Someone Get This Man a Nose Trimmer!

[click on image to enlarge]

The Carter Brothers Totally Hook-Up!

Maybe they hooked up when they were kids, because they are so creepy. Look at them. Nick Carter is still fat and disgusting and Aaron Carter is a major Meth-head. Parasite Hilton seriously confirmed her whore-status by jumping into bed with that skeeze.

Sheryl Crow Has Cancer

Looks like someone is having a shitty month. I think Sheryl needs some hugs and a teddy-gram. I'll get right on that. Not only did her engagement and relationship with Lance Armstrong fall to pieces, but Sheryl has learned she has cancer.

Sheryl Crow underwent surgery for breast cancer on Wednesday, she confirmed via her web site. According to the site, Crow's doctors call her prognosis "excellent"; she will receive radiation therapy treatment as a precaution.

In a statement released to PEOPLE today, Crow's former fiance, Lance Armstrong, said, "I was devastated to hear this news. Once again I'm reminded of just how pervasive this illness is as it has now touched someone I love deeply."

The cycling champion continued, "Based on my contact in recent days with Sheryl, her doctor, and her family, I am confident that she will have a full and complete recovery and the world will be a better place for it. And to all of her fans and friends out there, please keep Sheryl in your thoughts and prayers yet know that I have never known a stronger woman in my life."

Wait, did she get Cancer from Lance?! Just kidding! I know it's notcontagiouss, damn! Wait, is it?!

[People] [Thanks Stacy]

KFed Speaks!

There are many reasons why I love the mess known as KFed, but this is just one of them. He updated his MySpace with this:

whats up everone. check out this little shit i did wit game.. come download the fuck outta this.
kevin federline. thats whats up

Who honestly talks like that?! Check out his new jam with The Game. It's awful.

[Thanks to JenB and Chanis]

On the Real...

Shaun White is the NEW Carrot Top! I mean for a dude this fugly he gets a lot of hot chicks. I mean even HoHan is on his jock, but that ain't saying much because she'll tap any ass with a pulse! I hear he's richer than God though. That explains why all the babes wanna jump on that! The Gold Medal doesn't hurt either.

[Thanks Brian]

Vintage Sly & Travolta

How gay is this?!

[Thanks to DJ Tennessee]

Attack of the Clones!

[Thanks to Xenadiva]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Kathy Najimy

Birthday Sluts

Anson Mount (33)
Carrot Top (39)
Sean Astin (35)
Tea Leoni (40)
Nancy O'Dell (43)
Sally Jesse Raphael (71)

Jesse Metcalfe Gets Gay in Australia

I guess in Australia you can be free with your gay lover and shit. Poor Jesse. I'll help you come out.

Afternoon Crumbs

Carmen Electra sluts up the Opera [Bricks and Stones]

Natalie Portman is back with that hot piece of meat Gael Garcia Bernal [A Socialite's Life]

Britney Spears on Will & Grace [Just Jared]

Jenny McCarthy is horny for an orgy [IDLYITW]

Spiderman 3's new look [Hollywood Rag]

Mischa Barton as Supergirl? [Egotastic!]

Jacko's kids [Concrete Loop]

Mate a movie [Cityrag]

What the Hell Kind of GD Outfit is That?!

KFed Got Busted!

Britney Spears caught husband KFed lounging at his baby mama's house only his underwear. It all started before Brit left for Hawaii and was trying to get a hold of her man on his celly. He didn't answer so she got all crazy and shit and drove her white-trash ass to Shar Jackson's house to investigate.

When she got there she found KFed all lying around in his undies. She of course flipped out and a Jerry Springer scene took place! KFed and Shar tried to tell Britney that the baby vommed all over him so he had to change his clothes.

Sure...

Could this be the reason why their marriage is no more?! He's useless!






[National Ledger]

A Man Goes Into a Convenience Store...

A man goes into a convenience store in McKeesport, PA and immediately goes into the men's room. He comes out a few minutes later holding a paper towel with something in it and asks the clerk if he can use the microwave to heat it up. She agrees. After a few minutes she notices some suspicious odors coming from the microwave and she decides to investigate. What does she find? She finds a severed penis wrapped in a paper towel.

The man quickly grabbed the penis and ran out.

Yup, that's what happened. Police were called to the convenience store and were pretty much puzzled. But it looks like the bizarre mystery was solved.

Ya, see the man had a female friend that was due to give a urine sample for drug testing at work. And obviously she's a crackhead, so she couldn't use her own urine. She asked her friend to piss into a "fake" penis and then microwave it so it the piss could be hot for her test.

I have two questions. Why did he have to piss into a fake penis?! I mean, she's a chick so wouldn't have to piss into a fake vagina? And my second question is was the lady Courtney Love?

[KDKA] [Thanks to Kelly]

Sometimes You Just Gotta Shut Up!

I harp so much on most celebs and especially Kiki Dunst and sometimes there's no need for words. Just looking at her makes me laugh and makes me happy. I don't have to say anything. She does it all herself!

HoHan is Banging This!

HoHan is on fire! Well, her crotch probably is anyway. Just this past week she was seen getting all romantical with Johnathan Rhys Meyers and just a few days before she hittin' another dude!

She was NYC's Bungalow 8 when spies saw her getting all into Snowboarding Gold Medalist Shaun White.

He said: "Her and I ended up meeting up at the famous Bungalow 8. It was a good time. It was a trip."

"Coming home from Italy, everybody's been running up to me, saying how proud they are. It's been crazy and so I had to get some time to have fun."

He looks like he's 12. She has no shame. I think I'm starting to like her.

[The Post Chronicle]

The Olsens Hate Parasite

Slowly but surely hopefully all these Hollywood starlets will turn their backs on that piece of shit Parasite Hilton. First it was Richie, then Barton and now the power-couple of them all: MK and Ash.

MK said that she likes to separate herself from the likes of those Hollywood hos:

"I would actually not consider myself as being part of the crowd, although I am surrounded by it at times."

"It's very much like high school. Whether it's the popular crew or not, it's just that there's some gossip here or somebody's telling a lie over there."

"Ashley and I, we don't get involved in it, I think we just like to listen to it.”

How would she know? Did even go to High School?! Didn't she just buy her diploma or something?

[Entertainmentwise]

TMI

Fabrizio Moretti cut short his appearance at the NME Awards in London and he didn't have to tell us why. He could've easily said he to take a dump or something. But, no.....

He said: "I'm rushing back to Drew 'cos I haven't had sex in a month."

He probably likes the way her titties jiggle when he hits her from behind. Damn, them shits are weapons of mass destruction!



[Contact Music]

From Drag Queen to Garbage Man

Remember Lee Tamahori? He's the director of Die Another Day that was arrested for soliciting a police officer for sex in DRAG?! Well, the bitch cut a deal and has received only 3 years probation and ordered to enroll in an AIDS-education class and pick up trash

Tamahori was wearing an off-the-shoulder dress, a long black wig and full makeup when he allegedly propositioned the vice cop last month in exchange for cash.

So instead of working the streets, he's gonna be cleaning them?

[Page Six]

Kate Moss has Nasty Knees

Kate Moss is pretty in the face but fugly in the knees. Probably because she's always on them. I know that was pretty unoriginal. Ugh, it's still before noon. She's enjoying the Burberry show in Milan during fashion week and forgot to pay attention to her legs. Seriously, maybe she's injecting into her knees instead.

Literary Hoaxes is the New Black

Forget James Frey and even Cupcake Brown, this is the probably the biggest literary hoax of all time. A few years ago a book called Sarah by a novelist named JT Leroy came out. The book chronicled JT's troubled youth as a truck-stop hooker. When his book debuted it became a hipster's dream! I mean JT even showed up to events and shit looking like a dude, a girly dude but a dude. So, it was a little surprising when it came to light that he was indeed a fraud. And the real writer was a woman by the named of Laura Albert who asked another woman Savannah Knoop to become JT Leroy at events and shit.

The two woman also looked to the Hollywood elite to help them pull off the hoax. Winona Ryder, Courtney Love, Tatum O'Neal and Rosario Dawson all claimed they were genuine friends of his. Winona even went so far to say this:

"I had two tickets to the opera, and I was, like, 'I don't want to go alone. And then I saw this kid standing near the doors to the opera house, and he was trying to listen in. He was a total ragamuffin. So I said, 'Hey, I have this extra ticket. Do you want to go see the opera?' He was too young to be creepy. He said, 'Oh, my God! I really wanted to see this!' I think it was 'La Boheme.'

"And he was crying throughout it. And I started crying for my own reasons, watching this beautiful kid so affected, someone his age grasping it. We went to this diner afterward and talked. I wanted to take care of him, have him move in, but he said he was heading back south. I fell in love with him. And I've been in love with him ever since."

