Flavor of Love 2: Bow to the Bootz
We are down to 4 whores and the competition is getting vicious. New York read the latest Flav-O-Gram:
"Ladies, now that I'm down to my 4 prime cuts it's time to start slicking things up a bit."
Slicking?! More on this in a bit. Foofy Foofy requests that Delishis and Krazy get the first date on the high seas. This news doesn't sit well with New York.
Mr. Demille she's ready for her close-up....
Continue reading "Bow to the Bootz"
Looks like the sad faces weren't working so she has to turn it up a bit. She truly resembles the mama alien from Alien. Where's Ripley when you need her?
Anyway, this tranny throws a fit that Foofy didn't pick her first to go out on a date and gets all dramatic and shit. She storms out of the parlor like a true drag queen.
Upon closer inspection, Delishis reads the Flav-O-Gram correctly:
"Ladies, now that I'm down to my 4 prime cuts it's time to start SLICING things up a bit."
Dumb stupid New York, thought it said slicking! Illiterate bitch!
What is that seagull doing with a giant clock around his neck?
Delishis and Krazy join Foofy on some beat-ass boat. Delishis needs to keep her cellulite to herself. That shit looks like curdled milk or curdled spoog...you decide.
She better watch it or a shark is gonna bite that ass apart thinking it's a seal in distress.
Looks like Miss Lumpy Lumps isn't feeling the high seas. Delishis gets sea sick and decides she needs to rest the cellulite. She claims that she probably got sick from watching Foofy get it on with Krazy. I personally feel it's the female hormones she's taking.
Scratch that, it's seeing Foofy get it on with anybody. Krazy should win the Nobel Peace Prize for tackling this wreck. Bitch needs to work on her dialogue though.
"I can give you my soul. I can give you everything. I get lost in your kisses."
Um...Danielle Steele anyone?
Don't worry Delishis you have it much better. I would rather play tongue hockey with my own vomit than with Foofy's mouth. That's the truth.
Later that night, the girls dress up for dinner on the Queen Mary. I think these were Danity Kane's leftover wardrobe choices. They look like Tweedle Dude and Tweedle Crude.
At dinner, Krazy lays it on thick:
"I'm feeling that my heart is getting deeper and deeper into yours. I'm really feeling you a lot. You may be across the room, I could feel you. When we kiss I feel like I'm just gone for a minute. I kind of just black out. When I open my eyes I'm dizzy."
Bitch get a better writer! I've heard more romantic words in a "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" commercial! I agree with Bootz, Krazy is a Fake Ass Bitch or F.A.B. as we call it here. That fake flower in her hair has more emotion than her ass.
We feel the same way about that Foofy. I bet you he ate it.
Krazy then talks about her singing career and Foofy asks her to sing something. She does her best Mariah Carey impersonation and sang some retarded song that goes like this:
"I have been thinking about you......I will be with you foreeeeeveeerrrrrrrrr...."
She basically has a voice like my my penis hole. My penis hole has more range than this tired bitch.
Delishis is asked about her feelings and instead of doing stupid tricks...bitch just started crying because she feels Foofy so much. That's how you do it.
And Delishis got the man in the end. Foofy asked her upstairs and left Krazy trying to figure out how to put on her fugly pink gloves.
Upstairs Delishis and Foofy are served a delicious dessert. Fake roses and Cool-Whip?! They are trying to poison their asses!
Delishis has a little gas so she shows Foofy how to push one out. Seriously, this shit works. Whenever I can't push a fart out I get into that position. Well, I get into that position anyway on an hourly basis but that's a different story.
The two end up like this the rest of the night, because Foofy doesn't want to love Delishis in the front. Can't you hear Delishis (in her Hedwig voice) looking into the mirror and saying:
"Love me in the front too! Love me in the front!!!!"
Bootz and New York are summoned to a wine vineyard for their date. Remember this name, you're going to need to know it for later. Wilson Creek...remember!
I didn't know Buckwild, Wire and Tiger were back for more!?
New York is deathly afraid of horses and any kinds of animals. Actually, her balls are probably in pain.
Bootz straight-up laughed in her face. I love that bitch.
New York just push your balls a little to the left so it won't hurt so much. Damn, it's not that serious.
While heading towards their destination, New York's horsey takes off sending into her a series of shrills and shreaks. She's like Whorebiscuit.
She's totally fucking the horse in the butt. That horse is taking it like a champ.
This is not an image I needed to see. New York in a bikini being covered by some kind of white liquid. Give me a moment while I dip my eye balls in holy water. I'm really not sure if the good Lord can even save my eyes from this picture.
Remember how I told you to remember Wilson Creek? This is why...
Don't ever buy a bottle of red wine from them unless you want to taste a mixture of pubic hairs, polyester hair, genital warts and Cover Girl.
Vh1 what are you doing to me?!!!!! A shower scene? This is more terrifying than Psycho! Now I'm never taking a shower! It's baths for me all the way.
New York is always eating. She either has a cocktail, cookie or ciggie in her hand.
When they get to their hotel room for the night, New York immediately heads for the candy basket. Fat bitch! Her momma was right. Tiffany is getting thick!
At dinner, Foofy gives all of his love to Bootz sending New York into another series of odd facial expressions only meant for muppets. Jim Henson's people need to study this bitch. She's got the goods for an amazing puppet.
Bootz is really hot.
New York is going to hurt herself by rolling her eyes that much! Not only that but she needs to recognize that it makes her look like a cross-eyed, mentally challenged tranny. Those are my favorite kind actually.
New York not one to let the moment be lost on someone else, gets up from the table in a fury. She can't stand to see her man with another WHOOORE. Don't you love the way she says whore?
It's like WHOOORRRRRR.
Foofy chases her and promises that the night will belong to them.
Back at the table, New York goes right into it with Bootz. Yawn yawn yawn!
This dude needs help.
Foofy bids farewell to Bootz while New York snacks on a steak bit.
AHAHAHAH!!! Vh1 seriously this is not right! This is indecent!
In Foofy's suite, the two basically bump uglies. They make all kinds of moans and screams. They were either getting down to business or Foofy helped New York untuck her dick. That shit must be painful. You know cause of the ice and shit, it like freezes to your butt cheeks...oh you know!
I know I go on and on about how she's a dude, but come on!!!!??? Look at this!
Paris IS burning and needs to take New York with it!
My favorite bitch in the whole word goes home. Bootz! Why does Foofy always send home the good ones. She doesn't leave without putting in her two sense:
"I got one thing for you. Call me when you get sick of these hos."
That's right hooker!
Bootz, you were too good anyway.
We'll always have New York. Fuck, she's fug!