Dlisted: 01/30/2005 - 02/06/2005

Saturday, February 05, 2005

MY WORST ALBUMS OF 2004!

#10
The Libertines - Libertines
"This shit just sucks. They are fucking drug addicts and wannabes. They have one or two OK songs, but the rest is just shit. It sounds like they fucking threw themselves in a blender and out came this fucking album. Don't buy this shit. Download it for free, but don't buy it!"

#9
Inspiration - William Hung
"William Hung actually gives me hope that I can get a fucking record deal. Although, he's on my worst list, this shit was pretty hot. His fucking words of wisdom are priceless. William Hung has a lot more talent than most fucking singers. Please buy this shit and fucking buy me his Christmas album for a present!"

#8
Britney Spears - Greatest Hits: My Perogative
"Poor Britney. Britney lives in a cloud palace with silver messengers and golden grapes. She wakes every morning and goes to her dressing mirror and pronounces herself the most beautiful girl in the valley. Britney glides through life on a crystal carriage. She never lets anything damage her lovely and shiny life."

#7
Velvet Revolver - Contraband
"Guns N Roses they ain't. This shit was just a waste of everybody's time. I only downloaded this crap, because everyone told me too! What good do they know?! This was a bore and a fucking gross piece of trash!"

#6
Courtney Love - America's Sweetheart
"I feel really bad, because she's a crack-head and everything. So I'm just going to say I did not care for this album."

#5
Brian Wilson - Smile
"Overrated and a yawn fest. This is on a lot of bitches Top Ten lists, but this just didn't do it for me. Brian Wilson is really old and he sounds like it in this ego-boosting album that doesn't even have many new fucking songs. He kinds of stumbles through the album, tripping over tables and spitting up blood. Pass this crap!"

#4
Destiny's Child - Destiny Fulfilled
"They should've never tried this shit. Nobody really cares about Kelly or Michelle. They just want Beyonce. So now that Beyonce is a huge star, this shit just doesn't work. It's a big wreck. It sounds like Beyonce's asshole father wrote this himself. Thank God, this is the end of their asses!"

#3
Lindsay Lohan - Speak
"She's a Britney wannabe and who in their right fucking mind wants to be that trash bag? Lindsay just doesn't have what it takes to be a pop slut. She does a better job just being a straight-up slut. She can't sing, she doesn't look the part and she has zero rhythm. Lindsay is a pop don't!"

#2
Celine Dion - Miracle
"Although I love her and would give her one of my kidney's anytime, this just seriously put me to sleep. This was made as a homage to her fucking kid and it should've been kept as a family secret. It's such a snoozefest that it makes you actually miss her old songs!"

#1
Eminem - Encore
"I do like Eminem. His last album had me toe tapping, but this one was a big let down. The white rapper just didn't have any good songs. Even black people agree with me, so I must be right!"

Hot Slut of the Day!


Joan Van Fucking Ark!

Birthday Sluts



Jeremy Sumpter (16)
Bobby Brown (36)
Laura Linney (41)
Tim Meadows (44)
Christopher Guest (57)
Barbara Hershey (57)
Charlotte Rampling (60)
Michael Mann (62)
Red Buttons (86)

Friday, February 04, 2005

MY MOM WILL LOVE THIS!!!



Suzanne Somers is planning to bring her one-woman show Naked to Broadway this summer. It contains original songs, multimedia and a thigh-master presentation. No it doesn't contain that! I love Suzanne and this shit will be fucking hot. Joyce De Witt eat your fucking heart out!


Vintage Courtney for a Friday Afternoon

Gays can marry in NYC!

Get Vera on the fucking phone and give her my measurements!

Read It!

PIAF



Marion Cotillard has beat Audrey Tatou for the title role in a big-budget biopic of Edith Piaf. Oliver Dahan will direct the film next September. That shit will be hot!

Gossip Here...Gossip There...

Madge is on a rampage! She dumped her pal Debi Mazar after Debi showed her doubts in Madge's cult religion, the Kabbalah. And now Madge is close to dumping her own fucking brother, but of his doubts. Not only does the Kabbalah make you act like you have a stick up your ass, but it rids you of all your basic morals! - Page Six

Sources are telling me that Affleck will propose to Garner on V-Day! I fucking hope so! They both need to find love in their lives! Their hearts need filling after being bruised and battered over and over again!!! - News.com.au

A source at ABC is blabbing to everyone that one of the Desperate Housewives is a big clam diver. I mean, come on. We already know who this is and who fucking cares?! She's still hot and so gorgeous! Yes, Marcia it's ok to be a carpet muncher! - My Source at ABC

Tainment Bytes!

