Hilary Duff Performs at Houston Livestock & Rodeo Show

That joke just wrote itself!







[DDD]

Josh Hartnett is Anti-HoHan

Josh Hartnett thinks he's better than HoHan and Parasite Hilton. Well, I got news for him...he ain't! Bitch is as dumb as rocks! Seriously, I've known slabs of beef with a higher IQ. Which is why I'm surprised he's so quick to slam girls like HoHan and Parasite.

He said: "What scares me with pop culture is . . . looking at my younger brother and sister and their friends, seeing my little sister's friends looking, like, to Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton - I just don't think that's anything to strive for. I don't think those girls are too happy. And it's like, the culture is so focused on a more self-oriented . . . luck-based mentality. It's just like, get what's good for you. It's a herd mentality that I think is really about making money."

And what's wrong with making money? I mean first of all, Josh is dating Scarlett Johansson who is basically only half a notch above HoHan. I mean she flashes her tits whenever she can!

[Page Six]

Foofy & Gitte Do Michael K

Foofy Foo and Gitte visited the Michael K store in NYC. I'm not sure how old these pics are...but here they are at the store named after me! Trust me, I will never even step foot into this store. Their shit makes Sears look like fucking Versace. Honestly, like only hookers shop there.



[Thanks rollerslut]

Alanis Morissette Gets to Hit That?!

There's something wrong in the world when a fug face like Alanis gets to lay in bed with this hunk of meat every night. Seriously, she probably has a 9" dick. These shots are from Men's Health starring Ryan Reynolds.











[Thanks Youri]

Reunited and It Doesn't Look So Good!

Amy Fisher & Joey Buttafuco....oh yes!

Looks like Joey's spending less time nailing underage chicks and more time under the knife!

[Thanks to Scott]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Bret Michaels

Birthday Sluts

Dane Cook (34)
Adam Levine (27)
Queen Latifah (36)
Vanessa L. Williams (43)
Luc Besson (47)
Irene Cara (47)

Lucy Liu Quote of the Day!

"America is in a tabloid coma. We've blacked out as a society. The main reason people put you up on a pedestal is, basically to tear you down. So it's a dangerous idea to think that being in the public eye is that great a thing. I like to keep my private life private."

One of These Three Things Does Not Belong

Damn! I want Mary and Chaka just to freak out and starting beating down that Katie Couric! Chaka's wig alone could probably give Katie the beating of a lifetime. I would sell my sister's right leg to see that in action!

See more pics from this event at Concrete Loop!

McDonald's at the Bus Stop?!

That shit looks pretty real, but it ain't. It's just a billboard. However you know this is the future and I'm not liking it. Because with my luck, I'll be coming home drunk and sit next to some fool who just bought a filet-o-fish at McDonald's! True story, it's happened to me. I had to ask Jesus for his help while I desperately tried not to add a "special" sauce to his sandwich!

[Billboardom]

This is Why There Aren't Any Famous Ukranian Fashion Designers...

A model wears a dress by Ukrainian designer Andre Tan during fashion show at the traditional spring-summer pret-a-porter Fashion Week in Kiev, Ukraine Friday, March 17, 2006.

Are you effing kidding me?! Parasite Hilton will totally wear this, because it'll make her feel smarter.

[Thanks DobryDen]

Dakota Fanning & Tom Cruise Reunite!

She was named Female Alien Star of the Year at ShoWest in Las Vegas!

This is an ACTUAL Movie!

Samuel L. Jackson apparently didn't even the read script to this one. You don't say?! Just watch the trailer and if any of you actually pay money for this shit...you seriously need to be shipped away with Britney Spears to trailer trash island.

And expect this one to sweep the Razzies next year!

Afternoon Crumbs

Gwen Stefani has a snag [Just Jared]

Please don't give Chestica Simpson a kid [Yeeah]

Those lesbians love Angelina Jolie wedding rumors [Egotastic!]

Kimbo Stewart is so refined that she's made of crystal [The Deli]

Parasite Hilton hunts for new meat [Hollywood Rag]

Jared Leto next on Desperate Housewives? [Popsugar]

Vadge finds herself censored again [IDLYITW]

German Hotel charges fat people more [Queerty]

HoHan & Chestica Battle It Out!

The casting for the Dallas feature film is heating up. Director Robert Luketic is already in final talks with Jello for the role of Sue Ellen Ewing, John Travolta for her husband and JR and Shirley MacLaine for the role of Ellie.

Now it seems that other roles are coming together. Producers have asked Luke Wilson to play Bobby and Marcia Cross to play his wife Pamela. Also, Bill Murray has been approached to play Jock.

As for the role of Lucy Ewing played famously by Charlene Tilton, there are two big names in the running. Luketic has asked HoHan and Chestica Simpson if they would like to play the role.

I personally would much rather see HoHan than Chestica. If I have to hear that bitch do another retarded Southern accent I will take that stupid Pizza Hut pizza she carries around and fuck her with it until she's shitting Cheesy Bites!

[Sky News]

DAMN, Melanie's That Far Gone?!

I don't know why this made me laugh! But damn, she forgot to add plastic surgery fanatic to that list! So it should read: "I'm an alcholic, major drug addict, pill popper, plastic surgery fanatic and annoying freak!"

[JJB]

James Bond Won't Wear a Tux!

The newest James Bond, Daniel Craig has revealed that he will not wear the traditional Bond tux in Casino Royale.

He said: "The only time you'll see me wearing one is in the promo."

This newest tidbit has given fans yet another reason to be pissed off at Daniel.

"Bond without his tux is like Batman without his cape."

To add insult to injury, Bond will not drive an Aston Martin either. Instead he will the very American Ford Mondeo.

Ford reportedly paid millions and millions of dollars to have their car featured in the flick.

Yup, this movie's gonna blow!

[Female First]

Isn't That Cute?!

Tori Spelling's husband has their dog's face tattooed on his arm! That's precious!





[Pics: A Socialite's Life]

Jacko Closes Neverland

Michael Jackson has closed the main house on his Neverland Ranch and dumped some employees, but insists he is keeping the grounds open.

His spokeswhore had this to say: "It is public knowledge that Mr. Jackson currently resides in the Middle Eastern country of Bahrain," "He therefore decided to close his house and reduce his work force."

Bitch please!!! He is BROKE! That's the bottom line.

Oh and thank God Michael Jackson ain't home, because if he was that little boy in the picture would already be on the other side of that fence!

Read all the rest of the boring details here

Don't Make Me Yack!

Even that lady in the corner knows these bitches are putting on an act. Here's the two at a baseball game in Anaheim. You know you're gay when you would rather kiss a chick than watch a baseball game. Shit, I'd rather eat a chick out than watch a damn sports game!

Seriously, Richard Gere and Jodie Foster kissing in Sommersby is more believable than this shit!

Update! - Reader Ralph was there:

I was at the baseball game yesterday where Tom and Katie were in Anaheim and I was in the suite next to them where it's separated by like a glass wall. Needless to say I was more interested in them then the game! These 2 only kissed when the "KissKam" came over to them and they were featured on the big screens, after that she got up and moved back to the couch where she was sitting before and stayed there for the WHOLE game! They didn't even walk out together! Tom was more interested in his blackberry and Katie was reading InStyle pretty much the whole time. It looks like they can't stand each other. She looked FUG anyways and he's like 2 feet tall!

[TMZ]

Carmen and Dave's Marriage on the Rocks!

Dave Navarro has admitted that his marriage to Carmen Electra is on the rocks, because they hardly see each other.

He said: "The truth is, we definitely work quite a bit. Our work takes us away from home quite a bit. She goes overseas, and there are times when I'm away from her. It sucks, I will say that."

According to friends of the pair they are constantly fighting and not very happy. They believe they are heading for a separation very soon.

I could basically care less. These two are just a little more interesting than Ben and Jennifer, just a little more...but not much!

[IOL] [Thanks Stacy]

Taylor Going Dark?!

On last week's American Idol Taylor Hicks and Ryan Seacrest joked that he was going to dye his hair dark and take away the grey! TMZ is reporting that beginning next week Taylor will start his slow transformation slowing taking out the grey to go dark.

Taylor is only 29, but bitch looks about 59. However, I think that grey hair actually makes his likeable. Besides that silvery grey takes away from his fugly face and that dark hair just shows us the obvious.

[TMZ] [Thanks Stacy]

I'd Need More Like a Million!!!

Isadore Bolton is a driver and personal assistant for Don King. He has also just received $275,000 from boxer Mike Tyson. The dough came from a settlement from a lawsuit in which Isadore sued Mike Tyson for gnawing on his leg on the side of the highway.

