Tara Reid's Cottage Cheese Tummy!

Blech!

Drunk Bitches: The Nicky Hilton Chapter

I love seeing celebs drunk, especially when they are NOT Tara Reid. She's so predictable. Here's Nicky Hilton and her current beau, Kevin Connolly in St. Tropez boozing it up. Paris is most likely tending to a gang bang down below!







[CelebWeb]

Why do the chicks dig Wilmer?

I have never gotten it. Wilmer gets so much action! Do you think he's hung like a horse? Sluts out there please analyze the package!





[Lime-Light]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!

And our third contestant in the "Toss the Oprah" contest is ... - Karen

Saturday Tidbits

HoHan decided to skip the British premiere of Herbie: Fully Sucky, because she wanted to be with her parents in New York. They are beginning divorce proceedings this week. Whatever, she just couldn't find any good coke in London! [HT Tabloid]

Missy Elliott will be the new spokeswhore for Chrysler Motors. She follows, naturally, in the steps of Celine Dion. Those Drove All Night commercials were so fucking hot! Celine is crazy! Missy will more specifically be hawking the Jeep Commander. [Contact Music]

Look closely, you may be chatting with Halle Berry. Halle confessed that she loves to spend her mornings in chat rooms, but uses different aliases. I knew that cryingoscar2004 looked familiar! [Contact Music]

This shit is going to be hot!

Two Things...

Al Reynolds is still gay. What straight man wears a tangerine blazer?

And yes, I've confirmed it. Star Jones is made entirely of make-up!

Hot Slut of the Day!

Tonya Cooley from The Real World and Kill Reality

Birthday Sluts

Simon Baker (36)
Jaime Pressley (28)
Hilary Swank (31)
Tom Green (34)
Christopher Nolan (35)
Vivica A. Fox (41)
Lisa Kudrow (42)
Laurence Fishburne (44)
Kate Bush (47)
Arnold Schwarzenegger (58)

HoHan and Meryl make beautiful music!

And HoHan is totally biting on Chris Martin's style. Bitch get your own equal tattoo!



[Stereogum]

Damn, she must need the dough!

Nicole to Paris: You put the sty in nasty
Paris: Holla!

Nicole Richie has been confirmed to be on board The Simple Life 4 with Paris Hilton. Even though those cunts hate each other, they are going to work it out.

Fox's President apparently thinks the next show will be about those bitches getting married. He said: "Given the fact that both Paris and Nicole are engaged and about to be married ... there's got to be something in that world,"

That idea sucks! I say put together The Simple Life: Straight to Hell. Make Paris and Nicole fucking battle it out. And the last bitch living wins! Nicole would so give the beat down to Paris! She'd rip her head off! Now that's real TV.

[Yahoo]

Richie and DJ Am for Bongo!

Bongo is back bitches! And they got 12yo Nicole Richie and her fiancee DJ AM to pose for this shit. Nicole looks hot as always, but DJ AM ain't cute. He looks like he's hung as hell though!







Click to see the rest

Close your fucking mouth bitch!

Why won't this bitch close her mouth!?! She looks like a cocker spaniel yapping at his master! Maybe she's trying to catch flies?!

This is from last night's Dukes of Hazzard premiere.

Please don't kill our Hollywood Starlets!

The New York Post is reporting that one year after 9/11 Osama Bin Laden tried to buy massive amounts of cocaine, spike it with poison and sell it to Americans.

The evil plot failed when the Colombian drug lords bin Laden approached decided it would be bad for their business - and, possibly, for their own health, according to law-enforcement sources familiar with the Drug Enforcement Administration's probe of the aborted transaction. The feds were told of the scheme earlier this year, but its existence had never been made public. The Post has reviewed a document detailing the DEA's findings in the matter, in addition to interviewing sources familiar with the case.

Thank God this didn't happen! If it did, Hollywood would basically be wiped out. We would all be attending HoHan's funeral! Jesus saved HoHan!

[Front Page Magazine]

Belinda Bedekovic is a hot bitch!

Belinda Bedekovic is a fucking true talent! Nobody can play the keyboard guitar like that bitch. When reading my latest issue of Popbitch, I almost shit my pants when watching her video!

Belinda Bedekovic, from Zagreb in Croatia, began to take up music at the age of three and a half years after her mother Ivkica purchased first keyboard, red ''Bambi'' on which Belinda played her first note ''e''. And so Belinda, under pedagogical leadership of her father Teodor, professional musician, started to overcome note by note with a good grace, curiosity and child's interest, taking her keyboard as a new amazing and brilliant toy. That's how it started. First appearance on TV Belinda had at the age of 5. Her performance was accompanied by admiration of music experts because five years old child with impeccable musical ear professionally done recording session at first attempt. Stunned cameramen and director asserted: ''Even a famous and trained musicians can’t make it at first attempt!''. Experts at that time called her ''a wonder child'' or ''wunderkind''. In this period she appeared on TV, radio and in the press. Even as a child on her public appearances Belinda got enthusiastic cheering and enormous applause in the middle of the songs, and she turned into genuine juvenile star. Already as a child she realized that the music was going to be her life choice and the greatest love of all.

She's going to be a HUGE fucking star! Just you wait!

Watch her Video

[Popbitch]

Just Checking...

Yum, Jack Osbourne is still skinny. I'm not sure about that cardigan, but he still looks hot.

[Lime-Light]

Where is that Macy Gray?

There she is in London, wasted out of her mind! I think she's probably wasted naturally, but drinking 4 40oz and taking 25 hits of the bong, probably doesn't really help matters. Does anybody know if she's a dyke?



Dude in Black: Look at that bitch, she's wasted! Ahahahah



Macy: Sgt. McNasty I'm trying to get to the front lines, but this white bitch is stopping me! I wore the camoflauge like you told me! Must get to front lines...



