Rusty is Hot Shit!

Weird Couple Alert!

Movie: Lucky Number Slevin

Plot: A case of mistaken identity lands a man in the middle of a murder being plotted by one of New York City's biggest crime bosses.

Stars: Josh Hartnett, Morgan Freeman, Ben Kingsley, Lucy Liu, Stanley Tucci & Bruce Willis
Director: Paul McGuigan

Due: March 31, 2006

Brangelina & Maddox in Paris!

*THE PHOTO AGENCY that owns this picture has asked me to remove it*

Maddox is a fucking rockstar. Someone steal him for me! Oh and here's more Brangelina PDA...boring!

Ashanti's Beauty Line

Ok, first Chestica Simpson has a shitty shoe line and now this?! If fucking Pete Doherty comes out with shaving cream products I'm going to flip out. Seriously, this bitch doesn't know a thing about beauty. I hope that product fixes blotchy skin and cellulite because that bitch needs the help. Askanky is more like it.

Are They a Hot Couple?

I mean Portia de Rossi is hot shit, but with Ellen I'm not sure. Yeah Ellen is funny but she's no peach in the looks department. So I'm afraid Ellen has brought Portia's "sex" factor down a notch. I seriously don't wanna see these two bump uglies and I typically like watching lesbo sex.

Chestica Simpson's Cheap Shoe Line

Chestica Simpson has a cleverly titled shoe line called "Jessica Simpson Footwear." I wonder who came up with that name? And my god those shoes are fugly. I hope they are selling that shit like at KMart and Target because that shit can't be worth more than $20 each. She needs to stick with what she's good at. Wait, what is she good at?

I Just Wanna Punch Her Face In!

Here's America's favorite grouch sweetheart filming Holiday. The film has Cameron playing some dumb bitch in London opposite Kate Winslet and Jude Law. Seriously, why is that she's suddenly no longer hot. I mean she used to be right? But now I just want to take her eyeballs and smash them in! God such hate for a Saturday! I need a cocktail.

Hot Slut of the Day!

Pete Burns

Birthday Sluts

Jennifer Aniston (37)
Kelly Rowland (25)
Matthew Lawrence (26)
Brandy (27)
D'Angelo (32)
Sheryl Crow (44)
Burt Reynolds (70)
Tina Louise (72)
Leslie Nielsen (80)

It's Official!

Val Kilmer has gone to the other side. The other side being Fugville. What is wrong with him?! I hope this is for a character he's playing and I hope that character is Napoleon Dynamite's father. Not even I would hit it. Ok, maybe with a garbage bag over his face!



Seriously, he totally looks like Napoleon Dynamite with a buzz cut!

The Strangest Custody Agreement Ever!

Sharon Stone will lose her son for one full-year under a very strange custody agreement she has with that creepy ex-husband of hers Phil Bronstein. The agreement was reached in November after an extremely nasty negotiation process.

Phil will have their adopted son Roan for one year in San Francisco and return him to Sharon for the next year. This cycle will continue for four years in which they will meet again to re-negotiate a new custody arrangement.

Sharon will have a very busy year filming back-to-back projects so Phil felt that it would be best if Roan was with him this year in San Francisco. Sharon also has another adopted son name Laird that she took on after her divorce with Phil.

See this is what happens when parents are too fucking stubborn?! I mean this makes no sense. I would hate to switch off year after year. That means new friends and a new school and shit. You know Sharon ain't going to live in San Francisco so that poor boy is going to have to switch lives every year!

[Ireland Online]

Today on Tyra!

You won’t believe these beauties are all really men! Tyra searches for America’s next “Transsexual Top Model!” The outrageous Janice Dickinson, former club kid James St. James and drag icon and recording artist Kevin Aviance judge guests in a “Top Model” style competition to decide who will walk away with a Tyra-directed high-fashion photo shoot, a spread in Instinct magazine, and a modeling contract!

Um...hasn't Maury already done this shit?! Tyra is seriously going into Jerry Springer territory.

Watch a clip of today's show!

Diana Ross Was Sucking on Jon Voight's Peter and Here's What Happened....

[Pic: Concrete Loop]

Truly Mad!

Tori Spelling's fiancee Dean McDermott had the words "Truly Madly Deeply Tori" emitted into his wrist. Is he nuts?! At least he didn't get a picture of her nasty mug tattooed on him. Well, at least when they break-up he can change it to "Truly Madly Deeply Torrino." You know like he went to the Olympics or some shit.

[ONTD]

Afternoon Crumbs

Angelina Jolie at age 13 [Just Jared]

Parasite Hilton will only come to your party if you have an area where she can clean her cooch [Best Week Ever]

Goodbye Arrested Development [Popbytes]

Parasite Hilton whores up Montebello, CA [Hollywood Rag]

Tara Reid is a genius [IDLYITW]

Jessica Alba in Playboy [Egotastic!]

More on Nick boinking Chestica's assistant [Gabsmash]

Thanks to Giant Magazine for listing Dlisted as one of the hottest gossip sites along with Jossip, Popbitch, The Gossiplist and Defamer [Giant]

Ahahaha!!!

You don't even have to watch Roseanne's new DVD to fall asleep! Just place it on your kid and boom! This shit is better than Ambien!

Can I Get Salsa on That Kitten?!

Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek have been rumored to be lovers for years now. I've heard everywhere that these two dyke out all the time. But starring in the film Bandidas together has fueled reports that the two are bumping muffs.

During a press conference for the film in Mexico Penny reached over and grabbed Salma's ass.

She said: "I grabbed Salma's ass just to keep things moving. And the energy changed when I did that."

"Magazines in Mexico are describing us as lesbians, people are saying we are lovers."

Duh, because you are! You are lesbians! Gorgeous, foreign, spicy, sexy Lesbians...but still dykes!

[National Ledger]

HoHan Lives Up to Her Name!

I used to think that HoHan wasn't much of a ho. But now I know why she has been given this nickname. Just in the past couple of months she's been linked to Jared Leto and Benecio Del Toro. Well now add Ryan Adams to that list. Apparently, HoHan and Jared have called it quits. I guess his johnson was too big for her Jimmy Choos.

According to friends HoHan has been sneaking around with Parker Posey's ex.

They said: "She's spending all her free time with him. She has been staying at his Greenwich Village (New York) apartment almost every night."

GD I hope Parker is mad about this shit, because I'd love if she gave HoHan a royal beat down!


[Post Chronicle]

I Know We've Already Torn This Bitch Apart....

But come on now! Bitch this is just embarrassing! The whole world has told you that your teeth are some triflin' shit! Keep your fucking sugar-cubed mouth closed! When I see you smile I just wanna deep your teeth into a delicious cup of English Breakfast and add some milk. So from now on keep that fucking shit shut!

Poor Ken!!

I mean Ken already looked like a fag and now he looks like he lets Clay Aiken fuck him without a rubber.

Mattel decided that Ken needed a makeover in order to win Barbie back? Um, doesn't he need a penis first to get that slut?

After a two-year separation, Mattel said today that Barbie's long-time suitor wants to rekindle his decades-long romance with his plastic paramour and get her to give Aussie surfer Blaine the flick.

Mattel is hoping Ken's return to retail stores can also revitalise the company's overall fortunes. In January, the company blamed sagging Barbie sales for sagging profits.

"Ken has revamped his life -- mind, body and soul," Hollywood stylist and Mattel consultant Phillip Bloch said in a statement. "Everyone knows how difficult it is to change, especially when you've lived your life a certain way for more than four decades."

Mattel said in February 2004 that Barbie and Ken had split after 43 years because they wanted to spend some time apart.

Ken, who appears to have spent time in the gym and at the stylist, returns wearing a beach-wear ensemble complete with board shorts and white T-shirt.

For her part, Barbie publicist Lauren Dougherty said Barbie "appreciates the new look Ken is sporting. He really looks great. But we'll have to stay tuned to see whether these two will get back together."

What the fuck?! These are dolls! These aren't people? Getting back together, spending time apart? These people need serious lives! The toy owner gets to decide what to do with these bitches?! Damn! Mattel has their nerve.

Ok I'm done ranting, Ken still looks as gay as Al Reynolds in braids. And Phillip Bloch should be shot!

[SMH]

Vadge's Vadge Banned in Malaysia!

Malaysian official have deemed Vadge's performance at the Grammy's much too provocative for their TV audience. Why you ask? Well, because she wears that nasty-ass leotard!

