I'd Take Mark Over Jake, Any Day!

Jake Gyllenhaal and Mark Ruffalo met up in NYC to catch Lauren Ambrose in the Broadway play Awake & Sing. Jake and Mark got all cuddly and shit, but I know very well that Mark isn't into that shit. The two filmed Zodiac together and no doubt made friendlies. Jake can't handle what Mark has got to give. Anyway, they made nice and parted ways. Jake also met up with Lauren and she seemed like she wanted to get away from his mess. His beard totally creeps her out.

Tom Cruise Quote of the Day!

on the birth of Suri:

"It was everything that we wanted it to be. … It was spiritual. It was powerful. It was indescribable. What words can you use? It's still something that I'm processing and keep reliving"

Nicole Kidman with Granny Hair Leaving a Starbucks

Nicole Kidman is seen here leaving a Starbucks in the Hamptons. That dude is way hotter than her boyfriend, but probably just a trainer. Seriously, she needs to think about the hair.

Pam's New Man Looks Younger Than Her Ass!

Pamela Anderson and new boyfriend Laurence Hallier attended a PETA event at Panorama Towers in Las Vegas. Pam recently purchased one of the penthouses at the towers. Her boyfriend owns that shit. But seriously, she needs a damn nap. I know she has to make that money, but she also needs a facial or something.

Jenna Jameson in Esquire Magazine

Hot Slut of the Day!

Don Johnson

Birthday Sluts

Jack Nicholson (69)
Sheryl Lee (39)
Catherine Mary Stuart (47)
John Waters (60)
Aaron Spelling (78)

Parasite Hilton is a Gambling Slut!

I smell a new couple alert!

Charlie Sheen and Parasite Hilton belong together! Both like cheap sex and gambling all their money away!

Our favorite skank recently revealed that she loves poker and she never loses!

Yeah right, her dumb ass reportedly lost her $175,000 Bentley while gambling at her parent's casino in Las Vegas. She didn't have any cash, so she bet her fucking car. As a result, she's been banned from playing at their casino and her parent's are trying to help her ass.

Bitch should stick to what she's good at...actually what is she good at? I would say sucking dick, but I've seen her do that and bitch doesn't even have those skills?! How the hell does a slut suck at sucking dick?

[Bluff][Thanks Derek]

What a Piece of Trash!

Chestica Simpson leaves the men's locker room of an unidentified football team after each member took turns on her ass. Her vag was so droopy that she couldn't even put her pants on, so the dudes gave her a robe.

Ok...ok...I don't know what she was doing, but damn she looks beat up!

Brad Pitt to the Rescue!

Brad Pitt is pulling a Sean Penn and is ready to rebuild the City of New Orleans. He is sponsoring a "green" campaign to find designs that will help build parts of the city devastated by Hurricane Katrina.

The star is backing campaign group Global Green USA on the project to find environmentally-friendly designs.

The self-confessed architecture junkie wants ideas that make the city "better" yet respect "historical traditions".

Pitt, who will lead a jury of community leaders and architects, said rebuilding work in New Orleans was "long overdue".

He said the competition's aim was to "kick off the rebuilding effort".

"We could possibly build something that was better and took into account the historical traditions of the city and the voices of the people and turn this into some kind of good," he said.

Organisers say the winners will be selected before the first anniversary of the hurricane on 29 August.

The new Brad Pitt is so fucking boring. Just take off your shirt and shut the hell up. Leave that kind of shit to Angie.

[BBC News]

American Idol is Just Another Staged Reality Show

On Wednesday night's episode of American Idol. Ryan Seacrest asked Taylor Hicks to choose the group he felt was not the bottom 3. Taylor walked over and shaked Chris's hand before joining the opposite group. Well, looks like that was all a falsity.

Don'’t think Taylor picking the "safe"” group was of his own accord. During the commercial break, Executive Producer, Nigel Lythgoe, filled Taylor in on the fake-out handshake to Chris Daughtry and which group to choose. It turns out Nigel doesn'’t know who is going to be eliminated. He is kept in the dark until the very end. The only thing he knows is which three contestants are in the bottom three.

I'm hoping that next week Nigel "stages" a giant stage light hitting Kellie Pickler on the head.

[Reality Blurred]

Damn!!!! That's Cold!

Click here to watch this poor lady get her face smashed in! I love how the woman just stands there all shocked and shit. I would've chased after that old ass bitch and strangled her!

A Supermodel Beats a Bitch Down on an Airplane!

Surprisingly the supermodel was not Naomi Campbell. There's a new sheriff in town and her name is May Anderson. May was arrested for being a drunken mess and hitting a flight attendent on a flight from Amsterdam to Miami.

Danish supermodel May Andersen has been arrested for hitting a flight attendant on a flight from Amsterdam to Miami, police said.

The 23-year-old bombshell was aboard Martinair Flight 643 on Thursday. She was ''loud and disruptive all throughout the flight,'' according to a Miami-Dade police spokeswoman.

Airport police arrested the woman when the flight landed. She continued her unruly behavior with officers, police said.

Andersen was taken to Jackson Memorial Hospital to check for signs of alcohol or drug abuse, then booked into Miami-Dade County Jail.

Naomi better step up her game or this bitch is gonna steal her thunder!

[Miami Herald][Thanks Stacy]

Denise Richard's Picture Perfect Portrait of Charlie Sheen

A 17-page document was filed Friday in L.A. alleging some shocking shit about Charlie Sheen by Denise Richards. The pair are currently embroiled in a divorce that is looking mighty ugly. Here's just some of the things she is alleging:

Charlie beat her ass
Charlie threatened to kill her ass
Charlie threatened to hurt her familia
Charlie was into kiddie porn involving little girls AND little boys
Charlie threatened to kill her dogs
Charlie is a drug addict
Charlie is a gambling addict
Charlie is addicted to whores
Charlie wanted her to have an abortion
Charlie accused her of poisoning their daughter with her breast milk
Charlie e-mailed a picture of his dick to several women
Charlie might have killed a porn star

Seriously! And here's some of my favorite quotes from the documents by Charlie:

"I hope you get breast cancer and die"
"I hope you get face cancer and die"
"You will never get to court, because you will be fucking dead"
"Enjoy your parents while they are still around"

If you have time you must get to TMZ and read this shit. I'm thinking of going to Lifetime right away and pitching this. Seriously, I'm thinking Jennie Garth and Grant Show for the lead roles. This is some good shit!

Afternoon Crumbs

Nipples out [Cityrag]

Ryan Phillipe all shirtless and getting a sponge bath [Just Jared]

Your party is officially over when Sienna Miller decides to start going there [Egotastic!]

Matthew McConagay did not rape a woman [IDLYITW]

Britney Spears shops without her baby [Hollywood Rag]

Get your pennies together and buy me a Pussycat doll, NOW! [Glitterati]

Nick Carter should really lay off the sauce and by sauce, I mean BBQ [ONTD]

Vanna White gets her star [Popbytes]

Tara Reid's Scary Nipples Return!

If you were Tara Reid and after getting up from getting banged by 25 dudes and going to your mirror to remove the jizz from your hair...wouldn't you take a good hard look at your nipples and realize how freaky they are. Her nipples are so freaky that if she ever has a kid that baby will refuse to put his lips on those things. She obviously doesn't realize this, because she still goes around flashing those things!



[Egotastic!]

SPF in Brain Damage Scandal!

Does Britney Spears' beloved son, Sean Preston Federline, have brain damage? Probably not, but some sources close to Britney are saying that it's possible he could have suffered some trauma when he fell off his hair chair. They also claim that this isn't the first time he's done hit his head. Apparently, he's fallen out of the bed twice, both times hitting his poor skull.

Britney is also shaking in her uggs at the fact that two of her former bodyguards are intending to put out a tell-all book on her calling her a drug-using slob! Not only that, but an insider also makes these claims:

• Britney is a drug-using whore with a stormy marriage
• Britney sleeps until 2pm and is a nasty ass slob who lets her dogs shit anywhere they want
• Britney always has drug dealers in her house and shit

Drug user?! I doubt it. She's just white-trash, I know sometimes it's hard to tell the difference...but in this case I don't think this bitch is a drug user. Maybe the chronic kind, but that's about it.

[The National Enquirer]

Intrigue & Glamour!

The old Bai Ling is back! Yes she's a dork, but that's why I love her. Here she is at the Silent Hill premiere in Los Angeles. I'm not sure what she's trying to accomplish with this look, but it's working for me. I think she's trying to be dark and mysterious, like the movie. Instead, she comes of looking like Nanook of the Whorehouse! I know she makes her own clothes, but this is ridiculous. Did she sew that shit when she was drunk?! Any 10yo sweat shop worker from her country would've turned that shit out. She should leave it to the professionals.

