The Dlisted Jukebox

I've had this song in my head for the past two weeks. This movie was so fucking hot!

Human League "Together in Electric Dreams"

Ugly Breast Implants

I love this site! I don't know why, but I can stare at disgusting breast implants for hours!!!

Take a peek!

I need this ASAP!

I wish this Michael Jackson t-shirt existed. It sums up everything for me!



[Media Martini]

Saint Oprah

We regularly talk about cults here like Scientology, Kabbalah, etc. But I think we're missing one major cult that will soon destroy us all! The Oprah Cult! Oprah fanatics think that she's more than just a TV personality. They are spearheading a campaign and petition to get the talk show host a Nobel Peace Prize. You heard right, a fucking Nobel prize!!! These bitches need help!

The leader calls himself Rocky Tyman and he said: "This is something that's been inspired by God, It's a grassroots campaign in its very beginning stages."

His goal is to collect 100,000 signatures. He has about 300 now. He went on to say: "We're just really impressed with what she has done to raise the level of consciousness about hunger, poverty, homeless, women's issues and, of course, the issue of AIDS."

Rocky, get laid and get a life! Focus on more important issues for Oprah. Like getting that bitch a new wig!

[People]

Leave Harry Alone!

Pope Eggs Benedict doesn't like Harry Potter.

Pope Benedict XVI argues the best-selling stories - about a boy wizard - entice children in and then "distort Christianity in the soul" His opinions were found in letters written in April before he was elected as pontiff.

Previously, the Vatican had appeared to approve JK Rowling's world-famous books, saying they showed children the difference between good and evil.

Me thinks he's just jealous! He wants that fancy wand, too. Pope Eggs Benedict, don't be greed you have your own silly costume!

[Female First]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!!

Maggie Gyllenhaal, realizing that she is an ugly dog, finally puts millions of Americans out of misery by surgically attaching a hood to her face. - CHERRY

Hot Slut of the Day!

Toni Tennille

Birthday Sluts

Corey Feldman (34)
Will Ferrell (38)
Michael Flatley (47)
Tony Kushner (49)
Ruben Blades (57)
Corin Redgrave (66)

Star Jones and her wife on vacation!

Al Reynolds is so gay, I can't stand it!!! Look at him, he has gay written all over him! I'm gay and he's too gay for me! Pff, Star fucking deserves it! I just can't wait for the day when a sex tape featuring Al and another dude hits the public!

Look at Al in the last pic, he's like a proud hostess!









[Oh No They Didn't]

Attack of the Clones: MK Olsen Edition

Anna Nicole take note!

Chyna looked fucking hot at The Espy Awards. Bitch cleaned up her act. And her date is fucking hot, too. I'm happy she's finally make the right decisions when it comes to men!

Breakaway is right!

Kelly Barkson is by no means fat! Thick, but not fat. But girl, there's such a thing as wearing shit that's flattering to you. Her belly is trying to breakaway from that big black x.

Like anybody cares!

I think only three people besides myself watch Tommy Hilfiger's shit box of a reality show The Cut. Well, NYDN apparently knows the winner:

Click only if you care!

Eminem retiring?

Is Eminen retiring as a solo performer? Reports are that Eminem will make his final debut as a solo rapper this September in Ireland. He apparently wants to focus more on producing and do that full-time.

A source close to him said: "Marshall feels he's said everything he can say as Eminem. The idea that he intended this ("Encore") to be his last record is something that everyone on the inside circle has known for a while."

[Yahoo]

What the hell is wrong with Anna Nicole???

She was vacationing in Myrtle Beach when organizers of a wet t-shirt contest quickly asked her to be a judge. And of course, how could Anna Nicole turn someone down? Anna decided that it sucks to be a judge and it's better to be a contestant! Especially when you're on drugs, it's so much more fun!

I love the last picture..is she dead?









[JJB]

Um...perhaps some things are better left unsaid!

Jessica Simpson plans to adopt a kid.

She also confessed that when she was just 16 she wanted to adopt a kid from a Mexican orphanage, but couldn't get the baby past the border. She said: "That's what I wanted for my birthday but I couldn't legally get a baby across the Mexican border."

What a fucking idiot! She also plans to adopt a kid with her husband in the next year, or so.

She added: "I'll end up doing something which will touch somebody in some way that's good...through orphanages."

Jessica, you've already touched many men in ways that are good. Good for them, anyway.

[Ananova]

Mandy Moore is a Giant or Jess Simpson is a Midget!

This was taken at Jessica's birthday party a few nights ago. Jessica looks like a straight up hooker. Bitch you are rich have your fucking roots done! Mandy looks like a prim and proper lady compared to the midget-hooker that is Jessica Simpson.

Bai Ling strikes again!

Bai Ling manages to top herself each day by offending us with another hideous outfit!

A Cooch, I don't need to see!

Just when I thought Britney Spears and Kevin Federline couldn't get trashier, they manage to step it up a notch. It looks like Brit Brit is talking to execs about the possibility of airing the birth of her baby on TV. That's fucking disgusting. Brit's camp is looking for a spin-off of her failed reality show Chaotic and they think that a show introducing her kid to the world is going to be hot.

