Dlisted: 07/10/2005 - 07/17/2005

Saturday, July 16, 2005

The Dlisted Jukebox



I've had this song in my head for the past two weeks. This movie was so fucking hot!

Human League "Together in Electric Dreams"

Ugly Breast Implants



I love this site! I don't know why, but I can stare at disgusting breast implants for hours!!!

Take a peek!

I need this ASAP!

I wish this Michael Jackson t-shirt existed. It sums up everything for me!



[Media Martini]

Saint Oprah



We regularly talk about cults here like Scientology, Kabbalah, etc. But I think we're missing one major cult that will soon destroy us all! The Oprah Cult! Oprah fanatics think that she's more than just a TV personality. They are spearheading a campaign and petition to get the talk show host a Nobel Peace Prize. You heard right, a fucking Nobel prize!!! These bitches need help!

The leader calls himself Rocky Tyman and he said: "This is something that's been inspired by God, It's a grassroots campaign in its very beginning stages."

His goal is to collect 100,000 signatures. He has about 300 now. He went on to say: "We're just really impressed with what she has done to raise the level of consciousness about hunger, poverty, homeless, women's issues and, of course, the issue of AIDS."

Rocky, get laid and get a life! Focus on more important issues for Oprah. Like getting that bitch a new wig!

[People]

Leave Harry Alone!



Pope Eggs Benedict
doesn't like Harry Potter.

Pope Benedict XVI argues the best-selling stories - about a boy wizard - entice children in and then "distort Christianity in the soul" His opinions were found in letters written in April before he was elected as pontiff.

Previously, the Vatican had appeared to approve JK Rowling's world-famous books, saying they showed children the difference between good and evil.

Me thinks he's just jealous! He wants that fancy wand, too. Pope Eggs Benedict, don't be greed you have your own silly costume!

[Female First]

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!!



Maggie Gyllenhaal, realizing that she is an ugly dog, finally puts millions of Americans out of misery by surgically attaching a hood to her face. - CHERRY


Hot Slut of the Day!


Toni Tennille

Birthday Sluts


Corey Feldman (34)
Will Ferrell (38)
Michael Flatley (47)
Tony Kushner (49)
Ruben Blades (57)
Corin Redgrave (66)

Friday, July 15, 2005

Star Jones and her wife on vacation!

Al Reynolds is so gay, I can't stand it!!! Look at him, he has gay written all over him! I'm gay and he's too gay for me! Pff, Star fucking deserves it! I just can't wait for the day when a sex tape featuring Al and another dude hits the public!

Look at Al in the last pic, he's like a proud hostess!









[Oh No They Didn't]

Attack of the Clones: MK Olsen Edition

Anna Nicole take note!

Chyna looked fucking hot at The Espy Awards. Bitch cleaned up her act. And her date is fucking hot, too. I'm happy she's finally make the right decisions when it comes to men!

Breakaway is right!

Kelly Barkson is by no means fat! Thick, but not fat. But girl, there's such a thing as wearing shit that's flattering to you. Her belly is trying to breakaway from that big black x.



Like anybody cares!

I think only three people besides myself watch Tommy Hilfiger's shit box of a reality show The Cut. Well, NYDN apparently knows the winner:

Click only if you care!

Eminem retiring?



Is Eminen retiring as a solo performer? Reports are that Eminem will make his final debut as a solo rapper this September in Ireland. He apparently wants to focus more on producing and do that full-time.

A source close to him said: "Marshall feels he's said everything he can say as Eminem. The idea that he intended this ("Encore") to be his last record is something that everyone on the inside circle has known for a while."

[Yahoo]

What the hell is wrong with Anna Nicole???

She was vacationing in Myrtle Beach when organizers of a wet t-shirt contest quickly asked her to be a judge. And of course, how could Anna Nicole turn someone down? Anna decided that it sucks to be a judge and it's better to be a contestant! Especially when you're on drugs, it's so much more fun!

I love the last picture..is she dead?









[JJB]

Um...perhaps some things are better left unsaid!



Jessica Simpson
plans to adopt a kid.

She also confessed that when she was just 16 she wanted to adopt a kid from a Mexican orphanage, but couldn't get the baby past the border. She said: "That's what I wanted for my birthday but I couldn't legally get a baby across the Mexican border."

What a fucking idiot! She also plans to adopt a kid with her husband in the next year, or so.

She added: "I'll end up doing something which will touch somebody in some way that's good...through orphanages."

Jessica, you've already touched many men in ways that are good. Good for them, anyway.

[Ananova]

Mandy Moore is a Giant or Jess Simpson is a Midget!

This was taken at Jessica's birthday party a few nights ago. Jessica looks like a straight up hooker. Bitch you are rich have your fucking roots done! Mandy looks like a prim and proper lady compared to the midget-hooker that is Jessica Simpson.

