Dlisted: 12/04/2005 - 12/11/2005

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Weekend Crumbs

Penelope Cruz in Sean John totally looks like Frosty the Snow Ho. [Gasbmash]

Nicky Hilton's dress is totally munching on her crotch. [Hollywood Rag]

Madge and Marilu Henner are so separated at birth! [Perez Hilton]

Officer Shaq?! Shaq was made an official police officer! Hookers and Crack for everyone! [Concrete Loop]

Charlotte Lurch is sick and tired of sexy chicks draping themselves all over her man. And believe me this bitch will kill you. She's nuts! [Female First]

Patrick Swayze gets pictures from women showing their naughty bits. That's why my mom wanted to borrow my digital! [Celeboganda]

Aubrey O'Day made Diddy's band. I knew she was in from the beginning! [The Bastardly]

All Boobs and All Hot!

Vintage Teri Snatcher

Here are some pics of a nude Teri Snatcher standing on a balcony from the film Heaven's Prisoners. Not bad, but that was ten years ago. A little droopy, but still totally hot and natural. She probably looks so fug underneath there now.

[Thanks to Superview]

Click here to see the rest!

Michelle Branch has Fucking Lost it!

Michelle Branch has this band called The Wreckers. Apparently, she wrote this on their website but it has since been pulled. This bitch is fucking nuts!

She wrote:

Alright, I don't even know why I am still awake seeing as I have to be up in a few hours to feed Owen.

What I am most frustrated at, I suppose is...I pay money to keep this website up so all of you "fans" can talk about our music. Why would I want to spend the money so the majority of you can sit around and *** about us?

I understand that you are frustrated with the fact that there isn't any music for you to listen to. Don't you think Jessica and I are frustrated too?? We finished this record over a year ago and were sent on a lame ass tour we didn't want to be on. It was a horrible idea to headline a show playing music that nobody had ever heard. Maverick wanted to make a quick buck, and unfortunately, we were obligated by contract to do so. I was 5 months pregnant when we started that tour and believe me...it was the last place I wanted to be. Then I got pushed into doing a Santana song I didn't want to do (I didn't write it either, Shanks wanted me to sing it so bad, that was a bargaining tool), Maverick wouldn't let me do it unless Jess was on it so they would get "free" promotion for a record they didn't even understand or believe in for the most part. The record wasn't released because Maverick didn't want me promoting an album pregnant. they thought it would look bad to my young fans...bull.

As far as "biting the hand that feeds you"..

I would give nothing more than to play music in a *** bar and fold clothes at The Gap for a living. My "being famous" has done nothing but ruin my relationship with my parents, mostly my Father and it has made me hate doing what I used to love more than life itself...playing music. I have been pushed around and now most of you see me as someone who I never really was, and most of you can't accept the plain fact that people change and grow up and I'm not the little girl you think I am. I have a family of my own now, a baby...the last thing I could imagine doing is making music. I'm fine financially (although I don't make millions contrary to popular belief.) and being a famous musician has brought nothing to my life besides strife. (Okay, I met my wonderful husband and bandmate because of it.) I have maybe written two songs in the past year. That's ridiculous. This isn't fun for me anymore. I'm sick of sucking *** to get my music heard, putting on a fake smile, and saying things that are acceptable.

On the contrary, The Wreckers album makes me very proud and excited again. It's almost like my first day at a new school. it's a fresh start. I'm finally excited to tour (although I need to find a nanny!) and I am looking forward to seeing what fans think.

You know, I CAN take the criticism. I just don't understand why I should pay for an arena for you to do it. If you are a "fan" why do you speak about Jessica and I in that way.

I never wanted to be put on a pedestal..I just wanted to make music. And believe me, many times I have thought I was going to quit. It's too much energy to pretend it's fun. You can call me a baby if you'd like, but life is too short to spend it being miserable.

