Michael K thanks all of you!!!!

Yesterday was a bad day for me, but mostly I was feeling sorry for myself. I'm over it, but I couldn't have gotten the stick out of my ass if it wasn't for you guys. You seriously melted away my ice-cold heart! I almost felt, what do people call it..emotion! So thanks for that and I know you got my back. I got yours! So enough of that sappy shit, let's bash Pete Doherty! Because whenever you're down, just think of Doherty! And you'll feel better trust me! He looks like he should be carrying a bag of cookies!

Alicia Douvall loves to touch her noni!

Alicia Douvall is the hottest woman on that planet! Not only is she 100% plastic, but she has zero brain cells and loves to touch her privates! If you don't know who she is...let me give it to you quick. She's my newest obsession and she's a low-rent Jordan. She's UK's answer to Tara Reid. And here she is showing her best assets! Try not to get too horny or nauseas...

[Thanks to Kristi]

Click here to see in all her glory!

Bond, Gay Bond

Here are pics of our newest James Bond all nekkid and shit! Package ain't so bad. I'd hit that.

[Thanks to ffleur]


Click here to see that bitch's dick!


What is he getting ready to do?

Brit Brit goes to Malibu, y'all!

Do they have Red Lobster in Malibu? Cause, Brit Brit and Kfed went out to lunch! Brit didn't look so bad, actually. Did she have a tummy tuck? I wanted bitch to look to' up, but she didn't. Kfed is still greasy as ever, but I'd still hit that. That camisole is hella ugly though.

You know it's almost Halloween when...

....Jacko creeps out of his lair! Jacko and clan made their way into Harrod's department store in London the other day. I don't know who's a bigger boner kill...him or Boy George? Either way it's bad. Is that his daughter? I feel sorry for that girl! What do you think he bought? Underoos probably.

Is anyone actually going to see this shit?

David Katzenburg is getting double vagina!

Mary-Kate Olsen was dating David Katzenburg last year, but they broke up. Then recently he was seen with Nicky Hilton. But a few nights ago, MK and David were seen back together totally making out. That's right MK get your man back! Has Nicky been heard from yet? You know MK is probably a total fatal-attraction bitch and will kill any pussy that touches her man! Please MK show your wrath on Parasite Hilton!

[Page Six]

What the hell kind of GD outfit is that?!

What the fuck is Kirstie Alley wearing? You know what though? Her thighs look like a scoop of delicious orange sherbert! Yum!





[JJB]

Drew & her lisp do Missoni

Drew Barrymore has joined the celebrity-hawking-products bandwagon and has signed to be the new face of Missoni. Drew is currently in Spain shooting their newest ad campaign. The last time Drew was featured in an ad campaign, she was trying so hard to be Marilyn Monroe for Guess.

[Oh No They Didn't]

Sienna Miller tries to flip off the paparazzi!

Sienna Miller and pals got so sick of the paparazzi that they threw a little tantrum! Sienna's hair looks so fucking greasy. Girl needs some mint shampoo. That might be jizz though, since she's such a slut! Love the shoes though, totally hooker chic!



Oh Sienna you poor thing, it's the middle finger!



[Lime-Light]

Two dead fish kissing!

J.Lo, her weave and her husband shared an awkward kissed as they performed in the Dominican Republic. Damn, I wish I could hear them sing again. Remember their fucking performance at the Grammys? That shit was so GD awful. It was like two squirrels fighting for a piece of dead pigeon! And why does Marc always look so fucking greasy?!

Daniel Craig AS James Bond

I'm convinced!

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

Everyone who has banged Paris Hilton that didnt get an STD raise your hand! - ellaoy

Hot Slut of the Day!

Velvet McIntyre

Birthday Sluts

Eric Benet (35)
Vanessa Marcil (36)
Dominic West (36)
Todd Solondz (46)
Emeril Lagasse (46)
Tanya Roberts (50)
Tito Jackson (52)
Penny Marshall (63)
Linda Lavin (68)

We love Michael K!

Bitches, let's show Michael K some love today! He's having a shitty day!

I'll start: Michael K, you are the hottest bitch around! You're a fucking career woman like Sue Ellen in Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead!

Shiny Happy People Holding Coffee!

Michael Stipe...Michael Stipe....I don't even know what to say. From the sperm-lookin boots to the cup of coffee...Dayum...

I'd still hit it!

[Go Fug Yourself]

It's no secret...

...that I'm down in the dumps today. But seeing this picture of that hot piece of ass, Jordan, made me feel so much better. If you really love me, you'll buy me a Jordan for Xmas. And make sure that bitch comes with Harvey! I love Harvey even more!



[Hollywood Tuna] [Thanks to Courtney]

MK Olsen leaving NYU!

Probably to become a crack-ho slut!

Sorry, I'm totally bitter today.

Her publitch said this: "Mary-Kate Olsen has not dropped out, she has simply taken an approved leave of absence to devote more of her time and energy to her business,"

Yeah the business being selling her pussy!

Sorry, there I go being bitter again! I need a drink! Wash your hair bitch!

[Yahoo News]

Guess the Celebrity?

UPDATE - Sorry for the delay! Click here and here to see the owner of this hand!

Congrats to Kristi for being the first to get it right!

Who are these paparazzi fighting over?

THIS STUPID BITCH!



Sorry for the lack of updates today! I'll make it up to you one day when you're older!

Xtina or a drag queen?

Hmm...not sure. But I think I see a bulge!









[JJB]

Mischa & Cisco are the new Brit & Kfed!

Mischa Barton has demanded more money for her work on Fox's The O.C. Mischa feels that she is the biggest star on the show so her salary should reflect this. Mischa is demanding a raise somewhere in the six-figure region per episode. The real reason may be due to Mischa's new boyfriend, musician Cisco Adler. Apparently he's broke and Mischa has to pay for all of their dates!

And she probably has to pay for his weave as well! Dayum girl, I hope you're getting good dick outta this. Probably not, but let's hope!

