Sharon Stone is a Fashion Nightmare!

Did she steal this suit from Amanda Woodward's closet on the old Melrose Place set? Actually, the skirt isn't short enough. The thing with Sharon Stone is she thinks she's so much younger than she actually is. That polyester hair does nothing for her. She looks totally preggers. Now that shit would be nasty.





[Lime-Light]

Brit Brit Sucks On a Lollipop!

She has to suck on something since Kfed ain't around anymore! She was looking cleaned and slimmer lately. But here she still looks like the same Cheeto eating, Red Bull drinking, Burger King guzzling heffer that we've all come to know and love!







[Celeb Web]

Is Anybody Actually Going to Read This?!

It's so weird to me that all of a sudden Nicole Richie had a novel out. Seriously, one week she was talking about writing a book and the next week it was out. There's something fishy in the air and it ain't yesterday's tuna-fish that she yacked up. Bitch totally just bought a book from some poor-ass writer, put her name on it, took some nasty-ass pictures and voila!

But is anybody actually going to stroll into Barnes & Nobles, purchase this mess and then actually spend time reading it.

Ok you're right, I'm sooo going to read it!

Someone Please School Me!

What in Gay Al Reynolds is that sitting on top of Star's breasts (shudder)? It's like some kind of funky ass scar. I have no idea. Hopefully TomKat branded Star as their next victim. Maybe, Gay Al got so jealous of her breasts that he tried to cut them out so he can have the breasts in the family!

Whatever that shit is, it doesn't belong on daytime TV!

[Pic: Crunk and Disorderly]

I HATE Sharon Osbourne!

"Nobody is everything to everybody."

"I didn't like Mother Teresa. See? Somebody didn't like her. Ugly old cunt in sandals." - Sharon Osbourne

[Female First]

Do You Think the Warmth of His Hand Keeps the Alien Baby Alive?

He's always touching her belly! I think he's reminding her that he owns her ass and her baby! Oh and she's like 5-month preggers at least!

Bruce Willis Wants to Give You $1 Million!!!

Bruce Willis is such a fucking tool. He has offered $1 Million of his own money to any civilian that catches Osama bin Laden, Ayman al-Zawahiri or Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. Oh, and you must turn them in.

You mean I'm going all the way to wherever those bitches are, spend days in a cave looking for them, dodge multiple bullets and then spend another few days seducing Osama to come back with me to the US and all I fucking get is $1 Million?! Bruce, you make $20 Million a movie! That shit is fucking cheap!

[Page Six]

Oprah ain't buying shit!

When Tom Cruise was a guest on the Oprah show a few months back and declared his love for Katie Holmes, the world was pretty much disgusted at his behavior. He kept shouting how he loved this woman and he jumped up on the couch and did a little dance. Well, when asked about this spectacle of love...Oprah, just like us, didn't believe a damn of it!

She said: "It was wilder than it was appearing to me."

"I was just trying to maintain the truth for myself because I couldn't figure out what was going on. And what I was prepared for was the dance that happens when you're doing celebrities and when you know they're not going to tell you, but you're going to ask anyway, and then you try asking another way."

"I was not buying, am not buying or not buying. That's why I kept saying to 'you're gone, you're really gone.'"

Oh shit, it's on! Are the powers of Scientology powerful enough to destroy the almighty Queen Oprah? This will actually make for a hot fight. Tom and the Aliens VS Oprah and the Housewives!

[ABC News]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS!!

These were some hot fucking captions! Again, I picked my Top 5:

Attending the funeral of Paris Hilton was one time former friend Nicole Richie. When asked to speak Richie, 81, took off her blouse and yelled to the crowd, "you want to know why we were no longer friends? She said she had better tits than me!Well who is laughing now bitch!" - Glen

Any of you guys want to add a pearl necklace to her already lovely collection? - Cindy C

DON'T CHA WISH YOUR GIRLFRIEND WAS HOT LIKE ME... - Yvet

Johnson and Johnson unveils their new KY Jelly spokesmodel with the slogan: Taint no pussy too dry for KY! - BonerMcCoy

Who the hell is giving her a Brazillian wax? - Eponine


BEWARE! Click here for the extremely NSFW version!


YOU CAN STILL TURN BACK!







[Big ups to Jen for the pics]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Sally Struthers

Birthday Sluts

Ethan Zohn (32)
Anne Hathaway (23)
Ryan Goslin (25)
Radha Mitchell (32)
Tonya Harding (35)
Sammy Sosa (37)
David Schwimmer (39)
Megan Mullally (47)
Karen Ziemba (48)
Neil Young (60)

Fred Marshall IS Your Next American Idol!

My friend FourFour opened up my world to the talented and charismatic Fred Marshall. He is brilliant! His talent is diverse and fresh. He has the voice of Celine Dion and the stage presence of Whitney Houston! I think someone really needs to hook him up with a lucrative record deal. I only say lucrative, because he won't take anything less.

My favorite performances of Fred have to be "Naughty Girls Need Love To" and "The Blowers Daughter."

Please check him out. It's hours and hours of entertainment!


[FourFour] [SwimAtYourOwnRisk]

JLo fucks up again!?

I think the Grim Reaper made a visit to this bitch before she got read for this even. He totally sucked the life out of her. Ewww, she's like yellow! She needs to drink some water!

Oh and her pussy smells too!

Pamela Anderson Has a Twin TOO?!?

She seems so ashamed of her. I guess because she forgot to shave! I wonder if her twin sucks dick like she does? Because that bitch sucks a mean one!

[Hollywood Rag]

Jesse Metcalfe is so Rock 'N' Roll!

He's such a fucking dork. Like he's that hot dork in High School. He totally has man boobs, too.

I'd still hit it, I guess. Yeah ok...

Are Marge Perrin's 15 Minutes Up Yet?!

Margaret Perrin is totally having the Best Week Ever! Stereogum has posted a song about her from GoesCube called Everything's Ungodly.

This jam will be climbing up the club charts!

It's so dark-sided!

Margaret Perrin "Everything's Ungodly"

Guess the Celebrity?

I am about 5'8"

I once missed an appointment with death

I have one child

I have a famous nickname

Immortality would be my superpower of choice

UPDATE: The answer is....



Mark Wahlberg who was scheduled on one of the 9/11 flights and who wants to live forever!

Congrats to PixieGaf for being the first to get it right!

Lisa from ANTM is a STANK-UP HO!

If any of you watch America's Next Top Model, you know that Lisa is one skanky bitch! My favorite part was when she dressed up in that to'-up wig and told us that these girls needed to eat cookies to put them in better moods. Looks like she doesn't want to share her crack with them!



But the kicker was when the girls did a photoshoot with the Wild Boyz and Lisa decided to try on a fucking diaper!



To humiliate herself even more...Lisa pissed in the fucking diaper! They didn't show us this, but all the girls immediately got out of her way. That slut is a dirty dirty birdie!



Even ghetto-Bre couldn't believe it!

"No woman of class, especially a supermodel in the making, is gonna do something as disgusting as pee on herself at her job."



And Lisa didn't even make bottom 2!?! WTF?!

Read FourFour's brilliant recap of this week's episode!

[FourFour]

"I'm just a girl who can't say no!"

Chris Klein Quote of the Day!

'I DON'T need food to impress, man. It's a flash of a smile and a nice conversation. And at the end of the day, she's cooking the food."

Oprah Will Never Share Her Money!

Oprah Winfrey has confirmed that she will never marry Stedman's ass! If the bitch is smart, she wouldn't! Can you imagine the alimony payments to him?

She said: "A piece of paper does not define a life. I always knew that was not the answer for me. "I was like most women though. I wanted a man who, I wanted to know he did want it. So I'm telling you, after he proposed, I was over it.

"I do believe that had we gotten married, we would not be together today. The traditional role of marriage would not work in this relationship."

Probably because in a traditional marriage the wife doesn't go and eat the pussy of her best friend! You know Oprah and Gail are getting it on! Don't deny it!

[Contact Music]

Jessica Simpson Has A Twin?!!

This dude is awesome...

[City Rag]

The Cell Phone Bandit Is Hot Shit!

This bitch ain't got time for no games! This bitch on the left has robbed 4 banks in the Washington DC area while having serious conversations on her cell phone! She's a multi-tasker!

