Dlisted: 02/05/2006 - 02/12/2006

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Rusty is Hot Shit!

Weird Couple Alert!

Movie: Lucky Number Slevin

Plot: A case of mistaken identity lands a man in the middle of a murder being plotted by one of New York City's biggest crime bosses.

Stars: Josh Hartnett, Morgan Freeman, Ben Kingsley, Lucy Liu, Stanley Tucci & Bruce Willis
Director: Paul McGuigan

Due: March 31, 2006

Brangelina & Maddox in Paris!

*THE PHOTO AGENCY that owns this picture has asked me to remove it*

Maddox is a fucking rockstar. Someone steal him for me! Oh and here's more Brangelina PDA...boring!

Ashanti's Beauty Line

Ok, first Chestica Simpson has a shitty shoe line and now this?! If fucking Pete Doherty comes out with shaving cream products I'm going to flip out. Seriously, this bitch doesn't know a thing about beauty. I hope that product fixes blotchy skin and cellulite because that bitch needs the help. Askanky is more like it.

Are They a Hot Couple?

I mean Portia de Rossi is hot shit, but with Ellen I'm not sure. Yeah Ellen is funny but she's no peach in the looks department. So I'm afraid Ellen has brought Portia's "sex" factor down a notch. I seriously don't wanna see these two bump uglies and I typically like watching lesbo sex.

Chestica Simpson's Cheap Shoe Line

Chestica Simpson has a cleverly titled shoe line called "Jessica Simpson Footwear." I wonder who came up with that name? And my god those shoes are fugly. I hope they are selling that shit like at KMart and Target because that shit can't be worth more than $20 each. She needs to stick with what she's good at. Wait, what is she good at?

I Just Wanna Punch Her Face In!

Here's America's favorite grouch sweetheart filming Holiday. The film has Cameron playing some dumb bitch in London opposite Kate Winslet and Jude Law. Seriously, why is that she's suddenly no longer hot. I mean she used to be right? But now I just want to take her eyeballs and smash them in! God such hate for a Saturday! I need a cocktail.

Hot Slut of the Day!

Pete Burns

Birthday Sluts

Jennifer Aniston (37)
Kelly Rowland (25)
Matthew Lawrence (26)
Brandy (27)
D'Angelo (32)
Sheryl Crow (44)
Burt Reynolds (70)
Tina Louise (72)
Leslie Nielsen (80)

Friday, February 10, 2006

It's Official!

Val Kilmer has gone to the other side. The other side being Fugville. What is wrong with him?! I hope this is for a character he's playing and I hope that character is Napoleon Dynamite's father. Not even I would hit it. Ok, maybe with a garbage bag over his face!

Seriously, he totally looks like Napoleon Dynamite with a buzz cut!

The Strangest Custody Agreement Ever!

Sharon Stone will lose her son for one full-year under a very strange custody agreement she has with that creepy ex-husband of hers Phil Bronstein. The agreement was reached in November after an extremely nasty negotiation process.

Phil will have their adopted son Roan for one year in San Francisco and return him to Sharon for the next year. This cycle will continue for four years in which they will meet again to re-negotiate a new custody arrangement.

Sharon will have a very busy year filming back-to-back projects so Phil felt that it would be best if Roan was with him this year in San Francisco. Sharon also has another adopted son name Laird that she took on after her divorce with Phil.

See this is what happens when parents are too fucking stubborn?! I mean this makes no sense. I would hate to switch off year after year. That means new friends and a new school and shit. You know Sharon ain't going to live in San Francisco so that poor boy is going to have to switch lives every year!

[Ireland Online]

Today on Tyra!

You won’t believe these beauties are all really men! Tyra searches for America’s next “Transsexual Top Model!” The outrageous Janice Dickinson, former club kid James St. James and drag icon and recording artist Kevin Aviance judge guests in a “Top Model” style competition to decide who will walk away with a Tyra-directed high-fashion photo shoot, a spread in Instinct magazine, and a modeling contract!