Did you know Cisco was engaged to Kimberly Stewart at some point? Mischa's vagina has probably fallen off due to the acid Cisco's dick carries from Kimbo's hole!

[Page Six]

So the truth comes out!

The reason Boy George called 911 the day he was arrested for drug possession was because he believed someone was robbing his ass. And who was that someone? Why, it was your friendly neighborhood hustler!

George threatened to call the police when the hustler he hired demanded all the cash in his NYC apartment.

"George said no and that he was going to call the police," says a source. "The prostitute said, 'Go ahead and you'll go to jail.' So George freaked out because he was high, called the police, the prostitute left, and George got arrested."

The only other person in the apartment was Kyoko Nagami, a model friend who turned on George when the cops arrived and showed them where more coke was.

George should be praising Jesus. This is the most press he's gotten in a long time. I don't even want to THINK about Boy George having sex. It would probably look a lot like the Tom Sizemore sex tape!

[Page Six]

Is this love?

She's totally too busy thinking about Salma Hayek's beautiful, bountiful breasts!

Daniel Craig is Bond, James Bond!

As it was speculated, Daniel Craig will be the next James Bond and the first blonde. The announcement was made today in London after the 37yo actor was swept in by English Marines on the River Thames.



Daniel told reporters: "I'm kind of speechless at the moment."

Now the most important question is...who's going to be a Bond girl?

My money's on Liza Minelli!

[Yahoo News]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

You were supposed to color the greys first, then style, Sunisha! - Bagpipe Betty

Hot Slut of the Day!

Iman

Birthday Sluts

Usher (27)
Steve Coogan (40)
Lori Petty (42)
Isaac Mizrahi (44)
Roger Moore (78)

Xtina shoots a Pepsi commercial!

Hmm...what do you think the concept of this commercial is? Sluts on the beach? Vegas sluts on the beach!? Bleach-blonde sluts in Rio!?





[Oh No They Didn't]

Ryan Phillip is a total DILF!

But once again, I'm so fucking sick of that sideways cap shit! It just looks dumb. And don't worry that tat isn't real. I think it's for some movie-of-the-week he's in or whatever he does for a living. Who cares when you look like that?! I heard he smells like scat!







[JJB]

Alicia Douvall picture of the day!

For those of you who aren't familiar with my current obsession with UK trash bomb, Alicia Douvall, click here. I have also learned that Alicia used to be preggers with Diddy's baby, but had a miscarriage. She most recently dated Mickey Rourke. Look at this picture of her. Whoever called her Amanda Lepore's twin, couldn't be more right!

[Befuddle] [Thanks to Dez]

UPDATE - One of my hot readers, Lorraine, sent me this. I only wish this was true! God, I need a new obsession ASAP! Thanks Lorraine!

What is going on here?!?

Katie and Matt sent me this shit! It's a screen cap of Tyra on her talk show today. What is this bitch doing? Her hair looks like dog diarrhea! I am speechless! Mask On bitches look better than this!



[You Know Music] [Thanks to Katie]

Guess the Celebrity?

UPDATE - Click here to see the real celeb!

Congrats to jennac419 for being the first to get it right!

Mask On

When doing research for the most recent Attack of the Clones [below], I googled latex mask and the creepiest shit I've ever seen in my life came up. I swear I had to run to the toilet, because I thought I was going to vomit. This is some snuff-film shit! There's like this entire culture that I knew nothing about and I wish I never found! Basically, there are bitches that are into wearing latex masks and torsos of women. I guess mostly the S&M culture gets into this.

I couldn't help but go through picture after picture. Each one is more hideous than the other! If you want to be severely creeped out. Visit this site....

I know this will turn some of you kinky sluts on!

Maskon

Attack of the Clones!

Thank God he doesn't look like his mother!

He's hella cute! When you have a mother that looks like that, it makes pretending to ride her like a pony so much more believable!

The Jack Osbourne ugly meter just went up 2 notches!

Pretty Orlando likes to sell Pretty Products!

Orlando Bloom wants to push products! He is looking for lucrative deals with different companies, so it can give him the freedom to choose roles in smaller films.

He says, "The world's an ever changing place. You see movie stars advertising all sorts of things today, for whatever reason, and it may be that it affords them the luxury to do smaller movies, or to go and do a play.

"Otherwise you have to keep doing movies where you get paid millions and millions of dollars to maintain a certain lifestyle."

I get it Orlando! So when Nicole Kidman signed a deal with Chanel, she did this so she could make an important film like Bewitched?

[Contact Music]

Pocarichie!

Nicole Richie was in Hollywood recently where she was rocking some new moccasin boots. Not my taste, but she's hot. I wonder if she ate a Wetzel Pretzel with that lemonade. Hmm...Wetzel Pretzel! Almost better than Auntie Em's, but not quite!






[JJB]

My name is Yoko Ono and I'm loco!

Yoko Ono:

"It's incredible that John's spirit is in all musicians in a way. His influence is there inspiring all the new guys".

She also believes he is still alive and can feel him all around her:

"Usually on his birthday I stay in the house and meditate.

"But this year, more than any other, I feel John is around I feel he is still alive, in his music It's something I'm experiencing this year, more than any other I feel John is around"

Ok this is sweet, but coming from this loon it takes on a whole new meaning. She needs to quit that grass already. Do you think she makes Sean dress up as John? And then go on to...well you know...

[Webindia]

Madge gets on her knees and begs!

Madge is in hot water after it was announced one of her songs off her new album was called Isaac and based upon a Kabbalah scholar. Many members of the religion were pissed off when they heard of this news and said that she would face "punishment from the heavens."

So Madge is set to make a public apology.

A Rabbi said earlier: "Jewish law forbids the use of the name of the holy rabbi for profit. Her act is just simply unacceptable and I can only sympathize for her because of the punishment she is going to receive from the heavens".