The last thing I need to see is some Britney vagina and some Britney placentia. That shit is covered in cheetos and you know it. Is anything sacred anymore? Brit, I know you might be going broke but this is not the way to do things! Have some GD dignity!

But if they offer you $2 Mil, take it!

[Contact Music]

Teri Snatcher's brush with death!

Teri Snatcher and her daughter were on a lovely safari in Kenya when their lives were nearly taken from them! Teri and her daughter were in a jeep with their tour guide when they found themselves in the middle of an elephant stampede! Thanks to the quick thinking of their guide, they managed to drive off the road and miss their appointment with death. Teri thanks the rugged jeep for saving them!

She said:"I thought we'd be run down, if our Jeep had stalled we would be dead for sure."

Teri can't die yet, I need to know what happens to Susan Meyer! You know that bitch Nicolette Sheridan paid those fucking elephant to demolish Teri's ass!

[Contact Music]

Not Likely, but...

Perez Hilton is reporting that Jessica Simpson and Johnny Knoxville are going to go public with their romance! Jessica is filing for divorce and Johnny is leaving his wife for her. Jessica's dad and PR bitch, Joe is apparently shopping the story around to break next week just in time for the premiere of her movie Dukes of Hazzard.

Wishful thinking, really...

Nick and Jessica have a TV special coming up, so I doubt those bitches would divorce before then.

P.S. - The pic above is from The Espy Awards. Jessica's implants are practically being suffocated!

[Perez Hilton]

R.I.P. Ashlea from Big Brother

Madonna in Vogue

Madge graces the cover of the August edition of American Vogue as the picture of a perfect English woman. Bitch is from Detroit! Lourdes looks hot, however that pic of them in the bed creeps me out.









[Oh No They Didn't]

Paris Hilton: Sugar Mama

There hasn't been Paris news in a while so forgive me if this story is boring. Cause is it! Anyhow, reports are that Paris Hilton will be paying for her own wedding. Paris Latsis and his family are worth nearly $75 Billion, however Mr. Paris' father claims that he does not have access to that money.

Mr. Paris' father said: "He is just a student. People who believe he is paying for the weddings do not know my son."

So looks like Paris and her family will be fronting the bill for two weddings which will take place in the US and Greece.

This bitch is lying, she wouldn't pay for this shit! She's gonna get fucking Fox and Carl's Jr. to sponsor this shit!

[Female First]

Yawn and Double Yawn

Celebrity porn tapes have become the norm, nowadays. A new tape has surfaced from surprise-surprise, Colin Farrell. It was really only a matter of time. His partner in the tape is Playboy slut Nicole Narain whom Colin briefly dated.

A source called JJ put a telephone call into Page Six and gave the following details of the 14-minute tape. Which he has possession of.

J.J. described the steamy tape in graphic detail, starting with a naked Nicole in her living room turning on some music, and ending with Farrell pointing the camera at her white cat in the corner of the room and saying, "Baby, you have the most beautiful [kitty]."

In between, Narain, who was Miss January in 2002, displays her pierced tongue as she looks up at the camera and winks. And Farrell, who had a shaved head for his role in "Daredevil," reciprocates, saying, "I could do this breakfast, lunch and dinner."

Narain, who has a tattoo on her backside, also goes through a couple of sexual positions described in the Kama Sutra, starting with "the missionary."

The sellers are looking for a seven-figure deal. However, they can't sell the tape without Colin or Nicole's permission. Give me something new! I want to see something different from celebrities. Like maybe a tape of them doing dishes or some shit, the laundry maybe? Now that will be hot!

However, I am a hater and once and if that Colin tape hits the internet. I'll be the first bitch jacking to it! Just kidding!!!

[Page Six]

TGIF!

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!

Serena: "Damn I'm good at this sexy shit, no one would ever suspect that I used to be a man" - mytabin

The Dlisted Report

Susan Sarandon and Ralph Fiennes may hop aboard Doris and Bernard. The independent film tells the story of tobacco billionairness Doris Duke and her butler. It will focus on the latter part of Duke's life and her relationship with her gay Irish butler, Bernard Lafferty, to whom she left her entire fortune. Filming is expected to begin this October in New York. [Variety]

Charisma Carpenter and Steve Guttenberg will be featured on several episodes of Veronica Mars next season. Charisma will play a trophy wife and stepmother to Dick and Beaver. Steve will play a baseball team owner. [UPN]

UK musical theater star, Maria Friedman will reprise the role she played in London for Broadway's Woman in White. The Andrew Lloyd Webber tuner will start performances in November. [Playbill]

R.I.P. Andrew & James from Hell's Kitchen

Hot Slut of the Day!

Charlotte Rae

Birthday Sluts

Scott Foley (33)
Diane Krueger (29)
Evan Marriott (31)
Brian Austin Green (32)
Brigitte Nielsen (42)
Forest Whitaker (44)
Lolita Davidovich (44)
Alicia Bridges (52)
Terry O'Quinn (53)
Jesse Ventura (54)
Lindsa Rondstadt (59)

What the hell kind of GD outfit is this?

