Attack of the Clones!

Guess the Celebrity?

UPDATE - Click here to see the owner of this smile!

Played Out

So he cheated on her ass, then she apparently took him back and now she's dumped his ass again! Sienna Miller has tried and tried to forgive and forget, but she cannot. Sienna was photographed leaving a lunch with Jude in tears. And so she's cut her losses and moved on... apparently. This isn't the end of it, trust me.

A source said: "They have tried to make a go of it, but it comes down to the fact that Sienna can't trust Jude. She really thought their relationship was something special and was completely in love with Jude."

"But Sienna can't forgive Jude's betrayal. "Jude has pretty much given up. If Sienna can't forgive him after all he has done to say sorry, then there really isn't anything more he can do."

Jesus! They are just doing this for publicity now. Next week they will be married!

[Contact Music]

Own a piece of gay history!

Star Jones and Al Reynolds are selling their Manhattan penthouse at an asking price of $2.25 million. Click here to see their scrumptious abode. I see Al's decorating touches everywhere! However, I'm sad that they didn't include pictures of Al's leather dungeon!

[Corcoran]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

Producers are furious that photos from the upcoming movie Brokeback Mountain showing nude love scenes between actors Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal have been leaked to the media. - Pandemonium

What the hell kind of GD outfit is that?

Tara Reid's in London, so you Brits better get all your vaccines! Here she is leaving Kabaret night club looking like a hooker from the 70s! Trashing Tara Reid is like drinking a fine wine!

Stay away from the Paris!

Hayden Panettiere turns 16 tomorrow and the stupid bitch is already smoking in public and going to clubs with Paris Hilton. You may know Hayden from such films as Remembers the Titans and Raising Helen. In the past few days the two have been seen shopping and slutting it up around town. I think they met at The Teen Choice Awards. First of all if Hayden's parents gave a shit about their daughter they would immediately keep her away from the Paris. Unless, they want her to be the next Tara Reid. It's not like all of us didn't do that shit when we were 15, but Paris Hilton is a whole other breed of skank!







[JJB]

We make a beautiful pair!

Angelina Jolie and her new kid, Zahara both look absolutely gorgeous on the NYC set of Angie's new flick The Good Shepard starring Matt Damon.


click on pic for a larger version

[JJB]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Chuck Norris

[For Liz]

Birthday Sluts

James Marsters (43)
Fred Durst (35)
Joan Allen (49)
Robert Plan (57)
Connie Chung (59)
Isaac Hayes (63)

The Tom Sizemore sex tape has arrived!

Love the bracelet Tom...

Finally the Tom Sizemore sex tape has arrived. Heidi Fleiss is nowhere to be seen thank god. Anyhow, it's not available now. But some smutty internet site has purchased it.

You know oddly enough I don't give a fig if I see this shit or not.

Who am I kidding?! Bring it on!

[AVN]

Another one bites the dust!

Jenny Mcarthy has filed for divorce from her husband John Asher. I always thought he was a fag anyway. They were married for six years.

And the reason? Take a lovely guess..

"irreconcilable differences"

Of course!

Can't they fucking give real reasons. Like: the bitch is gay!

[Yahoo]

Tanya Turner is a hot bitch!

Tanya Turner is the main character in the British series Footballers Wives. This bitch is so hot! She is too high class to make hot slut of the day! Michael K and I love her ass....she's the fictional Posh Spice. Everyone watch Footballers Wives...all this bitch does is smoke cigarettes, get her nails done, and act like a slut!

Marcia Cross engaged.......to a dude!

My favorite Desperate Housewife, Marcia Cross is engaged to boyfriend Tom Mahoney. That bitch is some kind of stockbroker. The bitch is happy and they haven't set a date.

In related news, Teri Snatcher has just ran over a stockbroker in Los Angeles. Details to come.

[CNN]

The "Duh" heard around the world!

Courtney Love admitted in court today that she's not off drugs. DUH! Stupid bitch.

She's been sent back to rehab for like the 2,347,890th time!

[AP]

Mariah Scarey don't wanna be no BBW!

Blogger Andrea Harner is reporting that Mariah Scarey's assistants perform a daily function to remove her size 10 or 12 tags with size 6 tags on all her clothes! This is amazing! And totally true, because I've heard first hand!

A personal source of mine tells me that for a magazine shoot Mariah Scarey's people insisted that Mariah was a size 6. But when Mariah got there she couldn't fucking fit into anything, because that fat bitch is no size 6! So, the stylists had to take these super expensive designer duds and cut them in half! I swear! Once they cut the clothes in half, they put them on her and used rope and twine to tighten them in the back!

Why doesn't this bitch just embrace her BBWness! And go with it! Shit, isn't big beautiful?

[Andrea Harner]

Natasha Lyonne is totally freaking out!

Natasha Lyonne has been missing for a while, did you miss her? Me neither. Anyhow, The Post apparently has found her. They say she's lying in Beth Israel Hospital in NYC suffering from drug withdrawal and disease. They say the disease is Hep c.

