Weekend Crumbs

Penelope Cruz in Sean John totally looks like Frosty the Snow Ho. [Gasbmash]

Nicky Hilton's dress is totally munching on her crotch. [Hollywood Rag]

Madge and Marilu Henner are so separated at birth! [Perez Hilton]

Officer Shaq?! Shaq was made an official police officer! Hookers and Crack for everyone! [Concrete Loop]

Charlotte Lurch is sick and tired of sexy chicks draping themselves all over her man. And believe me this bitch will kill you. She's nuts! [Female First]

Patrick Swayze gets pictures from women showing their naughty bits. That's why my mom wanted to borrow my digital! [Celeboganda]

Aubrey O'Day made Diddy's band. I knew she was in from the beginning! [The Bastardly]

All Boobs and All Hot!

Vintage Teri Snatcher

Here are some pics of a nude Teri Snatcher standing on a balcony from the film Heaven's Prisoners. Not bad, but that was ten years ago. A little droopy, but still totally hot and natural. She probably looks so fug underneath there now.

[Thanks to Superview]


Click here to see the rest!

Michelle Branch has Fucking Lost it!

Michelle Branch has this band called The Wreckers. Apparently, she wrote this on their website but it has since been pulled. This bitch is fucking nuts!

She wrote:

Alright, I don't even know why I am still awake seeing as I have to be up in a few hours to feed Owen.

What I am most frustrated at, I suppose is...I pay money to keep this website up so all of you "fans" can talk about our music. Why would I want to spend the money so the majority of you can sit around and *** about us?

I understand that you are frustrated with the fact that there isn't any music for you to listen to. Don't you think Jessica and I are frustrated too?? We finished this record over a year ago and were sent on a lame ass tour we didn't want to be on. It was a horrible idea to headline a show playing music that nobody had ever heard. Maverick wanted to make a quick buck, and unfortunately, we were obligated by contract to do so. I was 5 months pregnant when we started that tour and believe me...it was the last place I wanted to be. Then I got pushed into doing a Santana song I didn't want to do (I didn't write it either, Shanks wanted me to sing it so bad, that was a bargaining tool), Maverick wouldn't let me do it unless Jess was on it so they would get "free" promotion for a record they didn't even understand or believe in for the most part. The record wasn't released because Maverick didn't want me promoting an album pregnant. they thought it would look bad to my young fans...bull.

As far as "biting the hand that feeds you"..

I would give nothing more than to play music in a *** bar and fold clothes at The Gap for a living. My "being famous" has done nothing but ruin my relationship with my parents, mostly my Father and it has made me hate doing what I used to love more than life itself...playing music. I have been pushed around and now most of you see me as someone who I never really was, and most of you can't accept the plain fact that people change and grow up and I'm not the little girl you think I am. I have a family of my own now, a baby...the last thing I could imagine doing is making music. I'm fine financially (although I don't make millions contrary to popular belief.) and being a famous musician has brought nothing to my life besides strife. (Okay, I met my wonderful husband and bandmate because of it.) I have maybe written two songs in the past year. That's ridiculous. This isn't fun for me anymore. I'm sick of sucking *** to get my music heard, putting on a fake smile, and saying things that are acceptable.

On the contrary, The Wreckers album makes me very proud and excited again. It's almost like my first day at a new school. it's a fresh start. I'm finally excited to tour (although I need to find a nanny!) and I am looking forward to seeing what fans think.

You know, I CAN take the criticism. I just don't understand why I should pay for an arena for you to do it. If you are a "fan" why do you speak about Jessica and I in that way.

I never wanted to be put on a pedestal..I just wanted to make music. And believe me, many times I have thought I was going to quit. It's too much energy to pretend it's fun. You can call me a baby if you'd like, but life is too short to spend it being miserable.

This board is going to be shut down tonight. I think we all need a break. When the Wreckers album finally comes out, we'll see the ones who decided to stick around. As for the rest of you, I meant it when I said "f-off"

-M"

[Thanks to Jennifer for sending me this] [The Wreckers]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Heidi Standridge from Project Runway 2

[For Karolina & Mona]

Birthday Sluts

Meg White (31)
Raven (20)
Summer Phoenix (27)
Nia Peeples (44)
Kenneth Branagh (45)
Michael Clarke Duncan (48)
Susan Dey (53)
Mako (72)

Brangelina to Make it Legal this Weekend?!

Both Perez Hilton and Pink is the New Blog are reporting that Brangelina are set to tie the knot in Sarasota, FL this weekend. Sarasota? That shit is random. Rumor has it they will marry at The Ritz Carlton Hotel.

I called The Ritz in FL and they fucking said no and hung up on my ass. Like they would tell me, but it was worth a shot. Rude bitches! I should've pretended to be Maddox, fuck!

UPDATE - Apparently those sluts are going to get married today! I just called again and asked for Pitt's spokeswhore's (Cyndi Guganti) room and they said she wasn't staying there and hung up on my ass! I'm such a low-rent Brenda Starr! Perez is reporting the wedding is happening RIGHT NOW!

UPDATE #2 - A reader just let me know that Angie and Brad are in Sarasota, but it's currently raining. Reader AndyElle has let me know that they called The Ritz and confirmed there was a wedding today. Why did they lie to my ass?! Damn that Ritz!

UPDATE #3 - Perez has said that Brad is in Canada and Angie's in Los Angeles. Ugh. And reader StacyS just told me there aren't any helicopters in the area. Oh well! GD that Maddox. I know he was the brain child of this shit!

AccessHollywood confirms that shit ain't true. Damn! Unless this is a decoy!

BREAKING: Did Michael Jackson Overdose?!

The National Enquirer is reporting that Michael Jackson has overdosed on dolls and booze and is currently in a hospital in Bahrain. Say it ain't so!

The Santa Barbara police, located near Jackson's Neverland ranch, investigated the 47-year-old pop star which resulted in the child molestation charges. Jackson was acquitted of all charges on June 13 at the criminal trial.

Now The National Enquirer has learned exclusively that Santa Barbara police were told by family insiders that Jackson "recently OD'd on Demerol and Jack Daniels" in Bahrain.

In a Santa Barbara police internal email from a high-ranking police official were claims that Jackson has overdosed "a couple of times since he left the States. His status, according to the source is critical."

The email did not say if Jackson was hospitalized in Bahrain because of his alleged condition.

Oh hell no! Jacko don't walk towards the bright light or the gates of hell, whichever you see. Don't do it! I need you on this earth to make fun of more. That is so selfish if you fucking go away! This world needs you! Little boys need you. OMG I just did not say that. I am beyond evil.

Seriously Jacko, whip out the white glove and rock on. That shit has the magic touch!

UPDATE - AccessHollywood reports that this shit is FALSE! GD AccessHollywood, they are ruining everything today!

His spokeswhore issued this statement:

"Michael Jackson and been working with several artists recording his Katrina Relief song, and with me all week, including today. He is doing fine and I have never seen him happier or healthier. Whomever these individuals are who are intent on disseminating false information throughout the media regarding Mr. Jackson, should begin hiring good attorneys; and the journalists who continuously rely on these 'sources' should begin checking them thoroughly, because Mr. Jackson's tolerance level has come to an end.""The Green light that people have thought they have had to willfully impugn Michael Jackson's character and integrity has now become Red."


[The National Enquirer]

Is Xena Hot?

Here's Xena actress Lucy Lawless glamming it up. She looks so fucking different. She looks a little cheap, but I'm into it actually. She should totally hide her fillings when she opens her mouth like that. It looks like dirt! That's what white out is for!

Afternoon Crumbs

I don't know what hurts more: ANTM ending or FourFour's last recap. And Tyra was totally wearing a cinnabon on her head. Viva Nik! [FourFour]

Nicole Richie totally got the dump because DJ AM thought she was a bitchy twig! [Hollywood Rag]

Scarlett Johansson looks dumb with a nose ring. [The People We Love to Hate]

Rachel McAdams refuses to show off the goods for Tom Ford. It's not like he's gonna get off on it. Oh, maybe that's why she won't do it. [Yeeeah!]

Elle Macpherson is totally disgusted by you if your bras don't match your undies! [Female First]

Is HoHan back with Wilmer or is she fucking Nick Cannon now? Well, I guess she can have both. They are totally DPing her. [Bricks and Stones]

MATT DAMON Married!

A spokeswhore for Matt Damon confirmed that he married his fiancee Luciana Bozan in NYC this morning. Luciana's 7yo daughter witnessed the ceremony. The spokeswhore would not confirm whether or not Luciana is knocked up as reported earlier. But she totally is.

He's 34 and she's 29. This is his first marriage.

