. Shooting begins this Fall. [Variety]

Legally Blonde the Musical will make its Broadway bow on April 26, 2007 at an unnamed Broadway theater. The show will play San Francisco first in January. The cast has not yet been announced. [Broadway.com]

Mimi's Rainy Day Outfit

It looks like Mimi reached back into 1993 to pull out this sheer, black top to stroll the streets on a day. Um...aren't you supposed to wear that shit with a bra?

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

OK, but does the carpet match the drapes? - Peggy

[Thanks Don]

Hot Slut of the Day!

McGruff the Crime Dog

[For Jessica]

Birthday Sluts

Tom Welling (29)
Channing Tatum (26)
Jordana Brewster (26)
T-Boz (36)
Melania Trump (36)
Jet Li (43)
Michael Damian (44)
Joan Chen (45)
Carol Burnett (73)

Hayden Finds Solace in an Older Man!

According to sources Sienna Miller has dumped Hayden Christensen to try and get back together with Jude Law. The pair met while filming Factory Girl in Louisiana. Sienna's done with his ass and is visiting Jude in L.A. and his kids.

Hayden has been photographed with an older man in Los Angeles. You know he's bending over for that shit.

[Female First]

I'm Into the Bangs!

He totally looks "special"

Michelle Rodriguez is Jail Material

Lost star, Michelle Rodriguez, will face jail time for driving under the influence. She pleaded guilty in a Hawaiian court room today and has opted for 5 days in jail instead of 240 hours of community service. She will be taken into custody tomorrow and put into a women's facility in Oahu, Hawaii.

She'll fit right in! Bitch isn't afraid of jail. She'll probably get more pussy.

[TMZ][Thanks Stacy]

Brangelina in Africa

Fuck, these photos are so fucking cute. Why can't that be me?! Damn whores. Oh and publicity my ass. They did this photoshoot for Hello! Magazine, so obviously they aren't that camera shy. I can't say anything more mean...they are just too perfect. I wish Maddox was in more shots though. He should've gotten photo approval. Zahara is a camera hog.

Pink's Taking a Bump!

Is that our Pink secretly taking a bump (of coke) while partying at The Dragon Fly in Hollywood? She's not in church so she isn't praying. And the following picture confirm that it was indeed a knuckle bump! She's fucking disgusting!

She's Probably Checking for Coke!

HoHan's back in L.A! Watch out folks, she's behind the wheel!

Is Britney Pregnant?

US Weekly is reporting that Britney Spears is indeed knocked up with her second child. The magazine states that she found out she was pregnant in February and cried her eyes out. Apparently, her due date is October.

I'm not sure I believe this. Yes she's white trash, but would she seriously drink as much as she has while preggers? Probably. But since February, Brit has been seen with several alcoholic beverages in her hand. Maybe she was just holding KFed's.

If this ends up being true someone needs to take away that baby from her white trash ass. She has almost killed one child already!

She has not yet commented.

[Pic: TMZ]

Afternoon Crumbs

Jeremy Piven is such a gentleman [TMZ]

Charlie Sheen leaves Denise Richards some fucked up voicemails [IDLYITW]

Sienna and Jude get together [Just Jared]

Paris and Nicky win ugly awards [Hollywood Rag]

Babs is a cheap whore [Cityrag]

Mariah Carey nipple slip? [Egotastic!]

The women of Mission Impossible 3 [Hollywood Tuna]

DJ AM gets more fat removed [Popsugar]

Vivica Fox has a face that can kill [Crunk + Disorderly]

More Like Vivian Eek!

Charlotte Lurch channels Vivian Leigh for some ad in the UK. The resemblance is startling, isn't it?

Blind Item Revealed!

A while ago there was a blind item on some Hollywood star who got a bitch fired after she reported that the star performed a sexual act in front of her. Most of us guessed Michael Douglas as that star. However, it was Kevin Costner all along!

Star of The Bodyguard and Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, Costner was accused of indecent behaviour at the Old Course Hotel in St Andrews, Scotland, in October 2004.

A 34-year-old masseuse at the hotel's spa claimed unfair dismissal and sexual discrimination against the hotel after she lost her job. She said she was dimissed unfairly after making a complaint to management about the 51-year-old actor's behaviour while she gave him a massage.

During the tribunal hearing in Dundee, a legal ruling meant Costner could not be identified by British news organisations - but his name was widely reported on the internet.

Just before the tribunal hearing was due to re-start this morning, the woman, who cannot be named for legal reasons, settled with hotel lawyers.

