Dlisted: 09/25/2005 - 10/02/2005

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Guess the Celebrity?



UPDATE - Click here to see the owner of this hand!

Nobody got it right!

What the hell kind of GD outfit is that?!

Is Kimora Lee Simmons a dude? Can someone confirm this? No self-respecting woman would wear practically head-to-toe animal print. Unless you're Joan Collins and the year is 1982. She put the ack in tacky!

Skating with Celebrities - Two Teams Down!



So, my source at Fox's Skating with Celebrities has told me that another couple has been let go.

Click here if you want to be spoiled!

How is that Ashlee Simpson is famous?

Jordan's trampoline sex!



Jordan
the tramp loves trampoline sex!

"I've got a trampoline in the garden and I've christened that". "When me and Pete visited the Maldives, we did it in a hammock. That was great and really exciting - you can hear people walking not far away. It was scary, but good!".

Forgive me, I'm not virgin..but how does one or two do the nasty on a trampoline? Wouldn't that shit slip out while you're bouncing? I guess it takes practice. Jordan has nothing else to do, so it's no wonder that she's good at one thing at least!

[HT Tabloid]

Madonna - Hung Up



Here is a dance remix from Madge's latest single Hung Up which isn't expected to be released until late this month. Nothing special, but thought some of you bitches might like it.

UPDATE - I got some letter from Warner Bros. telling me they would sue my ass if I didn't take the song down!

Some things don't last forever, well not even a year!



It's official! Paris Hilton has called it quits with Paris Latsis. We have been speculating this shit for weeks now. She issued an official statement:

"I'm sad to announce that I've called off my engagement. Over the last couple months I've realized that this is the right decision for me. We remain best of friends, and I'll always love him. I hope people will respect my privacy during this emotional time,"

Translation: "I want new dick!"

I mean come on, is this really a surprise? His family thought she was trash, which she is...and can a slut like her really commit? Not!

[ABC News]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!



No clear winner today!

Hot Slut of the Day!



Irene from The Real World: Los Angeles

[For Bryan]

Birthday Sluts



Julie Andrews (70)
Jamelia (24)
Blu Cantrell (29)
Heather Hunter (36)
Cindy Margolis (40)
Esai Morales (43)
Randy Quaid (55)

Friday, September 30, 2005

How did Fantasia write a book when she can't even read!



Fantasia Barrino
, the winner of American Idol 3 has a memoir coming out called Life is Not a Fairytale and she can't read or write! She had to dictate her story to someone! She also hid this embarrassing fact all through American Idol.

She said: "You're illiterate to just about everything. You don't want to misspell,"

"So that, for me, kept me in a box and I didn't, wouldn't come out."


"I was so ashamed and I was like, 'What will people say about me?' I can't get a job,"


On American Idol, she couldn't read the music so she had to fake her way through it!

"Somebody would say, 'You know, it's pronounced this way' and I'd be like, 'Oh, I'm sorry, you know, I'm country, you know."

Thankfully most of the songs she knew, but the ones she didn't she would just memorize the lyrics when her vocal coach sang them.

I know this shit is sad, but it's still funny. But she's rich now, so she's getting the last laugh! Even if she can't read her paychecks! Don't worry bitch, Paris Hilton did the same shit! She can't read or write and look at her!

[ABC News]

[Thanks to Rich]

Could Jude Law be Kate Moss' baby daddy?



Radar is reporting that there have been whispers in fashion circles for years that the real father of Lila-Grace is that of Jude Law and NOT Jefferson Hack. Jude Law had a few threesomes with Kate and his then wife Sadie Frost.

A friend of Sadie's said: "“Sadie and Kate are best, best friends, and Jude and Sadie were huge into couples swapping and orgies"

"They had group sex where absolutely everything was okay."

I guess you guys can be the judge. But I can't tell at all! Maybe coke is Lila's real father?

Click here to see pics of Jefferson Hack, Kate and Lila all together! Now go compare!

[Radar]

Guess the Celebrity?



UPDATE - Click here to see this celeb all grown up!

Congrats to anonymous 2:34pm for being the first to get it right!

Finally some Posh pictures!

That beautiful piece of shit Posh Spice is in Italy shopping it up with Roberto Cavalli! Here she is trying to work a camera. That dumb bitch!



And here she is looking so gorgeous. That outfit is hot shit and those boots are even hotter! GD she's hot!


[Click to see full size]

[Lime-Light]

Desperate Housewives warning!

Marc Cherry, creator of DH, has warned viewers that this upcoming season something so heinous will happen to Bree Van De Kamp. If you remember last season, Bree sent her bi-sexual son to delinquent camp. And now that her husband is dead, her son will get revenge on her ass!

