A Friendly Note to Tori Spelling

Dear Tori,

This is MK and I'm just dropping you a friendly note from one bitch to another. I know you want to look your best and I want you to look your best as well. I suggest that in the future if you want to look your hottest don't pose with objects, animals or persons that are more attractive than you. I'm sorry, but you're four-legged friend is Angelina Jolie compared to you. Let me make a few suggestions on items you can pose with: a decapitated body, diarrhea, Star Jones' chest scar, Paris Hilton's ham sandwich and Haylie Duff.

I know the event you attended required you to bring a dog, but your husband could've just brought you. Love you and let's do the Ivy soon.

xoxoxoMichael K

P.S. - Please don't have a baby. Hasn't this World been through enough?