Dlisted: 10/23/2005 - 10/30/2005

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Guess the Celebrity?



UPDATE: Below is the real celeb behind the picture!


LeeLee Sobieski

Jennifer Aniston topless?



I have never seen these pics, but apparently they've been floating around the internet for a while. It looks like Jennifer Aniston, but maybe it's not. It's basically Jen or a Jen look-a-like lounging topless on a beach eating a candy bar. Hot, huh?

Whoever it is, this bitch has some pointy-ass nipples! I personally cannot picture Rachel Green chillin' on a beach while snacking on a chocolate bar. Jen is too much of a frigid bitch for that kind of behavior!

Click to see her tits!











[Oh No They Didn't]

A black Parasite Hilton

















Yup, that's Tyra Banks channeling our favorite cum-guzzling slut for a special Halloween episode of her shitty talk show. First of all, that wig looks a little too good for Parasite. She should've added a few loads of jizz in it for authenticity.

Anna Nicole will be watched by "Big Brother"

Anna Nicole Smith sparked a bidding war between 2 UK reality shows. I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here and Celebrity Big Brother both battled to have the reality star grace their shows with her drunkenness and huge tits.

Anna decided she'd rather hang out in a house and smoke all day than rough it in the wilderness. She will soon begin taping Celebrity Big Brother in England. Too bad they don't air that mess here.

I'd love to see Anna take a shit! Did I just say that?

[Female First]

Kelly Osbourne WITHOUT a girdle!

Kelly Osbourne celebrated her 21st birthday yesterday and she decided not to cinch her waist to 22inches. She honestly doesn't look that bad. I don't care for her ass, but she's looking better than she did a few weeks ago. And why shouldn't the bitch wear a tiara, it's her birthday? And she does want to be a princess right?



Ok I take it back. She looks ga-ross.



But Sharon looks worst! Somebody hasn't been to the surgeon's table lately!?! Ozzy's still trying to figure out where the fuck he is.



[Lime-Light]

Beyonce's got a baby Jay-Z in the oven?

At the opening of Jay-Z's sports club 40/40 in Atlantic City, Beyonce was reportedley heard telling a friend that she's knocked up. But Beyonce was also seen drinking tons of champagne. So either she's not preggers or she's starting out motherhood in a shitty way.

Me thinks this isn't true. Beyonce is set to start shooting Dreamgirls in January and she says this is the dream role of a lifetime for her. So I doubt she would jeapordize this opportunity.

Besides, her ass would balloon up, fucking explode and kill millions of innocent people if she got pregnant.

[Page Six]

Kfed spends more of Brit Brit's money!

Kfed visited a Ed Hardy store and dropped more of his wife's cash. I had no idea what Ed Hardy was, so I had to google it. It's just some clothing/biker store. Nothing impressive. He's such a piece of trash! I love how the cigarette is just hanging out of his mouth. He's showing some major trailer-trash colors. Dude, this marriage is going to end any second.

On the subject, one of my hot readers sent me in a truly hilarious book. It's a fictitious version of Brit Brit and Kfed's baby book. Everyone knows I can't read, but this shit was easy and I finished it in 20 minutes flat! I'm so accomplished! So check it out for more Brit Brit and Kfed bashing!









[JJB]

Jackie Stallone has the face of a killer!

We all know how scary Jackie Stallone is. Her face was meant to play a vicious, sociopathic killer. And Gallery of the Absurd completely got it down. You know if you saw this woman come at you with a knife, you'd have a heart attack on the spot! But she can read your ass while she butchers you!



[Gallery of the Absurd] [Thanks to Gabsmash]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!



This is the only time you'll see Sigfried OR Roy smile when confronted wiht a faceful of pussy. - Anonymous 3:45pm

[Thanks to Kim S]

Hot Slut of the Day!



Irene Cara

Birthday Sluts



Finola Hughes (45)
Ben Foster (25)
Tracee Ellis Ross (33)
Gabrielle Union (33)
Winona Ryder (34)
Rufus Sewell (38)
Randy Jackson (44)
Kate Jackson (57)
Richard Dreyfuss (58)
Melba Moore (60)

Friday, October 28, 2005

Why is Jordan fucking her cell phone?!?

What the hell is she thinking? OMG, she has to be drunk. Everyone knows Jordan is a slut, but come on? She's going to stoop that low? Maybe she's trying to find her signal?







[M90] [Thanks to Bangin-in-Bangkok]

Guess the Celebrities?



UPDATE:

Below are the three lovely men behind this pic!


Ryan Reynolds on eyes, Viggo Mortensen on nose and Jimmy Fallon on mouth!

Congrats to Kristi for being the first to get it right!

Shirley MacLaine Quote of the Day



"I've never done a line of cocaine and I've smoked two reefers in my whole life and ate the furniture in the hotel room. That stuff is not good for your figure."


So this is how Tori does it!

She's a fucking witch! And she uses her laser eyes to hypnotize men into falling for her ass. And buying them loads of stuff probably doesn't hurt either.



[Lime-Light]

Krispy Kreme and Tequila!

And it could only belong to one slut...



That's right Parasite! I think she carries the Tequila around with her, because she needs some sort of disinfectant to clean her coochie with when she's about to put something in it. And the Krispy Kremes are just to fight the after taste.