Who would believe her?! You know she can't act worth shit and she was probably reading it off a cue card. Like ho would ever even go to the Opera...and if she did like she'd give someone homeless dude a ticket!

[Page Six]

Priceless!!

We ALL know Britney Spears is looking nasty lately so I'm not going to point it out. Ok, I just did. Anyway, she's still in Hawaii playing the polar bear in a few episodes of Lost. Again, KFed is nowhere to be seen. He's probably screwing some Valley chick in a port-a-potty as we speak!

Damon Wayans: You are a Moron

Damon Wayans is currently in a fight to trademark the "N" word for a clothing line which he is hoping to put out.

The actor Damon Wayans has been engaged in a 14-month fight to trademark the term "Nigga" for a clothing line and retail store, a search of the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office's online database reveals.

Wayans wants to dress customers in 14 kinds of attire from tops to bottoms, and use the controversial mark on "clothing, books, music and general merchandise," as well as movies, TV and the internet, according to his applications.

But, so far, his applications have been unsuccessful. Trademark examiner Kelly Boulton rejected the registration dated Dec. 22, citing a law that prohibits marks that are "immoral or scandalous." A previous attempt by Wayans was turned down on identical grounds six months earlier.

"While debate exists about in-group uses of the term, 'nigga' is almost universally understood to be derogatory," Boulton wrote to Wayans' attorney, William H. Cox, according to the application.

Cox and other representatives of the actor did not respond to interview requests about the registration.

Wayans can appeal the rejection, but experts in trademark law differ on his chances for success.

Michael K has no comment

[Wired] [Thanks to Danni]

The Dlisted Report

James Van Der Beek joins Jane Krakowski in the CBS comedy pilot Sex, Power, Love & Politics. Sex, Power, Love & Politics, from Sony Pictures TV, revolves around staffers in their mid-30s who work on Capitol Hill. On the show, Van Der Beek joins the previously cast Jane Krakowski and Jay Harrington. Steven Culp who played Rex Van De Kamp on Desperate Housewives is also in the cast. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Rachel Griffiths of Six Feet Under will return to TV in the ABC drama Brothers & Sisters about a group of siblings who run a business after their father dies. Calista Flockhart and Balthazar Getty also star. [Variety]

Gina Gershon is set to star in the pilot Lipstick Jungle for NBC based on the Candace Bushnell novel about 3 high-powered NYC woman. [The Hollywood Reporter]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS!

The Top 3:

Biblical scholars finally have proof that Jesus was a carpenter. - Migs

Power jigsaw...$19.99
Air generator...$279.50
Wrestling codpiece...$17.59

Showing off your big tool...priceless!!

For everything else, there's Master Carpenter - Fmouie

Once again, Vincent Gallo tries to sell his sperm and offers to throw in some handy work around the house. - Crees_dahl

Hot Slut of the Day!

Kim Novak

Birthday Sluts

Billy Zane (40)
Todd Field (42)
Edward James Olmos (59)
Barry Bostwick (60)
Leslie Caron (73)

Trouble in Paradise!

Britney Spears is currently in Hawaii recording some piece of shit album. Not only is she probably pregnant, but her marriage is pretty much over. Thank God! Here she's seen without her wedding ring. Maybe her fingers got too fat for it or maybe she just dropped it (see picture 3).





No, I think she found an old twinkie or something!

Wanna Know Who Won Gold?!

Click here if you want to be spoiled!

I Wanted to Adjust My Screen!

Yes I watch American Idol and I'll let you know that most of those bitches suck. I am rooting for Becky because she's the town tramp and Elliot because he has a penis beard. Besides that they can all kiss my ass.

Anyway when Patrick performed they scanned to his "friends" in the audience and I nearly jumped out my window. What in Jocelyn Wildenstein is that, I thought?! Now Patrick has to be gay, because only the gays would have "friends" like that. Me thinks that the older dude is his sugar daddy and the other thing is the hag!



Oh, damn!!! That ain't right Fox! Let's sue them for emotion distress!

Afternoon Crumbs

Britney Spears Hawaiin getaway [Hollywood Rag]

Life & Style should give it up already [A Socialite's Life]

Is Janet Jackson thinning down? [Just Jared]

Sandra Benhard is harsh [Cityrag]

Adrianne Curry is America's Next Top Piece of Trash [Hollywood Tuna]

Kristin Cavallari is selling herself [IDLYITW]

Mischa Barton wants Jake Gyllenhaal bad [Egotastic!]

I love Becky O'Donahue from American Idol [WWTDD]

As If the Olympics Weren't Gay Enough!

They had to ask Ricky Martin to flounce onstage! Will somebody tell Ricky that the year is 2006 NOT 1996. He's still working that tired hair and those tired clothes. Poor thing just can't let go of the past. He used to be like hot to me and now he's just working the same gay magic over and over again. He probably hit some hot Italian dick while he was out there too!



Gay!



Gay Gay!



Poor chick! She probably never had a dude get soft THAT fast around her!

What's the Package Size?

[click on image to "enlarge]

These pics of Matthew McConaGay are kind of old, but seriously they should not be forgotten. Click on that pic above and tell me his approximate sizage. These facts are important to me especially if I'm going to accept his proposal. Which hasn't happened, but it will.

Jada Pinkett Smith Does Not Have Big Willy Style!

What is wrong with her?! I know she's a self-proclaimed rocker now but this look is not cute. I know butch-dyke lesbians that are more feminine than this. She just makes it easier for me to believe the rumors that she loves to lick the kitten. Her son's look says it all "My mommy looks fug." Please Jada go back to the days of Woo!

Chestica & KFed?!

Yeah, according to rumors KFed straight up hit on Chestica Simpson at L.A. club Privilege recently.

Some claim that Britney Spears'’ rapper-wannabe hubby, Kevin Federline, “made a beeline” for the recently separated reality show star at L.A. club Privilege.

"She invited him to sit down," a clubgoer told Life & Style Weekly. "“There was definitely some chemistry there." Reps for the two insist they're just old friends.

They are old friends?! How?! KFed has only been in the scene for like a year. In Hollywood talk "old friends" means they used to screw.

[The Scoop]

Cupcake Brown is the New James Frey

James who?! It's all about Cupcake Brown. This chick is a recovering hooker, crackhead and is also a lying ho! Seriously James Frey has created monsters. Since he got on Oprah and made millions from his book everyone else is trying to do it. Cupcake claims that she witnessed her mother die and that her real name is Cupcake.

On the first page of her calamity-packed addiction memoir, Cupcake Brown explains how the name Cupcake wound up on her birth certificate. For some people, being named Cupcake by a mother still woozy from childbirth might rank as life's most delirious moment.

With the oversimplification that is her book's biggest shortcoming, as well as the confessional bluntness that is its biggest lure, Ms. Brown describes discovering her mother's dead body as an 8-year-old. She traces every terrible thing that later happened back to this catastrophic loss. The man she called Daddy turned out not to be her biological father, and so he lost custody of Cupcake. The man she called Sperm Donor handed her over to foster care in California. Bounced from place to place, she was abused not only by Cinderella's wicked stepmother but by yet another father figure, a man who took her to the parking lot of a Kmart for sexual assignations at 12. She never made it to cheerleading practice.

She was on the road to ruin by the age of 11. She ran away, hitchhiked and turned tricks. She found adults happy to help her buy liquor. She was pregnant by 13, was beaten so badly that she miscarried and then wafted off to the relative safety of South Central Los Angeles.

There, she joined the Crips and ran afoul of the "po-pos," as her friends referred to the police. She witnessed death. She got hurt. She wound up in the hospital, having her first serious conversation with God. "Look here, I know you don't know me," she says she said. "It's not like we be kickin' it or anything. But if you can hear me I could really use some help down here."

Bitch is lying! Seriously, that isn't even a third of what goes on in her book. My favorite part is what she asks God for:

"I asked God if He could somehow get me some bedroom furniture and some dishes,"

The thing is Cupcake swears she's telling the truth, but you know she just wants to get on Oprah! Click here if you want to know more about this fraud!

[New York Times] [Thanks Albz]

Reason #354 on Why I Should Move to the UK

In the US we have a show called Fat Camp and in the UK they have a show called Tourette's Camp. Nobody exploits people's issues and troubles lik the British. Honestly, this show alone has got me on the next plain out of here.