Samaire Armstrong is currently on Entourage, but is best known for her role on The OC. What the hell happened to her ass? Did a fucking nucleur bomb explode on her house? GoFugYourself has the perfect explanation for this!



[Go Fug Yourself]

Hell to the No

This is some funny shit. Popwatch posted some funny translations if Whitney Houston replaced Paula Abdul on American Idol:

While Paula says: ''That was a little pitchy.''
Whitney might say: ''Hell to the no!''

Paula: ''You did your best.''
Whitney: ''I want your steak and eggs.''

Paula: ''Come on, Ryan!''
Whitney: ''We don't say shit to you. Deal with it, Seacrest. Deal with it.''

Paula: ''You are the contestant to beat in this competition.''
Whitney: ''That's black love, baby!''

Paula: ''Shut up, Simon, shut up!''
Whitney: ''Simon, I will knock the shit out of you!''

I've also added a translation if Mariah Scarey replaced Paula:

Paula: "That was a little pitchy"
Mariah: "9/11, lambs!"

[Popwatch]

When you gotta go, you gotta go!

Fellow chihuahua owner, Matt LeBlanc, took a LePiss when out walking his dog. That shit made me laugh, especially with him wearing those hideous Oakley sunglasses!



Matt to Chihuahua: "Cover me ok!"



Chiahuahua: "Piping hot! Just the way I like my lemonade. Hot outta the pipe! Delicious!"

[JJB]

HAPPY BASTILLE DAY!

From Michael K and Pepe La Pew!

Listen to me Dakota, stay away from the Tom!

Heed this warning Dakota Fanning, stay away from the being known as Tom Cruise. He may or may not be human.

Tom gave Dakota what he told her was a cell phone for her 11th birthday. Dakota said: "Tom gave me a cell phone, so that was really cool. My mom and dad wouldn't let me have a cell phone but Tom got me one for my birthday! "It's really funny, 'cause on my cell phone I pretend that I'm on the phone when I'm not and I'll pretend that I have messages when I'm just out on the street."

Dakota, sweetcakes that isn't a cell phone. As soon as you get this message, throw that shit in the fucking river! Better yet, stuff it in a trunk and pour concrete on it and then throw it in the river! Tom is using this to read your brain waves and communicate with your ovaries to produce a baby for him. If you don't listen to me, you will be pregnant in 2 weeks time. He used Katie to already test this out and it didn't work. It just made her brain-dead. My sources tell me that he has perfected this and now is using you as his carrier.

For the love of God Dakota, the future of our world rests in your hands!!!!

[Oh No They Didn't]

What do we think of Oprah's new wig?

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!

The Federlines trade in their "TALL" Caramel Mocha Frappuccinos for the new "WATER HOLE" size. I wonder if they went through the trailer park office for clearence? - Rebeccashane

R.I.P. Rashad & Jabe from I Want to be a Hilton

Because Oprah can make your career!

Tom Cruise has advised his new favorite pals, Posh & Becks to appear on Oprah. Tom has been oddly very interested in Posh & Becks in the past few weeks. Me thinks Tom wants to jump on that Beckdick and ride him all the way to Jupiter!

Tom has also advised them once they are on Oprah to jump on that stupid yellow couch several times and behave like marsupials.

[Ananova]

Fergie: Drugs Fucked Up My Face!

Ok she didn't say that. But Fergie did say that drugs almost ruined her life. More like ruined your face, bitch! Fergie claims she started with ecstasy in her 20s and moved on to harder drugs.

She said: "I stopped meeting the girls, broke up with a boyfriend and started going out and taking Ecstasy I was hanging around in a different crowd From there, I got into harder drugs and a really bad place emotionally. It was my way of getting away from everything I was totally wrapped up in it and I was going crazy".

She added that her face fell off and they had to glue it back on with Elmer's, because she couldn't afford surgery.

[Female First]

Don't Do It Denise!!!!!

Add another dickmatized bitch to our roster! Reports are flying that Denise Richards is back with Charlie Sheen. Denise left Charlie because he cheated on her ass with hookers. However, if someone was to cheat on me I'd rather them do it with a professional ho. Then it's more about business, you know. And business IS business.

Anyway, a friend of Denise said: "Denise and Charlie are getting back together. She's been finding it difficult to cope with a new baby and their other daughter Sam."

"Charlie's pulled out all the stops to make it easier".

Some bitches never learn, do they?

[Female First]

Donatella gets deep!

One of my favorite shemales, Donatella Versace, has decided to drop the whole glamour and glitter image of her fashion house Versace. She has decided to go in a new direction and present us with more casual pieces. Now that she has left her partying days since she is 125 years old after all and is embracing sobriety, Donatella realizes life is more than cocaine and STDs.

She says, "Life isn't always a red carpet - in fact in most cases it never is. A woman needs a great pair of trousers and a good coat more often than she needs an evening gown.

"We all used to take clothes so seriously - this is a serious business but at the end of the day it is just a frock."

[Contact Music]

BREAKING NEWS!!

HoHan is holding coffee AND water!!!

No Matter What!

No matter how fucking ugly you are..you can tell yourself that there's someone uglier than you. And that someone is Maggie Gyllenhaal! Even Lisa Kudrow looks like a supermodel standing next to her.

