Angelina Jolie Will Look Like This in 20 Years!

This is Angelina Jolie's mother, French actress Marcheline Bertrand. I see it, mostly in the lips! I wonder if she's a homewrecking whore too?!

Serena Williams and Her Bubble Butt!

Sundance Fuglies

It's about that time for Sundance. Which means that's when huge stars go to get free shit and try to be all indie and shit. Josh Harnett and Scarlett Johansson are in Sundance together. Scarlett and her breasts deserve better.



Ashley Judd escaped the fashion mental hospital in time for all of the events. Looks like she can't seem to get that pesky jacket off.



Lucy Liu's bigger right eye made a splash on the red carpet!

The Brokeback Boys in Italian Vanity Fair

For your viewing pleasure...

What the Hell Kind of GD Outfit is This?!

Oh Lisa Loeb......

You say I only hear what I want to!

I have no idea what that means, but I do know this outfit is fug!

Hot Slut of the Day!

Lauren Collins of Degrassi: The Next Generation

Birthday Sluts

Emma Bunton (30)
Izabella Miko (25)
Cat Power (34)
Geena Davis (50)
Billy Ocean (56)
Jill Eikenberry (59)
Placido Domingo (65)

Starlet Jones Won't Shut Up!

Somebody get some chicken wire and shut that hag up! Star's latest word vomit is about politics. Something that I know nothing about and something that she knows nothing about. She thinks that the whole war on terror is nothing more than clash of egos between President Bush and Osama bin Laden.

She said on yesterday's The View: "You know what? At some point, one of these men has to put it back in his pants and zip up the zipper."

The discussion came from recent Bin Laden tapes that surfaced. She also thinks that Bush and Bin Laden should sit down and discuss things. Like have a cocktail? Ugh, she's a dumb frog!

"I won't trust him, but anything that gives me the opportunity to seek peace, I would at least check it out.

"People make deals with the devil all the time. We make deals with people we don't like,"

I'm so sure like Bush is just gonna call Bin Laden up and be like: "Hey B, what up? Wanna get a 40 lates? Meet me at Scores!"

Bitch needs should spend less time on politics and more time figuring out what card she's gonna play the minute her husband gets caught sucking someone's johnson in a park bathroom!

[The New York Post] [Courtesy of Pamboy]

Another Chanel Dress Mess!

First was the Reese/Kiki scandal and now Chanelgate is taking more victims!

Natalie Portman wore a "vintage" Chanel dress to the Golden Globes this past Monday. Debra Messing wore a similar dress in 2001 to the Annual Glamour Awards. Kiki Dunst also might have a worn another similar dress to Natalie's in Spider Man 2.

I wrote someone at Chanel and they basically said that Kiki's dress is completely different and off the rack. She also said that people end up wearing the same dress, it happens. Debra might have worn the same vintage Chanel in 2001.

God, isn't there like a war going on or something? No, I'm seriously asking that. I have no idea. Just kidding!

Ok, that's it for Chanelgate 2006. I'm over it!

[A Socialite's Life]

Fresh Faced and Beautiful!

I'm totally being sarcastic. JLo has been filming that El Cancrap shit for like ten years now. Production has now moved to Puerto Rico where these pictures were taken. Chick looks tireeeed. Maybe Marc is keeping her up all night by fucking her with his bones. I'm sure sex between them is like watching a squirrel with only hand carefully unshell a nut. Part tension and part empathy.



[JJB]

Brille Notig?

She's all over his stick. Watch this hot foreign commercial. Ugh, there ads are a million times better than ours.

[AdRants]

Afternoon Crumbs

Diddy and Penny get cozy. [Popsugar]

Kristin Cavallari is a fine actress. [Just Jared]

Jada Pinkett Smith looks like a dude. [Crunk and Disorderly]

Johnny Depp needs to be rinsed off. [Hollywood Rag]

Willa Holland is a very bad girl. [IDLYITW]

Just Cos' [Cityrag]

Heather Graham needs a job. [Egotastic!]

Chestica is dumb and dumber. [The People We Love to Hate]

Vintage Jake Gyllenhaal for Your Friday

[Thanks to Youri]

Well, She Does Have a Face Like a Foot!

Maggie Gyllenhaal has landed yet another deal, this time with Reebok. Yeah, because she's so athletic. The former Miu Miu cover girl will follow in the steps of Christina Ricci and Lucy Liu by starring in the I Am What I Am campaign.

Reebok said: "She is a great representative for our brand, which is about promoting individual style."

[Contact Music]

Is It Possible For Your Head to Shrink?

Teri Snatcher's daughter Emerson Rose looks like a giant next to her own mother! Actually ER has a hot outfit on. I'm all for getting skinny, but this is nutso. Her head looks like it's shrinking into her already shriveled up neck. Please tell me George Clooney ain't hitting those bones.

HAS BEENS

You know you're a major HAS-BEEN when you're pitching a reality show to UPN. That's exactly what N'Sync members Lance Bass and Joey Fatone are doing.

The former boy band members are developing a new series about their lives for UPN described as a modern-day "“Odd Couple," said Dawn Ostroff, the network president, Thursday.

Fatone is Oscar, the slob. Bass is Felix.

Tentatively dubbed, "“Out of Sync,"” and planned for this fall, it's a hybrid of reality and comedy, she said.

"They came to us,"she said. "Joey and Lance are such fun, interesting people and they truly are an odd couple even if you sit in a room with them, it's Felix and Oscar in many ways."”

'N Sync ruled the music world at the turn of the decade, until Justin Timberlake'’s departure sent them tumbling into obscurity.

Hey! They aren't quite over! Joey Fatone was on Broadway in Rent. Ok, scratch that. They are over. I hope they stick the reality of reality and show Lance Bass sucking dick. Felix was always the fag.

[Defamer] [Courtesy of Albz]

Janet's Still on Vacation

Some of you might have noticed that I posted some pics just now of Janet Jackson looking all skinny and shit. Well, I found out those pics are old. Here some new ones of Janet taken a few days ago visiting her accupuncturist.

Janet better work fast, she has an album coming out this April. And you know whenever she has an album coming out she loses mucho weight. I'm sure she's getting her brownie and pancakes on before she has to have some fat and ribs removed.

Let's hope those needles has some Fen-Phen in them.

Two Fugs Kissing

[Oh No They Didn't]

Why Do I Have a Crush on JLove?!

Ever since she graced my TV screen on Party of Five, I've always had this crush on Jennifer Love Hewitt. Yeah she has tits that rivals Scarlett Johansson's, but she's also the biggest nerd of the nerds. She borders annoying and sometimes I just want to punch her in the face and sometimes I just want to hug her for all of eternity. Which brings me to the latest news that makes me sad.

A friend of JLove's said: "She told me that maybe a sexy magazine layout with her showing her assets might give her a little edgier image and she might be considered for a femme fatale role."

According to the source, she has been offered huge offers from Playboy and another men's magazine to show the goods. She's considering the offers to dirt up her image.

I doubt this is true since she's currently finding success on the squeaky clean The Ghost Whisperer on CBS. She's forever a 16yo girl to me so if she bared all, it wouldn't be hot. It would be slightly disturbing, like kiddie porn.

Oh and JLove, you ain't ever gonna get a major movie role again. Unless, a studio feels like losing millions of dollars by making The Tuxedo 2.

[National Ledger]

I'd Wear That Hat Too if She Was Sucking My Dick!

Joel Madden and Hilary Duff are becoming the most annoying couple of 2006.







[JJB]

Biter!

Meg Ryan is apparently adopting a Chinese baby today, because her face will break-up if she gives birth.

Meg has been waiting for months to get approved to buy a baby in China. Months?! Please, you know she just flashed her Black AMEX and they shouted "Hurry up and buy!"

A source said: "The consulate will formalize the adoption and grant Meg's new daughter a visa and a social security number.

"They will probably be flying back to the US immediately after the process is complete."

Meg has a teenage son with Dennis Quaid, but this new baby will probably be her favorite.

I feel sorry for that baby. Waking up to that face after having sweet dreams of lollipops and bunnies is seriously going to give that baby a seizure.

And this pic of Meg with Goldie Hawn is CLASSIC. I should just post this everyday for the rest of my life.

[Contact Music]

Twice the Beauty

Is Angelina Jolie expecting twins? According to sources she is indeed having twins due to fertility treatments she underwent in order to get pregnant.

A source said: "Angelina is overjoyed. Getting pregnant with one of Brad's children would have been God's precious gift to her.

"Now we believe she is carrying twins. Angie is in seventh heaven."

Oh damn, how many kids do these bitches need?! They are collecting kids the way I collect my boogers and store them in a special place. Just kidding! I don't store them in a special place. All I can say is they better not dine at any restaurant I'm dining at, because I don't need to hear 4 babies screaming at the top of their lungs while I'm trying to enjoy my juicy T-Bone.

I hope she gets really fat.

[Monsters and Critics] [Thanks to JenB]

Imagine Those Titties, Swinging?

Drew Barrymore's boyfriend and Strokes member Fabrizio Moretti was asked where was the strangest place he's ever gotten down.

