Sayonara Sluts!

Dear Bitches,

By the time you read this, I will be on a fucking plane headed to paradise! That will be hot if it totally rains there all week and I'll be served! Anyhow, I'm going to be missing of all of you like I was Paris Hilton's pussy and you all were an STD. But my good friend Lahoma is going to entertain you bitches. I'm off to St. Maarten and will be back next fucking Sunday, the 5th. So with that being said, I have dedicated 3 of these lovely tunes to all of you to set off my vacation. Have a hot Memorial Day and a hot fucking week!

xoxoxoMichael K

P.S - That pic is of another Caribbean vacation..and don't make fun of my lack of chest! Actually, you can because I make fun of sluts everyday!

Paris Hilton "Screwed"

Emma Bunton "Crickets Sing for Annamaria"

Rupert Holmes "Escape"

Hot Slut of the Week: Leona Helmsley

I know all of you hate this bitch! But she was begging to be Dlisted's Hot Slut of the Week. And she deserves it! Why? Because she's a fucking bitch and she's taking names! She's probably like a million years old now, but she still is so hot.

The widow and heir of New York real estate tycoon Harry Helmsley (1909-1997) and one of the richest women in the United States, Leona Helmsley attracted national attention in the early 1990s when she was convicted of mail fraud and tax evasion and sentenced to 18 months in prison. Dubbed "the Queen of Mean" by the gossip sheets, Helmsley's apparent lack of contrition was summed up for most people in a quote attributed to her by a former housekeeper: "We don't pay taxes. Only the little people pay taxes." Helmsley's real estate firms own several posh hotels and prime real estate in New York City (including the lease on the Empire State Building), and Leona consistently makes the annual Forbes list of the richest Americans. In 2002 she was sued by Charles Bell, a former employee who claimed he was fired by Helmsley because he was homosexual. The jury originally awarded Bell $11.7 million, but a judge reduced the award in March 2003 to $554,000, leading observers to conclude that Helmsley's notoriously aloof manner in the courtroom turned the jury against her -- and that she still had a long way to go to escape the "Queen of Mean" label.
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Thank you Leona! You are the hottest bitch in my eyes! And probably my eyes only!

Hot Slut of the Day!

Linda Georgian! (seen here with Dionne Warwick)

Birthday Sluts of the Week!

May 28th
Elisabeth Hassleback (28)
Patch Adams (60)
Gladys Knight (62)

May 29th
Scary Spice (30)
Noel Gallagher (38)
Lisa Welchel (42)
Melissa Etheridge (44)
LaToya Jackson (49)

May 30th
Idina Menzel (34)
Trey Parker (34)
Wynonna Judd (41)

May 31st
Colin Farrell (29)
Brooke Shields (40)
Tom Berenger (56)

June 1st
Alanis Morissette (31)
Heidi Klum (32)
Morgan Freeman (68)

June 2nd
Fabrizio of The Strokes (25)
Nikki Cox (27)

June 3rd
Anderson Cooper (38)

June 4th
Nikka Costa (33)
Noah Wyle (34)
Scott Wolf (37)

Get ready bitches!

While that slut Michael K is off whoring his ass on vacation, I'm going to be posting shit! Get ready sluts!

Senor Viggo

WTF is Viggo Mortensen thinking? Is he like fucking trying to get a role in Don Juan or something. Note to self: Bolero's are NOT hot!

Jessica Alba?

This doesn't even look like her fine ass!

Gay Love!!

Elton John and his fiancee David Furnish have set a date for their wedding. Mark it down sluts, December 21st. So if fairies suddenly fall from the sky and you see a poodle in a tutu cross the street, you know that today is the gayest day of them all! December 21st!

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More evidence that I'm an old shit!

Disney Pictures has hired a writing team to remake 1987's Adventures in Babysitting. The original was Chris Columbus' first feature and starred Elisabeth Shue.

It was basically about a suburban high-school senior whose dull night of babysitting is interrupted by a call for help from a friend stuck downtown.

When they remake Titanic, that's when I jump out the window.

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Electra is cheap!

