HoHan: A retrospective

A Constant Guest

Courtney Love needs to just call up U-Haul, pack up all her shit and move into rehab permanently! Court was sentenced to 180 days in rehab yesterday after violating her probation.

Court's lawyer said: Love "fully intends to make good on her promise to be clean and sober, and I'm hoping she'll be able to do that,"

Court admitted to breaking her probation by getting high. Duh! Seriously, call Con-Edison already and transfer this bitch's phone line to rehab asap!

[Yahoo News]

Kate Moss admits to walking the white line...

Kate Moss has told her new employers H&M that she indeed dabbled in a little of the powdery stuff like the pictures of her in The Mirror chronicle. Kate is due to model the store's upcoming line featuring the designs of Stella McCartney.

Kate promised in writing to abide by a company policy that models be "healthy, wholesome and sound," spokeswoman Liv Asarnoj said.

What the fuck? Model's aren't supposed to be healthy and wholesome! That's just an oxymoron!

H&M's rep went on to say: "We strongly disapprove of her action. We feel that this is very unfortunate."

[AOL News] [Thanks to Tushkin]

A face only a mother could love!

Tori Spelling is the latest celebrity marriage to bite the dust. Tori and her husband of 1 year, Charlie Shanian have called it splits.

There have been rumors for a while that Tori was over his ass, because the two were never spotted together.

Tori's rep said: "The couple have been living apart since the beginning of August,"

Perhaps the spell finally broke and Charlie woke up one morning to that face of death! You know Tori, spells only last so long. Don't you read any fairy tales? It was bound to end!

Which Hollyweird marriage is next? I'm thinking a certain Reese and a certain Phillipe...

[E! Online]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

J-Lo, in open defiance of PETA, models her new tiger cub jacket. - Madmoham

Hot Slut of the Day!

Lucie Arnaz

[For Pamboy]

Birthday Sluts

Malik Yoba (38)
Anastacia (32)
Gore Verbinski (40)
Bryan Singer (40)
Baz Luhrmann (43)
Rita Rudner (49)

Say Something Nice

Star Jones: Um...Errr...Um...that lovely GettyImages is in a beautiful font!

Kenny & Renee speak!

Zellweger on "fraud"

This is Zellweger: "The term was simply legal language and not a refection of Kenny's character,"

This is Me: "So he fucked your make-up guy, ha?"

This is Zellweger: "I would personally be very grateful for your support in refraining from drawing derogatory, hurtful, sensationalized or untrue conclusions,"

This is Me: "Your make-up guy and your hair guy? And he was taking it up the ass from one while blowing the other? Damn, you have it bad girl."

This is Chesney: "This is an incredibly sad time. ... I just hope everyone can respect the privacy that I know Renee has already asked for."

This is Me: "Tonight? Ok yeah I'm not busy. Bring the lube."

[Yahoo]

Guess the Celebrity?

UPDATE - Click Here to see the owner of these tits!

Congrats to Kristi for getting it right!

Beyonce whistles on the skin-flute!

[Pic: Cityrag]

Is MK Medusa?

Why doesn't she ever like to show us her eyes, anymore? This bitch is Medusa, but a gold-hearted one. Because her eyes cause damage to us, but she really doesn't want to hurt us!

Chestica Simpson is such a badassss!!!

[JJB]

Like he's some Laurence Olivier!?

Ryan Phillipe doesn't like the kind of movies his wife, Reese Witherspoon makes. Neither do I, but I've never starred in I Know What You Did Last Summer. The two have starred in Cruel Intentions together and when asked if they would ever do another movie together, Reese replied:

"I don't think he's interested in the kind of films I do."

"We talk about it and stuff, but right now I think he's having a lot of fun doing what he's doing. So it's a no go."

What that silly Reese meant to say was:

"I don't think he's interested in my vagina anymore."

My vagina tries to talk his penis and stuff, but right now I think it's having a lot of fun doing what it's doing. So it's a no go."

[Contact Music]

Flower bitches are hot!

Singer, Anastacia wants to be Elton John's flower bitch at his wedding to David Furnish. She has tons of wedding knowledge since she used to be a wedding singer.

"I wanna be his frickin' orchid-throwing flower bitch! I'd hold his train. I'd hold both their trains because you know those bitches will be wearing trains. I would make a fool of myself for El, he's such a lovely, lovely man and I'm so grateful to know him".

I love that bitch for saying that. Anastacia and Elton have been friends for years. She's also jealous of the gorgeousness that is Posh Spice.

"Victoria and David came to one of my concerts right after she gave birth and I wanted to smack her down because she looked so fucking good I was like 'I hate you'"

Um, doesn't Anastacia know that Posh had a tummy tuck, lipo and implants hours after giving birth?

[Female First]

Seann is a fag, right?

Seann William Scott is single and hasn't had much luck with the ladies. But various sources have told me that this bitch is as gay as GAL Reynolds. Can anyone confirm this?

Sean said: "I've always been single, really. I'm single now. When the first 'American Pie' film came out, girls were scared of me. They would say, 'Here comes the crazy guy'. "I don't meet that many cool chicks I'm always working in LA so I don't really have time But if I did meet the right girl I'd make room for her"

And I think he meant if he meets the right beard. I hear Kenny Chesney's beard is on the market!

