You Will Turn to Stone!

If you look directly into her eyes! Here's Oprah at the opening night of The Color Purple the Musical on Broadway which she produced. If you click on the image to enlarge you will basically see the entire Lancome make-up counter on her face. How can all that make-up get on one face?!

Hideous.

Some Bitches Can't Take a Hint!

Gay Al wants nothing to do with Star. So she has to put on some fugly pants and try and give him a sexy lap dance. At this moment we are seeing a man's penis shrink into his ball sack.

[Crunk and Disorderly]

Not Her Best Look....

I think my 9th grade Science teacher had those same glasses!

Weekend Crumbs

Nicole Kidman pregnant with Keith Urban's baby? She's too vain for that shit! [Contact Music]

Kelly Osbourne is still gross. [Hollywood Rag]

Hugh Grant pulls a Sienna Miller and gets in a fight with the paparazzi. I totally forgot about that mofo! [Perez Hilton]

Everyone has basically fucked everyone else in Hollywood. Six degrees of separation! [Bricks and Stones]

Tori Spelling is knocked up. I feel sorry for the kid who has to wear her mug for the rest of his life! [Glitterati]

Greek billionaire Athina Onassis will marry in Brazil today. And it's not Parasite Hilton, although if it was possible she would. She's going to marry some dude named Alvaro Alfonso de Miranda. Score! [People]

Charlize Theron is Nearly Perfect!

He Got Served!

It was your typical day in Malibu, CA. The only thing different was that Brit Brit's husband Kfed was nowhere to be seen. But his Ferrari was! It was seen being hauled back to the place where it came from. Ahahahha! That stupid motherfucker is getting everything that the truly cares about taken away from him!

Let's hope this is for serious and Brit Brit's vagina is cleaning herself of Kfed for good!

Mugshots!

Here are mugshots of those stupids bitches, Michelle Rodriguez and Cynthia Watros. They were arrested this week for DUI, both separately. Michelle looks like she's done this before. Which she has!

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

I think I see crabs on the middle one - Wirthy

Hot Slut of the Day!

Jacqueline from WWF

Birthday Sluts

Julianne Moore (45)
Anna Chlumsky (25)
Trina (27)
Holly Marie Combs (32)
Brendan Fraser (37)
Montell Jordan (37)
Katarina Witt (40)
Daryl Hannah (45)
Ozzy Osbourne (57)
Steve Rubell (62)
Jean-Luc Godard (75)

It's Official!

Brad Pitt confirmed his relationship with Angelina Jolie in a very roundabout way. He confirmed through his spokeswhore that he is planning to adopt her two children: Maddox and Zahara. The plan is to change their last names to Jolie-Pitt.

He issued the following statement:

"We are confirming that Brad Pitt is in the process of becoming the adoptive father of both children,"

"No further comment is being made."

This is all Maddox's idea so that he can become even richer! He's one step closer to ruling the world!

[NBC 11]

When Were They Hotter: Then or Now?

I Say WTF?!

I'll let the article speak for itself:

A man who was videotaping a friend having sex with a horse when the friend died pleaded guilty earlier this week to trespassing at the Enumclaw, Wash., farm.

The 54-year-old man, James Michael Tait, was given a suspended jail sentence and fined $778.

The man told police he and others often sneaked onto a neighbor's farm to have sex with animals.

Kenneth Pinyan suffered a perforated colon July 2 and died from his injury.

The King County prosecutor's office said no animal cruelty charges were filed because there was no evidence of injury to the horse.

This is not right! Jesus would not like this one bit! But for real, that horse must have a dangerous dick to kill that man. That horse gives good sex! And I'm not trying to stick a horse dick up my arse! Ok, maybe just once. Just the tip.

[NBC 30] [You're Hot Gina]

Now We Know the TRUE Identity of JLo's Dog!

One of my readers Kelly, found the true identity of JLo's new dog. She put together this little skit herself, so the credit is all hers. This shit is funny!



Ben: Ok, so tell her something nice, you know? Like I miss her and she'll always be just my sweet Jenny. You know? Say this, "He loves you, he needs you, he can't live another moment without you." Ok, got it?



Dog: Let's roll.



Dog: Meet him in the hospital parking lot. Wear a thong.

[Big Thanks to Kelly!]

Afternoon Crumbs

Finally that dumb bitch Jayla was sent packing on ANTM. Go Nik! [FourFour]

Tara Reid needs a bra. [A Socialite's Life]

Marilyn Manson's getting married to Dita Von Teese in Ireland this weekend. It's going to be totally normal. [Contact Music]

Mimi tries to do her best Jessica Rabbit. She fails! [Hollywood Rag]

Keira Knightley is one fucked up bitch! She confesses she buys shoes just because. Some of them don't even fit her! She just likes to look at them. [Egotastic!]

TomKat are registered at Neiman Marcus. But what they really need is an exorcism! [Just Jared]

Guess the Celebrity?

UPDATE: The nose behind the celeb is...



Eliza Dushku! Congrats to darknessa for again being the first to get it right!

Jean Claude Van Damme is Funky

This is from a crap movie he did called Breakin'

I Knew She Liked Threesomes!

Seriously, she looks very serene. This dog is bringing her peace. A piece of dick, because Marc's is stank! Just kidding folks!

Johnny Depp Thinks We Should Masturbate Right Now!

Ok, pretty much everybody that reads my shit is celebrity obsessed. That's basically a given. So, Johnny Depp thinks that we need to spend less time worrying about celebrities and more time touching our caves and snakes.

He said:

"This is a rumor-filled society and if people want to sit around and talk about who I've dated, then I'd say they have a lot of spare time and should consider other topic or even masturbation"

On that note, I gotta make a quick trip to the boy's room! I hope they have toilet paper in there or somebody's ass is going to get a sticky surprise on the toilet seat!

[Female First]

Doherty's Prick!

This is something I didn't need to see. It's not confirmed that it's him, but if it is -- He needs a serious waxing!

[Thanks to WWJDD]



Click here to see it!

KFed was Always Trash!

That's a hot mullet!

[You're Hot JasonC]

Nikki Ziering Quote of the Day!

"I feel like Cameron Diaz gets all my roles. People always say we look alike."

This slut used to be married to Ian Ziering from 90210!

Joan Van Ark strikes again!

by Lahoma00

Joan Van Ark is one of the hottest bitches out there. She's had so much plastic surgery! Which is weird because she's a method actress, and usually they are all anti-cosmetics and shit.



Anyway, this bitch along with Michelle Lee, Michelle Phillips, the incomporable Lisa Hartman Black, some stupid guys and one of the hottest sluts ever, Donna Mills, will be in the Knots Landing Reunion tonight!



Basically the cast is going to sit around and talk about how hot the show was and how cool they all were, and how Knots Landing changed the world. Which it totally fucking did---it was the first soap opera where people took out their own trash!

One of Knots Landing's hottest stories was when Joan Van Ark fell off a horse, went crazy and started trying all these weird hairstyles. A close second is when Michelle Phillips went digging through horse shit for a valuable microchip!



Anyway, all of you sluts better watch this because if it's successful they'll surely do a Falcon Crest reunion. I want to see Morgan Fairchild and Apollonia reunited with a 100 year old Jane Wyman!

