Bai Ling Makes Me Wanna...

Vomit or take a shit. I'm not sure which one, really. Here's our favorite attention whore giving the camera STDs at some Pre New Year's Eve party. Where the fuck did she find jewelry like this? A dolphin bracelet? You know she bought that shit in Hong Kong.

Anyway, wherever you are Bai Ling (probably in a gutter) I hope you're having a lovely Christmas Eve Day!

Foxy Gets Bitch Slapped!

Foxy Brown maybe a deaf bitch, but she has a serious attitude problem. Foxy was in court yesterday and was asked by the judge to stop chewing gum. The judge told her she was being disrespectful to the court and that she didn't like her attitude. Foxy then stuck out her tongue at the judge to show that she didn't have gum in her mouth. What an idiot what do that shit? Anybody who watches Judge Judy knows not to pull that kind of crap. The judge immediately had her handcuffed and threatened to throw her ass in jail.

While Foxy was being handcuffed, she fought with the officer saying that her many bracelets were in the way. Foxy was then forced to apologize which she did.

Damn, I wish that judge would've thrown that dumb, deaf bitch in jail. A good broom fucking in the ass might fix her bad personality.

[Yahoo]

Attack of the Clones!

[Thanks to Mike]

Toothy Tells a Secret!

"You know my sister doesn't suck dick the way that I do. She doesn't even swallow!" Toothy to Peter Sarsgaard (boyfriend of Toothy's sister)

The Osbournes are a Trio of Fugliness!

Fug!



Double Fug!



Grand Damme Fug!

Beach Make-Up

Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale are in Miami after Gwen has finished up her tour. She's of course pregnant and looking for some R&R with the hubby. Does she ever not have a full face of make-up? She has blinding red lipstick on for the fucking beach?

Anyway, she looks pregnant so congratulations! Gavin used to do it for me, not so much anymore.



[JJB]

BUSTED!

Here's Brad Renfro getting fucking busted by the LAPD in a skid-row drug sweep buying heroin. Being a child star is hard! Brad once starred in The Client, Apt Pupil and Ghost World. Believe or not he's only 23 years old. Heroin ages you bitches! Don't touch the shit if you're vain.

Anyway, Brad has also been known to suck dick for smack. Oh well, another one bites the dust without getting to smoke it!

[Gossiplist]

Mike Myers is Single!

Right before Christmas?! This is dark sided! Mike Myers and his wife of 12 years have split.

His spokeswhore said: "They remain committed and caring friends,"

No word on the reason for their split. That man trap, Angelina Jolie is involved, mark my words!

[People]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Isaac Hayes

Birthday Sluts

Ricky Martin (34)
Ryan Seacrest (31)
Shirley Henderson (40)

Happy 17th Mimi!

Mimi celebrated her 17th #1 single with Don't Forget About Us. She's now tied Elvis for the most singles by an artist. She's only 3 away from tying The Beatles with the most #1s ever.

Somebody please get that cake away from her. I hope it's made with Splenda!

Oh and listen to this voicemail she left on her website about how excited she is. All she can talk about is her dumb dog! Listen to this shit!

Laura Dern Married!

Billy Bob's ex wife, Laura Dern has married Ben Harper. Laura, 38 and Ben, 36 currently have two brats together. They were married today in a small ceremony at their home in Los Angeles.

Let's hope he didn't wear that outfit to their wedding. Oh and he's so much hotter than her homely ass!

[People]

Just Please Don't Have Children!

Mischa Barton is set to marry Cisco Adler next year according to sources. Mischa has booked The Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood for her nuptials to take place in February. Mischa has only been engaged to that gross mess for a month.

Ok Mischa can marry that hatchet face, but please don't let them have kids. That kid will seriously look like the bottom of my foot and I haven't had a pedicure in like forever so that shit looks to' up.

[Monsters and Critics]

JLove Helps the Homeless While Looking Homeless Herself!

Just kidding! She's wearing a fucked up wig though. At least I hope it's a wig, because if it's not bitch should ask for her money back from Supercuts. But seriously she has a beautiful soul for helping the homeless, blah blah blah...

I actually like her if she would stop fucking being so GD perky!

Whiskey? More Like Vagina!

Aspiring novelist Johnny Knoxville confesses that he's been trying to write a novel, but whiskey is always getting in the way of his literary aspirations.

He said: "I've started writing a novel, but when you hear about an actor writing a novel, you want to shoot yourself.

"I would like to go back to writing, but whiskey always gets in the way. I ruined myself on Tennessee whiskey by the time I was 15. Whiskey usually brings out the best or worst in me."

Whiskey, yeah right. If he wasn't too busy chasing panty he might have time to write some shitty novel. I really hope he has an understanding with his wife or I really feel sorry for her ass.

[Female First]

Wafah Dufour Wants Your Love!

Wafah Dufour is an aspiring popstar and just wants you Americans to show her the love that she deserves. Ya see, Wafah is the niece of Osama Bin Laden. She's also basically using that to get famous. I saw her like months ago on 20/20 whining about this shit and now she's whining to January's GQ Magazine about the same thing. If she wants to be known as more than Osama's relative, why the fuck does she keep reminding us that she is.

She said: ``I want to be accepted here, but I feel that everybody's judging me and rejecting me,''

`Listen, I would love to raise consciousness. Maybe women could hear the songs and realize that I'm doing my dream and hopefully they can, too,''

She's hot and everything, but she really needs to stop using the Osama bin Laden name to get some press. It seems to be working, but it isn't attractive.






[Smart]

The Dlisted Report

Cyndi Lauper will make her Broadway debut in The Threepenny Opera. She will play the role of Jenny recently vacated by Edie Falco. She joins Alan Cumming, Nellie McKay, Jim Dale and Ana Gasteyer with performances beginning this March. [Playbill]

The trailer for The Hills Have Eyes has hit the net. The horror remake stars Kathleen Quinlan, Vinessa Shaw, Ted Levine, Emilie de Ravin and Aaron Stanford. It hits theaters this March. Click here to view trailer

Paul Walker has been cast as Anthony Hopkins' son in the Ernest Hemingway project Papa. Adrian Noble will direct the drama which starts shooting this coming June. [Dark Horizons]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

This is what happens when Paris Hilton pees in the Ocean. - Albz

Leaving on a Jetplane!