Later tribunal chairman Nicol Hosie ruled that both the hotel and Costner could be identified and that there was not a strong enough case for their names to be withheld.

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Costner had been at the hotel with his wife while they were attending the Dunhill Links Pro-Celebrity golf event.

What an asshole. Now I really have a reason to never see Dances with Wolves!

[3AM Girls][Thanks Tushkin]

Tom Cruise Used to Be a Male Hooker!

Ok, he actually didn't admit that...but that's what I get from this quote:

"There were prostitutes, who used to be around the tunnel, who knew me. They'd see me and they'd go, 'Look, I'll pick up a john and you jump in'. So I'd ride through the tunnel to New Jersey.

"The driver's a little like, 'What's this guy doing in the back seat?' But he saw I'm just this 18-year-old kid. I didn't look dangerous.

"And they didn't do anything sexual in front of me. I'd get out in New Jersey and say, 'Thank you very much'. Then I'd hitchhike home."

Tom failed to mention that he was actually the hooker and that everything sexual happened. I bet you he was the fucking prized-possession of middle-aged married men looking for a face to scat on!

[Starpulse]

Maury Povich is a Sexual Beast!

A 28-year-old producer on the Maury Povich Show has slapped the program with a $100 Million lawsuit claiming sexual harrassment.

Bianca Nardi, 28, of Fort Lee, N.J., says in court papers that the sexually charged atmosphere among the show's production staff was fostered by the "intimate and sexual relationship between defendants Maurice Richard Povich and Donna Benner Ingber."

Court papers also say Nardi had an unfairly heavy workload because she did tasks that were supposed to be done by Ingber, who often refused to do her own work — without penalty — because of her relationship with Povich.

Povich is married to the veteran television news anchor Connie Chung

The bitches at NBC of course deny all allegations and claim the bitch is just crazy. He should look at the positive though. If bitch gets pregnant, he won't have to travel far to do a paternity test!

The sick part is, I can totally picture Maury watching nasty-ass porn while twiddling his meat and fingering his butthole. He probably licks the finger too.

[Yahoo][Thanks AP]

Which One is Fuglier?

Luke Perry & Joey Fatone at Rent's 10th Anniversary

Ryan Phillipe on a Skateboard!

Yup, it doesn't get more exciting than this! Unless you want to see Ryan Phillipe shirtless and working out.

SURI SURI SURI!!!

That little girl isn't even a week old and I'm already sick of her ass! Jesus, Suri already needs to suffer from exhaustion and go away for a bit.

There seems to be a lot of shit going on about her name. Tom Cruise is an idiot and is telling everyone it's Hebrew and Persian or some shit. He's also telling people that he found the name in a book.

He said: "Friends of ours sent us these books and we thought, oh, it'll be fun to look at it."

"It was (in) the second book that we looked at. All of a sudden, Suri! We looked at each other and went, '’Suri'’, and that was it. Took a couple of minutes and that was it. That's how I am, you know. It's either right or it's ’not’. Not a big story. On the floor. Found it. Bam! This is it."

According to several sources, the name can mean anything from "pick-pocket" to absolutely nothing. Basically folks, it's just a name and you can't trust anything Tom says...because he's on Planet Freak.

Personally, I think the name unlocks a map to the alien world.

When I googled "suri" this picture came up. I thought that was kind of fitting.

[Thanks Stacy]

Want to Instantly Look Gorgeous in Photos?

Stand next to Sabrina the Geriatric Witch!

Sack in the City

My Little Pony Parker galloped on into Rent's 10th Anniversary on Broadway with Matthew Broderick on her arm. He's way too good for her pony-looking ass!

He Gets an A++ for Originality

[Thanks Pamela}

Gotti Trash

Lovely reader LB e-mailed me a touching letter to let the world know to never go on a cruise with the Gottis. They will fuck your trip up.

My aunt and uncle were just on a two-week Hawaiian cruise, and my aunt was telling me a story about this *very* blonde older woman and her three sons causing a lot of trouble on the ship...my uncle was also talking about the same woman because everyone on the ship noticed her extraordinarily large breasts and collagen-inflated lips.

Anyways, my aunt mentioned that she heard the woman was a Gotti, so I brought up google and showed her a picture, and she exclaimed that it was the same woman, but she had recently had some work done on her lips/chest, and that the sons were on the cruise too.