This board is going to be shut down tonight. I think we all need a break. When the Wreckers album finally comes out, we'll see the ones who decided to stick around. As for the rest of you, I meant it when I said "f-off"


[Thanks to Jennifer for sending me this] [The Wreckers]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Heidi Standridge from Project Runway 2

[For Karolina & Mona]

Birthday Sluts

Meg White (31)
Raven (20)
Summer Phoenix (27)
Nia Peeples (44)
Kenneth Branagh (45)
Michael Clarke Duncan (48)
Susan Dey (53)
Mako (72)

Friday, December 09, 2005

Brangelina to Make it Legal this Weekend?!

Both Perez Hilton and Pink is the New Blog are reporting that Brangelina are set to tie the knot in Sarasota, FL this weekend. Sarasota? That shit is random. Rumor has it they will marry at The Ritz Carlton Hotel.

I called The Ritz in FL and they fucking said no and hung up on my ass. Like they would tell me, but it was worth a shot. Rude bitches! I should've pretended to be Maddox, fuck!

UPDATE - Apparently those sluts are going to get married today! I just called again and asked for Pitt's spokeswhore's (Cyndi Guganti) room and they said she wasn't staying there and hung up on my ass! I'm such a low-rent Brenda Starr! Perez is reporting the wedding is happening RIGHT NOW!

UPDATE #2 - A reader just let me know that Angie and Brad are in Sarasota, but it's currently raining. Reader AndyElle has let me know that they called The Ritz and confirmed there was a wedding today. Why did they lie to my ass?! Damn that Ritz!

UPDATE #3 - Perez has said that Brad is in Canada and Angie's in Los Angeles. Ugh. And reader StacyS just told me there aren't any helicopters in the area. Oh well! GD that Maddox. I know he was the brain child of this shit!

AccessHollywood confirms that shit ain't true. Damn! Unless this is a decoy!

BREAKING: Did Michael Jackson Overdose?!

The National Enquirer is reporting that Michael Jackson has overdosed on dolls and booze and is currently in a hospital in Bahrain. Say it ain't so!

The Santa Barbara police, located near Jackson's Neverland ranch, investigated the 47-year-old pop star which resulted in the child molestation charges. Jackson was acquitted of all charges on June 13 at the criminal trial.

Now The National Enquirer has learned exclusively that Santa Barbara police were told by family insiders that Jackson "recently OD'd on Demerol and Jack Daniels" in Bahrain.

In a Santa Barbara police internal email from a high-ranking police official were claims that Jackson has overdosed "a couple of times since he left the States. His status, according to the source is critical."

The email did not say if Jackson was hospitalized in Bahrain because of his alleged condition.

Oh hell no! Jacko don't walk towards the bright light or the gates of hell, whichever you see. Don't do it! I need you on this earth to make fun of more. That is so selfish if you fucking go away! This world needs you! Little boys need you. OMG I just did not say that. I am beyond evil.

Seriously Jacko, whip out the white glove and rock on. That shit has the magic touch!

UPDATE - AccessHollywood reports that this shit is FALSE! GD AccessHollywood, they are ruining everything today!

His spokeswhore issued this statement:

"Michael Jackson and been working with several artists recording his Katrina Relief song, and with me all week, including today. He is doing fine and I have never seen him happier or healthier. Whomever these individuals are who are intent on disseminating false information throughout the media regarding Mr. Jackson, should begin hiring good attorneys; and the journalists who continuously rely on these 'sources' should begin checking them thoroughly, because Mr. Jackson's tolerance level has come to an end.""The Green light that people have thought they have had to willfully impugn Michael Jackson's character and integrity has now become Red."

[The National Enquirer]

Is Xena Hot?

Here's Xena actress Lucy Lawless glamming it up. She looks so fucking different. She looks a little cheap, but I'm into it actually. She should totally hide her fillings when she opens her mouth like that. It looks like dirt! That's what white out is for!

Afternoon Crumbs

I don't know what hurts more: ANTM ending or FourFour's last recap. And Tyra was totally wearing a cinnabon on her head. Viva Nik! [FourFour]

Nicole Richie totally got the dump because DJ AM thought she was a bitchy twig! [Hollywood Rag]

Scarlett Johansson looks dumb with a nose ring. [The People We Love to Hate]

Rachel McAdams refuses to show off the goods for Tom Ford. It's not like he's gonna get off on it. Oh, maybe that's why she won't do it. [Yeeeah!]

