Madonna to Lohan, "Let me be your spirit guide!"
Madonna is trying to counsel young Hollywood into taking up Kabbalah. She was crushed and a little pissed when she spent thousands of dollars on getting Britney Spears into Kabbalah only to have Brit discard the religion once she popped out her puffy pastry of a baby, Sean.
Now Madge is sinking her talons into Linsday Lohan who confessed to having a virtual carousel of men. She said she was trying to find herself but really, Bruce Willis? That coupling was so nasty, I vomit and have diarreha at the thought. Madonna has convinced even herself that Lindsay needs her and needs a new religion but the one Madge should counsel is Lindsay's father because Linds may have VD but he's behind bars. Who's worse off, hmmmm?
Madonna has even christened Lindsay Rose. Because Firecrotch is not a suitable Kabbalah name. Or maybe it was taken. Either way, next time you see Madonna and Lindsay, you must refer to them as Esther and Rose. Is that cute? I don't think so. Although I'm kind of hoping you start calling me Wilma. Old lady names are hot shit!
Hey, if you are searching for something to believe in, a white track suit and red string is way better than a brain sweep, a mind clear and a medula oblongata reprogram that Tom Cruise is so fond of.