He responded: "I had sex in the bathroom at the opera a little while ago, in New York. We went to 'La Boheme' and it was wicked boring. So we decided to go to the bathroom, and we got caught, and it was embarrassing. If we'd gone to the men's room, people would've heard it and said, 'Good on you, man.' But we were in the ladies' room, and when we heard an old woman start to tinkle, we couldn't help but crack up. I guess she told the security guy - he came in and was, like, 'Just go.' "

They got caught, because her breasts were totally swinging a mile away and probably kicked the stall door open. Ouch. Those are weapons of MASS destruction.

[Page Six]

Don't Give In Brit

KFed has big plans with Britney Spears' money. Not only is he currently recording an album that will most likely make the Spice Girls look like musical geniuses, but he also plans to put wifey's money to fund more of his useless projects. He wants to open up a nightclub of his very own. KFed thinks Vegas is the place.

A source said: "The last place Britney wants Kevin to be spending his nights is in a nightclub, even if he's the owner. But he thinks it will be a gold mine and that he'll make millions."

Britney would be an idiot to give up her dough for his retarded projects. But she is kind of a pushover, so she could give in. Could you imagine this club? It would be nothing but neon and stripper poles. But at least you could get chicken wings anytime of the night.

[Female First]

Page Six Blind Items..You Guess...I Guess..

WHICH foreign-born action star has a sexual split personality? The actor recently visited a bar in L.A., ordered a drink and told the bartender, "Tonight, you see me like a tiger." Many drinks later, he was seen making out with another man. Many, many drinks after that, he was caught indulging in a lewd act in the men's room

Jet Li

WHICH art gallerist's relationship with his girlfriend took a nose dive when she caught him watching gay porn?

I don't know art!

WHICH prefab pop cutie has a bad habit of getting drunk and blurting out that she once had an abortion?

JoJo

Pam Anderson and Her Thong

Here's Pamela Anderson rocking her thong while she picks up the kiddies from school. Ugh, I don't want to see that shit this morning. Not that's it's disgusting, it's just...crusty. Her face needs some pullin'

Probably Another Lame Video Game Adaptation!

Stars: Radha Mitchell, Sean Bean, Deborah Kara Unger & Laurie Holden
Directed by: Christopher Gans

Plot: A woman named Rose (Radha Mitchell), desperate to find her child Sharon, finds herself trapped in an alternate dimension as she searches for her daughter in a world of decay inhabited by strange beings. Over the protests of her husband (Sean Bean), she flees with her child, heading for an abandoned town to which the child seems drawn.

Due: April 21, 2006

View Trailer Here

The Dlisted Report

Keri Russell has joined Jonathon Rhys Meyers in the drama August Rush. The story centers on August Rush, a young musical prodigy performing on the streets of New York who uses his talent to seek his parents, from whom he was separated after he was born. Freddie Highmore will play the title role and Robin Williams will plays his mentor. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Abel Ferrara will direct a prequel to 1990's King of New York which starred Christopher Walken. Entitled "The Last Crew", the story is set in the 1970's when New York City was on the verge of bankruptcy and crime was rampant. Mobster Frank White has a special agreement with President Carter's chief-of-staff which essentially gives him a license to kill. Shooting begins in New York this March. [Production Weekly]

Three-time Tony nominee Judy Kuhn will step in for Maria Friedman in Andrew Lloyd Webber's The Woman in White. Kuhn will play for 6 weeks while Friedman undergoes treatment for breast cancer. [Playbill]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

brokeback mousetrap - pixie2837

[Thanks to Lori]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Ana Alicia from Falcon Crest

Birthday Sluts

Lorenzo Lamas (48)
Will Young (27)
Skeet Ulrich (36)
Edwin McCain (36)
Melissa Rivers (38)
Rainn Wilson (38)
Stacey Dash (40)
John Michael Montgomery (41)
James Denton (43)
Bill Maher (50)
David Lynch (60)

She Must Have a Really Shitty Ass!

It was only a little over a month ago that Parasite Hilton visited the Colonic Center in Beverly Hills to get who knows what sucked out of her. What is she running from? Perhaps they sucked some nasty ass shit out of her ass and she didn't want to stick around to explain. The amount of jizz that was collected probably made the machine overload and break!

HOsteria Lane

Rapper Trina is set for Wisteria Lane playing the bad-bitch daughter of Alfre Woodard's character. She will drop it like it's hot on 4 episodes of Desperate Housewives. DH has been sucking major anal lips this season. They seriously need to give Alfre something to do, because her character hasn't been doing shit but changing the locks on that damned basement door.

But now that Trina is arriving, things will hopefully be shaken up. I hope Trina and Eva LongWHORIA have a ho-showdown!

[Concrete Loop]

Isn't This the Ugliest Hat Ever?

I hope Madge got that hat for free or better yet, I hope someone's paying her to wear that. I'm sure it's really expensive, but it looks like it's seen better days. Like in the backrooms of Studio 54. Some looks should just stay dead. And will she please have somebody remove those damned stickers from her sunglasses! It's embarrassing!

Payback's a Bitch!

Remember that woman that found a finger in her chilli at Wendy's? Remember when it came to light that she actually placed the finger there herself?! And remember when we found out that the finger was the woman's husband's co-worker's finger who lost it in a work-related accident? Well, looks like payback is a bitch!

Anna Ayala and her husband Jaime Plascencia received hefty jail time for trying to pull fraud on Wendy's and the San Jose chain. They have been charged with filing a false insurance claim and attempted grand theft in damages worth about $2.5 Million.

Anna received 9 years in prison while Jaime received 12 years and 4 months.

Before the judges sentencing Anna tearfully told the court:

``I do take responsibility for my actions and offer my most sincere apologies, especially to Wendy's in San Jose and its employees. I'm truly sorry.''

You better be sorry bitch and you're gonna be real sorry when some 300lb heffer is fucking your ass with a broom stick! You're gonna wish you never wish you fucked with the chilli!

It's bitches like this that cause the price of my delicious frosty to go up!

[Mercury News]

The Price of Fame

Brad Pitt had a flying lesson in Santa Monica yesterday and decided to call the cops, because there were some photographers around. Um..isn't that what happens when your famous. I'm sure the cops loved it since they got to meet his ass.







[JJB]

That's Kim Mathers?!

WTF?! Someone got an EXTREME MAKEOVER: Home Edition. She got overhauled. There's a picture below of what she normally looks like below. She got her hair did and some straight-up spackle on her mug. She's working on the Chyna look, but I feel it.

Emimen still looks like he's in Jr. HS.

Afternoon Crumbs

Who the hell would want to stalk Jessica Sierra? [Tabloid Whore!]

HoHan and Jared try to make Oscar gold! [Just Jared]

Golden Globe Lookalikes! [Brit Boy in L.A.]

Pink rags on Hollywood sluts. [Gabsmash]

Stephen Baldwin is not OK with porn. [Hollywood Rag]

Kelly Clarkson plays nice. [Popsugar]

Vince and Jen done?! [Bricks and Stones]

Scarlett Johansson loves to talk about her virginity or lack there of. [Egotastic!]

Haven't You Missed Starlet Jones?

She's been busy keeping her gay hubby in check signing her stupid book all over the country. Bitch thinks she's Oprah. I haven't read it yet, but I must. If any of you have read it, e-mail my ass a review of that shit and I'll post it. I'd rather read your comments than her idiotic and lying words!

I love this pic below of her hand. It's so manly, it has an adam's apple!

Brad's a Father!

Brad Pitt has officially become a father to Zahara and Maddox. They now have the last name of Jolie-Pitt. A Los Angeles judge today approved the name change request.

Jolie's lawyer said: "I can confirm that Ms. Jolie's petition was granted today,"

Shit there's no going back now, I guess. I doubt Maddox wanted his name change. Shouldn't they have asked those kids what they wanted? Maddox would've been like "Hell Naw!"

It does make them richer though.

[JJB]

The Cops Swarm the Big Brother House!

Last night, UK police took over the Big Brother house demanding that houseguest Pete Burns hand over his illegal gorilla fur coat to them. The Dead or Alive singer's coat has drawn much outrage from both houseguests and viewers who believe the coat is disgusting and cruel. A spokeswhore for Big Brother confirmed that Pete handed the coat over and is still in the house.

A rep for the police said: "The coat will now be tested to determine its origin"

If the coat proves to be real gorilla fur, Pete could face jail time. The cops have already said they would press charges against his ass!

Well, he should have a good time in jail. Seriously though, who wears gorilla? I still can't get over that. It doesn't even look soft! It looks like a wig!

[The Mirror]

Nasty Bitch!

Parasite Hilton isn't only the DUMBEST living thing on the earth, she's also a nasty scab! Parasite's spokeswhores are quickly trying to silence a Hawaiian cab driver that claims Parasite pissed herself in his cab on one of her vacations to Maui.

Harden Jamison said that he picked Parasite and Nachos up from a party and they were drunk as fuck! He didn't notice until later that Parasite had let her bladder go. Harden had to clean up the mess with a towel and plans to use it for DNA evidence. Parasite's camp has tried to purchase the towel for $200.