I hate to see this kind of thing happen, but we all must learn from Courtney Love. Play with heroin and you're gonna get roasted!

[Gawker]

The Unsexiest Man in the World!

UK Magazine, Company has voted Peter Andre as the Unsexiest Man in the Universe and I have to agree. Jordan's main hubby just reeks of sleaziness!



Also in the list were Michael Jackson, Johnny Vegas and Pete Doherty?

Where was Tara Reid in that list?

[Ananova]

Guess the Celebrity?

Goldie is freaky deaky!

Goldie Hawn and her lover Kurt Russell recently set off their alarm after getting freaky in their bedroom.

She explained: "We went upstairs and we were in the bedroom and it was dark, and that was it.

"We just had the most beautiful lovemaking experience.".
But their hot sexy was interrupted by the coppers! Damn, talk about a buzz kill.

These two are probably into some tantric shit. They were probably reenacting a scene from their film Overboard. Goldie played herself and Kurt played the boat! She rode that thing until he threw her off!

[Female First]

I don't think this was any kind of accident!

On Tuesday, that proper English lady Madonna fell off a horse and broke a bunch of bones. Her spokeswhore said that it was a new horse and Madge wasn't used to it. It seems now that the new horse was a gift from Madge's hubby Guy Ritchie. Hmm...now I know what really happened.

There is some Dial M for Murder shit going on here. Guy has had it with that dumb bitch so paid this horse off to pull a Christopher Reeve on her ass. But since Madge's bones are practically made out of steel, nothing terrible happened.

Oh well Guy, you're stuck with her for another zillion years!

[Female First]

You bitches called it!

When I reported that Eminem cancelled his European tour due to "exhaustion" many of you commented that meant the bitch was detoxing. And you were right. Eminem has checked his stupid ass into rehab. Why? Because that bitch is addicted to sleeping pills. What a girly addiction! He's like the modern day Neely O'Hara!

His record company Interscope confirmed: "Eminem is in the hospital under doctors' care. He is being treated for dependency on sleep medication.".

Neely, I mean Eminem is currently in some Michigan rehab clinic getting fucked with a toilet plunger as we speak! And trust me that kind of shit doesn't only happen in prison!

[Female First]

I Dream of Alba?

Is Jessica Alba set to play Jeannie in a big-screen remake of I Dream of Jeannie? Reports are that Jessica will not do a sequel to The Fantastic Four, because that bitch is too good for that shit. Apparently she's heading for leading lady opposite Jimmy Fallon in the Jeannie remake.

Jessica learn from Nicole Kidman and don't do TV remakes! It is practically career suicide! Stick with The Fantastic Four and stick with keeping your clothes off!

[Page Six]

Lesley Ann Bitch

Lesley Ann Warren was fired on the second day of filming on the low-budget, indie-feature Devil You Know, because she's a demanding bitch! Here are the reasons:

• Lesley is staying at the St. Regis hotel here in NYC while filming, but she also requested a room at The Ritz Carlton downtown so she has a place to rest in between scenes. Her dressing room was not good enough.
• She has been awful and nasty to her younger co-star Rosamund Pike.
• She threw a fit when water was given to her on ice. She demanded room-temp water. She was also pissed that they didn't give her any scented candles.
  
• Lesley had an assistant director fired, because she didn't like the tone of his voice.
  

So the director canned her ass and she was replaced by Lena Olin.

Lesley, don't act like that shit! You're walking on thin ice as it is. You need every role you can get!

[Page Six]

The Dlisted Report

Al Pacino has signed on for the remake of the French classic Rififi. The original film was directed by Jules Dassin and revolved around a career thief who, upon leaving prison, discovers his wife has left him. He returns to crime, plotting a daring jewelry store heist. [Variety]

Daniel Craig will join Nicole Kidman on the remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers simply called Invasion. Produced by Joel Silver, the sci-fi thriller tells the story of a mysterious epidemic that alters the behavior of human beings. When a Washington D.C. psychiatrist (Kidman) discovers the epidemic's origins are extraterrestrial, she must fight to protect her son, who may hold the key to stopping an imminent invasion. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Kelly Monaco and John O'Hurley will rematch for Dancing with the Stars on September 20th for a special 90-minute show. Viewers will decide again and the winner will be announced September 22nd. [Cynthia's Cynopsis]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!

After much consideration, Haylie and Hilary decided that it would be essential to immortalize themselves before someone assassinated their annoying sorry asses. When asked about her opinion on the outcome of this portrait, Hilary stated "I really love the way the artist portrayed my teeth...like, the painting totally captures them as their actual size." - Dominique

R.I.P. Kaysar from Big Brother - AGAIN!!!

Kaysar's Bio

Hot Slut of the Day!