Macy to Herself: "Fuck that Fergie! I was the original bitch of the Black Eyed Peas. Fuck that white bitch!"

Doorman: "Please don't let this bitch look at me or I'm fucking turning to stone!"




Macy to Herself: "AW fuck, I'm in danger. The last time I got into a car that looked like this, they put in a padded room for six days! But that electronic massager shit was the shizznit!"

[Lime-Light]

Jessica what happened to your face?!?

Poor Jessica Lange. I used to think she was so fucking hot and so fucking sexy. And now...ugh, she's on her way to Frankenstein territory. Doesn't she realize she was so much fucking hotter without all that work? I'm not sure what these older ladies are thinking. They should get their vaginas tightened not their faces! That's what really counts!

R.I.P. Anwar from Kept

Xtina's Color Obsession

Xtina has a new diet that she's following. She is basing her new diet on the textures and colors of foods. Each meal is made of up of four textures: crunchy, soft, hot and cold. Her plate must also be made up of foods with bold contrasting colors.

A source close to Xtina said: "Christina is sticking to it religiously.

"She has a chef with her most of the time to whip up exactly the right meal." .

I have been given a secret copy of one of Xtina's menus:

Plate of Cocaine (Soft) [Note: Please use bright freen food coloring on the cocaine]
Vicodin (Crunchy) [Note: Please dip the pills in bright pink food coloring]
Cigarettes (Hot) [Note: Please buy those colorful blue ones]
Red Bull (Cold) [Note: Make sure to be that shit in a bright yellow cup with a bright orange straw]

[Female First]

Johnny will Knox your ass out!

Johnny Knoxville and Kate Moss spend a lot of time together. However, they both claim they are "just friends" because Johnny is married. Like that's ever stopped him in the past. Johnny is currently in town promoting The Dukes of Hazzard and Kate is house hunting with her daughter Lila-Rose. Both Johnny and Kate were out at a NYC club when a "frat type" started bothering Kate. The dude kept brushing a rose against Kate's face and Johnny didn't like this.

A spy said: "The guy was really bugging her, and then he was trying to give the rose to Johnny."Johnny finally took him, turned him upside down and dropped him on his head.".

The dude fought back by throwing a bottle at Johnny which bounced off somebody and hit Johnny's hands which left him bleeding.

Johnny was asked to leave. I don't understand this shit, why can't I ever witness this kind of crap! I would at least take a picture or some shit. Or grab the rose that was brushing Kate and eBay that shit!

[Lowdown]

Janice Dickinson is an attention whore!

Anybody watching The Surreal Life on Vh1 knows that Janice Dickinson is playing it up for the cameras. I think she's bitchy and abrasive, but I think she's turning it up a notch for TV. She knows that's what her fans want to see. Her fans being fags and all. But members of a West Hollywood gym are threatening to leave the gym if Janice stays. Apparently Janice who calls herself "The World's First Supermodel" is cussing bitches out!

A source said: "She had a meltdown in the ladies' locker room and started calling everyone the c-word. She is very abusive and out-of-control. Some people are leaving the gym because of her behavior. The management has had meetings about her, but they haven't approached her yet."

But Janice has no idea why people hate her ass. She says: "I've got a lot of fucking enemies. I'm confounded. Maybe people are trying to make me look like Naomi Campbell, but I'm not Naomi Campbell, I'm Janice Dickinson. I'm sure there are a lot of really angry ladies there because I do have an amazing body . . . There's a lot of angry, jealous bitches."

Janice if you ain't acting, you're fucking nuts!

Janice can be seen in her one-woman show What Would Janice Do? at the El Rey theater in Los Angeles beginning August 29th.

[Page Six]

Andy Loves Dick

Andy Dick is a true train wreck. I don't know if he's a genuine one or just showing it up for the cameras. But anyway, he was at the opening of Home Nightclub here in NYC yesterday morning. And a spy said that Andy was boozing it up and seriously making out with another male party goer. Ewww, who would make out with him? Except Trishelle, but she's trash! A source also reports that Andy "grabbed, licked and groped everyone in sight — especially the male models." He also had his hands down a dude's pants, groping his genitals.

Andy Dick is now the male version of Tara Reid. Ewww, just thinking about him touching genitals make me want to hurl!

[Page Six]

The Dlisted Report

Paul Walker has joined Clint Eastwood's Flags of Our Fathers. Clint will direct a cast that already includes Ryan Phillipe, Jesse Bradford and Adam Beach. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Maggie Gyllenhaal and Maria Bello will join Oliver Stone's untitled 9/11 film. Both of them will portray wives of Port Authority workers. Nicolas Cage is set to headline with filming to begin this fall in New York. [Variety]

I thought Nicole Kidman was taking time off. I guess not, she's set to star in German director Oliver Hirschbiegel's remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers called Invasion. Production will start this October. [Production Weekly]

A Broadway musical version of another Drew Barrymore film is landing on the Great White Way. Ever After the Musical is expected to hit Broadway in 2007. [Broadway.Com]

Suzanne Somers Broadway Debut!

OK, last weekend, while that slut Michael K was eating surf n' turf with Markus, my ass was going to see the one-woman, Broadway extravaganza: Suzanne Somers' "The Blonde in the Thunderbird." This thing was a piece of shit! It was so fucking bad, it was almost like high concept, avant garde art!



It starts out with a montage of pictures of Suzanne on various magazine covers, set to gay house music. Apparently Junior Vasquez was DJ'ing this fucking thing. Then this band busts out with her own fucking theme song ("Our girl Suzy"). Then the bitch comes out wearing a black leotard with sheer pantyhose, and a diamond ankle bracelet! She strutted her ass around and talked about how hot she was for a 58 year old. Then things really get rolling. Suzanne starts talking about her terrible, scarring childhood at the hands of an alcoholic father. Beautiful Suzanne ends up playing a scene of her 6 year old self hiding in a closet, singing "If I only had a brain" in a little girl voice! It was supposed to be poignant but I laughed my ass off!



