Dlisted: 04/17/2005 - 04/24/2005

Saturday, April 23, 2005

My Dearest Beyonce,

Girl, it has been a long time. But the reason for my letter is an important one. First of all, you need to stop swinging your head around like that. Girl, one day your weave is going to fly into the audience and hit some bitch in the eye. This bitch will then head over to Gloria Allred's office and sue your ass. So please, either take some krazy glue to that shit or stop swinging your head around like Courtney Love detoxing. I'd go for the latter. And the second thing we're going to discuss is your choice of wardrobe. Girl, I love my mother and all but if she designed this shit, I'd slap the bitch. You look like Shania Twain meets Shakira and both of us know those sluts look like truck-stop hookers. So sweetie cakes, take my advice and your career will last a lot longer than you think. You know I only want the best for you.

Loves you!
Michael K

The Angie's out of the bag!

Those GD sluts!
Angie and Brad go public...sort of...

[pic: 666]

High class watermarks, right?

The Top 10 of 2005, So Far....For this Week...

Here is the Top 10 of 2005 so far...for this week...I didn't include films, because everything out there sucks!

Last Week's List


10. New Order "Waiting for the Sirens' Call" (Last Week: 10)
9. Ivy "In the Clear" (N/A)
8. Jack Johnson "In Between Dreams"(8)
7. Mariah Carey "The Emancipation of Mimi" (7)
6. The Decemberists "Picaresque"(4)
5. Tori Amos "The Beekeeper"(5)
4. Emma Bunton "Free Me"(3)
3. Moby "Hotel"(6)
2. LCD Soundsystem "LCD SoundSystem"(2)
1. 50 Cent "The Massacre" (1)

10. Debbie Travis' Facelift (10)
9. Arrested Development (5)
8. Alias (9)
7. American Idol (8)
6. The Apprentice 3 (6)
5. Showdog Mom and Dad's (4)
4. Lost (2)
3. The Amazing Race 7 (7)
2. Desperate Housewives (3)
1. America's Next Top Model 4 (1)

Drunk Monkeys on the loose!!!!

A gang of drunken monkeys terrorized an Indian village last week after stealing booze from their houses! The monkeys became extremely aggressive after drinking the booze and caused havoc on the villagers. The villagers armed themselves with sticks and drove the monkeys back into the forest!

Damn, that shit is weird!

Radha Mitchell on "Silent Hill"

Recent Melinda & Melinda star, Radha Mitchell will star in the much anticipated big-screen version of Silent Hill. Radha will begin filming this Monday in Toronto.

Silent Hill is based on the Konami game in which Rose (Mitchell) desperately searches for her lost daughter in the mysterious, terrifying town of Silent Hill, where they are trapped.

Will Ferrell gets "Lost"

And folks another vintage TV show is getting a modern makeover thanks to Hollywood. Will Ferrell will star in a big-screen version of Land of the Lost.

The series revolved around forest ranger Rick Marshall and his children, Will and Holly, who are caught in a time vortex while rafting on the Colorado River and transported to a mysterious world populated by dinosaurs.

When will these sluts stop?!?

Hot Slut of the Day!

Cameron Richardson

Birthday Sluts

Barry Watson (31)
Jaime King (26)
Judy Davis (50)
Michael Moore (51)
Joyce DeWitt (56)
Shirley Temple (77)

Friday, April 22, 2005

My Dearest Pamela Anderson,

I'm going to keep it real with you, because we got it like that. Girl, you look straight up like Tammy Faye. This look isn't cute for you. Go home, get some steel wool from the garage and take a lil' ajax to it and then start scrubbing at your face. After about 45 minutes or so, the make-up and jizz should be off your face. Then I want you to go into your bedroom and lay in your bed and stay there for about 4 weeks. After that hopefully you will come out looking like a normal person and not like a wax figure. I love you girl and I can't wait to see you!

Michael K

This is the hottest dress I've ever seen!

R.I.P. Janu from Survivor

Janu straight up quit! Dumb bitch, but so skinny!

The Manderlay Trailer

Lars Von Trier's follow-up to his Nicole Kidman starrer Dogville finally has a trailer. This time, Nicky is out and Bryce Dallas Howard is in!

Watch it!

Sean Penn shares blame over his marriage to Madge!

I heard Sean Penn tied Madonna up and beat her ass! Anyway, apparently he thinks both of them are to blame for their failed marriage.

"She was in the process of becoming the biggest star in
the world. I just wanted to make my films and hide. I was an angry young
man. I had a lot demons and don't really know who could've lived with me at
the time. I was just as badly behaved as her, so I can't point the finger of

That sucks, cause I liked those sluts together!

See Paris Die!