Susan Anton

Birthday Sluts

John Stamos (42)
Lil' Romeo (16)
Erika Christensen (23)
Fat Joe (35)
Matthew Perry (36)
Kyra Sedgwick (40)
Bill Clinton (59)

Bareback Mountain

Here's some screencaps up the upcoming cowboy love story Brokeback Mountain starring Jake G and Heath L. Who is the top and who is the bottom? Oh and in the last pic are they crying or jerking it?

Up on the roof!

Jared Leto threw a BBQ at his Los Angeles home. His new chick Ashley Olsen was there as well as her hooker sister, MK Olsen. Jared got wet and got on the roof, to do..I don't know what. But damn he's hot!





[JJB]

I've never tried cocaine in my life!

In this pic she looks like a crack head...



But in this one she looks stoned! So which is it?! Richie looks gorgeous!



[JJB]

America's Next Piece of Trash!

It's that time again for America's Next Top Model. The new site launched today with all the new bitches. This bitch is my fave:

I don't think she's that hot, but she's a Dairy Queen Manager and I love my blizzards!



Check em out

Kanye loves the gays more than his ego!

Kanye West is giving a shout out to all us gays and wants to end gay bashing in hip hop! No gay bashing in hip hop?! Fuck that!

Kanye says that when he was lil' people would call his ass mama's boy and this made me pretty self-conscious. He said: "And what happened was, it made me kind of homophobic, 'cause it's like I would go back and question myself,"

Kanye changed his gay bashing ways when he found out his cousin was a friend of Dorothy's. "It was kind of like a turning point when I was like, `Yo, this is my cousin. I love him and I've been discriminating against gays.'"

Kanye says hip-hop was always about "speaking your mind and about breaking down barriers, but everyone in hip-hop discriminates against gay people." He adds that in slang, gay is "the opposite, the exact opposite word of hip-hop."

Kanye's message: "Not just hip-hop, but America just discriminates. And I wanna just, to come on TV and just tell my rappers, just tell my friends, `Yo, stop it.'"

I say just shut up and come out of the closet already Kanye!

[Yahoo]

The Top 20 Most Overrated Movies of All-Time

According to Premiere Magazine - Do we agree?

2001: A Space Odyssey
A Beautiful Mind
American Beauty
An American in Paris
Chariots of Fire
Chicago
Clerks
Easy Rider
Fantasia
Field of Dreams
Forrest Gump
Gone with the Wind
Good Will Hunting
Jules & Jim
Moonstruck
Monster's Ball
Mystic River
Nashville
The Red Shoes
The Wizard of Oz

[Premiere]

Body by Jake

I know how lots of you sluts love getting your Jake on...so here ya go..













[JJB]

BREAKING NEWS!!

Hohan bought a pizza!



But I think it was for her new bff, Rumer Willis... Oh well!



[JJB]

At least the rug matches the drapes...

Who would hit Carrot Top?


click on pic to see his pubes!

[Oh No They Didn't]

Hmm...smells like crack infused fish...

Must be Hohan!



[Oh No They Didn't]

I love when people talk in 3rd person!

When that piece of trash, Tara Reid was asked about her show Taradise (formerly Wild on Tara) she said: "I think this show will help people see the real Tara Reid," she adds. "She's fun to be around, she's fun to watch, she has a good heart and she's kind to everyone. What's wrong with that?"

I love when people speak in the 3rd person. Only Grade A messes talk this way. Tara is also perplexed on why people think she's such a drunken wreck.

"I'm just like "shut up!" I'm no different to anyone else," Tara maintains. "I have a good time with people and I make people happy."

She finished it with. "Do you know where I can get some good coke?"

Just kidding!

[Ananova]

It's a boy Mrs. Federline!

Apparently, Brit Brit Spears is having a lovely baby boy! Brit went on a shopping spree at Petit Tresor in Beverly Hills dropping thousands of dollars on boy stuff.

A source said: "They are mulling over several names but the one they favor is Preston."

Preston Federline? I'm a little disappointed. I was hoping for something much more white trash. Like Buchanan Federline or our old favorite, Cheeto Federline.

Anyhow, Britney's baby drops in 2 weeks!

[Ananova]

I love a good Boycott!

Is Gwen Stefani planning to boycott the MTV Music Awards? Gwen was nominated in several categories but apparently she's getting all Diva on their asses, because poor Gwenny wasn't asked to perform.

A MTV spokeswhore sucked her ass by saying: "We love Gwen and we hope she will be able to join us, as we know her fans would love to see her on this big night - especially since she's heavily nominated." .

She'll show up, trust me. This bitch knows publicity and she also loves to be seen wearing those hideous outfits of hers! Holla!

[Female First]

You've got me knocked out!

That stupid bitch, Eva Longoria was rushed to the hospital yesterday after a piece of equipment fell on her head! Ahahahah! That's like a cartoon! Eva was on the set of Desperate Housewives when a giant poll, pole (same thing!) fell on her head! But don't worry, that slut is going to be back in dick-suckin mode very soon!

Her rep said: "She's just fine. It was a big jolt but she has a hard head. She's tough!" .

You know, Teri Snatcher was the cause of that shit!