[Female First]

The big question we've all been asking!?

Does Brad Pitt have nuts? We'll soon find out. Mr. Angelina Jolie will bare all for a bath scene in his new film The Assassination of Jesse James currently shooting Canada.

A source on the film said: "In the script a fully nude Pitt baths himself with a washcloth while standing in a tub. This is a pretty long nude scene for any actor".

What this means is "Angelina's making him do it."

[Teen Today]

Fishsticks is the biggest snob in the world!

Fishsticks Paltrow is always talking shit about the US. Little does this bitch know that this country helped create her fishy ass! She recently said:

"I've always been drawn to Europe. America is such a young country, with an adolescent swagger about it. But I feel that I have a more European sensibility, a greater respect for the multicultural nature of the globe. And it's a strange time to be an American now. I feel like we're really in trouble. I just had a baby and thought, 'I don't want to live there.' Bush's anti-environment, pro-war policies are a disaster."

Ok, I agree with her about the Bush shit but she's basically nuts. Who the fuck says "I have a European sensibility"? This bitch is always living in a fucking Jane Austen novel!

[Page Six]

Sean Preston Spears Federline

As much as we would love Brit Brit's baby to be called PMS, it ain't going to happen. The proud parents released a statement declaring that their new son's name is Sean Preston.

“We are ecstatic to announce the birth of our son! Everyone is happy, healthy and doing wonderful. Thank you for all your love and well wishes!!”

Sean weighed in at 6lbs, 11 ounces.

You know Britney is smoking a Marlboro red and cramming a dozen cans of Red Bull down her throat as I write this. Kevin's probably out buying another Ferrari. This kid only solidifies his new fortune!

[MSNBC]

FRAUD!!!

Renee Zellweger claimed "fraud" on court papers filed yesterday, annulling her 4-month marriage to Kenny Chesney.

A reader wrote me stating that fraud basically means that one party was not aware of certain facts before they married the other. Um...this is crystal clear. Either Kenny Chesney has a vagina or he's a fag! I go for the latter. Maybe Renee finally peeled open those squinty eyes of her!

Mrs. Jack White better watch her back and install some barbed-wire pronto! Zellweger is coming for your breadwinner!

[Yahoo News]

I'm into this shit!

DERAILED is a suspense thriller about ad exec and family man Charles Schine (Clive Owen) who meets business woman, Lucinda (Jennifer Aniston), on the commuter train to Chicago. Flirtation quickly escalates, but their fling turns dangerous when a violent criminal, LaRoche (Vincent Cassel), blackmails them, promising to reveal their indiscretion and threatening their families if they to not pay him. With their lives thrown terrifyingly off-course, they must figure out how to turn the tables on LaRoche and save their families.

[Latino Review]

Goodbye Jim!

Survivor: Guatemala debuted last night on CBS and cast it's first victim in Jim, a retired firefighter captain. You know the old bitches are always the first to go. The new Survivor also brought back last season's big heroes, Stephanie and Bobby Jon. For their first big challenge both teams had to race 11-miles. Bobby Jon who is supposed to be all strong and shit almost died. I guess he didn't drink enough water and almost had a seizure. His eyes rolled to the back of his head and everything, it was hot! Well, Bobby Jon's team didn't do to well in the second challenge and they had to send this old fart home.

I'm still unsure about this cast, but I've already got my eye on Jamie who could prove to outlast.

[Jim's Bio]

The Dlisted Report

Simon Baker and Adrian Grenier have joined the cast of The Devil Wears Prada. Anne Hathaway and Meryl Streep currently headline the film. Written by Aline Brosh McKenna, the film is about a small-town girl who gets a job working for a major fashion magazine. Baker will play a writer at the magazine who tries to help the young woman survive life in the big city. Shooting begins this fall in New York. [Variety]

The Memoirs of a Geisha trailer has been released and it's beautiful. The film based on the best-selling novel by Arthur Golden is a sweeping romantic epic set in a mysterious and exotic world that still casts a potent spell today. The story begins in the years before WWII when a penniless Japanese child is torn from her family to work as a maid in a geisha house. Despite a treacherous rival who nearly breaks her spirit, the girl blossoms into the legendary geisha Sayuri (Ziyi Zhang). Beautiful and accomplished, Sayuri captivates the most powerful men of her day, but is haunted by her secret love for the one man who is out of her reach (Ken Watanabe). Click here to see the trailer.

Lennon the Musical has turned out to be a big flop on Broadway. It opened August 14th and will close September 24th, having only played 49 regular performances. [Playbill]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!

After his successful weight loss on "Celebrity Fit Club", Jani Lane of Warrant finds a newfound interest in rocking out. - Kat in Da Hat



[Thanks to PamBoy for pic]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Donna Mills

[For Paul]

Birthday Sluts

Jennifer Tilly (47)
Alexis Bledel (24)
Amy Poehler (34)
Marc Anthony (37)
Molly Shannon (41)
Richard Marx (42)
David Copperfield (49)
Mickey Rourke (49)
Lauren Bacall (81)

BREAKING NEWS!!

RENEE AND KENNY ARE OVER!!!