Fran Drescher is a Goddess!

I really can't say anything bad about her ass. I honestly love her and she's a true original. Ok, she's looking a bit orange. Besides that she's absolutely lovely! Oh, she's going to some lunch thingee here. I hope it's at Applebees, because then I'd love her more.

Whatever It Is...It's a Hair Don't!

Just minutes before Charlotte Church took a London stage to perform for his adoring fans, she was electrocuted by a malfunctioned blow dryer! Charlotte being the true performer that she is, didn't let this stop her and she took the stage anyway!

No she wasn't electrocuted, but I almost wish she had. She looks like she was electrocuted right back to 1984!

R.I.P. Elaine Young

Not many of you know this remarkable woman, but I do. She was one of Dlisted's Hot Sluts of the Day and her name is Elaine Young and my heart has filled with black fluids, because she is dead! Why didn't you take me instead God?! Why????

Elaine Young is not only a realtor to the stars of Beverly Hills, but she's America's first plastic surgery addict. She's had nearly 50 procedures. I saw a documentary on her and she talked about how 30 years ago she had silicone injected into her cheeks and that's what fucked her face up for life. But now this beautiful creature of plastic is gone!

This statement was issued:

We are saddened and devastated with the hard reality that Elaine Young, one
of the most famous real estate personalities in the world, has died of
cancer. We mourn her loss and honor her and her incredible will to survive
and stay in the game of life. To the end she was the life of the party. We
thank her for all she has done for us over the years. We thank her for her
unconditional loyalty, support and love. That was her world - the world of
real estate, celebrities, and the media. Http://www.elaineyoung.com

I hope heaven has plastic surgeons!

[Thanks Nelson]

FYI: Suri is Still a Bastard

Now that the birth of Suri Cruise has finally taken place, sources say that the TomKat wedding is in full gear.

A Cruise/Holmes wedding is on the fast track. Katie Holmes has met with the owner of Buff Brides, a company that sculpts bodies for the big day. And, we're told, Buff Brides has specific instructions -- get Katie ready to look amazing in her wedding dress.

Now we have the specifics. A source tells TMZ that it's a sleek, strapless A-line dress that is form fitted across the waist and falls to the floor. As for cleavage -- not so much. The bust is cut straight across.

We're told Katie has very specific goals to look great in the dress, working especially hard on her shoulders and back.

Sue Fleming, the owner of Buff Brides told TMZ that Katie has decided to use her program, with the help of a personal trainer who has licensed the Buff Brides fitness regimen

I'm not holding my breath for a wedding. Tom is going to kidnap this baby and head towards the mother planet, dumping Katie. She won't care, because she has his credit card and can buy as many shoes as she wants at Barney's.

[TMZ]

Janet Jackson IS Slimming Down!

Janet Jackson is seen here all skinny and shit and going to get some needles in her ass at the acupuncturist. Do needles in your ass make you skinny? Homegirl must've had some work done, because she lost the fat fast!!

The Dlisted Report

J.J. Abrams (Lost, Mission Impossible 3) has been hired to direct an 11th Star Trek feature film for a 2008 release. The project, to be written by Abrams and "M:i:III" screenwriters Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci, will center on the early days of seminal "Trek" characters James T. Kirk and Mr. Spock, including their first meeting at Starfleet Academy and first outer space mission. [Variety]

Brendan Fraser will star in Journey 3D. Fraser will portray a geologist who, with his teenage son, discovers a message hidden in an ancient artifact, leading them into a previously unseen world. The film will be shot live-action with the landscapes and creatures shot in 3-D. [Variety]

Eva Longoria will headline the romantic comedy Deep in the Heart of Texas. Longoria will play a spoiled Beverly Hills diva who is relocated to San Antonio to run the new Latin division of an ad agency. Being completely out of touch with her Mexican roots and speaking not a word of Spanish, she has to win over the gringo urban cowboy who is her new boss, speaks fluent Spanish and is more in touch with her heritage than she is. [THR]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS!

the rennaissance faire's sadie hawkins wedding is never very well received. - Tim

Goodwill extends their services to online dating. - Anonymous 2:50pm

Does this retard make me look fat? - El Bastardo



[Thanks Shell]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Lamb Chop

Birthday Sluts

Tony Danza (55)
Charlie O'Connell (31)
John Cameron Mitchell (43)
Robert Smith (47)
Andie MacDowell (48)
Patti LuPone (57)
Iggy Pop (59)

Eva LongWHORIA Quote of the Day!

on being on Desperate Housewives forever:

“Honestly, I think shows wear out their welcome. I don't want to be on Seventh Heaven - on for 20 years and no one's really watching and it's hanging on by a thread,”

“Even now there's no amount of money that would make me decide something for a career. And I want to do movies anyway."

Nothing Compares to New York

Flavor of Love 2 casting is underway and Vh1 is asking for your help to choose some of the skanks that will vie for Foofy's love and his rock-hard cock. Shutter. I looked at most of the three videos and must say that not even one compares to the glory of New York and Hottie. Oh well, I guess these will be second-rate hos of second-rate hos. Basically.

And a couple of loyal Dlisted readers let me know that they have been selected for the interview process, so I wish those bitches a good luck! You'll need it and make sure to get all your shots if you make it into the house!

So click here and vote for your fave!

Chestica Simpson Actually Turns Down PR?!

The world is coming to an end!

Jessica Simpson pulled out of a cover story for the September issue of Vanity Fair magazine because she refused to discuss her painful breakup with Nick Lachey.

Editor Graydon Carter had made the topic a requirement for the story, to be illustrated with a glamorous cover-shoot by top photographer Mario Testino, according to one insider.

A rep for the magazine declined to comment.

Next thing you know she's going to stop wearing extensions and stop sucking dick! Then the world would really end. I wonder what Papa Joe thinks about this?!

[Gatecrasher]

My Israel!

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith are getting their holy on by visiting Jerusalem. They don't look too happy, probably because Jada is thinking about snatch.

Afternoon Crumbs

14 from The Gallery of the Absurd and I are working together to create some hot celeb as animal images for Animal magazine. Here's a preview. [Gallery of the Absurd]

The cast of SNL staged an intervention for HoHan [IDLYITW]

Helena Christensen gets topless [Egotastic!]

Britney Spears supports her man [Hollywood Rag]

Introducing Baron Trump [Just Jared]

Brooke and Tom baby catfight [Cityrag]

Is Tom crazy enough to murder a bitch? [Naughty Voyeur]

Bill Maher sure knows how to satisfy a woman [Crunk + Disorderly]

Pete Doherty gets arrested just hours after leaving court [A Socialite's Life]

Leonardo DiCaprio Models Up

After splitting with supermodel Gisele Bundchen, Leonardo has moved on to a very different kind of girl. A model! This time she's younger and from a different country. Leo has been dating 20-year-old, Israli born Bar Refaeli. I had drinks there the other night! They make a dirty martini to die for.

All jokes aside, the two are really into each other. But Leo will get bored. If only he can love a woman the way he loves cream cheese stuffed canolis.

[People]

Kelly Osbourne Doesn't Own a Mirror, Does She?

The First Picture of Baby Suri!

WOW Report has scored the first exclusive picture of Tom and Katie's alien baby, Suri! She doesn't so much look like an alien as she does a little alligator/dino. She does have her father's eyes and his teeth too, actually.

[WOW Report]

Aces Out!

As predicted, Ace Young was voted out of American Idol finally ending his ear-bleeding performances and beat-up falsetto. The bottom 3 also consisted of Paris Bennett and Chris Daugherty. It was Chris's first time at the bottom and he didn't look happy. I'm not sure how that whore, Kellie Pickler, didn't make it to the bottom. She was horrendous?! Is she giving blow jobs to all of America? Seriously, Pickler is a problem.

My favorite part of the show is when Taylor Hicks totally screwed up Ryan Seacrest. You see, Ryan separated the contestants into two groups of 3. One group were the safe bitches and the other were the bitches in danger. Taylor was the only one not in a group, so Ryan asked him to join the group that he felt was safe.

Taylor then walked over to Chris's group (the losers) and shaked his hand and as he did so, Ryan said "I'm sorry-" but he Taylor ignored him and went over to Kellie's group (the winners) - which totally screwed up Ryan's bombshell line of "I'm sorry Taylor, you chose the wrong group."