[Female First]

Reunited and it feels so good!

Sienna Miller and Jude Law were photographed yesterday in London taking a nice stroll. Which kind of confirms that the two are back together.

A friend of Sienna's is saying that the bitch is going to take him back and doesn't think Jude will cheat ever again. That's Bananas!

The friend said: "Sienna hasn't totally forgiven Jude but is doing her best to work things out with him. She really loves him. He is desperate to marry her and have children and he is trying to prove that he won't cheat again." .

You got to be joking me if she really thinks this bitch won't cheat again! His dick is like Tara Reid's nose. It'll suck up anything in its way!

[Female First]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!

Meet the new Fanta girls! Gravy, Extra Gravy and Buckwild Gravy part of the new Urban Soda line. - Mr. Obvious

Paris in Disguise

Paris Hilton is complaining that she can't go anywhere without being completely mobbed. So genius came up with a plan. She has hired a Hollywood make-up artist to build a new prosthetic face for her with a new nose, so that she is completely not recognizable. She apparently also wears a red wig.

Dlisted has scored an EXCLUSIVE picture of Paris in this disguise:



Good going Par!

[Page Six]

The Dlisted Report

Natalie Portman's latest film V for Vendetta was due to open this November. It has been pushed back to March 2006 to give more time for production. [Box Office Mojo]

Albert Finney will join Russell Crowe in A Good Year for director Ridley Scott. Based on the novel by Peter Mayle, "A Good Year" centers on Max Skinner (Crowe), a London financier who quits the rat race after inheriting a vineyard in the south of France. [Dark Horizons]

Chita Rivera's one-woman musical Chita Rivera: The Dancer's Life has booked The Schoenfeld Theater on Broadway for a December 11 opening. Chita Rivera: The Dancer's Life will not be in the traditional solo show format, instead it will feature an ensemble of performers. [Broadway.com]

R.I.P. Jessica from Rock Star: INXS

Jessica's Bio

Hot Slut of the Day!

Janice Dickinson

Birthday Sluts

Edward Norton (36)
Aphex Twin (34)
Christian Slater (36)
Craig Bierko (41)
Madeline Stowe (47)
Denis Leary (48)
Patrick Swayze (53)
Robert Redford (68)

What was Tommy Lee in a past life?

"I think I was a tree or something in a past life. I've always been attracted to nature." - Tommy Lee

A tree really? Does this have anything to do with the trunk in your pants?

[AP Radio]

[Thanks to RMP]

This is my corner bitch!

And there's MK Olsen looking like a straight-up New Orleans hooker. I know I'm going to hear drama from you guys, but I think she looks hot. I like that whole just-got- out-my-crack-dealer's-bed look. Let the bashing begin...

Cojo goes Kidney huntin'

If any of you bitches want to help Cojo out, send your kidney to:
Cojo 28 Peroxide Street Fried Hair, CA 90069

Did I mention he needs one of those things, because the last one he had put it had to be taken out due to infection. And Cojo can't die! Cojo's not THAT bad, he's better than Phillip Bloch. I can't stand that bitch!

[Yahoo]

With your tongue, sir!

Prince Harry is a bad boy and that's the way I like em! Fuck William, Harry is where it's at! He has been ordered on "scrub down" duty at his school. Yeah it's not as hot as it sounds. He's expected to clean toilets as part of his duty.

A source said: "Prince Harry is on scrub down duty.

"He will be on his hands and knees until the weekend, making sure the college is completely cleaned up.

"It is part of his training to be an independent officer, capable of looking after himself and commanding a unit of men."

[Ananova]

Ryan Phillipe and his stupid t-shirt

[Lime-Light]

Music to My Ears

Posh Spice has said that she's done with singing. Is that what she calls that? Posh is happy now just to stay home and instruct the nannies how to look after her kids.

She said: "All I want to do now is stay in the shadows and look after my children. I've no plans to make music. I loved my time with the Spice Girls. But that's the past."
Um...more like "music has no plans for you.". This bitch cannot sing! They probably had to develop new technology just to make her sound decent!

She also went on to say: "David is one of the most handsome, elegant and desired men on this planet. I am proud of being his wife. I'd do anything to make David happy."
It's about time she thanks her lucky stars for that man. If it wasn't for him, she'd be showing her hooters on a cruise ship stage!

[Ananova]

The Jack Diet

Jack Osbourne has apparently quit drugs, booze, ciggies and junk food in an effort to get skinny. And people apparently don't recognize him, because he's no longer a fat fuck like his sister.

He said: "People don't recognize me any more. I've been able to lead a normal life for the first time in years.

"I went to an award ceremony and stood on the red carpet waiting for the photographers to take my picture. They didn't recognize me and snapped Peter Andre instead. But I'm much cooler than him."

Jack has also gotten fit for his new reality-adventure show on British TV. Keep up the good work Jack and make sure you slip that Kelly a dexatrim every now and again.

[Ananova]

Guess the Celebrity?