Apparantly, the sons were causing so much shit on the ship [ie. throwing beer bottles and cigarettes overboard] and also causing problems in Honolulu and everywhere else that they docked - SOOO the Gottis were kicked off the ship in Maui, and Victoria caused this huge scene.

They were the talk of the ship, and I had to share!

Too bad they didn't meet up with Tara Reid and go overboard like that one dude!

Jenny Shimizu: See Note I Left for Aniston Below

Please forgive me if I'm covering shit that was covered yesterday by other sites and blogs, but this is all news to me. Angelina Jolie's ex-lesbian lover, Jenny Shimizu, claims that Madge used her ass as a sex slave back in the day.

She said: "It's most guys' ultimate fantasy to bed Angelina or Madonna. But I'm a girl and I was sleeping with both of them—AT THE SAME TIME.

"They were both sensational lovers who got incredibly turned on by the touch of another woman."

I don't know any man who wants Madge. Gay or straight. Ok maybe gays, but they just want to try on her cone bra. If you wish to bore yourself by reading the whole interview, click here at The News of the World. I'm sick of this dumb whore, so I'm gonna go eat a donut.

[News of the World][Thanks KatieScarlett]

Bitch Shut Your Nasty Mouth!

Jennifer Aniston is deciding to annoy the world even further by attempting a singing career. Obviously her acting career isn't working out too good, so she's trying to become the next singing sensation.

Jennifer Aniston has given up smoking, because she wants to preserve her voice to sing in a musical.

The former Friends star has been inspired by fellow actresses Reese Witherspoon and Nicole Kidman, who surprised film fans with their vocal ability in Walk the Line and Moulin Rouge, respectively.

She says, ""I have quit the cigs so that I can get my voice in shape.""

I'm all for quitting smoking, but bitch needs to just stop. Methinks she was probably joking, but I hope not. Because it would give me great joy to talk shit all day and all night about her disgusting singing voice. And the videos! I can only imagine those.

[NY Post][Thanks Stacy]

Fugretary!

Posh Beckham decided to dress like a fugly secretary as she shopped for jewels. This bitch is getting on my nerves. Her tired weave and nasty ass clothes are really getting to me. She can only save herself by surrendering her husband to me.

I've Been Living Under a Rock!

I'm never going on vacation again! I missed some good shit. Damnit. Anyone, I'm totally in the dark about this whole Ryan Seacrest and Paula Abdul feud. It's hot shit. Because I'm on Team Neither! Those bitches are both annoying.

Although American Idol host Ryan Seacrest often trades barbs with judge Simon Cowell, now the tension between him and another judge, Paula Abdul, has reached a boiling point.

"It's awkward. I don't know what the deal is. It's very awkward," Seacrest, 31, told PEOPLE on Friday, referring to his relationship with Abdul.

Asked if he was speaking to Abdul, Seacrest answered: "No."

Seacrest, who was in Las Vegas at a groundbreaking event for the new luxury Panorama Towers, said he hasn't yet confronted his fellow Idol cast mate. "You know, I walked past her dressing room the other day and there was a group of people gathered in front of the door, so I can't even talk to her. Simon and I go back and forth with each other, but it's in a different way."

A source close to Seacrest says the Idol host was joking about the feud. But another inside source tells PEOPLE that Seacrest and Abdul’s relationship has been “icy” since they each appeared separately on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno recently.

In Seacrest's March 30 appearance, Leno said that Abdul had seemed "a little loopy" on a recent episode of Idol to which Seacrest replied, "Well, have you listened to her album?" When Leno playfully asked whether Abdul had been drinking, Seacrest answered, "Hey look, I don't look in their cups to see what's sitting before them on that table. But at times I feel like we have reeled her in."

Abdul, 43, had a chance to shoot back when she appeared on the show on April 10. Leno brought out an issue of Rolling Stone magazine that featured the three Idol judges prominently on the cover (and Seacrest in a small photo) and asked whether Seacrest was mad about being excluded. "I heard plenty mad," replied Abdul.

Next, Leno asked whether Seacrest was dating Teri Hatcher since the pair had been photographed kissing. "He only kisses the mirror," said Abdul. "And honestly, do you think Teri Hatcher is that desperate of a housewife?"

In the weeks after Abdul's Leno appearance, Seacrest frequently approached the judges' table during Idol commercial breaks, but usually spoke only to Cowell and Randy Jackson.

Abdul could not be reached for comment.

I'm over it.

[People]

You've Sure Got Purty Mouth: Jonathan Rhys Meyers in BlackBook

That Little Minx!