Among the many unfortunate things about Tourette syndrome is that people find it amusing. As if it wasn't enough to have violent tics and a habit of blurting out extremely inappropriate and offensive utterances, you've got people laughing at you as well. There's no denying the comedy in the affliction, though. Even the title of this programme, Teenage Tourette's Camp (ITV1), is enough to produce a little giggle. You can picture it: a bunch of kids at what looks like a normal American summer camp with outdoor activities - boating, hiking, stuff like that. Except they're all twitching, and shrugging, and shouting out "Fuck off!" and "Fatty!" at each other.

And that's exactly what it is like. It's very sad, you feel extremely sorry for these kids. And yet it is funny. They find it funny themselves. When Kyle involuntarily shouts out "Jen gives head!" over and over again, the whole class falls about (except for Jen, who gets a bit upset). And when the five English Touretters at the centre of the film go on a day trip to Chicago, lovely, gentle Sam starts shouting out "Twin towers!", to the enormous amusement of his mates, though less so to the Americans out shopping.

There was much to be moved by in this film, though I would have liked a little more on the syndrome itself. Why is it always bad stuff that comes blurting out? Are we all very bad people - offensive, racist, cruel, sex-obsessed - but most of us have the necessary in-built filters to hide it?

I can't wait till this comes out on DVD here. An hour episode of Maury isn't enough to enlighten me on the issues of this dreadful syndrome! And yeah I kind of want to laugh at them too, but only because I'm really jealous. I wish I could shout out "fatty fo fuck" whenever I wanted.

[The Guardian] [Thanks to Rosemary]

Maneater!

She's only 19 but HoHan is already turning into a man-eating whore! She's been linked to Colin Farrell, Joaquin Phoenix, Benecio Del Toro, Jude Law, Wilmer Valderrama and Jared Leto. You can add another notch on her belt!

HoHan and Match Point star Jonathan Rhys-Meyers were seen getting all cuddly and shit in the VIP section of The Spotted Pig in NYC.

A witness claims they arrived alone and left alone. Yeah, I bet he spotted her pig! I'm sorry I have no idea what that means. I apologize!

[Page Six]

Bobby Brown on the Prowl Again!

Following Whitney Houston's vicious reviews of her Olympic performance comes news that Bobby Brown tried to get with actress Tamala Jones at Nick Cannon's birthday party in Los Angeles.

Brown was "drunk and jaws just clicking and clacking back and forth," Jones says in the latest issue of Smooth magazine. "He came over and said, 'What's up?' ... He picks me up and he's like, 'I heard you been in Atlanta, girl. Why you don't come and see me? Don't you know I always wanted to f- you?' I'm like, 'Boy you better put me down! I am dating somebody that's in the business, and he's from Atlanta. ... You know my dude and I know your wife.' ... He said he wasn't even with Whitney anymore."

During a second close encounter, Jones says, "I got snatched back. ... It was Bobby; he pulled me by my hair and kind of like pulled me back. I was like, 'You better stop playing,' and I walked on. Then he yanked me back harder and now my whole body tripped back and I'm 'bout to fall. I turn around and he pushes me. I push him back! Then he pushes me again. So I sock-push his a-!" She says Bobby's brother Tommy broke it up.

Bobby's brother was asked to comment and he said: "I have no comment on that. Bobby won't have a comment on that. ... Have a good day."

I didn't know Bobby was like that?! Pulling a girl's hair and shit? This comes to no surprise. We all know that he got Whitney into crack and he's not treating her right. But I'm not feeling bad for her, because she could've left many times. Damn! She's even sacrificed her voice for that piece of shit man!

[Lowdown] [Thanks to Stacy]

Plastic TV

Amanda Lepore is coming to a TV screen near you. Transsexual NYC party girl Amanda Lepore has been featured on the TV show The Insider all week. Because of this kind of attention she has recently been signed to The William Morris Agency.

Amanda is now on the search for her own TV show which she says will feature her and her friends going out every night and partying.

What kind of show is that?! BORING. I want to see her on Survivor or Fear Factor. I want to see her and those steel tits of hers climbing through trenches and eating live cockroaches!

[Page Six]

Sandy Lekdar: KFed's Newst Gal Pal

Yesterday, it was possibly revealed that KFed's mysterious chick is a French singer by the name of Sandy Lekdar. And no she's not 14 like her MySpace says. Apparently, she's like 25. Here's some pics of the singer doing drugs and being wasted. However, the site where these pics were taken from claim the photos are not genuine and only simulated. Please, I know a crack ho when I see one and she's totally blowing KFed!

She's so in the know that she's wearing a Dlisted cap before they hit the public! Just kidding, I don't know where she got that from! It's probably D for "dick craver."







[Thanks Alexandra]

Johnny Weir Eats Sausage!

Doesn't this look like the gayest promo picture for The Sopranos ever?!

And just to help get your Thursday morning started, here's some good Weir quotes:

“His name is Camille - two 'l's. I think he's my evil
side. When I skate badly, I blame it on my glove.”

“They kind of sat back and had their cognac and
cigarettes. His [Bradley's audience response] was more
like a vodka-shot-let's-snort-coke kind of
experience.”

“I'm not going to sugarcoat anything or change the way
I speak about others or certain things in the world
just because I'm a figure skater and I have to appeal
to these people. That's not why I figure skate. If I
appeal to myself and my mother, I'm happy with that. I
don't 'front,' as they say.”

And if you just can't get enough, check out Dan Renzi's brilliant "Weirisms"

[Thanks Ari and Rosemary and Dan Renzi]

She's Just Not Into You!

Uma Thurman and boyfriend Andre Balazs share an awkward kissed outside of Da Silvano restaurant in NYC yesterday. Look at her, she's totally thinking about her grocery list! I don't blame her, he's fug.

The Dlisted Report

Warner Bros. has hired Christopher Nolan and Bryan Singer to write and the direct the sequels for Batman Begins and Superman Returns respectively. The sequels won't hit theaters until 2008 and 2009. Bryan Singer's next project is the remake of Logan's Run. [Variety]

Antoine Fuqua (Training Day) will direct Mark Wahlberg in Shooter. Based on Stephen Hunter's novel "Point of Impact," published by Bantam Books in 1993, the story centers on an ace marksman -- living in self-exile in the Arkansas wilderness after causing the death of an innocent person -- who is persuaded by his former associates that they need his help to prevent an assassination. Subsequently double-crossed and framed for the presidential assassination he was trying to prevent, he is forced to go on the run while trying to track down the real killer and discover the truth about who betrayed him. The film has been put on fast-track with shooting to begin soon. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Anne Hathaway has joined the cast of Knocked Up. She joins Paul Rudd in the comedy directed by Judd Apatow. Apatow is writing, producing and directing the movie, which follows a twentysomething guy who finds out he impregnated his one-night stand. Shooting begins this summer. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Jessica Biel will play Nicolas Cage's love interest in Next. The story centers on a man (Cage) with the unique ability to see future events and affect their outcome. Pursued by the FBI, which is seeking to use his abilities to prevent a global terrorist attack, he ultimately must decide whether to save himself or the world. Julianne Moore also stars with shooting to begin this March. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Mischa Barton and Shirley McLaine will team up for the Irish drama Closing the Ring. Set in the present day and World War 2, the 13 million Euro budgeted film follows an American woman who honoured a wartime promise of love, with a lifetime of denial. The the discovery of a gold ring on a distant Irish hillside brings her back to life. Shooting will begin in Ireland in the next coming months. [Variety]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Henry Rollins

Birthday Sluts

Kristin Davis (41)
Dakota Fanning (12)
Kelly MacDonald (30)
Veronica Webb (41)
Patricia Richardson (55)
Peter Fonda (66)

Get in a Cage Already!

Parasite Hilton is fighting back at Mischa Barton's comments about her.

Mischa said: "She seems to hate everyone around her age who is more successful."

Parasite fired back with: "I don't even know the girl. I could care less. It seems like she's the one trying to stir up a rivalry. I've never said a word about her in my life. But she seems to be spending a lot of time thinking about me."

Mischa's spokeswhore claims Mischa was just joking.

Yeah right, these two bitches should fight already! I'm on Team Mischa! She has the thighs to take down that ho.

Oh and Parasite looks so much hotter without her fugly face!

[Teen Hollywood]

Who Would've Thought?

Angie, Billy Bob and Brad together! Who would've thought that years later she'd be banging the blonde? And what is Billy Bob wearing? I'm sure Angie makes Brad wear that same blouse now!

[Thanks to JenC]

Maybe He's the Powerball Winner?

This Brokeback Mountain shit has got to stop! Right now! It's old! Anyway, some dude named Tom Gregory became an official moron by purchasing two old cowboy shirts from the film at auction for a staggering $100,000!

"They really are the ruby slippers of our time," said Gregory, 45.