[Yahoo News]

I'd Give Up Everything for Love!

Charlotte Lurch claims that she would give up her singing career for love. Charlotte is currently dating rugby player Gavin Henson.

She said: "If I had to choose between him and singing, I'd definitely choose him over my career any day of the week." "It's so different to when I went out with piece of shit No 1 and piece of shit No 2.

With them I always knew it wasn't going to last - it was good for the moment. I thought I loved them, but now I'm with Gavin I just know that I didn't at all. It was just a union. With Gavin I feel so special."

Charlotte I think your singing career is going to give you up before you have a chance to give it up. But her boyfriend is kind of on the hot side. He's totally bordering Gotti-Grossness though and that's not cute.

I love how they dressed up to go to the movies. She totally wore that dress so he could finger bang her during the opening credits. She's so 6th grade.

[Female First]

KFed and a New Truck!

KFed was photographed leaving Brit Brit's Malibu mansion on Wednesday and headed to the gas station. He was totally getting a 40 and some Parliaments. He drove up in a brand new truck with his wedding band securely fastened sparking rumors that they are indeed back together. Jesus, why do I think he's kind of hot?

Save me! He is only dark sided and wrong! It's always the bad ones.

Is That the Reason for Your Shitty Singing Voice?

Ashlee Simpson has confessed that she's battled anorexia in the past.

She said: "When I went to ballet school, I was around a lot of girls with eating disorders, and I actually had a minor one myself

"It was about six months of not eating too much at all. I was 11 and 5 feet 2 and about 70 pounds"

But she said she survived the eating disorder because of her family. They forced her to eat and now she's happy and healthy.

I'm happy for you Ashlee, but you're still fug and can't sing worth a shit! And that dude pictured with her above is just in her band. She's probably just trying to get some attention by posing all seductive with his ass. She's totally copycatting with him that hair-don't!

[Female First]

Yes Aeon Flux Kind of Sucked...

But that motherfucker knows how to dress!

The Aliens Want Robbie Williams!

An obsessed fan has been bombarding Robbie Williams with e-mails and letters urging him to be careful, because she believes aliens are plotting to kidnap him. The crazed fan calls herself Conny C and has even contacted government agents to try and stop this from happening.

Robbie recently took out a restraining order against her after she followed him to Berlin and stalked his ass.

Conny's strange premonition may be due to the fact that Robbie told reporters that Britain will be invaded by aliens.

He said: "I've been dreaming every night about UFO's, every night I can't wait to go to sleep at night because those dreams have been so brilliant "I think they are definitely on their way, seriously Mark my words From now until 2012 - watch out kids"

Why would aliens want to kidnap him? Maybe for sex, but you don't have to kidnap him to get that out of him! He's a slut and will whip it out for anyone! I mean he did screw Ginger Spice!

[Life Style Extra]

Mark Cuban on Fat Ankles

Mark Cuban had this reality show that I watched called The Benefactor. It was basically a majorly low-rent version of The Apprentice. Anyway, he's like a billionaire and owner of everything including the Dallas Mavericks. He recently told Playboy magazine that he wants his daughter to have fat ankles.

He said: "I DON'T care how pretty she is, but she has to have fat ankles. Fat ankles will at least cut the population chasing her in half. I'm sorry, but I want her to have fat ankles"

Mark if she looks anything like you, I don't think you'll have to worry about anybody chasing her for her looks. Fat ankles aside.

[Page Six]

Jordan Hawks Glass!

That stupid piece of Eurotrash Jordan is both gorgeous and smart! She's a businesswoman in every sense of the word. Look at her, don't all businesswomen dress like 6yo girls? Anyway, she has a jewelry line in the UK. That shit looks so cheap. It's seriously made out of recycled Coors bottles. I still love her though and the minute her ass lands in NYC, I'm kidnapping her and Harvey!

Mary-Kate Hates School!

And who could blame her ass. She tells W magazine the real reason she left NYU.

"I'm happy that I kind of realized that, OK, I just need to take care of myself right now,"

"I need to be able to go to yoga and work out and just read scripts and go on auditions, because that's what makes me happy. You know? Like, papers don't really make me happy."

Do papers make anybody happy? I hate this bitch. I wish I could read scripts, work out and do yoga. But it would probably be more like sleep, watch tv, eat chocolate, sleep, watch tv...

[Page Six]

Parasite & Perez Hilton!

Blogger Perez Hilton has been hanging out with Parasite Hilton a lot lately. Here they are having dinner at West Hollywood's Koi. I'm confused by all of this. On his site, his readers say that they feel that he's selling out because he used to talk shit about her ass and now he's all chummy with her. I don't know. I know that he calls himself Perez Hilton in honor of her, but I don't know if he's ever ripped her to shreds like I do everyday.

What is behind all this? Surely, she can like his ass and just want to be his friend. But, some have suggested that she could be using him, so that he can say good things about her on his very popular blog. I also do read his blog and I love it, it's one of my favorites. He has awesome gossip before anybody else and he's funny. I'm just confused by all this Parasite shit.

For me personally, I find that it would be very difficult to become friends with someone that I tear apart day in and day out. But that's just my style. I don't think any of those bitches would want to be my friend, because I'm so fucking mean to their asses. And I wouldn't want to be theirs because then it would compromise something that I love to do.

I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing for Perez. It's good publicity for him and to me it seems that he's interested in taking things to the next level. I just don't trust that Parasite bitch. She's up to something.

Actually, she's not. She's not that fucking smart!

Is She a Deaf Tyrant or Just a Tyrant?

Foxy Brown started cursing out employees at Signature Bank on Park Avenue in NYC after she was having trouble removing $2,000 from her checking account. Apparently, she's broke as a joke.

A witness said: "She got abusive and started screaming. She cursed out a bank manager and humiliated this woman."

According to sources close to Foxy they claim that her business manager has been picking up her bills, because she seriously doesn't have any cash. But Foxy continues to live a lifestyle that is well beyond her means.

Also Foxy fired her lawyers, because they said she was deaf as fuck. She didn't like the fact that they were spreading her business even though she told several magazines. However, some say Foxy isn't as deaf as makes herself out to be.

Well, she has to be sort of deaf to make the music she's making. And if bitch was cursing me out, wouldn't you just curse her back? She can't hear you! For all she knows you're telling her she's a beautiful creature!

[Page Six]

Joaquin Phoenix is a True Artiste!

Joaquin Phoenix basically stayed in character most of the time on the set of Walk the Line where he plays the late Johnny Cash. It is also rumored that Joaquin took method acting to the extreme by purposely having an affair with actress Ginnifer Goodwin who plays his first wife in the film. The day they shot the break-up scene, Joaquin also broke up with Ginnifer. Her work was no longer needed.

On a totally different note, why haven't I ever noticed that bitch's scar from a cleft lip? It's kind of sexy.

[Page Six]

It's Snowing!!!

I woke up this morning to almost a blizzard outside my window. I knew this day was coming, but I didn't want to believe it. I love snow, because I'm from California and we never got that shit. But, I didn't have any snow boots with any kind of traction! All my shoes that are leather have zero traction! So I put on some black boots that are seriously flat on the bottom and carefully made my way to the office. I walk about 10 blocks to get to work which takes me about 15 minutes. But because I was walking so fucking slow and there was ice evererywhere, it took me like 30. To make my matters worse my stupid ass fell on the fucking floor because of these stupid shoes!

AND! These dumb cunts starts cackling at me! I wanted to get up and beat their asses, but if I did I would've totally fell again. And the cycle would've continued over and over again. Me falling, them laughing, me falling, them laughing. So I decided to wipe myself off and walk away with dignity or something.

So my question for you is. At my lunch break I must go and find some proper snow shoes! Should I buy black rubber ones or is there a better type. I know you snow bunnies out there can school me on this. Let a bitch know.

P.S. - That picture is not of me however I wish I was half as hot as that dude.

Aren't the Williams Sisters Gorgeous?

Actually Serena is so much hotter than Venus. Her thong is stank though.

Dancing with the Stars 2!

The stars of Dancing with the Stars have been announced. These 10 individuals will be paired with a professional ballroom dancers and compete each week to stay in the game. The dancing will start January 5th at 8pm.