[Pic: KnotsLanding.net]

And the Grammy Goes to...

Parasite Hilton!

I've heard the track of that piece of trash singing Screwed, but her MySpace profile has many other gems! She really is a truly gifted singer! Not since Celine Dion has this earth been blessed with such an angelic voice.

Paris Whitney Hilton, a successful model, actress, designer, and now musician, is thrilled to release her debut album "1 Crazy Party" on her very own label, Heiress Records. Ms. Hilton's first single "Turn It Up" is a sassy slice of electro pop that will no doubt reach the number one spot on charts all around the globe. Paris has worked with world famous producers and writers over the last year, and has produced one of those "must hear" records where every song is a hit. "I wanted to record something personal, something that has meaning to me, and I think this CD will show my fans that I value them and that singing has always been one of my huge passions," says the socialite herself. The album will also feature the smash hit "Screwed," "All the Boys Are Chasing Me," and "9 Times out of 10."

Actually her voice is like Minnie Mouse on acid. Hand on My Heart is truly a beautiful song. Such range! It's sad that even with all the effects on her voice she still sounds like a low-rent Jem!

Listen to this shit!

UPDATE - So, that shit is fake! MySpace has taken it down. I guess we'll have to wait a little longer until we can bash Paris for real. In the mean time you can ask Parasite any question you want! Click here to ask why she's such a slut!

[A Socialite's Life]

GQ Man of the Year

Last night was the party for GQ's Man of the Year. And surprisingly mostly everybody looked hot, especially HoHan! Well Carson looked creepy as usual!








Mischa Barton



Aniston



Jeremy Piven (Gross) & Chris Evans



Carson Daly & Eva Mendes



The Rock & Vince Vaughn


Pharrell & Joaquin Pheonix


The Arquettes



Brandon Routh & Jesse Metcalfe - You know they fucked!

Nicole Richie is So Malnourished..

That her hair is starting to fall out! But she thinks that's cute so she wear her fallen hair as a necklace!

Don't Play! You'd Still Hop on that Crack Dick!

Kate Moss is fucking disgusted with Pete Doherty and wants him to stay away from her ass! Recently it was revealed that Petey was set to tell his story about their relationship in a tell-all book. This has set Kate off and now she's furious with his ass!

She said:

"He's a user in every sense of the word He makes me sick. Yes, I loved him, but I was taken in by his little boy lost routine. He has nearly cost me everything!"

"Now he's out to exploit our time together It's clear he doesn't care about me and has no respect for our relationship"

This is the first part when a relationship ends. You're all fiery and shit and out to get him. You're confident and ready to get on with your life. But then your vagina or asshole starts to shiver and you need that dick. That dick is your crack and your vagina is Whitney Houston. Trust me she'll back with his ass in a second.

Oh and these shots are from December's French Vogue. She looks fucking delicious!

[Female First]

A Perfect Xmas Gift for Michael K!

You know I love me some Matthew McConaughey. And if I can't have a sperm sample of his, I'll take his stupid Freshman yearbook! The currently asking price is only at $100, so I know one of you bitches can afford.

You know if I was in HS with him he would've experimented with this shit. I would've totally gone Dawn Weiner on his ass and stalked him and shit and showed my unicorn drawings.

Actually fuck that, get me an Xbox 360 instead.

Bid on Matthew!

[You're Hot LeelzM!]

I Hope You Have the Receipt!

When Kimbo Stewart showed off her engagement ring from Talan Torriero, we all assumed stupid bitch bought it herself. But no, that's not the case. Talan has been telling friends that he purchased the $75,000 ring with daddy's credit card.

He was overheard telling a friend:

"I should be able to get a full refund"

Don't play Talan! We know you got that ring, the same place Parasite got hers: Claire's!

[Page Six]

Katie and The Midget are back in the States!

TomKat are back from China after shooting scenes for MI:3. Not ones to miss a photo opportunity, the pair headed to The Ivy in West Hollywood for a midnight dinner. Because, well if you want privacy that's where you go!

Katie is practically towering over that bitch! I guess he left his lifts in the car.



[JJB]

Brit Brit & Kfed Over?!

Perez Hilton broke the news yesterday that Brit Brit was sick and tired of Kfed and threw him out of her house early Thursday morning. Apparently, the Brit went out the night before and partied hard. When she got home the two got into a huge fight resulting in Brit kicking that dead weight to the curb.

A source said:

"Britney turned around and fired two of her longtime security guards for letting what she called 'the weedman' into the house,"

The weedman?! That shit is hot. I really hope this is true. If it is, this is Step 1 in Brit Brit bringing herself out of White Trashdom. Actually, she'll always be there. But at least she can clean it up a bit!

Also, she'll be sooo good in crying her eyes out to Diane Sawyer!

[Perez Hilton] [R&M]

Drunks All Around!

Several celebrities faced DUI trouble this week. Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston were pulled over in Arizona earlier this week for possible DUI. Vince was given a sobriety test and passed with flying colors!

The cops said: "We determined he had something to drink but was not over the legal (impairment) limit," "We suggested that he not continue to drive."

Jen and Vince then pulled over and got into the car of a friend. You know that bitch was drunk but when the cops asked him to recite a line from Old School, he totally did it. So they let him go.

And in Hawaii..Lost stars Michelle Rodriguez and Cynthia Watros were both arrested and sent to jail for DUI separately. They were arrested and charged but released on $500 bail early Thursday morning.

How fucked up is that?! You and your friend are arrested only 15 minutes apart. Most likely they were coming from the same joint. And if I know Michelle they were probably on their to dive for muffins!

[Yahoo News]

The Dlisted Report

Peter Berg will direct Jamie Foxx in The Kingdom. Foxx will play the leader of a team of U.S. counter-terrorism investigators who set out to find the perpetrators behind a deadly attack on Americans in a Middle Eastern country. In order to work through the bureaucracy and cultural hostility, the team enlists a local police officer, but still find itself target for the terrorists. Michael Mann will produce marking the 4th time Foxx and Mann have worked together. [Variety]

Avril Lavigne has traveled to New Mexico to shoot her role in The Flock. The film currently stars Richard Gere. Lavigne's character has not been revealed. [Dark Horizons]

Hayley Mills will join Richard Chamberlain on tour for On Golden Pond. Performances are set to begin September 5th of next year in Forth Worth, Texas. [Broadway.com]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS!

THE TOP 3:

Wedding dress by Poochy; $3.95
Wedding sandals by Yves St Gauche; $4.68.
Red Bull high; $1.50
Getting your Christmas card pic out early; priceless.
For everything else, there's welfare. - Fmouie

Brit photoshops a wedding picture for Christina on how SHE imagined her nuptials. She was kind enough to include it with her book on marriage. - Elinorianne

Jamie Lynn Spears, wanting so much to be like her older sister, finally tantalized K-Fed with her younger goods at the age of 16. K-Fed just shrugged. Anything to keep his endless supply of beer, cigs and pussy! - La La Latoya



[Thanks to Loozer for pic]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Zelma Davis from C+C Music Factory

Birthday Sluts

Britney Spears (24)
Nelly Furtado (27)
Wilson Jermaine Heredia (34)
Sarah Silverman (35)
Anthony "Treach" Criss (35)
Rena Sofer (37)
Lucy Liu (37)
Stone Phillips (51)
Julie Harris (80)

Say Something Nice

Fergie: Um..Err...I'm sure her bangs match what's inside her undies!

