Trying to be a Femme Fatale

Sadly, she's as sexy as a monkey in pampers. This were taken at the Golden Globe party last night in Los Angeles. Someone should tell her to quit the sexy. It's rather pathetic.

I Double Dog Dare You...

...to say one nice thing about this Jay Leno look-a-like. Shit, if you can you're a better person than I am. The only nice thing I can say about her is that she's making a lot of people skinny, because one look at her mug and you're running for the toilet! Fuck bulimia, HoHan should just hang with Haylie.

These Rags are So Dramatic!

Although, I would love to see Jennifer Aniston wedding crash Angie and Brad's special day - I don't think it's going to happen. Maddox is a different case, however.

Eminem Marrying Today for the Fiftieth Time!

Eminem will marry his on-and-off again girlfriend/ex-wife Kim Mathers today in Detroit. Marshall and Kim have already purchased a marriage license to tie the knot for the second time. These bitches are crazy, Kim especially. Why does she keep going back to a man that has told her in song that he wants to kill her ass?! Oh hell no.

Anyway, we wish them all the luck in the world and we'll be there for them when they break-up like a Pinto in a car crash in about 6 weeks.

[Blogging Baby] [Thanks to Dawn]

The Haiti Adventure

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are in Haiti as we all know it. They are there with Wyclef Jean doing some kind of charity work, right? These are some good pics of them. They actually look quite nice and happy. I love the picture blow of this little girl.

"Angie, I know your game. Don't fuck with me. Your vagina don't do shit for me." - Little Girl in Blue













Click here to see some more pics of these bitches!

Adrianne Curry on Playboy

I think the oatmeal I'm about to eat is more exciting than her!

Hot Slut of the Day!

Jo-Anne Knowles from Mile High

[For Dunkin Dougenuts]

Birthday Sluts

LL Cool J (38)
Mikalah Gordon (18)
Kristin Cavallari (19)
Angela Lindvall (27)
Karen Elson (27)
Jason Bateman (37)
Emily Watson (39)
Steven Soderbergh (43)
Faye Dunaway (65)

Heath Gets a Facial!

Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams were promoting their film Brokeback Mountain Heath's home country of Australia when photographers decided to shower him with water. Hmmm...deja vu? The photogs did this in retaliation at Heath, because of the way he has treated them recently. Photographers claim they have been spat at, abused and had their property damaged by the actor.

So the best they could do is shoot him with a water pistol? If some bitch spat at me, there is no way I'm going to get back at them with just a super soaker. Let's hope this fuels Heath's fire and causes him to create even more drama on their asses. Those are the best kind of pictures.

Poor Michelle, she's just a frail thing.





[Ireland Online] [Pics: JJB]

Angie & Brad in Haiti!

Doesn't she totally look like a mail-order Russian bride being detained by INS?! Anyway, Bradley and Angie are in Haiti probably saving the world as always. Brad is minding his master by staying at least 2 steps behind her. Just like any good concubine....







[JJB]

South Beach: I Give it 3 Weeks

I had high hopes for this primetime soap opera which premiered last night on the respected UPN. I mean JLo, Vanessa Williams, drugs, murder...what more could one want? Well, some average writing would help. That shit was written in like 25-minutes AND it was a 2-hour episode!

I'm not going to bore with you petty details, but basically Vanessa Williams should get in the unemployment line now.

Here's two of my favorite lines from the so show uttered by the rejected Miss America:

"South Beach is like Madonna's image, it's always changing."

and

"South Beach WILL EAT YOU ALIVE."

One more thing, what was up with Vanessa's son?! He looked like he was 16-years-old but he was supposed to be like the main mack daddy of the show. Maybe she wanted a younger looking dude, so her ass won't look so old.

Sigh, guess we'll have to wait a little while longer for the next Melrose Place.

For a more detailed summary head over to Jossip.

Parasite Drinks Leprechaun Jizz!

Parasite Hilton will show up to any opening, even the opening of a cereal box! Literally. You know she totally fucked Lucky the Leprechaun. That's probably his berry jizz in the bowl that she's about to gulp on.

A Big DUH!

Did she also confirm that she's a fucking bitch?!

[People]

Brownies, Can You Hear Me?!

Babs Streisand is trying to lose weight, but don't expect that one to shell out thousands of dollars on a personal trainer and a chef. Babs is doing it on the cheap: Jenny Craig. Babs may be worth $550 Million, but you won't see her ass paying some bitch to help her get on the skinny. She reportedly weighs 175lbs at 5'5" and is hoping to shed more than 35lbs.

Hey if it worked for Kirstie Alley.

Babs recently told Diane Sawyer: "I've been eating like a pig."

She also banished brownies, ice cream and cupcakes from her kitchen.

Cheap bitch. She should just get gastric-bypass. That's the easy way. That Jenny Craig crap probably tastes like fucking shit. No wonder you lose weight, you don't want to eat!

Besides, she's better on the heavy-side because it detracts from that fucking fugly mug of hers.


[The National Enquirer]

Afternoon Crumbs

Lauren Holly's new tits are disgusting. [Truth, Beauty, Love, and Elisa]

It's the official Angelina Jolie bump watch. [Just Jared]

Somebody please buy Vincent Gallo's jizz already! [Cityrag]

Kate Beckinsale makes me wanna hmm... [Egotastic!]

Young Skinny Rich Hollywood Bitches [Popsugar]

Eva LongWHORIA has a vibrator party. [Hollywood Rag]

I need the Carolyn Murphy sex tape to come out already! [IDLYITW]

Carmen Electra makes things easier. [Hollywood Tuna]

Also BIG congrats to reader Dayanara on her engagement!!!!! Bitch, you're getting married!

George Michael Quote of the Day!

"It's okay for a woman to try new styles, but for a man? If I look at David Beckham - he looks fantastic, but permanently changes his look. All I can see is insecurity.

"No matter how great he looks, he is still insecure. Things like that should stop if you reach a certain age."

All It Takes Is One Match!

Nice wig. Shit, even Whitney Houston's wig looks softer than that rathide.

Aniston Was Never Told!

Jennifer Aniston's publicist is denying claims that Brad Pitt told Jen about Angie's pregnancy before news spread. Apparently, there weren't any telephone conversations between Jennifer and Angelina or Jennifer and Brad about the pregnancy.

Her spokeswhore said: "All the reports about phone calls between Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie are completely fabricated."

"I am not getting any more specific than that."

Why should he have to tell her ass anyway? It's none of her beeswax! I bet you Jen's response was like: "I hope she gets really, really fat. Yeah, really fat. Like obese fat and...and..I hope that baby has an ugly--ass-face!"

[People]

KFed is an Amazing Father!

If Access Hollywood was a Jelly Belly flavor, they would be asskiss. Yesterday, they aired an interview with KFed about his life with Britney, being a daddy to SPF and his new CD.

Maria Menounos: "First of all, do we call you K-Fed?"

KFed: "No dude,"

MM: "I'm just kidding. Everywhere I look it says 'K-Fed' and I'm thinking to myself, 'I know he's not doing that.'"

KF: "No, I'm not doing that at all,"

About SPF-

MM: "What do you call him?"

KF: "I call him Sean P. That's my boy. I love it. I get up in the morning with him and he's, like, all ready to play and stuff,"

MM: "What do you play with him?"

KF: "I mean, he's just getting ready to talk is he is 'gooing' and 'gahhing,'"

MM: "Are you 'gooing' and 'gahhing' with him?"

KF: "Oh yeah,"

MM: "How is Kevin when it comes to changing diapers?

KF: "I've got it down to a science. I can do it with one hand tied behind my back with the phone on my ear."

MM: "No way! I'd be covering up if it was a boy. I would hold the diaper on top so you don't get squirted."

KF: "If it's your child, it's different. You don't care about those things. It's so minor. You become a parent and nothing else really matters."

On KFed's single PopoZao-

MM: "What does it mean again? Nice ass? Wait, I mean nice butt. Hold on, do we need to that again? Can I say that on TV?"

KF: "There you go. Nice ass. You can say it on television if it's positive, right?"

MM: "The album is called 'Truth' right?"

KF: "No, no. That's all tabloid rumors. I was thinking of calling it 'Rearranged,'"

MM: "Why?"

KF: "It's time I come out and take control of my situation so I'm rearranging my whole character and letting people know who I am. It's not like everybody knows who I am. You see this picture of me and it says this and that and that's not true."

MM: "Do you have any pictures of Sean Preston with you?"

KF: "Nope,"

More on SPF-

KF: "Yeah. I want to say spoiled as much as it's so easy for him to win me over,"

MM: "Who is going to be the disciplinarian?"

KF: "I will, I will,"

MM: "So does that mean that mom Britney is a pushover when it comes to baby Sean?"

KF: "Oh yeah,"

MM: "She must be so in love with him,"

KF: "Oh yeah. We are happy. Love it,"

MM: "Do you guys think you'll have more?"