In the most recent holdup, on Nov. 4 in Ashburn, video footage shows the woman to be almost uninterested as a teller hands her a stack of cash, and she continues talking on her phone as she turns and walks out of the bank.

The cell phone bandit first struck in Vienna on Oct. 12. A woman in her twenties with dark hair, about 5 feet 2 to 5 feet 6 inches tall and weighing 120 to 130 pounds, walked in carrying a box and talking on a cell phone. She moved directly to the teller counter and displayed the shoebox-size box, which had a note taped on it demanding cash. Police would not disclose the wording of the note.

I found my next interview y'all! How hot would it be to talk to this bitch while she robbed a bank? I hope one of those phone calls was to her hairdresser, because her ends are looking dry!

[Washington Post] [Big ups to Warren]

Kenny Chesney calls Zellweger a WHORE!

Kenny Chesney is super hurt that you guys keep calling him a homo! So just stop okay or he's gonna go cry to his mommy. Kenny has denied that he's a friend of Dorothy and is really pissed that people are saying he is.

"They've done nothing short of calling me gay and her a whore. None of those things are true. I'm pretty firm in my sexuality and my love for women."

Nobody ever called her a whore. A coke whore maybe. But those are two different things.

Kenny's quote was also totally cut off. What he meant to say what "I'm pretty firm in my sexuality and my love for women...with dicks."

[Female First]

Brit Brit is mad at y'all!

Brit Brit Spears went ape-shit when she read reports that alleged she had a tummy tuck to get skinny after the birth of SPF. Shortly after giving birth, Brit Brit was seen around town looking much skinnier than her fat self.

Her spokeswhore said: "She is not depressed, nor has she had a tummy tuck She is a 23-year-old mom who was in amazing shape before she got pregnant and was able to get back in shape after the baby arrived"

She was a fat heffer before giving birth! I don't think she had a tummy tuck, but I totally think she took diet pills. That bitch is ghetto, you know she sent someone to Tijuana to pick up some Fen-Phen! And she loves to wash it down with a delicious Coolatta!

[Teen Today]

Nick & Jessica still hate eachother!

How long do you think it's been since they have even talked? Nick is totally thinking.."I can't wait to get to a wireless area so I can e-mail my new honey on Adult Friend Finder!"

Don't You Rest Easy, Tyra!

Tyra Banks and Naomi Campbell have ended their 14-year feud! Tyra had Naomi as a guest on her talk-show and both agreed that the feud was mostly caused by their handlers. Both also walked the catwalk at the Victoria's Secret fashion show and many were stunned when the two hugged.

"This was the first time I've been in a room with Naomi when I didn't fear her." said Tyra.

Naomi is a smart bitch. She's just getting closer to her enemies. Expect Tyra Banks to receive the beating of a lifetime from Scary Naomi anytime now!

[R&M]

Adrien Brody gets jacked!

Adrien Body packed on the muscle for his new role in King Kong. He followed some easy plan from Men's Health to get jacked in 3 weeks just in time for his cover. Dayum! That bitch looks fine.

But me thinks it was the photoshop work that actually took 3 weeks.

[Men's Health]

Rod Stewart: Coke Was Better In My Day!

Rod Stewart doesn't do cocaine anymore, because the quality sucks! He admits that in his day the coke was much purer.

He said: "I don't know why anyone would want to take coke now."

"It was different in my day, because it was all so much purer. Now these dealers mix it with salt, washing powders, anything they can get their hands on. Kids just don't know what they're taking."

I totally know what he's saying. The other day, I was splitting my coke and I totally found a chicken bone!

[Page Six]

Sienna Miller And Her Power Uggs Go After The Paparazzi!

Super Sienna and her trusty Uggs went after a few photographers near her home in London. Who does she think she is? The Bionic Woman? And I can't believe that photographer is scared of her?! What a pussy!







And of course Jude the Lady let's his man do all the work!

Parasite Hilton's Jewelry Is As Fake As Her Tan!

The 24-carat engagement ring Parasite Hilton was wearing from Paris Latsis is apparently a fake! The real ring Mr. Paris gave her was much smaller. She reportedly bought the fake one for herself.

A source said: "It's a cubic zirconia. The ring Paris [Latsis] gave her was a much smaller one [from Cartier]. She lied to Us Weekly about it and everyone picked it up."

Why that cunning lingus! I feel used and betrayed! Like the way her vagina feels!

[Page Six]

The Dlisted Report

Scarlett Johansson is currently in discussions to play the lead role in the big-screen adaptation of The Nanny Diaries. The book details nine frantic months in the life of a young woman impulsively hired to care for the neglected 4-year-old son of a pampered wife and her near-absentee husband, whose marriage begins to disintegrate during the period. The script is currently being written and no word yet on when shooting will begin. [Variety]

Amy Poehler and Isla Fisher will play Groupies in a new feature film. The story finds Poehler and Fisher in the world of rock groupies. The two came up with the idea and will also serve as executive producers. [Variety]

Arrested Development has been sidelined for November sweeps. It's original 22-episode order has been cute back to 13 which probably means this will be the show's last season. It will return in December. Kitchen Confidential also at Fox, has been cancelled. [Variety]

Mary Poppins the Musical will land on Broadway October 14, 2006 at the New Amsterdam Theater in New York City. That theater is currently home to the Lion King which will move to the Minskoff Theater in June. No word yet on casting. [Playbill]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

Jared from Subway reveals his real diet secret. - Albz

[Big ups to Lauren]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Milagros Cerron aka Mermaid Baby

Birthday Sluts

Leonardo DiCaprio (31)
Brittny Gastineau (23)
Tyler Christopher (33)
Carson Kressley (36)
Calista Flockhart (41)
Jane Pratt (43)
Demi Moore (43)
Lisa Welch (45)
Andy Partridge (52)
Jonathan Winters (80)

Special Birthday shout out to Katie!!!! Get drunk bitch!

Michael K & Margaret Perrin: Together At Last!

Yesterday, one of my readers IMed me Margaret/Marguerite Perrin's telephone number. No, this isn't the number that was given in the comments. It was a different one. So, I gave it a ring and she picked up and I immediately hung up! I was so frightened. I thought she was going to zap me with her God Warrior powers! But after a few minutes, I got up the courage to call her back. She finally answered and we had a lovely conversation. She was actually really nice. I then asked her if it was alright if I do an interview with her for my website. She asked for the name of it, but I was so afraid that if I told her what KIND of website I am, she'd cancel my interview with her. So I told her it was just a website that adored her and liked what she had to say.

She agreed, but told me that currently she had a few camera crews in her home and couldn't do it now. She instructed me to call her at "lunchtimes" the next day. Margaret Perrin and I had a date and I didn't sleep a wink because of it!



Michael K: Hi Mrs. Perrin, this is Michael. We spoke yesterday about you granting me an interview for my website.

Margaret: Oh yes, call me Margaret.

Michael K: You know sometimes it's Marguerite and sometimes it's Margaret. Which one is it?

Margeret: Margaret and listen I'm in a rush, so you can ask me 5 questions.

Michael K: Just 5?

Margaret: Is that one of your questions...?

Michael K: Um...Er...

Margaret: (chuckles) What website is this for again?

Michael K: It's nothing special, but all my readers really love you. We've been anticipating your appearance on Trading Spouses for a while now.

Margaret: Oh ok..

Michael K: So Margaret, can I ask you why you flipped out the way that you did? It seemed that something really set you off.

Margaret: I just had really had it with the whole experience. I wouldn't change a thing though. There was too much pressure you know..with the cameras...and my family wasn't happy..you know...um...It wasn't like me. And I regret it to this day.

Michael K: Do you keep in contact with the other family?

Margaret: No, but my daughter does. Ashley.

Michael K: Why did you change your mind about the money?

Margaret: I talked with my family and I felt it was selfish of me to not accept the money. I was only thinking of myself and not my family. We decided AS a family to accept it.

Michael K: Can I ask you if you ever got that gastric bypass surgery?

Margaret: (chuckles) That's personal.

Michael K: Ok. I think I have one last question left..So...do you get recognized at all when you go out?

Margaret: I can't go out anymore. Me and my family got recognized before the show even was on TV....I also am getting some offers. We're talking to a lot of people right now..so...I gotta go. God Bless You! Bye!