Hottest DILFs

InTouch Magazine has conducted a poll among its readers for the hottest Hollywood dads. Here's how everyone ranked:

1. RYAN PHILLIPPE

2. WILL SMITH

3. JOHNNY DEPP

4. BRAD PITT

5. BENJAMIN BRATT

6. MATTHEW FOX

7. TOM CRUISE

8. JUDE LAW

9. GUY RITCHIE

10. CHARLIE SHEEN

Um..Brad Pitt is technically not a fucking father. That shit ain't right! And Tom Cruise shouldn't even be on that list. I agree with Ryan Phillipe and I can't believe Colin Farrell ain't on there, but Charlie Sheen is. Not that Colin is hot, because he's not...but Charlie...ewww!

Parasite Hilton Getting Married?!

God, please tell me this bitch isn't engaged for the 3rd time?! She is such a joke. There are rumors that Nachos has popped the question to his creamed corn! This comes only 2 months after her split with Paris Latsis.

A source close to them said:

"People have commented that it has all happened quickly but they have known one another for ages so they donÂ’t feel itÂ’s that much of a big deal," "They are completely smitten."

Parasite and the Hilton family are going to spend the holidays in Hawaii. That may be when Parasite gets married to Nachos. Most likely it will be when she meets some other Greek bitch and leaves Nachos and gets engaged again.

She'll accept any proposal. I bet you if I popped the question her, she'd totally say yes. And I don't even need to get her a real ring. I think I spare 50 cents for some fake shit. Dumb bitch won't know the difference!

[Digital Spy] [Thanks to Dez]

Fish Lips!

WTF is going on with Chestica's lips?! Collagen or bad lip gloss?

Maybe she got them stuck on a dude's zipper! Yeah, that's what happened! Stupid slut.

[Hollywood Tuna]

Attack of the Clones!

Madge and Sally "I'm 50" O'Malley!

[Big thanks to Dave for pic!]

FINALLY! Jennifer Garner has Given Birth!

Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck have a baby girl!

Garner gave birth to the girl at a Los Angeles hospital, Us Weekly reported Thursday. It was unclear if the baby made her debut on Wednesday or Thursday--the magazine said labor was induced Wednesday night.

No word on name yet. I'm crossing my fingers for Starbucks Affleck.

[E! Online] [Thanks to Saram & Justine]

She's Having a Baby!

Law & Order star Mariska Hargitay and her husband Peter Hermann are expecting their first kid together.

She's hot and I'm sure their baby will be hot!

This is a special shout out for Mizro, because I know how much she loves this bitch!

[People]

Afternoon Crumbs

Part two of Xtina's wedding in OK! Magazine shows her doing what she does best. Being a slut! [Just Jared]

Kate Winslet confesses to get ready for a nude scene, she pulled a Nicole Richie. She starved herself. [Hollywood Rag]

That Chris Klein says the darndest things! Basically that he only likes hot chicks. What was he doing with Katie then? Oh and I'd hit it. [City Rag]

Mimi likes to keep it furry. [Hollywood Tuna]

Naima from America's Next Top Model needs to preserve the sexy. [Crunk and Disorderly]

Keira Knightley is ready to nip and tuck when she gets old and haggard. [Yeeeah!]

Guess the Celebrity?

UPDATE: The celeb behind the nose is...



Shakira! Congrats to Lizard for being the first to get it right!

Orlando Bloom Gasps for Air!

If I was a lesbian, I'd hit it. Fuck, I'd hit it anyway!

Kelly Clarkson has a Man!

I thought she was a dyke! His name is Graham Colton, he opens for her on tour. Blah Blah Blah. They really like each other. Blah Blah Blah. They are both really boring and like talking about ponies. Blah Blah Blah. They only fuck in the missionary position. Blah Blah Blah.

You get it.

[People]

Well, At Least They are Keeping the Herpes in the Family!

Parasite Hilton's ex-fiancee Paris Latsis is reportedly romancing Tara Reid. The two were seen getting together at her 30th Birthday party. Ever since then they've been seen all around Los Angeles at various clubs being quite cozy with one another.

This is a smart move for Tara. She's basically broke as fuck and begging for jobs. He's rich as fuck and begging for easy pussy. So it's a win-win situation!

And it's a good thing for us, because at least several STDs will stay between their circle of friends!

[Female First] [Thanks to Fakey]

Here's Some Mimi Pics to Make Your Face Feel Skinnier!

On the real, why is her face so fat?! Her body isn't that fat at all!

"Hercules! Hercules!" - Mimi

Pete Doherty LOVES Crack!

Pete Doherty left rehab in Arizona last week and it was only a matter of a few days before he got busted again! Pete was arrested in London for possession.

The coppers said: 'Police stopped a car ... due to the erratic manner of its driving. Substances were recovered from the 26-year-old male driver and the vehicle."

If found guilty he could face up to 7 years in jail.

Ok, seriously is he like at the top of the list for celebrity death pools? He's going to die like any second. And I once said I'd hit it and now I take that back. Unless I wanted a quick high and didn't have cash, because all you'd have to do is swallow and you'd be fucked up for days!

[Reuters UK]

Poor Tinkerbell Hilton!

You know Tinkerbell thought she was home free when she went to live with Kathy Hilton. But now that Baby Luv has been ripped from Parasite's arms, Tink has gotten her job back. Parasite carried the poor pooch around while she shopped in NYC and arrived at LAX.

The looks on Tink's face is priceless. She doesn't know what she did to deserve this kind of life.

I bet she was Aileen Wuornos in her past life!











[Lime-Light]

Jerry Hall: Spokeswoman for Erectile Dysfunction

I know right? WTF? Does she suffer from this? Jerry Hall has been selected as a spokesperson to get people to talk more openly about erectile dysfunction.

She said: "It might be a conversation with your doctor or maybe with your partner but it's never too late to get the most from your love life,"

Seriously, does she suffer from this? I mean is she that "hard" up for cash? Ahahaha...pun intended!

[Yahoo News]

Tom Cruise Quote of the Day!

"It's exciting, changing diapers, being there and having that whole experience. I can't wait."

Naomi Campbell will Eat that Bitch for a Snack!

Naomi Campbell is one of the craziest motherfuckers in all the land. You either have to be dumb or the bravest individual to mess with her. The other night at Bungalow 8 in NYC, Naomi started cursing and hollering about Nicole Richie. Naomi is pissed off that Nicole continues to hang out with Nicky Hilton even though she told her not to!

A witness at the club said: "Naomi started screaming at her publicist, 'That fucking bitch Nicole Richie, I hate her!' ... Nicole was sitting 3 feet away, and Naomi was just screaming over her head. Nicole clearly heard, but was ignoring it."

After she was done with her tirade against Nicole she focused on Marc Jacobs. She threw him up against the wall and started screaming at him.