They said: "From our point of view, it wasn't suitable for our audiences."

And you know what?! From my point of view it's not suitable for any audience!

[Contact Music]

Clooney's Got a Clean Ass!

After hearing about his Oscar nominations George Clooney celebrated by going to get his ass checked! Probably because there was a gerbil stuck up there from all the celebrating. Wait that's Richard Gere right? Ugh, wrong salt 'n' pepper!

He said: "I scheduled it when I knew that the nominations were coming because I figured any news is good news after that. 'You didn't get a nomination. Well, how's the colon looking?'''

"Plus, there's a bonus. I hear they drug you up."

Is all this code for he let a huge black dude fuck him with a dildo?

[LSE]

What Kind of Flipping Off is That?!

Kristie Alley attempts to flip off photographers outside her home. Hmm...the two handed flip-off maneuver is seriously more menacing than just the one. I'll give her that and it looks like Jenny Craig is working for her because she looks much skinnier. Although she's probably flipping us off because she knows we will still call her a fat cow. So we shouldn't disappoint her.

Kristie...you are a FAT COW!

Fishsticks Paltrow Quote of the Day!

"Brits are far more intelligent and civilised than Americans. I love the fact that you can hail a taxi and just pick up your pram and put in the back of the cab without having to collape it. I love the parks and places I go for dinner and my friends. It's a pretty city, you know."

Calista Needs Some Work!

Photographers captured a not so fresh looking Calista Flockhart leaving her home. Damn bitch, what happened?! She looks older than her man and she's 22-year older than his ass! Does drinking old jizz make you look old?

[The Sun] [Thanks to Warren]

Damn, Bobby Has Some Wild Kids!

I received some flack for posting Bobbi Kristina Brown's MySpace profile. Which in all fairness may or may have not have been hers. But the NY Daily News is reporting that his other daughter LaPrincia's MySpace is for real and lists some interesting facts about the 16yo.

When asked what her favorite alcoholic drink is...she said: "Smirnoff Rasberry Vodka"

She also said that she would possibly like to be a stripper and has danced like a whore many times.

Bobby's 14yo old son also said on his MySpace that he can read but chooses not to.

Yeah all that sounds about right.

[NYDN] [Thanks to Katie Scarlett]

Britney on Will & Grace Set

Britney Spears was seen leaving the Will & Grace set yesterday. She started taping her guest appearance which will premiere this April. No word yet on her character. Is she wearing a girdle?! It seems that she's totally strapped in. Ugh, no matter what this bitch looks like trash. Fe her assistant looks to die for though!

Kanye West Thinks He's Jesus!

We all know Kanye West is pretty full of himself. I think he's half joking, at least I hope so because I kind of dig him. Anyway, his latest rant involves the Bible. Apparently, Kanye thinks the bible should be completely written to include him as a character.

He said: "I bring up historical subjects in a way that makes kids want to learn about them. I'm an inspirational speaker. "I changed the sound of music more than one time... For all those reasons, I'd be a part of the Bible. I'm definitely in the history books already."

In all fairness if he wants to be in the Bible, Parasite Hilton should be in it also. I mean she is the biggest whore in history.

[Female First] [Thanks to StacyCRo]

Chestica Pumps!

I am so sick of these damned boots! Is it even that cold in L.A.?! Bitch seriously looks like an Eskimo. I mean she's practically the same height. I love the 3rd pic below. She's like trying to walk through a brick wall!

Blind Item...You Guess...I Guess...

This one is way tooo easy:

WHICH scion of a real estate empire was slightly aghast when his surgically enhanced daughter-in-law sat down for dinner at San Pietro in a way too low-cut outfit and both of her new breasts popped out? The real estate mogul turned to his clueless son and said, "A'hem, I think your wife is losing something." She promptly covered right up.

Donald Trump!

The Dlisted Report

Jennifer Beals has join the cast of The Grudge 2 which will begin shooting in Tokyo soon. The sequel delves into the secrets behind the grudge's wrath and introduces a seemingly unrelated host of characters who find themselves connected by the curse. Details about Beals' character are being kept under wraps. Amber Tamblyn plays the lead role. [Variety]

Dax Shepard, Efren Ramirez and Harland Williams have joined the cast of Employee of the Month. The film currently stars Dane Cook and Jessica Simpson. Greg Coolidge will make his feature directorial debut on the film, which centers on best friends (Cook and Shepard) who work in a Costco-like store and meet a hot new cashier (Simpson) who prefers ambitious men. The men begin an all-out war to become the store's next employee of the month in order to impress her. Ramirez and Williams will play store employees. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Jessica Biel, Christina Ricci and 50 Cent will star in Home of the Brave. Samuel L. Jackson is currently headlining the film.The story, from a screenplay by Mark Friedman, revolves around three soldiers who struggle to readjust to normal life after returning home from a lengthy tour in Iraq. Jackson will play a doctor who tries to resume his routine, only to find himself unraveling. Shooting begins this month in Morroco. [Variety]

Angelina Jolie is currently in talks to play the title role in Sin City 2: A Dame to Kill For. Clive Owen, Brittany Murphy, Jessica Alba and Mickey Rourke are all set to return. [Dark Horizons]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!

Who needs a doctor when you can get a Bonogram? - StoneyBaloney

Hot Slut of the Day!

Miss Jay Alexander of America's Next Top Model

Birthday Sluts

Laura Dern (39)
George Stephanopoulos (45)
Elizabeth Banks (31)
Alexander Payne (45)
Roberta Flack (67)
Robert Wagner (76)

Britney Spears Quote of the Day

on that whole baby-in-lap incident:

“It's kind of like I made a mistake and so it is what is, I guess,”

“Being put in the situation that I was in, it was kind of bad with the paparazzi. Last week, my mom and me went out and they were on us really bad, so it's just, you do instinctively what you need to do.”

What Happened to Bai Ling?!

She's such a lady! She isn't even showing her midriff? Here she is at a post-Grammy part last night. I mean come on, bring back the Bai Ling we all love! She's not being photographed with her mouth open and there's no nip slips. Did somebody slip this ho a lude? Come on now Bai! I don't like this!!!

The Photoshop Awards: Mimi

Look at her arm! Please!!!!

Thank God Jordan Had Plastic Surgery!

Dlisted's favorite ho was nothing to write home about when she was young. Thank God for plastic surgeons and silicone because without them this bitch would be just another homely girl!

[Thanks to Katie]

Tyra Banks is Scared of Dolphins?!

Who the fuck is scared of Dolphins?! Those things are beautiful creatures. But on her show this past Tuesday Tyra Banks confronted her biggest fear which is dolphins! I couldn't find the whole segment of the show, but click here and then on Tuesday to see a little clip of it. Bitch should be more scared of her nasty pits!

[Thanks to David]

Vadge Confirms Tour!

Vadge aka Madonna showed her shit on the Ellen show and confirmed that she was indeed going on tour this summer. Vadge even wore that beat-up old leotard AGAIN on Ellen's show. Ok yes it was taped right after her Grammy performance but still. Come on now. Put on some pants bitch!

However, I am excited to see her on tour. I've seen her last 2 tours and in this one I won't forget to bring the lettuce and tomatoes!

[Thanks to Youri]

Afternoon Crumbs

Chestica Simpson is jealous [IDLYITW]

Grammy pictures galore [Hollywood Rag]

Vanity Fair March 2006 [Just Jared]

Jessica Alba's ass is distracting [Egotastic!]

Mandy Moore kisses girls [WWTDD]

HoHan hooks up with Del Toro [Bricks and Stones]

FourFour's hilarious Grammy wrap-up [FourFour]

Oprah gets more millions [Popsugar]

Fishtail and Weave?!

Does she think she's auditioning for Splash 2?! Seriously I liked what she wore while performing last night at The Grammy's but she should've kept this dress in the costume closet. And let's chat about that weave!? That thing like hit her ass. We know that ho doesn't have hair that long.

Oprah's a Big Mouth!

According to popbitch Oprah Winfrey has been heard all over town telling her friends that Julia Roberts is headed for divorce! Julia is set to star in Three Days of Rain on Broadway this March and Oprah is saying that she's using this time to distance herself from Danny.

Note to Self: Don't tell Oprah shit!

Repeat Offender!