(and she hangs up)

And then the bitch fucking hung up on my ass! That fat bitch hung up on me! I know it wasn't some juicy interview, but I was seriously scared of her ass! I wanted to talk about religion and her take on abortion and if her family hates her. But when I got on the phone with her, I literally swelled up. I thought this slut was going to send Jesus over to save me!

Nevertheless, I thank Mrs. Perrin for being such a bitch to me and hanging up on me. That was the highlight of my week! And I thank you for taking time out of her busy schedule to speak with me! I also thank her for NOT asking me if I was a CHRISTIAN. However, that would've been a hot moment!

Becks loves the lacy things...

David Beckham picked up a few bras and panties, probably for himself at Agent Provocateur. I'm thinking he likes the pink lacy granny panties. I don't think he's the thong type. He likes to feel the silkiness against his ass. He's also really into garter belts!

Maybe he picked up some cotton thing for Posh.

Listen to Madonna's new album at a SEX PARTY!

This is the hottest invitation ever! There's an EXCLUSIVE listening party of Madonna's latest CD at a fucking sex party! And you can get a fucking HIV test afterwards. So listen to Hung Up whilel getting Plugged Up!

Is she that fucking desperate?

From: Uptown Mens Party <uptownmensparty@yahoo.com>
Date: November 10, 2005 6:15:32 AM EST
To: UptownMensParty@yahoo.com
Subject: Tomorrow's Party is ON!!! (Friday 11/11)

The Uptown Men's Party
One room for socializing and one room for playing! Complimentary hors
d'oeuvres, beverages, condoms and lube.There will be spiked punch for
those 21 and over. This is a party for in-shape, regular, attitude
free guys between 18-45 years old. You don't have to be a Chelsea boy
with a gym bod, but be proportionate (husky okay, but not fat - sorry
bears!) If you are a Chelsea boy, leave the Chelsea 'tude at home for
a night of hot sex!
Everyone welcome - from muscle boys to the regular "Average Joe"

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENTS

This week, hear Madonna's "Confessions on a Dance Floor" in the
"party" room all night long!

Also: I have once again arranged for rapid, confidential HIV testing
to be provided during the party. Harlem United will be testing those
who choose to be tested on W. 96th Street between Broadway &
Amsterdam. You do not have to attend the party to take advantage of
this free service.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 11, 2005
8PM- 3am
******** MUST ARRIVE BY 1AM - CAN STAY UNTIL 3AM ********

RSVP FOR FULL INVITE & Details

[From: Confessions of a Casting Director]

Guess the Celebrity?

I'm a Brooklyn boy

Some say that I've sold out

I've been in a couple of movies, but I'm not an actor

Yeah I'm gay

I was born the year the violet-eyed one got an Oscar

UPDATE: And the winner is...



Isaac Mizrahi who was born the year that Elizabeth Taylor won an Oscar and who also now designs for Target.

Congrats to Anonymous 3:14pm for being the 1st to get it right!

All for show!

Why does Nicole Richie need to jog? Bitch is going to fall apart if she runs. Her bones are so fucking brittle that they will literally shatter if she trips over a rock!





She also decides to help out " the girls basketball team" by buying some candy. I hate when those kids tell me that shit. I know they are just trying to get some money to buy some new Pumas or some shit. You don't fool me. Since paparazzi was around, Nicole of course had to show that she actually buys candy.



And she probably had her one meal of the day: a banana. I don't see any swallowing going on. She totally spit it out into her cup holder!



[JJB]

Awesome! There's Gonna Be A Kegger At The Inaugural Ball!

High School Senior: Michael Sessions has won the Mayoral race of his hometown of Hillsdale, Michigan. Michael beat out former Mayor Doug Ingles, 51.

Michael received 732 votes while Doug only received 668. The town has a population of almost 8,000.

The new Mayor said: "I just thought I'd give it a shot," "I hoped I'd win. But I didn't really know what would happen,"

Don't worry, the bitch is 18. He will be sworn in November 21st!

Party at Michael's! Haaaayyy! Expect Hillsdale to be the first city in the country to REQUIRE women to walk around topless.

[People]

Eye Candy

Eric Balfour is one of the hottest pieces of fucking meat in Hollywood today. Too bad he's so dumb that he makes Parasite look like a member of Mensa! I thought I'd just give you some hot candy to look at while we all sit in our depressing cubicles watching the clock.

If you aren't familiar with his work, you may have seen him as Claire's good-for-nothing boyfriend on Six Feet Under or more recently as the resident good-for-nothing hairdresser on Denise Richards' Sex, Lies & Secrets. He's not much of an actor either. But with a body like that...who gives a fig!

Oh and he's in some band too. It probably sucks so that's why he got all wet and nekkid. Desperate times...desperate times...







Is that Ashley Olsen backing it up?



[A Socialite's Life]

Blind Items...You Guess...I Guess...

Gloria Good-Hag has a great career. She's also quite
adept at bedding her leading men, most notably Bill
Bisexual (Gloria's most recent 300-count-style notch).
But is it the dudes who interest the lithe sexpot the
most?

No way. And no--this ain't yet another homo-laden
nooky story--it's not the girls, either, who do it for
Glor. It's the horsies.

Not the gambling kind, darlin's, the shoot-'em-up
kind, as in smack. Horse. Heroin.

And just in case you didn't know, heroin happens to be
so in right now. Forget painkillers (too Michael J.)
or porno (too Tom S.). It's all about the high one
gets from snorting or shooting this incredibly
potent--and addictive--opiate. Heaven help the guys
'n' gals who are currently obsessed with the stuff,
most recently Jordache Junky, the star who screwed the
cater-waiter in One Step-by-Skanky-Step Blind Vice a
coupla weeks ago.

Gloria's more crisp, more aloof than emotional
Jordache. She's also more stupid, have to say. The
ditzo broad didn't even know how to fool the standard
insurance drug testing on her last glossy pic, Isn't
Life Seamless?, and she turned up positive for heroin.

Consequently, Isn't's producers had to pay double the
premium on Gloria's skinny little bum. And let's say
these suits were about as pleased with this
development as Isn't's makeup artists were each
morning with Gloria's puss.

Enough concealer to make Joan Rivers youthful again
was required for the bags under Gloria's strung-out
eyes. Particularly since Isn't's makeup look was
something akin to a White Linen photo shoot.

Nasty!

---------------------------------------------

This is a hard one, but I'm going to say Sharon Stone! That's the only thing I can come up with. Although it might be a younger actress...


[The Awful Truth] [Bigs up to Annie]

We've all already heard it!

Madonna is going to great lengths to protect her new album Confessions On A Dancefloor from being heard before its release. But the problem is, most of us have already heard it!

At a special screening of the album for the press in Florida Tuesday night, Madonna had the album flown into a nearby airport under armed guard. Madonna's brother, Christopher picked up the CD personally and handed it to the DJ at the party.

The CD was reportedly destroyed after the party to make sure it didn't fall into the wrong hands.

Personally, I think the album should've been destroyed long ago :)

[Contact Music]

T & A

Victoria's Secret had their Holiday fashion show last night in NYC. It will air on CBS December 6th. As usual they all looked like a cross between a train-wreck and trannies.

They don't sell this shit in the stores, right? It's like strictly for show? I think most people want to see them nekkid not strutting down the catwalk with lights on their ginas!

It was Tyra's farewell. I don't think any of those bitches will miss her ass!





How does Tyra wink like that?










See more pics at Hollywood Rag

$2K For Some Shitty Pictures of Kathy Hilton?!

Some dude is selling pictures of a 14yo Kathy Hilton on eBay and the Buy It Now price is $2k!
The description reads:

Here are 3 photos of Kathy Hilton when she was a 14 and 15 year old teenager. This was long before she married hotel heir Rick Hilton when her name was Kathy Richards. Kathy of course later became the mother of Paris and Nicky Hilton and the rest is history.

The seller personally took a lot of these pictures. I guess they were dating back in the day. But there aren't even any NUDE ones! Why the hell would pay that much money and not see any boobies! I declare!

Let's pool our coins together...

We can totally put together a basket for MK Olsen. Bitch needs a fucking comb, a brush and some vo5 treatment.