Wait, she's just going to apology? But the song is still on her album? Doesn't she still go to hell then? Shit Madge, you better shove more cash their way so you can get into heaven!

[Female First]

Kate Cruise quits film to have baby....DUH!

Kate Cruise was signed to appear in a Dennis Quaid movie called Shame on You. But has pulled out, so she can concentrate on giving birth to an alien. Because, word on the street is that it's so much more painful than giving birth to a human. And she can't scream, so she has to learn all these new techniques and shit.

There is also speculation on how for along Kate is. Some are saying 12 weeks, while others say she's closer to 20 weeks. What people don't actually realize is that aliens are much bigger than humans. So it only makes more sense that alien babies are bigger than human babies, which of course means that alien fetus' are much bigger than normal ones. So, of course she's going to look bigger!



And I have some more good news for Kate. After doing extensive research, I've learned that alien babies just pop out of your stomach wearing a lil' hat and carrying a cane [pictured above]. They will then precede to entertain you and the hospital staff with a delightful jig! God, giving birth to an alien is so much more fun than a regular birth!

[Monsters and Critics]

Tommy Lee burned and he wasn't having a wart removed!

Tommy Lee burned himself onstage at a concert in Casper, WY. The drummer was injured during a pyrotechnics stunt. Tommy went on with the show, but the concert was cancelled shortly after due to his injuries. Tommy was shortly sent to a nearby medical center where he was treated and released.

Reporter Tom Morton of the Casper Star-Tribune attended the concert and said that Lee appeared to be injured when sparks began flying as he swung above the stage suspended from a wire, back and forth between several drum sets. Another witness, Del Kinswoman, described the pyrotechnics as Roman candles.

Ewwww...I wonder what burned Tommy Lee skin smells like? Probably, a mixture of heroin, menstrual fluid and Boones Farms.

[People]

Is Al Pacino a chubby chaser?

Are Al Pacino and Kirstie Alley dating? That's a weird combo. But it's better than Pacino and Rose McGowan. The 54yo Kristie and the 65yo Al dined with friends at Hollywood's Chateau Marmont and by the look of things, seemed to be on a date.

A source said: "They were huddled for the whole evening at the Chateau Marmont, and, at one point, Kirstie was stroking his thigh as she talked to him. It was bizarre. They totally looked as if they were on a date."

Personally I think they make a hot couple. It's fucking refreshing that he's dating women his age. Pacino has still got it and Kirstie is the one to give it to him. You know she's a freak! I just hope she doesn't crack one of his ribs!

[IMDB]

Popbitch Blind Item...I guess...You guess...

Which hugely cool US rap legend gets his road crew to pull out handsome young men from
the audience at his show, and bring them backstage to hang out. If they fail to deliver, one of the road crew has to strip naked and crawl across the dressing room floor and administer oral attention to the sweaty star.

LL Cool J

[Popbitch]

More importantly...what's with the hatch?!

Josh Holloway who plays bad-boy Sawyer on Lost was robbed at gunpoint inside his Honolulu home. The robber woke Josh and his wife up from bed early Wednesday morning and stole cash and credit cards from them. He also drove away in their Mercedes.

Both Josh and his wife are safe and unharmed.

Did the robber happen to ask for any spoilers? That's much more important than cash! What's up with that bitch Michelle Rodriguez? And why is Bernard suddenly, white? I thought he was black!?

[Yahoo News]

The Dlisted Report

Fox has dropped production on The Simple Life 4 citing that their mid-season is full. Production was to begin soon on the Paris Hilton & Nicole Richie reality show. This time each girl was going to be a replacement wife for a family, sort of like Wife Swap. The production company is looking to move the show to another network. [Reality TV Blurred]

Jennifer Lopez and her husband, Marc Anthony will start filming El Cantante next month. The film is a biopic about salsa singer Hector Lavoe. Lavoe was one of the biggest Spanish-language singers in the 1970s, but personal tragedy and a heroin addiction left him penniless and dying from complications from AIDS. Known as salsa's bad boy, he had a crystal-clear voice and an incomparable talent for improvisation. Shooting starts in New York. Jennifer will play Hector's wife. [Production Weekly]

Sony will announce and confirm the actor who will play James Bond in Casino Royale. Shooting begins this January with Martin Campbell at the helm. Daniel Craig is currently the frontrunner. [Coming Soon]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

Kenny celebrates his "annulment" from Renee. - Amberlick

[Pic: OMG Blog]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Alexis Stewart - Daughter of Martha

[For stupid gay slut]

Birthday Sluts

Sacha Baron Cohen (34)
Ashanti (25)
Billy Bush (34)
Nancy Kerrigan (36)
Tisha Campbell (37)
Kelly Preston (43)
Marie Osmond (46)
Paul Simon (64)

Fiona Apple---a true original

With all the hoopla about Dlisted's hottest new crazy bitch, Alicia Douvall (I share Michael K's love for her), we must take a moment to reflect on another crazy bitch---Fiona Apple!



Don't get me wrong. I love this slut. She's a talented singer/songwriter. But she's fucking nuts! Remember when she was campaigning to save the turkeys at Thanksgiving? Or when she went ballistic at the show at the Roseland? Below is the transcript from her shining moment, her freak out at the MTV Video Music Awards from 1997:

"I didn't prepare a speech and I'm sorry, but I'm glad that I didn't, because I'm not going to do this like everybody else does it. You see, Maya Angelou said that we, we as human beings at our best can only create opportunities and I'm going to use this opportunity the way that I wanna use it. So what I wanna say is, everybody out there that's watching, everybody that's watching this world, this world is bullshit and you shouldn't model your life - wait a second! - You shouldn't model your life about what you think we think is cool and what we're wearing and what we're saying and everything. Go with yourself. And it's just stupid that I'm in this world, but you're all very cool to me."

She's a fucking poet!