So it's now down to the final 6 with Taylor and Kellie being the frontrunners. And next week is "love song" week with Andrea Bocelli coaching those stupid sluts. Yeah, I think I need to invest in some earplugs.

Reader Kylie has also sent me a screen cap of Katharaine McPhee's boyfriend. No, not the bald guy! The other one. Ewww, he's totally creepy. He looks like he's lifted a few wheels off of some Lincolns up in Queens.

New York Overheard

My friend and fellow blogger, Michael Malice, has moved on from Overheard in New York to NewYorkOverheard.com. And trust me there's a big difference! For those of you that aren't familiar with either...NYO is basically a site where bitches submit fucked-up conversations they hear on the street. And in New York you hear some fucked up shit. This morning in the elevator I heard some woman talking about her GD yeast infection. I have a bagel in my hand and some coffee and the last thing I want to hear about is how milky your vag is.

Anyway, check his shit out. It's a barrell of laughs and will go well with your side of placenta.

New York Overheard

Nicole Kidman Wishes Katie Holmes Well

Nicole Kidman has wished Katie Holmes well after she gave birth to a crazy-alien-baby. Nicole made no mention of Tom Cruise. Nic is apparently mad at his ass, because Tom wanted his adopted children with Nic, Connor and Isabella, present in the delivery room while Katie popped it out. Nic of course disagreed with this and the two went at it!

Nicole's spokeswhore issued this statement: "I hope both mother and baby are doing well."

[Starpulse]

Blind Items...You Guess...I Guess...

WHICH US starlet made photo shoot staff order £1,000 of food for her?
The actress had the munchies after a cocaine session and demanded mag
staff order a feast from a top NY restaurant - then left most of it!

HoHan

WHICH very young Hollywood superstar makes her posse leave their
cellphones by the door of her NYC hotel room so the tabloids can't
getcamera-phone pics of her doing coke?

Hohan again!

[3Am Girls][Gatecrasher][Thanks Stacy]

"Here, Look at My Baby"

Fishsticks Paltrow shows us a clear picture of her little Moses Martin. I'm feeling holy just by looking at him and I'm feeling nauseas just by looking at her.

[Expressen] [Thanks Grietje]

A Postage Stamp That Will Beat Your Ass!

Naomi Campbell's scary face will adorn a postage stamp in Austria. The stamp is being created to raise funds for Elton John's AIDS charities. Naomi is hosting one of Elton's AIDS fundraisers in Vienna, Austria.

A spokesperson said: "Naomi is a keen supporter of AIDS causes and saw NELSON MANDELA in Africa earlier this month (APR06). She'll be hosting the Life Ball, which is a gorgeous event at Vienna's city hall and has featured designs by VIVIENNE WESTWOOD and JOHN GALLIANO."

There is no way I'm buying a stamp with that crazy ho's face on it. The minute I lick that thing, it will cut my tongue out!

[Contact Music]

No Vagina, No Dick, No Sex = No Aids

These are some Russian French ads promoting abstinence, I think? I'm not sure. But if I didn't have a dick, how would I piss? Through my ass? Well, at least that would clean the shit out.






[Journal TV] [Thanks to Angel La]

Halle Berry Used to Wish She Wasn't Black

Halle Berry is pretty gorgeous, but back in the day she wished that she wasn't black. Halle is technically half black and half white. She told a newspaper that when she was little she wished she could take a pill to make her white.

"Being a black woman I've struggled with that my whole life - feeling that if I changed, my life would be better."

Damn, I feel a racial debate coming on. But I guess bitch is just being honest. I mean when I was little I wished I could take a pill to turn me into Breathless Mahoney.

[Starpulse]

Angelina to Raid More Tombs

After Angelina Jolie pops out a baby, she will start training to fit into Lara Croft's skin-tight catsuit for Tomb Raider 3.

A source said: "Paramount has optioned it and Angelina has agreed to star in the third." "Angelina is already in training to make sure she gets rid of her post-pregnancy bulge.

"She wants to be in tip-top shape and look better in Lara's outfit than ever."

Why?! Tomb Raider sucks! Personally, I think these two need to go into hiding...because I'm ALMOST as sick of them as I am of TomKat.

Who am I fooling? I love this shit.

[Female First]

Bad Reviews for Julia!

Julia Roberts made her Broadway debut last night in Three Days of Rain and according to the couple of reviews I read, bitch sucks! But who cares.....her dopey grin is going to sell tickets anyway. Here she is celebrating her opening by not brushing her hair. The other dudes are Paul Rudd and Bradley Cooper.

What Would Janice Dickinson Do?

Janice Dickinson's face is slowly falling off, but that didn't stop her from slapping on a costume from Sunset Boulevard and opening her own modeling agency! Here she is with some scary looking dudes, cutting the ribbon on her new venture!

What is wrong with that dude's eyebrows?!



There's no way I'd let that crazy ho near my shit!



She kind of looks like Snatchers, no?

The Dlisted Report

Lindsay Lohan, Jane Fonda and Felicity Huffman will star in Georgia Rule, directed by Garry Marshall (Pretty Woman). The story centers on a rebellious young woman (Lohan) who has a dysfunctional relationship with her mother (Huffman) and is sent to spend a summer with her grandmother (Fonda). [Variety]

Owen Wilson will reteam with Ben Stiller on a Night at the Museum. Shooting is currently underway with an all-star cast including Mickey Rooney, Ricky Gervais, Paul Rudd and Steve Coogan. The film is scheduled for a December 22, 2006 release. [MTV]

Original Hostel writer/director, Eli Roth, will return for the sequel to Hostel. Leading man, Jay Hernandez, is also set to return. The sequel plans to start immediately from the last scene of the first film. Shooting is set to begin soon in Europe. [MTV]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS!!

The Top 3:

Paris' on-set demands are getting fucking ridiculous! - Little Bunny Foo Foo

"The release date of Mission Impossible III has been pushed back due to production delays. Tom Cruise's on-set diva-like demands have sky-rocketed production costs." - Tawny Kitaen

"I am Star Jones, I am a lawyer, and I ordered that shit in BLACK!!" - Ethan Sucks

[Thanks Muriel]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Ian Ziering

Birthday Sluts

Joey Lawrence (30)
Carmen Electra (34)
Shemar Moore (36)
Crispin Glover (42)
Andy Serkis (42)
Luther Vandross (55)
Jessica Lange (57)
Ryan O'Neal (65)
George Takei (66)

Say Something Nice

Tori Spelling: Well, she actually doesn't look bad here. Probably because she's in that retarded position. She should get some kind of disability, she'd be much more attractive!

You Need to Sue Yourself Bitch!

Britney Spears is apparently thinking of suing the makers of the high-chair that SPF was sitting on when he fell and smashed his head in. Britney was not taking care of the baby, but his nanny was. According to sources, SPF was sitting at his chair when something snapped and broke. He was rushed to the hospital and all was well.

She's having the chair looked at to see if there was really something wrong with it, so she can sue.

By having a look at it, she's really having something try and find a way to look like the chair was at fault so bitch doesn't look like the piece of white trash she really is!

[The Scoop]

American Idol: Who the Hell is Going Home?

Last night was Rod Stewart's turn to shamelessly plug his album on American Idol. Thankfully, the contestants did not sing Rod Stewart songs, but instead sang songs from his American Songbook album. I can honestly say that everyone was pretty good. Let's go down the line:

Chris - Bores me, but sang hot.
Elliott - He didn't look as fugly and he was so-so. The purple shirt made him look like a fruitcake.
Taylor - His theatrics are getting old. He is going to win, but I wish he wouldn't.
Katharine - Gorgeous and boring
Paris - Did she just come from the office?! What the hell was she doing wearing that awful suit and a genie ponytail?! You know how I feel about that troll. She was the best singer though.
Ace - The slimy, greased back hair didn't fool me! He's still hanging on for dear life!
Kellie - Whore

As for who I think is going to be the bottom 3. I'm going to take a gamble and say Ace, Paris and Kellie will be the bottom 3. I think that Paris or Kellie will be going home. I think that Ace is the Jasmine Trias of this season.

Kellie honestly needs to go! That bitch is dumb and sang so awful last night! She sang Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered...which is the feelings I got from watching that piece of shit try and sing!

[Pic: American Idol Blog][Thanks Stacy]

My Little Pony Parker is Pretty

Pretty ugly! And Susannah Hoffs called, she wants her outfit back!

Afternoon Crumbs

Nick Lachey talks and I'm not sure who is listening [Popsugar]

Brooke Shields and Tom Cruise have baby at the same hospital, same day and on the same floor [Us Weekly]

Who would want to kill Sienna Miller? [Egotastic!]