The stars include:

Jerry Rice - Wide receiver
Tatum O'Neal - Oscar winning actress
George Hamilton - Tanned actor
Stacy Kiebler - WWE performer
Giselle Fernandez - Journalist
Romeo - Hip-Hop artist
Tia Carrere - Actress
Kenny Mayne - ESPN correspondent
Drew Lachey - Brother of Nick Lachey
Lisa Rinna - Former Soap star and current Soapnet host

The Dlisted Report

Scarlett Johansson has joined the cast of The Prestige playing the female lead. The film currently stars Christian Bale, Hugh Jackman, Michael Caine & David Bowie. Bale and Jackman will play rival magicians in turn-of-the-century London who battle each other for trade secrets. The title refers to the residue left after a magician's successful trick. Shooting begins next month in Los Angeles. [Variety]

Jeff Probst will stay on as Survivor host for the next two years. Probst has signed on to lead 4 more editions of the reality show. His was deal originally set to expire after the next edition. [Variety]

The first trailer of Sofia Coppola's Marie Antoinette has hit. The films stars Kirsten Dunst and Jason Schwartzman co-star. The film will land in theaters October 2006. Watch trailer

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

No, I said "pull my FINGER!!!!" - Vivashameless

[Thanks to Scott for pic]


Click here for NSFW version

Hot Slut of the Day!

Martha Wash - Half of The Weather Girls

Birthday Sluts

Jakob Dylan (36)
Jesse Metcalfe (27)
Felicity Huffman (43)
Mario Cantone (46)
Donny Osmond (48)
John Malcovich (52)
Joan Armatrading (55)
Michael Nouri (60)
Beau Bridges (64)
Dame Judi Dench (71)
Kirk Douglas (89)

Following Ben

Matt Damon is going to be a father just like his good pal and fuck buddy, Ben Affleck. Matt and his fiancee Luciana Barroso are expecting. Luciana is 3 months pregnant. The two have been engaged since Labor Day, but have yet to set a date.

Luciana won the lottery when she met Matt at a bar in Miami where she was working. Luciana currently has a 7-year old daughter from a previous relationship.

All these Hollywood babies, I can't take it! The streets of Hollywood must be filled with baby diarrhea! Luciana is totally a smart bitch for getting knocked up. This seals her new fortune!

[Access Hollywood]

This Guy is Nuts!

Some dude named Joseph Moretti from Cranston, Rhode Island is drawing heat from neighbors after his revealing Christmas display in his front yard featuring America's favorite slut Parasite Hilton. He says that he met her and she was very nice to him. Yeah she probably blew him. So he created a special Holiday motif featuring her.

Some neighbors are pissed off, because she's practically wearing nothing. What does Parasite and the Holidays have to do with each other anyway? Seriously, he's lost it. His past creations have featured Martha Stewart and Princess Diana. Oh, he's a total queen.

You know she loves it











[JJB]

Parasite Gets Her Colon Cleaned!

Parasite Hilton spent a lovely day cleaning out her colon. This is just too easy, folks. She spent nearly 45 minutes inside the center and was most likely on her cell phone while people sucked god knows what out of her asshole. And poor Naomi Watts on Vanity Fair had to witness this. I swear they found Natalee Holloway up there.

Attack of the Clones!

Sharon Stone & Debbie Rowe

Nik Was Robbed!!!!

Congratulations to that pasty bitch Nicole for winning America's Next Top Cunt. I hate that bitch. Yeah, she's cute. But she's a stoner bitch! You know she smokes more weed than Weedman and Charlize Theron combined! Either that or she's just dumb!

However, I will say that this season had 2 pretty girls in the final. Usually, one of the girls is busted. I think that Nicole won because she's white. Nik was the clear winner, but they made up excuses because Covergirl probably insisted that a white girl take home the prize. The last two winners of ANTM have not been white. Nik will be the bigger star though, mark my words.

Once she has that lazy eye fixed. Just kidding, it's just the picture!

Afternoon Crumbs

Michael Jackson could lose it all. All just because he wanted some boy ass. Damn boy ass! [Hollywood Rag]

Danny Bonaduce and Carrot Top are separated at gross. The sick part is I'd hit em both. [City Rag]

Madge is really into Japan. Probably because she doesn't understand a word they are saying about her ass. [Egotastic!]

Rod Stewart and Penny Lancaster have named their baby son Alastair Wallace Stewart. That's pretty normal I guess. I was hoping for some fucked up shit like Radio Station Stewart. [Glitterati]

Ewww, Tyra Banks totally has a stache! [Hollywood Tuna]

Superman is gay. Duh, everybody knows Bryan Singer only hires bitches that will swallow and like it! [Yeeeah!]

Meryl Streep is looking mighty hot in The Devil Wears Prada. [Gabsmash]

Maybe He's a Grower!

Jonathan Rhys-Meyers played Elvis in the latest biopic and can also be seen in the upcoming MI3. You know Tom Cruise hit that shit. Here are some pics of this lovely Irish lad and his best pal out in the open. It's nothing much, but maybe it does better when give it a little bit of attention.


Click here to see his shit!

Matthew Fashion is Fucked Up!

I was first introduced to the gut-grossing Matthew Fashion on MTV's important dating show Next. I don't know why I watch that shit. For those of you not familiar with this gem of a reality show, Next basically takes 5 people and puts them on a bus. These 5 people must compete to win a date or cash with some bitch. One by one they have a date with the person until either said person wants to date them or decides to NEXT them at which point the next person tries their luck. Matthew Fashion was on an episode. The guy they were trying to woo was this tall, black basketball player type. I thought that when the dude saw Matthew, he was literally going to Next his ass. But he didn't. Matthew wore this hideous ball gown and they played basketball and then he Nexted him.

I didn't think this bitch was real. But after some google work, I found out he is. And why does he call himself Matthew Fashion?! Look at him. More like Matthew Travesty! He should get together with Bobby Trendy. I just grossed myself out to the max.

[Damn I'm Cute]

Having a Baby Makes You an Idiot!

I've actually heard that before. Liv Tyler said that after she had her baby son Milo, she got all stupid and shit.

She said: "What they tell you about brain cells going out of the window when you have a baby is so true"

"You get really stupid and flighty"

Hmm...this explains why Brit Brit took KFed back. Because her brains have fallen out of her head. Not that she ever had any.

[Female First]

You Know Your Career is Back On Top When...

You are invited to open a photo booth! And Nicollette Sheridan you're back on top! You're a star again! Oh and I know you know it.

"I Just Like to Stay Home"

Homebody HoHan doesn't like going out that much, but she went out last night. It was some Chanel event in NYC. You probably just gotta scream free shit and free booze and this bitch comes a running. Ash Olsen was also there and the girl actually smiles! I didn't think it was possible. I only thought it was possible for her to stare right into you, past your eyes, into your soul. But she can smile and that makes me happy!

Can She Even Read?

Yup, that's Mimi at Madison Square Garden in NYC reading the story of Peter Pan to a bunch of kids. And that's Cathy Rigby as fucking Peter Pan. Don't they make a hot team? You know Mimi tried her hardest to act like she even gives a shit about the kids. She probably agreed to do it only if those fucking brats didn't touch her ass. And where's her water girl? She probably committed suicide.

Cathy creeps me out. Imagine that flying into your window?






[Smart]

Since When Does She Smoke?

I thought JLo didn't smoke or drink. Yesterday, she was photographed taking a few puffs while walking back to her car after shooting finished for the day on the film she shares with Marc Anthony. I don't have any judgments against smokers, but this bitch said smoking was disgusting! She even made Ben Affleck quit while he was with her ass!

And I know I'm going to get shit for this, but I think Marc looks kind of hot in his costume. (hides)







[Lime-Light]

HoHan Would Rather Stay Home!

HoHan doesn't understand why everyone thinks she is this major party girl. Because honestly she'd rather stay home and like watch movies. Yeah she actually said this. This coming from the girl who is photographed going to parties at least 4 times a week.

She said: "No, actually, I pretty much don't leave the house! I just love to be in a place where there's a beach and water. I love listening to the sound of the ocean.

"Most of my friends are older and we aren't into always going out. We like to hang around the house and the beach and just relax."

Well this makes sense. You can drink Bacardi breezers and snort coke at home.

[MSN Entertainment] [Thanks to Saram]

Brit & KFed Together Again!

Brit Brit Spears fled Las Vegas for Kentwood, LA when KFed showed up in Vegas to win her back. KFed stayed in Vegas where he partied at several clubs, but sources say he was on his best behavior. KFed returned to Malibu and begged Brit to come back to him. After thinking about things with her family in Kentwood, Brit decided to give her marriage another go. She returned to Malibu last night to work things out with her deadbeat husband. Apparently her mother is not happy and has been pushing for Brit to get rid of KFed for good. SPF doesn't give a shit.

I honestly don't get it?! She has the money, she has the power, she has everything and he has shit. Maybe he has good dick, but those are a dime a dozen. She probably has that whole "for the kid" mentality. Oh well, all we can do is sit and wait for the next fucking break-up.

