Honey, People are Starting to Get Suspicious!

Tom Cruise probably felt people were starting to find a bit strange that Katie Holmes hasn't been seen out in public for a while. So he sent her out! Katie enjoyed some shopping at Barney's in Beverly Hills with her favorite pillow. Poor thing must be off her meds. She's heading toward Britney Spears territory in the looks department.

Afternoon Crumbs

Trina is my homegirl [Concrete Loop]

More fun with Trina [Crunk + Disorderly]

Chestica Simpson is a whore, but with a deck of cards [Just Jared]

Amy Smart and her nipples [Egotastic!]

Britney Spears wants some small screen action [Popsugar]

Parasite Hilton thinks implants will cheapen her image [Hollywood Rag]

Evangeline Lily prayed to God to make her fugly [IDLYITW]

What can Mick Jagger fit in his mouth? [Cityrag]

Molly the Cat is still stuck!

by Lahoma00



Breaking news: Molly the Cat is still stuck between two buildings in Greenwich Village! Apparently this slut has been trapped for 14 days and can't get out. Have you heard of this shit? It's become an international event! It was the top story on the news here in Manhattan! Soon Oprah's going to be on this.

Now they've brought out the Pet Psychic to communicate with Molly, while Animal Control keeps throwing fish between the buildings so Molly can eat. They better watch where they throw that or Star Jones might steal them because she's hungry!

The entire world is pulling for Molly except her owner, Peter Myers, who owns the store she's stuck between. He doesn't give a shit if she dies---he was screaming at everyone holding vigil for Molly that they're ruining his business!

Pray for Molly!

[Newsday]

Happy Good Friday from Papa Joe!

Happy Good Friday to you and yours! I am off to do some Good Friday rituals like get drunk and party! Here's Papa Joe with his daughter Ashlee in Australia. He's such an effin tool. Even his clothes annoy me. You know he got that shit at Kitson, because he thought it would made him look extra-super-cool. What is he doing there anyway?

He's probably just hoping to see his daughters up close in bikinis.

Happy GF!

Parasite Hilton Quote of the Day!

"I've always had a great voice. You either have it or you don't. It's something you're born with. I'm a brand, a model, an artiste, an actress, a designer. I write books."

Brad Pitt's New Mohawk

Brangelina are still in Africa and Bradley sported a new do. Maddox made him do it.



[Hollywood Rag]

Will Somebody Please Give HoHan a Fashion Deal?!

Lindsay HoHan desperately wants to be the face of a fashion house, ANY fashion house! First she bragged that she was Chanel's new muse and that didn't pan out and then she talked about being the new face of Louis Vuitton and they found her too "American" and now it looks like that piece of trash Donatella Versace may give her a job.

HoHan again is blabbering about that she's in talks with Versace to front their Fall campaign. Versace has said that nothing has been made official.

If she gets the job, she will follow in the footsteps of Madonna, Demi Moore and Halle Berry.

They will also save money, because Donatella can pay her with coke.

[Luxurist]

Don't Miss Tom Cruise on Primetime Tonight!

Set your Tivos and DVRS for the crazy Tom Cruise on Primetime Live tonight on ABC. You know this is going to be some good shit. I mean, Diane Sawyer doesn't even have to ask him anything and the bitch will just talk crazy by himself. Seriously, if there was a new word to describe being mentally insane it would be called TomCruise.

Tom confirms that Katie Holmes has to keep her Midwestern-mouth shut and tight during pregnant as to not disturb the baby.

He said: "It's basically just respecting the mother, you know, and helping to be quiet,— not the mother. The mother makes as much noise … you know, she's going through it,"

"But why have other people make noise? You know, you want that area very calm and to make it very special."

He did say that Katie could have drugs if she needed. Poor Katie, order her some crack and heroin to start. After all that chick has been through, she needs it.

[ABC News]

The Pussycat Dolls are Insane!

I asked my cousin what kinds of things her 4yo daughter likes and she said she was obsessed with PCD. Seriously?! This little girl is looking up to a bunch of hookers with no talent! I mean I could kind of see if they had talent, but come on. I'm all for dressing like a cheap whore, but this is ridiculous! Here they are opening up for The Black Eyed Peas in Sunrise, FL.

I know at least 2 of them have penises.

The Dlisted Report

Elton John and Miramax are teaming up to produce Gnomeo and Juliet, an animated twist of Romeo and Juliet featuring garden gnomes. The feature will be animated in the UK. [Coming Soon]

Production is currently underway in Vancouver on the remake of the Brian DePalma film Sisters. Chloe Sevigny and Stephen Rea star. The film centers on a young woman, who leads a disturbingly sheltered existence at the hand of her controlling psychiatrist (Rea). A nosey reporter (Sevigny), suspicious of the doctor's motives, gets involved, leading to her witnessing a homicide. [Variety]

Vh1 has officially renewed Flavor of Love for season two. They have committed to 10 episodes of the reality show starring Flavor Flav. Casting is currently underway with production to begin in May. No word yet on when the second season will air. [The Futon Critic]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

Eminem donned a disguise after the Proof shooting but still managed a shout out to Detroit. - fo sho

Hot Slut of the Day!

Yuri from Moscow Cat Theater

[For Pamboy]

Birthday Sluts

Adrien Brody (33)
Sarah Michelle Gellar (29)
Da Brat (32)
David Justice (40)
Brad Garrett (46)
Julie Christie (65)
Loretta Lynn (71)

Jake's in New York

Jake Gyllenhaal spent the day sitting around on a stoop outside of his friend's NYC apartment today. He's probably in town to kick my ass for calling him a fag all the time. I"m looking forward to it. I love the pictures where this random woman is talking to him. She totally wants to get with that. Jake's wearing nurse shoes.

This is what happens when you watch Jag!

By Lahoma00



Some woman in London was just discovered in her apartment,
three years after she died! Apparently her skeleton
was found in front of the TV and it was still running!

A woman's skeleton was discovered in her flat three years
after she is believed to have died, it emerged today.

Joyce Vincent was surrounded by Christmas presents and
the television and heating in her bedsit were still on.
The 40-year-old's body was so decomposed that the only way
to identify her was to compare dental records with a holiday photograph.

Police believe she probably died of natural causes in early 2003,
and was only found in January this year when housing association
officials broke into the bedsit in Wood Green, North East London.
They were hoping to recover the thousands of pounds of
rent arrears that had piled up since her death.

Details of the case emerged during an inquest at Hornsey
Coroner's Court, which was attended by relatives including
Ms Vincent's sisters.

A spokesman for the coroner said today that Ms Vincent had
apparently been a placed in the women's refuge accommodation
as a victim of domestic violence.

When representatives from the Metropolitan Housing Trust
arrived at the flat on Jan 25 they drilled the door open and
discovered stacks of unopened post. Some mail was marked
February 2003, and medication and food had February 2003
expiry dates, the spokesman said. Ms Vincent was found
lying on her back on the floor of the living room, which
also doubled as a bedroom. Dr Simon Poole, a pathologist,
told the inquest he had been unable to establish the
cause of death because the remains were "largely skeletal", but
police do not regard the circumstances as suspicious.

The coroner recorded an open verdict.

This bitch was probably killed because she was watching
too much Walker, Texas Ranger or
some other piece of shit CBS show. Take note people!