Bai Ling strikes again!

Bai Ling manages to top herself each day by offending us with another hideous outfit!

A Cooch, I don't need to see!



Just when I thought Britney Spears and Kevin Federline couldn't get trashier, they manage to step it up a notch. It looks like Brit Brit is talking to execs about the possibility of airing the birth of her baby on TV. That's fucking disgusting. Brit's camp is looking for a spin-off of her failed reality show Chaotic and they think that a show introducing her kid to the world is going to be hot.

The last thing I need to see is some Britney vagina and some Britney placentia. That shit is covered in cheetos and you know it. Is anything sacred anymore? Brit, I know you might be going broke but this is not the way to do things! Have some GD dignity!

But if they offer you $2 Mil, take it!

[Contact Music]

Teri Snatcher's brush with death!



Teri Snatcher
and her daughter were on a lovely safari in Kenya when their lives were nearly taken from them! Teri and her daughter were in a jeep with their tour guide when they found themselves in the middle of an elephant stampede! Thanks to the quick thinking of their guide, they managed to drive off the road and miss their appointment with death. Teri thanks the rugged jeep for saving them!

She said:"I thought we'd be run down, if our Jeep had stalled we would be dead for sure."

Teri can't die yet, I need to know what happens to Susan Meyer! You know that bitch Nicolette Sheridan paid those fucking elephant to demolish Teri's ass!

[Contact Music]

Not Likely, but...



Perez Hilton is reporting that Jessica Simpson and Johnny Knoxville are going to go public with their romance! Jessica is filing for divorce and Johnny is leaving his wife for her. Jessica's dad and PR bitch, Joe is apparently shopping the story around to break next week just in time for the premiere of her movie Dukes of Hazzard.

Wishful thinking, really...

Nick and Jessica have a TV special coming up, so I doubt those bitches would divorce before then.

P.S. - The pic above is from The Espy Awards. Jessica's implants are practically being suffocated!

[Perez Hilton]

R.I.P. Ashlea from Big Brother

Madonna in Vogue

Madge graces the cover of the August edition of American Vogue as the picture of a perfect English woman. Bitch is from Detroit! Lourdes looks hot, however that pic of them in the bed creeps me out.









[Oh No They Didn't]

Paris Hilton: Sugar Mama



There hasn't been Paris news in a while so forgive me if this story is boring. Cause is it! Anyhow, reports are that Paris Hilton will be paying for her own wedding. Paris Latsis and his family are worth nearly $75 Billion, however Mr. Paris' father claims that he does not have access to that money.

Mr. Paris' father said: "He is just a student. People who believe he is paying for the weddings do not know my son."

So looks like Paris and her family will be fronting the bill for two weddings which will take place in the US and Greece.

This bitch is lying, she wouldn't pay for this shit! She's gonna get fucking Fox and Carl's Jr. to sponsor this shit!

[Female First]

Yawn and Double Yawn

Celebrity porn tapes have become the norm, nowadays. A new tape has surfaced from surprise-surprise, Colin Farrell. It was really only a matter of time. His partner in the tape is Playboy slut Nicole Narain whom Colin briefly dated.

A source called JJ put a telephone call into Page Six and gave the following details of the 14-minute tape. Which he has possession of.

J.J. described the steamy tape in graphic detail, starting with a naked Nicole in her living room turning on some music, and ending with Farrell pointing the camera at her white cat in the corner of the room and saying, "Baby, you have the most beautiful [kitty]."

In between, Narain, who was Miss January in 2002, displays her pierced tongue as she looks up at the camera and winks. And Farrell, who had a shaved head for his role in "Daredevil," reciprocates, saying, "I could do this breakfast, lunch and dinner."

Narain, who has a tattoo on her backside, also goes through a couple of sexual positions described in the Kama Sutra, starting with "the missionary."

The sellers are looking for a seven-figure deal. However, they can't sell the tape without Colin or Nicole's permission. Give me something new! I want to see something different from celebrities. Like maybe a tape of them doing dishes or some shit, the laundry maybe? Now that will be hot!

However, I am a hater and once and if that Colin tape hits the internet. I'll be the first bitch jacking to it! Just kidding!!!

[Page Six]

TGIF!

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER!!