[The Sun] [Thanks to Tushkin]

Pluck Much?

Posh Beckham Quote of the Day!

"What people forget is that I am a human being."

Sienna Miller is a Slut!

Sienna Miller is currently trying to reconcile with Jude Law, but has been seen with Leonardo DiCaprio for the second time. The pair were at Bungalow 8 in NYC looking quite cozy. Witnesses say the two were huddled in a corner together, whispering and flirting.

This bitch doesn't know how to choose them. She goes from slimy Jude to pudgy Leo and back again? She could probably get some Grade A hotness, but instead just goes for stale milk!

[The Scoop]

Melania "The Monster" Trump

Donald Trump was on Howard Stern yesterday and when asked about pregnant wife Melania Trump's weight he said:

"Like a blimp, in the right places. In her case, the right places. I mean she really has become a monster — in all the right places."

A monster?! Oh hell no. He's such a fucking pig! When Howard and Robin kept on about him using the word monster he responded with:

"I mean monster in the most positive way. She has gotten very, very large in all the right places."

He didn't stop at his own wife. He went off about some other celeb bitches:

Heidi Klum (after pregnancy) - "I looked at her the other day, and it's off,"
Nicolette Sheridan - "Very flat chested"
Carmen Electra (her implants) - "Look like two light bulbs"
Halle Berry - "From the midsection to the shoulders, she's a 10. The face is a solid 8. And the legs are maybe a little bit less than that."

Ok, I used to not care for Donald...but now I love that bitch. Anybody who will go on air and spew out the truth is fucking hot. However, Heidi looks hotter to me now. Well, her belly is kinda nasty. But bitch just had a kid!

[Page Six]

Is She a Cutter?

Nicole Richie and DJ AM shared dinner together on December 5th in Los Angeles just a few days ago. She was photographed with strange, white, leathery skin, a handle coming out of her head and not wearing an engagement ring. She also had cuts along her wrists and arms.

This chick so cuts herself when she starts to crave Dunkin' Donuts. Aw, this makes me sad. Who is going to love him now? Look at him!

The Grammy Nominations!

It's Mimi's year. That bitch was nominated for 8 Grammys tying with John Legend and Kanye West. Mimi told reporters: "This is prayers answered. I'm grateful for the nominations and I'm really grateful for the fact that people are responding to the music I've made."

She then ate a cheeseburger.

Record of the Year
We Belong Together - Mimi
Feel Good Inc. - Gorillaz
Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day
Hollaback Girl - Gwen Stefani
Gold Digger - Kanye West

Album of the Year
The Emancipation of Mimi - Mimi
Chaos and Creation in the Backyard - Paul McCartney
Love, Angel, Music, Baby - Gwen Stefani
How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb - U2
Late Registration - Kanye West

Song of the Year
Bless the Broken Road - Rascal Flatts
Devils & Dust - Bruce Springsteen
Ordinary People - John Legend
Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own - U2
We Belong Together - Mimi

Best New Artist
Ciara
Fall Out Boy
Keane
John Legend
SugarLand

Click for full list!

Maybe She'll Eat Some Ben and Jerry's Now!

Nicole Richie will hopefully drown her sorrows in some Chunky Monkey after her engagement to DJ Am has been called off. The two became engaged last February.

Her spokeswhore said:

"They have called off the engagement,"

The split was mutual. This is actually pretty surprising. I thought these two were going to last and at least get married.

She was probably too fat for him. It's always about the weight!

[People] [Thanks to all who sent this to me!]

The Dlisted Report

Wilmer Valderrama will play Ponch in the CHiPs feature film. Ponch was originally played by Erik Estrada on TV. The feature version, however, will be much more lighthearted, an action comedy like Warner Bros.' Starsky & Hutch adaptation. A director and co-star have yet to be announced. [Variety]

Jimmy Hayward and Steve Martino will direct the CGI-Animated version of Dr. Seuss' book Horton Hears a Who. The script is currently being written. Full-scale animation production will begin this summer. [Variety]

Sarah Michelle Gellar will reprise her role in The Grudge 2, but won't play the lead. Her character will pass the curse to another lead actor who is currently being cast. The sequel will shoot next month in Tokyo for a 2006 release. [The Hollywood Reporter]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

She may like putting her fingers in my ass, but I am NOT putting my paw up hers! - Genevieve

Hot Slut of the Day!

Nik from America's Next Top Model

Birthday Sluts

Ian Somerhalder (27)
Dominic Monaghan (29)
Sinead O'Connor (39)
Teri Hatcher (41)
Ann Coulter (44)
Butch Vig (48)
Kim Basinger (52)
Graciela Daniele (66)
James Galaway (66)
David Carradine (69)

Mimi is Fragile!

When I first saw these pictures I immediately wanted to say that Mimi was a lazy heffer. But then as I thought about it, I realized that I'm not going to hate on her. Because if I was her I'd be doing the same thing! I'd hire some Amy Poehler look alike to feed me Slimfast or whatever that ho drinks. Mimi has earned the right not to be bothered. What's that bottle in the lackey's hand? It's mace! Run Mimi run, she's going to make your face look puffier than it is!

Ok, my rant is done. Let the bashing begin!







[Dirt E. Girl]

No More Holocaust Movies!

Mel Gibson is getting out of hand with this religious shit. His next plans are to make a mini-series about the holocaust. Mel is developing a TV movie based on the memoirs of Dutch Jew Flory van Beek. Flory's Catholic boyfriend sheltered her from the Nazis. Several Jewish leaders are pissed off that Mel is doing such a film, because of The Passion of the Christ. Critics claimed Gibson’s flick calling it anti-Semitic, a charge Gibson has denied. Gibson’s father also is on the record denying that the Holocaust took place.

One Jewish leader said: “For [Gibson] to be associated with this movie is cause for concern,” “He needs to come clean that he repudiates Holocaust denial.”

Mel could not be reached for comment. The movie will show on ABC sometime during the 2006-07 season.

Maybe Mel just loves a good death threat. Oh and he's flown over the cuckoo's nest!

[MSNBC]

Cluballah!

What the fuck is Cluballah? Reader Lauren sent me this shit and half of me think it's just a joke (which it totally is) and the other half totally wants in!

Their website reads:

Envision being in a place where only your closest friends are dressed in couture and dancing on booths at your favorite club to the most amazing song you have ever heard. You look up and see the club lights as if you were standing on the ring of Saturn in the midst of a meteor shower. A place where you realize it's a dream and is to good to be true...there is a place!

It's called Cluballah.
Cluballah was founded to help one stay true to one's calling and to embrace all things beautiful, trendy and "hot".
Cluballah originated in Hollywood in 2004 at the "hot" spot Josephs. Soon after that the Cluballah Celebrity center was born.

Founding members include Nicole Richie, DJ Am and Samantha Ronson. I want in, but I totally can't abide by the Ten commandants! Fuck Cluballah let's start our own cult where we just watch reality TV, smoke cigarettes, read dirty magazines and eat funions!

Their website

[Thanks to Lauren]

Violet Ann Affleck

Our first look at Jen and Ben's kid. Looks like any regular kid to me. According to the radio station Hot 89.9 the pic was snapped by some hospital employee. Reader Cam also let me know that apparently the Hot 89.9 paid for the pic from the employee. That is some shady shit! The pic came from here.

[Thanks to Cam]

I Have Three Lovely Ladies Standing Before Me...

Tonight is the season finale of America's Next Top Who Cares. Nik, Nicole and Bre are left. There are rumors that Nicole and Bre are the final two. Which makes sense, because Nik is too much of a woman to win that shit. She's the obvious choice and I'm still praying that she wins. If she doesn't, it won't matter. Because this season has been stank. Thank God Project Runway 2 premieres tonight!

You're eder in or you're ow!

Afternoon Crumbs

Cacee Cobb, assistant to Chestica Simpson ratted that bitch out to Nick Lachey! She's so not getting a Christmas bonus! [Glitterati]

Jessica Alba is disgusted by the fanny pack. [City Rag]

Hilary Duff showed up to the premiere of some porn flick called Kill Girl Kill 3. I wanna know if she yanked it during the movie? [WWTDD]

I love seeing celeb chicks at their worst. Most of them are just as nasty as us, if not worse. [IDLYITW]

HoHan calls in sick to Regis & Kelly but suddenly recovers for TRL. [Popsugar]

Christina Ricci and her forehead are now two single chicks. She's broken up with Adam Goldberg. [Yeeeah!]

The 50 Most Coldest People in Hollywood

FilmThreat has compiled their list of the most frigid people in the industry. These are the bitches they think are the coldest and least powerful in Hollywood. I have to agree mostly with the list. But Parasite and Chestica should've been further up. It's so hot that TomKat was #1 and #2.