That coat looks so tiny! She totally ripped it off from one of those American Girl dolls!

Did I Miss The Memo?

Are we wearing blankets over our faces now? Is this like a take on the pancho? Because, I remember that was big a few years ago. But, I'm glad she did cover her face finally. Probably forgot her Pro-Activ at home.



She's pissed!

"You totally forgot my Pro-Activ at home! This is a warning!"



[Lime-Light]

HoHan is soo dickmatized!

HoHan is soo dickmatzied with new boyfriend Jared Leto's package that she wants to marry his ass! HoHan apparently likes the idea of surprising her boyfriend with a last-minute wedding.

A source said: "She's crazy about Jared. She says it would be great to run away, get married barefoot on the beach and shock everybody"

HoHan is also upset with Parasite for stealing MK Olsen's boyfriend: Nachos. HoHan thinks that getting married before Parasite would make the slutty heiress piping mad!

There is no WAY in hell that Jared will marry this slut. He only sees her as a place to set his 9 inch monster before moving on to the next piece!
Margaret Perrin will become a Satan worshiper before these two tie the knot!

[The Scoop]

Fergie will show us the goods!

Black Eyed Peas singer: Fergie will play a stripper in an upcoming episode of The Sopranos. Fergie has some acting skills since she did star in Kids Incorporated!

A source said: "Fergie can't believe her luck at landing this part - she's obsessed with The Sopranos. The producers thought she'd be perfect because she's got such a toned body and has no problems flaunting her flesh "And she's also used to writhing around the stage so she should be a natural when it comes to pole-dancing"

I don't need to see that bitch naked! That's something that will not be pretty. But thankfully enough Fergie's character will meet her demise when she's knocked off by one of Tony's goons! Where is the love?

Shooting on the 6th season begins next year.

[Female First]

Shannon Bites The Bullet!!

Maggie Grace who plays spoiled rich girl, Shannon Rutherford was apparently shot to death on last night's episode Lost. Although, bitch may not be dead. She was majorly wounded as she collapsed into Sayeed's arms. The bitch who shot her? None other than Ana Lucia (played by Michelle Rodriguez) who thought that Shannon was an unwanted guest.

I say good mittens! I hated that slut Shannon. She's like the worst actress on the show. Besides, horror movie remakes need a leading slut to kill off!

Parasite cranking Richie?!

How juvenile! Nicole Richie is telling friends that she's sick of Parasite Hilton cranking her ass!

A friend of Nicole said: "“Nicole has been getting phony phone calls very late at night, practically every night, and she suspects the culprit is her ex-best friend."

"Nicole doesn't have proof, but she's almost sure it'’s Paris."

How is she sure? Is the culprit making the phone calls from the Burger King drive-thru or Kitson. Because if they are it's totally Parasite!

But, I think Parasite would be dumb enough not to turn her caller ID off before calling.

[The Scoop]

I Wonder What the Boy Ass In Bahrain Is Like?

Michael Jackson's father has said that the crazy one is most likely never going to live in this country again. He will come and visit, but will never keep his permanent residence here.

Joe Jackson said: "He'll come back to visit, but not to stay, not to live,"

"They didn't treat him right here. I know if I was him, I wouldn't come back,"

Apparently, Jacko received tons of death threats and he no longers considers Neverland Ranch a home.

Michael is also busy at work on his Hurricane Katrina single with fellow child-molester R. Kelly lending his voice too.

[Page Six]

Kate Bosworth IS Lois Lane

She looks aight. Lois is supposed to be kind of homely. Superman is NOT cute. This shit hits theaters next year.

The Dlisted Report

Julian McMahon will join Sandra Bullock in Premonition. Bill Kelly's script revolves around a woman who has a premonition that her husband will die in a car crash and sets out to prevent it. Filming starts in January. [Variety]

Anjelica Houston has agreed to star alongside Pierce Brosnan and Liam Neeson in Seraphim Falls. Set at the end of the Civil War, the project tells the story of a colonel who fails to put down his weapon and instead hunts down a man to settle a grudge from the war. Shooting is currently taking place in New Mexico. [Variety]

Regis Philbin will host a remake of the TV series This is Your Life for ABC. It will air as a series of different specials. [Cynthia's Cynopsis]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

Upon the realization that Lohan and Duff passed their expiration date, Hollywood grabs two newer pieces of meat from the secret freezer of blatant talentlessness. - Anonymous 4:09pm

Hot Slut of the Day!

Margaret Perrin of Trading Spouses

Birthday Sluts

Eve (27)
Heather Matarazzo (23)
Brittany Murphy (28)
Warren G (35)
Ellen Pompeo (36)
Tracy Morgan (37)
Neil Gaiman (45)
Mackenzie Phillips (46)
Sinbad (49)
Roland Emmerich (50)
Jack Scalia (54)
Ann Reinking (56)
Tim Rice (61)
Marilyn Bergman (76)

When Were They Hotter: Then or Now?

Say Something Nice

Kevin Federline: Um..er...Um..I'd still hit it!



[Pic: Hollywood Rag]

Don't forget our good friend Marguerite Perrin tonight!

That beautiful lady of God, Marguerite Perrin has her infamous breakdown on Fox's Trading Spouses tonight. I'm just reminding you guys, because I would hate anyone to miss out on this momentous occasion. And remember Jesus loves you! God, she still gives me a hard-on!





[Pics: FourFour] [Trading Spouses]

The Top 10 Man-on-Man Onscreen Kisses!

Radar Online gave their opinions on the best man on man action on the big screen. I personally pretty much agree. However, I think that the Velvet Goldmine kiss should've been higher up. That shit fucking melted my screen! Doesn't Richard Gere and Jodie Foster in Sommersby count as a Man-on-Man kiss?

1. My Beautiful Launderette: Daniel Day-Lewis and Gordon Warneke

The two stars engage in a taboo-busting interracial romp set against the unlikely but oddly arousing backdrop of washers and dryers. The movie just happened to make the careers of Day-Lewis, director Stephen Frears, and screenwriter Hanif Kureishi. Coincidence? We don’t think so.

2. Y Tu Mamá También: Gael García Bernal and Diego Luna

After a steamy bit of dirty three-way dancing at a dusty Mexican beach bar, older woman Luisa deftly manipulates 17-year-olds Tenoch and Julio into the testosterone-only coupling they were driving toward all along.

3. Wilde: Jude Law and Stephen Fry

Sometimes the love that dare not speak its name just won’t shut up. Fry is predictably loquacious as Oscar Wilde, but the real surprise is Law, playing the lover who spurred Wilde’s imprisonment for homosexuality. His Bosie may be campy and petulant, but he’s just as convincing as Fry. And a hell of a lot cuter.

4. Before Night Falls: Javier Bardem and Andrea Di Stefano

Julian Schnabel’s biopic of Cuban writer Reynaldo Arenas is full of erotic couplings, but the moment that lingers is the first kiss between Arenas and his friend Pepe. The film has nowhere to go but down. And then down some more.

5. Velvet Goldmine: Ewan McGregor and Jonathan Rhys-Meyers

McGregor’s Curt Wild (read: Iggy Pop) and Rhys Meyers’s Brian Slade (that would be David Bowie to you and me) look pretty and are suitably ’70s glam as they find a saliva goldmine together. Rock on.

6. Kiss of the Spider Woman: William Hurt and Raul Julia

Jailed South American revolutionary Valentin (Julia) may seek escape by fantasizing about Brazilian bombshell Sonia Braga, but he finds solace, in the time-honored cellmate fashion, with the queeny Luis (Hurt).

7. My Own Private Idaho: Keanu Reeves and River Phoenix

Reeves’s rich boy Scotty and Phoenix’s narcoleptic hustler Mike, as the they lie in bed talking to cops, don’t exactly kiss, but Reeves spectacularly twiddles Phoenix’s nipples, which reminds us of the Jerry Seinfeld line about sex starting with the appearance of the nipple. Who are we to argue?

8. Maurice: Rupert Graves and James Wilby

Repressed prewar England is the setting for the oldest story in the world: Toff meets gardener. It’s hot because it’s illegal.

9. A Home at the End of the World: Colin Farrell and Dallas Roberts

Roberts keeps his glasses on while Farrell closes his eyes and thinks about filming a sex tape with a Playboy Playmate.

