Dlisted: Flavor of Love 2: Return of the Messes

Monday, August 07, 2006

Flavor of Love 2: Return of the Messes

The night that we've all been waiting finally came upon us, last night. Flavor of Love 2 swooped down from the heavens to bring us delights and well lots of shit. Literally. In this recap, I won't talk much about Foofy Foo, because let's face it...this mess of a show is about the hos and only about them. So let's get started.

Continue reading "Flavor of Love 2: Return of the Messes"

Not even 15-minutes into this shit and the first fight broke out. These two bitches were fighting over the same bed. The white ho didn't have a chance in hell! That's like a ghetto tiger going after a kitten. The other white bitch in the blonde hair stood there like a dumb ass. Either get involved or run bitch! Damn!

I think that blonde bitch is calling over her fairy helpers with that magic flower!

The cap below is either from a porno or a Jerry Springer episode....

Damn, don't eff with this ho. She is ruff....ruff...ruff!

The fight was broken up and each piece of trash was sent to a corner. Meanwhile, downstairs the real reason why 20 girls would try and meet Foofy took place...open bar!

That martini glass was never heard from again. That girl's name is "Somethin" and let's just say there's a lot going on in that trunk. I can hear the rumblin' as I type...more on her later...

P.S. - Those pop-ups are annoying!

Introducing......Dlisted's own...TOASTEEE!!!!! This bitch has been one of my readers for the longest time. I got her back. You won't find me dissing this ho. Yeah right...bitch likes to drink. Her eyes were squinted so hard that for a second I thought she was Mister Miyagi.

Nothing says "classy lady" like Boones Farms AND Mike's Hard Pink Lemonade.

Oh shit! There she blows! Someone's about to let the chunks fly!

But for real if I was in a house with a bunch of crazies...I'd been hitting more than the bottle. I'd be hitting the pipe...the crack pipe! Seriously, I love this bitch and nobody better mess with her ass or they'd have to get through me and yes I'd run...but it's the thought that counts.

Damn, this ho is crazy!

Back at the boxing ring...ghetto and white girl got their shit together. Ghetto found it in her heart to offer white girl some "lip chap". WTF is that shit?!

Is that a brand that you can only buy in Crenshaw?!

Ghetto also prayed and thanked God for not letting her "whoop that bitch's ass!" That's what I like to hear! I didn't know God was a pink unicorn. That makes so much sense now.

When Ghetto was asked to explain herself she said the most classic thing of the evening:

"Den she grabbed my hair...right you know I got a weave. She was trying to pull my track out! You can't be pulling peoples track and stuff like that! This is $800 hair! You can't pull no $800 hair, no it don't go down like that!"

Um...ok not only is she more ghetto than a grown man riding the horsie in front of the supermarket ( you know what I'm talking about) but I think she may be mentally retarded!

Is this Harvey's real mother?! I think so. Damn, that stung.

Unfortunately, because she beat a ho down..she was taken back to the battered women's shelter they found her from. At least give her a free pair of Nikes.

Then the "name ceremony" began. This is where Foofy gives each girl a name.

There's that Somethin again and her ass. If Foofy could tell the future he would not put his fingers near that girl's a-hole. It's like a volcano in there.

Bootz knows how it to work it. Homegirl came in knowing what time it is. Someone knows there way around a dollar pill, a greasy pole and wet latex.

So...Foofy gave out the following names:

Toasteee, Buckeey, Wire, Nibblz, Somethin, Hood, Eye'z, Tiger, Beatuful, Bootz, Like Dat, Choclate, Spunkeey, Payshintz, Krazy, Buckwild, H-Town, Bamma and Delishis

Um..I think his ass needs to spend less time on TV and more time in the 2nd grade. Payshintz?! Foofy probably doesn't even know "what time it is", because he can't tell time!

Buckwild is one hot ho! I don't even need to say anything about her. I just need to post some of her quotes:

"I was raised by television. My mom and dad is probably like Oprah and Jerry Springer. That's why I'm like crazy and black. I think that's why."

"Hood being religious was kind of scary, like talking in tongues and all...I mean I've never heard nobody talking in tongue...I mean I tongue kiss somebody, but I never had the Lord talk through me with tongues."

I mean is that not better than Shakenspeare or what?

Now, I got a little ax to grind and I'm going to grind that ax into Spunkeey's head! Bitch messed with my girl, Toastee. You see my girl was just trying to get in some QT with Foofy, when that nasty-ass ho called her a "classless girl." I mean what ISN'T classy about 8 glasses of Korbel and a sparkly, rayon dress. I mean....

Spunkeey...I mean...Stinkeey better watch her ass! And what the hell is she wearing? Did she not learn ANYTHING from Hottie?! This show is called "Flavor of Love" NOT "Flavor of the Boardroom". Check yourself Stinkeey.

Doesn't Beautful look like a cross between Solange Knowles and Rick James? I'm only saying.

Speaking of musical legends...who let Tracy Chapman in the house?

Earlier in the evening, Somethin revealed that she wants to "lick the clit" as she put it. So while she was cozying up to Foofy...that damn hag..Stinkeey called her out on it and it was on.

Can somebody tell me why Stinkeey always has her fingers in her hair? I'm thinking that she tried to get a fly out of it like 6-months ago and hasn't been able to free her finger. She needs a VO5 treatment like I need an enema...or actually...like Somethin needs an enema...more on that later!

Isn't that statue in the back real purty. I like that green detail. Wait, is that a feather boa? I thought that shit was classy until I saw the boa!

Seriously, are her fingers stuck? Is she called "Spunkeey" because that's what's stuck in her do'?

Somethin is putting on some poor unfortunate souls at Stinkeey. That's some Ursula from The Little Mermaid if I've ever saw one!

Or is that a fat Miss J from America's Next Top Model? I'm confused.

After Hurricane Somethin, we find out that Foofy has a spy in the house. He's hired Eye'z to come and dish the dirt. Basically, it's a twist in the game that isn't really a twist. Sorry, producer-men but that little thing was a dud and a dude.

So...the elimination ceremony happens and Foofy tells everyone that Eye'z was a spy for him and they all pretend they were so surprised...blah..blah...blah..

Basically, a bunch of hookers we will never hear from again left the show. I mean who the hell is Tarasha? You know she's just wearing a glamour scarf. You know the kind that they made you wear for your Glamour Shots. She's nude from the chest below.

During the commerical, they gave these two fags their own spot and WHY? They basically acted super gay and lisped about how hot the girls of Flavor of Love are. That poor satin pillow is about to end up in the stomach of a fat fairy along with a shit load of sperm, I'm sure.

After the elimination ceremony...Somethin did...well she did something. Right on the floor! You see she told producers before the ceremony that she had to take a major dump. They told her ass to hold it and when you gotta go...you gotta go!

Somethin headed for the stairs and Nibblz found it! It was Somethin in the foyer with the load.

I mean how the hell is she holding a glass full of champagne and looking at a pile of doo at the same time?! That's a hidden talent she should look into.

Do you think that fancy F stands for feces?

"EAT THAT BITCH!" Ok she didn't say, but you know she was thinking it. And she's pointing to another trail of poo poo left by Somethin.

When nature calls, right? Hey, if you had to kiss Foofy you have to find a way to vomit that isn't so obvious. All Somethin was doing was vomitting through her ass, because she had to kiss that troll!

"That's shit folks!" - Somethin


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