The road-rage incident occurred in May 2003 when King, Tyson and an entourage snaked north on I-95 near Fort Lauderdale. According to court papers, Tyson halted the caravan by forcing his chauffeur to park on the median. When Bolton arrived, Tyson was furiously pacing the median and yelling obscenities. As the 6-foot, 300-pound Bolton tried to convince Tyson to get back in his car, Tyson allegedly punched him in the face twice, breaking a bone. After Bolton fell down, Tyson bit his leg, causing "heavy bleeding." "I was just trying to help. He was in the middle of traffic," Bolton said.

You know what happens to aggressive dogs when they bite the shit out of a person? They get put down! That's exactly what needs to happen to that moron.

[Page Six]

She Missed In-N-Out!

Do they have In-N-Out in Hawaii?! Because if they don't it makes sense that Britney Spears is back in L.A. Bitch is preggers so had a major craving for a double, animal style and a chocolate shake. Although, her friend looks just as pregnant as she is. Maybe Brit's just fat after all!

Chestica Loves Bush

Chestica Simpson refused to answer questions about her snubbing President Bush by declining an invitation to meet him at a Republican dinner. Chestica was on Capitol Hill yesterday to lobby her charity Operation Smile which gives like kids that can't smile, a smile.

When asked about the Bush snub she replied: "I am here to support Operation Smile. That is the purpose of my trip."

Chestica's creepy dad added this: "When it became obvious that it was not just a state dinner, it was more of a fundraising event, that is the wrong purpose of why we are here." "We are huge fans of him and of his family, his girls. Jessica loves the heck out of him."

Leave it up to this dipshit to actually say she loves President Bush! Seriously, that just gives me another reason to want to punch this idiot in the grill.

[People]

The Power of the Cruise!

Tom Cruise forced Comedy Central to cancel an episode of South Park that was due to air Wednesday. The controversial episode was about Scientology and Tom refused to do any publicity for Mission Impossible 3 if the episode aired.

Ya see, Paramount is producing MI3 and Paramount is owned by Viacom which also owns Comedy Central so his bullying worked.

The "South Park" episode, "Trapped in the Closet," pokes fun at Scientology and shows Cruise, John Travolta and R. Kelly (who is not a Scientologist, but has a song called "Trapped in the Closet") literally in a closet.

The episode, which first aired last November, was set to rerun Wednesday night, but was mysteriously pulled at the last minute.

Now, hollywoodinterrupted.com reports Cruise went straight to the top - to execs at Viacom - and warned he'd boycott the promotion for "MI3" unless the "South Park" episode was pulled.

Series creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker have been told not to discuss the matter - to avoid embarrassing Cruise as they did Isaac Hayes last week when Hayes, also a Scientologist, quit his role as the voice of the Chef character.

A Comedy Central rep blamed the episode being yanked on Isaac Hayes recently quitting.

I can't believe their asses are letting a loon like that bitch run their company. Seriously, they might as well hand their stocks and balls over to him. He basically owns their dumb asses!

[Page Six]

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!

I wish all of you a beautiful and happy St. Patty's day! So, after work go and get your Tara Reid on! And if you're celebrating correctly you will either be in jail by midnight, taking the morning after pill by 3am or passed out in the gutter by 1am.

Get your Tara Reid on hos!

xoxoxoMichaelK

The Dlisted Report

Julia Roberts is in final talks to star in Daniel Isn't Talking based on a novel by Marti Leimbach. Leimbach's London-set novel is about a couple and their two children. When it's revealed that the son is autistic, the family's orderly life is shattered. Roberts previously starred in Dying Young which is one of Leimbech's novels. [Variety]

Hugh Jackman will play a Hollywood stunt driver in Drive. The noir-style story, set in the seamy underside of Southern California and Arizona, centers on a stuntman who moonlights as a wheelman during robberies and discovers that a contract has been put on him. [Variety]

Demi Moore and William Hurt will join Kevin Costner in the thriller Mr. Brooks. The story, by Evans and Raynold Gideon, follows a man (Costner) with a murderous alter ego (Hurt). Moore will play a tough detective whose devotion to her craft catches the attention and respect of the serial killer she is hunting, which leads to a symbiotic relationship. Shooting begins this April in Louisiana. [THR]

Keisha Castle-Hughes (Whale Rider) will play the Virgin Mary in Nativity. She will portray Mary over the two-year period leading up to the birth of Jesus in Bethlehem. The film is being fast-tracked with shooting to begin this May in Italy and Morrocco with a December 2006 release. [Variety]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!

Asians know what the "Hi" in "Hi-C" is all about yo' - Kelly

Hot Slut of the Day!

Emmanuel Lewis

Birthday Sluts

Marisa Coughlin (32)
Brittany Daniel (30)
Caroline Corr (33)
Mia Hamm (34)
Alexander McQueen (37)
Billy Corgan (38)
Rob Lowe (42)
Gary Sinise (51)
Kurt Russell (55)
Patrick Duffy (57)

Eh, Why Isn't She Smiling?!

It's a damn benefit to help people smile! Dumb bitch!

Angela Bassett Shows Off Her New Purchases!

Angela Bassett and husband Courtney B. Vance showed off their twin babies for People Magazine. Angela used a surrogate mother. All I'm going to say is they look like a happy family and it's EVIDENT they inherited their father's looks and I'm sure they are gorgeous on the inside.

Vintage Destiny's Child

This video of Destiny's Child is old, but a true classic. I love the look on Kelly and Beyonce's face when that ho goes down! They don't even give a shit! That basically sums up the group right there!

Sharon Stone and the Ugliest Coat in the World

Sharon Stone came out of a restaurant in London looking fucked up on drugs and wearing some hideous coat that most likely came from a Yeti. Seriously, I think Whitney Houston, Mary Kate Olsen and Pete Burns pass around the same coat to each other. That thing is absolutely horrendous. No wonder she's high! I'd have to get high to wear that thing too!

American Idol: I'm Over Kevin!

Last night American Idol's top 12 was cut down to 11. Melissa McGhee from Tampa, FL was given the axe. I wasn't surprised that she was given the boot, but I was extremely surprised that Ace Young and Lisa Tucker were in the bottom 3. I was hoping to see that dumb munchkin Kevin Covais there. Seriously, if you are voting for his ass...you are on crack! That piece of shit can't sing and he ain't sexy and he has a mouth on him! Seriously, Simon Cowell should've jumped onstage and beat his ass down for talking back to him on performance night. Kevin needs to go, so please don't vote for her ass!

As for Melissa, there's a future for her in amateur porn. Expect to see her in an upcoming episode of Bang Bus.

As for who I'm rooting for...I'd say Mandisa, Taylor and Elliot!

Off to Get Married?!

Brangelina were at the airport in Nice possibly off to Italy to get married this weekend as EVERYONE has been reporting. I've been trying to lay low with these two, because I'm seriously over their asses.

I still think Maddox is a rock star, though.

I Dream of Barbara!

Larry Hagman is still alive?!

Barbara Eden and Larry Hagman signed copies of the I Dream of Jeanie DVD in New York yesterday. Barbara's a little tucked, but not as much as I thought she would be. I think she looks hot! Ok, but the wig is a little much.

Dumb Whores!

TMZ has a funny video of the Hilton twats leaving Club Mood in L.A. last night. Parasite is basically tanked and flirts with the camera man. You know she gave him a hand job in the back. Nicky's boyfriend basically ditched her stupid ass!

Watch it!

[TMZ] [Thanks mouse]

Afternoon Crumbs

Anne Rice thinks Johnny Depp would be a good Jesus [The Celebrity Cafe]

Sienna Miller nude on video [Egotastic!]

Are Brangelina tying the knot this weekend? [If Jack Could Talk]

Josh Hartnett likes lipstick [Just Jared]

Jessica Alba heats up FHM [Hollywood Tuna]

Will Ferrell's death hoax [Hollywood Rag]

Britney's new fragrance smells like trash and dirty feet [Popsugar]

Nicole Narain is a greedy whore [A Socialite's Life]

Kate Moss Wants Another Baby!

Kate Moss has apparently begged her baby daddy, Jefferson Hack to give her another baby! Kate wants Jefferson to father her second baby, because she wants a brother or sister for her daughter Lila Grace.

A source said: "If Jefferson was the dad then the child would be a blood brother or sister to Lila. That is actually a huge thing for Kate.' 'Kate didn't put it to him as a 'big plan'. She just told him he was the only person she could imagine being the father of her children and that she did want another baby. On one level, Kate thinks it's so simple, yet on so many other levels it is just incredibly complicated.' 'The one man Kate really trusts and relies on is Jefferson. Kate thinks he's the most amazing father.'