Eddie Murphy is free to bang trannies anytime, anyplace now [Glitterati]

HoHan shows up to an event and forgot to put on some clothes [Hollywood Rag]

The moving of Suri Cruise [Just Jared]

Jello is kinda hot actually [A Socialite's Life]

Avril Lavigne is starting to look like Fishsticks [Hollywood Tuna]

Howard Stern loves Rosie now [Cityrag]

He's Gay!

Ricky Martin held a press conference to reveal that he's a huge homo. Actually, he was launching his tour in Madrid. But basically those girly bangs tell us the entire truth!

The Top 50 Worst Albums Ever!

I seriously own like half of these albums. I mean...Spice Girls, Forever?! Shania Twain?! Naomi Campbell? That shit is good!!!

Here's the list, according to Q Magazine:

1. Duran Duran – Thank You
2. Spice Girls – All Their Solo Albums!
3. Various – Urban Renewal: The Songs Of Phil Collins
4. Lou Reed – Metal Machine Music
5. Billy Idol – Cyberpunk
6. Naomi Campbell – Babywoman
7. Kevin Rowland – My Beauty
8. Mick Jagger – Primitive Cool
9. Westlife – Allow Us To Be Frank
10. Tim Machine – Tin Machine Ii
11. Limp Bizkit – Chocolate Starfish And The Hot Dog Flavored Water
12. Tom Jones – Mr Jones
13. Bruce Willis – The Return Of Bruno
14. Terence Trent Diabolical – Neither Fish Nor Flesh
15. Various – Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Heart Club Band – OST
16. Spice Girls – Forever
17. Bob Dylan & The Grateful Dead – Dylan And The Dead
18. Crazy Frog – Crazy Hits
19. Goldie – Saturnz Return
20. Mariah Cary – Glitter OST
21. The Clash – Cut The Crap
22. Robson & Jerome – Robson & Jerome
23. Alanis Morissette – Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie
24. Lauryn Hill – MTV Unpugged 2.0
25. The Cranberries – To The Faithful Departed
26. Vanilla Ice – Hard To Swallow
27. Destiny’s Child – Destiny Fulfilled
28. The Rolling Stones – Dirty Work
29. Various – Christmas In The Stars: Star Wars Christmas Album
30. Michael Jackson – Invincible
31. Stevie Wonder – Woman In Red
32. Ace Of Bass – The Sign
33. Billy Ray Cyrus – Some Gave All
34. Fishspooner - #1
35. Puff Daddy – Forever
36. Kula Shaker – Peanuts, Pigs & Astronauts
37. Shania Twain – Come On Over
38. Chris Rea – The Road To Hell Pt2
39. Big Country – Undercover
40. The Others – The Others
41. Paul Simon – Songs From The Capeman OST
42. Babylon Zoo – The Boy With The X-Ray Eyes
43. The Travelling Wilburys – Vol 3
44. Kiss – Music From The Elder
45. William Shatner – The Transformed Man
46. Oasis – Standing On The Shoulders Of Giants
47. Ozzy Osbourne – Under Cover
48. Milli Vanilli – All Or Nothing
49. Neil Young And The Shocking Pinks – Everybody’s Rocking
50. Beck – Midnight Vultures

Aren't Her Eggs Dried Up?

Madonna is old as shit and about to hit the road this summer to promote that tired vagina of hers. Speaking of her tired vagina, she's reportedly hoping to have another child with husband, Guy Ritchie. This news comes when there are rumors that the couple have hit a rocky patch and are probably going to split up.

But according to a source, that is untrue: "[Madonna and Guy] are more in love than ever and having another baby will be their first priority. Although Madonna has a world tour coming up, she knows she is fit enough to be able to perform while pregnant."

I really don't need to deal with another celebrity birth at this moment. Can't L.A. put birth control in the water just for a few months. With Brangelina, Gwen and who knows else coming up...I just can't take it!!!

[The Bosh]

Is That a Wig?

Gene Simmons is semi-hot in the face, but that hair just screws it all up. That looks like several layers of hairnets, not even a wig. Here he is at the A&E upfronts. What kind of show does he have? Let's hope it doesn't involve hair.
Shannon Tweed however looks as hot as ever. She's like 50!

It's Barley Water for Baby Suri!

I think we're all safe. TomKitten was brought into this world and nothing major happened. I'm sure somebody died somewhere, but let's hope it wasn't related to this. Well, now that the little munchkin is here...what's next?

According to Scientology rules, parents must feed their baby a formula of barley water mixed with homogenized milk and corn syrup or honey in the place of mother's breast milk or store bought formulas.

Sick! I bet you Tom drinks that shit on a daily basis!
Tom Cruise has already cleared most of his schedule for the remainder of the week. He was due to promote the hell out of Mission Impossible 3, but that has been put on hold.

Also...paparazzi are said to be high alert. No word yet on what the price of the first pictures of Suri could fetch, but I'm sure it's somewhere in the seven figures. My guess is that TomKat will sell the pictures to a magazine.

All the conspiracy talk is really turning me on. I really love the one where Tom steals Brooke Shields baby.

[Post Chronicle]

The Biggest Musical Flop of 2007!

I predict that this will undoubtedly be the biggest album flop of the year!

Michael Jackson is back in the recording studio working on his comeback album.

He issued this statement: "I am incredibly excited about my new venture and enjoying being back in the studio."

His last album was released in 2001.

What the hell is going to sing about? We know he doesn't like chicks and we know he's not sane, so he can't write about love..so he's going to write about little boys, Jesus juice, chimpanzees and lollipops? I mean..that would be kind of hot actually.

[ABC News]

KFed Slams Nick & Ches!

KFed is the King of matrimony! He knows everything about marriage and love. His marriage to Britney Spears is absolutely perfect and they will never ever break up. This is according to his ass, anyway. You know he was smoking a fat one when he proclaimed this shit.

Here's what that doofus had to say: "My situation is different. I ain't gettin' no divorce. Fuck that! I don't believe in that shit.

"Once you get married, you're in it for the fight. Nick and Jessica did their whole thing together. They really blew up together on that show. They deserve whatever they get."

Could this bitch get any dumber? It's truly not possible and of course he's not getting divorced...dumb fuck has it made! All the cheetos and Bud he can eat and drink!

He also talked about that he was pushed into show business, because he has no choice.

"I don't have a choice. It's not like I can go and do construction, start building houses in Malibu...They are forcing me to do this, and I am glad they are. I am more than happy to do it."

[Female First]

Would You Hit It?

Mick Jagger performs with The Rolling Stones in New Zealand.

I'd hit it, because I bet he's packing large and damn that mouth...I mean..




[Thanks Scott]

Jordan's Huge Assets!

Here's a funny video of Jordan and her ENORMOUS bazooms during a photo shoot. She gets all flirty with Peter Andre. Seriously, those things are so huge. Everytime I see them in all their glory...I have to step away from the screen a bit.

Watch Video!

[Thanks Marti]

When Prada Has a Party For Skirts, The Stars Show!

Prada had some party at their SoHo store in NYC to celebrate some exhibit about their skirts. I guess they are like works of art, but if you ask me...most chicks that wear them just use em to wipe the cum off their bellies.

Anyway! What's a party without NYC's premiere party rabbit: Lindsay HoHan! I must say that once she wipes the coke from her nose, she looks kind of hot.



Speaking of the hotness...Amanda Lepore is a true Goddess! Yes, I think she went under the knife again...but who cares? Bitch isn't trying to be natural. Those titties are the real weapons of mass destruction!



She's like Betty Grable on crack and freon!



Iman is stunning...she shouldn't have worn her work shirt on a night out though.



Blah....Blah....Blah...Buddah....Blah...Blah...Tibet....Blah...Blah....
Gerbils....Blah....Blah..Intersection



There's the low-rent Matthew McConaughey: Josh Lucas! HoHan totally gave him a handjob in one of the dressing rooms.

Chloe Sevigny in a Bikini!

It's almost summertime and Chloe Sevigny showed off her sucking skills on that water bottle in Miami while wearing more clothes than she's used to. Even though she has a face meant for facials (and I'm not talking about the kind you get at the JcPenney Salon), her body ain't half bad. Too bad she can't act her way out of a paper bag!

Good Morning!

Let's wake up to a shirtless and blue-gloved Josh Duhamel this morning. He was probably doing something really manly like chopping wood or clearing woods. But since he's a Hollywood-type, let's be real. Those are moisturizing gloves. And yes he's hot, but the fact that Fergie's slimy paws have been all over him..kind of makes it not so hot.

