Dlisted: 01/22/2006 - 01/29/2006

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Why Didn't Someone Push Her Ass?!



Parasite Hilton partied in Sundance last week and almost met her maker! I'm not sure why someone didn't seize the opportunity and push her sorry ass. Anyway, she was partying at W Lounge in Park City when she almost fell to her death!

A source said: "She gave everyone a scare when she nearly fell over the two story balcony."

If Parasite didn't catch herself, she would've fallen nearly 25ft to her icy grave!

Goddamn these people! It would be so easy to finally rid the world of that piece of shit. As Parasite was grappling to return to life, I would've just blown her direction and watch happily as that whore finally got what she deserved!

She must have fucking 9 lives! No! That bitch has definitely signed a deal with the devil!

[Thanks to Infobitch]

Janet Reno the Singer?!?



Please take time out from your Saturday and watch this clip of Janet Reno singing RESPECT by Aretha Franklin. I think that part of her brain doesn't work. It's seriously uncomfortable.

Watch this shit!


[Thanks to Jeff]

Nicole Kidman Pregnant?!



A reader of mine has written me that they believe Nicole Kidman is pregnant. They work closely with her and although Nicky hasn't told them she's knocked up, they told me that she's sporting an uncharacteristic bump and her tits are bigger. There have been several rumors that Nicky is engaged to Keith Urban and even rumors that the two are married. My reader also said that she's been wearing looser fitting blouses to hide something. She's seen here at the UN Conference a few days ago.

It wouldn't surprise me, this bitch can keep a secret! She doesn't strike me as the maternal type though.

Charlize Theron is Beyond Hot



I don't know what it is about this bitch, but she does it for me. Here she is at the New Zealand premiere of North Country. She's literally perfect. She dresses hot and she has a hot body. She's like Angie's hypnotic vagina and I'm Brad Pitt! I'm under her spell!





Garner's Losing the Baby Weight!





She's still boring as shit!

Big Momma is Sexier than Star Jones!


I know you bitches are rushing to the theater to see some Big Momma's House 2! I know this movie's gonna suck, but I just like the pictures of Big Momma running down the beach ala Bo Derek in 10! Star Jones wishes she looked that hot!

Why is Tara Reid Giving $20 to a Dog?!





[Lime-Light]

Hot Sluts of the Day!



The Mommies

Birthday Sluts



Nick Carter (26)
Elijah Wood (25)
Joey Fatone (29)
Mo Rocca (37)
Sarah McLachlan (38)
Alan Alda (70)

Friday, January 27, 2006

Jordan Sings!!!!



On March 5, 2005 Jordan entered the Eurovision Song Contest of 2005 under her real name Katie Price. She sang some jam called "Not Just Anybody." She didn't win that shit, but she came in second. Probably because she sucked every judge off. There are rumors though that Rachel Stevens actually sang the song.

This video is hot shit because it is so apparent she's lip-syncing and not doing a very good job at it! Who cares when you have a body like that?! I wish she would take her top off though, that would've secured her first place!

Viva Jordan!

The Corpse Bride



JLo and her corpse bride are STILL shooting that piece of shit movie El Cantante or whatever that shit is called. They are currently in Puerto Rico wasting their time on what will be the biggest flop of 2006. JLo looks happy to be in a wedding dress, but too bad her man is more pale than the dress!











[Thanks to Ssant] [Smart]

Celebrity Big Brother Ending!!!



Two of my favorite Big Brother houseguests were evicted! Traci Bingham and Pete Burns were voted out of the Celebrity Big Brother house. Currently there are only 2 more houseguests in. Michael Barrymore and "fake" celebrity Chantelle. Chantelle was put in the house to pretend she was a celebrity and see if she could fool everybody else. She is also the frontrunner to win the entire game!

I was hoping the police would be on standby for when Pete Burns left the house.

UPDATE: Chantelle won that shit! Stupid bitch!



Be Bobby Trendy's Friend!



Can you believe Bobby Trendy actually went out looking like this? What is wrong with his ass?! A reader sent me these pics of him going to some event looking like Abba exploded all over his gay ass.

Oh and Bobby needs friends, so head over to his MySpace and get friendly with him!