Five months after their beachside wedding, Renée Zellweger and country singer Kenny Chesney are having their marriage annulled, PEOPLE has learned.

The couple were married May 9 in a sunset ceremony on St. John in the Virgin Islands before 35 close family and friends. It was the first marriage for both.

No further details about the couple's split were available.

Duh because he's a fag! Let's blame this on the birth of Federfetus!

[People]

[Thanks to SAS]

Love Letter from Alevtina

I just got a friendster message from some girl named Alevtina. It's so hot. Look at what she says:

Hello !!!My name Alevtina.My age of 24 years.I from Russia. My city refers to as Kazan.I the cheerful girl who could not find the half in Russia.Now I try to find the happiness in the Internet.I very much like to prepare for a meal to travel, go in for sports, look films and many other things.Also I very much love children. Now at me they are not present, but I dream, that I will have children!I was intrigued with your questionnaire. To me would like to learn you is more best.There may be you and there is my second half.Write to me the answer necessarily. I shall wait for it!

She totally wants my gay ass!

Carmen to herself...

"Ewwww, this fat whale is totally blocking air to my coke-ridden nose!"

Guess the Celebrity?

UPDATE - Click here to see the owner of these knees!

Congrats to all who guessed right!

That's right baby...kiss the kitten!

Damn, you know Jessica Alba is a dirty slut in bed! Here she is on the beach with her man Cash Warren. And you know she's talking dirty to his ass! Damn, she's really hot. I'm the biggest fag on earth and she could melt my gayness easy! Ok, not really but I'd give her a shot!

[Pic: JustJared]

Chestica Simpson goes to the Renaissance Fair!

And did she put on some poundage?

HoHan + Kelly Osbourne = Lezzies!

Kelly is the top, right? And this pic was taken last night, so I guess HoHan wasted no time in putting those extensions back in!

Me thinks...

That Nicole Richie kidnapped a 12yo boy, killed him and replaced his head with hers. And she has the money to do this, trust me!

HoHan got a haircut!

Too bad she still looks like trash! Why won't she go back to red, it's a million times better. And Gwyneth Paltrow, well looks like a frigid granny as always!

JLo will pay for this!

Heather McCartney had an embarrassing moment recently at JLo's offices in New York. Heather was there to deliver a DVD of animals being killed for their furs. Heather works closely with Peta and was there to personally send a message to Jennifer Lopez to urge her to stop using fur in her fashion line. But security guards did not allow her to enter and manhandled Heather which caused her prosthetic leg to come detached.

A photographer who was there said: "I saw her touch her knee and I could see she was in pain. She limped to the ladies' room but it was locked.

"I found another door open which led on to a stairwell. At least she could have the private moment she needed."

This sad! But reminds me of how my stepmother had a prosthetic leg and I thought about hiding it from her so she would have to crawl around looking for it. But that bitch deserved it!

[Ananova]

Brad Jolie

Brad Pitt may become Angelina's wife very soon. Reports are that the two will tie the knot once his divorce to Jennifer Aniston becomes finalized. This is old news right? The new news is that the two will apparently wed at George Clooney's Lake Como mansion in Italy. George Clooney has offered his home as long as Brad offers his ass. George has insisted that the home is very private for the two to have a beautiful wedding.

Brad is currently in Canada filming a movie, so the two won't be able to exchange vows until next year. Meanwhile, Maddox is secretly planning some kind "accident" to rid the world of both Brad and Zahara. Nobody is going to come between him and being carried!

[Ananova]

Kate Moss the Cokehead!

UPDATE - Gawker has the rest of photos. Click here to see them.



[Gawker] [Thanks to WWJDD]

Let's just throw our money away!

I know that CZJ loves excess but this ridiculous. Apparently, Catherine Zeta-Jones spends nearly $50 a bottle containing air from her native Wales.

CZJ has the bottles flown to her from Wales to Los Angeles. She learned that one of her countrymen has been bottling the country's fresh air. CZJ then apparently offered to purchase some from him, but the businessman is remaining tight-lipped.


He said: "I'm afraid I can't talk about Ms Jones. I'm not allowed to.".

So my question is, what the hell does she do with the air? Perhaps she injects more of it into her brain!

[Teen Today]

Mangelina goes John

St. John used to be one of my favorite ads to look at. You know with that old, blonde bitch surrounded by men in tuxedos. Then that stupid bitch Gisele took over and it was never the same.

Now Women's Wear Daily is reporting that St. John will announce today that Angelina Jolie will be their newest face.

Rumors are buzzing that the deal is a lucrative one for Angie. Reports are that she could receive up to $12 Million for a multi-year deal as well as stakes in the company and a seat on the board.

Mangelina will be the face of the company's new tranny line. Just kidding, Angie is a gorgeous one fo sho!

[WWD] [Thanks to Bubbev]

Kate Moss Heart Cocaine

The Daily Mirror has published pictures of model Kate Moss snorting a huge line of cocaine while her junkie-boyfriend Pete Doherty looks on.

Kate is seen crushing and chopping lines of cocaine on a CD cover.

While her boyfriend and his friends watch, the model prepares around 20 lines of the Class A drug, using a credit card to separate the powder into neat rows.

Kate Moss who was in rehab back in 1998 has since denied that she has used any hard drugs. Unfortunately, The Mirror doesn't have any of these picture on their website.

