Dlisted: 11/06/2005 - 11/13/2005

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Sharon Stone is a Fashion Nightmare!

Did she steal this suit from Amanda Woodward's closet on the old Melrose Place set? Actually, the skirt isn't short enough. The thing with Sharon Stone is she thinks she's so much younger than she actually is. That polyester hair does nothing for her. She looks totally preggers. Now that shit would be nasty.


Brit Brit Sucks On a Lollipop!

She has to suck on something since Kfed ain't around anymore! She was looking cleaned and slimmer lately. But here she still looks like the same Cheeto eating, Red Bull drinking, Burger King guzzling heffer that we've all come to know and love!

[Celeb Web]

Is Anybody Actually Going to Read This?!

It's so weird to me that all of a sudden Nicole Richie had a novel out. Seriously, one week she was talking about writing a book and the next week it was out. There's something fishy in the air and it ain't yesterday's tuna-fish that she yacked up. Bitch totally just bought a book from some poor-ass writer, put her name on it, took some nasty-ass pictures and voila!

But is anybody actually going to stroll into Barnes & Nobles, purchase this mess and then actually spend time reading it.

Ok you're right, I'm sooo going to read it!

Someone Please School Me!

What in Gay Al Reynolds is that sitting on top of Star's breasts (shudder)? It's like some kind of funky ass scar. I have no idea. Hopefully TomKat branded Star as their next victim. Maybe, Gay Al got so jealous of her breasts that he tried to cut them out so he can have the breasts in the family!

Whatever that shit is, it doesn't belong on daytime TV!

[Pic: Crunk and Disorderly]

I HATE Sharon Osbourne!

"Nobody is everything to everybody."

"I didn't like Mother Teresa. See? Somebody didn't like her. Ugly old cunt in sandals." - Sharon Osbourne

[Female First]

Do You Think the Warmth of His Hand Keeps the Alien Baby Alive?

He's always touching her belly! I think he's reminding her that he owns her ass and her baby! Oh and she's like 5-month preggers at least!

Bruce Willis Wants to Give You $1 Million!!!

Bruce Willis is such a fucking tool. He has offered $1 Million of his own money to any civilian that catches Osama bin Laden, Ayman al-Zawahiri or Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. Oh, and you must turn them in.

You mean I'm going all the way to wherever those bitches are, spend days in a cave looking for them, dodge multiple bullets and then spend another few days seducing Osama to come back with me to the US and all I fucking get is $1 Million?! Bruce, you make $20 Million a movie! That shit is fucking cheap!

[Page Six]

Oprah ain't buying shit!

When Tom Cruise was a guest on the Oprah show a few months back and declared his love for Katie Holmes, the world was pretty much disgusted at his behavior. He kept shouting how he loved this woman and he jumped up on the couch and did a little dance. Well, when asked about this spectacle of love...Oprah, just like us, didn't believe a damn of it!

She said: "It was wilder than it was appearing to me."

"I was just trying to maintain the truth for myself because I couldn't figure out what was going on. And what I was prepared for was the dance that happens when you're doing celebrities and when you know they're not going to tell you, but you're going to ask anyway, and then you try asking another way."

"I was not buying, am not buying or not buying. That's why I kept saying to 'you're gone, you're really gone.'"

Oh shit, it's on! Are the powers of Scientology powerful enough to destroy the almighty Queen Oprah? This will actually make for a hot fight. Tom and the Aliens VS Oprah and the Housewives!

[ABC News]


These were some hot fucking captions! Again, I picked my Top 5:

Attending the funeral of Paris Hilton was one time former friend Nicole Richie. When asked to speak Richie, 81, took off her blouse and yelled to the crowd, "you want to know why we were no longer friends? She said she had better tits than me!Well who is laughing now bitch!" - Glen

Any of you guys want to add a pearl necklace to her already lovely collection? - Cindy C


Johnson and Johnson unveils their new KY Jelly spokesmodel with the slogan: Taint no pussy too dry for KY! - BonerMcCoy

Who the hell is giving her a Brazillian wax? - Eponine

BEWARE! Click here for the extremely NSFW version!


[Big ups to Jen for the pics]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Sally Struthers

Birthday Sluts

Ethan Zohn (32)
Anne Hathaway (23)
Ryan Goslin (25)
Radha Mitchell (32)
Tonya Harding (35)
Sammy Sosa (37)
David Schwimmer (39)
Megan Mullally (47)
Karen Ziemba (48)
Neil Young (60)

Friday, November 11, 2005

Fred Marshall IS Your Next American Idol!

