Dlisted: 06/26/2005 - 07/03/2005

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Tennessee, Here I Come!

Well bitches, I'm leaving for Dollywood tonight so I won't be updating until Tuesday, the 5th. You bitches have a lot to do. Like write me a 17-page essay on why my eyes look like two rubies floating in the water. Anyway, yeah I'm going to Dollywood so I've scored some points on becoming officially a piece of trash!

You bitches have a hot hot hot 4th of July. I will do a HUGE posting on Tuesday with pics!

I leave you with my favorite Dolly Parton song:

Dolly Parton "Baby I'm Burning"

Michael K

No, this isn't Tara Reid's vagina..

Two Thai fisherman caught a fucking 600lb catfish. Probably the biggest fish ever fucking caught!

Oh yeah and Jenny's Preggers!

So, reps for both Jenny and Ben confirmed the sluts are married and the bitch is knocked up!

Again, congrats. I'm thinking Michael K for a baby name...

Early 4th of July, Y'all!

Paris Hilton celebrates the 4th of July early by skanking it up in a red and blue ensemble. Did bitch have some collagen or something?

Bennifer 2.0 married!

Us Weekly
& E! Online are both reporting that Jenny & Ben are married!

'Dardevil' BEN AFFLECK has finally tied the knot with his new Jen, reports US Weekly. According to the magazine, Ben and reported mom-to-be JENNIFER GARNER married in a secret island ceremony Wednesday night on the beautiful Turks and Caicos Islands in the Caribbean. Reps for both actors had no comment on the reported nuptials.

Congrats to those sluts!

R.I.P. Joey & Ashly from Dancing with the Stars


A genius blogger has created The Nick & Jessica Breakup Watch. I love it! This is the blog of the day!!

Visit this shit!

Special thanks to Karen E. for once again sending me some hot shit!

No Joke

Justin Timberlake wasn't doing to good recently at his Los Angeles restaurant, Chi. He basically blew chunks all over the floor. He felt ill and wasn't able to make it to the bathroom in time.

The staff was overheard joking on how much money they could get on eBay for Justin's vomit.

This is no fucking laughing matter! You could get so much. I would've fucking ran my ass over there and handled that vomit myself! I would've then asked that bitch to sign it!


Were there any designs in the first place?!

Police has been called in to find the culprit who stole several designs from Victoria Beckham for the Rock + Republic label.

An insider says, "There were plenty of other clothes in the showroom, so the thieves knew exactly what they were looking for. This will put everything on hold and end up costing Rock + Republic at least $1.8 million."

God, that Jordan will really stop at nothing to ruin her rival Victoria Beckham!


Jessica is Going to Hell!

Radical Christians are my favorite. They are like that one woman at work that just won't shut her mouth up about anything. You know the type? The one that has an opinion on EVERYTHING! A Christian group calling themselves "The Resistance" is urging Jessica Simpson to apologize for her video for These Boots are Made for Walking. Not only do they want her to apologize, but they want her to re-shoot a clean version.

A rep for the group said:"It's sad to see her whore herself out like this, She's a singing stripper."

Singing Stripper? I like that one! And yes I agree with you Christians, she is a singing stripper. But what is wrong with that? I'd rather have a singing stripper than a stripper with warts all over her ass. And furthermore, Jessica is flaunting the body that Jesus and several plastic surgeons gave her!


Late Night Lesbian

Page Six is reporting that Ellen Degeneres has had many secret meetings with ABC in order to discuss her as a possible replacement once Ted Koppel leaves his job as host of Nightline in December. ABC is considering Ellen to come aboard in a bid to square off against Jay Leno and David Letterman.

Ellen's people deny that there have been any meetings with ABC.


The Dlisted Report

CBS has cast Ian Holm to play the late Pope John Paul II in an upcoming biopic. How thrilling! Production begins next month in Italy and Poland.