[telegraph.co.uk] [Thanks to Bryon]

Vinci From 8th & Ocean is Really Hot

8th & Ocean on MTV is kind of boring, but I only watch it for Vinci. He's really hot and super cocky which makes him even hotter. He's totally going to be fat when he gets old, though.










[ONTD]

Titanic II: The Trailer

Somewhere out there really, really loves Titanic and put together a mash-up of several Titanic and Leonardo DiCaprio clips to come up with a Titanic II trailer. Actually, they did a pretty good job!

[Adrants]

Bai Ling Dresses as a Slutty Vampire to Play Poker!

Somewhere in Los Angeles, a haunted house is missing its curtains! Bai Ling showed up in a terrible dress to play poker at The 3rd Annual Casino Night yesterday. Can you imagine her playing poker? I'm sure it's like teaching a pig how to make creme brulee.



Speaking of pigs.....

A German Family Have Become Instant Millionaires!

Disney is going to pay!

A 49-year-old German woman died after riding a rocket simulator at Walt Disney World's Epcot theme park in Florida, the second person to die in less than a year after riding on Mission: SPACE, state officials said on Thursday.

State regulators said Disney had told them the woman, who died Wednesday evening, may have had some prior health problems including high blood pressure and chronic headaches. Disney did not identify the woman, and authorities did not say the cause of death.

Terence McElroy, a spokesman for the Florida Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services, said Disney closed the ride for an inspection overnight after the woman was taken to the hospital. The attraction uses spinning centrifugal force to create the sensation of a rocket launch.

"They didn't see anything out of the ordinary," McElroy said. "Disney was satisfied that it was behaving normally."

Mission: SPACE reopened to the public on Thursday morning, Disney said in a statement.

In June 2005, 4-year-old Daudi Bamuwamye of Pennsylvania died after riding Mission: SPACE with his mother and losing consciousness.

An autopsy by a Florida Medical Examiner's Office determined that Bamuwamye had an undiagnosed heart defect which put him at risk of sudden death under stress.

That shit should be renamed to Mission: DEATH.

[Reuters]

Afternoon Crumbs

Cameron Diaz in a thong is not sexy [Hollywood Tuna]

First it was Britney and now there are Jacko and Kate Moss monuments [Cityrag]

HoHan & Chestica catfight [Egotastic!]

Ewan McGregor adopts a baby girl [Gabsmash]

Kenny Rogers admits to plastic surgery [Hollywood Rag]

Josh Holloway divorce watch [IDLYITW]

Kiefer Sutherland confirms 24 movie [Just Jared]

Heidi + Seal does not equal a hot baby [Popsugar]

Get an iPod in a vending machine [OMG Blog]

Tom Cruise Quote of the Day!

I'm on TomKat overload today!

"Sex is about the connection. Great sex is a by-product, for me, of a great relationship, where you have communication and it's an extension of that. Where it's just free. And that's how it should be. It's spectacular. If you're not in good communication with your partner, it sucks. "

"(Meaningless sex outside of a relationship) is really horrible and pathetic and lonely."

When Were They Hotter: Then or Now?

Twin Whores

Why is Ashlee Simpson trying to look exactly like her sister?! This looks like a late-night party line advertisement.



[Goldenfiddle]

Jordan Thinks She's a Fat Fuck!

Jordan is starving herself in order to lose weight. She has lost tons of weight by only drinking water and juices.

She said: "If I'm feeling bloated in the morning, I'll have juice for breakfast, two litres of water during the day, then juice again in the evening."

Even though she's skinny, she still plans to lose more weight.

"There have been remarks in the newspapers about how skinny I look, but as a matter of fact, I have actually put on weight. I prefer being thinner - I hate my gut now."

Jordan, maybe if you got rid of those tits...you'd lose some damned weight. Those things probably weigh at least 20 pounds each! Your tits are making you fat!

[Female First]

Tom Cruise Predicted Katie Was Pregnant!

Move over Sylvia Browne, there's a new psychic in town! Tom Cruise told GQ Magazine that he just knew that his beard girlfriend, Katie Holmes, was pregnant.

He said: "I just picked something up. I knew at that moment that she was pregnant."

Hmmm...if by picking something up...he means picking up a pillow and stuffing under her blouse..then yes..he was right!

[Female First]

Fred Durst & John Travolta are Lovers!

This little story came from one of my favorite gossip rags...Popbitch. Even though I love them, most of the time they are full of shit. Here's a story that most likely confirms that statement.

Fred Durst has been involved in many
strange episodes but none quite like this
story that's going around LA. Fred met
John Travolta recently and the two men got
quite chummy. One night, we hear, Travolta
called Durst to say he was coming round.

When he arrived, Travolta said "Johnny
wants mouthwash. Johnny loves mouthwash."
Durst gave him the mouthwash. Next thing
he knew, Travolta leaned in for a kiss.
Seeing Durst's surprise, Travolta took
a step back, saying that he got the wrong
end of the stick and left. Durst stood there,
horrified. Not because of any kiss. But because
Travolta wasn't wearing his wig.

As much as I would love to believe this...we all know that Fred Durst is not Travolta's type!

Want to Sniff Colin Farrell?!

If you'd like to take a big, long whiff out of Colin Farrell...I suggest you head on over to a movie theater in Japan. A local theater in Japan is adding a new feature to the showing of Colin's movie The New World.

According to BBC News, as part of a new plan called Smellovision, seven fragrances will emit from machines planted under back row seats. The mix includes a floral scent for love scenes, peppermint and rosemary for the weepy moments, a citrus blend of orange and grapefruit for joy, and eucalyptus to help express anger and fury.

The experiment will be delivered by NTT Communications Corp., and theaters will be able to download different scents from the internet (!) for other films. They began a similar service for homes in Japan last year, where owners could download programs to work as aromatherapy or to accompany horoscope readings.

I say if you're going to do it...do it right. We know very well that Colin does not smell like any of those things. Try beer, cigs, sweat, vagina juice, jizz, potatoes and Irish Spring soap.

[Cinema Blend][Thanks Stacy]

Kylie Minogue is Looking Hot!

Kylie Minogue is showing off her new do after going through chemo treatments.. I must say that she looks beautiful. She's a little Nicole Kidman in Birth minus the botox and stick up her ass!

Give it a Bone! It's a Falsity!

TomKat faking it up in May's GQ Magazine. Don't they know they are fooling anybody! Shit, my mom isn't buying this shit. Seriously, there performances aren't even good enough to get them Peoples Choice nominations!

Is Paula Abdul a Liar?!

Paula Abdul claimed that a CAA agent grabbed her by the arm, pushed her against the wall and knocked her unconscious at an L.A. club. She got the police involved and even talked about it on Jay Leno. However, sources are saying that Paula may have made the entire story up to cover up the fact that she was kicked out of the club.

Witnesses say that Paula was falling-down drunk and was kicked out of the club for being a wreck. She made up the story to cover up this fact. A police investigation regarding her ass being knocked down has been said to be called off.

The agent's lawyer said: "The press accounts of the so-called altercation between Jim Lefkowitz and Paula Abdul at Xenii last Sunday morning are completely outrageous and utterly false. Mr. Lefkowitz did not have an argument with Ms. Abdul nor did he have any physical contact with her whatsoever . . . he was merely an innocent bystander at an unfortunate incident."