The Dlisted Report

Horsefaced, Haylie Duff will guest star on 13 episodes of 7th Crap next season. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Former HSL of the Day, Cameron Richardson will star alongside Lucy Liu in Rise. She'll play a girl who gets kidnapped by a vampire. [Variety]

The Live-Action version of Transformers has secured an opening date of July 4, 2007. Michael Bay is on board as director. [Latino Review]

EMMY

The Emmy Nominations came out today, and surprise-surprise. Desperate Housewives cleaned house!

DH picked up best Comedy Series and nominations for Teri Hatcher, Felicity Huffman and Marcia Cross. Lost also managed some nominations for Drama Series as well as nominations for two of my favorite actors on Lost, Naveen Andrews and Terry O'Quinn. One of my other favorite shows, Arrested Development also did well with nominations and secured nods for Comedy Series, Jason Bateman, Jeffrey Tambor and Jessica Walter.

Click Here to see a full list of nominees!

R.I.P. Dana & Will from Rock Star: INXS

Hot Slut of the Day!

Jocelyn Wildenstein

Birthday Sluts

Matthew Fox (39)
Joel Silver (53)
Vincent Pastore (59)
Harry Dean Stanton (79)

Fantastic Four SUCKED!!

But Christ (or Chris) Evans was hot..

Don't waste your dough on this one folks!

It's a Miracle!

Yes, our prayers worked! Zsa Zsa Gabor will live and has been sent home!

Her husband said: "It's a miracle. She is now even better than she was before"

[CBS News]

Richie is disappearing!

Damn, this bitch is getting skinnier and skinnier. She still looks hot no matter what you motherfuckers say!

Ok, make fun of her!

This is why I love Mariah!

"9/11 forced me to wear this hideous dress!" - Mariah Scarey

Mariah Scarey says the absolute most ridiculous things and I love her for it. When recently asked about her mega-flop Glitter...Mariah responded with something that boggled my fucking mind.

Mariah on the failure of Glitter:

Glitter was ahead of its time – today it's 'in' to make 80's music. But the timing was bad - I released it around September 11 2001. The talk shows needed something to distract from 9/11. I became a punching bag. I was so successful that they tore me down because my album was at number 2 instead of number 1. The media was laughing at me and attacked me.

This bitch is so hot. I'm going to start blaming 9/11 for fucking everything.

"Michael K, why did you cheat on me"

"Listen 9/11 really put a lot of pressure on me. And it just was the right thing to do at that time."

"Michael K, why did you try to kill Kiki Dunst"

"Basically, I'm still dealing with 9/11 as is the rest of the world. I needed something to take my mind off of it."

"Michael K, where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?"

"9/11! Duh!"

[Stereogum]

What the hell kind of GD outfit is this?

Kiera Knightley

[JJB]

I ain't opposed to beating down an 80yo man!

Ian Mckellen has joined the world in thinking David Beckham is a hot piece of man! Ian met Becks backstage at London's Live 8 and said: “David Beckham is a beautiful man. He’s got a nice smile.

“I spoke to him at a party. He’s a gay icon and I know he likes it.”

Ian that cash cow belongs to Posh! And anyone that gets in the way of Posh having more plastic surgery and wearing more expensive yet super-ugly jeans is going to get the beat down by me!

[icBerkshire]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!

People, this was one of the hardest ever! All of you bitches were so funny! I couldn't decide between 2, so there's a tie!!!

"A desperate Katie tries to save Tom from beaming up. An excited Cruise thinks Katie's going with him". - Anonymous 1:45pm

AND

Katie: "God this is so frickin embarrassing. Maybe if I wear these ugly ass bug glasses no one will know it's me. Damn his pits stink." - mytabin

Ok, she didn't have a heart attack!

Marianne Faithfull is fuming mad at rumors that she's had a heart attack. I reported here as did everyone else, that Marianne suffered a minor attack and was forced to withdraw from the remake of The Picture of Dorian Grey.

However she said: "These horrible rumours are completely untrue. I haven't had a heart attack, not even a slight one. It's upsetting that so many of my friends and family have been forced to worry unnecessarily about my health.

"I'm currently on tour in Europe and I want to reassure everyone coming to the shows that I'm OK."

[Contact Music]

HoHan got served!

Not only did HoHan get served once, but she got served twice recently!

First, at the Mr. and Mrs. Smith premiere - HoHan ran up to Brad Pitt and was so fucking excited to meet his ass. But he had no idea who she was! She said: "I ran up to him and said, 'I just have to introduce myself', and he didn't know who I was!'"

HoHan, I hardly recognize you too since you've lost your tits!

And her second snub came from White Stripes leading man, Jack White. HoHan asked him to play on her debut album. Did she really think he would say yes. Maybe she thought since she gave him a blow job, he'd do it. Dude, a guy would say anything to blow his load!

Jack White responded to her proposal with: "Somebody had the nerve to ask me if I wanted to play guitar on Lindsay Lohan's album. She's another one of those 16-year-old actresses, and she's making an album. NO!"

[Female First]

Finally words of wisdom!

I hope Kelly Osbourne wasn't kidding recently when she said she wants to get the full package! Full package of plastic surgery treatments that is!