Carmen Electra has joined the cast of Crappier by the Dozen 2. She will play Eugene Levy's new girlfriend. She joins Levy, Steve Martin, Bonnie Hunt & Hilary Duff. Shooting begins this summer in Los Angeles.

[source]

Christina Ricci to tame the black snake!

Christina Ricci, her forehead and Samuel L. Jackson have joined Black Snake Moon.

The film centers on a white nymphomaniac who must be "cured" of her disorder by an older black bluesman.

John Singleton will produce.

[source]

Paul Bettany goes albino!

Paul Bettany (aka Mr. Jennifer Connelly) will play albino fanatic, Silas in The Da Vinci Code. He joins Tom Hanks, Audrey Tatou, Ian McKellen, Jean Reno and Alfred Molina.

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Fuck you too, Ashton!!

And you too Charlize!

My dream come true!

Elton John's book 4 Inches has been released with proceeds going to AIDS research. Damn Posh is perfection and I don't care what you sluts say!

See some other nude celebs here, like Pammy Anderson, Nicky Hilton, etc...

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Glittery Wreck!

Bobby Trendy e-mailed this photo today. I think we're in love!

Twiggy stole my job!

Janice Dickinson will be replaced by Twiggy on the 5th season of America's Next Top Model. A statement was released: "We would like to thank Janice for bringing her talents to the show and for everything she did to help us build 'America's Next Top Model' into its current success," executive producer Ken Mok said in a statement Thursday. "We wish her well in all of her future endeavors."
Also Nole Marin will not be coming back and he will be replaced by runway diva, Miss J. Alexander.

You know Tyra and Janice hated each other!

[source]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Peggy Fleming!

Birthday Sluts

Paul Bettany (34)
Andrew 3000 (30)
Jamie Oliver (30)
Joseph Fiennes (35)
Lee Meriweather (70)

Angie speaks!

Angelina Jolie claims that her and Brad Pitt never fucked. Angie told Marie Claire: "To be intimate with a married man, when my own father cheated on my mother, is not something I could forgive," she says. "I could not, could not look at myself in the morning if I did that."

She also said she wasn't dating anyone, but is just friends with Bradley and thinks the world of his fine ass.

Ok Angie, but I'm sure you sucked him off once or twice.

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Separated at Birth!

It's in the pout darling! Y'all got some hot ones, but I thought this one was hot!

Thanks to Anonymous!

Here chicken chicken...

She's nasty! And it's totally HoHan!

Pig racing is hot shit!

And it's huge in Russia!

Julia Roberts' twins are hot!

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Remember Austin Scarlett?

From Project Runway? Well, he's a woman now:





Somebody e-mail me and give me a good separated at birth for this one!

As YoMammy would say "Got-Dayum!"

Ryan Phillipe is looking really hot these days. Too bad Reese ain't giving it to him good! She's a bitch. And look at that bubble butt! Work it out Ryan!









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Britney pulls a Madge!

A few years ago, Madge dumped her gorgeous chihuahuas after she was sick of their asses! And now Britney is doing the same thing. Apparently, Britney's chihuahua is fucking scary. He tries to bite people and shit. As a chihuahua owner myself, this is what you get bitch! What did you think? That chihuahuas are sweet? They aren't slut! I bought a chihuahua, because they are evil (yet hot) sluts!

Who knows what Britney did with her dog, it's probably at the bottom of the Angeles river!

P.S. - The dog in the pic isn't the one she sacked, that's Bit-Bit!

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Mariah is seriously hot!

Remember I posted an article about how Mariah had some bitch keep track of her gum chewing and also deposing of her used gum when need be? Well, it seems that our dynamic Diva also has some South American bitch on her payroll whose only job is to make sure Mariah's skirts don't touch the ground while carrying a huge bag full of water.

Damn, Mariah is honestly my idol. What did I do so badly in a past life not to deserve to be her. Actually fuck that, I'd rather be Posh. That bitch does nothing all day and is 100-times skinnier!

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How does Lil' Kim make money?

Lil' Kim was spotted shopping at Gucci in Miami yesterday and I just had to question how this bitch makes her money. Do people just give her loads of free shit? She's obviously not getting paid much from her music career. Someone fill me in.



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Shannen Doherty sacked!