Elle Macpherson is totally disgusted by you if your bras don't match your undies! [Female First]

Is HoHan back with Wilmer or is she fucking Nick Cannon now? Well, I guess she can have both. They are totally DPing her. [Bricks and Stones]


A spokeswhore for Matt Damon confirmed that he married his fiancee Luciana Bozan in NYC this morning. Luciana's 7yo daughter witnessed the ceremony. The spokeswhore would not confirm whether or not Luciana is knocked up as reported earlier. But she totally is.

He's 34 and she's 29. This is his first marriage.

[Yahoo News]

I'd Give Up Everything for Love!

Charlotte Lurch claims that she would give up her singing career for love. Charlotte is currently dating rugby player Gavin Henson.

She said: "If I had to choose between him and singing, I'd definitely choose him over my career any day of the week." "It's so different to when I went out with piece of shit No 1 and piece of shit No 2.

With them I always knew it wasn't going to last - it was good for the moment. I thought I loved them, but now I'm with Gavin I just know that I didn't at all. It was just a union. With Gavin I feel so special."

Charlotte I think your singing career is going to give you up before you have a chance to give it up. But her boyfriend is kind of on the hot side. He's totally bordering Gotti-Grossness though and that's not cute.

I love how they dressed up to go to the movies. She totally wore that dress so he could finger bang her during the opening credits. She's so 6th grade.

[Female First]

KFed and a New Truck!

KFed was photographed leaving Brit Brit's Malibu mansion on Wednesday and headed to the gas station. He was totally getting a 40 and some Parliaments. He drove up in a brand new truck with his wedding band securely fastened sparking rumors that they are indeed back together. Jesus, why do I think he's kind of hot?

Save me! He is only dark sided and wrong! It's always the bad ones.

Is That the Reason for Your Shitty Singing Voice?

Ashlee Simpson has confessed that she's battled anorexia in the past.

She said: "When I went to ballet school, I was around a lot of girls with eating disorders, and I actually had a minor one myself

"It was about six months of not eating too much at all. I was 11 and 5 feet 2 and about 70 pounds"

But she said she survived the eating disorder because of her family. They forced her to eat and now she's happy and healthy.

I'm happy for you Ashlee, but you're still fug and can't sing worth a shit! And that dude pictured with her above is just in her band. She's probably just trying to get some attention by posing all seductive with his ass. She's totally copycatting with him that hair-don't!

[Female First]

Yes Aeon Flux Kind of Sucked...

But that motherfucker knows how to dress!

The Aliens Want Robbie Williams!

An obsessed fan has been bombarding Robbie Williams with e-mails and letters urging him to be careful, because she believes aliens are plotting to kidnap him. The crazed fan calls herself Conny C and has even contacted government agents to try and stop this from happening.

Robbie recently took out a restraining order against her after she followed him to Berlin and stalked his ass.

Conny's strange premonition may be due to the fact that Robbie told reporters that Britain will be invaded by aliens.

He said: "I've been dreaming every night about UFO's, every night I can't wait to go to sleep at night because those dreams have been so brilliant "I think they are definitely on their way, seriously Mark my words From now until 2012 - watch out kids"

Why would aliens want to kidnap him? Maybe for sex, but you don't have to kidnap him to get that out of him! He's a slut and will whip it out for anyone! I mean he did screw Ginger Spice!

[Life Style Extra]

Mark Cuban on Fat Ankles

Mark Cuban had this reality show that I watched called The Benefactor. It was basically a majorly low-rent version of The Apprentice. Anyway, he's like a billionaire and owner of everything including the Dallas Mavericks. He recently told Playboy magazine that he wants his daughter to have fat ankles.