Read the List

Dita Von Teese is a Kinky Mofo!

Marilyn Manson and Dita Von Teese just tied the knot, but that's not the only knots that are going to be tied around that couple. Dita confessed that she's into some kinky shit!

She said: "I'm into bondage. I think it's really fun, and I love playing the part of the damsel in distress. The feeling is amazing when someone (spanks me) right."

She also admits that she's dabbling a bit into erotic asphyxiation. That's when someone chokes your ass during a fuck.

"I think it's exciting when you do it with someone you trust. "I know there are different gadgets people can buy to do it to themselves safely, so that when they pass out they can breathe again. You just have to do it safely."

I'm sorry the moment someone tries to strangle me during sex, I'm calling 911. Call me old fashioned, but I'm not into passing out while I cum.

[Contact Music]

Whitney Reminds Me of that Crazy Lady at the DMV!

Actually that crazy lady at any government facility. You know the one. The one that shows up in a raggedy fur coat and jacked up hair shouting at the employees. That lady always yells at bitches but then turns around and smiles at me and says something like "Can you believe this?" and then cackles to herself when I don't respond. That's the lady I try to avoid when choosing my lines. Because she will talk to me and it will scare me. Whitney Houston is that lady.

[Pic: Concrete Loop]

Mimi Wants to be Sexy!

Everyone needs a little shadowing to make em look a little better. That exposed bra shit is tired.

Fergie Confesses!

Remember those pictures of Fergie with piss all over her pants? There was some speculation as to whether or not it was just sweat or maybe booze. But Fergie spills, literally, the piss:

She said:

"I had a few drinks before the show, but I didn't think to go to the bathroom before we went onstage. "We were jumping around - it was all very rock and roll - and my bladder just started. you know."

Very rock and roll? No, it's very nasty. She also says she had to douse herself in champagne in disguise that shit. She has a loose pee hole.

[Hollywood Rag]

Gwen's Album on Hold!

Gwen Stefani had promised that her second album would be out before the end of the year. But now she says that isn't going to happen.

She said: "I have a really good record that I could put out, but I'm not going to do it.

"I decided that it's just more important that I take a nap.

"I just need to hibernate for a minute."

I actually like her ass, but I must agree with her. She needs to go away for a while and come back all fresh and shit. Is she ever going to do shit with her band again? Is she over that. I miss their asses even though their last album was balls.

[Contact Music]

The Desperate Drag Queens

Yesterday, I posted a picture of Marcia Cross and Miss Coco Peru as Bree Van De Kamp. Well today comes the whole cast with their drag counterpart. I can't really tell the difference. Teri wasn't there probably because she doesn't really need one.







OMG, I would be sooo pissed if I was Eva and that was my drag counterpart. But she's an egotistical bitch so she probably loves it.

The Brad Pitt Adoption Papers

Here are copies of the documents Bradley Pitt filed to become Maddox and Zahara's daddy. You can click on them to see the larger version. It's nothing major. I guess it just means it's official.

But seriously, isn't this more major than marriage? I personally think it's kind of fucked up. But if I guess if I was Maddox Bradley would make a good daddy. He's rich and a fucking pussy. Maddox will own his ass in no time flat. If he already doesn't.

UPDATE - Thanks to all of you who let a bitch know that these aren't the adoption papers, just the name change documents.








[Special Thanks to Nicole!]

The Billboard Music Awards

You know you watch everything on TV when you watch this shit. It's really an embarrassment. It sucks so fucking hard. I was actually surprised not to see HoHan there. Brit Brit and KFed were also rumored to make an appearance but neither did. Boo Hoo. That would've been some hot trailer trash action in Vegas.



Carmen, Pam and Marissa = No Comment



Mimi & Shakira - My mom said Mimi looks healthy, because her face is fat.



Kanye would be so much hotter if he kept his mouth shut - Pharrell & Gwen



Ciara & Kelly Tranny



Carrie Underwear is precious - Brooke Hogan is hopeless



Tom Petty is that a wig or are you just frightened to see me?



Gwen tries her best Frida Kahlo and that song she sang "Luxurious" is anything but



Who invited the retarded girl?

Piece of Trash!

Hide that shit! Nobody wants to see that crap. It actually looks more like a wart. Can you get anal warts on your neck? I'm sure she can. Ewww, that bitch is into asshole rubbing! Sick!







[JJB]

JLo Almost Died!

JLo and her favorite skeleton, Marc Anthony were forced to evacuate her trailer after a fire broke out underneath on the set of her movie in NYC. The fire was set to be caused by electrical problems below. The two were able to return to their trailer later in the day.

I wonder how many people JLo fired over this shit.

[Entertainmenwise]

Is He THAT Pathetic?

Brad Pitt is so fucking enamored with Angelina Jolie that he desperately wants to marry her. He is so desperate that apparently he proposes to her goth ass at least once a day. Angie however doesn't want to rush into things. Oh, so making Brad your official baby daddy isn't rushing things? Angie wants to make sure that this one will last before marrying him. Yeah, but letting your kids get attached to a dude isn't rushing things?

A friend of the couple said:

"There'll be a marriage eventually, but Angelina will say when. She's already had two failed marriages and wants to be 100% sure this time"

Actually half of this story is right. Marriage will come when Maddox decides when.

[Female First]

Anywhere But Here

Last night was the Brokeback Mountain premiere in NYC. Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams made an appearance from their Brooklyn love pad. Michelle looks like she could give a fucking shit. Perhaps this chick is having post-partum depression. She's like waiting to get home and breast feed her baby. She seems like the type that would be all crazy about that.

Heath is not hot.



[Smart]

Did Jesus Hear My Prayers?

So, yesterday came word that Christina Applegate filed for divorce from hottie husband Jonathon Schaech. I said that I hoped he was a fag so he and I could live in harmony together.

This morning's Page Six reads:

IT looks like the first appointment Christina Applegate will make after she leaves Broadway's "Sweet Charity" in January may be in divorce court. Her actor/husband Johnathon Schaech filed for divorce in L.A. citing "irreconcilable differences." Tmz.com reports Schaech has hired celeb divorce lawyer Laura Wasser. A statement from both parties' reps said the decision to split is mutual, but we're waiting for the other shoe to drop — a man's shoe.

A man's shoe? Does that mean that bitch is a fag?! I knew I smelled something fishy and it wasn't vagina!

[Page Six]

I Can't Take It Anymore!

Another Hollywood marriage goes belly up! This one lasted 25 years but is ending due to irreconcilable differences. Whatever. Valerie Bertinelli has filed for divorce from Eddie Van Halen. I didn't even know they were separated! Apparently they officially parted in 2001.

A friend of the couple said it was due to Eddie's battle with alcohol and mouth cancer. Gross.

The friend said: "It's a miracle how that marriage has survived," "It's all because of her tenacity. Eddie loves her. He listens to her. She's definitely the backbone in that relationship."

If Goldie and Kurt split, I'm seriously going to consider moving to Uganda.

[People]

The Dlisted Report

Dreamgirls the movie doesn't come out until December 2006, but the teaser trailer is already out. Click here to view. [Coming Soon]

Scarlett Johansson has signed on to the independent drama Napoleon and Betsy. The movie centers on the true story of Napoleon's last years on St. Helena as seen through the eyes of an English girl with whom he falls in love. Scarlett currently has 3 projects in the work so not word yet on when this one will start shooting. [Variety]

Dana Delany will make a return to TV in NBC's Kidnapped. Described as a blend of suspense thriller and family drama, Kidnapped revolves around a wealthy New York family whose 15-year-old son is kidnapped and held for ransom, with the story being told from multiple points of view. Delany will play the boy's wealthy mother. [The Hollywood Reporter]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS!

THE TOP 3: (in no particular order}

Contrary to the expectations of most observers, she ate him. - Tabularasa

North Dakota and Dakota - GG's Avatar

Coming soon: Dakota Fanning stars in: "My Big Fat Greek Friend". - Jeff

[Pic: Goldenfiddle]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Melba Moore

Birthday Sluts

Jeffrey Wright (40)
Shiri Appleby (28)
Nicole Appleton (32)
Damien Rice (36)
C. Thomas Howell (39)
Larry Bird (50)
Tom Waits (57)
Ellen Burstyn (73)
Eli Wallach (90)

When Were They Hotter: Now or Then?

Jordan is Trash!

Yes she is! But I love her. She is seriously the hottest shit in London. She's hawking some piece of shit calendar for 2006. Probably just pics of her showing her tits. You can get that shit on the internet if you ask me.