Meg Ryan and Chinese Baby!



It was a week ago that we learned Meg Ryan had flown to China to buy a baby. Well, here's the precious little girl now. Damn, Meg Ryan has a butterface. I'd hate waking up to that shit.

And I hope that other woman ain't the nanny or that little thing has a world full of fugly!



Afternoon Crumbs

Where in the world has Winona Ryder been? [Glitterati]

Serena Williams shows the crack. [Just Jared]

Jessica Alba is always in Hawaii [WWTDD]

Trent Reznor heart animals [Popbytes]

Thandie Newton: Bond Girl? [Egotastic!]

Nicole Kidman says Talk to the Hand! [Popsugar]

Salma Hayek doesn't want to be skinny. [IDLYITW]

Aaron Spelling has sex?! [Hollywood Rag]

Not an Image I Need in My Head



Shawn Southwick, wife of 72yo Larry King says that they like to get into the wild west in their bedroom. Shawn and Larry married in 1997.

She said: "Larry has this Indian costume that just drives me wild . . . I wear chaps!"

Why did she have to do this to me? I was having a perfectly delightful day and then she had to fudge it up by putting that messed up image into my brain. I hope they make fringed diapers, because I'd hate for him to shit all over his nice Indian costume!

[Page Six]

Wholesome Swimwear!



I've never seen this before in my life. But it's basically wholesome swim outfits for serious Christians and when I say serious, I mean serious. Who wants to go to the bitch wearing a damn dress. They look like they are about to serve me coffee not get their groove on in the ocean.

Here's their description:

WholesomeWear is a modest line of clothing for "wherever." Our WaterWear is the first to be introduced because the need for modesty in swimwear is greatest and the supply is almost non-existant. Swimwear that highlights the face rather than the body includes an undergarment with bright colors at the neck and shoulders to draw the eye to the face.

Some of you hot sluts out there seriously need to wear this to the beach to keep the sexiness hidden. I'm gonna send one of these to Parasite Hilton. I'm sick of seeing her bony ass trying to work a thong.

Oh and that's how they spelled "existant." Obviously Christians care more about modesty than spelling!


WholesomeWear


[Thanks to Gabe]




Give Me a Break!



Kanye West can be seen as Jesus Christ on the cover of Rolling Stone. In that very issue Kanye is also dressing up as Muhammad Ali.

Why bother? He looks like a cartoon. Pathetic.

Sneaking Around the Marmont!



Two celebrities have been seen sneaking around the Chateau Marmont to get their groove on. Chestica Simpson was partying with friends when she left them to retreat to Maroon 5's Adam Levine's room for a little action. She didn't appear until early the next morning when she had to call her assistant to come pick her skanky ass up. Chestica has denied ever having relations with the man-whore.



Jude Law has also been seen in and out of the hotel with a stripper that witnesses say is beat down looking.

The source said: "He's been going to the Body Shop strip club every night and hanging out with this nasty young brunette - she is really beat looking."

Maybe that beat down brunette was Chestica in a wig. Seriously, Jude and Ches should hook the fuck up. Both are skanky scabs and I say keep it in the family!


[Page Six]

Ryan Seacrest Quote of the Day!



"I look for a woman who really knows how to put shoes, belts, and purses together."

[Thanks to Ricki Lake]

Blind Items...You Guess...I Guess...

WHICH babe-loving billionaire has started checking IDs of the young models he invites on his private jet? The randy retail king is nervous that his high-altitude hookups with underage playthings will draw unwanted attention from his more respectable friends.

Ron Burkle

WHICH spurned starlet hired a private investigator to tail her philandering boyfriend all around Hollywood after their painful breakup?

HoHan

WHICH squeaky-clean former soap actor is battling a secret addiction to crystal meth? The hunky star once checked into Passages rehab in Los Angeles in a failed bid to kick the habit.

Josh Duhamel

WTF?!!!!!!!!????



This is NOT Liza Minnelli's FAG-X David Gest and rapper Da Brat kissing. Is there something going on in the universe that we don't know of. This is the MOST FUCKED UP couple I have ever seen in my life. This is just not even right. I can't even stand for this. I honestly don't know what to say. This must be a joke. I thought Da Brat wanted a rough neck not a fucking rainbow neck! I thought I liked that bitch....now I just don't know what to think. Don't tell me she's that hard up for publicity that she'll sleep with that!?!

