Dlisted: 01/01/2006 - 01/08/2006

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Don't Try the Sexy!



Why must My Little Pony Parker continue to try and do the sexy. She's just not that kind of woman. She has a hot body, I'll give her that. But her face just cancels it out. Here she's trying to be a sex kitten for EPS Magazine. That daisy in her mouth is pretty fitting. It should've been a piece of hay though. Nice fried ends.

Hot Slut of the Day!



Kim Zimmer

Birthday Sluts



Nicolas Cage (42)
Liam Aiken (16)
Jeremy Renner (35)
Doug E. Doug (36)
Katie Couric (49)
David Caruso (50)
Sammo Hung (54)
Juan Gabriel (56)
Kenny Loggins (58)

Friday, January 06, 2006

Jordan Doing What Jordan Does Best!

All I'm going to say is that these are the most beautiful pictures in the world. They are of the most gorgeous woman in the world: Jordan. And she's doing what she does best, slut it up for the cameras! If only Harvey was in these pictures! I have no idea who the other women in the pictures are.

I think her tits have gotten bigger!!!!



Yeah, panties get in the way. Remove them!



I think she's trying to let out a fart!



Not to be outdone...



Jordan upstages her friend with the same pose!



Even her friend is horrified at her breasts!



Jordan why embarass the girl?



The girl knows it, so keeps her small tits hidden!



God, Jordan is so hot!



[Pics: Drunken Stepfather] [Thanks to Jocelyn]

Ashlee Simpson Sex Tape?



Reports are that an Ashlee Simpson sex tape was stolen from her home in California late last year. Right now there's only screen caps, but the tape apparently is of Ashlee and an ex-boyfriend in various positions. The tape was said to be made before she got famous.

It kind of looks like Ashlee, but I think Ashlee might have bigger tits. And the tape would be with Joe Simpson not an ex-boyfriend. Just kidding! She needs a sex tape to come out in order to keep her star shining!

Please let this be true, it's been a while since we've had a good sex tape! And it's material for Joe to wank off to!

Click here for details!

[Thanks to Fence]

El Diablo is Coming to Get You!



I'm going to warn your asses, so I don't say I didn't! The next set of photos may send you into a severe seizure and will definitely induce vomiting. Thank God for Photoshop! These are un-airbrushed photos of Fergie taken from her recent CosmoGirl photoshoot. This is the first face you see when you enter hell..







Marc Beat JLo With His Ugly Stick!



Damn! His fugliness is starting to rub off on her. I know she's "Jenny from the Block" but this is fucking ridiculous! She looks like any other chickenhead from the Bronx. She's just missing her walkie-talkie cellphone and a nickname like "Sugar."



[JJB]

It's Star Jones Friday!



I know I'm on Starlet overload today, but I can't help it! I need to expose her for the poser twit she really is! Here is the latest chapter in our Star Jones saga. She's a "love coach" on AOL and she helps desperate women like herself determine if a man is the one.

Don't take advice from this bitch! She thinks it's perfectly normally that your man wants you to use anal beads on him.

My gag reflex doesn't work so well, so I couldn't sit through the whole workshop.

Take the workshop!


[Thanks to Pamboy]

My Girl!



Here's a video of Michael Bolton serenading his lovely lady Nicollette Sheridan with My Girl. Nicollette loves it. The bitch can't dance worth shit! She totally paid him back by swallowing.

Watch the video!

Richie for Jimmy Choo



Nicole Richie is the new face foot of Jimmy Choo. These shots are kind of hot and Richie looks her best. The third one is a bit creepy though. That man is about to pull her lil' arm off!





[Oh No They Didn't]

Afternoon Crumbs

Elisha Cuthbert will return to 24. [WWTDD]

Toothy Tile holds his puppy. [JustJared]

50 Cent is now interviewing for a wife. Where do I get an application? [Hollywood Rag]

Jessica Alba is so fine she can turn me straight. Well, as long as she straps on. [IDLYITW]

Some singer from Creed gets engaged to some beauty queen bitch. [Glitterati]

Sienna Miller wants to be a nanny. [Gabsmash] [Thanks to Michelle]

Pete Doherty's gonna rub out Kate Moss. [Jossip]

Make sure you cast your final votes for The Dlisted Awards of 2005! Winners will be announced Tuesday! [Vote on that shit!]

More Lies from Star Jones!



Star on Al: "Al is a beautiful man. He's got the legs of a stallion. He'd be a perfect Ralph Lauren model"

Yeah those legs of a stallion have come in handy when he has to bend over for a leather daddy.

Star on Al being a fag: "One day, we would read in the press that Al was out gallivanting with a bunch of women. The next day, we'd read a story questioning his sexuality. I remember my husband saying to me, 'Baby, what am I today?' And me answering, 'Just who you were yesterday, baby.' I don't even deal with that question [of his sexual orientation]. … I know who my husband is."

Yeah you know he's a big, fucking flamer!

Star on her weight: "I will not be the poster child for a particular method," she says. "Only your doctor can tell you what will work for you. I think maybe the two-piece is coming out this summer!"

She wants to end the world. The world will end if Star Jones shows up at el playa in a two-piece! We will all just blow-up. Mark my words.

[NY Daily News]

Is It Too Soon for a 9/11 Movie?

Oliver Stone is currently filming an untitled film based on the events of September 11th starring Nicolas Cage as a firefighter. The film also stars Maria Bello, Maggie Gyllenhaal and Michael Pena. It's due for release in August of this year.

Don't you think it's a little too soon? I mean it's kind of hokey. I think it's an important story to tell, I'm just not sure it should be told right now. A documentary would be so much better. I think Oliver Stone is just using the controversy to sell a movie. You can't knock it till you see it, but I don't have high hopes for this one.