Put down those fucking fur boots Jordan! That makes no sense! You're wearing a twat-baring skirt and then ski boots. Dumb bitch, but soooo hot!

Which One is the Real Marcia Cross?

The slut on the left is a drag queen by the name of Miss Coco Peru. I can't say anything bad about Marcia Cross, because I love her so. She's kind of a frigid bitch, but I know she gives good love.

Has She Ever Heard of Some Lady Mitchum Clear Deodorant?

[click on image to enlarge]

Nasty bitch!

That's Where the Dough is Going!

Pope Eggs Benedict is a slave to fashion. He was recently seen riding in his popemobile wearing Prada loafers and Gucci sunglasses. He is also causing some problems in the Vatican, because he's looking to dump the tailors that have dressed each Pope for the past 200 years. Eggs Benedict is using his tailor from his days as cardinal, Alessandro Cattaneo, and the 20-year-old religious-fashion house of Raniero Mancinelli, which has provided the pope with dazzling new outfits (some with shimmering, sequinlike details).

Prada, Gucci, Sequins? That bitch is a Queen.

[MSNBC] [Thanks to Dr. Jennifer]

Have You Been Inspired by Star Jones?

Has Star Jones' career inspired you in some way? Has her life been influential to you and you'd like to share your story?

If you or someone you know has been inspired by Star Jones and you are willing to appear on the Dr. Phil show please tell us about it.

Apply Here

I actually didn't know her then, but somehow Star Jones inspired me to become a fucking fag!

Afternoon Crumbs

Foxy Brown is pretty much deaf. This explains a lot. [Concerete Loop]

Uma Thurman has a freakishly long finger. We've all seen it, but I can't get enough of it. I bet she gives good bang. [A Socialite's Life]

Eminem and Kim are getting remarried? Didn't he try to kill her ass and isn't she a junkie? A match made in heaven I guess. [WWTDD]

Kate Beckinsale getting a pedicure is enough to make my Tuesday extra exciting. [Egotastic!]

Peter Jackson is no longer a fat fuck! [The Bastardly]

Adam Sandler's gonna be a daddy! [E! Online]

Is She Getting Smaller or are Her Sunglasses Getting Bigger?

[Pic: Hollywood Rag]

Madge Wears Ugly Sunglasses

Here's Madge arriving in Tokyo to promote that new album of hers. I'm going to say something nice and say that I'm so glad that fugly hair is gone. I'm also glad that she's moved on to other colors.

On that note, those sunglasses are wretched and that jacket should be burned.



[Lime-Light]

Awards Season!

Yay! I've been nominated again for something and it ain't The Big Slut Award! That cums next month! So please take a moment and vote for my ass or City Rag, because that bitch is hot!

Vote!

[Thanks Courtney!]

Elisha Cuthbert's New Man!

At first glance her new man, Sean Avery is hot. He plays for the L.A. Kings and is like 19 or some shit. But here he is with his old girlfriend (literally) Rachel Hunter and he ain't looking so hot.


But it's definitely an upgrade for Elisha from Trace Ayala. Sorry, he's ugly. Trace has said that they are on a break. Yeah a permanent one!

Get Over It!

I have nothing against Jennifer Aniston, but bitch will sue anyone that publishes pictures of her sunbathing naked.

Lawyers for Jennifer Aniston have warned publications that they will face an invasion of privacy lawsuit if they print topless photos of the actress taken recently while she was apparently sunbathing at her Los Angeles home. In a blistering letter sent to celebrity magazines, attorney John Lavely wrote that the publication of photographs "showing [Aniston] topless or in the act of taking off or putting on her top" would expose those titles to "substantial monetary damages." In his December 3 letter, Lavely wrote that the topless photos were taken by paparazzo Peter Brandt, who allegedly used a "powerful telephoto lens" from a perch more than a mile away from Aniston's home (though the images, TSG has learned, appear to have been snapped from a closer range).

I don't know if I've seen the pictures or not. I'm not sure they are talking about these pictures, because there were claims that it wasn't even her! Regardless, this bitch needs to get over it. She knows that she always has paparazzi around her house, I mean she's even hired guards. So why the fuck is she sunbathing topless in her backyard? Bitch deserves it.

[E! Online]

HoHan Calls in Sick!

HoHan was set to be the prime guest on Regis & Kelly this morning. But reader Clamzilla tells me that she fucking called in sick 5 minutes after the show was on the air! She claims she had fucking food poisoning! But bitch was at The King Kong premiere last night!

Clamzilla wrote:

Hohan was supposed to be the guest on "Regis and Kelly Live" this morning and instead had one of her posse call the show at 9:05 (the show starts at 9:00 and it really is live) to say that she has "food poisoning and won't be coming". She was basically the entire show except for Shakira singing at the end, so the hosts had to stretch the whole hour with some asinine segment about Christmas toys. Somehow I doubt it was food poisoning unless blow counts as food.

In her defense, she either had bad coke or bad jizz. It can happen.

[Thanks Clamzilla]

The King Kong Premiere

Last night was King Kong's premiere in NYC. HoHan was of course there, because she would go to the opening of a Dunkin' Donuts in NJ. Trust me she has. She looks hot, but I'm getting sick of this bitch.





Adrien Brody is dreamy and yes I know he's fug.



Naomi Watts and her boyfriend Liev Schreiber



Jack Black & Colin Hanks



Skinny Peter Jackson, Evan Rachel Wood & Jamie Bell (yes, Billy Elliot)



Trump & The Gorgeous Melania

You Have Got to Be Kidding Me!

Dakota deserves an Oscar more than he does!

Another Divorce?!

I can't take all these Hollywood divorces. The latest comes from a couple that I really thought was going to make it! Christina Applegate's husband Jonathan Schaech has filed for divorce citing irreconcilable differences. They have been married for 4 years.

Christina is currently starring on Broadway in Sweet Charity.

I bet you he's a fag. I've always got that vibe from him. And he's really religious, so yeah he's a fag. I'm announcing it here and yes I'd hit it.

[CBS 2]

Gisele Thinks the Booty is Private!

Gisele Budchen was on Conan the other night and she talked about how her booty is private. In her Victoria's Secret contract she states that her butt has to be fully covered. Therefore no thongs of any kind.

She said: "I can't wear like a nun outfit, or something like that, but I make sure that they understand that my booty has to be covered. It's my booty and I feel like when you're walking on the runway, God knows where they're looking. It's not that I feel self-conscious, it's that I feel like my booty should be shown on special occasions, for special people."

I see your booty right there bitch! Actually, she's right. The booty should be for special people only and on special occasions. So I think she only shows it to mentally challenged people on Christmas day.

MK & the X

MK Olsen and X-boyfriend David Katzenburg enjoyed a Lakers game the other night. Who cares who won. Wait, is that basketball? MK is looking much better. She's still not in Ashley's league, but she's putting herself together. She's probably getting fucked on a regular basis which is relieving her of a lot of stress.

I'm not gonna diss her, because I like her much better than a lot of other skanky Hollywood trash (i.e. Parasite).

Reefer Madness!!!

Brit Brit Spears has kicked KFed to the curb because she's sick of his pot dealer hanging out their kid. Brit calls the dealer "weedman" and has told KFed he must get the fuck out due to the weedman's constant presence at their home. Brit has also punished him by taking back his $200,00 Ferrari . This didn't seem to bother KFed since he spent most of the weekend partying in Vegas most likely on Brit's dime.

Another source claims that Lynn Spears is the real reason behind the split. They claim Brit's mom fucking hates KFed with a passion and has even moved into the house which made matters worse on their marriage. Duh, what self-respecting mother wouldn't hate his ass.

The source said:

"Kevin can't leave Britney because she's got all the money, but it's awful. Her mom hates him, and she won't get out of the house. The mom and everyone around Britney is telling her to get rid of Kevin. Kevin isn't going anywhere — Britney is picking up the bills."

If Brit continues to play smart, KFed will be on The Surreal Life 7 in no time or that rumored sex tape will mysteriously appear.

Oh and I'd thought instead of more recent trashy pictures of Brit, I should show some better ones of her past. You know, to keep her memory alive!

[Page Six]

Girly Boy

Justin Timberlake is trying to shed his squeaky clean image in order to get better roles in films. Several Hollywood hitmakers have told Justin that his voice is too high-pitched and isn't right for many roles. So Justin is taking their advice and is working with a voice coach to bring his voice lower.

A friend said:

"He needs a deep, dreamy voice like George Clooney if he is to be a big-screen sex symbol,"

"So he has been doing voice exercises day and night in a bid to develop a deep voice."

Maybe he should start by installing some balls. I think that might help things.