By the time you read this, I will be on a jetplane heading to California. Hopefully that shit won't crash, but if it does I want you all to know that I for the record would not hit Marc Anthony. I know in the past I said I would, but that was said in a drunken coma. On that note, here's some pics of JLo and her Ren receiving a gorgeous gift from a fan while shooting her film. You know that bitch threw that piece of garbage in the trash the minute the photogs weren't around.

Anyhow, so I'm going to California and I won't be able to update until later on today when I get settled in and shit. So I leave you with these gorgeous pictures of your two favorite trash bags and I'll talk to you bitches later!

xoxoxoMichael K

Hot Slut of the Day!

Miss Scarlet from Clue

[For Doug]

Birthday Sluts

Susan Lucci (58)
Jodie Marsh (27)
Estella Warren (27)
Corey Haim (34)
Eddie Veder (41)

Which Carter Brother is Hotter?

The Douglas Spawn is So Fucking Cute!

CZJ, Michael and their son are in Aspen along with all the other celebrity trash. I've never seen pictures of Dylan, but he's really cute! He looks like his mommy which is a good thing. Michael looks like he's about to die from walking up that slope. CZJ will always be my favorite gold digger!

Chestica is a Cry Baby!

Chestica Simpson has requested a new judge in her divorce to Nick Lachey, because she thinks the judge might be prejudiced against her. Yeah, she probably fucked him during her marriage so it's conflict of interest.

A source close to Chestica is insisting that it didn't come from her: "It's a legal technicality. It is important to note this is coming from her attorney, not her."

She owes Nick something, I'm sorry. He helped make her fucking famous with that Newlyweds bullshit. And anybody that puts up with that fucking hyena mouth for that long deserves serious bank!

[People]

Blind Item...You Guess...I Guess...

Which gold-digging actress is trying to break up a soon-to-be-divorced
Hollywood A-lister and his TV host girlfriend? Friends say she has
already decided to hyphenate his last name onto hers when she bags the
famous funny man for her own.

Eddie Murphy is the A-lister and Shawn Robinson is the TV host. I have no idea who the gold-digging actress is!

[NY Daily News] [Thanks to Kathy]

Mischa Barton is so Right!

"Pretty people aren't as accepted as other people. It comes with all these stigmas."

I know she is so right. I feel the same fucking way. It's really difficult being that hot. Stupid cunt!

[Contact Music]

Lauryn Hill is Unbeweavable!

Afternoon Crumbs

The Marc Jacobs Christmas party was so fucking gay! [Gawker]

Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman fly away together, but they aren't a couple! [Just Jared]

Debra Messing is NOT Hot. [Hollywood Tuna]

Kiki Dunst says "Fuck You" to the handicapped! [WWTDD]

If Chestica Simpson guest stars on Desperate Housewives, I will seriously erase it from my TiVo. Ok, I won't. [Hollywood Rag]

Jordan Quote of the Day!

On what she's getting Peter Andre for Christmas:

"He's going to get me this year, in my red suspenders, my saucy knickers and my Santa outfit. I'm going to put candles all round the room and rose petals in the bath and we're going to have a sensual evening. He deserves it".

[Thanks to Albz]

Click here to see NSFW version!

I Want to be Whitney's Wig

Last night was Christmas with the Browns, no it wasn't about laxatives. It was the Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston Christmas special. Rich over at FourFour wrote a fucking amazing recap of that shit. It was only 30-minutes, but it did not fucking disappoint. Whitney was the fucking star. This bitch is beyond nuts. But I have a serious question? When did they film this, because it ain't Christmas yet?

One of my favorite parts was when Bobby grabbed Whitney's rose and tore it off, she then took just the bud and put it in her fucking wig.

I think her dog's in love with her. She probably gives it lots of bacon.



Ladies and Gents, this is what crazy looks like. The fucked up wig, the shabby fur, the poor animal...she's one step away from becoming Little Edie.



This is either Whit having a thought or a fart. Her wig is suffering.



When Bobby Brown touches you, your eyeballs tend to roll back into your head. Not because it feels good, but because he works for Satan.



This what love looks like.



Go to FourFour right now and read Rich's entire recap with tons of pictures!

[FourFour]

Heidi Klum is Everywhere!

Heidi at the casting call for Germany's Top Model:





Heidi at some McDonald's event, she deserved a break that day:



Heidi with some old dude at a World Cup event:



Heidi also does weddings, bar mitzvahs, funerals, birthdays, commitment ceremonies, cable access shows and dog grooming. Deposit required.

You're eder in or you're out!

[Oh No They Didn't]

Being Naked With Your Mom!

The Gastineau Girls are seen here baring it all. While Lisa looks like a deer caught, Brittny (yes, she spells her name that way) is trying desperately to make her tits look bigger. This just isn't good.

[Pic: A Socialite's Life]

Heath Has Trouble With Accents But Not With Showing It All!

[click on image to "enlarge"]

Heath Ledger confessed that he had tons of trouble perfecting his American accent on Brokeback Mountain.

He said: "Words can sometimes restrict what you want to say.

"It was important for me to find the regional accent and characterize it. Turn my mouth, my face around so it's clenched like a fist and the words have to punch their way out."

Yeah I get it Heath, but he had no trouble showing his happy friend during filming! The above pictures were snapped while Heath filmed a scene for the movie. Photographers captured Heath in all his glory. The film was edited not to include him nude.

That shit ain't bad actually! I'd hit it!

[Ireland Online] [Thank to DobryDen]

Loretta Lynn Can't Even Hide Your Fug Fish Lips!

Posh is an Alluring Woman!

Posh Beckham attended Elton John's wedding reception the other night. Well, it kind of looked like Posh..but it could've been a wax dummy sent in to fool the photographers! Either way, she's gorgeous! I love Posh, because she's so fucking fake. I bet you she's pays top dollar to have her skin look that fucking waxy. She hardly moves, just stares like she's the hottest shit ever.

I'd be pissed if I was Elton and that bitch walked in looking like that on my wedding day. She seriously needs a bigger career in America. She's also an animal lover!

I'd give my right arm to see a Posh and Jordan mud wrestling match!

And I'm so jealous of that fag sitting with her. She doesn't even know he's alive!

Thank You Chestica!

Jennifer Aniston would like to thank Chestica Simpson for taking the spotlight off of her.