The Dlisted Report

Tom Hanks will produce a film version of Mamma Mia! The filmmakers are eyeing release by late 2007. The show's book writer, Catherine Johnson, is penning the screenplay, which will stick closely to the crowd-pleasing musical's plot. Raised on a Greek island by a formerly rebellious mom who never disclosed the identity of her father, a bride-to-be locates three men who might be her father and invites them to her wedding. The resulting conflict triggers 22 ABBA hits like "Dancing Queen," "Take a Chance on Me" and "The Winner Takes It All." [Variety]

Alan Rickman and Kristin Scott Thomas will reteam for The Villa Golitsyn, a drama set in the South of France. In the story, diplomat Simon Milson arrives in Nice to stay with friends Willy and Priscilla Ludley (Rickman & Thomas) but soon discovers their French idyll about to fall apart. Willy is drinking himself to death, and Priss appears powerless to stop him. Despite being lulled by wine, sun and his old friend Willy's charm and affection, Simon has been charged by his superiors with an important mission. He has to establish if it was Willy's treachery that led to the brutal torture and murder of a fellow foreign office colleague in Borneo. Shooting begins this June. [Production Weekly]

Three Days of Rain starring Julia Roberts opens tonight on Broadway. Roberts joins Paul Rudd and Bradley Cooper (Kitchen Confidential). Roberts plays Nan, the practical sister of the erratic Walker (Rudd). The two are the children of a famous architect, who was business partners with the father of their longtime friend, Pip (Cooper), the play's third character. The first act finds the three, all somewhat estranged from one another, trying to dope out a journal left behind by Nan and Walker's dad, particularly the mysterious entry "three days of rain." In the second act, the time frame shirts back in time a few decades and the three play the parents of the first-act characters (in Roberts' case, a vivacious and unstable Southern belle). The play will finish performances on June 18th. [Playbill]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

um, we booked the Dixie Chicks, not the Chicks with Dicks... - mpcmike

Hot Slut of the Day!

Lydia Hearst

Birthday Sluts

James Franco (28)
Maria Sharapova (19)
Hayden Christensen (25)
Catalina Sandino Moreno (25)
Kate Hudson (27)
Ashley Judd (38)
Suge Knight (40)
Tim Curry (60)
Dudley Moore (71)

The World is Over: TomKitten Has Arrived!

Is the mothership coming next?! All of you run to your local store and buy loads of water and canned foods! Tom Cruise is eating the placenta as we speak! Probably with a Fanta, because you know he likes to Fanta. And isn't it a bit ironic that his baby is born on the same day as Brooke's?!

Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise have welcomed their first child together, two inside sources have told PEOPLE.

No other details are immediately available.

UPDATE: It's a girl born this morning at 3am in Los Angeles.

According to a statement issued by their publicist, the baby girl weighed 7 lbs 7 oz and was 20 inches in length. They say both mother and daughter are doing well.

The name Suri means "princess" in Hebrew or "red rose" in Persian.

UPDATE II: The bubonic plague has hit Los Angeles. Hmm.... It's starting!

UPDATE III: Here's what Tom is doing now! Thanks Mandy for pic!



UPDATE IV: Reader Brown Eyes has an interesting observation. The name Suri is spelled from the name Cruise without the first and last letter. God, I'm obsessed.

[People][TMZ]

Say Something Nice

Kelly Osbourne: Um...well...at least she doesn't need satellite TV..because her head probably gets good reception.





[Smart]

Mary Hart is Moving On Up!

Nancy O'Dell eat your heart out! The real star of primetime entertainment shows is Mary Hart of Entertainment Tonight! Those gams of hers get invited to all the swanky events filled with Alisters. Here's a press release for Mary's newest glamorous assignment:

Mary Hart, longtime famed host
of television's entertainment magazine, "Entertainment Tonight" will serve
as mistress of ceremonies for this year's "The Largest Mother's Day
Celebration in the World" scheduled for May 14 at the Los Angeles Jewish
Home for the Aging.

[PR Newswire] VIA [Defamer]

Whitney Goes to Rehab!

Whitney Houston has gone into rehab for probably the 114,556,768th time. Whitney quietly checked herself in last week to battle her addiction with crack cocaine. She did not even tell her husband, Bobby Brown, of her whereabouts.

Bobby Brown's sister-in-law, Tina Brown, told the National Enquirer all this information. Tina already turned on Whitney by selling her story and pictures of Whit's crack den.

Tina said: "At first he thought she was just off on another drug binge,"

"It took a few days for him to find out from Whitney's family that they had talked her into going into rehab,— and a few more days to get an answer about which treatment center she was in. All Bobby told me is that she is in treatment, in a secluded place."

And why is Bobby talking to Tina? She fucking ratted his wife out? Anyway....Whit's spokesperson refused to comment.

Let's hope this ho gets her shit together. Even though a cracked-out Whitney is pure entertainment and comedy, that shit ain't right. She needs to her act together or bitch is gonna end up dead and that's no lie.

[The National Enquirer]

Brooke Shields Popped Out a Girl!

Our very own Blue Lagoon girl has added another girl to her family.

Brooke Shields gave birth to her second child, a daughter named Grier Hammond Henchy, on Tuesday, her rep tells PEOPLE exclusively.

The baby weighed in at 7 lbs., and measured 20 inches.

Shields, 40, and husband Chris Henchy, 42, who wed in 2001, also have a daughter, Rowan, who will be 3 next month.

Grier?! I can dig that. It's probably after Pam Grier, because Brooke is down with Foxy Brown. I wonder if she's going to get all depressed again over this and go on Oprah and whine about it.

[People]

This Ad Can't Be Legal

[Lady Bunny] VIA [OMG Blog]

Restraining Orders are the New Exhaustion

Everybody is getting a restraining order in Hollywood these day. Even if the Dlisters... They probably think that if they get one, their career will be on the rise. Yeah right.
Luke Perry is the latest celeb-bitch to put out an order against a woman who he claims is bothering him.

According to the documents, filed April 4 in Los Angeles County Superior Court, Luke is seeking protection for himself and his two children Jack, 8, and Sophie, 5. In the documents, Luke claims the woman has "repeatedly harassed me by phone and by mail. Showing up [sic] at my house uninvited and unannounced."

Luke claims in the documents that he has learned the woman has "a history of psychiatric issues and has had similar issues recently."

Luke also alleges the woman has showed up at events where Luke has made public appearances, including a speaking engagement in Palm Springs where he had to be assisted out the door by security.

According to the documents, the woman is "attempting to enroll [her children] in the same private school as my children."

Who the hell wants to stalk this has-been? I mean, I might've stalked his ass back in 90210 days...cause he was the cat's meow. But now he's all old and wrinkly and shit.

[TMZ]

Afternoon Crumbs

Move over Johnny Weir, there's a new butch in figure skating [OMG Blog]

Lindsay Hohan cannot be Sailor Moon [Egotastic!]

HoHan looks cracked out, again [Hollywood Rag]

Eddie Murphy may be banging tranny, Karinne Steffans [Crunk + Disorderly]

Uterus Weekly [Just Jared]

A history of Dakota Fanning [Film Experience Blog]

Jack White loves his coke [Popsugar]

Tom Cruise and the case of the botched poll [Jossip]

Renee Zellweger puts Chinese bitches out of a job [Celebrity Nation]

Nowhere Safe For Your Eyes to Rest!

Isn't the Hogan family such trash?! And this Hogan family isn't to be confused with the family sitcom that starred Sandy Duncan. I mean...they are disgusting!

I think that we should make billboard sized versions of these pictures and send them over to Iraq. Our enemies would start running for their lives! Actually, that's too cruel.

Josh Hartnett and Tantric Sex

Josh Hartnett has revealed that he is studying Tantric sex techniques and possibly using them on girlfriend, Scarlett Johansson. For those of you that don't know, Tantric sex is basically fucking for hours on end until you reach some sort of "spiritual high." It's basically new age crap that Yanni is probably into. Here's what Josh had to say.

"A friend of mine gave me a book on Tantric sex for my birthday. "I studied it to see what all the fuss was about. It's not easy but it's all good."

Yeah right. He's a dumb frat boy. He probably just likes to cum all over her tits and get it over with.



[Contact Music]

This is What Happens When You're Parents are Crackheads!

Bobbi Kristina Brown shows us that 13 isn't what it used to be....









[Media Takeout]

Jessica Lange is On the Road to Normal

Jessica Lange had some work a while back and came out looking like the Bride of Frankenstein. It seems that she's taken everyone's advice and has laid off the knife a bit. She's still in Teri Snatcher territory, but looking much better.