*The photo agency that owns these pics asked me to take them down. Click here to see them!*

I flew back from L.A. yesterday on Song airlines, so you get those little TVs. Well, most of us on the plane were watching EXTRA, because we're obsessed with this kind of shit. When these pictures came on the screen, people fucking gasped! It's so funny when you realize how fucking crazy people are for gossip and shit.

Anyway, I was totally on Denise Richard's side. Now, I'm not so sure. It seems that over this past weekend she got freaky with Heather Locklear's estranged hubby, Richie Sambora. I was under the impression the two were friends. Probably not anymore. Damn, that Denise isn't so innocent anymore.

She still looks like a plastic head though. Just a conniving one!

The Dlisted Report

Al Pacino has joined the all-star cast of Ocean's 13. Pacino will play the owner of a high-profile casino in Las Vegas. Shooting begins shortly with Steven Soderbergh at the helm and a cast that includes George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Andy Garcia, Bernie Mac, Don Cheadle and Ellen Barkin. The film is due for a June 2007 release. [Variety]

Viggo Mortensen will reteam with his History of Violence director, David Cronenberg, on Eastern Promises. The project, written by Steve Knight (Dirty Pretty Things), is a London thriller that centers on a nurse investigating the identity of a Russian girl who dies in childbirth. The nurse stumbles into danger when she learns the woman was a prostitute involved in sex trafficking. [Variety]

David Morrissey (Basic Instinct 2) has joined Emily Watson in the fantasy film The Water Horse. Based on Dick King-Smith's children's book, the film centers on a Scottish boy who finds a mysterious egg on the shore of a loch. When the egg hatches, a water horse emerges, and the boy must find ways to protect the rapidly growing creature from those who see it as a threat. [THR]

Down For a Second!

Hi Y'all!

It seems that I've been receiving a lot of hits lately and it crashed my server, so the site is going to look jacked up for a bit. I'm working on getting it back up in a couple of hours.

Thanks!
xoxooxMichael K

UPDATE - Looks like we're back up! Thanks for your patience! I'm off to fill some posts now. Thanks again for putting up with my ass.

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

this bitch gets GREAT parking. - Tim

[Thanks KitKatWoman]

Hot Slut of the Day!

MC Hammer

Birthday Sluts

Hank Azaria (42)
Jason Lee (36)
Renee Zellweger (37)
Andy Bell (42)
Talia Shire (60)
Al Pacino (66)

I'm Coming Home!

I spent my weekend in Los Angeles visiting my family and shit, so I'm head back to NYC this morning. Unfortunately that means I'll be passed out on a plane and unable to post all day. I'll be back in full-mode tomorrow morning. So I leave you with Janice Dickinson's hardcore 12-year-old daughter. Also, if you're itchin' for a fix check out my friends below. They are the hotness.

FourFour
Cityrag
Swim At Your Own Risk
Hollywood Rag
Just Jared
Hollywood Tuna
I Don't Like You In That Way
Popsugar
Gabsmash
Concrete Loop
What Would Tylder Durden Do?
The Deli
Glitterati
Crunk + Disorderly
OMG Blog

and many more on the right!

Morning Crumbs

He can't be more gay than this [Just Jared]

Mischa Barton and Nicole Richie do a scene from Ghost [Hollywood Rag]

Ashton Kutcher's Punk'D failures [Cityrag]

Why do these Laguna Beach kids keep getting press? [Popsugar]

HoHan to cure AIDS [Egotastic!]

Amanda Righetti gets naked [IDLYITW]

Charlie Sheen denies all charges [A Socialite's Life]

Heather Locklear's sheer moment [Hollywood Tuna]

Don't Hate Them Because They're Beautiful

Yeah, hate them. Halle Berry and her model boyfriend, Gabriel Aubry, took a stroll through SoHo in NYC yesterday. Let this be a warning to all women, men, children, old people to never date this man. If Halle dates him, there must be something wrong with him. She can really pick out the winners.

I Know He's Funny, But...

Robin Williams showed off disgusting dyed red hair at the premiere of his soon-to-be flop, RV. Let's hope it's for a movie role, because this shit looks nasty. I like him, but I don't like this. I just hope the curtains match the carpet.

A Bust-Up in Vegas!

Britney Spears and K-Fed have apparently broken up again following a huge fight at a restaurant in Las Vegas before the pair were due to walk the red carpet for his listening party at Pure Nightclub.