Paula stay off the sauce and the crazy pills! I don't want to call her a liar, but woman is on the wrong side of crazy!

[Page Six]

Go Get Your Teeth Fixed!

Bucky Covington was booted from American Idol last night, surprising no one! Yesterday, I called the bottom 3...but I said Ace would be the one going home. While we're on the topic of Ace, what the hell was he wearing last night? Does International Male donate their entire collection to him? I'm over his dumb ass. He's not cute, he can barely sing and he's forever stuck in 1992.

And you know that annoying song "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter they play during the booted contestants video montage? Well, it's the #1 song because of Idol. What a way to sell your soul.

Rumor has it that next week is Rod Stewart week. Kellie Pickler was born to sing Do Ya Think I'm Sexy!

The Dlisted Report

Alicia Keys will play Scarlett Johansson's best friend in the big-screen version of The Nanny Diaries. The film stars Scarlett Johansson as a working-class woman from New Jersey who becomes a nanny to a wealthy Manhattan family. Laura Linney and Paul Giamatti play the wealthy parents she works for. Chris Evans plays the love interest. Shooting begins this month in New York City. [Variety]

Peter Segal (50 First Dates) will direct the adaptation of the DC comic Shazam! featuring Captian Marvel. The comic series focused on young Billy Batson, who becomes the superhero known as Captain Marvel when he utters the magic word "Shazam!" The name is an acronym for six gods and heroes of the ancient world as well as their attributes: the wisdom of Solomon, the strength of Hercules, the stamina of Atlas, the power of Zeus, the courage of Achilles and the speed of Mercury. [THR]

Emily Watson and Ben Chaplin have joined The Water Horse. The film tells the story of a lonely boy in Scotland who finds a mysterious egg on the shore of a lake. When the egg hatches, what emerges is a "water horse," a mythical sea monster of Scottish legend. Shooting begins next month in New Zealand. [Variety]

Joining Anthony Hopkins in Slipstream will be Christian Slater and Gena Rowlands. Slipstream follows aging screenwriter Felix Bonhoeffer (Slater) who has lived his life in two states of existence: the world of reality and the world inside his head. Hired to rewrite a murder mystery set in a desert diner, and unaware that his brain is on the verge of implosion, Felix is politely baffled when the characters from his movie start showing up in his life and vice versa. The actors will play several roles with shooting to begin in Los Angeles this June. [Production Weekly]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS!

The Top 3:

So this is what Richard Gere's shit looks like. - The Betsy

This guinea pig shaved off all it's hair so it wouldn't look like Ryan Cabrera. - Fo Sho

Nicole Ritchie's pet elephant - NoAnjl

Hot Slut of the Day!

Jodie Marsh

Birthday Sluts

Rick Schroder (36)
Nellie McKay (24)
Caroline Rhea (42)
Ron Perlman (56)
Al Green (60)
Paul Sorvino (67)

Mimi Says Somethin'

Mariah Carey debuted her new video Say Somethin' on TRL. I'm gonna say this twice in one day....she looks hot and that video is hot. However, Pharrell Williams is totally Jack Sprat compared to Mimi! And she honestly needs to keep her clothes on. Her junk does not look hot lounging all over those trunks!



[Thanks Chad]

Dare I Say It?!

Jada Pinkett Smith actually looks hot here. OMG, my tongue is going to burn off. But yes, I think she looks nice here. There, that's my nice quota for the month!



[Concrete Loop]

Lindsay's Wax Figure

They forgot the little white powder in the nose! Besides that, the thing is freaky!





[ONTD]

Hooray to Winnie the Pooh!

Winnie the Pooh received his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame yesterday. Bitch deserves it. He's old shit and still hot. Yes I'd let him hit it, but only from the back!

Alec Baldwin Quote of the Day!

on Paris Hilton:

"When I did 'The cat in the hat' I had a scene with her. She was lovely, very sweet.

"But she decides to make a video with a guy whose lack of ethics wafts off him like cologne, who you can see from 50 feet away is trash? She puts the 'd in 'dumb'."

Afternoon Crumbs

Does Jay-Z ever take off his shirt at the beach? [Concrete Loop]

Michelle Trachtenberg cracks up [Egotastic!]

Gwen Stefani is having a girl [Popbytes]

Kenzie Dalton is an idiot with a sort of nice ring [Just Jared]

Jessica Alba is covered in tats [Cityrag]

Kenny Rogers is the new Queen of plastic surgery [Hollywood Rag]

John Travolta and Kelly Preston confirm that Scientologists are nut jobs [IDLYITW]

Dr. Ruth is sexy [Hollywood Tuna]

Don't Deny This Love!

Jake Gyllenhaal and main squeeze, Austin Nicholas, reunited at a Lakers game last night in Los Angeles. Don't tell me you can't feel the chemistry between these two? They are playing like they are just straight dudes at the game, but you know they are knocking the boots in the Escalade on the way to the game. I can cut the sexual tension with a knife! Just get it on already! Right there on the ground!





[iheartjake][Thanks James]

Brangelina Baby in Danger?!

It has been confirmed that Angelina Jolie will give birth to Brad Pitt's baby in Namibia, Africa. It was important for Angie to have her baby there, because she feels such a strong affinity with Africa and she feels it would make a statement.

However, several experts believe that it isn't such a good idea due to the huge malaria problem in that area.

Malaria is rampant in Namibia from November to June. In pregnant mothers, the disease can cause stillbirth and premature birth.

Please, this will never happen. You know she's staying in some posh pad and isn't even thinking about that shit. These bitches just need to make sure Maddox is a-ok and all will be good in the world!

[TMZ] [USWeekly]

The Grammy Goes To...........Jordan!

The most gorgeous woman in the world: Jordan, and her husband Peter Andre have made beautiful music together in the past. They sang Aladdin's A Whole New World at their wedding and now hope to sing for the public. According to sources the two are putting together a duets album that will take the music industry by storm.

A source said: "Peter and Katie are deadly serious about making a proper chart assault as a pop duo. Peter has been writing a lot recently and came up with material he wanted to perform with Katie.

"They want to release the album this year and go on tour before Christmas.

"Who knows, they might even have a go at landing the Christmas No1."

Jordan has not kept it a secret that she wants a record deal. In her latest book, she basically begs for one. And Peter is a has-been in the music industry.

If you ask me...a duets album sounds pretty dull. I think Jordan should only do a duets album if her partner is Harvey and not Peter. Harvey is way more entertaining!

[The Sun]

Save SPF!

TMZ has a video of Father of the Year, Kevin Federline, leaving a condo in Century City as photographers ask him about his son. SPF fell off his high chair over the weekend and cracked his poor skull!

He doesn't really say shit just nods like the idiot he is. We must save SPF now before it's too late!

Watch video!

R.I.P. June Pointer from The Pointer Sisters

LOS ANGELES - June Pointer, the youngest of the singing Pointer Sisters known for the 1970s and 1980s hits "I'm So Excited," "Fire," and "Slow Hand," has died, her family said Wednesday. She was 52.