A longtime gay activist, Gregory plans to keep the shirts "as they were, on the hanger, entwined."

"I would never wear them, put them on, or separate them," he said.

Gregory collects signed celebrity photos from Hollywood's golden age, but this is his first foray into movie props. Focus Features, distributor of "Brokeback Mountain," donated the two shirts, which were sold on the auction Web site ebay.com to benefit Variety — The Children's Charity of Southern California.

Gregory logged his winning bid — $101,100.51 — just 28 seconds before the 10-day auction came to a close on Monday.

"There is no buyer's remorse," he said, characterizing the purchase as "the most fun thing I ever bought."

Shit, I hope for that much dough he at least gets some Heath and Jake precum on those shirts!

[Yahoo News]

House of Dereon = House of Horrors

These are some new ads for Beyonce and Tina Knowles' new clothing line House of Dereon. I must say that Beyonce looks hot, but having her mother there is just creepy. She's staring at her like she's going to rip her apart. Tina Knowsles was seriously made to be behind the camera.

WTF is Wrong With Their Heads?!

OMG, she is literally the weirdest individual on this planet!

[Picture: Crunk and Disorderly] [Thanks Hassan]

Penny's Banging This Chick Right?!

Ooo...Salma's gonna be so mad! And what's up with the hair?

KFed's Mystery Ho Revealed!

Hollywood Rag has possibly solved the mystery of KFed's latest ho!



Here's what a reader wrote them:

The woman in the picture with Kevin Federline... her name is Sandy Laktar or something to that effect. She is a french actress that is in Los Angeles on holiday. I have partied with her on accassion and as I understand it she is trouble and a horrible star fu*ker. She also has a horriffic coke problem.

According to this chick's MySpace she is only 14?! What, no that can't be! As to her relationship with Mr. Britney Spears who knows. Knowing him..she could be his drug dealer or his #1 ho?!

[Hollywood Rag]

Do It To Me Johnny Weir

Seriously, when is Johnny Weir going to ask me to be his? I'm picturing a wedding on ice...him in leopard Cavalli and me in black Helmut Lang..it will be so perfect.

Anyway, our favorite Weir(do) went on a little shopping spree with The Washington Post. And let's just say he knows his deals and he knows how to bargain. He's like my Spanish auntie. And he wants to be Jewish...a Jewish girl anyway..who doesn't?

Johnny Weir says he is very spiritual. It is true that he adores the celebrity rag Us Weekly and that he's currently reading a book by too-thin, too-blond starlet Nicole Richie. But he also has a deeper side. He says he's been obsessed with the Holocaust since he was little and considers himself "a little bit" Jewish, although he isn't, not technically. He says he's had his past lives read and found out that most recently he was a Jewish girl from Poland during World War II.

"I mean, it makes sense if you think about it," he says. "Like, what 4-year-old gets into learning about how 6 million people were exterminated?"

Around his neck, Johnny wears three chains with a knotted mess of pendants, including two Stars of David, an Israeli army dog tag, an Italian horn to protect him from the mal occhio , or evil eye, a miraculous medal of Mary, and the letter D, which stands for the Christina Aguilera song "Dirrty," because Christina Aguilera is his role model.

He is beautiful in what he calls an "androgynous" way; dark-lipped and hazel-eyed, with long lashes that curl perfectly up. He is 5 feet 9 and 125 pounds, with body fat "in the death levels," at 5.5 percent. His skin is pale and lovely.

"I'm breaking out really bad," he says, and points to one tiny little almost-zit.

You have to read the rest of the article, because it's insane. Johnny would you give up Fendi for me? Probably not.

[Washington Post] [Thanks to all who sent it to me]

Vintage Vadge Again!

Click here to see NSFW version!

[Thanks to Valerija]

Ash Simpson is the Next Angelina Jolie!

Ashlee Simpson may have a face only a mother could love, but I can't talk shit about her right now. She was at Beth-Israel giving a little attention to sick kids. Even my cold heart has to melt a little. Anyway, that's nice of her to do it. Bitch is still fug shit though.

Afternoon Crumbs

I'm in love with Katrina LaVerne aka Trina [Crunk and Disorderly]

James Bond in a speedo [Just Jared]

Diddy and two chicks on VDay [A Socialite's Life]

Jada Pinkett Smith is a dude [Popbytes]

Tyra Banks is a dude [Hollywood Rag]

Sienna Miller is a dude [Egotastic!]

Dianne from Fat Camp is good entertainment [FourFour]

Kid Rock is suing mad [Glitterati]

Sometimes Breasts Aren't a Good Thing!

Well, breasts that are attached to Fergie anyway!

[A Socialite's Life]

I LOVE Sasha Cohen!

Like any self-respecting fag I only watch the women's figure skating competition during the Olympics. No other sport exists to me. I literally dug nails into my sofa watching Sasha Cohen skate last night. I seriously was waiting for her to fall, but thankfully she didn't and scored the #1 spot leading into the free-skate tomorrow. I have hope that the Kabbalahballah will help her score Gold!

That Russian bitch Irina SLUTskaya needs to fall! I was doing some strange Angelina Jolie voodoo crap on her hoping she would eat shit. But she didn't! She's like a machine! A Russian, lesbian machine. But honestly that girl turned it with her outfit. Only a Russian lesbian would wear that outfit!

So I ask you to please send Sasha Cohen good Johnny-Weir thoughts during her skate tomorrow. And where was Johnny Weir anyway? He should be able to compete in the women's competition!

How High?!

Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown touch down in an Atlanta airport after Whitney barely performed at the Winter Olympics in Italy. Someone was smoking some shit in the lavratory! The look on her face! Bitch knows she's about to get busted!

I Know the Real Reason!

Jello isn't pregnant according to several sources and friends of the star. Even though she was seen purchasing thousands of dollars worth of baby merchandise at a store in Los Angeles, she isn't pregnant. But sources say the couple are now looking to adopt.

"They may adopt!" a friend of Lopez tells Star. The actress has reportedly dealt with fertility problems in the past and, the friend says, "she's been trying to get pregnant with Marc's baby for te last year with no luck. The older she gets, the more the deck is stacked against her having her own biological children."

Another source says that J.Lo was spurred to consider adoption after watching Angelina Jolie, 30, and Meg Ryan, 44, bring adopted children into their lives. "I think J.Lo would love to adopt a Puerto Rican baby, so the child can share its heritage with her and Marc," says the source.

My thinking is that Jello finally realized her hubby was fugly as shit and doesn't want to put innocent children through that!

[Star Magazine]

I Think This is Sooo Close to Coming True!

Rumors are now in full gear that Star Jones' sham marriage to Gay Al is finally headed for splitsville. Apparently the two have been fighting non-stop and finally gay rumors surrounding Al have taken their toll.

A friend said: "Star and Al had a loud fight that is causing the latest problems in their troubled marriage.

"I think at the root of it all is the fact she wonders whether Al really loves her. Gay rumors have followed their marriage from the beginning. It's probably caused her to question what's really going on. He seems to be hanging with his friends at odd hours."

Everyday I pray for this to happen! I know it's wrong to wish ill-will on others, but Star's lunacy has drove me to this! I love how she gives love advice to everyone and I would love even more to see this bitch fall from the gay pedestal she's put herself on!

[The National Enquirer]

Together Again?!

*The Photo Agency that owns this picture has asked me to remove it*

Nicole Richie and DJ AM fueled speculation that they are back together after they were photographed leaving dinner in L.A. hand in hand. Nicole's spokeswhore insists the two are still just friends.

He probably missed the way his dick feels between her bones.

[The Post Chronicle]

HoHan Wants to Be Taken Seriously!

I know laughable right? HoHan is sick of people calling her a "teen queen" and wants to be taken seriously. She is trying to stay away from the roles that her made her famous and instead she's exploring more serious roles in smaller films.

She said: "I hate it when people call me a teen queen,"

Oh and she also thinks she looked nasty when she was all skinny:

"Sometimes being that thin doesn't look healthy. I kind of didn't realize that. ... I lost weight when I was in the hospital, and then I wanted to keep it off."

I like this chick, because you never have to follow her quotes up with a joke! She does the work for you!

[People]

Peta's New Target!

Watch out Eva LongWHORIA, Peta is coming for you! The people at Peta are fighting mad at the Desperate Housewives ho for boasting about her hunting skills on Oprah.

Eva told O: "I can skin a deer and a pig and a snake - and rabbits,"

Peta had this to say to Eva: "If Eva is set on going hunting, we hear Vice-President Cheney is looking for a new partner."

Actually, that's the best idea I've heard all year!

[Female First]

KFed and Some Wasted Chick!