God Wants Mary J. Blige to Wear Bling

Mary J. Blige considers herself a religious person, but just because she is all into God doesn't mean that she doesn't love her material things. In fact, she thinks God wants her to be tacky and shit.

She said: "“My God is a God who wants me to have things. “He wants me to bling. He wants me to be the hottest thing on the block. I don't know what kind of God the rest of y'all are serving, but the God I serve says, '‘Mary, you need to be the hottest thing this year, and I'’m gonna make sure you're doing that'’."”

I agree with her. But why is it that her God gives her the cash to have diamonds, Gucci, Prada and shit and my God only gives me enough cash to buy shitty ass clothes at H&M. Something ain't right here.

Another thing, did God want that animal's life taken away so you can rock it and look hot? This bitch is dumb.

[MSNBC]

Beware of Angelina Jolie's Bodyguard!

Hardman Brett (yeah that's his name) is the bodyguard of Angelina Jolie. He has a stern warning to anybody that fucks with her:

"If I find anyone getting a picture of Jolie I will fucking smash someone to pieces.

"I'm not joking. I'll fucking put someone in the hospital. Tell your friends."

I didn't know lions could talk. Aren't those bitches protecting her ass?

I have no idea what Hardman Brett looks like, but me thinks I'm already in love. I like a man who will smash me to a million pieces and most likely not cuddle with me after.

[Female First]

She's Transferred His Fat to Him!

Michelle Williams is quickly losing her baby weight and transferring it to Heath Ledger. He's thick in the mid-section. I usually don't like her ass, because she has that slimy Kiki Dunst quality about her. I always picture her breasts being saggy with moles all over them. Maybe she's turning things around, because I think she looks kind of hot here.

Heath however looks like he's ready to get his ass fucked in the back of a dingy Chinatown gay bar.

Note to Amanda Peet

Wearing eyeglasses and a frumpy blouse does NOT make you look bookish or a serious actress. Deep down you are still trampy and not very talented. However, I did enjoy your work in Body Shots. Here's Amanda trying to fit in with the theater crowd at the opening of Awake & Sing in New York.

It Turns Me On When Jordan Trash Talks

22-year-old Chantelle is not only a Paris Hilton look-a-like, but she's also the winner of Big Brother UK. Winning the show made her an overnight sensation and now she's engaged to one of her fellow contestants. She's due to get married to Ordinary Boys singer Preston. The two have been named the new Posh and Becks. Seriously, she's like big shit across the pond.

It seems that the new fish has made Jordan a little jealous. Don't think these two are going to have tea anytime soon.

Jordan said: "“There's no other couple like Pete and me. If anyone else is trying to be like us, they should stop now. "

“"Preston and Chantelle, I'’m sick to death of reading that they're getting married ... It'’s boring now. I liked her in the Big Brother house, but get a job now. Let's see if you can do something."

Get a job?! That's rich! However, I do agree with Jordan. Chantelle is trash and not a class act like Katie Price/Jordan. There's only room for one bitch who has no talent and whores herself out to anybody who cares!

[IOL][Thanks Stacy]

Dominic Monaghan Wants to Kiss the Bunny Between the Ears!

Lost star, Evangeline Lilly, showed off some bunny ears on Easter day. The ears were probably only a small part of a costume she wore for boyfriend, Dominic Monaghan. But Dominic is much more into carrots than bunny rabbits. I bet you Evangeline had to strap on a carrot dildo!

Congratulations, You Damned Lesbians!

Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Lynn Michaels are no Ellen and Portia, but they are still sort of cute. Anyway, those crazy girls are expecting twins!

They issued this statement: "We are thrilled to announce that Tammy is pregnant, and expecting our twins sometime around this fall."

They won't say who the donor is. Melissa has two children with a previous partner.

I like these two, they keep it real. And they are probably into granola and Wranglers and shit...and I like that.

[The Insider]

Joaquin Phoenix Needs to Lose Weight!

I always harp on the chicks being fat, so let's harp on a dude for once. Seriously, Joaquin Phoenix needs to lay off the sauce and the hamburgers. He's a far cry from his days as being hot. Here he is strolling in SoHo, NYC probably on his way to get some ice cream or a deep fried Mars bar or some shit.

She's Lucky She Doesn't Look Like Her Parents!

Coco Arquette is pretty cute and I don't say that about many babies. She's lucky since her father, David Arquette, is fug in the face and her mom is one of the most annoying women on earth (next to Fishsticks Paltrow.)

Tom Cruise Can't Wait to Dine on Placenta and Wine!

I've actually seen this shit on like HBO. It's a ritual where after the mother gives birth, she throws a party where they turn her placenta into like pate and serve it up. Everyone eats it with fancy crackers and wine. I don't know how they can keep themselves from chucking, but whatever...to each his own.

Tom Cruise plans to do just that. Proving that he is Hollywood's most fucked up individual, Tom will have a feast on Katie Holmes' placenta RAW.

He said: "I'm going to eat the placenta. I thought that would be good. Very nutritious. I'm going to eat the cord and the placenta right there."

Can't you totally picture him doing this? His evil eyes gleaming at you while he feasts on that bloody shit. He's not even planning to cook it up! That motherfucker is gonna eat it raw! Oh hell no! They better keep that baby safe, because if he/she witnesses that shit...they will go into shock!

[LSE][Thanks Stacy and Others]

The Dlisted Report

Russell Crowe has signed on to the indie thriller Tenderness. The film follows a violent teenager, Eric, whose life intertwines with Lori, a 16-year-old runaway who can't resist his charm. Crowe will play Lieutenant Cristofuoro, a cop who sets out to unravel Eric's complex past. Shooting is set to begin next month. [Variety]

Renee Zellweger has signed up for the horror/thriller Case 39. The film centers on an idealistic social worker (Zellweger) who saves an abused 10-year-old girl from her parents only to discover that things are not as they appear. The studio is looking for a director. Production gets underway this July in Vancouver. [THR]

Matthew Perry will play a mentally unstable screenwriter in Numb, being described as a dark comedy. Perry's character suffers from acute depersonalization disorder, a condition so alienating and sanguine that it makes the chronically depressed look perky. When he falls for a girl, he puts himself through every single therapy in the book in order to win her love. [THR]

Woody Allen has decided to completely scrap a Paris-filmed flick starring Michelle Williams. The budget has soared above and beyond and it became necessary to move locations. He will now shoot an entirely different film in London with a different cast. [Variety]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

Brad says goodbye to the last of his self-respect after Maddox demands an underwater Easter - Shondi

Hot Slut of the Day!

Ric Ocasek

Birthday Sluts

Eric Roberts (50)
America Ferrera (22)
Melissa Joan Hart (30)
Maria Bello (39)
Conan O'Brien (43)
Eric McCormack (44)
Rick Moranis (52)
JAmes Woods (59)
Hayley Mills (60)

What Happened to Lila Grace's Face?!

I know, I know...it's a slow news day! Here's Kate Moss' daughter, Lila Grace, being carried by her mother. She looks surprisingly calm for a girl who just lost her face. Did I tell you I'm kind of over skinny jeans? Unless you're wearing a hot tube top and heels!

The Double Wide Casket

Some dude in Indiana has made a casket that is 52 inches wide. Normal sized caskets are about 27 inches wide. Who the hell needs that shit, besides Aretha Franklin and Paris Hilton's vagina lips.

I seriously need one that big, because I want a little room when I die. I don't want to feel all crowded and shit.

[Great Falls Tribune][Thanks Jana]

Is Mario Cantone Heading to The View?!

Insiders are reporting that openly gay comic, Mario Cantone, is set to guest-host on The View sometime soon. Apparently, Mario is in the running to replace Meredith Viera. Yeah right, there's no way they will put an openly gay man next to Star Jones! If they do, she'll leave her husband for him!

Sources on the show say that when Star Jones got wind of this, she flipped out! She can't stand Mario, because he tells it like it is! In his act, Mario talks openly about Al Reynolds being the gayest thing since ABBA!

Star has threatened producers that if Mario is given the job, she's walking! Star's contract is also due to expire this year.

Also in the running for Viera's spot is Kathie Lee Gifford, Connie Chung, Patricia Heaton and Soledad O'Brien.

[Thanks Stacy]

The Photoshop Awards: The Pussycat Dolls

I'm sorry, but that one in the red hair HAS to be a chick with a dick!

Afternoon Crumbs

Kimora's feet are so nasty that she needs to cleanse them with booze [Crunk + Disorderly]

The habits of celebrity dining in NYC [Cityrag]

Mischa Barton and her little dog too [Egotastic!]

