Kellie Pickler Sex Tape!

American Idol favorite Kellie Pickler has been under fire lately by bitches claiming she's a fraud! Kellie plays the dumb ho on the show and it's obviously working, because she's still one of the favorites to win in the end. However, as of late several photos of Kellie have surfaced on the internet showing her in a not so "wholesome" way.

A website called Crapville claims to have a clip of a Kellie Pickler sex tape that they are shopping around. The clip shows Kellie involved with a dark-skinned man "most likely latin man" the site says. It certainly looks like Kellie and seriously wouldn't surprise me!

But you be the judge! Click here and I'm warning you! It's EXTREMELY NSFW (if any of you are at work on a Saturday)!

[Best Week Ever]

Britney Not Pregnant Just Fat!

Britney Spears told Atlanta Magazine that she's sick of being called fat and pregnant! Britney was in Atlanta with KFed while he promoted his upcoming album.

She said: "First of all, I'm not pregnant and second of all I'm sick of being called fat! I am a young mother and I just had a baby! It's very hurtful that people love to put me down."

She said that her husband and family love the way she looks.

"My husband loves my body and he has no problem with this! I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat! There's nothing wrong with that and if people have a problem with it they can turn their heads!"

Damn! At least bitch is keeping it real!

[Atlanta Magazine]

Woman Claims Jada Pinkett Smith Affair!

An unidentified New Jersey woman has told The Sun that she's been involved in a hot and passionate love affair with Jada Pinkett Smith for 3 years now. The unnamed 36yo woman claims that she and Jada have been meeting up in several secret locations all over the country.

Jada is married to Will Smith, but the woman claims Jada is all lesbian!

She said: "Jada is a very passionate and caring woman. I believe she's with Will for the children and for her career. She loves her lifestyle and if she came out as a lesbian, it would be all over for her. Her children would be gone and her career. I love Jada more than anything and want to be with her."

The woman is currently unemployed, but met Jada while she was working for a top record producer. The woman said she came forward, because Jada must face the truth:

"It's time Jada come clean. It's 2006 and I know how bad she wants to be honest to the world and stop lying! I am hoping me coming out will inspire her to do the same."

A spokesperson for Jada would not comment on her client's personal life

[Female First]

9 to 5 Sequel is a Go!

Dolly Parton, Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda reunited on Thursday to celebrate the 25th Anniversary of 9 to 5 with a DVD launch. They also had a special announcement to make. They announced that they will start shooting a 9 to 5 sequel in the fall for a 2007 release.

Lily said: "It's been in the works for a while and we're all so happy to reunite and show the world that women in their 60s can still rock out!"

They have recruited Mike Nichols to direct with a screenplay by playwright Paul Rudnick.

The plot takes place 26 years later with Judy, Violet and Doralee reuniting at the funeral of Mr. Hart. At the funeral Judy (Fonda) reveals to the girls that she's taken a job at her daughter's company. She tells that that her daughter is now terrifying her life, because she's such an awful boss! Violet and Doralee agree to help Judy out by getting back at her daughter!

Jane Fond said: "It's going to be a hoot! We've asked Reese Witherspoon to play my daughter! I really hope she takes it! She's a wonderful actress!"

The new title will be 10 to 6, because Dolly said: "People are start working later now! I don't know anybody that starts at 9 anymore!"
Honestly, this is going to be the hottest shit on EARTH! However, I don't want to see Reese in that role. I can't stand her ass!

[THR]

Hot Slut of the Day!

President George Bush

Birthday Sluts

Method Man (35)
Bijou Phillips (26)
Jane Adams (41)
Barry Sonnenfeld (53)
Ali McGraw (68)
Debbie Reynolds (74)

Liza Minnelli Quote of the Day!

"I'm sick of sex! I don't give a rat's ass! I care about integrity and kindness."

[Thanks Clint]

Diana Ross's Son is Gay, Right?

Evan Ross is Diana Ross's second son and here they are at last night's ATL premiere. I guess he's in that movie. He's kind of hot, but I'm getting totally gay vibes from him. It wouldn't surprise me. At least he's not as creepy as Tracee! Diana totally belongs in Oz, the land not the TV show.

Marilyn Manson's Alice in Wonderland

Below are the first stills from Marilyn Manson's Lewis Carroll picture called Phantasmagoria.

" Victorian England.

A haunted writer in an isolated castle is tormented by sleepless nights and visions of a girl named Alice. He finds himself becoming a symptom of his own invention.

“Now all my nightmares know my name.”

He is Lewis Carroll. Terrified of what waits for him each night. "

It looks kind of hot. I'm into it. Marilyn plays Lewis Carroll and some model ho plays Alice. He wanted Angelina Jolie to play the Red Queen, but of course she's too good for this shit. I have high hopes.







[Twitch] VIA [Goldenfiddle]

"Ahahahaha..You're such a dumb whore!" - Marcia Cross

Give me a break! It's slow today!

Afternoon Crumbs

Carmen Electra shows her pussy on Leno [Hollywood Rag]

Paget Brewster to unrobe for Playboy [Egotastic!]

Kate Moss is a big spender [IDLYITW]

Hooters air goes titty up [Glitterati]

Britney sucked on Will & Grace [People]

Piper Pearbo shows her cold sores [Hollywood Tuna]

Angelina Jolie in springtime [Just Jared]

Oh Gina [FourFour]

Tori Spelling is a white chick [Cityrag]

Lichtenstein's Britney Spears [Gallery of the Absurd]

So Cliche!

Kiki Dunst's latest beau is pretty typical. Anybody could've seen this coming. Kiki has been seen out and about with SNLer Andy Samberg. He's the one that was pretty much hired to fill the void left my Jimmy Fallon. Did Kiki tap that ass too? Anyway, apparently they have been on a couple of dates and it's not that serious yet.

They had sushi and like went to a concert or some shit. Andy's pretty hot, I'd hit it. But since Kiki is now jumping on that, I'll pass.

You know her slimy ass leaves a raunchy scent behind.

What is Vin Diesel Doing at the GayVN Awards?

Vin Diesel is seen her posing with gay porn-star Sebastian Bonnet at the GayVN awards in Los Angeles. I'm sure Vinny has a great response as to why he was there, like:

"Dude, those were all faggots dude?!"

Word on the street is Vin squeals like a pig when taking it up the hinder.

UPDATE: Ok, this pic is a year old and is not from the GayVN but from some other faggy event...a Elton John party. Thanks Frank!

[ONTD]

Eva LongWHORIA Wants Michael Douglas

Desperate Housewives piece of trash, Eva LongWHORIA, is soon to be seen with Michael Douglas in the feature film The Sentinel. Looks like she enjoyed working with him so much that she wants him to guest on DH.

The ho said: "He could play my older lover."

Personally, I think Michael Douglas SHOULD be on DH. But I think instead of starring alongside Eva...he should replace her! I mean he probably is much sexier in lingerie than her skanky ass is!

[Starpulse]

Mary J. Blige Prays for Whitney!

Singer Mary J. Blige is saddened by the fact that Whitney is still a crackhead. Mary responded to pics of Whit's crack hitting the world.

Mary said: "I'm saddened by the whole thing. Whitney is technically the best vocalist in the business." "Whitney will come through. I have every faith that she will make a breakthrough.

"I'm just praying for her now."

Mary is honestly really nice and genuine. I can't say anything bad. I'm just waiting for Mariah Carey's response to all of this. I mean she did work with Whitney. She'll probably say something like:

"One less bitch to worry about"

[Female First]

Don't Eat the Cupcakes Jared!

What's wrong with being hot? I know Jared Leto gained weight to try and win an Oscar for his next movie, but come on. There's nothing wrong with being gorgeous. Is there?! Here's Jared at Canada's MuchMusic yesterday and honestly they shouldn't show him that plate of cupcakes.

Ian McKellen Totally Wants Jake Gyllenhaal

Openly gay actor Ian McKellen has blasted Jake Gyllenhaal for a comment he made on shooting Brokeback Mountain.

Ian said: "I got very upset when one of the actors said it was the most terrifying job he'd ever had because it involved him kissing another man.

"Imagine how rude that is. Suppose I'd said the most appalling thing I ever to do was kiss Helen Mirren!"

Ian's just made because Jakey left his apartment in the morning without saying goodbye. Furthermore, kissing Helen Mirren is the most appalling thing to do.

