Dlisted: Flavor of Love 2: The Return of the King

Monday, September 11, 2006

Flavor of Love 2: The Return of the King

We last left the girls being told by Foofy that last season's very own New York was back to help him choose the poor bitch lucky woman that would be Foofy's very own. New York immediately went to work and told the women she had a dick. Wishful thinking. She told them that she was in 100% in charge of which bitch goes home at the next elimination.

Did she have some work done? She must've stopped taking her estrogen, because bitch is more of a man than Delishis!

Continue reading "The Return of the King"

Immediately, Agent Bootz wasn't having it and told New York that she didn't like the fact that she was there. Damn, I love this ho. She isn't afraid of no one. I mean, New York is a doberman and Bootz in is a toy poodle, but that doesn't stop her from letting out the bark.

Actually, it's probably the Boones Farms Apple Blossom she's drinking. That shit goes straight to the head!

The next morning, New York gets up early to slap on her fifty pounds of make-up and freeze her dick to her ass cheeks so there's no lines. Seriously, this photo honestly could be used as the poster for Priscilla Queen of the Desert.

Don't sit there and tell me this ain't a lady-dude! That rhinestone choker is only there to hide her damn adam's apple.

The girls were told that they were joining Foofy at a photo shoot for Urb magazine and New York would be in charge of their overall appearance. Why, because she's the epitome of taste?

I've seen Mexican hookers look classier than that shit. Damn even that statue in back of her looks like the fucking Queen of England compared to her. Somebody drop that ho a nickel for a new wig.

Agent Bootz is at it again! She is the last girl downstairs and almost an hour late. New York asks for an apology.

"I have one fucking momma and you are not her." - Bootz

You got that right bitch, father yes...momma no.

One by one, New York went down the line and critiqued every single girl. She said this about Nibblz:

"Nibblz is dirty, she's trashy, she's slutty, there's something really gutterbutt about Nibblz."

Awww, I actually feel bad for her ass. New York is actually right. She looks like she'll suck your dick for just a puff of your cigarette.

Oh Nibblz! You can't get clean. Please use that flat iron on your face to burn the dirt off.

And what was Mr. New York's take on Buckwild?

"You look like a fairy princess that resides over the pits of hell."

Um, was that even a slam? Shit that's a compliment to me.

Overall, New York thinks they lack true "femininity." She's right, there's nothing feminine about a real vagina.

New York took Bootz aside and still demanded that apology for being late. What the hell is she doing with a drink that early? Bitch needs a hot comb to tame that mess on her head, not a drink!

Bootz gave in and apologized to New York, because she didn't want to hear it anymore. I'm disappointed a little bit. I would've just ripped off that he/she's skirt to reveal two berries and a twig!

In the car on the way to the photoshoot, I learned something new about New York. Homeboy has a serious wonky eye! How haven't I noticed this before?

Foofy also found some serious time to speak to Nibblz about being an internet ho. He has some concerns about having a woman like that around his children. Hmmm...let see...it's ok for their father to have sex on TV, smoke loads of weed, wear dumb ass clocks around his neck and whore himself out to any TV show that will have him, but GOD forbid that his girlfriend show her ass on the internet? Makes complete sense to me.

Oh, Nibblz....You have AdultCheck written all over you.

They get to the photoshoot and find that they didn't have much of a budget, so they had to use the set from a community theater production of My Fair Lady.

Delishis is trying her hardest to not look like a straight-up man. Ewww, she just got gold paint all over her palm cause you know they just spray painted that minutes before.

New York has the fucking nerve to utter these words to Delishis:

"Give it up Delishis, you look like a man!"

Just as she said these words I was enjoying a delicious and savory chocolate covered pretzel when she made me lose that shit all over my rug. Damn, that ho owes me a pretzel and someone owes her a sex change surgery.

But she's right! The cigar doesn't help.

The script writers decided that they should throw in another story arch here and make New York question Buckwild's "ghettoness." It kind of came out of left field for me and you know the producers wanted equal hate time with everyone and this was Buckwild's segment. She asked Buckwild if she thought she was darker than she really is.

Foofy had to step in during the argument and Buckwild ratted out New York. The best part in the conversation went down like this:

Buckwild: "She said I was uneducated!"

New York: "I did not say she was uneducated! Did I say she was uneducated?"

Buckwild: "You said I'm ignorant, excuse me."

New York: "But uneducated doesn't mean the same as ignorant...oh um...yes it does."

"New York's ghetto ass trying to call me ignorant. Well, if I'm so uneducated then why is it that I know that they both mean the same stupid thing, you dumb bitch!"

I love that reverse Oreo.

When Foofy takes Buckwild's side, New York leaves in a flurry of tears and heads towards the light. Oh snap, I can see her ball sack!

