HoHan Back on Crack?

HoHan is looking extra skinny as she models in some charity show. Bitch looks tore up..but...



Fergie looks worse. This looks like a contestant from Miss Tranny World 2006.







Charity or no charity this is no fashion show! Who is going to take home Best in Show?






HoHan even looks older than Debbie Harry!

Yup, That's the Only Interesting Part of Her!

[Pic: Goldenfiddle]

LL Cool J is a Low-Rent Diddy

LL Cool J is following in Diddy's steps by starting his own clothing line under his real name Todd Smith. LL will debut his line of chick's and dude's clothing on Thursday as a part of Fashion Week in New York.

Let's hope he designed that shit with his lips and abs, because those are the only two things I can stand about his ass.

[Page Six]

R.I.P. Grandpa Munster!

[Yahoo News]

Another One Bites the Dust!

Sheryl Crow and Lance Armstrong have called off their engagement and relationship after being together for 2 years.

They issued this joint statement: "After much thought and consideration we have made a very tough decision to split up. We both have a deep love and respect for each other and we ask that everyone respect our privacy during this very difficult time,"

Maybe he finally got a good look at what he would be waking up to for the rest of his life.

[People]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Roma Maffia

Birthday Sluts

Gavin DeGraw (29)
Natalie Imbruglia (31)
Oscar De La Hoya (33)
Alice Cooper (58)
Dan Quayle (59)

Back Up!

Blogger seems to be back up for now. But all my previous posts from today have been deleted. This shit sucks. I'm working on new posts now.

xooxoxMichael K

TGIF!!!

Here's Bradley Pitt in that same tired hat leaving his hotel in Berlin. I'm over him, but I'm not over Friday. So TGIF to all you bitches and go get your Tara Reid on!

Kate Moss for Stella McCartney

UPDATE - Apparently the ones below are old shit from 2003! The one above may or may not be new. Thanks to Whatwouldjanicedickinsondo for her expertise!













[JJB]

Maybe She Should've Told Her Hubby

Richie Sambora seemed to find out his marriage was over when all of us did. Yesterday, when Heather Locklear's spokesperson announced she had filed for divorce from her husband of 11 years...ABC News quickly got a statement from Richie.

He seemed quite bewildered by all of it and said: "It's completely untrue,"

He even added that he had Valentine's Day plans with his wife. But indeed it's true and the wheels are in motion.

That poor bastard!

[ABC News] [Thanks to Superview]

Afternoon Crumbs

Carrot Top's new girlfriend is hot [Hollywood Rag]

Chestica Simpson's breats get a $35 Million paycheck [The Deli]

Don't kill Ana Lucia [IDLYITW]

Nick Lachey's new single sucks [Popbytes]

Katie Holmes is a coffee addict [Just Jared]

The Cult of Val Kilmer [Cityrag]

James Bond can't find his girls [WWTDD]

Angelina Jolie may do Sin City 2 [Egotastic!]

And yet ANOTHER blog cat fight! [Manhattan Offender]

Please Don't Buy Parasite's Trash!

Ok, so this story is pretty old. But, I'll give you the Cliffs Notes version. Basically, that dumb slut Parasite Hilton had some shit stolen from her storage facility outside L.A. And no the storage facility was not her vagina. Anyway, the storage facility claims that she didn't pay her bills, so they sold her stuff at auction. Parasite's people deny that she didn't pay her bills. The "stuff" in question was Parasite's diary, some videos and some photos. Boring stuff really, because when you've seen one sex tape of a person you've seen them all.

Parasite's spokeswhore claims that there wasn't anything damaging in there, so there's nothing to worry about.

The facility sold the shit in a blind auction. The high bidder had no idea what he was buying and now that he's realized it he's asking $20 Million for the entire lot. He promises that some of the stuff is quite shocking?

Her Spokeswhore said: "Concerned is putting it mildly. First she is angry. She feels she has been violated. She's the victim once again. For reasons beyond her control, without her knowledge, she is faced once again with this kind of public humiliation."

Honestly, nothing could shock me more about her. There could be videos of her getting it on with Tinkerbell, Baby Luv AND Bambi and it still wouldn't shock me.

Oh and don't touch any of her stuff unless you want some dreadful STD>

[People]

Melanie Griffith Has a Face Like My Asshole After a Gang Bang!

Remember when Melanie Griffith actually was hot? She was the shit in Working Girl. What happened to her?! Did she get a fucked up face transplant or something? Her face literally looks like it was it was put through a conveyer belt and then left out in the sun for a week. Poor thing, I want to help her but I'm afraid I couldn't stand to look at her face for more than 5 minutes. I bet you Antonio only hits it from behind.

Who the Hell Buys Lingerie at Hustler?!

JLove does! I knew she was a slut!

That Don't Impress Me Much!

Shania Twain's outfit looks like it was put together by a 6yo Michael K. I swear I had pants like that when I was little and I thought I was the SHIT. I had an excuse then because I was 6 and slightly retarded. What's her excuse? Oh yeah, that she's Canadian.

It's a joke!!!!

Madge's Marriage Meltdown?!

Say that three times. Is Guy Ritchie finally unloading that old meat?! Apparently Guy is fed up with Madge's working relationship with producer Stuart Price. The two are practically joined at the hip. Friends of the couple are saying that Guy has become jealous of their relationship. It seems that Madge only cares about her work and the two hardly see each other.

Madge's spokeswhore had this to say: "There's no strain in Madonna's marriage. Her relationship with Guy is good. They are happy. She treats him (Price) like a little brother. They have fun and talk a lot."

As much as I don't like this cunt, I'd have to say that she's smart about this relationship. She knows she's finally found a man that can put with her ass and I doubt she's letting him go. Besides doesn't she like legally own him?

[Female First] [Thanks to Albz]

When Fatties Duet!

The Big Girl Club of Mimi and Janet Jackson are set to record a delicious duet together. This union is the thinking of mega producer and Janet's midget-man Jermaine Dupri.

He said: "The hardest part is figuring out a song that fits both of them, because you have two different styles of artists, and the thing when you're dealing with divas is you don't want to overshadow either one, so if you were to do a song for them, it would have to work where both of them would feel they were on the same pedestal, or else someone's gonna have a problem."

I think they should sing a new KFC theme song together.

[Entertainmentwise]

Damn, I Thought Claymaniacs Were Nuts!

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were dining at a Berlin restaurant when a crazy woman wearing a "Friends" t-shirt approached her and attempted to slap the shit out of her! OMG, that's hot. Angie's bodyguards intervened before the woman could make contact. Angelina then ran her skinny ass out of that restaurant, but the woman followed.

A source said: "The mentally unbalanced American had obviously been tipped off that they would be dining there because she was wearing an Aniston top and was on the look-out for Angelina. "

“"Angelina would normally have confronted the woman, but she was petrified because she‘s carrying her first child and won’t risk any harm coming to it."

Crazy American Woman?! Mentally unbalanced?! Friend's t-shirt? Damn, that was Jennifer Aniston herself! At least bitch does her own dirty work.

[Entertainmentwise]

Mischa Barton Laughs Off Fat Pig Comment

The other day I posted a story on how Nicky Hilton called Mischa Barton a "fat pig" at a party. Mischa thinks it's funny, because she knows she's more like a fat cow than a fat pig.

She said: "If Nicky really made that remark it says more about her than it does about me."

Yeah it basically says that Nicky Hilton is a funny motherfucker.

[Female First]

"Old Pussy" Cat Dolls

Nicolette Sheridan is going to hit the stage with saucy act The Pussycat Dolls on Valentine's Day. She is set to follow in the celebrity footsteps of Christina Applegate and Gwen Stefani. This shipwreck of a performance will take place in Vegas.

I hope this show is pay-what-you-can because I feel sorry for the fools that fork over their hard-earned catch to see this bitch's saggy shit!

[Thanks to Albz]

Hasn't He Done This Before?

Tommy Lee was partying it up at the Ultra Supper Club in Toronto when he noticed a hot chick and decided to call her over. Nina Arsenault came over and sat on his lap. They shared a few shots together.

A source tells the entire story: "She wasted no time, then, in calling him a 'p - - - y.' He apologized, telling her: 'I've been drinking tequila since 7 a.m.' . . . Things were going just swimmingly, when somebody took it upon themselves to tell Lee's bodyguard about the 'Nip/Tuck'-ness of it all, and the bodyguard then whispered something in the star's ear. 'That's when he took a good, long look at me,' Nina recalls. A bucket of cold water seemed to come splashing down. 'You know what? I'm dying for a cigarette,' Lee was heard to say, as he got up from the table with his posse. 'Great!' said Nina, as she trailed behind them." But when they approached the lounge, the paper reports, Lee's bodyguard put up his hand and told Nina, "You're not coming with us."

I swear he's hooked up with a Tranny before. Pamela Anderson is practically one so he shouldn't be that disgusted by it.

[Page Six] [Thanks to StacyCRo]

Blind Item...You Guess...I Guess...

WHICH sexy actress was more than just a fashion model before she married a handsome actor and had his kids? This beauty was dumped by her agency when her bookers learned she was stripping in a Queens joint for extra cash.

Denise Richards

WHICH newly single sexpot bedded a cad-about-town - who has already slept with several starlets of lesser wattage - after a boozy night at the Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood?

Chestica Simpson & Adam Levine

WHICH actress who voiced a popular cartoon series is said to be a slam-dunk in the sack for Hollywood party boys who prefer a certain kind of sex act?

Brittany Murphy

Zahara Looks Hot!

Zahara Jolie-Pitt is wearing the hottest outfit. I wish I had a kid just so she could wear cute outfits like that. Anyway, here's the clan doing some toy shopping in Germany. Maddox doesn't look happy because his Nike's have to touch that dirty German ground. And he's not about to have that.

Jenna Jameson Gets Off!

Jenna Jameson was on Howard Stern and decided to try out the Sybian live on his radio show. The Sybian is supposed to be some hardcore shit. Damn, she looks like she's in another world. And you know if that thing can please a porn star it must be worth it. Her coochie is soo used up, I'd be surprised if a tractor wheel could even satisfy her!






Click here to see the rest of series (NSFW)

Ugly Knockers of the Day!