Just kidding, Lookee! Lookee's one of my bestest friends and ADORES Helen Mirren.

[IOL]

George Clooney VS Gawker

George Clooney may have found a way to destroy Gawker Stalker. GS was introduced a couple of weeks ago and is basically a tool for you to try and find then kill your favorite celeb in NYC. George had his publicist send out an e-mail to various other big-time publicists detailing his plan.

"Flood their Web site with bogus sightings. Get your clients to get 10 friends to text in fake sightings of any number of stars. A couple hundred conflicting sightings and this Web site is worthless. No need to try to create new laws to restrict free speech. Just make them useless. That's the fun of it. And then sit back and enjoy the ride. Thanks, George."

Please this is nothing new. Gawker has always had fake sighting and situations!

I mean here's one sighting that CAN'T be true:

Nicole Kidman going to Dr. Wexler's office at 145 East 32nd street. She looked surprisingly young, despite the fact that she was going to the Botox-doc. Also, tall.

Nicole Kidman on botox?! Yeah right! HA!

[Page Six]

Kimora and Russell Call it a Day!

Kimora Lee Simmon's rep confirmed to People Magazine that she has split with her husband Russell Simmons. An official announcement will be made later today. I reported yesterday that Russell is currently seeing a young model.

The reason for the split is because Russell has finally discovered that Kimora has a penis.

[People]

Naomi Will Only Beat You Down with a Crystal Encrusted Blackberry!

Yesterday, Naomi Campbell was arrested for beating down her housekeeper with a phone. Today the entire story is revealed. This happened yesterday morning and it so happened that Naomi was filming a spot for The Oprah Winfrey show. Oprah's camera crew was there, but not Oprah herself. Naomi was looking desperately for a pair of $200 jeans and couldn't find them anywhere. She asked 42yo Ana Scolvino where they were. The problem is Ana works on the upstairs floor of the apartment and the jeans were said to be downstairs. Naomi has a maid for each floor. So of course Ana isn't going to know where they are. That's when Naomi flipped out and threw her crystal encrusted Blackberry at her head leaving a 3inch gash.

The funny thing Naomi was probably wearing the jeans she was looking for.

[The Sun][Thanks MomtheMumsie]

Sharon Stone is 77

In both the print and online editions of the New York Post's review on Basic Instinct II, they referred to Sharon Stone as being 77. She looks kinda old for 77!



[New York Post][Thanks Brian]

The Dlisted Report

Mandy Moore and Robin Williams will headline the romantic comedy License to Wed. The story revolves around a young couple whose wedding plans are interrupted when the pushy minister (Williams) of the bride's family church orders the pair to complete a two-week prenup course. They must pass the class if they want to marry in his church. The groom fails the course and loses the girl but fights to win her back. Shooting begins in May in Los Angeles and Mexico. [Variety]

Robert Englund (Freddy Krueger) will direct Killer Pad. The story revolves around three friends who use money from an insurance claim to move out of their parents' homes. They score a place in the Hollywood Hills and refuse to believe that the house has a dark history. Shooting on the horror-comedy begins next month in Los Angeles. [Variety]

A biopic of late INXS singer Michael Hutchence is currently in the works. Director Nick Egan is at work on the project. The departed INXS frontman and Egan were good pals, with Egan designing the INXS "X" album cover, directed videos for the band, as well as vids for Kylie, Oasis, Bon Jovi, Rancid, and Alanis Morissette and Duran Duran. [Dark Horizons]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS!

The Top 3:

What? I send them $0.12 a day and all I get is a big 'fuck you'?! - fo sho

R. Kelly in disguise. - Mikey

Bam: "Look Jessica here is a few you I found that you could adopt!" - Hmmm


[Thanks Kristi]

Hot Slut of the Day!

William Shatner

Birthday Sluts

Ewan McGregor (35)
Al Gore (58)
Rhea Perlman (58)
Christopher Walken (63)
Richard Chamberlain (72)

Whose Implants are Fuglier?

Wing is the Voice of a Generation!

Completing our full day of hot non-celebs (Chris Burke & Nornna) is Wing! Wing has the voice an angel and the heart of a saint! She truly is the voice of a generation! Her gorgeous song will take you on journeys to places that you have only dreamed of!

In a nutshell she makes Bai Ling sound like Mariah Carey!

Click here to listen and get ready to be taken away! My personal favorite is "Back in Black"

[Thanks Dr. Jennifer]

Whitney Pregnant and on the Run!

Whitney Houston is dirt broke according to sources. Even worse is that her daughter Bobbi Kristina is not living at home, but with Whit's brother. She has no incoming income and she has huge bills. What about Bobby? Isn't he working.

To make matters worse she's been evicted from a townhome where her name was on the lease.

A local Atlanta lawyer told me yesterday that he recently had housemates Whitney and ‘80s pop star Cherelle (real name Cheryl Week Norton) evicted from the luxury townhouse he’d rented to the latter last fall. Houston’s name was not on the lease, but the landlord says she was living there and has witnesses to back him up.

Now the landlord says he’s about to sue both women for about $17,000 in back rent and about $8,000 in damages for the mess they left behind. That includes carpets and furniture ruined by burn marks and broken windows. The papers will be filed shortly, he tells me.

When the landlord went to speak to Houston about the noise and filth emanating from the townhouse, he told me the singer appeared “disheveled” and her voice was gravelly. On the plus side: “She was very pleasant.”

Houston still owns a beautiful home in suburban Atlanta, but moved in with Cherelle at least temporarily last fall.

Houston and Norton, according to my sources, abandoned the befouled townhouse and moved to the Atlanta neighborhood of Buckhead. She has since returned to her Alpharetta home

To make matters EVEN more worse...Bobby Brown is apparently telling friends that Whitney is pregnant! This is getting too twisted. I don't know what to make of it! This is like a fucking Jackie Collins novel!

[Fox News][Thanks Mary and more!]

Afternoon Crumbs

Brad Pitt's mystery tattoo [Hollywood Rag]

Justin Timberlake can't stand KFed [IDLYITW]

No lesbian love scene in Basic Instinct 2?! [Egotastic!]

Taylor Hicks was hot in HS [Just Jared]

Nicollette Sheridan's ex is pretty bitter [Gabsmash]

Is Katherine McPhee a Scientologist? [Star]

Vanity Fair's latest nude photoshoot [OMG Blog]

Three 6 Mafia and Parasite Hilton hope to make beautiful musical together [Hollywood Tuna]

Matt LeBlanc's Marriage Cancelled!

The National Enquirer is reporting that Matt LeBlanc is filing for divorce from his wife of 3 years Melissa McKnight.

Former Friends star Matt LeBlanc is filing for divorce later today from Melissa, his wife of three years. The National Enquirer has learned exclusively that the couple split up in January, soon after LeBlanc's NBC sitcom Joey was cancelled.

Divorce papers are expected to be filed at Los Angeles Superior Court today.

The couple have a two-year-old daughter, Marina, who suffers from a rare brain disorder, and LeBlanc is stepfather to his wife's two older children from an earlier marriage, Tyler, 13, and Jacquelyn, 10.

LeBlanc, 38, and former model Melissa "Missie" McKnight, 41, were married in a romantic beachfront ceremony in Hawaii on May 3, 2003.

Their daughter, born on February 8, 2004, has a neurological condition, called cortical dysplasia, which can cause seizures

Who really cares right?! Bring on more Naomi beating a bitch down!

[The National Enquirer]

Naomi & The Cops!

Here's a photo of Naomi Campbell getting her ass arrested after beating down her housekeeper at 8am this morning! I reported the story a bit earlier. She's apparently still in the slammer!

Thanks to TMZ for picture!

Beach Love!

Nicole Richie and DJ Am are back on track as they vacation in Mexico together. These pics were taken on Monday and show them all cuddly and shit. I'm glad, maybe he can force her to eat a taquito or something.

Rosie O'Donnell Quote of the Day!

"I don't understand with Star Jones why she's alright with talking about having a breast augmentation ... but not gastric bypass. I don't understand that."

"If you have to have gastric bypass because you feel it's a medical emergency and you have no alternative, then you have that, and there are repercussions to having that, but to pretend you lost it doing Pilates is kind of delusional."