KF: "We'll have to see about that one,"

So basically from this interview, we learned that KFed is an expert at shit, doesn't want anymore kids with Brit Brit and is going to have the dumbest album of the year. Oh but, PopoZao is my new jam!

[Thanks to JJB]

Scarlett Loves Moss, Moss Thinks She's a Cunt

Scarlett Johansson has joined the bandwagon of Hollywood sluts proclaiming Kate Moss as their style Messiah. I mean come on, anyone can put on flats and leggings and call it fashion.

Scarlett said: "Kate Moss always looks amazing. She always looks great in everything.

"She could wear a black sack and everyone would rush out to buy one."

Seems like Scarlett is feeling the love for Kate. Too bad Kate's BFF HoHan isn't giving the love back to her.

[Contact Music]

The Photoshop Awards: Mimi

You know her face is not that skinny!

Pink is a Lady!

Pink and Carey Hart got hitched last weekend in Costa Rica. Here are some wedding and honeymoon pics from this retarded special occasion. Pink actually looks like a lady and not a lesbian-truck-stop-ho.

Pink was also so afraid that people would find out about the wedding that she kept her wedding dress in the hotel safe.

A source said: 'Pink didn't want details leaking out and spoiling the big day for Carey and their guests.'

Yeah Pink looks like that really worked. You really outsmarted the photographers this time. You should freelance at Scotland Yard!










[Monsters and Critics]

Dellen Cruise

TomKat joked to Ellen Degeneres that they would named their alien baby "Dellen" if it's a boy. They weren't joking. They will name that kid Dellen as long as Ellen sells her soul to them. There's probably some fucked up Scientology ritual that must involve a lesbian. That's why they went on her show to trap her! Only Portia can save her now!

TomKat are also expected to get hitched this summer after Katie pops their alien heir. I think she's due this coming spring. Damn, these chicks are pregnant for like a couple of years.

[Entertainmentwise]

HoHan's Daddy Speaks!

Michael Lohan is currently locked up on several charges, but he's made time from getting nailed with a broomstick to talk to Star Magazine. He's obviously very concerned for HoHan.

He told them: "Asthma has been a serious problem for her since she was three. She almost died from it when she was five, and one of her cousins died from it at 27."

"I'm very concerned for Lindsay. I'm hearing all these rumors about her partying too much."

Daddy HoHan has no room to talk, he's like a fucking alcoholic and drug addict! He taught that poor girl how to get down. I've heard her song "Confessions of a Broken Heart" I know what she's going through. I feel for her.

She's still a crackhead slut though.

[Female First] [Thanks to Albz]

Friday the 13th is Doing Strange Things to Me!

Normally I'd want to rip Britney a fucking new one. But something in me today wants to be nice to some of these bitches that I normally wouldn't be. What is wrong with me! Somebody slap me hard. Ok, so here's Britney and SPF. He's honestly quite adorable. He's chubby which is cute and he's awake which is cuter. Yes, Britney is trash but she's a mother. OMG, what is wrong with me!?! I can't believe that I'm defending that slag!

That's it, I'm going to go watch scenes from Showgirls right this second to get my bitchiness back!

















[JJB]

Yeah She's Fat, So What?!

Ok Janet Jackson is a chub and who cares. After years of working out 24/7, starving herself, having ribs removed, it's about time she just let it all hang out. Here she is going to the movies and no doubt girlfriend ordered an extra-large popcorn with butter on the bottom, middle and top. She's one of those that asks the employee if she could just fill it halfway so she could put butter on it and then fill up the rest. She kept it real with a Diet Coke. So, for once I'm not going to bag on her being fat. Cause, I think it's hot. Shit I wish I could kick back with a 6-piece fried chicken dinner with all the fixin's!

Adam Levine Must Have Donkey Dick

Maroon 5 singer Adam Levine has been linked to almost every hot, young Hollywood chick. It has been rumored that he's shagged HoHan, Parasite Hilton, Maria Sharapova and Chestica Simpson. But, looks like he's hit the bottom of the barrell with his latest fling. Adam and Kiki Dunst are said to be dating. The two were spotted at Teddy's at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel getting cozy right next to Nicole Richie and Steve-O.

I mean he is SORT of cute, but not like drop dead gorgeous. You know those sluts don't date for personality. So what is it? He either has access to the finest cocaine in the World or he's sporting an 11.

[Page Six]

Courtney Clean?

Courtney Love is said to be clean again after being in and out of rehab the past few years. She's already lost one house in Los Angeles and is close to losing her NYC loft. On a happier note, Courtney has regained custody of her daughter Frances Bean after losing it last year. Courtney is also broke as a joke, but will have money soon when she sells the Nirvana catalog for almost $100 Million.

Don't worry it'll only be a matter of time before she falls off the wagon again. She's addicted to crack! I love this picture of her. It's photoshop work at its best!

[Page Six]

Ladies, Your Dream Has Come True!

The Hoff is single! David Hasselhoff has filed for divorce from his wife for 16 years.

His spokeswhore said: "David Hasselhoff and his wife Pamela Bach have decided to end their marriage due to irreconcilable differences, and he has filed for divorce,"

"The couple have agreed to an amicable settlement. They have been married for l6 years,"

The couple has two teenage daughters.

Finally, there's a new man for Tara Reid!

[People] [Thanks to StacyC]

The Dlisted Report

Jennifer Lopez has signed on to star in Bridge and Tunnel. She will play a high-powered stock trader that relies on a teenager that trades on his home computer. Shooting is expected to begin this spring. No word on yet on the male lead. [Variety]

Todd Graff will direct Sarah Jessica Parker in Slammer. Adam Shankman was originally attached to direct but has left this project to direct the Hairspray movie. Parker plays a pushy publicist who lands in jail. At Sing Sing, she produces an inmate musical. Marc Shaiman will write original songs for the movie. [Variety]

Susan Sarandon will play Queen Nessa in the live and animated feature film Enchanted. The Bill Kelly script centers on a princess-in-waiting who is banished from a classical animation world by a vainglorious queen and dumped into a modern-day, live-action Manhattan. Amy Smart will play the princess and James Marsden will play the prince. Shooting begins this April. [Hollywood Reporter]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

I like BIG puffs to get real high,
You other muthas can't deny,
When a boy walks in wit a itty bitty bag
And crude bong in your face
You get stoned, wanna pull out a toke
'cause you notice that pot was stuffed
Deep in the pipe we're firin'
I'm hooked, can't stop desirin'
Oh baby, I wanna get witcha
Take out my dentures!
Dr. Phil he tried to warn me
But I can see a cloud a-forming! - Stoney Baloney

[Thanks to Bobby]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Shari Belafonte

Birthday Sluts

Orlando Bloom (29)
William Hung (23)
Nicole Eggert (34)
Patrick Dempsey (40)
Penelope Ann Miller (42)
Julia-Louis Dreyfus (45)
Matthew Bourne (46)
Jay McInerney (51)

Sienna Miller Quote of the Day!

On Daisy Wright, the nanny Jude Law had an affair with -

"I'm quite looking forward to the day when our paths will cross, which I know they will,"

"She better live in fear."

Vince Vaughn is a Dweeb!

Why even try and hide? You look more stupid when your dumb ass is hiding. He's not doing a very good job at it anyway. I'm surprise Jen isn't in tears! These were taken the day the world found out Brangelina were having a hot baby.

Jen don't bother looking in the mirror, you're still fug. Nothing has changed.





[JJB]

Woman Shows Up to Her Own Funeral!

A 20yo Argentinean girl went missing after New Year's eve. A few hours later the family got a call from police claiming that she was dead. The woman's mother identified the dead body as her daughter and gave her a funeral the next day!

When the woman finally came back home after only being away 20 hours she walked into her own funeral. Ain't that bitch!

She said: "My parents thought I was this woman because she looked just like me.

"I loved this whole experience, it made me realize how much my friends and family love me and how much they would miss me if I die; that made me feel important!"

Oh hell naw! I'd be so mad at my mom for not knowing her own child. And unless there was a marching band, Celine Dion singing "My Heart Will Go On", 5,000 white roses, 8 million guests and 25 television crews..I probably won't realize that my family and friends cared for me. Shit, I'd be concerned at how quickly they were able to write my ass off!

[Ananova]

Is InTouch on Crack?!

These are exactly the same: FUG!

[Oh No They Didn't]

I Want to Marry Marcia!

She's going to make the hottest bride ever!

[Thanks to DobryDen]

Afternoon Crumbs

Reproductive Girl is nuts! But I love her. [Popbytes]

Brit Brit Spears starts smoking again. [Just Jared]

Celebrity Potheads! [Cityrag]

Dave Navarro is a lover not a fighter. [IDLYITW]

Alicia Keys has abs of steel, but still looks like a dude. [Hollywood Rag]

Paula Abdul gets some poor bitches fired. [Gabsmash]

Elizabeth Hurley needs to shut the fuck up. [Egotastic!]