That wasn't piss, it was several liters of jizz pouring out of her.

[Female First] [Thanks to Albz]

Bobby & Whitney are NOT Divorcing!

God has heard my prayers and has not granted Bobby and Whitney a divorce. Radio DJ Wendy Williams interviewed Bobby in New York and asked him about his 14-year marriage to Whitney.

He said: "There's no divorce. We're together. I'm out working and she's home with the baby. I miss you, baby, where ever you are."

Bobby said that Whitney's going to meet him in Connecticut tonight for a concert.

Whitney reps however kept mum about rumors: "Ms. Houston doesn't wish to make a public statement at this time."

I knew that rumor was a joke. These two crackheads no better then to leave one another. Seriously, nobody is going to want their fucked-up asses. They were born for each other! Crack has bound them together for life!

[StacyCRo]

Parasite Hilton is Even Dumber Than We Thought!

TMZ obtained Parasite Hilton's deposition from a lawsuit filed by Zeta Graff against Parasite. Zeta claims that P is a crazy bitch and spread vicious rumors about her.

Here's some gems from the deposition:

Do you know Terry's last name?

"It is like a weird Greek name. Like Douglas."
Were there U.K. publications?

"No... there is stuff in London."

London is a U.K. publication.

"Right. U.K. Whatever."
Paris on Zeta Graff:

"I just said to her... she is old and should stay at home with her child instead of being at nightclubs with young people. And just that -- I just - what else did I say? Just that she is not cute at all."
Paris on Vodoo:

"He said that she was going to do voodoo on me. And I kind of do believe in that stuff a little bit, so I was a little bit scared about that... "
Paris on Female Stalkers:

"I would never say stalking. I'm not a dude. Like, I think a girl can only stalk a guy. She can't really stalk another girl."

I can't believe this girl hasn't found the cure for cancer yet. She is a true genius. We can learn a lot from her. Wait, are her parents related?

Read the entire article here

[TMZ]

Madge Working Out to Death?

Friends and family of Madge have become quite worried that the material girl is going to work herself to death. They say that she's obsessed with keeping fit and has taken a grueling schedule that is making her skinny and sick! Her daily regimen includes 3 hours of yoga and pilates, swimming, weight-training and cycling. Damn, I don't even do half of that the entire year!

A source said: "It''s scary. Everyone around her is buzzing that she'’s working herself right into exhaustion."

If she spent more time learning rhymes than working out, she might have some lyrics in her songs!!

[Ireland Online]

Chestica Loves Her Tits!

Chestica Simpson didn't always enjoy her breats, but now she seems to be happy with them. Yeah, because they cost your ass enough!

She recently said: "I have amazing boobs. They're just perfect."

She also claims she's never had them done nor would she ever.

"At school, my boobs were bigger than all my friends and I was afraid to show them.

"Now, I feel they make my outfits look better. They're like an accessory."

Never had them done? Not only are you a whore, but you're a liar too!

[Female First]

Bai Ling has Dark Nipples

Bai Ling attended some lame VW party with Tori Spelling the other night. A VW party?! Bai will seriously go to the opening of a Sizzler. Hmm...Sizzler. That cheese toast is fucking delish! Ok, I'm getting off topic...so here's our favorite Asian piece of trash rocking her dark nipples for us to see. She actually has hot tits.

Tori's face could use some fire torching ala that scene in Hostel. You know the one I'm talking about!

The Hot and Ugly Sides of Golf!

Yesterday was the Bob Hope Golf Classic in California. The celebs were out and most of them looked serious fug on the greens. Only one looked like a magnificent God rising from the green sea! Matthew McConaughey of course! That dyke Penny Cruz is a lucky lesbo!


Mark Wahlberg however looked fug.



But, the King of Fug goes to Justin Timberlake. Someone needs to send that mofo a mach3!

Zack Morris is Gonna be a Daddy Again!

Zack Morris, 31 and his wife Lisa are going to have a baby girl this spring. Zack aka Mark-Paul Gosselaar currently stars on Commander-In-Chief.

The couple already have a son, Michael who turns 3 this month.

Damn! Saved by the Bell bitches having baby makes me feel old as fuck. I'm gonna lose it when Screech has a kid!

[People]

Bitch is Delusional!

Candace Bushnell, author of Sex & the City and Lipstick Jungle sees herself as a serious novelist. Yeah, that had me gagging too. She hates to be piled into the same category as those other chick-lit books.

She said: "I see myself as a serious novelist and I always have,"

"How others see you and your work is a little bit out of your control. I think there's a perception that the books are really light, but they're not. There's a darkness to them. I think my characters are really real . . . It's actually heavy stuff that throws up a lot of philosophical questions about men and women."

A darkness?! Ok, if she's a serious literary talent than Danielle Steels needs to win a Pulitzer!

[Page Six]

Dreamgirls!

Here is the first official cast photos of Anika Noni Rosie, Beyonce Knowles and Jennifer Hudson in the Bill Condon directed Dreamgirls.

The films opens December 22, 2006 and also stars Eddie Murphy, Jamie Foxx, Danny Glover and Hinton Battle.

The official website will have video footage today at 1pm EST.

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

where is carrie and a bucket of pig's blood when you need them? - meep

[Thanks to Loozer]

The Dlisted Report

Bryce Dallas Howard will play Gwen Stacy, Peter Parker's love interest in Spider-Man 3. Gwen is pivotal in Spider-Man lore as Peter's high school crush, his first girlfriend and his first love. She ended up being kidnapped by the Green Goblin and died during a bridgetop battle in "Amazing Spider-Man" issue 121. The movie is currently shooting with Sam Raimi at the helm. Tobey Maguire stars in the title role. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Maria Bello and Gerald Butler have signed on to star opposite Pierce Brosnan in Butterfly on a Wheel. The story revolves around a happily married couple (Bello and Butler) living in the suburbs whose life unravels when their 5-year-old daughter is kidnapped. Brosnan will play the kidnapper. Filming starts in March in Vancouver. [The Hollywood Reporter]

American Idol opened its 5th season big. The season premiere was 10% higher then last season's opening numbers. An average 35.4 Million views tuned into the 2-hour show. It is the highest-rated primetime show since the finale of Friends in 2004.

Hot Slut of the Day!

Mindy Cohn

Birthday Sluts: HAPPY 60TH DOLLY!!!

Dolly Parton (60)
Jodi Sweetin (25)
Coral Smith (27)
Drea de Matteo (34)
Shawn Wayans (35)
Cindy Sherman (52)
Katey Segal (52)
Robert Palmer (57)
Paula Deen (59)
Shelley Fabares (62)
Michael Crawford (64)
Tippi Hedren (75)
Jean Stapleton (83)

JLo's Got Some Camel Toe!

I think her crotch would rather have her polyster pants in its mouth than her hubby's face. I think his face is beyond repair.

Snatcher Better Step!

Teri Snatcher isn't saying shit about her reported romantic date with George Clooney. She has kept quite mum about the rumors.

She said: "If I went on a date with George Clooney I would not be talking about it."

Lying skank! If she did go on a date with him, she'd be singing it to whoever would listen.

George added: "She is my neighbor, though, and she's beautiful."

If those two are dating, I'm seriously going to slit my wrists. He deserves more than a bitch that looks like she's been greased up and left out on the highway!

[Contact Music]

Brad Pitt: UN Ambassador

Following in the steps of his man Angelina, Brad Pitt may become a United Nations Goodwill Ambassador. Secretary General Kofi Annan is taking into consideration all of the charity work Brad has done for refugees last year and will tell him soon whether or not his money is good he's good enough for the title.

Please he's as good as gold.

[Ireland Online]

Ryan Phillipe & Scott Storch: Separated at Birth!

I swear those red sunglasses Ryan wore were beyond fug. I knew I've seen them somewhere!

[Pic: Goldenfiddle]

The Super Tan Girl from American Idol!

Crystal Parizanski might have become world famous on last night's season premiere of American Idol. Crystal auditioned with thousands others in Chicago and got to show her "talents" to the judges. Seriously, this bitch is so dumb that she made my TV look like a genius. Crystal's idol is Xtina Aguilera, although it looks like her idol is Jenna Jameson. Here's how her audition went down:

Crystal :: HIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randy :: HEY!!!!!!!!
Crystal :: You need me to explain anything? HEY, WHAT'S UP PEOPLE! [Waves hello with both hands.]
Simon :: Yes, the tan.
Crystal :: Okay, um, my name is Crystal. Um, I just turned six-
Simon :: No, I wanna hear about your suntan.
Crystal :: Okay, I'm singing "And I'm Telling You" by Jennifer Holliday.
Simon :: No, no, no. I wanna hear about your suntan.
Crystal :: Oh, my sun tan? ...I go tanning?
Simon :: Nooooooooooo!

Crystal then brought her mother in and I swear, her mother was half retarded. She totally looked like a truck-stop hooker. Anyway, Crystal is this year's William Hung.

She's probably signing a deal right now!