MK heart Alicia Douvall

Alicia Douvall is my latest obsession. I first heard of her and posted her ass, yesterday. She is such a piece of trash! Think of her as a low-rent Jordan and you know that's pretty bad. She is a glamour model in England, but is also one of the biggest sluts. She claims to have slept with hundreds of men. She is also currently preggers with Diddy's baby or so she claims.

She recently said about being pregnant with his baby: "Just think of all the designer clothes deals,"

"I'’ve got my own fortune," she said. "I'’m not out to marry him."

Just look at her! I think her tits have more brain cells than she does. If anybody has any info or dirt on her, send it my way! I'm in love!

I do love Posh...

...but seeing her fucking chest bones totally gross me out! Do you think she'd let me play Swanee River off of them?





[Lime-Light]

Putting a bitch out!

Kathie Lee Gifford is such a bitch, but I love her! Rumors are buzzing that Kathie Lee will replace Pat O'Brien as host of The Insider. Kathie is currently on board as a NYC correspondent for the Entertainment News Show.

"Pat is a strong personality and good on the show but his actions off the show may have turned off some women viewers and that's where Kathie Lee comes in," said the source.

"Kathie Lee is a strong personality too but her reputation is squeaky clean and women love her! "That's the real reason why they went to Kathie Lee to join the show. She's already an established TV personality who is popular and would automatically increase the ratings," the source said.

Awwww, however I would love to hear more Pat O'Brien voicemails! Those were the bees knees! How can women love KL? She always looks like a prostitute to me!

[National Enquirer]

Aniston & Vaughn copulating in Chicago?

I thought they weren't an item! Damn, these Hollywood peeps are such hookers! Aniston went to Chicago last week to visit Vince Vaughn. They went out to a party where they were seen dancing and cuddling. They were also seen making out in front of a crowd, before bodyguards could shoo people away.

Aniston and Vaughn have laughed off rumors in the past of them being an item. Aniston was most recently linked to another actor.

Well good for her. Jen should totally be slutting around. But she's also very lucky. Because with a face like that, there's no way she would get the quality dick she's getting if she wasn't rich and famous!

[People]

Another fucking iPod?!?

Apple Computer Inc. on Wednesday introduced a version of its market-leading iPod that also plays videos and unveiled a deal with Walt Disney Co. to sell television shows like "Desperate Housewives" after their first broadcast.

Didn't they just come out with one? OMG, Apple is so fucking rich! You know Nano users are beyond pissed! I'm still carrying around a tired mini one!

[Yahoo News]

HoHan hits the beach!

Probably after her near-death experience, she needed some time to reflect on life!





[Lime-Light]

Guess the Celebrity?

UPDATE - Click here to see the real celeb!

Congrats to Louie for being the first to get it right!

Keanu Reeves hasn't bathed in weeks!

CityRag has put together a composite of Keanu Reeves in the past 13 weeks. Starting in July and going all the way until last week. This bitch hasn't even changed his clothes! He probably has cheese dick, but I'd spread it on a Ritz cracker and eat that shit! Holla!



[CityRag]

Sharon Stone is turning into Victoria Gotti!

There's those anal beads again...



[Lime-Light]

Say Something Nice

Cynthia Nixon & Gal Pal: Um..errr...Um...I'm sure their sex is hot. (shudder)

My Little Pony "doesn't like you"

Who? : My Little Pony Parker, Claire Danes and the rest of the cast of The Family Stone.

Where?: Some Press conference...

Dialogue:

Reporter: "Your character in the movie is really unlikable"

My Little Pony: "Well, I think she is a person with some difficulties but ultimately she is someone who you can find something positive."

Reporter: "“Well, I didn't like her."

Claire Danes (nervously): "Well, I mean, um, in the end, you really kind of see the good side,"

MLP to Danes: "“Well he didn't like her."

MLP to Reporter: "And I don'’t like you."

She then precedeed to stand on her two back legs and scream a hideous screech! She then knocked over a table and galloped off into the sunset!

[MSNBC]

Toothy Tile and his man get some coffee!

Toothy Tile and his man went to get some coffee in Los Angeles. You know they want to hold hands. God it pains me to see a love like this not allowed to blossom in public! Do you think Toothy is the top or bottom?

"I don't want to quit you!"





[JJB]

UPDATE - Here's another pic of these two:



BF to Toothy: "Why can't we just be honest?"

We get it Angie! You're a good person!

Angie Jolie accepted the Global Humanitarian Action Award at the United Nations Association of the USA 2005 annual dinner in New York, last night. But somebody should've told her not to wear that hideous shade of red on her lips. It only makes her look like a fucking tulip mouth!

The Welsh don't find their own, sexy!

Charlotte Lurch did not make the list for The Top 50 Sexy Women in Wales. How can that be you ask?

Exhibit A:



[Ananova]

There's always someone younger and hungrier....

Keira Knightley is confused about the way Hollywood works. She's just realizing that it's a cut-throat business and people are already looking for the next big thing!

She said: "One magazine called another young actress 'The next Keira Knightly' and I'm thinking, 'Hold on, am I past my prime already? I'm only 20 years old'."

Yes slut! You're over the hill in Hollywood years! Who is the next Keira Knightley anyways? Dakota Fanning?

[Ananova]

Everything AND the kitchen sink!

Damon Dash recently sold his stake in Rocawear for $30 Million leaving Jay-Z behind. Reports are that there's bad blood between the two. Last week Damon vacated the NYC offices he shared with Jay-Z. And not only did he vacate, but he took everything with him!

A source said: "As part of his deal, he got to keep his office furniture,"

But not only did he take the furniture, the bitch took EVERYTHING!!!

"Little did they know that he'd be taking everything from window blinds to the hinges on the doors. You name it, he took it."

What the fuck does he need with hinges? Is Damon Dash scary? Like would he kill a bitch? He kind of scares me... But I'd hit it.

[Lowdown]

Papa Don't Preach!

Katie Holmes' daddy, Martin Holmes is pissed off that his daughter got knocked up with Tom Cruise's baby! He is also pissed the Katie (who was brought up Catholic) is letting those Scientology bitches brainwash her ass!