Cameron and Justin are engaged and surprisingly I don't give a fig. [Bricks and Stones]

Ellen Degeners to be TomKitten's Nanny!

TomKat visited Ellen today on her show. Ellen offered her nanny services to the couple and their conversation went something like this:

Ellen: “Send it over because, babysitting I think is like $12.00 an hour,”

Tom: “Is it really?”

Ellen: “And they will take advantage of you for like $15.00,”

Tom: “Can we negotiate?”

Ellen: “Oh, I'll do it for less.”

Tom probably thought she was being serious. That picture is beyond weird. I think he sent his alien vibrations to hypnotize her. Katie knows what's up.

[Defamer]

George Clooney Describes His Perfect Woman

"The ideal woman is a mixture. She should have Nicole Kidman's laughter, then the personality of Julia Roberts and the aspect of Michelle Pfeiffer, the quintessence of beauty. And finally the ambition of Jennifer Lopez.

"I'll buy into the idea of finding the woman of my dreams. Who knows? Maybe one day."

He forgot to mention "and the dick-sucking skills of Brad Pitt."

[Ananova]

Kelly Ripa Should Lay Off the Botox

I think her face is frozen like that forever. Her Husband seems to like it.

Cindy Crawford Eats Her Own Boogers!

There she goes a digging...let's see what treats she comes up with!



Yeah go a little deeper, the more delicious morsels are usually far in...



Yeah, nothing? Well maybe next time. Damn, guess you'll have to run into the snack shack and get something else that's salty.



And yup we caught you.



It's ok, we like making fun of your ass. Put some shoes on bitch, that's nasty! Gross ass bitch!



[Lime-Light] [Thanks to Superview]

Jordan Does More Hawking!

Jordan and her 12 breasts are busy signing and hawking her latest piece of shit: A DVD Workout Video. It's not available here and probably never will, but you can order your own copy from Amazon UK! She's got an Amanda Peet thing going on here.







[Oh No They Didn't]

So a Homeless Man Walks Into Court...

For the love of Heads and Shoulders wash your hair Pete Doherty! He's going to jail for a while, right?







[Lime-Light]

Posh is in the States?!

Posh Beckham is only thousands of miles away from me instead of well..um...thousands of miles away from me! These pics were taken of Posh in West Hollywood doing a little shopping. Someone tell her that black is slimming and therefore she should stay away from it. Her body is having a bitch of a time supporting that overgrown head of hers.

She's a total bobblehead, but I love her ass still.

Sharon Stone After Vanessa Williams' Leftovers

Sharon Stone is apparently bagging retired L.A. Lakers player Rick Fox. Rick just split up with Vanessa Williams in 2004 after a lengthy marriage. Rick is hoping to keep their love a secret for a little while longer.

A source close to Rick said: "Rick is smitten with her. He is waiting for the opportunity to take her out in public."

Yeah right. She's his secret ho. He doesn't want to be seen with her ass. I bet you they meet at dingy motels and shit. He probably doesn't even buy her ass dinner. I'm not hatin', I'd hit it.

[Female First] [Thanks to Albz]

My Little Pony Parker Has "Lovely" Hoofs!

Chestica With a Black Eye

Maybe I was right! Nick is beating Chestica's ass! Yeah, I got served on that one. Chestica Simpson is seen here leaving Sushi Roku last night looking like she a has shiner on her right eye. She tried her best to hide it with that floppy hat. She probably got dick slapped too hard.

UPDATE - The photo agency that owns the rights to the pics contacted my ass. They have been taken down. But go here to see the pics.

[JJB]

MK Olsen is a Coffee Junkie!

Mary-Kate Olsen has confessed that her addiction to coffee started at a very young age.

She said: "When I was younger, on weekends, my mom would make us pancakes with our initials on them and then a tiny cup of coffee.

"I remember, at 10, sneaking my own coffee and pouring a ton of sugar in and going up to the playroom and drinking it."

So that's when the crack started. Yeah, they always get em when they are young. Actually, I liked to drink coffee when I was that age. Maybe that explains why I only have like 3 braincells. At least she didn't snort freon from the air-conditioner like some people I know! I'm not naming names!

[Contact Music]

Did She Even See That Movie?!

Nicole Kidman is heartbroken after the bombing of Bewitched. She was hoping to make several sequels to the 2005 bomb. The film opened to lukewarm reviews and bombed at the box office.

Nicole said: "I fancied making a few more of those, but the critics killed that idea."

Don't worry Nic, you'll win an award for this one. A Razzie!

[Contact Music]

Aniston VS Maddox

TEAM MADDOX!

[Thanks to Kat]

The Terminator in Trouble?

Arnold Schwarzenegger and his son were involved in a motorcycle crash last weekend near his Brentwood home. The crash occurred when a car pulled out in front of them. Arnold was given 15 stitches for a split lip. His son was treated for minor cuts and bruises.

Police have said that Arnold didn't have the correct license to be driving around in a motorcylce. They are investigating this matter.

Arnold admitted that he never applied for a license, but said he would do so now. You think?

The police aren't NOT looking into this matter. He's the fucking Governor! He could probably kill someone and get away with it.

This is not Arnold's first accident. He had a major motorcycle accident back in 2004. If you ever this bitch on a hog, steer clear!

[Female First]

HoHan & Kate Snort Coke at Scores!

Ok, so there's not evidence that they did..but they were at Scores in NYC early yesterday morning. Scores is a very famous strip club in the city for those of you that don't know. It's a fave of Howard Stern and many other celebs. Anyway, the Ho and the Blo strolled in with several other girlfriends at 2:45am and headed straight for the champagne room. They drank several rounds of vodka shots, rasberry kamikazes and beer.

It didn't take long for the Blo (Kate) to get up on stage and start pole dancing. HoHan not to be outdone quickly joined her!

A source said: "Kate was going wild," "After a few songs, Lindsay jumped on stage with her. They were swinging on the pole with their arms around each other's waists, kissing each other, caressing each other, just acting like strippers. The crowd was cheering them on the whole time. They didn't take off any clothes, but it was very hot."

Kissing each other?!

A photographer managed to catch the last part of their show before the group left at 4am.

He said: "They were both running in and out of the ladies' room a lot,"

"I saw when it was just Lindsay dancing solo and Kate was yelling, 'You're a pro, Lindsay! You should do this for a living!'

"When they left, I went outside, pulled out my camera and asked Lindsay, 'May I please take your picture?' That's when her bodyguard went off. He slammed me against the wall. She jumped in her SUV and got on her cell phone. Kate was already driving away in another car, yelling 'F - - - you!' at me."

Looks like HoHan got over her illness quite quickly. I must say that Kate Moss must be the most UNSEXY stripper ever. She probably just stands there holding the pole while her bony ass sways back and forth.

These two crackheads deserve each other. I hope they OD in each other's arms. Just kidding!

[Page Six] [Thanks to all for sending to me]

Jake Rumor That Proves He's a Fag!

From Popbitch:

Jake Gyllenhaal was in London last week to promote Jarhead. He was without on-off love Kirsten Dunst but quickly had another girl in tow, whom he attempted to impress by telling her he'd also shagged Chelsea Clinton.

Chelsea Clinton?!!!?!

This One's Gonna Stink!

Plot: Novelist Catherine Tramell is once again in trouble with the law, and Scotland Yard appoints psychiatrist Dr. Andrew Glass to evaluate her. Though, like Detective Nick Curran before him, Glass is entranced by Tramell and lured into a seductive game.

Stars: Sharon Stone, David Morrissey, Charlotte Rampling & Hugh Dancy
Directed By: Michael Caton-Jones (Rob Roby, The Jackal)

Due: March 31, 2006

The Dlisted Report

Charlize Theron's The Ice at the Bottom of the World will finally start production later this year after a long development process. "Ice" is set in the Chesapeake Bay, where a Navy captain reluctantly retires for health reasons. After years of neglecting his family while at sea, the grizzled veteran throws his dysfunctional family into chaos. Theron will play one of his daughters, who returns home a heroin addict and the single mother of a mixed-race child. A director has yet to be chosen. [Variety]

The Weinstein Company have signed on for domestic rights to the remake of the 1978 film Piranha. Chuck Russell will direct the film from his own script this spring. The film is set at Arizona's Lake Havasu, a vacation hotspot that turns into an all-you-can-eat buffet when a phalanx of fish swim through a crack in a crater formed by a prehistoric eruption at the bottom of the lake. No casting has been announced. [Variety]

Giovanni Ribisi has joined the cast of Perfect Strangers. Halle Berry currently stars in the thriller. The James Foley-directed film is set in the world of Internet intrigue, where Berry plays a woman who goes undercover both online and off to investigate a friend's murder. Ribisi will play an IT wiz who helps Berry's character out. [The Hollywood Reporter]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

Rendered useless by Angie, Brad Pitt's ballsac ran away and joined the circus - ginger d'anus

Hot Slut of the Day!