Check out a rant about Star on her blog as well

BREAKING: Naomi Campbell Arrested!

TMZ is reporting that super-bitch Naomi Campbell was arrested for slapping the hell out of another assistant!

Naomi Campbell has been arrested for allegedly assaulting her assistant.

NYPD sources tell TMZ that the model was arrested at her home and taken to the Midtown North Precinct -- As of 12:20 PM EST, Thursday, Campbell was still there.

No details yet!

UPDATE: According to TMZ the incident happened this morning at 8am in NYC. Naomi apparently threw an object at a 41yo woman, causing her injury. The woman is at Lenox Hill getting stitches.

UPDATE II: Her spokesbitch issues this: "We believe this is a case of retaliation, because Naomi had fired her housekeeper earlier this morning. We are confident the courts will see it the same way."

I Admit it! I Hit That Ho!

At least I wish I did! Parasite Hilton debuted some new bruises on her arm. Some bitches are whispering that they came from her on-and-off boyfriend Nachos after witnesses saw the two in a brutal argument in Miami. I think it's just genetics. No $2 whore is complete without bruises.

More Nornna!

By Lahoma00

Damn you Michael K for making me fall in love with Nornna! I've never fallen so hard, so fast. Here's another clip of Nornna---look at this bitch's moves with Eeyore. It's enough to melt my black hole of a heart.

Meet Me at The Chris Burke Concert!

I guess today is freaky bitches day here at Dlisted! I shouldn't say that, because Chris Burke is not a freaky bitch. He is the hottest shit on earth! You may recognize him as Corky on the highly rated show Life Goes On.

Well, apparently he has a hot band! They are so rock n' roll and they are coming to a city near you! Seriously, I'm into this. They are on a nationwide tour and ready to show you a good time! I'm totally feeling it.

However, those two dudes with Corky are completely creeping me out. I think one of them touched me when I was a little boy. And before you open up your mail program to send me a hate letter, I was totally joking!

Not about Corky though, he's the bees knees.

Click here to learn more about these hot hos!

[Thanks Heather]

Fishsticks Paltrow Drinks Booze While Pregnant!

SCANDAL!

Fishsticks Paltrow shocked diners at NYC sushi joint Cube 63. Fishsticks ordered several plates of raw sushi and ate that shit! I guess eating raw fish is a pregnancy no-no. Fishsticks also guzzled down a Guinness that her husband, Chris Martin, bought at a nearby deli. The joint is BYOB I guess.

But apparently Guinness is good for chicks who are pregnant, because of its high iron content.

Her rep confirmed she drank the alcoholic beverage, but said she ate only cooked food, not sushi.

Whatever, hopefully young Mortimer got a buzz out of that. I'd need a drink if I was stuck in that bitch's body.

[Gatecrasher]

NORNNA is the New Margaret Perrin!

Margaret/Marguerite Perrin is old news! I introduce you to Nornna! This bitch is going to be a huge star. Watching her eat chocolate cherries is like watching my chihuahua take a bloody dump. I'm serious. She updates regularly on YouTube, so watch for this ho!

I must go into the bathroom now and rip out my eye balls now.

[Thanks Mer]

What is Kimora Going to Do?!

US Weekly believes that an announcement about the split of Kimora Lee-Simmons and Russell Simmons is due any minute now. There have been rumors of the split for the past couple weeks.

Russell apparently has traded Kimora in for a younger model. He's been dating model Denise Vasi, age 23. Below is a picture of young Denise. She looks about 12. I'm not hating on Russell...I mean I would've dumped that tranny years ago! However, shouldn't he date someone closer to his age...like Eartha Kitt perhaps?



[Gatecrasher]

The Flavor of Love Girls

One of my readers went to see "The Flavor of Love" girls at Club Nocturnal in Atlanta last night. She said that most of the girls were nice and some performed their music. Hottie, Peaches and Sweetie all took the stage and did their own shit. Goldie tried to do some kind of comedy routine. This is all part of a club tour that the chicks are going on to try and stretch out their 5-minutes to about 8. My reader wouldn't say anything bad, but I will.

I didn't even have to see them performed to know they sucked ass! And where the hell is New York?! How can you do a FOL tour without New York?! She is the star of that show! But if they came to my city, you know I'm there.

I bet you Hottie's "act" involves ping-pong balls.

The Flavor of Love Girls

Where's Clay Gayken?!

Has RCA pulled Clay Gayken's upcoming album, because of his latest controversy? A few days ago the RCA website had a June 20th release for his latest album. Less than 24 hours later, the information was pulled sending Claymates into a frenzy!

Clay's album was originally given a May release.

Hey, let's clear this up quick...because I for one cannot wait for a Clay Gayken album. I mean...I have my $3 in hand ready to buy that piece of shit.

P.S. - No boys were harmed in the taking of this photo.


[The Clayboard][Thanks MusicMaker]

Pete Doherty is My Kind of Guy!

Why does the UK get all the great celebrities?! I mean they know how to do it. Pete Doherty is one of those kinds of celebrities. I could seriously dedicate a whole blog to his foolish ass.

Petey has found a new hobby! He's buying old Jaguars, parking them illegally and once they get towed away..he buys another one! Pete's now up to having about 8 towed!

A source said that after his last Jaguar was towed, he went straight to the Jaguar dealer and plopped down $2k on a used, grey model and drove away!

Let's not forget that Pete has been arrested a gazillion times for driving under the influence of drugs!

$2k for a Jaguar?! Do they even come with an engine?

[Page Six]

Parasite Hilton Really is Mother Theresa

Parasite Hilton really deserves to play Mother Theresa in an upcoming biopic. She has a gorgeous heart that is full of sperm love. Parasite recently donated her time to a Make-A-Wish Foundation child.

16yo Amber was diagnosed with thyroid cancer 2 years ago and they had to remove a large part of her gland. Thankfully, the cancer is currently in remission. When the MAWF asked Amber what her wish was...she responded with: "I want to meet Paris Hilton."

Surprisingly, Amber did not want to meet her to beat the shit out of her...the reason many of us would want to meet her. Amber simply likes her in a genuine way. Amber is a better person than us.

Naturally, she was thrilled when the socialite invited her into her Los Angeles home and showed her rack after rack of designer dresses, bags and shoes.

"This is the dress I wore in the Guess? campaign," she tells Amber of a gorgeous hot pink, halter gown.

Then she took Amber shopping on Rodeo Drive at upscale boutique Kaje, jeweler Mikimoto and over to the world-famous JOSE EBER salon for hair and makeup.

"I can't even explain how I feel," Amber enthuses after her day of glamour. "It's so amazing!"

That is so sweet of Parasite to bring someone into her home and show her all the things that will never be able to afford! And take her to stores and let her try on diamonds that she will probably never have. That's so sweet of her! Remind me to send her a teddy-gram for helping out those in need!

[The Insider][Thanks Citygirl & Ethan]

Bianca Dupree lives again!

by Lahoma00

OK, Youtube is seriously the hottest shit that's out there right now. You can find anything on that site. I found a clip of Morgan Fairchild struggling with multiple personalities that has German subtitles.

But the golden prize of finds is below: The opening credits to Beverly Hills Teens. BHT was this piece of shit cartoon from 1987 about a bunch of dumb, rich teen sluts that sat around the pool all the day. Queen bee amongst them was one Biance Dupree.



Look at Bianca in this photo. I'm convinced this shot was for a White Diamonds commercial. Bianca had a slave, Wilshire, and a little cat called Tiara that she carried around with her all the time. Despite having millions, she wore the same pink dress every episode. It looked like she made it out of a curtain from Bed & Bath. However, whenever she'd walk around a red carpet would be thrown down in front of her. I worship her.

Watch the clip!




Thanks to 80scartoonnet

Another 3 Seasons of This Crazy Ho!

I give Paula Abdul a hard time, but she's one of the big reasons why I watch American Idol. She's like that crazy aunt that has an alcohol problem that you never know what to expect from when she visits. Every week I'm on pins and needles wondering if Paula will be depressed or excited.

Contrary to rumors that producers were looking to replace her with Britney Spears or Jessica Simpson, Paula has signed on for another three years with American Idol.

Simon Cowell has already signed a deal to remain as a judge and executive producer for the next 5 years.

Paula said: "Of course, I also look forward to putting Simon in his place for years to come."