Will this Britney Spears thing ever end!? Yeah she drove around with a baby in her lap, so what? Is this surprising? She is trailer trash and that's how they behave! Damn. Anyway, apparently Britney purchased a car seat only weeks before said baby lap incident at Toys 'R' Us. Now, she's seen putting the car seat in the back and then placing SPF on her lap as she gets in the driver seat. Nobody knows if SPF was still on her lap when she started to drive.

Bitch is a repeat offender! And don't let Tyra find out or she'll curse that slut out!

Click here to see the video!

[TMZ]

Clay Aiken is a Top?!

Remember that army-dude John Paulus that claimed he had hot-homo sex with Clay Aiken? Well dude was on Howard Stern and spoke explicitly about his love affair with the Howdy Doody look-a-like.

Apparently the two met on Bigmuscle.com. Clay don't have no GD muscle! From there they chatted on IM and shit and finally met up. Oh and Clay's a fucking top! I know, this gets more unbelievable by the second!

Back to the hotel, John said Clay kept his shirt on the whole time. He said Clay placed John's hand directly on the bulge in his pants. Howard quizzed him on this aspect of the story, pressing for details about Clay's penis, including the size.

Strangely, at this point, John tried to clam up. He was willing to out a celebrity nationwide, but he didn't want to talk about his penis. He eventually revealed that Clay is small, and his johnson has "distinguishing marks" that were later characterized as "three little bumps."

John said he pulled Clay's hand away and then Clay became aggressive: a "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde scenario," as John described it. John said he wasn't especially attracted to him but was caught up in the notion of celebrity.

Clay allegedly wanted John to him to perform oral sex on him, and John initially declined. He said Clay was pushing his head down. He also said that Clay wanted to "fist" him but was able to fit only two fingers.

John then said that Clay wanted anal sex, but they had no condoms. According to John, Clay said "Don't worry about that." Clay then flipped John on top of him and eventually forced him down onto him, and they had unsafe sex.

In fact, they had unsafe sex for 90 minutes, during which John said he never once got an erection. John said he kept trying to stop, and that Clay is "very verbal, very loud."

Damn! Who knew Clay Aiken was like a manly top. This is too twisted and can't be true! Come on, I'd believe Clay Aiken has a vagina over this!

Visit The Malcontent to here the entire audio interview!

Tommy Lee Got the Beat Down!

Tommy Lee was in Detroit this past weekend and found himself in some hot water. Apparently he dissed Detroit's own Kid Rock and sent some angry bitches flying his way.

A source said: "He was talking trash all day about Kid,"

I guess Kid and Eminem are best friends and shit because Em's posse trying to beat down Tommy after hearing him trash Kid.

Tommy was also set to DJ a party that night but no-showed.

[Page Six]

This is How You Work a Carpet!

This is some rapper/ho named Danna Rai! Take notice you Hollywood bitches this is how you work an event!

Vadge Sucked at the Grammys!

Here's the proof! And don't call me a Madonna hater! I love that dumb ho!

* new nickname "vadge" thanks to kitty

Ashlee Simpson Needs Friends!

Hot reader Erica wrote this in:

I thought of you this morning when I heard on the
radio station I listen to that they were running a contest where you could
win a weekend with Ashlee Simpson as her 'best buddy'. You know she begged
them to do that shit because she has no friends!

For real, bitch lost all her friends! I bet you they only get like 2 people that actually answer it: Joe Simpson & Joe Simpson's friend.

Oh God!

Fake Parasite Hilton got herself into the Versace store opening. Damn even her fucking cheap-ass double is famous?! Oh and you know this bitch used to be a call girl? Even her look-a-like is a ho.

I Guess Frederick's Was Having a Sale!

The trash duo hit Grammy parties last night. I guess Britney got a few choice pieces at Frederick's because she's working yet another piece of trash dress. Seriously, what the hell is she thinking? Does she think she's bat girl?

Fergie is a Nasty Ho!

Did she stain herself again?! Damn, bitch needs serious diapers! Someone send her some quick before she sticks up another perfectly good outfit!

[Pic: JJB]

The Dlisted Report

Adam Sandler and Kevin James will play the title roles in the gay marriage comedy I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. In the film, two straight firefighters pose as a gay married couple in order to qualify for their department's domestic partner benefits. [Variety]

Catalina Sandino Moreno has signed on to the film The Hottest State. Michelle Williams, Laura Linney, Sonia Braga and Ethan Hawke also star. The story centers on a 21-year-old actor named William, who moves from Texas to New York and suffers through a wrenching heartbreak after a short-lived romance with a singer-songwriter named Sarah (Moreno). [The Hollywood Reporter]

Terrence Howard is expected to star in PDR aka Philadelphia Department of Recreation for Lionsgate. Penned by Michael Gozzard and Kevin M. Smith, the film chronicles the real-life story of Jim Ellis (Howard), who in the 1970s transformed a group of troubled inner-city kids into one of the best swim teams in the country. Filming starts next month on the East coast. [Dark Horizons]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS!!

THE TOP 3:

Feline face transplant a success! - buttercup

Holy shit! Is that Simpson's finger up MY butt? - NoAnjl

"I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille...." - VivaLaShameless

Hot Slut of the Day!

Eddie Izzard

[For NaughtyVoyeur]

Birthday Sluts

Mena Suvari (27)
Ziyi Zhang (27)
Travis Tritt (43)
Charles Shaughnessy (51)
Mia Farrow (61)
Alice Walker (62)
Joe Pesci (63)

It's Grammy Time!

What the hell is Eva the Diva doing there?! Because she's snogging Missy Elliot? Anyway, use this post to chat all about the Grammys while we watch together! I will update this post with new pictures and etc... Oh and Mimi already scored 3!!!

Who the fuck is that below? Insane Clown Posse?



Who the hell is Donna Rai?! Whoever it is I'm in love!



AND THE ARRIVALS!



Sheryl Crow, Steven Tyler & Joe Perry - All Fug!



John Legend and NOT Faith Hill & Tim McGraw [Sorry I was on a crack high when I wrote this out. Thanks to all who corrected me! Oh and it's some bitches from Sugarland]



Beyonce - Typical!



Xtina & Mr. Xtina - Throw away the red lipstick!



Gwen & Gavin - She's fucking fat!

MORE ARRIVALS!



Jenna ElfMAN & Joss Stone - Fug and Hot



Eve & Fergie - Both look kind of hot



Teri Snatchers - Hot Mess!!!

Take Off Your Clothes! You're at the Beach!

Johnny Knoxville and Bam are completely clothed at the beach. Why? I honestly don't want to see Bam in less clothes because he's a walking crab out of Parasite's vagina. But Johnny I'll take nude. Yeah he's a trash bag but a hot one. Who is texting?! He's totally texting Chestica with:

"Cnt Wait 2 Eat U"

It's Just a Kiss!

I love how People Magazine made such a big deal about Brangelina being caught kissing. Whatever happened to imagination? I've imagined them doing way more than kissing so this is no big surprise to me. Shit, they kissed for days in Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Anyway, here they are in some Paris deli exchanging spit. Nothing says romance like kissing next to some Ruffles.

The Return of the Original Lady Dude!

First it started off quite normal..Grace Jones was simply a front row guest at today's Diesel show in NYC. She looks like Naomi Campbell! Literally, like the same age.

Then all of a sudden she was onstage?! WTF?! Why? And seriously she's a lady dude. I mean I think she still has nuts.



God, she's another creature! Bitch is gonna eat someone alive!



Now they are at a hotel?! I'm confused...



Ok not only is she a lady dude but she's on ludes! Lady Dude on Ludes!



[Thanks to Azia]

That Wig Isn't Even Sitting on Her Head!

Poor Brandy. Somebody get this girl a job. She needs to buy a proper wig. That thing looks like it's sitting on a deck of cards. But you know the wig wasn't given a proper picture to frame because her face looks on the opposite side of pretty. Seriously, was she ever hot? And how can she be a Covergirl?! I'm sure CG ain't paying her ass, she does it for free just that someone can her ass pretty for a change.



[Concrete Loop]

Kelly Monaco Quotes of the Day!

on Dancing with the Stars 2:

“I’m a little biased to the show right now I kind of refuse to comment. The only thing I can say, I just feel like it’s lost some of its innocence. It was a very … like a newborn baby, but when they get old, they get kind of tainted.”

on Stacy Keibler:

“Come on. That chick is like 7 feet tall, and blond, and her ass is out to here. Her legs are as tall as me?”