Buckwild does the running man in celebration. Delishis has another celery stick dipped in peanut butter.

Foofy follows his #1 tranny outside and it's there that she tells him everything she's feeling. It's also there that we get another glimpse at her wonky eye. A wonky eyed tranny!

While outside the producers told New York to attack Krazy when she gets back inside, because the script calls for it. So she does just that and out of nowhere attacks the bitch. Krazy simply asks if New York is in charge of eliminations and the bitch goes crazy. I thought I used the word "bitch" a lot, this ho uses the word more than she uses pancake make-up to cover up her man box.

Let's run down some of New York's lines to Krazy:

"Bitch let me tell you something, you shut the fuck up with your weak ass ass"

"Put your little weak ass hands down. Who the fuck?!"

"Bitch you are a weak ass bitch!"

New York makes no damn sense. She just starts shouting all these curse words like a crazy person for no reason. OMG, she's me. Not only do New York and I both carry 10" but we both use curse words for no fucking reason. Shit! I knew Jesus hated me.

In this picture below...what is New York doing to Krazy:

"Knighting her in the Tranny Circle?"

"Saying "Oh you got such a cute, little button nose!"

"Saying "Shut your weak ass ass!'"

It's musical chairs time!

So, these two dumb whores go at it for a while making no sense. They fight like two obese jack rabbits.

Foofy broke them up, of course and the truth was revealed.

Krazy asked him if New York was in charge of eliminations and he basically said no that he was the deciding who goes home that night.

Poor thing has to drown her sorrows in an episode of Golden Girls, because you know the gay dudes love that shit.

After almost getting dick slapped by New York, Krazy is chosen to lay down in front of Foofy for a photograph. That porcelain tiger that was probably bought in Tijuana looks more expensive than her.

Delishis starts the hating and gossips with the other girls about Krazy being a fake ass bitch.

Everyone is pretty much in agreeance. At an interview for the magazine, the girls were asked who was the fakest girl in the house.

All Lee Press Ons pointed to Krazy. HATERS!

Back at the house, Delishis and New York bonded while talking trash about Krazy.

Krazy decided to have a little more screen time and hash it out with Delishis.

Is New York wearing a sheet like it's a dress? Ok, this just confirms that she's a man, because little boys that want to dress up like women do that shit and pretend it's like Versace gowns. Yes, I'm speaking from experience!!!

Here we go again! Basically, Krazy sits down and starts with "Don't give me attitude" and suddenly it's turned into a whole lot of "Bitch" "Make Me" "I'll Beat Yo Ass" "Don't Make Me Kill You" "I Will Hurt You Bitch" "You Ugly Whore" over and over again. Shit, that should be their official jam. That would be a hot dance song.

"Bitch Make Me Beat Yo Ass You Ugly Whore"

Those words up there are basically the only words these women use.

You know that dude has got some nasty bref!

During their fight, we were shown a clip of them in happier times. Awwww...how quickly love turns.

I guess Krazy whispered to Delishis how when she was in the hot tub with Foofy she took off her panties and they got naked together. Why would you admit to that? Bitch your braids are too tight, because they are making you a tard!

Why can't we all just get along?

Delishis tells Foofy about Krazy being a fake ass bitch.

So, Krazy tells her side of the story. She goes to Foofy and tell him that she's being real and the other girls are just jealous of her intense ass.

Before she leaves she has something to tell him.

I really thought she was going to tell him that Delishis was a dude. Now that would've been the shit. Instead, she tells him that she won't kiss him, because Beautuful (yeah she's still there) has a cold sore.

Romantic, huh?

Foofy is thinking to himself: "No wonder she kind of tasted like pesto."

Ok, so a girl has a cold sore? This is the Flavor of Love house! I'm sure Foofy has caught everything from these truck stop whores.

At the elimination ceremony, Delishis is the first to receive a clock. She should've received a clock to the throat for wearing that fucking hideous garment.

Beautuful was sent home, because she's the only normal girl in the house who doesn't act like a stripper, hooker or crack head. Oh, but she has a cold sore.

Nibblz is also sent packing, because she's probably the one who gave Beautuful the cold sore by breathing her way.

Oh, but we're not done! Foofy and the producers made New York a new part of the cast. Yup....she's in the running to become Mrs. Foofy.

As soon as New York was given a place on the show, Buckwild freaked the fuck out and immediately handed in her clock. She dropped her accent and went on and on about how New York is crazy.

Foofy called her on the accent think and now think she's a fake bitch. Who fucking cares, whore is funny. Here's her closing statement which is genius:

"She is crazy. If someone fucking touches my body I will lay them out. And I'm on probation. I just spent $30,000 to get out of jail and I'm not going back for that bitch."

Unfortunately for us we have to see this face from now on. Ugh, the producers could've at least had Ken Paves hook her up with a better wig.


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