Jordan the Movie!



Jordan already has one piece of shit book published and her next is due to be released next year. So basically Jordan loves talking about herself. It's no surprise that she wants a movie to be made about her life. She's accomplished so much from having tits for brains.

She said: "I always wanted to do American Playboy and I done the cover of that and the spread inside. I always wanted to sing on telly which I did, I done the Children in Need and obviously the Eurovision and I've always wanted a record deal which I've just got.

"And I've always wanted to bring a book out which I've done, and in fact my second book comes out February 1.

"My next thing is to do a film to my book."

"I'm actually trying to find people now like directors and that who want to do it."

"I wouldn't put myself as an actress I'd probably get someone to do it and then I'll make an appearance in it."

Sources say that a script has already been written. Yeah probably by Harvey!

Oh and Jordan there is a movie on your life already out. It's called Down the Hatch 9!

[The Sun] [Thanks to Albz]


Why Even Bother?



Here's Parasite Hilton entering a recording studio in Burbank yesterday. Parasite is working on her album which will be released sometime this year. Does she even need to be in the studio. Engineers and scientists are going to do the work anyway trying to make her pigeon-voice sound human. But at least she brought the folks at the studio a treat by not wearing a bra.

She's probably given them bed bugs.





[JJB]

Nick Cannon Quote of the Day!



"I'm addicted to white women because in my film Roll Bounce I had to kiss one. I was like, 'I've never done that before.'

"Now I'm after BRITTANY MURPHY and JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT."

Kidz Bop is a Cult!



If you'd like to be creeped out by kids singing Gorillaz, Weezer and Coldplay songs than this is for you! Kidz Bop is really creepy. The trailer for the newest edition is out. My favorite is the Asian girl doing Don't Lie by The Black Eyed Peas!

I swear this is a cult and there's subliminal messages in there!

Watch It!

[Stereogum]

I Think Xtina is Right!

I didn't know there was a feud between Xtina Aguilera and Kelly Osbourne, but apparently there is. I guess Kelly has said some negative things about the red-lipstick wearing one. Xtina however doesn't let it get to her and may be on to something as to the cause of Kelly's hostility.

She said: "Kelly must have a crush on me because she's always saying mean things about me."

Yeah that sounds about right.

[Female First]

Stay Away From the Blonde, Angie!



Angelina Jolie showed some blonder locks as she dropped King Maddox off at school in Malibu. There's no doubt in my mind that she's knocked up. Are you supposed to dye your hair when you're preggers? I thought that was a no-no?

On another note, do you think the kids at school tell Maddox that his mom is hot and they wanna do her?



[JJB]

Gossip Catfight!



Page Six
goes after Perez Hilton! Meow! Actually, bad publicity is still good publicity!

[Thanks to Katie Scarlett]

Star Writes About Krispy Kreme!



In her new book Shine, Star Jones has this to say about this first time she ate a Krispy Kreme donut:

"The first time he held me in his arms sexually, it was almost frightening because we knew our erotic interest in each other could take over every other thing,"

"We had an intoxicatingly sexual connection the first two months of our relationship."

Ok she was actually talking about Gay Al, but we know that shit ain't right!

[Thanks to Julie]

Nick Lachey Likes it Kinky!



Nick Lachey revealed to Elle Magazine that one of his favorite things to do was to put on Chestica Simpson's heels and walk around. What a fucking fag!

He said: "It was sort of a kinky thing we liked to get into,"

I'm sure he didn't like Manolo's though. He's totally a Jimmy Choo kind of girl.

How the fuck does he fit into her shoes? She must have GIGANTIC hoofs!

[iVillage] [Thanks to Genevieve]

Stomach Implants?

Pete Doherty is pissed as shit after a video of him showing his fucking small prick to the world hit the internet! Pete has demanded the video be taken down, but that's shit still up!

A source said:

"Pete was showing stomach implants installed to stop him taking heroin.

"“But he decided to expose himself and start grabbing his willy. He forgot about the film, but went mad when it hit the internet.

"He might be an exhibitionist on stage, but he doesn'’t want his bits shown to the world."

Stomach implants? I've never heard of this shit. When they said implants, I pictured like six-pack implants! And trust me that bitch doesn't have a six-pack. His dick is fucking rancid. I would definite NOT hit that!

View the video here, but it goes on kind of a long time before it gets to the good bad stuff!

[The Sun] [Thanks to Lulu]

New Jesse James Pics!

Title: The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (yup, that's the fucking title]

Plot: Robert Ford joins Jesse James's gang, only to become resentful of the legendary outlaw and hatch a plan to kill the fastest gun in the West.

Stars: Brad Pitt, Casey Affleck, Mary-Louise Parker, Sam Rockwell & Sam Shepard
Directed By: Andrew Dominick

Due: 2006




The Dlisted Report

Evangeline Lilly, Virginia Madsen, Tobey Maguire, Hilary Swank, Jessica Alba, Leonardo DiCaprio, Harrison Ford, Jamie Foxx, Natalie Portman, Emmy Rossum, John Travolta, Emma Thompson, and Denzel Washington have all been announced as presenters at the Golden Globe Awards on January 16th. [Coming Soon]

John Travolta and Tim Allen are set to co-star in Wild Hogs. The film revolves around a group of four frustrated middle-aged biker wannabes who hit the open road in search of adventure only to encounter a real Hell's Angels group. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Susan Anton will play Velma in the Las Vegas production of Hairspray. Performances begin in February and the it's been streamlined to a 90-minute intermissionless show. Harvey Fierstein and Dick Latessa will repeat their Broadway roles. [Playbill]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!



Gravatar The location of the moon determines the strength of the tide. - mpcmike

[Thanks to Jeff]


Click here for NSFW version!





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