He said: "I DON'T care how pretty she is, but she has to have fat ankles. Fat ankles will at least cut the population chasing her in half. I'm sorry, but I want her to have fat ankles"

Mark if she looks anything like you, I don't think you'll have to worry about anybody chasing her for her looks. Fat ankles aside.

[Page Six]

Jordan Hawks Glass!

That stupid piece of Eurotrash Jordan is both gorgeous and smart! She's a businesswoman in every sense of the word. Look at her, don't all businesswomen dress like 6yo girls? Anyway, she has a jewelry line in the UK. That shit looks so cheap. It's seriously made out of recycled Coors bottles. I still love her though and the minute her ass lands in NYC, I'm kidnapping her and Harvey!

Mary-Kate Hates School!

And who could blame her ass. She tells W magazine the real reason she left NYU.

"I'm happy that I kind of realized that, OK, I just need to take care of myself right now,"

"I need to be able to go to yoga and work out and just read scripts and go on auditions, because that's what makes me happy. You know? Like, papers don't really make me happy."

Do papers make anybody happy? I hate this bitch. I wish I could read scripts, work out and do yoga. But it would probably be more like sleep, watch tv, eat chocolate, sleep, watch tv...

[Page Six]

Parasite & Perez Hilton!

Blogger Perez Hilton has been hanging out with Parasite Hilton a lot lately. Here they are having dinner at West Hollywood's Koi. I'm confused by all of this. On his site, his readers say that they feel that he's selling out because he used to talk shit about her ass and now he's all chummy with her. I don't know. I know that he calls himself Perez Hilton in honor of her, but I don't know if he's ever ripped her to shreds like I do everyday.

What is behind all this? Surely, she can like his ass and just want to be his friend. But, some have suggested that she could be using him, so that he can say good things about her on his very popular blog. I also do read his blog and I love it, it's one of my favorites. He has awesome gossip before anybody else and he's funny. I'm just confused by all this Parasite shit.

For me personally, I find that it would be very difficult to become friends with someone that I tear apart day in and day out. But that's just my style. I don't think any of those bitches would want to be my friend, because I'm so fucking mean to their asses. And I wouldn't want to be theirs because then it would compromise something that I love to do.

I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing for Perez. It's good publicity for him and to me it seems that he's interested in taking things to the next level. I just don't trust that Parasite bitch. She's up to something.

Actually, she's not. She's not that fucking smart!

Is She a Deaf Tyrant or Just a Tyrant?

Foxy Brown started cursing out employees at Signature Bank on Park Avenue in NYC after she was having trouble removing $2,000 from her checking account. Apparently, she's broke as a joke.

A witness said: "She got abusive and started screaming. She cursed out a bank manager and humiliated this woman."

According to sources close to Foxy they claim that her business manager has been picking up her bills, because she seriously doesn't have any cash. But Foxy continues to live a lifestyle that is well beyond her means.

Also Foxy fired her lawyers, because they said she was deaf as fuck. She didn't like the fact that they were spreading her business even though she told several magazines. However, some say Foxy isn't as deaf as makes herself out to be.

Well, she has to be sort of deaf to make the music she's making. And if bitch was cursing me out, wouldn't you just curse her back? She can't hear you! For all she knows you're telling her she's a beautiful creature!

[Page Six]

Joaquin Phoenix is a True Artiste!

Joaquin Phoenix basically stayed in character most of the time on the set of Walk the Line where he plays the late Johnny Cash. It is also rumored that Joaquin took method acting to the extreme by purposely having an affair with actress Ginnifer Goodwin who plays his first wife in the film. The day they shot the break-up scene, Joaquin also broke up with Ginnifer. Her work was no longer needed.

On a totally different note, why haven't I ever noticed that bitch's scar from a cleft lip? It's kind of sexy.

[Page Six]

It's Snowing!!!