The rest of the show has Suzanne running back and forth on the stage. In between her jogging, she reenacts giving birth to her son (the hospital bed is substituted with a La-Z-Boy), recounts how she gave it up to her husband on her first date (they fucked on top of cracked crabs), and talks about practicing for her one line from American Graffiti, all while walking around with a foam Thunderbird around her waste. The bitch then sings a thank you song to George Lucas! You know that he'd be like "Suzanne who?" One of the highlights is when glamorous Suzanne talks about meeting her husband for the first time, and falling in love at first sight. Based on Suzanne's body language, love at first sight means you look like you gotta take a piss, and are trying to hold it in by clamping your legs together!



The show is capped off by a bizarre scene in which Suzanne stops her monologue on alternative breast cancer treatments in order to start hawking her HSN shit! Her HSN theme song plays and she brings out a cart with all her crap on it! I did clap when she whipped out the Thighmaster, though, because that is one fucking hot invention.

This was seriously the weirdest fucking show I've seen in a long time. I wish it played forever and ever!

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!

Anyone want to kiss under the cameltoes? - Anonymous 4:29pm

Julia Roberts: Broadway Star!

Julia Roberts has decided to take a crack at Broadway and will star in Richard Greenberg's Three Days of Rain next March. Richard is most famously known for writing the Broadway smash Take Me Out about a gay baseball player coming out. Famous director, Joe Mantello will help Julia make her debut.

Three Days of Rain was first produced Off-Broadway at Manhattan Theatre Club in 1997, with Patricia Clarkson in the Roberts role. The play's three actors play dual roles: a lover's triangle, and their children a generation later. The story begins in the present day and then shifts to a time decades earlier in act two.

I was kind of hoping Julia would make her debut in Mary Reilly the Musical. But this will do!

[Playbill]

R.I.P. Eric aka Cappy from Big Brother

I say "Good Mittens!"

Hot Slut of the Day!

Cloris Leachman

For Liz

Birthday Sluts

Stephen Dorff (32)
Rachel Miner (25)
Wil Wheaton (33)
Leslie Easterbrook (56)

Paris Hilton is such a cheap slut...

That the minute she poses next to that piece of shit cow statue, it suddenly looks expensive & holy!



[Pic: The Greek Princess]

Cumming

I know Alan Cummingis trying to be funny and shit with the ad campaign for his new cologne Cumming, but it's just disgusting. Check out the photos on his website, he's gross. But I'd still do him. Ewwww.....Just kidding! Watch the commercial, it's both gross and funny!

The Commercial

Which current ItBoy would you so work over until he was raw?

The lovely Jake Gyllenhaal grabbed 31% of your votes! However, the horse-like Kimberly Stewart wasn't too far behind. Jake better watch his ass! Kimbo's gonna go after Kiki!

I guess size does matter to Paris Hilton!

Paris Hilton has been fucking bitching to her fiancee, Mr. Paris about how her ring is too big. Duh, the thing is 24-carats! That's just disgusting!

A source said: “Paris started complaining how heavy her 24-carat ring was and that her finger hurt, so Paris got her a more manageable diamond-less platinum Cartier band for everyday wear.”

A fucking everyday engagement ring and a formal one? This is fucking ridiculous! There are more things to life than diamonds! Um...actually no there isn't.

[MSNBC]

Maddox is Punk Rock!

That Maddox is a cute, cute kid! And he's even more hotter rocking that black eyeliner. He's so going to start a trend among the celeb offsprings. You know Rocco Richie fired his stylist the minute he saw this picture. And well Dakota... she probably killed someone!



[Pic: Particularization]

Cowboy Take Me Away

Why is Kimberly Stewart constantly being photographed by the paparazzi? I can understand Paris Hilton, I mean she's been on TV and in a movie and shit. But Kimberly Stewart hasn't done a damn of nothing! I think she's photographed solely for the fact that magazines and websites can make fun of her ass! I'm not even going to try it, it's too easy! OMG, but it's so hard not to. Ugh, I'm torn!



[Lime-Light]

Smelly Kelly

Kelly Clarkson tells Jane Magazine:

"When I was growing up, my mom was very busy, always at work, and I never got the girly talks. So you know the commercials for women's products that are like, 'To be fresh down there'? I thought deodorant was the same thing, something people used like..." She pantomimes her hand around her neck and then her crotch. "Like it's only if you're not fresh! So I never wore any. It was my seventh-grade year, I was in athletics, and my friends always called me Smelly Kelly. I thought it was just 'cause it rhymed, but it wasn't. It was literally 'cause I smelled. Finally one of my friends said to me, 'Dude, do you know about deodorant?' And I was like, 'What?' Then I yelled at my mother. How do you not tell your daugher that she needs deodorant? How do you not do that?"

I am speechless.

[Stereogum]

Did Demi Moore miscarry?

Perez Hilton is reporting that The National Enquirer is stating that Demi Moore has miscarried. She never officially stated she was pregnant with Ashton Kutcher's baby, but everyone knew she was. Demi was rumored to be 5 months pregnant and feels that it may be due to her age that she lost the baby. Demi is only 42.

"Demi thought she miscarried because of her age, but a doctor said that was absolutely not the case," reports the Enquirer. "Demi developed a problem with her placenta during her fifth month of pregnancy, and she miscarried and lost the baby."

This is the second time Demi more has miscarried. She had a miscarriage in 1997. This is very sad! I hope this isn't true, but if it is... Demi you aren't too old! You can have another baby. Damn if Madge can do it, surely you can!

[Perez Hilton]

[Pic: Lime-Light]

Tara Reid is a Class Act!