I'm sure her drug dealer couldn't be happier! His contract has also been renewed for the next 3 reasons by Paula!

[Reuters UK][Thanks Stacy]

The Dlisted Report

Ben Stiller will star in and produce Big Wave. The film, based on an idea by Stiller, is a sports comedy about a big-wave surfer who, after being sidelined for years following a traumatic wipeout, decides to surf again in order to raise money to save a convalescent home for old surfers. [Variety]

New Line Cinema has picked up the rights to the James Ellroy (L.A. Confidential) novel Land of the Living. The story concerns a promiscuous woman who's captured and tortured by a serial killer. After surviving the ordeal, she has to figure out what happened because cops and even her friends think she fabricated the story. [Variety]

New Line Cinema will remake the classic Spanish film Torrente. Torrente follows the exploits of Jose Lius Torrente, a "Bad Santa" of the police force, a poster child for police corruption who is a lazy, rude, despicable drunkard, caring only about protecting and serving himself. Despite that, he still managed to get the job done. The Torrente films were directed and written by Santiago Segura. Mike Bender will write the American version. [THR]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS!

The Top 3:

jeb swallowed so much pride, he had to have his stomach pumped. - Tim

Wow, military funerals sure aren't what they used to be. - Anonymous 2:34pm

Nothing like smoking a fag after fucking a fruit. - PricoLatino

P.S. - Good job...all of these were really hot! You bitches are funny mofos!


[Thanks Loozer]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Lori Petty

Birthday Sluts

M.C. Hammer (44)
Norah Jones (27)
Mark Consuelos (36)
Celine Dion (38)
Ian Ziering (42)
Paul Reiser (49)
Robbie Coltrane (56)
Eric Clapton (61)
Warren Beatty (69)

Say Something Nice!

Bjork: She's talented, but DAMN! She should sue the beauty salon that allowed her to leave without taking her foil out! That ain't right! That could be toxic!

Parasite Hilton Calls Her Vagina "Lewis"

A crazy cat has been terrorizing the neighborhood of Sunset Circle in Fairfield, CT.

The cat's name is Lewis and has been described by one resident as this: "He looks like Felix the Cat and has six toes on each foot, each with a long claw. They are formidable weapons."

Lewis is one crazy mofo! Don't mess with this pussy, because he will take your ass out!

The neighbors said those weapons, along with catlike stealth, have allowed Lewis to attack at least a half dozen people and ambush the Avon lady as she was getting out of her car.

Some of those who were bitten and scratched ended up seeking treatment at area hospitals. It was the first time such an action was taken against a cat in Fairfield.

In effect, Lewis is under house arrest, forbidden to leave his home. The cat's owner, Ruth Cisero, was also arrested on charges of failing to comply with the restraining order and reckless endangerment.

DAYUM! Lewis is one hot pussy! Seriously if they don't want his ass, I'll take him! He will be my personal bodyguard and confidante! Because you know a bitch that can fight like that MUST be a good listener! On second thought, I think Parasite Hilton should adopt him. She is an animal lover, right?

UPDATE: Click here to see a hot video of Lewis and the fat ho who complained on his ass! God, I love Lewis!!!

[AHN][Thanks Pamboy & Stacy]

I Thought Yahoo Was Sponsoring TomKitten?!

Where the hell is TomKitten?! I've been waiting long enough!

Anyhow, Tom Cruise has given Katie Holmes a special iPod with tunes for her to listen to while she gives birth. Tom not only doesn't want Katie to make any noise, but he doesn't want her to hear any noise either. God, giving birth to an alien is hard work.

A source said: "Tom wants her to listen to music through her earphones so there's no noise in the delivery room."

Dlisted has gotten a hold of the SUPER-SECRET playlist Tom made for Katie:

Loving the Alien - David Bowie
Martian Girl - The Acquabats
The Purple People Eater
The Theme from E.T.
Praying to the Aliens - Gary Numan
The Theme from The X-Files
Planet Earth - Duran Duran
Men In Black - Will Smith
Venus - Bananarama
Rocket Man - Elton John
People are Strange - The Doors
Mr. Spaceman - The Byrds
ATLiens - Outkast

[LSE]

American Idol: Paula Wants to Get Freaky With Ace's Scar

Last night's American Idol was one of the worst in a long time. Nobody stood out to me as being that amazing. I was underwhelmed and spent more time picking the jam in my toes than actually watching the performances. And yes I have jam between my toes and it's best with some Ritz and a little cucumber on top. So here's my rundown....bitch by bitch:

• Mandisa - Sang some tired Mary Mary song. I like her, but her ass is just too big for the stage and the show. Reader Jeff also sent me an interesting question. At the beginning of her gospel song, she said: "There ain't no addiction, lifestyle or [something] too big for god to help." Does this mean she hates fags? She better not, because the fags are probably the only bitches voting for her fat ass!
• Kellie Pickler - She sang some suds in a bucket country song, because she thought it was cute. Kellie continues to play the dumb blonde thing and every week I have to stop myself from not charging at the TV. America loves dumb hos (Clarkson, Underwood) so me thinks that this dumb ho is going to the final 3 at least.
  
• Lisa Tucker - Sucks, bitch better be going home tonight. What idiot sings a Clarkson song on American Idol? That idiot does. She should just give up and take a job as an Irene Cara look-a-like in Vegas.
• Katherine McPhee - Sucked as well. She was actually one of the best. According to DialIdol she's expected to go tonight.
  
• Paris Bennett - If I talk bad about her she will cast a troll spell on me and send me into the dark part of the forest. I will do no such thing.
• Taylor Hicks - He performed last night?!
• Ace Young - Everytime Ace sings he looks like he's either taking a dump or getting it up the rear. The hottest part of the show came when Paula told Ace that she needs to discuss his scar later on. The other judges basically freaked the hell out! You know Paula wanted to rub her vagina all over Ace's scar.

The other bitches were whatever. They don't deserve my fucking take! Anyway, the bottom three will be: Ace Young, Lisa Tucker and Mandisa. Lisa Tucker will go home and hopefully she will take my advice and join the touring company of FAME singing all of Irene Cara's best hits!

[Pic: Rotten Ryan]

Give It To Me!

The Surreal Life star Alexis Arquette told his houseguests that his penis was huge and it was about to be cut off. Since the show he has indeed cut it off. And what a waste that was.....it was a gorgeous thing and now it's in the dumpster somewhere. I'll be right back...I have some dumpsters to sort through.

Click here to see what Alexis USED to work with!

[In Case You Didn't Know]



[click on image to "enlarge"]

Afternoon Crumbs

Julia Roberts made her Broadway debut looking like hell [Popsugar]

Mandisa's digits were all screwed up on Idol last night [Just Jared]

Is Jennifer Aniston pregnant? [Popbytes]

Shark Boy is hot shit [SAYOR]

Sienna Miller might do Basic Instinct 3 [Egotastic!]

Busta Rhymes' doesn't like the gays [Hollywood Rag]

The return of Susan Powter [OMG Blog]

Jacki-O is giving Trina a run for her money in the biggest ho contest [C+D]

Another reason to live in the UK

by Lahoma00

Jordan, Kerry Katona, now another reason to move to the UK....Joan Collins on Footballers Wives! Words cannot describe how hot this is. What shit is to pigs, this is to fags.

Hi Kids! This is What a Staged Date Looks Like!

Yup, it's Snatcher and Gaycrest out on a date in Malibu a few days ago! Angelina's kiss with her brother had more passion than this! Who do they really think they are fooling?

Is Parasite Hilton Bulimic?!

I'm not sure how credible this is....but a reader of mine insists it's true! Here's the story:

I have a friend who works at the Ivy on Robertson...this friend said that Paris has to be watched after she eats there (grilled chicken salad) b/c she totally throws up her meal. The staff was instructed to take note when she uses the restroom. I'm not sure who instructed them...possibly Kathy Hilton. She's a total bulimic!

Who knows? I believe almost anything with Parasite, because she's such trash! In her defense she could be barfing up jizz from the night before. Jizz has that effect on some people. '

These pics are of P filming The Simple Life 4. This shit is bizarre and I'd give that kid $100 to ram her with his Escalade.

Chestica Simpson Wants to Ruin a Baby's Life!

Whoever gives Chestica Simpson a baby needs to be immediately checked into a mental facility.