She told a British magazine: "I'm going to get lifted, sucked, tucked and Botoxed until my forehead doesn't move."

Kelly freaked out when she appeared on a British TV show and they asked her if she had recent images of herself digitally tooled with to make herself look skinny. DUH!

[Female First]

Rob Thomas is offended!!!

Remember those silly rumors about how Rob Thomas was caught in bed with Tom Cruise? Well, Rob has spoken out and of course has called those rumors rubbish!

He says, "If I were gay, Tom wouldn't be on the top of my list...It would be Brad Pitt. I'm more offended by the rumors saying I'm Scientologist."

Well said!

[IMDB]

The Dlisted Report

Jeri Ryan will join the cast of The OC in a recurring role. Jeri will play a secret friend of Kristen's. [Cynthia's Cynopsis]

Owen Wilson looks likely to star in a remake of The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. Walter Mitty is a quintessential daydreamer whose vivid imagination allows him to escape from the mundane constraints of his ordinary life. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Uma Thruman & Luke Wilson have signed on to Ivan Reitman's Super Ex. Uma plays a superhero who falls for a regular guy. He's okay with her superhuman abilities but can't take her neediness. When he dumps her, she uses her powers to turn the guy's life into a nightmare. [Variety]

Jordana Brewster will star in the sequel to Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The sequel is expected to show us Leatherface's roots. Whatever that means. [Bloody Disgusting]

Disney apparently wants more HoHan ass and is keen to have her star in their remake of The Swiss Family Robinson due to begin filming next year in Australia. [Dark Horizons]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Joyce De Witt

Birthday Sluts

Harrison Ford (63)
Corey Clark (25)
Ashley Scott (28)
Deborah Cox (31)
Gerard Levert (39)
Fatboy Slim (42)
Cameron Crowe (48)
Louise Mandrell (51)
Didi Conn (54)
Cheech Marin (59)
Patrick Stewart (65)

Mr. JLo is anything but charitable!

At a charity event for in New York Marc Anthony was asked to sketch something to be auctioned off. Other celebrities like Elisha Cuthbert and John Leguizamo graciously obliged and sketched something. When Marc was given a piece of paper, he decided to sketch the words "FUCK YOU". That's one way to approach art.

A source says, "Everyone was drawing caricatures, doing their little drawings and stuff to be framed. They handed a piece of paper to Marc, for either him or J.Lo to draw on. He wrote 'F**k You,' and passed it back. People were totally taken aback."

"And now the other art is touring, and they literally have his 'F**k You' in storage."

Why didn't they auction that shit off? Maybe, that's his way of looking at art. Fuck, I'd probably write something like that and be serious about it. At eastertimes, I fucking write EAT SHIT on my easter eggs. I'm not serious! Just misunderstood!

[Female First]

Has he lost his mind?

Donald Trump wasn't satisfied with last season's Apprentice with the whole street smarts versus book smarts shit. So, apparently his latest idea is white VS black. Yeah, you heard right.

He said, “Whether people like that idea or not, it is somewhat reflective of our very vicious world. But needless to say, not everybody thinks it’s a good idea.”

White VS Black? This isn't the fucking civil war! However, I would still watch it.

[Reality Blurred]

Mischa + Brandon = OVER

People has learned that Mischa Barton and Brandon Davis have called it quits despite many rumors that the bitches have been together.

Mischa's PR bitch said: "They are no longer together but they remain close friends, There is no third party involved."

Why would you need to state that there wasn't a 3rd party involved. That means there was. ANGELINA AGAIN!!!!! GODDAMN YOU ANGELINA!! Brandon Davis is an innocent man! Why did you have to hypnotize Mischa with your vagina and tear her away from her one true love!

I will see you in hell, Angelina!!!!!

[People]

Whatever it is..it's a fashion don't!

No, these aren't the pics of Mariah's wardrobe malfunction, but they are just as hideous. I thought this bitch told us she was going to class it up. Who told her that napkins look hot as a skirt. I know she's performing in Denmark and they have some wacked style, but this is just taking it too far. I love in the second picture how that guy is literally passing out from the bad taste exuding from her person.

*NOTE* Germans have hot taste! I totally love Mercedes-Benz!





[JJB]

BREAKING NEWS!!!

Brad Pitt is in the hospital due to suffocation from Angelina's hypnotic vagina! Actually, he was hospitalized for flu-like symptoms following his return from Africa. He is currently in the hospital and is expected to live.

[Yahoo]

Give me a Paris with a splash of JLo!

A company called Naturasun has launched 10 spray-on tans to match the complexion of celebrities.

If you want Skank Bronze, you'd go with Paris Hilton. A Cheap Whore will get you Victoria Beckham's complexion. And a Latin Trash will get you a JLo. Just kidding!

Paris Hilton is known as Regular Bronze, while JLo is Chocolate. This shit will set you back $50. A spokeswhore for the company said: "Beauty therapists will be able to advise a client on an appropriate colour. Then they can match the shade of any icon or hero."

[Ananova VIA Elisa]

Baby Got Back!

Courtney Love is putting on the weight after putting down the crack pipe. Girlfriend got ass!