One of my all-time favorite quotes is when Tara Reid said she was going to quit her hard-partying days. Well, looks like she's a fucking liar! Because, Tara hung out with Paris Hilton and the bitch was drunk! Not just drunk, but fucking a done deal! These pics made my morning. Tara is such trash! She fucking makes Anna Nicole look like The Queen of England! Thanks so The Socialite for these hot hot pics!


Paris to Tara: "Ewww your breath stinks"
Tara: "Shhh, dude I'm feeling it right now."


Tara: "The Hills are alive with the sound of music!"


BREAKING NEWS: George W. Bush, the weapons of mass destruction have finally been discovered!


Hmm...I'm really not sure what's going on here. Is she crowd surfing or is that an up-skirt shot?


[A Socialite's Life]

R.I.P. Jessica from The Cut

Media Whore

Jordan and her fiancee Peter Andre have made a deal with British ITV to televise their upcoming white-trash wedding. This is going to be good. When this shit airs, somebody in the UK has to tape this shit for me. You know it's going to be so fucking disgusting.

A source at ITV said: "We are just putting the finishing touches to the deal now for a wedding special. Peter and Jordan met on TV - so it only seems right that they should get wed on screen as well."

Jordan and Peter Andre met on a reality TV show and she gave birth to their baby last month.

I wonder what Jordan is going to wear? Probably something super classy like a white leather dress with nipple cut-outs.

[Ananova]

Jealous in a bad way!

When a reporter asked Jennifer Lopez how she felt about Ben's upcoming baby, she said she was "depressed". Jennifer is currently married to Marc Anthony and wants a baby badly, but her career always comes first!

Elle Magazine asked La Lopez how she felt about Benny and Jenny and she responded with: "I hope that they're happy. You know, it's a beautiful thing. There are no hard feelings."
Elle apologized for bringing up the question and La Lopez said: "Yeah, you depressed me."

But she most likely said "Shut the fuck up! Now stick out your hand so I can dispose of my gum!"

Jenny from the Block is a human being just like us. She feels true emotions. So when her ex-man finds happiness with a more down-to-earth girl, of course she's going to feel sad. She's just Jenny from the Block.

[Ananova]

Violet Affleck?

Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck are probably, no they are the most boring couple in Hollyweird. However this is refreshing to me. Jennifer Garner is like those girls in high school. The geeky ones, the ones that a young Michael K used to make-out with. This is why I bond with her. If I went to HS with her, we would've made out and then I would've put on her make-up and we would've danced all night to Madonna jams.

Anyway back on track, Jenny and Benny are reportedly having a baby girl which is due in December. And the name they have chosen? Violet after the Hole song. Just kidding!

[Ananova]

[Pic: Lime-Light]

Tommy Lee is interested in a different kind of fish now!

Now that Tommy Lee is getting older, he says he's no longer excited by sexual exploits. Nowadays he wants to be around different kind of fish.

He said: "Over the years even free sex gets boring. "I'm looking forward to the end of our world tour. I'll sit in my Japanese garden at two in the morning, cell phone switched off, watching my koi carp."

I hope he's kidding. That kind of woodage he has isn't meant for retirement!

[Contact Music]

Brangelina play house!

Reports are that Angelina Jolie has moved in with her current boyfriend, Brad Pitt. Brad currently owns a huge Malibu manse near his ex-wife Jennifer Aniston. Angie is apparently scared of bumping into Angie. I'm not! That would be some hot girl on girl action!

A friend of Jen's said: "Jennifer will return soon from filming in Chicago and knows it's only a matter of time before she comes face to face with Angelina. But she wasn't prepared for it to be so close to home."

Who do you think would win in a head to head? At first I would say, Angie. But Jenny probably has a lot of built up anger and would leash a major beat down on Angie! It's always the quiet ones!

[Female First]

Scarlett has huge tits!

Scarlett Johansson was driving down the street in Los Angeles when she nearly crashed after seeing a huge billboard of herself and her huge boobs! She was shocked, because she believes her assets were digitally enhanced. More like surgically enhanced.

She said: "I was driving through Los Angeles and I look up and see the biggest photo of me I have ever seen in my life on a massive ad space. "I screamed and slammed on the brakes, I couldn't believe it It's very strange to see my cleavage the size of a Brontosaurus. My breasts were huge. I was like, 'Look at me They wiped out my whole face Oh, that's not my face That's my cleavage' My cleavage was just huge".

WHAT?! Bitch you have some of the biggest tits in Hollywood. Now I believe they are natural, but still. This bitch has some hooters. What is she so surprised about?

Embrace the titties!

[Female First]

Melanie Griffith is a Grade A Wreck!

I am in love with Melanie Griffith the same way I am in love with Courtney Love. They are both atomic bombs waiting to blow off. The stories in the press about Melanie are always the best. And I can just imagine what a dinglebat she is! Well, Melanie is currently during press for her new TV show called Twins in which she plays a former lingerie model. During a shoot, Melanie would not stop smoking! Assistants tried to get her to stop so she wouldn't ruin the borrowed outfits, but Melanie would not stop!

She said:"I'm a fucking movie star, you're going to ruin my day over this! Everyone knows I smoke!"

When producers of Twins tried to calm her, Melanie told them that she was promised she would be allowed to smoke anywhere and everywhere!

I love "You're going to ruin my day over this!" I'm going to start using that for everything.

Boss: Michael K, we need this report today!

Michael K: Ewww, you're going to ruin my day over this!

Me thinks Miss Melanie should calm up. This show may be her last chance at anything!