Pointer died of cancer Tuesday at Santa Monica University of California, Los Angeles, Medical Center, the family said in a statement. She had been hospitalized since late February and the type of cancer wasn't disclosed.

She died "in the arms of her sisters, Ruth and Anita and her brothers, Aaron and Fritz, by her side," the family statement read. "Although her sister, Bonnie, was unable to be present, she was with her in spirit."

[Monterey Herald] [Thanks Willie]

HoHan at Some Car Unveiling!

I'm not sure why Lindsay HoHan was at the unveiling of 3 Saturn cars at the Hard Rock Cafe in New York. Maybe they are giving one for free. I'm confused. Either way, she borrowed an outfit from either Peg Bundy or Michelle Pfeiffer in Married to the Mob for the event. It's not cute.

If the Coppertone Girl Was a Dirty Whore!

Mariah Carey showed off her new body as she vacationed in Antigua. She pretty much looks hot sans the pigtails. Her poor pooch is trying to drown himself in the water, but she won't let him. And why is she posing in the water like that? Bitch has to be on some kind of pill!

Katie Holmes Banned From Talking to Her Own Baby!

Katie Holmes is standing by Tom Cruise's Scientology beliefs by not speaking to her own child for 7 days after giving birth. Katie is said to be pregnant with a girl and according to Scientology rules mothers cannot speak to their children for one week after giving birth.

Katie has also been advised not to make any loud noises during labor as to not stress out the baby.
L. Ron Hubbard suggests that mothers not have any communication with their babies, so the newborn will not associate their voice with the trauma of birth.

I think that hearing Tom Cruise's crazy voice will be much more traumatic for the baby than hearing his own mother's voice.

[Female First]

Ryan Seacrest Was a Fat Fag!

West Hollywood's #1 gay, Ryan Seacrest, has joined the Hollywood whiners club in complaining about their past. Ryan's past involved being a fat fuck! Ryan revealed to People magazine that as a teenager he was overweight and teased for it.

Despite playing football, Ryan tells the mag that by age 13 he topped out at around 180 pounds, primarily from eating junk food, like nachos, after school.

"I was overweight," he confesses, "because I used to come home and eat a cookie sheet pan of nachos and watch OPRAH every day of my life."

He tells People he was taunted by schoolmates who called him "Kubiak" after the bulky character on the TV series "Parker Lewis Can't Lose," and says he dreaded going to the beach because he had to take his shirt off and display his flabby mid-section.

"I remember that feeling and I think that drives me now to run and work out because I don't want to be back in that place again," the new host of radio's "American Top 40" says.

Ok...he ate cookies while watching Oprah?! Folks! There's no reason for him to come out of the closet anymore. That was basically it! It's a wrap! Bitch is a flamer!

[The Insider] [Pic: Velvet Hot Tub]

GASP! Is Wilmer a Liar?

Wilmer Valderrama went on Howard Stern and talked about his sexual encounters with several Hollywood starlets. One of those was Jennifer Love Hewitt, who he rated an 8 out of 10 in the sack.

JLove has basically called his ass a liar. She claims the two were never lovers and only friends. She also said they never fucked and he's a lying, bastard whore! Ok I added that last part.

So who is telling the truth? I'm going with Wilmer. Everyone knows there's no such thing as "just friends." Besides JLove is a Hollywood slut undercover. She pretends to be all goody-goody, but behind closed doors you know she's a freak!

[Post Chronicle]

Mike Tyson Quits Rehab

Mike Tyson checked himself into the luxurious Meadows clinic in Arizona for cocaine addiction. Mike was also there to receive therapy on his anger. However, after 5 days in the clinic...Mike flipped out and quit the 30-day program.

That bitch is nuts! Seriously, he needs a mental hospital not a rehab clinic! Better yet, he should be put in the motherfuckin' dog pound!

[3am Girls]

Look at Her When She's Talking to You!

Jake Gyllenhaal had lunch with a mystery woman in Los Angeles. It obviously wasn't anybody special, because he can't even look her in the eyes. That's because his mind is on Austin Nichols!

Elizabeth Hasselcrack Wants Some Attention!

Star Jones almost died on the operating table and Meredith Viera is going to The Today Show...so that means Elizabeth Hasselcrack needs her own sort of attention-getter. She's telling everyone she's being stalked by an anonymous caller. It's called changing your phone number, dumb ass.

The caller, apparently a woman, has been making false and creepy allegations about Hasselbeck and her husband, New York Giants quarterback Tim Hasselbeck, involving their 1-year-old daughter, Grace Elisabeth, to child protective services authorities — and, yesterday afternoon, to Lowdown.

A woman with a Southern twang, who refused to identify herself, phoned this column claiming to be "a friend of family," and, during a two-minute conversation, made unsupported allegations about the Hasselbecks before hanging up. I'm told that the New York City Administration for Children's Services has received and investigated similar unsupported anonymous complaints.

"This is a malicious attempt to harass our family," the Hasselbecks told Lowdown exclusively in a statement. "These allegations have been fully reviewed by child protective authorities and medical professionals and found to be absolutely false. This matter has been turned over to the District Attorney's office for prosecution of the individual(s) responsible for the false accusation."

This whore is making it up. Who wants to stalk her boring ass?

[NYDN]

Amanda Lepore is a Natural Beauty

Amanda Lepore has got to be my favorite tranny in the world. Look at her! She's amazing. Here she is at Jeffrey in NYC launching her new dolls. I actually think the dolls look more natural than she does!

American Idol: Paula's Drunk!

Last night's American Idol proved to be another doozy. I didn't take screen caps, because I basically wanted to rid my head of that nightmare. The evening's high point came when Ryan Seacrest took a slight jab at Paula. After asking Taylor if he was "drunk" he gave out the phone numbers and then said “Someone at that table is drunk. You make the call.”

It doesn't take a wise man to figure that shit out.

So...it was Queen night and half of them butchered these songs apart. Everyone was basically shitty. Kellie Pickler was channeling Tammy Wynette's hairstyle when she tried to pull together Bohemian Rhapsody. She dressed in black leather and tried to be all rocker chick, but basically she again looked like a Kentucky truck-stop whore. Paris Bennett put on a beat up wig and again tried to do the whole rocker chick look while she sang The Show Must Go On. She wasn't that bad, but everyone knows I can't stand the troll.

Sadly enough, Elliott Yamin was probably the worst. He completely fell a part with Somebody to Love. However, I still think he's humble and cool enough to stay.

Without boring you to death...I predict the bottom 3 will be Ace, Bucky and Elliott.

Chris was boring as usual and Taylor's just too fucked up to make the bottom.

Ace is too old for this constant boy-band bullshit. Bucky is a piece of trash and Elliott...sadly didn't sing very well.

So there you have it folks! Ace, Bucky and Elliott will be your bottom 3 tonight with most likely Ace going home!

And I promise there will be screen caps next week!