More like Shiddy

Sean Combs aka P. Diddy has announced that his new name is just Diddy and will be unveiled at the MTV Awards next week. He says his name change will simplify things. That's funny, since when is changing your name a zillion times, simple?

He said: "Nobody knew what to call me. I'd notice that people were uncomfortable when I'd meet them for the first time, and then they'd ask me what they should call me,

"I even started to get confused myself - and when I'd called someone on the telephone it took me a long time to explain who I was. Too long."

He added: "One word. Five letters. Period."

He needs to go away along with his ten different names!

[Independent Online]

Nude Jude

A picture of Jude Law nekkid is currently being shopped around. The pic shows Jude sporting a non-impressive package outside his mother's home in France. Perez Hilton has gotten a hold of the pic and here it is for all of you to see. Unless he's a huge grower, I'm guessing 5.5" max! You be the judge.


Here's the nudie...




[Perez Hilton]

Pulling a Britney

Eminem is too fucking tired to tour anymore. Looks like someone is copying Miss Brit Brit Spears. Emmy has scrapped the European leg of his Anger Management Tour, because he needs a break. He was due to begin his tour in Germany next month, but all dates have been canned.

His rep says: "Eminem is currently being treated for exhaustion, complicated by other medical issues.".

I hate that excuse! I have exhaustion day in and day out! Do you see me being treated for it? Yeah, the way to be treated for that shit is called just getting over it! Oh yeah and a martini!

You know Mariah pulled some voodoo shit on his ass for dissing her!

[Female First]

Bitches are back!

The Olsens are back together in Los Angeles and looking hot! Ashley is so much hotter though! There were rumors that MK wasn't going to return to NYU, but her reps insist that's a lie!

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!

Someone should've prevented Barbara Bush from seeing "The Dukes of Hazzard". - Paula

[Thanks to Lisa for pic]

The Dlisted Report

Oscar nominee Shohreh Aghashloo (House of Sand and Fog) will play Dr. Kavita Rao in the upcoming X-Men 3. Shooting will start soon, production is already underway. [IGN]

Is Mash the movie in the works? While doing press for his new movie, Paul Rudd told a reporter that he's working with Will Ferrell in the Mash movie. When asked if he meant Mash the TV series, he said yes! [Latino Review]

Battle of the Network Reality Stars debuts tonight on Bravo. See all your favorite reality stars duke it out. Bring on Charla and Brittany! [Bravo]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Dina Lohan

Birthday Sluts

Sean Penn (45)
Donne Wahlberg (36)
Sue Hawk (44)
Belinda Carlisle (47)
Robert De Niro (62)

I puked all over myself...thanks to this...

Just in case you have no idea what skank could be the cause of this atrocity? It's your lovely friend, Tara Reid!



[Cityrag]

Big Brother Theater: Scene 1

For those of you following Big Brother, he's a touching scene involving April (left) and Janelle (right). This came from the live feeds last night. And yes they both mean it:

April: "I could care less about the money. Money makes you mean. M and M. Money and Mean."

Janelle: "You were never buxom. I was lying."

April: "I never had to suck dick to get ahead."

Janelle: "You suck your husband. Golddigging little slut."

April: "You've screwed more people than I have, bitch,"

Janelle: "You've blown the most cock, bitch!"

April to Maggie (her friend) : "I'm fucking married! How could I be a slut!? She knows she's a slut."

Madge Down!

Madonna's birthday isn't turning out so sweet. She fell off a horse and has several broken bones.

The superstar was hospitalized with three cracked ribs, a broken collarbone and a broken hand, according to Liz Rosenberg, her spokeswoman based in New York.

She was riding near her London estate. She is being treated and is expected to be released tonight.

Poor Madge! Feel Better!

[Yahoo]

My Super Sweet 16

Did any one of you catch the season premiere of My Super Sweet 16 on MTV last night? Well, for those of you who don't know anything about the show let me fill you in. Basically they take a rich girl who is about to turn 16 and follow her around as she plans a huge party for her Sweet 16. Usually the girls are super bitchy and super disgusting.

So last night, we met Sophie Mitchell. Sophie lives in Florida and is seriously disgusting. Now, as you can see Sophie is no beauty. She's pretty ugly, but she thinks she's the shit. She says things like "People are jealous of me" and "I am a movie star". Sophie treats mostly everyone around her like pieces of shit. She tells her mother to shut the fuck up. In one of my favorite scenes, Sophie is handing out feathered fans as invitations to her Moulin Rouge themed birthday party. She finds that her arch rival has an invitation and she stomps over to her and demands to know where she got that. She then goes on to scream at the girl in front of her everyone telling her "Just get out of my life!" Sophie is out of control.

Sophie's mother whom is white (her father is nowhere to be seen) states she spent about $180,000 on Sophie's birthday party. Sophie also got a new car. Now, I could've figured out better ways Sophie could've spent that money. Like a trainer for one and a fucking psychiatrist.

Anyway to make a long story longer, I hate Sophie Mitchell!