My friend FourFour opened up my world to the talented and charismatic Fred Marshall. He is brilliant! His talent is diverse and fresh. He has the voice of Celine Dion and the stage presence of Whitney Houston! I think someone really needs to hook him up with a lucrative record deal. I only say lucrative, because he won't take anything less.

My favorite performances of Fred have to be "Naughty Girls Need Love To" and "The Blowers Daughter."

Please check him out. It's hours and hours of entertainment!

[FourFour] [SwimAtYourOwnRisk]

JLo fucks up again!?

I think the Grim Reaper made a visit to this bitch before she got read for this even. He totally sucked the life out of her. Ewww, she's like yellow! She needs to drink some water!

Oh and her pussy smells too!

Pamela Anderson Has a Twin TOO?!?

She seems so ashamed of her. I guess because she forgot to shave! I wonder if her twin sucks dick like she does? Because that bitch sucks a mean one!

[Hollywood Rag]

Jesse Metcalfe is so Rock 'N' Roll!

He's such a fucking dork. Like he's that hot dork in High School. He totally has man boobs, too.

I'd still hit it, I guess. Yeah ok...

Are Marge Perrin's 15 Minutes Up Yet?!

Margaret Perrin is totally having the Best Week Ever! Stereogum has posted a song about her from GoesCube called Everything's Ungodly.

This jam will be climbing up the club charts!

It's so dark-sided!

Margaret Perrin "Everything's Ungodly"

Guess the Celebrity?

I am about 5'8"

I once missed an appointment with death

I have one child

I have a famous nickname

Immortality would be my superpower of choice

UPDATE: The answer is....

Mark Wahlberg who was scheduled on one of the 9/11 flights and who wants to live forever!

Congrats to PixieGaf for being the first to get it right!

Lisa from ANTM is a STANK-UP HO!

If any of you watch America's Next Top Model, you know that Lisa is one skanky bitch! My favorite part was when she dressed up in that to'-up wig and told us that these girls needed to eat cookies to put them in better moods. Looks like she doesn't want to share her crack with them!

But the kicker was when the girls did a photoshoot with the Wild Boyz and Lisa decided to try on a fucking diaper!

To humiliate herself even more...Lisa pissed in the fucking diaper! They didn't show us this, but all the girls immediately got out of her way. That slut is a dirty dirty birdie!

Even ghetto-Bre couldn't believe it!

"No woman of class, especially a supermodel in the making, is gonna do something as disgusting as pee on herself at her job."

And Lisa didn't even make bottom 2!?! WTF?!

Read FourFour's brilliant recap of this week's episode!


"I'm just a girl who can't say no!"

Chris Klein Quote of the Day!

'I DON'T need food to impress, man. It's a flash of a smile and a nice conversation. And at the end of the day, she's cooking the food."

Oprah Will Never Share Her Money!

Oprah Winfrey has confirmed that she will never marry Stedman's ass! If the bitch is smart, she wouldn't! Can you imagine the alimony payments to him?

She said: "A piece of paper does not define a life. I always knew that was not the answer for me. "I was like most women though. I wanted a man who, I wanted to know he did want it. So I'm telling you, after he proposed, I was over it.

"I do believe that had we gotten married, we would not be together today. The traditional role of marriage would not work in this relationship."

Probably because in a traditional marriage the wife doesn't go and eat the pussy of her best friend! You know Oprah and Gail are getting it on! Don't deny it!

[Contact Music]

Jessica Simpson Has A Twin?!!

This dude is awesome...

[City Rag]

The Cell Phone Bandit Is Hot Shit!

This bitch ain't got time for no games! This bitch on the left has robbed 4 banks in the Washington DC area while having serious conversations on her cell phone! She's a multi-tasker!

In the most recent holdup, on Nov. 4 in Ashburn, video footage shows the woman to be almost uninterested as a teller hands her a stack of cash, and she continues talking on her phone as she turns and walks out of the bank.

The cell phone bandit first struck in Vienna on Oct. 12. A woman in her twenties with dark hair, about 5 feet 2 to 5 feet 6 inches tall and weighing 120 to 130 pounds, walked in carrying a box and talking on a cell phone. She moved directly to the teller counter and displayed the shoebox-size box, which had a note taped on it demanding cash. Police would not disclose the wording of the note.