Visit Crystal's MySpace

Also, go visit JustJared for more hot pics of Crystal and her brain-dead mom!

Afternoon Crumbs

It's a bad day for The Mastersons [Best Week Ever]

Cameron Diaz is teed off. [Just Jared]

From the Desk of Paris Hilton. [Hollywood Rag]

How dare someone think the gorgeous Julianne Moore is HoHan! [Cityrag]

Paris Hilton too good for Playboy? [Egotastic!]

I think I'm in love with Jesse Jane. [Damn I'm Cute]

Halle Berry's desperate [IDLYITW]

Hilary just shut up! [TBLE]

Who is Kira Sydney?!

I have seriously been spending many gorgeous moments with Kira Sydney since I was introduced to his site. Kira is a cross-dressing male and he's straight. His likes include miniskirts and cuddling. His hobbies are shopping and power yoga. He loves Avril Lavigne and the Alien Trilogy.

If you have time to kill and an open heart, please take a look at his site. Seriously, click on storyboards and you will be whisked away on a journey with Kira Sydney!

Don't look at the picture gallery section, unless you really want to get horny and shit. I'm going to shut up now and let Kira do all the talking.

On the serious, this is some fucked up shit!

Click here to visit Kira



[Thanks to Edward]

Don't Make Me Vom!

TomKat spent their MLK Day at ANOTHER one of those soccer games. Katie Holmes continued to show the changing hump. That day she wore about a Full-Sized pillow I'd say.

Why are they always going to Isabelle's soccer games? There's something shady going on here, I tell you! There's some Scientology crap going down, I just know it.







[JJB]

Kate Gets Jacked

Kate Moss is a fucking slut! If your read two stories below, you will see that I wrote about Kate and her latest man, 20yo Jamie Burke. Well, according to witnesses Kate was romancing none other than Jack Osbourne at Teddy's in Los Angeles after The Golden Globes.

Apparently, Natalie Portman and Kate Hudson watched in amazement as Kate busted a move on Jack.

This ho is still on crack. I know Jack has slimmed down, but he's still a dog and not doable. Look who I'm talking about?! Kate Moss would jump a half-dead possum!

[NY Daily News] [Thanks to svzig]

Note to Parasite: You Ain't Sexy!

Parasite Hilton is NO Jennifer Grey. She shouldn't even try dirty dancing. I've seen 300lb Mexican hookers look sexier dancing than this trash-face.







[A Socialite's Life]

Hello Kate!

Kate Moss really should open up a match-making service. She knows hot to pick the best men for mates. Kate recently broke up with one of the biggest catches of them all: Pete Doherty. We all know Pete as a crack-smoker extraordinaire and all around big piece of gross. Kate's new man is 20yo model/musician Jamie Burke who she met on Richard Branson's Caribbean Island. Things aren't perfect with Jamie either. You see while he's traveling the world with Kate, he has a live-in girlfriend back in New York!

Jessie Loenard has been living with Jamie and found out about his love affair with Kate when we all did. Ouch.

A friend to Jessie said: "We thought they were going to get married, but now he's gone off with Kate Moss - we can hardly believe it,"

"He's just a wannabe rock star who did a couple of modeling jobs and his head got too big."

Well, at least for Kate's sake he's not a drug head. That we know of! Don't worry Kate, he won't leave you. You're his meal ticket!

P.S. - When I googled "Jamie Burke" I got a picture of her. I doubt she's licking Kate Moss' kitten. But anything can happen!

[3am Girls] [Thanks to Albz]

Richie Gets Some Jamba Juice

Damn I love me some Jamba Juice but that shit is like dessert. It's like pure sugar. Richie found some time in her busy schedule (what is she doing anyway) to grab a large one or maybe it's an extra-small one and just looks large next to her.

Teri Snatcher: Sex on Legs?!

Jonathan Rhys-Meyers is a total fag! Who the hell wants to bang Teri Snatcher? My chihuahua probably wouldn't mind humping her ass, but that's about it.

He said: "Teri Hatcher is my favorite Desperate Housewife. She'’s just sex on legs."

"She'’s an older woman who I imagine could teach me a few things."

Yeah, she could teach you how to deal with sudden freeze-face when you've had 25 botox injections in a row!

[The Sun] [Thanks to Albz]

Do I Smell a Courtney/Mariah Duet?

Courtney Love and Kurt Cobain's daughter Frances Bean doesn't seem to be into the music of her parents. Frances is just gaga over Mariah Carey. Frances has reportedly asked her mother if Mimi could perform at her 16th birthday. Courtney can't afford that shit!

Let's hope that a Courtney Love and Mimi duet come out of Frances' obsession. That would be the mess of a century! Shit, even a conversation between those two would spell disaster!

[Contact Music]

Jake Turns Up at Golden Globes!

The big question of the evening was not "is Alanis a dude" but "Where is Toothy?" Jake was busy filming Zodiac and couldn't make it. Yeah right. You know it pains him to see Heath Ledger with that soggy wife of his. Jake did make time to show up to a GG after party. So dry your panties, Jake is healthy and fine!





[Pics: IHEARTJAKE]

Angie Collapses?!

I got this shit from Popbytes, but apparently Star Magazine is reporting that Angie collapsed in the Dominican Republic while doing shoots for The Good Shepard.

While in the Domincan Republic to shoot her latest project, The Good Shepherd, a 5 months pregnant Angelina Jolie collapsed and gashed her head, according to a source. Father-to-be Brad Pitt became extremely nervous. “She'’s looking really frail and she'’s pale and gaunt. I heard her doctor has put her on a high-risk pregnancy alert and Brad has been trying to persuade her to go on bed rest, but she won'’t hear any of it,” a source tells Star.

I knew that pic from yesterday was of Aniston! She totally pushed her down! This is getting good. Don't worry Angie fans, I'm sure she's fine. She's built like a bull, she can take any shit. But a miscarriage would give her some sympathy...hmm..and trust me Hollywood is fucked up enough to try that shit.

[Popbytes]

Worst "Supporting" Actress

I know we talked about this yesterday, but people still can't seem to get over Drew Barrymore and her breasts hitting the ground. Lloyd Grove even called her out in his column. Above is a better picture, but honestly it still can't do the moment justice.

[Thanks to Katie Scarlett]

Leif Garrett Arrested!

1970s Teen Idol Leif Garrett was arrested in Los Angeles after he boarded a local subway without a ticket. He was also arrested for suspicion of possessing narcotics. He was held without bail, because he's being detained on a warrant for violating his probation.

The musician-actor, who has a history of drug issues dating from the 1970s, pleaded guilty in March to attempted possession of cocaine-based narcotics and was placed on probation, said Sandi Gibbons, a spokeswoman for the Los Angeles district attorney's office.

At a Dec. 20 hearing in that case, a judge issued a bench warrant for Garrett's arrest for an unspecified reason, Gibbons said.

Garrett was detained about 6 p.m. Saturday on the platform of Pershing Square's Red Line station by Los Angeles County sheriff's deputies assigned to the transit unit.

According to deputies, Garrett was detained after he was found to be without a ticket to ride the rail system. A subsequent check turned up suspected narcotics and the warrant for his arrest, officials said.

Garrett was booked and assigned to the jail Sunday. He is scheduled to appear at the downtown criminal courts building today on the alleged probation violation.

Hahah, that picture of him above is totally with Nicollette Sherdian. It looks like it's straight out of a 1978 porn! It probably is. Poor Leif, you used to be kind of hot but now being a crack head has made you severely bloated and broke!



[LA Times] [Thanks to StacyCRo]

Her Humps!

[click on image to enlarge]

Damn, she's gettin' big!

Posh Copying Madge

Posh Beckham is said to be writing a series of children's books that will tie in a fashion line she is designing. Say what?

The plastic one said: "People like dressing like me so why not profit from it?"

What does that have to do with writing a children's book?! I'm confused. This coming from the woman that claimed she's never read a book in her life.

I can't wait to see these books. You know it's going to be some ill shit. The titles will include:


Victoria and the Case of the Man Trap
Victoria and the Case of the Plastic Balls
Victoria and the Case of the Sour Voice

[Female First]

Chanel Plays a Joke on Reese!

Poor Reese Witherspoon. She thought she was getting a really hot vintage Chanel dress to wear to The Golden Globes. Well, looks like Kiki Dunst wore that SAME EXACT dress 3 years today The Golden Globe after parties. Ouch!

Her rep said: "Reese was told the dress was vintage. It was not. I'm not angry - just a little disappointed, but the big deal is Reese won the Golden Globe."

Her rep is also planning not to work with the fashion house anymore or let any of her clients work with them. Her clients include JLo and Renee Zellweger.

Yeah right, like JLo isn't going to wear Chanel. They make fur right?

[Page Six]

I Hope This is the Shit!

Title: The Devil Wears Prada

Plot: Based on the best-selling novel, "The Devil Wears Prada" stars two-time Academy Award® winner Meryl Streep as high-powered fashion magazine editor Miranda Priestly, and Anne Hathaway, as Miranda's new assistant – a small-town girl trying to survive her impossibly demanding new boss..