Maniston said:

"(The paparazzi invade my life because) there are so many new celebrity magazines out there. They're desperate to fill their pages.

"I'm just grateful to poor Jessica Simpson for taking some of the heat off me."

Ugh, shut the fuck up already. I'm so sick of these cunts crying about the paparazzi and the media glare. If you hate it so much, fucking move to Antartica or the fucking jungles where only monkeys and penguins will bother your ass. And as far as I know they can't operate a camera. This isn't brain surgery. Johnny Depp was sick of that shit so he moved to some farm in France.

Maniston should thank Jesus that the world cares about her. If she wasn't famous, she'd be serving us fries at fucking Denny's. And that's the truth!

[National Ledger]

Lahoma00's nightmare!

by Lahoma00



I had a fucking nightmare last night that I couldn't escape from! In my dream, I was forced to share a room with My Little Pony Parker! We were both locked in some mental institution or something, and this slut kept blabbing and blabbing on about how hot she was! I remember in my dream I wanted to kill myself! Also I remember in the dream she was barefoot but she had total man feet!

What the fuck punishment did I do to deserve this horrible nightmare?

Bitch is Broke!

We all know that Courtney Love is so broke she would suck your dick for a Metro Card. So it's no surprise that she's looking to sell her rights to the Nirvana catalog. Apparently, Courtney is quietly looking for buyers to give her $100 Million for the rights.

This is basically a slap in the face to former Nirvana members Dave Grohl and Krist Novoselic who fought tooth and nail against Court for the rights.

Courtney is now drug-free and slimmer, but is extremely broke. But she ain't broke enough to go shopping! She's gonna smoke away that $100 Million faster than we can say Smells like Teen Spirit.

[Monsters and Critics]

A Human Tragedy

Mimi, Mimi, Mimi...Jesus Christ. You aren't a fucking 12 year-old-girl anymore! You were 12 like 40 years ago. You know I love me some Mimi, but she's seriously a living and breathing human tragedy. Here she is in Aspen which is cold, so she bundled up. But obviously she forgot to bundle up her fat midriff.

I just noticed how fucking thin her eyebrows are for such a fat face!



[JJB]

Martha Stewart is So Over The Apprentice

Last night was the anti-climactic finale of The Apprentice: Martha Stewart. The episode started with Martha coming out and plugging her daytime talk show. The Martha finale was very different from the Donald finale. The Trump finale is all glitz and glamour with lots of hub bub and shit. The Martha finale was anything but that.

Martha basically just said what she had to say. When she finally announced the winner she did it so nonchalantly that everyone including the winner seemed perplexed.

The winner was announced as Dawna with basically no reason from Martha on why she was hired. Dawna won a job at some shitty magazine that I've never heard of in Boston.

Martha did however manage to wear black, sequined pants which I thought was kind of hot.

The Dlisted Report

ABC has picked up an entire season of the yet to air Heist. The pilot has been shot and ABC was pleased. The Heist, an ensemble dramedy starring Dougray Scott and Steve Harris, chronicles over the course of a season a group of thieves' attempt to simultaneously rob three jewelry stores on Beverly Hills' famed Rodeo Drive. It will debut this spring. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Christina Ricci will guest star on Grey's Anatomy as a person in a life-and-death situation. She will appear on a special episode that will air after the Super Bowl in February. [The Hollywood Reporter]
Phillip Seymour Hoffman is reportedly in talks to play The Penguin in the Batman sequel. The other villian has been named as The Joker. Paul Bettany has been considered a front-runner for the role. [Dark Horizons]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

Mariah shouldn't have had sex with the dog from her Christmas card. - Mpls

[Thanks to Floren]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Penelope Pitstop

[For Loozer]

Birthday Sluts

Ralph Fiennes (43)
Mia Tyler (27)
Vanessa Paradis (33)
BernNadette Stanis (52)
Maurice Gibb (56)
Robin Gibb (56)
Diane Sawyer (60)
Hector Elizondo (69)

Those Were the Best Four Months of My Life!

It's official! Renee Zellweger is a single gal. Her fourth month marriage to fruit-cake Kenny Chesney was annulled today. Both Renee and Kenny waived their rights for a new trial and appeal.

Me thinks that Kenny is gonna celebrate with a butt plug and some poppers!

[People]

Sienna Miller is Not Pretty!

She's well packaged. Have you seen the previews for Casanova? She looks like such a fucking hag in that movie. She looks absolutely disgusting. I'm not sure why the fashion world is all up and arms about her. She doesn't dress that amazing to me and her face is fug. She just got cheated on by the right dude which suddenly made her a household name. Anyway, here's some pics of her in American Vogue.


[click on image to enlarge]

Why are Bitches So Hard Up on Toothy?

I can agree that Jake Gyllehaal is attractive, but I just don't understand why fags and chicks go ga-ga over his ass. I mean they seriously would rip out their eyes just to have one kiss with him. Is it because he's normal looking, so he's more accessible? Look at him here, he looks like just anybody walking down the street. But seriously, what is it?



[JJB]

Tampon Christmas Tree!

This holiday season why not involve the whole family in a fun and creative craft activity? You can make your entire Christmas tree ornaments out of tampons! Oh yes, everything from the star to the lights can be made entirely out of an object that you stick into your bloody vagina!

Click here to make your very own tree!

[FunMansion] [Thanks to Meredith & Justine]

Madge is Totally Copying On Kylie!

[Thanks to Don] [MixKylie]

Clean My Sunglasses Bitch!

HoHan and some friends did some lunching at shopping at Fred Segal when the bitch lost her earring. An eyewitness claims HoHan told her friend to clean her sunglasses while she talked to a waiter and bus boy about finding her precious jewel. She also found time to catch a smoke.

Seriously, being her friend sucks.







[JJB]

Afternoon Crumbs

Just looking at Tommy Lee and Pam Anderson together can give you some kind of STD. [IDLYITW]

Angelina Jolie moved the rest of her shit into her wife-to-be's crib! [Just Jared]

HoHan will fuck anyone! Even Keanu Reeves! [Egotastic!]

Mimi has lost her fucking mind, but she still reads Business Week! [City Rag]

Saudia Arabia is serious about covering up Mimi's body! [TBLE]

Clooney, De Niro and Pesci interviewed by the FBI? This has the makings of a great porno! [Glitterati]

Jennifer Aniston shopping at Maxfield's looks as exciting as it sounds. [Hollywood Rag]

Ewww, Eva LongWHORIA eating grosses me out! [Popsugar]

The Hiltons are Single-Handedly Ruining Christmas!