KFed is seen here with a mystery chick outside recording studios in Los Angeles. Whoever this chick is, she looks wasted! She can barely stand up! And what is she wearing?! Maybe she's the lunch lady at the studio. Yeah we'll go with that.

I don't know what's happening to me, but I find myself attracted to KFed more and more each day. Someone perform an exorcism on me quick!

Angelina Jolie for JcPenney

Ok she was 18 back then, but you know she still shops ther.e

She Needs a Botox Touch-Up Before the Wedding!

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban's highlights will finally become one when they marry this March. That's according to US Weekly anyway. Nicole's flaunting a huge diamond ring sparking rumors that she's engaged. Apparently, the couple have already sent out invitations for the nuptials in her native Australia.

By the looks of that grimace she's hiding a secret or a really wet fart!

[Page Six]

EXCLUSIVE Picture of the Bermuda Triangle!

Yup boys, you're about to be sucked in!

[Thanks to Melba]

The Price Isn't Right!

Colin Farrell is suing a former Price is Right model claiming she was in on the plot to sell a XXX video starring him. Colin claims that Candace Smith, a former Barker's Beauty, conspired with Nicole Narain (co-star on the video) to sell the tape.

He's still on this?! We've all seen the tape and we've all seen him in action. We're all totally over it as well!

Oh and the Barker Beauty is sooooo much hotter!!!

[TMZ] [Thanks Stacy]

Drew Barrymore in Grey Gardens?!

This is awful! Grey Gardens is a cult documentary classic from 1975 about the true story of two relatives of Jacqueline Kennedy. Little Edie and Big Edie were the cousin and aunt of Jackei O and were famously depicted in the documentary as crazy bitches that lived in a rundown mansion with tons of cats and in filth. Jackie O later rescued the woman from public disgrace.

If you haven't seen this movie, it's a must see! These women are both fascinating and insane.

Well, Hollywood is going to screw things up again by turning this into a feature film. Drew Barrymore will star as Little Edie and Jessica Lange will star as Big Edie. Shooting is set to begin this Summer.

[Dark Horizons]

The Dlisted Report

Billy Bob Thornton will direct and star in Floyd Collins for Paramount Pictures. Set in 1925, the drama centers on the true-life story of cave explorer Floyd Collins' entrapment in a Kentucky cavern and the ensuing 13-day news frenzy. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Chris Rock will star in a remake of the French film Chloe in the Afternoon called I Think I Love My Wife. "Chloe" depicted the life of a happily married office worker who daydreams about other women until he encounters the mistress of an old friend who tries to seduce him. Production begins this Spring in New York. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Jonathan Liebesman will direct the 11th Friday the 13th. The film is set to be due this October. It will also follow the early origins of Jason. Michael Bay is currently producing. [Variety]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS!

The Top 3:

Somebody call Whitney and Bobby, I need help with a doody bubble! - Blondiebear

ok, celine, just say you didn't like "memoirs of a geisha"...you don't have to be rude! - Tim

Celine Dion covers Ginuwine's "Riding My Pony" - Anonymous 3:00pm

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS!

What's fat, white and gay all over? - GG's Avatar

"I'm the Queen of the World!" - Buttercup

Tom sucks in his stomach as to avoid confusion as to who is really pregnant. - Anonymous 5:06pm

Hot Slut of the Day!

Dolly Parton

Birthday Sluts

Jeri Ryan (38)
Drew Barrymore (31)
Lea Salonga (36)
Rachel Dratch (40)
Steve "Crocodolie Hunter" Irwin (44)
Kyle McLachlan (47)
Marni Nixon (76)

When Egos Collide!

People Magazine obtained a scathing open letter written from Donald Trump to Martha Stewart. Seriously, what was the point of this? That show was so long ago and nobody is even thinking about this. It's funny that the new season of The Apprentice debuts in a couple of weeks. I think Trump is using Martha to boost his image. He's a fucking asshole.

And the letter:

Dear Martha:

It's about time you started taking responsibility for your failed version of The Apprentice. Your performance was terrible in that the show lacked mood, temperament and just about everything else a show needs for success. I knew it would fail as soon as I first saw it – and your low ratings bore me out.

Between your daughter, with her one word statements, your letter writing and, most importantly, your totally unconvincing demeanor, it never had a chance – much as your daytime show is not exactly setting records.

Despite this, I did nothing but positively promote you. Your only response to your failed show was that, "I thought that I was supposed to fire Donald Trump!" You knew this was not true – NBC would never fire me when The Apprentice was, for a good period of time, the #1 show on television and my recent finale, where I hired Randal, was the #2 show for the week, easily beating the competing finale of Amazing Race and others. Even Mark Burnett said, "Thank God that didn't happen," when asked about firing Donald Trump.

Essentially, you made this firing up just as you made up your sell order of ImClone. The only difference is – that was more obvious. Putting your show on the air was a mistake for everybody – especially NBC.

In any event, my great loyalty to you has gone totally unappreciated.

Sincerely,
Donald J. Trump

P.S. Be careful or I will do a syndicated daytime show, perhaps called The Boardroom, and further destroy the meager ratings you already have!

And Martha responds:

The letter is so mean-spirited and reckless that I almost can’t believe my long-time friend Donald Trump wrote it. I am very proud of the work we did with Mark Burnett Productions and Mr. Trump, who was an executive producer, on The Apprentice: Martha Stewart. Many young entrepreneurs learned so much from the show and enjoyed it. Many families sat their children down weekly to watch it. We are even more pleased with our excellent daytime show Martha – syndicated by NBC Universal – which has just been nominated for six daytime Emmys (including best show and best host), was touted by The New York Times as one of the best shows on television, and has been embraced by our wonderful audience throughout the country.

Actually, both of them suck!

Angelina Gets Her Own Morning Paper?!

And look at that bump?! Damn! Seriously, she's totally wearing a robe!

Ugh, Why Does She Get to ME?!

Fishsticks Paltrow is still laying low in Mexico with her precious daughter Apple Martin. Why do I let her get to me so much?! I just look at her and I see yuck. Usually pregnant woman look all hot and full of glow, but this bitch looks like she was flour bombed for serious! She looks like one giant marshmallow. And this marshmallow seriously needs to be charbroiled!

Mimi Sucks It In!

Mimi heads in to TRL totally baring and sucking in her gut! She looks hot and I'm sick of dissing her. So let's diss her dog Jack instead! My little dog has that same exact jacket, but in a smaller size of course. How embarrassing it's like last season! My dog wouldn't even be caught taking a dump in that coat anymore! Come on now Jack get some new threads. Seriously, I think Jack is also retarded.

Tom Ford: The Fluffer

Tom Ford is seen here busily fluffing up Jake Gyllenhaal for Vanity Fair's Hollywood Issue. Yeah Jake doesn't seem to mind very much.





[Towleroad]

This Clip is Classic!

Over the weekend while bored out of my mind I was watching one of those clip shows like on Vh1 or Bravo or something. Well, they had this GENIUS clip from Showdog Mom & Dads. This lady is seriously the most amazing woman on earth. She is not only gorgeous, but she is a comedic ICON! I need to interview her ASAP! I also want to see if there are bite marks all over her vagina. And yes this clip is old, but it's worth millions!

George Sure Does Like the Gerbils!

Wait, that's Richard Gere right?! Damn, I always get them confused! Well, reports are that George Clooney is back to dating that hamster-faced Renee Zellweger.

According to spies at George's private Bafta aftershow party at the The Dorchester hotel, Renee was seen "canoodling" in the corner with her former A-list boyf.

The Sun newspaper adds: "When the barman finally threw them out, the pair went giggling down a corridor clutching a bottle of champagne."

Between the news of George banging Roseanne Barr to Teri Snatcher and now this...I'm pretty sure he likes the dick.

[Sky News]

Charlize Theron is the Perfect Woman!

Oh yes she is! I don't give compliments often here, so she owes me. Ok and a compliment from me doesn't come without some kind of backhanded comment. Sometimes her face looks like its been sat on for way too long. You know? Like a fallen cake. Other that that, she's gorge.

Afternoon Crumbs

Whitney Houston embarrasses herself at the Olympics [FourFour]

Jessica Alba gets a parking ticket [Egotastic!]

Carmen Electra makes out with Victoria Silvstedt [A Socialite's Life]

142 pictures of Brangelina on a carousel [Just Jared]

Tom Cruise wants to sue [Gabsmash]

Dolly Parton's bongo boobs [Hollywood Rag]

Brad & Jen are finally settled [Glitterati]

Chestica's mad about her "dumb" image [IDLYITW]

Jordan Loves Harvey!