Andy Griffith

Birthday Sluts

Olivier Martinez (40)
Heather Mills (38)
Rob Zombie (40)
Simon Russell Beale (45)
Oliver Platt (46)
Christiane Amanpour (48)
Howard Stern (52)
Kirstie Alley (55)
Rush Limbaugh (55)
Wayne Wang (57)

Jake & Natalie Used to Kick It?

Who knew?! I didn't it. I feel so out of it. These pics are from 2002 and are of Jake Gyllenhaal and Natalie Portman hanging out at some park in Los Angeles. I guess they used to date for like a split second. So, Nat was his first official beard? How sweet, that's a nice title to have.

He totally downgraded with Kiki. Natalie's kind of dork. I'm into that.









[JJB]

Whitney, Take a Nap!

Yes! This is a recent photo of Whitney Houston. Apparently crack ISN'T wack, because this bitch is still on it. She's holding tons of candy she brought from some school kids. Yeah, "candy" is right. I know how those school kids roll. They are selling some dime bags to her ass in candy wrappers. I have skid marks in my undies that look better than her. Just kidding, I don't skid! Yeah right.

[The National Enquirer] [Thanks to WHbuff & Jason]

We're Your Dreamgirls...

Here are the first shots of Beyonce and Jamie Foxx on the set of Dreamgirls in Los Angeles. Yes those are wigs. I hope so anyway. Jamie Fox and Marc Anthony totally have the same hair. Oh and don't worry, Hollywood is gonna screw this one up big time!

Heath Ledger Quote of the Day!

On two theaters in Utah refusing to show Brokeback Mountain -

“Personally, I don’t think the movie is [controversial] but I think maybe the Mormons in Utah do. I think it’s hilarious and very immature of a society,”

[Thanks to Mouse & DDe]

Afternoon Crumbs

HoHan carries around her own Vanity Fair. I thought they were lying bitches? [Egotastic!]

Guy Pearce as Andy Warhol! [JustJared]

Jacko accused of molestation again! It was bound to happen. [Hollywood Rag]

Brit Brit is still trashy. [Popsugar]

Nick Lachey wants Jessica Alba. Keep dreaming motherfucker. [Celeboganda!]

Mr. Blackwood totally missed Trina for his worst dressed list. [Crunk and Disorderly]

Orlando Gloom [BritBoy in L.A.]

I love the clapper! [FourFour]

The Hot Slut of the Year!!!

Now is the time to vote on Dlisted's Hot Slut of 2005! This is the most coveted title in the world! Below is a list of each slut and the month she won. Click on her name to see a small bio on her ass just in case you don't know who any of them are. Next week, the 6 with the top votes will go on to compete against each other in an ugly battle for the top spot!

The winning woman will receive...um...well..she'll get....a fucking hot title and...um...errr...yeah she'll get a hot title!

Happy Voting!

January - Dorian Lord
February - Leslie Easterbrook
March - Bai Ling
April - Kyra Sundance & Chalcy
May - Leona Helmsley
June - Carol Channing
July - Angelyne
August - Jackie Stallone
September - Bobbi Kristina Brown
October - Estelle Getty
November - Margaret Perrin
December - Tila Tequila

UPDATE - I must be on crack! Yeah I am. You can vote for HSL of the Year at the top right! There's a poll going. Sorry sluts!

Lezzies!

Penny Cruz and Salma Hayek are seen here at the French premiere of their film Bandidas. You know these two are boning. I think Salma's the top. Actually, I'd love to see them bone. It's probably all passionate and wet and shit. I'm into that.





[Lime-Light]

Scarlett is a Slut and Thinks Jonathan is a Fag!

Scarlett Johansson doesn't believe in monogamy. She would rather slut it up with several different partners. And why not?

She said: "“I don'’t think human beings are monogamous creatures by nature. When I decide I want to have children with somebody I think it would be nice to be married to that person. "

She also brushed off rumors that she's dated Match Point co-star Jonathan Rhys-Meyers.

"“He'’s a fantastic actor, intense, gorgeous and funny, “But I can say for sure I never had a passionate encounter with him. He'’s a really sexy, brooding guy but he'’s very gossipy. He likes shoes and it was like having a girlfriend on the set."

She forgot to say "and he totally showed me the correct way to suck dick! He showed me on Woody!"

[The Scoop] [Thanks to monsteratomic]

Angelina Jolie For St. John

BORING! How I miss Kelly Gray! What's happened to her? Those old St. John ads were so fucking amazing. Pure glamour! Bring back Kelly!

Mimi is a Hot Piece!

A hot piece of THICK fried chicken! But still hot. Yeah, Mimi is thick but you gotta admit that she looks pretty hot here. Given her fashion tragedies of the past few weeks, you must give her some slack.

I'd hit it.



[The Bosh]

Charlotte Lurch's Crotch is Hungry!

CZJ is in her own world as always. She better watch out, because Charlotte's crotch is going for her next!

P.S. - CZJ and Charlotte are working on a film project called Coming Out. CZJ is starring and producing and Charl is doing the theme song. Tragic.

Madge is Brainwashing Apple!

Fishsticks' daughter, Apple demands to hear the song Hung Up by Madge all the time.

She said: "She demands to hear 'Hung Up' by 'Dadonna' over and over."

This just goes to show you that Madge's songs are for toddlers.

[Female First]

Angelina's Huge!

DAMN! How did she hide that shit?! Look at Maddox, he's secretly plotting! Actually, me thinks this may be photoshopped!

[JJB]

Colin Farrell Keeps Us From His Privates!

Colin Farrell has shut down a website which showed his sex tape to the internet. The website (dirtycolin.com) surfaced yesterday and promised that for $14.99 you'd see Colin banging Playboy playmate Nicole Narain. Colin and Nicole joined forces to immediately have the site shut down.

Colin's spokeswhore said: "A website attempting to distribute an unauthorized tape of Colin Farrell was shut down. Mr. Farrell will take legal action against anyone who tries to distribute this tape."

So it may be a while before we see the tape again. Although, some bitches must've downloaded it while it was still up. I'm sure a bootlegged copy is going to hit the swapping services any minute now.

You know that Nicole bitch totally leaked it!

For screencaps of the video click here!

[Female First]

The Tinkerbell Bag!

Handbag designer James Piatt got an idea for a bag when he heard that Peta was upset with Parasite Hilton for totally kicking Tinkerbell to the curb and getting a new and smaller dog named Bambi. He decided to create the Tinkerbell bag!

He said: "I thought about what PETA said. Then I noticed how everybody imitated Paris out on the street - dozens of people carrying around little cats and dogs like accessories. It seems like the oddest trend."

The leather handbag sells for $175 on his website.

Expect that stupid bitch Parasite to carry one any day now. She fucking loves anything to do with herself. She totally doesn't get the joke though.

[Sundae Best]

Naomi Campbell: Mortician

Naomi Campbell used to be deathly afraid of..well death. Yeah right, that bitch has killed enough people to be best girlfriends with the grim reaper. Anyhow, she conquered her fear in a very odd way. Mary Blackwell, who was the mother of Island Records founder Chris Blackwell passed away last year. Naomi considered her a mother, probably because her own mother broke off with her ass.

At the funeral of Mary, Naomi hated the way they did Mary's make-up. Well, she had to hate something. So, what did she do? She did the make-up herself!

She said: "The funeral home had done this makeup for her, it was awful,"

"I wiped it off her, redid everything, fixed her hair. I've never spent so much time with a body before," "It was a big learning experience because it made me not afraid of death anymore."

This even makes me more afraid of this bitch. She's fucking bananas! You know she was talking to Mary while reapplying her make-up. Creepy bitch!

[Page Six]

These Boots are Made for Whorin'

Last night, Chestica Simpson performed at the prestigious People's Choice Awards. That award show sucks Tara Reid's ballsack! Anyhow, Chestica did that tired ass song from Dukes of Hazzard. She sang like shit, looked like shit and danced like shit. However, the highlight of the evening came when George Lopez served her ass while she was watching.

He said: "The producers wanted to apologize to Nick Lachey, who could not be here because they didn't need any more seat fillers."

The camera panned to Chestica who looked pretty uneasy.

George then said to her: "Hey, that makes up for The Dukes of Hazzard."







WIG CHANGE! Yeah she won some stupid award for dicksucker of the year or something.

The Beckhams Go Shopping!

David Beckham decided to take his skeletal-wife, Posh on a little shopping spree in Madrid. I love how he's practically dragging her along. Are they doing a scavenger hunt? Why are they running? I bet you Posh thinks scavenger hunts are so cute.

I love her, but she's been looking pretty haggard lately. She dresses expensive, but her face is just a mess. Posh please take a nap and eat a two-piece. You'll thank me later.





[Smart]

What Does Maddox Think of All of This?