But Naomi's spokeswhore denies all of this: "Naomi and Nicole have been friends for a long time, and I don't believe she was talking about Nicole,"

However, Nicole Richie's spokeswhore confirms it.

DAYUM! Nicole better run. All Naomi has to do is breathe on her and she's on her way to the gates of Hell! That's like a poodle fighting a pit bull!

[Lowdown]

Margaret Perrin Loves Fame!

Are her 15 minutes up yet? Margaret Perrin is an International phenomenen! Who would've thought that one appearance on a 3rd rate reality show could catapult you into fucking major success? Last night, Margaret made her 2nd appearance on Access Hollywood to discuss how crazy her life has been.

She said that she used to be able to leave her door unlocked, but now she can't! Some lady came to her door at 3am and this has scared Margaret! She also received about 13 calls a day (5 are from me). But, seriously she loves it. You can tell. She's been bitten by the bug!



How big is she? Honestly. She makes her husband look like a little, fragile violet.





Margaret will pose with anything and anyone.



She also loves the fact that people are making money off her ass. Gargoyles! Pslychics!







You know she ate that entire plate in 5 minutes flat.





She also told Access Hollywood that she would love to be on The Biggest Loser. Yeah, so she can get skinny...



But also because she thinks the trainer is so fucking hot!



She is honestly the horniest woman I've ever seen.





This is not the end of Margaret! (It totally is)

[Thanks to Michael Malice]

Wendie Jo Sperber is Dead!

I loved her sooo much in Bosom Buddies! She died of cancer. She was only 47 :(

[Yahoo News]

It's Gonna Suck, But...

They look really hot!

Title: Bandidas
Stars: Penelope Cruz, Salma Hayek, Steve Zahn, Dwight Yoakam & Sam Shepard
Directed by: Joachim Roenning & Espen Sandberg

Plot: In turn-of-the-century Mexico, two very different women become a bank-robbing duo in an effort to combat a ruthless enforcer terrorizing their town.

Due: February 3, 2006 (US)

The Dlisted Report

Peter Weir has agreed to direct Johnny Depp in Shantaram for Warner Bros. The film's protagonist is an Australian heroin addict who escapes a maximum-security prison and reinvents himself in India as a doctor in the slums of Bombay. His attempt to find medicine for his destitute patients leads him into counterfeiting, gunrunning and smuggling. Shooting will begin later next year. [Variety]

Will Smith has joined director Johnathan Mostow's Tonight, He Comes. Smith will play a disaffected and underappreciated superhero in a mid-life crisis. Shooting will begin next summer in Los Angeles. [Variety]

Rocky Balboa is currently looking for extras for a huge scene shooting in Las Vegas December 4 through December 8. They are looking for all types older than 18 to feature in a crowd during the scene. Sylvester Stallone will be on hand. Click here to sign up!

Hot Slut of the Day!

Connie Lew from Kids Incorporated

[For Andrew]

Birthday Sluts

Jeremy Northam (44)
Emily Mortimer (34)
Carol Alt (45)
Candace Bushnell (47)
Charlene Tilton (47)
Bette Midler (60)
Richard Pryor (65)
Woody Allen (70)

Who the FUCK is Going to Buy this Piece of Shit?!

That's a $100,000 diamond watch from the Parasite Hilton line. WTF?! Only 2 people are going to buy this: Parasite and Kathy Hilton. Oh, it has an alarm too. Pussy Wart Juice blasts out of the sides when the alarm sounds.

You Know Jesse Metcalfe is Gay..

Because his eyes shine like disco balls...

Kate Moss is from Another Planet!

She truly is. That fucking hair is disgusting. She should be embarrassed. Here she is taking some shots for Stella McCartney. Other than that hair she looks hot.

Do you think her daughter knows that her mother is a coke whore? I'd probably be into that if I was a baby.

Afternoon Crumbs

Lisa Welchel aka Blair Warner from Facts of Life had an album! That is some hot shit! [FourFour]

Surprise, Surprise..Julia Roberts top the list as the highest paid actress this year. [Yahoo News]

Tom Cruise steals a reporters cell phone in China to chat with his wife. They probably talked about fashion. [Contact Music]

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner getting paid by Starbucks?! You don't say! [CityRag]

Colin Farrell's sex tape could hit at anytime now! Please, please let it be before Christmas. That's the perfect stocking stuffer! [IDLYITW]

Kfed finds a way to spend more of Brit Brit's money by getting a shark tank! [Swim At Your Own Risk]

WTF!? Xtina changing her name to Maria Bratman? [Female First]

Guess the Celebrity?

UPDATE: The celeb behind the nose is...



Anna Faris! Congrats to darknessa for being the first to get it right!

Sienna Miller is a Deranged Lunatic!

Yup, she's attacking ANOTHER photographer. She's fucking out of control. Somebody needs to mace her ass! Where's the dog catcher when you need him?








[WWTDD]

Ginger Spice Needs a Nap!

Ok, she should take it easy. She's preggers. Do you think if I pull that yellow string she'll shout " I wanna really really really wanna zigazig ha!"

She looks fug

[Hollywood Tuna]

Nick Moves On!

Nick Lachey is totally moving on in a huge way after his split with Chestica finally went public. He's been spotted out with this chick several times. Looks like Chestica ruined him for all blondes. Nick is also working on a pilot for a sitcom where he plays a baseball player who gets married or some shit. Sounds like a yawn fest to me.

Doesn't that chick kind of look like Rose McGowan?

[Pic was changed due to request from agency. New pic from JustJared]

[Truth, Beauty, Love and Elisa]

I want a doll! I want a doll!

Michael Jackson has a 40-pill a day habit?! He's hardcore. It looks like his painkiller addiction is going to get him into trouble. Police are investigating claims that Jacko illegally imported the drugs from the US to Bahrain and also obtained the pills with false prescriptions.

A source that used to work for Jacko said:

"He takes around 40 tablets a day and was even seen falling flat on his face after injecting himself with a mystery substance."

Why is this so fucking perfect? Am I bad person, because this makes me feel good inside? I can imagine Jacko waking up in the morning and popping pills chased by Jesus Juice and exclaiming: "I have to get up at five o'clock in the morning and SPARKLE, Neely, SPARKLE!"

[Female First]

Parasite and Nachos and PDA

Gross and Gross and Grosser...









[Hollywood Rag]

Gotta have Faith, Faith, Faith...

George Michael is ugly as a motherfucker right now, so of course he's getting married. He is planning to marry his lover of 8 years, Kenny Goss. Gay civil partners becomes legal next month in England, so Georgey and Kenny plan to tie the knot next year.

He said: "I'm sure Kenny and I will be doing the old legal thing, but we won't be doing the whole veil and gown thing. It'll be relatively soon after it comes in, probably early next year."

I can't believe how ugly he got. He was seriously gorgeous when he was young. And now he looks like Linda Blair from The Exorcist. I hope his lover sleeps in a separate room. I would hate to wake up to that ungodliness!

[This is London] [Thanks to Jennifer B]

What Does Michelle Do?

Heath Ledger loves being a daddy. He can be mine any day. He likes being one, but he's gets real tired because he has so many fucking chores to do and shit.

