Dlisted: Get your barf bags ready, it's Star Jones...

Friday, July 14, 2006

Get your barf bags ready, it's Star Jones...


eyes = Bambi
mouth= braying donkey
flattened tits= Pancake House
being fired from The View? Priceless


Despite getting her wrinkly elephant ass fired from The View, Star Jones is adamant about putting her unpleasant face in front of the camera. I almost choked on my vodka when I was scrolling through the channels and landed at HGTV only to see her saggy jowls and buggy eyes hosting “House Hunters”-- a show I used to enjoy. As every cloud has it's silver lining, she is only guest hosting for one week.

Apparently people like you and me were feverishly writing and calling and protesting, sending bomb threats and staging a sit-in in front of the ABC studios because we couldn’t stand her constant blabbering and self serving spewage. All right, let's not beat around a bush: we hated her. With a passion reserved for wine and love making.

I felt like Pete Doherty on a crack binge laying in a dark alley with the head spins when I read this: “CNN and Fox News Channel have approached Reynolds about hosting jobs.”

WHAT?

STAR JONES is being courted by freakin CNN and Fox news? The apocalypse is upon us! Run for your lives!! What’s next, Ryan Seacrest taking over Anderson Cooper's job?

Star might even get a high paying job as a legal analyst on one of the many news shows. I simply cannot handle this. I need a strong beverage. NOW. Her power is so strong she turned a gay man straight and made Barbara Walters fill her diaper in a matter of seconds. Yet I still cannot stand her.

What I could handle is Star being on the Surreal Life 7 along side Howard Stern and Rosie O’ Donnell. Tell me that shit wouldn’t be hot?!

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