Here's Pamela Anderson looking like she has pecs at a Mac Chinese New Years Party. Her boobies aren't looking too fresh. I know she doesn't go for the natural look, but that just looks painful. I think she's got them done again. I'd like to see her and Jordan in a breast battle!

Attack of the Clones!

The Thigh Master has a brilliant comparision of My Little Pony Parker and Mitch from Real Genius. Seriously, I think they are the same person. Ewww, she totally had a sex change.


[Thighs Wide Shut] [Thanks to My Dingaling]

Is Mimi Always on Vacation?

Mimi was in Barbados yesterday. Most likely resting her fat ass before performing at the Grammys this week. Ok, that was rude. She's not fat, just thick. She honestly needs to buy bikinis in her damn size. She's about to shake that shit off.





[Smart]

The Dlisted Report

Antoine Fuqa will direct The Jazz Ambassadors for New Line Cinema. Morgan Freeman will play Duke Ellington. "Jazz" covers the Ellington orchestra's tour of Iraq during a 1963 CIA-led coup that would eventually pave the way for Saddam Hussein's rise to power. [Variety]

Evanna Lynch has beat out 15,000 girls for the role of Luna Lovegood in Harry Potter and the order of the Phoenix. Imelda Staunton has also joined the film which is already shooting. [Dark Horizons]

American Idol contestants in Austin were actually flown to San Francisco to audition for the judges. Contestants both good and bad seemed like they were performing for the judges in Austin. They were flown to San Francisco due to Hurriane Katrina. [Reality Blurred]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS!

The Top 3:

Inspired by her gay husband, Star Jones starts a lesbian fat camp. - Mark

"And this one time, at fat camp,..." - Ellen

The cast of Paramount's "White Chicks vs. Predator" - Tallsonofagus

[Thanks to Alex]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Betty White

Birthday Sluts

Morgan Fairchild (56)
Jessica Grove (24)
Isla Fisher (30)
Daddy Yankee (30)
Maura Tierney (41)
Linda Eder (45)
Thomas Calabaro (47)
Nathan Lane (50)
Blythe Danner (63)

Hilary Clinton Should've Been a Supermodel

HEATHER LOCKLEAR FILES FOR DIVORCE?!

Their spokeswhore said:

"After 11 years of marriage Heather Locklear has filed for divorce from Richie Sambora. This is a private matter and there will be no further comment at this time."

They recently denied their break-up. I hate being lied to. It makes me feel so cheap! Damn them! Oh well, sad....but everything must come to an end!

[People] [Thx to Katie Rose]

Drag Another Day!

Die Another Day director Lee Tamahori was arraigned today on charges that he solicited an undercover cop in drag!

Tamahori, whose directing credits include, 'Die Another Day,' 'XXX: State of the Union,' 'Along Came a Spider' and 'The Sopranos,' was arrested in Hollywood on January 8, 2006. According to law enforcement, Tamahori was allegedly dressed in drag, approached an undercover officer who was in his car, entered the vehicle and offered to perform a sex act for money.

This is some fucked up shit! Is he that hard up for cash that he has to hook himself out? Shit, I know XXX:State of the Union wasn't a success, but come on! I bet you Eddie Murphy has picked his ass up before!

[TMZ]

Meg Ryan FedEx's Her Chinese Baby Back!

Meg Ryan's visiting a FedEx, most likely to send her baby back. That poor thing probably wouldn't stop crying, because her mom looks like such a wreck! Seriously Meg, the Jodie Foster look doesn't work on you...it only works on Jodie Foster!

The Press Release We Didn't Deserve!

Gawker has one of the strangest press releases I've ever seen. First of all, the picture is enough to send me digging my own grave. And the press release just goes and on and on and on...is this to distract us from how ugly these people are?!




Click here to read the press release from Hell!

[Thanks to psychorealtor]



Little Britain is back for a third season premiere on March 17. Please find below the full press kit with episodics and character profiles. Please let me know if you would like a screening copy.
Best, Leslie
Leslie Sepuka | Publicity Manager | BBC AMERICA | 747 Third Avenue | 6th Floor | New York, NY 10017
212.705.XXXX | bbcamerica.com

MEGA-HIT LITTLE BRITAIN RETURNS FOR A THIRD SEASON -Off-the-wall sketch comedy unleashes a whole new season of freaks-

Little Britain has earned twenty-seven industry awards to date, celebrity fans Johnny Depp and Nicholas Cage can’t get enough of it and Little Britain talking dolls were the holiday gift for British kids in ‘05. Joining the likes of Ricky Gervais, the creators and stars of Little Britain, Matt Lucas and David Walliams, have truly earned their place in the history of British comedy. They’ve been immortalized in wax at Madame Tussauds, their infamous catchphrases have entered every day speech in Britain and they’ve successfully reinvigorated the classic sketch show format. Catch a brand new season of the series that started as a cult, but is taking the world by storm — Little Britain season three premieres Friday, March 17, 9:40 p.m. ET/6:40 p.m. PT.

“I’m the only gay in the village” and “But, I’m a lady” are just two of the many catchphrases of this multi-award winning comedy that have become so popular, schools in Britain have had to ban the use of them. Season three of the ultimate catchphrase comedy sees the welcome return of solitary gay villager Daffyd, questionable ladies in crinoline Florence and Emily, and Sebastian and his beloved Prime Minister Michael (Anthony Head, Buffy). Also joining them are teenage delinquent Vicky “Yeah, but no, but yeah” Pollard, Lou and “I want that one” Andy and Marjorie and her class of Fat Fighters.

For this new season Matt and David have dreamed up a whole new set of characters. There’s Dudley, who buys Ting Tong Macadangdang, a mail order bride from Thailand. Unfortunately she looks more like a linebacker than her catalog photo. And there’s Mrs. Emery, a sweet old lady with an unfortunate inability to control certain bodily functions. Other new characters include Sir Norman Fry, a politician who is one press conference away from disaster; Desiree, the 280 pound ex-Olympic gymnast and love rival of obese spa-bunny, Bubbles and frog fan Letty who loves everything froggy — just not the real thing.

The third season also features guest appearances from Imelda Staunton (Vera Drake), Nigel Havers (Manchild) and Rob Brydon (Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story). Matt and David are currently on a sold-out tour of the UK featuring all their favorite characters from the show and Little Britain: The Complete Second Series is available on a 2-disc DVD set on May 23, 2006.

For up-to-the-minute information on BBC AMERICA, forthcoming U.S. premieres, art work and news from the channel, log on to www.press.bbcamerica.com.

BBC AMERICA brings audiences a new generation of award-winning television featuring razor-sharp comedies, provocative dramas, life- changing makeovers and news with a uniquely global perspective. BBC AMERICA pushes the boundaries to deliver high quality, highly addictive and eminently watchable programming to viewers who demand more. BBC AMERICA is distributed by Discovery Networks. It is available on digital cable and satellite TV.

For more information about BBC AMERICA visit www.bbcamerica.com

New characters:

Dudley and Ting Tong Dudley receives delivery of his new bride, Ting Tong Macadangdang, lovingly chosen from his Thai Brides For You brochure. Unfortunately, Ting Tong does not live up to the picture. In fact, she could be prosecuted under the Trade Descriptions Act. Incensed Dudley orders her to leave, but Ting Tong has a very persuasive tongue and convinces him to let her stay, just for one night…

Desiree De Veres At Hill Grange Health Spa, Bubbles De Vere gets a shock when she bumps into her ex-husband, Roman De Vere. He and his new wife, 280- pound ex-Olympic gymnast Desiree, are honeymooning at the Spa. Sparks fly as Bubbles comes face to face with the woman who destroyed her marriage.

Sir Norman Fry Member of Parliament Sir Norman has a perfect family — he is happily married with three children and a dog. What a shame that he has a rather unfortunate habit of getting caught in the most unconstitutional of positions with strangers — nothing, however, that a press conference with his family won’t sort out.

Mrs. Emery She’s a sweet old lady, always ready to stop and have a chat, whether it is at the supermarket, the post office or in the street. The only problem is her inability to control certain bodily functions.

Sid Pegg Nosey, mean-spirited and overzealous, Sid is the neighbor from hell. He runs the local Neighborhood Watch Committee with military precision, much to the alarm and amusement of his fellow residents. Any would-be vandals or litterbugs beware — Sid operates a zero-tolerance policy.

Warren At St Denise’s Hospital, Warren’s tearful family sit around his bedside, waiting as the old man takes his final breath. It can only be a matter of time — except that Warren isn’t quite ready to kick the bucket just yet. He’s just got time to fit in one last café latte, oh, and a chocolate muffin if they’ve got one…

Letty She just loves everything froggy — ornaments, birthday cakes, cuddly toys — in fact anything and everything frog-themed. However, she has a rather violent reaction to the real thing.

Leonard Leonard is a gentle man who works in an old people’s home. He goes to great lengths to make sure the pillows are plumped because he is very particular about comfort — his own comfort, that is. Entertainment Don Don and Pat’s favorite food is curry, but when Don goes for the hottest dish on the menu it has an extraordinarily tuneful side-effect.

Alan You’ll always find Alan out on the street, rattling his tin, collecting for the local donkey sanctuary. He’s very well-meaning, but beware! Once you’ve donated your money, he tends to plant his sanctuary sticker in the most intimate places.

Returning favorites:

Bubbles Hello daaahhlings! She’s back, she’s bigger than ever, and she’s booked in for a fondue facial at noon. Still running up bills larger than her backside at the Hill Grange Health Farm, Bubbles is content with not only expanding her own considerable size, but also that of her absent husband’s credit rating. Imagine the horror, however, when the not-so-absent Roman (Rob Brydon) turns up at the club with some pretty heavyweight competition in tow!

Carol Carol has moved on from her career in turning down everyone for financial aid at the local bank. She is now delivering her very own unique brand of customer service at a travel agency in the new town of Spongebob Squarepants. She’s happy to discuss a possible destination with you, as well as run through all the deals available - just don’t expect to be able to book a vegetarian meal for one. Why? “Computer says no.”

Dafydd — the only gay in the village Everyone’s favorite gay Welshman is back and he’s gay, okay, so just get with the program! Being the only gay, he continues in his fight for gay rights, this time standing in the local bi-election (it’s for gays and straights too, just so we’re clear) as the representative for The Gay Rights for Gays party. And proving that sex and politics always go hand in hand, he embarks on a new career as a prostitute. Needless to say, he’s quite a hit down at the local mine.