He said: "My life right now is. I wouldn't say reduced to food, but my duties in life are that I wake up, cook breakfast, clean the dishes, prepare lunch, clean those dishes, go to the market, get fresh produce, cook dinner, clean those dishes and then sleep if I can "And I love it. I actually adore it"

Isn't that what a maid, butler and nanny is for? What the hell does that Hatchet-face Williams do? I thought he was with her, because she would do all that shit. She looks like that kind of homely bitch. I know she doesn't bring in the bacon either. She'd better not EVER leave that man. He's hot, rich and will do cleaning and shit.

You know I don't get this whole celebs doing their own chores and shit. If I was rich, I wouldn't do shit! I wouldn't even be typing this right now. I'd have some motherfucking 8yo genius typing this shit out for me while a hot chick feeds me fresh blueberries and whipped cream fresh from her titties!

[iAfrica]

My Little Pony Was a Poor Horsey!

My Little Pony Parker confessed that she was so fucking poor as a child they couldn't afford Christmas presents. But she doesn't want you to feel sorry for her.

She said: "Not to pull at your heartstrings, but there weren't always presents when I was growing up" "We always got the tree on Christmas Eve, because that's when they cut prices"

Ewww, I hate that she said "not to pull at your heartstrings." Who the fuck talks like that? This isn't prairie times.

If I was her parents, I'd just give her a bitch slap each Christmas. That shit's free.

[All Headline News]

Love Like This Before!

Yesterday I wrote about how Nicole Kidman and her family spent their Thanksgiving with Keith Urban at his Nashville ranch. Where here are the pics and Nicky looks happy. Too bad he's gay just like Tom. Just kidding! No he's not. But he does look like a Hanson.

Hopefully Nicky can finally find love and lay off the botox!

[Images have been removed by request of photo agency]

[JJB]

Which One is the Tranny?

A couple of weeks ago famed tranny Amanda Lepore was on The Tyra Banks Show. God, Tyra is such a fucking hard-hitting journalist. Seriously, they both look like dudes. Fake hair, fake lashes, fake tits...dude and dude.

Amanda's hot though. Have you seen her nekkid? It's enough to bring up your Thanksgiving dinner!




"My dick was that big"

It's Gonna Get Ugly!

Chestica Simpson has hired top divorce lawyer Laura Wasser to deal with her upcoming divorce to Nick Lachey. They apparently don't have a prenup and Chestica could be paying for it. She apparently made $35 Million last year and because of that she could be paying Nick a lot of fucking money.

He fucking deserves that shit dealing with her stupid ass! USWeekly recently said the marriage ended due to the constant "fighting." Yeah that means he beat her ass.

[Page Six]

Joy Bryant Quote of the Day!

"Thanks to Yale, I didn't wake up butt naked in a chateau wearing handcuffs, thinking, 'Why am I here — with a headache?!' Who would have thought an Ivy League education would have come in handy that way?"

[Page Six]

The Many Faces of Margaret Perrin

Well..well..well...Margaret Perrin made her debut on Jay Leno last night and she sort of disappointed, but sort of didn't. They really didn't talk about anything new. I wanted Jay to ask her about abortion and shit. Roseanne who was also on, started to ask her about astrology but Marge quickly dismissed her and Jay moved on. The only new real info I got about her is that she's really horny. I mean really horny.





As soon as she sat down she told Jay that he looked hotter than a pastrami sandwich. She basically wants to bone him, you know...you get biblical with him. I think she wanted Roseanne too, but only to eat her out.









Another thing that completely took me by surprise was the million faces of Mrs. Perrin. She seriously has so many different expressions. I think Jesus gave her this gift.



I think Jesus gave her a shot of something in this pic.



She's trying to get her point across while getting her queef across at the same time.



She's let it go.



She's describing to Jay how big she likes her "pastrami sandwiches"



And she won't accept anything less, not even from Jesus.



Truly.



She's getting so fucking holy just thinking about it. I think that plant in back of her is starting to wilt from her sex fumes.



After all that hotness. Jay decided to give her a little gift! Yes, the bobblehead that sold for $850 on eBay! Margaret also confessed that she only bid $100 for it, because it's out of her price range. She also didn't like the fact that it's fat and ugly. She wanted it to be beautiful and skinny, you know..like her.







She slipped him her room key and the tongue at the same time.



Let's pray that this isn't the last we see of our fearless God Warrior. Fox needs to hurry up and put that fucking show together for her. I need my weekly fix of Mrs. Perrin now! Fuck, she's fat.

Did TV Guide Spoil the America's Next Top Model Final 2?!

TV Guide's issues are a week ahead. So if you subscribe, like me, you sometimes get spoiled. Well, in this week's issue of TV Guide they ask us who do we think is going to win America's Next Top Model. And even though Nik, Jayla, Nicole and Bre are all left, they only give us two choices.

Personally, I hope they are wrong. Because, I don't want either of these bitches to win. But if you want to be spoiled, click on who TV Guide used as the final 2.

Her and Her

If it's right, the latter is totally going to win.

The Dlisted Report

The Apprentice is currently airing its 4th season. It's 5th season has already been shot in NYC and will debut next year. For its 6th installment, the series will shoot in Southern California. Donald Trump will continue to star and executive produce. [Coming Soon]

Tony Shalhoub and Patricia Clarkson have agreed to star together in the remake of Blind Date for director Stanley Tucci. This Blind Date is not to be confused with the film that starred Kim Basinger. Shalhoub says the title of the film that will shoot in New York on digital video is misleading. "It's a remake of a Dutch film called 'Blind Date,' but it's not about a blind date," he says. "It's about a married couple who very tragically lost their child in a car accident. Since the child's death they've been unable to spend time together, and they can't not be together, so they sort of meet on blind dates and role-play as strangers. It's a great story. Filming begins this January. [LA Daily News]

Ana Gasteyer will join Alan Cumming, Edie Falco, Nellie McKay and Jim Dale in the Broadway revival of The Threepenny Opera. Performances begin in March of 2006. [Broadway.com]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS!!

You're all winners, but here's my Top 3:

Ron Jeremy is now the new face for the Catholic Church. - Bangin in Bangkok

Paris Hilton's latest Greek boyfriend - Stavros Buttafucco. - M

Male Hairy, lacking grace, the Lord laughs at thee. Bloated art thou, beyond redemption. Harold be thy name; thy kingdom will never come. Thy will, be gluttony on earth, as we're sure it will be in Heaven. Give us this day thy daily word that thee will not eat us out of house and home. And, forgive us our disgust as we discuss your disgust and lead us not into your realm. But deliver us the pizza. AMEN!! - FMouie

Hot Slut of the Day!

Ronald MacDonald - The dude that robbed Wendy's

[For Jessi]

Birthday Sluts

Gael Garcia Bernal (27)
Elisha Cuthbert (23)
Clay Aiken (27)
Mindy McCready (30)
Des'ree (37)
Ben Stiller (40)
Billy Idol (50)
June Pointer (51)
Mandy Patinkin (53)
David Mamet (58)
Terrence Malick (62)
Ridley Scott (68)

Say Something Nice

Madge: Well, Um.....Hmm...there's enough make-up on her face to beautify at least 23 12-year-old girls!