[My Super Sweet 16]

Where's Toni?

I've been wondering where Toni Braxton has been hiding. She's back and looks like she's on Team Aniston!

Go Team Maddox!

It's Official: Hilary Duff is disgusting!

Ok, I gave her a chance but she's disgusting! I know lots of you think she's a good role model, but good models don't wear cheap Cleopatra wigs and false teeth! It ain't Halloween yet!

Happy Birthday Madge!

The Good Ole' Days...

Today is the birthday of that special English lady, Madonna! She is a whopping 47 today! It just seems like yesterday when she was rolling around the ground in fishnets and rubber bracelets. Oh how I miss those days.

Madonna was most recently offered $150 Million to perform in Las Vegas for a few years by Jack Wishna. And the bitch turned it down! You know she thinks she's too good for that, but give her a couple of years and she'll be begging for it like a cat in heat!

Madge is currently working on her future flop Confession on a Dancefloor.

[Ananova]

Guess the Celebrity?

Vin's new beard

Vin Diesel has met a new beard in British model (she's the Lara Croft clone for the Tomb Raider games) Lucy Clarkson. Vin apparently met Lucy in London and liked her so much that he invited her back to Los Angeles and now the two are considering on moving in together. Yeah after Lucy receives a sizable check!

Lucy's friend said: "Vin invited her to Los Angeles and she spent two weeks living in his mansion. She's serious about him. They are talking about moving in together.".

Lucy is an avid starfucker, having dated Justin Timberlake and David Blaine.

Please Vin we all know you're as gay as a pink poodle. This beard shit is just embarrassing!

[Female First]

Brit gives good head!

If you ever need to get off, head over to the home of Britney Spears. She is apparently an expert blowjob giver since reading Kim Cattrall's 'Satisfaction: The Art of the Female Orgasm. Britney purchased this book when she was still with Justin Timberlake. Then why did he leave her ass if she gives such good head?

The claim is made in a new documentary airing on British TV tonight. But they've since cut that claim to not offend Miss Brit.

A show insider said: "Although we are sure this is a piece of juicy gossip which would go down well with her fans, the producers decided to it would be best to keep off the sex angle."

[Female First]

Rubber Glove Treatment

The heroin-addicted singer/boyfriend of Kate Moss, Pete Doherty was stopped at an airport in Norway recently. Pete was on his way to a performance in Oslo when officials stopped him and insisted they had to search his ass for drugs. Well, they gave Petey Bird the full treatment. They stripped him down, strapped on rubber gloves and searched him internally. They then threw his ass in a cell for 3 hours.

A source said: "Pete was given a thorough search by the officers. He got the full rubber-glove treatment. ".

I'd have to put on 3 rubber gloves to search his ass!

[Female First]

Why you gotta hurt Mariah?

Mariah is hurt because Eminem has been playing voicemails she left him back in 2001 on his current Anger Management tour.

During one "scene" in his concerts, Eminem is talking to the audience when Carey's song, "We Belong Together," comes on.

Eminem berates the deejay and then Carey's messages start to play. "I heard you were getting back with your ex-wife," she says. "Why won't you see me? Why won't you call me? You're not calling me . . ."

As the messages play, Eminem pretends to vomit into a prop toilet and then launches into his song, "Puke," which has lines like, "You make me sick."

A friend of Mariah's said the voice they play isn't even hers! It is an imposter! Her friend also says that Mariah is considering taking legal action for defamation.

But you know..Mariah should've known better. I would've known that if I fucked with Eminem he would be blasting my name everywhere! She would retaliate by writing a song about his small penis. Because you know that shit is small!

[Page Six]

The Dlisted Report

Balthazar Getty has joined the cast of Alias for its 5th Season. He will play the role of Thomas Grace, a new agent to the APO team. Alias debuts September 29th. [Cynthia's Cynopsis]

Olivia Williams will play Professor X's love interest in the upcoming X-Men 3 which is currently in production. Michael Murphy has also joined the cast as Angel's father. X-Men 3 will hit screens next year. [IGN Film Force]

Tilda Swinton will play Nico in an upcoming biopic. Nico (born Christa Paffgen) was a fashion model, actress, and composer. She is best known as the female lead vocalist (along with male lead Lou Reed) on the 1967 debut album by the American rock and roll band, The Velvet Underground. No word yet on when production wil take place. [Dark Horizons]

Harry Connick Jr. will star in the long-planned revival of The Pajama Game on Broadway. The show will begin previews on March 2nd and be directed by Kathleen Marshall. [Playbill]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!

*SPOILER ALERT* roseanne barr is announced as the winner of the biggest loser 2!! - Anonymous 3:37pm

Hot Slut of the Day!

Koko the Gorilla!

Birthday Sluts

Donovan Leitch (37)
Vanessa Carlton (25)
Emily Robison (33)
Steve Carell (42)
Timothy Hutton (45)
Laura Innes (46)
Angela Bassett (47)
Madonna (47)
James Cameron (51)
Kathie Lee Gifford (52)
Dee Hoty (53)

Everybody plays a fool...