I woke up this morning to almost a blizzard outside my window. I knew this day was coming, but I didn't want to believe it. I love snow, because I'm from California and we never got that shit. But, I didn't have any snow boots with any kind of traction! All my shoes that are leather have zero traction! So I put on some black boots that are seriously flat on the bottom and carefully made my way to the office. I walk about 10 blocks to get to work which takes me about 15 minutes. But because I was walking so fucking slow and there was ice evererywhere, it took me like 30. To make my matters worse my stupid ass fell on the fucking floor because of these stupid shoes!

AND! These dumb cunts starts cackling at me! I wanted to get up and beat their asses, but if I did I would've totally fell again. And the cycle would've continued over and over again. Me falling, them laughing, me falling, them laughing. So I decided to wipe myself off and walk away with dignity or something.

So my question for you is. At my lunch break I must go and find some proper snow shoes! Should I buy black rubber ones or is there a better type. I know you snow bunnies out there can school me on this. Let a bitch know.

P.S. - That picture is not of me however I wish I was half as hot as that dude.

Aren't the Williams Sisters Gorgeous?

Actually Serena is so much hotter than Venus. Her thong is stank though.

Dancing with the Stars 2!

The stars of Dancing with the Stars have been announced. These 10 individuals will be paired with a professional ballroom dancers and compete each week to stay in the game. The dancing will start January 5th at 8pm.

The stars include:

Jerry Rice - Wide receiver
Tatum O'Neal - Oscar winning actress
George Hamilton - Tanned actor
Stacy Kiebler - WWE performer
Giselle Fernandez - Journalist
Romeo - Hip-Hop artist
Tia Carrere - Actress
Kenny Mayne - ESPN correspondent
Drew Lachey - Brother of Nick Lachey
Lisa Rinna - Former Soap star and current Soapnet host

The Dlisted Report

Scarlett Johansson has joined the cast of The Prestige playing the female lead. The film currently stars Christian Bale, Hugh Jackman, Michael Caine & David Bowie. Bale and Jackman will play rival magicians in turn-of-the-century London who battle each other for trade secrets. The title refers to the residue left after a magician's successful trick. Shooting begins next month in Los Angeles. [Variety]

Jeff Probst will stay on as Survivor host for the next two years. Probst has signed on to lead 4 more editions of the reality show. His was deal originally set to expire after the next edition. [Variety]

The first trailer of Sofia Coppola's Marie Antoinette has hit. The films stars Kirsten Dunst and Jason Schwartzman co-star. The film will land in theaters October 2006. Watch trailer


No, I said "pull my FINGER!!!!" - Vivashameless

[Thanks to Scott for pic]

Click here for NSFW version

Hot Slut of the Day!

Martha Wash - Half of The Weather Girls

Birthday Sluts

Jakob Dylan (36)
Jesse Metcalfe (27)
Felicity Huffman (43)
Mario Cantone (46)
Donny Osmond (48)
John Malcovich (52)
Joan Armatrading (55)
Michael Nouri (60)
Beau Bridges (64)
Dame Judi Dench (71)
Kirk Douglas (89)

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Following Ben

Matt Damon is going to be a father just like his good pal and fuck buddy, Ben Affleck. Matt and his fiancee Luciana Barroso are expecting. Luciana is 3 months pregnant. The two have been engaged since Labor Day, but have yet to set a date.

Luciana won the lottery when she met Matt at a bar in Miami where she was working. Luciana currently has a 7-year old daughter from a previous relationship.

All these Hollywood babies, I can't take it! The streets of Hollywood must be filled with baby diarrhea! Luciana is totally a smart bitch for getting knocked up. This seals her new fortune!

[Access Hollywood]

This Guy is Nuts!

Some dude named Joseph Moretti from Cranston, Rhode Island is drawing heat from neighbors after his revealing Christmas display in his front yard featuring America's favorite slut Parasite Hilton. He says that he met her and she was very nice to him. Yeah she probably blew him. So he created a special Holiday motif featuring her.

Some neighbors are pissed off, because she's practically wearing nothing. What does Parasite and the Holidays have to do with each other anyway? Seriously, he's lost it. His past creations have featured Martha Stewart and Princess Diana. Oh, he's a total queen.

You know she loves it


Michael K on MySpace

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