This slut just can't get a break. Shannen Doherty seemed like she was getting her 100th chance at TV success with Love, Inc for UPN.

"Shannen is a terrific actress," a UPN spokeswoman said. "We simply decided to take the show in a different creative direction." Doherty's "Love, Inc." co-star, Holly Robinson Peete, will continue on the show.

My darling Shannen, I do love your ass and you're too good for that shit. I'm going to start writing a vehicle for you. I'm thinking Brenda Walsh should come back, I really do. So Brenda Walsh comes back from Paris and decides to kill Tori Spelling. I'm thinking reality show, don't worry you won't get a stiff sentence!

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I reckon this one's gonna suck!!!

Courtney & Frances

At the American Idol finale of ALL places! Courtney looks fat, but I guess that's what detoxing does to your ass!

Mariah is victorious!!!

Mariah has received her 16th Number One hit with We Belong Together. She joins The Beatles and Elvis. Congrats Mariah, now drop it like it's hot!!!

[source]

Congratulations to Carrie Underwood!!!

Our next American Idol!

Carrie Underwood "I Wanna Be Inside Your Heaven"

Hot Slut of the Day!

Wendy Williams

Birthday Sluts

Matt Stone (34)
Kylie Ireland (34)
Helena Bonham Carter (39)
Pam Grier (56)

Jessica shows photogs she's still married!

While wearing the ugliest jeans ever!

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Separated at Birth: American Idol Edition

Carrie Underwear and Kate Hudson!

Pocket hottie!

Damn, Tom Cruise usually creeps me out. But he looks hot here!



Gracias to JJ

The Year was 1987...

There was this hot fucking show called The Charmings. I remember loving this shit. Basically it was about Snow White and her Prince Charming transported through time to fucking modern day. They had to try to fit into modern-day society and shit! The opening credits were so hot! Judy Parfitt as the Evil Queen was even hotter. And they pulled a Bewitched by replacing Snow White in the second season. Damn this was hot!

Confirmed: Michelle Monaghan in MI3!

Finally! Michelle Monaghan has been confirmed as Tom Cruise's love interest in the next Mission Impossible 3. Looks like the other bitches are out of luck. However, there is another female role up for grabs! Michelle will join Tom of course and Ving Rhames with shooting to begin July in Rome.

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Bai Ling's new man!

Ewww!!!

Sorry sluts, commenting seems to be broken right now. These dumb blogger cunts! So all of you that aren't registered, seem to be having trouble leaving comments. I'm sorry these dumb bitches will have it done soon.

xoxoxoMichael K

I love the runaway bride!

Too bad her ass may go to jail! Oh and you can buy her barbie!

Zellweger got her star yesterday..

I hope she got a burger and fries too..

Winona loves to hide the sausage!

Jamiroquai lead, Jay Kay has confessed that Winona Ryder always wanted sex from his ass!

He said: "She has these enormous breasts - bigger than they look on film. She did have this habit of constantly wanting to play hide the sausage."

I wonder if she actually said "Jay Kay let's hide the sausage!"

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Don't fuck with Burt!

Burt Reynolds is doing press for his new flick The Longest Yard, right? Well he was in New York at a screening when a CBS producer seemed to annoy him. The producer approached Burt and asked him about the movie and Burt struck back with: "You don't know anything about the movie?"

The Producer then admitted that he hadn't seen the film nor the original. Burt then slapped the bitch and said: "What ... kinda of guy are you?"

There's a video here!

Who is your next American Idol?

Personally, I'm not over the moon about any of these cunts. But I watched that shit last night and I have that totally retarded song in my fucking head! GD you Simon Fuller! You're fucking brainwashing my ass.

Carrie Underwear's gonna win!



Here's those two hideous songs if any of you want to join in the brainwashing!

Bo Bice "I Wanna Be Inside Your Heaven"

Carrie Underwood "I Wanna Be Inside Your Heaven"

Justin is looking...um...healthy...

Cameron put that fucking Sidekick down and put your man on some Trimspa, baby!

Heads will roll at E!

Gawker reported that E! had posted the news that Jessica Simpson filed for divorce from Nick Lachey. Then minutes later E! had taken the story down and a few minutes later replaced it with an apology stating that they fucked up. Jessica said that if they didn't take that shit down, she was going to sue their ass. Bitch sue them anyway, why not? Think of all the hot outfits you get to wear to court.