Chestica's spokeswhore confirms that she's looking to adopt. He said: "Nothing has been finalized yet. It is true that she's exploring options."

What options?! Her only option should be a hysterectomy.

Chestica has said this in the past about adoption: : "I want to adopt, and I plan to adopt before I have my own kids. I think Angelina Jolie has done amazing, amazing things, and the international adoption rate just since her has skyrocketed."

I would be seriously pissed if anyone gave her ass a little baby. Gay couples have to jump through hoops to get a kid, but this shit-for-brains ho can get one at the drop of a hat?! That ain't right!

[People]

Apple Martin is a Doll!

Thank the Lord that Apple Martin did not inhert her mother, Fishstick Paltrow's disgusting and slimy demeanor! Apple is gorgeous and a true jewel! Here she is in New York City getting ready to do some damage on her AMEX. Oh and those two women are here assistants. She's too small to carry her own bags.





[JJB]

Pictures of Whitney's Crack Den!

As I talked about earlier...Whitney's sister-in-law took some pictures of Whit's crack bathroom where she spends nearly all day and all night in drug hell! The only thing I have to say...I never figured Whitney for a Bud kind of gal. I thought she was more of a Pabst chick.





[Pics: Gawker][Thanks Stacy]

Bitch is Broke!

Britney Spears can't pay her bills!

Two ex-bodyguards filed a suit against her ass yesterday claiming she didn't pay them the overtime they deserved. The two men say they were on-call 24-hours for her ass, but were only paid their regular $2400 to $3350 salaries.

They feel like they should be paid more since they worked practically all day and all night.

Britney had this to say: "Hey y'all! I wanna pay you, but I gotta go to Check Into Cash to get your cash!"

[Page Six]

Not a Day Goes By...

Not a day goes by when Nick Lachey isn't linked to another chick. This time it's MTV's Vanessa Minnillo.

The two were said to be getting all freaky and shit at W Hotel's Underbar in New York City on Monday. The two met when Vanessa filmed a role on his latest video.

Witnesses at the bar say the two were grinding and totally making out.

Nick has recently been linked to Kristin Cavallari, Cheryl Burke, Stacy Kiebler and Alyssa Milano.

Looks like Nick is working his way through C-List reality stars and TV hosts. If he hooks up with Nancy O'Dell next I'm going to beat him with Chestica Simpson's gaping mouth-hole.

[People]

No Comment

[Thanks Midi]

A Normal Day in the Life with Whitney Houston!

Damn! The gossip world is on fire with this latest story. Shit, the minute I opened my e-mail...Whitney Houston herself basically started beating me over the head with her crack pipe to post this story. So here we go...if you haven't already heard.

The Sun in the UK has published pictures of a crackhead Whitney being a disgusting mess on the bathroom floor. If ANYBODY has these pictures...please please please send them my way! I need to see this shit now or I can't breathe another breff!

The pictures depict Whitney in her bathroom with crack pipes, rolling papers, cocaine-caked spoons...you name it! Damn, this is some good shit!

Who could sell pictures like this to the tabloids?! Well Tina Brown can. She's Bobby Brown's sister and claims she took and released the pictures to get Whitney some help and get herself some dollars!

She said: “The truth needs to come out. Whitney won’t stay off the drugs. It’s every single day. It’s so ugly. Everyone is so scared she is going to overdose.”

Tina goes on to stay that Whitney locks herself in her bathroom for days on drug binges and completely freaks out about demons and devils.

Honestly the article goes on and on and on and it's good shit after another from wetting herself to 8-balls. I mean...this is the stuff of gossip dreams. So get on over to The Sun and read that shit word for word!

I have a feeling this is going to take over our day. So sit back, pour yourself some coffee and get ready for some crack adventures with Whitney!

[Thanks to the millions who sent this story to me!]

Nicole & Keith are Still Together!

Despite rumors, Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban are still an item. Here they are on 3/24 having lunch in Nashville. Not only are they together, but they are seriously starting to look alike. I think they are morphing into one person. Screw TomKat, these are the real aliens!

I'm Busy Friday Night!

So don't ask! Not that you would, but if you do...I'll be at Basic Instinct II: Why Did I Waste 2 Hours of My Life for This?! Oh..yes I will. This is the movie event of the year and it's already a front-runner to burn up the Razzies next year.

At Monday night's premiere of the flick...audience members couldn't stop laughing at such amazing lines coming from Sharon Stone like:

"Not even Oedipus saw his mother coming!"

I mean...come on...this has to be a joke. Audience members were also disgusted by Sharon's breast implants calling them "lopsided."


[Page Six]

KFed's Playing With Fire!

KFed's debut album will be called Playing With Fire.

The official statement read like this: "The inspiration and meaning behind the title is self explanatory, (because) my album is sure to set the dance floors across the world on fire!"

This is probably a warning to all prospective partners of Kevin to let them know that if you fuck Kevin....you're privates are going to feel like fire after.

His album will drop in August and then will drop to the $5 bin sometime in late August.

[People]

The Dlisted Report

Writers Steven Gary Banks and Claudia Grazioso (Are We There Yet?) have been hired to pen the screenplay for Beautiful Asian Brides as a starring vehicle for Lucy Liu. Based on an original idea by Les Firestein and P.J. Pesce, the comedy concerns a man wrongly accused of murder who goes undercover as a mail-order bride in an attempt to prove his innocence. Liu is on board as a producer as well. [Variety]

Shia LaBeouf (Constantine) is in talks for a lead role in the big-screen version of Transformers directed by Michael Bay and executive produced by Steven Spielberg. The film is targeting a July 4, 2007 release. [Coming Soon]

Fox has given the thumbs up to a second season of Prison Break. The show is currently finishing out its first season and stars Wentworth Miller and Dominic Purcell as brothers trying to escape a prison. [THR]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS!

The Top 3:

The world's most boring circle jerk. - Loozer

Seriously, I know you haven't seen it in years but your dick is only this big. - Glen

crouching tiger,
hidden package - Tim


Click here to see NSFW!

[Thanks Kelly]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Tom Bosley

[For Maria]

Birthday Sluts

Amy Sedaris (45)
Lucy Lawless (38)
Jill Goodacre (41)
Elle Macpherson (42)
Perry Farrell (47)
M.C. Hammer (44)

Say Something Nice

Sandra Bernhard: Well..um..heeeerrr...ugh..um...Her nose can double as a beer bottle opener! That's a good thing when you're camping!

Teddy's Shut Down!

Hollywood hot spot Teddy's has been shut down until further notice. Teddy's is housed at the Roosevelt Hotel and has been the place for celebrities to show their nasty ass faces for months. It has played host to Parasite Hilton, HoHan, Nicole Richie, Cameron Diaz and many more!

The problems may stem from issues with the club's manager Amanda Demme, the widow of Ted Demme. Tuesday's Page Six reported the owners of the hotel are not happy with Demme. A host of alleged troubles has plagued the hotel since Demme took control including underage drinking, noise violations, mistreatment of paying hotel guests and racial discrimination.

Jennifer Gross, Demme's rep, confirmed that the Roosevelt chose to exercise their right to buy out Demme and run the venues on their own. As to the reasons for Demme's departure, she called Page Six's report "innuendo and hearsay."

Never fear Hollywood's elite -- Demme's rep says she's sure Teddy's will reopen soon under the Roosevelt's management.

Amanda Demme has also been rumored to supply her guests with any drug they could ever want. This could also be the reason for her ass being fired. It looks like celeb bitches must now find another place to get drunk, give each other blow jobs and cut in line at the bathroom.

Hmmm...and does anybody else find it suspicious that the same week Jesse Metcalfe couldn't get in to Teddy's is the same week it closes. That Jesse has the power!

[TMZ]

A Big Step for Trannies!

Today in Hollywood a monumental and important event took place! Three trannies finally got a star on the Walk of Fame! This truly a proud moment!

Ok ok...enough clowning! The trannies are Destiny's Child. They aren't that bad! Well Beyonce isn't anyway. But to be fair to the others, Beyonce has the money to make herself look good. The others have to make do what they don't have. While Beyonce gets prettier, the other two get haglier. Michelle Williams in the white is getting into Nicole Richie sized proportions. No wonder that falls down all the time! Her twig legs can barely hold her large head up! Poor twig legs! That ain't right!