Screenwriter Alex Garland has been hired to write the screenplay for the film version of Halo for Microsoft. Garland is best known for writing 28 Days Later and The Beach - Variety

Jlo is going to try one last time to save her career! She has signed on for director Gregory Nava's flick. Nava helped JLo garner fame by directing her in Selena. In Nava's film, Lopez will play a reporter sent to the US-Mexican border to investigate a series of murders. Ugh, Poor La Lopez! She can't get a break! - IMDB

Madge herself will guest on pal's Missy Elliot's train-wreck of a show The Road to Stardom on UPN. She will meet the contestants and give them some fucking advice on how to lip-sync properly - Launch

Hot Slut of the Day!


Oh yes! It's Stefanie Powers!

Birthday Sluts



Oscar De La Hoya (32)
Shandi Sullivan (23)
Cam'ron (29)
Gabrielle Anwar (35)
Alice Cooper (57)
Dan Quayle (58)
George A. Romero (65)
Rosa Parks (92)

Thursday, February 03, 2005

This bitch is crazy!

R&B singer Houston tried to fucking kill himself yesterday by jumping out of a hotel winda! Well security got wind of this and fucking stopped his ass! Now Houston wasn't having that, so he locked himself in the bathroom where he fucking poked his eye out! Is it really that bad Houston?!!? Click on the link below to see this nasty shit!

This shit is nasty!

Sherry Enema

No it ain't a new drag queen!

Tammy Jean Warner, 42, gave her hubby, Michael Warner two large bottles of sherry on May 21, which raised his blood alcohol level to 0.47 percent, or nearly six times the level considered legally drunk in Texas, police detective Robert Turner in Lake Jackson, Texas, told the Houston Chronicle. She fucking gave it to him enema style! Warner, 58, was said to have an alcohol problem and received the wine enema because a throat ailment left him unable to drink the sherry, Turner told the newspaper. That shit is fucked up, but really hot at the same time!

The Diary of Dr. Jennifer: Thursday Morning



I received a call at 6am this morning from Dr. Jennifer to meet her at Odessa for pancakes in 30 minutes. I dragged my tired ass over there and she wasn't there! I fucking waited almost 45 minutes! Can you believe this shit! So I finally called her and she was in the best fucking mood. Like all chipper and shit. So finally she fucking shows up after I finished my pancakes with this fucking feather hat thing on that says "Happy New Year!" She was like jumping around the restaurant and kind of like danced around me and then she fucking left! She just danced out of the restaurant! I haven't heard from her since!

Casino Royale

It has been announced that the 21st James Bond film will be Casino Royale directed by Martin Campbell. He previously directed the James Bond flick Goldeneye. There's no word yet on who will be Bond?


The Mermaid Baby

Gossip Here...Gossip There...

Linday Lohan is causing a mess on the set of her new flick Lady Luck. Apparently she's showing up late and sometimes not showing up at all, because she's been boozing it up at local New Orleans bars! - Page Six

Karl Lagerfield, who is half mummy, has called Nicole Kidman's body 'bizarre.' Like he's one to talk! But at least somebody is spilling the truth! - The Express of London

God there really is no gossip today. This is a sad day in America!

The New Cast for MTV Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Inferno 2

This season its broken up into "Bad Asses" and "Good Guys." How fucking original!

Bad Asses:
Abe (Road Rules)
Beth (Real World LA)
CT (Real World Paris)
Dan (Real World Miami)
Tina (Road Rules)
Derrick (Road Rules)
Karamo (Real World Philly)
Rachel (Road Rules)
Tonya (Real World Boston)
Veronica (Road Rules)

Good Guys:
Jodi (Road Rules)
Jaime (Real World San Diego)
Darrel (Road Rules)
Brad (Real World San Diego)
Mike the Miz (Real World Back to NYC)
Landon (Real World Philly)
Shavonda (Real World Philly)
Robin (Real World San Diego)
Jon (Real World San Francisco)
Julie (Real World New Orleans)

Where the fuck is Coral?!? This shit premieres March 7th on MTV

Tainment Bytes!

David Chappelle & Michael Gondry are hooking up on a project described as sketch comedy set to music performances inspired by Richard Prior's docu Wattstax. That shit is just weird - Popbitch

Eva Marie Saint who was in Hitchcock's North by Northwest will be Superman's mommy in the upcoming Superman flick for Bryan Singer. - The Hollywood Reporter

Sarah Jessica Parker has signed on to co-star with Mathew McConaughey in Failure to Launch for Paramount Pics. It's another stupid romantic comedy that is bound to sink! - Variety

Luke Perry will guest star on Will & Grace playing a love interest for Jack. GODDAMN that Jack! - Oh No They Didn't

Hot Slut of the Day!


Grace Jones!!