Seriously, Who Would Tap This?

I know one of you sluts would! Ok, I would but just for a second. The mullet totally turns me on. But Brit Brit would seriously have to support me.

Do you think he suffers from major cheese dick?

[JJB]

This Guy with HoHan is The Hotness!

Too bad she looks fucking dirty. Spend less time taking pictures and more time in a tub!

GARGOYLES! PSLYCHICS!

Don't forget to watch our good friend and neighbor Margaret Perrin on Jay Leno tonight. Check your local listings for times. OMG, I've always wanted to say that. I will provide you with a full recap tomorrow, but you should totally check it out. You know she's going to go all glam and wear some special outfit from Lane Bryant and make-up by Glamour Shots.

Please let Jay be stronger than I was and ask her what she thinks about gay marriage, abortion and Marilyn Manson. If the bookers at Leno were smart enough they'd put Sylvia Browne before her.



[Thanks to everyone who reminded me!]

Michael Jackson Quote of the Day!

on Tommy Mottola
"I'm very concerned. I don't trust that man. He thinks he's God. He thinks he's Italian Mafia"

Which One Weighs the Least?

It's not a trick question. Foxy Cleopatra, Honey Child or Richie?

She is the hotness, even though she's a 12yo boy. Ewww, I am not a pedophile!

And I'd totally hit Foxy Cleopatra...that bitch is on fire!

[Hollywood Rag]

David Hasselhoff, What Happened to Your Face?

It's not just aging, he's had work. And bad work. Ugh, this is so depressing. I hope KIT hasn't had anything pulled or plucked!


[Go Fug Yourself]

Guess the Celebrity?

UPDATE: The real celeb behind the nose is..



Robbie Williams!

Congrats to The Betsy for being the 1st to get it right!

Ewww, She has a Huge Mole on her Breast!

Kate Moss loves to be topless and I don't know why, because her breasts aren't that great. Here she is doing some photoshoot in St. Barth. Who knows what it's for, but probably to send to Pete Doherty. Eww, she's totally sticking her gut out in the second picture.

[A Socialite's Life]


Click here to see the NSFW versions!

Why are They in a Hearse?

[Gabsmash]

Who Would Take Marriage Advice from Her?!

You have to be seriously fucked in the head if you take any marriage advice seriously from Brit Brit Spears. But, she sent Xtina a little note giving her advice on the trials of marriage. Yeah, don't marry a mooch. Brit sent Xtina a book called 'How to Stay Happily Married'. I hope she fucking read it herself! This is how Brit Brit believes one stays happily married:

#1 - Get knocked up like fast
#2 - Let him go out every night
#3 - Buy him any sportscar he desires, shit buy him whatever he wants
#4 - Get him a record deal even if that means ruining your own career
#5 - Let him dip Cheetos in your cooter

God, when I look at that pic I realize she used to be hot.

[Female First]

Jack Osbourne has Lunch with a Chick!

Jack Osbourne and a lady friend had a little lunch. Yup, that's basically it. She's pretty, he's still fug. That dog is actually hotter than him.



[Lime-Light]

She Makes a Hot Boy!

It's Natalie Portman filming some piece of shit movie in Spain. Dayum she looks hot as a dude! I'd hit it. I bet she's packing large.

[Gabsmash]

Which is Worse?

Nicole Kidman spent Thanksgiving with her beau Keith Urban at his ranch in Nashville. She also flew in her entire family to meet him. Reps for both claim they are still just friends. Since meeting in January the two have been almost inseparable. When she's not shooting she's spending time with him on tour. Most recently she was spotted in Boston where he was playing.

Why do they deny their love? Do you think it's worse if you deny it. I mean, I know if you give it up people will still bother you. But isn't it kind of worse when you don't admit it, because they are trying so hard to get a photo of you bitches together? I think there's such thing as being too private. I mean you are a fucking celebrity!

Oh and just for the record. Keith Urban, I wouldn't hit it.

[R&M]

Punky Brewster's Baby is Hot!

Even though she doesn't have eyes, Soleil Moon Frye's daughter Poet is hot!

Thank God She's Not a Casting Director!

Julie Andrews has made her choice on who should play Maria if The Sound of Music is ever remade for the big screen. And her choice is Cameron Diaz. WTF?!

They probably asked Julie after she just got smoking a huge bowl. Can you imagine? This isn't The Sound of Whores we're talking about!

[MSNBC]

Angie Says "Fuck You" to The Pitts!

Not really. But Jane and Bill Pitt invited their son, his girlfriend and her kids to spend Thanksgiving with them in Missouri. They felt this would be a good time for them to bond with their son's latest. But Angie decided that she spend her time in Pakistan and Brad tagged along, because he's fucking whipped!

Jane Pitt already is skeptical about Angie, because she's a slut and has several kids. She was hoping to use this holiday to get to know her.

Angie doesn't seem like the kind of woman that cares what the parents think. And besides Maddox really wanted to go to Japan. He loves their sushi.

[National Ledger]

Pete Doherty is Out of Rehab!

Pete Doherty has reportedly left a drug treatment facility in Arizona after only being there for a week! Pete checked himself in on November 19th, but was seen last night at a concert in London.

Well look on the bright side. At least we can expect many more cracked out photos of him!

[Contact Music]

She Looks Hot for 95!

Jen Garner took her 95yo grandmother out for lunch in Beverly Hills. Seriously, this girl has been pregnant for about 6 years now. That baby is going to come out a 14yo boy, playing xbox and smoking a joint.

Her granny is hot.

What?! Jacko is not Blanket's Father?!

Debbie Rowe claims that Michael Jackson is not the father of Prince Michael Jr. and Paris. Which one is Blanket again? I know one of those are.

Debbie said: "Michael knows the truth - that he is not the natural father of Prince Michael Jr and Paris. He has to come clean.

"I have no information whatsoever about the identity of the semen donor for either child as such (semen) was obtained anonymously from a semen bank under an agreement of confidentiality."

You don't say?! Duh, those babies are white! And unless Jacko bleaches their skin we knew all along they weren't his! OMG, but he would totally pull a Solange Knowles and bleach his baby!

[Ireland Online]

Basically This Bitch Doesn't Want to be Married!

Charlize Theron told Extra TV that she will get married to boyfriend Stuart Townsend one day. And that day....well hell will probably freeze over before that day comes.

"WE came up with a new idea that we said we would get married the day that gays and lesbians can get married. The day that law is passed, we'll get married"

Is she saying she's a tranny? Is that why she can't get married now?

[Page Six]

The Dlisted Report

Tim Burton will direct Jim Carrey on the adventures of Robert Ripley, the man behind Ripley's Believe It or Not. The film will be titled Believe It or Not and is set to begin shooting next October 2006 for a 2007 release. [Variety]

Hot Properties starring Gail O'Grady will not return for a full season. ABC has not ordered anymore episodes, but the show will show the rest of the episodes. Threshold on CBS has been sidelined for November sweeps and is most likely not going to return. Over at Fox, Reunion will not be returning. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Bradley Cooper and Paul Rudd will join Julia Roberts for her Broadway debut in Three Days of Rain. In the first act, Rudd will play Roberts' brother, and Cooper will play the siblings' childhood friend. In the second act, the three play the parents of the first-act characters. Performances begin this April. [Playbill]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS!