Gwen Stefani will clean your highways!

[source]

Peace on Marc Jacobs

From HoHan

Hot Slut of the Day!

Laura Leighton!

Birthday Sluts

Cillian Murphy (29)
Ethan Suplee (29)
Lauryn Hill (30)
Molly Sims (32)
Jamie Kennedy (35)
Anne Heche (36)
Mike Myers (42)
Frank Oz (61)
Leslie Uggams (62)
Dixie Carter (66)

Separated at Birth: Star Wars Edition

Thanks to an anonymous poster for pointing this shit out to me!

That is not right!!!

Jennifer Walters, a New York woman, is obese and bed-ridden. Yes, she's a fat fuck! Well, she was embarrassed when the doctor told her she needed to have an X-ray. That's not the embarrassing part. The embarrassing part is, the doctor told her that there wasn't a machine in the hospital that could fit her fat ass so the bitch had to go to the zoo!

"It's humiliating. I was told if elephants and hippos need MRIs, they have the equipment at the Bronx Zoo. It was like I was an animal," she said.

As funny as this is, it ain't right! And Jennifer Walters is not short for Star Jones!

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Hot Slut of the Week: SONYA THOMAS!

Sonya "The Black Widow" Thomas is seriously one of the hottest cunts I've ever laid eyes on! Sonya Thomas is one of the top competitive eaters in the world today. She's only been doing it for about 2 years, but she's already dominated the sport! Here are some world records, she currently holds:

Acme Oysters: 46 Dozen (552) in 10 minutes
Hard-boiled Eggs: 52 in 5 minutes
Buffalo Wings: 5.09 pounds (162 wings) in 12 minutes
Cheesecake: 11 pounds in 9 minutes

If you go to her website, she has all her titles posted as well as a seriously hot FAQ.

Thank you Sonya, you are one hot bitch!

Victoria Silvstedt moons us!

This bitch is a model, she's hot and such a slut!

Madge goes to the movies!

She went with her hubby to the Sin City premiere in London. I guess she's working the beret again. Remember she worked that shit during Erotica? Oh and those black leggings are fucking hideous!

This is how to wear a dress, Mariah!

Remember this hideous dress Mariah Carey wore last week. Well Melania wore this shit like 2 weeks ago and looked stunning! Eat that Mariah!



Big thanks to madmoham for being a hot slut and sending me this shit!

My Dearest Nicole Richie..

Girl, I know the world is talking smack about how you are going all Tracey Gold on us and shit, but I love you. I think you're beautiful just the way you are even though you're adopted! Just kidding, girl! I love me adopted people. So, listen I want to give it to you on the real. Lately you have been seen all around town eating cake and trying to look like you can put it away like Vintage Star Jones. You ain't fooling me. Yesterday you went to the grocery store and bought all this food and then ate some ice cream in a waffle cone. I'm going to give to you like this, the whole Exlax diet is just nasty. I would much rather you vomit from the mouth and not the ass, that's what a real lady does. A real lady doesn't even take a shit! I mean you can still go out and pretend to eat ice cream and buy hundreds of dollars in groceries, but when you go to the ladies room don't sit on the toilet, kneel over it.

So on that note Nicole, I love you and I just know that you're a refined woman underneath all of it. So stay off the Exlax and go get yourself a nice, long spoon.

Loves You!
xoxoxoxoMichael K

Bitches run!

One Million Beyonces are taking over the world! They will sit on you with their dangerous booty then they will trap you in their weave of destruction! And if that isn't bad enough, they will make you wear a frock by their mother Tina Knowles!



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Posh, Romeo & A Goldfish!

I bet you that's all she eats all day and she's saving it until she gets really,really hungry!

Sluts, lightning strikes!

Phil Spector survived getting struck by lightning on his way to court, yesterday!

Hi my name is Heidi Klum and I have my own rose!

Some sluts decided to name a rose after Heidi. What a bitch and in the 3rd picture why is she pouring Thai iced-coffee onto her own rose?

Yeah, this is going to suck!

