Dlisted: 12/11/2005 - 12/18/2005

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Angie is Shrinking!



Angie Jolie picked up Maddox from school in Malibu yesterday and of course wore black. She mixed it up with a little grey which makes me kind of proud of her. However, I've noticed that she's been getting to so fucking skinny. She's like shrinking and shit.

Maddox is so awesome and that mofo knows it!

Adam Carrington Returns!

by Lahoma00

I just saw the trailer for Poseidon, which looks to be some hot shit, and to my utter shock and delight who is in it but Gordon Thomson, aka Adam Carrington from Dynasty! I thought I was on drugs, but I checked this shit against imdb and it's all true.

Image hosted by TinyPic.com

Finally, Gordon is making a career comeback! He's such a prissy fag, but I love his ass. This is the ultimate Kwanzaa gift from above. I hope he shares scenes with that slut Jacinda Barrett!

Brittany Murphy's Stretch-Marked Titties!



How does someone her age who hasn't had any kids get stretch marks all over their breasts? Can't she cover that crap up with pancake make-up or something? And why draw attention to them by lifting your breasts up even more! So many questions?!

See them up close!

[Egotastic!]

Weekend Crumbs

Another great actor kicks it! [Glitterati]

Gisele & Kelly are kind of a goofy couple. [Just Jared]

Renee Zellweger's spokeswhore wants us to know that THEY ARE NOT dating. She also says they might have had dinner together. They were probably just gabbing and exchanging beauty secrets. [Page Six]

Parasite beats out JLo for Peta's worst dressed list. Why? Did she make Baby Luv into a coat? [Gabsmash]

John Mayer thinks Kanye West is a little woman. Haha...awesome! [Hollywood Rag]

Mr. Winkle can not be real. While others think he's cute, I think he's creepy! [Celeboganda!]

Wipe Your Ass With Some Posh!



OH HELL NO! They did not make toilet paper with the most gorgeous woman in the world's face on it. This ain't right. However, she's done a lot of shit kissing so it's pretty much appropriate. You are only $24 away from having your very own toilet paper roll with Posh Beckham's gorgeous face all over it. If you've wanted to sit on her face, now is your chance!

The perfect stocking (and asshole) stuffer!

Click here to order today!


[Thanks again to Courtney!]

Back to Pink



Where has Pink been? Probably face first in a basket full of muffins, if I ain't being too subtle! But she's returned to us and back to having pink hair. I actually like this chick. Her music isn't that bad and she seems to be into her own thing. But, please tuck the thong in. It's not 1999!

Merry Christmas from TomKitten!



Someone please save him!

[iVillage] [Thanks to ffleur]

Dessarae Bradford is Cuckoo!



Dessarae Bradford is this low-rent phone-sex operator who sued Colin Farrell for harassing her ass. She also claims that she fucked Alec Baldwin and even published a book with the title "I Fucked Alec Baldwin in His Ass". This hooker is not right. She recently went on PAX TV's show called Lie Detector and miserably failed a lie detector test about having sex with both those men. She cursed out the host and claimed that her test was rigged.

Colin Farrell of course denies that he ever met her ass. Dessarae has just issued a dance song in which she just repeats over and over "I fucked Alec Baldwin, Colin Farrell is my bitch."

When she was told that Alec Baldwin denies ever meeting her, she said:

"Oh God, of course he would say that. But it happened, trust me. I still have the vibrator. Maybe I can scrape off the evidence and get a DNA sample or something?"

Hmm....this is someone desperately trying to get famous at any cost and miserably failing. Well, honey you can always go back to phone fucking!

Since When is Usher a Scientologist?



Usher attended that Scientology event in NYC to help the firefighters of 9/11. He was there with TomKat. Is he really a Scientology or just looking to dabble. Someone told me that Scientologists claim they can cure being a fag, so maybe that's why he's checking into it.

But it hasn't worked for Tom! Katie is a giant! She could take both of them!



Hot Slut of the Day!



Orange Blossom from Strawberry Shortcake

Birthday Sluts



Milla Jovovich (30)
Giovanni Ribisi (31)
Sean Patrick Thomas (35)
Gregg Araki (46)
Bill Pullman (52)
Eugene Levy (59)

Friday, December 16, 2005

Chestica Files For Divorce!



Duh! Like they were really going to make it. Chestica filed for divorce from Nick Lachey today citing the good ole': irreconcilable differences. She has also requested that her name be changed back to Simpson officially. She is not asking for any spousal support.

But I beet you HE'S going to ask for support! God, I hope this gets as ugly as Chestica's sister!

[People]

Merry Christmas from The Pitts!



Like they are going to be together that long!

[Todd Umbarger]

Would You Hit It?



