Dlisted: 10/30/2005 - 11/06/2005

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Parasite, different pictures, same pose...

You are getting very sleepy....


When were they hotter: Then or Now?

Eye Candy

These pics of Matthew McConaughey are kind of old, but I never get tired looking at his shit. I say Goddamn! Brushing your teeth never looked so good and yeah I'd hit it!

[WWTDD] [Bigs ups to Kristin]

Which Leto is hotter?

Jared or his brother Shannon?

Parasite gets served!

Parasite Hilton was on her way to a party in Los Angeles on Thursday when police arrived at her Hollywood Hills home to serve her with a subponea.

Her PR bitch said: "All I know is she was summoned to be a witness on a case,"

The Police Department states she's a witness in a criminal investigation of a man that has possibly burglarized her home as well as others in the area.

What kind of witness is this bitch going to make? She probably banged the burglar before he robbed her ass! I hope she wears that bunny costume to court.

[E! Online]

Sharon Osbourne Quote of the Day!

"America and Americans have been very good to me and my family. The trouble is they do take themselves terribly seriously and can't laugh at themselves.".

I thought she's already done this!

Angelina Jolie has become painful laser procedures to remove her ex-husband's name from her arm. Angie has a tattoo of a Chinese dragon and the name Billy Bob tattooed on her arm. She's getting it removed so she can leave that relationship in the past.

Angie is said to be halfway through the procedure.

A source revealed recently that Angie is planning to have Bradley Pitt's Chinese birthday symbol of a bunny rabbit tattooed on her ass. But she said she will never make the same mistake again of having a lovers name etched into her flesh.

She said: "I'll never be stupid enough to have a man's name tattooed on me again."

Why did she have to go through all the pain of having that shit lasered off? She could've changed it to "A Billy Bobo" or "Kill Billy Bob."

[Female First]

HoHan and a curtain rod!

I must say that when she was all blonde and skinny-like I thought that she would look so much hotter with dark hair and a little more weight on her. But now that she's done so, I still don't like her ass! Maybe I just don't like her. It's still an improvement from looking like a wet ferret, though.


Turtleneck and Mom Jeans face the most difficult hole on the miniature golf course. - The Betsy

Hot Slut of the Day!

Karyn White

Birthday Sluts

Sam Rockwell (37)
Ryan Adams (31)
Famke Janssen (40)
Tatum O'Neal (42)
Tilda Swinton (45)
Mo Gaffney (47)
Howard McGillin (52)
Sam Shepard (62)
Art Garfunkel (64)
Ike Turner (74)

Friday, November 04, 2005

My name is Tara Reid and my veins are filled with Gin!

I love how Tara Reid always looks like she's wandering aimlessly through the streets with just random people following her. They are probably getting high from her fumes. The chick in back of her looks like a cross between HoHan and a Muskrat and that's not a good thing!

[Hollywood Tuna]

Isn't this a gorgeous dress?

Doesn't she have exquisite taste? Actually it's for one of her fragrances which should be called "Sewage Vagina."

[Thanks to DobryDen]

Borat Quote of the Day!

On Madonna's performance at the MTV Europe VMAs:

"The singer before me - who was he? It was very courageous of MTV to start the show with a genuine transvestite."

Guess the Celebrity?

I was not born in the US

I am a High School drop out

I've had a song reach #8 on Billboard

I am an Emmy Award winner

I have 2 kids

The answer is...

Tracey Ullman! Who has won multiple Emmys, who is from England and who had a US #8 Billboard hit with They Don't Know About Us.

Big ups to ffleur for being the first to get it right!

Ashton Kutcher needs male hormones..

Or a better razor. Can't he get get hair plugs for that area or something? Even Demi Moore is embarrassed to be seen with his ass. I'd rather look at the envelope than her ugly ass sunglasses, anyway.

[A Socialite's Life]

Someone's hungover!

Kimbo Stewart looks like she got gang-banged by a pack of wolves in this pic. And you know she's into that kinky shit, since real human men don't want anything to do with her prune! Kimbo never cease to amaze me how one person can continually look worse than the time before. I think if there's a Jesus, he will shoot down from the sky and strip all her money away and give it someone who at least won't wear deer booties in public!

[Hollywood Rag]

Has Bai Ling finally found love?!

