Dlisted: 07/24/2005 - 07/31/2005

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Tara Reid's Cottage Cheese Tummy!

Blech!

Drunk Bitches: The Nicky Hilton Chapter

I love seeing celebs drunk, especially when they are NOT Tara Reid. She's so predictable. Here's Nicky Hilton and her current beau, Kevin Connolly in St. Tropez boozing it up. Paris is most likely tending to a gang bang down below!







[CelebWeb]

Why do the chicks dig Wilmer?

I have never gotten it. Wilmer gets so much action! Do you think he's hung like a horse? Sluts out there please analyze the package!





[Lime-Light]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!



And our third contestant in the "Toss the Oprah" contest is ... - Karen

Saturday Tidbits

HoHan decided to skip the British premiere of Herbie: Fully Sucky, because she wanted to be with her parents in New York. They are beginning divorce proceedings this week. Whatever, she just couldn't find any good coke in London! [HT Tabloid]

Missy Elliott will be the new spokeswhore for Chrysler Motors. She follows, naturally, in the steps of Celine Dion. Those Drove All Night commercials were so fucking hot! Celine is crazy! Missy will more specifically be hawking the Jeep Commander. [Contact Music]

Look closely, you may be chatting with Halle Berry. Halle confessed that she loves to spend her mornings in chat rooms, but uses different aliases. I knew that cryingoscar2004 looked familiar! [Contact Music]

This shit is going to be hot!

Two Things...

Al Reynolds is still gay. What straight man wears a tangerine blazer?

And yes, I've confirmed it. Star Jones is made entirely of make-up!



Hot Slut of the Day!



Tonya Cooley from The Real World and Kill Reality


Birthday Sluts


Simon Baker (36)
Jaime Pressley (28)
Hilary Swank (31)
Tom Green (34)
Christopher Nolan (35)
Vivica A. Fox (41)
Lisa Kudrow (42)
Laurence Fishburne (44)
Kate Bush (47)
Arnold Schwarzenegger (58)

Friday, July 29, 2005

HoHan and Meryl make beautiful music!



And HoHan is totally biting on Chris Martin's style. Bitch get your own equal tattoo!



[Stereogum]

Damn, she must need the dough!



Nicole to Paris:
You put the sty in nasty
Paris:
Holla!

Nicole Richie
has been confirmed to be on board The Simple Life 4 with Paris Hilton. Even though those cunts hate each other, they are going to work it out.

Fox's President apparently thinks the next show will be about those bitches getting married. He said: "Given the fact that both Paris and Nicole are engaged and about to be married ... there's got to be something in that world,"

That idea sucks! I say put together The Simple Life: Straight to Hell. Make Paris and Nicole fucking battle it out. And the last bitch living wins! Nicole would so give the beat down to Paris! She'd rip her head off! Now that's real TV.

[Yahoo]

Richie and DJ Am for Bongo!

Bongo is back bitches! And they got 12yo Nicole Richie and her fiancee DJ AM to pose for this shit. Nicole looks hot as always, but DJ AM ain't cute. He looks like he's hung as hell though!







Click to see the rest

Close your fucking mouth bitch!

Why won't this bitch close her mouth!?! She looks like a cocker spaniel yapping at his master! Maybe she's trying to catch flies?!

This is from last night's Dukes of Hazzard premiere.








Please don't kill our Hollywood Starlets!

The New York Post is reporting that one year after 9/11 Osama Bin Laden tried to buy massive amounts of cocaine, spike it with poison and sell it to Americans.

The evil plot failed when the Colombian drug lords bin Laden approached decided it would be bad for their business - and, possibly, for their own health, according to law-enforcement sources familiar with the Drug Enforcement Administration's probe of the aborted transaction. The feds were told of the scheme earlier this year, but its existence had never been made public. The Post has reviewed a document detailing the DEA's findings in the matter, in addition to interviewing sources familiar with the case.