[Page Six]

The Dlisted Report

Russell Crowe will team up with director Ridley Scott for A Good Year. Crowe would play an investment banker who loses his job and moves to Provence to take over a failing vineyard owned by his just-deceased uncle -- a move complicated by the arrival of an unknown American cousin. Pre-Production is expected to begin very soon. [Variety]

Newcomer Ellen Page has landed the role of Kitty Pryde in Brett Ratner's X-Men 3. Lost star Maggie Grace was originally cast, but withdrew apparently due to scheduling conflicts. Filming begins next week in Vancouver. [IGN Filmforce]

Reports are that NBC Universal is in talks to buy the privately-owned Dreamworks SKG. Meetings are set to take place on Friday. [Yahoo]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!

Oh, gollygosh, my acid tab just hit one. I say, how MAHvalous. Carry on! - Anonymous 12:38pm

R.I.P. Daphna & Heather from Rock Star: INXS

Hot Slut of the Day!

The Original Mr. Britney Spears: Jason Alexander

Birthday Sluts

Sally Struthers (57)
Nicole Narain (31)
Elizabeth Berkley (33)
Lori Loughlin (41)

Finally the Truth!

A photographer caught this photo with a special lense! It's Tom's face in Katie's body! Now we know the truth! Tom Cruise has cloned himself inside Katie Holmes! This explains everything!!!!

Not really, but this photo is scary shit!



[Best Week Ever]

Chad & Sophia, splitsville?

I don't really care about these cunts, but I like divorce stories. Chad Michael Murray and his One Tree Hill co-star Sophia Bush have only been married 3-months and it looks like the honeymoon is already over! Chad is a serial cheat and apparently cheated on Sophia the day of his wedding.

A source said: "The marriage is all but done. They are separated, and she is going to file for divorce imminently."

Oh well, another one bites the dust! Now Chad can date a Hollywood slut like HoHan!

[Lowdown]

Yup, this is going to suck!

I love Jordan and her son!

For those of you who don't know who Jordan is, she's basically a huge huge huge huge star in the UK. Probably because of her huge huge huge huge tits! But Jordan and Peter Andre are basically the Brit and Kevin of the UK. They are so trashy and people love them!

These pics are about a month old, but I haven't posted them yet. They are of Jordan her new kid, Peter Andre Jr., Peter and Jordan's son who is seriously cross-eyed!

I know it's wrong, but I can't stop laughing. I'm so immature. Can't they fix his shit?









This kid is hot shit!



UPDATE #2 - Thanks to Mr. Hilton I have learned that Harvey is blind! I'm sorry Harvey, I love you!


[Oh No They Didn't]

Sienna Miller is a Grade A Slut!

I'm beginning to like this Sienna Miller more and more. Apparently during her relationship with Jude Law, Sienna was still talking with her ex David Neville. David is described as a hot model turned invesment banker turned clothing store owner. Sienna dated his ass for two years.

A friend of David's said:"She would text message David all the time, saying things like, 'I'm on the beach with Jude but I'm heartbroken, I miss you and I can't stop thinking about you . . . This feels wrong.' "

David and Sienna also took sexy photos of themselves that have since gone missing which is freaking both of them out. How does this shit just go missing? I mean, nothing in my apartment ever "goes missing" unless I fucking throw it in the trash. Me thinks he's getting ready to go public with these and he's trying to be tricky-dicky by letting us know that they aren't in his posession anymore.

I also tried to find a picture of this chap, but couldn't! So if anyone finds one, e-mail my ass! I did post this pic of Sienna and Sean Penn with whom she apparently screwed!

UPDATE - The Lovely Lucy has found a pic of this David Neville. Still totally do-able but definitely no Jude Law or Orlando Bloom. Thanks Lucy!




[Page Six]

Is Scarlett preggo or just fat?

Scarlett Johansson was photographed shopping in London while on break from filming the new Woody Allen. There could be several reasons for this:

• Her character is pregnant and she's too fucking lazy to remove that shit while running errands.
• Woody Allen popped one in her. However, his spermies might be all dried up.
• She just ate a huge chimichanga and hasn't dropped the kids off at the pool yet.
• Being pregnant totally gets you into more magazines.
• Riding Jared Leto's 9ner all night has finally caught up to her!
  

[Lime-Light]

Drew Barrymore for Baskin Robbins!

It will only air in Korea. You know those celebs and their overseas commercials! I would love to hear her say Baskin Robbins though. It's more like "Bathkin Robbins".

[Oh No They Didn't]

Is Charlotte Church dickmatized!?

Ok, I need you sluts help again! We all hate Charlotte Church because she's fucking wretched. But let's take a look at her boyfriend's boner. What do we say package wise?

And furthermore, drinking from your tit is totally the norm. I do it all the time!





[Oh No They Didn't]

Why you ungrateful lil'.....

Scarlett Johansson is proving to be an ungrateful motherfucker! I fucking hate it when actors bitch about being rich and famous. She told a German magazine that acting is pointless.

The hag said: "As actors, we make movies, we don't save lives. What I do, it's actually not that important. I'm also not proud of my films. That was never a criteria."

I don't get it. I personally think Scarlett has been in some good films. I mean she could do worse. Lost in Translation, Girl with the Pearl Earring and Ghost World weren't bad! They were actually good.

She went on to say that she would love to direct: "I would even make an advert if I had to, if it meant I could direct at least once. As long as it wasn't for tampons or something embarrassing."
Scarlett is a spoiled bitch! I say dump her ass and get someone in there that's actually grateful! Or better yet, quit movie-making so you can ride Jared Leto's 9ner all night and day!

She does have huge tits, though!

[Ananova]

Confessions on a Dancefloor

Madonna's new album Confessions on a Dancefloor is due this fall. It is said to be an all-dance album. Her first single will debut shortly and is titled Hung Up. Madge is currently in Los Angeles mixing the album and will shoot the album art in August.

Madge is expected to take her saggy tits on tour later this year.

[Billboard]

Who will be Wonder Woman?

Everyone is wondering who will get to throw the golden lasso when Wonder Woman begins production next year for a 2007 release. Recently, Catherine Zeta-Jones was mentioned but quickly dismissed because she's too old. Lost star Evangeline Lily's name has been brought up several times as a possible candidate.