What happened to George Michael? I know we've all been asking that, but he stills looks like this! These pictures were taken last night. He used to be so fucking hot, but now he's turning into a corpse! And not a hot corpse either and trust me there are hot corpses. I've seen them on Six Feet Under. At least his boyfriend is not attractive either. I hate when fuglies are with hotties!

Uma's Cherry Nipple!



It looks soft! It looks like a disease too!

[Goldenfiddle]

Julianne Moore is Perfection










Afternoon Crumbs

Romeo injured himself, so he won't be featured in Dancing with the Stars. His daddy Master P will take his place. Injured? He just didn't want to look like a fag! [Concrete Loop]

Why is Matthew McConaughey so fucking hot?! [Just Jared]

Katie Holmes' birthday party makes me wants to get drunk and hurl. I don't know why I said that, but probably because I'm drunk right now! [Hollywood Rag]

Teri Snatcher has won a libel case against a British newspaper that said she bones dudes in a van parked in her yard. Duh! Everybody knows that the van is parked on the street! [Reuters]

I like the Denise Richards that doesn't cover her ass! [Hollywood Tuna]

Howard Stern gracefully signs off from free radio. [People] [Thanks to Rollerslut]

Who Would Run This Country Better?



[TadSpot] [Thanks to Colleen!]

My Little Pony Parker Quote of the Day!



"Both myself and my son are more accustomed to having him (Matthew Broderick) gone in the evenings, so when he's actually home and he's not working in the theatre, it's honestly more of an adjustment to actually have him in the house interrupting our (routine)."

[Thanks to DobryDen]

Posh is Beyond Gorgeous!


Posh Beckham is seriously a gross woman, but I can't help be entranced by her. She does look like an alien, but I think she's only doing that because she wants to get on Tom Cruise's good side. You know how they are friends and all. Tom probably likes her, because he believes she's the alien princess brought to earth to bring him peace or whatever.

That's her sister who is totally normal, except Posh's style has totally vomited all over the poor thing!





[Popsugar] [Thanks Courtney!]

Move Over Eminem!



Here comes Mike Ditka, the next great white rapper! Was this shit hot like in the 80s, because it's hotter than shit right now! Watch this shit, I'm totally going to play this jam at my family Christmas party. I can't wait to see my aunt krump to this. Old and new, old and new... We've come full circle!

YOU HAVE TO WATCH IT!

[Thanks to Superview]

Rachel McAdams has Hairy Nips!



We've all seen the nipple slip. Click here and look closer. She has hair all over it. Can't she pluck that shit?! I know people get that shit, but keep it trim. Rachel call me, I'll give you the digits to my electrolycist.

[I Don't Like You in That Way] [Thanks to April!]

Who Are You Kidding?



Why are Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney continuing this charade? Don't they know that we know he likes dick and she likes coke. Come on, it was cute the first time. It's just desperate and ugly now. According to several sources the two have had several secret dates in New York City and Connecticut. Yes the secret dates were together.

One witness said: "They just kept looking at each other. They were cuddling during their meal."

They were probably staring at each other so hard, because Kenny was trying to turn her into a 9" dick and she was trying to turn him into a pork chop. She's hungry!

[Ireland Online]

Elton John Coke Blocks Donatella Versace



Picture this: You are Donatella Versace, you are wearing some ugly frock that you sort-of designed, you love champagne, you love coke even more. You've invited that fag Elton John over to party. "Fuck the Pain Away" by Peaches comes on the radio and that's your jam, so you head to the powder room to get a little powder. Suddenly, the nastiest man you've ever seen blocks you. It's Elton John and you're confused, but you try and get around his fat arm. He blocks you and says there's a jet waiting. You say "fabulous, let me get my bikini!" But it's not going to St. Tropez, it's going to Arizona. You hate Arizona, but that's where REHAB is. Oh no, not rehab.

This is a true story. Sad but true.

Donatella said: "On June 30 [2004] Elton was in my house in Milan, along with a few friends. I went to the bathroom to powder my nose and they blocked me. They told me there was a plane about to depart for Arizona.

"I was shocked but I understood the time had come. I slipped into a tracksuit and ... alone and with no make up, caught the plane."

Please don't take coke away from Donatella. She won't be the same. I like her just the way she is. Coked up and with a penis!

[Female First]

Why Are They Always So Sad?



Don't get me wrong, I love Nicole Richie. I honestly do, she's one of my favorites. However, I have to call this bitch out. We're cool like that. When she first lost all that weight, she seriously looked hot. And then the weight kept dropping and now she makes my neighborhood alley cat look like a fucking heffer. She looks sad and scraggly. I love how Mischa Barton looks so fat standing next to Richie. My fish is even fatter than Richie.

Maybe if she eats a fucking Oreo she'd be a lot happier. And shopping doesn't seem to cure her blues, because she does it every second!




Ashlee Simpson Collapsed! Hooray!