What I really want is for Kate to have a baby with Pete Doherty. That baby will come out of her shooting up crack and cursing at reporters!

[Monsters and Critics] [Thanks Dayanara]

Only Pete Burns Would Wear This to a Premiere!

This is at last night's London premiere of Basic Instinct: Risk Addiction.

I have no comment.

Foofy & Hoopz are Over!

Hoopz went on the Tom Joyner radio show and confirmed what we all already knew. She is no longer together with Foofy Foo. She says she has not returned any of his calls and she only went on the show to get her name out there and to make a career in TV movies.

Poor fucking New York! That bitch really loved Foofy and now what?!

Foofy also went on the Tom Joyner show to clear things up and basically he confirmed what Hoopz said!

Listen Here

Britney Steps on a Needle!

Britney Spears had to be rushed to the hospital in Hawaii after the dumb ho stepped on a hypodermic needle after she stepped out of her car in a parking lot without wearing shoes.

She was rushed to a local hospital in Hawaii and tested proved the needle was unused.

A source said: "Britney is going to be fine. She's got a nasty cut but it's been disinfected and dressed and she's been released from hospital. "

It was more the shock of seeing the needle poking out of her foot - as you can imagine. All sorts of things race through your mind in that situation. The conclusion we would all jump to is that it was discarded by a drug user. "Britney was distraught but brave."

Britney has got to be the dumbest ho of all time. How stupid if this dumb bitch got HIV from walking around barefoot. Seriously Brit, I know your trailer trash instincts tell you that shoes are bad...but shoes are very good!

[Hollywood Rag] [Thanks April]

James Blunt Sold His Sister on eBay!

The "You're Beautiful" singer recently pimped his sister out on eBay so she could get to a funeral! The plan worked so well that his sister is currently dating the dude that bid on her ass. This isn't right, is it?

James said: "I had a bit of an eBay addiction and I sold everything in my apartment in London and then I came in one day and my sister was crying because she couldn't get to a funeral in southern Ireland. "

None of the planes were working, none of the trains, none of the ferries, so I saw another golden opportunity to flog something and so I put my sister up on eBay, saying, 'Damsel in distress, needs to get to Southern Ireland. What do you get out of it as a bidder? You just get to be a knight in shining armor.'

"Everyone started bidding and a guy won and he had a helicopter and he could fly her to the funeral in southern Ireland and they're now dating and they've been going out for 18 months and she's living with him.

"I have a second sister, who's gonna go on sale soon."

Hmm...this sounds like a good plan! I have a sister I could sell, but her ass wouldn't even make me enough dough to cover my fees!

[IOL]

Keifer Sutherland, a Grandfather?!

Keifer Sutherland is only 40 years old, but apparently he is a grandfather! Apparently, his 18yo daughter Sarah recently had a baby. The picture above was taken 3 years ago. No word yet on details, but according to TallGlassofMilk someone saw it on Craig Ferguson last night.

Update - Ok this bitch Sarah didn't have the baby, Keifer's stepdaughter did!

[TallGlassofMilk]

Prince Got Boring

Prince is a Jehova's Witness and Prince also has some dirty songs from his past. So what is he to do? Not perform those dirty diddies, of course! Prince believes his religion is more important, so he vows to never EVER perform some of his raunchiest songs every again.

He said: "You can't push the envelope any further than I've pushed it. So stop. "What's the point? So much of what we see on TV and hear on the radio is debased. I will not add to that."
Some of the songs he won't be performing are Cream, Get Off and Erotic City. That's just stupid. All his good songs are a little sexy, damn.

Is it true that JW's can't celebrate birthdays and shit?

[Contact Music] [Thanks Stacy]

Sally Field is Hot Shit

I spend a lot of time on this site bashing a bitches, so I've decided to give a little love to Sally Field. Why?! Because she has turned her back on joining the Jessica Lange club by going under the knife and ruining her face! Here she is at the DVD release party for Gidget looking like a woman her age should and not like a fucking clown! Bitch, should bleach her teeth though.

Sorry I couldn't resist!

Aliens Have Genitalia?

Apparently they do, because according to sources Kate Holmes is due to give birth to an alien boy. Katie is due in the next weeks and is expected to give birth in Los Angeles. Although the couple have booked a room in Toledo, Ohio just in case.

She's currently preparing for the birth since she will go with out drugs and due to Scientology rules has to keep her mouth shut!

Everyone please buy loads of water and granola bars, because I'm expecting fucked up shit to happen the day that alien is brought into the world!

[National Ledger] [Thanks Stacy]

The Cat Lady is Gonna be Homeless!

One of my favorite freaks, Jocelyn Wildenstein could be a broke bitch! For the third time in four years Jocelyn is in money trouble! It seems the bitch owes over $8k to the board of Trump World Tower in NYC where she has an apartment. The $8k is to cover common charges like electricity and shit like that. Just a few months ago her ass took out a $3 Million mortgage on her apartment and another property to pay off previous late fees.

If bitch spent less money on fucking her face up she wouldn't be a broke ho! I love her though.

[Page Six]

Blind Items...You Guess...I Guess...

WHICH married "Sopranos" actor has been having an affair with an actress who will appear in the series later this season?

Michael Imperioli

WHICH cute young Hollywood couple is kaput? The blond babe dumped her hunk after she found out he gave her herpes.

Parasite Hilton & Nachos

WHICH Hollywood actor is having furious rows with his wife after he held a series of swinging parties at their lavish home?

I have no clue! Ben Affleck! LOL, I wish!

WHICH married Hollywood actor got friendly with a leading London-based publicist last week? Word is the tough guy and and the lady in question bumped uglies in an LA hotel and are desperate for the liaison to remain secret from prying eyes.

Russell Crowe

[Page Six] [The Mirror] [Thanks Rebecca]

Shannon Elizabeth Gets Served!

Shannon Elizabeth's estranged and super-fugly husband filed a lawsuit yesterday asking for HALF of all property and assets the two brought in together the five years they lived together before they were married.

Actor Joseph D. Reitman and his then-girlfriend, who was born Shannon Elizabeth Fadal, began living together in 1997, according to papers filed in Superior Court.

Until their marriage on June 15, 2002, the couple agreed to “be equal partners in the acquisition of assets and in financial affairs whether such transactions were separate or joint,” the lawsuit states.

Reitman claims that Elizabeth secretly transferred assets acquired during the years before their marriage and contends that he deserves half.

Reitman also alleges that he sacrificed his career to promote Elizabeth’s.

I say give it to the poor ugly bastard! I mean this is probably the last we'll ever hear from the schmuck! We'll be seeing Shannon Elizabeth's tits on screen for years to come!

[MSNBC]

Chestica Snubs Bush!

I reported yesterday that Chestica Simpson was set to be a guest at a Republican benefit tonight in DC. Today comes news that Ches will not make an appearance after all. She is currently in DC lobbying to members of Congress on behalf of her Operation Smile charity. Organizers of the benefit even promised Chestica some meeting time with President Bush if she showed up, but the bitch still turned it down.

People close to Simpson said she declined a request to appear that same evening at the gala fund-raiser of the National Republican Congressional Committee – even after she was offered some private face time with Bush – because Operation Smile is a non-partisan group, says the news service.

NRCC spokesman Carl Forti said he was surprised by the behavior of the 25-year-old Dukes of Hazzard star.

"It's never been a problem for Bono," he said, referring to the U2 star who has met regularly with leaders of all political leanings to promote such causes as Third World debt relief. "I find it hard to believe she would pass up an opportunity to lobby the president on behalf of Operation Smile."

Although Simpson's publicists insisted she never had planned to attend the fund-raiser, Forti said the actress initially accepted the NRCC invitation when it was extended on Tuesday night, only to change her mind the next evening.

Not even one of America's biggest media whores wants to sit down with Bush!

[People]

Rock Star 2

The second season of Rock Star will stray away from the original format of finding a lead singer for an existing band. Last year it was INXS. This year the show will instead form a new group called Supernova. Guitarists Jason Newsted from Metallica and Gilby Clarke from Guns N' Roses will be on board as will drummer Tommy Lee. They are in search of a singer to complete their band.

Host Brooke Burke will return and Dave Navarro will stay on as the main judge with guests judges brought in each week.