A source close to the Holmes family said: "“Martin Holmes was very upset and got into a real spat with Katie. Tom had promised her parents that they would do the right thing and get married before any baby came along."

After he found out, Martireportedlyey bitched Katie out and then told Tom "You're no good!"

He better watch it. Those aliens are going to come for his ass!

The church where Katie used to go when she was little, claims that reps for Cruise told them not to speak to reporters. One friend of Katie said:

Â"It seemed like Katie was being controlled by Scientologists,. “Now they wonder if it's a Rosemary'’s Baby situation, where Katie is being groomed to provide Tom with a child."

Duh! You people are idiots! Of course she's being groomed to give Tom the alien-fetus he's always wanted! You know Tom is wishing for a girl so she can be his future wife!

[MSNBC] [Thanks Jen]

Elvis sucked in the sack!

Byron Raphael was basically Elvis' pimp from 1956-1960. Byron helped bring ladies to the King almost nightly. But, Byron insists Elvis hardly went all the way with women, because his mother told him pre-marital sex was a sin. However, Byron states that many of Elvis' conquests complained that he was a bad lover!

Most famously, Byron said that after an evening with Elvis, Natalie Wood told him Elvis "didn't know how to screw".

Byron also says that Elvis loved slumber parties with several ladies where he would apply make-up on them and do their hair. And that Elvis was frightened of gays!

What does Natalie Wood know? She was the fucking biggest slut in Hollywood at that time! Oh, well I guess she would know then!

[Tonight]

Ashton and Demi's Wedding Pictures!

Why the fuck is he wearing that stupid hat? God, he's such a dufus! Demi looks hot, but then again these pictures are in black and white.

Here is a funny quote from Ashton for the OK! interview:

Ashton: "This is the smartest thing i've ever done, and it took no thought at all, the great things in life tend to be that way."

"I'm proud to be the husband of Demi and the stepfather of her three wonderful girls. I hope the love we share can resonate in the world so that someday i can hear its echo"..."besides 'boy-toy' never sat well with me!"


Click here to see the rest!











[JJB]

Wasn't the first one bad enough?!?

Daniel Craig is the new Bond...maybe...

Shooting begins this January on the next James Bond adventure: Casino Royale. Word on the street is that Daniel Craig has beat out dozens of candidates to play the tuxedo-wearing adventurer. Daniel is mostly known for his lead role in Layer Cake. Henry Cavill was said to be his biggest competition. Nothing has been confirmed by producers, but they are expected to make an announcement in the next couple weeks.

And I'm sure being in the press lately as Sienna Miller's latest snog-partner didn't hurt!

[Movies Online]

The Dlisted Report

Jennifer Connelly may star opposite Leonardo DiCaprio in The Blood Diamond for director, Edward Zwick. The African adventure is set in Sierra Leone circa 1999, a time when the nation was in the midst of a horrific civil war. DiCaprio plays the role of a smuggler who specializes in the sale of "blood diamonds," also known as "conflict diamonds" -- the precious stones used to finance rebellions, privateers and terrorists. Shooting begins next year in Africa. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Mike Meyers is hoping for Austin Powers 4. He has confirmed that there are definite discussions underway. "There is hope!" says Myers about the popular comedy franchise. "We're all circling and talking to each other. I miss doing the characters." The first three films have earned a massive $675 million worldwide, so New Line Cinema is probably looking forward to another installment as well - and what better time than with a new James Bond movie on the way? [Coming Soon]

Sylvester Stallone will direct and play the title role in Rocky 6. In the film, lonely and retired boxer Rocky Balboa comes out of retirement, intending to fight a few low-profile local fights just to keep his hand in. But when he's approached to fight a match with reigning heavyweight champ Mason "The Line" Dixon, Rocky's modest little comeback becomes the center of a media firestorm. Filming begins this December in Los Angeles. [Production Weekly]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

They said he was crazy but Michael Jackson's ingenious little boy Trap actually works! - RAMBONE

Hot Slut of the Day!

Jackee Harry

Birthday Sluts

Hugh Jackman (37)
Irina Pantaeva (33)
Kirk Cameron (35)
Deborah Foreman (43)
Susan Anton (55)

No Charlotte, you're not Cleopatra!

More like CleoFATra! Just kidding Sarah! Ugh, I can't stand this heffer! She always has that shit-faced grin on her ass! She has nice tits though, but that dress looks like something living in the ocean!





[Lime-Light]

Now that Paris is single, who should be her new man?

Looks like someone got trigger happy! SPF was robbed I tell you! Only he can treat Parasite like the whore she really is!

Thanks for voting, y'all!

Damn, things are getting serious at Smurf Village!

UNICEF has begun an aggressive marketing campaign depicting Smurf village being destroyed by bombs. They are hoping this will teach kids the horrors of war. The title in French at left bottom reads 'Don't let war destroy the world of children'.

Look at Smurfette! She is in exactly the same pose, I was in last Friday night!



[Yahoo News]

Who is this woman?

I guess her name is Alicia Douvall and she's a fucking slut over in Britian! She claims to have slept with every major soap star in the UK. She also claims that the father of her kid is Diddy. OMG I think I'm in love with her. She's such trash. Here she is trying to beat down the paparazzi with roses after they took pictures of her making out with another chick and click on next to see something you probably don't want to see!

Remember that thing Cameron Diaz said..maybe that slut is right!






Click here for an NC-17 pic!




[The Sun]

Dam she be looking old!

Kate Bosworth looked like hell at the Elizabethtown premiere. I think she borrowed that frock from Barbara Bush. No doubt she borrowed her hair from Babs, also! She's an all-around bore!

Guess the Celebrity?

UPDATE - Click here to see the real celeb!

Congrats to ffleur for being the first to get it right!

Mischa Barton MUST be Dickmatized!