Here's Stefani leading in the Teen Choice Awards before her performance. One minute she's a gangster and now she looks like the band leader at a Disney parade. I was never into this whole band thing she was rocking. She looks like a fool! And her implants look lopsided!





[Oh No They Didn't]

Enough with the Demi pregger rumors!

Demi Moore told Harpers Bazaar that she wants to extend her current family. For months now, rumors have been swirling that Ms. Moore is preggers with Ashton's baby. Then there were rumors that she had a miscarriage. Now, she's not preggers from what we can see now but is hoping to be soon.

She said she didn't want to marry that bitch Ashton: "I feel that we are and that we don't need something formal, so to do so isn't a big deal one way or another,"

However she went on to say, that she isn't opposed to carrying his spawn: "The next phase? The growth of my partnership (with Kutcher). The growth of our union. The growth of our family. Which is all the things we truly desire ... to expand our family."

I'm over these two. Ashton is so lukewarm for me. But Demi if you have a kid, please think for a second about what you name that bitch. Because, Rumer and Scout are not cute names!

[Yahoo]

Brinkley's Back!

Christie Brinkley and Cover Girl parted ways in the mid-90s, but the bitch is back! Cover Girl has asked Christie to pitch their new Advanced Radiance, makeup intended for women 30 and older. Christie is 51.

She said: "There is such an age phobia in this country and this ad is showing me being comfortable with the age I am. I think it's a good positive image, something you don't see enough of. ... CoverGirl is making an effort to show a wide range of beauty — different ethnicities and age groups,"

I've been wondering lately what happened to her ass!

[Yahoo]

All we are saying...

She's either throwing us a peace sign or she thinks we're her drug dealer and she's letting us know she needs 2 8-balls tonight.



[Lime-Light]

RIP Miss Ellie

I just found out that the indomitable Barbara Bel Geddes has passed away. Barbara played Miss Ellie on Dallas! She used to always be wearing sack dresses and riding on her exercise bike and telling JR to go to hell! That bitch was hot. We'll miss you Miss Ellie!

Ewwwww

I know he's popping a boner at that exact second! UGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



[Lime-Light]

Yes, Posh is the hottest bitch ever!

Everyone knows about my fascination with that skeletal bitch Posh Spice. Why? Because she's hot as fuck, but says the dumbest things ever! Posh is just like me in she prefers magazines and music. She claims she has never read a book in her fucking life, even though she wrote one!

She said: "I haven't read a book in my life. I haven't got enough time. I prefer to listen to music, although I do love fashion magazines."
Only this dumb bitch would say this. I fucking read her autobiography Learning to Fly and she talks about reading books in school! This bitch is so stupid, she can't even keep track of her own lies!

Posh stick to what you're good at! Looking hot and telling your husband what to do!

[OMG Blog]

Call PETA!

Where in the world is Tinkerbell Hilton? Well, apparently Paris Hilton has dumped her so-called beloved pooch! Why? Because her ass is too big now. Paris has traded her in for the much smaller Bambi.

A friend said: "She only likes them when they're very small, and Tinkerbell got too big."

If this is true this bitch has a colder heart than I thought. But mark my words this isn't the last we've heard of Tinkerbell Hilton! Expect her to join forces with Honeychild Richie and bring down Paris!

On a sidenote, does Paris have a fucking contract with Disney? Why does she name all of her animals Disney names? This bitch needs to grow the hell up!

[Ananova]

Is there something in the water?

Is it just me or are tons of celebrity bitches getting engaged as of recently? Add Kylie Minogue and her man Oliver Martinez as possible victims of marriage. Kylie has been sporting a new ring on her wedding finger sparking speculation that she's engaged to long-time boyfriend Oliver Martinez.

A source said: "It's not clear whether it's an engagement ring, but it's certainly a sign of his commitment and feelings."

Kylie is currently undergoing chemotherapy treatment for breast cancer.

[Ananova]

Melanie stands by her man!

Melanie Griffith accepted a stable job for $25 a day on Antonio Banderas' movie The Legend of Zorro so she could be close to that bitch. Melanie wants desperately to be close to her man so she accepted an offer to care for the film's horses. She's so fucking generous!

Antonio said: "She was making $25 a day for working with the horses. That's all the horse guys would pay."

I'm so sure, if you wanted to be closer to your husband wouldn't you just lounge in his trailer and eat chocolates all day? Why would your ass have to work? And you know Melanie Griffith is on the wrong side of crazy and has no right to be taking care of horses. She would probably thought they were working for the CIA and try to drown their asses!

[Contact Music]

Guess the Celebrity?

Begging? I Think Not

Hmm...this is a pretty crazy rumor, but anything can happen. Apparently, Michelle Pfeiffer is "begging" Posh Beckham to take on a role in her new movie I Could Never Be Your Woman to be directed by Amy Heckerling. The two met in London to discuss the role and Posh is considering it.