[Sky News]

The Dlisted Report

Elizabeth Vargas and Bob Woodruff will be co-anchors for World News Tonight replacing the late Peter Jennings. Additionally, the news will be expanded, which means for the first time there will be a live edition of the Evening News on the west coast. Vargas will continue as co-anchor of 20/20. Woodruff had been the weekend edition anchor, and both Woodruff and Vargas have substituted several times since the absence and subsequent death of Peter Jennings. [Cynthia's Cynopsis]

The new teaser trailer is online for X-Men 3. Click here to view it. [Apple]

Wynonna Judd and Cowboy Troy will be the new hosts of Nashville Star 4. They will be replacing LeAnn Rimes. [Reality Blurred]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

Brokeass Mountain - 2 PinkBalloons

[Thanks to Mister Erick for pic]

Hot Slut of the Day!

RuPaul

Birthday Sluts

Ryan Carnes (23)
Stephenie LaGrossa (26)
Lindsay Price (29)
Colleen Haskell (29)
Janine Turner (43)
Nick Park (47)
Tom Hulce (52)
Richard Edlund (65)

Mimi is Just Like Us!

She pumps her own gas. Too bad she doesn't know how to drive her own car.



She decorates her own tree! Too bad the tree looks fug.



She also picked out a fucked up tree. And those are the gifts she's giving? Cheap motherfucker.



She sips hot chocolate after doing her nails. Too bad that Ti-Luing who was doing her nails was asked to fetch Mimi some bunion cream.



[Mariah Daily]

You have to...

Suck face with one of these bitches. Which one?

[Thanks to Karen for Star's pic]

Queen Bai

Last night was the anti-climactic finale of But Can They Sing? Michael Copon won that shit. Who fucking cares.



But there was a light in all that darkness. The producers finally recognized that Bai Ling is the star of that show. They asked her to perform again and ladies and gents..this was the performance to rival all past performances. They selected her to sing I Touch Myself and it was purely divine. This is art, people. This is if the future.

Bai Ling "I Touch Myself"



What the fuck?! She's like Suzy Wong meets Mae West!





This bitch opens her legs ALMOST as much as Parasite. I said almost.



Don't ask me what that cockroach mole is. It's nasty, but I forgive you for that one fault Bai.



It's time to get nekkid!



Her body is seriously on fire. And her snatch is too from all those STDs she has. Actually, she's a good girl. Probably a virgin! In the vagina anyway.













"Dude, weren't you supposed to wear that"







After her performance Ant was fucking shocked as all of us were!



He tried to cover her hotness. But it still shined through that cheap blazer.





Long Live Bai Ling! Even though this piece of shit show is over, I will remember her always!

TomKat Continue to Gross Out the World!

"Bitch open up, I see a camera!"



"I felt the alien foot kick. It has 6 toes. Oh honey, this may be the chosen one!"



"Yeah, I got this bitch in check!"



"Honey, now don't ever tell anyone about our little 'game.' It's natural, it's the Scientology way."



[Pics: Celeboganda]

Would You Hit It?

Ok, I would. Even though Cameron's dirty lips have been all over him. I would. He's so dorky though. Ok, just as long as I can duck tape his mouth shut!




[JustJared]

KFed Parties in Vegas!

Looks like KFed found a way to Vegas. Greyhound probably. Here he is partying at the Hard Rock Hotel with Brit Brit's brother, Brian. He's seriously such trash. I can say it a million times over and still want to say it. That's the only that comes to mind when I look at him. But the grossest part is, I'd totally hit.

And so would Brit Brit. I bet you those bitches are back together!

Afternoon Crumbs

Natalie Portman smokin' is anything but. [Hollywood Tuna]

Jennifer Lopez is working for that Oscar. See pics of her on the set of her latest soon-to-be flop. Oh and she's bringing her husband down with her! [Hollywood Rag]

Heather Lockear's marriage to Richie Sambora is apparently livin' on a prayer [Radar Online]

Charlize Theron could be a Bond girl. Fuck, that shit would be hot. Let's hope she doesn't crack her neck this time! [WWTDD]

I honestly always thought Selma Blair was kind of hot in a geeky kind of way. She's just been announced as the newest face of Chanel [Popsugar]

OMG! I need these superhero postage stamps like the way Parasite's vagina needs fresh cum! [Egotastic!]

Adrianne Curry sucks face with Peter Brady. The slutty one might also do Playboy. Please, I've seen that snatch! [The Bastardly]

Parasite Hilton is on Every Side of Wrong!

Actor Mekhi Pheiffer had a Studio 54 themed birthday party. And this stupid bitch wore that?! That's like fucking Scooby Doo. She's fucking dumber than we thought. And I totally think she's making fun of Richie with those sunglasses!





[Pics: Gabsmash]

For Bitches with Bleeding Feet!

Kotex Slippers!

Only on eBay!

Ugly Squared

Jack Osbourne and Kimberly Stewart hold hands while shouting to the paparazzi that they are engaged. If only. I'm sure they were joking. These two idiots belong together. Yeah, he's a nice guy..but he's ugly as fuck. Her vagina will accept anything.

Hot Slut of the Month: Margaret Perrin

Margaret Perrin killed her competition witht he power of Jesus and has gone on to become our 11th Hot Slut of the Month! Thanks for voting, y'all!



Marge now joins the elite women of Dlisted's Hot Slut of the Month Club and will battle it out for Hot Slut of 2005 next month!



Dorian Lord (January) Leslie Easterbrook (February) Bai Ling (March) Kyra Sundance (April) Leona Helmsley (May) Carol Channing (June) Angelyne (July) Jackie Stallone (August) Bobbi Kristina Brown (September) Estelle Getty (October) Margeret Perrin (November)

Niecy Nash Quote of the Day!

At the Vh1 Big in '05 Awards: (And yes that's Kennedy)

"Angelina Jolie is so ghetto that she has 2 babies, but 3 baby daddies!"

Chestica and her Lips Buy a Louis Vuitton Trunk!

Her lips are out of control! Does she think this looks better? Well, Chestica splashed out $30,000 on a vintage Louis Vuitton trunk. She even lifted the shit herself! She could've had her lips do it. They look mighty strong.

No She Didn't!

According to sources Jennifer Aniston recently had a small get together with friends on the beach in front of her Malibu home. She lit a bonfire and brought out some special items. The items included her wedding dress, photos of Brad Pitt, love letters and other items of her ex-husband's.

Jen was originally going to give the dress to charity but changed her mind. Witnesses say they saw Jen and her friends laughing and sipping champagne while watching the dress go up in flames.

I'd love to believe this was true, but I just can't. Besides I think the only things she wants to burn up are Maddox and Zahara. Ok, I said it! But you know you were all thinking it!


[National Ledger] [Thanks to Jen]

That's Like Suing Halle Berry for Being Black!

Organizers of Live 8 are suing TrimSpa for their spokeswhore Anna Nicole Smith, showing up at their event drunk and scantily clad. What did they fucking expect? Mother Theresa? The suit was filed in Los Angeles. Live 8 is seeking $500,000 in damages.

The lawsuit says:

"To add insult to injury, when Ms. Smith showed up at the Philadelphia concert ... she was intoxicated and scantily clad" in a such a way as that it "damaged Live 8's reputation,"

According to news photos of the July 2 concert, Smith's outfit consisted of a shiny pink vest bound by a string at her bust. Live 8's legal papers now categorize her costume as "totally inappropriate for a broadcast that would be seen by millions of people in the United States and then rebroadcast throughout the world."

They should be lucky she showed up in that outfit. She usually wears much less. And I'm confused on why they even invited this bitch? Of course they wanted a drunken slut to liven things up! Besides, the truth is she was really hired to give blow jobs to all of the crew!

[People] [Thanks to Chiligurl]

Fishsticks does it Again!

Fishsticks Paltrow is seriously turning into Sharon Osbourne. She's pretty much out to offend anybody she can. This is her latest rant:

"I find the English amazing how they got over 7/7.

"There were no multiple memorials with people sobbing as they would have been in America."

"There, they are constantly scaring people but at the same time, people think nothing of going to see a therapist."

This stupid piece of trash is just asking for the beating of a lifetime. I want this bitch to tell this to the face of a NYC firefighter. I think she'd be surprised at how fast an axe would land between her eyes!

[Female First] [Thanks to Candy]

Madge Loves the Thrill of the Kill!

Since Madge is a proper English lady now one of her favorite things to do was to go hunting on her massive estate. But, she has since quit hunting. Why? Because she didn't fully kill a bird and this freaked her out.