Thank God this didn't happen! If it did, Hollywood would basically be wiped out. We would all be attending HoHan's funeral! Jesus saved HoHan!

[Front Page Magazine]

Belinda Bedekovic is a hot bitch!



Belinda Bedekovic is a fucking true talent! Nobody can play the keyboard guitar like that bitch. When reading my latest issue of Popbitch, I almost shit my pants when watching her video!

Belinda Bedekovic, from Zagreb in Croatia, began to take up music at the age of three and a half years after her mother Ivkica purchased first keyboard, red ''Bambi'' on which Belinda played her first note ''e''. And so Belinda, under pedagogical leadership of her father Teodor, professional musician, started to overcome note by note with a good grace, curiosity and child's interest, taking her keyboard as a new amazing and brilliant toy. That's how it started. First appearance on TV Belinda had at the age of 5. Her performance was accompanied by admiration of music experts because five years old child with impeccable musical ear professionally done recording session at first attempt. Stunned cameramen and director asserted: ''Even a famous and trained musicians can’t make it at first attempt!''. Experts at that time called her ''a wonder child'' or ''wunderkind''. In this period she appeared on TV, radio and in the press. Even as a child on her public appearances Belinda got enthusiastic cheering and enormous applause in the middle of the songs, and she turned into genuine juvenile star. Already as a child she realized that the music was going to be her life choice and the greatest love of all.

She's going to be a HUGE fucking star! Just you wait!

Watch her Video

[Popbitch]

Just Checking...



Yum, Jack Osbourne is still skinny. I'm not sure about that cardigan, but he still looks hot.

[Lime-Light]

Where is that Macy Gray?

There she is in London, wasted out of her mind! I think she's probably wasted naturally, but drinking 4 40oz and taking 25 hits of the bong, probably doesn't really help matters. Does anybody know if she's a dyke?



Dude in Black: Look at that bitch, she's wasted! Ahahahah



Macy: Sgt. McNasty I'm trying to get to the front lines, but this white bitch is stopping me! I wore the camoflauge like you told me! Must get to front lines...



Macy to Herself: "Fuck that Fergie! I was the original bitch of the Black Eyed Peas. Fuck that white bitch!"

Doorman: "Please don't let this bitch look at me or I'm fucking turning to stone!"




Macy to Herself: "AW fuck, I'm in danger. The last time I got into a car that looked like this, they put in a padded room for six days! But that electronic massager shit was the shizznit!"

[Lime-Light]

Jessica what happened to your face?!?

Poor Jessica Lange. I used to think she was so fucking hot and so fucking sexy. And now...ugh, she's on her way to Frankenstein territory. Doesn't she realize she was so much fucking hotter without all that work? I'm not sure what these older ladies are thinking. They should get their vaginas tightened not their faces! That's what really counts!

R.I.P. Anwar from Kept

Xtina's Color Obsession

Xtina has a new diet that she's following. She is basing her new diet on the textures and colors of foods. Each meal is made of up of four textures: crunchy, soft, hot and cold. Her plate must also be made up of foods with bold contrasting colors.

A source close to Xtina said: "Christina is sticking to it religiously.

"She has a chef with her most of the time to whip up exactly the right meal." .

I have been given a secret copy of one of Xtina's menus:

Plate of Cocaine (Soft) [Note: Please use bright freen food coloring on the cocaine]
Vicodin (Crunchy) [Note: Please dip the pills in bright pink food coloring]
Cigarettes (Hot) [Note: Please buy those colorful blue ones]
Red Bull (Cold) [Note: Make sure to be that shit in a bright yellow cup with a bright orange straw]

[Female First]


Johnny will Knox your ass out!

Johnny Knoxville and Kate Moss spend a lot of time together. However, they both claim they are "just friends" because Johnny is married. Like that's ever stopped him in the past. Johnny is currently in town promoting The Dukes of Hazzard and Kate is house hunting with her daughter Lila-Rose. Both Johnny and Kate were out at a NYC club when a "frat type" started bothering Kate. The dude kept brushing a rose against Kate's face and Johnny didn't like this.