And lastly, where do they find these outfits? 1984?!

I Never Liked That Nancy O'Dell!

I try and watch Access Hollywood every single night. It's my favorite celeb-news-show. I can take Billy Bush even though I'd get great joy out of seeing him decapitated with a butcher knife....but the real annoying animal of the show is Nancy O'Dell. I can't stand this ho. I think it's just her nasty rat-hair that bothers me. She's had more streaks in her hair than a college football game. I mean someone should do a worst hair in Hollywood list just for her ass! Anyway, here's Nancy desperately holding on to the age of 40 at the Friends with Money premiere last night.

Dude Looks Like a Lady!

These are ads for an Italian boutique named Antonia in Milan. They picture men giving themselves vaginas. The ad is supposed to show that men will make themselves look like chicks in order to get into this hot store.

At least they could've given themselves a Brazilian. Hairy Jesus!





[Supertween]

Afternoon Crumbs

Julia Roberts does not belong in a fashion ad [Glitterati]

Parasite Hilton hosts a hip-hop gang bang [Crunk and Disorderly]

Hot sex on The OC [Egotastic!]

Jennifer Aniston tries her best to look hot [Just Jared]

Sharon Stone encourages teenagers to have oral sex [IDLYITW]

Play with boobies [Cityrag]

Nicole Richie gets some new extensions [Hollywood Rag]

Is Chad Hedrick the new Bachelor? [Gabsmash]

Does She Even Know How to Use That?!

HA! Paparazzi! The joke is on you! Melanie Griffith is truly an original and found a clever way to turn the tables! She'll show you! If only she knew how to use a disposable camera! She probably got confused and since it's "disposable" threw it in the trash before having it developed. And is that Natasha Lyonne flipping us the bird. Girl, there you are! Looks like Samantha from Sex and the City also joined in on the fun!

Sharon Stone: The Lady in Red

Sharon Stone dropped the gold Medusa look for the New York premiere of Basic Instinct II: $10 Down the Drain. She decided on a gorgeous red frock, but unfortunately on her way to the theater she got into a terrible fight with a grizzly bear and he ripped half of her dress off. Thankfully, Shar made it to the premiere just in time to witness hundreds of people vomit at the site of her crumbling vagina on the big screen.

First Look at Baby Violet!

Here's a fuzzy picture of Violet Affleck with mom Jennifer Garner. It was probably snapped with a camera phone. From what I can tell she looks any normal baby!

[The Cooler]

Team Joy!

Joy Behar and Star Jones got into a hot bitch fight on yesterday's The View. Star Jones wasn't even in New York! She was calling in from Los Angeles to set the record straight on almost dying during a breast lift.

The brouhaha started when Jones called into the show to talk about her recent elective surgery, a breast lift, and rumors she was near death after receiving a blood transfusion following the procedure.

"Can we first start with the fact that I did not almost die?" said Jones. "You guys know I'm anemic . . . when you have surgery, you have to make sure your doctors know everything going on . . . just in case I needed some blood, which I did . . . Literally, I was fine right afterwards."

Behar appeared to grow increasingly irritated as Jones kept talking about her surgery, answering questions about it from her co-hosts. "It's a little bit of a hoist because after you lose some weight, you sometimes go real flat, and I really wanted to lift them up," she said of her breast lift, which included implants.

At one point, as Jones kept talking, Behar grabbed a pen and furiously scribbled a note, then gestured to Meredith Vieira to read the note, tapping the paper for emphasis.

"Last Friday was my 44th birthday, but my boobs still think they're 20," Jones said - and that's when Behar heard enough. "OK, Star. That's enough about you. On to us. 'Bye," she snapped.

Behar was bleeped when she added "Keep your [breasts] perky!" in a mock-cheerful voice.

"I'm glad to see you haven't changed," Jones shot back. "Even today, you are still a bitchh," she said before the call was abruptly cut off.

A spokeswhore for the show had this lame lie to say: "If you watch 'The View' regularly, Star and Joy enjoy teasing each other. No harm done,"

Please it's common knowledge that these two despise each other and Joy isn't taking shit from Star! Joy is the voice of the people! I mean come on...Star is full of shit and everyone is getting sick of it! I don't know how those women keep it together with Star in their cast. They must be on major ludes, because I would no doubt flip out and rip that slut's throat off with my teeth!



[Fox News][Thanks Stacy]

Which Flavor of Love Ho are you?

Which Flavor of Love are you?

Oyster aka Abigail
Take this quiz!








Quizilla |
Join

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

I'm Red Oyster?! I wanted to be Hottie or at least New York! Damn, I guess I'm a two-faced bitch that only wears red! And the reunion will hopefully air this Sunday (April 2nd) on Vh1!

What's Wilmer's Number?

Wilmer Valderrama was on Howard Stern yesterday and basically spilled the beans on all the celeb chicks he's boned and more importantly gave info on his own bone. Wilmer's promoting his MTV show Yo Mama, so it's no wonder that he's using this time to dish on the good shit.

Here's the highlights of the interview:

• He popped Mandy Moore's cherry
• Jennifer Love Hewitt was an 8 out of 10 in the sack
• Ashlee Simpson is a screamer
• Lindsay's breasts are real
• Jessica Alba was too good to be true
  
• He claims he's packing OVER 8 inches

Please, he's lying. I want to see proof of that shit. It would explain why he gets so much action though. Seriously, he's linked to all these chicks. He's got them dickmatized. Let's get married Wilmer!

Click here to read more details on Wilmer's tell-all!

Pete Doherty Keeps It Real!

Pete Doherty may be a crackhead and a piece of trash, but at least he knows when to not bullshit a bitch. The Babyshambles singer and Kate Moss stalker laughs off rumors that he takes drugs to run from his inner demons. He takes them, because drugs are fun!

He said: "I don't take drugs to deaden me, I take 'em cos I love 'em. I know they're bad for me, financially crippling and I'm an addict. It's like being in a war, and now I'm picking up the pieces. I really do want to clean up this time.

"It would be interesting to film someone like me trying to detox because then people would see the pressures, how hard it is."

This sounds like a perfect idea! Pete should pitch his reality show to Vh1 ASAP! It could be Pete, Courtney Love, Whitney Houston and other crackheads all in a house trying to get clean. It could be like The Biggest Loser, but with drugs!

[IOL]

Where in the World is Sinead O'Connor?!

Well, she's busy giving her tongue to Anthony Hopkins on the streets of NYC!

Actually, that's Sinead and her grandfather boyfriend making beautiful memories in SoHo yesterday. I'm not sure who he is, but that fool is old. But, I'm sure they are happy. Do you think he dresses up like the pope for her when they do it?

Shut Your Mouth, Katie!

Several bitches were seen carrying various cards into Tom Cruise's mansion the other day. The bitches in question were probably crazy Scientologists, because the cards they were carrying had messages on them like "be silent" and shit like that. Oh hell no! That's the devil's work! That's dark-sided!

Katie is due to give birth like any second now and these cards are being put up around the house to remind Tom's property to keep her mouth shut while pushing out a huge baby out of her small vagina.

The couple, following the Scientology tradition of a silent birth had the posters delivered to their Beverly Hills mansion.

The 6ft placards will be placed so Katie can see them in labour.

One reads: "“Be silent and make all physical movements slow and understandable."

Oh to be a fly on the wall! Can you imagine that birth?! It's probably just like the orgy scene in Tom's movie Eyes Wide Shut. Strange bitches standing around while poor Katie is spread-eagled on a table with hooded men standing around her..chanting and shit.

[The Sun][Thanks MomtheMumsie]

I Loooovveeee Ralphs, Y'all!

Britney Spears dressed in her finest to take her assistant and SPF shopping at Ralphs in Malibu yesterday. What a treat! Yes...yes...Britney is just a regular mom and we shouldn't talk shit about her looking like hell. But the ho is also in the public eye. She did this to herself, so we have the right to tear her apart. Besides she doesn't care....she's too busy not being pregnant and stuffing her face with Snack Wells while her man makes a fool of himself all across town.

Joe Francis is Out of His Mind

Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis is super-rich now due to his videos showing young girls taking their tops off at spring-break and other places. But this isn't good enough for his ass. Joe now has his sights on Playboy. GGW made more money than Playboy last year and now Joe has been telling people that he's thinking of trying to buy the magazine. Bitch thinks he's the next Hugh Hefner.