If any of you come across these, let me know asap!!!!

[My Fashion Life]

The Dlisted Report

Bruce Willis, Bruce Dern and Virginia Madsen have hopped on board The Polish Brothers' The Astronaut Farmer. The film also stars Billy Bob Thornton. The story centers on an eccentric farmer (Thornton) who dreams of space travel and sets out to build a rocket in his barn. His neighbors consider him an oddity, the government thinks he is a threat and the media see him as a story. Shooting is currently underway in New Mexico. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Martin Short will play the villain in The Santa Clause 3. Martin will play Jack Frost who tries to take over Christmas from Santa Clause. Tim Allen returns as Santa, aka Scott Calvin, who struggles to keep his new family happy while battling Frost. Michael Lembeck, who directed the second "Santa Clause" film, returns to helm the third installment. Shooting begins this November for a Christmas 2006 release. [Variety]

Lil' Kim is currently being filmed before going to prison for a new reality show. The show which is titled Lil' Kim Goes to the Big House will chronicle Kim as she prepares her new album and also preps for jail! No network is attached yet. [Reality Blurred]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!

Bush looks worried after he just realized that someone has not replaced the cartoon section of the newspaper with his speech yet. - ladle_heer

Jordan the Actress!

Michael K has introduced me to the wonderful world of Jordan, so wasn't I surprised when I was watching my favorite TV show, Footballers Wives, and that bitch shows up! She appears at Harley and Shannon's wedding and acts like a fucking slut (Note: This TV wedding is NOT as classy as her real wedding, which Michael K has chronicled). She grabs her tits and tells Shannon that her boobs are the best thing that ever happened to her. All while wearing a fucking tiara! Move over Meryl Streep, Jordan is in town!

Here is Jordan with the glamorous and sophisticated TANYA TURNER

Hot Slut of the Day!

Loretta Swit

Birthday Sluts

Josh Charles (34)
Sophie Dahl (28)
Oliver Stone (59)
Tommy Lee Jones (59)

BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!!

THE FEDERFETUS HAS ARRIVED!!

And it's a boy, has the world ended yet? Am I writing this from the afterworld?

The singer delivered her baby via C-section at Santa Monica UCLA Medical Center around 1 p.m. PST.

UPDATE - Damn, that was fast! USWeekly already has a cover worked out. The magazine is also reporting that they will name their son Preston Michael Spears Federline. Although his name hasn't yet been confirmed.



[Us Weekly]

Say Something Nice

Kimberly Stewart: Um...her dad has a really nice song called Maggie May!

Federfetus is arriving!

Quick, we must all leave quickly! The end is near! Reports are that Britney Spears is having a C-section right now at Cedars (that's where I was born!) in Los Angeles.

Run for your lives!!!!!!!

[Radar]

Guess the Celebrity: Advanced Edition

UPDATE - Click here to see the owner of these knees!

Trouble in Paradise?

Guy Ritchie has apparently quit the Kabbalah no doubt sending Esther into a tail-spin of terror! Looks like he finally got some balls!

A source close to the couple said: "Madonna is absolutely fuming with Guy. Kabbalah is her life and she feels like Guy has rejected her as well as the cult."It took her years to convince him to join the sect and she was thrilled by his growing enthusiasm for it over the past years".

Guy is afraid that his involvement in Kabbalah has caused his newest flick Revolver to suffer.

"The horrific reception 'Revolver' has received has undone all of Madonna's good work Critics hate the Kabbalah plugs He wants to distance himself from it But Madonna is such a staunch supporter; it will make their marriage very difficult"
I would love Guy tell this bitch that she's a Kabbalah freak! But me thinks living in that castle is pretty cushy and I'd wear a red string and pretend to worship whatever to live in that shit!

[Female First]

Is Tyra Banks the new Oprah?

More like the new Jenny Jones. FourFour has an amazing recap of the premiere episode of the cleverly titled The Tyra Banks Show. I personally did not view this train-wreck, but I wish I had. This is going into my Tivo ASAP! Here is a great quote from one of her monologues:

You guys, on my show, self image is really important to me. We're going to be talking about women's self image. And we're gonna have fun. We're gonna have your favorite celebrities on here talkin' about their projects and I'ma be askin' 'em personal stuff, too. Not just, you know, work stuff. And, of course, I've been a model for a long time, so we're gonna do some makeovers and have fashion like you have never seen before on daytime, 'cause that is my specialty. And of course, you guys, for all the women, we're gonna have a lot of stuff about relationships, 'cause, child, I been cheated on, I been lied to, I been a snooper lookin' through his drawers like, "I know you cheatin'." So we're going to be doing a lot of shows like that, too.

To show her real she is, Tyra showed us what she looks like without make-up...



And what did we do to deserve this? God no, I want to like her but I can't like anybody that has a face like that! Put some spackle on that STAT!

For a full recap, visit FourFour. That bitch is hilarious!

[FourFour]

I hate the Pussycat Dolls!

If I have to hear that song Don't Cha one more time, I'm going to slit my eyes with a fucking rusty nail! And look how airbrushed that bitch's waist is!

Lynda Carter sings?