The Dlisted Report

David Krumholtz (Numbers) will join Michelle Williams in Woody Allen's untitled project. The feature will focus on three young Americans in Paris. Shooting is set to begin this summer for a 2007 release. [THR]

Will Smith has signed on to the thriller Greenbacks for 20th Century Fox. The Morocco-set action thriller revolves around an American ex-pat who stumbles across a plot to destabilize the world's economy by mass-producing perfect counterfeit greenbacks. [Variety]

Queen Latifah will star as Welfare Queen about a woman who scammed the system out of a welfare fortune. The real-life story is based on the life of Dorothy Woods. Latifah will also produce. [Variety]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

thinking that emulating gwen stefani could help boost her career, ashlee sent a call for some harijuka girls..unfortunatley, the only one to answer her ad was this guy. - Anonymous 3:31pm

[Thanks Maya]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Audrey II

[For Nic]

Birthday Sluts

Andy Garcia (50)
Claire Danes (27)
Marley Shelton (32)
Shannen Doherty (35)
Vince Gill (49)
David Cassidy (56)
David Letterman (59)

Angie will dazzle you with her beauty!

by Lahoma00

No, not Angie Jolie---she seduces men with her vagina! I'm referring to the bewitching Angie Ng! This is some crazy Transgender bitch from Malaysia that loves to primp and preen in front of the camera. Look at her try to be sexy! I think I'm in love!



[Thanks to Edward]

Kate & HoHan Have a Conversation

HoHan: Kitty Kat, we just need to pose for these morons and then we can run into the john.

Kate: Cheerio!



Kate: Lilo, don't smile..it makes you look fat. My nose is itching! Cheerio!

HoHan: Shut the fuck up, you coke slut. Just 1 more!



Kate: Ok, that dude over there has some good shit. But you gotta blow him.

HoHan: Why me?

Kate: Because he has herpes on his dick and since you already have it...



Kate: By the way Lilo, get those nails done. You seriously have crack nail! Chim chim cheerie!

JLove Has the Worst Bangs in Hollywood

But she has the hottest ass and she deserves to be pistol-whipped for wearing UGGS in 75 degree L.A. weather!

Parasite Hilton's Happy Birthday to Hugh Hefner!

Please cover your ears AND your eyes for this horrific performance by Parasite Hilton to Hugh Hefner for his 80th Birthday. I think poor Hugh had his Birthday ruined after hearing that train wreck! And put some clothes on woman! Jesus!

[Thanks to Egotastic!]

Girls Night Out!

Ryan Seacrest is just one of the girls at Hugh Hefner's 80th Birthday Bash!

[Popsugar]

Afternoon Crumbs

Keri Russell goes nude in Vanity Fair [Egotastic!]

HoHan's back to red [Just Jared]

Mischa and Cisco call it quits again [Bricks and Stones]

Proof of D12 shot and killed [Gabsmash]

Melanie Griffith is the Queen of the Trolls [Cityrag]

Karrine Steffans did porn? [Crunk + Disorderly]

Paula Abdul's a drunk mess [Hollywood Rag]

Carmen Electra is busted after riding the Sybian [IDLYITW]

SPF, You in Danger!

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are continuing in their bid to become parents of the year! Us Weekly has this to report:

According to The Insider, at around 1 p.m. on Saturday, April 8, a Sheriff's Deputy from the Malibu/Lost Hills Sheriff's Department accompanied investigators from the Department Of Children and Family Services to the Malibu home of Britney Spears.

A source tells Us that the Sheriff's visit was part of the ongoing investigation into allegations that Spears drove a car while her baby, Sean Preston, sat on her lap. "It was part of the child endangerment investigation,"” says the source, who adds that Britney was told ahead of time by her lawyers that the DFCS would be paying a visit. "“She knew they were coming. It was all standard." Source says that Britney'’s lawyers expect Britney not to be prosecuted. "“It's all political. They have to do [the investigation]."

Something sounds fishy! Poor SPF! He didn't deserve to be born into that kind of life! He's totally going to be smoking crack by age 4.

UPDATE - Star is reporting something totally different! They are saying SPF fell and fractured his skull and the DFCS were called in to investigate the matter in relation to his fall.

On April 7, when Britney Spears and Kevin Federline realized that their baby, Sean Preston, had been sleeping more than usual, panic bells went off. Just six days earlier, the 7-month-old had taken a major fall from his high chair, a tumble that had his parents worried that he might have been critically injured.

They had every right to fret. After rushing Sean to a nearby hospital, they discovered he had a minor skull fracture (sometimes called a "scalp fracture" in babies), and a blood clot. And the doctors weren't the only ones to take notice! The next day, the Department of Children and Family Services began looking into the incident.

Jake Not Coming Out Anytime Soon!

Yesterday, I reported that a reader wrote me that Jake Gyllenhaal was about to declare his love openly for Austin Nichols. The NYDN temporarily put a halt to these rumors!

Blogosphere gossips have been claiming that Gyllenhaal was ready to admit he was having trouble quitting actor Austin Nichols, whom he has known since high school. But sorry, guys, there won't be any coming-out party. Even though Jake is now split with Kirsten Dunst and Nichols broke off his engagement to Claire Oswalt, Gyllenhaal's rep says he and Nichols are just friends.

Oh well, secret lovers is what they will remain for now! How can you deny it? I've never seen a love like that before!

[NYDN]

7-Eleven's Disgusting Sandwich!

On last night's Apprentice, the teams had to work with 7-Eleven and promote what is probably the most disgusting sandwich ever! It's called the P'EatZZA and is two slices of pizza surrounding deli meat. During, the episode contestants totally lied and said it was delicious. That thing is nasty!

You know Britney and KFed are already addicted to this shit!

Tom Hanks Has Ugly Hair!

Studio bosses are nervous that Tom Hanks' fugly haircut is going to ruin publicity for their $125 The Da Vinci Code movie. Tom got the new do, because he wanted to look all academic and smart and shit for the film.

Actually, I don't think his hair is going to ruin the movie.....I think the movie itself is going to ruin that shit! I predict it will make a ton of dough, but be a piece of trash! He totally needs Spray On Hair.

[TMZ]

Hot Slut of the Month: William Shatner

William Shatner trampled his competition and won with 37% of your votes to become Dlisted's Hot Slut of March! He joins Richard Simmons and Henry Rollins in the race for Hot Slut of the Year!

Thanks to all who voted!

This Baby is Going to Be Ugly as Hell!

Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard are engaged and expecting a baby!

The couple have been together for more than four years.

They costarred in 2003's In God's Hands, a low-budget feature produced by Steven Soderbergh that was never released.

I feel sorry for that baby. You know somewhere in heaven, babies are playing rock, paper, scissors to see who is going to get stuck with these two!

[People][Thanks LA]

Lisa Rinna is Pretty Gross

Lisa Rinna didn't leave her dancing shoes behind when she was voted off of Dancing with the Stars. Lisa decided to show off her nasty stomach again at The CMT Awards. She looks like a former Dallas cheerleader trying to relive the olden days!

Right Where She Belongs!

Celine Dion's contract with Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas is set to expire next year (2007). It looks like Cher may come out of retirement and take over Celine's spot. Apparently, Cher has already been offered $60 Million for the job.

Las Vegas is where Cher belongs! They embrace plastic people like herself! She should feel right at home. However, she should try not to go outdoors since Vegas is hotter than a cat's pussy and plastic melts

[Contact Music][Thanks Stacy]

Simon Rex Exposes Himself, Again!

Simon Rex was kicked out of NYC club Stereo over the weekend for trying to take a piss outside the restrooms. Owners caught Simon with his pants down, ready to let it go in one of the hallways. He was immediately bounced.