I didn't even know they were dating! But apparently Backstreet Boy Nick Carter and our favorite Asian ho, Bai Ling are together. Bai says they are very much in love despite their 10-year age difference. She's 35 and he's 25.

Bai had these kind words to say about Nick:

"My boyfriend is a godsend. I didn't need any reasons to like him and I am willing to do anything for him.

"We are very romantic. To meet someone like that, I have to give my love to him and I do really love him."

Nick's last major girlfriend was that piece of tired trash, Parasite Hilton. He must have a thing for fishy vag! Let's hope she doesn't serenade his ass!

[Contact Music]

Madonna writes poignant lyrics!

Like many of you, I've heard the new Madonna album Confessions on a Dancefloor and I'm not going to write a review on it, but it sucks. It blows. 5% of it is OK. The rest is pretty much crap. I've seen better lyric writing from toy poodles.

Here's a snippet from one of her songs called I Love New York:

"I don't like cities, but I love New York. Other
places...make me feel like a dork. If you dont like my
attitude, then you can EFF off. Just go to Texas, isn't
that where they golf"

She is a true poet! A musical genius!

[Thanks to WithJohnPaul]

Gwen tries to hawk more ugly shit on us!

Gwen Stefani launched her men's sneaker line for L.A.M.B a few days ago. Seriously, that shit is really fucking ugly and you know it's not cheap! It's like $200 for a pair of that ugly shit. And you know some stupid mofo will slap down the cash just to have a piece of Gwen on him! Bitch is smart.

P.S. - That white pompadour is TIRED!

The 30,000 Calorie sandwich!

Ingredients: Fried Mushrooms, Bacon – 14 pieces, Onion rings, Ground Beef, Corndogs, Swiss Cheese, Provolone Cheese, Cheddar Cheese, Sliced Ham, Sliced Turkey, Pastrami, Sliced Roast Beef, Bratwurst, Braunschweiger, Wheat Bread, Lettuce, Feta Cheese, Italian Salad Dressing, Oregeno, Salt & Pepper, butter, Parmesan Cheese, Canola Oil

Imagine the shits that would come out of your ass after eating this?!


Claire Danes and Billy Crudup are swingers!

Manstealer Claire Danes and Billy Crudup love to swing all day and all night.

Claire said:

"We had a trapeze and a trampoline in our house when I was growing up, and I stole the swing idea for my own home.

"I love it. We don't go out much, Billy and I watch movies and swing on my swing"

Please, that's just code for the real kind of swinging that's going on! You know these sluts go on adultfriendfinder.com and troll for other couples. I bet you they also go to those gross Swingers parties like on Real Sex. Why are swings always really old and really gross?

[Contact Music]

Is it hot in here?

Happy Birthday to one of the hottest mensez on this planet: Matthew McConaughey! He recently confessed that food makes him hard. Oooff...

"I think food is really sexy Sometimes, if I taste something I really love, I get such tingles down my spine that I have to stop and take a break".

Is he one of those foodies that like to sit on cakes and shit? Have you seen that? Those are the best. These people like rub FULL cakes on their breasts and sit on them completely nekkid.

That's such a waste of a delicious treat!

[Female First]

If you cheat on me again with a hooker, so help me God..!!

Looks like things are back to normal for Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen. The rings are back on and all seems hunky-dory.

Charlie Sheen told Craig Ferguson on last night's Late Late Show: "Things are really good"

He then flashed his wedding ring and said:

"That's a pretty good indication"

Denise filed for divorce last March, although it has not been finalized.

Did anyone ever hear that rumor on how they met? Apparently, they met a long time ago when Denise was a call girl for Heidi Fleiss and Charlie was her client.

OMG it's just like Pretty Woman! I'm so jealous!


Ashlee Simpson is the NEW Courtney Love!

This video is so fucking hot. It's basically Ashlee Simpson FUCKED UP in a Toronto McDonald's at 1am and acting the fool. She is honestly like the crackheads that I always see at 2am at my neighborhood Mickey D's shouting things about Jesus and shit.

But a drunk Ashlee is not a nice one. She tells a fan "fuck you".

Visit Egotastic!
to watch video!

Jakey G will kick your ass!