This fool needs to dream on. He's always going to be trash. I mean he's trash just by screwing Tara Reid. However, I find him somewhat attractive and I'd hit it. Oooh.....it's too early for that shit.

[Page Six]

Did Nicole Kidman Dump Keith Urban, Because of Tom?!

Tom Cruise has advised his ex-wife, Nicole Kidman, to quickly dump Keith Urban. Tom thinks Keith is a drunk and isn't the right dude for Nicole. Apparently, she listened to his dumb ass and let Keith go for the time being.

A source said: "“Tom didn'’t want Keith anywhere around because he was a drunk. She doesn’t want Keith around when he'’s drinking."

Nicole isn't taking the break-up very well. According to friends she's lost weight and is depressed. She desperately wants to be with Keith, but can't deal with his partying ways. She's begged him to go sober and the minute he does....she'll go back to him.

So..Nicole will stay with a man that's pretty much insane for 10 years, but she'll dump a man that likes to party every now and again?!

[The Bosh][Thanks Stacy]

The Dlisted Report

Screenwriter Simon Kinberg (X-Men 3) and Nicole Kidman are treaming up on an untitled spy thriller. Story details are being kept under wraps, but the film is described as being in the vein of The Bourne Identity but with a female protagonist. [THR]

Gus Van Sant (Elephant) will direct Tom Hanks in How Starbucks Saved My Life based on a book that is yet to be published. The book, to be published by Penguin imprint Gotham Books, is a memoir by Michael Gates Gill, a former J. Walter Thompson executive who found himself down and out when he was downsized out of a job. In his 60s and in a personal tailspin because of an affair that ended his marriage, Gill saw his luck change when he entered a Starbucks and walked out with a job offer from the store's manager, giving his life new purpose. [Variety]

Julia Roberts begins previews tonight in Three Days of Rain on Broadway. Paul Rudd and Bradley Cooper (Alias, Kitchen Confidential) also star. Roberts and Rudd play siblings in the first act with Cooper as their chidlhood friend. In the second act the three play the parents of the characters. The play officially opens April 19. [Playbill]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

Joan Rivers works the red carpet. - NoAnjl


[Thanks Pamela]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Jeanne Bice from Quaker Factory on QVC

[For James]

Birthday Sluts

Vince Vaughn (36)
Julia Stiles (25)
Brett Ratner (37)
Reba McEntire (51)
Dianne Weist (58)

Eva LongWHORIA's Grammy is a Racist!

Eva LongWHORIA doesn't know when to shut her mouth. I feel sorry for anybody involved with this chick, because she will spill the beans on all your secrets to any media outlet that will grant her a 2-minute interview.

Eva wanted to send her grandmother a calendar featuring her boyfriend Tony Parker, but her mother warned her that she couldn't do this.

She said: " You can't give grandma a calendar. She doesn't know Tony's black.' I said, 'We'll just tell her he's French.'"

I mean....why does this ho have to basically call her poor, ole' granny out like this?! And I know Eva's grammy probably watches novellas and Spanish talk shows and you know Eva's on all that shit blabbing about what of her vagina smells like and how long her man's anal cavity is! So, Eva I'm sure your grandmother knows that you're dating a bi-racial dude just as much as she knows how much you like vibrator parties.

[Female First]

Shar Jackson is a Media Whore!

In a perfect world...Shar Jackson would get back together with KFed and together they will drop off the face of the earth. They can use Britney's alimony payments to get their own land with a big trailer and sing their terrible songs to each other. Seriously, I can't stand this ho. Here she is performing for probably like 10 people in L.A.

What's up with the make-up?! I can't believe I'm actually saying this...but Britney is actually a step-UP for KFed from this piece of trash! I'm actually quite surprised that Shar hasn't done The Surreal Life yet! She's probably too low-brow even for that shit!

Sean Penn's Treasured Doll

Sean Penn has confessed that he has a doll of that piece of trash Ann Coulter. Ann is basically some political bitch who hates about everyone when she should really hate her parents the most for giving her a rat face.

Sean loves to play with his Ann Coulter voodoo doll.

He said: "We violate her. There are cigarette burns in some funny places. She's a pure snake-oil salesman. She doesn't believe a word she says."

He's a genius! He should market that product. I'd buy one. I'd like to put burns in her naught bits. While he's at it, he should do a whole series! Parasite, Star Jones...the list goes on and on!

[Contact Music]

Kerry Katona Loves Her Breasts!

Kerry Katona is so glad that she got her breasts done and now thinks hers are the perfect pair.

She said: "I had my boobs done because they got a bit deflated after the kids. I wouldn't want them made any bigger or smaller now - I'm really happy with the way they are."

And hopefully her new ones will help attract Colin Farrell, because she wants him.

"I've met Colin a couple of times and he has always been so polite. I wouldn't mind him being a gentleman with me. He can also be as rough as he wants with me. I wouldn't mind either way!"

That means she'd let him piss in her mouth and shit on her tits. I'm serious, she would. I'm not being crude, just honest. Kerry for President!

[Female First]

Dumb Ass!

Jesse Metcalfe's barely 15-minutes look like they are up! Jesse tried to get into Teddy's the other night and a bitch wouldn't let him in! Jesse tried the front AND back door and security refused to let his ass in. Finally he and his beard date decided to go elsewhere. Probably Mickey's or Rage.

Click here to watch video!

[TMZ]

Afternoon Crumbs

Joseph Gordon Levitt will forever be like 14 [Queerty]

Sienna Miller wants Keira Knightley's leftovers [Egotastic!]

Speaking of Sienna, here's some Factory Girl stills [Just Jared]

Farrah Fawcett takes a trip down memory lane [Hollywood Rag]

Sharon Stone thinks Hilary Clinton has too much sexual power, bitch is nuts [IDLYITW]

Celebrity freak show [Cityrag]

Who really cares if Demi Moore is knocked up? [Glitterati]

Scarlett Johansson beat out Angelina Jolie to be the sexiest woman alive [Hollywood Tuna]

Pink's Still Mad at Her Brother for Stealing Her Girlfriend!

Pink confessed that she needed therapy after her brother stole her girlfriend from her. When Pink was 13 years old she had a lesbian relationship with a girl her age. That shit didn't last long, because the chick turned out to be strictly dickly and dumped her ass for her brother.

Pink said: "I had a girlfriend when I was 13 and she left me for my brother! "That kind of fucked me up ... We held hands and we kissed and that was my girlfriend, that's what you do when you're 13! And she left me for my fucking brother! It was bizarre and twisted and fucked up and gross."

I guess that's a little fucked up...but not really. The chick was probably with Pink's ass in the first place, because she thought she was a dude!

[Post Chronicle]

Happy Birthday Mimi!

Mariah Carey shows off her humps and lumps at Barney's in Los Angeles. Today she turns 36! You know she's going off her diet today and eating 2 whole Cookie Puss's and probably a Fudgie the Whale. Happy Birthday bitch and we love your new body! We'd love it more if you covered that shit up, though!

Charo is So Much Hotter Than Tori!

Tori Spelling made the mistake of sharing the stage with Charo at the Human Rights Campaign benefit gala in Los Angeles. I think it's my human right that Tori should not be allowed to be photographed! And look at Charo, that chick is like ancient but still hot as hell!

Coochie Coochie Coo!

Star Jones is Alive!

Thank you Jesus! I knew you would come through for me! Star Jones is alive after cheating death during a botched breast lift! Please...that whole story was sooo phoney. You know they only told us that story to give that nasty thing time to heal and shit from like 10 different surgeries. Look how she's covered up! You know that bitch had some ribs removed, organs sucked, etc... Let's hope that dumb ho had a heart put in, so she'd have a little humanity!

And Gay Al wears short shorts!

Kevin Smith Needs to Be More Like Silent Bob

Kevin Smith spoke to the students of The University of Pennsylvania the other night and basically called Nicole Richie a whore and Reese Witherspoon a cunt.

The 35-year-old director of such acclaimed films like Jersey Girl told the students how much he hated Reese Witherspoon.

He said: "I did vote for her for 'Walk the Line' because she was so good. I forgot how much I hated that cunt!"