Stars: Meryl Streep, Anne Hathaway, Adrian Grenier, Simon Baker, Tracie Thoms & Emily Blunt
Directed By: David Frankel

Due: June 30, 2006

Another One!

Russell Crowe and his wife Danielle Spencer are expecting their second child. The pair currently have a 2-year old son.

He said: "She's due in July, so it's a French conception."

Russell also told reporters at The Golden Globe Awards that he will star with Nicole Kidman in a Baz Luhrman directed film.

"Australian version of Gone with the Wind. ... It's set in the Australian country in the early 1930s. Baz will have to build a whole community where we're going to shoot, since it's a very remote area."

Sounds delightful.

[People]

The Dlisted Report

The Tom Clancy thriller Without Remorse will be adpated and directed by John Singleton. Without Remorse centers on former Navy SEAL and CIA operative John Kelly, code-named Mr. Clark, who first appeared in Clear and Present Danger (played by Willem Dafoe). The novel, which was published in 1993 by Putnam, spawned a previous film version, which was in development at Savoy Pictures and was shut down during preproduction in 1995. Singleton said he is looking to cast a young and athletic actor in the lead role. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Virginia Madsen will replace Elisabeth Shue in The Number 23. She will star opposite Jim Carrey in the Joel Schumacher thriller. Carrey will portray a man who becomes obsessed with a book that seems to be about his life but ends with a murder, with the number 23 woven through the plot. Shooting begins today. [Variety]

Paul Thomas Anderson is in final talks to direct There Will Be Blood. The film will star Daniel Day-Lewis. Day-Lewis will play a prospector who buys the oil rights to a family's ranch, and then hits a major pocket of crude. The story then turns into a tale of greed and faith, as the prospector realizes the American dream and is destroyed by it. Shooting will begin this May in Texas and New Mexico. [Dark Horizons]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS!

The Top 3:

"King Kum" - albz

Paranoid of being poisoned, Parasite makes Baby Luv taste it before she swallows... - skankbot

'Yup......this one's a smoker.' - Toodles

Hot Slut of the Day!

Carly Schroeder

[For Bubbev]

Birthday Sluts

Kevin Costner (51)
Samantha Mumba (23)
Jonathan Davis (35)
Jesse L. Martin (37)
Jane Horrocks (42)
Phillipe Starck (57)

Holly Hunter is Seeing Double!

Holly Hunter has welcomed 2 babies into her world! Holly and boyfriend Gordon MacDonald had the babies recently. Her spokeswhore confirmed, but did not reveal the sex or names of the babies.

Holly is 47 and it's a miracle her vagina didn't explode from that much action. Just kidding she's still got it!

[People]

She Needs Dr. 90210!

Jenna Jameson showed up to GG parties with lopsided breasts. Those look pretty rock-hard too. Somebody needs a little touch-up. I used to be a fan, but now her tits give me a headache!

William Shatner Sold His Kidney Stone?!

This is a total WTF moment! Who does that?! William Shatner has beamed up his kidney stone for $25K. Willy reached a deal with the strange website GoldenPalace.com to purchase the stone that he secreted last fall with all profits going to a Habitat for Humanity.

He said: "This takes organ donors to a new height, to a new low, maybe. How much is a piece of me worth?"

GoldenPalace.com is noted for its collection of oddities, which includes a partially eaten cheese sandwich thought to contain the image of the Virgin Mary.

"This is a bold new addition to our fleet," GoldenPalace.com Chief Executive Officer Richard Rowe said in a statement.

The money will go to Habitat for Humanity, which builds houses for the needy.

"This would be the first Habitat for Humanity house built out of stone," joked Darren Julien, president of Los Angeles-based Julien's Auctions, which handled the sale.

Shatner, who played Kirk on the original "Star Trek" TV show and won the Emmy for his role on "Boston Legal," passed the stone last fall.

The deal includes the surgical stint and string used to permit passage of the stone, which Shatner said was so large "you'd want to wear it on your finger."

"If you subjected it to extreme heat, it might turn out to be a diamond," he said.

Shatner said the idea of selling the stone came up after "Boston Legal" raised $20,000 for Habitat for Humanity. With the money for the stone, Shatner said there is about enough funding to build half a house.

GoldenPalace.com originally offered $15,000 for the stone but Shatner turned it down, noting that his "Star Trek" tunics have commanded more than $100,000." His counteroffer was accepted.

How much do you think they'll give for my kidney stone? A couple of food stamps probably. Oh well!

UPDATE: -I totally thought it was his kidney. I don't read too good. I made the changes. Thanks y'all for putting me together!

[Yahoo News] [Thanks to StacyCRo]

GROSS! Guess Who This Is?!

UPDATE - Damn, can't pull one over on your asses. Yeah it's Jared Leto in character and costume filming Chapter 27 in New York. He's supposed to look fug, because he plays John Lennon's killer. Someone wants an Oscar.

Scarlett Gets Felt Up By Isaac!

Yeah, she's into it.

[JJB]

Josh, Control Your Lady!

Josh Duhamel brought his dog girlfriend around the GG after parties. Fergie is smashed! I love in the picture below how she's trying to crawl into his chest. He's not Sammy Sober either.

Afternoon Crumbs

Chestica Simpson is a reality whore. [IDLYITW]

Brittany Murphy in DSquared is so gross. [Just Jared]

Can't get enough of The Golden Globes? Didn't think so. [Hollywood Rag]

Anna Kournikova bends over. [Hollywood Tuna]

Kate Beckinsale is a Fat Ass! [Egotastic!]

Let's hope Nachos dumps Parasite! [Gabsmash]

Reese and Kiki in the same fug dress. [Popsugar]

Bill Maher dumped his personal video ho?! [Concrete Loop]

Brangelina Have Dinner!

Brangelina are seen in these pics having dinner with the cast of The Good Shepard while they filmed in Santo Domingo. These were taken on January 14th. Brad is looking a million times better. Doesn't the woman in the pic above look like Aniston? She's totally spying on their asses.







[Oh No They Didn't]

Mimi & Isaac!

Their conversation totally had me laughing. Mimi is slick!

Isaac Mizrahi of E!: Mariah Carey, look at you tonight! Wow! Turn around, let's see the back of this. It's really wonderful. Who made this?
Mariah: Thank you. The back is my favorite. This is Chanel Couture. Mr. Karl Lagerfeld sketched it for me in... just on our way back from my TV show in Paris. We love him, he's the best.
E!: Did he do fittings on that if it's couture? He actually sat in the room and said, "Mariah..."
Mariah: He did. Yes, he actually did. Of course! He's my favorite person in the world.

E!: And you know, the hair is kind of wonderful too. I love that it's blond. It looks better when it's blonder.
Mariah: You do? I also have, I'm wearing real gold tonight in honor of the Golden Globes, my make-up artist Kristofer Buckle did this little addition to it, just FYI.
E!: Gold. Looks like every gold record in the world...the largest selling records in history or something right?
Mariah: It's been a nice thing.

E!: Are you seeing somebody at the moment?
Mariah: I'm seeing you infront of me.
E!: Oh, that's a good way to answer that question. Come on, are you dating somebody?
Mariah: Haha, well isn't tonight a date technically and you are on my arm and I'm on your arm. I just wanna squash the room as about us. We have to let it go now.
E!: If you're looking for somebody, I'm a good yenta.
Mariah: Are you a yenta? Do you know that I was huddle in "Fiddler In The Roof"?
E!: You're kidding! Is that how it all started many, many years ago?
Mariah: No, no. (laughs) it all started before that.

E!: You're presenting tonight, aren't you? Are you nervous about that or what?
Mariah: Not really. I think it should be fun. I get nervous when I have to perform.
E!: How do you manage the jitters. How do you manage being nervous?
Mariah: Just take a deep breath and go.
E!: I love your make-up which I can't stop noticing. It's really, really good. Did you do it yourself?
Mariah: Thank you. Of course, I did. It's just a little lip gloss. (laughs) No, Kristofer Buckle did my make-up.
E!: How long did it take you?
Mariah: About an hour maybe.
E!: That's good. A little commitment. Thank you very much. We'll see you at the Grammys probably right, which is coming up in a month or something. Alright, thank you Mariah. You're a doll.
Mariah: Coming up, very soon. Bye Isaac.

[Mariah Daily]

This Can't Be the End?!

This ain't right! The King of Queen of Crack are not getting a divorce. Reports are that Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown may be ending their 14-year marriage. Bobby has been blabbing to friends that he's planning to divorce Whitney, because they just can't get along.
Bobby was also seen flirting with bitches at a concert last month.

The source said: While flirting with a bunch of women, they asked, 'What's up with your wife?' Bobby said, 'We ain't together no more. We're getting a divorce.'"

I'm not letting this happen. There are too many cracktastic memories to be made! Someone break-off a light bulb and give them some more crack to smoke! They must stay together!

[Contact Music] [Thanks to Mouse]

The Golden Globes: Who Looked Hot!

Penelope Cruz: Ok she was ALL Hair, but she's the hotness.



Natalie Portman: All NOT HAIR but she can pull it off.