Jake Gyllenhaal said that during filming of Jarhead (which I won't be seeing since I don't like war movies, except Cabaret) he got so out of hand after chipping his tooth during filming that he gave one of his co-stars a serious beat down!

He said: "For some reason. I just got so angry that I had chipped my tooth ... and just started hitting him and we didn't talk for a month after that."

Did Kiki Dunst co-star in that movie with him? Well, at least now his busted teeth will match hers!


Blind Items...You Guess...I Guess...

WHICH splintered celebrity duo's friendship ended when one of them told the other's parents that her friend had a serious drug problem and needed help? When the concerned parents asked their daughter if it was true, she lied and claimed that her well-meaning best buddy was the one who was abusing drugs. The folks then ordered their darling daughter never to hang out with the friend again. The friend, infuriated by the betrayal, continues to seethe about it to this day?

Richie & Parasite

WHICH heavyweight fashion designer threw a party that got so crazy, one guest had to be taken away in an ambulance? All the guests were fabulous, but none were female .

Karl Lagerfeld

Which drunk and mouthy ­junior action star ­scuffled with police on the W. 27th St. club corridor last weekend and is very lucky he wasn't arrested?

Vin Diesel

[Page Six] [Gatecrasher]

Is that camel toe?

Madge performed at the MTV Europe Awards and I must say she looked super-hot. I usually like to this bash this miss, but I'm going to take the high road. Probably, because I'm high. She's still working that Valerie Cherish hair and I'm not too friendly with the leotard, but from the waist up she's working it.

Is purple the new black, btw?

The Dlisted Report

Bruce Willis has signed to headline Black Water Transit. "Transit" follows the divergent agendas of criminals, cops and lawyers as they collide over a shipment of illegal firearms and a double homicide. Willis plays Earl Pike, a criminal who tries to get his family's illegal gun collection to a safe haven. Casting is currently taking place with shooting to begin in March. [Variety]

Alec Baldwin will play Sarah Michelle Gellar's love interest in The Girls' Guide to Hunting and Fishing. Shooting is set to begin next May. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Woody Allen's next film which shot in London will be titled Scoop. Scarlett Johansson, who also stars in Allen's London-set Match Point, plays an American journalism student visiting London who investigates a series of murders and falls in love with a dashing Englishman (Hugh Jackman). Ian McShane plays a man who eggs her own in her sleuthing and Allen plays a man posing as her father. The film will hit theaters next Summer. [Coming Soon]

Penelope Cruz and Danny DeVito will join Gwyneth Paltrow in The Good Night. Gwyneth's brother, Jake Paltrow directs the romantic comedy. Jake Paltrow wrote the script for the New York-set comedy that will star Freeman as a washed-up pop star who writes ad jingles and suffers a midlife crisis. Cruz will play the object of his romantic interests, and DeVito plays a dream doctor who tries to get the troubled man back on track. Shooting begins next week in London. [Variety]


There were a million good captions to choose from! Here were my Top 3! And seriously I could've done Top 10!

Is that Tony Curtis? - Anonymous 3:31pm

Life has returned to New Orleans but the lesbians seem a bit off?!?! - Anonymous 8:03pm

Poli-Grip: Stay strong, all day long. - Fat Girl Jessica

[Thanks to Glen]

Click here for NSFW version!

Hot Slut of the Day!

Susannah Hoffs

Birthday Sluts

Matthew McConaughey (36)
Trishelle Cannatella (26)
Heather Tom (30)
Sean "Diddy" Combs (36)
Jeff Probst (43)
Kathy Griffin (44)
Ralph Macchio (44)
Laura Bush (59)
Doris Roberts (76)
Walter Cronkite (89)

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Say Something Nice

Teri Snatcher: Um..er..well I'm sure she saved money on a Halloween mask!

It is just me?

Or is Justin Timberlake suddenly not sexy anymore? The pic on the left is of him now and the one of him on the right is a year or so ago. Today he looks like a golf daddy. What's Cameron doing to him? Don't get me wrong, I'd still hit it. But in the past he looks like he would've done the deed in the back of a rusty truck and now it looks like he only does it with the lights off!

Who wants to learn about sex from this bitch?

I sure don't! Just because she played a slut on TV doesn't mean she knows everything about sex. But she did teach Brit Brit how to orgasm, right?

Michael K on MySpace

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