A spy said: "The guy was really bugging her, and then he was trying to give the rose to Johnny."Johnny finally took him, turned him upside down and dropped him on his head.".

The dude fought back by throwing a bottle at Johnny which bounced off somebody and hit Johnny's hands which left him bleeding.

Johnny was asked to leave. I don't understand this shit, why can't I ever witness this kind of crap! I would at least take a picture or some shit. Or grab the rose that was brushing Kate and eBay that shit!

[Lowdown]

Janice Dickinson is an attention whore!

Anybody watching The Surreal Life on Vh1 knows that Janice Dickinson is playing it up for the cameras. I think she's bitchy and abrasive, but I think she's turning it up a notch for TV. She knows that's what her fans want to see. Her fans being fags and all. But members of a West Hollywood gym are threatening to leave the gym if Janice stays. Apparently Janice who calls herself "The World's First Supermodel" is cussing bitches out!

A source said: "She had a meltdown in the ladies' locker room and started calling everyone the c-word. She is very abusive and out-of-control. Some people are leaving the gym because of her behavior. The management has had meetings about her, but they haven't approached her yet."

But Janice has no idea why people hate her ass. She says:
"I've got a lot of fucking enemies. I'm confounded. Maybe people are trying to make me look like Naomi Campbell, but I'm not Naomi Campbell, I'm Janice Dickinson. I'm sure there are a lot of really angry ladies there because I do have an amazing body . . . There's a lot of angry, jealous bitches."

Janice if you ain't acting, you're fucking nuts!

Janice can be seen in her one-woman show What Would Janice Do? at the El Rey theater in Los Angeles beginning August 29th.

[Page Six]


Andy Loves Dick

Andy Dick is a true train wreck. I don't know if he's a genuine one or just showing it up for the cameras. But anyway, he was at the opening of Home Nightclub here in NYC yesterday morning. And a spy said that Andy was boozing it up and seriously making out with another male party goer. Ewww, who would make out with him? Except Trishelle, but she's trash! A source also reports that Andy "grabbed, licked and groped everyone in sight — especially the male models." He also had his hands down a dude's pants, groping his genitals.

Andy Dick is now the male version of Tara Reid. Ewww, just thinking about him touching genitals make me want to hurl!

[Page Six]




The Dlisted Report

Paul Walker has joined Clint Eastwood's Flags of Our Fathers. Clint will direct a cast that already includes Ryan Phillipe, Jesse Bradford and Adam Beach. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Maggie Gyllenhaal and Maria Bello will join Oliver Stone's untitled 9/11 film. Both of them will portray wives of Port Authority workers. Nicolas Cage is set to headline with filming to begin this fall in New York. [Variety]

I thought Nicole Kidman was taking time off. I guess not, she's set to star in German director Oliver Hirschbiegel's remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers called Invasion. Production will start this October. [Production Weekly]

A Broadway musical version of another Drew Barrymore film is landing on the Great White Way. Ever After the Musical is expected to hit Broadway in 2007. [Broadway.Com]

Suzanne Somers Broadway Debut!

OK, last weekend, while that slut Michael K was eating surf n' turf with Markus, my ass was going to see the one-woman, Broadway extravaganza: Suzanne Somers' "The Blonde in the Thunderbird." This thing was a piece of shit! It was so fucking bad, it was almost like high concept, avant garde art!

Image hosted by TinyPic.com

It starts out with a montage of pictures of Suzanne on various magazine covers, set to gay house music. Apparently Junior Vasquez was DJ'ing this fucking thing. Then this band busts out with her own fucking theme song ("Our girl Suzy"). Then the bitch comes out wearing a black leotard with sheer pantyhose, and a diamond ankle bracelet! She strutted her ass around and talked about how hot she was for a 58 year old. Then things really get rolling. Suzanne starts talking about her terrible, scarring childhood at the hands of an alcoholic father. Beautiful Suzanne ends up playing a scene of her 6 year old self hiding in a closet, singing "If I only had a brain" in a little girl voice! It was supposed to be poignant but I laughed my ass off!