The joke is on you bitch!

Note to JLo: This is not the 60's!

Here some pics of Jennifer Lopez at a press conference for her film Monster-In-Law. Girl wants to be That Girl so bad!

The Photshop Awards: Kelly Clarkson

Gracias to JustJared for the pic!

R.I.P. Bren from The Apprentice

This slut never had a chance!

Why Hollywood is going to the dogs!

Looks and Sounds awful!

Ashley, cover it up!

The last thing you need is a nipple slip!

Dear Victoria Gotti,

Girl, there can only be one Donatella Versace in this world. And seriously who wants to look like that? She looks like a straight up dude! Now Victoria, I know you could seriously get me killed, but I like to live on the edge. I feel that since we're friends, it is best that I'm up front with you. One of your sons is gay and that's your fault, because you look like a drag queen. I mean he had such a strong gay role model in you that it turned him gay. I'm sorry to tell it like it is Victoria. I love you very much.

Michael K

Mariah, say it ain't so girl!

Mariah Carey is looking to follow the steps of Madonna by loitering us with her own Children's books! Mariah girl, stick with what you're good at. Shrieking like a hot hyena!

She plans to publish a series of books called Automatic Princess. She said: "The way I do things, I need to be involved. I wouldn't just be like, 'Here's a concept, go run with it.'

"It's still something I really want to do, and I'm going to do, and I'm going to start getting that into production soon."

The books are based on her experiences as a mixed-race child. Girl stop playing that card!

Star Jones fired from E!

My sources tell me that Star Jones was indeed fired from award show hosting duties on E! Star replaced Joan Rivers who left for the TVGuide channel. E! wasn't happy with Star, especially because their ratings plunged as TVGuide's grew! Reports are that they are looking to replace Star with Janice Dickinson.

Johnny Knoxed Jessica

Everybody is reporting that very married, Jessica Simpson and very married, Johnny Knoxville are knoxing the boots! Aha! Both stars denied the rumors that they had an affair on the set of their flick The Dukes of Hazzard. But at Zach Braff's birthday party in Los Angeles, sources claim that something was most definitely going on between Johnny and Jessica.

Well who couldn't resist Johnny?

Corey Clark claims he banged Paula Abdul!

Former American Idol contestant Corey Clark claims he gave it good to Judge Paula Abdul! God she's a wreck! Corey claims that he and Paula had sex in the guest room of her home, she paid his expenses and she agreed to fund his music career to the tune of $2 Million dollars.

This can't be true, that slut don't have $2 Million!

She also told him to keep their shit a secret.

Clark got booted from the show after it was revealed that he faced charges of assaulting his teenage sister and clashing with police while resisting arrest.

Paula sure knows how to choose em!

Ashton Kutcher Gots Webbed Feet!

This is a real photo of Ashton's feet

Ewww!! Ashton Kutcher has confessed that he has duck feet!

He said: "I have two toes that are connected, webbed. This made headline news? Can you see it? They are just a little connected. It is good to tell everyone.
I heard this one little kid who had webbed toes and he thought he was abnormal but then he saw that I have them too and it confirmed that he is abnormal.

I thought everyone's toes were like that. You can actually cut it when you are born. People's toes are joined then grow apart, mine just didn't all the way."

Oh Ashton, you aren't a role model, you're just freaky!

Lucy Liu is a Saint!

The incredibly gorgeous (although one reader noted that one of her eyes is much bigger than the other) Lucy Liu has chosen to sponsor two African children after being horrified on a recent trip to Africa. She told Oprah Winfrey's O magazine: "I think this has been one of the most important experiences that I've ever had.

"I am in awe, because I've been working with so many wonderful people from Unicef. They're here because they want to make a difference for everyone."

Billy Cosby will drug you and then fondle yo ass!

Uh-oh! Things aren't looking good for Bill Cosby. 11 more chicks have come forward claiming that Billy drugged and assaulted them. DAMN! He could use a Jello Pudding Pop right about now!

Macaulay Culkin to testify for Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson's defense team has called Macaulay Culkin to testify in his defense. This is in response to a maid testifying she saw MJ and MC making out and groping eachother. DISGUSTING!

She told jurors, "I was cleaning up and I saw Mr. Jackson and Macaulay in the library and Mr. Jackson was kissing him on the cheek and he had his hand by his leg at the rear."

Mac was paid enough money to know when to keep his mouth shut!

Amelia Bedelia coming to the silver screen!

Remember this bitch Amelia Bedelia? I used to read these books when I was a little boy! Well Tom Hanks is fixin' to turn that shit into a live-action film.