Jordan gave Ok! Magazine an EXCLUSIVE interview on our favorite child in the world: Harvey. Honestly, Harvey makes me so happy. If I had to choose between a $10 Million diamond ring and Harvey, I'd choose the ring but only after giving it immense consideration.

Anyhow, the interview opens with Harvey basically almost biting off Jordan's face! He literally attacks her and tries to claw off her gorgeous mug. Jordan blames this on his disabilities. If you don't know, Harvey suffers from autism and is pretty much blind. Jordan tells us that the doctors say that Harvey needs to get his weight down, because he's getting too fat. Jordan doesn't know what to do. She swears he doesn't eat any candies or anything. She can't find clothes for Harvey either, so she has to make them. This makes no sense to me, because can't she just size up? No, she has to humiliate him by putting him in basically rags. If you look closely you can see the seams of his shirts literally falling apart. You know she sews them herself and well look at her...how good of a job could she possibly do?

Harvey also doesn't know the difference between a poop and a pee. She literally tells us all of this! Poor Harvey! His deep, dark secrets are being sold to OK! The dumbest shit is that she purchased some glasses for him, because she thinks it might help him to see better. He's blind bitch! What part of blind don't you understand?!

Harvey is truly a special child! He doesn't understand love, but he wants affection. I seriously think about him every night before a go to bed and say a beautiful prayer for him! Harvey is a wonderful thing and too bad he has that dumb (but so gorgeous) bitch as a mother!



You know that glitter shirt was hers! She's a cheap bitch!



Look! His shirt is falling apart!



What a classy way to pose with your child!



Oh and you can purchase that ring from Jordan's jewelry line! Yes she has one!



Ok, maybe she loves him.



Seriously, buy him some proper clothes!



This picture below is my Christmas card! Jordan in a Care Bears shirt and Harvey in eyeglasses. Could the world get any better?






[Thanks to Albz]

Vadge Gives Herself a Pat on the Back!

Vadge thinks she deserves recognition for barely holding her marriage to Guy Ritchie up for all these years.

She said: : "I must admit, I have to pat myself on the back. It's not easy to be married, to have a successful career, to have children, to be with someone who is as strong-willed and ambitious as I am.

"Guy's not a househusband and I'm not a typical wife. So you can imagine, we have our clashes.

"But I think we always keep our eye on the ball - that is our marriage - the union of us, the things that we create together, are bigger than the petty fights we have."

I love that she even considers him a househusband! That just goes to show that she's letting us know in case we didn't already know that she's way more successful and rich than him!

[Ananova]

I Hope Those Flowers are Plastic!

Because you know some real flowers would totally wilt at sight of her nasty mug! Here's Kelly Osbourne at the Elle Style Awards. Don't ask me WHY she is at any event with the word "style" in it!

Mischa Barton was there also. My eyes don't know where to rest. Nowhere is safe!

How Old is 21 in Dog Years?

Haylie Ruff and her pet pony celebrated a big 21 in Los Angeles. I'm sure there was plenty of Puppy Chow for Haylie and sugarcubes for Hilary!

Damn, these two can put an act together and join the circus!

Mischa Barton HATES Parasite Hilton

Mischa Barton fell out of the Parasite circle when she started dating Kimbo's ex-fiancee Cisco Adler. And now Mischa is looking to get revenge by trash-talking that piece of shit Parasite.

Mischa said: "I met her one or two times and she's making out there's this big rivalry between us and there so isn't. She seems to hate everyone around her age who is more successful."

"I tuned into the Brits because I like to know what's going on in British music and I saw her and I was like, 'What?'

"She was coming out with all this ridiculous stuff, like, 'I love London because... whatever.' Please."

Like you are so English Mischa? You're as English as my old dirty Doc Martens! But I have to agree. Actually, anybody that says anything bad about that bitch I must agree with! It's like the one of the best activities. I think that trash-talking Paris Hilton should become America's new favorite pastime!

[Contact Music]

Boy George Slams Gay Marriage

Cokehead Boy George has slammed gay marriage and also marriage in general. He thinks it's not modern and kind of tired. George was shocked when Elton John decided to wed, because he thinks that gay marriage has no place in today's culture.

He said: "Gay unions, what is that all about? I haven't been invited to any ceremonies and I wouldn't go anyway. The idea that gay people have to mimic what obviously doesn't work for straight people anymore, I think is a bit tragic. "I'm looking forward to gay divorces."

In a messed up way I have to agree with him. Sort of. I mean if gay marriage was legal, my scandalous ass would've probably been married and divorced like 3 times by now! I feel like marriage is a joke in my mind and I wouldn't appreciate it at all! To me the only reason to get married is to get divorced and collect alimony.

But then again George is probably slamming it, because nobody wants to marry his nasty ass!

[Ireland Online] [Thanks to Stacy]

Jello Needs a Brush!

Jello and Marc Anthony are seen here in Los Angeles going into a photo studio. I hope they are doing her hair, because it looks like a rat's nest! Witnesses also claim that she looked "bigger" than usual sparking rumors that she's knocked up with that skeletor's sperm.



Marc looks kind of hot there. (MK dodges fists and apples being thrown at him)



Damn, I can smell that fruit salad from here. And no doubt Jello probably laid a big fart right on it.

Love Will Keep Us Together!

Hilary Swank and Chad Lowe are reportedly back together after they separated last year. At the Golden Globe's, Hilary told Isaac Mizrahi she was working on her marriage and looks like it paid off!

Hilary Swank's marriage is back on just a month after the Oscar-winner announced her split from Chad Lowe.

The couple reportedly separated last year and have been trying to save their marriage ever since.

They were spotted out and about together in Malibu, California, and Swank was wearing her wedding band.

Aw, let's hope these two crazy kids work it out! God knows she needs him, because nobody else will date her horse face and God knows he needs her, because he's broke!

[Ireland Online] [Thanks to Stacy]

This Album is Never Coming Out!

Parasite Hilton has been blabbing about her "hot" album for years now. Seriously, when is this piece of mess finally going to hit the shelves and then hit garbage cans?! Well, Star Magazine caught up with our favorite whore as she's preparing to release her album "in the next few months." Yeah, that means the day after never.

There's nothing shy about Paris Hilton —but then, she has no reason to be shy. After all, she looks good and sounds good — and she knows it. Which is why we're here today at Quixote Studios in L.A., where Paris, in a babydoll shirt, leopard-print undies and knee-high black velvet boots, is posing for the photos for her still-untitled debut CD, set to hit stores in a few months.

"Perfect, perfect," shouts the photographer, as Paris strikes a sexy pose.

"Turn it up," yells Paris, as one of her new tracks, "Turn You On," with its driving dance-floor beat, blares in the background. "I wrote this one," she announces proudly.

It sounds like her: The lyrics concern a woman so gorgeous, every man who sees her wants her. In fact, the entire album is filled with lyrics straight from Paris' headline- making lifestyle — tunes about partying, about feeling sexy and, of course, about boys. There's even a track about falling out with a close friend. (Are your ears burning, Nicole Richie?)

I love that picture of her at the keyboard! Like she really knows what that is. She's probably like "Oh, I know what this is! Just last week 10 dudes gave me bukkake while I was lying on one of these! They are so comfortable!"

[Star Magazine] [Thanks to Maria]

Britney Moving to Hawaii?

Britney Spears is currently in Hawaii where some say she's house hunting. Britney is on the island of Maui looking to rent a house for 3-months while she records her album in paradise. SPF is also along for the ride, but Kfed was nowhere to be found.

Britney also fueled rumors that she's pregnant again!




She's not pregnant, she's just fat!



Is that a miracle suit she's wearing?



At least she kept the shorts on!



That poor nanny has to deal with that dumbass all day!




SPF is an angel!

Monster Pussy!

Meet the monster cat! He's 33 pounds of hot lovin'! This cat has a 31-inch waist?! Damn. Anyway, this cat is being touted as the world's fattest living cat. He lives somewhere in China and his owner claims to feed him 6 pounds of chicken and pork a day. No wonder he's a heffer!

I do love him though. There's a small place in my heart for overweight, Chinese cats.







[Local 6] [Thanks to Pamela]

Did Roseanne Screw George Clooney?

No, this can't be! Not my George! Well, George Clooney worked with Roseanne on her self-titled sitcom and she claims that he was quite a jokester. She said that one night during a cast dinner, George entertained everyone with his penis!

She said: "One night we were all drunk, John Goodman took a picture of George naked with Groucho Marx glasses over his private area and we used to have that on the fridge on the "Roseanne" show with a magnet on top of it."

"But someone stole it. I always check to see if it's on eBay, all of us do, but somebody must have just thrown it away because it's never shown up."