Um...hasn't Maury already done this shit?! Tyra is seriously going into Jerry Springer territory.

Watch a clip of today's show!

Diana Ross Was Sucking on Jon Voight's Peter and Here's What Happened....

[Pic: Concrete Loop]

Truly Mad!

Tori Spelling's fiancee Dean McDermott had the words "Truly Madly Deeply Tori" emitted into his wrist. Is he nuts?! At least he didn't get a picture of her nasty mug tattooed on him. Well, at least when they break-up he can change it to "Truly Madly Deeply Torrino." You know like he went to the Olympics or some shit.


Afternoon Crumbs

Angelina Jolie at age 13 [Just Jared]

Parasite Hilton will only come to your party if you have an area where she can clean her cooch [Best Week Ever]

Goodbye Arrested Development [Popbytes]

Parasite Hilton whores up Montebello, CA [Hollywood Rag]

Tara Reid is a genius [IDLYITW]

Jessica Alba in Playboy [Egotastic!]

More on Nick boinking Chestica's assistant [Gabsmash]

Thanks to Giant Magazine for listing Dlisted as one of the hottest gossip sites along with Jossip, Popbitch, The Gossiplist and Defamer [Giant]


You don't even have to watch Roseanne's new DVD to fall asleep! Just place it on your kid and boom! This shit is better than Ambien!

Can I Get Salsa on That Kitten?!

Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek have been rumored to be lovers for years now. I've heard everywhere that these two dyke out all the time. But starring in the film Bandidas together has fueled reports that the two are bumping muffs.

During a press conference for the film in Mexico Penny reached over and grabbed Salma's ass.

She said: "I grabbed Salma's ass just to keep things moving. And the energy changed when I did that."

"Magazines in Mexico are describing us as lesbians, people are saying we are lovers."

Duh, because you are! You are lesbians! Gorgeous, foreign, spicy, sexy Lesbians...but still dykes!

[National Ledger]

HoHan Lives Up to Her Name!

I used to think that HoHan wasn't much of a ho. But now I know why she has been given this nickname. Just in the past couple of months she's been linked to Jared Leto and Benecio Del Toro. Well now add Ryan Adams to that list. Apparently, HoHan and Jared have called it quits. I guess his johnson was too big for her Jimmy Choos.

According to friends HoHan has been sneaking around with Parker Posey's ex.

They said: "She's spending all her free time with him. She has been staying at his Greenwich Village (New York) apartment almost every night."

GD I hope Parker is mad about this shit, because I'd love if she gave HoHan a royal beat down!

[Post Chronicle]

I Know We've Already Torn This Bitch Apart....

But come on now! Bitch this is just embarrassing! The whole world has told you that your teeth are some triflin' shit! Keep your fucking sugar-cubed mouth closed! When I see you smile I just wanna deep your teeth into a delicious cup of English Breakfast and add some milk. So from now on keep that fucking shit shut!

Poor Ken!!

I mean Ken already looked like a fag and now he looks like he lets Clay Aiken fuck him without a rubber.

Mattel decided that Ken needed a makeover in order to win Barbie back? Um, doesn't he need a penis first to get that slut?

After a two-year separation, Mattel said today that Barbie's long-time suitor wants to rekindle his decades-long romance with his plastic paramour and get her to give Aussie surfer Blaine the flick.

Mattel is hoping Ken's return to retail stores can also revitalise the company's overall fortunes. In January, the company blamed sagging Barbie sales for sagging profits.

"Ken has revamped his life -- mind, body and soul," Hollywood stylist and Mattel consultant Phillip Bloch said in a statement. "Everyone knows how difficult it is to change, especially when you've lived your life a certain way for more than four decades."

Mattel said in February 2004 that Barbie and Ken had split after 43 years because they wanted to spend some time apart.

Ken, who appears to have spent time in the gym and at the stylist, returns wearing a beach-wear ensemble complete with board shorts and white T-shirt.

For her part, Barbie publicist Lauren Dougherty said Barbie "appreciates the new look Ken is sporting. He really looks great. But we'll have to stay tuned to see whether these two will get back together."