Now that we know Angelina Jolie is knocked up with Brad Pitt's sperm...my first reaction is to think about King Maddox. What's going through his little head? I think first he was pissed, then he was sad, and now he's all about revenge.

Spokeswhores for both Brad and Angie have confirmed the pregnancy. Angie told some worker in Santo Domingo and that bitch told the world. The baby is due this summer. Let's name it Jenny-boy.

So let's get back to King Maddox. Things are going to change for this golden child. For one, he's going to have to walk more. Something he's really not fond of. Two he probably is just starting to accept Zahara and now he has to deal with another bitch! He's totally going to try and smother Jenny-boy with a pillow! Just kidding, he'll just put a little rat poison in its formula.

I really am concerned for KM. I'm sure he has a plan in effect as we speak.

A call to his spokeswhore was not returned.

The Dlisted Report

Julia Roberts is in early talks to join Charlie Wilson's War. This would be her first onscreen role since 2004's Ocean's Twelve. Tom Hanks is currently starring and producing the film. Mike Nichols is in talks to direct. Hanks declared last year that he'd play Charlie Wilson, the rogue Texas congressman who oversaw the covert funding of the Afghan rebels in their battle against the Soviet Union. Roberts is in talks to play Joanne Herring, a big-haired and beautiful Texas socialite who influenced Wilson to support the rebel cause. [Variety]

Joaquin Phoenix has joined the cast of We Own the Night. The crime story, written by Gray, is set against the turbulent world of Russian organized crime and an embattled NYC Police Department in the 1980s. A Russian narcotics gang has a hit list of NYPD officers and it is up to Joseph, a night club manager to save his brother Bobby and father who are next on this list. Robert Duvall and Eva Mendes are also in talks to star with shooting beginning next month in New York. [Production Weekly]

BET has purchased Lil' Kim's reality show Countdown to Lockdown which will follow the days leading up to Kim serving time for perjury. No word yet on when the 6-episode series will air. [Reality Blurred]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

Doctors prepare to insert Parasite Hilton's new glass eye to replace the lazy one. - Kellie

[Thanks to FB Joe & Karen]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Sandra Oh

Birthday Sluts

Stanley Tucci (46)
Nadia Turner (29)
Amanda Peet (34)
Mary J. Blige (35)
Kyle Richards (37)
Kim Coles (40)
Naomi Judd (60)
Alfonso Arau (74)

It's Official: Angelina's Preggers!

People Magazine has confirmed what we've all known. Angelina is knocked up with Brad's baby.

Angelina Jolie is expecting a baby this summer with Brad Pitt, PEOPLE has confirmed. "Yes, I'm pregnant," Jolie told a charity aid worker in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic, Monday. The pregnancy has since been confirmed by representatives of both stars.

This is the first biological child for Jolie, 30, who is already the mother of son Maddox, 4, whom she adopted from Cambodia, and daughter Zahara, 1, adopted from Ethiopia in July.

I think I can hear Aniston's cries from here.

[People] [Thanks to Bri j and all who sent it to me!]

Gov. Arnold Has the Katie Holmes Disease!

Gov. Arnold revealed his 15 stitches from a bike accident near his home. He shouldn't done that. I think I just swallowed my tongue. This ain't right. If he was my boss I would've sued him for harassment. Don't show up to work looking like this! And get your teefs fixed! Shit you're like an important figure and shit. Ugh, I have to stop.







Hmmm...this reminds me of that Katie Holmes thing. No...hers came from an alien. Wait, maybe an alien drove into Arnold's bike? I smell a conspiracy. No, that's just my feet. Just kidding, that shit smells like gardenias.

Marky Mark Used to Be Hot

Above is Marky Mark when he used to be hot. What did he do to himself? Some In-N-Out is what he did! Below is Marky on the beach with preggers girlfriend Rhea Durham. He looks like an over-the-hill guido. What's with all the tats and the chain? Bitch needs a mystic tan too. His girlfriend isn't famous enough for me to bash her. Ok, she looks fug.

HoHan Appalled By Vanity Fair Article!

Oh please! HoHan has released a statement to Teen People that her words were misconstrued by Vanity Fair. HoHan is not denying her comment about drug use, but says that VF completely twisted her words about having an eating disorder.

HoHan is upset at the current statement she claims she didn't make to VF: "I was making myself sick. I knew I had a problem and I couldn't admit it."

The statement released said: "The words that I gave to the writer for Vanity Fair were misused and misconstrued, and I'm appalled with the way it was done."

"Aside from (the writer's) lies and changing of my words, I am blessed to have this job and wonderful family that I do,"

Vanity Fair shot back with: "Evgenia Peretz is one of our most reliable reporters. Every word Lindsay Lohan told her is on tape. Vanity Fair stands by the story."

Please let VF release the tapes! This bitch needs to be called out. You know she's loving this attention. She probably told the reporter this when she was fucking high!

[JJB]

Are Sienna & Kate BFFs?!?

Sienna Miller is currently looking for a home in England near Kate Moss. Why? Because the two have bonded while both are in the States. Kate is hiding out from UK authorities that want to question her regarding that little cocaine scandal. Sienna is here shooting Factory Girl where she plays Edie Segwick. When Sienna first to be famous, many people were saying that Kate felt she was ripping off her style. Now the two can't be parted!

A source said: "Sienna has been supporting Kate in every way possible since she completed rehab after the cocaine scandal. "

"They have both spent a lot of time in the States recently and have felt like ex-pats from the London scene, bonding over their shared traumas."

What is up with all these chicks bonding?! This isn't the way things are supposed to be. I want fucking catfights and martinis thrown! Let's start a rumor. Somebody call Kate and totally tell her Sienna thinks she's fat!

[Entertainmentwise] [Thanks to Veronica]

Operation: Destroy Angelina

Have Jennifer Aniston and Fishsticks Paltrow become best friends? Several people are saying that the two have bonded and love to gab about that bitch Angelina! Holy shit, this is Dynasty! Who would Fishsticks be? Were there any beat-down horses on that show?

Anyway, a source said: "They've been exchanging tons of e-mails and calls. There's some deep bonding going on."

You know those two are fucking lezzing it out. Fishsticks would love to stick her clit down Aniston's honker.

The two also love to dish about Brad Pitt since they know him so well.

"I think they love to bitch about Brad. They know him better than anybody else, and they get a real kick out of swapping stories."

I for one am not buying this story! Fishsticks is too much of a fucking snob to befriend an American! Since that bitch is like a high-class English fishstick!

[MSN News] [Thanks to Corlin]

Mr. Blackwell's Dressed List!

Mr. Blackwell named his worst and best dressed bitches of the year. He called out Brit Brit Spears and the worst of the year. Yeah, I agree with that shit. Here's his list:

Worst Dressed

1. Britney Spears: "From the 'Princess of Pop' to the ultimate 'Fashion Flop,'"

2. Mary-Kate Olsen: "In bag lady rags that look depressingly decayed – forget the 'accessories' and buy some Raid."

3. Jessica Simpson: "It's time to sack the stylist and divorce the designer … she resembles a cut-rate Rapunzel slingin' hash in a Vegas diner."

4. Eva Longoria: "Gorgeous face, garish taste ... what a waste."

5. Mariah Carey: "The world applauds your musical emancipation ... but please – leave that body to our imagination."

6. Paris Hilton: "The Burger Queen Sensation may be very rich – but she still looks like yesterday's cheesecake ... with a side of kitsch."

7. Anna Nicole Smith: "Queen Kong."

8. Shakira: "Coiffure by Medusa ... clothes by the Marquis De Sade."

9. Lindsay Lohan: "The Teen Scream defines 'Fashion Fright' – looks like she's aged 30 years overnight."

10. Renee Zellweger: "Runs the gamut from Kewpi Doll Dreck to Red Carpet Wreck … she looks like a painted pumpkin – on a pogo stick."

Best Dressed

Reese Witherspoon, Kirsten Dunst, Kathy Hilton, Dionne Warwick, Nicole Kidman, Caroline Herrera, Scarlett Johansson, Kate Moss & Natalie Portman

Kiki Dunst?! WTF, has he seen the way that piece of trash dresses? She's worse than MK Olsen!

[People] [Thanks to all who sent this to me]

Guy Takes Out Trash!

Here are pics of some dude in a shiny suit taking out the trash at the Beverly Center yesterday. That is some fugly looking trash!

The Dlisted Award Winners of 2005!!!

The time has come to announce the winners of our 1st Annual Dlisted Awards. Thanks to all of you bitches for voting. My ass had fun. So let's get to the winners!

Who is the Queen of Dlisted?



Jordan 36%
Posh Beckham 22%
Bai Ling 16%
Margaret Perrin 14%
Mimi 12%

The Hottest Bitch on a Movie Screen is?



Jessica Alba 43%
Charlize Theron 19%
Gong Li 15%
Anne Hathaway 13%
Tilda Swinton 10%

The Biggest Slut of the Year is?



