Dlisted: 12/18/2005 - 12/25/2005

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Bai Ling Makes Me Wanna...

Vomit or take a shit. I'm not sure which one, really. Here's our favorite attention whore giving the camera STDs at some Pre New Year's Eve party. Where the fuck did she find jewelry like this? A dolphin bracelet? You know she bought that shit in Hong Kong.

Anyway, wherever you are Bai Ling (probably in a gutter) I hope you're having a lovely Christmas Eve Day!

Foxy Gets Bitch Slapped!

Foxy Brown maybe a deaf bitch, but she has a serious attitude problem. Foxy was in court yesterday and was asked by the judge to stop chewing gum. The judge told her she was being disrespectful to the court and that she didn't like her attitude. Foxy then stuck out her tongue at the judge to show that she didn't have gum in her mouth. What an idiot what do that shit? Anybody who watches Judge Judy knows not to pull that kind of crap. The judge immediately had her handcuffed and threatened to throw her ass in jail.

While Foxy was being handcuffed, she fought with the officer saying that her many bracelets were in the way. Foxy was then forced to apologize which she did.

Damn, I wish that judge would've thrown that dumb, deaf bitch in jail. A good broom fucking in the ass might fix her bad personality.


Attack of the Clones!

[Thanks to Mike]

Toothy Tells a Secret!

"You know my sister doesn't suck dick the way that I do. She doesn't even swallow!" Toothy to Peter Sarsgaard (boyfriend of Toothy's sister)

The Osbournes are a Trio of Fugliness!


Double Fug!

Grand Damme Fug!

Beach Make-Up

Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale are in Miami after Gwen has finished up her tour. She's of course pregnant and looking for some R&R with the hubby. Does she ever not have a full face of make-up? She has blinding red lipstick on for the fucking beach?

Anyway, she looks pregnant so congratulations! Gavin used to do it for me, not so much anymore.



Here's Brad Renfro getting fucking busted by the LAPD in a skid-row drug sweep buying heroin. Being a child star is hard! Brad once starred in The Client, Apt Pupil and Ghost World. Believe or not he's only 23 years old. Heroin ages you bitches! Don't touch the shit if you're vain.

Anyway, Brad has also been known to suck dick for smack. Oh well, another one bites the dust without getting to smoke it!


Mike Myers is Single!

Right before Christmas?! This is dark sided! Mike Myers and his wife of 12 years have split.

His spokeswhore said: "They remain committed and caring friends,"

No word on the reason for their split. That man trap, Angelina Jolie is involved, mark my words!


Hot Slut of the Day!

Isaac Hayes

Birthday Sluts

Ricky Martin (34)
Ryan Seacrest (31)
Shirley Henderson (40)

Friday, December 23, 2005

Happy 17th Mimi!

Mimi celebrated her 17th #1 single with Don't Forget About Us. She's now tied Elvis for the most singles by an artist. She's only 3 away from tying The Beatles with the most #1s ever.

Somebody please get that cake away from her. I hope it's made with Splenda!

Oh and listen to this voicemail she left on her website about how excited she is. All she can talk about is her dumb dog! Listen to this shit!

Laura Dern Married!

Billy Bob's ex wife, Laura Dern has married Ben Harper. Laura, 38 and Ben, 36 currently have two brats together. They were married today in a small ceremony at their home in Los Angeles.

Let's hope he didn't wear that outfit to their wedding. Oh and he's so much hotter than her homely ass!


Just Please Don't Have Children!

Mischa Barton is set to marry Cisco Adler next year according to sources. Mischa has booked The Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood for her nuptials to take place in February. Mischa has only been engaged to that gross mess for a month.

Ok Mischa can marry that hatchet face, but please don't let them have kids. That kid will seriously look like the bottom of my foot and I haven't had a pedicure in like forever so that shit looks to' up.

[Monsters and Critics]

JLove Helps the Homeless While Looking Homeless Herself!

Just kidding! She's wearing a fucked up wig though. At least I hope it's a wig, because if it's not bitch should ask for her money back from Supercuts. But seriously she has a beautiful soul for helping the homeless, blah blah blah...

I actually like her if she would stop fucking being so GD perky!

Whiskey? More Like Vagina!

Aspiring novelist Johnny Knoxville confesses that he's been trying to write a novel, but whiskey is always getting in the way of his literary aspirations.

He said: "I've started writing a novel, but when you hear about an actor writing a novel, you want to shoot yourself.

"I would like to go back to writing, but whiskey always gets in the way. I ruined myself on Tennessee whiskey by the time I was 15. Whiskey usually brings out the best or worst in me."

Whiskey, yeah right. If he wasn't too busy chasing panty he might have time to write some shitty novel. I really hope he has an understanding with his wife or I really feel sorry for her ass.

[Female First]

Wafah Dufour Wants Your Love!

Wafah Dufour is an aspiring popstar and just wants you Americans to show her the love that she deserves. Ya see, Wafah is the niece of Osama Bin Laden. She's also basically using that to get famous. I saw her like months ago on 20/20 whining about this shit and now she's whining to January's GQ Magazine about the same thing. If she wants to be known as more than Osama's relative, why the fuck does she keep reminding us that she is.