Madonna's Sorry Video

Watch the Video!

Afternoon Crumbs

Barry Manilow is back [Best Week Ever]

Page Six: The Magazine hits stands tomorrow [Jossip]

Parasite and Nachos hitch a cab [Hollywood Rag]

Madonna's ride gets pimped [Popdirt]

Naomi Campbell walked again at Heatherette [Just Jared]

Lagerfeld laughs at HoHan [Egotastic!]

Glenn Close got hitched [Glitterati]

A picture of Brangelina's baby will get you a $4 Million check [Popsugar]

Don Vito: How You Don't Wanna See Him!

My friend Bubbev sent me these disgusting pictures of Don Vito getting all freaky and shit at a strip club. If you don't know who this bitch is I'll tell you. He's Bam Margera's uncle and a cast member of Viva La Bam. These pictures are beyond disgusting. They show Don Vito doing dark-sided things with the nastiest strippers of all time. What the hell kind of strip club is this?! It looks like one of those strip clubs that's in someone's garage. Trust me those exist.

Click here to see the EXTREMELY NSFW photos!

When Versace Throws a Party...

The stars come out! Probably because there's cocaine at like every party station. Instead of cheese and crackers that bitch Donatella puts out cocaine and heroin.

Looks like Naomi Campbell was being escorted out of the party early. Bitch doesn't know how to behave. Cindy Crawford also showed, yawn.


[click to enlarge]

Call 911!!! Kate Hudson is being attacked by some fugly cat/bear hybrid thing!



Heather Graham also showed probably to give blowjobs to all the male models.



Nicolas Cage rocked a creepy porn-star moustache or maybe that was Alice Kim's pubic hair that got suck on his stubble. Hilary Duff no doubt spent her time at the carrot bar all night.



And of course there's Jello! She left that corpse husband at home. That was nice of her.



Claire Danes came through the doors in a beacon of light like Jesus! Only this Jesus is a homewrecking, bad actress!

Angelina in Vanity Fair

I guess March's issue is all about being nude and shit. Here's Angelina probably washing her hypnotic vagina off in a milk bath. This isn't hot for me. Who takes a bath like that?!

Not in Jail?!

Are they bonkers?! Pete Doherty was ordered only to community service and rehab after pleading guilty to 7 charges of possession drugs.

Under British law, a 'community sentence' is given to 'encourage the offender to deal with any problems that might be making them commit crimes.'

If the conditions are breached, conventional punishment will follow. Offenders can also be ordered to do 'unpaid community work' or participate in any 'specified activities.'

Judge Ann McLaughlin told Doherty: 'The court can revoke the order and sentence you in a different way. This could include sending you to prison.'

Doherty's defence lawyer, Sean Curran, had argued earlier that his client was 'only a harm to himself.'

'He is happiest when he is playing the guitar for others', said Curran.

I would've thrown the book, pipe, piano and car at his ass! Pete Doherty first needs to have all his blood drained to get that shit out of his system, then he needs to be kept in a bath tub for about 6 weeks to rid the stench from him and then he needs to be thrown in a padded cell for I'd say about 9 years. Then MAYBE he'd be ready to join the normal ones.

[Monsters and Critics]

Good Move Courtney

Courtney Love played a smart move at Clive Davis' Grammy party by sticking with Kimbo Stewart. Why? Because anybody can look like a supermodel when you stand next to that inside/out face. Seriously, if they asked me "Michael K, what's your beauty secret?"

I'd say: "Um...standing next to that pony-faced Kimbo Stewart!"

Kelly Clarkson's Got a New Do

Kelly Clarkson showed off her new hair at Clive Davis' pre-Grammy party last night. Her shit looks tight, however that dress should've been left in a Hong Kong sweat shop where it was probably made. Bitch is about to give us a nipple slip and those are some breasts that even I have no desire to see. Her nipples are so wholesome they probably have Disney mouse ears on them.

A Night with Vincent Gallo?

I searched everywhere on eBay for this and couldn't find it. They probably have already taken it down. Apparently Vincent Gallo put a night with himself up on the auction site. He's asking for a minimum of $50,000.

The seller, claiming to be the 43-year-old BROWN BUNNY film-maker, writes, "Have you ever watched a movie and fallen in love with one of the actors? When I was very young I was madly in love with TUESDAY WELD and CHARLOTTE RAMPLING. I wished and wished and wished everyday that I could meet all these girls. So believe me, I know and understand what it's like to wish and dream about spending time with a movie star. Doing things that couples do. Couples in love.

"I, Vincent Gallo, star of such classics as BUFFALO 66 and The Brown Bunny have decided to make myself available to all women.

"For the modest fee of $50,000 plus expenses, I can fulfil the wish, dream, or fantasy of any naturally born female. Heavy set, older, red heads and even black chicks can have me if they can pay the bill. No real female will be refused.

"However, I highly frown upon any male having even the slightest momentary thought or wish that they could ever become my client. However, female couples of the lesbian persuasion can enjoy a Vincent Gallo evening together for $100,000. $200,000 buys the lesbos a weekend."

'Gallo' adds, "Scanning for STD's is required as is bathing and grooming prior to our encounter. Detailed photos of potential clients also required prior."

Even black chicks?! What is that supposed to mean. You know I think that everything this dude does is meant to be as a joke but nobody is laughing. If he's not joking he needs to be locked up in an insane asylum. $50,000?! Would I rather buy a brand new Mercedes or would I rather get god knows what kind of diseases? Hmmm...big decision.

[Contact Music]

The Next Nicole Richie

Damn Michelle Williams is on crack?! Bitch is skinny in a Nicole Richie kind of way. I knew she was always on the thin-side but now she looks like an alley cat. She should be scrounging for fish heads. Poor thing, I guess since Beyonce dumped her asses she can't afford a good meal.

Somebody Find This Bird and Give it a Medal!

Katie Couric got what she deserved during Olympic coverage in Italy on The Today Show. I guess Italian birds know that bitch is full of shit and decided to give her a taste of her own medicine! Those birds honestly should win the Nobel Peace Prize!








[Drudge Report] [Thanks to Mom the Mumsie]

Jordan Should Be a Goodwill Ambassador!

Move over Angelina Jolie there's a new good-hearted soul in town and she has two huge tits and a stunning tan! It's Jordan! The plastic-bombshell has plans to adopt a disabled child to be friends with her other disabled son Harvey who is blind and autistic.

She said: "I'm definitely one for having a big family. On top of that, I want to adopt a kid with special needs like Harvey, because I know how to cope with it.

"He's demanding and it would be nice for him to have a friend who understands."

Seriously, Jordan is such a special person with a giving heart. Why can't she adopt me? I'm slightly retarded.

Speaking of babies, Jordan has also come clean that she suffered Brooke Sheilds syndrome after her baby Junior was born.

She said: "My feelings were all mixed up and it was really confusing. I felt like people were giving Junior more attention than me."

"I was biting at everyone, I was just a wreck. I hated anyone else taking Junior. I was just thinking I wish everyone would just p*** off."

However she did get some help.

"I got everything off my chest and they put me on anti-depressants."

This is serious shit! She ended up in the mental hospital! OMG Jordan please don't go crazy. Wait, actually you are fucking nuts!

Oh and she didn't get EVERYTHING off her chest. Oh hohohoho...you're so funny Michael K!

[Sky News and The Sun] [Thanks to StacyCRo and Albz]

Yup, I Thought So!

I always knew the Oscars were completely unfair and Samuel L. Jackson has proven my point. He told Fox News Billy McCuddy that he doesn't even vote half the time!

He said: "The maid has watched them [the nominees], the cook's probably watched a lot of them, the nanny has too. And they go by and put their check marks down on the ballot because they know you're not going to do it. And then the assistant goes by - 'Oh, it's time for the ballot to go in. Oh, he hasn't filled this in. [Checking boxes] I like this, I like this,' and they send it in."

"I gener ally go down the ballot and look and see if any of my friends are nominated and I vote for them. Then I leave the ballot there for my wife to vote for all the other films that she watched that I knew I wasn't gonna watch, like the chick flicks or the flicks that I thought were gonna put me to sleep. I trust her opinion. And then we send the ballot in."

Now that explains how Marisa Tomei won for My Cousin Vinny.

[Page Six]

He's Totally Fingering Her Butthole

ASSlee and her gross dada at a pre-Grammy part last night...

Attack of the Fuglies!