Parasite Hilton 68%
Tara Reid 14%
Angelina Jolie 9%
HoHan 5%
Jordan 4%

The Ugliest Face of the Year is?



Kimbo Stewart 36%
Marc Anthony 25%
Kelly Osbourne 13%
Hailey Duff 11%
Kiki Dunst 11%

The Most Annoying Couple of the Year is?



TomKat 65%
Joe Simpson & His Bitches 12%
Parasite & The Greek Heirs 11%
Brangelina 7%
Hilary Duff & Her Teeth 5%

The Ear-Bleeding Performer of the Year is?



Ashlee Simpson 44%
Bai Ling 29%
HoHan 11%
Carmine Gotti 9%
Madonna 7%

The Best Gossip Blog of the Year (beside this one) is?



Perez Hilton 44%
A Socialite's Life 19%
Hollywood Rag 17%
Conversations About Famous People 12%
Egotastic! 9%

The Please-Die-A-Horrible-Death Award



Parasite Hilton 43%
Tom Cruise 35%
Chestica Simpson 13%
Jennifer Aniston 5%
Angelina Jolie 4%

The Are-You-a-10yo-Boy-or-a-Woman Award



Nicole Richie 66%
Mary-Kate Olsen 14%
Marc Anthony 9%
Orlando Bloom 6%
Hilary Duff 5%

The Hottest Piece of the Year is?



Jake Gyllenhaal 33%
Matthew McConaughey 26%
Ryan Phillipe 18%
Wentworth Miller 16%
Jared Leto 8%

The Craziest Reality Show Bitch is?



Marget Perrin 50%
Whitney Houston 31%
Danny Bonaduce 14%
April from Big Brother 4%
Brandon from Showdog Mom & Dads 1%

The Crackhead of the Year is?



Pete Doherty 40%
Whitney Houston 25%
Kate Moss 20%
Courtney Love 9%
Danny Bonaduce 6%

The Most Gorgeous Woman of the Year is?



Angelina Jolie 47%
Jessica Alba 22%
Marcia Cross 14%
Gwen Stefani 12%
Jordan 4%

The Biggest Poser of the Year is?



KFed 63%
Parasite Hilton 14%
Tom Cruise 9%
Madonna 7%
HoHan 7%

The Hottest Celebrity Event of the Year is?



Angelina's Vagina Steals Brad Pitt 53%
Chestica and Nick Finally End It! 20%
The Birth of TomKat 10%
Kate Moss Gets Caught 10%
Pat O'Brien Redefines Drunk Dialing 8%


Thanks for voting and see your asses next year!

Afternoon Crumbs

Pete Doherty charged with possession. Surprise..Surprise.. [Yahoo]

Heidi Fleiss' first hire for the stud farm is nothing to write home about. [A Socialite's Life]

Kate Beckinsale slips into latex. [Just Jared]

I thought Usher had a kid in the works? Now he's dating his stylist? [Hollywood Rag]

Go Fergie Go! [Junk Feud]

The Transformation of Star Jones [Cityrag]

Nicky Hilton digs for gold. [Bricks and Stones]

Scarlett should stop showing her tits if she doesn't like us staring at them! [Egotastic]

The Colin Farrell Sex Tape!

Finally the Colin Farrell sex tape has hit the internet. I ain't paying for that shit, so I just looked at the screencaps. It stars Nicole Narain and Colin. It doesn't look that bad. It's sex, we've all seen it. Most of us have done it. So if you wanna drop the dough on it, be my guest.

And send me a fucking copy. Ewww, he's totally eating her coochie! Poor girl has some jungle stds now.

Watch it

UPDATE - The website which hosted the tape called DirtyColin has since been taken down. Oh well, hopefully it will end up on Bit Torrent soon!


[Via Perez Hilton]

In Her Dreams!

Jordan wants to be a Bond Girl. Yeah like in a real Bond movie not just a porn spoof. She is apparently in talk with producers to play a sexy croupier in the film. Producers are keen to have her come aboard. She probably has to blow them first.

Jordan is also interested in playing a sexy alien on the new Dr. Who show.

Here's what that idiot had to say: 'I could be a baddie who doesn't speak but kills with my ample charms.'

And by charms she means her tits. Seriously!

[Monsters and Critics]

I Bet Her Feet Stink!

And she totally has acne on the bottom of them.

The Fightin' and the Lovin'

Are you any of you watching Flavor of Love on Vh1? If you aren't, you must watch last week's episode. It was the hottest shit I've ever seen in my life. All these girls do is fight and try to punch each other.

Let's start with Fight #1 - Rain VS New York

In case you don't watch the show, last week Flav gave each of the girls a name of his choosing. That's why they have fucked up names like Rain, Sweetie, Serious and Oyster. Yeah Oyster, she'll come up later. So the first fight went down in a van on the way to their date with Flav. It was between Rain and New York. The girls were talking to New York about how she separates herself from the girls. New York says she has no interest in becoming friends with them, because she's in it to win it. Rain then freaks out and tries to throw her drink on her!

Rain scream at the top of her lungs: " Turn the fuck around bitch! Oh praise the lord! Bitch yes you do! I am sick of your bitch! You are a fucking demon!

Rain tells us later: "She's in my bloodstream, she's in it. And I need her out!"

I really thought Rain was going to punch that bitch out. The other girls were holding her back.






Fight #2 - Pumkin VS New York

Yes, her name is fucking Pumkin. That is some ghetto shit. This fight starts, because Pumpkin is sick of New York's shit yet again! Pumkin thinks that New York already knows she's going to win this game. They basically start calling each other bitches. Things get crazy and they get torn apart. Here is some hot dialogue between them:

New York: You're a joke!

Pumkin: You aren't going to be with Flav. I'll bet you a million dollars.

New York: You don't have it, because if you did you'd get a fucking facelift!

Oh snap! Pumkin then cries to the camera: " I may have a few wrinkles, but at least I look like a woman. I don't look like a transvestite with my dick tucked beneath my ballsack."

She got her there.



There's Rain again! That bitch always gets in the middle. She's dragging Pumkin away, before the beat downs begin.


Hottie is trying to stop New York. Hottie's in the pink. Remember her, she comes in handy later.



Flav comes down and that's when Pumkin tells him what's going on.



New York is so Showgirls.





Fight #3 - Miss Latin VS Hottie

Miss Latin is probably one of the hottest girls on the show. She's thick, but hot. She just broke up with her boyfriend Cash a week before going into the house. She's still in love and heartbroken. She's calling Cash all the time. She makes the mistake of telling everyone about him. She even tells Pumkin that she would choose Cash over Flav. Hottie gets wind of this.



In the kitchen, Hottie and New York gossip about Miss Latin. Hottie takes in all the information. She knows she's going to need it for later.





Hottie confronts Pumkin about what Miss Latin said. Pumkin confirms to Hottie that she indeed told her she would choose Cash over Flav. Hottie's plan goes into effect.



She confronts Miss Latin in the most DISGUSTING outfit ever seen on TV. A few of the other girls comment on how fucking disgusting she looks. Seriously, WTF is she wearing? Miss Latin is about to puke.

Hottie tells Miss Latin what all the girls are saying. Miss Latin tells her it's none of her business.



At dinner, Miss Latin announces what Hottie said to her. All hell breaks loose and they are start their bitchin' yet again!



Pumkin is pleased with herself.



Even Miss New York gets in on the action.



My favorite part comes when Sweetie blurts out: "Please! Can I just taste my food for once!"



Goldie breaks up the fight with: "Isn't the chicken delightful?!"



Oyster take in the info.



She tells Flav about Miss Latin. DAMN! That's cold.



Miss Latin is sent home.



Hottie and that disgusting outfit stay!

I Hope the Kids at School Don't Beat Him Up That Hard?!

Meet the Pokemon Kid! He's awesome! Watch him in action!

[Best Week Ever]

Let Her Fall!

Parasite and Nicky Hilton left a Los Angeles club last night. Parasite was obviously drunk as a skunk! Bitch fell on the fucking floor. Just where she belongs. Parasite's bodyguard tried to help her walk and of course snuck in a quick feel. Please like he hasn't touched that shit before. You know she's fucked him too.

I love how Nicky is just laughing at that bitch. She isn't even thinking about helping her skanky sister up. She should kick her while she's down.

OMG that sidewalk just caught an STD!





[JJB]

Rachel Weisz is Knocked Up!

Confirming speculation that she's preggers, Rachel Weisz revealed to Jay Leno that she's 5-months pregnant. Her baby daddy is director Darren Aronofsky. His credits include Requiem for a Dream and the upcoming The Fountain starring Rachel.

Rachel said this of Darren: "I found myself a sophisticated, educated American. He's not an actor. He's traveled the world. He knows where Europe is, unlike a lot of Americans. He's very cultured, but he's all man."

The two are currently engaged.

God, it's a slow news day.

[People]

You Can Run...You Can Hide...