SERIOUSLY! I see pictures of them everywhere and I always ask myself what does this bitch see in his ass? Maybe he has a 10" dong, but she doesn't strike me as the type that likes to be broken off like that. Maybe he has a good personality? Hahahah, not that's not it!

Uma Thurman doesn't recognize Ethan Hawke!

Duh, because he's fucking creepy now! Uma Thurman is trying to forgive and forget, but is having a hard time doing so because she doesn't recognize the man she married!

She said: "I don't know how he feels at the moment... We don't have a lot of personal chats about how we're doing, not at the moment. .

"It's very difficult because there's so much hurt feelings. You try to talk and you reach out... and it's clear there's a lot of unfinished damage and baggage and this stuff that's still in the way.

"I want to recognize him again. I want to see the guy that I married, I want to trust him and I want to feel good and comfortable again."

Uma, I doubt most of America recognizes him! He's a whole lot different then his Reality Bites days. Now he just looks like a homeless, junkie! I'd still hit it. Just kidding! I really wouldn't. Unless I needed some crack, then I would!

[Female First]

Who is the hottest bitch on Laguna Beach?

I don't watch this shit Laguna Beach, but everybody tells me I should. Is this bitch Kristin the hottest one on there? I like this one bitch Casey on there, because she's such trash - But people tell me she's ghetto. Here is Kristin with her bf, Brody. Not bad, but I can't stand that bitch Kristin!



[JJB]

Renee Zellweger reeks of desperation!

Days after it was announced that Jack White and his wife (model Karen Elson) were expecting a baby, Renee has expressed she wants one of her own! But since the bitch can't keep a man, she's going to adopt! Renee has apparently called up Angie Jolie and asked her advice on how to buy a kid.

Angie has promised Renee that the two will make a trip to Ethiopia where they will pick out a baby of Renee's dreams!

God, first she makes a visit to Page Six to set the record straight and now this? She is becoming Bridget Jones, a spinster for life!

[Monsters and Critics]

Tom Ford Gets On

Tom Ford used to be the head designer at Gucci and Yves St. Laurent and now he's kind of doing his own thing. W Magazine did this whole thing on him. He's all making love with mannequins and shit. It's kind of hot. I never really found him very sexy. He's a little too clean for me. But some of you bitches might be into his shit...



Click here to see the rest!














[Style]

Angie cracks the whip!

Brad Pitt has quit smoking for the sake of the children! What Angie wants, Angie gets. Angie has told Bradley that she doesn't like his ass smoking around her two kids. So of course, Brad has quit that shit but is finding the withdrawals hard to cope with. But don't worry, Angie is spreading enough love around him to quench his addiction.

A friend said: "Angelina wraps him up in love and comfort and he just calms down".

It's that hypnotic vagina again! Damn that Angie! Her vagina can do wonders! Fuck the patch, you need to get run out and get some Angie gina!

[Monsters and Critics]

Johnny Depp loves to wear silky stockings!

Johnny Depp has a fetish for wearing women's clothes. He finds himself also staring at beautiful stockings and shoes.

He said: "I'd be embarrassed for my friends to find out that I'm familiar with women's clothing.

Since wearing a slip and a bra in 'Ed Wood' I have much more respect for women.

"Actually I find myself constantly sneaking looks at women's shoes and stockings. I've developed this subconscious habit. It may be a little dangerous - I'm a little worried.".

Why be worried? That shit is normal. Lots of straight dudes like to put on garters and shit, right? Especially the powerful ones. They like to be humiliated and shit and have their inner lady brought out.

Depp in anything is sexy.

[Contact Music]

Kiki has weird tits!

Her boobs just kind of sit there. They kind of slump. They don't look happy. Maybe they don't get enough sun. Maybe she doesn't talk to them enough. Maybe she doesn't play beautiful music for them. They look sad. And that makes me sad.





[Oh No They Didn't]

Yoko Ono has a big mouth!

Yoko Ono made a swipe at Paul McCartney at yesterday's Q Awards in London. Yoko was there to receive an award on behalf of her late-husband, John Lennon. When she took the stage, she said:

"I wish John was here today as he would have really loved it. But I'd like to tell you a story about me and John."

He always found it extraordinary that people would always cover Paul's songs, and I used to tell him not to worry about all those June and Spoon songs".

What a fucking bitch! She has no right to call someone's songs silly. Have you heard this bitch sing? She fucking makes Ashlee Simpson sound like fucking Maria Callas!

Although, "Walking on Thin Ice" is a so bad it's good, kind of song.

[The Mercury News]

Parasite Hilton is nothing but a hooker!

When Paris Latsis told Paris Hilton should could keep the ring, she didn't get it.

She said: "Paris says I can keep the engagement ring. He says I earned it."

But a friend of Mr. Paris' said: "How else did she earn it? With sex. Like a hooker. It's a diss and she didn't get it, no surprise."

Also, Paris' latest flame Stavros Niarchos insists that he's just having some fun. Friends of Stavros claim that he's not seriously into her, he's just having fun.

Having fun with her? She sucks at sex! She just lays there like a cold fish and the bitch even has the nerve to answer her cell phone! Well, maybe she gives good head.

[Page Six]

They are going to ruin another classic!

The Dlisted Report

Beau Bridges and Miranda Richardson will join Sarah Jessica Parker in Spinning Into Butter. In the story, when clearly racist, but anonymous, letters start appearing on the door of one of the college's few African American students, Sarah, the liberal dean of students, is forced to question and explore modern feelings about, and approaches to, racism and political correctness. Shooting begins next month in New York. [Variety]

Steve Carell has told a radio station that he is signed up to play the lead role in a revival of Get Smart. He also confirmed that they were looking at Kristina Kreuk as a possible 99. [Dark Horizons]
Simon Pegg has joined the cast of Mission Impossible 3 which is currently shooting. He will play an ally to Tom Cruise's, Ethan Hunt. The third film will be released next May. [The Hollywood Reporter]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!