What kind of goddman Christmas card is this? There ain't even a tree or santa hats. These Hiltons know nothing about the holidays. They seriously need to sit down and watch Charlie Brown's Christmas Special and stick candy canes up their arses!

Being a Hilton sucks so bad!



[Gawker]

Ryan Seacrest Keeps Getting Jobs!

When I lived in Los Angeles, I listened to Ryan Seacrest on Star 98.7 and thought "this bitch is so fucking annoying." Who knew that he would become annoying to hundreds of millions of people as he gained fame as the queeny host of American Idol. Then he got his own talk show for no good reason and some other radio gig! His talk show has since folded, but now Ryan has a new deal.

E! has decided to punish our asses by hiring Ryan as the new lead anchor on E! News and plans to develop a show for him. The deal is set to be worth seven-figures and last three years.

Ryan will start his E! duties by hosting the red carpet for them in January.

Will this man ever go away!?! He probably had to drink tons of cum to get that deal.

[People]

Kate Moss Speaks!

In her new commercial for Virgin Mobile, Kate Moss actually speaks! I thought she was a fucking mute! She has the cutest voice ever, like a little school girl!

Watch this shit!

[Adrants]

Attack of the Clones!

[Thanks to Shasti M and Vivalashameless!]

Why Isn't Justin Timberlake Hot?

Isn't he supposed to be hot? Seriously, he's so not. He's channeling the unabomber with this look.

[Lime-Light]

Merry XXXmas!

Pam Anderson was on Jay Leno this Monday wearing some tired old Santa Clause costume. This sex-kitten act is getting super old. She's kind of a hot mess though. I love how she's just handing Playboys to everyone. She's like inviting them to see her cooze.

Alex P. Keaton Going Back to the Future?

Michael J. Fox has admitted he is currently in negotiations to star in a fourth installment of Back to the Future. Michael suffers from Parkinsons disease, but doesn't think this is going to a problem. Michael also wants to take over the role of Doc played by Christopher Lloyd in the previous three films.

He said: "The only way it would work would be if I played Doc. I'm 44-years-old now and I'm not interested in running around on skateboards! I think after 1, 2 and 3 we all kind of felt we had done it. And I think if they did it again now they would do it with a younger cast and just do a different realization of it, which would be fun."

This would be really hot. However, Hollywood would probably totally fuck it up. They don't make movies they way they did in the 80s anymore! They would probably cast Bow Wow or some shit.

[Ananova] [Thanks to superview]

I Guess Love is Blind

I once said that I'd totally hit Marc Anthony and now I fucking eat my words. He's fucking fugly as a motherfucker! Someone seriously beat him down with the ugly stick and starved him for like 5 years. He looks like he's been in a Vietnamese prison without any food or sunlight for the past few years.

He's seriously going to die or pass out any minute now. JLo's so happy she could shit. She knows he's too weak to go anywhere.



[JJB]

Madonna Hates Fags!

Not really, but she's not really into Elton John. Elton told a British newspaper that he was pissed at Madge, because she didn't show up to his hen party!

He said: "Madonna, the miserable cow, wouldn't do it. David asked her three times."

I'm sure he was joking! Madge isn't really a horse, she's more like a lame horse!

[Ireland Online]

Woody Gets a Woody Over Scarlett's Love Life

Scarlett Johansson is fucking disgusting! She finds Woody Allen very attractive. Damn, she's nasty. She said that she also got a kick out of Woody's interest in her love life. Yeah, because he wanted the dirty details of her getting banged by Josh Hartnett!

Scarlett said: "He's not always sure of himself, and that's a sexy quality."

"But you know what cracks me up? He's fascinated with my love life."

Ok I don't think she fucked him, but she totally gave him a hand job. His jizz is probably like honey: super thick and sticky.

[Female First]

I Thought She Didn't Like Kids?!

Didn't Debbie Rowe say in an interview that she really didn't want kids and she doesn't even like them? That's the reason why she just handed her kids over to Jacko like that? Well, she's changing her tune. Debbie filed court papers accusing Jacko of kidnapping their two kids by taking them to Bahrain without her permission.

Debbie asked a judge on Monday to force Jacko to return to the United States with her kids.

Why is this bitch still involved with this shit? He ain't got anymore money to give her ass!

[Page Six]

Dean Cain is NOT Hot as a Blonde!

Blind Items...You Guess...I Guess...

Which Hollywood superstar's new relationship seems entirely to be conducted in the full
glare of the media? Maybe it's because her funnyman beau prefers men?

Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn, that's the best I could do!

Who is Kate Moss going to hook up with next? Well, just before she fell for Doherty she had sex with a cartoonish indie singer in the toilet of a house paty.

I have no clue!

Which former teen-band idol copped off at a gay sauna last week with a rather cute rent boy?

Jordan Knight!

A Gay Wedding!

Elton John, 58 and David Furnish, 43 tied the knot in Windsor, England today! They join hundreds of same-sex couples that are taking advantage of Britian's new law offering same-sex couples the same rights as married straights.

Guests included Ozzy & Sharon Osbourne, Elizabeth Hurley, Bryan Adams and Kid Rock.



[Yahoo News]

The Dlisted Report

The teaser trailer for Mel Gibson's Apocalypto is up and running. The film hits theaters in Summer of 2006. Click here to view trailer.

Ethan Hawke will direct an adaptation of his own novel called The Hottest State. The boy-meets-girl, girl-dumps-boy saga is set in a grungy New York of aspiring actors, writers and singers. Chronicling the desperate, consuming rush that accompanies young love from its first hints to its ultimate disintegration, the story focuses on two young aspiring performers grappling with questions of self-identity and emotion that neither is equipped to handle. Michelle Williams is expected to star. [Production Weekly]

Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List has been renewed for Bravo. Shooting will start this February according to Griffin. Griffin will also no longer be on E!'s red carpet duties. [Reality Blurred]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

Where's Hootie? - Anonymous 6:06pm

Hot Slut of the Day!

Sonia Manzano aka Maria from Sesame Street!