ABC was due to launch their new reality show Welcome to the Neighborhood in two weeks. The show was full of controversy from several groups. The basis of the show involved 3 conservative families in Texas who must try and welcome several "different" families such as gays, blacks, etc... ABC will not be airing any episodes anytime soon.

Disney needs to be destroyed. They have announced that they will present Tarzan the Musical on Broadway in 2006. This will be a good one! Phil Collins is writing more hideous songs for it and David Henry Hwang is doing the book. Expect this to make loads of money from tourists that don't know any better!


Thanks to Karen for the pic..

And the Winner is....

After a few years in prison, Unibomber Ted Kaczynski really has lost his edge...


R.I.P. Shawn & Scarlet from Beauty and the Geek

Hot Slut of the Day!

Evie from Out of this World! (played by Maureen Flannigan)

Birthday Sluts

Vincent D'Onofrio (46)
Fantasia (21)
Monica Potter (34)
Bobby Vitale (40)
David Alan Grier (50)

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Attack of the Clones!

Lauryn Hill & Kim Fields!

I think I saw this on Pink Is the New Blog, but I couldn't find his version!

Don't Screw with Tilly!

One of my all-time favorite sluts, Jennifer Tilly served it up in Las Vegas at The World Series of Poker! She won the ladies event taking in over $156,000! This is the first time a celebrity has ever won! I thought this bitch was a dumb slut! She beat out nearly 600 players.

No Tan Lines

Here's some lovely pics of Ms. Richie tanning topless at some hotel pool in Hollywood. Don't these sluts have their own pools at home? They are constantly going to hotels to do this shit. I think Ms. Richie looks absolutely stunning. She's just skinny enough! I know what you sluts are going to say...so bring it on!

My Summer Guilty Pleasure

Every summer I look forward to Big Brother on CBS. This shit is absolutely ridiculous. These people are the trashiest bitches ever and all they do is conspire against each other. Well CBS has released the names and bios of the 14 lovely lads and lassies who will make up Big Brother 6. I hope Julie Chen rocks some hot outfits this summer!

Meet these Bitches!

Free Ice Cream Y'all!

Thanks again to Karen E!


Mariah Carey takes her lyrics literally and tries to spread her wings and fly!

Mena Suvari has a daddy complex..

Here's Mena Suvari and her new daddy, Jay Bulloch who is a pilates instructor. Damn, I've only seen that kind of bikini on strippers! So fucking hot!

Who's the Bottom?

The Superficial got an interesting letter from a reader that claims that Matchbox Twenty singer Rob Thomas and Tommy were caught in bed. I'm going to believe this. But the bigger question is...who's the top and who's the bottom? Give me your thoughts.

P.S. - This pic is of Tommy and another Rob (Lowe) from The Outsiders. But let's just pretend that it's Rob Thomas.

Here's the letter:

So, I work with this girl who has a family friend that works in PR in Hollywood, and she always has fun little scoops about celeb stuff. Well, if this is true, this is just ridiculous! So, the whole Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes thing - apparently, it is, like we all thought anyway, a ridiculous PR thing. Tom Cruise was supposedly caught in bed with Rob Thomas (the lead singer of Matchbox 20) by Rob Thomas's wife, Marisol. Rob Thomas is also a Scientologist. Obviously, nobody wanted this to get out, and Marisol was going nuts threatening to expose them. I think that she might be getting paid off, but to preempt any rumors about Tom, the Scientology people as well as Tom's PR people basically recruited Katie Holmes to play this part of Tom's super-excited girlfriend, and they are just paying her a b*ttload of money. I guess they also woo'd her with promises of what this would do for her career, since she's at best a B-lister. But I guess now Marisol is so annoyed at all of the press Tom and Katie's relationship is getting, she's threatening to go public, spill the beans, and file for divorce.


A Cover-Up

Why is Mischa Barton's man, Brandon Davis, always fully dressed at the beach. He's like so fucking formal. His body can't be THAT awful. Maybe he's hiding something under there. Like a baby or something. This makes sense, he's a woman. I haven't seen KD Lang in a while...

Some bitches should learn to keep their mouths shut!