Serena: "Damn I'm good at this sexy shit, no one would ever suspect that I used to be a man" - mytabin

The Dlisted Report

Susan Sarandon and Ralph Fiennes may hop aboard Doris and Bernard. The independent film tells the story of tobacco billionairness Doris Duke and her butler. It will focus on the latter part of Duke's life and her relationship with her gay Irish butler, Bernard Lafferty, to whom she left her entire fortune. Filming is expected to begin this October in New York. [Variety]

Charisma Carpenter and Steve Guttenberg will be featured on several episodes of Veronica Mars next season. Charisma will play a trophy wife and stepmother to Dick and Beaver. Steve will play a baseball team owner. [UPN]

UK musical theater star, Maria Friedman will reprise the role she played in London for Broadway's Woman in White. The Andrew Lloyd Webber tuner will start performances in November. [Playbill]

R.I.P. Andrew & James from Hell's Kitchen

Hot Slut of the Day!


Charlotte Rae


Birthday Sluts


Scott Foley (33)
Diane Krueger (29)
Evan Marriott (31)
Brian Austin Green (32)
Brigitte Nielsen (42)
Forest Whitaker (44)
Lolita Davidovich (44)
Alicia Bridges (52)
Terry O'Quinn (53)
Jesse Ventura (54)
Lindsa Rondstadt (59)

Thursday, July 14, 2005

What the hell kind of GD outfit is this?

Samaire Armstrong is currently on Entourage, but is best known for her role on The OC. What the hell happened to her ass? Did a fucking nucleur bomb explode on her house? GoFugYourself has the perfect explanation for this!



[Go Fug Yourself]

Hell to the No



This is some funny shit. Popwatch posted some funny translations if Whitney Houston replaced Paula Abdul on American Idol:

While Paula says: ''That was a little pitchy.''
Whitney might say: ''Hell to the no!''

Paula: ''You did your best.''
Whitney: ''I want your steak and eggs.''

Paula: ''Come on, Ryan!''
Whitney: ''We don't say shit to you. Deal with it, Seacrest. Deal with it.''

Paula: ''You are the contestant to beat in this competition.''
Whitney: ''That's black love, baby!''

Paula: ''Shut up, Simon, shut up!''
Whitney: ''Simon, I will knock the shit out of you!''

I've also added a translation if Mariah Scarey replaced Paula:

Paula: "That was a little pitchy"
Mariah: "9/11, lambs!"

[Popwatch]

When you gotta go, you gotta go!

Fellow chihuahua owner, Matt LeBlanc, took a LePiss when out walking his dog. That shit made me laugh, especially with him wearing those hideous Oakley sunglasses!



Matt to Chihuahua: "Cover me ok!"



Chiahuahua: "Piping hot! Just the way I like my lemonade. Hot outta the pipe! Delicious!"

[JJB]

HAPPY BASTILLE DAY!



From Michael K and Pepe La Pew!

Listen to me Dakota, stay away from the Tom!



Heed this warning Dakota Fanning, stay away from the being known as Tom Cruise. He may or may not be human.

Tom gave Dakota what he told her was a cell phone for her 11th birthday. Dakota said: "Tom gave me a cell phone, so that was really cool. My mom and dad wouldn't let me have a cell phone but Tom got me one for my birthday! "It's really funny, 'cause on my cell phone I pretend that I'm on the phone when I'm not and I'll pretend that I have messages when I'm just out on the street."

Dakota, sweetcakes that isn't a cell phone. As soon as you get this message, throw that shit in the fucking river! Better yet, stuff it in a trunk and pour concrete on it and then throw it in the river! Tom is using this to read your brain waves and communicate with your ovaries to produce a baby for him. If you don't listen to me, you will be pregnant in 2 weeks time. He used Katie to already test this out and it didn't work. It just made her brain-dead. My sources tell me that he has perfected this and now is using you as his carrier.

For the love of God Dakota, the future of our world rests in your hands!!!!

[Oh No They Didn't]

What do we think of Oprah's new wig?