Birthday Sluts

Kiefer Sutherland (39)
Julie Delpy (36)
Andy Dick (40)
Ray Romano (48)
Jeffrey Katzenburg (55)
Thierry Mugler (57)
Samuel L. Jackson (57)
Jane Fonda (68)

That Nicole Richie Really Needs to Lose Some Weight!

[JJB]

Would You Hit It?

I totally would, but only if I could dress up as an altar boy and he can be the priest.

Mischa & Cisco Adopt a Kitty!

Poor thing has to go home with those fuglies. Ugh, that's not kind of life for a cat! Could be worse, he could be going home with Parasite.

Afternoon Crumbs

You know it's Christmastimes when the He-Man/She-Ra Christmas Special arrives! [FourFour]

WTF did Diana Ross wear to Richard Pryor's funeral? She's such a drama queen! [A Socialite's Life]

Speaking of Richard Pryor's funeral, Mo'Nique didn't even take the time to shave her fucking legs! [Concrete Loop]

Jamie Foxx fantasizes about seducing Mimi. Must be a fag. [Hollywood Rag]

Don't Hassle the Hoff! [Just Jared]

Do you think The Pussycat Dolls are trannies? Yeah, me too. [Hollywood Tuna]

Customs got in the way of Scarlett Johansson showing her rack. [Egotastic!]

Naomi Campbell strikes again! [Gabsmash]

Gwen Stefani Officially Preggers!

DUH! Rumors have been circulating for weeks that this bitch is knocked up!

Gwen Stefani is officially preggers with Gavin Rossdale's baby. Gavin already has a 16-year-old daughter with another bitch.

Gavin's father confirmed the rumors as did Gwen's mother.

I think someone brought up LAMB for that baby name which I think is genius. I'd like to see something in honor of her Harajuku girls.

[Yahoo] [Thanks to Maria and My Dingaling]

A Very Jordan Christmas!

You guys are too fucking much! Two beautiful Jordan picture spreads in two days from OK! Magazine. I'm going to have a heart attack from such excitement! Jordan is a true homemaker and mother. I love how she's worth millions of dollars, but it looks they are posing on the staircase of a fucking women's shelter! Harvey is growing up to be quite hot. Baby Junior is asking us to please shoot him before he ends up like Harvey. Peter Andre is patiently waiting for the shoot to end so he can go to the local baths and suck cock.

Jordan is such a loyal wife that she even cooks a delicious Christmas dinner for her family. Who fucking carves a turkey like that?

All I want for Christmas is Jordan!



[Huge Thanks to 4Queen&Cuntry]

This Strike is Fucked Up!

Even Santa Clause was left stranded. Two Santa Clauses! That ain't right. Thank God, I'm close enough to walk to work. Why do they have to leave people hanging like that? I don't know enough facts so I'm not going starting calling people greedy or stingy, but this ain't right! It's cold as fuck and bitches are walking like 3 hours and shit. I'm also waiting for something bad to happen with the whole carpool thing. You know someone is going to take advantage of that shit and rob or rape someone.

When do they bring in the scabs?

[AP]

But Did She Thank God?

Mimi won 4 awards or some shit at last night's Radio Music Awards. I totally missed that shit. Was it even worth it? That show looked tired. Looks like it wasn't that big of a deal, because bitch didn't even wear one of her tragic gowns the way she usually does. I'm in love with her, but damn she's got a smashed in face!

Her breasts are zip codes apart!





[Mariah Daily]

Parasite Hilton Drops $100k While Looking Like $2

Here's Parasite Hilton's car loaded with packages and gifts from Louis Vuitton, Sony, Jennifer Kaufman and more. Parasite had herself a shopping spree spending thousands of dollars. I bet you half of that shit was for her stupid ass. For someone who can afford to drop so much cash, she sure looks like a two-bit hag!





[JJB]

What is a Hen Party?

Elton John and his boyfriend David Furnish threw a pre-wedding bash last night at London's Too2Much Club. The pair are set to tie the knot tomorrow in England taking advantage of a new law which gives gay couples the same rights as straights do in marriage.

The Hen party was attended by Jake Shears, Neil Tennant, Ian McKellen, Eric McCormack, Lulu, Orlando Bloom, Kid Rock, Tamara Mellon and Kate Bosworth.

WTF is a hen party? Is that like a bachelor party for fags?

We wish those two queens all the joy in the fucking world. God, that wedding is going to be a mess!

[Contact Music]

Faces of Meth!

Here at Dlisted it's our duty to show you the dangers of many different things. Such as the dangers of being a full on whore can you make as stupid as fucking Parasite Hilton. Today, let's talk about the dangers of meth. Not only will it put you in the poor house, but it will get you a ticket to the ugly house! BEWARE, these pictures will most likely send you into shock!

Viewer Discretion is Advised!







[Thanks Gabe!!!]

I Know What Kind of "Mints" Those Are!

Adrien Brody was recently caught smuggling mints into New Zealand for Peter Jackson. When Adrien attempted to enter the country, customs stopped him.

Adrien said: "As a marketing gimmick for the thriller I did, THE JACKET, they made up caffeinated breath mints in prescription pill bottles. I gave Peter some and he loved them.

"I had to go home to do press for The Jacket. So when I came back to New Zealand, I brought a huge bag of those mints, like a thousand pills. I got pulled aside in customs."

When customs found out what they were and who was receiving them, they let him go.

Caffeine mints please. That shit is speed. Now that's how Peter lost all that fucking lard!

[Female First]

What is Up with Ali Hohan?

Ali Hohan is Hohan's younger sister. She's like 12 or some shit. She apparently has landed a deal with Disney for her own show. What's with younger sisters of sluts getting development deals and shit. It happened for Jamie Lynn, sister of Brit Brit. I just don't get it.

I mean Ali isn't anything that special. She kind of looks like a mouse. She recently starred in HoHan's video for Confessions from a Broken Heart. HoHan was moved to tears by Ali's brilliant performance. I was moved to chuckles.

But you know HoHan is so jealous of her, because she wishes she was THAT skinny.





HoHan with her favorite thing in the world!



[Oh No They Didn't]

Who is the Next Bond Girl?

Charlize Theron has officially turned down a role in Casino Royale, the next Bond movie opposite Daniel Craig. The role has already been dissed by Angelina Jolie, Sienna Miller and Scarlett Johansson. Shooting is expected to begin next month leaving producers to scramble for a female lead.