Putting on a brave face and smiling brightly for the cameras, Whitney desperately tries to remember if she told her agent to get her "crack" or "crackers". - FearOf Veneer

[Pic: FourFour]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Linda the Librarian from Sesame Street

Birthday Sluts

Sean Patrick Flannery (40)
Lizzie! (16)
Michelle Trachtenberg (20)
MC Lyte (34)
Jane Krakowski (37)
Luke Perry (40)
Joan Cusack (43)
Dawn French (48)
Stephen Spinella (49)

Who told Sharon Stone...

...that this fucking hat looked cute? Bitch looks the fool!

Happy Birthday Bai Ling!

You are truly one of the biggest messes of the 21st century! And I love you for it!

Marcia Cross is God's gift to me!

Guess the Celebrity?

UPDATE - Click here to see the owner of these lips!

Congrats to Kristi for being the first to get it right!

Lil' Mo did not...

...name her baby Godis'Love

Oh yes she did! I don't know whether to slap her or fall in love with her. Because that name is beyond!



[Crunk and Disorderly] [Thanks to FourFour]

The Photoshop Awards: Madonna

[Click on image to enlarge]

That shit doesn't even look like her!

[Oh No They Didn't]

Keanu Reeves is made out of grease!

I'd still hit it. And he comes already packaged with lube in his hair! How convenient!

[Lime-Light]

Tara Reid is a fucking liar!

Tara Reid claims that she will never nor has she ever made a home porno. Tara says she isn't stupid enough to film herself fucking on camera like her dumb-shit friend, Parasite Hilton.

She said: "I've never made one. I'm not stupid enough to put myself on video. "The worst thing I ever did is dance on the table." .

Dance on a table? Bitch do you remember when the whole world saw your franken-titty fall out of your dress?

You know this bitch has a home porno collection to rival Pamela Anderson's collection. She probably has them sorted by: Gang Bang, Black Gang Bang, Threesomes, Beastiality, Sober Sex, Drunk Sex, Sex with more than 20 people and Sex while legally dead.

[Female First]

Boy George is so disgusting!

Damn, this what crack would do to your ass! He looks like walking death! Is that a picture of himself on that shirt he's wearing?

Kfed is in the dog house!

I hope this shit is true. But apparently, Brit Brit is fucking sick of that asshole Kfed! During a huge fight, Brit threw Kevin out of the house forcing him to stay at a friend's house a couple of days. Brit is pissed that since she's come home from the hospital, Kevin hasn't helped her out at all!

He spends his days golfing, talking on the phone and partying. So Brit had it and threw the bitch out!

But stupid bitch's mother, Lynn, helped to patch things up and Kfed is back in the house.

Sources claim that the marriage may now be doomed. Duh! I give these sluts 1 year tops! I would've loved to see this white trash bitch throw him out of the house!

You know he was holding a bottle of Strawberry Hill and she had on a crop top with a ciggie while holding SPF in her other hand screaming "You better run Kevin! I'm gonna call my cousins over here! Go get SPF some pampers!"

[iAfrica]

Brandy is a fucking wreck!

[JJB]

Carmen Electra loves pasta sex!

WTF?! Dennis Rodman has spoken out about his X-wife Carmen Electra. He details this kinky bitch in his new memoir I Should be Dead by Now.

Firstly, Dennis claims Carmen loved to shout the "N" word during sex. He also claims that Carmen tried to put a piece of uncooked pasta into his ass while he slept!

Pasta in the ass? Eh, that's not a big deal. I've done it before. My ass makes the perfect Marinara sauce. Ewww, I can't believe I just typed that.

Carmen though is sad by his accusations: "I am saddened for Dennis that he felt he had to write a book like this," she told Lowdown. "I think he has me confused with some of the girls he cheated on me with."

[Lowdown]

Brangelina take cover!

Brad Pitt is upset over the recent pictures of himself and his boyfriend, Angelina Jolie splashed out all over the tabloids. So, Brad has purchased a secluded Canadian cabin where his new family can be together privately. Brad has also instructed his security staff to take pictures and document any paparazzi that comes near the home.

He will keep the pics on file just in case they should need to go to court in the future.

Brad and Angie's party to celebrate Maddox and Zahara's return to America is drawing speculation that it may indeed be a secret wedding and not a party.

Damn this bitch is buying up everything! He first made huge changes to his Malibu Mansion, then he rented some Hamptons mansion and now this shit. I have to hand it to Angie, this bitch is a smart cunt! She probably doesn't drop one dime!

[National Ledger]

The Wool Cap

Beyonce and her man, Jay-Z dined at Nobu recently. I'm not digging this wool cap. I like how they fucking dress up everywhere. That shit is hot. And for once her weave doesn't look too out of control. Jay-Z still creeps me out though.





[Lime-Light]

And it's over....AGAIN!

It seems that Jude Law has dumped Sienna Miller, because he doesn't like the taste of his own medicine. It seems that Sienna cheated on Jude with Layer Cake co-star Daniel Craig. Jude threw the bitch out of his home when he found out that Sienna had a two-week love affair with the actor.

"Jude is incandescent with rage. He thinks Sienna's a hypocrite for giving him such a hard time over his affair when she has been carrying on with Daniel".

One of Sienna's pals confirm the affair, but states the affair happened last month when things between her and Jude were kind of weird.

The friend said: "Daniel was a shoulder to cry on Things just got out of hand"

They are both such fucking sluts! They deserve each other. Jude's X-wife Sadie Frost is a fucking slut too, as well as her best friend Kate Moss. All those British skanks should have one big open-disgusting-family!

[Sify]

Mimi's dog isn't famous enough!

Mimi and her dog Jack were left furious recently when an airline would not let her bring him to first class with her. First they said he was too big and then they followed it up by saying he wasn't famous enough!

She said: "They actually won't let me put him on a first class seat because he's too big. And they also said, 'We'd only allow it for a famous dog' Please! He has three websites dedicated to him!".

So what's a girl to do? She has her dog driven around the US by her chauffeur.