Vicky Pollard Everyone’s favorite bad girl is back. Yeah, but no, but yeah — the teen bad dream that everyone loves to love is still the biggest, and, well, the biggest delinquent on the block. Splitting her time between, like, six kids from seven different blokes, and well, like, this whole totally fake tabloid exposé or summin’ and then there’s, like, this whole other thing or summin’ or nuffin’ as well.

Emily and Florence — the terrible transvestites Emily and Florence are back in all their finery and are still determined to prove once more how very ladylike they are. Ignoring the small issue of uncontrollable facial hair, square jaws, and low speaking voices, you would never guess that what lies beneath those crinolines isn’t quite as ladylike as one might first have thought.

Lou and Andy It’s all still a big kerfuffle for Lou, looking after Andy’s every need. There’s a trip to the air show to organize, an unscheduled game of rugby to play, and a rather wet and wild trip to the local aquarium to contend with. On top of everything else, Lou receives some sad news which means he has to leave Andy in the hands of new care-giver, Mrs. Mead (Imelda Staunton). Needless to say, Lou doesn’t like it.

Marjorie Dawes and the Fat Fighters As Marjorie Dawes returns with some more key dieting tips for her class, she takes the term “cruel to be kind” to another level. Mean-spirited Marjorie delights in pointing out all their dietary faults while simultaneously ignoring her own. Never one to enjoy other people’s happiness or success, she’s always looking for fresh ammunition with which to inflict even more pain and misery. However, a mishap at the local tanning salon gives her class a brief respite from the verbal onslaught and an opportunity to fight back.

Michael and Sebastian The life of the Prime Minister is very hard work. Not only do you have the complexities of foreign policy to deal with and the British public to face, but all this has to be done while having to fending off the amorous advances of your aide. Following a moving rendition of Christina Aguilera’s Beautiful in the House of Commons, it seems that Sebastian’s secret love it is not so secret anymore — not that it ever really was, to be honest!

CAST AND PRODUCTION CREDITS

Written and performed by Matt Lucas and David Walliams Narrated by Tom Baker (Doctor Who, Monarch of the Glen) Directors Declan Lowney (Cold Feet, Father Ted) Matt Lipsey (Human Remains) Steve Bendelack (The League of Gentlemen) Producer Geoff Posner (dinnerladies)

Executive Producer Jon Plowman (BBC)

WHAT THE UK PRESS SAID ABOUT SEASON THREE:

“Entirely worth tuning in for Anne (mental patient) as Celine Dion. Laugh your organs dry at that.” Guardian

“The hits remain spectacular. Vicky Pollard, Marjorie Dawes and Bubbles de Vere, all nailing huge laughs.” The Sun

“This show has undeniably been the greatest broadcasting event of the past couple of years. My kids can repeat whole scripts.” Sunday Times

“Brilliantly done and very, very funny. The incredible level of inventiveness ensure that even the most familiar characters still provided top-flight laughs.” Daily Telegraphritain Series 3 “The best new character has to be Sir Norman Fry, MP. I loved the fact that there is nothing so bad that it can’t be solved by hauling out the - very horrified - family for a press conference!” The Sun

WHAT THE US PRESS SAID ABOUT SEASON ONE AND TWO:

“Try some real humor courtesy of Little Britain… Think of it as Saturday Night Live, except funny and with accents.” U.S. News & World Report

“Postmodern Pythons: The latest British comedy phenom would be Little Britain, in which funny-men Matt Lucas and David Walliams enact various village loons and losers — bad crossdressers, ditsy teens, sneaky hypnotists, rubber-clad ‘gayers,’ blackface entertainers.” Newsday

“There’s no doubt that the Queen’s subjects are a splendidly perverse lot, but Matt Lucas and David Walliams’ sketch show brilliantly highlights the freakiest of the freaks. B+” Entertainment Weekly

“British comedy has a long and distinguished history, but it has never seen anything quite like Little Britain. Comics David Walliams and Matt Lucas, the men behind the show, don a number of grotesque guises while portraying a series of recurring characters. The jokes are repetitive and puerile - and completely hilarious.” Washington Post

“Get your ha-ha here. Score another one for those witty Brits. Talented wackos David Walliams and Matt Lucas team up for this inspired sketch comedy romp, zinging English culture with giddy irreverence.” Detroit Free Press

“Little Britain, Big Laughs: Get ready for a gallery of English eccentrics (lunatics more precisely, nearly all played by Matt Lucas and David Walliams) and a slew of soon-to-be-ubiquitous catch phrases (trust us, in six months, ‘But I’m a lay-dee’ will be everywhere).” men.style.com

EPISODE SYNOPSES

Episode one At Hill Grange Health Spa, Bubbles De Vere receives a shock when she bumps into her ex-husband, Roman De Vere, and his new wife, ex- Olympic gymnast Desiree, who are honeymooning at the Spa. At the same time, Dudley receives delivery of his new bride, Ting Tong Macadangdang, chosen from his Thai Brides For You brochure. Though her appearance doesn’t match the picture in the brochure, Ting Tong’s oral skills are enough to persuade Dudley to let her stay one more night. Meanwhile, Mrs. Emery’s inability to control her bodily functions in the local supermarket results in a nasty wet patch in the frozen foods section, and politician Sir Norman Fry’s ill-advised trip to King’s Cross ends with a rather awkward press conference. Elsewhere, Anne fulfils her dream to sing in public; Florence and Emily tackle the very unladylike problem of facial hair; Dafydd’s new career as a prostitute is proving to be a real hit down at the local mine and Vicky shows off her dancing skills as she and her gang prove once and for all that they are “well the best dancers”. Episode one premieres Friday, March 17, 9:40 p.m. ET/6:40 p.m. PT.

Episode two Care home worker Leonard is getting very comfortable — some might say a little too comfortable — in Mrs. Carpenter’s chair, and Don and Pat pay a visit to their favorite Indian restaurant, although the spicy food has a rather unusual effect on Don’s constitution as he unleashes a torrent of ’80s game show catchphrases. Elsewhere, college secretary Linda Flynn describes a female student as “Magnum PI” — referring to an unfortunate facial hair problem — while the student under discussion is within earshot; Dafydd succumbs to anti- gay pressure, renounces his gay lifestyle and finds himself a girlfriend; Sebastian serenades the PM with a moving rendition of Christina Aguilera’s Beautiful in the House of Commons; the most demanding customer in the world, Mr. Mann, seeks a painting of a disappointed horse, and Lou and Andy are contestants in a game show. Episode two premieres Friday, March 24, 9:40 p.m. ET/6:40 p.m. PT.

Episode three A trip to the Hill Grange Health Spa sees Roman getting a little more than he bargained for during a facial, when Bubbles takes his beauty treatment into her own rather ample hands. Much to Dudley’s horror and exasperation, it appears that Ting Tong has yet more secrets to divulge. A weakness for women in green Lycra, however, gives Ting Tong the opportunity to persuade him to let her stay — just one more night. Elsewhere, Sir Norman Fry is giving a press conference regarding an unfortunate misunderstanding in the toilets on Hampstead Heath and the newest member of Fat Fighters has Marjorie Dawes seeing stars. Episode three premieres Friday, March 31, 9:40 p.m. ET/6:40 p.m. PT.

Episode four Ting Tong’s mother arrives to stay. Needless to say, Dudley’s not too happy about the newest addition to the household, particularly when he learns that she’s not planning to leave any time soon. Meanwhile. neighborhood watch leader Sid Pegg calls an urgent meeting and over at the Hill Grange Health Spa, Bubbles learns the reason why Roman left her for Desiree. At St. Denise’s Hospital, Warren’s tearful family sit around his bedside waiting for the old man to take his final breath but Warren has a few last requests. Emily and Florence hit the town in order to celebrate Emily’s last night as a single “lady”. Episode four premieres Friday, April 7, 9:40 p.m. ET/6:40 p.m. PT.

Episode five Sir Norman Fry has some explaining to do following an incident with a glacé cherry, Vicky Pollard is displaying her woeful babysitting skills, and Sid Pegg is up in arms about the defacing of a street sign. Meanwhile, over in Spongebob Squarepants, Carol is boring her clients to death with an in-depth overview of travel insurance. Episode five premieres Friday, April 14, 9:40 p.m. ET/6:40 p.m. PT.

Episode six Dafydd has to decide whether to remain the only gay in the village or leave to join the other gays in London. Florence has to decide whether or not to hang up her crinolines. And Carol’s computer has to decide whether or not to say no to a customer hoping to go on a round-the-world cruise. Elsewhere, Marjorie learns that sorry really is the hardest word and Mrs. Emery visits her doctor complaining of knee trouble. Episode six premieres Friday, April 21, 9:40 p.m. ET/6:40 p.m. PT.

Felicia Dougherty
Publicity Coordinator
BBC AMERICA
(001) 212-705-XXXX
www.press.bbcamerica.com

Afternoon Crumbs

Chestica wants Nick back? [Popsugar]

Elle MacPherson goes topless [A Socialite's Life]

Survivor 12 debuts tonight [Popbytes]

Nicky Hilton's Phone Number [Bricks and Stones]

Angelina Jolie does Nightline [Just Jared]

Parasite Hilton's journal goes missing. [Hollywood Rag]

Ashley Olsen flashes some red [Gabsmash]

What happened to Penelope Cruz's hair? [Egotastic!]

From the Dlisted Mail Room!

In yesterday's Afternoon Crumbs I linked to a story about Bobbi Kristina Brown's MySpace. I called the link: "Bobbi Kristina is a Nympho". I was referring to her MySpace account which is called "Nimpho Baby." In fairness to BK the MySpace account may not be hers. But anyhow, I received the hottest letter from a very angry woman. Here goes:

I am appalled at the kind of trash you put on your web page! Don't you have anything better to do with your time? I'm very angry your exposing an innocent child( Krissy Brown) She doesn't deserve that. My daughter showed me your page after getting upsetting phone calls from krissy. She is a wonderful girl and like another daughter of mine so I'm very protective of her. She has enough to deal with without people like you adding to it. I think you owe her a public apology and you need to find something else to occupy your time. It's bad enough you trash adults, but children! What could you gain by that? Do you like to destroy peoples lives? She has to get up every morning and go to school and deal with kids that are just as cruel as you, you know the ones who's parents never taught them morals, compassion for others, kindness and knowing the difference between right and wrong. I don't think you realize the damage you have done and I hope in the future you think before you make someone's life difficult for your own gain.