This is some funny shit. Famed lawyer Raoul Felder was going to a Gotham Magazine party when he ran into Robin Byrd. He posed with her for photographers and thought she was Lizzie Grubman the whole time!

He said: "I thought it was Lizzie Grubman,"

"So I said to her as the photographers were taking our picture, 'I just spoke to your father [entertainment lawyer Allen Grubman].' She replied, 'My father is dead,' and walked away. I thought it was a very tasteless joke, so I asked someone who was with me if that was really Lizzie, and they told me that it was actually Robin Byrd. They look a lot alike!"

OMG they do look alike! Seriously, Robin only has like 20lbs on her...but the could be twins! Ugh, I'd love to see them do a lesbo porno together.

[Page Six] [Thanks to Anna]

Tom Brady is Single!

Tom Brady and Bridget Moynahan look like the perfect couple but it seems that their two-year love is over. Tom was in Detroit for the Super Bowl without Bridget and attended all the parties and hit on several women.

I know how you bitches love this dude so now he's yours for the taking!

[Page Six]

Yay, The Dixie Chicks are Back!

Don't ask me why I love the Dixie Chicks, but I do. Yes, the one on the left has a wompy eye, but who cares. They make hot music and yes I know that makes me a total woman, but I don't care. I think their album is due soon and I can't. However, I heard Natalie (the short one) is a real cunt! This is their asses at some stupid MusicCares shit or something.

Madge is Bazaar and Sorry

Above is some shots from Madge's upcoming Bazaar shoot which is on newstands now I believe. And below are shots of Madge shooting the video for her next single Sorry. Also, don't forget to watch that bitch open up the Grammy's with Gorillaz tonight!

This One's Gonna Blow!

Plot: After Brooke calls it quits with her boyfriend Gary, neither person is willing to move out of the condo they share. Taking the advice of their repsective friends and confidants (and a few total strangers), they both engage in mental warfare designed to force the other person to flee the premises -- until they both realize they might be fighting to keep their relationship alive.

Stars: Jennifer Aniston, Vince Vaughn, Joey Lauren Adams, Ann-Margaret, Jason Bateman, Judy Davis, Vincent D'Onofrio & Jon Favreau
Director: Peyton Reed

Due: June 2, 2006

Trailer: Watch here

The Dlisted Report

Nia Vardalos of My Big Fat Greek Wedding fame will write the script for Talk of the Town for Tom Hanks to star in. "Tom will play a man who is forced into a career change when he least expects it," said Vardalos, who isn't scheduled to appear in the film. [Variety]

Matt Damon and Ben Affleck may reteam for a film based on a true story. Affleck will play Michael Banks and Damon will be J. Gordon Cooney, two lawyers at a Philadelphia firm that took on a pro bono appeal that turned into a 15-year crusade. The lawyers won nine stays of execution for death-row inmate John Thompson and finally got him exonerated of all charges. [Variety]

Kanye West will reimagine the theme to Mission Impossible: III. The film is due to be released this May and will star Tom Cruise, Keri Russell, Maggie Q, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Billy Brudup, Jonathon Rhys-Meyers, Michelle Monaghan, Ving Rhames and Laurence Fishburne. [Coming Soon]

Baz Luhrman will begin principal photography this July or August on his Australian-set period epic starring Nicole Kidman and Russell Crowe. Rehearsals start in May on the romance that is being compared to Gone With the Wind. It is set around the time of World War II and will be shot in the remote Kimberley region of Western Australia on a set created from scratch by Luhrmann. [Production Weekly]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

The Stripper Bowl - StoneyBaloney

Hot Slut of the Day!

Red Buttons

Birthday Sluts

Gary Coleman (38)
Seth Green (32)
Mary McCormack (37)
Larry Clarke (42)
Vince Neil (44)
John Grisham (51)
Mary Steenburgen (53)
Nick Nolte (65)
Ted Koppel (66)
John Williams (74)

Paris Gets Served!

That dumb bitch Parasite Hilton was ordered to stay away from Brian Quintana after he alleges she threatened to kill his ass.

Brian Quintana, 37, had testified that Hilton accused him of planting unfavorable stories in the press and had shoved him three times, threatened him in numerous phone calls and told him she would have him killed.

Quintana alleged that the blonde socialite called him once from Hawaii and told him: "I'm going to put a contract out on you."

Hilton's lawyer vehemently denied the allegations but Los Angeles Court commissioner Tim Murphy sided with Quintana. The judge ruled that Hilton, who did not show up in court, failed to refute the charges.

Brian said: "a huge victory for the little people"

For little people? He looks short, but is he a midget?

[AP News]

Damn That E-Mail!

Heather Locklear's marriage might have ended due to an e-mail. Last week it was announced that Heather was filing for divorce from her husband Richie Sambora. This past December the two were working on their marriage.

However, Heather found an e-mail containing provocative pictures from a female friend of theirs sent to Richie. He insists nothing ever happened, but apparently that was enough for Heather and she immediately filed for divorce.

A friend said: "Richie's saying nothing ever happened, that he never asked for the pictures."

That's why you don't read your boyfriend/girlfriend's e-mails unless you wanna find out some fucked up shit! Bitch should've kept away!

[People]

When Were They Hotter: Then or Now?

Yup, it's Pete Burns!

Some Chicks Have No Business Being in FHM!

And Kristin Chenoweth is one of them! If you don't know this bitch, she's the annoying chick that was in Wicked, Old Navy Commercials and West Wing. She's like 40 years old or some shit and she has NO BUSINESS trying to work the sexy. But at least we can't hear her squeaky-ass voice through this picture. I swear everytime an Old Navy commercial comes on with her in it I just want to fuck my ears with a hot knife!

Kanye & Fantasia Doing the Deed?

According to Star Magazine Kanye West and Fantasia Barrino are an item. He's a self-proclaimed college dropout and she's an illiterate! They probably talk about like The Simpsons, Tracee Ellis Ross and like denim.

Anyway this is all according to some witness:

"Fantasia seemed enraptured by Kanye. She had her hand on his thigh the entire time and kept touching her, too." The source added that when the 'American Idol' season three champ "was staring at her menu and looked distressed, Kanye took her hand and said, 'Don't worry baby, I'll order for you.' He was really sweet." The rapper ordered her the Pacific Northwest's specialty, grilled salmon.

She probably gives good lovin' I'll give her that. But he's a douche, she deserves better! And damn I thought he was tapping a plastic ass that belonged to Pam Anderson. Yeah Kanye stick with Pam, she's more your level: moronic.

[SOHH Soulful]

Denise Richards is Afraid She Has AIDS!

The National Enquirer is crazy! They are saying that Denise Richards had an AIDS test because she is afraid Charlie Sheen was running around with hookers while they were trying to reconcile.

This is what they have to say for themselves:

Sexy Bond girl Denise, 34, was seen entering and leaving a medical facility in Thousand Oaks, California, on January 27. Our exclusive photographs (in this week's Enquirer) show the actress with a Band-Aid and cotton ball on her right arm after doctors had taken a blood sample.

Before arriving for the appointment at the clinic, Denise told a close friend: "I'm sick with worry. Since discovering the full extent of Charlie's cheating, I've had sleepless nights. He has used an army of hookers and paid them hundreds of thousands of dollars. He was totally leading a double life and deceived me for quite a while.

Damn, they are crazy! Besides don't hookers require that you use condoms? Doesn't Charlie go to like high-end chicks and not street-walking Divine Brown type bitches? I love the National Enquirer but I must say that this shit is too crazy to believe and besides don't we all get HIV tests?

But yeah I believe it.

[The National Enquirer]

Some Eartha Kitt....

Because why the hell not! Bitch stole the show at a Fashion Week event!

[Concrete Loop]

Dude Gets a Maddox Tat!

This dude in Texas decided to have Maddox Jolie-Pitt embedded into his arm for basically eternity. I can't say I blame him. Maddox is hot. Maybe I'll have Jordan and Harvey etched into my ass.

According to City Rag the dude got the tat because he wanted access to a talented artist that could pull it off.

Paula Demonstrates!

Paula Abdul demonstrates on Randy Jackson's face how she shaves her own ass at a Gillette event in NYC.

Afternoon Crumbs

Perez Hilton needs a valium [Gawker]

A chocolate Pitt [Hollywood Rag]

Child Services have been contacted about the whole Britney driving with SPF in her lap thing. [TMZ]

Beyonce looks fug at her own premiere [Gabsmash]

The Apprentice 5 cast [Just Jared]

V for Vendetta's Super Bowl Ad [Egotastic!]