Maddox is a playa!

Bradley Pitt picks up Maddox from school on Wednesday. Maddox has got it made. Notice how he doesn't even have to strain his muscles to get into that Rover. Even Brad's whipped on Maddox! Life is perfect!







[JJB]

Jack Osbourne is a chicken killer!

Kelly Osbourne claims that when they were little Jack murdered three chickens in a row, because they were bored! She says that ever since this happened, birds are still terrified of him!

She said: "He once murdered three chickens in a row when he was a kid.

"I'm sure birds can sense these things - when Jack goes near them now, they fly in the other direction."

I think Kelly is totally missing the point. The birds are flying away from her ass, because she looks like the kind of animal that would catch them at eat em' raw!

[Teen Today]

Lenny Kravitz's bathroom is a shitty mess!

Lenny Kravitz's SoHo loft is causing lots of problems for residents in his building. So much so that he's been hit with a lawsuit by one of his neighbors. The neighbor claims that his apartment was ruined when flooded by Lenny's blocked up toilet.

And this isn't the first time. Last year, the same shit (literally) happened to another neighbor of Lenny's.

What the fuck is he stuffing down his toilet? Or the bigger question is, wtf he is eating?!

Oh and if you want to purchase Lenny's apartment which comes with a shitty toilet, all can be yours for $12.4 Million!

[Monsters and Critics]

Nicole Richie doesn't even look at her plate!

She shouldn't even bother ordering food! That's such a waste! Homeless people would eat that shit.



[Hollywood Rag]

I thought she hated being pregnant?



Brooke Shields is preggers with her 2nd child! Let's hope the second time around is easier on her. She has a 2 year old daughter and wrote a book on her difficult struggle with motherhood. Tom Cruise then famously attacked Brooke for using anti-depressants to get over her severe post-partum depression following the birth of her daughter.

Brooke girl, get yourself some therapy before you have this baby. I don't want to see the hot chick from The Blue Lagoon doing anything stupid!

[Page Six]

Sulu loves dick!



Actor George Takei has come out of the closet! George played Sulu on Star Trek for 3 seasons as well as doing 6 movies.

George said: "The world has changed from when I was a young teen feeling ashamed for being gay,"

"The issue of gay marriage is now a political issue. That would have been unthinkable when I was young."


It has been known that George was gay in Hollywood circles. He's been with the same dude for 18 years!

Happy coming out George! Now get Tom involved!

[Yahoo News]

How to make yourself look hot!



Pose next to Haylie Duff! She looks extra rough in this pic!

[Thanks to DobryDen]

The Dlisted Report

Michael Vartan and Radha Mitchell will star in Rogue for The Weinstein Co. The film, about a giant crocodile stalking tourists in the Australian outback, will shoot Down Under. Pre-production is reportedly taking place in Port Melbourne. [Coming Soon]

Hayden Christensen, Guy Pearce and Jimmy Fallon will all join Sienna Miller in Factory Girl. The film is based on Andy Warhol's muse, Edie Sedgwick. Shootings starts this January. [Empire Online]

Jack Black has signed on to the film Holiday. Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet currently star. The the film focuses on a friendship that crops up between an American woman and a British woman, both of whom have been recently dumped. Black will play a film composer who becomes friendly with Winslet's character after she settles temporarily in L.A. [Variety]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!



At last Paris Hilton can reveal to the world the real reason she slept with everyone in Hollywood and introduces her Bottled Baby Batter to much fanfare at the 2006 Gay Pride Parade. - Infobitch

[Thanks to Zakaja]

Hot Slut of the Day!



Salad Fingers

[For Pamboy]

Birthday Sluts



Joaquin Phoenix (31)
Justin Guarini (27)
Julia Roberts (38)
Jamie Gertz (40)
Lauren Holly (42)
Bill Gates (50)
Jane Alexander (66)
Joan Plowright (76)

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Say Something Nice

Ashlee Simpson: Um...Er...she has a perfect tongue for muffin diving!

Talk about fatherly love!

That's the White Sox manager, Ozzie Guillen getting down and dirty with his son! Awww...they love each other! Shit, I don't even kiss my mom like that! He has his eyes closed and everything!



[Oh No They Didn't]

Break the light bulbs and fire up the crack pipe!



KATE MOSS is out of rehab!

Her modeling agency confirms that Kate Moss checked out sometime this week and is visiting "friends in the US. You know one of those friends is a crack house in Tarzana, CA.

[People]

Did Hilary lose her tits?

Hilary Duff used to have some sort of boobage, right? When she lost weight, did her breasts melt away? Or maybe that's just a padded bra. Damn she used to have a fat face!



[Pic on right: Hollywood Tuna]

Affleck's sexy stache!

Damn he looks sexy hot with that stache! I think it's for a movie, but let's just say it ain't. Let's just say Garner asked him to grow that because she likes the way it tickles her butt cheeks. You know pregnant women in kinky!





[JJB]

Guess the Celebrities?



UPDATE: And here are the real celebs!


Gabrielle Union on eyes, Halle Berry on nose and Jada Pinkett Smith on mouth!

Congrats to Kelly for being the 1st to get it right!



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