"It's about as bad as anything on TV. Andrew resents her tremendously. He's going to get back at her. "

"We've got something just hideous planned. I'm going to get letters."


Hopefully, it will include ripping Teri Snatcher's plastic face off!

[Contact Music]

What is Colin Farrell doing?



[Oh la la Paris]

Someone get Jesse a light already!



What's in those bags? Lots of beauty products for him to play with I'm sure! I'm thinking lots of Nads.

Sienna Miller's miscarriage?



There were many rumors swirling that Sienna Miller was pregnant with Jude Law's baby and that's kind of what's been keeping them together. But sources say that Sienna has had a miscarriage. She has reportedly told her close family and friends of this unfortunate news.

Both Jude's and Sienna's camp have denied that she was ever pregnant and of course they also deny she's miscarried.

If this news is true, hopefully her mind will be busy while she's preparing to film the Edie Sedgwick biopic Factory Girl.

[Daily Dish]

Mimi wants a man!



Mimi is currently in London and looking to stay. But she's not only in London to live, but she's also man-huntin'! She told her friends that she's looking for a man while she's staying in England. She's heard that English men are true gentlemen and she needs her ass some of that.

I guess things with Jack the Terrier are rocky, so she's off to London to unbreak her heart!

[All Headline News]

Fuck Jennifer Love Hewitt! J.Lo is the real Ghost Whisperer!



Her man is the walking dead!

You know her dog hates her ass!

Get a facial honey, you're getting hitched!

Are Cammy Diaz and Justin Timberlake going to the chapel? The rumor is that the two are planning for a Christmastime wedding this year.

The couple have already invited 150 of their closest friends and family to celebrate the holidays with them in Hawaii. But some think that a secret wedding will take place instead.

A source close to the couple said: "They're not saying if there's going to be a marriage but said it will a time of new beginnings."
I pray it's one of those Christmas theme wedding! Cameron is perfect for Rudolph and Justin can be an annoying elf!

[Monsters and Critics]

The Worst Sex Scenes in History

Empire Film Magazine has named the worst sex scenes of all time, and here they are:

#1 - Swimming Pool Scene (Kyle McLaughlin & Elizabeth Berkeley) - Showgirls
#2 - Juliette Binoche & Jeremy Irons - Damage
#3 - Heather Graham & Joseph Fiennes - Killing Me Softly
#4 - Madonna & Willem Dafoe - Body of Evidence
#5 - Kathleen Turner - Crimes of Passion
#6 - Sharon Stone & Sylvester Stallone - The Specialist
#7 - Jennifer Lopez & Ben Affleck - Gigli
#8 - Josh Hartnett & Shannyn Sossamon - 40 Days and 40 Nights
#9 - Keanu Reeves & Carrie-Ann Moss - The Matrix Reloaded
#10 - Oliver Tobias & Joan Collins - The Stud

Ain't nobody gonna say anything bad about Showgirls! That sex scene was hot and that movie is perfection!!!!!

[Manchester Online]

Page Six Blind Items..You Guess...I Guess..

WHICH soon-to-be-divorced celebrity carries on a secret life in the apartment above his garage? His wife put up with his same-sex philandering for years, but she finally got annoyed with his long-term relationship with a singer staying above the garage.

I'm stuck

WHICH restaurateur was dumped by a very pretty Asian woman? She complained that clinching with him was like "being crushed by a boulder and getting stabbed by a No. 2 pencil all at once"

Rocco

WHICH handsome reality TV host rudely insulted two young ladies at the bar in the W Hotel in Times Square with ungentlemanly remarks about the girls' chests? He then called an escort service and was partying with a Russian call girl 20 minutes later.

Ty Pennington

Could this be the end for Tara Reid?

Friends of Tara Reid are extremely concerned for her. She has apparently went into a complete meltdown after E! dropped her show Taradise. She is also not getting any new offers. Tara has moved back to New York and told Steppin' Out magazine:

"How many more years are [the media] going to pick on me? There's other new young bad girls. Move on to someone else! . . . I need one more great movie role so they say, 'Wow, she can act! She's a great actress.' Then I think they'll leave me alone . . . If I'm going to try and do something, it has to happen this year. I'm not stupid."


"Listen, if I could get good movies, you would never see me going out. But when there's nothing to do, what am I supposed to do, just sit in my house and go crazy? But going out is not all I do.

"I'm just fed up. I just want a chance again. I want to show that I am an actress . . . I just wish a director would believe in me.

"The gossip reporters know the truth. They know they could write good things about me. They could write I'm a good person who is cleaning up her act. I am getting older, and I want different things in my life. I want to get married and have kids.