THE TOP 3:

Having been with all available straight men, Tara Reid is now halfway through the canine population. - Loozer

Ususally it was Timmy stuck inside the well. This time it was Lassie stuck well inside Tammy. - Fmouie

Even before they were famous, KimStew could always be counted on to hold back Paris' hair when she got sick. - Anonymous 5:27pm


[Thanks to superview]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Corey Haim

[For Kristi]

Birthday Sluts

Andrew McCarthy (43)
Lucas Black (23)
The Game (26)
Anna Faris (29)
Geena Lee Nolin (34)
Don Cheadle (41)
Tom Sizemore (44)
Kim Delany (44)
Cathy Moriarty (45)
Joel Coen (51)
Garry Shandling (56)
Diane Ladd (73)

Jessica Simpson: "Nick Beat Me!"

According to an anonymous source Chestica Simpson has signed an exclusive deal with People Magazine. In this deal, Chestica will come clean on the real reason behind her split with Nick Lachey. And the reason she claims is that Nick beat her ass! Yes! According to my source People Magazine will launch this explosive claim from Chestica in two weeks.

You know Joe Simpson is orchestrating this whole shit to clean Chestica's image from two-bit whore to innocent victim!

Only time will tell if all of this comes together. At this point it's speculation, but if it turns out to be true... it will be the hottest shit ever!

WTF?!

Yeah it's Kathy Griffin and WTF?!

[Thanks to Josh]

It's a Boy Mrs. Cruise, It's a Boy!

According to friends of TomKat, Katie will be having an alien boy. Katie was also seen shopping in L.A. and buys tons of boys clothes. Probably so she could wear for Tom. A source claims they plan to name their baby William Mapother.
L. Ron Hubbard is going to be so pissed they aren't naming that bitch after him!

I have no idea when Katie's due. I guess whenever the Mothership arrives.

[Oh No They Didn't]

E! Gets The Simple Life!

E! has picked up Fox's leftovers in The Simple Life. They have purchased 10 episodes of the fourth installment entitled The Simple Life: Til Death Do Us Part. They will air the new episodes next year. The new format will show Nicole Richie and Parasite Hilton with a different family each week, sort of like Trading Spouses.

The 10 new episodes will find Hilton and Richie in a Trading Spouses-style premise, tending to children, putting dinner on the table and otherwise playing house in order to, in the words of E!, "put the girls to the matrimonial test."

This is going to suck royally. I still think they should take up my idea with The Simple Life: Battle Royale.

[E! Online]

Kimbo's a Sister Again!

Kimbo Stewart is going to be "the ugly sister" to a new baby boy that was born Sunday by Penny Lancaster! This is Rod Stewart's sixth child at the age of 60!

Rod said: "Both Penny and our baby son are gorgeous, healthy and doing well,"

"I am so very proud of my girl Pen for the commitment, courage and strength she showed throughout."

They failed to mention that they plan to keep the baby far away from Kimbo for at least the first year. Baby's get frightened so easily!

[CNN] [Thanks to Jen]

Good Bai!!!

Let's get serious, people. And I mean it. You know America is fucked up when a true performer like Bai Ling is voted out of But Can They Sing? We need to get serious and start really thinking about where this country is going and what's going to become of it? I am flabbergasted really. This is an abomination. I am speechless.

But Bai being the brilliant performer she is, gave two wonderful performances last night. I think she knew it was her time to go and she was ready. She knew that America was not ready for this kind of art. I don't think the world is ready, either.

The show opened up with Bai and Carmine Gotti joining forces again to a beautiful duet. Bai Ling is seriously on fucking drugs and not just any drug. She's like on a super drug, because this bitch is nuts. Carmine was a fucking piece of uselessness as usual. Bai has to do all the work!

Bai Ling & Carmine Gotti "I Wanna Rock N Roll"





I think they are both trying to lay eggs or possibly take a shit.



Bai gives it all she's got. She's totally trusting of him. She'd be the best partner to have in the trust fall. Those boots are off the chain.



For her solo number, Bai decided to go back in time. She decided to class it up, too bad not even Titanic-sized class can save her trashy ass! She looked gorgeous and sounded like a retarded cat in heat.

Bai Ling "Volare"







When it came time to be judged. Comedian Ant came out dressed like Bai last week and proposed marriage. Just like all of us, she was disgusted.



Poor Bai thought she was really proposing. You could tell she was afraid to say yes, because she thought she would be bound by it. Ant is seriously disgusting.



And in the end, she summed it up perfectly: "Doesn't he like boys?"



Oh Bai, I miss you like Parasite Hilton's vagina misses those soothingly warm herpes outbreaks. I know we will see each other again. We will be reunited in heaven!

Dpoll Results: Which Couple Totally Grosses You Out?

Shitney & Kfed swept up the competition! Honestly, Kimbo grosses me out anymore.

Thanks for voting y'all!

Guess the Celebrity?

UPDATE: And the celeb behind the nose is...



GINA GERSHON!

Congrats to JoyDivision for being the 1st to get it right!

What's Wrong with Wrinkles?!

Holy Airbrushing! Is this even her? The photoshop artists were working overtime to carefully get rid of all her wrinkles and any sign that she's a middle-aged woman! Ewww this picture below is just all sorts of wrong.

HoHan Sucks Down a Corona!

Yeah she's underage, but we all did this shit. I guess she doesn't care about being a role model, but who does? I bet you she's the Queen of Boilermakers!

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas!

You know it's Christmastimes when a bitch is willing to cut someone over a low-priced piece of shit! Wal-Mart decided that they were going to have a special on HP laptops for only $378. They quickly sold out of the product causing people to fight for their lives over the last ones.

One eyewitness said: "Lapotps were thrown 20 feet in the air and people were collapsing on each other to grab them. It was ridiculous."

People, is it that fucking serious?!

Watch the Video!

[Thanks to Markus]

Is Tara Reid in Porn Yet?

First of all Tara Reid needs to dress her age, second of all she's a slut. She totally dresses the way porn stars do on their day off. All she's missing is the lucite heels and fugly aviators. In the last picture, she's totally wondering what that guy's cock tastes like.

So am I, actually.





[Lime-Light]

Haven't You Done Enough?!

Madge was so inspired by making her documentary I Want To Tell You a Secret that she decided she wants to direct a film next. Let's hope it's a snuff film and she's the star.

She said: "I would love to direct a film,"

"I felt very inspired by making this movie, and I learned a lot about filmmaking and storytelling. I would like to do it on my own next time,"

Nothing is sacred anymore. Shouldn't she leave the directing to her husband?

[People]

Who the Hell is Going to Play This?

What the hell kind of GD game is this?! This is all about money! These sluts are money-hungry bitches! Seriously, this is totally beats the Desperate Housewives board game in products that have no business being made!

I mean what could possibly happen in this game? Unless, it's a shooting game and you play yourself trying to eliminate the most annoying people on this earth. Than this game will totally kick ass!