[Reality Blurred]

The Dlisted Report

Lauren Graham and Steve Carrell will star in the sequel to Bruce Almighty called Evan Almighty. The script by Steve Oedekerk and Shadyac centers on Carell's Evan Baxter anchorman character, who babbled on air in the original "Bruce." Evan has become a politician in the sequel and ends up getting an audience with God, who instructs him to build an ark to prepare for a massive flood. Carrell will play the title character with Lauren Graham as his wife. John Goodman will play a congressman and Morgan Freeman will reprise his role as God. Shooting is currently taking place for a 2007 release. [Variety]

Michael Caine and Demi Moore will star in the heist drama Flawless. Set in 1960s London, Edward Anderson's script is loosely based on an actual jewelry heist. Caine plays a janitor who dreams of liberating his employers of their inventory. He finds an accomplice in an American executive (Moore) who's stymied by the old boys' network. Shooting begins on March 26th in London. [Variety]

John Stockwell (Into the Blue) will write and direct Kid Cannabis based on a true story about young Idaho kids who created a multi-million dollar marijuana ring. The script will be based on an article in Rolling Stone. [Variety]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS!

The Top 3:

Next Year, Bjork's Oscar outfit will actually carry her down the red carpet. - Scott G

this dummy and robot relationship is still more interesting than ben affleck and jennifer garner. - Tim

Somebody's gonna get some Com-putang tonight. - Jeff

Hot Slut of the Day!

Heloise from Hints by Heloise

Birthday Sluts

Jerry Lewis (80)
Peaches Geldof (17)
Lauren Graham (39)
Flava Flav (47)
Isabelle Huppert (53)
Erik Estrada (57)
Bernardo Bertolucci (66)

Olivia!? What Did You Do To Your Face?!

Oh no...Olivia Newton...what did you do to your face?! Oh how beautiful you were and now...you're turning into those other old, white, plastic monsters! Seriously....this is so sad. I'm surprised she can still sing...she's pulled so tight I would've thought not even pliers could open her mouth!

It's a Hooker, It's a Whore...

Nooo, it's Jodie Marsh! God, she's a piece of trash! Here's Jodie trying desperately to take away the attention from Sharon Stone at the premiere of Basic Instinct: Risk Addiction in London. If there was a Salvation Army for whores, that's where she would've gotten that outfit.

For those you that don't know this bitch, she's basically a low-rent Jordan and trust me that's low. She's also Jordan's arch rival. Jodie always brags about how many dudes she's screwed and she's always drunk. She was recently on Celebrity Big Brother UK.

And below are some pics of Sharon Stone at the premiere being boring and old.

Vintage Lucy Lawless

Reese's Trying to Keep Her Shit Together!

Reese Witherspoon is ready to turn her back on her $30 million movie career in order to save her marriage. Reports are that things are shaky between Reese and her husband Ryan Phillipe. She's even considering having baby #3 in order to patch things up.

A friend said: "Reese has achieved everything a woman could want except for a rock-solid marriage. She's on Cloud Nine with her Oscar win, but she knows that her marriage to Ryan could use strengthening. She'd gladly put her career on hold because family matters most."

In the past when they have had marriage trouble, Reese has fixed it!

"When Ryan was spied flirting with other women earlier in their marriage, Reese hauled him off to couple's counseling and later became pregnant with second child, Deacon, who's now two.

"She's now hoping that same strategy will shore up her marriage once and for all."

Me thinks she doesn't give a shit about him, she just hates to lose!

[The National Enquirer]

Mary Kate Olsen is Homeless

What the hell?! My crazy neighborhood homeless lady looks more posh than this shit. What the hell is she wearing? Did she borrow that raggedy fur coat from Whitney Houston?

Here's MK barking her coffee order at a friend. Yeah, more like spewing religious garbage like the way those crazy bitches on the subway do.

I Thought She Dumped His Ass!

I guess Mischa Barton didn't dump that piece of trash as it was reported. The two were together at the Roxy in L.A. last night. Damn he's got a face for radio. I hope for her sake he's packing large and by large I mean at least 11" to make up for that fugly mug. That being said, I'd hit it.





[DDD]

Afternoon Crumbs

Marcia Cross will take a lesbian turn on Desperate Housewives [Queerty]

Natalie Portman thinks she's poor [Egotastic!]

Kellie Pickler is a daddy's girl [IDLYITW]

Beach Bond [Just Jared]

Xtina makes a quick million in Russia [Hollywood Rag]

Jack Black is off the market [A Socialite's Life]

Kelly Osbourne is skinnier, but still fug [Popsugar]

Are Demi and Ashton adopting? [Popbytes]

I Hope She Crashes It!

Parasite Hilton apparently traded in her Bentley Continental GT for this $450,000 Mercedes McLaren SLR. She can't afford that thing. You know she's leasing it.

Her Arms are Like Twigs!

Angelina Jolie showed off some sexy sticks while she worked on her plane or some shit. Do you think if you rub that shit together it will start a fire? Is it healthy to be that skinny while preggers? I guess so!

Anyway, in other Angelina news...the producers and makers of Sin City 2 have put shooting on hold while they wait for her ass to give birth. Rosario Dawson confirmed that Angelina will play the lead role, but everyone's waiting for her to pop so they can begin filming.

[Moldova.org]

Sharon Loves Her Vagina!

Sharon Stone wants desperately for the public to see her aging prune! She was furious after finding out that the studio had cut several risque scenes from her film Basic Instinct: Risk Addiction. Sharon was particularly upset that they cut scenes in which she shows the full monty.

She said: "I wanted a lot of sex in the sequel. I was coming from a really kinky place. I wanted more nudity. "When I saw a rough cut of the film they had taken a lot of stuff out and I asked, 'Where's all the crazy stuff I did? What are we toning it down for?' I said, 'Let's go crazy!' So we took some things out of the film and a lot of the kinky stuff and sex went back in - you'll see it."

She also went on to tell us how she's trying to sell tickets.

"I felt the nude scenes should have a disturbing quality that is provocative but also bizarrely threatening and weird.

"I thought it would be intriguing to do it in a way that is just quite brazen."

Don't worry Sharon if the scenes involve your rusty vagina than disturbing they will be!



[Female First] [Pics: Gabsmash]

You Know You're Trash When You Want a Wedding Like Britney's!

HoHan said she would love have a quickie Las Vegas wedding like the one Britney Spears had to that piece of trash Jason Alexander.

She opened her coke mouth and said: "Marriage is a big deal, but who's to say I'm not going to pull a 'Vegas' and get married just to get married and see what it's like for a minute?"

"Never say never. The things that you don't plan are the best. I'm a very spontaneous person."

Get married to see what it's like for a minute?! Is the water retarded in Hollywood?! Who the hell would say that shit?

[IOL]

Chestica Simpson Has Dinner With Her People

Chestica Simpson probably doesn't even know what a Republican is!? She likes Banana Republic so she thinks it has something to do with them. Dumb bitch!

Anyway, that stupid whore is set to attend a Republican dinner tomorrow night. She will sit next to house majority leader John Boehner of Ohio. Hahaha, that's John Boner to Chestica!

Another boring politican said this: “I’m not even sure if he knows who Jessica Simpson is,”

“Boehner’s celebrity recognition standards crashed and burned with the introduction of color television.”

Oh he's gonna know who she is after she gives him a bj under the table.



[Thanks Stacy]

I Bet You She Sucks at Cleaning House!

Vadge dressed up as a French maid and Guy Richie dressed up as a Native American for some fancy Purim Party at the Kabbalah Center on Monday night. She looks much hotter with that black wig. Her face doesn't look as haggard. Even though Guy though he was going to get lucky that night with Vadge role playing as a maid you know her old ass just went straight to bed.



Here's also some pics of V and her two hot kids leaving the center yesterday. Damn, they should just move in!





[Thanks to Youri]

Well, Both Have Faces Like Frogs!

Teri Snatcher is moving on from George Clooney by banging Ryan Seacrest. Bitch, is giving Katie Holmes a run for her money in the fag hag category! Apparently, the two have been sharing several romantic dinners all over L.A. Teri is ten years older than Ryan, but according to friends that isn't stopping things.

Thinking of sex between these two makes me shudder. Please, they aren't screwing! Teri just needs a good gay's shoulder to cry on!

[The Sun] [Thanks Michelle]

Kiki Dunst is a Moron

Watch this old clip of Kiki Dunst showing her smarts during a take for Small Soldiers.

Click here

[Thanks Blue Rose]

Flavor of Love: A Hit!

Flavor of Love was the #1 show on basic cable last week and the finale brought Vh1 its highest ratings ever! You know they owe New York big!

America can't get enough of Flavor Flav! The "Flavor of Love" series finale was the #1 rated telecast in the 18-49 demo out of all basic cable television networks for the week of March 6-12. The episode was also the #2 most watched telecast out of all cable programs for the week only behind the season premiere of HBO's "The Sopranos."

For year-to-date among ad supported cable television, the "Flavor of Love" finale is the highest rated non-sports telecast among viewers 18-49.