I wonder if he's packing? Probably not, but I'd still hit it. Roseanne went on to say that she developed quite a crush on him and that she even slept with him. She's lying!

"I fucked him. More than once. I'm trying to be discreet."

She's such a liar!

[Muzi] [Thanks to rollerslut]

Leona Helmsley is Still the Queen of Mean

After all these years Leona Helmsley still reigns as the ultimate Queen of Mean. That's according to one of Leona's former housekeepers, Russian immigrant Zamfira Sfara, 45. Zamfira claims that Leona is always worried that people are trying to poison her or that terrorists are trying to attack her. You know Leona is probably right. Zamfira tried to sue Leona earlier claiming that she had been attacked by Leona's little pooch, Trouble. The charges were thrown out of court.

Zamfira claims that she had to prepare special meals for Trouble, but also that the dog bit at her whenever it got a chance. She also said that Leona would praise the dog when he does so telling Zamfira that "she deserved it."

I must say that I'd rather get torn up by Trouble than have to look into that face each and everyday. But, long live Leona! The Ice Queen!

[Page Six]

The Dlisted Report

Walk the Line director James Mangold will remake 3:10 to Yuma. The original 1957 Western, starring Glenn Ford and Van Heflin, is about a sheriff determined to bring a captured desperado to justice. Elmore Leonard wrote the short story on which it was based. [Variety]

Saffron Burrows, Jada Pinkett Smith and Liv Tyler are in final talks to join Reign O'er Me with Adam Sandler and Don Cheadle starring. Directed by Mike Binder, the film centers on a man (Sandler) who lost his family in the September 11 attacks and has not recovered from his grief. He runs into his college roommate (Cheadle), who is now a psychiatrist and is determined to help him cope with the loss. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Nick Cassavetes will direct Bombing Harvey as his next film. The film is based on a true story about a man who tries to cover his gambling losses by planting a bomb and extorting $3 Million from a Lake Tahoe casino. The 1980 incident ended when authorities detonated the device and destroyed Harvey's Resort Hotel. The bomber was John Birges, a Hungarian scientist who came to the U.S. and became a major landscape contractor in California. [Variety]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS!!

The Top 3:

after being bombarded with gamma radiation, the incredible hulk decided to guest star on an episode of "girls behaving badly". - Tim

I'm CAROL!! - wakka wakka wakka

The first successful human head transplant. - anon 4:48am


[Thanks to Monique]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Jerry Springer

Birthday Sluts

Brendan Sexton III (26)
Charlotte Church (20)
Jennifer Love Hewitt (27)
Christopher Atkins (45)
Kelsey Grammer (51)
Tyne Daly (60)
Alan Rickman (60)
David Geffen (63)
Rue McClanahan (72)

The New York Times and Actors

The New York Times Magazine did a several page spread of some of the year's best performances according to them!



Reese Witherspoon...Walk the Line



Viggo Mortensen...A History of Violence



Rachel Weisz...The Constant Gardner



William Hurt...A History of Violence



George Clooney...Syriana



Michelle Williams...Brokeback Mountain



Phillip Seymour Hoffman...Capote



Heath Ledger...Brokeback Mountain



Joaquin Phoenix...Walk the Line



Charlize Theron...North Country



Shirley MacLaine...In Her Shoes



Joseph Gordon-Levitt...Myserious Skin



Penelope Cruz...Don't Move



Terrence Trent Howard...Hustle & Flow



Zhang Ziyi...2046



Daniel Day-Lewis...The Balad of Jack and Rose

Flavor of Love: The Goldie and the Bad

The episode opened up with Flava Flav telling the girls that they were going on "exotic" vacations. The first girls were Pumkin and Hoopz who were sent to Palm Springs. Get ready, because it gets really ugly.



They start with a little Yoga. G-rated right? Hoopz, I can see your clit.



Pumkin immediately turned on the ho.



Why did they have to go into the pool? That's just nasty. That woman in the green knows what time it is.



NO!!!!! WARNING!!! WARNING!!! It gets nauseatingly disgusting here. The girls and Flav play a little mud games.



And then they go into the shower where Pumkin searches for gold.



Pumkin is honestly one of the biggest sluts in the world!



This poor lady had to face the stankness and pull them out of the shower. You know certain STDs travel in oxygen. Poor lady.



Yup, he came.



At dinner, Pumkin turned up the ho-ness to a maximum level. He basically ignored Hoopz.



Yup and he decides to leave Hoopz at the dinner table.



At least she gets dessert.



Yeah, she's gonna fuck him.



Thank God that's illegal to show on TV!



NY and Goldie are sent to San Diego to meet up with Flav. They go to the zoo which is really boring and then go back to the hotel where they dress up like sluts to go have dinner. NY basically tells us that she has nothing against plus-sized woman.
"She's a cute girl. Cute next to gorgeous, gorgeous is going to devour cute. In the looks department I've scored too high for her to catch up"



But NY has no idea what Goldie has planned...



DAMN! Bitch is sacrificing her life in order to win a stupid reality show! No Goldie, don't do this!



NY and her testicles are pissed!



And just like Flav did to Hoopz he did to NY. He ignored her throughout the entire dinner and left her there while he went to get it on with Goldie.

Oh and NY that choker barely covers your adam's apple!



You know Goldie's acting!



While Goldie and Flav probably play video games, NY freaks out in her room.
"I'm not gonna share my man with another woman! A BIG GIRL at that! That fucking whore knew what she was doing! She knew!"



At the elimination ceremony, the girls huddles together afraid that NY's gonna beat their ass. NY's dick is hard, because she's trying desperately to hide the fact.



Yup, it comes down to Goldie and NY.



Unfortunately, Goldie is sent home. The reason being because that country-dumb-dumb told Flava that she only wanted to be his friend. Pumkin's look says it all!



Goldie, go back to the farm!



And it's official! I will be attending The Flavor of Love reunion show in L.A. this Saturday. Finally Hottie and I can consummate our love! But don't forget to tune in next week..it's going to be hot shit!

Flava meets the mothers...



NY's mom tells her she's fat! This bitch is my hero!



FINALLY!!!! The shit goes down!



CATFIGHT!

President's Day Crumbs

Posh goes with leather on the slopes [Hollywood Tuna]

Mischa Barton's nipples are sort of visible [Egotastic!]

Thanks to Francine for interviewing my ass for the Seattle Times [Seattle Times]

The Donald tells Martha to suck it up [Glitterati]

Scarlett Johansson fugs up the BAFTAs [Gabsmash]

Ashton Kutcher is a Guardian [Just Jared]

Parasite Hilton and her lesbo sex tape [Hollywood Rag]

Quick Somebody Call Mulder! A Crazy Alien is Attacking that Child!

[Kimbo Stewart and her little sister]

Hot Lesbian Love!

I doubt any of this is true, but it would be hot. Apparently, Kate Moss is in talks with Brokeback Mountain director Ang Lee to star as one of Dusty Springfield's girlfriends in a new biopic about the singer. Ang is expected to helm the film with Charlize Theron in the title role.

A source said: "Kate's the ideal choice to play the love of Dusty's early life. She's beautiful, aloof and she epitomizes swinging London.

"Kate's character breaks Dusty's heart and sparks off the chain of tumultuous relationships that dogged her throughout life."

It don't think it's true, but Kate Moss on Charlize Theron would be ultra-hot girl-on-girl action!

[Contact Music]

Blind Items...I Guess...You Guess...

WHICH power couple is said to be close to announcing a surprise split? Friends say the cuckolded hubby is tired of his wife flaunting her female lover, who was even invited to their daughter's recent birthday party.

I have no clue! Maury and Connie Chung!

WHICH fashion mogul was fuming when an official at his son's private school called him to say that his boy had been caught smoking pot with two buddies?

Damon Dash

WHICH irascible rocker has been dabbling with heroin?

Tommy Lee

WHICH Hollywood hunk, who's said to be very well-endowed, pinch-hits for the other team? His ex-wife discovered that he two-timed her with women, but he also had some boys on the side.

Colin Farrell

[Page Six]

KFed on KFed

Kevin Federline believes that the way the press treats him can't get any lower. Britney's dead-beat husband thinks that the media has got it all wrong.

He said: "'He hates his children, he treats his wife like dirt, he gets high all day,'" says Federline, quoting his critics.

"If I was that bad, you think anyone, let alone Britney, would put up with it?"

Um, yeah she would put up with it. Because she's a dumb bitch.

KFed also can't wait for his album to finally drop. He says that even though critics ripped apart his single PopoZao received 2 million downloads from his website.

"If my album has even half that attention, watch out."

Yeah watch out, but don't pay full price for it. I'm sure after a week of being released it will be at the bargain bin for $5.