Bust Up Gum!

The super hot Karen E. sent me this link and it is my duty to pass it on to you folks. If any of you girls or guys out there want bigger tits, there's really no need to run to the plastic surgeon's office. Just make an order from Japan for some bust up gum!

Just chew your way to bigger tits!

But hurry, they are expected to run out on July 15th. Yeah run out is right, run out of the picture with your dough!

Purchase here!

Hilary is sooo Punk Rock!

Hilary Duff is trying to edge herself up a bit by punk rocking it out for her new video. However, in the black wig she looks more like Leah Remini than a rock chick.





[JJB]

Lizzie Grubman was so coool in High School!

Goldenfiddle has the interview Lizzie Grubman gave New York Dog Magazine. This shit is hilarious. She's really disgusting! You know her dogs are planning to kill her ass one of these days. Here are some highlights:

Their biggest extravagance?

Grooming and clothing. And they always drink Fiji water.

Dogs are becoming so popular.

They're very trendy. And I think I started that trend back in High School.


[Goldenfiddle]

I Hate You But I Need Cash!

The Spice Girls are recording some new tracks for their Greatest Hits album due next year. But, all of the girls hate each other and couldn't figure out a place where they could meet and record together. So they are recording their parts seperately. Emma and Melanie C will record in London, Geri in France, Vicky in Madrid and Mel B in Los Angeles.

The girls are already pissed at Mel B, because she refused to perform at Live 8 in London. Let's be real, these girls hate each other and are only doing this because they need to get paid. Except for Victoria, she doesn't need the money she just loves the attention. I personally can't wait for this trainwreck!

[Ananova]

Don't Quit Your Day Job!

Britney Spears is considering designing her own line of maternity clothes. Oh yes, designing actual clothes that people wear.

Brit Brit said:"There's so much unappealing stuff out there for moms-to-be I have so many ideas about more modern, funkier designs".

First of all, anybody that dresses like that has NO business in giving any kind of fashion advice. I ain't no fashion plate, but I'm not trying to have my own fashion line. Brit Brit, you should stick with what you know first and then move up. Baby steps. Perhaps you should design a new flavor for Cheetos. Shit, you know enough about that! You're like a Cheeto expert!

[Female First]

Some things should be kept to yourself..

During interviews for Dark Water, Jennifer Connelly confessed that she once made a suicide pact with her stuffed monkey when she was a little girl.

She said: "I was a bit macabre. I remember writing him (the monkey) a letter, saying, 'If you go, if your head gets torn off in an aeroplane - you know, in security when you go through the X-ray thing - I'll go with you. I can't survive without you."

Jennifer, don't lie this happened last week. And why did you write him a letter? Couldn't you just have told him face to face? I think that would've meant more to him.

[Contact Music]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!

This one was hard to pick, because they were ALL so good!! But the Winner is:

"Mary Kate Olsen finally gets the helping hand she has been in dire need of". - Violet

Mariah Scary exposes her implants!

Mariah Scarey found herself feeling the breeze when appearing on a TV show in Germany. Mariah accidentially flashed everyone when her dress fell apart. Bitch, how does your dress just fall apart like that? I've had some cheap ass clothes before but that shit never fell apart. Bitch had this planned. She probably was excited about her new tits and knew the Germans wanted to see that shit. Because if she would've pulled that shit here, we would've laughed at her ass!

Mariah quickly said: "Someone bring me a jacket or the show's off, we all know how quickly these images can spread around the world."

She then ran offstage and returned a few minutes later with her shit back together.

Damn, I need to see these pictures! If they exsist, get them to me ASAP!

[Contact Music]

My bets are on Shirley!

I haven't really been following this story, but now I am! Earlier this month legendary singer Shirley Bassey hit out at singer Charlotte Church calling her a drunk! So, what could Charlotte do? Defend herself of course.

Charlotte told a UK radio station: "I don't know why she's always so nasty about me. I mean she's a bit wrinkly, isn't she? She has a cheek - she's always drinking champagne. She's always drunk.I go out once a week, I'm really not that excessive, so Shirley Bassey needs to shut up. I have met her, she was OK, but rude."

Shirley and Charlotte let me add another layer to this, how about both you bitches are drunks!!

[Contact Music]

Kelly Kaposki is married!

Tiffani Amber-Thiessen who just goes by Tiffani Thiessen now got married in California on Saturday to actor Brady Smith. I really thought Kelly would eventually end up with Zack Morris! The two were engaged earlier this year.

Jesse Spano was nowhere in sight.

[Contact Music]

The Dlisted Report

The 1987 Mark Harmon comedy Summer School will be remade by Paramount Pictures. The flick will cover the chaotic summer season in high school life, centering on a hard-nosed teacher aiming to be the next principal and the student who becomes his nemesis in achieving that goal. [Variety]

Quentin Tarantino has plans to create his own TV show. Quentin got the bug after directing episodes of CSI and ER. He says, "I'm interested in doing a show of my own. There are some ideas I've had for movies that are too long. Most people aren't down with four-hour movies. But TV has caught up with my aspirations. You could truly do these stories as a TV show." [IMDB]

Marianne Faithfull has had to drop out of playing the lead role in a remake of The Picture of Dorian Grey due to a minor heart attack. Marianne is fine now and has quit smoking due to the heart attack. Natassia Kinski will replace Marianne. [Female First]

Hot Slut of the Day!