She said: "I was mad for shooting a couple of years ago," "I loved my bespoke outfits and everything. It was so much fun. That all changed when a bird dropped in front of me that I'd shot. It wasn't dead. It got up, and it was really suffering. Blood was gushing out of its mouth, and it was struggling . . . I haven't shot since . . . I realized I had a kind of bloodlust, and was manically shooting things and trying to kill as many birds as possible."

Made, I think you need to look further into it. Doesn't the Kabbalah teach your shit that? The bird was a symbol for your career: Painful, bloody and almost dead.

[Page Six]

How Can I Become a Maddox?

Maddox Jolie-Pitt has the perfect life. He's Asian which means he's smarter. Just kidding! He barely walks. He gets to travel the world many times over, he is always shopping, gets plenty of media attention without having to do much of anything and he wears mostly solid colors. I'm not a fan of patterns. Oh, and he has a hot mommy and daddy.

Team Maddox!

Did Anybody Watch Made?!

Made in this show on MTV that takes some teenage bitch and helps them get "Made" into something completely opposite of what they are. In this episode, they take this Vermont bitch named Josh who is a total sissy cheerleader and turns him into a soccer player. Because sports are so important in his town. Now, the thing is this dude has tits. And I don't mean any tits. He has bigger breasts than most ladies I know.

Be warned, it isn't pretty. Put down that bagel your eating or you'll fucking choke on it! I'm not liable for such accidents!



Ok, he's fey but whatever...



Ok, he's a total fag...but still that's no big deal..



Ok, he has tummy fat. Most of the world does. BTW, you can still turn back..

Trust me..you may want to turn back..

Now is your only chance...






OH HELL NO! He has Pamela Anderson tittes. But at least his shit is natural. Those nipples are twice the size of my coasters.



Sweetie, your stomach isn't the problem. You seriously need some support.



Do you think Rosie O'Donnell looks like that nekkid? Somebody photoshop her head on that shit! I bet you she does!

Poor Josh. Well, I think Dr. 90210 can do lypo to your tits!

Rocky Needs a Nap!

Title: Rocky Balboa
Plot: Rocky Balboa has now been retired for some time, but hard-up for money, he decides to step back into the ring against a few small-time boxers. Everything changes, though, when Rocky is offered the opportunity to step in with the reigning Heavyweight Champion, Mason "The Line" Dixon. Does Rocky still have what it takes to make another Championship comeback??

Stars: Sylvester Stallone, Antonio Tarver & Milo Ventimiglia
Directed by: Sylvester Stallone

Due: February 9, 2007

X-Men 3

Here's our first look at some of the characters of X-Men 3 which his theaters next year. Brett Ratner is directing this shit so expect a huge turkey!



Kelsey Grammar as Beast



Ben Foster as Angel (Yeah, he was Claire's psycho boyfriend in Six Feet Under)





Hugh Jackman as Wolverine



Halle Berry as Storm

The Dlisted Report

Comedy Central will air the previously-recorded sketches from The Chappelle Show sometime in 2006. Chappelle has been on an open-ended hiatus for about ten months, with taping of the third season of his Chappelle's Show suspended indefinitely. Sources close to the series were recently quoted that they did not believe he would ever return to the program. [Variety]

Director Tim Story and writer Mark Frost will return for a sequel to The Fantastic Four. The entire cast sans Julian McMahon will return for the second film which will hit theaters in 2007. [The Hollywood Reporter]

MTV Films will produce a biopic of legendary singer Nina Simone. Mary J. Blige has agreed to make her feature starring debut playing Simone. Simone, known as the high priestess of soul, rose to fame in the '60s with signature jazz ballads and such powerful protest songs as "Mississippi Goddam" and "To Be Young, Gifted, and Black," an anthem of the civil rights movement. In 1974, the chanteuse went into exile, eventually ending up in Paris, where she died in 2003. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Harry Potter scored the #1 spot for the third week in a row with just about $20 Million. Aeon Flux brought in $13 Million to secure the #2 spot. Walk the Line wasn't far behind with $10 Million to end at #3. [Box Office Mojo]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Mo'Nique

Birthday Sluts

Shalom Harlow (32)
Frankie Muniz (20)
Nick Stahl (26)
Kali Rocha (34)
Lisa Marie (37)
Margaret Cho (37)

Vh1 Big in 05

Tonight is Vh1's Big in 05 Awards. It was taped on Friday but they are showing that shit tonight. A-listers mixed with mostly D-listers at the event held in Los Angeles. Chestica was there looking like shit.





Some Laguna Beach sluts. Sorry, I don't watch that shit.



HoHan has been looking pretty divine lately.



Gotti Trash



Adrianne Curry & Chris Knight - Tori Spelling trying to be sexy, it ain't working.



These penguins were the best dressed sluts on the carpet.

Click here to see TONS of more pics. Including some Top Model bitches, Blake from So You Think You Can Dance, Jane Weidland, Dog the Bounty Hunter and many more!

Bai Ling Quote of the Day!

A note she sent to a hostess of a tea party:

"I thank you for your sensual and romantic teas. Having teas with you is seductive. I appreciate your sexy smile and hips and ass."

What Happens in Vegas...

Brit Brit Spears is currently in Las Vegas for her birthday weekend. Bitch is sans Kfed, but has booked 3 rooms at the Wynn Hotel. She also plans to make a surprise appearance at The Billboard Awards on Tuesday night.

Kfed is said to be making his way to Vegas to also possibly perform at the awards, but it isn't certain whether or not he will join his wife.

Brit Brit has also replaced her wedding ring with a skull and crossbones ring. That bitch is sooo Goth. I hope that piece of trash brings SPF to the awards like she did with Bit Bit last year!

[Popsugar]

Weekend Crumbs

Parasite Hilton's MySpace prankster has a message for her. [Hollywood Rag]

Dennis Rodman gets kicked out of NYC's Crobar for showing his "worm" to a DJ who could care less. [Page Six]

Jordan wants to get another boob job?! WTF?! She needs another boob job like I need another drink. She's asking Hugh Hefner on a surgeon he can recommend. [Female First]

HoHan wants to get a John Lennon tribute tattoo. Let's hope it's next to the one that says "poser". [Smart]

The Barkers are going to name their baby Alabama after a character in True Romance. Those bitches are sick! [Celebrity Baby Blog]

Jennifer Garner drops a litter. [Cat.lebrity]

Hot Slut of the Week: Frenchie Davis

Age: 26
Birthday: May 9, 1979
Birth Name: Franchelle Davis

Original Date of Hot Slut of the Day: November 28, 2005
Claim to Fame: Was booted off of American Idol after it was revealed she worked for an adult website.

Where is she now? Starred as Effie White in various productions of Dreamgirls.

Why is she Hot Slut of the Week? Her tits are bigger than her head and bitch can sing!

Attention Whore

Dennis Rodman showed up to a book signing at The Hard Rock Hotel looking like a cross between Graces Jones and the Black Stallion. Obviously book sales are going to well so he has to whip out the "drag"card. He's so fucking hard up for attention it's sick!

But beyond all that make-up and polyester hair, I'd hit it.

Vintage Brad Pitt

[Thanks to Jeni]


Click here for NSFW version!

Black Wedding

Marilyn Manson has wed Dita Von Teese (her real name is Heather Sweet) in Ireland in front of 60 friends and family.

People Magazine reported:

The ceremony took place in Kilsheelan, County Tipperary, Ireland, at Castle Gurteen, the home of the couple's friend, artist Gottfried Helnwein. Contrary to rumors that the pair would exchange their blood during the ceremony, they actually traded vows they wrote for each other.

Manson (real name Brian Warner), 36, gave Von Teese (real name: Heather Sweet), 33, a wedding band from William Harold Jewelers in Newport Beach, Calif., where he also got her 7-carat, antique, European round-cut diamond engagement ring. The groom's wedding band is a custom-made platinum ring with onyx inlay from Dana Schneider.

The rocker wore a John Galliano black silk taffeta tuxedo with velvet trim and a Stephen Jones hat, while Von Teese donned a royal purple silk taffeta Vivienne Westwood gown complete with train and petticoats worn over a Mr. Pearl couture corset. Her outfit was accessorized with a tri-corn hat by Stephen Jones and shoes by Christian Louboutin.

No it wasn't a satanic ceremony. It was non-denominational though. People there say it was very sweet and not at all what you would expect from the shock rocker. Damn, I was hoping for at least a pig sacrifice. He owes it to his fans!

[People Magazine] [Thanks to Chiligurl]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Jenilee Harrison

Birthday Sluts

Tyra Banks (32)
Marisa Tomei (41)
Cassandra Wilson (50)
Jeff Bridges (56)