But you can't escape greasy hair! Here's Kiki Dunst and her saggy tits trying to hide from the paparazzi. They probably smelled the grease coming from her a mile away. She's red now, because she starts filming for Spider-Man 3 very soon. Mary Jane never looked so fug.

Some homeless woman is running around nekkid after Kiki stole her dress.

Courtney Love Coming Back?

Courtney Love's first solo album didn't do too well. It actually bombed. That isn't stopping America's sweetheart from trying again. She's currently at work on a sophmore effort. She has written several songs on her own, but is also seeking help from other musicians. Billy Corgan, Carl Barat and Ben Gordon are all helping out on some songs.

Ben Gordon said: "I think she's got some really good ideas. The songs sound fresh. Some of it has a [Bob] Dylan quality to it. It's quite raw and more personal."

She was dropped by Virgin after the bombing of her first album, so she's listening to several offers from other labels.

I know she's a wreck, but I almost don't want her to succeed. I don't think she has much talent and she's had success in the past due to Kurt Cobain and Billy Corgan. You know she didn't write Hole's first or second album. She just needs to clean up her act and apply to be a cashier at Albertson's or something.

[Oh No They Didn't]

Joaquin Phoenix Grows Up!

Joaquin Phoenix has found that since kicking booze he's turned into even more of a party animal! Why? Because he can stay out long and can actually remember what happened the previous night.

He said: "Since I don't drink anymore, I have a lot more fun at night than before. And the best thing is: I remember everything the next morning! Now I'd rather have an intelligent conversation than listening to dumb babblers. I feel rather liberated than boring."

I must agree with him. I'm such an old lady! Getting drunk is fun and shit, but the shit that happens to you after and during sometimes isn't so pretty! I'm so proud of our young Joaquin!

[Contact Music]

Jake Loves Exfoliating

Jake Gyllenhaal found that making out with Heath Ledger for Brokeback Mountain was like getting a face scrub, because of stubble.

He said: "When we kissed it felt like we were exfoliating. "It was definitely more aggressive. It was physically a much stronger thing."

Jake didn't mention it, but he also like a little exfoliating on his inner ass cheeks.

[Female First]

So You Say Your Husband Ain't Gay?!

[click on image to enlarge]

Al on first seeing Starlet: "The first time I saw her we were at a party, and she was such a sassy young woman. She had a hat on, like a cowboy hat, and she was smoking a cigar. And the time I wasn't into cigars, and I just sat in the corner and marveled at her."

Sassy? What self-respecting straight man would call a chick "sassy." That's even too gay for Carson Kressley!

"My life would be completely empty without her."

He means his wallet would be completely empty without her.

"When we met I thought she was definitely beautiful, and I'd never dated a full-figured woman before, but when we first started the conversation it was even. We talked about everything. We were like teenagers."

When he meant was he's never dated a WOMAN period before. They mostly talked about fashion and Barbie. They were like two best girlfriends!

[Thanks to Infobitch]

Is He Giving Her Nitrous Balloons as Well?

Nicole Richie and Steve-O hung out yesterday in Hollywood. Steve-O was probably delivering some nitrous-filled balloons to Richie as he did with Parasite and Nachos. He's becoming the nitrous-balloon dealer to the stars! Oh and he's totally boning her. Literally, because all she has is bones.





[JJB]

The Dlisted Report

Hostel was the #1 movie this weekend and brought in $20.1 Million. The film only cost under $5 Million to make. Writer-director Eli Roth is already working on the sequel to the hit film which plans to hit theaters next year. [Variety]

The Chronicles of Narnia has already grossed $530 Million worldwide surpassing even King Kong. Walt Disney Pictures is currently working on the next book in the series: Prince Caspian. Filming may start at the end of this year. A script is currently being written and a director has yet to be found. Andrew Adams who directed the film first might not return to direct the second. [Variety]

TV director Joseph Sargent is moving ahead to remake the 1976 TV movie Sybil. The film starred Sally Field and told the true story of of a young woman with 16 different personalities. Filming on the remake is expected to begin this month. No casting details were announced. [Production Weekly]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

My name is David Hasselhoff and I love dogs. - Rick

[Thanks to rolexxxus]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Khrystyne Haje

[For Scott]

Birthday Sluts

Pat Benatar (53)
Lyle Menendez (38)
Trini Alvarado (39)
Julie Moran (44)
James Lapine (57)
George Foreman (57)
Rod Stewart (61)

Emma Nelson sucks!

by Lahoma00

Who here watches Degrassi: The Next Generation? I just got the first two seasons on DVD. I'm addicted to this shit. However, I'm so overcome with fury I had to post my thoughts on Dlisted: Emma Nelson is a self-righteous bitch!



For those that are unaware, Emma's the stupid eco-activist that bitches at everyone at Degrassi Junior High. All she does is stick her ass into other people's business. She's always championing causes like removing potato chips from the cafeteria or saying cheerleading is sexist when half the team were fags. She even did this retarded dance recital where she dressed as a panther to protest killing animals. Bitch, eat a hamburger!



Look at her now though. She's hot shit! It was pretty hot when she sucked Jay's dick and got gonorrhea! I want Paige to kick her ass!

Say Something Nice

Jenna Jameson: Well...um...her lips are as puffy as her tits now!

You've Got to Be Kidding Me!

This is what happens when two C-listers get together! They try and ham it up for the cameras. But what ends up happening is something that resembles what I threw up in a toilet at a gay bar on Saturday. And it wasn't jizz! It was like pineapple chicken or something. Anyway, please tell me Nicolette and Michael Bolton aren't for serious.

Actually, I'm hard now.

Time is Running Out!

Please cast your last votes in what is the award show of the year! I will announce the winners or losers, depending on how you see it, tomorrow afternoon! Happy voting!

The Queen of Dlisted
The Hottest Bitch on a Movie Screen of the Year
The Biggest Slut of the Year
The Ugliest Face of the Year
The Most Annoying Couple of the Year
The Hottest Piece of the Year
The Ear-Bleeding-Performer of the Year
The Most Gorgeous Woman of the Year
The Best Gossip Blog of the Year (besides this one of course)
The Craziest Reality Show Bitch of the Year
The Please-Die-A-Horrible-Death Celebrity of the Year
The Crackhead of the Year
The Are-You-A-10yo-Boy-Or-A-Woman Celebrity of the Year
The Biggest Poser of the Year
The Hottest Celebrity Event of the Year

God Bless Tara Reid!

Seriously. If it wasn't for Tara Reid, I'm not sure how my life would've turned out. I wouldn't have someone to prevent me from being a messy whore at clubs and bars. Because Tara Reid pictures are seriously like the cure for getting fucked up. They should show her pictures to teenage kids to prevent them from drinking.

I really feel so vulnerable after seeing these pics. I think I've been touched in a bad way!

This is the Creepiest Burger King Commercial!

This is almost as creepy as Parasite's commercial for Carl's Jr. Here's Brooke Burke and the Burger King making beautiful memories together. They are shooting some fucked up commercial. Brooke has some nasty implants, but the BK doesn't seem to care.

Little Known Burger King Fact - A few years ago I had an icee from Burger King. I totally forgot what flavor. But that night when I went to do my business, my shit was like fluorescent fucking green! I thought I was dying. I found out later that BK's icees do that shit. Nasty! But so psychedelic!

Parasite Hilton is so in High School!

Remember the night that Nachos drove Parasite's Bentley into a fucking truck and then got pulled over by the fuzz? Well Steve-O claims that he gave Parasite and her bitch some nitrous-filled balloons that night.

He told Jimmy Kimmel: "About a half hour before Paris Hilton had that car crash, I may have given her some mind-altering substances, I probably shouldn't say that. Whoops!"

God, they are still in fucking high school. Who does that shit anymore? Is she a raver? Is she going to show up with a pacifer and a candy necklace to her next event?

[The Scoop]

Brit Brit With a Mouthful of Jizz!

Actually, it's like ice cream, mayonnaise or something. Possibly mayonnaise flavored ice cream. That fat fucking cow! I hope it's frozen yogurt. When will Brit ever purchase a mirror. She goes out and buys so much trash, does she ever think about purchasing a mirror? She's in Las Vegas looking quite glamorous. Who knew that a stained "Rehab" t-shirt and baggy sweats could look so hot.

Even I want to jump her bones!

Uma Thurman Quote of the Day!

"It seems harder and harder to make contact with men, especially for mature women. But it's better to have a relationship with someone who cheats on you than someone who doesn't flush the toilet."

Gorilla Fur?!

Celebrity Big Brother is currently going on in the UK and I hear it's some hot shit. Dead or Alive singer Pete Burns may be in big trouble because he is currently wearing a gorilla fur coat in the house. He could face a hefty fine and a year in jail.

Jodie Marsh is very offended by the coat.

She told him: "I feel offended everytime I see it on your back."

If you don't know Jodie, she's basically a wannabe Jordan. She's fucking trash! She'll suck a dick for a twinkie!