10. In & Out: Kevin Kline and Tom Selleck

After a fender bender, second-string TV reporter Peter Malloy (Selleck) plants a mind-bending long, slow wet one on the closeted Howard Brackett (Kline). Fortunately for Kline, Selleck had recently done away with that cheesy Magnum, P.I. ’stache.

[Radar]

The Vampire Twins!

I've figured it out! MK and Ash Olsen have become vampires. They stay skinny, because blood basically is low-carb. Don't look at this picture too long or you will fall under their spell and receive an unexpected visitor tonight where they will suck your blood and steal your Balenciaga bag!

Ashley is still the one hot!



Bitch looks like a fucking Roman column!



[JJB]

Kate Hudson's son looks like a daughter!

Don't get me wrong, Kate Hudson's son is darling. But I think she's giving him some sort of a complex. Dude looks like a lady! And it isn't only because Ryder has long hair, it's the style. Ryder basically has "the rachel". And furthermore, how old is too old for a pacifier? He's like 2! Is this too old, I'm just curious.

He's still cuteness for a he/she.

Fergie Quote of the Day

"I haven't had any surgery but I would maybe consider a nip and a tuck. I've been sun tanning forever and damaging my skin. I would be open to botox."

Parasite Hilton gets smashed!

This is actually a pretty funny clip of Parasite, Nachos, Kim Stewart, Kim's boyfriend and Talan from Laguna Beach getting into a little fender bender. Nachos is dumber than we thought, because he starts driving while a fucking jacket is draped over his face! He rams into a truck in front of him scratching the hundred thousand dollar car and then guns it.

Turn up the sound, because then you here Parasite telling him to stop. They soon get pulled over, where Parasite blows all of the officers. Actually, she doesn't...but she blows them a kiss and tell them she loves them.

Watch this shit!

What gays are into this bitch?!

Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys embraces his gay following. But my question is, what fucking fags are into this bitch? I don't even know straight chicks that are into his ass? He's like a blonde Pete Doherty. He's on the bad side of ill. Anyway he's very appreciative for like the 2 gay fans he has!

[Oh No They Didn't]

I don't need to see this!

Now this is something that Jesus intended us to never see. But somehow I had to look. It's a picture of Prince Charles' junk and let's just say that being of Royal blood doesn't mean you have a Royal package. Actually, I've had toothpicks in my mouth bigger than this shit!


Click if you must!





[WOW Report]

Who's The Boss? Reunion!

Mona looks fucking hot! Alyssa Milano is still a slut! Poor Jonathan Bower is sitll as gay as ever!

Kidz Bop is a cult!

Have any of you heard one song from the Kidz Bop series? They are fucking scary shit! It's like Dakota Fanning orchestrated this shit to brainwash us! Well, the 9th Kidz Bop album will soon be released and here's the tracking listing:

Behind These Hazel Eyes
Beverly Hills
Don't Lie
Wake Me Up
When September Ends
Listen To Your Heart
Just The Girl
Pon De Replay
Cool
Photograph
These Words
You And Me
Feel Good, Inc.
Chariot
Boyfriend
Speed Of Sound
We Belong Together
Wake Up
Axel F

Little kids singing Mimi's We Belong Together?! That is fucking priceless! If you aren't familiar with them, click here to be hypnotized!

[Stereogum]

Sharon Stone's single is about to drop!

Yup, you heard right. Sharon Stone has been working hard on a single to benefit Hurricane Katrina victims. But don't worry, Sharon isn't about to sing on that shit. Shar co-write the song with Denise Rich, Mark Feist and Damon Sharpe. The song is called "Come Together Now" and comes out November 29th. Proceeds will benefit Habitat for Humanity.

Shar said: "Every time this song gets played and every time this song gets bought, we're building houses and we're saving these kids."

Celine Dion, Wyclef Jean, Patti LaBelle, Chingy, Joss Stone and many others have contributed their voices to the single.

I am disappointed that Shar herself didn't end up on the single. I think she should've done a little rap ala Madge.

Something like: "The world has seen my pussy..yup it's true...but that don't mean these kids should go on feeling blue! I'm lucky that I got a diamond comb, cause some of these bitches ain't even got a home!" or something...

[ABC News]

Celine Dion is all sorts of crazy!

If anybody knows Celine Dion, you know this woman is on the wrong side of sanity. When she agreed to perform at Caesar's Palace she had strict instructions on how the theater should be built. She insisted that a multi-million dollar air-conditioning/humidifier be installed in the theater to protect her angel voice. She also refuses to go outside her theater to greet fans:

"Because of air-conditioning, meeting a lot of people, shaking hands - there's more chances to get sick".

There is a rumor that Celine had a tunnel built from her dressing to her home which is only a mile away.

This bitch is turning into Julianne Moore's character in Safe. She's so going to be living in a porcelain house soon and carry around an oxygen tank!

[Female First]

Keep It on the Down Low...Nobody Has To Know...

Eddie Murphy and Johnny Gill love each other. Is that Pam from Martin with them? She don't want any part of that shady business!

[A Socialite's Life]

Have you had your Bai Ling today?

This is pretty demure for a woman that thinks tinsel wigs were ever appropriate.

Her Voice Is So Fucking Annoying!

Watch this video of Brit Brit telling some paparazzi dude to get out of her way. Somehow that high-pitched, Southern voice of hers isn't very menacing. At least she didn't follow it up with a "y'all!"

Watch It

Joel Madden Cleans Up Nicely!

Too bad Hillary Duff still looks like she's up for Best in Show...



"Dayum! Are they chicklets in your mouth?!" Joel to Hillary

CZJ's Diet Tips!

Catherine Zeta-Jones is sick of these Hollywood girls using strange methods to lose weight. She insists that she only follows natural and healthy ways to lose weight. She is horrified at pregnant woman that go through painful procedures just to get back to being skinny.

"My muscles have memory from the time I danced, and it's quick for me to get back in shape, but I'm not fanatical. I grew up with dancers, anorexia and other disorders were common, so I learned how to deal with diets without losing my limit."I think it's awful, this competition in the US between actresses who just had a baby, to see who's first to get back to their normal weight.

"It's insane I find this wave of super-skinny women scary".

She of course thinks it's perfectly fine to lie your age though!

[Female First]

Lada..Dee...Lada..Dow...

HoHan's rocking the gypsy look for her new album A Little More Personal (Raw). I must say that she looks kinda hot here. You can even see her freckles and usually she has her minions airbrush that shit out. Her album is still going to suck shit, though. Bitch can't sing?!

I mean did anybody actually listen to her last album (except me of course).

[Hollywood Rag]

A Ripe Berry?

Word on the street is that Halle Berry is knocked up by her boyfriend, Michael Ealy. Sources close to the couple claim that they have been trying for a baby.

Halle recently told Oprah that she desperately wanted a kid before hitting 40: "If there's no serious man, whoever I'm dating at the time, I'll say, 'Hey, would you like to have a baby? I'll sign a paper that will say I won't ask you for one red cent'".
Her spokeswhore would not comment.

Halle and Michael met on their ABC TV-Movie Their Eyes Were Watching God.

I've always felt sorry for Halle Berry. Probably because she's such a wreck! She was on Oprah after her marriage to David Justice collapsed talking about how she wanted to kill herself! She said that she went into her garage and took her dogs with her in the car. She then started the engine and was going to kill herself. She was going to take the dogs with her? That selfish bitch!

[Sify]

I didn't even know they had one kid?!

Kobe Bryant and his wife, Vanessa are expecting another baby in May. The couple currently have a 3yo daughter.

His agent said: "In addition to their excitement, Kobe and Vanessa have been sharing a lot of laughs because after hitting game-winning shots for the Lakers, Kobe has been making late-night food runs for his wife's pregnancy cravings, only to get home with the food and find out her craving has changed,"

Vanessa probably got another $3 Million dollar ring for this shit! Remember when those accusations came out that he cheated on her ass and a week later she was sporting this huge pink diamond? That's a bitch who knows what's important in life!

[People]

Typecast!

Jessica Alba is so sick of only being offered roles of either a whore or a maid.

She said: "The scripts I get are always for the whore, or the motorcycle chick in leather, or the horny maid. I get all those screenplays that start, 'Tanya is in the shower. The water streams down her naked, perky breasts.' Somehow, I don't think this is happening to Natalie Portman."