The producers need to call me. I have a long list of ladies that would love to be the next Bond girl and they would do it for free: Margaret Perrin, Loni Anderson, Pia Zadora, Omarosa, Miss Piggy, Mermaid Baby, Star Jones...shit I can go all day!

[Female First]

Sharon Osbourne's Gonna Shrink Her Tits!

Are they even that big? Sharon Osbourne apparently had breast implants put in six months ago taking her from a 32C to a 34DD. Damn, that is big. She's looking to have them reduced before Christmas.

She thinks that her tits are too big.

"I don't like them now, they're too big!

"I'm having them changed. Ozzy likes them, but they're too big. Honestly, they weigh a lot."

Sharon is no stranger to plastic surgery. She's admitted to having liposuction, a tummy tuck, facelift, leg lifts and ass lifts.

Now all she need is her mouth wired shut.

[The Mirror] [Thanks to Tushkin]

We Shall Never Be Parted!

Michael Bolton and Nicolette Sheridan dated a while ago, but the two were seen getting close again in Los Angeles. This is exactly who Nicollette should be with! Two D-Listers deserve each other. He's actually looking hot. Shit, I have no standards. I'd hit.





[Lime-Light]

Margaret Perrin & Parasite Hilton Together at Last!

You heard right! The God Warrior and The Jizz Warrior were at the same event in Las Vegas on Sunday night. They both attended some stupid LG Mobile Poker event at the Palms. I really hope the two hooked up! Marge can save dark-sided Parasite, but it's probably too late!

Just Release the Damn Tape!

Brit Brit Spears is fucking pissed at UsWeekly and has decided to sue their asses for $20 Million. Brit did not appreciate the story they ran that she had a sex tape with husband KFed. The bitch is seeking $10 Million in libel damages and another $10 Million for misappropriating her image and name to promote sales.

According to the lawsuit, the article was published Oct. 17 in the magazine's "Hot Stuff" column and claimed that Spears and her husband feared the release of a secret sex tape, which they had viewed with their estate planning lawyers.

The article stated that Spears gave a copy of the tape to the lawyers on Sept. 30 and that she and her husband were "acting goofy the whole time" while watching the video.

"There was no laughter, disgust or goofy behavior while watching the video in the company of lawyers because they did not watch any video, and because there is no such video," the lawsuit stated.

Brit has already taken the rag to court, but they refused to issue a retraction. Bitches stand by their story!

So they don't have a sex tape? Shit, I was truly hoping they did! This ruins Christmas!

[Yahoo News]

The Dlisted Report

Fox has decided to greenlight and move forward with a sequel to Johnson Family Vacation which starred Cedric the Entertainer and Vanessa Williams. A follow-up to last year's low-budget comedy that earned more than $31 million domestically, Johnson Family Vacation 2 is expected to pick up where the Johnsons' holiday ended. The first film, which starred Cedric the Entertainer, followed the Johnson family on their cross-country trek to their annual family reunion. Cedric is expected to reprise his role. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Keira Knightley is expected to star in Silk, based on a novel. Set in 19th Century France, the film will tell of a married silkworm smuggler, Herve Joncour who travels to Japan to collect his clandestine cargo. While there he spots a beautiful European woman, the mistress of a local baron, and they fall in love. When Herve's wife begins to suspect something is up, a black cloud starts to mask the unrequited love. Michael Pitt is expected to co-star with Keira with filming to start this Spring. [Dark Horizons]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

after the horrible attack we should not speak of, the remaining two harajuku girls resign themselves to their fate...servants for star jones. - Mariootsa

Hot Slut of the Day!

Ronnie Spector

Birthday Sluts

Chris Robinson (39)
JoJo (15)
Uri Gellar (59)
Michael Badalucco (51)

Jordan is the World's Best Mom!

Can I tell you that these pictures have really changed my life. Fuck Christmas, this is all I need. These are the most beautiful photographs ever taken in the history of the world. Jordan needs to win some awards on being such a responsible mother as well as a prolific human being.

That being said..bitch is fucking nuts! What kind of mother takes sexy photographs with her mentally-challenged, blind son? This bitch does and that's why she is the hottest woman to ever live! Fucking Jordan uses Harvey like he's a stuffed toy! Her tits are probably bigger than poor Harvey's head!

Now let's get to Harvey. He really is so fucking hot and amazingly photogenic. He really needs to be in America's Next Top Model Cycle 6. He'd take the fucking crown. So, I hope you enjoy these pictures as much as I do.

This is raw beauty, people. Take a good look.











[Special thanks to Albs & Amanda for these hot pics!]

JESUS! Put Him in Jail for Life Already!

Pete Doherty has been arrested AGAIN! This is the second time this month and probably the hundredth time in his life! He was arrested for driving under the influence. He was probably under the influence of like 100 kinds of drugs.

Seriously! He is a menace to society!

[Spin] [Thanks to Tushkin & Albs!]

Which One is the Top?

You know Star Jones and Eva Pigford have lezzed out. I bet you Star eats a good snatch! It is fat free! Eeek! I can't stand to look at Star! She's like a bad car accident. You know it ain't good for you, but you can't stop staring!

[Talk of New York] [Thanks to JP]

Brooke Hogan is Only 17!

And she's already turning tricks! They get em' young these days. Seriously though, this bitch looks TO' UP for only 17. She looks like her daddy's age! She's worn out.

The Ashlee Simpson Virus is Contagious!

Bo Bice was set to take over for Ashlee Simpson at The Radio Music Awards in Las Vegas tonight, but has fallen ill! This bitch put a voodoo curse on him! Bo was rushed to the hospital after he spat up blood yesterday.

His rep said: "In what appears to be a complication from a previous surgery, Bo was rushed to the hospital yesterday,"

"He is doing fine and is returning home for treatment. He is canceling his performance on the Radio Music Awards (Monday night) and Jimmy Kimmel Live (Tuesday)."

Bo had surgery back in August for intenstinal blockage.

[People]

Vintage Brad Pitt

Afternoon Crumbs

Rachel McAdams has lost her hotness. [Hollywood Tuna]

Kid Rock is totally turning into KFed before our very eyes! [City Rag]

Ashlee Simpons is A-OK after almost dying in Japan. You can all breathe a sigh of relief. Oh, she's totally gonna blame it on acid reflux. [The People We Love to Hate]

The bitches of Memoirs of a Geisha are probably so much hotter than the movie itself. [Just Jared]

Cisco Adler doesn't think his hair is THAT stringy! [Hollywood Rag]

Eliza Dushku shaves her pussy. [WWTDD]

Nick Lachey might sell his story to OK! Magazine. What? He talks? [Popsugar]

If Gisele Bundchen releases an album, I'm going to rip out my eardrums with a rusty nail! [Gabsmash]

Gwen Stefani Wears Wigs?