"I've had a million publicists, and they've done nothing for me . . . Publicists are supposed to fight for me and believe in me, and they don't do that. They don't!

"I thought 'Taradise' was going to help me . . . I wanted to show the whole world the truth — I'm fun . . . But do I think it was cut like that? No. It could have been a better show . . . I didn't want to look like a total party-girl drug retard. I think the shots they show aren't fair."

I really want to feel sorry for her. But she did this shit to herself! She gives the gossips something to talk and write about it and you know she loves it. If somebody was calling me a drunk in every fucking paper and I didn't like it, I just wouldn't get drunk anymore. Duh! Looks like Tara's 15-minutes are up.

Expect her on The Surreal Life next!

[Page Six]

Skating with Celebrities

I know some of you are reality tv junkies like I am, so you may like this piece of information. A reader tells me they are currently shooting Skating with Celebrities for Fox. I know that shit sounds like it sucks and it might, but I'll still watch that shit!

Anyhow, a reader tells me that the first couple has already been eliminated.

So if you want to be spoiled, Click here

The Dlisted Report

Mike Meyers has signed on to play The Who's Keith Moon in yet another rock star biopic. Roger Daltrey is producing. Moon's penchant for destroying drum sets while bandmate Pete Townshend smashed his guitars helped to forge The Who's rebellious image. Moon was just as wild offstage and the lunacy nearly overshadowed an instinctive power drumming skill that fueled The Who. The hard living caught up to Moon, who died in 1978. [Variety]

Renee Zellweger is a busy woman. She will most likely star in a US remake of The Eye. Variety says the new version is envisioned as a psychological horror film about a girl who sees more than she bargained for when she regains her vision after a cornea transplant. [Variety]

Cherry Jones and Ralph Fiennes will star in Brian Friel's Faith Healer. Performances will begin this spring on Broadway at the Booth Theater. [Playbill]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!



I thought Johnny Damon played in center field? - Anonymous 2:59pm

Hot Slut of the Day!



Gozer from Ghosbusters


Birthday Sluts



Monica Bellucci (41)
Lacey Chabert (23)
Kieran Culkin (23)
Jenna Elfman (34)
Eric Stoltz (44)
Crystal Bernard (44)
Fran Drescher (48)
Angie Dickinson (74)

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Motherfuckers!

Ok, so looks like I've had tons of traffic lately so I've reached the limit on my server. So things are looking fucked for a second. But I'm rehosting everything. Sorry sluts!

xoxoxoMichael K

UPDATE -
Ok, this shit is fixed temporarily! I guess I didn't pay the electric bill. You know how we do it. Just kidding! So, I exceeded my bandwidth for the month, but the new month is almost here. So any of you who access the site through dlisted.com might have a bit of an issue. But it'll all be good soon, I promise. And then we'll do it Tara Reid style!

UPDATE #2 - Ok, everything is back to normal! Those bitches gave me more bandwidth. So thanks for putting up with this skankness for a moment!


Per Your Request: Wentworth Miller







Guess the Celebrity?



UPDATE - Click here to see the grown-up celeb!

Congrats to ffleur for being the first to get it right!

The Art of Retouching



My friend Brian sent me the following site. And I spent a good 10 minutes having fun with this shit. Basically, it's the portfolio of some retoucher. But you can pass your cursor over each pic and watch Vivica Fox go from brown to orange! Voila!

Click here to create magic!

[Thanks Bryan]

Ricky Martin is butching it up!

The goatee, the dirt..is Ricky Martin trying to tell us something? Reader Mike sent me in some great screenshots from Ricky's newest video for I Don't Care. I was going to post the song, but it fucking sucks! Looks like Ricky is trying to get away from his Vida Loca days. He's hot. And in the last pic Ricky is totally imagining a huge dong in his mouth!



[Thanks Mike]

Alicia Silverstone is looking rough!



She'll always be Cher from Clueless to me!

Is this the real reason for Renee's heartbreak?



Sources are saying that the reason reason for the end of the road for Kenny Chesney and Renee Zellweger has to do with Colts quarterback Petyon Manning.

They are both nasty! You know Renee expected to get DPed by them, but instead they went at each other!

[Popbitch]

The Moss is in the tank!



Kate Moss
is in Arizona currently attending rehab. Last week several people spotted her shopping in Scottsdale. Now two newspapers confirm that she is at The Meadows Clinic where she will spend the next 30-days.

A spokeswhore for Kate declined to comment.

Can you imagine being in rehab with Kate fucking Moss? That would be really hot. Because like a lot of us have said here, I've never heard the bitch speak. I would just die of anticipation waiting to here one word come out of her mouth. Then I'd slap her silly for no reason!

[Los Angeles Times]

Titties all around!



[JJB]

Mimi is so into beastiality!



Mimi's Jack Russell Terrier, cleverly named Jack loves taking baths with her ass!

"If I'm running a bath all of a sudden I'll hear a splash and Jack will have jumped into the tub.

It's something that has been happening for ages - it's like, 'It's like Jack is in the tub again, swimming around."

You know she lets him swim right between her thighs too! And Mimi went on to embarrass herself more:

"His favorite toy is a jet - like the ones you find in pools and hot-tubs."

So is mine Jack, so is mine...

[Monsters and Critics]

HoHan to show her HooHa!



HoHan will bare all for Vanity Fair magazine. How Demi of her!? The 19yo is proud of her new and more healthy body and is happy to show it off for the cover. HoHan shot the cover last week in Malibu on the beach. Ewww sand in the coochie!

A source said: "It was Paris Hilton's recent Vanity Fair cover, where she's topless and covering her breasts with her arms, that inspired Lindsay to push the envelope even further."

Great, when Paris Hilton inspires you..you know you're a fucking slut!

[National Ledger]

Tea Leoni is a Jedi!



And a hot mom!

A beautiful spring pony!



Sheryl Crow
and Lance Armstrong will marry this Spring at the Baccara Resort in Santa Barbara, CA. That's where Bennifer 1.0 were supposed to get hitched! Copy cats! Sheryl is expected to wear Ralph Lauren!

She's also expected to gallop down the aisle pulling Lance in a beautiful white carriage!

They are registered for carrots and sugar cubes!

[Page Six]

Starlette Jones will eat E!



Star Jones is done with her hosting duties as the new red carpet queen for E! Viewers hated this bitch as did plenty of network executives. Her contract was only for one year and they will not be picking her up again. Good mittens! However, Star claims that the decision was fully hers. Yeah right, bitch got dumped!

Star said she'll be too busy promoting her book Shine: A Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual Journey to Finding Love. Wait, this bitch is actually writing a book about finding love? There are just too many jokes here to pick just one!

An insider claims that E! had been planning not to continue her contract for ages. And Star is a liar!

The source then snickered, "Do you think Star would give up good money and a load of freebies from the goody bags and the dresses for a book? No way."
Yeah they got a point there.

I also love at this past Emmys, how Star didn't even acknowledge Kathy Griffin. That shit was hot. Whoever reads Star's piece of shit book, let me know ASAP! I'm not going to read that mess, but I applaud anybody that does!

[Page Six]

Is Fishsticks preggers?



PerezHilton reported yesterday that Fishsticks Paltrow is pregnant with her second child with Chris Martin. It's purely speculation and nothing has been confirmed. If the bitch is pregnant, she better name that shit Fishsticks Jr. or I'm going to be pissed!

P.S. - I wish the hands in this photo would squeeze a lil' harder!

[PerezHilton]

The Dlisted Report

Renee Zellweger will play Beatrix Potter in a new biopic called Miss Potter. Ewan McGregor may join as the male lead. Miss Potter explores the life of the author of such beloved children's books as "The Tale of Peter Rabbit" and her struggle for independence in Victorian England. The live-action film will have some animated elements. It will be directed by Babe helmer, Chris Noonan. [Variety]

Nancy Meyers of Something's Gotta Give fame will direct Holiday. Cameron Diaz is already signed to the project with Kate Winslet looking to hop aboard. The Columbia Pictures film, which also is written and produced by Meyers, centers on an American woman (Diaz) with man troubles who crosses paths with a British villager (Winslet) with similar problems. Shooting begins next year. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Adam Shankman will direct the big-screen version of the Broadway musical Hairspray. Adam is currently wrapping up filming on Cheaper by the Dozen 2. John Travolta and Queen Latifah look likely to star as Edna Turnblad and Motormouth Mabelle. Production will begin next year in Baltimore for a 2007 release. [Variety]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!



Ok this is seriously in bad taste, but I couldn't stop laughing! It's just a joke!

I knew they'd find that girl in Aruba, sooner or later! - Jeff

Hot Slut of the Day!



Kiki Shepard

[For KK]

Birthday Sluts



Roger Bart (43)

Nathan West (27)
Erika Eleniak (36)
Tom Sizemore (44)
Andrew Dice Clay (47)
Ian McShane (63)

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Too much of everything!

HoHan's in NYC today shooting some video for some song that she can't really sing to. But more importantly, what is this bitch wearing? That ain't even right unless you're a 9yo girl in a ballet recital. And don't get me started and that hair and make-up! I know it's a video but America's favorite pastime is trashing HoHan! DAYUM!







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