Jessica Alba: Sex on two legs



Kate Beckinsale: She may be a little on the boring side, but she's fucking stunning.



Marcia Cross: Nearly perfect. Her breasts were a little on the sag side.



Scarlett Johansson: Hair was on the gross side, but damn...I think I heard someone scream "Timber" when she walked past!



Keira Knightley: Has the Kate Beckinsale virus of being a bore, but still pretty hot.

Madge Crushes Lola's Dreams!

Madge's daughter Lola was keen on auditioning for the next Harry Potter as the role of Luna Lovegood, but her mother has stopped these plans. Producers of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix held an open call in London for the role. Lola printed out all the information and asked her mother if she could attend the call.

A source said: "Lola printed off all the information and showed it to her mum. She's convinced she has the other-worldly qualities Warner Brothers are looking for.

"But Madonna pointed out they're looking for girls aged between 13 and 16, so she is much too young."

Lola was said to be disappointed and bitched her mom out, but she's over it. Lola doesn't need Harry Potter, she's gonna be a star anyway! I'm into her.

[Female First]

Let's Hope She's Not as Boring as Them!

Matt Damon has told reporters in the Dominican Republic that he will be having a girl with wife Lucianne Bozis. Matt is currently in town filming The Good Shepard and spilled the beans. He also told reporters that he's taking Spanish classes, so he can speak to Lucianne's family easier.

His spokeswhore would not confirm the sexy of their baby. I just noticed my typo of "sexy" it kind of makes me laugh! It stays!

[Miami Herald]

Eminem's Granny Thinks Kim is Trash!

Eminem's Grandmother is furious that he is marrying Kim Mathers for a second time. She told reporters that she thinks Kim is trash and only after his money.

She said: "She's just after his money. Kim will take everything.

"She wouldn't want to get married so quick if he'd got a pre-nup. Kim is very controlling. She's turned him against his family."

His granny also claimed that none of his family were invited including his own mother. Doesn't he hate her ass anyway? Damn, I hope his granny goes over there and beat's Kim up! And make sure to call Cops to get that shit on camera!

[Launch]

Tommy Lee's New Trick!

Tommy Lee is apparently seriously dating this woman. She's 20yo Vivid Girl Stefani Morgan. Tommy met the porn star at an AVN Awards party in Las Vegas a few weeks ago. He's said to be rather charmed by her.

Poor thing has the hep now.

[Female First]

Posh Beckham for Cavalli

Posh Beckham walked at Roberto Cavalli's Spring/Summer 2006 menswear show in Milan yesterday. I don't care what y'all say, that bitch is hot! She may look like E.T., but she's a smoking hot E.T.!


[click on image to enlarge]



[Oh No They Didn't]

Feria for Men!

I love the Golden Globes! So many fucking people looking like trash. This is a Dlisted gold mine! Here's Jimmy Fallon rocking a new Feria for Men hair color. After viewing all the hair colors on the Feria site, I think he's showing off #88 Blonde Chiffon.

Does the GG Require a Fluffer?

Well the parties do, because Parasite Hilton showed up to some of them. Whenever Parasite dresses for a "classy" event she always ends up looking like a porn star trying not to look like a porn star. You could put a 6 thousand dollar dress on that ho and it still looks like it was picked up in the junior miss department of Sears. And trust me she's not the softer side.

Drew Barrymore and Some Saggy Ass Titties!

I missed this one in my AWFUL list below, but did anybody catch this bitch presenting at the GGs. She needed some duct tape or some bubblegum or anything to put those breasts together. They were flopping around like two squirrels fighting under a blanket!

She Totally Blew Him in the Limo!

Jamie Foxx and Eva LongWHORIA are seen here leaving the Warner Bros. GG party together. They apparently got into the same limo. I know Jamie was looking for some action, because he was all over any chick interviewing his ass. Dayum, he was about to jump Shawn Robinson!

MK Olsen Should've Been Miss Golden Globes!

Did anybody notice that Miss Golden Globe (daughter of Melanie Griffith) was some awful shit? She wouldn't crack a smile and totally had the posture of the Hunchback of Notre Dame.

MK Olsen looks good in the face, but ugly in the dress. This is her at some stupid GG party.

Quick! There's a Camera!

They might be in love, but then again they might not be. He's cheating on her ass, she's way too cheerful. I may be alone, but I'm not into her. She's too much sunshine for me and that makes me wanna close the drapes!

The Golden Globes: Who Looked AWFUL?!

I'm sure terrible pictures will come up throughout the day of last night's Golden Globes. But after watching the pre-show and like 10 hours of the Awards show, here's what I came up with. Some of these pictures don't do their fugliness justice:



Johnny Depp: Get a brush!



Ryan Phillipe: Red shades? Oh hell naw!



My Little Pony Parker: Her nappy hair looked like it could house a family of birds!



Mandy Moore: Linebacker





Fishsticks: Totally borrowed that dress from the Pride & Prejudice costume closet.



Pamela Anderson: Hepatitis has entered the building!




Ellen Pompeo: Little Ho on the Carpet



Nicolette Sheridan: Dress by Windsor Fashions



Charlize Theron: Pretty hair, gross dress. It looked like it was attacking her neck and BITCH was STONED!





Heidi Klum: Needed to be beamed outta there!





Alanis Morissette: Her song was named "Wunderkind" because we were all "wundering" if that is a dude or not.



Mimi: More to come on this bitch



Jenny McCarthy: See Pamela Anderson

Vincent Gallo is Still Hawking His Sperm

It seems that Vincent Gallo has been trying to sell his own sperm for like 10 years now. It doesn't look like anybody is interesting in buying it. That isn't stopping him from being extremely picky. He seems to not want to sell his sperm to anybody that ISN'T white.

His site says:

"Mr. Gallo maintains the right to refuse sale of his sperm to those of extremely dark complexions,"

"Under the laws of the Jewish faith, a Jewish mother would qualify a baby to be deemed a member of the Jewish religion. This would be added incentive for Mr. Gallo to sell his sperm to a Jew mother, his reasoning being with the slim chance that his child moved into the profession of motion picture acting or became a musical performer, this connection to the Jewish faith would guarantee his offspring a better chance at good reviews and maybe even a prize at the Sundance Film Festival or an Oscar."

"Mr. Gallo is 5-11 and has blue eyes. There are no known genetic deformities in his ancestry (no cripples) and no history of congenital diseases. If you have seen 'The Brown Bunny' [in which Gallo appeared nude in a sex scene], you know the potential size of the genitals if it's a boy . . . I don't know exactly how a [well-endowed] father can enhance the physical makeup of a female baby, but it can't hurt.

"Mr. Gallo also presently maintains a distinctively full head of hair and at the age of 43 has surprisingly few gray hairs. Though his features are sharp and extreme, they would probably blend well with a softer, more subtly featured female."

Vincent is asking $1 Million for his sperm. Yeah, that's dollars not pesos.

If any of you are interested in wasting your cash like that, click here or you can just e-mail me and I'll sell you mine for like $10 and a bucket of a chicken.

Oh! Also, click here for a pic of what he calls his "well endowed." You can't really tell, because that scab, Chloe Sevigny's lips are all over it!

The Dlisted Report

Brokeback Mountain cleaned up at The Golden Globe Awards last night, but didn't score any acting awards. Click here for a full list.

Jason Statham will star in Rogue with Jet Li in the title role. The storyline centers on Jack Crawford (Statham), whose partner Tom Lone and Lone's family are killed by an assassin for the Chang crime family. Crawford becomes obsessed with finding the elusive and brutal killer, Rogue (Li). Shooting begins this March in Vancouver. [Production Weekly]

The computer animated Hoodwinked was the surprise #1 film at the box office this weekend. The film brought in $16.6 Million narrowly missing the top spot from Glory Road which wasn't far behind at $16.5 Million. Last Holiday came in at #3 with $15.7 Million. [Box Office Mojo]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

Smell my fingers and guess which was my pretty daughter - Bukake

[Thanks to Jeff]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Emma Samms

Birthday Sluts

Betty White (84)
Zooey Deschanel (26)
Freddy Rodriguez (31)
Kid Rock (35)
Bart Freundlich (36)
Naveen Andrews (37)
Jim Carrey (44)
Denis O'Hare (44)
Susanna Hoffs (47)
Steve Harvey (50)
Muhammad Ali (64)
James Earl Jones (75)
Eartha Kitt (79)

Michael K's Golden Globe Predictions!

The Golden Globe Pre-Show is on right now. Ryan Seacrest looks like such a flamer as usual. Use this post to dish as the night goes on. I've listed my predictions below. You know my shit is going to be way off. Happy Golden Globes!