Birthday Sluts



Thomas Calabro (46)
Maura Tierney (40)
Linda Eder (44)
Nathan Lane (49)
Morgan Fairchild (55)
Blythe Danner (62)

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

TV RATINGS: Idol's It



1. American Idol-Tuesday (FOX)
2. American Idol-Wednesday (FOX)
3. CSI (CBS)
4. E.R.(NBC)
5. CBS Sunday Movie (CBS)
6. CSI: NY (CBS)
7. Cold Case (CBS)
8. CSI: Miami (CBS)
9. Medium (NBC)
10. Numb3rs (CBS)
11. Without a Trace (CBS)
12. Apprentice 3 (NBC)
13. Everybody Loves Raymond (CBS)
14. Law and Order: SVU (NBC)
15. 60 Minutes (CBS)

HOLY SHIT! THIS IS THE BIGGEST NEWS EVER!!!



Read this NOW!

Anna Wintour is so gross!


Alan Cumming in Drag

Click it!

Beware of the cane wielding 75yo East Village Man!



Read this shit!

Tainment Bytes!

CZJ (Catherine Zeta) really wants a Best Actress Oscar. She has just signed to star in Rachel's Holiday for Universal Pictures. She will play a woman on the verge that decides to end it all by overdosing on some pills. Yeah, she's gonna get that Oscar! - Variety

My favorite Real Worlder Jacinda Barrett will replace Rachel McAdams in DreamWorks The Last Kiss. She will star alongside Zach Braff in a tale about struggling 30 year-olds finding themselves. 30 year olds? She's more like 40! - Variety

Paris Hilton will host Saturday Night Live this weekend. Jesus Christ, this show is going to the dogs! Literally! - Associated Press

Gossip Here...Gossip There...

Kylie Minogue is a dumb slut! She told B magazinee that she will probably never write her memoirs, because she has such a bad memory. She told the mag, "I've got such a bad memory! I'd probably have to make everything up!"

Sluts at the Kabbalah center are pissed, cause they believe that bitch Madonna is getting treated better than they are. One kabbalah person complained to Vanity Fair magazine that at Shabbat meals, Madonna gets to sit at the rabbi's table. "Madonna's table had glass, real plates, knives and forks," the slut said. "Everyone else [was] eating this crap off, like, paper plates." This bitch was also pissed because Madonna's table gets better wine than everybody else!

People are whispering that JLo and her munchkin hubby Marc Anthony are going to sing a beautiful duet at the Grammy's in two weeks.

BREAKING NEWS!!! BREAKING NEWS!!!



The most gorgeous and glamorous woman in the world will have her surrogate mother give birth for her...um...I didn't say that! I mean the most gorgeous and glamorous woman in the world will pop out a baby on February 25th! Mark your calendars for the fucking event of the year!

SIX MORE WEEKS OF WINTER!!!


Goddamn you Groundhog! You are so cute, yet you hurt us so much! And please put down that blunt!

Hot Slut of the Day!


Kimmy Gibler is so fucking hot!

Birthday Sluts



Michael T. Weiss (43)
Shakira (28)
Marissa Jaret Winokour (32)
Christie Brinkley (51)
Farrah Fawcett (58)
Elaine Stritch (80)


Tuesday, February 01, 2005

FAT ACTRESS: THE BUZZ



I had an IM conversation with one of my sources that went a little like this:

OMG, I was talking to Carla who went to one of them workshops where actors read some sides for a hotshot Casting Director who tells ya to get new headshots and hold onto the dream and call him if you're in anything --- well anyhow, this one was for the Casting Director of "Fat Actress"; Carla wanted to be seen by him because she thought he might put her on the show, ya see, but the casting director said, "To start off, let me just say: for those of you who came to this workshop in the hopes of getting put on "Fat Actress," ya can forget it! This is off, the record, but A) the first season's all shot and in the can and B) the show's a turkey and there ain't gonna BE no season 2!"

MY WORST FILMS OF 2004!

And now ladies and cunts, here's the turkey part of our program. I've named the best, now it's time for the terribles!

#10
Catwoman - Pitof, dir.
"This doesn't make any sense to me. I myself don't know why I am adding this, cause this shit was fucking hot! This was the return of Sharon Fucking Stone! I could've done without Halle though. She's more like a fucking alley cat than catwoman."

#9
Johnson Family Vacation - Christopher Erskin, dir.
"I can't believe that I actually saw this shit in a fucking movie theater. This was like an ABC Family movie. What happened to the hot Vanessa Williams? Now she just looks kind of crusty and haggard. Solange is pretty disgusting and well overall this movie was just a huge, horrendous nightmare that I wish to forget."

#8
Shall We Dance - Peter Chelsom, dir.
"JLo really thought she was fucking going to win an Oscar for this shit. She fucking downplays everything. She's so fucking demure it's disgusting. Richard Gere just looks like a fag dancing around. Not even Susan Sarandon can save this turkey. Skip this one and rent Dirty Dancing 2 instead!"