Rocky on Poe?

Sylvester Stallone will direct and write a film about Edgar Allen Poe. Oh yes, it's true! Sly is expected to begin filming this fall in Europe.

Considered the father of the Gothic horror tale, Poe's life is rich with its own eerie details. He suffered from madness, depression and drugs, and was mysteriously found dead in a gutter in 1849. Among his most famous works were "The Raven", "The Telltale Heart" and "The Fall of the House of Usher."

Oh Jesus please let Sly play Poe himself! Please...!!!!

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Casting Impossible!

Yet another name has come up to play Tom Cruise's love interest in the third Mission Impossible. One of my Hot Slut's to Watch, Michelle Monaghan. Michelle was on some shit Boston Public and some other loser shows.

Johnathon Rhys-Meyers also told a TV show that he will be in Mission Impossible 3, but can't say much about it.

No official word on casting has been announced.

[source]

A full-time "Housewife"

Roger Bart who played Bree Van De Kamp's creepy stalker, George Williams, will be full-time next season. At the end of Season 1, Bree Van De Kamp's husband apparently dies by the hand of George. George poisoned the bitch, because he wants to get biblical with Bree.

I think in real life this bitch is a fag!

[source]

2 Ice Cubes

I thought they were just friends, but I guess not. Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber are indeed a couple. The two have been seen around NYC and were spotted at last night's U2 concert getting jiggy with it. Apparently at the same concert, P.Diddy was hitting on Naomi's pal, Nicole Kidman.

I'm over it!

[source]

Tom and his beard getting hitched?!

Did any of you catch Tommy Cruise on Oprah yesterday? Some of us have to fucking work, so I was unable to. But I heard that when Oprah asked him where he met Katie, he hesitated and couldn't really answer the question. Oprah even asked him twice! And then I heard he got on his knees and declared his love for her right before a surprise visit from her on to the set. Whoever witnesses this shit, let a bitch know how it went down.

Page Six is also reporting that Tom wants to marry Katie. Damn, Katie better ask for more money. She originally thought she was a cameo role, but now she's graduated to leading lady.

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R.I.P. Julie from RW/RR Challenge: Inferno II

Hot Slut of the Day!

The Queen of Mean: Leona Helmsley!

Birthday Sluts

Bob Dylan (64)
Heavy D (38)
John C. Reilly (40)
Kristin Scott Thomas (45)
Alfred Molina (52)
Jim Broadbent (56)
Priscilla Presley (60)
Patti Labelle (61)

I think I just went permanently blind!

No, it's not a pig on a bike! It's Jack Osbourne!



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Counting Tramps!

Escort Kingpin Jason Itzler is currently in jail, so I guess now is as good as a time as ever to spill the beans! Jason says that Counting Crows frontman Adam Duritz was one of his best clients! He told Page Six: "He used to hire four or five girls at a time and spend $10,000 or $20,000 a throw. I'm only revealing his name 'cause I don't think it's gonna hurt his career."

Adam's PR bitch fired back with: "I find this hard to believe. He's a rock star, for God's sake. He gets some of the most beautiful women in Hollywood."

Um...has Adam's rep even seen what her client looks like?

[source]

I guess silicone runs in the family!

Tara Reid and her equally slutty sister!

Your new Estee Lauder spokeswhore!

Gwynnie Paltrow has signed a multiyear for comestic giants Estee Lauder. Her first campaign will begin this Christmas for Pleasures fragrance.

"I am very proud to be a part of such a fine company," Paltrow said in a statement. "Its roots have been deep in the culture of classic American beauty for decades."

I never thought this slut was hot!

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Separated at Birth!

Thanks to Scarletncb for pointing this out!

What a lying bitch!

Paris Hilton told a British Magazine that she hates her body. Then why are you always showing it off to us, bitch?!? She says that during a strip scene in her new movie House of Wax, she was really nervous.

She said: "I had to undress for one scene. I was like, 'I don't like my body.'"

If you don't like your body, then cover it up cunt!

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Time..who reads Time?

Time Magazine has named their Best 100 Movies of All-Time. I'm too lazy to read this list, so you tell me if they are on point. However, I did a search for Showgirls on their list and didn't see it. So I'm not interested.