BEST MOTION PICTURE - DRAMA

BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
THE CONSTANT GARDENER
GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK
A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE
MATCH POINT

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE - DRAMA

MARIA BELLO - A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE
FELICITY HUFFMAN - TRANSAMERICA
GWYNETH PALTROW - PROOF
CHARLIZE THERON - NORTH COUNTRY
ZIYI ZHANG - MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE - DRAMA

RUSSELL CROWE - CINDERELLA MAN
PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN - CAPOTE
TERRENCE HOWARD - HUSTLE & FLOW
HEATH LEDGER - BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
DAVID STRATHAIRN - GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK

BEST MOTION PICTURE - MUSICAL OR COMEDY

MRS. HENDERSON PRESENTS
PRIDE & PREJUDICE
THE PRODUCERS
THE SQUID AND THE WHALE
WALK THE LINE

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE - MUSICAL OR COMEDY

JUDI DENCH - MRS. HENDERSON PRESENTS
KEIRA KNIGHTLEY - PRIDE & PREJUDICE
LAURA LINNEY - THE SQUID AND THE WHALE
SARAH JESSICA PARKER - THE FAMILY STONE
REESE WITHERSPOON - WALK THE LINE

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE - MUSICAL OR COMEDY

PIERCE BROSNAN - THE MATADOR
JEFF DANIELS - THE SQUID AND THE WHALE
JOHNNY DEPP - CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY
NATHAN LANE - THE PRODUCERS
CILLIAN MURPHY - BREAKFAST ON PLUTO
JOAQUIN PHOENIX - WALK THE LINE

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM

KUNG FU HUSTLE (CHINA)
MASTER OF THE CRIMSON ARMOR aka THE PROMISE (CHINA)
MERRY CHRISTMAS (JOYEUX NOEL) (FRANCE)
PARADISE NOW (PALESTINE)
TSOTSI (SOUTH AFRICA)

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE

SCARLETT JOHANSSON - MATCH POINT
SHIRLEY MacLAINE - IN HER SHOES
FRANCES McDORMAND - NORTH COUNTRY
RACHEL WEISZ - THE CONSTANT GARDENER
MICHELLE WILLIAMS - BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE

GEORGE CLOONEY - SYRIANA
MATT DILLON - CRASH
WILL FERRELL - THE PRODUCERS
PAUL GIAMATTI - CINDERELLA MAN
BOB HOSKINS - MRS. HENDERSON PRESENTS

BEST DIRECTOR - MOTION PICTURE

WOODY ALLEN - MATCH POINT
GEORGE CLOONEY - GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK
PETER JACKSON - KING KONG
ANG LEE - BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
FERNANDO MEIRELLES - THE CONSTANT GARDENER
STEVEN SPIELBERG - MUNICH

BEST SCREENPLAY - MOTION PICTURE

WOODY ALLEN - MATCH POINT
GEORGE CLOONEY & GRANT HESLOV - GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK
PAUL HAGGIS & BOBBY MORESCO - CRASH
TONY KUSHNER & ERIC ROTH - MUNICH
LARRY McMURTRY & DIANA OSSANA - BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE - MOTION PICTURE

ALEXANDRE DESPLAT - SYRIANA
JAMES NEWTON HOWARD - KING KONG
GUSTAVO SANTAOLALLA - BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
HARRY GREGSON-WILLIAMS - THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE LION, THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE
JOHN WILLIAMS - MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA

BEST ORIGINAL SONG - MOTION PICTURE

"A LOVE THAT WILL NEVER GROW OLD" - BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
Music by: Gustavo Santaolalla
Lyrics by: Bernie Taupin

"CHRISTMAS IN LOVE" - CHRISTMAS IN LOVE
Music by: Tony Renis
Lyrics by: Marva Jan Marrow

"THERE'S NOTHING LIKE A SHOW ON BROADWAY" - THE PRODUCERS
Music & Lyrics by: Mel Brooks

"TRAVELIN' THRU" - TRANSAMERICA
Music & Lyrics by: Dolly Parton
"WUNDERKIND" - THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE LION, THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE
Music & Lyrics by: Alanis Morissette

BEST TELEVISION SERIES - DRAMA

COMMANDER IN CHIEF (ABC)
GREY'S ANATOMY (ABC)
LOST (ABC)
PRISON BREAK (FOX)
ROME (HBO)

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES - DRAMA

PATRICIA ARQUETTE - MEDIUM
GLENN CLOSE - THE SHIELD
GEENA DAVIS - COMMANDER IN CHIEF
KYRA SEDGWICK - THE CLOSER
POLLY WALKER - ROME

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES - DRAMA

PATRICK DEMPSEY - GREY'S ANATOMY
MATTHEW FOX - LOST
HUGH LAURIE - HOUSE
WENTWORTH MILLER - PRISON BREAK
KIEFER SUTHERLAND - 24

BEST TELEVISION SERIES - MUSICAL OR COMEDY

CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM (HBO)
DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES (ABC)
ENTOURAGE (HBO)
EVERYBODY HATES CHRIS (UPN)
MY NAME IS EARL (NBC)
WEEDS (SHOWTIME)

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES - MUSICAL OR COMEDY

MARCIA CROSS - DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES
TERI HATCHER - DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES
FELICITY HUFFMAN - DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES
EVA LONGORIA - DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES
MARY-LOUISE PARKER - WEEDS

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES - MUSICAL OR COMEDY

ZACH BRAFF - SCRUBS
STEVE CARELL - THE OFFICE
LARRY DAVID - CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM
JASON LEE - MY NAME IS EARL
CHARLIE SHEEN - TWO AND A HALF MEN
BEST MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

EMPIRE FALLS (HBO)
INTO THE WEST (TNT)
LACKAWANNA BLUES (HBO)
SLEEPER CELL (SHOWTIME)
VIVA BLACKPOOL (BBC AMERICA)
WARM SPRINGS (HBO)
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MINI-SERIES OR A MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

HALLE BERRY - THEIR EYES WERE WATCHING GOD
KELLY MacDONALD - THE GIRL IN THE CAFÉ
S. EPATHA MERKERSON - LACKAWANNA BLUES
CYNTHIA NIXON - WARM SPRINGS
MIRA SORVINO - HUMAN TRAFFICKING

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MINI-SERIES OR A MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

KENNETH BRANAGH - WARM SPRINGS
ED HARRIS - EMPIRE FALLS
JONATHAN RHYS MEYERS - ELVIS
BILL NIGHY - THE GIRL IN THE CAFÉ
DONALD SUTHERLAND - HUMAN TRAFFICKING

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

CANDICE BERGEN - BOSTON LEGAL
CAMRYN MANHEIM - ELVIS
SANDRA OH - GREY'S ANATOMY
ELIZABETH PERKINS - WEEDS
JOANNE WOODWARD - EMPIRE FALLS

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

NAVEEN ANDREWS - LOST
PAUL NEWMAN - EMPIRE FALLS
JEREMY PIVEN - ENTOURAGE
RANDY QUAID - ELVIS
DONALD SUTHERLAND - COMMANDER IN CHIEF

Is She Really Pregnant?!

TomKat went to another one of Isabella's soccer games yesterday in Los Angeles. I can't help but notice that Katie's bump is always changing. Even in these sets of pictures, sometimes it's big and sometimes it's hardly noticeable. She's supposed to be about 6-8 months pregnant.

She's going to give birth to a 600-thread-count pillow.

Flavor of Love: The Case of the Missing Jacket

The episode starts out with Hottie saying that she will cut up a bitch's jacket, clothes or whatever in order to win this show. All of the other girls were pretty shocked and didn't think this shit was hot. Remember this, you'll need this information for later.



Flavor Flav announces that 5 chicks will go with him to visit some old friends. The girls get all ghetto-ed up.



What happened to that bitches pant leg? Did a dog eat em or some shit. Hottie probably cut em up. So the "old friends" up being some old people. I love how Sweetie thought they were going to meet Madonna. That bitch is dumb.



What the fuck is New York wearing? For serious, she's a dude. She is. I'm going to claim this shit now. Chick has a dick. She totally freaks out when an old lady asks her to put some of her dentures in.



New York gets grossed out by it and runs for the parking lot. Sweetie gets down and gets the job done!



Because Sweetie helped that lady handle her business she won a romantic dinner at a luxurious restaurant: Red Lobster. Hells yeah! You know I'm down like that. That is some fine dining.



Flavor Flav eating some lobster truly made me vom.



At the end of the dinner he tells Sweetie he wants to get his kiss on with her. She fucking gets grossed out. I can't say I blame her.



Back at the house, some hot shit goes down. New York's "jacket" is somehow missing and of course she blames that bitch Hottie. She did say she would cut up a bitch's jacket. Hottie of course denies that shit.



She tells us that if she did take New York's jacket she would admit it.

She said: "Yes, I took your jacket and I threw it on the street and I drove over it with my car."

Damn, that's cold. New York responds with: "How are you going to pay for my jacket bitch? Cash, credit or charge?"

Well, where I come from credit and charge are the same thing.









But, the big laughs come when Hottie tells the girls: "You may hate on me, but all my friends tell me I look like Beyonce."

You be the judge:







Goldie has the quote of the evening: "Hottie. Mental Institution. Crazy"

New York thinks that Hottie looks more like Luther Vandross, I think she's right



For the second date the girls get into their finest again. What is that bitch on the left wearing? Where do they buy these fucking clothes?