Lynda Carter will make her stage debut in the London production of Chicago. Wonder Woman will play the role of Matron Mama Morton. She will start performances September 26th.

I love this bitch, but can she sing? I guess you don't need to anymore. I wish she would play Roxie though. She would be a much better Roxie!

[Yahoo]

Jordan is perfection!

She looks like she belongs on top of an ice cream cake!

[Elisa]

Star Jones deserves sainthood!

God, I hate Star Jones more than anything. She's more repulsive than Tara Reid at the gyno. Well, since Star Jones is such a giving person.. she has opened her heart to the victims of Hurricane Katrina. Star and GAL will give a whopping $5,000 to relief efforts. But, oh no the charity doesn't stop there! Star will also donate 100 pairs of shoes, most likely none of which she paid for. She does work for Payless, doesn't she? And, no folks it gets better! She will also open up her Hamptons home to them for 6-months!

How the fuck are those people going to get to the Hamptons? What Star should've done is offer up her husband GAL to all the gay tops who need a good bottom! You know GAL is a perfect pass-around-patty!

[Z100]

College Drop-Out!

MK Olsen will not be returning to NYU this fall. Surprise, surprise. MK is taking a break as a sophmore to pursue independent study at an art school in Southern California. Yeah I know what independent study means. That means cocaine and fucking! I'm not stupid MK!

The Olsen's spokeswhore said that MK will be back for Winter semester. Ashley however will not leave NYU and is already back.

Please, if I was MK I'd say fuck you to college! This bitch is already a gazillionaire. She should lay on her yacht in the South of France topless like any other respectable socialite!

[Washington Square News]

The Klum and The Seal name their kid!

Heidi Klum gave birth to a baby boy in Los Angeles on Monday. Heidi and her husband Seal have named their son Henry Guenther Ademola Dashtu Samuel. Damn! That's only one name, she didn't have twins! Who the fuck needs 5 names?

Their kid was named after Seal, because his real name is Sealhenry Olusegen Olumide Samuel. I guess having ten thousand names runs in the family.

The couple released a statement: "One of our greatest moments so far was when Leni kissed her little brother many times on the head,"

[Yahoo]

A love song for heroin!

Kate Moss and her cracked-out boyfriend, Pete Doherty are planning to release a love song. They have recorded a duet together called La Belle Et La Bete. Which translates into Beauty and the Crackhead. The song comes with a deal that Kate signed with French Vogue.

The two recorded the song last week and will be released in French Vogue's November issue which Kate is helping edit.

A source said: "Kate is obviously already an established fashion icon. But her profile has risen massively since she started going out with Pete this year.

"Pete is worshipped by certain clothes designers who think he is one of the coolest men on the planet.

"The fashion world has been waiting for Kate and Pete to do something together. Finally she agreed to do a deal with Vogue.

"They recorded La Belle Et La Bete last week and it's all systems go to be given away with the magazine issue she's going to edit."

I haven't heard Kate sing let alone speak! I was beginning to think she was mute!

[Contact Music]

The Dlisted Report

Mark Ruffalo has been signed on to The Brass Wall. When an undercover cop infiltrated the Lucchesi crime family to solve the murder of a city firefighter, he discovered the tipster was the son of a high-ranking police official. No other information has been released. [Variety]

Jessica Lange, Sissy Spacek and Kathy Bates will join forces to star in the indie film Bonneville. The story is about the recently widowed Arvilla (Lange), who is accompanied by her best friends Margene (Spacek) and Carol (Bates) as she takes her husband Joe's vintage Bonneville and heads towards Santa Barbara to deliver Joe's ashes to his resentful daughter, Francine. Production begins next month in Utah and Las Vegas. [Production Weekly]

Eric Bana will headline Romulus, My Father. Australian theater director and actor Richard Roxburgh (Van Helsing, Moulin Rouge!) will direct the story of a young family's bid to start a new life in a hostile country. The story focuses on the relationship between the boy and his father in the wake of his mother's death. Filming begins this February in Australia. [Production Weekly]

Goodbye April!

Finally that stupid bitch Yapril has been booted off of Big Brother 6! I can't tell you how much I hated this chick. She contradicted herself on an hourly basis. And talk about a cry baby, this bitch would cry if the milk tasted a tad bit sour. But the fight between her and Yellvette was legendary. I'm not sure who I'm cheering for anymore. I do love Janelle, but there's something about her that doesn't sit well with me. Maggie is a stone-cold bitch like myself, so I'm kind of drawn to her. Anyhow, the first part of the HOH comp just ended and the one person that I didn't think had a chance in hell of winning it, did. On another note, one of my favorite Yapril quotes while she was in the house was this:

"My husband loves to dick slap me!"

And that basically sums of the most annoying houseguest in BB history!

April's Bio

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!

Between takes for Jaws: The Musical, Ben Affleck wonders how his once promising career went so wrong. - The Betsy

Hot Slut of the Day!

Anna Maria Horsford

Birthday Sluts

Nas (32)
Kimberly Williams (34)
Sam Neill (58)
Zoe Caldwell (72)

Kiki almost looks human under this lighting...

Those are probably the two ugliest women at NYC Fashion Week. Sofia Coppola is a hatchet-face!

Is Lil' Kim considered Puerto Rican now?