Jake Gyllenhaal may be in the next Batman [IDLYITW]

Kelly Clarkson has trouble with love [People]

Parasite Gives Val Kilmer Herpes!

UPDATE - The photo agency that owns the rights to these photos kindly asked me to take them down.

Not sure how old these are...but it's our favorite ho Parasite Hilton and Val Kilmer sharing spit. Damn, I think I'm getting the bird-flu just from looking at these pics. She will seriously bang anyone.

[Oh No They Didn't]

Vh1 Hates TV!

Why? Because they will put anything on their damned channel! They don't even care. They don't even have meetings about that shit. They just put it up!

The next piece of shit show that is set to play on the cable station will bring former Surreal Life cast members together to battle it out for some stupid prize.

The cast will include: Ron Jeremy, Traci Bingham, Vanilla Ice, Brigitte Nielsen, Pepa, Emmanuel Lewis, C.C. Deville and Chyna Doll.

They will compete in dumb challenges. It's set to start shooting next month in Las Vegas.

The show will be called: The Surreal Life: Fame Games

Why?! Ok, but seriously you know I'm gonna watch this shit.

[Contact Music]

Who the Hell Would Wear this Shit?!

Click here to see who!


Jordan of course! Here she is at a book signing in the other day in the UK. Damn she's gorgeous. Yeah she's fashion-retarded, but I done told you that her blind son Harvey is now her new stylist! And he's turning her into a trend-setting hooker!

Ashlee on Being a Drunk Skank

Ashlee Simpson has admitted that she was drunk when she was filmed acting like a fool at McDonald's.

She said: "I was being a little silly and crazy that day. I was laughing and joking around, and the guy in line behind me was like, 'Uh, you're gross' but he didn't know who I was until I turned around.

"Then he was like, 'Can I have my picture with you?' and I was like, 'Dude, you called me gross!'"

If you watch the clip, you'll see Ashlee telling the guy that she won't take a picture with him because he won't kiss her feet. She says that things were edited to make her look worse. First acid reflex now editing. Bitch is nothing but excuses!

"I feel it was a moment of growing up. Most people do that in college - mine has to be done in front of the world."

Growing up?! Part of growing up is not acting like a GD idiot at a Mickey D's!

[Female First]

They Will Put ANYBODY on Vogue's Cover

Brad Pitt & Madge are Extras

Madonna begged Ricky Gervais for a role in Extras last season. However, Ricky told her she would have to play herself. That's the way things work on that show. She declined, she wanted to play somebody else. Looks like she changed her tune, because Madge has agreed to play herself in the second season of the show. Brad Pitt has also signed on to play himself.

The show finds Ricky and other cast members playing Extras in movies and TV shows featuring big celebrity names. Kate Winslet and Samuel L. Jackson both played themselves last season.

I love this show! I would love to see that bitch Madge play herself, but hopefully she won't tone that shit down! Hopefully she'll show-off her fake English accent and everything!

[Female First]

Jack Black's Troubled Childhood

Jack Black told GQ Magazine that he grew up in a pretty fucked-up family. Jack's dad and mom were part of a sex cult and even brought in another woman to live in their house.

He said: "My parents met this other woman who ended up coming and living with us. In the same bed,"

When Jack's mother got pissed off at his father, she simply beat up the girlfriend!

[Page Six]

Dirrty!

This is the cover of Vanity Fair with Tom Ford, Scarlett Johansson and Keira Knightley. It's the same cover that Rachel McAdams opted to be out of because she wouldn't get nude. Bitch made a wise decision. This shit looks creepy. Why is Tom smelling Keira or is he nibbling on his ear? I'm all for being nude, but they look stupid.

UPDATE - Click here to see a video of Scarlett acting all shady during the photoshoot! [Thanks to Mel]

Jordan, Will You Marry Me?!

One of my readers Ryan is living the life I should be living right now. She waited 2 hours in line today in Glasgow to have a copy of Jordan's new book A Whole New Prostitute World signed by Katie Price herself!

She said that everything was basically normal. She said that Jordan is seriously tiny with stick legs and her tits aren't as out of proportion as you think. Ryan were on a caffeine high?! Her tits are enormous! She did say she has a jacked up weave. I even asked her what she smelled like! God, I'm obsessed! She said she didn't smell like anything. Oh well. I was hoping she would smell like a mixture of jizz and jasmine.

The funniest part was that they had to write down what they wanted on post-its. And when Jordan started to sign her name in Ryan's friend's book she signed "Katie..." and quickly realized what she was doing so switched to Jordan. So her book reads "Kordan."







[Thank you Ryan! I'm so jealous!]

Rock, Paper, Gross!

When Britney Spears isn't busy endangering the life of SPF she's partying it up at Kanye West's Grammy pre-party last night in Los Angeles. Looks like she popped into Frederick's that day for a little cute, black dress.
KFed looks like a moron as usual. Poor Britney, she wanted to play some Rock, Paper, Scissors and KFed wasn't into it.



Seriously, WTF is that bitch wearing?!



Honestly! The weave, the call-girl dress, the Payless shoes... Bitch die! You look nasty!

Serenaded from a Flatbed!

Mischa Barton's boyfriend is so romantic! Cisco Adler and his band Whitestarr were hired to perform on a flatbed which was driven around L.A. to promote condo sales at the Hard Rock Hotel in San Diego.

Mischa followed them in her car and when they stopped at a red light, Cisco sang her a special song while his bandmates smoked some "funny-smelling" cigs.

Now I know what she sees in him! His romantic skills certainly make up for his looks! He's such a piece of trash.

[Page Six]

Mimi Goes Ga Ga

Mimi wears a bib in bed while she eats.

Shit people, this is just too easy to rag on. I'm not even going to rag on this! This story does the ragging on itself!

She said: "I go up and down really quickly, because I am a muscular person. People don't know that I have well-defined biceps and these could easily become weird bodybuilder arms."

And why she wears a bib while eating?

"I am just like, 'Whatever, nobody is looking at me for once!'

"That's why I don't really like to eat in public. When people say, 'Mariah never eats in public,' I'm like, 'You're right.' "

[Ananova] [Thanks to Laura]

NO! This Can't Be True!

It's not supposed to go down this way! Conversations About Famous People is reporting that Star Jones' sham marriage to Gay Al could be done. NO! This was not my plan!

Al Reynolds and Star Jones have been frantically touring the country to promote Star's new book, Shine. However, the busy schedule and pressure to sell books is taking its toll on the usually happy couple - causing them to fight constantly. According to sources close to the couple, this weekend the fighting exploded. A close friend to Ms. Jones says, "Star is so upset with Al that she's not even wearing her wedding ring."

Media Take Out has confirmed that during today's taping of ABC's The View, Ms. Jones was NOT wearing her wedding ring. Developing...

No no no...Gay Al was supposed to get caught receiving bukkake from a group of German tourists in Central Park! I wanted that dumb bitch Star to be humiliated! Damn them! They can't have a quiet divorce! I won't let this happen. They must be exposed!

UPDATE - Reader Wendy wrote this in today:

As much as I can't stand this woman and want the missing wedding ring story to be true, I do watch "The View," as embarrassing as that is to admit, and she addressed the wedding ring issue. It was causing some type of rash on her wedding finger. If you notice, she switched the rings to her right hand so as to not start any false rumors. She actually said all of this on the show. DAMN!! I know.



[CAFP] [Thanks to Katie Scarlett]

Hi My Name is Britney Spears and My Brains are Mashed Potatoes

And the Idiot of the Day award goes to Britney Spears who is driving down PCH with her son SPF in her lap! This idiot! One little break and SPF goes flying and becomes road kill! Has KFed's brain disease rubbed off on her!

Write down her license number and turn her ass in!











[JJB] [Thanks to all who sent this to me!]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS!