The Queen of Los Angeles: Angelyne!

Birthday Sluts

Gareth Gates (21)
Michelle Rodriguez (27)
Anna Friel (29)
Kristi Yamaguchi (34)
Lisa Nicole Carson (36)
Rolonda (46)
Jennifer Saunders (47)
Cheryl Ladd (54)
Bill Cosby (68)

MK gets humped by a dog!

MK Olsen looks happy as she attended a friend's bbq. MK smoked up a storm and also drank some delicious red wine. She also played with several dogs, including one that tried to face fuck her!

Hot Slut of the Month: CAROL CHANNING!

With over 35% of your votes, CAROL CHANNING is victorious has won the coveted title of being June's Hot Slut!!

Thanks for Voting!

What kind of GD photo shoot is this?!

I don't know where to start with this outfit. Fishsticks Paltrow donned an unusual outfit for a photo shoot in Paris with photographer Mario Testino for Estee Lauder. What is the theme of this photo shoot? Like does Fishsticks play some kind of Gothic superhero? And what's up with those Punky Brewster boots?!?

HoHan is Shameless!

These pics were taken of HoHan on the set of her new film A Prairie Home Companion directed by Robert Altman. Below is a pic of Robert in a wheelchair tenderly stroking HoHan's leg. Actually, I don't know if he's stroking it, but let's just say he is. Now we finally know how HoHan got a role opposite Meryl Streep!

Damn, this girl will stop at nothing to further her career!

Why God Why!?!

Kiki Dunst & Jake Gyllenhaal confirmed that they are together when they macked at a Hollywood hotel yesterday. Again, I know I ask this every fucking time, but how did Kiki nab this man!?!

Lots of people have been claiming that I only say shitty things about Kiki. So I am going to try and say something nice about her. Deep Breath..

Kiki has a hot man! Nice enough, right?

[JJB]

HoHan's tortured heart!

HoHan's low-life father, Michael Lohan told Page Six that Hohan's weight loss is due to stresses from her family life. He said: "People wonder why Lindsay's so thin. It's because of all this garbage between her mother and me. She's beaten up inside. It's ripped our whole family apart."

Actually, he was totally misquoted. What he mants to say was: "Coke and Laxatives. Yeah, that's it."

[IMDB]

$10K a Minute!

Nicole Kidman may just be the highest paid public speaker of ALL-Time. Nicki is set to address a group of businessmen in Australia for Forbes Global CEO Conference. She is set to receive $435,000 for a 25-minute speech. And get this, the bitch may not even show up in person! She's toying with the idea of giving the speech via satellite.

Oh hell naw! If I was giving that bitch $10K a minute she better show up juggling a poodle on her fucking head while jumping through a ring of fire in a rayon dress.

I think I know what the topic of her speech will be. "How to marry a crazy man so you can become on of the biggest stars in Hollywood and demand $10k a minute!"

[IMDB]

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Premiere

Bitches were out in full force for the premiere of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory yesterday in Hollyweird. Who knew that this flick would attract such crazies! They were all there, Melanie Griffith, Britney & Kevin Spears and Fred Durst! Me thinks Britney was disappointed, because she thought she was going to an actual Chocolate Factory!











[Yahoo]

Replace a loon with another loon!

Is Paula Abdul leaving one of the biggest shows on TV? Paula may be leaving American Idol to star as a judge on Fox's So You Think You Can Dance. Which is being described as American Idol for the dancing world. Star Magazine is reporting that producers of AI are looking at Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey as possible replacements. Whitney is apparently their first choice.

This should be seriously hot! Whitney would just blurt shit out like "My Israel" and "Colonics!" Whitney is crazier than Paula and would indeed add so much more to this show!

[Star Magazine]

A Remake We Don't Need!

Rumors have been swirling for YEARS of a remake of the legendary film Sunset Blvd based on Andrew Lloyd Webber's musical.

The newest rumor has Hugh Jackman, Ewan McGregor and Glenn Close starring in the film which sources say will be released Christmas of 2006. Andrew Lloyd Webber's production company has confirmed the casting of Glenn as well as the release date. Glenn reportedly beat out Babs Streisand for the lead role.

Let's just say, I'll believe it when I see it. Who on earth would pour money into this shit?!?

[BBC News]

Page Six Blind Items

WHICH beautiful new bride of a certain man about town is not unfamiliar with kinky bedroom hijinks? We're told that one of her former live-in lovers kept a coffin stocked with sex toys in their bedroom and had a penchant for wearing a black leather bondage mask during sex

My guess Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner. He stars in a movie this year called Man About Town.

WHICH "Saturday Night Live" player was anything but smooth while smooching with a young woman he'd met at a party? The carnally inclined comic suddenly whipped out his manhood during the make-out session, causing the object of his obsession to run for the door.

Finesse Mitchell

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!