Sources say that Joss Whedon who is directing the flick has his eye on Mischa Barton and Katie Holmes.

Kate Beckinsale recently through her name in the mix. She said: "I dressed up as her last Hallowe'en so it would be good to do it again."

What about fucking Lynda Carter! That bitch can do it again! OMG, can you imagine that. That would be so hot. But you know they are going to get some 16yo bitch to do that shit.

UPDATE - Here's a picture of Lynda Carter and Debra Winger just for Warren! Damn they are hot!




[Ananova]

I Want the Cover, Y'all!

Britney Spears was not a happy girl when she found out that the photos she had taken with her hubby for Interview Magazine were not going to make the cover. The photos featured Britney as a french maid and Kevin as a butler servicing each other.

When Interview called Britney, she flipped out. She said: "We're not on the cover! Why am I even on the phone with you right now?"

But her white-trash husband thinks, it's ok. He said: "I think it's better off that way that it's not on the cover because it's more of an artistic statement."

Artistic statement? What the fuck does he know about that shit. He probably thinks Dumb and Dumber is a fucking art house classic!

[Contact Music]

Fat Immigrant

Kelly Osbourne is blaming her problems with drugs on her classmates calling her ass a "fat immigrant". When she was a teenager, Kelly and her family moved from Britian to California and Kelly found things a bit difficult with her peers.

She says, "I moved from the countryside in England to Beverly Hills when I was 12, and I did not have friends. I mean, I would sit in class, and a kid would whisper in my ear, 'Go back to England, you fucking fat immigrant,' and I'd be like, 'Mom, get me out of here!'

But she said when she started to go out more and get drunk and do drugs, her classmates became fascinated with her. So she kept doing that shit to earn their respect. This bitch is fucking dumb. Didn't they have D.A.R.E in her fucking school? Wasn't she paying attention! And she wasn't going to clubs, she was at Domino's!

[Female First]

We've Only Just Begun!

Is Renee Zellweger's marriage over when it hasn't really gotten started? Renee and country-star husband, Kenny Chesney are reportedley always fighting. Renee thinks Kenny is too controlling and her told her friends that they were practically strangers on their wedding day.

A source revealed: "Renee had never even see him lose his temper before the wedding, but now they're married he seems to think he can tell her what to do.

"He doesn't like her hanging out with friends and wants to get her away from LA.

"When she tried to redecorate their new home in Connecticut he put his foot down and said it was too expensive and a waste of money.".

Renee is begging Kenny to go to marriage counseling and if he doesn't she will start divorce proceedings. I have also heard reports that she's still hard up on Jack White and wants his ass back, even though he's married to model Karen Elson.

[Female First]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!

One of the most popular exhibits at Madame Trousseau's Wax Museum, the Jessica Simpson exhibit is so life-like some fans have been seen to steal a kiss! - EstherDrescher

R.I.P. Niki, Jules & Brendan from I Want to be a Hilton

The Dlisted Report

Jennifer Garner's pregnancy will be worked into the storyline of next season's Alias. The show will focus on realistic situations and not make her pregnancy "campy". Jennifer's baby is due this Christmas. [Associated Press]
Ron Howard is currently working on a remake of The Creature from the Black Lagoon. He spilled the beans that Bill Paxton is on board this project. A production start date is currently unknown. [Bloody-Disgusting]

Screenwriter, Dan McDermott has been hired to write an updated version of Charlie Chan for Fox. The new version will follow Charlie Chan's granddaughter to be played by Lucy Liu. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Broadway star, Laura Benanti has been cast in the Drew Barrymore role for The Wedding Singer the Musical which will land on Broadway next year. [Playbill]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Camilla, The Duchess of Cornwall!

Birthday Sluts

Julian McMahon (37)
Jonathan Rhys-Meyers (28)
Maya Rudolph (33)
Takashi Shimizu (33)
Maria Grazia Cucinotta (36)

Ugh, Paris is so fucking predictable!

Always showing her snatch any chance she gets!

P.S. - She so wants to be Barbie!

Google Adventures!

When I googled "HoHan" I got this picture. Damn, she keeps getting blonder and blonder! And bitch put on some make-up!

Hit this bitch one more time!

What is wrong with her? Even the Kabbalah can't save that outfit! She's looking more and more like Kirstie Alley everyday!

Heidi Klum's gonna pop any minute!

Kelly Clarkson WANTS TO BE HoHan

Kanye bugs the shit out of me!

WHY GOD WHY!?

I need Jello 1-2-3 more than anything today! Why did they have to go and pull it!

Again, it's a slow news day people!

Why is Fran Drescher always carrying this bear around?

It's a slow news day people! Bear with me! Get it!?!! AHAHAHHAHAHA..

Jake & Kiki are so in love!

He even reads poetry to her! That is so romantic!!!!



[Lime-Light]

The Worst Wig Ever!

Paris Hilton is in St. Tropez on vacay and I guess is trying to disguise herself by wearing a horrible wig. Bitch, you need to hire that bitch that does Nicole Kidman's wigs. Now she has good wigs!





[JJB]

Dear Sienna Miller, you're no fucking victim!

Remember when news broke that Sienna Miller got her ass cheated on! And the bitch was crying and crying. Well, looks like she's over it. She was photographed on Sunday in the arms of Orlando Bloom. Bitch moves fast. My kind of girl.

Orlando and Sienna did date for a short period back in 2001 and it looks like their rekindling their romance!



A source said: "Sienna had her arm around Orlando most of the night They sat with their legs entwined, whispering in each other's ears and giggling".

You know what, good for her. She fucking deserves to get some action. Nothing cures a broken heart better than getting jack hammered! And best to do it in public, so you're cheating man can see that his former vagina is getting the work over!