Me thinks that stupid bitch Posh Beckham totally dreamt this up and awoke thinking this shit was true. She called her agent and said "Tell Pfeiffer I'll think about it!" You know no Michelle Pfeiffer was begging this bitch to take a role. Although Posh is a hot piece of ass, she has ZERO talent. She is just guilty for having the greatest luck in the world!

[Female First]

Crazy Fan!

Steve-O of Jackass fame seems to have a thing for Angelina Jolie. Actually more than a thing, he has a crazy obsession for her. Steve-O visited a Thai tattoo artist who has done some work for Angie when he got the idea to have the same tattoos as her so that he may get closer to her. Steve-O had a traditional Khmer symbol put on his back, the same place where Angie has hers. He also had Billy Bob inked onto his arm. He hopes that this will help him get a date with her!

Damn, this bitch is crazy! Angie's vagina works wonders! You don't have to see it in person for you to be hypnotized by it! Me thinks Angie's into some voodoo shit. She probably has dolls and shit and gets off seeing men humiliate themselves over her! It's working for Brad!

[Female First]

Downey getting down!

Robert Downey Jr. will apparently wed for the second time to producer, Susan Levin. They are set to tie the knot August 28th somewhere on the East Coast. Susan helped Robert's ass get sober.

Yup, that's pretty much it. No punch lines there. It's Monday! Give me a break!

[Page Six]

The Dlisted Report

Four Brothers was the #1 movie this weekend bringing in $20.7 Million. The Skeleton Key opened in at #2 with $15.8 Million. The Dukes of Hazzard came in at #3 with $13 Million. [Box Office Mojo]

Hugh Jackman has reportedly turned down the role of James Bond. The reason? Hugh insists he was much too busy to commit to 3 films. Hugh also was afraid he would be stereotyped if he took the role. [Dark Horizons]

Kathie Lee Gifford will return to TV as a special correspondent on The Insider. Kathie Lee will focus mostly on Broadway and also conduct interviews. [Cynthia's Cynopsis]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!

Taking a moment away from "Fiddler on the Roof," and her provocative blog, Rosie O'Donnell graciously heads up the annual "Dykes on Bikes" charity ride. - vivalashameless

Hot Slut of the Day!

Judy Tenuta

For Lookee

Birthday Sluts

Ben Affleck (33)
Natasha Henstridge (31)
Cris Judd (36)
Lady Miss Kier (36)
Debra Messing (37)
Debi Mazar (41)

The Teen Choice Awards

Gwen and Gavin were there. Gwen I guess is deciding that Harijuku girls is out and it's all about Mi Vida Loca.



Aye Chica!



Paris Hilton is back in Los Angeles, so everyone can breathe a sigh of relief. She looks a million times better without those skanky extensions.



Yup and Ashlee's still a dog.

HoHan threw it down!



Yup and Haylie Duff is still a #1 Hatchet Face!

Hot Sluts of the Week: Lori & Reba Schappell

Ages: 43
Birthday: September 18, 1961
Birth Names: Dori & Lori Schappell

Original Date of Hot Sluts of the Day: August 11, 2005
Claim to Fame: Is a craniopagus twin (joined at the head): they are believed to be the oldest living twins in the world with this condition.

Where are they now? Reba is continuing to pursue country music.

Why are they hot Sluts of the Week? Because they follow their dreams and look hot while doing it!

She's done it again!

Winona Ryder is a known shoplifter and was previously put on probation from jacking $4,000 worth of crap. And now she's done it again! Winona Ryder was at an L.A. boutique called Shabon when she walked out with about $1,100 worth of merchandise that she didn't purchase. Winona earlier tried to get a discount, but when the salespeople refused, she simply just walked on out. When the salespeople figured out that she stole that shit, they called the owner of the store. The owner contacted Winona and told her that if she paid for the items in 8 days, he wouldn't alert the coppers.

But Winona never paid. Her assistant got in contact with the owner and paid for the shit herself using her own credit card. That's some assistant! If I was her assistant, I'd be selling my story to The Enquirer. What is wrong with this bitch? Doesn't she have money? She's crazy! She's worse than Kelly Taylor from 90210!

[Aftonbladet]

The Birthday of the Year!

It was Casey Affleck's 30th Birthday and he decided to throw a party at some random park. Oh yeah and he took a wizz...



Bennifer 2 were there...



Jennifer almost ate shit going to the bathroom...



and then she ate cake!



Gross



[Lime-Light]

These are boots are made for skankin!

Posh Spice has more money than God and she still dresses like a truck stop whore. I love her, but girl get yourself some expensive clothes that actually look expensive! She has a hot body though!





[JJB]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Paula Deen

Birthday Sluts

Sarah Brightman (45)
Mila Kunis (22)
Ana Matronic (31)
Halle Berry (39)
Magic Johnson (46)
Marcia Gay Harden (46)
Jackee Harry (49)
James Horner (52)
Danielle Steel (58)
Steve Martin (60)