I thought that she always wore her real hair! If you click on the second picture and examine closely you'll see that shit is a wig! Does anybody wear their real hair anymore?





[JJB]

Starving Animals!

Michael Jackson's animals are said to be starving while he's in Bahrain. The Neverland Ranch still owned by Jacko is said to be in financial ruin, because he can't pay his bills! The electricity has been partially cut off at the estate. The animals at the zoo on the ranch have been starving to death!

A source said: "I am told the situation at Neverland is dire. While Jackson is in Bahrain with his kids and their nanny, some of the electricity at the ranch was recently shut off.

"Also, there are real fears now for the animals in Jackson's home zoo. Last week, the ranch was down to almost no food for the animals. At the last minute, sources say, a delivery was made, but it won't last long."

Jacko is also facing worst problems. Starting tomorrow Jacko is officially declared in default of a staggering $250 Million loan! This means that the loan company will be able to foreclose and take possession in half of Jacko's interest in Sony Music.

Looks like there won't be any Christmas bonuses at Neverland!

[Life Style Extra]

Robbie Williams Loves the Corset

Apparently, Robbie Williams is fed up with the growing gut on his body, so he's looking to high-tech corsets to fix that. Robbie has spent a near fortune on two fat-melting girdles.

The girdles consist of an air-tight suit that he must wear which hooks up to a Vacaunaut device. After this he runs on a treadmill for 45 minutes. Damn! He has one in his London home and one in his Los Angeles home.

A friend said: "Most days he appears in his suit, like an eccentric spaceman, asking to be zipped up or unzipped."

His spokeswhore confirmed that he uses this shit.

This reminds me of that episode of I Love Lucy where she fucking stayed in that sauna all day to get into that costume. He's fucking nuts! Whatever happened to good ole' not eating and snorting coke?

[Female First]

Poor Motherfuckers Have No Idea!

Maybe the Alien Fetus has Been Transferred to Him!

Or maybe Tommy Wommy's got a lil' stomach ache!

Parasite Gets Busted!

Parasite Hilton had a Christmas party at her Hollywood Hills home and got busted by the cops for being too loud! She was probably screeching so loud from having two dicks inside her ass at the same time!

And isn't she the best pet owner? I love how she's letting that guy just hold Baby Luv over the balcony ala Michael Jackson. I guess she didn't get Baby Luv taken away from her! Sucks to be Baby Luv!

There's only one HO in this Ho Ho Ho!



Ok make that two!



Yeah his dick was one of the two that sent Parasite screaming in terror!



And because of that, the cops were called. They should've arrested her just for shits!

I Gotta Give Love to Fergie!

I wish that Fergie would fucking cut off those diarrhea looking bangs! They aren't hot, but I gotta give love to her because we both come from the SGV in California. We gotta support each other. So bitch should support me with a check or two. God, she's a low-rent Gwen Stefani and it pains me to say that.



At least she listened to use and pulled those bangs back. But unfortunately doing that draws focus to her face.

Jennifer Aniston is The Real Heroine of 2005!

According to that crazy drunk Shirley MacLaine, Jennifer Aniston is 2005's greatest hero. Shirley worked with Jennifer on Rumor Has It and says that she is most proud of Jennifer Aniston this year for the way she handled her divorce to Bradley Pitt.

Shirley said: "She has been trampled in public, but her emotional discipline is extraordinary and I really want to compliment her for that,"

"I'm really proud of her for the way she is handling this. She has come through what must be one of the most painful and difficult requirements of any human being, much less a young person,"

Can somebody tell me how she was trampled in public? Everybody kissed her ass. She was like fucking Mother Theresa after that shit happened. Yeah it sucks to see your ex with a hotter chick all over the world, but having millions of dollars can you help you get over that.

[Hindustan Times]

Julia Roberts Does Nothing for Me!

Smile bitch, you're worth like a trillion dollars! But I'd hit her husband!





[Lime-Light]

Who Did It Better?

And if you say Carmen, I will beat your ass!

[Oh No They Didn't]

Carmen Electra has a Warning to All Women!

Check your ass before exiting a restroom! Why? Carmen suffered an "embarrassing" moment after she left a ladies restroom without checking her ass. No, she didn't have dirty booty! Not this time anyway, because you know she don't wipe.

Carmen said: "I used the restroom at a party. After I came out to mingle with the crowd, my assistant realised that my dress was tucked into my G-string and my butt was exposed!

"So always check your dress, because it could happen to you."

How does that happen? Don't you lift up your dress to take a piss and pull your thong down? So when you pull your thong back up it catches the back of your dress? Won't you feel the breezes on your bare ass? She doesn't, because her ass is always out for the world to view.

And please what does she have to be embarrassed about. I've seen her coochie before!

[Female First]

Why Hide Now?

Nicole Richie is seen here leaving The Ivy in West Hollywood and trying to hide from the paparazzi. Nicole hasn't been exactly shy in the past with the paparazzi, so why start now. You don't go to the fucking Ivy if you want privacy. Black and white stripes also scream "take my picture."






[JJB]

We All Know She Likes Fuglies, But Come On?!

Please tell me that Kate Moss is not fucking dating Jack Osbourne. This bitch is suffering from severe low-esteem if she is. Kate and Jack were seen shopping in Los Angeles and then had a little ice cream. Kate has recently kicked Pete Doherty to the curb and is now a single slut.

She'd really fuck anyone wouldn't she? I'd hit it, but I don't want to get HIV. Just kidding, she doesn't have that!

[ITN 50] [Planet Brenda]

Zoe Kravitz is Like Any Other 14 Year Old!

Bitch loves to smoke, drink a 40 and party all night long. You know she's fucking too. Would we expect anything less from the daughter of Lenny Kravitz and Lisa Bonet? What is wrong with these parents? I was doing that kind of shit when I was 14, but if my mom found out she'd get me a therapist or some shit. Oh well, looks like we've found the next Parasite Hilton folks!