Amelia Bedelia revolves around a housekeeper whose literal interpretations of instructions left by her employers always leads to trouble

Paris Hilton is sooooo Amelia Bedelia!

The First Look at Brandon Routh AS Superman!!

Here's a high res of it!

Hot Slut of the Day!

Jayne Kennedy!

Birthday Sluts

Jack Nicholson (68)
Sheryl Lee (38)
John Waters (59)

Thursday, April 21, 2005

R.I.P. Tatiana from America's Next Top Model

Tatiana whom I never really cared for was fired last night. My girl Brittany is going all the way!

Lindsay is so Nasty!

Does she think looking 45 is like hot this year or something?

See the rest of gross Lindsay at JustJared

R.I.P. Anwar Robinson from American Idol

The only gay is gone! Go Carrie!

Britney asks Madge for Momma help!

Now that Britney is knocked up, apparently she's asking Madge for motherly advice. Since Madonna is such a good mother and all. She should've asked Madonna's nanny for advice, not that bitch!

A source said: "When Britney found out she was expecting one of the first things she did was phone Madonna."

Now a bitch to ask for advice is Posh Spice! She will tell you exactly how to get skinnier after you have the baby in about 15 hours MAX!


This bitch with Ron Jeremy is so nasty! Not that he's a peach, but bitch if you got a gut like that, don't fucking show us!

Meryl Streep coming back to the New York stage!

It was announced that Meryl Streep will star in the revival of Mother Courage in Central Park next summer. The new revival will be adapted by Pulitzer-Prize winner Tony Kushner.

Mandy Moore, Movie Star!

Mandy Moore has been cast as the lead in Personal Shopping for Paramount Pictures.

The story was originally centered on an American man arriving in London, losing his bags, reluctantly enlisting a female personal shopper at an upscale department store and subsequently falling in love as she provides him a new wardrobe.

But with Mandy set to star, the film will be Americanized.

"ALF" Star caught in Gay Scandal!

Remember the dad from ALF?! Well that bitch has been caught in a gay, crack-smoking scandal! I love this shit!

Source: Oh No!

Whitney Houston leaves Rehab, AGAIN!?!

Whitney Houston, one of my all-time favorite crack sluts has finished her latest stint in rehab. She was in some Caribbean Rehab facility for 4 weeks. Damn that ain't rehab, that's vacation!

In a brief statement, her spokeswoman, Nancy Seltzer confirmed that her client was seeking medical treatment - but gave no further details about her condition.

Come on Nancy, we all know that bitch loves to break a light bulb and smoke the crack!

Mariah to the UK "Stop Smoking, Sluts!"

Mariah Carey has urged the UK to ban smoking in clubs and bars for fear that it will damage her gorgeous voice!

Carey says, "I'll go to a club (in Britain), but you guys smoke so friggin' much, I can't sing for ages after.

"If everyone in England stops smoking cigarettes then I'll come and party with you."

Nicky needs a rest!

Nicole Kidman
has said that her demanding schedule has left her beat!

She told reporters "I needed a rest - and I didn't realise how much until after the first couple of weeks. I thought: 'I need more of this.'

"When I work, I work hard, but I can easily shift into not doing a lot... It's very easy doing nothing."

That slut's movie opens this weekend!

The Interpreter

FHM names Kelly Brook "World's Sexiest"

Didn't they already have a fucking World's Sexiest? Anyway, English Actress and Model Kelly Brook has been named the sexiest beating out Angelina Jolie and Elisha Cuthbert.

She's not that sexy..

Grace Jones is a Bad MammaJamma and the world knows it!

A couple of weeks ago I posted a story about how Grace Jones beat some guy's ass on the train! Now it seems that everytime Ms. Jones enters a train car, everyone leaves that shit! They don't wanna get the beat down!

Jones admits, "Now when I enter a carriage, it almost empties. But there's always one brave enough to stay."

Michelle Williams IS Pregnant!

The rumor I posted 3 weeks ago has come true! Michelle Williams and her boyfriend Heath Ledger are preggo! Their first bastard child is due this fall!

Kitten/Dog Lovin'!

China is so weird! A dog has adopted a kitten in China and is even allowing it to suckle on its tit! The dog, Ahuang, plays with and protects the kitten, Mimi, as well as nursing her.

At night, they sleep together and keep each other warm,

Why can't we just learn from our animal friends and learn to love eachother!

Michael K on MySpace

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If Jack Could Talk
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Yeah, I live in Worcester
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Made in Brazil
Ohlala Paris
Naked Boy Chronicles
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Totally Joshness
Assistant Atlas
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Church of Annette
Confessions of a Casting Director
Don and Murph
Give Me My Remote
Movie Picture Film
My Dingaling
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Viva La Graham
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