Dlisted: Brad has a small wiener, but you didnt hear it from me!

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Brad has a small wiener, but you didnt hear it from me!



First came the rumors that Brad Pitt smelled like cumin and didn't care to take a daily shower. Seriously, he was supposedly very challenged in the hygiene department which is totally ridiculous for someone who can afford to pay a midget to bathe him with imported caviar soap. Then Jennifer Aniston insisted Brad had a sensitivity chip missing. But smelling like a rotten Subway sandwich left out in the sun and being an asshole is nothing compared to her latest allegation: Brad is a dud in the sack. He’s as easily aroused as a jello mold. And he’s as small as a gherkin, too, take that Bradley Pitt! Yeah, I'm bitter. I haven't forgiven him for dropping me for Jen ten years ago. *Sob*!

Jen is a satisfied customer of Vince Vaughn who she calls “the best love I ever had!” In my humble opinion I think kissing him would be like licking an ashtray and the bottom of a boot. But since Jen smokes too, that’s quite appealing. There's nothing like the subtle scent of Marlboro with a slight undertone of gym socks.

“Friends confirm the star never gushed about Brad the way she does about Vince. “She giggles, saying how great he is, in and out of the bedroom,” one friend says.

Vince, that hunk of burning love, understands Jens needs in and out of the bedroom. Yup, he’s a keeper! Surely he's a giver and people, that's what we look for in a man, right? And all Brad cares about is like, rebuilding homes in New Orleans and feeding the African children and installing heated tiles in his Arts & Crafts style mansion. What a loser!

I hear that Vince and Jen are in the midst of planning a wedding and are looking forward to having children. I think it would be hot if they adopted some orphans from Appalachia. A few freckled, shoeless youngsters with missing teeth from the mountains. Seriously adopt a cause all your own Jen. Banjos, overalls and kids with lisps are hot! Third world countries are like, so yesterday!

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