She said: ``I want to be accepted here, but I feel that everybody's judging me and rejecting me,''

`Listen, I would love to raise consciousness. Maybe women could hear the songs and realize that I'm doing my dream and hopefully they can, too,''

She's hot and everything, but she really needs to stop using the Osama bin Laden name to get some press. It seems to be working, but it isn't attractive.


The Dlisted Report

Cyndi Lauper will make her Broadway debut in The Threepenny Opera. She will play the role of Jenny recently vacated by Edie Falco. She joins Alan Cumming, Nellie McKay, Jim Dale and Ana Gasteyer with performances beginning this March. [Playbill]

The trailer for The Hills Have Eyes has hit the net. The horror remake stars Kathleen Quinlan, Vinessa Shaw, Ted Levine, Emilie de Ravin and Aaron Stanford. It hits theaters this March. Click here to view trailer

Paul Walker has been cast as Anthony Hopkins' son in the Ernest Hemingway project Papa. Adrian Noble will direct the drama which starts shooting this coming June. [Dark Horizons]


This is what happens when Paris Hilton pees in the Ocean. - Albz

Leaving on a Jetplane!

By the time you read this, I will be on a jetplane heading to California. Hopefully that shit won't crash, but if it does I want you all to know that I for the record would not hit Marc Anthony. I know in the past I said I would, but that was said in a drunken coma. On that note, here's some pics of JLo and her Ren receiving a gorgeous gift from a fan while shooting her film. You know that bitch threw that piece of garbage in the trash the minute the photogs weren't around.

Anyhow, so I'm going to California and I won't be able to update until later on today when I get settled in and shit. So I leave you with these gorgeous pictures of your two favorite trash bags and I'll talk to you bitches later!

xoxoxoMichael K

Hot Slut of the Day!

Miss Scarlet from Clue

[For Doug]

Birthday Sluts

Susan Lucci (58)
Jodie Marsh (27)
Estella Warren (27)
Corey Haim (34)
Eddie Veder (41)

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Which Carter Brother is Hotter?

The Douglas Spawn is So Fucking Cute!

CZJ, Michael and their son are in Aspen along with all the other celebrity trash. I've never seen pictures of Dylan, but he's really cute! He looks like his mommy which is a good thing. Michael looks like he's about to die from walking up that slope. CZJ will always be my favorite gold digger!

Chestica is a Cry Baby!

Chestica Simpson has requested a new judge in her divorce to Nick Lachey, because she thinks the judge might be prejudiced against her. Yeah, she probably fucked him during her marriage so it's conflict of interest.

A source close to Chestica is insisting that it didn't come from her: "It's a legal technicality. It is important to note this is coming from her attorney, not her."

She owes Nick something, I'm sorry. He helped make her fucking famous with that Newlyweds bullshit. And anybody that puts up with that fucking hyena mouth for that long deserves serious bank!


Blind Item...You Guess...I Guess...

Which gold-digging actress is trying to break up a soon-to-be-divorced
Hollywood A-lister and his TV host girlfriend? Friends say she has
already decided to hyphenate his last name onto hers when she bags the
famous funny man for her own.

Eddie Murphy is the A-lister and Shawn Robinson is the TV host. I have no idea who the gold-digging actress is!

[NY Daily News] [Thanks to Kathy]

Mischa Barton is so Right!

"Pretty people aren't as accepted as other people. It comes with all these stigmas."

I know she is so right. I feel the same fucking way. It's really difficult being that hot. Stupid cunt!

[Contact Music]

Lauryn Hill is Unbeweavable!

Afternoon Crumbs

The Marc Jacobs Christmas party was so fucking gay! [Gawker]

Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman fly away together, but they aren't a couple! [Just Jared]

Debra Messing is NOT Hot. [Hollywood Tuna]

Kiki Dunst says "Fuck You" to the handicapped! [WWTDD]

If Chestica Simpson guest stars on Desperate Housewives, I will seriously erase it from my TiVo. Ok, I won't. [Hollywood Rag]

Jordan Quote of the Day!

On what she's getting Peter Andre for Christmas:

"He's going to get me this year, in my red suspenders, my saucy knickers and my Santa outfit. I'm going to put candles all round the room and rose petals in the bath and we're going to have a sensual evening. He deserves it".

[Thanks to Albz]

Click here to see NSFW version!

I Want to be Whitney's Wig

Last night was Christmas with the Browns, no it wasn't about laxatives. It was the Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston Christmas special. Rich over at FourFour wrote a fucking amazing recap of that shit. It was only 30-minutes, but it did not fucking disappoint. Whitney was the fucking star. This bitch is beyond nuts. But I have a serious question? When did they film this, because it ain't Christmas yet?

One of my favorite parts was when Bobby grabbed Whitney's rose and tore it off, she then took just the bud and put it in her fucking wig.

I think her dog's in love with her. She probably gives it lots of bacon.

Ladies and Gents, this is what crazy looks like. The fucked up wig, the shabby fur, the poor animal...she's one step away from becoming Little Edie.

This is either Whit having a thought or a fart. Her wig is suffering.

When Bobby Brown touches you, your eyeballs tend to roll back into your head. Not because it feels good, but because he works for Satan.

This what love looks like.

Go to FourFour right now and read Rich's entire recap with tons of pictures!


Michael K on MySpace

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