One can only hope. No, I don't want that bitch to die. I just want her vocal chords to suddenly snap. I'm already on a one-way ticket to Hell, I might as well go first class.

Ashlee Simpson was performing in Japan when she fucking collapsed! Ashlee had just performed her single Boyfriend when she said she felt unwell and told the audience she loved them. A few moments later she collapsed in an elevator and was rushed to a nearby hospital. Her spokeswhore has confirmed all of this and no word yet on how she's doing.

I personally don't think it's drugs. I would say the bitch doesn't eat. She's totally the type. I mean she was at McDonald's for godsakes. Anorexics LOVE Mcdonald's. Anyway, eat some sushi and get better. Maybe this will teach you to leave the singing to your slutty sister.

[US Weekly] [Thanks to the hotness known as April]

Ewwww

I Guess He Needed More Publicity!



Talan Torriero and Kimbo Stewart called off their "engagement" like a couple of weeks ago. They hit Club Mood a couple of nights ago in full force. The full force being Kimbo's hideous fucking outfit. At least it distracts from her monster face.

Talan is totally with this ho, because she's the only famous chick desperate enough to want to hang out with him on a daily basis. He's shameless.

Tara Reid's Vagina Traps Honeymooner!

Recently married Joe Scarborough and his wife Jennifer Hagel Smith were honeymooning on the Greek isle of Mykonos when he disappeared after falling overboard on their cruise ship. Just hours before Joe managed to get a picture with Tara Reid who was in Greece filming her now cancelled show Taradise for E!. Joe was apparently so star struck by her according to his wife.

She said: "He finally worked up the courage and asked her for a picture, which I still have," "He was so proud of that picture."

Darling, your husband didn't fall overboard. He was the latest victim of Tara Reid's man-eating vagina.

[Page Six] [Big Thanks to InfoBitch]

Randal Wins The Apprentice, But Snubs Rebecca!



Last night was the season finale of The Apprentice. This season was honestly one of the best because the final 2 were both people that deserved to win. Most of the previous contestants seemed to be with Randal for the win, especially with Alla. Alla is a dumb stripper bitch though. She's honestly so jealous of Rebecca, because she wants to be the most powerful woman in the room.

Basically, I kind of knew Randal was going to win. When Donald Trump declared Randal hired, he also asked him if he should also hire Rebecca. To which Randal basically said "No". Now, first of all I think it was highly unfair for Trump to ask Randal of this. Trump should've just hired both of them, because they were both equally hot. Second of all, Randal is a complete ass for not saying yes or even saying "I can't make that decision, but if you feel that she's deserving then by all means you should hire her". Right?

I became quite disappointed with Randal throughout the final boardroom, because he basically attacked Rebecca. Rebecca being the classy bitch that she is completely kept her cool and only said good things about him.

With all that being said, this was one of the hottest season's ever and I hope Trump hires Rebecca anyway!

The Dlisted Report

Bruce Willis has signed on to star in Morgan's Summit for director Tom Schulman. Willis will play a radio host whose latenight show is devoted to songs and stories that promote the power of kindness. His devotion to redemption changes when a brutal crime affects his life, and his thoughts turn to vengeance. [Variety]

Our Family Troubles has been acquired by Reese Witherspoon to produce and a possibility to star in. The drama, which will get a new title, casts Witherspoon as a first-time mother so plagued by unexplained phenomena that she doubts her own sanity. When she returns to her Tennessee home, she fixates on the legend of the Bell Witch and becomes convinced the evil spirit is intent on harming her son. [Variety]

Kate Beckinsale will join Sam Rockwell in Snow Angels. Beckinsale will play a small-town waitress who has suffered through a tumultuous relationship with her estranged husband (Rockwell). Shooting on this indie film begins this February. [Variety]

Ali G actor Sacha Baron Cohen will star in Curly Oxide and Vic Thrill, a script written by Tina Fey and produced by Lorne Michaels. Cohen will play Curly Oxide, the rock moniker adopted by a young Hasidic Jew who wandered into the Brooklyn bar where a drunken Vic Thrill played his raucous rock. The duo headed to Thrill's recording studio and began laying down tracks that mixed their musical styles with playful lyrics. [Variety]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS!



THE TOP 5 (in no particular order):

mariah carey auditions for the dukes of hazzard. - Anonymous 2:00pm

GravatarI guess the junk is no longer in the trunk... - I Heart Michael K

Holy shit, where did I put my fucking keys? - Elinorianne

Booby-trapped! - GG's Avatar

Mariah EATS Aretha to become the new queen of soul. - Peter A


[Thanks to Allison]

Hot Slut of the Day!



Marilyn Vos Savant of Ask Marilyn

[For Rollerslut]

Birthday Sluts



Benjamin Bratt (42)
Paul Van Dyck (34)
Miranda Otto (38)
Jon Tenney (44)
Steven Bocho (62)
Liv Ullmann (67)



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