Welcome to Monday

I know it's cliche, but Monday is the most hated day of the week for me. It used to be Sunday, but now it's Monday. Today just feels stale, just feels old. The only thing I want to be doing on Monday is sleeping, eating chocolate and watching HGTV. Monday is not for office sitting. Monday is also for crime planning. I wonder if less crimes are committed on Mondays, because that is crime planning day. I mean, since Mondays suck I would think that you would use this day to stay inside, get out the blueprints and plan a crime. That's what I wish my Mondays were for.

Monday is not for sex, it's just not. Monday is the least sexiest day of the week. It's also the worst TV day. Nothing happens on Monday.

With that being said, I am 5 days away from my vacation! I will be gone 1 week sluts and won't be blogging. I'll have some sluts guest blogging though.

If you're interested in being a guest slut, throw me an e-mail. The more the merrier!

Let's hope when I close my eyes, it's Tuesday.

xoxoxoxoMichael K

MK Olsen is a wreck!

And her boyfriend needs some VO5 treatment.

Britney..Britney..

I know you're white trash, but get it together!

GD her booty is big!

What's with this One Flew Over the Cuckoo's next hair?!?

Page Six Blind Items

WHICH Tony-winning actor demanded that his pregnant actress girlfriend either get an abortion or leave their home immediately? She chose to turn down his ugly ultimatum and is now five months pregnant with their child.

I Say: Hugh Jackman

WHICH soon-to-be axed co-host of an entertainment TV show was caught pleasuring himself in a bathroom at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas during a wild after-hours party?

I Say: Pat O'Brien

I didn't even get a callback!

Reports are that Tom Cruise initially wanted Kate Bosworth to play the role of his "girlfriend." Tom's people contacted Kate about possibly being his girlfriend, because he wanted someone young and virginal. Kate recently just split with Orlando Bloom. However, Kate turned down the offer and the role went to Katie Holmes.

Kate's people would not comment.

[source]

The Darkness is a Trio

Bass player, Frankie Poullain has quit the band The Darkness after only one album.

A spokesman for the band says, "With immediate effect bass player Frankie Poullain is no longer member of The Darkness.

"Remaining members (JUSTIN and DAN HAWKINS, ED GRAHAM) have cited musical differences as the reason for his departure.

"A replacement will be announced within the coming months."

The Darkness is best known to Americans from their single I Believe in a Thing Called Love.

[source]

Hot Slut of the Day!

Fergie: The Duchess of Pork!

Birthday Sluts

Eric Nies (34)
Jewel (31)
Maxwell (32)
Guinevere Turner (37)
Karen Duffy (43)
Lea DeLaria (47)
Drew Carey (47)
Joan Collins (72)

The Life Ball!

The Life Ball is an event in Vienna where sluts get dressed up and look like drag queens all in the name of AIDS. Luvz it!

Special delivery..Heidi Klum!


Who knew pregnancy could look this good!


Michael Jackson made an appearance in the form of Liza Minnelli!


And of course, the grand mess of them all: Elton John!


Damn, I take that back. Nobody beats Donatella in the mess department! She's the Empress of Mess!

Cannes is fin!

And is Hilary is carrying around a bowling ball!

Tommy Lee Jones won best actor!

It's not a nice day for a white wedding!

Who the hell put Kelly Clarkson in this shit? I think they stole it from Madonna and drowned it in a bucket of tar. Kelly!

R.I.P. Ali from Popularity Contest

Neverland sold?!

A British tabloid is reporting that Michael Jackson has sold his beloved Neverland Ranch for $37 Million to pay for many of his debts. Jacko will apparently have to hand the keys over to the unknown buyer on July 13th of this year.

Boys not included.

[source]

Antonio Banderas on Dali

Antonio Banderas has been linked to play Salvador Dali in a film about the famous painter's life. Filmmakers have also gotten The Dali Foundation to lend them some of Salvador's paintings to be shot for the first time for a film. The film is expected to shoot in Barcelona.

Hot Slut of the Day!

Candace Cameron!

Birthday Sluts

Naomi Campbell (35)
Jadakiss (30)
Alison Eastwood (33)
Johnny Gill (39)