The Top 3:

Star Jones practices her underwater breathing so she can give Gay Al the salad tossing he wishes for. - GABE

After a weekly colonic treatment, this among other things was found lodged in Paris Hilton's colon. - Pandemonium

Meet this week's "Flavor of Love" castoff!! - Corlin


[Thanks to Brandy]

The Dlisted Report

Kelly Asbury will direct the live-action version of Clive Barker's The Thief of Always. Asbury is the co-director of Shrek 2. The 1992 dark fantasy novel centers on a 10-year-old boy who is bored with his ordinary life and ventures into a supernatural house in which all four seasons pass in one day. The fantasy elements of the movie will be enhanced with CGI effects. Barker will serve as an executive producer. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Director Wayne Wang who currently has Last Holiday in theaters will make Lowlifes as his next feature film. The script centers on a housewife who raises $250,000 to cover for her husband's embezzlement. She then discovers she has a talent for burglary. No word yet on casting. [Variety]

Steve Buscemi will star in We're the Millers scriped by the Wedding Crashers writers. We're the Millers, a comedy about a marijuana dealer trying to get out of the business after making one last score by smuggling 1,400 pounds of pot from Mexico. [Variety]

Madonna's ex-boyfriend Carlos Leon will star in Broadway's The Threepenny Opera. He will join Cyndi Lauper, Ana Gasteyer, Alan Cumming, Jim Dale and Nellie McKay. Performances begin this March at Studio 54. [Broadway.com]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Lily Tomlin

Birthday Sluts

Ashton Kutcher (28)
Tina Majorino (21)
Chris Rock (41)
Jason Gedrick (41)
Garth Brooks (44)
Eddie Izzard (44)
James Spader (46)

Posh Has the Voice of an Angel!

An Angel sent to murder us with her voice more like it! You must must must listen to this demo of Posh Spice covering Madonna's Like a Prayer. It's genius! There are no effects on it, so we can hear the true beauty of her voice.

If you have any small children make sure they leave the room before you play it. You don't want them to get traumatized for the rest of their lives!

Victoria Beckham "Like a Prayer"

I'll Pick the Sand Out of Your Dentures Daddy!

CZJ and her daddy hit the beach in St. Barths for holiday with their kids! Damn, he look old! How does she get with that? I mean she has her own money now, so it's not about that. I would be worried that if I sat on his face his dentures would get stuck in my asshole!

What Happened to My Precious Linda Evangelista?!

I used to think Linda Evangelista was the most beautiful woman in the world. These pictures were taken the other day of LE leaving some party and time hasn't been good to her. Oh, how I miss her. I think she's had some nips and tucks.

Who's Fuglier?!?

Mariahisms!

Cityrag has posted a hot list of some of Mariah Carey's lingo. I've noticed that she has a vocab all her own. I think we should adopt this way of speaking. I know it makes us sound retarded, but that's new for 2006. Oh that Mimi is like a 7yo girl with her lingo!

BE GOOD: Two words Mariah ends conversations with.

BING BONG!: Used to quickly end an argument or conversation while still able to be funny

BOO: Mariah's phrase for people fond of her.

COLLABO: A slight abbreviation for "collaboration", word usage originated in 1999

ENSEMBLE: Same as "outfit" (e.g. "Do you like the ensemble?")

LAMB: A term of endearment - e.g. 'You're my lamb' or 'Hey, lamb!' - when addressing a loved one or close friend. My use of this term originated from a story told to me by the "Grammy nominated Trey Lorenz" dating back a few years which would not be politically correct to repeat!

PIP!: A phrase used to describe something really cool for example "Those jeans are very Pip!"

STELLAR: A word in place of "great" or "good"

THINGS OF THAT NATURE: A common phrase Mariah uses often meaning "things like that."

WHY?: Said in a rhetorical sense as if asking "Why me? What did I do to deserve this?" Meant to be comical.

YOU LOVE ME: All-purpose, anytime phrase. A greeting, a goodbye, or just something to throw into a pause in the conversation or to interject loudly while someone is speaking.

Click here to see the rest of them!

[Thanks to SaraM]

Oscar De La Renta and His Mom

Nicole Richie made a visit to Oscar De La Renta's Fall 2006 show during New York Fashion Week. Yeah she looks like an old lady, but a hot one. She looks best when she covers up her spiderleg arms.



[JJB]

Hot Slut of the Month: Richard Simmons!

Richard Simmons killed the competition and garnered 51% of your votes to win the first Hot Slut of the Month this year!

Thanks to all for voting!

Which Set is Bigger?

Remember that episode of Newlyweds where that dumb bitch Chestica Simpson said "These candles smell good!" The candles were fucking unscented.

Dumb ho.

Afternoon Crumbs

What is the Super Bowl? [Totally Joshness]

Bond is Buff [Just Jared]

Don't tell me that's Chestica's new man [Gabsmash]

Sharon Stone's nude scene from Basic Instinct 2 [Egotastic!]

Or is this Chestica's new man? [Bricks and Stones]

Tommy Lee and Fergie belong together [Hollywood Rag]

Brittany Murphy has no business singing [IDLYITW]

Nikki Cox gets engaged [WWTDD]

Bitch, Stop Partying or We're Over!

Nicole Kidman continues to deny her relationship with Keith Urban, however sources close to the couple insist they are engaged. Well not anymore! Nicole has called off her engagement, because she's sick of Keith's partying ways. Keith used to be a cocaine addict you know and Nicole is a self-describe homebody.

The screen beauty - who is thought to have got engaged to the country star over Christmas - has also put the brakes on their lovelife.

Nicole was allegedly furious after Urban went on a drinking binge with his bandmates and a horde of groupies last month.

A source close to Nicole said: "Nic and Keith still hang out and go places together and Nic still loves him and wants to marry him, but only when he's cleaned himself up."

"And until Keith does that, there'll be no more physical involvement. Just holding hands."

Is this old-fashioned times?! She's just holding his hand. Bitch better get with the program, because if she doesn't some other ho will take her man!

[Monsters and Critics]

Kate Moss is a Drug Counselor

Kate Moss spent like 6 weeks in rehab, but she thinks of herself as a counselor now! She has apparently taken to giving advice to recovering coke-head Colin Farrell. Sources say Colin was taking a break from rehab in Miami when he met up with Kate Moss. Kate gave him some advice on how to cope with rehab.

A source said: "Kate and Colin started chatting around the pool at the Raleigh Hotel and she asked him how he was coping.?"

Please she was getting his room number so she could meet up with him later and he could do lines off her cooze.

[Star Pulse] [Thanks to Albz]

Karl Lagerfeld Quotes of the Day!

on Princess Diana:

"She was pretty and she was sweet, but she was stupid,"

on Camilla Parker Bowles:

"She is the life of the party! She's sparkling, she's witty, she's ready for everything, and not pretentious, not one bit. If you had to make a choice to live with somebody, this is the one."

Britney's Will & Grace Episode in a Haze

NBC has called rumors of Britney Spears on Will & Grace completely premature. Even though cast member Megan Mullally told reporters that she was excited to have Britney on the show, NBC denies the story. Megan also confirmed Brit was playing a Christian conservative that guests on Jack's show.

But after hearing the story, conservative Christian groups went into gear and threatened to boycott NBC if the episode ran.

'NBC is clearly mocking the Christian faith,' the group`s founder, Donald Wildmon, posted on the AFA Web site. 'They clearly have hostility toward the Christian faith, They absolutely will not treat Jews or Muslims in this manner ... .'

NBC responded by saying the initial release contained 'erroneous information ... mistakenly included' in the Spears` announcement.

The episode has not been written yet, NBC said in a statement, and 'the reference to `Cruci-fixin`s` will not be in the show and the storyline will not contain a Christian characterization at all.'

Another rumor claims that Britney won't be on the show at all. Poor B can't catch a break! She's totally gonna end up playing something true to life like a hooker.

[Monsters and Critics]

CLOSE YOUR MOUTH BITCH!

Chestica Simpson and her faggy hairdresser went shopping and the slut couldn't keep her nasty tuna-fish mouth closed! Is she trying to catch flies or has extreme dick-sucking given her lock-jaw?!

Busta Rhymes Bodyguard Dead!

Busta Rhymes, Mary J. Blige, Missy Elliot, 50 Cent and 500 fans gathered outside a Brooklyn studio to shoot the video for Busta's single "Touch It" off his new album The Big Bang due in April. At 1:30AM fourteen shots were fired killing Busta's longtime bodyguard Israel Ramirez. Israel was only 29 and worked for Busta since he was 19.

Everyone else was uninjured. Police still don't know the cause of the shooting nor are there any suspects in custody.

[Rolling Stone]

Pete Burns cares about human rights!

by Lahoma00

Pete Burns of Dead or Alive fame is all the rage in England because of his appearance on Celebrity Big Brother. As Michael K reported weeks ago, Pete caused an international incident when he claimed to have a coat made of Gorilla fur!