Tom has said it again!

"Of course I believe in aliens.

"Are you really so arrogant to believe we are alone in unending space?"

"Millions of stars, and we're supposed to be the only life form? No! There are many things out there that we do not know about."

I honestly don't need to comment on this.


The Isle of Leo

Leonardo DiCaprio
has fucking bought an island in the Caribbean. But he plans to turn his island just off Belize into an eco-friendly resort!

A source said: "He wants to make money without destroying the environment. Energy sources will be renewable and it will be self-sustaining."


Zsa Zsa in the news?!

Finally some good Zsa Zsa Gabor news! How long was Zsa Zsa married to Conrad Hilton? Like 10 minutes. Long enough to have a kid. And now she's suing that kid! Zsa Zsa claims that her daughter Francesca Hilton stole $2 Million from her ass! She and her 9th hubby claim that Francesca took a $3.75 Million loan out on her Bel-Air home and used $2 Million of that to buy her own house!

Francesca claims she is free and clear of these charges!

ZZ also accuses Francesca of fraud, elder abuse and emotional distress. ZZ's hubby also claims Francesca gained access to her mother's will after manipulating her in March (05).

The veteran actress is reportedly suffering from poor mental health and has been paralyzed since after being involved in a car accident three years ago.

This has all the makings of an amazing TV movie. I'm thinking Melanie Griffith for ZZ. She can do accents, right?


Domino Harvey is DEAD!!!

I never knew of this bitch until production began on the movie based on her life. Domino Harvey was a Ford model turned bounty hunter. She's the daughter of Laurence Harvey. She's had a troubled past and was found dead in her West Hollywood home on Monday night. She apparently drowned. Police don't think it was suicide, not yet anyway.

Domino was facing possible jail time for a drug charge. She was only 35.

The film version of her life is set to hit theaters this year. The film stars Keira Knightley.


It's called Erase..

Dlisted was one of the first to bring you the Eve sex tape this past Saturday! Well, Eve is stark-raving mad that the tape has found its way to the internet. The tape was made in 1999 when she was just 21. Her spokesbitches issued a statement that basically said she's devastated and blah blah blah.. She's also hired a private investigator to look into this matter. Neither she nor the man on the tape have leaked it.

I for one think that a sex-tape is a definite career booster. Bitch leaked it herself!


Tom's Sex Confusions

Tom Cruise
is confused about sex. What's confusing Tom-baby? Is it confusing that when you take off Katie's panties, she doesn't have a penis? Or perhaps when you kiss her, it's unnerving not to feel her stubble?

He said:"Sex is great, if you are in a relationship, I find sex actually not so interesting. Without a relationship it is confusing".


The Dlisted Report

Fox has acquired the films rights to Emily the Strange with hopes of turning it into a live-action feature film. Emily the Strange is that shit they sell at Virgin Megastore. You know that lil' black haired, goth-type girl. That movie will suck shit!

Amanda Peet will make her Broadway debut in Neil Simon's Barefoot in the Park this February. Patrick Wilson will join her ass. Rehearsals begin this December in New York.

The Miss America pageant has finally found a home Country Music Television. They will begin airing in January of 2006.

Gwen Stefani will begin her Harajuku Lovers Tour on October 16th in Phoenix. She will hit 16 cities ending in November. Please bitch, don't bring those scary Harajuku girls with you!


Once again, you bitches made this shit hard! But I'm going to go with:

Soccer ball: $20

Tickets to soccer game: $120

Getting your bung toungued by security: priceless


R.I.P. Johnny from I Want to Be a Hilton

Hot Slut of the Day!

Annie Potts!

For Julie P.

Birthday Sluts

Bradley Stryker (28)
Will Kemp (28)
Amanda Donohoe (43)
Maria Conchita Alonso (48)
Gary Busey (61)

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

HoHan eats floor!

and her skanky pal, Kimberly Stewart were at an L.A. gym getting their workout on. A spinning class to be specific. Well, HoHan was halfway through her workout when she turned pale and started gasping for breath. She fell off her fucking bike and then collapsed to the ground.