Contact
michaelk@dlisted.com
moderator@dlisted.com
Michael K on MySpace



The Forum

Shop


Archives

01/23/2005 - 01/30/2005

01/30/2005 - 02/06/2005

02/06/2005 - 02/13/2005

02/13/2005 - 02/20/2005

02/20/2005 - 02/27/2005

02/27/2005 - 03/06/2005

03/06/2005 - 03/13/2005

03/13/2005 - 03/20/2005

03/20/2005 - 03/27/2005

03/27/2005 - 04/03/2005

04/03/2005 - 04/10/2005

04/10/2005 - 04/17/2005

04/17/2005 - 04/24/2005

04/24/2005 - 05/01/2005

05/01/2005 - 05/08/2005

05/08/2005 - 05/15/2005

05/15/2005 - 05/22/2005

05/22/2005 - 05/29/2005

05/29/2005 - 06/05/2005

06/05/2005 - 06/12/2005

06/12/2005 - 06/19/2005

06/19/2005 - 06/26/2005

06/26/2005 - 07/03/2005

07/03/2005 - 07/10/2005

07/10/2005 - 07/17/2005

07/17/2005 - 07/24/2005

07/24/2005 - 07/31/2005

07/31/2005 - 08/07/2005

08/07/2005 - 08/14/2005

08/14/2005 - 08/21/2005

08/21/2005 - 08/28/2005

08/28/2005 - 09/04/2005

09/04/2005 - 09/11/2005

09/11/2005 - 09/18/2005

09/18/2005 - 09/25/2005

09/25/2005 - 10/02/2005

10/02/2005 - 10/09/2005

10/09/2005 - 10/16/2005

10/16/2005 - 10/23/2005

10/23/2005 - 10/30/2005

10/30/2005 - 11/06/2005

11/06/2005 - 11/13/2005

11/13/2005 - 11/20/2005

11/20/2005 - 11/27/2005

11/27/2005 - 12/04/2005

12/04/2005 - 12/11/2005

12/11/2005 - 12/18/2005

12/18/2005 - 12/25/2005

12/25/2005 - 01/01/2006

01/01/2006 - 01/08/2006

01/08/2006 - 01/15/2006

01/15/2006 - 01/22/2006

01/22/2006 - 01/29/2006

01/29/2006 - 02/05/2006

02/05/2006 - 02/12/2006

02/12/2006 - 02/19/2006

02/19/2006 - 02/26/2006

02/26/2006 - 03/05/2006

03/05/2006 - 03/12/2006

03/12/2006 - 03/19/2006

03/19/2006 - 03/26/2006

03/26/2006 - 04/02/2006

04/02/2006 - 04/09/2006

04/09/2006 - 04/16/2006

04/16/2006 - 04/23/2006

04/23/2006 - 04/30/2006

04/30/2006 - 05/07/2006

05/07/2006 - 05/14/2006

05/14/2006 - 05/21/2006

05/21/2006 - 05/28/2006

05/28/2006 - 06/04/2006

06/04/2006 - 06/11/2006

06/11/2006 - 06/18/2006

06/18/2006 - 06/25/2006

06/25/2006 - 07/02/2006

07/02/2006 - 07/09/2006

07/09/2006 - 07/16/2006

07/16/2006 - 07/23/2006

07/23/2006 - 07/30/2006

07/30/2006 - 08/06/2006

08/06/2006 - 08/13/2006

08/13/2006 - 08/20/2006

08/20/2006 - 08/27/2006

08/27/2006 - 09/03/2006

09/03/2006 - 09/10/2006

09/10/2006 - 09/17/2006

09/17/2006 - 09/24/2006

09/24/2006 - 10/01/2006

10/01/2006 - 10/08/2006

10/08/2006 - 10/15/2006

10/15/2006 - 10/22/2006

10/22/2006 - 10/29/2006


Links
Best Week Ever
Bryanboy: Le Superstar Fabuleux
Concrete Loop
Crunk and Disorderly
FourFour
Golden Fiddle
Hollywood Rag
Popsugar
SwimAtYourOwnRisk
Answer This
Barbie Martini
Blogebrity
The Bosh
Brit Boy LA
Cake and Ice Cream
cat.lebrity
Celebrity Nation
Celebrity Smack
The Deli
Drunken Stepfather
Egotastic!
Fatback and Collards
Gabsmash
Gallery of the Absurd
The Gossipist
Hollywood Tuna
IDontLikeYouInThatWay
I'm Not Obsessed
In Case You Didn't Know
Jossip
Just Jared
Lainey Gossip
Manhattan Offender
Miss TLC
News8
Pink is the New Blog
Nightcharm
Nosy Snoop
OH NO!
The People We Love to Hate
Popblogging
Popbytes
Popped Culture
The Post Chronicle
Rhymes With Snitch
The Skinny Website
Smart
A Socialite's Life
Splash News
Tabloid Whore
Thighs Wide Shut
TMZ
Truth, Beauty, Love and Elisa
Yeeeah!
Young Black and Fabulous
City Rag
Communicatrix
Conversations About Fashion
GetFlix
Happy Hour Liz
If Jack Could Talk
It's Not Chick Porn!
Kill the Buddha
My Looking Glass
Purple Twinkie
Rachel Marsden
Yeah, I live in Worcester
Completely Naked
Dan Renzi
Made in Brazil
Ohlala Paris
Naked Boy Chronicles
Parisian Boys
Scott-O-Rama
Seriously? OMG! WTF?
Totally Joshness
Towleroad
Assistant Atlas
The Bling Blog
Church of Annette
Confessions of a Casting Director
Don and Murph
Give Me My Remote
Movie Picture Film
My Dingaling
OMG BLOG
Random Acts of Television
Reality Rant
Secrets on Madison Avenue
Viva La Graham
The Vitriol