Because she really isn't black anymore! Maybe she's Dominican!

Jake's Oedipus Complex..

How is it possible for Gwyneth Paltrow and Jake Gyllenhaal to play lovers in the new film Proof? They are supposed to be around the same age, but this bitch could play his mom! I hate fishsticks!

Guess the Celebrity?

UPDATE - Click here to see the owner of this hand!

Hot Slut of August: Jackie Stallone

Damn, it was a close race!

Thanks for voting, bitches!

Congrats to Jackie Stallone!

My nipple is happy!

Damn! Those breastes be perky! Perhaps they are happy, because they got something shiny on their nose!

[JJB]

Wig or real?

Is that a wig Brandy is rockin? If so, it looks kind of torn back. And don't get me started on that dress. Ashanti looks like she gained some.

[JJB]

Raise your hands if you're a true skank!

Only the second time his head has been in a pussy!

That's Elijah Wood if you can't tell by his gayness!

[Cityrag]

Finally a picture of Cruz Beckham!

Posh shouting to her nanny: "Come get this sack of shit now!"

[Oh No They Didn't]

Wasn't it trashy enough!?!

The pink thrones, the duet to A Whole New World, the Cinderella carriage...

I didn't think it could get more ghetto, but I was wrong. More details are surfacing about Jordan and Peter Andre's super-trashy UK wedding.

Peter Andre wore an ivory suit, ivory shoes made of stingray skin and a waistcoat adorned entirely of Swarvoski crystals. Is he a fucking pimp?

Jordan wore a tight pink wedding dress with thousands of pink Swarvoski crystals. She put a fucking crown on her head!

Now, that's hot. The pink crown was more than a foot high! Her wedding train was more than 7 yards long and took 12 weeks to build. And that shit had crystals too.

Jordan told OK! Magazine: "Our outfits are not tacky, they're pure class."

She's right about that!

[Daily Mail]

[Thanks again to Tushkin!]

You know there was some orgy action going on!

Brad Pitt, George Clooney and Rande Berger found their asses stranded in upstate New York recently due to bad weather. Their original destination was NYC, but their plane was diverted elsewhere due to stormy weather. The trio were so desperate to get back to NYC that they offered to pay a student $1800 to drive them to NYC. Of course he agreed and they were off. Once in NYC, the trio put him up in a fancy hotel.

Please, this shit doesn't make any fucking sense! That student bitch is lying his ass off. These three could easily pick up a phone and call a limo company at least. Why would they want some stranger to give them a ride? Unless....some hot man on man action went down!

[Contact Music]

We own your ass!!!

Pizza-faced, Cameron Diaz said that her fans should cherish her films while they can, because she's keeping an open-mind about changing careers.

She said: "The world is so full of many things to do, so I don't worry about whether my future lies in being a powerful figure in the industry."

Yeah right, bitch. Don't pull a Natalie Portman, you're a show pony now and a show pony you'll always be! You belong to us now and we'll say what you can and cannot do! We'd like to see you in a porn, a really dirt porn. Yeah! A snuff film, that's it! A snuff film! That's what your public wants!

[Contact Music]

Elijah laughs at being gay!

Elijah Wood told Conan O'Brien that he thinks it's funny that there are websites devoted to how gay he is. He especially loves pictures that are photoshopped to look like he's making love to other men.

He told Conan: "There's one that's called elijahwoodisveryverygay, which is actually a personal favorite of mine, it's absolutely hilarious." "It's this kind of joke website that maintains that they have proof that I am very, very gay in various photographs - photographic evidence of me holding hands with a male" .

Elijah also confesses that fans always approach him for pictures of him to sign. And sometimes the pictures are of him making love to other men! He said: "I was actually at a film festival once and this fan came up with a gift, I open the gift in front of all these people that I'm talking to and it happens to be a photo from one of these websites of me and Dominic Monaghan making sweet love"

Wait, so is this fruit cake insinuating that he's not gay? He's one of the biggest bottoms I've ever seen in my life!

[Pink News]

Love is in the air!

Matt Damon has decided to settle down by popping the question to Luciana Barroso. And of course the bitch would be stupid not to accept. That's like rejecting a winning lottery ticket. The two got engaged over Labor Day weekend and his spokeswhore has confirmed this.

Luciana is a former Miami bartender and a single mother. The two have been dating for two years. This couple is ALMOST as boring as Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner. I've seen more heat come from ice cubes.

[MSNBC]

White Lycra

You thought sharks were bad, well don't go in the Persian water if you know what's good for you! Michael Jackson was spotted in a head to toe white, lycra, body suit taking a dip. Jacko rented out an entire water park in Dubai where he invited kids and their parents to swim with him. Gross.

Jacko spent most of his time in the shade even though he was wearing that body suit which only exposed his mouth, eyes and nose. A lifeguard said: "He looked even stranger than usual. His body is very skinny, and the Lycra material did him no favors,"
Dlisted has been given an EXCLUSIVE picture of Jacko in a similar body suit, but in taupe for a more natural feel.



[Page Six]

I would've kidnapped his ass!

Colin Farrell was seen in Palm Beach, FL hitchhiking his ass! He was spotted backwards on the side of the road with his thumb sticking out. The bitches that picked him up said: "We couldn't believe it was him. He looked really wasted."

