Dlisted: 03/12/2006 - 03/19/2006

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Hilary Duff Performs at Houston Livestock & Rodeo Show

That joke just wrote itself!







[DDD]

Josh Hartnett is Anti-HoHan

Josh Hartnett thinks he's better than HoHan and Parasite Hilton. Well, I got news for him...he ain't! Bitch is as dumb as rocks! Seriously, I've known slabs of beef with a higher IQ. Which is why I'm surprised he's so quick to slam girls like HoHan and Parasite.

He said: "What scares me with pop culture is . . . looking at my younger brother and sister and their friends, seeing my little sister's friends looking, like, to Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton - I just don't think that's anything to strive for. I don't think those girls are too happy. And it's like, the culture is so focused on a more self-oriented . . . luck-based mentality. It's just like, get what's good for you. It's a herd mentality that I think is really about making money."

And what's wrong with making money? I mean first of all, Josh is dating Scarlett Johansson who is basically only half a notch above HoHan. I mean she flashes her tits whenever she can!

[Page Six]

Foofy & Gitte Do Michael K



Foofy Foo and Gitte visited the Michael K store in NYC. I'm not sure how old these pics are...but here they are at the store named after me! Trust me, I will never even step foot into this store. Their shit makes Sears look like fucking Versace. Honestly, like only hookers shop there.



[Thanks rollerslut]

Alanis Morissette Gets to Hit That?!

There's something wrong in the world when a fug face like Alanis gets to lay in bed with this hunk of meat every night. Seriously, she probably has a 9" dick. These shots are from Men's Health starring Ryan Reynolds.











[Thanks Youri]

Reunited and It Doesn't Look So Good!



Amy Fisher & Joey Buttafuco....oh yes!

Looks like Joey's spending less time nailing underage chicks and more time under the knife!

[Thanks to Scott]

Hot Slut of the Day!



Bret Michaels

Birthday Sluts



Dane Cook (34)
Adam Levine (27)
Queen Latifah (36)
Vanessa L. Williams (43)
Luc Besson (47)
Irene Cara (47)

Friday, March 17, 2006

Lucy Liu Quote of the Day!



"America is in a tabloid coma. We've blacked out as a society. The main reason people put you up on a pedestal is, basically to tear you down. So it's a dangerous idea to think that being in the public eye is that great a thing. I like to keep my private life private."

One of These Three Things Does Not Belong



Damn! I want Mary and Chaka just to freak out and starting beating down that Katie Couric! Chaka's wig alone could probably give Katie the beating of a lifetime. I would sell my sister's right leg to see that in action!

See more pics from this event at Concrete Loop!

McDonald's at the Bus Stop?!



That shit looks pretty real, but it ain't. It's just a billboard. However you know this is the future and I'm not liking it. Because with my luck, I'll be coming home drunk and sit next to some fool who just bought a filet-o-fish at McDonald's! True story, it's happened to me. I had to ask Jesus for his help while I desperately tried not to add a "special" sauce to his sandwich!

[Billboardom]

This is Why There Aren't Any Famous Ukranian Fashion Designers...



A model wears a dress by Ukrainian designer Andre Tan during fashion show at the traditional spring-summer pret-a-porter Fashion Week in Kiev, Ukraine Friday, March 17, 2006.

Are you effing kidding me?! Parasite Hilton will totally wear this, because it'll make her feel smarter.

[Thanks DobryDen]

Dakota Fanning & Tom Cruise Reunite!






She was named Female Alien Star of the Year at ShoWest in Las Vegas!

This is an ACTUAL Movie!



Samuel L. Jackson apparently didn't even the read script to this one. You don't say?! Just watch the trailer and if any of you actually pay money for this shit...you seriously need to be shipped away with Britney Spears to trailer trash island.

And expect this one to sweep the Razzies next year!

Afternoon Crumbs

Gwen Stefani has a snag [Just Jared]

Please don't give Chestica Simpson a kid [Yeeah]

Those lesbians love Angelina Jolie wedding rumors [Egotastic!]

Kimbo Stewart is so refined that she's made of crystal [The Deli]

Parasite Hilton hunts for new meat [Hollywood Rag]

Jared Leto next on Desperate Housewives? [Popsugar]

Vadge finds herself censored again [IDLYITW]

German Hotel charges fat people more [Queerty]

HoHan & Chestica Battle It Out!



The casting for the Dallas feature film is heating up. Director Robert Luketic is already in final talks with Jello for the role of Sue Ellen Ewing, John Travolta for her husband and JR and Shirley MacLaine for the role of Ellie.