Mrs.

First of all, I think the woman should be more upset with MySpace than me. MySpace allowed a 14yo to call themselves a nympho. Second of all, BK has also been prominently featured on her parents reality show Being Bobby Brown thus opening herself up to attention both positive and negative. If you don't want any attention, don't put yourself out there. Yeah, she's a young girl but her parents should (if they already haven't) teach her that if she wants to be in the public eye she's going to have to learn to deal with the negative. It goes with the price of fame. Furthermore, I think BK has bigger things to worry about than some stupid MySpace and some stupid blog. If she cries about this, I would hate to see how she reacts to the things that are written about her parents.

On that note, I won't apologize. I stand by what I have written and I respect and understand anything negative that might come from it. It is mindless entertainment and should be treated that way.

Puppies Full of Grace

Why they gotta do these puppies like that?! That ain't right! Here's the lowdown:

More than 30 people were arrested on the East Coast after a horrific discovery: puppies used as drug mules after Colombian drug dealers surgically inserted heroin packets inside them with the hope of smuggling the contraband inside the U.S. border, say federal authorities.

Ten puppies, including Labrador retrievers, were rescued during a 2005 raid on a farm in Colombia, the Drug Enforcement Administration said while announcing the 30 arrests, the Associated Press reports.

Investigators believe the ring used the dogs, as well as humans (who swallowed the drugs), to cloak millions of dollars in liquid heroin on commercial flights into New York for distribution on the East Coast. Drugs apparently also were concealed in body creams, aerosol cans, and the linings of purses and luggage.

As for the pups, a veterinarian had stitched a total of three kilograms of heroin into the bellies of six of them. Three later died from infections once the drugs were removed. It is not known how many dogs in all were used in the scheme, or what their fates were after they made their "deliveries," said John Gilbride, head of the DEA's New York office.

Ugh, this makes me sick to my stomach. Why couldn't these drugs dealers spare these poor, innocent creatures and just phone me up. I have a rolodex full of starlets that are more than able to swallow loads of any substance and keep it safe in their stomach. Shit, some drug lords need to kidnap HoHan and Parasite Hilton because those bitches alone could smuggle enough drugs in to feed The Brown Family. And you know that's a lot of crack.

[People]

The Wig Fund: Janice Combs

I'm starting a wig fund for Janice Combs (mother of Diddy Combs). Poor woman, that thing looks like it's gonna bite her head and run away towards the forest where the animals are nice to it. Here's our Lady of Polyester at some party for her son last night. I think that wig and her fur coat are gonna run away together and start a family.

Roseanne Barr sings with monsters!

by Lahoma00



Who has seen the commercials for Roseanne Barr's new DVD musical for kids, "Rockin with Roseanne?" It's so fucked up. Roseanne, who can't sing for shit, belches out all these songs like "There's a monster under my bed" with these wanna-be muppets made out of socks. It's all very disturbing and I'm sure will sell well for those parents interested in corporal punishment.

Wouldn't it be hot if Parasite Hilton put out a video like this and when she sang "I've been working on the railroad" they showed her sucking a bunch of hobo dicks?

Here are 3 Reasons Why I Don't Want to Be Famous!

#1 - Can't a bitch eat a breakfast burrito in peace?! Eva LongWHORIA is minding her own business, chomping down on that delicious meal and some photog has to humiliate her. Bitch deserves it, but still. I want to get my eat on without having to worry about some dumb site like Dlisted calling me a cheese-eating whore.



#2 - Just like LongWHORIA I'm not the tidiest of eaters and sometimes get into trouble with the cheese. I'm not a pro like Eva. So again photogs are catching her at a bad time. Again, a dumb site like Dlisted is going to easily say that she's good at cleaning up the cheese, because she's dating Tony Parker and he is French. Those Frenchies got some cheesy dicks.



#3 - So the final reason I don't want to be famous is that when I go to Saturday brunch I don't want to worry about getting all dolled up. I just want to pull my lucky "Twice is Nice" t-shirt out of the hamper and get my eat on. I don't want to have to read on that piece of shit Dlisted that my shirt should read "Twice as Fugly."



[Thanks to Maria]

Will You Be My Boring Wife?

Zach Braff presented girlfriend Mandy Moore with a $500,000 engagement ring by Neil Lane last month. Mandy said yes and the two are reportedly headed for the alter. Spokeswhores for both bitches could not comment.

Here, I'll comment for them:

"Hi I'm their spokesbitch and basically yes they are engaged. Why? Because they are both so boring and salty that nobody wants to be with him. Zach is like an old marshmallow and Mandy is like a crusty graham cracker, so together they make smores. Well, half smores..there is the issue of the chocolate, but that's a different matter! Carry on"

[Post Chronicle]

It Could've Been Love!

Fishsticks Paltrow father denied her a role in a movie with Vanilla Ice because he thought the script was too sexual. It was the first movie role she was offered and her father stopped her chances.

She said: "One line said something like, 'My phone number is 555 6969. He closed the script and said, 'Over my dead body!'"

Damn, Bruce Paltrow! If he would've allowed his daughter to do this movie..she could've fallen in love with Vanilla Ice and moved to the trailer parks of Michigan where she would've never been heard from again!

Well maybe except for one or two episodes of Cops.

[LSE]

Ashton Kutcher Takes a Shit!

This may or may not be Ashton Kutcher. But, it's a funny pic of him taking a shit. It could just be a dude that looks like him, because the picture looks kind of old. I'd like to believe it's him. I'm sure his terds are so damn stinky. Kind of like burnt walnut and I'm sure Demi Moore licks em out. OMG, why do I have to be sooo disgusting?!


Click here to see NSFW version!

[Thanks to Lena]

Angelina Will Never Marry Brad

Damn, that's cold! Angelina Jolie has told reporters that she doesn't plan to marry Brad Pitt, because she's already been married twice. Yeah, like she's the Queen of Morals.

She said: "We will never marry. Brad is going through a divorce and I've been divorced twice, so it's not something we're considering."

Bitch you also said that you weren't involved with his ass. Don't believe this bitch. She's a liar. Trust me, they will get married.

[Female First]

What the Hell is That?!

Katie Holmes went for a coffee run yesterday wearing some bizarre looking unitard or fake tummy holder. Is that a straight-up bodysuit? That thing doesn't look right. The only way I'll believe she is pregnant is when I see a full and real baby pop out of her coochie. Until then I'm not convinced.



[JJB]

He's Gay!

A reader sent me this funny episode starring Ryan Seacrest:

Not really big news, but Seacrest was on a local radio station around here today (NJ 101.5)...The "Jersey Guys" were interviewing him and kept making reference to his sexual preference..all of which Seacrest was skirting around. They finally asked him flat out if he was gay. Seacrest got all bent and walked off. So then he COMES BACK on...is all wondering why this can't just be a "I help you out, you help me out..."promo type show, yadda yadda yadda....Why can't we talk about American Idol like we were supposed to? yadda yadda....so the Jersey Guys say "so if we ask you if you are gay again, will you walk off again?" Seacrest says: YES! Jersey Guys: "Are you gay".......Seacrest walks again!

Yeah he's gay and he totally boned Clay Aiken! The American Idol producers need to investigate that shit! Fuck Paula and Corey Clark, I know Ryan bent that Clay over. Yuck, I just gave myself the shivers.

[Thanks to Julie]

Start Your Bidding!

Jordan is about to go under the knife for her 4th breast augmentation. But this time she wishes to make them smaller.

She said: "I'm having them reduced because I want them a bit more pert.

"I've had them eight years now. So it's time for a new pair and I'll sell this lot on eBay."

Jordan, 27 is currently a 36FF. I don't which is more shocking the fact that she's 27 or the fact that she's a 36FF?!

OMG, I will sell my kidney in order to win this item! I swear I'll sell my mother!

[Sky News] [Thanks to Albz]

Oscar for HoHan!

Chapter 27 about John Lennon's killer is going to be a piece shit! Here is the new fat Jared Leto and a retarded HoHan shooting a scene in front of the Dakota where John Lennon lived and Yoko Ono still lives.

Shit, that girl they are doing the scene with is more entertaining. I think she served me a slice of pizza the other week.

Using Jude

Sienna Miller's friends are saying that she only used Jude Law to get famous. Sienna was engaged to Jude and became an overnight sensation when news that Jude cheated on her with the nanny hit the papers. Sienna went from zero to hero.

A friend said: "Sienna was never that crazy about him to begin with, but their affair made her a household name."

Even Sienna's mum said:
"'Jude was good for a while, but there are other fish to fry.' "

Yeah I believe it. Bitch is ugly and the only way she got famous was by sucking famous dick. She's lucky, but it ain't gonna last night!

[Page Six]

Well, There's Always Abortion

According to several sources Britney Spears is pregnant again. She shocked shoppers in Malibu when she grabbed her gut and claimed she had baby #2 in her oven. That's gross.

A source said: "Britney is definitely pregnant again. She's acting the same way she did when she was pregnant with her first child."

Bitch is going to go broke. Watch. She has two kids already (including KFed) and needs to get back to work! How can she get back to work when she's gonna get more fat than she already is!

[Ananova] [Thanks to Laura]

This is Disgusting and Should be Illegal

[Thanks to Melba]

Who is Ant Dating?

This is what sent in to me by a reader:

I heard on the Howard Stern show about two or three weeks ago that Ant the comic (on VH1) is secretly dating a very big male celebrity who everyone thinks is straight and who's engaged to a woman. He might not be Caucasian. He says the guy is not as big as Brad Pitt but that's he's a pretty big celebrity. He met him online on Craig's List. This has been plaguing (sp?) me for weeks.

Celebrities are on Craig's list?! Ok, big celebrity, not Caucasian, engaged....DAMN! I have no idea. Vin Diesel? He's not engaged! Help me out here!