They drove him back to his hotel at The Breakers where he was staying under the name James Joyce. Colin invited their asses to his room, but they declined. Stupid bitches!

Maybe that wasn't his thumb, he was sticking out. Damn, he's nasty!

[Page Six]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!

"if you rub the twig you will get fire." - SleazyRed

The Klum's finally popped!

Finally! After being preggers for like 6 years, Heidi Klum has given birth to a baby boy. Her baby with Seal was born on Monday. The baby boy is their first together. Congratulations! That's going to be one hot baby!

[SF Gate]

The Dlisted Report

Emma Roberts, niece of Julia Roberts, will play the title role in Nancy Drew: The Mystery in Hollywood Hills. The film follows Nancy Drew as she travels to L.A. with her father and stumbles upon evidence involving the long-unsolved death of a glamorous movie star. Nancy's practical nature and resourcefulness are put to the test when dealing with the self-indulgent world of Hollywood. [Variety]

HBO has renewed its drama series Rome for a second season. They have agreed to 12 more episodes to debut in 2007. [HBO]

Bruce Willis has agreed to guest on That 70s Show for an episode set to premiere in November. Ashton Kutcher asked Bruce if he would do so and Bruce agreed. Bruce will play the head of security at The Playboy Club in Chicago. [Fox]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Dorothy Hamill

Birthday Sluts

Fiona Apple (28)
Ben Savage (25)
Stella McCartney (34)
Jean Smart (46)
Jacqueline Bisset (61)

Say Something Nice

Kelly Osbourne: Um...her waist looks tiny in a corset!

Adam Brody feels comfortable...

I do that all the time!

Goshdarn you, Ellen Degeneres!

Ellen Degeneres is the reason for Hurricane Katrina! Well, that's according to Pat Robertson anyway. What a kook! Pat thinks that Ellen (a lesbian) chosen as a host of The Emmy Awards was the reason for the disaster.

He said: “Is it any surprise that the Almighty chose to strike at Miss Degeneres’ hometown?”

He also said that September 11th happened shortly before Ellen Degeneres hosted the Emmy's last.

“This is the second time in a row that God has invoked a disaster shortly before lesbian Ellen Degeneres hosted the Emmy Awards. America is waiting for her to apologize for the death and destruction that her sexual deviance has brought onto this great nation."

At least, Pat knows that Broadway is full of fags! He said: “God already allows one awards show to promote the homosexual agenda. But clearly He will not tolerate such sinful behavior to spread beyond the Tonys.”

That's right folks! God allows for the Tonys! It all makes sense now!

[Dateline Hollywood]

Thank God Heath is wearing sunglasses!

Or Michelle Williams' nipples would poke one of his eyes out!

Frances Bean Cobain!

She's in Teen Vogue and looking cute! Unlike her skanky mom!

The Dlisted Report

Leonardo DiCaprio will play Theodore Roosevelt in a new biopic of the Pultizer-Prize winning novel The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt. Martin Scorese will direct. The film will chronicle the formative years of Roosevelt as he reinvented himself from a slight and privileged New York politician with a Harvard degree to the burly commander of the Rough Riders, a track that would lead him to the New York governorship, the vice presidency and the White House, when William McKinley was assassinated. [Variety]

Napoleon Dynamite star Jon Heder will star in the independent feature, Mama's Boy. Heder will play an arrogant pseudo-intellectual whose ideal life of living at home with his angelic mom in Texas is threatened when she falls in love with a self-help guru and prepares to marry him. Shooting will begin this February. [Variety]

The Exorcism of Emily Rose was the #1 movie this weekend despite bad reviews. The film brought in $30.2 Million. The 40-Year-Old Virgin was the #2 movie. [Box Office Mojo]

Another hot couple

Luis and Maria from Sesame Street! They are Jordan and Peter Andre's inspiration for true love!

5 ways to make your wedding ultra-trashy!

#5 - Wear a tight pink wedding dress covered in fake diamonds.

#4 - Make sure you walk down the aisle to Whitney Houston's "I Have Nothing."

#3- Rent tacky pink thrones for you and your new husband to sit on during the reception.

#2 - At the reception, have your waiters sing opera while delivering food.

#1 - For your first dance, play a recording of you and your husband singing a duet to Aladdin's "A Whole New World."

No, this isn't from Brit Brit Spears latest book "It's My Wedding, Y'all!" It's the details of Jordan's wedding to Peter Andre! The pictures haven't yet surfaced, but all the details have! Can you imagine these two singing fucking Aladdin? That's genius!

Jordan also showed up to her wedding in a pink, horse-drawn carriage! Like she's fucking Cinderella! More like Sluterella!



[The Sun]

[Thanks to Tushkin]

High or Kidding?!

Pete Doherty and Kate Moss were leaving a birthday party for Jude Law's kid when photographers ambushed their asses. Pete Doherty opened up his heroin-mouth and told the photogs that he and Kate have gotten married. This bitch had to be high or Kate is the dumbest bitch in the world!

Pete held up his wedding ring finger and said: "This is not a rude gesture, I'm just showing you my ring.".

And there was a ring on it! By pics alone he doesn't look like he's packing much or I'd say Kate is dickmatized. Perhaps he gives good head. Either way, she's nuts!

