Prison Makes the Crazy, Crazier
This is a drawing by an up and coming artist named Michael Lohan, father of Lindsay and ex-husband of Dina. He has a lot of time on his hands since he's in prison and decided to use his daughter's image once again to stretch out his 15-minutes. This cartoon depicts his daughter and the demons that are trying to bring her down.
In the 46-year-old Lohan's cartoon, these include money-grubbing lawyers with devil's horns, a prison guard, a paparazzo and an Ugg-booted woman who might be Lindsay's mom, Dina, or her publicist, Leslie Sloane Zelnik. They're all tearing the daughter away from her dear old dad.
"Shame on you," declares the Lord Almighty, who's shown glowering and pointing from heaven. "Don't you know that some things are sacred!?!"
Also depicted - in see-no-evil, hear-no-evil, speak-no-evil poses - are Lindsay's younger siblings, Michael, Alina and Cody. On the back of the cartoon, the artist has scribbled: "The Spiritual Realities and Physical Elements of the truth behind this whole situation."
In his accompanying handwritten letter, Lohan - who's serving up to four years for drunken driving, contempt of court and beating his brother-in-law bloody with a shoe - discusses his "stupid decisions," his new spirituality, an inspirational book he's written and his intention to help troubled teens through a ministry when he gets out of prison. And he shares his views on a variety of hot topics:
His daughter: "Lindsay is a talented, loving, blessed and free-spirited person. I believe nothing I read about her unless I hear it from Lindsay herself. And she's always been honest with me."
Hollywood bigwig James Robinson, who recently scorched Lindsay as a "spoiled child … discourteous, irresponsible and unprofessional" over her unexcused absences from the set of "Georgia Rule": "If Mr. Robinson wrote a letter to her, that is his right. He is a respectable man and I'm sure he felt it as his obligation. … But I do know how things get twisted and I'm sure there is an honest explanation."
Lindsay's one-time pole-dancing partner, Kate Moss: "While I don't think Kate is the best mentor based on reports, these reports could be twisted. To which, I hope and pray (as it appears) Kate has turned her life around as well."
Lindsay's boyfriend, Hard Rock Hotel heir Harry Morton: "He appears private, respectable, and my friends in Vegas only have good things to say about him and his family."
Oil heir Brandon Davis, who repeatedly mocked Lindsay as "firecrotch": "All I can say is that I am happy that God gave me a new way of looking at, and pitying, people like Brandon. I pray for his soul!"
I'm really into Michael keeping busy, but shouldn't he be making license plates and not dipping his unwanted hand into the world of art? I also think he missed a major demon of Blohan's: COKE!