Now you can see the footage from CBB where Pete confronts this issue! Apparently Big Brother took the coat from the house for a police investigation. When Pete finds out he goes apeshit! He demands that Big Brother return the coat in two hours, and cries "I stand by freedom of choice! This is a human rights issue. If I were Missy Elliot or Puff Daddy, no one would be saying anything." Dennis Rodman has Pete's back during all of this, probably because he wanted to fuck him since Pete is such a fine lady.



There's also a hot clip where Pete has to pay his housemates compliments for cigarettes!

[Watch this insanity]

Becks to Be Next Calvin Klein Model

David Beckham is very close to signing a multi-million dollar deal with Calvin Klein to be the label's next underwear model. The offer came from CK after Becks told reporters he spends thousands of dollars a month on underwear.

A Spokeswhore for CK said: "We have made a bid. He wants to do a photo shoot and now it's just finding the time to tie up loose ends."

Now this I'd like to see.

[Female First] [Thanks to Albz]

The Photoshop Awards: Madonna

Madge is gracing the cover of March's Bazaar. My official Madonna correspondent Youri sent me this picture. Yeah she looks hot, but someone's been airbrushed for days! I bet you the machine broke and needed to be fixed again! It was working on warp-speed!

There's Hope for Kimbo Stewart!

I didn't write about this story at all, but it totally amazed me. Isabelle Dinoire was the first person to receive a face transplant after her own dog mauled the shit out of her face and completely destroyed it. She underwent this groundbreaking surgery this past November and was given the face of a woman who killed herself.

Isabelle showed her new face and said: "I now have a face like everyone else," "I spend almost all of my time in my hospital room. Here I have radio and television, and there is also an exercise bike in the corner of the room. I haven't started using it yet, but that may change, I suppose."

I must say that when I heard about this story I thought she was going to look worse than Kimbo Stewart. But her face is actually coming along. This is some amazing shit. Except for a few scars you can't really tell. You go Isabelle and I hope you beat the shit out of your dog for ripping off your face!

[People]

Flavor of Love Wasn't on This Week!

It wasn't on because of that SuperBowl bullshit. Go Steelers or whoever won that crap. However, hundreds of you guys wrote me about our favorite piece of shit contestant on Flavor of Love: Pumkin! That dumb white bitch was all over your TV screens this weekend on an episode of MTV's low-rent dating show NEXT. Apparently, she talked about bondage and didn't even get off the bus!

She's such trash, but at least I got a little of my FOL fix this week!




[Thanks to Jerome for pics]

Janet Jackson Gets Her Work-Out On!

Janet Jackson is hitting the gym with her trainers. And yes she has two, one for each thigh. Finally, she's gonna get back to that skinny JJ we all know and love. However, I think this gym shit is for show. You know she goes in the front door, out the back door, into a car and straight to the plastic surgeons office where they will vacuum some fat out and remove another rib.

Nicole Richie in March's ElleGirl

I do love me some Nicole Richie. Here she is gracing the cover of March's ElleGirl. Bitch needs to gain like 5lbs, let's be real. She's looking like an old damn lady. She's like what...23?! Add on 50 years and that's what she looks like. Come on girl, get some Popeye's and it will all be good.

This Could be Hot!

Plot: Nacho (Jack Black) is a young man who was raised in a Mexican monastery in Oaxaca and now works there as the cook, and takes it upon himself to rescue the holy place from financial ruin by joining a local Lucha Libre tournament and becoming one of the 'Luchadores'. Naturally, Nacho isn't acting out of purely altruistic measures, as he wishes to help Sister Encarnacion (Ana de la Reguera), a beautiful Mexican nun who has recently arrived at the monastery, as well as the gaggle of young orphans who live there.
Stars: Jack Black, Efren Ramirez & Ana de la Reguera

Directed By: Jared Hess
Trailer: Click here

Due:

The Dlisted Report

Mark Wahlberg will reunite with Joaquin Phoenix and director James Gray for We Own the Night. The Gray-scripted drama is set at the height of a bloody 1980s struggle between Gotham cops and a Russian mob that targeted law officers and their families. That led the NYPD to hang "We Own the Night" banners in precinct houses and step up their efforts. Wahlberg and Phoenix play siblings in a cop-dominated family, with Phoenix the black sheep who ends up managing a Russian mob-controlled nightclub. The budget is only at $20 Million. Shooting dates are TBA. [Variety]

James Cromwell has joined the cast of Spider-Man 3 which is currently shooting. Cromwell will play the father of Gwen Stacy played by Bryce Dallas Howard. Sam Raimi directs. The film will be released in 2007. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Jason Bateman will join Natalie Portman and Dustin Hoffman in Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium. The fantasy film, set to begin shooting next month, revolves around a toy store owner who tries to lift the spirits of his depressed store manager by bequeathing her the shop. [Variety]

When a Stranger Calls brought in $22 Million this weekend to come in at the #1 spot. Big Momma's House 2 came in at #2 with just over $13 Million. Nanny McPhee brought in just under $10 Million for come in at #3. [Box Office Mojo]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

If you're stupid and you know it clap your hands! - StoneyBaloney

[Thanks to sbeetle]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Amanda Hearst - Socialite and Model

Birthday Sluts

Axl Rose (44)
Rick Astley (40)
Kathy Najimy (49)
Natalie Cole (56)
Jim Sheridan (57)
Tom Brokaw (66)
Rip Torn (75)
Zsa Zsa Gabor (87)

Aunt Melissa Knows How to Use a Camera?!

Wait, that ain't Aunt Melissa from Grizzly Man? Ack! It's Aretha Franklin singing The National Anthem at today's Superbowl. Shoot, I hope she doesn't wear that coat out in the wilderness or some hunter will mistake her ass for a straight-up grizzly!

Oh and if Aaron Neville ever wants to get rid of that mole on his forehead, he just has to put some BBQ sauce on that shit and Aretha will gnaw it off!

Oh and go Bears or whatever teams winning!

She Was on House Arrest?!

Courtney Love was set free to roam crackhouses all over on Friday after a Judge released her from house arrest. I didn't even know she was on that shit!? Court was put under house arrested after she violated her probation. She could only leave her home for medical, retail, family or work related events. That ain't house arrest! That's regular everyday life.

After the judge set her ass free, she said:
"I just want to thank you for not being as punitive as you could have been," she said, adding that her time under the direction of the law helped her overcome a "very gnarly drug problem."

At least she's keeping her nasty-ass tits covered up in the court of law. However, you know she was hitting the crack pipe in the parking lot.

[Smart]

Prince on Saturday Night Live!

Prince was hot shit on last night's Saturday Night Live. I've missed his ass, but didn't he go all Christian? I heard he won't do any of his past hits, because his morals don't agree with the lyrics. Holy Vanity!

That bitch has still got it and I'm sure Richie is so jealous of his girlish figure.

[Thanks to Mel]

Madge is the "Sorriest" Motherfucker I Ever Did See!

Below are two shots from Madonna's newest single "Sorry." She's still working that Disco/Circus look. I'm not sure why she continues to wear these hideous leotards. I'm surprised her saggy lips aren't peeking out of the sides.





Below are 4 shots from a photo shoot Madge did. Ok, now she looks much hotter here. Probably because she's airbrushed for days, but I'm into it. Black is definitely her color. She's still working that Valerie Cherish hair though!







[Thanks to Youri]

Weekend Crumbs

Kimora Lee Simmons is in my nightmares [The Deli]

Kiki Dunst fugs it up on the Spider-Man 3 set [Just Jared]

Nick Lachey parties with his new piece [Hollywood Rag]

Nicole Richie sings [Popsugar]

Jared Leto's manhood is too big for HoHan [Gawker]

Rachel McAdams has no business being a Bond girl [Egotastic!]

Michael K will make his internet radio station debut tonight at 10pm EST [Red Bar Radio]

Hot Slut of the Week: Elmyra from Tiny Toons

Age: Forever Young
Birthday: Probably a Leo
Birth Name: Elmyra Duff

Original Date of Hot Slut of the Day: February 2, 2006
Claim to Fame: One of the stars of Tiny Toon Adventures. She was modeled after Yoesemite Sam and Elmer Fudd.

Where is she now? She is forever embedded in cartoon celluloid.