Simon is no stranger to letting it all hang out. Before he was a MTV VJ, he filmed several porn films as Sebastian. Unfortunately, they were all solo and boring!

[Page Six]

Meet the New Cast of Hairspray!

Carrie Underwood and Wynnona Judd make a beautiful pair as they pose for pictures at the CMT Awards. WTF happened to Wynnona!?! Divine the Drag Queen looks hotter than her ass! Somebody get her a Jenny Craig contract now and have Dolly hook her up with a better wig! I just don't know what to say. Somewhere in this country, Ashley Judd is erasing her sister's phone number from her Palm Pilot.

Tom Cruise Can Help You Get Off Drugs!

Tom Cruise's interview in the May issue of GQ will most likely make a lot of people mad. Tom is yet again giving his publicist a heart attack by opening his crazy mouth about controversial subjects. Just one of the topics he covers is drug addiction.

He said: "I have to say, I've always found the 'if it makes me feel better, it's okay' rationale a little suspect. I think it's appalling that people have to live a life of drug addiction when I have personally helped people get off drugs."

Tom claims he can help someone get off of heroin addiction in 3 days with the help of the Scientology detox program.

I'd rather be addicted to heroin than part of that crazy Scientology game trust me. He probably gets you off drugs by impregnating your ass with an alien fetus. Hey...what Katie Holmes a heroin addict?

[ET] [Thanks Stacy]

Violet Affleck!!!!

Here's the first clear picture of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner's daughter, Violet. She looks quite surprised to see all the photographers, but she is cute. Ben and Jen also look better than usual. They are a beautiful family, but still boring as shit!

Bucky Covington is a Funny Kid!

American Idol contestant Bucky Covington is most likely going home this week. First of all, it's the music of Queen and second of all, he has a criminal past. Me thinks that the Idol producers are going to write Bucky his final scene!

Court TV has uncovered that around eight years ago Bucky Covington tried to switch places with his twin brother to help his twin avoid criminal prosecution. According to Court TV, Bucky’s twin Rocky had been driving with a suspended license when his truck was rear-ended. In order to keep Rocky from getting in trouble, Bucky and Rocky’s father convinced Bucky to switch places with Rocky. The sixteen year old kid who rear-ended Rocky agreed to go along with the story.

However, the sixteen year old kid spilled the beans to his father, who told the trooper who had filed the accident report. According to Court TV, Bucky was charged with resisting a public officer and giving fictitious information to a public officer. However, because the prosecution had trouble distinguishing the difference between the two twins, all charges were dismissed by the judge.

Switching places with his twin to fool the court? He is such a white trash Hayley Mills!

[RTM][Thanks LWCyrano]

Star Jones DID Nearly Meet Her Maker!

Star Jones laughed off reports that she was almost knocking on heaven's door during a botched breast-lift surgery. She said that she lost a little bit of blood and simply needed a transfusion. However, a new 911 tape reveals that things might have been a bit more serious than what that fat-alien ho is saying.

"We have a patient who is on our surgery table, who we cannot stop from bleeding," said the desperate aide in a call made at 4:56 pm on March 17.

The call was immediately transferred to emergency services, who rushed to Star's aid.

Within minutes, an ambulance arrived and rushed the 44-year-old from the surgery center to the nearby Saint John's Health Center, where doctors performed a lifesaving blood transfusion.

Beverly Hills plastic surgeon Anthony Griffin, who did not treat Star, confirmed she must have been in grave danger for the clinic to make the 911 call.

He said: "The hospital was just across the street and they dialed 911 — that's extreme. They could have used a private ambulance or another vehicle. It means the patient had a good chance of dying."

Damnit! Why couldn't 911 have put the caller on hold!Everytimee I've called that shit, they've put my ass on hold! The one time that we needed them to NOT act fast, they do the opposite!

[The National Enquirer]

Jello is Suing Mad!

Jello is suing her ex-husband, Ojani Noa, for threatning to publish a tell-all about their relationship and her huge ass. Which husband, you ask? Oh, husband #1! He's the one that she was with when she was basically nobody. I think he was a waiter or some shit.

Lopez's lawsuit, filed Monday in Los Angeles Superior Court, alleges that Noa, her first husband, violated a confidentiality agreement by distributing the manuscript of his book to publishers, TV's The Insider reports. Lopez, 36, is seeking a restraining order to keep the manuscript from becoming public.

A description of the manuscript first appeared Jan. 11 in the New York Post, prompting Lopez's lawyers to contact Noa's legal representatives. Noa replied in a letter that he was planning to keep shopping his book, the suit claims.

In another letter, the suit shows, Noa said "that he would not agree to refrain from marketing his book unless (Lopez) paid him the sum of $5 million."

According to the New York Post story, Noa writes in his book, The Unknown Truth: A Portrait of a Serial Thriller, that Lopez cheated on him with an Anaconda castmate and had an affair with Marc Anthony while the singer was still married to Dayanara Torres.

Personally, Jello is a boring bitch to me. I don't want to read a book about her ass. I mean...she drinks milk at bars for fucks sake! Who drinks milk at bars? Only the boring of boringest bitches does that shit!

[People]

Who the Hell Would Make Out with Ryan Cabrera?

This poor 19-year-old girl made out with Ryan Cabrera and posted the pictures on her MySpace. Kissing up on him is like kissing on a guinea pig. He seriously looks like one.



[Thanks Angie]

Janet Jackson's Slimming Down!

Here's three shots of Janet a while ago, Janet not that long ago and Janet now. Thanks to the black and a little exercise, Janet is getting back into her "album-ready" body. You can tell by her face that she's back to the skinny!

[TMZ][Thanks Michael]

Is This Shit Going to Be Good?

Title: The Omen

Stars: Mia Farrow, Michael Gambon, Julia Stiles, Pete Postlethwaite, Liev Schreiber and Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick
Directed By: John Moore

Plot: A remake of the 1976 horror classic, the new film takes the tale of the coming of the antichrist – personified as a young boy named Damien – to an even more thrilling and visceral level.

Due: June 6, 2005

The Dlisted Report

Eddie Griffin will star in Redline, an auto thriller that will feature the destruction of one of the film's producers own Porsche. The film shoots in Las Vegas and Chicago. [THR]

Director Jay Chandrasekhar (Dukes of Hazzard) has been hired to direct Ambulance Chasers. The story revolves around what happens when two fiercely competitive personal-injury lawyers fight over a new client. Chandrasekhar will first direct Beerfest before Ambulance Chasers. [Variety]

Focus Features will produce a project called Julia which tells the true story of an American woman who marries a Korean prince. The mainly English-language feature, which takes a decades-long look at the life of Julia Mullock, an American woman who married Kyu Lee, the last crown prince of Korea, in 1959. [THR]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS!

The Top 3:

Today, President Bush holds another high-level cabinet meeting. - gg

The Dixie Dicks - NoAnjl

...and still no friction for paris. - Tim


[Thanks Angie]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Betsy Lynn George from Billy Idol's Cradle of Love video



[For Kelly]

Birthday Sluts

Joss Stone (19)
Jennifer Esposito (33)
Jon Tierney (34)
Vincent Gallo (44)
Carl Franklin (57)
Meshach Taylor (59)
Joel Grey (74)

Is It Ok to Smoke Around Your Kids?