Julia Roberts honestly doesn't care what she looks like [Hollywood Rag]

Thank God, we won't see Hilary Duff naked anytime soon [IDLYITW]

Why is Sean William Scott all bloody? [Just Jared]

Nachos can't stand Parasite [Hollywood Tuna]

KFed doesn't believe in divorce...I wouldn't either if my bitch paid for everything [Popsugar]

Eva LongWHORIA Wants Us to Shut Up!

Get ready for some amazing quotes from Eva LongWHORIA this week. She's promoting her new film The Sentinel and is currently doing lots of press. There's a great interview with her and Reuters in which she shows her political side. She thinks she's fucking Hillary Clinton!

Eva is also pissed that the gossips keep printing and talking about her sex life. She must have alzheimers, because she doesn't remember the fact that she's on the one doing all the talking about her sex life.

She said: "I respect good journalism. I respect certain newspapers and certain publications, and they are just watered down by the bounty for gossip and pictures and information that is irrelevant and uninteresting,"

She seems a bit confused. The thing is she's the one making things irrelevant and uninteresting, not the magazines!

[Yahoo][Thanks Lauren]

Tom Cruise Can Use a Blackberry!

The Diane Sawyer interview with Tom Cruise is still sitting in my DVR yet to be watched. I must watch it, but am afraid that I will be hypnotized and soon you will find me pregnant and wandering the halls of Barneys aimlessly looking for the way out.

Defamer has a hilarious clip that shows Tom getting "baby updates" from his Blackberry.

I wonder how many writers it took to come up with that bit.



[Defamer]

The Two English Petes Should Hook Up!

Pete Burns is turning into Pete Doherty. He's getting arrested like every other week. The two would actually make a smashing couple and take England by storm with their glamour and trashiness!!

Miss Pete was arrested over the weekend for attacking ex-fiancee, Michael Simpson, during a fight. The two broke up only a couple of weeks ago and Miss Pete flew into a jealous rage when Michael showed up to the appropriately named Ghetto Club in London with his new trick.

A source said: "Michael arrived and suddenly there was all this shouting and screaming. Pete saw Michael and went for him."

I'm telling you Miss Pete! You need to get Pete Doherty's digits like right now. You two would make a thrilling couple and you sort of look like Kate Moss. If Kate Moss fell into a ditch, was attacked by wild boars, set on fire, had her limbs ripped apart and then had a bucket full of plaster poured all over her.

[Contact Music][Thanks Stacy]

I Need a Vacation!

Kylie Minogue and boyfriend Olivier Martinez are seen here vacationing in France. Kylie is getting better and looks hot. Seriously, I need to lay on a sandy beach and pass out after drinking a few foofy drinks. Lucky bitch!

Renee Zellweger Dyes Her Wedding Dress!

Renee Zellweger didn't want to throw away wedding dress she wore marry the Queen himself, Kenny Chesney, so she decided to reinvent it.

A friend said: "Renee didn't want to throw it away. Since she knew she'd never wear it again as a wedding dress, she made it into something she'd get some use out of."

Renee apparently shortened it and dyed it sapphire blue.

Gross..cheap bitch!

She probably also went to Payless and had satin pumps dyed to match her dress.

Remember that shit?! I think my sister has like 100 pairs in all different shades of Payless dyed pumps!

[The Bosh]

What's That Pink Furry Thing She's Carrying Around?!

That is the ugliest keychain I've ever seen. She probably uses it to dust off the crabs that are constantly crawling out of her vagina. She seriously has like the biggest crab nest in North America living inside her.

KFed Loves Being a Pimp!

KFed doesn't mind if you call him a pimp, he actually likes it. Well, duh! Listen to what this dumb ass had to say:

"If I'm gonna be a rapper, that image can't really hurt.

"A real pimp is a dude who's making money off bitches who sling that ass on the street.

"Nowadays, people will say they're a pimp just because they're suave.

"I'm not no pimp. I'm just Kevin. Happy husband. Happy father. I didn't pimp Britney. I found love".

If anybody is the pimp in that relationship it's Britney! I mean, KFed gets an allowance for fucksake! How embarrassing is that? He has to like ask his wife for $20 to rent a movie from Blockbuster!

I'd still hit it though.

[Female First]

Meet the New Face of Levitra!

Miss Jerry Hall!!!

You heard right folks! Fresh from her stint on Vh1's Kept...Jerry Hall is set to make a splash (pun intended) as the new spokeshooker from Levitra!

Jerry can't wait to help people get up and get fucking!

She said: "People get old on the outside but they feel young on the inside and still want some romance, and have sex, for as long as possible!

"People who suffer from erectile dysfunction need to realize they're not alone, they don't have to suffer in silence, it's not that bigger deal.

"After all, we're only talking about blood flowing into vessels....and there's a treatment for it.'

"I'm a woman in my 40's and I can assure you that women of my age are more interested in sex than a woman in her 20s.

"Older women feel much more relaxed and more happy in their skin. It's more enjoyable.'

The most surprising thing about her statement, wasn't that she was whoring herself out to pharmaceutical products but that she actually think she's a woman in her 40s!

[Female First]

I Am Falling Deeper and Deeper in Love with Pete Doherty!

Over the weekend our favorite shipwreck, Pete Doherty, beat down a photographer for trying to get pics of him. Oh how I love him. I can imagine how he'd protect me! Well, maybe he'd beat me instead of protect me. Either way, I'm in love!

Courtney Love is Trash, But Looks Hot Here!

Courtney Love attended some boring event and posed for pictures with bitches I don't even know (well except for Billy Corgan.) She is trying so hard to look normal, but you know inside her veins are just begging for some smack! You gotta love Courtney, because no matter how much her dress costs she still looks like a truck-stop hoochie from 1985!

Blind Items...You Guess...I Guess...

WHICH hard-partying Hollywood stud may have already jumped off the wagon after a recent stint in booze rehab? He knocked back a few too many at a recent movie after-party, and worried publicists had to quietly escort him out.

Colin Farrell!!

WHICH broadcast-TV weatherman could be facing the ax because "he just isn't working out"? Snitches say producers of the show are secretly courting a rival weatherguy, who might end up with a fat contract and a game show if he stays where he is because his boss doesn't want to lose him.

Al Roker!

[Page Six]

HoHan Pretends to Eat Cake!

Lindsay HoHan hosted Saturday Night Live and yes it was awful. One of the truly most ridiculous skits came when HoHan and 3 cast members played two couples at a restaurant who basically get all orgasmic over this chocolate cake. They start screaming and devouring themselves. In true crackhead fashion, when it came time to "devour" the cake...HoHan mimed eating the cake while the others actually ate the cake!



Don't worry, she won't gain a pound. She threw up air after she finished taping this.



Oh and during another skit they showed her crack. You know that shit is airbrushed, her crack isn't that pretty!



[Gawker][Thanks Tbird]

Angie Loves Namibia!

Samuel Sheefeni Nuuyoma is the Governer of the African country of Namibia and he has confirmed that Angelina Jolie is due to have her baby in his country. He has also said that she plans to give her baby a Namibian name, because she loves the country so much. He had breakfast with her and Brad Pitt and has said he is doing everything possible to try and give the couple as much privacy as he can. Apparently, journalists entering the country without work permits will be arrested.

You know Maddox isn't into that shit. He desperately wants a Big Mac and fries. He's so sick of eating with the lions too, they think they are better than him! But don't worry, he'll learn to love them.

[People]

It's Moses Martin!

Fishsticks Paltrow poses happily with her new son, Moses Bruce Anthony Martin. Bitch needs to put on some make-up! Ewww...she's slimy.

[Celebrity Baby Blog][Thanks Bellastar]

The Dlisted Report

Sienna Guillory and Milla Jovovich will return to star in a third Resident Evil movie called Resident Evil: Extinction. Shooting will begin next month in Mexico with Paul W.S Anderson at the director's chair again. [Variety]

William H. Macy has joined the cast of Wild Hogs. The project revolves around a group of frustrated middle-aged suburban biker wannabes who hit the open road in search of adventure only to encounter a real Hells Angels group. John Travolta, Martin Lawrence and Tim Allen star. Shooting begins next month in New Mexico. [THR]

Scary Movie 4 was the #1 movie this weekend with $41 Million. Ice Age 2 dropped to the #2 spot with $20 Million bringing its total gross to $147 Million. The Benchwarmers dropped to #3 this week with $10 Million. [Box Office Mojo]

The CAPTION THIS Contest Winners!