Witnesses say the bitch wasn't moving. But thankfully, Kimberly and her horse legs came to the rescue and saved HoHan. She got up and slowly walked her ass out of there.

There is a Jesus! HoHan is alive! I'm not sure what I would do if HoHan was taken from me.


Corey please don't waste that chicken bone by throwing it at me!

Speaking of Paula Abdul...Corey Clark (an X-American Idol contestant that claimed he banged Ms. Abdul) is on his way to being the trashiest person in America. He was in Sacramento playing some kind of concert. Don't ask me who would want to see this bitch in concert, but he was at his hotel with his manager. They started to get into a heated fight over who was going to eat the last chicken wing. No seriously, the fight escalated into an all out food-fight. Yes sirs, you heard me! A fucking food fight!

Laura Kathleen Troy, his manager and Corey started throwing flatware and all sorts of food at eachother. Hotel guests call the po-po and Corey and Laura were busted. They each had minor scratches and bruises.

Corey must go to court in July.


Paul Abdul hates Koreans!

Paula Abdul spoke to lawmakers in an attempt to require nail salons to be cleaner. Last year, Paula got some kind of weird infection on her finger which she says was from some nasty tools that were used on her at a nail salon in Studio City, CA.

You know that bitch got her infection from fingering Corey Clark. And he probably had some bad shrimp earlier, thus came the "infection."


TomKat strikes again!

I am so over TomKat and that stupid motorcycle. They made a "grand" entrance at yesterday's War of the Worlds premiere in Hollywood. If I would've known they were going to be on the bike I would've made an emergency call to Dakota Fanning to fix the brakes on TomKat's bike ASAP. Those stupid brainwashed bitches would've never seen it coming!

It's my belly, y'all!

Britney was out and about yesterday proudly showing her new gut! I'm all for loving the whole pregnancy thing. Actually, I know you sluts will disagree with my ass but I think she looks good. Except for the hideous swamp-thing skirt, she looks happy and glowing. So Britney, go on with your trailer trash self!


It's Kiki!

Ewwww...y'all know I can't stand Kiki Dunst. She has like the worst posture ever. How old is she? Like 21 and she has fucking saggy tits. How did a bitch like her get a man like Jake G? He must be into some kinky shit and she's probably the only bitch down for it. Because with a mug like that, she has no choice!

Sweet Sweet Fantasy Baby

Mariah Carey
wants to look like a hot bitch when she performs at Live 8 in London this weekend. She is putting herself on a very strict diet.

She said: "This is such a special event for me. I want to sing my best and look my best. I've been working on my voice to make sure it's in top condition and working on my body too. I've been dieting and exercising non-stop so I can get into the outfit I want to wear."

What she meant to say was. She's on the colonics diet. She's basically getting shit sucked out of her 3-times a day. She's also only eating ice cube soup. And she didn't mean to say exercising non-stop, she meant to say snorting coke non-stop. And the outfit she wants to wear is chaps and a scarf top.


He's just a Sk8r Boi!

Our little girl is growing up! Avril Lavigne is engaged to Sum 41 singer Deryck Whibley. He apparently proposed to her in Italy last week and she said yes. They also celebrated their engagement in Venice.

Their reps confirm that those bitches are engaged.


It was only a matter of time..

....before the pregnant rumors began. But, here they are! Reports are that Angie & Brad are expecting a lil' bundle of joy. Angie has denied that the two have a romance and insist they are just good friends. The NY Post reports that she is in her first trimester.

I don't belive this shit. Bitch isn't that dumb. She was probably spotted leaving Taco Bell with a bit of a bulge. You know that Taco Bell heaps on the bloating. So to all you celebs that get the craving for Taco Bell, go through the drive-through and eat that shit at home. Or else you'll be accused of being like 5-months preggers.

And when I googled "Angelina Pregnant" I got this picture. Bitch got highlights!


Michael K on MySpace

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