Kate Beckinsle and her family take a stroll in Beverly Hills while she lights up and enjoys her ciggy. It's ok to do that around kids right? Maybe not. I'm actually more surprised she can smoke and walk at the same time.

Hubby is hot, though!



[Thanks Jocelyn]

Nornna is Taking Over the World!

YouTube superstar Nornna has only become a fascination of mine in the past 2 weeks, but it seems that her genius has been around a long time! Reader Robin is obsessed with her so much that he created a tribute video to her (below). Well, this video was watched by a New York Times writer and he contacted Reader Robin. It seems that The NY Times is doing a story on her ass! Nornna's greatness is reaching far and wide and hopefully everyone will get to witness her art!

Tom Cruise Gets on Katie!

Tom Cruise took a 63-year-old airplane named Kiss Me Katie out for a spin on Saturday in Burbank as Katie Holmes waits to give birth to their child.

Unfortunately, he didn't crash.

Click here to watch the video!

[TMZ]

The Real World: Topeka is Coming Any Day Now!

The Real World will not make Detroit their next stop, even though it was highly rumored. Instead they will land in the exciting and glamorous Denver, CO. The 18th season of the already tired reality show will set-up shop in the LoDo neighborhood of Denver.

MTV said: "Denver has absolutely everything we could hope for, diversity, activities, energy and nightlife. We'’re sure that the character and spirit of this picturesque city will be endlessly compelling to the seven roommates and audience alike."

But I'm sure they use that same description for every city they film in.

[Reality Blurred]

Would You Hit It?

It's Jame Blunt and actually...I don't think I'd hit it! Ok, maybe just really quick.



[Lime-Light]

Simba and King Mufasa to Protect Brangelina!

Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt and family have taken shelter in a Namibian game lodge. They were staying at a luxury beach resort, but have moved to a more secluded area in the Etosha National Game Park. Lions are a top attraction there and the couple hope that these creatures will protect them from the media or photographers trying to get pictures of them.

Lions protecting them? These people have lost it. I think Angelina has been watching way too many Disney movies with her kids. Lions don't talk and they won't protect your ass! They will eat your ass! Dumb bitches.

[Reuters][Thanks Stacy]

Afternoon Crumbs

Snatcher doesn't even deserve $2 [ONTD]

First Brangelina baby photos [Just Jared]

Britney falls off of 100 sexiest list [Derek Hail]

Sienna and Jude back together? [Egotastic!]

Ryan Seacrest settles into Kevin Costner [Popsugar]

Omarosa's still in the news? [Hollywood Tuna]

Karrine Steffan's wig is to die for [Crunk + Disorderly]

Michael Douglas apologizes to Brangelina [Hollywood Rag]

If you're in NYC, go see see this on Broadway. It's hot and original and everything! It gets my fag stamp of approval! [The Drowsy Chaperone]

Nicole Richie on Being Thin

We all know Nicole Richie is skinny and we all make fun of her because of it. Why not, it's fun. Richie doesn't think so and is sick and tired of people saying that she's dying and shit.

She said: "Am I thin? Yes, no doubt about it. But to say I'm on the verge of death is just untrue,"

"My family get really upset to see these people writing lies about their child. Do they ask me about it? No, because they know that I eat."

They know you eat ice cubess and laxatives.

[Daily Mail]

Is Jake Coming Out?

This is probably just rumor, but a reader wrote in to tell me that there's a lot of talk going around that Jake's publicist is getting ready to spill the beans that he likes dudes. Also, Austin Nichols is also supposed to come out of the closet with Jake. Again, this is probably all just rumor...but I had to put it out there.

However, an angel would get his wings if this happened.

Here's Jake and his mom chatting about how much he likes to take it up the hinder from Austin (also below).

I Can't Stand Ken Paves!

Does anybody else hate this man?! Ken Paves is Chestica Simpson's hairdresser, but he fucking follows that whore around wherever she goes. He probably sucks the jam out of her toes! I mean who would let someone that LOOKS like that do their hair?

Here's Chestica and her sister Ashlee trashing up Australia. They are in town to promote what sluts they are. Looks like Ashlee had a little somethin' somethin' injected into those lip syncers of hers!

Star Jones Thanks God for Bringing Her a Gay Husband!

Star Jones believes that the secret to changing your life begins with God. Yesterday morning she told The First Baptist Church of Lincoln Gardens in Somerset, NJ that they need to realize the importance of faith.

She said: "Beauty, wealth and success mean little if you have not developed a relationship with God,"

"I've learned that a relationship with God is achieved through solitude, meditation, prayer and soul-searching and — above all — patience."

And because she's so free of material things and wealth...Star gladly sold and signed copies of her book Shine.

[Yahoo][Thanks Stacy]

Hep for Everyone!

Pamela Anderson performed in Las Vegas with the Pussycat Dolls. I've seen Mexican hookers that look cleaner than this bitch! Seriously, why is that she just can't get clean? She needs to soak her nasty ass in a bath tub full of bleach for at least 48 hours.







[Thanks Flipofacoin]

MOSES?!

Yup! According to People Fishsticks Paltrow hates her children! She has named her new son, Moses Martin. Apple and Moses Martin? Somebody send New York from Flavor of Love to slap that whore!

[Thanka Mara]

Blind Items...You Guess...I Guess...

WHICH L.A. nightclub powerhouse keeps an "illegal gambling and drug room" in a certain Hollywood party palace?

Teddy's

WHICH rocker is back on drugs? The supposedly clean singer has been hanging out in Hollywood clubs known for being dope dens - and with a fast crowd that includes a photographer and a bimbo, all of whom snort and shoot regularly.

Tommy Lee

WHICH celebrity mom likes to partake in her daughter's pastimes? Not only will the mom do drugs with her offspring, she's got an eye for her men as well.

Dina Lohan

WHICH reality star - whose blond head is on all the bus stops promoting the show's new season - is such a pothead it's putting the show in jeopardy? Insiders say it has become almost impossible to film around the incessant smoking.

Paris Hilton

WHICH perennial TV blond, recently linked in an unlikely romance, likes to get sozzled and make out with L.A. Four Seasons hotel barmen half her age? And not just the one, neither.

Heather Locklear

[Page Six][Gatecrasher]

You Know His Daughter is Embarrassed!

Shawne Wayans trying to rock MAN UGGS! I mean...come on!

[Concrete Loop][Thanks Ivy]

Louis Vuitton Says Eff Off to Hohan!

Lindsay HoHan thought she was going to be the next face of Louis Vuitton. It doesn't look like that's happening.

A source close to the slut said: "Marc is great mates with Lindsay and she loves his clothes so it was no surprise rumours were flying that he was pushing his French bosses to get her to star in their campaign.

But they thought Lindsay too American for their global brand."

They are instead taking their chances with Heavyweight Champion of the World: Naomi Campbell!!

[ITV][Thanks Rebecca]

Prince Not Into Idol

Don't expect Prince to make an appearance on American Idol anytime soon. There were rumors last week that he was going to perform and coach the contestants on the show to raise his album sales. Prince's people have been begging him to appear on the show, but a deal couldn't be reached.