Well duh?! Does she think she's like a stellar actress? I've seen Honey and that wasn't exactly Oscar material. There's worse things in life than to get jobs just because you're gorgeous.

Besides, I don't want to see Natalie Portman's tits! I want to see Jessica Alba's!

[HT Tabloid]

The Sexiest Man Alive?

People is getting ready to unveil their "Sexiest Man Alive" and rumors are that it's going to go to pot-smoking, bongo playing, hair-plug wearing, Matthew McConaughey. Now, I fully second that...

But, it seems to me that People is always recycling the same men for Sexiest Man Alive. It's either George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Denzel Washington, Tom Cruise or Johnny Depp and then they start all over again.

I mean Wentworth Miller or Jared Leto anybody?

[Page Six]

The Dlisted Report

Page Kennedy who played the mysterious man in the basement, Caleb, has been fired from the cast of Desperate Housewives due to "improper conduct." No other details have been made available. The role has been recast by newcomer Neshawn Kearse. [Cynthia's Cynopsis]

Dustin Hoffman, Jackie Chan and Lucy Liu will join Jack Black in voicing the characters of Kung Fu Panda. In the film, Black stars as Po the Panda, the laziest of all the animals in the Valley of Peace. With powerful enemies at the gates, all hope is pinned on a martial arts hero to rise to save the day. When Po unwittingly shows up in the midst of the martial arts competition, the masters are shocked to see that this unmotivated panda bears the mark of the Chosen One. The film will be released in 2008. [Variety]

Hayden Christensen will join Christina Ricci and Reese Witherspoon in Penelope.
Penelope is the story of a young woman born with the face of a pig who must break a family curse and find true love in the process. Shooting begins this January in the UK. [Variety]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS!!

HOT DAMN! You guys seriously outdid yourselves on this one. I had the hardest time picking the winner for this one, so I picked 5! Thanks again, you guys are fucking hilarious!

The Top 5:

Moments after this photo was taken, Bobby Earl received the sex-change operation that he had been praying for when his buddy Wayne drove off in the truck. - Paula

Bobby Lee was so stupid, when Sally Sue said, "Fuck you and the car you road in on," well, Bobby Lee did. - Anon 9:14pm

Who knew that Range Rovers are bottoms? - FingerBangJoe

Although Texas voters passed Proposition 2 which banned gay marriges, citizens of the state can still marry and fuck their pick up trucks. - ChiliGurl

"Honey, it's not what it looks like." - Catlebrity

[Bigs ups to Nickyt]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Omahyra - Supermodel extraordinaire!

Birthday Sluts

Nick Lachey (32)
Delta Goodrem (21)
Vanessa Minnillo (25)
Sisquo (27)
Sandra "Pepa" Denton (36)
Lou Ferrigno (53)

The answer is a resounding NO!

My newest guilty pleasure is But Can They Sing? They make me sound like fucking Celine Dion. So this past episode did not disappoint. Unfortunately some bitches got voted out, but my 3 favorites stayed in the game! Bai Ling, Morgan Fairchild and Antonio Sabato Jr. all got the chance to take the stage and ruin our ear drums!

Morgan is probably one of the best singers in the competition. And that isn't saying much. She also seems extremely sweet. She "spoke" I Will Survive. And I say "spoke" because that bitch hardly sings! She just blurts out words and struts the stage! Listen to her below:

Morgan Fairchild "I Will Survive"





Antonio Sabato Jr. decided since his singing voice sounds like a 10-car pile-up he'd better bring out the goods that made his famous. So he sang his entire song without his shirt on. Unfortunately it didn't help him much. He tried desperately with I Want You to Want Me. He doesn't have the moves...poor thing.

Antonio Sabato Jr. "I Want You to Want Me"









And I save the BEST for last night in Bai Ling. I almost shit my pants, because I thought she was going to get voted out. Good thing for us she didn't and she took the stage in something out of a community theater production of Blade Runner. Bai is seriously the heart and fucking soul of this show. Everyone else is boring, but when she takes the stage it's like the Titanic all over again. You have to listen to this shit below:

Bai Ling "Call Me"












Now please get your asses over to Vh1 and vote to save Bai Ling! I really need to hear her belt out Make It Happen by Mariah Carey!

[Big ups to Markus for his help]

Guess the Celebrity?

I am blonde

I'm married and have 1 kid

I am a Virgo

I've been a psychiatrist's girlfriend

I have 2 Emmys

UPDATE: The answer is...



Jean Smart who is blonde and has won 2 Emmys for playing Frasier's girlfriend!

Big ups to Amy for being the 1st to get it right!

Pete Doherty in drag!!!!

Who does he look like? I'm trying to figure it out. Maybe a skinny Kelly Osbourne? He looks a little like Agnes from Moonlighting!

Kate better watch out. I heard he's in the running for her old Chanel contract!

[A Socialite's Life]

Jessica Alba Quote of the Day!

Her views on the casting couch:

"Of course I've been asked. But from a really crass point of view, if I just want to fuck somebody, I don't really want to see him in the morning, much less every day during filming."

I guess all pregnant women can't look like Heidi Klum..

Pregnancy is not being good to Sabrina the Teenage Witch aka Melissa Joan Hart. Did she get botox? Her face is totally stretched out. She needs to take a fucking 8-month nap. Girl looks beat down.

[Truth, Beauty, Love and Elisa]

My open letter to Dolly Parton

Dear Dolly,

I thought you were different! I know you care about the way you look! I know it's important to you that's why I never thought you of all people would flirt with disaster! I think New Orleans look better than your face does, right now. Oh Dolly, I'm only telling you this because I love you. I will always love you.

When I first saw your picture on the right, I swore it was from Madame Trussauds..but no! It walks and it talks. You can't do this to us Dolly. Your hair is fake, your tits are pretty much fake and now your entire face is fake!

You are crossing over to the land of Wildenstein! And that's like playing with the devil! Don't do it Dolly!

[Cityrag]

Save Bai Ling!!

by Lahoma00



As everyone here knows, Michael K and I love Bai Ling. She's clearly from another planet, having been sent here to teach humans about true beauty, talent and grace! Bai is the shittiest singer in the world, and a train wreck on stage! Did anyone see her performance of "Call Me" on But Can They Sing? She was like a chiuaua with a rocket in it's ass, dressed like Marilyn McCoo on Solid Gold!

Everyone go to VH1.com and vote for Bai to stay another week and teach us about true musical genius!

Also, vote for Morgan Fairchild because I want her to go head to head with Bai!

Vince Vaughn is a gorgeous man!

Somebody walk that bitch down to Rite-Aid to pick up some nose hair clippers and have that shit hacked down! Better yet, I have a fucking letter opener I can use to trim that shit down. Or maybe Jenny Aniston's into that shit. She likes the sensation on her tongue as it explores the hairy caverns of his muzzle!

She looks like she eats boogers.

Did he just eat a fucking Philly Cheese Steak: Part Deux? Bitch looks hefty!

[JustJared] [Big ups to Mike]

Sydney Bristow is going to pop any day now!

Bitch is as big as a motherfucking house! She's going to pop any day now! I think her exact due date is November 11th. That's fucking sad when you know the due date of a fucking stranger by heart!

I hope that Starbucks in her hand is hot water with lemon!

[Lime-Light]

Now you can have some Jesus Juice!

Michael Jackson's lawyers are desperately trying to stop a couple from producing a wine which they are planning to call Jesus Juice. This infamous beverage has been known to be used on little boys by Jacko. A producer for CBS and his wife have applied to trademark the term Jesus Juice. They have already produced the wine label which will feature a man hanging on a crucifix, wearing Jackson's trademark fedora hat, sequined glove and black loafers.

The man said: "My wife and I are hobby winemakers We made a few bottles for friends. We never wanted to sell it. We only trademarked it because we didn't want other people to try to make money off it.

"I apologize to anybody who is offended by this It was an irreverent idea that, in hindsight, I would discard - just like I'll probably discard those labels"

What was in the original juice? Like red wine and grape juice, right? Sick, why didn't he just give those kids some wine coolers? It's the same thing and comes in different flavors like peach fizz and very strawberry. He's a cheap fuck!