[Gossiplist]

Nothing Legally Binding

Brad Pitt was seen purchasing two vintage Cartier wedding rings in Beverly Hills sparking rumors that he will marry Angelina Jolie very soon. Sources close to the pair claim they are going to have a Buddhist style ceremony at Brad's Malibu mansion. The ceremony won't be legally binding, but will bind them in Buddha or some shit like that.

A source said: "“They'll not be having a traditional wedding ceremony, basically due to the fact they both had them in previous relationships."

Brad has already showed his devotion to Angie by adopting her two kids.

These two exhaust me, God! Will they get married already and get lost. I'm seriously getting over them. I'm almost about to issue a NO Brangelina rule on Dlisted. I said almost. Yeah like that will ever happen!

[The Sun]

The Dlisted Report

King Kong opened at #1 with just over $50 million below studio estimates. The Chronicles of Narnia came in at #2 with $31 Million. The Family Stone rounded out the top 3 with $12.7 Million. [Box Office Mojo]

Laurence Fishburne will adapt, direct and star in The Alchemist. Fishburne will play the part of Santiago, well-educated and who had intended to be a priest. A desire for travel, however, prompted him to become a shepherd instead. He's contented, but then he dreams twice about hidden treasure, an a seer tells him to follow the dream's instructions: got to Egypt's pyramids, where he fill find a treasure. Santiago makes it to the pyramids and there learns where his fortune is actually to be found. Filming stars in Dubai next year before moving on to Jordan. [Production Weekly]

Documentarian Morgan Spurlock of Super Size Me fame has optioned the rights to The Republic War on Science, a best selling novel. The novel by Chris Mooney explores the motivations behind the U.S. government's stances on scientific topics, from stem-cell research and climate change to missile defense and sex education. [Variety]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

Tom Cruise schools KH in the ancient art of BJ, via the sacred Scientology text, the Karma Fruta. - Metagroupie

Hot Slut of the Day!

Fran Drescher

Birthday Sluts

Jake Gyllenhaal (25)
Marla Sokoloff (25)
Kristianna Loken (26)
Alyssa Milano (33)
Amy Locane (34)
Tyson Beckford (35)
Kristy Swanson (36)
Criss Angel (37)
Jennifer Beals (42)
Robert Urich (59)
Cicely Tyson (72)

Happy Birthdays Xtina!

Xtina celebrated her birthday early at Privelege in L.A. last night. That hair is fug. She looks like she's going to the fucking prom. Happy Birthday Xtina! Your hair and boots are fug, but you're still hot.

Oh and your man is pretty fug too, but I'm sure he's swinging.

A Beautiful Holiday Message from Star Jones!

She'll use any opportunity to hawk that stupid fucking book of hers!

To all my friends and fans:

I want you to be the first to hear about my new book which is available on January 6, 2006. It's called Shine: A Physical, Emotional and Spiritual Journey to Finding Love, based on my own search for happiness and fulfillment.

I asked myself a few years ago, "Girl, is your life as good as it gets?" And when I didn't like the answer, I decided to make some big changes which brought me to where I am today: in the

happiest relationships of my life-with Al, with God, and with myself! In Shine,

I share the secrets of my own journey and show you how to get started on

making your own life as good as it can be!


With 2006 right around the corner, people are thinking about what changes to

make to start the New Year off right. Shine is the perfect holiday gift from the heart for your best girlfriend, your daughter, your sister, or even yourself.

Check out any of these online retailers just by clicking here. Some retailers are even offering downloadable or email-able holiday gift cards, so your "present" will be wrapped and ready.

Stay tuned for further email updates when I start my book tour-I may be coming to a bookstore near you in 2006!

Happy Holidays!

Meanwhile, Al is getting plowed by 4 truckers out in New Jersey.

[Thanks to JulieP]

Hot Slut of the Week: Tila Tequila

Age: 24
Birthday: October 24, 1981
Birth Name: Tila Nguyen

Original Date of Hot Slut of the Day: December 14, 2005
Claim to Fame: Good question, she became famous through MySpace!

Where is she now? She's featured on the MySpace soundtrack CD

Why is she Hot Slut of the Week? She's seriously fucking hot and becoming famous through MySpace is even hotter!

Blind Items..I Guess...You Guess...

WHICH up and coming young actor got his recent first high profile role using other skills than his acting talents. The heroic star secured the role by going the extra mile with the director that the other young actors linked with the role refused to. Now that the true nature of his 'audition" has been leaked to the press, studio publicists are working overtime to divert attention to the actor's other attributes...

DUH! Brandon Routh aka Superman

WHICH A-list actress throws a punch like a prizefighter? When the sexy thesp caught her wealthy boyfriend bugging out on cocaine and booze in a room at L.A.'s Chateau Marmont, the couple got into a vicious argument that led to the actress slugging her boyfriend in the face, causing him to fall and chip his tooth on a table. But they soon reconciled and spent the day driving around L.A. looking for a good cosmetic dentist.

Uma thurman

WHICH Hollywood actor and his wife stiffed the staff at a historic downtown hotel with no tips whatsoever after living there more than a month? He was in town working on a play and she reportedly drove the staff nuts with her diva demands before they packed up and left without tipping.

Antonio Banderas & Melanie Griffith

[BritBoy in LA] [Page Six]

You are Getting Very Sleepy...

She gives the same fucking expression!

[Fundumper] [Thanks to Diva112]

Doesn't Alanis Look Gorgeous as a Blonde?

Poor thing. Red, Brunette, Black, Blonde...no matter what she's still one homely motherfucker!

Where Did They Get the Cash?

Courtney Love and Frances Bean are seen here leaving Kitson in West Hollywood with a bunch of bags. Did they steal that shit? Isn't that bitch broke. I know Courtney Love's a mess, but she actually looks a tad bit better here. Don't get me wrong, the bitch is still trash but she looks thinner and healthier. You know she won't give up that crack!

Frances Bean has lovely eyes. Let's hope she didn't inherit her mother's brains or that chick is a goner!

Hot Slut of the Day!

Lindsay Price

Birthday Sluts

Brad Pitt (42)
Christina Aguilera (25)
Katie Holmes (27)
DMX (35)
Casper Van Dien (37)
Ray Liotta (50)
Leonard Maltin (55)
Steven Spielberg (59)
Keith Richards (62)