The Dlisted Report

Sean Penn will direct Emile Hirsch in the Alaskan adventure Into the Wild. Hirsch will portray Christopher McCandless, who graduated from college in 1992, abandoned his possessions and hitchhiked to Alaska to live in the wilderness and return to nature. He died four months later in an abandoned bus at a remote campsite. The script comes from Penn's own adaptation of a bestselling novel [Variety]

Mandy Moore is in final talks to star in the thriller Twist of Fate. The story is about a couple whose lives are upended after a hit-and-run accident. Shooting will begin this May. [Variety]

The Chinese government has cancelled the release of Memoirs of a Geisha. Officials are afraid the sight of Chinese actress playing Japanese would start a backlash. [Dark Horizons]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

I must..
I must..
I must increase my bust! - buttercup

[Thanks to Loozer]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Elmyra from Tiny Toon Adventures

[For Aana]

Birthday Sluts

Michael T. Weiss (44)
Shakira (29)
Marissa Jaret Winokour (33)
Dana International (34)
Jennifer Westfeldt (35)
Christie Brinkley (52)
Brent Spiner (57)
Farrah Fawcett (59)
Barry Diller (64)
Elaine Stritch (81)

Nick Lachey is an Online Troll

The former Mr. Jessica Simpson has nothing to do with his time. So he thought he should open an internet chat site for teens to safely talk to each other without old trolls like him picking them up. Please, you know he's going to use his own site to get underage vagina.

He said: "This is new to me. The whole thing of networking online wasn't around when I was a teen. I wasn't aware of how big a problem this was. And when you are 17 you have no idea of who you are dealing with."

The site is called yfly and it launches this Thursday. Oh and parents of underage girls don't let your daughter go to this site, because Nick Lachey's going to be after their panties!

[People]

Jordan is an Important Figure in Literature!

Jordan's newest book A Whole New World is out in England! I seriously just ordered my copy from AmazonUK. This is her second book in probably a series. I finished her first and I will do a full review on it this week. She really knows how to tell a story. I didn't even know bitch could operate a pencil. Anyway, here's that gorgeous piece of trash at a book signing.

I joked before that Harvey (her blind, fat son) was her stylist...but I think it's true. That skirt was definitely put together by a blind, fat 3yo. Let's not get started on that wig.






[Pics: Hollywood Tuna]

Parasite Hilton is Gonna Get Jumped!

So I'm from Southern California and I know this mall all too well. It's in Montebello,CA and it's some ghetto shit. I swear there's been several shootings there.

Paris Hilton will be making a special live appearance at Montebello Town Center’s Robinsons-May! Thursday, February 9, 2006 from 5:00 PM to 7:00 PM. To receive an autograph, you must purchase $49 or more of one of her perfume lines. Space is limited. You have four choices of perfume to choose from: Paris Hilton Fragrance for men and women and Just Me Fragrance for men and women. Please see store associate for further details.

Let's hope the gangs decide to have a war that day at Robinsons-May and that bitch gets caught in the crossfire! Oh and what idiot is gonna drop $49 to meet that bitch?

[Montebello Town Center] [VIA ONTD]

Jennifer Aniston Quote of the Day!

"If you're going to be raped in a movie, it may as well be by Vincent Cassel,"

Pamela Anderson Fuels Kanye Rumors

Pamela Anderson and her ugly boobs will do a special pole dance for Kanye West at the Brit Awards on February 15th. The two have been a rumored item ever since Pam starred in a video he just shot.

Kanye is so into her ass that he is flying her to London to perform his song "Gold Digger" with him on the show.

A source said: "Pam and Kanye got really close on the shoot so he asked her to help out at the Brits. He wants to fly her over to play the gold digger in the song on stage while he performs.

"She may play a pole or erotic dancer. Kanye is really excited about the idea."

Isn't this broad a little too old for shaking her shit onstage? Come on now!

[LSE]

Lines: A Short Film

[Michael Mouris]

Boy George Pleads Innocent

Boy George appeared in a Manhattan court room today fighting drug charges. The charges stem from a call to the police in October claiming burglary. When the police arrived at George's Little Italy apartment they found 13 bags of cocaine.

His lawyers said that he has no idea how the drugs got into his apartment. He stated that George was a very popular person and always has people in his apartment.

His new court date is set for March.

That's like an episode of Cops when they find drugs in a hooker's purse and she has no idea how they got there. Like fucking Aladdin put them there or some shit.

Please "popular person" is code for "druggie."

Oh and George get a mystic! You look like hell!



[Billboard]

Afternoon Crumbs

What is wrong with t.A.T.u? [Hollywood Tuna]

Bobbi Kristina Brown is a nympho. [Crunk and Disorderly]

Does everybody want to snog Kate Moss?! [IDLYITW]

Happy Black History Month! [FourFour]

Fergie fugs up Poseidon. [Just Jared]

Jared Leto is a leprechaun. [Cityrag]

Stephanie Tanner is a crackhead! [Hollywood Rag]

Natalie Portman is a fashion disaster. [Egotastic!]

JLo & Marc at the Beach!

JLo & Marc Anthony are shooting scenes in Puerto Rico for that stupid movie. Damn how many pictures do we need from this movie? I could put them all together and probably have a better time looking at the pictures then going to the actual damn movie!

They are at the beach, but thank God Marc has kept his shirt on! You know that's some Mr. Burns up in there.

Star Jones Gets Hit with a Football!

If you hate Star Jones as much as I do you must take a look at this clip. It's from yesterday's The View and basically shows Star get her fat ass knocked out by a football! It's fucking hot shit!

Click here and it's the first video entitled "Seeing Stars"

P.S. - When I googled "Star Jones" this pic came up. Frankly I don't think she's ever looked as hot.

[Thanks to Eileen]

Brad Goes Gay!

Due to the success of Brokeback Mountain, Brad Pitt wants a piece of the gay pie. He reportedly is looking for a gay role that we will tear apart his "hunky image."

a source said: "“Brad knows it would be seen as shocking to take on a gay role because he's seen as such a heart-throb,"

"But he has never shied away from taking on controversial films, and he has often chosen to do smaller, more challenging movies, rather than go for the big box-office smash."

Please bitch just wants the chance to make-out with a real dude not a chick with a dick like Angelina.

[Gay.com] [Thanks to StacyCRo and Albz]

Britney is the New Face of Cheetos!

If only this were true! They should seriously give her a deal. She'd fucking do it!

[Gallery of the Absurd]

I Don't Need This Visual!

As Kiki Dunst waited for her car outside a Los Angeles hotel, a man in his 50s approached her and asked her if he could lick whipped cream off her naked body. OMG, her body is made of cream and butter!

When Kiki started to walk away the man said: "Wait. What's the matter? I come to watch you dance every weekend."

Yeah, he confused her for a local stripper. Damn, this was L.A.? That club must have some nasty-ass strippers!

[Female First ] [Thanks to Albz]

Vintage Brad Pitt

[Oh No They Didn't]

Didn't We Just Have One?!

America's Next Top Model and Tyra's hairy pits are back again in March! Damn, they don't leave us any breathing room. Here's the new bitches. You can't really tell who is fug from this pic. But, I think I see an Asian! Finally!

Oh and this fairy shit was totally inspired by Britney Spears. You know she loves her fairies y'all!

Oprah is a Hypocrite!

One of my readers, Aly is fucking upset! She really believes that Oprah is a hypocrite for calling James Frey out. Here's what Aly wrote:

While watching the Oprah-James Frey interview, I really didn't like it for
some reason, it didn't settle with me right. I was up for 2 nights trying to
explain to myself why I didn't like it. Then after waking up from my 2 hours of sleep on the
second night, I thought, HOLY GODDAMNED SHIT! OPRAH'S A LIAR TOO! My reason
is this:

A couple of months ago Oprah had Faith Hill on her show. She also had the
songwriter that wrote Faith's single(Lori McKenna). After Oprah asked all
the questions that suburban ladies in Nashville wanted to know the answers
to, they brought out the songwriter of the single. Oprah and Faith gushed
about how awesome this boring ol' stay at home mom could write such a good
song. And on the promos they made it out like Faith had cured this lady's
cancer, or something! The story on the show was that Lori McKenna was
married had, like, 5 kids, stayed at home to take care for them and
occasionally picked up a guitar and churned out a couple of songs. On a
whimsical day-Lori decided to send in her songs to a record label to see if
anyone would sing them. In unison with the audience, I was all, "good for
her, blah blah blah, her dream came true, yadda yadda yadda"

Then about a week later I got Entertainment Weekly in the mail and it had a
short interview with Lori in it. The interview asked her if she was upset
that Oprah and Faith didn't mention her 2 critically acclaimed indie albums.
Lori said no, but I was mad! (Just because I'm sick of people
disregarding indie music because it's not in the mainstream, I'm
reeeeeaaaaaalllly sick of it, but anyhoo...)

Conclusion: Oprah lied about Lori McKenna's musical past to make a better
story for the show, sounds familiar, no? Therefore, Oprah is as much a liar
as James Frey, in my opinion at least.

PS This is the third time I've tried to send this! Oprah doesn't want me to
send it! Ahhhhhh! She's tapped my internet! NOOOOOOOOOO!

This is my thinking. First of all, I love the PS! Oprah is somehow hacking into all of our systems. I know it and because I've talked shit about her in the recent past, I'm target #1! Gayle King is going to smother me with her booty in the middle of the night.

I do believe Oprah is a huge hypocrite. I think she only had James Frey on so she could look good in front of her Oprah cult members. She probably doesn't give a fuck.

In other James Frey news..that bitch was dumped by his agent!

[Thanks to Aly for story]

Is Liz Hurley Knocked Up!

Liz Hurley was seen leaving a prenatal clinic sparking rumors that she's knocked up with boyfriend Arun Nayar's love child.

Liz's spokeswhore wouldn't comment.

Liz already has a 3yo son with Steve Bing.

I'm telling you! There's something in the water. All these celebrity hos are getting knocked up! Pregnancy is the NEW exhaustion!

[Ireland Online] [Thanks to StacyCRo]

Attack of the Clones!

[Thanks to Anja]

Now Casting: Clay Aiken

John Paulus claims he screwed Clay Aiken. Why anyone would admit to that, I don't know. Now John may re-enact the terrifying scene in a porn movie.

The ex-army dude is also still receiving death threats from Clay Aiken's fans.

He said: "I still have them threatening me,"

"It's, 'I'll poison your pet, I'll blow up your car, I'll spray-paint your house.' That kind of stuff. But I'm not concerned about them."