"So Jack is driven in the car by my driver, Tom".

I couldn't find Jack's website! I knew it's in Japan somewhere. So if anybody knows of this shit, please send it to me. She's fucking nuts!

[Monsters and Critics]

Brit Brit stops auction!

Brit Brit Spears is currently auctioning off several of her own items to benefit Hurricane Katrina victims. However, she has removed the auction of this jewel encrusted bra. Brit Brit says that the item has been misrepresented. The auction stated she wore it onstage, but Brit Brit insists she only wear it in promos. Bidding for the item before it ended had reached $47,000.

Meanwhile, the auction of her other things has ended. Her "I Have the Golden Ticket" shirt sold for $1,200. Her ottoman sold for $510, her Chanel high heels sold for $770, her two-piece sectional sofa for $3,050, and her red-tab jeans for $4,001.

Who the fuck is buying this shit? I wonder how much those tired old flip-flops sold for? I hope it was no more than 50 cents!

[Yahoo News]

The Dlisted Report

Gwyneth Paltrow will star in The Good Night for her brother, Jake Paltrow. Jake will direct the $15 Million picture with shooting to start in November. The wry comedy concerns a man's search for perfection in a world where life rarely measures up to the idealized images that constantly bombard us. Martin Freeman also stars. [Variety]

Wallace & Gromit was the #1 movie at the box office, bringing in $16 Million. Flightplan
dropped to #2 bringing in another $10.8 Million. In Her Shoes was #3 with just over $10 Million. The big loser of the week went to Two for the Money which only brought in $8.4 Million coming in at #4. [Box Office Mojo]

Leelee Sobieski and Alicia Witt have signed on to 88 Minutes. Al Pacino currently stars. Witt will play a teaching assistant and the romantic interest to Pacino's character, a college professor who moonlights as an FBI forensic psychologist. Production begins this Saturday in Vancouver. [The Hollywood Reporter]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!

Kanye West immediately regretted his new marketing campaign for his album “late registration” - JB

[Pic Source: Oh la la Paris]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Ann Jillian

Birthday Sluts

Chiaki Kuriyama (21)
Mya (26)
Jodi Lyn O'Keefe (27)
Dale Earnhardt Jr. (31)
Amy Ryan (32)
Mario Lopez (32)
Bai Ling (35)
Rebecca Pidgeon (42)
Julia Sweeney (44)
Kirsty MacColl (46)
Bradley Whitford (46)
David Lee Roth (51)
Ben Vereen (59)

TomKitten is starting to show itself!

TomKat made an appearance at Tom's daughter's soccer game yesterday. That bitch Kate Cruise is really starting to show! If you look closely you can totally see an alien hand. That shit is beyond creepy!











[JJB]

Jacko eats shit in London!

Michael Jackson is in London recording his Hurricane Katrina single and so he decided to take in a little show. And of course, being true to himself, Jacko went to see Billy Elliot the Musical. But when arriving to the theater, Jacko greeted hundreds of fans that wanted a piece of his gross ass. And in all the commotion, the bitch fell! And surprisingly he didn't shatter into a million pieces.

You know he jacks jackoed all through Billy Elliot!

[MSNBC]

The Most Boring Couple in the World Surfaces!

Ashton & Demi Kutcher surfaced yesterday in Barcelona. Ewww, Demi Kutcher. They both were wearing those annoying Kabbalah bracelets, but no rings were visible. Ashton had his left hand in his pocket the whole time. Their sex is probably the worst!

What the hell kind of GD outfit is that?!?

What the hell crawled up onto Celine Dion's shoulders and fucking died? I hope that shit is fake, but if it isn't..PETA should've thrown a pie at her ass!





[JJB]

Hot Slut of the Week: Ayumi Hamasaki

Age: 27
Birthday: October 2, 1978
Birth Name: Ayumi Hamasaki

Original Date of Hot Slut of the Day: October 8, 2005
Claim to Fame: Japanese Pop Star

Where is she now? She is still one of Japan's biggest stars and highest earners!

Why is she Hot Slut of the Week? Her songs are fucking hot and she's a rumored dyke!

HOLY SHIT!!! Anna Wintour gets it in the face!

Anna Wintour got a cream pie thrown at her face by PETA as she was returning from a Chloe fashion show. This totally made my fucking day! Seeing this frigid bitch with a fucking pie all over her ass is fucking hot! PETA is all pissed, because Anna promotes fur left and right in her magazine, Vogue.

[Yahoo News]

HoHan makes a visit!

HoHan made a little visit to the Newsroom in West Hollywood where apparently she went to visit the guy driving the maroon van that hit her ass. Oooh, I hope she wrote his ass a check! I love how she's covering her mouth. Maybe she has some herpes Kate Cruise style!







[JJB]

Madge is pissing off the Jews!

Rabbis are pissed off about one of Madge's songs on her new album Confessions on a Dance Floor. The song in question is called Isaac which is about a 16th century Mytic and Kabbalah scholar.

One Rabbi said: "Jewish law forbids the use of the name of the holy rabbi for profit. Her act is just simply unacceptable and I can only sympathize for her because of the punishment that she is going to receive from the heavens,"

But money talks. As long as she's the Kabbalah's #1 cash cow, this bitch can do whatever she wants!

[Yahoo News]

I don't need to see that!

Bruce Willis and this chick Aida Yespica got down and dirty for the photogs. Damn, they're doing it Parasite Hilton style. I know I didn't see any tongue! Ack!!!!







[Just Jared]

I didn't see that bitch on SNL..

I'm going to watch it later today. How was that bitch? I'm sure she sucked!

Hot Slut of the Day!

Brenda Russell

Birthday Sluts

Brandon Routh (26)
Zachery Ty Bryan (24)
Randy Spelling (27)
Sean Lennon (30)
P.J. Harvey (36)
Bobby Flay (41)
Scott Bakula (51)
Tony Shalhoub (52)
Sharon Osbourne (53)