Image hosted by TinyPic.com

The rest of the show has Suzanne running back and forth on the stage. In between her jogging, she reenacts giving birth to her son (the hospital bed is substituted with a La-Z-Boy), recounts how she gave it up to her husband on her first date (they fucked on top of cracked crabs), and talks about practicing for her one line from American Graffiti, all while walking around with a foam Thunderbird around her waste. The bitch then sings a thank you song to George Lucas! You know that he'd be like "Suzanne who?" One of the highlights is when glamorous Suzanne talks about meeting her husband for the first time, and falling in love at first sight. Based on Suzanne's body language, love at first sight means you look like you gotta take a piss, and are trying to hold it in by clamping your legs together!

Image hosted by TinyPic.com

The show is capped off by a bizarre scene in which Suzanne stops her monologue on alternative breast cancer treatments in order to start hawking her HSN shit! Her HSN theme song plays and she brings out a cart with all her crap on it! I did clap when she whipped out the Thighmaster, though, because that is one fucking hot invention.

This was seriously the weirdest fucking show I've seen in a long time. I wish it played forever and ever!

Image hosted by TinyPic.com

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!



Anyone want to kiss under the cameltoes? - Anonymous 4:29pm

Julia Roberts: Broadway Star!

Julia Roberts has decided to take a crack at Broadway and will star in Richard Greenberg's Three Days of Rain next March. Richard is most famously known for writing the Broadway smash Take Me Out about a gay baseball player coming out. Famous director, Joe Mantello will help Julia make her debut.

Three Days of Rain was first produced Off-Broadway at Manhattan Theatre Club in 1997, with Patricia Clarkson in the Roberts role. The play's three actors play dual roles: a lover's triangle, and their children a generation later. The story begins in the present day and then shifts to a time decades earlier in act two.

I was kind of hoping Julia would make her debut in Mary Reilly the Musical. But this will do!

[Playbill]

R.I.P. Eric aka Cappy from Big Brother



I say "Good Mittens!"

Hot Slut of the Day!



Cloris Leachman

For Liz

Birthday Sluts


Stephen Dorff (32)
Rachel Miner (25)
Wil Wheaton (33)
Leslie Easterbrook (56)

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Paris Hilton is such a cheap slut...

That the minute she poses next to that piece of shit cow statue, it suddenly looks expensive & holy!



[Pic: The Greek Princess]

Cumming



I know Alan Cummingis trying to be funny and shit with the ad campaign for his new cologne Cumming, but it's just disgusting. Check out the photos on his website, he's gross. But I'd still do him. Ewwww.....Just kidding! Watch the commercial, it's both gross and funny!

The Commercial

Which current ItBoy would you so work over until he was raw?



The lovely Jake Gyllenhaal grabbed 31% of your votes! However, the horse-like Kimberly Stewart wasn't too far behind. Jake better watch his ass! Kimbo's gonna go after Kiki!

I guess size does matter to Paris Hilton!



Paris Hilton has been fucking bitching to her fiancee, Mr. Paris about how her ring is too big. Duh, the thing is 24-carats! That's just disgusting!

A source said: “Paris started complaining how heavy her 24-carat ring was and that her finger hurt, so Paris got her a more manageable diamond-less platinum Cartier band for everyday wear.”

A fucking everyday engagement ring and a formal one? This is fucking ridiculous! There are more things to life than diamonds! Um...actually no there isn't.

[MSNBC]

Maddox is Punk Rock!

That Maddox is a cute, cute kid! And he's even more hotter rocking that black eyeliner. He's so going to start a trend among the celeb offsprings. You know Rocco Richie fired his stylist the minute he saw this picture. And well Dakota... she probably killed someone!



[Pic: Particularization]



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