[Buntastic]

Wait for the Bling

Teri Snatcher isn't so Scary Without Make-Up!

She looks like The Joker, but a kinder Joker. A softer one, if you will. Her daughter doesn't think so and is totally using food to deal with the trauma of having The Joker as your mother.

[Lime-Light]

Simon Cowell Wears Platform Shoes!

Some of you don't know this, but in addition to judging American Idol in the US..Simon also judges a show called X-Factor in the UK. Well, an ex-contestant named Louis Walsh has told reporters that Simon is completely fake.

He said: "I think Simon's very vain. He wears platform shoes, has spray tans, wears make-up and dyes his hair, all in an attempt to look younger. Simon also likes to do push-ups."

So, Simon is basically Tom Cruise?

I wonder what this Louis dude has to say about Sharon Osbourne? She's also a judge on the show. I bet you she dyes her pubes to match her hair!

[Hollywood Rag]

Busta Rhymes Cuts Off Braids!

And just like Concrete Loop states: It's an upgrade! I'd hit it before, but now I'd totally hit. He'd have to stop wearing those Chinese dresses though.




[Concrete Loop]

HoHan and Knoxville...It Was Bound to Happen!

I saw this cumming a mile away. HoHan and Johnny Knoxville have apparently made beautiful music after they were spotted getting cozy at L.A.'s Chateau Marmont.

A witness said: "They were really close, walking together through the bungalows by the pool,"

"They didn't seem to be acting too covertly, but that's because nobody was around."

Knoxville is just going through all of the bimbos in Hollywood. Chestica, HoHan..most likely Parasite. And you know he's hit Tara Reid. Who hasn't? Scientists needs to kidnap him and run several tests on him, because you know he's carrying diseases that the world hasn't even heard of.

If you ask me...the bird flu is all his doing!


[Lowdown]

You Can All Breathe: Chestica is Doing Fine!

Chestica Simpson is doing fine according to her dumb-ass sister, Ashlee. Ashlee and Chestica spent a Thanksgiving with their family in Waco, Texas. Apparently they didn't even talk about Nick. Duh, because it's old news to them!

Ashlee said: "Jessica's doing great, the whole family had a really lovely time. Nick wasn't even mentioned, in fact, if truth be told, he's not really been a topic of conversation for some time now."

Ches is back in Los Angeles now and was photographed going into a tanning salon.

My question is..since those bitches didn't have a prenup is Nick going to get all this cash and shit? He deserves it. Anybody that has put up with her ass that long deserves anything they want!

And slut take off your sunglasses! It's nighttimes!



[National Ledger]

George Clooney Loves Matt Damon's Ass!

Matt Damon and George Clooney are currently onscreen together in Syriana. Matt claims that the reason why the two are always in films together is because George loves Matt's butt and is always pinching it.

He said: "George grabs my ass every day. At least once a day. That's why I've done three movies with him"

No Comment. It's just too perfect on its own.

[All Headline News]

Blind Items...You Guess...I Guess...

WHICH hard-partying hottie has herpes? The unlucky gal is notorious for calling her pharmacist and screaming that her Valtrex prescription be filled "Now! It's an emergency!" The pharmacist is sick of how she treats him and is telling other customers about her blistery problem.

Tara Reid

WHICH prominent doctor fell apart a few years ago when his wife cheated on him and the marriage ended? Now he's given up custody of their daughter because he's had another breakdown. The girl went to live with her mother, but mom likes to stay up late partying with her boyfriend, and the little girl is spreading bad habits to her classmates.

Doctor? I have no clue! The only doctor I know is Dr. Phil!

The Dlisted Report

Angelina Jolie has express interest in starring in a third Tomb Raider film. Angelina would reprise her role as Lara Croft. The first two installments have grossed more than $400 million worldwide. SCI is currently in talks with Paramount to bring the third movie to life. [Coming Soon]

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire was the #1 movie at the box office for the second week in a row bringing in about $55 Million. Walk the Line came in at #2 with just above $19 Million. Yours, Mine and Ours filled the #3 spot with just over $17 Million. [Box Office Mojo]

Judi Dench will return to the James Bond series in Casino Royale. She will reprise her role as M. This will be her fifth time playing M. Filming starts in February with Daniel Craig as James Bond. [Empire Online]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS!!

THE TOP 3:

Parasite tries to fill the void that Baby Luv left behind. - mpcmike

Bear Naked Lady - Whew

Wow! I remember when all you had to do was slide a tape into Teddy Ruxpin to make him work! He's totally taking this "can you and I be friends" thing way too far! - Chad

Hot Slut of the Day!

Frenchie Davis

Birthday Sluts

Judd Nelson (46)
Dawn Robinson (37)
Anna Nicole Smith (38)
Jon Stewart (43)
Alfonso Cuaron (44)
S. Epatha Merkerson (53)
Ed Harris (55)
Paul Schaffer (56)
Randy Newman (62)
Manolo Blahnik (63)

Brangelina in Japan!

Angelina Jolie and her family are in Japan to promote Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Those bitches in Japan are fucking nuts! They seriously are all about those two. Maddox is fucking pissed because he's being forced to walk. He can't believe this is happening to him.



Those bitches are nuts! Everyone has like high-tech gadgets and shit. That is some hot shit.

Hot Slut of the Week: Vanna White

Age: 48
Birthday: February 18, 1957
Birth Name: Vanna Marie Rosich

Original Date of Hot Slut of the Day: November 23, 2005
Claim to Fame: Duh! Wheel of Fortune!

Where is she now? Duh! Wheel of Fortune!

Why is she Hot Slut of the Week? Because she gets paid a shit load of money to clap and touch screens!

Vintage DJ AM

This pic is old, but I've never really posted it. Here's DJ AM, fiancee of Nicole Richie when he was a fat motherfucker. I think he had like gastric bypass to get skinny and shit. Fat Nicole and DJ AM would've made a hot fucking couple!

[Thanks to Jeni]

They Are Such Attention Whores!

Chestica Simpson spent the day after Thanksgiving with Nick Lachey in Cincinnati even though they issued a statement that they were done. I thought she was supposed to be in Texas? Ugh, all of this is so confusing. Joe Simpson probably saw that their approval ratings were going down so forced Chestica to get to Cincinnati and fast! Whatever the case may be can't these stupid bitches stay out of the public for at least a week.

Oh, and that purse is fug.







[Oh No They Didn't]

Maybe He Got Sober

That was fucking quick! Ugly-faced Kimberly Stewart and Talan Torriero have already called off their engagement. Weren't they only fucking engaged for like a week? They state that they will continue to see each other and will pursue their relationship and are open to whatever the future may bring. That basically means he wants to fuck hotter girls.

They issued this joint statement:

"It was just too soon to enter into a lifelong commitment," "It is better to have a brief engagement than a short marriage. The couple continue to share their time together and remain open to whatever the future may hold."

Talan's issued a separate statement which was a little more cut and dry. He said that they are no longer dating but will remain close friends as long as she gives him some money. Ok, not that last part.

Wow, this was a surprise. I didn't see it coming! I thought these two were going to last forever! (wink wink)

[Yahoo News]

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Lil' Mo

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