Nigel Lythgoe, Idol's executive producer said: "I don't think so. He did not want to talk with the kids and did not have the time."

Thank you Jesus! I probably would've torn my ear drums out if I had to hear Kellie Pickler try to belt out When Doves Cry.

[IOL][Thanks Stacy]

Pete Burns is Losing It!

Pete Burns has been released from the mental hospital after he lost his marbles at a posh London hotel. But now he's in more hot water. A fellow by the name of Martin Thorz is accusing Pete of stalking his ass with lewd text messages. Martin is seeking a restraining order against the cross-dressing singers.

Martin is a handy man and father and was asked to give Pete an estimate on a broken window. After that meeting Pete wouldn't stop sending him sexy texts.

Martin said: “I got a text in the night saying ‘I love you. I need to see you’. I asked him to stop but next morning I had two more. “One read ‘Keep a candle BURNING IN MY EMPTY BEDROOM 4 u’.”

“I didn’t even get the job to fix his window.”

Pete responded with: “I have at least 12 different boyfriends on the go and they were meant for one of them.”

Fix his broken window? I think this is code for fucking him up the butt.

[The Sun][Thanks GeorgeAlley]

Jello Knows Better!

Jello will embark on one of her first singing tours to promote her albums. However, she will not be performing in North America at all! She instead will perform in Dubai, Greece and Bulgaria where they probably have no idea who the hell this bitch is!

Bitch knows she'll get a fucking cucumber salad thrown at her ass if she performs here!

[Page Six]

Fishsticks Pops Out a Boy!

Fishsticks Paltrow and husband Chris Martin have given birth to a baby boy! According to ET, Fishsticks gave birth sometime over the weekend.

APPLE MARTIN has a baby brother, ET confirmed today. Superstar parents GWYNETH PALTROW and CHRIS MARTIN welcomed their second child over the weekend.

After months of speculation about her blossoming figure, Gwyneth revealed her pregnancy in January at a Screen Actors Guild showing of 'Proof' in Beverly Hills.

During an interview session following the screening, LOU DIAMOND PHILLIPS announced Paltrow as a "pregnant woman," then asked her how far along she was. A smiling Gwyneth replied, "Far enough along to feel very cumbersome."

No word yet on the name, but it has been rumored that the couple have named him Mortimer after Steven Spielberg.

Congratulations to the slimy couple and apologies to young Mortimer if that's what they chose to name him!

[E! Online]

Diddy is a Dead Man

Naomi Campbell and Diddy seem to be feuding. The pair are said to be close friends and have traveled the world together many times. It looks like the magic is over. Naomi was due to appear on Diddy's cooking show Cooking Showdown for NBC. The show pairs celebrities up with top chefs. When Naomi found out Diddy was a producer she immediately pulled out. No word why the two are said to be fighting.

Naomi is also due to sit down with Oprah and talk about why she is likely to beat your ass.

If Diddy ends up dead, you know who did it.

[Page Six]

The Dlisted Report

TV director Steve Bendelack will direct Bean II. The film finds the hapless Mr. Bean travelling to the South of France on holiday, causing the usual mayhem and ending with an unscheduled screening of his video diary at the Cannes Film Festival. Rowan Atkinson will once again star with shooting to begin May 15th. [Variety]

Kiefer Sutherland has signed on for 3 more seasons of Fox's 24. This will take him through until 2009. As part of the pact, Sutherland will establish a production company on the 20th Century Fox lot to produce series programming for both broadcast and cable networks. Producers have also promised a feature film version of the series filming sometime soon. [Variety]

Ice Age II has hit the $100 Million mark and came in at #1 at the box office for the second week in a row. The film brought in an extra $34.5 Million. The film cost $80 Million to make. The Benchwarmers came in at #2 with just over $20 Million. Take the Lead brought in just under $13 Million for the #3 spot. [Box Office Mojo]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS!

It's a nice day for a white trash wedding. - Fo Sho

Tap the keg, then the ass! - Anonymous 3:38pm

Holy Shit this beer has magic flying powers - Butterfly Gurl

Hot Slut of the Day!

Helen Wagner from As the World Turns

[For RM]

Birthday Sluts

Haley Joel Osment (18)
Mandy Moore (22)
Michael Pitt (25)
Sophie Ellis-Bextor (27)
Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds (48)
Steven Seagal (55)
Omar Sharif (74)
Max Von Sydow (77)

Which One Would You Rather Lick Up?

Parasite Hilton or a Puddle of Puke: I think I'd take my chances with the puke! It's disgusting, but my system would probably be exposed to a fewer number of diseases!





[Pics: IDontLikeYouInThatWay]

Hot Slut of the Week: Tawny Kitaen

Age: 44
Birthday: August 5, 1961
Birth Name: Julie Kitaen

Original Date of Hot Slut of the Day: April 5, 2006
Claim to Fame: Shaking her ass on top of a car in a Whitesnake video!

Where is she now? Where every A-lister goes...The Surreal Life!

Why is she Hot Slut of the Week? Well, she's a straight-up bitch! She's a husband-beater and a fucking whore! There's nothing better than that!

Smell Like a Pot-Bellied Pig!

Mariah Carey has signed a deal with Elizabeth Arden to produce and sell her own perfume! The new fragrance will hit stories next Spring. Mariah will have complete control over the scent and marketing of the product.

I'm thinking it will be a mixture of bacon, cheap foundation, burnt polyester, rainbows and crisco with a dash of desperation and just a hint of lamb fetus'.

Oh and here's some pics of that dumb bitch's closet. I hate that whore! I want that closet!

[E! Online]

I Think Her Tits are Running From Her Face!

Come on now Tori Spelling! You've been in the game long enough to know that you don't leave your condo showing those puppies to the world? You're just asking for us to bash the shit out of you. It's just too easy. Like taking candy from a baby...a really ugly baby with fugly tits! Seriously, she's giving Tara Reid a run for her money in the "frankentitty" department.

Get Glaad!

The Glaad Media Awards were held last night in Los Angeles. I didn't see any fags, but the hags were out in full force! Starting with Nicollette Sheridan channeling Sharon Stone, but in a much better wig.



Nicollette was afraid for her life while the Bride of Frakenstein attacked her!



Kudos to the graphic designers for removing the strings that were pulling Teri's face apart from this photo. Good work! I mean....I don't think even a mother could love that face!



Jessica Alba probably turned all the gay dudes into bumbling fools!



I take it back! She's no match for Charlize Theron, the most gorgeous woman in the world!



Not only is Charlize so fucking hot, but you know she can get down with the bong blowing. I mean look at her...nothing says 2 hours of toking like this face.



The Arquette Sisters joined forces to support post-op Alexis! Looks like A's new change is taking quite a toll on Rosanna.



She's going through menopause before our very eyes. Hot flashes and everything!



I love the Jennifer Tilly!



What's a gay event without this hag?

Hot Slut of the Day!

Stephen Collins from Seventh Heaven

[For Katy]

Birthday Sluts

Dennis Quaid (52)
Kristen Stewart (16)
Jesse McCartney (19)
Yoanna House (26)
Keisha Knight Pulliam (27)
Rachel Stevens (28)
Jenna Jameson (32)
Austin Peck (35)
Cynthia Nixon (40)
Paulina Porizkova (41)
Michael Learned (67)