The 90-minute "Flavor of Love" finale became the #1 show in VH1's history, scoring a 3.5 rating in the key 18-49 demo and averaging 5,884,000 total (P2+) viewers and 3,672,000 P18-49 viewers. In terms of overall viewers across the entire television landscape, "Flavor of Love" ranked behind only ABC's "Grey's Anatomy" and NBC's "Crossing Jordan" in the Sunday night 10:00 PM time period.

Across its ten premieres, "Flavor of Love" averaged an unprecedented 1.6 rating in the 18-49 demo, making it the highest rated VH1 series premiere average ever. Three of the "Flavor of Love" premieres reside in VH1's Top Ten-rated commercial telecasts of all time, taking the #1, #3, and #6 spots.

Casting is currently underway for the second season. So all you skanks and hos out there better put on your coochie cutters and get out there to audition!

And here's some pics of Hoopz skanking it up on the internet. She's such a fake!



[Reality TV Magazine] [Thanks Stacy]

Kelly Taylor Preggers Again!

Kelly Taylor and her husband, Peter Facinelli are expecting their third child.

Kelly said: "Peter and I feel very blessed with our children,"

"We didn't plan any one of them, but higher forces and recognizing priorities helped us along the way. We can't wait to meet this newest addition to our family!"

The couple currently have two daughters Lola Ray and Luca Bella.

They plan to name their baby Brenda Walsh if it's a girl and Dylan McKay if it's a boy.

[Florida.com]

Did These Loonies Already Get Hitched?!

Did TomKat pull the wool over everyone's eyes? Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes could have gotten married eight months ago at least in the eyes of those crazy Scientologists.

Cruise and Holmes, who met a few months earlier, are said to have exchanged rings emblazoned with triangular Scientology symbols during a Caribbean cruise aboard the sect's ship the Freewinds. (They supposedly wear their rings only at church functions.) Holmes, who once claimed she would remain virginal until her wedding day, wore white, says the tab.

After the ceremony, the couple walked across a tiny bridge, a Scientology symbol for the journey to "total freedom," sources claim. Scientologists John Travolta and Kirstie Alley are said to have been on the ship, where guests also celebrated Cruise's 43rd birthday.

Holmes' Catholic family was not present, but is due to attend their "official" wedding later this year.

Spokeswhores for the couple insist they are not married and are currently planning their special day.

Why couldn't that ship have sank?! Life isn't fair.

[Post Chronicle] [Thanks Stacy]

JBoring Bitches to Vogue

Here are the pictures from the interview with Jennifer Aniston where she basically cries more about getting dumped. Will this bitch shut her fucking pie hole already? Nobody cares. You're fucking a new dude, he's fucking a new chick and we're all over it. I want to say she looks hot in these pictures, but her constant whining is ruining it.

Isn't Star Jones Just a Vision?!

Is This Woman a Virgin?

According to this month's GQ Magazine, Adriana Lima is the "World's Most Voluptuous Virgin."

In an interview with magazine Adriana says: "Sex is for after marriage. [Men] have to respect that this is my choice. If there's no respect, that means they don't want me."

And she dated Lenny Kravitz?! Ok, she has to be one of those chicks that thinks anal sex isn't really sex.

[Page Six]

The Dlisted Report

Benicio Del Toro will play the title role in a remake of the classic horror film The Wolf Man. Like the 1941 original that starred Lon Chaney Jr., the new film will be set in Victorian England. Del Toro will play a man who returns from America to his ancestral homeland, gets bitten by a werewolf and begins a hairy moonlight existence. The film is planning to shoot next year with a 2008 release. [Variety]

Kanye West has teamed up with New Line Cinema to put together a feature film based on his music. West also will appear in the film, which will create a multiperspective portrait of the U.S. as seen through the eyes of West and several filmmakers. George C. Wolfe (Lackawanna Blues) will oversee the creative process on the film. The producers are assembling about six writers and 10-12 directors to craft short stories, not music videos, that will be linked by a central narrative. The movie will feature new and old music from West. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Anna Faris will star in Smiley Face for director Greg Araki (Mysterious Skin). The story, written by first-timer Dylan Haggerty, centers on a young actress and hopeless slacker (Faris) who, after she inadvertently ingests her roommate's pot-laced brownies, attempts to manage her day as it goes awry through a series of misadventures. Shooting begins next week in Los Angeles. [The Hollywood Reporter]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS!

The Top 3:

This is exactly why I don't get my photo prints done at WalMart anymore. - Pats

"This is'nt the kinda white stuff i was promised"screamed Whitney! - El Bastardo

"EEEEKKK!
Thomas! Thomas!!
If you were doing your job, this house wouldn't be infested with white women!!" - Tim


[Thanks Jeff]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Cyd Charisse

Birthday Sluts

Eva Longoria (31)
Mark McGrath (38)
Bret Michaels (43)
Terence Trent D'Arby (44)
Fabio (45)
Sly Stone (62)
David Cronenberg (63)
Judd Hirsch (71)

Sharon Stone Has a Movie Coming Out, Right?!

Because bitch is trying so hard to get some publicity! Sharon Stone finished up her trip to Israel by making out with the Western Wall which is Judaism's holiest site. The trip is to like promote peace, but really it's to promote Basic Instinct 2. Look at her! Ugh, disgusting! You know that bitch alerted all those photogs in advance!

KFed Quote of the Day

on what he would do if his upcoming album failed:

“I’ll be at your local strip club, but I’ll be the one dancing,”

Bring Back Hottie!!!!

Flavor Flav is back and looking for love again in season 2 of, "Flavor of Love"

MILLIONS of people tuned in to see "Flavor of Love" on Vh1 and the original Hip-Hop hype man is still looking for his soul mate.

When you were watching the show did you feel like you would make a better match with Flav? Are you single? This could be you!
Send us your: NAME, PHOTO, NUMBER to jcarollo@51minds.com.

Thanks and good luck!

[ONTD]

Don't Make Me Gag!

Let's see how long this engagement lasts. Michael Bolton and his plastic woman: Nicollette Sheridan are engaged.

Nicollette Sheridan and Michael Bolton are engaged, the actress's rep tells PEOPLE.

At a post-Oscar party earlier this month, Sheridan, 42, flaunted a huge rock on her left hand, but when asked if she and Bolton, 53, had an announcement, she said coyly, "No. Do you?"

Asked about engagement rumors in January, Bolton told the New York Daily News: "Nicollette and I are very serious about each other. ... I am very committed. It is a very special time in my life. I have a good feeling about the future."

The couple, who rekindled their romance last year after Sheridan's split from fiance Nicklas Soderblom, dated for several years in the early '90s. In 1994 Sheridan, who stars on Desperate Housewives, said she hoped to have "the ultimate relationship" with Bolton. Now it looks like they will.

How is Snatcher gonna top that shit?

[People] [Thanks to all who sent to me]

Trina's Sweet Juicy Vagina

Ok, so I get this isn't for real...but damn I wish it was! A reader wrote to me that he heard this on the radio this morning and I asked crunk over at Crunk and Disorderly and she let me know this shit ain't for real! And that makes me sad, because I was about to place an order.

Female Rapper Trina is set to release her next big business venture. Trina's new product is an herbal tea called "Sweet Juicy Vagina". At the press conference Trina appeared with Nelly, Team Lunatics, and her new spiritual advisor Benjamin (Chavis) Muhammad, Executive Director of the Hip-Hop Summit Action Network (HSN).

In her press statement Trina thanked all of her supporters. Her statement read "I wanna thank the West Palm GED center and all the people there who support me. I want to thank Nelly for the idea, he showed me that this was a great way to make money and keep your name in the news. The Lunatics confirmed there is a hidden relationship between controversy and album sales. I was advised to stay strong, and that no matter how negative the situation there is no such thing as bad publicity".

Damn, I wouldn't put it past this tramp. She would do this kind of shit. Oh and these pictures are of Trina jacking off some dude during one of her shows. I love her so much it hurts!

[Crunk and Disorderly]

Afternoon Crumbs

Blondie's feud of fame [Stereogum]

Natalie Portman looks gorgeous in Vanity Fair [Just Jared]

The Gyllenhaals [Hollywood Rag]

HoHan thinks sex is groovy [Egotastic!]

Kate Moss buys a gold vibrator [IDLYITW]

The latest on Nick and Chestica [Popsugar]

Diddy is producing the dumbest reality show ont he planet [The Celebrity Blog]

Rock Star 2 to form a brand new rock group [Reality Blurred]

This Lady is Crazy!

I guess Annie Proulx shouldn't expect a job offer from Lions Gate anytime soon. The original short story writer of Brokeback Mountain has attacked the Academy for giving the Best Picture award to Crash.