A weeping Britney Spears fled from hubby Kevin Federline in full view of diners in the Nero's restaurant at Caesars Palace last night, Friday, April 21. It was just moments before he was due to walk the red carpet with her to debut his new CD appropriately titled Playing With Fire at the nearby Pure nightclub.

"It was a full blown war of words that got louder and more heated as the dinner went on" said one eyewitness. "It was a very bad night for Britney."

Another eyewitness says, "It really was huge fight."

Finally shaking and in tears, Britney fled the restaurant and raced up to her suite alone -- boycotting his performance at the nightclub.

In fact, Kevin stayed at Pure drinking until they turned the lights back on the next morning!

Can they get anymore white trash?! They are just trash with money. Because in the real white trash world, their fight would be at White Castle and it would be right before the big Monster Truck Rally.

[Lux Life][Thanks KatieScarlett]

This Woman is Vile

Like mother like daughter.....

There's Nothing Like a Little Booze...

There's nothing like a little booze to help you lose your inhibitions and your mind! Cindy Crawford attended the opening of Cherry Bar which her husband owns. She showed off that she's still got it at 60-years-old. She also showed that alcohol still fucks her up as she dirty danced with Jim Belushi. We all know how much Cindy likes the booze. Let's just hope she didn't end up spreading it for him. But hey, he might be hung. Shudder.

Ben Affleck's Dorky Commercial

This is some foreign hair commercial with Ben Affleck of him trying to be all sexy and shit. It's pretty funny, but he's such a moron!

[Thanks Dan]

Blind Items...I Guess....You Guess...

WHICH actress married to a Broadway star took fertility drugs to become pregnant with her only child?

I have no clue! My Little Pony Parker?

WHAT morning TV host is now living apart from his wife because she hired a private eye who bugged his car? The hidden microphone caught him having an affair with a lovely young reporter for a cable station.

Matt Lauer

WHICH young hotshot director lost a big superhero movie project because he pulled a gun on one of the producers?

Matthew Vaughn

[Page Six]

A Good Morning From Starlet Jones!

I thought these pics were too fucking funny. This just goes to show you how far the disgugstingness (that's not a word, is it?) of Star Jones spreads. Reader Mark went to a taping of The View and thought he'd take some choice pictures of Star's disgusting arm fat. I can totally picture him zooming in on her fat while she yaps about her husband not being gay, etc... Anyway, a good morning to you! This will hopefully keep you away from that second donut.

[Thanks Mark!]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

Tag, you're President now.- Tabatha



[Thanks HollywoodRag]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Andy Serkis

Birthday Sluts

Eric Balfour (29)
Kelly Clarkson (24)
Derek Luke (32)
Melinda Clark (37)
Dijmon Hounsou (42)
Cedric the Entertainer (42)
Jean-Paul Gaultier (54)
Barbra Streisand (64)
Shirley MacLaine (72)

This is Why Jordan is the Most Gorgeous Woman in the World!

Seriously! Look at that woman. She's absolute perfection. Yes, her outfit came from 1981 but she's still hot. She's still hawking that book of hers that came out months ago! Here she is giving a signing in England and photos with all of her biggest fans. Damnit, this woman is my Jesus.







[Thanks Vera]

Say Something Nice

Chloe Sevigny: Well..at least she's finding a way to earn more money by serving cocktails at events!

I Forgot One!

In my Lindsay HoHan post below, I forgot to add this picture! WTF?! Only in crack world can these 3 characters be brought together. Actually, Cher's not on crack she's just nuts! How do you think their conversation went down?

Karl: Ohhh Cher...zee beanie cap is sooo chic...you are genius...beyond..

HoHan: Cher, I'm a really big fan of yours "sniff" and I think we should do a movie together "sniff". You know I've worked with Streep and she's like the best...I think my nose is falling off, I better put it back together.

Cher: Wooo..Schonny Bono!

You Know You Want to Get With This!

Doesn't just the sight of Kimbo Stewart in a bikini, make you want to get naked and slather yourself up with lube. She certainly has that affect on people. She's a gorgeous creature, a creature of sex, a lady of desire.

And what is she doing with a book? You know bitch don't read. Let's hope it's a book on how to disappear off the face of the planet in 10 steps or less!

I Can't Say Anything Bad About Gwen Stefani!

I try to talk shit about Gwen Stefani, but I just can't! Maybe it's her GD Orange County attitude, but I just want to like her. Like I seriously want to call her a puddle of baby diarrhea, but the words just can't be formed. I love her and always will. Yes, she moved to London but instead of faking out like Madge and getting some hoity-toity English accent she stuck to her ghetto OC twang. I love her ass.