UPDATE - Reader Sarah brought up the point that it might not be Orlando Bloom, but her stylist. I found this picture of Orlando at this event. It's him alright!





[Female First]

Who the hell does she think she is? Mother Goose!

It has been reported that Angelina Jolie is keen to adopt a third child, even though the bitch recently adopted Zahara. What country is Angie looking to adopt from next? Reportedly, she's looking at Russia. Damn, that bitch's house is like It's a Small World!

A source close to Angie said: "I know Angelina was looking in Russia for a baby, and I wouldn't be surprised if she adopts again She just wants to do what is right for these poor kids".

Angie is doing a good thing, because these kids do need good homes. And she's rich as fuck. And a lot of kids don't like to walk, so this works out. Because she doesn't let her kids walk. This is a good thing!

[Female First]

LOVE VS GROHL

That crazy brains, Courtney Love is angry at Dave Grohl after accusing him of stealing money from her daughter, Frances Bean. Dave was a member of Nirvana along with Court's late-husband Kurt Cobain. Dave released a Nirvana box set along with other members in 2001 and Court tried to stop him from doing so, by suing his ass!

Court told Spin: "Dave gets to walk away unscathed and be the happy guy in rock, when he's one of the biggest jerks."He's been taking money from my child for years"

She has also tried to win the sole rights to the Nirvana songs. She went on to say: "Kurt Cobain was Nirvana. He named the band, hired its members, played guitar, wrote the songs, fronted the band onstage and in interviews and took responsibility for the band's business decisions"
Court doesn't need this fucking money! She's going to snort it away anyhow! What is she talking about, stealing money from her daughter?! She's fucking done the same thing. I'm sure she fucking used her daughter's money to snort herself silly!

[Female First]

Charlotte Lurch

God, I hate Charlotte Church! She has landed a six-figure deal to model lingerie. La Senza is in talks with Charlotte after they saw pictures of her frolicking on a beach in her bikini. Charlotte and her boyfriend, Gavin (a rugby star) have been dubbed The Welsh Posh & Becks and have received various offers to pose for ads for Roc-A-Wear as well as a Japanese skincare company.

But, Charlotte hates the comparison. Because she can sing and Posh can't!

She said: "I can sing! I'm sorry to get the claws out - but she knows it She must know it. Gavin's much better looking than David Beckham The comparison is just bollocks"

Oh no she didn't! Nobody touches my beloved Posh! Charlotte is a fat cow who thinks she's sexy! She's just about as sexy as well, as fucking Charlotte Church! And her boy Gavin is no David Beckham! David Schwimmer maybe, but no David Beckham!

[Female First]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!

Paris Hilton, in a publicity photo shoot to prove how skanky she really is after she lost to Michael K by 777 votes. - Meredith Ellen

The Dlisted Report

Jodie Foster has agreed to direct and possibly star in Sugar Kings for Universal. The film is about a young lawyer who teams with a veteran public-interest attorney to take on powerful sugar barons who are exploiting cane-cutting migrant workers. [Variety]

Jessica Simpson will channel Goldie Hawn in her next film, Major Movie Star. In the film, to be produced by "Dukes" producer Bill Gerber, Simpson will play an actress who has hit rockbottom and enlists in the marine reserve. Jessica will no longer star in Room Service as previously announced. [Coming Soon]

Richard Burgi who played Teri Hatcher's husband, Karl last season on Desperate Housewives will become a series regular next season. He will become a love interest for Edie Britt. [Variety]

Tony Award Winner Brent Carver will play Gandalf in the musical version of The Lord of the Rings in Toronto. [Broadway]

R.I.P. Jessica from Hell's Kitchen

Hot Slut of the Day!

Pebbles

Birthday Sluts

Jeremy Piven (40)
Tamyra Gray (26)
Kate Beckinsale (32)
Sandra Bullock (41)
Kevin Spacey (46)
Helen Mirren (60)
Mick Jagger (62)

What do we think of Michael Phelps?

I can't decide if he's totally hot or a horse-face..help me out here...

Anyway, he won some shit yesterday. Like a Gold Medal for his team. I'm not into sports. Not those kinds anyway.





*UPDATE* - Prettykitty brings up a good question. What is Phelps' package size? I have found two pictures to help the sluts out there estimate.





UPDATE II - Thanks to Purpletwinkie, here's an ever better shot of Phelps' tiny friend!

Uncle Jesse gets hammered!

I fucking love to celebs wasted. It's so enjoyable! Look at the bitch he's with. That slut can hardly walk!







[JJB]

Dissecting Katie

Shortly after TomKat was introduced to the world, Katie Holmes was photographed shopping in Los Angeles with these disgusting sores all over her mouth. We thought that bitch had herpes. But apparently, those sores were due to a detoxification procedure for the Church of Scientology involving vitamin niacin.

Crazy L. Ron Hubbard believed that niacin would purge the body of radiation and negative alien substances.

They are seriously making this bitch work hard for the money! I mean, you have to do what you have to do. But still, bitch could've put on some concealer or some shit. That is just nasty!

[Lowdown]

MTV Video Award Nominations

The Nominations are out and Green Day heads the race with 8 nods. They will also perform. P. Diddy will host the awards from Miami in August. Yawn...

List of Nominations

Teri's Passion Wagon

Teri Snatcher is just starting to date after divorcing Jon Tenney. And she loves to get her groove on, but is afraid her 7yo daughter will find out. So Teri takes her men to an old VW van parked in her yard to do the deed.

She said: "I've had that battered VW van for years. I think it's sexy and hot to get to grips with a guy in my passion wagon. "When my van's a-rocking, don't come knocking!"

Isn't she a millionaire? Doesn't that bitch have a guest house or something? Or take those bitches to a hotel. Well, I guess a van works just as good. When the snake is going into the garden, it really doesn't matter where you're doing it!