[Gigwise.com]

Give me a lesson on Lesbo sex!

Portia De Rossi would love to marry her girlfriend, Ellen Degeneres. But, since she's the woman she would have to be asked. She didn't really say that, but she did say she had to be asked. Portia also claims she's madly madly in love with the talk show host.

She stated: "I have to be asked. But I love the idea of marriage. I think it's beautiful. I'm such a romantic and I always have been. .

"I'm happier than I ever thought I could be. Ellen's incredible. Just being a couple, being able to walk down a red carpet, holding her hand, that's exciting for me." .

So...this leads me to a bigger question. In the whole lesbian relationship thing, how does the sex work? You know in gay relationships, sometimes there's a dude that takes it up the ass more...and the other guy of course gives it in the ass more. And then there's relationships where you take turns taking it in the ass, etc.. So in lesbian sex does this kind of relationship exist. Is there a chick who straps on more often than not? Or is everything pretty equal? This may be a dumb question to some of you, but I need to be schooled!

[Ireland Online]

Eva LongWHORIA: Being tiny is sooo miserable!

My least favorite Desperate Housewife's life is full of such misery, because she's a size zero! She has so much trouble finding clothes that fit her! Eva admits that she's a size zero, doesn't care for fashion and is basically a casual kind of girl.

She said: "I am a size zero. I've never really been bothered about fashion, but I'm so tiny that all I want is for clothes to fit me" . "If I'm not on the red carpet, I'm a real jeans and T-shirt girl".

She also added: "And if I'm onstage, I'm a camel toe and heels kind of girl!"

[Monsters and Critics]

You ain't my mom bitch!

JLo apparently asks her staff to please call her "mom." Why? Because she's so fucking maternal!

She confessed: "Everybody calls me Mom in my real life - everybody who works for me. I guess I'm just a caretaker".

Yeah, caretaker my ass. I have a good JLo story. So Mrs. Anthony was making an appearance on a TV talk show. She was in her dressing room along with one of her assistants (who is her cousin) and a member of the talk show crew. The talk show crew member witnessed JLo chewing on a piece of gum. Then she turns to her cousin and says "Open your hand" and of course her cousin does so at which JLo takes out her gum and places it in her cousin's hand. Would a fucking mother do that?!

Yeah, they probably call her mom to her face. But more importantly, I want to know what they call her behind her back!

[Female First]

So stoned you can barely keep your eyes open!

We all know Matthew McConaughey is a Grade-A pothead. But some people don't, so when he got a little "groovy" at a John Mellencamp concert recently - some people were caught off guard.

During John's Little Pink Houses, Matthew jumped onstage to join. But unfortunately his body and soul wanted otherwise. A witness said: "He couldn't open his eyes, he didn't know any of the words . . . He just kept hitting his bongos randomly and muttering . . . When he finally left the stage, Mellencamp looked relieved and told the crowd, 'I'm glad he's a good actor at least.' "

I wonder what was going through Matthew's head during all of this. Dancing bears? Dancing Penelope's? Perhaps he was thinking of a conversation he had earlier with Penelope Cruz and was just trying to concentrate on what the fuck she was saying!

[Page Six]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!

Mobile Home: $8,000

Mullet from Fantastic Sam’s: $12.00

Phone Sex Line: 99 cents per minute

Being confident enough to take a shit on your front porch: Priceless - Kartwheel-Kelly

Hot Slut of the Day!

Evelyn King

[For FourFour]

Birthday Sluts

Paul Walker (32)
Emmy Rossum (19)
Benjamin McKenzie (27)
Jason Statham (33)
Amy Yasbeck (42)
Hans Zimmer (48)
Barry White (61)

4 Years Ago, Today...

Hot Slut of the Week: Bobbi Kristina Brown

Age: 12
Birthday: March 4, 1993
Birth Name: Bobbi Kristina Brown

Original Date of Hot Slut of the Day: September 8, 2005

Claim to Fame: The daughter of Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown. Also one of the stars of Being Bobby Brown.

Where is she now? Living in Atlanta, dealing with her crackhead parents.

Why is she Hot Slut of the Week? Because she loves Von Dutch and she puts up with having 2 crazies as parents.

The Tom Sizemore Sex Tape, ewwww...

So I said I would never look at the Tom Sizemore sex tape. Well, I lied! I was bored, so I downloaded the first 10-minutes of that shit. Let's just say it's disgusting. Tom is so coked up and he moans like an injured bear. I've hosted it here for you if any of you are interested in losing your lunch.

Click here to be disgusted!

Congratulations to Jordan!

Jordan and her equally trashy fiancee Peter Andre married yesterday in the UK! Congrats to those two pieces of walking STDs! Hopefully pics of this hot mess of a wedding will surface soon!

[Scotsman.com]

Toothy Tile comes Out!

Oh and Brokeback Mountain won the Grand Prize at The Venice Film Festival.

Hot Slut of the Day!

Ann Wedgeworth

Birthday Sluts

Harry Connick Jr. (38)
Ben Lee (27)
Ludacris (28)
Moby (40)
Virginia Madsen (42)
Elizabeth Daily (43)
Brian De Palma (65)