Now it seems that other roles are coming together. Producers have asked Luke Wilson to play Bobby and Marcia Cross to play his wife Pamela. Also, Bill Murray has been approached to play Jock.

As for the role of Lucy Ewing played famously by Charlene Tilton, there are two big names in the running. Luketic has asked HoHan and Chestica Simpson if they would like to play the role.

I personally would much rather see HoHan than Chestica. If I have to hear that bitch do another retarded Southern accent I will take that stupid Pizza Hut pizza she carries around and fuck her with it until she's shitting Cheesy Bites!

[Sky News]

DAMN, Melanie's That Far Gone?!





I don't know why this made me laugh! But damn, she forgot to add plastic surgery fanatic to that list! So it should read: "I'm an alcholic, major drug addict, pill popper, plastic surgery fanatic and annoying freak!"

[JJB]

James Bond Won't Wear a Tux!



The newest James Bond, Daniel Craig has revealed that he will not wear the traditional Bond tux in Casino Royale.

He said: "The only time you'll see me wearing one is in the promo."

This newest tidbit has given fans yet another reason to be pissed off at Daniel.

"Bond without his tux is like Batman without his cape."

To add insult to injury, Bond will not drive an Aston Martin either. Instead he will the very American Ford Mondeo.

Ford reportedly paid millions and millions of dollars to have their car featured in the flick.

Yup, this movie's gonna blow!

[Female First]

Isn't That Cute?!



Tori Spelling's husband has their dog's face tattooed on his arm! That's precious!





[Pics: A Socialite's Life]

Jacko Closes Neverland



Michael Jackson has closed the main house on his Neverland Ranch and dumped some employees, but insists he is keeping the grounds open.

His spokeswhore had this to say: "It is public knowledge that Mr. Jackson currently resides in the Middle Eastern country of Bahrain," "He therefore decided to close his house and reduce his work force."

Bitch please!!! He is BROKE! That's the bottom line.

Oh and thank God Michael Jackson ain't home, because if he was that little boy in the picture would already be on the other side of that fence!

Read all the rest of the boring details here

Don't Make Me Yack!



Even that lady in the corner knows these bitches are putting on an act. Here's the two at a baseball game in Anaheim. You know you're gay when you would rather kiss a chick than watch a baseball game. Shit, I'd rather eat a chick out than watch a damn sports game!

Seriously, Richard Gere and Jodie Foster kissing in Sommersby is more believable than this shit!

Update! - Reader Ralph was there:

I was at the baseball game yesterday where Tom and Katie were in Anaheim and I was in the suite next to them where it's separated by like a glass wall. Needless to say I was more interested in them then the game! These 2 only kissed when the "KissKam" came over to them and they were featured on the big screens, after that she got up and moved back to the couch where she was sitting before and stayed there for the WHOLE game! They didn't even walk out together! Tom was more interested in his blackberry and Katie was reading InStyle pretty much the whole time. It looks like they can't stand each other. She looked FUG anyways and he's like 2 feet tall!

[TMZ]

Carmen and Dave's Marriage on the Rocks!



Dave Navarro has admitted that his marriage to Carmen Electra is on the rocks, because they hardly see each other.

He said: "The truth is, we definitely work quite a bit. Our work takes us away from home quite a bit. She goes overseas, and there are times when I'm away from her. It sucks, I will say that."

According to friends of the pair they are constantly fighting and not very happy. They believe they are heading for a separation very soon.

I could basically care less. These two are just a little more interesting than Ben and Jennifer, just a little more...but not much!

[IOL] [Thanks Stacy]

Taylor Going Dark?!



On last week's American Idol Taylor Hicks and Ryan Seacrest joked that he was going to dye his hair dark and take away the grey! TMZ is reporting that beginning next week Taylor will start his slow transformation slowing taking out the grey to go dark.

Taylor is only 29, but bitch looks about 59. However, I think that grey hair actually makes his likeable. Besides that silvery grey takes away from his fugly face and that dark hair just shows us the obvious.

[TMZ] [Thanks Stacy]

I'd Need More Like a Million!!!



Isadore Bolton is a driver and personal assistant for Don King. He has also just received $275,000 from boxer Mike Tyson. The dough came from a settlement from a lawsuit in which Isadore sued Mike Tyson for gnawing on his leg on the side of the highway.

The road-rage incident occurred in May 2003 when King, Tyson and an entourage snaked north on I-95 near Fort Lauderdale. According to court papers, Tyson halted the caravan by forcing his chauffeur to park on the median. When Bolton arrived, Tyson was furiously pacing the median and yelling obscenities. As the 6-foot, 300-pound Bolton tried to convince Tyson to get back in his car, Tyson allegedly punched him in the face twice, breaking a bone. After Bolton fell down, Tyson bit his leg, causing "heavy bleeding." "I was just trying to help. He was in the middle of traffic," Bolton said.