He also told a story on how he asked Selma Blair for Reese's address. Selma is a good friend of Reese and auditioned for Kevin once.

He said: "You know where that bitch lives? I want to roll up on Weezy Reesey's house and egg that mother­fucker 'cause fuck her!"

Such strong words from such a fat man!

And to make himself look even more like a twat, he told the kids that Nicole Richie once pulled Jason Mewes into a bathroom and humped the hell out of him.

Nicole Richie's spokeswhore had this hilarious response: "She didn't know his real name till I explained, then said: 'I met him but, ewwwww! Are you kidding me? I've never ever had sex with him.'"

I'm all for calling Richie a whore and Reese a cunt, I mean why not. But if Kevin wasn't so disgusting, I'd be all into it. But he looks like he gets hamburger stuck in his beard and doesn't bother to clean it out for days.

[Lowdown][Thanks Stacy]

You Don't Say?!

Teri Snatcher has admitted to using botox and collagen on that fugly face of hers.

She said: "I've had botox and collagen. I haven't had anything done to my face in over a year and I don't plan to." "It needs to be OK to have wrinkles."

IN A YEAR?! Try in an hour! Bitch is nuts. You know she skips lunch and gets botox shots instead. Because she doesn't eat and her face is like solid concrete! Dumb ho!

[ONTD]

She's Only Human!

During a concert at The Riviera Beach Jazz and Blues Festival in Florida, Patti LaBelle sat on the stage and wept. Patti didn't take the stage until about midnight when temperatures dropped. During the first few minutes of her set, stagehands spent some time bundling her up in mittens and socks..but it still didn't help.

Patti told the audience that she's 62 and has diabetes and a heart murmur, so the cold is really affecting her.

She told them: "I've never been this embarrassed in my life. This sucks. It's the worst show I've ever done in my life."

She struggled through her first few numbers and audience members encouraged her, although some left.

Poor Patti, but bitch suck it up! 62 is not that old and bitches are paying to see her ass! Quit your whining and give em what they paid for!

[Palm Beach Post][Thanks Stacy]

I Guess They Aren't Coming Back!

Brad Pitt showed up for a flying lesson in Cannes, France on Saturday. I guess this means they aren't coming back as was reported. Apparently, the two have also purchased a chateau in Normandy, France was owned by Yves Saint Laurent. Now it is reported that Angelina is planning to give birth in Paris and that's where the new family will make their permanent home.

They are really starting to bore my ass and that's a hard thing to do. I mean, all they do is walk around holding kids and going on flying lessons. I'm sure their sex is beyond boring. She probably just lays there like a dish fish while reading a story to Zahara.

[China View]

Operation: Gay Control!

Clay Gayken's handlers must think we are idiots. Clay has been on the low down ever since John Paulus came forward and said that he had unprotected sex with him. John also said that Clay is one big, aggressive, top. An allegation that still has me giggling like a school girl on freon. Anyway, Clay was seen the other night at a murder mystery dinner in Los Angeles with a gorgeous girl on his arm. Could this be his first hired beard? I'm so proud of him!

But Clay if you're going to play the straight game you might stay away from "murder mystery" dinners. That doesn't read too butch.

[Page Six]

Save It For Jello!

Marc Anthony must be off caffeine, because yesterday the bitch was one grouchy mofo! He flipped us the bird AND grabbed his crotch. Double whammy! Just maybe he's secretly sharing with us how big his dick is. Yeah, the size of that finger is about right.

Blind Items...You Guess...I Guess...

WHICH handsome 40ish actor got into an argument over a men's room stall at the Otis in San Francisco? The actor then entered the stall with another man who was later heard complaining to his coke dealer about the cost of "the snowball"

Tom Cruise! Wasn't he in San Francisco recently?

WHICH married sports broadcaster is having an affair with his line producer?

Bob Costas!

Which A-list Oscar winner is being photographed with a young lady who, until recently, was a top Los Angeles call girl?

Jamie Foxx

Which British heartthrob film star has been secretly dating a male New York City ballet dancer?

Johnathon Rhys-Meyers

[Page Six] [Gatecrasher]

The Dlisted Report

Ocean's Thirteen will start shooting on July 21st in Los Angeles. Steven Soderbergh will again direct. George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Andy Garcia, Don Cheadle, Bernie Mac, Casey Affleck, Scott Caan, Carl Reiner and Elliot Gould will all be back again. Julia Roberts and Catherine Zeta-Jones will not be back. Ellen Barkin will play the female lead who gets close to Damon's character. [Variety]

Spike Lee's Inside Man was the #1 movie this weekend bringing in $28.97 Million. V for Vendetta slipped to #2 with $12.3 Million. The horror film Stay Alive brought in $11.2 Million to come in at #3. [Box Office Mojo]

Musical theater director Christopher Ashley will direct a stage version of the cult-classic 1980 Olivia Newton-John film Xanadu. The musical will begin performances Off-Broadway in the Spring of 2007. [Playbill]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS!

The Top 3:


"girl, this goose down is FAHHHHH-BULOUS!!" - Tim

Forget the baby being an alien,check out Katie's fingers=ET. - El Bastardo

"You had me at pillow" - StoneyBaloney

Hot Slut of the Day!

Haifa Wahbe - Lebanese Superstar!

[For JL]

Birthday Sluts

Mariah Carey (36)
Stacy "Fergie" Ferguson (31)
Nathan Fillion (35)
Quentin Tarantino (43)
Michael York (64)

Quick! Get That Baby Away From Her!

Some idiot let mother-of-the-year Jordan handle their baby at a book signing in Ireland. The look of terror in that baby's eyes is priceless! He probably thinks he's about to be eaten by a witch! A slutty, big-breasted witch that smells like make-up and Aquanet.

It looks like Jordan is not only letting her half-blind son Harvey do her make-up, but she's also allowing his ass to do her hair! I've seen more even streaks on a fucking Calico cat and that's a fact! However, the Krissy Snow meets San Fernando Valley outfit is kind hot.

This is Katie Holmes Yesterday

Katie Holmes baby shower was at the Scientology Center yesterday. Here she's seen taking a stroll through Beverly Hills by herself. You know bitch was trying to escape!

Katie is due any minute.....and then the world will finally end.

Hot Slut of the Week: Mamie Van Doren

Age: 75
Birthday: February 6, 1931
Birth Name: Joan Lucille Olander

Original Date of Hot Slut of the Day: March 24, 2006
Claim to Fame: Old movie star who was packaged to be the next Marilyn Monroe.

Where is she now? Still partying and being hot. She was recently featured in Vanity Fair with Pamela Anderson.

Why is she Hot Slut of the Week? She is basically what Jordan is going to look like in about 20 years.

Lara Flynn Boyle Used to Be Hot

Now she's a straight-up wreck! Did she go to her plastic surgeon with a recent picture of Melanie Griffith and request those lips?! Seriously, poor thing...she ruined her beautiful mug. Let's not chat about that outfit either.

Britney & KFed in Hotlanta!

KFed is in Atlanta to promote his upcoming album and he brought his wife, Britney Spears along. The two made an appearance at Vision nightclub. Britney tried her best to look like Marilyn Monroe, but unfortunately she doesn't even measure up to Marilyn Manson. That hair just makes her look like one of those over-the-hill soccer moms that desperately want to be a MILF. KFed looks like a tool as normal, however I'd still it. Do you think he's carrying large down below?

Kristin Cavallari Goes Back to Brody

Kristin Cavallari is not dating Nick Lachey anymore. The two were said to be a new item after being seen on several dates. However, a friend of Nick's said that he dumped her ass because she was too young.

The friend said: "Nick didn't want to freak everyone out - she was too young and he knew it would look bad,"

Kristin is apparently back with Brody Jenner, son of Bruce. The two reportedly split in February.

Hmm...this is one of those items that after posting it, you realize that you really don't give a fig! And that means a lot coming from my obsessive ass!

[Page Six]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Candy Spelling - Mother of Tori

Birthday Sluts

Diana Ross (62)
Keira Knightley (21)
Amy Smart (30)
James Iha (38)
Kenny Chesney (38)
Michael Imperioli (40)
Catherine Keener (46)
Jennifer Grey (46)
Leeza Gibbons (49)
Martin Short (56)
Vicki Lawrence (57)
Steven Tyler (58)
James Caan (66)