Xtina won't be feeling so hella good later when she loses her buzz and realises this cat ain't George Clooney. Likewise, blinded by the breastage spilling over the neon glare of her Xmas tinsel top, George Lopez is astounded that Brigitte Neilsen is so short and youthful in person. - Anonymous 11:52pm

Pamela Anderson is a Grade A Slut!

"My name is Pamela Anderson and I like to recycle dick!" - Pammy

Last week, Pammy was seen making out with her ex-husband Tommy Lee. Now there are reports that she is planning to have a romantic vacay in Ibiza with another ex, Stephen Dorff. The two are expected to attend several parties on the island.

Damn, Pammy recycles all her men! Whatever happened to what's done is done? No wonder the bitch has hep! Tattoo needle, my ass!

[Daily Star]

A Big Duh!

A source is claiming that Madonna never wrote her famous children's books by herself, but had a ghost writer.

The source alleged: "All of Madonna's books are written by the Kabbalah Center's official ghostwriter, Eitan Yardeni. Eitan also writes all of Rabbis Yehuda and Phillip Berg's books and the Kabbalah Books for the Centre Last summer, he flew to London to help Madonna write the last book, but she didn't really do anything".

Duh, any bitch who the wrote the lyrics " Shoo bee doo bee doo ooh la la, come to me baby" has no business writing a book, even a children's one!

[Female First]

The Dumbest Move You Could Ever Make!

Is Teri Snatcher quitting Desperate Housewives? Teri has hinted that she doesn't expect to stay long on the hit TV show. She apparently wants to get back into movies. Teri said: "I just think everything comes to a natural close at some stage, doesn't it? And the world of film does sound appealing again."

Teri would be the dumbest bitch if she quit this show. This is her fucking cash cow. The only kind of movies she has a chance to be in, is the blue kind!

[Female First]

The Dlisted Report

Fantastic Four was the Number 1 movie this weekend with $56 Million. War of the Worlds dropped to 2nd place bringing in $31.3 Million. [Box Office Mojo]

Kate Hudson will join Owen Wilson in You, Me and Dupree for Universal. Owen will play Dupree a man who overstays his welcome as a houseguest for two newlyweds. [Production Weekly]

Brooke Shields will return to the Broadway production of Chicago playing the role of Roxie Hart. Brooke is currently starring in the London production and will begin performances in September in New York. [Playbill]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Geri Jewell! (Cousin Geri from Facts of Life!)

For Lahoma00

Birthday Sluts

Justin Chambers (34)
Lil' Kim (30)
Lisa Rinna (41)
Suzanne Vega (45)
Sela Ward (49)
Giorgio Armani (71)
David Kelly (76)

Attack of the Clones!

Thanks to johnpaul for this suggestion!

Our Prayers are Working!

Zsa Zsa Gabor is still alive today! This means that our prayers are working! She is expected to return home today. Please keep your prayers going! Zsa Zsa must live!!!

Dlisted Jukebox

I'm totally having a Charo day. So I'm sharing with you one of the hottest songs ever. It starts off with a huge instrumental, but wait a bit and you'll hear some of the hottest lyrics ever! This bitch has no idea what the fuck she's saying!

Charo "Cuchi Cuchi"

Hot Sluts of the Week: The Fantanas

Ages: ?
Birthdays: ?
Birth Names: Strawberry-Swiging Capri, Pineapple-Chugging Lola, Orange-Gulping Kiki and Grape-Guzzling Sofia

Original Date of Hot Slut of the Day: July 8, 2005
Claim to Fame: Annoying us before our movie on their Fanta commercials!

Where are they now? On some fucking island.

Why are they Hot Sluts of the Week? Because when watching one of their commercials in the movie theaters, I seriously have that song stuck in my head for hours after. I think they put a spell on me!

The Fantanas Official Site

Don't fuck with Ashton! He's the man!

Ashton is a real fucking man! He'll protect your ass against those sinister paparazzi! Ashton was out and about when he went postal on a photographer. He ran over to him and ripped his shirt off! Maybe Ashton was horny. I don't know. He later apologized and states he was under tons of pressure. This is no fucking excuse! I 'm under a lot of pressure too, do you see my ass ripping off the shirts of strange men. Actually, don't answer that.

[JJB]

That's Hot!

Nicole Richie is joining the ranks of every other celeb bitch who wants to make more dough by starting her own clothing line. Nicole will launch "That's Hot" at L.A.'s Fashion Week in October. Nicole claims she coined the phrase "That's Hot" on the reality show, The Simple Life.

Um..I know sluts that have been saying "That's Hot" for like ages. Anyway, I think she should call her fashion line "Sinking" because she fucking swims in all her clothes.

[Oh No They Didn't]

Isn't it Ironic?

Tom Rogers, age 87, the creator of Charlie the Tuna drowned while swimming alone in his pool in North Carolina. Hmm...

Charlie the Tuna, the face of Starkist Tuna was always being turned down by Starkist. Because he didn't taste good.

Anyway, this is really a sad story. May Charlie and Tom live happy together in heaven!

[Oh No They Didn't]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Dawn Weiner

Birthday Sluts

Adrian Grenier (29)
Jessica Simpson (25)
Andrew Firestone (30)
Sofia Vergara (33)