Pete Burns will be questioned once he's released from the BB house. Ewww, is gorilla fur even soft?

Totally Her Career!

Hilary Swank and Chad Lowe are a done deal. I really thought that he was going to get over her having a better career. But I guess he couldn't, because they are over.

Their spokeswhore said: "Hilary and Chad have decided to separate but they are hopeful they'll be able to get through this tough time,"

They were married in 1997. There is no word yet on the split.

She got too big. Plain and simple. She has two Oscars, he doesn't even have a People's Choice Award.

[People]

Tyra Banks Has Ugly Friends!

Afternoon Crumbs

Larry King is in a good mood. [Cityrag]

Adam Brody pumps while showing his undies! [Just Jared]

Avril Lavigne is dropping her punk style. Yeah like she was so punk to begin with! [Hollywood Rag]

Brangelina are going to outerspace! [IDLYITW]

The new Aquaman is not hot. [Egotastic!]

HoHan and DiCaprio? Finally a match made in trash heaven! [Glitterati]

Heather and Fishsticks are almost separated at birth. [Truth, Beauty, Love and Elisa]

Kate Beckinsale never had an affair. [Yeeeah!]

Hot Slut of December: Tila Tequila!

Damn this was a close one! There were only 2 votes between Niecy and Tila! Tila won out and has become the last Hot Slut of the Year!

Check out Tila on MySpace.

Tomorrow we will begin voting for Hot Slut of the Year! That shit will be fucking on fire!!

Starlet Jones Loves Cheese sandwiches!

[click on image to enlarge]

Here are 5 things you don't know about our favorite beast: Starlet Jones. My favorite is how she loves to eat cheese sandwiches in bed with Gay Al. But she doesn't tell us that the cheese comes from Al's ass after a mega-bang-bang from 12 leather bears down in the Meatpacking district!

[Thanks to Infobitch]

Attack of the Clones!

[Thanks to Anja]

Blind Items....I Guess...You Guess...

WHICH superstar songstress got so drunk her bodyguard had to carry her out of the Chelsea lounge where she was celebrating on New Year's Eve? Fun bonus fact: She's a cousin of the resident drug dealer!

Mimi!

WHICH former New York baseball star, who played on a world championship team, has a wife about to file divorce papers alleging he had affairs both with men and women?

Alex Rodriguez

WHICH hunky actor was known as "garbage slut" back in high school? It seems he was willing to sleep with any girl who would let him, no matter what she looked like.

Mark Wahlberg

[Page Six]

Bradley Pitt Cleans Up!

Brad Pitt finally shaved that nasty beard and cleaned his shit up. His fucking work paid off. He finally is beginning to look kind of hot and not like Angie's mess of a wife. Here he is checking on his plane a few days ago before taking off.

Steven Spielberg Needs to Get That Stick Out of His Ass!

Remember that joke Kathy Griffin made at last year's Golden Globes about how Dakota Fanning entered rehab? I nearly laughed my ass off. It was some funny shit. Well, Steven Spielberg didn't think that was funny at all. He demanded that Kathy publicly apologize to Dakota. Of course Kathy refused to. Steven then had his lawyers threaten Kathy that if she didn't apologize, she would end up on some kind of blacklist from Dreamworks. Please!

Kathy said: "I think Steven Spielberg has a lot of fucking nerve,"

"I don't care how big you are, you will not trample on my, or anyone else's, First Amendment rights. That makes me furious."

"I get a call from the lawyers, and they're, like, 'DreamWorks . . . is furious about the whole Dakota Fanning thing, and they're livid, and Spielberg is personally furious, and DreamWorks is putting you on a list, and they demand an apology,' "

"And I'm, like, 'A list?' I'm on the s- list? Who gives a s-? . . . Put me on your list. And Spielberg? Oh, what's the matter? I'm not going to star in any more Steven Spielberg movies? Oh, no! What'll I do with my time?"

She's fucking right! It's just a joke. I don't know why people get so fucking upset. It's what she does, it's her act! Kathy also said that E! also demanded an apology and she again refused. Fuck yeah!

A spokeswhore for Dreamworks said: "I think it was made very obvious that people were very upset and they were looking for some sort of an apology . . . It was a very upsetting thing for a young child and her family. Obviously, to Kathy Griffin it was a joke, but why make a joke out of [Fanning]? She's a terrific young lady who was there with her family, and it was very upsetting."

Dreamworks should fucking worry about making movies and keeping Tom Cruise in check. Not some stupid joke that everybody has forgotten about this. Steven Spielberg is nothing but a stupid bully.

And Dakota Fanning is totally in rehab. Kathy rocks!

[Page Six]

The Olsens for Walmart

How can they be a part of that piece of shit company! Anyway, here's The Olsens in promo shots for a line of their products for a store that hates almost everybody. I must say they look hot and not at all like their usual creepy selves. Children of the Damned they aren't!

Deadbeat!

Lost star Naveen Andrews has revealed that he has a secret-love child with a woman he had an affair with last year. Naveen is currently dating actress Barbara Hershey and has confessed that he fathered a baby with a woman last year while he was on a short separation from Barbara. Naveen, 35 and Barbara, 57 are dealing with this development and have decided to work things out.

Naveen said: "I have every intention of assuming appropriate responsibility for the child,"

I used to like him until I found out what a pig he is! He's cheated on like every girlfriend he's been with. Trial separation my ass! They were on a separation alright, but Babs didn't know shit about it!

[People]

Danny Moder Ain't Half Bad!

I never really paid much attention to Julia Roberts' hubby, Danny Moder. But in these pics he doesn't look half bad, he actually looks kind of hot. Hazel and Phinn are rocking their looks too. I didn't know Phinn was a carrot top. Julia looks haggard as always. Someone needs to introduce her ass to a brush.

In the last pic, look at Danny's bulge! Damn!





[JJB]

I'll Be Back!

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger was involved in a motorcycle accident with his 12yo son near their Brentwood home yesterday. Arnold was driving his Harley-Davidson with his son Patrick in the sidecar. Another car backed into the street causing the accident. Arnold required 15 stitches in his lip.

His spokeswhore said: "The governor was unable to avoid the vehicle in his path and collided with it at a low speed,"

Both dudes have recovered with Arnold due back in the office today.

Shit, I've got nothing funny to say on this one. I'm even wondering why I care! Maybe Arnold means much more to me than I think. Hmm...something to ponder.

[People]

The New Survivors

The cast of Survivor 12 was announced this morning. The new cast will be split into 4 tribes by gender and age. So the tribes will be old men, young men, old women and young women. The men's ages are 24, 24, 25, 32, 35, 48, 52, and 46. The women's ages are 24, 24, 27, 31, 32, 35, 45, and 48.

The cast includes a woman whose teenage child was killed only a week before she left for Panama.

Survivor Panama: Exile Island debuts February 2nd.

Tina's my favorite! That hair is so hot!

See all the survivors

The Dlisted Report

Warner Brothers has picked up the rights for Where the Wild Things Are from Universal Pictures. The adaptation of Maurice Sendak's classic children's book, which Spike Jonze will direct from a script he and novelist Dave Eggers wrote, is expected to get underway late in the year. Tom Hanks is currently on board as a producer. [Variety]

Hostel was the #1 movie this weekend bringing in $20.1 Million. The movie cost under $5 Million to make. The Chronicles of Narnia placed in the #2 spot for the 5th week in a row bringing in just about $16 Million. King Kong dropped to #3 with $12.5 Million. [Box Office Mojo]
Tim Burton and Johnny Depp may reteam to bring Stephen Sondheim's classic musical Sweeney Todd to the big-screen. Depp would play the title character, the demon barber of fleet street. No word yet on when shooting will take place. [Movie Musicals]

Phantom of the Opera will become Broadway's longest running show of all-time replacing Cats. The show will place its 7,486th performance tonight. [Playbill]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

Star Jones - the ultimate cock blocker... - Jill

Hot Slut of the Day!

Elaine Young - Realtor to the stars and World record holder for most plastic surgery procedures (50 in total)

Birthday Sluts

A.J. McLean (28)
Maggie Rizer (28)
Angela Bettis (31)
Lara Fabian (36)
Dave Matthews (39)
Haddaway (41)
Joely Richardson (41)
Imelda Staunton (50)
Crystal Gale (55)

Presley Gerber is an Angel!

Cindy Crawford's little boy is so charming! I love the way he says "hi" to the photographers. He's only 4, but he still has the manners of a young gentlemen.

Actually, that's some funny shit.

[Thanks to superview]

The Constipation of Mimi!

Why do they have to do Mimi like that?! She can't help she's got a fat face! But for serious, this seriously is some funny shit.

[Thanks to Youri]

Hot Slut of the Week: Richard Simmons

Age: 57
Birthday: July 12, 1948
Birth Name: Richard Simmons

Original Date of Hot Slut of the Day: January 4, 2006
Claim to Fame: