Dlisted: 09/11/2005 - 09/18/2005

Saturday, September 17, 2005

HoHan: A retrospective



A Constant Guest



Courtney Love
needs to just call up U-Haul, pack up all her shit and move into rehab permanently! Court was sentenced to 180 days in rehab yesterday after violating her probation.

Court's lawyer said: Love "fully intends to make good on her promise to be clean and sober, and I'm hoping she'll be able to do that,"

Court admitted to breaking her probation by getting high. Duh! Seriously, call Con-Edison already and transfer this bitch's phone line to rehab asap!

[Yahoo News]

Kate Moss admits to walking the white line...

Kate Moss has told her new employers H&M that she indeed dabbled in a little of the powdery stuff like the pictures of her in The Mirror chronicle. Kate is due to model the store's upcoming line featuring the designs of Stella McCartney.

Kate promised in writing to abide by a company policy that models be "healthy, wholesome and sound," spokeswoman Liv Asarnoj said.

What the fuck? Model's aren't supposed to be healthy and wholesome! That's just an oxymoron!

H&M's rep went on to say: "We strongly disapprove of her action. We feel that this is very unfortunate."

[AOL News] [Thanks to Tushkin]


A face only a mother could love!

Tori Spelling is the latest celebrity marriage to bite the dust. Tori and her husband of 1 year, Charlie Shanian have called it splits.

There have been rumors for a while that Tori was over his ass, because the two were never spotted together.

Tori's rep said: "The couple have been living apart since the beginning of August,"

Perhaps the spell finally broke and Charlie woke up one morning to that face of death! You know Tori, spells only last so long. Don't you read any fairy tales? It was bound to end!

Which Hollyweird marriage is next? I'm thinking a certain Reese and a certain Phillipe...

[E! Online]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!



J-Lo, in open defiance of PETA, models her new tiger cub jacket. - Madmoham

Hot Slut of the Day!



Lucie Arnaz


[For Pamboy]


Birthday Sluts



Malik Yoba (38)
Anastacia (32)
Gore Verbinski (40)
Bryan Singer (40)
Baz Luhrmann (43)
Rita Rudner (49)

Friday, September 16, 2005

Say Something Nice

Star Jones: Um...Errr...Um...that lovely GettyImages is in a beautiful font!

Kenny & Renee speak!

Zellweger on "fraud"

This is Zellweger: "The term was simply legal language and not a refection of Kenny's character,"

This is Me: "So he fucked your make-up guy, ha?"

This is Zellweger: "I would personally be very grateful for your support in refraining from drawing derogatory, hurtful, sensationalized or untrue conclusions,"

This is Me: "Your make-up guy and your hair guy? And he was taking it up the ass from one while blowing the other? Damn, you have it bad girl."

This is Chesney: "This is an incredibly sad time. ... I just hope everyone can respect the privacy that I know Renee has already asked for."

This is Me: "Tonight? Ok yeah I'm not busy. Bring the lube."

[Yahoo]


Guess the Celebrity?



UPDATE - Click Here to see the owner of these tits!

Congrats to Kristi for getting it right!

Beyonce whistles on the skin-flute!



[Pic: Cityrag]

Is MK Medusa?



Why doesn't she ever like to show us her eyes, anymore? This bitch is Medusa, but a gold-hearted one. Because her eyes cause damage to us, but she really doesn't want to hurt us!

Chestica Simpson is such a badassss!!!



[JJB]

Like he's some Laurence Olivier!?

Ryan Phillipe doesn't like the kind of movies his wife, Reese Witherspoon makes. Neither do I, but I've never starred in I Know What You Did Last Summer. The two have starred in Cruel Intentions together and when asked if they would ever do another movie together, Reese replied:

"I don't think he's interested in the kind of films I do."

"We talk about it and stuff, but right now I think he's having a lot of fun doing what he's doing. So it's a no go."


What that silly Reese meant to say was:

"I don't think he's interested in my vagina anymore."

My vagina tries to talk his penis and stuff, but right now I think it's having a lot of fun doing what it's doing. So it's a no go."


[Contact Music]

Flower bitches are hot!

Singer, Anastacia wants to be Elton John's flower bitch at his wedding to David Furnish. She has tons of wedding knowledge since she used to be a wedding singer.

"I wanna be his frickin' orchid-throwing flower bitch! I'd hold his train. I'd hold both their trains because you know those bitches will be wearing trains. I would make a fool of myself for El, he's such a lovely, lovely man and I'm so grateful to know him".

I love that bitch for saying that. Anastacia and Elton have been friends for years. She's also jealous of the gorgeousness that is Posh Spice.

"Victoria and David came to one of my concerts right after she gave birth and I wanted to smack her down because she looked so fucking good I was like 'I hate you'"

Um, doesn't Anastacia know that Posh had a tummy tuck, lipo and implants hours after giving birth?

[Female First]

Seann is a fag, right?

Seann William Scott is single and hasn't had much luck with the ladies. But various sources have told me that this bitch is as gay as GAL Reynolds. Can anyone confirm this?

Sean said: "I've always been single, really. I'm single now. When the first 'American Pie' film came out, girls were scared of me. They would say, 'Here comes the crazy guy'. "I don't meet that many cool chicks I'm always working in LA so I don't really have time But if I did meet the right girl I'd make room for her"

And I think he meant if he meets the right beard. I hear Kenny Chesney's beard is on the market!

[Female First]

The big question we've all been asking!?



Does Brad Pitt have nuts? We'll soon find out. Mr. Angelina Jolie will bare all for a bath scene in his new film The Assassination of Jesse James currently shooting Canada.

A source on the film said: "In the script a fully nude Pitt baths himself with a washcloth while standing in a tub. This is a pretty long nude scene for any actor".

What this means is "Angelina's making him do it."

[Teen Today]

Fishsticks is the biggest snob in the world!

Fishsticks Paltrow is always talking shit about the US. Little does this bitch know that this country helped create her fishy ass! She recently said:

"I've always been drawn to Europe. America is such a young country, with an adolescent swagger about it. But I feel that I have a more European sensibility, a greater respect for the multicultural nature of the globe. And it's a strange time to be an American now. I feel like we're really in trouble. I just had a baby and thought, 'I don't want to live there.' Bush's anti-environment, pro-war policies are a disaster."

Ok, I agree with her about the Bush shit but she's basically nuts. Who the fuck says "I have a European sensibility"? This bitch is always living in a fucking Jane Austen novel!

[Page Six]


Sean Preston Spears Federline

As much as we would love Brit Brit's baby to be called PMS, it ain't going to happen. The proud parents released a statement declaring that their new son's name is Sean Preston.

“We are ecstatic to announce the birth of our son! Everyone is happy, healthy and doing wonderful. Thank you for all your love and well wishes!!”

Sean weighed in at 6lbs, 11 ounces.

You know Britney is smoking a Marlboro red and cramming a dozen cans of Red Bull down her throat as I write this. Kevin's probably out buying another Ferrari. This kid only solidifies his new fortune!

[MSNBC]

FRAUD!!!

Renee Zellweger claimed "fraud" on court papers filed yesterday, annulling her 4-month marriage to Kenny Chesney.

A reader wrote me stating that fraud basically means that one party was not aware of certain facts before they married the other. Um...this is crystal clear. Either Kenny Chesney has a vagina or he's a fag! I go for the latter. Maybe Renee finally peeled open those squinty eyes of her!

Mrs. Jack White better watch her back and install some barbed-wire pronto! Zellweger is coming for your breadwinner!

[Yahoo News]

I'm into this shit!



DERAILED is a suspense thriller about ad exec and family man Charles Schine (Clive Owen) who meets business woman, Lucinda (Jennifer Aniston), on the commuter train to Chicago. Flirtation quickly escalates, but their fling turns dangerous when a violent criminal, LaRoche (Vincent Cassel), blackmails them, promising to reveal their indiscretion and threatening their families if they to not pay him. With their lives thrown terrifyingly off-course, they must figure out how to turn the tables on LaRoche and save their families.

[Latino Review]

Goodbye Jim!

Survivor: Guatemala debuted last night on CBS and cast it's first victim in Jim, a retired firefighter captain. You know the old bitches are always the first to go. The new Survivor also brought back last season's big heroes, Stephanie and Bobby Jon. For their first big challenge both teams had to race 11-miles. Bobby Jon who is supposed to be all strong and shit almost died. I guess he didn't drink enough water and almost had a seizure. His eyes rolled to the back of his head and everything, it was hot! Well, Bobby Jon's team didn't do to well in the second challenge and they had to send this old fart home.

I'm still unsure about this cast, but I've already got my eye on Jamie who could prove to outlast.

[Jim's Bio]

The Dlisted Report

Simon Baker and Adrian Grenier have joined the cast of The Devil Wears Prada. Anne Hathaway and Meryl Streep currently headline the film. Written by Aline Brosh McKenna, the film is about a small-town girl who gets a job working for a major fashion magazine. Baker will play a writer at the magazine who tries to help the young woman survive life in the big city. Shooting begins this fall in New York. [Variety]

The Memoirs of a Geisha trailer has been released and it's beautiful. The film based on the best-selling novel by Arthur Golden is a sweeping romantic epic set in a mysterious and exotic world that still casts a potent spell today. The story begins in the years before WWII when a penniless Japanese child is torn from her family to work as a maid in a geisha house. Despite a treacherous rival who nearly breaks her spirit, the girl blossoms into the legendary geisha Sayuri (Ziyi Zhang). Beautiful and accomplished, Sayuri captivates the most powerful men of her day, but is haunted by her secret love for the one man who is out of her reach (Ken Watanabe). Click here to see the trailer.

Lennon the Musical has turned out to be a big flop on Broadway. It opened August 14th and will close September 24th, having only played 49 regular performances. [Playbill]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!



After his successful weight loss on "Celebrity Fit Club", Jani Lane of Warrant finds a newfound interest in rocking out. - Kat in Da Hat



[Thanks to PamBoy for pic]

Hot Slut of the Day!



Donna Mills

[For Paul]

Birthday Sluts



Jennifer Tilly (47)
Alexis Bledel (24)
Amy Poehler (34)
Marc Anthony (37)
Molly Shannon (41)
Richard Marx (42)
David Copperfield (49)
Mickey Rourke (49)
Lauren Bacall (81)

Thursday, September 15, 2005

BREAKING NEWS!!




RENEE AND KENNY ARE OVER!!!

Five months after their beachside wedding, Renée Zellweger and country singer Kenny Chesney are having their marriage annulled, PEOPLE has learned.

The couple were married May 9 in a sunset ceremony on St. John in the Virgin Islands before 35 close family and friends. It was the first marriage for both.

No further details about the couple's split were available.

Duh because he's a fag! Let's blame this on the birth of Federfetus!

[People]

[Thanks to SAS]

Love Letter from Alevtina

I just got a friendster message from some girl named Alevtina. It's so hot. Look at what she says:

Hello !!!My name Alevtina.My age of 24 years.I from Russia. My city refers to as Kazan.I the cheerful girl who could not find the half in Russia.Now I try to find the happiness in the Internet.I very much like to prepare for a meal to travel, go in for sports, look films and many other things.Also I very much love children. Now at me they are not present, but I dream, that I will have children!I was intrigued with your questionnaire. To me would like to learn you is more best.There may be you and there is my second half.Write to me the answer necessarily. I shall wait for it!

She totally wants my gay ass!

Carmen to herself...

"Ewwww, this fat whale is totally blocking air to my coke-ridden nose!"

Guess the Celebrity?



UPDATE - Click here to see the owner of these knees!

Congrats to all who guessed right!

That's right baby...kiss the kitten!



Damn, you know Jessica Alba is a dirty slut in bed! Here she is on the beach with her man Cash Warren. And you know she's talking dirty to his ass! Damn, she's really hot. I'm the biggest fag on earth and she could melt my gayness easy! Ok, not really but I'd give her a shot!

[Pic: JustJared]

Chestica Simpson goes to the Renaissance Fair!



And did she put on some poundage?

HoHan + Kelly Osbourne = Lezzies!



Kelly is the top, right? And this pic was taken last night, so I guess HoHan wasted no time in putting those extensions back in!

Me thinks...

That Nicole Richie kidnapped a 12yo boy, killed him and replaced his head with hers. And she has the money to do this, trust me!

HoHan got a haircut!

Too bad she still looks like trash! Why won't she go back to red, it's a million times better. And Gwyneth Paltrow, well looks like a frigid granny as always!

JLo will pay for this!

Heather McCartney had an embarrassing moment recently at JLo's offices in New York. Heather was there to deliver a DVD of animals being killed for their furs. Heather works closely with Peta and was there to personally send a message to Jennifer Lopez to urge her to stop using fur in her fashion line. But security guards did not allow her to enter and manhandled Heather which caused her prosthetic leg to come detached.

A photographer who was there said: "I saw her touch her knee and I could see she was in pain. She limped to the ladies' room but it was locked.

"I found another door open which led on to a stairwell. At least she could have the private moment she needed."

This sad! But reminds me of how my stepmother had a prosthetic leg and I thought about hiding it from her so she would have to crawl around looking for it. But that bitch deserved it!

[Ananova]


Brad Jolie



Brad Pitt
may become Angelina's wife very soon. Reports are that the two will tie the knot once his divorce to Jennifer Aniston becomes finalized. This is old news right? The new news is that the two will apparently wed at George Clooney's Lake Como mansion in Italy. George Clooney has offered his home as long as Brad offers his ass. George has insisted that the home is very private for the two to have a beautiful wedding.

Brad is currently in Canada filming a movie, so the two won't be able to exchange vows until next year. Meanwhile, Maddox is secretly planning some kind "accident" to rid the world of both Brad and Zahara. Nobody is going to come between him and being carried!

[Ananova]

Kate Moss the Cokehead!



UPDATE - Gawker has the rest of photos. Click here to see them.



[Gawker] [Thanks to WWJDD]

Let's just throw our money away!

I know that CZJ loves excess but this ridiculous. Apparently, Catherine Zeta-Jones spends nearly $50 a bottle containing air from her native Wales.

CZJ has the bottles flown to her from Wales to Los Angeles. She learned that one of her countrymen has been bottling the country's fresh air. CZJ then apparently offered to purchase some from him, but the businessman is remaining tight-lipped.


He said: "I'm afraid I can't talk about Ms Jones. I'm not allowed to.".

So my question is, what the hell does she do with the air? Perhaps she injects more of it into her brain!

[Teen Today]

Mangelina goes John

St. John used to be one of my favorite ads to look at. You know with that old, blonde bitch surrounded by men in tuxedos. Then that stupid bitch Gisele took over and it was never the same.

Now Women's Wear Daily is reporting that St. John will announce today that Angelina Jolie will be their newest face.

Rumors are buzzing that the deal is a lucrative one for Angie. Reports are that she could receive up to $12 Million for a multi-year deal as well as stakes in the company and a seat on the board.

Mangelina will be the face of the company's new tranny line. Just kidding, Angie is a gorgeous one fo sho!

[WWD] [Thanks to Bubbev]

Kate Moss Heart Cocaine

The Daily Mirror has published pictures of model Kate Moss snorting a huge line of cocaine while her junkie-boyfriend Pete Doherty looks on.

Kate is seen crushing and chopping lines of cocaine on a CD cover.

While her boyfriend and his friends watch, the model prepares around 20 lines of the Class A drug, using a credit card to separate the powder into neat rows.

Kate Moss who was in rehab back in 1998 has since denied that she has used any hard drugs. Unfortunately, The Mirror doesn't have any of these picture on their website.

If any of you come across these, let me know asap!!!!

[My Fashion Life]


The Dlisted Report

Bruce Willis, Bruce Dern and Virginia Madsen have hopped on board The Polish Brothers' The Astronaut Farmer. The film also stars Billy Bob Thornton. The story centers on an eccentric farmer (Thornton) who dreams of space travel and sets out to build a rocket in his barn. His neighbors consider him an oddity, the government thinks he is a threat and the media see him as a story. Shooting is currently underway in New Mexico. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Martin Short will play the villain in The Santa Clause 3. Martin will play Jack Frost who tries to take over Christmas from Santa Clause. Tim Allen returns as Santa, aka Scott Calvin, who struggles to keep his new family happy while battling Frost. Michael Lembeck, who directed the second "Santa Clause" film, returns to helm the third installment. Shooting begins this November for a Christmas 2006 release. [Variety]

Lil' Kim is currently being filmed before going to prison for a new reality show. The show which is titled Lil' Kim Goes to the Big House will chronicle Kim as she prepares her new album and also preps for jail! No network is attached yet. [Reality Blurred]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!



Bush looks worried after he just realized that someone has not replaced the cartoon section of the newspaper with his speech yet. - ladle_heer

Jordan the Actress!

Michael K has introduced me to the wonderful world of Jordan, so wasn't I surprised when I was watching my favorite TV show, Footballers Wives, and that bitch shows up! She appears at Harley and Shannon's wedding and acts like a fucking slut (Note: This TV wedding is NOT as classy as her real wedding, which Michael K has chronicled). She grabs her tits and tells Shannon that her boobs are the best thing that ever happened to her. All while wearing a fucking tiara! Move over Meryl Streep, Jordan is in town!

Here is Jordan with the glamorous and sophisticated TANYA TURNER

Image hosted by TinyPic.com

Hot Slut of the Day!



Loretta Swit

Birthday Sluts



Josh Charles (34)
Sophie Dahl (28)
Oliver Stone (59)
Tommy Lee Jones (59)

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!!

THE FEDERFETUS HAS ARRIVED!!

And it's a boy, has the world ended yet? Am I writing this from the afterworld?

The singer delivered her baby via C-section at Santa Monica UCLA Medical Center around 1 p.m. PST.

UPDATE - Damn, that was fast! USWeekly already has a cover worked out. The magazine is also reporting that they will name their son Preston Michael Spears Federline. Although his name hasn't yet been confirmed.



[Us Weekly]

Say Something Nice

Kimberly Stewart: Um...her dad has a really nice song called Maggie May!

Federfetus is arriving!



Quick, we must all leave quickly! The end is near! Reports are that Britney Spears is having a C-section right now at Cedars (that's where I was born!) in Los Angeles.

Run for your lives!!!!!!!

[Radar]

Guess the Celebrity: Advanced Edition



UPDATE - Click here to see the owner of these knees!


Trouble in Paradise?


Guy Ritchie has apparently quit the Kabbalah no doubt sending Esther into a tail-spin of terror! Looks like he finally got some balls!

A source close to the couple said: "Madonna is absolutely fuming with Guy. Kabbalah is her life and she feels like Guy has rejected her as well as the cult."It took her years to convince him to join the sect and she was thrilled by his growing enthusiasm for it over the past years".

Guy is afraid that his involvement in Kabbalah has caused his newest flick Revolver to suffer.

"The horrific reception 'Revolver' has received has undone all of Madonna's good work Critics hate the Kabbalah plugs He wants to distance himself from it But Madonna is such a staunch supporter; it will make their marriage very difficult"
I would love Guy tell this bitch that she's a Kabbalah freak! But me thinks living in that castle is pretty cushy and I'd wear a red string and pretend to worship whatever to live in that shit!

[Female First]

Is Tyra Banks the new Oprah?



More like the new Jenny Jones. FourFour has an amazing recap of the premiere episode of the cleverly titled The Tyra Banks Show. I personally did not view this train-wreck, but I wish I had. This is going into my Tivo ASAP! Here is a great quote from one of her monologues:

You guys, on my show, self image is really important to me. We're going to be talking about women's self image. And we're gonna have fun. We're gonna have your favorite celebrities on here talkin' about their projects and I'ma be askin' 'em personal stuff, too. Not just, you know, work stuff. And, of course, I've been a model for a long time, so we're gonna do some makeovers and have fashion like you have never seen before on daytime, 'cause that is my specialty. And of course, you guys, for all the women, we're gonna have a lot of stuff about relationships, 'cause, child, I been cheated on, I been lied to, I been a snooper lookin' through his drawers like, "I know you cheatin'." So we're going to be doing a lot of shows like that, too.

To show her real she is, Tyra showed us what she looks like without make-up...



And what did we do to deserve this? God no, I want to like her but I can't like anybody that has a face like that! Put some spackle on that STAT!

For a full recap, visit FourFour. That bitch is hilarious!

[FourFour]



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