That shit is hot. Clay Aiken's soccer-mom clan are totally going to blow his shit up. OMG, that's like an episode of CSI.

John also claims he was not paid a cent for his story and that he's lost tons of money from commissions as a real state agent in Clay Aiken country: North Carolina.

"I would estimate that I have lost $30,000 in commissions,"

"Aiken is the most popular person from North Carolina since Michael Jordan."

Clay Aiken is a bottom right? But I would love to see him top! That would be like watching a greasy screwdriver at work!

[Page Six]

Gorillaz Get a Back-Up Singer

Madonna and Gorillaz will make beautiful music together on February 8th as they duet on the Grammy Awards. When asked why Lady M wanted to sing with their asses, who spokeswhore said:

"She likes them. She's promoting her album (Confessions on a Dance Floor). She's won a lot of Grammys. It seems like a wonderful opportunity for her."

"Madonna really likes them, and they like Madonna. They are going to do something together. "It's going to be stupendous. Another Madonna showstopper."

I actually am looking forward to this. I think Madge has lost some of her edge and hopefully this shit will get it back. It could also be a disaster of epic proportions! Which would be even better!

[People]

Val Kilmer is Looking Beat!

Someone needs a shower and a thigh master!

Mischa's a Fat Pig!

What happened between Nicky Hilton and Mischa Barton? At a party for manager Benny Medina at the Beverly Wilshire in Beverly Hills, Nicky Hilton stormed into the party and glared at Mischa Barton.

She told her friend: "What is that fat pig doing here?"

Who is she calling a fat pig? Well, Mischa was with Nicole Richie the entire night. My guest is Nicky called Richie a fat pig. Because she is. Disgusting.

[Page Six]

Britney Goes Christian

Britney Spears will play a Christian conservative on the April 13th episode of Will & Grace. This is the sitcom's final season. Her character will play a sidekick to Jack McFarland on his Out TV talk show.

In the episode's storyline, Out TV is bought by a Christian TV network, paving the way for Spears to contribute a cooking segment called "Cruci-fixin's," NBC has announced.

Yeah, this works for her. I can see it.

[People]

The Dlisted Report

Genndy Tartakovsky will direct the sequel to 1982's Dark Crystal. The new film will be called Power of the Dark Crystal. Set hundreds of years after the first film, the sequel follows a mysterious girl made of fire who steals a shard of the crystal in hopes of reigniting the dying sun. [ Variety]

Matthew Fox of Lost fame is joining Matthew McConaughey in McG's untitled Marshall University football film. The movie is about events following the 1970 plane crash that killed members of the West Virginia-based Marshall football team, along with most of its coaching staff, sports commentators and many of its local boosters. Fox and McConaughey will both play coaches. [Variety]

Marilyn Manson will make his feature film directing debut on Phantasmagoria - The Visions of Lewis Carroll. Manson wrote the script with Anthony Silva and will score the music for the film, which wil tie the life of Lewis into his famous poem, "Phantasmagoria". Fashion model Lily Cole will star as Alice, with Angelina Jolie in talks to play the Red Queen. Production starts this summer throughout Europe. [Production Weekly]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS!

The Top 3:

The fake mustache was the only way Star could get Al to come to bed. - Whatwouldjanicedickinsondo

Wet burrito, anyone? - Jennifer

Beyonce's mother really needs to stop designing her clothing. - no one

[Thanks to JamesG]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Aunt Melissa from Grizzly Mann

[For Kathleen]

Birthday Sluts

Gavin Henson (24)
Michael C. Hall (35)
Lisa Marie Presley (38)
Pauly Shore (38)
Meg Cabot (39)
Sherilyn Fenn (41)
Princess Stephanie of Monaco (41)
Linus Roache (42)
Jackie Shroff (49)
Rick James (58)
Sherman Helmsley (68)

Brangelina do Germany!

They are visiting some of Brad's friends. Don't ask me why I'm posting a pic of them. A boring one at that. OMG, I've fallen under Angelina's spell! Damn her and that hypnotic pussy! Fuck! I need Angelina rehab ASAP!

Charlize Theron Quote of the Day!

on Aeon Flux:

"I knew it wouldn't just be running around with big tits and kicking things. I'm not good at that.

"I haven't got any tits."


Click here to see the rest!

Charlize Theron Was Hot in School

I bet you lots of jocks took a jizz on those lenses!

[Oh No They Didn't]

Jordan is the new Ann Landers!

by Lahoma00

Proving that she's got a brilliant mind and a beautiful soul, Jordan has decided to help humanity by being the advice columnist in Britain's OK! magazine.




This shit is really hot. Jordan confesses her marital problems (Pete called her too skinny in NEW! magazine) and helps people like you and I see to the heart of the problem with her sage advice.

For example, some bitch wrote in that she's miserable because she's pregnant and has no money to buy clothes. Jordan's advice was to just mix and match the accessories she already has to make every outfit feel new. So some girl's going to walk around London with five different kinds of banana clips in her hair.



Another bitch confessed she's sleeping with her friend's father and feels bad. Jordan told her to come clean, but you know the slut really wanted to give dick sucking advice and then tell the girl to get a pre-nup!

You can email Jordan your problems at Jordan@express.co.uk!

Jordan is God

A Socialite's Life has some hot pics of Jordan jumping out of her slut shirt. I think she borrowed that thing from Harvey. It's way too small for her. But I must say Jordan's tits are made for slips. That's what she was born to do. Basically.

Her hair is a fucking wreck! Did her blind son Harvey do that shit? I bet you she wears that outfit to church.








[Thanks to Albz]

Lisa Loeb Don't Do It!

I don't want to see the Stay girl in a GD thong. Ugh, just stay in 1990!

[Thanks to Superview]

Mimi Brings New Meaning to the Word Wienerschnitzel!

Mimi's doing some German TV show here. Cellulite anyone?! Damn, those thighs could kill a shark! When is this slut going to learn that she's NOT a size 6! Shit, she ain't even an 8!

[JJB]

Afternoon Crumbs

Tyra Banks has hairy pits. [Hollywood Tuna]

Bill Gates goes for gold! [Just Jared]

Is Britney knocked up again? [Popbytes]

Ashlee Simpson channels David Lee Roth! [Cityrag]

The Alien and the Clown. [Damn I'm Cute]

Is this Nick Lachey's new girl? [Glitterati]

Here's more of the ugliest couple in the world. [Egotastic!]

George Clooney hated being a fat ass! [Hollywood Rag]

Two Lesbians

Watch out Cynthia Nixon and girlfriend! There's a new lesbian power couple in town! Natalie Portman is seen here with her butch honey rehearsing for The Public Theater's 50th Gala in New York. Damn they make a hot lesbo couple. Wait, that's Zach Braff you say? He has a vagina right? Ok yeah, so this is the new Hollywood It-Dyke Couple of 2006!

Hooray! Since that's settled I can do more important things! What kind of important things you ask? I have no clue, but I'm sure even taking a dump is more important than looking at these two!

When Were They Hotter: Now or Then?

Avril Lavigne! I say now, even though she looks like she hasn't slept in 15 days. But that sk8r boi shit was annoying as hell.

[Photo:People]

It's Not a Nice Day for a Buddhist Wedding

Are Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt going to have a traditional Buddhist wedding ceremony? According to sources the two are planning one this coming March. Does that mean they have to shave their heads and like wear red?

Jewelry designer Alberto Repossi has also confirmed that he has been hired by Bradley to design a few pieces for the special ceremony.

One of the pieces will most likely be a real expensive ball and chain for Bradley to wear at all times.

[Post Chronicle]

I Love Brooklyn

This note was posted on a home's front door. OMG, I need to move to Brooklyn now! But seriously can't we all just get along? The whores and the families need to join as one like Jesus wanted!

[Gawker]

Wino, Please Go Away!

Our lives were fine without Wino Ryder! But she's coming around again and looking mighty botoxed too. Does she steal that also? I'd love to see tapes of her sneaking into the plastic surgeon's office and quickly stealing loads and loads of syringes. Anyway, here's that whiny one hanging out with Robert Trujillo of Metallica. She can't get enough rock dick.

Wino please go away! I'll give you $20!

Kate Moss Gets Quizzed!

Kate Moss is back in London for police questioning. Kate voluntarily attended a meeting with Scotland Yard this morning.

A police spokeswhore said: "I can confirm that a 32-year-old woman has voluntarily attended a London police office in relation to a Metropolitan Police investigation into allegations of possible drug abuse as reported in newspaper reports. She has not been arrested."

Kate has been out of the country since the pictures of her snorting coke were plastered in papers and the internet.

What the hell are they going to do with her ass? This is stupid. So what, she snorted some coke? Who doesn't. But I do hope they arrest her ass, because that would be kind of hot.

[CNN] [Thanks to StacyCRo]

Flavor of Love: The Fall of Oyster

Sunday night's Flavor of Love opened with a question thas has been on all our minds:



Hottie can't believe Goldie's question! She tells her that all of it is her real hair. The girls all burst out into laughter.



Hoopz, gives Hottie another chance to come clean.



Hottie again denies it. Goldie asks her if she can look closely. Hottie says "absolutely not." Come on Hottie, no extensions?! Shit, I can see it from here. I love how Goldie called Hottie's hair atrocious! Bitch it's more than that!



The girls are told they are going to Las Vegas. Damn, I thought it was going to be on. I pictured some nasty shit going down. You know these hos know how to do Vegas.



But alas, it was just a gambling challenge. The chick that wins the most money won a night with Flav. WTF is Hottie wearing?! She looks like she's getting ready for the maiden voyage of the Titanic!



New York decides to show her gut while dirty dancing with Flav. Ok, I see some nut sack there. She's a dude!



New York wins the date. I must say the next segment was absolutely disgusting. New York told Flav how much she loved him and she started crying and shit. Bitch was like Janet Jackson in Poetic Justice, but a dude Janet Jackson.



And then the worst happened...they started making out! Ladies if you have children in the room, please ask them to leave. This is not funny nor right. I want my money back!



OH HELL NO!



DON'T DO THIS TO US! JESUS DON'T TAKE ME NOW!



8 minutes?! 8 minutes of hell. New York must be a dude, because I don't know any self-respecting lady that would chow down with his ass for that long.