I gotta go say some Hail Mary's or something!





Parasite BANNED from Sundance Event



Posters of America's favorite whore were plastered all over Park City, UT publicly banning her from all Filmpunks parties.

Yeah, I'm sure like she cares. She probably thinks it's cute that her picture is all over the place. I think she can barely read. So ignorance is bliss!

CLAYMANIACS are Out for Blood!



Clay Aiken has some fucked up fans! John Paulus alleged that he had sex with the American Idol favorite. John's name was leaked onto the internet when he told The National Enquirer of his steamy affair with Clay.

Clay's fans are fighting mad and have sent John several death threats and has plagued him with constant harassment.

A friend of John's said: "He is getting death threats from Clay's fans,"
"After his name was leaked on a couple of gossip Web sites, he's been getting threats. But he's also gotten calls from gay porn directors who want to cast him in a movie, kind of what happened after John Wayne Bobbitt got famous."

Paulus, 38, passed a polygraph test administered by the Enquirer in an attempt to corroborate his bombshell claim that he had sex with Aiken at a Quality Inn in Garner, N.C., on Jan. 2. In the new Enquirer, Paulus claims he and Aiken had 90 minutes of man-on-man passion at the hotel, which is near Aiken's hometown of Raleigh, N.C.

The muscle-bound ex-soldier says Aiken contacted him after seeing his picture on the Internet : "I have several personal ads on gay men Web sites," he told the Enquirer. "Clay later told me he saw my pictures on a couple and decided to e-mail me. On Dec. 16, using the screen name of 'valleyprettyboy,' Clay sent me his first message.

"He wrote, 'Hey man, [I] see you're online. I'm 26 years old from Raleigh and would love to talk. I have pics but I have a very recognizable face and I can't post the pics. I would be happy to send them to you if you can promise absolute discretion."

Paulus added that in later e-mails, Aiken "told me that he had just come out of the closet to his mother and a few close friends last year. He told me that he was single again, having broken up with his boyfriend about five months ago."


Who knew that Claymaniacs were fucking that dangerous? What are they going to do? Run over him with their mini-vans? Suffocate him with Zip-loc bags or worse...they are going to play Clay's music over and over. That's enough to send someone into a dangerous seizure!

[Page Six]

Jane Mancini Gets Divorced!



Jane Mancini aka Josie Bissett is asking her husband of 13 years, fellow Melrose Place cast member Rob Estes for a divorce. Rob has moved out of the couple's home in Seattle. Rob told a group of reporters that the divorce was not his choice nor his decision.

Bissett and Estes met in 1991 during a casting call for a TV movie and married May 1, 1992. The same year, Bissett joined the original cast of Melrose Place, a spinoff of Beverly Hills, 90210 featuring the trials and tribulations of bed-hopping twentysomethings in a Hollywood apartment complex. Bissett starred as Jane Andrews Mancini, long suffering wife to Dr. Michael Mancini (Thomas Calabro).

In 1996, Estes also joined the ensemble; when Bissett became pregnant later that year, she temporarily left the show. She returned in 1998 after suffering a miscarriage and remained with Melrose Place through its series finale in 1999.

Estes and Bissett welcomed their first child, son Mason True, on July 21, 1999. Their second child, daughter Maya Rose, was born Apr. 14, 2002.


I know that bitch Sydney had something to do with this!

[E! Online]

I Like Pottery Barn Y'all!



Britney Spears, her mom, her son, her interior designer and her bodyguard did some shopping at the Pacific Design Center in West Hollywood. I didn't know they carry tables with fairies on them there? I can only imagine what her decorating style is.



I'm Tired Just By Watching Her Travel!



Angelina Jolie attends the World Economic Forum in Switzerland. Wasn't she just in London and then New York and then L.A. and then who knows. Damn, she's racking up those frequent flier miles! Does her hair always look kind of weird to you? Is it greasy? It just doesn't sit right. Don't get me wrong, she's gorgeous but bitch could use a conditioning treatment or some shit. I'm sure Bradley would love to wash his master's hair.







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