[New York Daily News]

Brit Brit trying to save her marriage?

Brit Brit Spears and her younger sister Jamie Lynn were spotted in Thousand Oaks, CA buying hundreds of dollars worth of sexy panties at Victoria's Secret. Some are whispering that the reason for her sudden spree is that she's trying to save her marriage by sporting some sexy thongs.

Rumors are also circulating that Kevin is currently living on and off with Brit and SPF. He spends some days with them and other days at a friends house.

Brit is at the end of her rope! A friend said: "Brit's had all she can stand of the problems with Kevin. She explained to him that the split would be temporary, that it would give them some breathing room to sort out their problems. Britney's giving it her all to make things work".

And sexy underwear will totally bring him back! But you're gonna have to put that sexy underwear on somebody else, because he don't want your ass!



P.S. - Brit those glasses ain't helping the sexy!

[UK Flava]

It's amazing what a little spackle and Photoshop can do!

HoHan's looking hot here, but we all know she doesn't look like that. There's not a freckle in sight! I need to get the number to her retoucher.

If this acting thing doesn't work out...

Jake Gyllenhaal can always get a job as a stripping Santa a gay bar!

[A Socialite's Life]

Bitch fired his owner sister!

Tom Cruise has given his own sister the pink slip as his publicist! Tom's sister Lee Anne DeVette has been his spokeswhore since 2004. He has replaced her with Paul Bloch, a Hollywood insider.

Tom said: "Lee Anne has done a wonderful job on behalf of myself and Cruise-Wagner Productions over the last few years,"

"But she has always expressed a desire to oversee and expand the day-to-day activities of my charitable endeavors."

Looks like Lee Anne needed to be shut up! Bitch probably was getting antsy the whole Kate Cruise charade. Dayum, next time we see Lee Anne she's probably gonna be giving us the same Stepford-wife routine like Katie.

The whole "I love that man, he's amazing" monologue!

[Associated Press]

Joaquin Phoenix on the verge?

Joaquin Phoenix is currently doing press for his movie Walk the Line where he plays Johnny Cash. But people are saying that he has been acting very strangely and they are afraid he is on the verge of a nervous breakdown!

During an interview, Joaquin asked the reporter:

"Do I have a large frog in my hair? . . . Something's crawling out of my scalp."

The reporter told him he looked great and Joaquin said: "No, but I feel it. I'm not worried about the looks. I'm worried about the sensation of my brain being eaten . . . What did you ask me?"

The next day Joaquin was due to have a full day of interviews with Reese Witherspoon but halfway through it, he had a complete meltdown.

A source said: "In the middle of the print interviews he stood up and said, 'I can't do this. I have done 40 other fucking interviews today,' and then walked out. He didn't do the radio group at all."

His PR rep responded with: "There was no meltdown. He did not do radio because he doesn't like the medium. He's not comfortable with it."

He doesn't do radio? Um, isn't he played someone who was always on the radio? This bitch is crazy! He's a fucking primadonna! It's not like it's hard to sit there and drink your warm coffee while jerking off a reporter. For shit's sake, God knows that I've done that many times. Except there wasn't a movie to promote and there was no reporter and no hot coffee, but did you see me having a nervous breakdown?!

No jerked it without so much as a whimper!

P.S. - He's totally dropping acid.

[Page Six]

Hot Slut of the Month: Estelle Getty!

Congrats to Estelle Getty who won 40% of your votes stealing the win from Salad Fingers!

Thanks for voting y'all!

Uma Thurman is Super Ex-Girlfriend!

In this action comedy, Uma Thurman plays a woman with super powers. When her boyfriend (Luke Wilson) dumps her, she uses her super powers to torment and embarrass him. Shooting is currently taking place in NYC with a July 14, 2006 release date. The director is Ivan Reitman.

The Dlisted Report

Demi Moore and Ray Liotta will star in Chlorine, a comedy. The story is set in 1985 New England, where a man discovers that his wife has unwittingly put him in a local real estate deal that has him caught squarely into the savings and loan debacle. Shooting begins early next month. [Variety]

A sequel to the 2003 sleeper-hit Bend it Like Beckham is currently in the works. Director, Gurinder Chadha is currently writing the sequel which will continue the friendship of the two main character. No word yet on casting. [Dark Horizons]

Survivor 12 will return to Panama to film their next installment. Survivor All-Stars and Survivor Pearl Islands were previously filmed there. The title is yet unknown but will be revealed on the current Survivor finale which airs December 12th. [Reality Blurred]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

"Three dumb sluts. Three dumb sluts. See how they smile, staring all the while. Their vapid gazes are all we see. Their tits could fee-eed a family. Their lips could suck out the China Sea. Three dumb sluts. Three dumb sluts. - Fmouie

Hot Slut of the Day!

Lisa Bonet

Birthday Sluts

Parker Posey (37)
Jack Osbourne (20)
Azure Skye (24)
Tara Reid (30)
Courtney Thorne-Smith (38)
Gordon Ramsay (39)
Chi Chi La Rue (46)
Richard Curtis (49)
Alfre Woodard (53)
Mary Hart (55)
Bonnie Raitt (56)

Mischa Barton digs for talent!

She's either looking for her acting talent or possibly some sort of evidence of a brain! Either way she's in deep! Dayum, she's probably got one stuck on her hairs! I hate that!

[Egotastic]

Adam Sandler is a pretty, pretty princess!

I love men that aren't afraid to go girly. Actually it's for a flick he's filming called Click. I always thought Adam Sandler was packing large. I don't know why. I tried to zoom in on that area, but couldn't figure it out. My bet is that he is!

[Hollywood Rag]

Guess the Celebrity?

I am funny

I could've been Bradon Walsh's twin

I got a band

I've been in nearly 50 movies

I've never been married

UPDATE! The answer is...



Jack Black, who is in the band Tenacious D and who was born on the same day as Jason Preistley!

Big ups to Fat Girl Jessica for being the 1st to get it right!

Angie is cloning herself to steal our men!

I knew I had to be careful with this bitch! Angie Jolie has begun a procedure to clone hundreds of her ass so she can use her hypnotic vagina to trap our men and use them to buy her exotic babies and wash all her clothes with Cheer Dark. She hates the regular shit, it makes her darks fade.

It was actually for a movie called Beauwolf.







[The Sun] [Thanks to Kristin]

Why is she holding up her head like that?

Is Madge campaigning for a role in the Veggie Tales sequel as an eggplant? Bitch is wearing so much Goddamned purple! Poor Lourdes. Madge is totally pulling her daughter's face away from the cameras so she won't take any attention off of her. What a bitch!

Lourdes does have hot style for a 10 year-old.

[Goldenfiddle]

Toothy Tile adopts a puppy!

Toothy Tile, his family with his sister Maggie and her boyfriend had a delicious brunch! Toothy also adopted a beautiful new puppy! I bet you Maggie's pissed now that she's no longer the #1 bitch in the family.









[Lime-Light]

Nicole Richie still hates Parasite!

I guess those bitches will never kiss and make-up. Nicole Richie was recently asked if it was true that she held a special screening of Parasite Hilton's sex tape to make fun of her. Nicole of course denied it.

"I would never do that. I'm sure it stirs up controversy, which I'm sure that she (Paris) loves but I really have nothing bad to say."

Nothing bad to say, Nicole? What do you call that?

You don't have to tell us Nicole. I know the real reasons you guys aren't friends is because bitch doesn't smell too fresh.

[Ananova]

The Punky Brewster Family!

How does one of the highest paid women in Hollywood choose those jeans? I've seen sexier jeans in the Lands End catalog!

I don't want to quit you!

Colin Farrell meets soccer player Diego Maradona. There's nothing like an Autumn love! Poor Diego, he doesn't know it yet..but he's just been given a bad case of hepatitis!

[Oh No They Didn't]

Becks sends me a message!

I think that beautiful night Becks and I ended up spending together gave him a case of the crabs. I'm sorry Becks! Look at the grin on his face while he's poking at his partner. Unfortunately his partner doesn't look too impressive.

[A Socialite's Life]

Toothy Tile is so gay!

Toothy Tile aka Jake Gyllenhaal was once arrested for stealing Speedos at a Los Angeles store!

What a fucking homo!