I found my next interview y'all! How hot would it be to talk to this bitch while she robbed a bank? I hope one of those phone calls was to her hairdresser, because her ends are looking dry!

[Washington Post] [Big ups to Warren]

Kenny Chesney calls Zellweger a WHORE!

Kenny Chesney is super hurt that you guys keep calling him a homo! So just stop okay or he's gonna go cry to his mommy. Kenny has denied that he's a friend of Dorothy and is really pissed that people are saying he is.

"They've done nothing short of calling me gay and her a whore. None of those things are true. I'm pretty firm in my sexuality and my love for women."

Nobody ever called her a whore. A coke whore maybe. But those are two different things.

Kenny's quote was also totally cut off. What he meant to say what "I'm pretty firm in my sexuality and my love for women...with dicks."

[Female First]

Brit Brit is mad at y'all!

Brit Brit Spears went ape-shit when she read reports that alleged she had a tummy tuck to get skinny after the birth of SPF. Shortly after giving birth, Brit Brit was seen around town looking much skinnier than her fat self.

Her spokeswhore said: "She is not depressed, nor has she had a tummy tuck She is a 23-year-old mom who was in amazing shape before she got pregnant and was able to get back in shape after the baby arrived"

She was a fat heffer before giving birth! I don't think she had a tummy tuck, but I totally think she took diet pills. That bitch is ghetto, you know she sent someone to Tijuana to pick up some Fen-Phen! And she loves to wash it down with a delicious Coolatta!

[Teen Today]

Nick & Jessica still hate eachother!

How long do you think it's been since they have even talked? Nick is totally thinking.."I can't wait to get to a wireless area so I can e-mail my new honey on Adult Friend Finder!"

Don't You Rest Easy, Tyra!

Tyra Banks and Naomi Campbell have ended their 14-year feud! Tyra had Naomi as a guest on her talk-show and both agreed that the feud was mostly caused by their handlers. Both also walked the catwalk at the Victoria's Secret fashion show and many were stunned when the two hugged.

"This was the first time I've been in a room with Naomi when I didn't fear her." said Tyra.

Naomi is a smart bitch. She's just getting closer to her enemies. Expect Tyra Banks to receive the beating of a lifetime from Scary Naomi anytime now!


Adrien Brody gets jacked!

Adrien Body packed on the muscle for his new role in King Kong. He followed some easy plan from Men's Health to get jacked in 3 weeks just in time for his cover. Dayum! That bitch looks fine.

But me thinks it was the photoshop work that actually took 3 weeks.

[Men's Health]

Rod Stewart: Coke Was Better In My Day!

Rod Stewart doesn't do cocaine anymore, because the quality sucks! He admits that in his day the coke was much purer.

He said: "I don't know why anyone would want to take coke now."

"It was different in my day, because it was all so much purer. Now these dealers mix it with salt, washing powders, anything they can get their hands on. Kids just don't know what they're taking."

I totally know what he's saying. The other day, I was splitting my coke and I totally found a chicken bone!

[Page Six]

Sienna Miller And Her Power Uggs Go After The Paparazzi!

Super Sienna and her trusty Uggs went after a few photographers near her home in London. Who does she think she is? The Bionic Woman? And I can't believe that photographer is scared of her?! What a pussy!

And of course Jude the Lady let's his man do all the work!

Parasite Hilton's Jewelry Is As Fake As Her Tan!

The 24-carat engagement ring Parasite Hilton was wearing from Paris Latsis is apparently a fake! The real ring Mr. Paris gave her was much smaller. She reportedly bought the fake one for herself.

A source said: "It's a cubic zirconia. The ring Paris [Latsis] gave her was a much smaller one [from Cartier]. She lied to Us Weekly about it and everyone picked it up."

Why that cunning lingus! I feel used and betrayed! Like the way her vagina feels!