What the fuck?! These are dolls! These aren't people? Getting back together, spending time apart? These people need serious lives! The toy owner gets to decide what to do with these bitches?! Damn! Mattel has their nerve.

Ok I'm done ranting, Ken still looks as gay as Al Reynolds in braids. And Phillip Bloch should be shot!


Vadge's Vadge Banned in Malaysia!

Malaysian official have deemed Vadge's performance at the Grammy's much too provocative for their TV audience. Why you ask? Well, because she wears that nasty-ass leotard!

They said: "From our point of view, it wasn't suitable for our audiences."

And you know what?! From my point of view it's not suitable for any audience!

[Contact Music]

Clooney's Got a Clean Ass!

After hearing about his Oscar nominations George Clooney celebrated by going to get his ass checked! Probably because there was a gerbil stuck up there from all the celebrating. Wait that's Richard Gere right? Ugh, wrong salt 'n' pepper!

He said: "I scheduled it when I knew that the nominations were coming because I figured any news is good news after that. 'You didn't get a nomination. Well, how's the colon looking?'''

"Plus, there's a bonus. I hear they drug you up."

Is all this code for he let a huge black dude fuck him with a dildo?


What Kind of Flipping Off is That?!

Kristie Alley attempts to flip off photographers outside her home. Hmm...the two handed flip-off maneuver is seriously more menacing than just the one. I'll give her that and it looks like Jenny Craig is working for her because she looks much skinnier. Although she's probably flipping us off because she knows we will still call her a fat cow. So we shouldn't disappoint her.

Kristie...you are a FAT COW!

Fishsticks Paltrow Quote of the Day!

"Brits are far more intelligent and civilised than Americans. I love the fact that you can hail a taxi and just pick up your pram and put in the back of the cab without having to collape it. I love the parks and places I go for dinner and my friends. It's a pretty city, you know."

Calista Needs Some Work!

Photographers captured a not so fresh looking Calista Flockhart leaving her home. Damn bitch, what happened?! She looks older than her man and she's 22-year older than his ass! Does drinking old jizz make you look old?

[The Sun] [Thanks to Warren]

Damn, Bobby Has Some Wild Kids!

I received some flack for posting Bobbi Kristina Brown's MySpace profile. Which in all fairness may or may have not have been hers. But the NY Daily News is reporting that his other daughter LaPrincia's MySpace is for real and lists some interesting facts about the 16yo.

When asked what her favorite alcoholic drink is...she said: "Smirnoff Rasberry Vodka"

She also said that she would possibly like to be a stripper and has danced like a whore many times.

Bobby's 14yo old son also said on his MySpace that he can read but chooses not to.

Yeah all that sounds about right.

[NYDN] [Thanks to Katie Scarlett]

Britney on Will & Grace Set

Britney Spears was seen leaving the Will & Grace set yesterday. She started taping her guest appearance which will premiere this April. No word yet on her character. Is she wearing a girdle?! It seems that she's totally strapped in. Ugh, no matter what this bitch looks like trash. Fe her assistant looks to die for though!

Kanye West Thinks He's Jesus!

We all know Kanye West is pretty full of himself. I think he's half joking, at least I hope so because I kind of dig him. Anyway, his latest rant involves the Bible. Apparently, Kanye thinks the bible should be completely written to include him as a character.

He said: "I bring up historical subjects in a way that makes kids want to learn about them. I'm an inspirational speaker. "I changed the sound of music more than one time... For all those reasons, I'd be a part of the Bible. I'm definitely in the history books already."

In all fairness if he wants to be in the Bible, Parasite Hilton should be in it also. I mean she is the biggest whore in history.

[Female First] [Thanks to StacyCRo]

Chestica Pumps!

I am so sick of these damned boots! Is it even that cold in L.A.?! Bitch seriously looks like an Eskimo. I mean she's practically the same height. I love the 3rd pic below. She's like trying to walk through a brick wall!

Michael K on MySpace

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