[People]

Cameron Diaz Almost Died!

Cammy Diaz is currently in London shooting Holiday with Jude Law and Kate Winslet. Cammy was being driven around by her driver when she totally cheated death! Cammy was not in the back seat, but in the passenger seat because she's so humble, when a bird crashed through the windshield sending glass everywhere! Luckily for her the driver kept his control and saved her life!

A source said: "There is no doubt that the chauffeur saved her life. Other drivers would have panicked and lost control but he remained very cool."

"All you had to do was look at the damage to the windscreen to realize there had been one hell of an impact."

Those shards of glass could've helped cut that terrible acne off her face though.

[Female First]

Damn, Enough Lights?!

There was probably an electrical outage during this Vanity Fair photo shoot with Pamela Anderson and Mamie Van Doren. Seriously, the lights couldn't have been bright enough! Mamie looks so hot for being like 200 years old. I bet you her breast implants are older than Pam!

[Thanks to Pamela]

Janise Wulf is Crazy!

Janise Gulf is the 62yo mother of 10, grandmother of 20 and great-grandmother of 3 that just gave birth a healthy baby boy!

Adam Charles Wulf weighed six pounds, nine ounces and was born via c-section.

Adam already has a three-year-old brother, Ian, also conceived via in vitro fertilization. His oldest half sibling is 40-years-old. Wulf lost two other children, one at birth and another in his 30s.

Wulf's baby grandson, Quinten Myers, is just months older than Adam. She said that to cut down on confusion, all the children in the family will simply call each other cousins.

Wulf, of Redding, Calif., wanted to raise a family with her second husband, Scott Wulf, who was not able to have children during his previous marriage.

"I am no longer working; I have a lot of time to devote," said Janise Wolf. "I had raised all my together children and remarried.

"My husband is retired from the service, and he was there to help me," added Wulf, who is blind. "I have always loved children, obviously."

Go Janise! Put your old vagina to work. Seriously, this is all hot but you must see what she looks like! She is crazy! OMG I love Janise Wulf! She does need an Extreme Makeover though.

Watch the Video!

[Thanks to Infobitch]

I Know I'm Going to Get Shit for This...

But I actually think Chestica Simpson looks hot here. Maybe it's because her nasty hairdresser is standing next to her and anybody next to him looks like a rare diamond. Okay, enough Chestica ass kissing. She's a slut.

The Maddox Code

Angelina Jolie and Maddox Jolie-Pitt are seen here visiting a museum. Yeah, pretty fascinating. However, those moon boots Maddox is wearing are hot shit.

Matthew Perry, Where Have You Been?

I totally forgot about this fool? Here he is leaving the gym. Bitch needs to clean up.

The Dlisted Report

Edward Burns has joined the cast of Holiday. The Nancy Meyers film is currently shooting in London and stars Jude Law, Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet. [Variety]

Brokeback Mountain proved a big winner at the BAFTAs with wins for Best Picture, Ang Lee and Jake Gyllenhaal. Thandie Newton, Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Reese Witherspoon also picked up awards. [Sky News]

Eight Below was #1 movie this weekend with $19.8 Million. Date Movie came in a close #2 at $18.9 Million. The Pink Panther dropped from the #1 spot to the #3 spot with $16.5 Million. [Box Office Mojo]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

After years of research, orthodontists have finally found the source of Kirstin Dunst's teeth. - Skankbot

[Thanks to Youri]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Jenny Lewis from Rilo Kiley

Birthday Sluts

Cindy Crawford (39)
Brian Litrell (31)
French Stewart (35)
Andrew Shue (38)
Lili Taylor (38)
Patricia Hearst (51)
Ivana Trump (56)
Brenda Belthyn (59)
Sandy Duncan (59)

A special Birthday shout out to LA who turns like 19 today!

D-List Fugliness!

This party is like attack of the Dlisters. Why wasn't I invited? Carrot Top proved to be even freakier than I last saw. Seriously, he wears more make-up than Beyonce. Look at these people? This is like House of Wax! Wayne Newton looks like he needs a wick on top of his head!



Carrot Top scares me mommy! Steven Segal is way too serious for my ass. This picture will haunt my dreams!



Stop the madness! Ok, I'd hit Carrot Top.

Times are Tough for Geri Haliwell!

Ginger..Ginger...Ginger....what the hell are you doing?! I know you haven't made that much dough since the Spice Girls, but a dog leash only costs like $2 at Big Lots. Come on now. You can send me your address and I'll gladly send you one. I would hate to see Peta throw a flour bag at you. Although, it may help you since you're broke and you can use the flour to make a bread or something.



Seriously, NO that's not a Burberry dog leash. We aren't falling for that!



Ginger we can see you! I'm totally calling the ASPCA right now. That dog is dying! You are Susan Smithing him!



OMG, don't drive off without putting him in the car!



Seriously, Posh lend her some money!

Star Jones Jerks Her Dick!

[Thanks to Mikee]

Parasite Hilton Quote of the Day!

"I like to see myself in magazines looking good. I don’t read anything – I just get them to look at my outfits. I want to see if I look cute or not. I’m too lazy. I only flip through and look at me. I’m not interested in anyone else."

P.S. - She looks like a fat fuck! She's probably just preggers. Don't worry she'll get an abortion soon! I'm sure she has a punch card at Planned Parenthood.

[Thanks to Albz & Superview]

Parasite Totally Blew Him On Her Birthday!

What was Mickey Rourke doing at Parasite Hilton's 25th Birthday party at The Spanish Kitchen in West Hollywood? She probably needed more dick to break the World's Gang Bang record. He's honestly some ugly shit. He needs to dress his age which is like 120.



Can you imagine her sitting on that face?! His face probably comes a part. It's honestly like put together with a hot glue gun.



Parasite showed up looking more and more like her mom.



She's so happy to be attempting the Gang Bang record!



Wherever there's a gang bang, Steve-O will be there. Honestly, I think he hasn't changed his shirt in like a month.

Weekend Crumbs

Beyonce goes lime [Gabsmash]

Angelina flies away [Just Jared]

Ryan and Rachel are back together [Popsugar]

TomKat's bag of tricks [Hollywood Rag]

Kristen Bell loves fanboys [Egotastic!]

Kanye West needs to stop [Glitterati]

E-V-E needs to go to B-E-D [Crunk and Disorderly]

Lil' Kim has a new video [Concrete Loop]

Hot Slut of the Week: Trina

Age: 27
Birthday: December 3, 1978
Birth Name: Katrina Le'everne Taylor

Original Date of Hot Slut of the Day: February 16, 2006
Claim to Fame: Female gangsta rapper

Where is she now? Has an album out right now called "Glamorest Life"

Why is she Hot Slut of the Week? Trina is such a slut that she makes Lil' Kim look like Mother Theresa

Pansy Bond!

What kind of James Bond gets his ass kicked the first day of shooting? Daniel Craig was in Prague on the first day of shooting for Casino Royale when he got injured during a fight scene.

A source said: "Daniel was filming with some minor actors when he got hit in the face.

"He was reeling from a heavy blow and staggered back holding his face. He put his hand to his mouth but the blood started to seep through his fingers - it was horrible."

Producers flew his dentist to the set to fix him up. What a woman!

[Contact Music] [Thanks to MomtheMumsie]

Blind Item...You Guess...I Guess...

WHICH young starlet known for her fluctuating weight has added crystal meth to her diet of drugs?

This is sooo HoHan right?

[Page Six]

Is Kidman Losing Her Hair?

Nicole Kidman is seen here leaving the gym on Valentine's Day. She's all one color! I actually think she looks good here and isn't botoxed out as usual. But is she losing her hair? Get her some Propecia STAT!

Fishsticks Needs a Mystic!

Fishsticks Paltrow and her family are vacationing in Mexico. She let it all hang out at the resort's pool. Damn, she's like transparent! Fishsticks needs some more baking! If you look at the third picture below even Apple Martin is blinded by her mother's pasty skin!

Whitney Houston WILL Sing at the Olympics Today!

As I reported earlier Whitney Houston will indeed sing at the Winter Olympics in Torino today after the award's ceremonies in the Olympic village. Sources say Whitney will wear a $25,000 fur coat. If Peta tries to throw flour bombs at her ass they better watch out!

That bitch will cut your ass with a rusty razor!

[Page Six]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Carol Lynley

[For Nelson]

Birthday Sluts

Seal (43)
Haylie Duff (21)
Gideon Yago (28)
Sunset Thomas (34)
Benicio Del Toro (39)
Justine Bateman (40)
Jeff Daniels (51)
Smokey Robinson (66)

A special Birthday shout to Edward who is turning like 17 or some shit!