[Female First]

Lourdes is a Vampire, Rocco brushes in public!

Somebody tell me why Rocco is having his teeth brushed while walking in public?

Brittany hawks Jordache!

Brittany Murphy is the new ass of Jordache Jeans. OMG, these were like thee jeans to get when I was a wee, lil' boy. I thought they were so hot. I was even a huge fag then! One of our favorite speed-freaks Brittany Murphy is starring in a series of ads.

Here she is queefing on a horse!

The Sexiest Vegetarian in the World

Peta has named Gwynnie's main dude, Chris Martin as the sexiest veggie in the world! NOT!! Bugs Bunny is so much sexier!

The list rounded out with Joss Stone, David Duchovny, Tobey Maguire, Prince and Alicia Silverstone.

Kicking a bad habit!

Has Kate Moss finally dumped the drug addict that is Pete Doherty. Reports are that Kate is sick of his ass after Pete got into a terrible fight and had to hide out from 6 men that wanted to beat his ass down! Pete ran into a shop to hide and the store owner said: "The singer ran in pursed by six man. There was a big fight. We got them out but they hurled a brick at the door."

Seriously, dating a crackhead sucks! It's going to end with you having to identify his body or a friend having to identify your body. Either way, you lose! Kate darling, I liked you with Johnny. Go homewreck his house!

[Ananova]

Hot Slut of the Week: Khia

Age: 33-34 (claims to be 27)
Birthday:
Birth Name: Khia Finch

Original Date of Hot Slut of the Day: July 23, 2005
Claim to Fame: Female rapper with one of the dirtiest songs ever "My Neck, My Back"

Where is she now? Still rapping and still getting busted by the cops.

Why is she Hot Slut of the Week? Because she put the to in ghetto. The Smoking Gun has a hot archive of all of Khia's mugshots!

The New Mrs. Pitt

Are Angie and Brad going to the chapel? There have been reports that the two are going to become one this September when Brad's divorce to Jenny Aniston becomes finalized.

Angelina's friend said: "They want to make it official as soon as possible They feel they were made for each other".

Angie apparently has already met Brad's parents. Brad, don't do it! Angelina is a black widow and will only break your heart into a million pieces! However, maybe this is what you deserve since you did this to Rachel.

Carry on!

[Female First]

Richie Ditching AM?

It has been reported that Nicole Richie has been hitting it off with Robbie Williams. Robbie recently just moved to Los Angeles and was introduced to Nicole and the two hit it off.

A source revealed: "Robbie and Nicole met up last week and got on like a house on fire. "They were introduced to each other through a mutual friend and swapped numbers. Robbie called Nicole to ask her out on a date and she accepted straight away They dined at The Ivy and looked really close".

Does this mean there's trouble in paradise for Nicole and her fiancee DJ Am? He grosses me out anyway. Nicole needs a hot man like Robbie. This makes sense!

[Female First]

The Dlisted Report

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was the #1 movie in the country for a second week in a row. The Island was a big flop coming in at #4. [Showbiz Data]

John Singleton has said he would love Tyrese to play Luke Cage, but he told Tyrese that he needs to work out. He would also like to see Terence Howard as a villian. [Latino Review]

Huey Lewis will make his Broadway debut in Chicago playing Billy Flynn. He will join the cast this fall. [Playbill]

Dead Beat Daddy!

Kevin Federline continues to score points in winning Dead Beat Dad of the year by missing the 1st birthday of his son Kaleb. Kevin is Kaleb's father with Shar Jackson. Kevin left Shar's ass while she was pregnant. Shar's PR rep said that Kaleb's birthday came and went without a call, visit or present from his father.

Britney, you better start preparing now to raise this kid by yourself! Because Kevin will leave your skanky ass sooner or later!

Shar's boyfriend, Quentin Tarantino was also not present.

[Page Six]

Page Six and Billy Masters Blind Items

WHICH newly humiliated actress is not so innocent herself? We hear that while visiting her cheating man on a movie set, she hooked up with his married co-star during an all-night cocaine binge.

Sienna Miller and she hooked up with Mark Ruffalo

WHICH closeted TV personality is so desperate to appear straight, he tips off the paparazzi whenever he is meeting an attractive woman?

Anderson Cooper

[Page Six]

Could it be that a certain young star getting oodles of attention is learning that there is a price for fame? So say sources close to the dazzling dreamboat who tell me that payment is due on the services rendered by that very powerful player. The pretty boy was more than eager to play nice on his way up the ladder. Now that he’s teetering on an upper rung, he’s less than willing to give up that pound of flesh (although he still likes getting his flesh pounded). He might change his tune when he learns of the surveillance tapes circulating. They make it crystal clear how he spent his summer vacation.

Brandon Routh of Hayden Christensen

[Billy Masters] Thanks to Renovatorbear!

Beach Beauty

Richie hit the beach this weekend and looked fucking hot. I know this bitch is skinny, but she looks sooo much better than she did before.

Here she is with some fag.




And here she is talking on some walkie. Probably with her dealer.



[JJB]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!

The competition is fierce here at the "So You Think You Can Howl" auditions! Those 2 in front of me waited in line for 3 days for this shot! - ItGirl

Britney & Kevin go to the movies!

Those two white trash bitches, went to the movies. Of course, they went to see The Wedding Crashers. You know those sluts thought it was cutting edge shit. Britney decided just to throw an old rug on her ass.

They say how Cameron Diaz has the worst skin in Hollyweird. I disagree, Brit Brit wins that hands down!






[JJB]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Today, July 25th
Colleen Dewhurst!

For Bryan



Sunday, July 24th
Victoria Principal!



Saturday, July 23rd
Khia!

Birthday Sluts

Brad Renfro (23)
Matt LeBlanc (38)
Illeana Douglas (40)
Iman (50)