She wrote this on Sunday in The Guardian:

"We should have known conservative heffalump academy voters would have rather different ideas of what was stirring contemporary culture. Roughly 6,000 film industry voters, most in the Los Angeles area, many living cloistered lives behind wrought-iron gates or in deluxe rest-homes, out of touch not only with the shifting larger culture and the yeasty ferment that is America these days, but also out of touch with their own segregated city, decide which films are good.

"And rumor has it that [Lionsgate] inundated the academy voters with DVD copies of 'Trash' , excuse me— 'Crash' a few weeks before the ballot deadline. Next year we can look to the awards for controversial themes on the punishment of adulterers with a branding iron in the shape of the letter A, runaway slaves and the debate over free silver."

She concluded the article: "For those who call this little piece a Sour Grapes Rant, play it as it lays."

TRASH?! Oh my! I fucking love this woman! She better watch out though, because Matt Dillon and Ludacris are going to come to her house and beat her fugly ass!

[LA TIMES] [Thanks DobryDen]

Vadge & Camilla Joined by Blood!

Why is Vadge so fascinated with her family history?! In the past she discovered she was related to Celine Dion and now she's found out she's very distantly related to Camilla Parker-Bowles.

MADONNA surprised CAMILLA, DUCHESS OF CORNWALL when she phoned to tell the British royal they are distantly related. The 47-year-old HUNG UP hitmaker - who has also discovered blood-links with Canadian singer CELINE DION - is urging her 'relations' to join her and genealogist WILLIAM ADDAMS REITWIESNER in their quest to trace their entire family tree. Reitwiesner explains, "Camilla and Madonna are both descended from ZACHARIE CLOUTIER, who lived from 1617 to 1708. And Camilla and Celine descend from JEAN GUYON, who lived from 1617 to 1708. "Both Jean and Zacharie died in Chateau-Richer, Quebec. Because of their unusual French-Canadian ancestry, they are all blood relations. Madonna is absolutely fascinated by this."

Who has time for that kind of crap? She needs to spend more time on her singing lessons than finding this kind of shit out.

[Contact Music] [Thanks Youri]

I Guess Bitch Ain't Pregnant!

*The photo agency that owns these pictures has asked me to take them down! Damn!*

Jello showed off her body while sunbathing with the hubby in Miami. She has a bit of a pouch, but doesn't look pregnant at all. Marc looks kind of hot. I know, I'm gonna get shit for it. But I just try and call it like I see it! Damn! Anyway, just as I reported earlier Jello is in final talks to play Sue Ellen Ewing in the Dallas movie. This shit ain't right! I don't want this ho playing my precious Sue Ellen! And if that bitch is involved expect it to be sour. Anything her ass touches turns to shit! Literally!

[Insider]

Kate & Pete 4Eva

Kate Moss is back in England and back in the arms of her junkie ex-boyfriend Pete Doherty. The two have been seen on several dates and sources say that Kate even gave him the keys to her new London pad. Just a few days ago, Pete wrote "I Love Kate 4eva" on his car window before he left the court house where he was being reviewed.

Pete is apparently happy as a pig in shit and the two have been chatting on the phone constantly. But Kate has given him some rules according to a source:

"She's told Doherty he has four weeks to show her he can keep out of trouble and away from drugs. She is worried about being tarnished with unpredictable Pete just when everything's on the right track with her career and daughter."

Pete has to be the luckiest dude alive. He can fucking get away with anything! He gets arrested 10 times in one week and probably spends only 2 hours in jail total. He fucks over his girlfriend, gets her addicted to cocaine and the bitch comes back to him. Seriously, dude must have a four leaf clover for a dick.



[News of the World]

Pamela Anderson is Trash!

Why did Pamela Anderson let someone autograph her tits?! She's fucking trash. Here's Pam leaving a night club with her new boyfriend. She spotted rapper Ginuwine and he asked her for a picture. She wouldn't pose unless he took off his fur coat which she touched. If she's so against fur, why is she touching that thing?

Seriously, isn't Pam like 70? She's acting the fool!

UPDATE - The picture is not of Ginwuine, but of Brandy's brother Ray J! [Thanks Mikee]

Charlize Is Not Single!

Charlize Theron insists that she hasn't broke up with boyfriend Stuart Townsend. Over the weekend, rumors broke that Charlize and her beau were no longer after she seen was seen without him at the Oscars and BAFTAS. But Charlize's spokeswhore had this to say:

"Stuart and Charlize have not broken up. "Next week everyone will be calling me saying they were married. We can't win."

Apparently, Stuart has been busy um...working..yeah. Ok, next time they should try a better lie! Because we know that bitch don't work!

[IOL]

Michael Douglas is an Idiot!

I think Michael Douglas has been hanging around CZJ too long, because bitch is starting to say the dumbest things.

Here's what he said about Brad Pitt: "I don't know about Brad Pitt leaving that beautiful woman to go hold orphans for Angelina Jolie. I mean, how long is that going to last?"

And he didn't stop there!

"Don't ask me what happened with Renee Zellweger and her ex-husband Kenny Chesney. I don't know how you can be married for four months.

"And what about Julia with Lyle. There must be some incredible things you find out one night."

Move over Star Jones! Here's America's newest love counselor! Bitch is getting alzheimer for real. CZJ keep your man medicated and his old mouth shut!

[Female First] [Thanks DobryDen]

Star Jones Blinds Innocent Women!

Star Jones is still hawking that book about her fucking fags. Seriously, what is wrong with that ho?! She just gets skinnier and skinnier and more disgusting.

The Host of Whammy is Dead!

Damn! Peter Tomarken who was the host of one of my favorite game shows died in a tragic plane crash!

Peter Tomarken and his wife, Katherine, were killed Monday when their small plane crashed into the ocean off the coast of Los Angeles.

Tomarken, 63, owned the Beechcraft but was not flying the plane when it crashed while flying from Santa Monica to San Diego, 'Entertainment Tonight' reported.

The pilot reported engine trouble shortly after taking from Santa Monica and had turned around before the plane plunged into the ocean about a half-mile from the Santa Monica Pier, a Federal Aviation Administration spokesman told 'ET.'

Tomarken was best known for his stint as host of the 1980s game show 'Press Your Luck.' He also hosted such shows as 'Hitman' and 'Bargain Hunters.'

That fucking sucks! Whammy was like the only game show I have ever wanted to go on!

[Monsters and Critics] [Thanks Stacy]

ScarJo Checks Her Rims!

Fascinating stuff yeah?! Scarlett Johansson checks her car rim for damage. Apparently she said her boyfriend Josh Hartnett did it. God, this is boring...

Isaac Hayes Quits South Park!

Isaac Hayes has voiced the character of Chef since South Park debuted. He has been let out of his contract due to his religious beliefs. Isaac was upset after a show that mocked Scientology ran, because he's a member of that group.

The creators issued this statement: "This is 100 percent having to do with his faith of Scientology,"

"He has no problem - and he's cashed plenty of checks - with our show making fun of Christians."

Isaac issued this statement: "There is a place in this world for satire, but there is a time when satire ends and intolerance and bigotry towards religious beliefs of others begins,"

"Religious beliefs are sacred to people, and at all times should be respected and honored,"

"As a civil rights activist of the past 40 years, I cannot support a show that disrespects those beliefs and practices."

Is he nuts?! South Park has been disrespecting religion for years now!

[NME]

The Dlisted Report

Jennifer Lopez is in final talks to play Sue Ellen Ewing in Dallas for director Robert Luketic. Luke Wilson is also in talks to play Bobby Ewing. John Travolta is said to be on board as J.R. Ewing with Shirley MacLaine as Miss Ellie Ewing. Shooting is expected to begin this October. [Variety]

Ice Cube is in talks to play the title role in a screen version of the classic sitcom Welcome Back, Kotter. The rights to the series that ran from 1975-79 were controlled by the show's creators, Gabe Kaplan and Alan Sacks. Kaplan originated the role Cube will play, a teacher who returns to his tough, inner-city alma mater, where he meets a new generation of underprivileged troublemakers who are as unmotivated as he used to be. Shooting is set to begin this fall. [Variety]

Justin Timberlake and his real-life girlfriend Cameron Diaz are planning to star together in a film about two ice skaters falling in love. The two are currently looking for a writer and a director to realize their version. [Dark Horizons]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

there's not a tornado in recorded history that could lift this trailer. - Tim

[Thanks Suzie]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Kate Mulgrew

[For RicK]

Birthday Sluts

Jamie Bell (20)
Taylor Hanson (23)
Chris Klein (27)
Megan Follows (38)
Prince Albert of Monaco (48)
Billy Crystal (59)
Quincy Jones (73)
Michael Caine (73)

Say Something Nice!