The date is boring as usual. Right before the elimination ceremony, Red Oyster tells Flav that Serious is only in it to further her modeling career. Because Flav has all the connections in the modeling world. She's so Mata Hari!



Serious gets sent home. Thankfully Hottie and New York don't!

The $1.99 Hair Weave

As worn by newly engaged Brittany Murphy! So, looks like her weave budget was pulled back in order to purchase that rock.

Hot Slut of 2005: Part Deux

Thanks to all of you for voting for the first part of our search for Dlisted's Hot Slut of 2005. I have 12 lovely sluts in front of me, but sadly only 6 pictures. The 6 sluts joining me for the second part of our search is:

Margaret Perrin
Bai Ling
Estelle Getty
Bobbi Kristina Brown
Tila Tequila
Dorian Lord

This is the finals y'all! You will vote for your favorite at the right sidebar. The winner will be announced next Monday!

Eva LongWHORIA isn't that Bad without makeup!

She actually looks better. Don't get me wrong, she still looks like a used-up border hooker from the 80s...but just not AS USED. She kind of reminds me of this chick I knew in High School that had like 9 abortions. Yeah Eva totally has abortion face.

Kevin Federline Quote of the Day!

on his music-

"I believe that no matter what, if it's real and people feel it, that's what it is, it doesn't matter.

"They'll look past what I look like if they know I'm pouring my soul out on this and I'm serious about it. It's not like I think this is a joke. It's not a joke to me.

"This is my emotion, this is everything, the past two years where I haven't said anything or came out and talked to anybody, I held it all in here so I can do this."

No, It's Not Kimbo Stewart's Face!

These hoofs belong to Courtney Love!



I guess when you're detoxing from crack, all the poison falls to your feet. I think her heels have hemorrhoids. Is that even possible?

Brittany Murphy Gets a Rock!

And it's not a crack rock we're talking about. Brittany Murphy has gotten engaged to some dude named Joseph Macaluso. The two met while working on that horrific cinematic flop Little Black Book. He was a production assistant which means he probably made several trips to the Lower East Side to buy her crack.

The two got engaged over Christmas.

[People]

Afternoon Crumbs

Barbie Whores [City Rag]

Parasite Hilton's mom is the original party girl. [Hollywood Rag]

Sienna Miller looks beyond fug. [Just Jared]

Why is Jessica Alba so damn hot? [Egotastic!]

Nick Lachey is scared of his own emotions. [IDLYITW]

Please tell me Matt and Ben are not remaking Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. [Gabsmash]

I think Stacy Kiebler is one of my favorite dancing stars! [Hollywoodtuna]

Rip Taylor's face looks like a vagina. [The Bastardly]

You Know She's Not Eating That Shit!

Nicole Richie is picking up a taco here. She's not even thinking about eating that shit. And even if she did eat it, that would be like her breakfast-lunch-and-dinner.

William Bradley Pitt

Angelina Jolie and Bradley Pitt have reportedly already picked out a name for their baby if it's a boy. Their kid is due this May and the two will name him William.

A source said: 'Brad's parents, Bill and Jane, were worried the baby would be called something new-fangled. '

But Brad's an old-fashioned guy and wants to show his Pops how much he means to him.' 'Angelina feels that such an all-American name is a true reflection of the rainbow family from all different backgrounds that she craves.'

Rainbow family? She's missing a fucking latino! Get on that shit Brangelina.

Oh and expect a name-change at the eleventh hour. You know Angie's not gonna have a baby with the average name of William.

[Monsters and Critics]

I Love Bombay Dreams Y'all!

Brit Brit Spears and SPF shared a spiritual journey yesterday in Malibu. They attended a special Indian ceremony at a temple near their home. Brit was photographed without her wedding ring for the second time sparking rumors that her marriage is over. Her fingers probably just got too fat.

The look on SPF's face is always says: "What have I gotten myself into?"

A Wax Brad

That hair is fugly shit!

Is He Crazy?!

Michael Jackson is such a big fan of 50 Cent that he's planning to attend the London premiere of Get Rich or Die Tryin. He first must make sure that it's safe enough for him to attend. Will it ever be safe?

A source said: "Michael really wants to go but it's up to security to decide if it will be safe enough on the night."

I didn't know Jacko was down like that. Thankfully for him it's the London premiere and not the Detroit premiere or that bitch's white face will be embedded in the concrete.

[Female First]

Jordan Continues to Whore Herself!

Damn, Jordan is holding signings for her workout DVD everywhere. There's nowhere she won't hold a signing, trust me. But this time Peter Andre decided to join her to up the trash quotient. I love the hoodie without the shirt, real sexy. They actually make such a beautiful pair. I think there's so much grease between them that they don't look AS greasy. It's a freak of nature. Oh and I'd hit Andre.

Blind Items...I Guess...You Guess...

WHICH pop-singing sensation likes to troll the Internet for gay quickies? After one unsafe session, his homo hook-up contacted a tabloid to sell his sordid story and offered a DNA-encrusted washcloth as proof. If the truth comes out, the singing idol's fans, mostly middle-aged housewives, will be very upset.

Clay Aiken

WHICH Oscar-winning actor is repeatedly unfaithful? He sleeps around so much, it's taking a toll on his long-suffering wife, a former beauty now looking stressed-out.

Russell Crowe

WHICH handsome network anchorman was holding hands with his former girlfriend, a model/actress, in Toronto? It wouldn't matter - if he hadn't reconciled with his wife.

Matt Lauer

Tom's Special Present to Katie!

Tom Cruise gave Katie Holmes a very special gift for her 27th Birthday. He gave her a DVD collection with every movie he's ever been in.

A source said: "Each was inscribed with a special handwritten love message to the future mother of his child."

You know Katie just smiled and thanked him. Cheap bastard. He didn't even pay for that shit! I wonder what he gives his boyfriends for their birthday?

[Contact Music]

Sean Lennon & HoHan? Gross

HoHan is currently shooting Chapter 27 in New York. The film is a detailed account of the days leading up to the murder of John Lennon. Jared Leto also stars as Lennon's killer. HoHan has apparently become quite close to John Lennon's son, Sean Lennon during shooting. The two shared a romantic dinner at NYC's Bette sparking rumors that the two may be dating.

Please, they aren't dating. HoHan will sleep with him though, because having Lennon jizz inside her is consider research.

[Mirror]

Felicity Huffman Searches for the Perfect Penis

Felicity Huffman is currently in theaters starring in Transamerica where she plays a male-to-female transexual. Felicity said that before shooting started she had a difficult time tracking down the perfect penis to use for filming.

She said: "We were on our second day of shooting, trying on some undergarments, when I realized something was missing.

"I had to visit loads of sex shops before I found a realistic looking flaccid penis."

She named her new friend Andy after the costume assistant's shithead boyfriend.

I don't understand why she just didn't ask Teri Snatcher where she got hers?

[Female First]

Is He Going to Write Love Songs for Her Now?

Eminem aka Marshall Mathers married his baby mama Kim Mathers on Saturday in a Detroit suburb. 50 Cent and Obie Trice were guests of the second wedding for both of these bitches (to each other). Guests dined on fine lobster and filet mignon. So fucking typical.

Em's spokeswhore said: "Marshall and Kim Mathers were married tonight in a small, private ceremony at Meadow Brook Hall in Rochester, Mich.,"

They plan to honeymoon later this year. Um..what a tricky dicky Em is. He knows for a fact these two will be broken up by then so he purposely told her that so he won't have to pay up for a honeymoon!

[People]

Isn't Superman Such a Fag?

Below is director Bryan Singer (openly a fag) and Kevin Spacey (not openly a fag) on his last day of shooting. You know those two tag-teamed Brandon Routh at least once.

The Dlisted Report

Vinnie Jones has joined the cast of Rush Hour 3. The film will reunite Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker. Brett Ratner will once again direct with shooting to begin this summer in Paris and the United States. The film will be released sometime in 2007. [Coming Soon]

Michelle Trachtenburg will topline a remake of the horror film Black Christmas.
The story follows a killer who terrorizes a sorority house with phone calls before he begins to murder the various sisters of the house during the annual Christmas holiday break. Shooting begins this month in Vancouver. [Production Weekly]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

Fag hags - GG's Avatar

Hot Slut of the Day!

Eartha Kitt

Birthday Sluts

Kate Moss (32)
Trent Ford (27)
Greg Strause (31)
Jill Sobule (45)
Sade (47)
Debbie Allen (56)
John Carpenter (58)
Dr. Laura Schlessinger (59)

Yup, Another Recent Pic of Whitney Houston

Oh my Jesus....

I can't...

Damn, I gotta go clean something...

No words...

Hot Slut of the Week: Shari Belafonte

Age: 51
Birthday: September 22, 1954
Birth Name: Shari Belafonte

Original Date of Hot Slut of the Day: January 13, 2006
Claim to Fame: She's the daughter of Harry Belafonte and star of the TV show Hotel.

Where is he now? Doesn't she do like infomercials or something?

Why is he Hot Slut of the Week? Because I've never seen anything she's been in, but I still laugh my ass off whenever I hear her name.