You know what happens to aggressive dogs when they bite the shit out of a person? They get put down! That's exactly what needs to happen to that moron.

[Page Six]

She Missed In-N-Out!



Do they have In-N-Out in Hawaii?! Because if they don't it makes sense that Britney Spears is back in L.A. Bitch is preggers so had a major craving for a double, animal style and a chocolate shake. Although, her friend looks just as pregnant as she is. Maybe Brit's just fat after all!







Chestica Loves Bush



Chestica Simpson refused to answer questions about her snubbing President Bush by declining an invitation to meet him at a Republican dinner. Chestica was on Capitol Hill yesterday to lobby her charity Operation Smile which gives like kids that can't smile, a smile.

When asked about the Bush snub she replied: "I am here to support Operation Smile. That is the purpose of my trip."

Chestica's creepy dad added this: "When it became obvious that it was not just a state dinner, it was more of a fundraising event, that is the wrong purpose of why we are here." "We are huge fans of him and of his family, his girls. Jessica loves the heck out of him."

Leave it up to this dipshit to actually say she loves President Bush! Seriously, that just gives me another reason to want to punch this idiot in the grill.

[People]



The Power of the Cruise!



Tom Cruise forced Comedy Central to cancel an episode of South Park that was due to air Wednesday. The controversial episode was about Scientology and Tom refused to do any publicity for Mission Impossible 3 if the episode aired.

Ya see, Paramount is producing MI3 and Paramount is owned by Viacom which also owns Comedy Central so his bullying worked.

The "South Park" episode, "Trapped in the Closet," pokes fun at Scientology and shows Cruise, John Travolta and R. Kelly (who is not a Scientologist, but has a song called "Trapped in the Closet") literally in a closet.

The episode, which first aired last November, was set to rerun Wednesday night, but was mysteriously pulled at the last minute.

Now, hollywoodinterrupted.com reports Cruise went straight to the top - to execs at Viacom - and warned he'd boycott the promotion for "MI3" unless the "South Park" episode was pulled.

Series creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker have been told not to discuss the matter - to avoid embarrassing Cruise as they did Isaac Hayes last week when Hayes, also a Scientologist, quit his role as the voice of the Chef character.

A Comedy Central rep blamed the episode being yanked on Isaac Hayes recently quitting.

I can't believe their asses are letting a loon like that bitch run their company. Seriously, they might as well hand their stocks and balls over to him. He basically owns their dumb asses!

[Page Six]

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!



I wish all of you a beautiful and happy St. Patty's day! So, after work go and get your Tara Reid on! And if you're celebrating correctly you will either be in jail by midnight, taking the morning after pill by 3am or passed out in the gutter by 1am.

Get your Tara Reid on hos!

xoxoxoMichaelK

The Dlisted Report

Julia Roberts is in final talks to star in Daniel Isn't Talking based on a novel by Marti Leimbach. Leimbach's London-set novel is about a couple and their two children. When it's revealed that the son is autistic, the family's orderly life is shattered. Roberts previously starred in Dying Young which is one of Leimbech's novels. [Variety]

Hugh Jackman will play a Hollywood stunt driver in Drive. The noir-style story, set in the seamy underside of Southern California and Arizona, centers on a stuntman who moonlights as a wheelman during robberies and discovers that a contract has been put on him. [Variety]

Demi Moore and William Hurt will join Kevin Costner in the thriller Mr. Brooks. The story, by Evans and Raynold Gideon, follows a man (Costner) with a murderous alter ego (Hurt). Moore will play a tough detective whose devotion to her craft catches the attention and respect of the serial killer she is hunting, which leads to a symbiotic relationship. Shooting begins this April in Louisiana. [THR]

Keisha Castle-Hughes (Whale Rider) will play the Virgin Mary in Nativity. She will portray Mary over the two-year period leading up to the birth of Jesus in Bethlehem. The film is being fast-tracked with shooting to begin this May in Italy and Morrocco with a December 2006 release. [Variety]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!



Asians know what the "Hi" in "Hi-C" is all about yo' - Kelly

Hot Slut of the Day!



Emmanuel Lewis

Birthday Sluts



Marisa Coughlin (32)
Brittany Daniel (30)
Caroline Corr (33)
Mia Hamm (34)
Alexander McQueen (37)
Billy Corgan (38)
Rob Lowe (42)
Gary Sinise (51)
Kurt Russell (55)
Patrick Duffy (57)



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