Tara Reid: Well, at least the pretty sparkles from the belt distract from her Frankentummy. Wait, was that nice?

What Do You See?!

A new ad for Playboy. God, you guys are so sick!

[Adrants]

Robin Williams to Care for Will Reeve

Robin Williams has said he will care for Christopher and Dana Reeve's orphaned teenaged son. Robin and Christopher were very close since they both studied drama at The Juillard School in NYC years ago. When Christopher went paralyzed from a riding accent, Robin vowed that he would never desert his family.

A friend of the Reeves' said: "He has already been making good on a promise he made to Chris in 1995."

"They were closer than brothers and Robin swore then and there that he would look after Dana and Will after Chris was gone."

"Both of them knew Chris might not last long but neither of them could possibly have imagined the tragedy that would befall Dana so soon after Chris's own death."

[ABC]

Pink Gets Back to Basics

We all know that Pink is a bull-dyke deep down inside, but she can't let it show because of the whole pop music thing. So she marries a dude and conforms. But bitch wants vagina for real. So this weekend she treated herself to a little girl dancing in L.A.

Parasite Hilton to Get a Tummy Tuck?

That dumb whore, Parasite Hilton was photographed leaving a plastic surgery clinic in Beverly Hills. Apparently, P freaked out when she saw pictures of herself looking preggers and immediately scheduled an appointment to meet with a surgeon about getting a tummy tuck.

Is this bitch insane?! She's a stick.

She needs to ask about having her pussy sealed shut. But besides that, she's fine.

[The Sun]

Afternoon Crumbs

Top Model is back and I looooove Gina! [FourFour]

Brangelina do St. Tropez [Just Jared]

Mariah Carey gets into Louis Vuitton [Gabsmash]

Dave Coulier and some nasty college hos [Cityrag]

Shit, even Belinda Carlisle wants to bone Alba [IDLYITW]

Sienna and Hayden kiss for real [Egotastic!]

Ryan Seacrest adds more homo to E! today [Popsugar]

TomKat have a spat [Hollywood Rag]

Aretha Franklin Quote of the Day!

"For a long time I suffered so much trying to be what other people expected me to be and look like.

"I definitely was never meant to be a model-type walking down a runway - I'm just Aretha singing what she feels in her heart and soul."

R.I.P. Maureen Stapleton

Stage, screen and TV actress Maureen Stapleton, who was often as colorful in real life as she was when performing, died Monday from chronic pulmonary disease in Lenox, Mass., where she lived, said her son, Daniel Allentuck. She was 80.

[People]

Keith & Nicky Go to Breakfast!

She's always look so damned sad?! And the two are still denying they are dating and still denying they are getting married. When the bitch gets knocked up and has a baby, they will probably deny that shit too. She needs to lighten up! And not the hair, because that's looking white!

Flavor of Love: The End of an Era!

So last night was the Finale of Flavor of Love. Overall, I give it a 6 out of 10 stars. The episode before was made of such joy that it was hard to top. The episode opened with the Flava Flav, Hoopz and New York jetting off to Mexico.




Continue reading "Flavor of Love: The End of an Era"


I don't even know what to say. Oh New York....



The three checked into the resort, got ready and had dinner. But it didn't take long for dinner to go sour. Flav had to ask Hoopz why she didn't think New York should win. And that's when another petty argument took place. Hoopz went on and on about how New York is an aspiring actress, which she is...



New York went on and on about how much of a lady she is. I mean do women really talk like that? Only chicks with dicks have to constantly confirm they are ladies.



Hoopz remained pretty calm, but the two would not stop! They kept bickering and shouting and honestly even I was rolling my eyes.



There's that finger again!



Flav's face told what we were all feeling. He was going to his "me" place.



And finally Flav couldn't take it and bolted from the table and probably went to get some cheap, Mexican hookers. Which is a step up from these two skanks.



The next day was New York's one-on-one date with Flav and so she pulled all the stops. And by pulling all the stops, I mean she pulled her dick between her legs.



Flav greeted her like an idiot!



And the idiot fell! What a dweeb.



And of course New York had to try and save his ass. How was she going to save him? I know she's a dude, but she's not a superhero dude!



While on the boat, New York's dick slipped out a bit and she had to tuck it back in. Thank God Flav's eye sight ain't too grand.



When they got to their "private island" they decided to go out on the little kayak. New York admitted that she can't swim too well and she's not that athletic. That's funny, because you know she was like quarterback in High School.



Stupid bitch isn't athetlic! That's not how you get into a kayak, you dumb whore!



New York should feel right at home with a mouth full of salty liquids!



That night at dinner, New York again cried and told Flav how much she was in love with him. Yada Yada Yada.



After dinner they went to Flav's private suite where New York got down right ugly. I mean, is this really necessary?



Yup, things got really ugly!



The next day was Hoopz one-on-one and I'm not going to bore you with the details. They just went flying through the jungle and shit.



Yup, boring.



At dinner, Hoopz when on and on about how much she hated New York. She was pretty annoying. Flav just wanted her to shut up already and put her mouth on his package. But you know she'd much rather put her mouth on a vag.



She gave Flav an "asstray" as a gift. Which was kind of hot.



Back in Los Angeles, the two lady-dudes got ready for the final ceremony. Hoopz wasn't happy with the hairdresser, because she didn't have any fake hair on her.



I mean does this woman look like she knows how to do a weave?



New York tried desperately to find a dress that would hide her "secret."



And Hoopz summed it up!



But I think New York is the one that looks RuPaul. Actually that's not fair too Ru, he's way more feminine this this dinosaur.



Hoopz described this dress as making her feel like she's at a funeral. What kind of funerals is she going to?!



And in the end up, they ended up wearing the same GD dress!



And the fighting started! Damn, why won't these bitches stop! They are like two old chihuahuas fighting over a dusty bone! Yeah and Flav is the dusty bone.



The best part of the argument came when New York told Hoopz that her and Flav made beautiful music the night before! Hoopz responded with "Flav isn't gonna choose some bitch that will just open her legs and let him fuck her!"

But oh no they didn't fuck, they made love. According to NY anyway.



Hoopz almost chucked! So did we.



You know Flav did her in the ass, because bitch doesn't have a pussy!



And the time came....Flav let NY go.



And surprisingly she didn't throw herself in front of a moving train. She kept herself together and went away.



Flav gave Hoopz a special present.



Why?! Damn! You know Hoopz is wishing she went on The Bachelor instead. At least they get a fucking diamond!



And they lived happily ever after!



Meanwhile...the shit went down in the limo...



and down...damn that bitch is fugly!





And thus was the end of our beautiful Flavor of Love! No, it wasn't all that I had wished for but it was good enough. Hopefully the Jerry-Springeresque reunion show will make up for that shit!



[Thanks Kelly]

Why Does Brooke Hogan Exist?!

I know she has a reality show and shit. But seriously, why is she even around?! She should forget the pop career and go straight into porn. That's where she's going to end up anyway.

The Blind Leading the Blind

Courtney Love is helping Pete Doherty get off drugs. No, it's not a joke. Courtney who has battled drugs in the past and probably is still battling them is afraid the messed up singer is going to end up like her late-husband Kurt Cobain.

A source said: "Courtney is finally in a position to help others who suffered like her. She sees herself in him and doesn't want him to end up like Kurt.

"She knows that in most cases an addict will only take advice from someone who has been through the same drug hell."

Please Courtney is just using Pete, because all her old drug contacts have turned their back on her junkie ass! Bitch needs new connections!

[LSE] [Thanks JenB]

The New Charlie's Angels!

Gay Al is so the Farrah, right?!



The three of them are probably just looking at pictures of hot guys.

[Thanks Lilly]

Don't Go Hugging Darth Vadar!

Why?! Because his wife will beat your ass down! A group of female fans were seen asking James Earl Jones for a hug and he declined.

He told them: "I don't hug. No. My wife wouldn't like it. But I'll autograph something. Are you from the South? I'm from Mississippi, but my wife is from Wyoming. So I can't hug you."

[Page Six]

Jennifer Aniston Sick of the Bermuda Triangle!

Jennifer Aniston sobbed to Vogue Magazine that she's sick and tired of the media involving her in what she calls a "stick and twisted Bermuda Triangle." What does Bermuda have to do with any of this?

Aniston also hates the fact that people are feeling sorry for her, but I want to know who is actually feeling sorry for her? If you are feeling sorry for her dumb ass, you need to recognize.

She said: "“It makes my skin crawl. Don'’t make me your victim. I'm so tired of being part of this sick, twisted Bermuda Triangle."