The bitches go back to Los Angeles and get ready for the 5 senses challenge. It's pretty retarded. But one of the challenges involved Flav tasting the ladies. Hottie gave him her fat fucking shoulder. I loved how one of the girls said "He's gonna know that's Hottie sitting on his lap, because she's a fat heffer!"



New York gave him her...forehead?! Ewww, he just got a mouthful of Wet 'N' Wild foundation.



The next challenge, involved Flav feeling up the girls. New York pulled up her skirt and gave him her ass. He probably helped push a pebble along. That's black love.



And next was sight...the girls had to perform some stupid dance.



But that stupid bitch New York fell!



Dumb fucking slut!





Smiley, who also might be a dude won that challenge.



Not the hot tub! NO!!!!!



Please Smiley, don't do it!



ARGHHH!!! Kissing Flava Flav needs to be against the law! For real!



No FOL episode would be complete with a fight. And this fight occured between New York and Hottie. I see some weave flying.



The fight sucked. I wanted to see New York pull out Hottie's weave real hair.



Just before eliminations, Red Oyster gets some bad news. Her dad was in a terrible car accident. What is she going to do?



When Flav gets to the final 3: New York, Hottie and Red Oyster...she stops him and tells him she must leave the house. He tells her that he was going to pick her to stay. That means New York or Hottie was going to go home! DAMN!



New York keeps it real.



Hottie is concerned.







Damn bitch told her! You go Red Oyster!



New York is nervous....



She gulps the rest of her bubbly as we know it was that lady-dude that was going to get kicked off. Because we know for damn sure, Hottie is sticking around. Bitch makes good TV!

Note to Brooke: Don't Go Outside Like That!

I know she's preggers, but come on. That is no excuse to go outside your house looking fug and a crazy person! The paparazzi are lurking everywhere and you must be ready for them! Oh and what's our take on pregnant women drinking coffee again? I forgot.

Kelly Osbourne Thinks Parasite is a Bad Influence

You don't say?! Kelly Osbourne has recently said that she thinks her friend is a bad influence on little girls.

She said: "Me and mum went to an awards show recently. There was a little girl there and mum said, 'How old are you?' and she said, 'I'm 11'. And she had on a miniskirt, a tank top that barely covered her boobs, or lack thereof, 4in heels and long, bleached-blonde hair. Paris Hilton is who she is. Paris doesn't hold up a sign saying, 'Everybody dress like me', but she is a bad influence."

Kelly doesn't think it's Parasite's fault. She thinks it's the fault of the parents.

I'll agree with Kelly, but it's so hard not to blame Parasite. She's such a tool that you just want to blame her for everything. Let's blame her for 9/11 and the Holocaust. Yeah, let's do that. That bitch deserves it.

[Female First]

This is Some Good Shit!

Apparently KFed is making fun of Britney Spears being a fat ass. He makes pig noises at her when she walks by and laughs when he hears her thighs rubbing together.

Britney is said to be fed up with it. Yeah, but she won't leave his ass. Can't you just picture this jackass doing that shit to her? Well, bitch deserves it. She puts up with his ass! I mean come on, they are the new Bobby and Whitney.

They are going to be together forever, but also continue to be a joke to all of us!

[Spotlighting News]

Twins for Fake Tina Turner!

Angela Bassett and her husband Courtney B. Vance are the parents to two twins, a boy and girl. Their babies were born on Friday to a surrogate mother, because Angela's eggs are dried up. Either that or her hubby's shooting blanks.

Angela is 47 and her hubby is 45. Damn, that's some old parents! Their kids are going to have to sit on their wheelchair on their first day of school!

[People]

Halle's in Trouble!

Halle Berry's new man, model Gabriel Aubry may be more trouble than her X Eric Benet. Girls around town are saying that Gabriel is quite the ladies man and makes Eric Benet look like an old lady. You may recall that Eric was diagnosed as a nymphomaniac and cheated on Halle every chance he got.

A source said this about Gabriel: "He wants to be famous, and he will use Halle to get there. He has a place on the beach and he pretty much chases whatever is around."

Who cares?! That man is fucking fine. He can cheat on me any day he wants. Halle's getting old, she needs the young meat. Besides we all know Halle doesn't know how to pick her men.

[Page Six]

Pete Burns Gives Good Love

Celebrity Big Brother loser Pete Burns showed his boyfriend some lovin' at a wrap party for the show. Pete Burns still has his man-thing right? Yeah, I believe so. Apparently, Pete Burns' boyfriend is the dude that gave him that gorilla coat that may get him put in the slammer! Damn him!







Doesn't Pete Burns look like another femme fatale....

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

VH-1 is really running out of ideas. Up Next: Battle of the 70's Porn Stars. - Finger Bang Joe


[Thanks to Jocelyn]

The Dlisted Report

Paramount has picked up an untitled contemporary love story as a vehicle for Tom Cruise. Not much is known about the story and/or writer and director. [Variety]

Terence Howard has joined Jodie Foster in Neil Jordan's The Brave One. Foster is set as the title character, a woman who recovers from a brutal attack and sets out on a dark, psychological and physical journey for revenge and justice. Howard will play a cop who has a tough choice to make. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant will star in Music and Lyrics By. The story involves a lyrics writer and a music writer-performer whose collaboration takes a romantic turn. Shooting stars March 27th in New York for director Marc Lawrence. [Variety]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Jean Stapleton

Birthday Sluts

Justin Timberlake (25)
Portia de Rossi (33)
Patricia Velasquez (35)
Minnie Driver (36)
Kelly Lynch (47)
Anthony LaPaglia (47)
Suzanne Pleshette (69)
Carol Channing (83)

The Oscar Nominations!

The Oscar nominations were announced this morning. I didn't do so fucking bad! I only messed up 3 categories! Anyway, here's the nominations. Click here for a full complete list.

Best Picture
Brokeback Mountain
Good Night and Good Luck
Capote
Crash
Munich

Best Director
Ang Lee, Brokeback Mountain
George Clooney, Good Night and Good Luck
Steven Spielberg, Munich
Paul Haggis, Crash
Bennet Miller, Capote

Best Actor
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Capote
Heath Ledger, Brokeback Mountain
Joaquin Phoenix, Walk the Line
David Strathairn, Good Night and Good Luck
Terrence Howard, Hustle & Flow

Best Actress
Felicity Huffman, Transamerica
Reese Witherspoon, Walk the Line
Charlize Theron, North Country
Judi Dench, Mrs. Henderson Presents
Keira Knightley, Pride & Prejudice

Best Supporting Actor
George Clooney, Syriana
Jake Gyllenhaal, Brokeback Mountain
Matt Dillon, Crash
Paul Giamatti, Cinderella Man
William Hurt, A History of Violence

Best Supporting Actress
Michelle Williams, Brokeback Mountain
Rachel Weisz, The Constant Gardner
Amy Adams, Junebug
Frances McDormand, North Country
Catherine Keener, Capote

This Bitch is Seriously Hot!

OMG, I'd hit it!

[Thanks to Shasti]

My Oscar Nomination Predictions!

We are only a few hours from the Oscar nominations. Mira Sorvino will announce the nominees tomorrow morning at 8am EST. Here's my picks:

Best Picture
Brokeback Mountain
Good Night and Good Luck
Capote
Crash
Match Point

Best Director
Ang Lee, Brokeback Mountain
George Clooney, Good Night and Good Luck
David Cronenberg, A History of Violence
Steven Spielberg, Munich
Paul Haggis, Crash

Best Actor
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Capote
Heath Ledger, Brokeback Mountain
Joaquin Phoenix, Walk the Line
David Strathairn, Good Night and Good Luck
Terrence Howard, Hustle & Flow

Best Actress
Felicity Huffman, Transamerica
Reese Witherspoon, Walk the Line
Charlize Theron, North Country
Judi Dench, Mrs. Henderson Presents
Keira Knightley, Pride & Prejudice

Best Supporting Actor
George Clooney, Syriana
Jake Gyllenhaal, Brokeback Mountain
Matt Dillon, Crash
Paul Giamatti, Cinderella Man
William Hurt, A History of Violence

Best Supporting Actress
Michelle Williams, Brokeback Mountain
Rachel Weisz, The Constant Gardner
Amy Adams, Junebug
Frances McDormand, North Country
Scarlett Johansson, Match Point

Dlisted's Hot Slut of 2005....

YES! Bai Ling has won the biggest honor in the entertainment industry. Her slutiness and trashiness has won her Dlisted's Hottest Slut of 2005! She garnered 41% of your votes edging out Margaret Perrin, Estelle Getty, Bobbi Kristina Brown, Tila Tequila and Dorian Lord! She also beat out 358 other bitches to the end!

Why does she win exactly? Well, she wins the fucking title! That's enough. A reader actually got me Bai Ling's digits and I called her to let her know. Unfortunately, I got her voicemail. That bitch won't call me back. She's too busy wearing fucked up outfits and dancing on tables.

But Bai Ling we love you and you are the real Queen of Dlisted!!!

Katie's Got the Bump Today!

Looks like Katie Holmes decided to wear a bigger pillow this time. Tom still can't let go of her ass! Oof, that's not a good angle for them! Damn, I think I see the Alien halo above them!

Fishsticks Quote of the Day!

"There is this perception of us in this country, like, oh, they're quite boring. They do yoga and they stay home watching UK Gold. I think we're happy. We're not looking for other things in life. We like our house. We like our kid. We like our friends.

"I think it's sort of funny how you have to be doing coke off the ass of some stripper to be perceived as not boring these days."

Afternoon Crumbs

Bobby Brown needs some lotion. [Concrete Loop]

Hayden & Sienna must be the ugliest couple in the world. [Just Jared]

Jessica Alba is your dream girl. [Gabsmash]

The Boring SAGs! [WWTDD]

Duh! Kiki Dunst is not a stripper. Thank God. [IDLYITW]

Avril Lavigne wants to be a model. [Egotastic!]

Owen Wilson is sooo Ellen Degeneres [Cityrag]

Brooke Burke is a Burger Queen. [Hollywood Rag]

I love a good blog catfight! [Manhattan Offender]

I Guess JLo Likes to Be the Pretty One!

I think I've figured out this JLo/Marc Anthony thing. She likes to be the attractive one in a relationship. On her own JLo is pretty average, but next to MA she looks like a fucking goddess! Yeah, that bitch is smart. Here are MORE pics of them shooting that same tired movie in Puerto Rico. Are they going on like month #46 for this shit?