Gwen's seen here buying saris and shit before grubbing on some Indian food. Damn, I try to do the Indian food...but I just can't. My asshole can't take it!

Shit, That's the Only Reason I'd See KFed!

There's nothing like performing for a packed crowd of 40! Especially when 10 of those bitches are flipping your shit off. Me thinks that KFed is so stoned out of his mind on Britney's weed that he doesn't even know it. He's just feeling the groove and getting down to it. Shit, if I saw KFed...I'd not only flip him the bird..but I'd bring a Chef's salad along!

And no I didn't write on those pictures ala you know who! Blog NYC did!





[BlogNYC][Thanks Coke Monkey]

Hot Slut of the Week: Lamb Chop

Age: 49
Birthday: 1957
Birth Name: Lamb Chop

Original Date of Hot Slut of the Day: April 21, 2006
Claim to Fame: Being Shari Lewi's hand bitch and entertaining our asses for over 40 years!

Where is she now? She is working with Mallory Lewis, daughter of Shari!

Why is she Hot Slut of the Week? Because deep down she's a real cold bitch!

Kids, This is the Face of Crack

Lindsay HoHan showed up to party for Visionaire's latest issue about Magic or some shit. Damn, she just doesn't know when to be subtle does she? Showing up to 4 events in one week looking stoned and cracked out...well...anyway... No Jack Osbourne didn't get fat again, that's some magazine editor or something.

Karl Lagerfeld actually looks a bit normal standing next to crack out HoHan. I take that back, seeing these two side by side is even to get even Whitney off the shit.

We Were So Close!

A wasted Parasite Hilton almost met her maker (probably Satan) at a Hollywood party. You see, the dumb bitch was seriously drunk and decided to throw her ass in the pool. Shortly after she jumped in, a garden light fell into the pool. Everyone freaked out, because they thought her ass was going to get electrocuted. Even her retarded man, Nachos, jumped in after her knocking her in the dead. The dumb whore didn't even let that bother her and she laughed it out and got out of the pool

A source said: "“Everyone was stunned. Paris was lucky she didn't get electrocuted. She thought it was hilarious. Stavros jumped in next and accidentally knocked her on the head in the process."

She didn't stop there and even though she could barely stand up, she gave everyone a half-assed pole dance.

"Paris was so drunk she could barely hold on to the pole - let alone dance."

Damn! What would I give to see this slut fried up? The garden light was no match for her STDs which probably killed the electricity on contact.





[Entertainmentwise]

Angelina Jolie is the Queen of Africa!

Brangelina and family are currently in Namibia waiting for her ass to drop the chosen kid. We all know that Angelina Jolie creams her panties over Africa. So it should be no surprise that she's looking to purchase a piece (sort of) of her prized continent. She is planning to purchase a small island shaped like Ethiopia.

Billionaire Richard Branson is planning to create small islands shaped like various countries for the rich and famous to purchase. Angelina is considering purchasing the Ethiopian shaped island. However, sources say that she doesn't plan to live there...she plans to use the island to promote peace or some shit and fair trade to needy bitches.

A source said: "Angelina has been obsessed with Ethiopia ever since she adopted her second child Zahara from there. Her friends are very jealous of her purchase."

So, she's buying a fake Ethipoia? She seriously could afford to purchase the real thing!

[The Velvet Hot Tub]

Let's Worship the Penis!

In Japan, there's an annual festival which worships what we westerners call "the dick." The Kanamara Penis Festival celebrates everything penis. The Japanese seriously know how to rock with their cocks out. The festival is most famous for a giant penis which is carried through town. And unfortunately that giant penis is fake and doesn't belong to a dude or I'd be on that shit.

I think the festival is basically for phallic statues and Kodak moments of your mom sitting on a giant wooden penis or licking a penis pop. Whatever it's for, I'm into it!





[MasaMania][Thanks Felix]

That Orlando Bloom Sure is Purty!

Damn, could he get more purty? I'm serious, he deserves a Revlon contract. Here he is taking a stroll with some fugly dude.

Hot Slut of the Day!

CC Deville of Poison

Birthday Sluts

Barry Watson (32)
Jaime King (27)
George Lopez (45)
Valerie Bertenelli (46)
Judy Davis (51)
Michael Moore (52)
Joyce DeWitt (57)
Shirley Temple (78)