She did say she was moving on and called Vince Vaughn a close friend.

I see this as her own fucking fault. She's still the one talking about it! If you want people to move on then you have to stop talking about it yourself. Bitch loves it, because it makes her interesting. Without it, she's pretty blah!

Oh and here's that tiny bitch and her man in Aspen.

[IOL]

Jennifer Lopez: Oscar Bound?!

According to Marc Anthony, Jello will be Oscar bound for her performance in their film El Cantante. In the film Marc plays Hector Lavoe, a musician who started the salsa movement in the 70s and brought it to the States. Jello plays his wife. Marc believes that people won't recognize her ass, because of the heavy make-up and will be moved by her performance.

He said: "It will be the most different Jennifer you will ever see. It is an amazing piece of work and very easy to forget that it's J.Lo."

Yeah I believe Jello can win an Oscar. Shit, if Reese Witherspoon can win one...almost anybody can.

And these pictures of the two sunning in their backyard in Miami is truly disgusting. Seriously, Marc needs it and I don't like seeing Jello all natural and shit.

[Star Pulse]

KFed Goes on a Budget

Britney Spears is apparently furious at the amount of money her dead beat husband is spending. She has been ordered by her accountants to put his ass on a budget. From now on KFed is given an allowance for items such as clothes, booze, going out and day-to-day kind of shit. If he wants to buy a car or bigger items, Brit has to approve them.

A source said: "She acknowledges she has made a great deal of money. However, she is trying to show Kevin that he needs to be responsible and curb his out-of-control spending habits."

But looks like things are still bad for the white-trash duo. Witnesses say that the two fight all the time at their hotel in Hawaii. Brit is always being heard complaining about her stupid ass husband.

Wasn't he on an allowance before? Hasn't she cut off his cash before? Please, Brit has no fucking spine. She's gonna give in to his ass.

[Ananova]

Would You Expect Anything Less?

Kimberly Stewart has the nastiest feet in Hollywood. She probably has the nastiest feet in the whole world. Rod Stewart's fugly daughter went to get a pedicure at the W Magazine Oscar retreat house in Beverly Hills when the pedicurist refused to work on her feet.

A source said: "her feet stunk so fucking bad that the pedicurist refused to do her toes . . . or anybody else's for the rest of the day."

Isn't that kind of a given?

[Page Six]

The Dlisted Report

Laura Linney will play the wealthy and picky Mrs. X in The Nanny Diaries. Scarlett Johansson stars. The story centers on Annie Braddock (Johansson), a young woman from New Jersey who ends up in the elite culture of Manhattan's Upper East Side as a nanny for a wealthy family, referred to as simply "the Xs." The script is based on the best-selling novel. [Variety]

Director Paul Haggis (Crash) has chosen Against All Enemies as his next project. Based on Richard A. Clarke's best-selling memoir, "Enemies" chronicles how the Bush administration handled the al-Qaida threat before and after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks. Clarke, a former U.S. terrorism czar, offers the ultimate insider's account into the nation's security apparatus, featuring a cast of power brokers that includes President Bush, Condoleezza Rice, Donald Rumsfeld and Clarke. The script is currently being written with supervision by Haggis. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Failure to Launch claimed the #1 spot at the box office with $24.6 Million. The Shaggy Dog came in at #2 with $ 16 Million and the remake of the horror film The Hills Have Eyes came in at #3 with $15.5 Million. [Box Office Mojo]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS!

The Top 3:

The models for Katie Holmes prosthetic baby bellies. Note the varying sizes. - None

Stomach Kegs - coming soon to a store near you (Penis Tap included)! - NoAnjl

K-Fed done knocked us up. - The Strawberry Pony

Hot Slut of the Day!

Jessica Walter

[For JasonC]

Birthday Sluts

Charo (65)
Emile Hirsch (21)
Danny Masterson (30)
Cillian Murphy (32)
Annabeth Gish (35)
Dana Delany (50)
Glenn Headley (51)
William H.Macy (56)

Damn, Someone's Had Some Work Done!

LL Cool J showed us some new eye work while he performed at MTV's Spring Break in Panama City, FL. I wouldn't have figured LL for a dude that wanted a little touch-up. But damn, they've pulled him a part! He looks like a hammerhead shark!

Blind Item...You Guess...I Guess

A reader sent me this blind item today, they won't even tell me who it is!

There's a new face for Chanel! She's replacing coke gal Kate Moss. Let's just say the new face has less then six degrees of separation from Kate Moss and she resembles a certain celeb with a five finger discount problem.

Ok, celeb with five finger discount problem is Winona Ryder! I'm gonna say Natalie Portman!

Jakey and the Pup!

Hah! Look how he's carrying that poor pup!

Let's Stretch Out Marguerite Perrin's 15 Minutes!

When Trading Spouses' Marguerite Perrin blew up and became a household, I kind of got over her. But now that everybody's forgotten about her, I'm kind of into her again. Anyway, reader Jody has an interesting encounter with the Dark-Sided one:

I was out at local gay spot Play in Nashville, TN (www.playdancebar.com) last night and I almost dropped my beer when I saw none other than the d-list superstar and God Warrior herself, Marguerite Perrin. I was so shocked when I first saw her that I couldn't believe it was her. A friend and I approached her and she was SO nice! She yelled "DARK-SIDED" for us, told us that she loves gay people and believes that God loves everyone. She talked about how the editors for Trading Spouses made her out to be crazy and how she was just in Hollywood and she has a bit part in an upcoming Ben Affleck film. She was a great sport-posing for camera phone photos with people and chatting up admirers. She even told us to send her the photos to her website. She hung around for a while on the dance floor after the drag show was over but I think she was mostly talking, but meeting her was a DEFINITE highlight of the night and I just
had to share.

Marge Perrin loves gay people!?! That isn't very God Warrior like! I kind of feel bad for her! She wants to be famous soooo bad!!!!

Thanks for the story Jordy!

WTF?! Who Wore it Better?

Hot Slut of the Week: Christiane Amanpour

Age: 48
Birthday: January 12, 1958
Birth Name: Christiane Amanpour

Original Date of Hot Slut of the Day: March 9, 2006
Claim to Fame: Superstar CNN reporter

Where is she now? Still reporting for CNN from all over the world!

Why is she Hot Slut of the Week? She's smart and doesn't forget her make-up bag even when she's in the middle of Iraq.

Stuart's Gonna Have to Get a Job Now!

The most gorgeous woman in the world: Charlize Theron has reportedly called it quits with longtime boyfriend Stuart Townsend. Charlize recently said that she had no intention marrying his ass, because marriage may not be her thing. Rumors of the separation went into high gear when Charlize showed up at the BAFTAS and the Oscars without Stuart. She is also currently promoting Aeon Flux around the world and he hasn't been seen by her side at any of those events either.

A friend of Charlize's had this to say: "Her relationship with Stuart is well and truly over. They just grew apart. It wasn't always easy because filming often kept them apart for months."

I liked these two together. I didn't think he was the type to get jealous over her having a better career, but well..who knows. Stuart has nothing to be jealous of, he did have thee starring role in Queen of the Damned!

Charlize if you ever want to shack up with a gay boy from California look my ass. We'll pop pills together and wear big bows on our shoulders.

[National Ledger]

Jake and Keira Continue to Fake Us Out!

Looks like Jake Gyllenhaal and Keira Knightley have been out on a couple more dates since I last reported. The two started dating right before the Oscars and since then have been seen at several parties getting all cozy and shit.

A source said: 'They were at Soho House two nights in a row together and definitely looked like a couple.'

Dude they aren't dating, they are just best girlfriends. I knew Keira was a fag hag deep down. And by the looks of that straw, Jake is more interested in long things to put in his mouth than Keira.



[Monsters and Critics]

Britney is Really Gross

These are two undated pictures of Britney Spears showing her love for Brad Pitt. Damn! She's licking him like he was a deep-fried cheeto. I'm not sure how old these are, but they are truly hilarious. Seriously, the second one is NOT SEXY. Bitch is trying to be all lusty and shit and she looks like she's trying to cough up a hairball. Damn, I love Britney.

There's TomKat!

[click on image to enlarge]

Awww, I've missed those two freaks. It's seem they have been MIA for the past week or so, but they showed up at Connor's baseball game in Beverly Hills. Connor is Tom's adopted son with Nicole. When is Katie due to extract that pillow baby, anyway!?!

Hot Slut of the Day!

Princess Caroline of Monaco

Birthday Sluts

Pete Doherty (27)
Eva Herzigova (33)
Aaron Eckart (38)
Darryl Strawberry (44)
Ron Jeremy (53)
James Taylor (58)
Liza Minnelli (60)