Don't bother making it JLo, it's going to suck.

Heidi Klum Tells a Young Girl She's Fat!

Heidi Klum is currently hosting Germany's Next Supermodel which is a version of America's Next Top Model.

Heidi told a girl during auditions: "Top designers need only girls with dream figures."

Viewers of the show think Heidi is hard on girls and their figures. But isn't that the way the fashion industry is? I mean come on, they are going to have to deal with it in the real world.

And if Heidi told me that, I'd just say "Well at least I don't have a homely looking baby, bitch."

[Female First]

Britney Doesn't Want SPF to Look Like White Trash!?

Britney Spears went into a huge rage after she found out KFed was taking their son SPF to a local beauty parlor to get his ears pierced.

A source said: "Brit was like a woman possessed when she heard Kevin had run off with their pride and joy.

"So she jumped in her car with her minder and sent three more security guards to take a different route to the parlor to ensure they didn't miss Kevin. Britney reminded Kevin that Sean hasn't even had his tetanus jab yet, so it was too early for his ears to be done.

"And she complained that apart from looking like white trailer trash, Sean would be taken for a girl if he wore earrings."

She's worried about him looking like white trash? Are you fucking kidding me. Brit, look at his father. That poor kid already looks like white trash!

Look at what these stupid bitches wore to a SAG party last night. Even when they clean up, they look like trash!

[Entertainmentwise]

Ashlee Can't Hide the Ugly!

Ashlee Simpson is seen here arriving in London trying to look like a star. She looks more like Scooby Doo trying to go incognito on a mystery case!

Death by Milkshake

Chris Penn's autopsy report apparently still hasn't concluded how he died. Friends and family believe he died from a heart attack due to drugs and severe eating.

A friend said that just a day before his death, Chris had a HUGE meal at one of his favorite restaurants.

They said: "He ordered the biggest steak and washed it down with pint after pint of beer and his other favorite drink, chocolate milkshake.

"Usually he'd think nothing of ordering five steaks, a couple of portions of fish and chips, followed by pints of chocolate milkshake and shots of 130 per cent strength whisky.

5 steaks?!? That's just nasty. They should've put him on The Biggest Loser!

[Female First]

Please! He Paid that Bitch!

Some bitch named Paula Jackson is coming forward and saying Kenny Chesney is not a fag. And how does she know? Because she is claiming to have had a 10-year love affair with his ass before he shacked up with the chipmunk. Paula is a flight attendant and is blabbing to anyone who cares about her affair with him. Paula is also 10 years older than Kenny and says she taught him everything she knows.

I bet she taught him how to suck a good dick.

She also said: " 'Renee should have called me, I would have told her, there's no way he should be married.' "

I don't care what you say! Kenny paid that bitch and he likes to take it up the ass! I won't be told otherwise! I'm stubborn!

[Page Six]

Brad Pitt & Thandie Newton?

Those bitches used to date? I didn't know that. I guess they dated back in the day when he was working the bleached out, long hair. They made a hot couple, but Brad Pitt is looking like his future ex-wife Jennifer Aniston in this pic below.

Ben Affleck Pumps Gas!

Yup, exciting shit. Did he lose weight or some shit? He's looking kind of hot. I'd do that shit.

Happy Chinese New Year from Jordan!

YES! Jordan actually wore this hot outfit to a Chinese New Year party in London. No respect! Seriously that is a hot dress and women should dress like that more often. Jordan is Jesus!

Sorry for the late posting this morning, I'm having trouble with the pictures!

Blind Item...You Guess...I Guess...

WHICH CNBC star is sleeping on the couch these days? The blustery buffoon's wife didn't take too kindly to him when she caught him in flagrante with a comely personal assistant.

Keith Olbermann

WHICH British actor is said to be battling the dual demons of crystal meth and heroin? He already underwent a top-secret rehab stay, but his handlers are worried about him again after his zombie-like appearance at a recent awards gala.

Jonathon Rhys Meyers - I know he's Irish, but he was fucked up at the GGs!

The Razzie Nominations are Finally Here!

Worst Picture

Deuce Bigelow: European Gigolo
Dirty Love
Dukes of Hazzard
House of Wax
Son of the Mask

Worst Actor

Tom Cruise, War of the Worlds
Will Ferrell, Bewitched & Kicking and Screaming
Jamie Kennedy, Son of the Mask
The Rock, Doom
Rob Schenider, Deuce Bigelow: European Gigolo

Worst Actress

Jessica Alba, Fantastic Four & Into the Blue
Hilary Duff, Cheaper by the Dozen 2 & The Perfect Man
Jennifer Lopez, Monster in Law
Jenny McCarthy, Dirty Love
Tara Reid, Alone in the Dark

Most Tiresome Tabloid Targets

Tom Cruise & His Anti-Psychiatry Rant
Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, Oprah Winfrey's Couch, The Eiffel Tower & Tom's Baby
Paris Hilton and...Who-EVER!
Mr. & Mrs. Britney, Their Baby & Their Camcorder
The Simpsons: Ashlee, Jessica & Nick

Worst Supporting Actor

Hayden Christensen, Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith
Alan Cumming, Son of the Mask
Bob Hoskins, Son of the Mask
Eugene Levy, Cheaper by the Dozen 2& The Man
Burt Reynolds, Dukes of Hazzard & The Longest Yard

Worst Supporting Actress

Carmen Electra, Dirty Love
Paris Hilton, House of Wax
Katie Holmes, Batman Begins
Ashlee Simpson, Undiscovered
Jessica Simpson, Dukes of Hazzard

Worst Screen Couple

Will Ferrell & Nicole Kidman, Bewitched
Jamie Kennedy & Anybody Stuck Sharing the Screen with Him, Son of the Mask
Jenny McCarthy & Anyone Dumb Enough to Befriend Her, Dirty Love
Rob Schneider & His Diapers, Deuce Bigelow: European Gigolo
Jessica Simpson & Her Daisy Dukes, Dukes of Hazzard

Worst Remake or Sequel

Bewitched
Deuce Bigelow: European Gigolo
Dukes of Hazzard
House of Wax
Son of the Mask

Worst Director

John Asher, Dirty Love
Ewe Boll, Alone in the Dark
Jay Chandrasekhar, Dukes of Hazzard
Nora Ephron, Bewitched
Lawrence Gutterman, Son of the Mask

Worst Screenplay

Bewitched
Deuce Bigelow: European Gigolo
Dirty Love
Dukes of Hazzard
Son of the Mask

The Dlisted Report

A prequel to Friday the 13th will be released on October 13, 2006 - a Friday.
The studio is hoping to release its 10th film in the sturdy "Friday the 13th"" franchise on Friday, October 13. The studio has launched development of a script about Jason Voorhees' origins. No news yet on the project including casting. [Variety]

Charlie's Angels director McG will direct Matthew McConaughey in an untitled Marshall University Football film. The story revolves around the 1970 plane crash that killed nearly the entire football team and coaching staff of the West Virginia college. Shooting will begin this Spring in West Virginia. [Variety]

Julia Ormond will star opposite Benecio Del Toro in Che for director Steven Soderbergh. Ormond will play a female reporter. The film is currently shooting in New York City. [Variety]

Big Momma's House 2 brought in $28 Million on its opening weekend. came in at #2 with just over $14 Million. Nanny McPheeUnderworld: Evolution dropped hard to #3 only bringing in $11.1 Million. [Box Office Mojo]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

Tara Reid's body guard has learned to always be prepared. - Shanny

Hot Slut of the Day!

Crystal Gayle

Birthday Sluts

Christian Bale (32)
Wilmer Valderrama (26)
Norbert Leo Butz (39)
Jody Watley (47)
Brett Butler (48)
Charles S. Dutton (55)
Phil Collins (55)
Dick Cheney (65)
Vanessa Redgrave (69)
Gene Hackman (76)

Michael Jackson is Lurking Everywhere!

Why does Michael Jackson always have these crazy-scary pictures of him hiding behind curtains. It just makes me think what's going on in these rooms. Probably some motherfucking crazy-monkey shit. I don't even want to think about it! I need to sleep tonight and I'm gonna eat some chocolate cake and you know chocolate already gives you nightmares!

Anyhow, somebody needs to make a horror movie about his ass.
KNOW some nasty shit was going down!

Let's Hope They Don't Fudge This One Up!

I must say that I'm not a fan of Gretchen Mol. I think she's a particularly terrible actress, so when they announced she was going to play Bettie Page I pretty much thought it was going to suck ass. But the trailer doesn't look half bad, maybe she took some fucking acting classes!

Watch trailer!

Nicky Hilton Smokes?

Yeah, I guess she does! There could be pictures of her smoking crack, getting gang banged by 25 dudes in Nazi uniforms while listening to Too Short and she still wouldn't be HALF as trashy as her sister!

Kristin Cavallari Quote of the Day!

on doing coke:

"It was fun for, like, 20 minutes, but the next day, I just didn't feel good about myself,"

"It's a dirty drug. I find people who do coke to be very shady, that they're doing it makes them lie about things. I wouldn't want to date someone who's into it."

Baby Jessica Got Hitched!

Former Hot Slut of the Day, Baby Jessica got married yesterday in Texas. Baby Jessica shot to fame when she fell down a well as a toddler and was rescued virtually unharmed. Jessica, 19 married some 32yo dude.

She should've gotten married next in a well. That would've been hot shit. Anyway, we wish Baby Jessica all the love in the world!

Oh and bitch didn't wear that, it's just a picture from her graduation last year.

[People]

Hot Slut of the Week: Mary Carey

ica mclcure


Age: 25
Birthday: June 15, 1980
Birth Name: Mary Ellen Cook

Original Date of Hot Slut of the Day: January 26, 2006
Claim to Fame: Adult Model and Porn Star

Where is she now? Still doing sexy things.

Why is he Hot Slut of the Week? She ran for Governor of California in 2003 and came in 10th! A stripper that cares about politics is hot shit!

Richie Puts Food in Her Mouth, But Does She Swallow?

HoHan in the Hospital Again!!

HoHan is in London and fell down the stairs cutting herself. She was rushed to a nearby hospital and received ten stitches. Don't worry, that slut is fine.

Her mom said: "She and h