He said: "A friend of mine dared me actually, at one point, to go into the store and to put on a Speedo and to walk out of the store in the Speedo - steal the Speedo and leave my clothes behind. .

"I walked out and I was arrested by the Beverly Center cops. It was really serious for them; they don't see much action. It was a big moment for all of us." .

A big moment for all of us? Does that mean that the mall security took turns on Toothy Tile's ass?

[Female First]

Dayum, I love seeing models at their worst!

Kate Moss looks like fucking shit here! I'm not sure how old the picture is. I doubt it's recent, but I just love seeing these girls at their worst! Even those perfect sluts have off-days!

[JJB]

There goes that Sharon Osbourne again!

Damn! This bitch is on a mission to offend as many bitches as she can, me likey! This time she's going after Madge AGAIN! She is sick and tired of the Kabbalah one constantly changing her image. Um, but isn't that what she's known for?

She said: "It's like dressing up with her. One day you're in fucking gun gear, then you're in horsing gear, then you dress like a fucking dyke, then you dress like a hooker, then you're in a flowery dress reading kids' poetry looking like you're a fucking librarian - then you're back looking like an old hooker again."

"You can't one day be in Horse and Hound magazine and the next in Dyke Weekly".

Damn, I didn't think there was anybody as bitter as me. Sharon takes the cake. I mean Madonna is known for changing her look and evolving from one thing to the next. This is nothing new. Sharon is just trying to get some attention, because her career sucks! Although, the old hooker comment made me laugh!

[New Kerala]

Like this slut will ever go to college?!

HoHan was at the Fendi party in NYC when she was asked which college she was going to attend.

She replied: "Wow. I hadn't really thought about that."

Duh! Because she's too busy snorting coke and buying Hogan bags!

She went on to say: "I think I would go to NYU. I'm a New York girl, and it's easy to get to London and L.A. from here."

I love that's how she would pick her college, by how easy it is to get to the next party zone. I don't blame the bitch if I had that much money and fame, fuck college. What does she need that shit for? Besides it would cut into her text-messaging time.

[Gatecrasher]

Eva likes it bald down there!

The weak link of the Desperate Housewives, Eva LongWHORIA told Cosmo Magazine that she loves to keep it nice and bare down there. She thinks it makes sex so much better.

When asked about what she thinks about the Brazilian wax, she said:

"It makes sex better."

"Believe me, the first time I did it, the technician did half, and I was like 'Stop!' She said, 'Sit down, I have to finish.' But then it gets easier. The more you do it, the less hair grows back. But yeah, I love it. I swear by it. Every woman should try a Brazilian wax once. And then the sex they have afterward will make them keep coming back."

Is this even true? I can understand muff diving being better, but full-on sex? She just likes the sensation it gives her when they rip her hair off. I know how she does it. Bitch likes it rough.

[Page Six]

Sandman in Spider-Man 3!

Here's our first look at Thomas Haden Church as Flint Marko aka Sandman in Spider-Man 3 which is currently shooting. Tobey Maguire returns as Spider-Man. It's not out until 2007.

Another shitty remake!

Plot: A shy cookware clerk (Queen Latifah), believing her days are numbered, throws caution to the wind and embarks on a dream vacation to Europe. While staying at a grand hotel, she and her uninhibited attitude have a profound and humorous effect on the guests and staff.

Based on the 1950 film starring Alec Guinness

Stars: Queen Latifah, LL Cool J, Timothy Hutton, Gerard Depardieu & Alicia Witt
Directed by: Wayne Wang

Due: January 13, 2006

The Dlisted Report

Producer Gregg Hoffman has confirmed that work is already underway on Saw III. So far Saw II has made over $60 Million and this is a huge achievement since the budget was only $4 Million. There is no word yet on casting. [Coming Soon]

Ben Stiller has jumped aboard A Night in the Museum, a family comedy. Stiller will play a night security guard at the Museum of Natural History who unwittingly unleashes a curse that brings to life the bugs and animals on display. Shooting will begin next year for release in Christmas 2006. [Variety]

Scarlett Johansson will play a gladiatrix in Amazon. The script is about a female warrior from 200 B.C. who exacts vengeance on an army that destroyed her homeland. The idea came from Scarlett herself. No word on when shooting will begin. [Variety]

The cast of Bobby continues to grow. The Emilio Estevez directed drama about the assassination of Robert Kennedy has added William H. Macy, Helen Hunt, Joshua Jackson, James Marsden and Christian Slater. The cast already includes Anthony Hopkins, Demi Moore, Sharon Stone, Elijah Wood, Lindsay Lohan, Freddy Rodriguez and Nick Cannon. Shooting is currently taking place in Los Angeles. [The Hollywood Reporter]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!

P-Diddy tries to expose Tyra in her fat suit. Sadly for him, it was really Ruben Studdard trying out a new weave. - genie

Hot Slut of the Day!

Ja'net Dubois

Birthday Sluts

Christopher Knight (48)
Yoon-jin Kim (32)
Jason London (33)
Morgan Spurlock (35)
Judy Tenuta (49)
Judy Parfitt (70)

What's wrong with Jake?

by Lahoma00



What's wrong with Jake Gyllenhaal? He's so perfect...he's hot as shit, a good actor, seems smart, obviously successful. There must be something wrong with him. Bitches, help---if Jake's the perfect person, this will shatter my whole conception of the world. Men this hot always have something wrong with them---it's the Universe's way of not completely saying "FUCK YOU" to all us normal folk.

Oh wait--now I remember what it is. He's dating Kiki!

When were they hotter: Then or Now?

Let's keep it simple!

Pharrell Williams' new album cover is pretty hot. Let's just get to the point. I'm so sick of his over-designed album covers that going back to the basics is hot shit. That shit drops November 14th

You know what he's thinking..

He's thinking he wants to hit that in the back way! He wants to unclog her poop chute! And you know Bob Saget thinks that way!

Hot Slut of the Week: Dorothy Lyman

Age: 58
Birthday: April 18, 1947
Birth Name: Dorothy Lyman

Original Date of Hot Slut of the Day: November 3, 2005
Claim to Fame: Played Naomi on Mama's Family

Where is she now? Still acting in several soap operas and TV movies.

Why is she Hot Slut of the Week? Because Naomi was the hottest thing on Mama's Family. And she wore the hottest outfits!

Dykes love Angelina!

According to a recent poll, gay women voted Angelina Jolie as their #1 fantasy marriage partner. Gaydar radio conducted the poll.

Angelina took 32% of the votes with Jodie Foster, Keira Knightley and Charlize Theron coming in behind her.

Jodie Foster?! What gay man would want to marry that bitch? Angelina I understand, because we all know she can strap-on with the best em. And Keira probably got her votes from the Butch Dykes that he want to turn her out!

The gay dudes voted David Beckham as their favorite. Vin Diesel followed closely in second. How is Vin a fantasy marriage partner? That shit is easy to make a reality!

[The Post Chronicle]

My Little Pony manages to look even worse!

My Little Pony Parker dyed her famous blonde lock, brunette for a film role. She looks even more like a horse! Where's a saddle when you need one? I'm totally entering her into the Kentucky Derby!







[Lime-Light]

Janet Jackson tries to get skinny again!

Janet Jackson has been fat for a while now. It seems that when she begins to put out a new album, she gets skinny again. Here are some pics of her working out. But I presume that most of the "working out" will take place on a plastic surgeon's table.

UPDATE: Some bitches wrote me to take that shit down.

Mimi has a beautiful heart!

Mimi is currently in Europe promoting the re-release of her album The Emancipation of Mimi. She made time to perform at the Birthday party of a Russian billionaire. Mimi not only pocketed a seven-figure fee, but the tycoon also gave her several unwanted fur coats.

Mimi doesn't do fur, so she instead gave the warm pelts to homeless people. She has a gorgeous soul!

Let's hope Peta doesn't throw cream pies at those homeless bitches!

[Page Six]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Connie Stevens

Birthday Sluts

Ethan Hawke (35)
Taryn Manning (27)
Rebecca Romjin (33)
Thandie Newton (33)
Kelly Rutherford (37)
Pebbles (39)
Michael Cerveris (45)
Maria Shriver (50)
Sally Field (59)
Mike Nicholas (74)