[Page Six]

The Dlisted Report

Scarlett Johansson is currently in discussions to play the lead role in the big-screen adaptation of The Nanny Diaries. The book details nine frantic months in the life of a young woman impulsively hired to care for the neglected 4-year-old son of a pampered wife and her near-absentee husband, whose marriage begins to disintegrate during the period. The script is currently being written and no word yet on when shooting will begin. [Variety]

Amy Poehler and Isla Fisher will play Groupies in a new feature film. The story finds Poehler and Fisher in the world of rock groupies. The two came up with the idea and will also serve as executive producers. [Variety]

Arrested Development has been sidelined for November sweeps. It's original 22-episode order has been cute back to 13 which probably means this will be the show's last season. It will return in December. Kitchen Confidential also at Fox, has been cancelled. [Variety]

Mary Poppins the Musical will land on Broadway October 14, 2006 at the New Amsterdam Theater in New York City. That theater is currently home to the Lion King which will move to the Minskoff Theater in June. No word yet on casting. [Playbill]


Jared from Subway reveals his real diet secret. - Albz

[Big ups to Lauren]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Milagros Cerron aka Mermaid Baby

Birthday Sluts

Leonardo DiCaprio (31)
Brittny Gastineau (23)
Tyler Christopher (33)
Carson Kressley (36)
Calista Flockhart (41)
Jane Pratt (43)
Demi Moore (43)
Lisa Welch (45)
Andy Partridge (52)
Jonathan Winters (80)

Special Birthday shout out to Katie!!!! Get drunk bitch!

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Michael K & Margaret Perrin: Together At Last!

Yesterday, one of my readers IMed me Margaret/Marguerite Perrin's telephone number. No, this isn't the number that was given in the comments. It was a different one. So, I gave it a ring and she picked up and I immediately hung up! I was so frightened. I thought she was going to zap me with her God Warrior powers! But after a few minutes, I got up the courage to call her back. She finally answered and we had a lovely conversation. She was actually really nice. I then asked her if it was alright if I do an interview with her for my website. She asked for the name of it, but I was so afraid that if I told her what KIND of website I am, she'd cancel my interview with her. So I told her it was just a website that adored her and liked what she had to say.

She agreed, but told me that currently she had a few camera crews in her home and couldn't do it now. She instructed me to call her at "lunchtimes" the next day. Margaret Perrin and I had a date and I didn't sleep a wink because of it!

Michael K: Hi Mrs. Perrin, this is Michael. We spoke yesterday about you granting me an interview for my website.

Margaret: Oh yes, call me Margaret.

Michael K: You know sometimes it's Marguerite and sometimes it's Margaret. Which one is it?

Margeret: Margaret and listen I'm in a rush, so you can ask me 5 questions.

Michael K: Just 5?

Margaret: Is that one of your questions...?

Michael K: Um...Er...

Margaret: (chuckles) What website is this for again?

Michael K: It's nothing special, but all my readers really love you. We've been anticipating your appearance on Trading Spouses for a while now.

Margaret: Oh ok..

Michael K: So Margaret, can I ask you why you flipped out the way that you did? It seemed that something really set you off.

Margaret: I just had really had it with the whole experience. I wouldn't change a thing though. There was too much pressure you know..with the cameras...and my family wasn't happy..you know...um...It wasn't like me. And I regret it to this day.

Michael K: Do you keep in contact with the other family?

Margaret: No, but my daughter does. Ashley.

Michael K: Why did you change your mind about the money?

Margaret: I talked with my family and I felt it was selfish of me to not accept the money. I was only thinking of myself and not my family. We decided AS a family to accept it.

Michael K: Can I ask you if you ever got that gastric bypass surgery?

Margaret: (chuckles) That's personal.

Michael K: Ok. I think I have one last question left..So...do you get recognized at all when you go out?

Margaret: I can't go out anymore. Me and my family got recognized before the show even was on TV....I also am getting some offers. We're talking to a lot of people right now..so...I gotta go. God Bless You! Bye!

(and she hangs up)

And then the bitch fucking hung up on my ass! That fat bitch hung up on me! I know it wasn't some juicy interview, but I was seriously scared of her ass! I wanted to talk about religion and her take on abortion and if her family hates her. But when I got on the phone with her, I literally swelled up. I thought this slut was going to send Jesus over to save me!

Nevertheless, I thank Mrs. Perrin for being such a bitch to me and hanging up on me. That was the highlight of my week! And I thank you for taking time out of her busy schedule to speak with me! I also thank her for NOT asking me if I was a CHRISTIAN. However, that would've been a hot moment!

Michael K on MySpace

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Bryanboy: Le Superstar Fabuleux
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