The Top 3:

Congratulations, Ms. Jolie! All of the paperwork for your newly adopted baby appear to be in order. - bzbee

After years of hard laborious research, scientists finally found the missing link in the evolution of "The Pussycat Dolls" - Jinxy McDeath

Some say it's a monkey. But really, it's a brand, a model, an artiste, an actress... - Elsa

Hot Slut of the Day!

Picabo Street

Birthday Sluts

Victoria Beckham (32)
Jennifer Garner (34)
Redman (36)
Liz Phair (39)
Sean Bean (47)

What Happened to Brittany Murphy?

I used to think that Brittany Murphy was so cool, like back in the day. But now she's just turning into another plastic, bleach blonde, fake breasted piece of trash! Crack is wack, y'all and I know for a fact that chick is into the white stuff. Here's Brittany trying desperately to be sexy for a Paul Oakenfold video. The sad thing is...she kind of reminds me of Fergie here, but Fergie is way hotter. I never thought those words together would ever be released from my lips!







[Thanks Kristi]

Hoppy Easter!!

I just want to wish all of you a Hot Easter! I'm off to get drunk and go egg hunting! And by egg hunting, I don't mean the kind that involves colored eggs! I'll be back later today after I wake up from gorging myself with a shitload of peeps! I leave you with one of my favorite pictures in the world: a bunny eating corn. I also leave you with one of my least favorite pictures in the world: a dirty whore turning a beautiful thing ugly!

xoxoxoMichael K

Becks is Pretty Gay

David Beckham showed off his gay side at a recent football match....

Walking around shirtless for no reason....gay!



Cuddling with another dude.....gay!



Strolling down the lawn while holding hands with a lovely chap....gay!



Getting screwed in the ass....gay!

Hot Slut of the Week: Jodie Marsh

Age: 27
Birthday: December 23, 1978
Birth Name: Jodie Marsh

Original Date of Hot Slut of the Day: April 13, 2006
Claim to Fame: Being one of UK's biggest whores, literally! She's a famous party girl who has fucked every dude in England. She's also a sometime actress and model.

Where is she now? Sucking some dude off in a dark alley. She also recently appeared on Celebrity Big Brother UK.

Why is she Hot Slut of the Week? She's living the life that was meant for me!

Jenny Shimizu Needs to Shut the Hell Up!

Jenny Shimizu has sold her story to News of the World AGAIN! Jenny is opening up her fat mouth about Angelina Jolie. I mean, we already know you ate her out. Who gives a hell and really...who hasn't?

Jenny thinks that Brad Pitt will never be able to satisfy the sexual she-vixen known as Angelina Jolie. She believes that Angie craves her Asian muffin!

She said: "I was her first. And although she's having a baby with Brad, I doubt I'll be the last. She loves women too much. It's like a drug and she was hooked.

"Angelina loves danger and dabbling in the dark side. That's where she gets her kicks—not playing happy families with one man.

"She has a body which just makes you gasp and shudder with lust—so slender but with the most incredible, perfect curvy boobs.

"And her amazing skin is so soft to touch. But it's her mouth that made me beg for more—kissing me slowly and passionately with those full lips over every inch of my body. It's unbelievable what she can do with that mouth. Brad is one lucky boy!"

Jenny goes on to talk about how amazing Angie is and how beautiful her clit is and blah blah blah blah blah! It was cute the first time Jenny talked about her lesbian relationship with Angie, but the second time is too much. Seriously, get a job and get a life bitch. Go fix cars or whatever it is you like to do. Bitch needs a facelift too! Click on the link below to see some hot nudes of Angie. I'll agree with Jenny, her vagina totally has me hypnotized and I haven't even kisse it!

[News of the World][Thanks Stacy]

You Fuck With Weir, You Fuck With Me!

Who the fuck is messing with my beloved Johnny Weir?! This has made me mad and I'm about to beat a bitches ass.

According to several insiders the U.S. Figure Skating Association is hoping to distance themselves from the flamboyantly gay Johnny Weir. Publicity materials were sent out for January's champion in Washington and every major male figure skater was featured, but Johnny was not even though this bitch has held the championship for 3 years running. Shouldn't his ass be on the cover?

A source said: "Word within skating circles is that the USFSA is hoping to replace Weir as men's representative for the sport with [Evan] Lysacek, whom they deem more 'socially acceptable.'"

A spokesbitch did not comment, but hours after the NYDN ran the story...Johnny's image appeared on their website.

That's right cunts don't mess with this gay bitch! He'll kill your ass with the heel from his Jimmy Choo!

[NYDN][Thanks Sue]

Don't Go Nornna!

YouTube & Internet star Nornna has apparently had it with a life in the spotlight. She has deleted most of her GENIUS videos and has said she's pretty much had it. I personally think she's an absolute genius and a cultural force. One of her fans has gone too far and she's not taking it. Here's what Nornna had to say!

Last Weekend (Sunday) someone had called my work place, requesting to speak to me.

They ask for my home phone number, but of course my bosses didn't give it out.

My bosses think that the guy (yes it's a guy, because he goes by the name of Chuck Sanders) is in to phone sex or cyber sex.

My boss (one of them) had called my house on Sunday, talked to my sister about it, and my sister phone out his information by looking him up on White Pages - or whatever - after my boss read out the phone number the caller was calling from.

Turns out, Chuck is calling from Mass, and he is calling from a place that works for a Hearing Impaired Company. Do you know what I mean? Where the computer does the talking for him. That type of thing.


Chuck kept up his phone calls for two more days, and when I went to work on Wednesday, my boss wanted to talk to me privately in the office. HER boss (the one that hires the bosses at the company I work for) was there, too.

They had asked me if I knew what was going on, and I said that I was awear of it. They asked me what Internet site I go to, and I explained that I upload videos on You Tube.

Her Boss: "We are runing a business here, Nora. And we can't have this person calling all the time."

I agree with that.

Wednesday, he had called about nine times, being more threatening than ever. He was saying stuff like "I know Nora works Wednsdays .... " and he listed the time shift I work for. He ALSO had said that he knows the department I work in, too!

THIS HAS TURNED SCARY!

I don't know if he had been reading my Open Diary Blog or WHAT?! But I had went with my gut (and heart) and put my Open Diary in Private, because I'm only Friends Only on there, so ... this is why, too, I will no longer be adding new people to my MySpace. I need to be not too overwhelmed on whom to trust, because it only takes ONE weirdo!

My mother and I had contacted the police in my town on Tuesday and on Thursday, we had contacted the police in the town where my work place company is located.

Thursday, the police woman had advised me NO MORE YOU TUBE or on-line journaling!

I've decided, though, to keep my Myspace to Friends Only.

I've shown my mom what MySpace is all about and stuff, so ... she's pretty okay with this...

Hope you all understand now... :-/

I can see where she's coming from. A few people have e-mailed me her telephone number at work and although I love and would die for Nornna...I can tell that she's not someone who really wants to be bothered. She wants to do her thing and basically that's it. She's important to my well-being so I pray that she comes back. I looked at her YouTube profile just now and saw a couple of videos so maybe...just maybe...she'll come back! Please come back Nornna!!!!



[Thanks Natalie]

Chestica and Her Tits Return from Australia!

DAYUM! How did those things get through customs?!

He's a Dad?!

Pete Doherty was voted the worst dad of all-time in a new survey.

I had no idea this crazy bitch was actually a father?! That poor kid! Anyway, Pete has a son with some chick. Pete beat out the likes of Michael Jackson, Tom Cruise and Woody Allen.

I still can't get over the fact that he actually has a kid! You learn something new everyday. Do you think they hit the pipe together?

[Female First]

DJ AM Takes His 10-Year-Old Brother Out For a Walk in NYC!

This Bitch Shops A Lot!

Katie Holmes went out shopping AGAIN in West Hollywood yesterday. How much stuff could they possibly need? What she needs to do is buy herself a plane ticket out of that crazy house! Even though this is like her 66th week of pregnancy, she looks nice and smiley and shit. I think after the dismal look on her face from the other day, her handlers popped some meds into her to get that creepy Stepford smile back! Glad to see you!

Hot Slut of the Day

Kate Pierson

[For Rollerslut]

Birthday Sluts

Ellen Barkin (52)
Lukas Haas (30)
Mark Long (34)
Martin Lawrence (41)
Kareem Abdul-Jabar (59)

Hot Slut of the Day for Apri 15, 2006

Winnie the Pooh

[For Eric]

Birthday Sluts for April 15, 2006

Emma Watson (15)
Samantha Fox (39)
Emma Thompson (46)