#7
Alexander - Oliver Stone, dir.
"I really thought this shit was going to be hot. Angelina Jolie does a disgusting Count Chocula accent and Colin Farrell looks like fucking Sandy Duncan. This shit is overproduced and just plain sour. Rosario Dawson's boobs are just too big. Nobody needs boobs that big onscreen. This makes Troy look like fucking Gone with the Wind."

#6
The Forgotten - Joseph Ruben, dir.
"God this pains me to do this! Everyone knows that Julianne is my light. She is the most beautiful, the most talented and an amazing Revolon spokeswoman. She is my everything and everything is she. But sometimes when you love someone so much, you have to tell them like it is. So Julianne, consider this tough love. Please don't do this to me again!"

#5
The Chronicles of Riddick - David Twohy, dir.
"Vin Diesel is hot and everything, but this honestly had me asleep by minute 12. I have no fucking idea what this shit was about. Only some Dungeons & Dragons nerd could figure out this plot. Judi Dench must've really needed rent money for this piece of crap. Thandie Newton tries to be sexy, but only looks like a wet cat searching for a fish head to chew on. This was more like the chronicles of ridiculous!"

#4
The Stepford Wives - Fran Oz, dir.
"Frank Oz did direct this garbage and it would've been more entertaining if he would've cast Miss Piggy in the lead role. Nicki is so fucking full of herself. She thinks that just cause she's in a picture it will be good. I've got news for you Nicki, this shit sucked and so did you. Bette Midler was awful and looked like a stuffed pidgeon prouncing around in a dingy costume. The only hot shit in this movie was Faith Hill as a fucking robot!"

#3
Saw - James Wan, dir.
"Um...what can I say? I couldn't believe it. I had high hopes for this shit and hoped it would be on my best list. But it just fucking fell apart. What was a good idea simply had too many cooks in the kitchen. It made some money, but it was 100% crap. It wasn't scary. It wasn't gross. It was just silly. Silly like a monkey washing a cat."

#2
Fahrenheit 9/11 - Michael Moore, dir.
"Nobody wants to see a fat, hairy man spewing boring things out of his big, fat mouth and that's exactly what Michael Moore did to me in this peice of propaganda bullshit. He thinks he's like a fucking messiah, but he ain't! Britney provided us with a bright spot, but overall this was a 2-hour 60 Minutes and everyone knows I don't watch the news!"

#1
The Brown Bunny - Vincent Gallo, dir.
"Chloe should win an AVN award for sucking dick and drinking jizz in this arthouse crabcake. Vincent Gallo has a voice like a 6yo girl voice and Chloe can't act her way out of a paper sack. There was so much controversy swirling 'the scene' which turned out to be a major letdown. Even Paris Hilton sucks dick better than Chloe."

Gotti Wants Some Respect!!


"You better give me good notices or you'll be sleeping with the fishes!"

That nasty tranny, Victoria Gotti, is likely to join the cast of the Off-Broadway musical 'We're Still Hot.' That shit tells the story of four women in their 50s who tell eachother what they don't like about eachother while planning their 35th High School Reunion. Yeah this fucking sounds as good as a head full of fish oil. - Broadway.com


Dreamer is hot!

Chyna's Penis

If you click on this, Beware that this shit is X-Rated!

Tainment Bytes!

That bitch Cher plans to end her fucking tour finally in Los Angeles in April. Will this shit ever end? Jesus Christ. Those costumes probably smell so rancid. - Cher.com

Patti LaBelle will join Wayne Brady onstage in Chicago the Musical for its Los Angeles run. Officially LaBelle's career is over! - Playbill.com

Everyone's literally betting that Dougray Scott will be the next James Bond. A booking agent in London has been getting an unusually high number of bets for Scott. I personally think it should be Posh Spice. - The BBC

David Beckham was due to make his screen debut in Goal! next year. The $100 Million soccer trilogy produced by Mel Gibson was set to turn Becks into a household American name. But unfortunately his coach at Real Madrid, the soccer team he plays for, is saying 'Hell Naw' and squashings Becks Hollywood dreams! - Sunday Mirror


Gossip Here...Gossip There...

Kelly Osbourne wants to taint Broadway!
Click It!

Kidman is a slut!
Read It!

Dumplings will be the movie of the year!
Click this shit!

Hot Slut of the Day!


Vanity: The Fucking Hottest Christian in the World!

Birthday Sluts



Pauly Shore (37)
Michael C. Hall (34)
Lisa Marie Presley (37)
Princess Stephanie of Monaco (40)
Sherilynn Fenn (40)
Boris Yeltsin (74)

Monday, January 31, 2005

FAT ACTRESS


Click it!
What do you think?

Couture is so weird!



Is this bitch carrying a fucking turtle shell?!?



And this bitch looks like a fry guy from McDonald's

BREAKING NEWS!!! BREAKING NEWS!!!


"Bitches I fell! And what?!?"

Hillary Clinton fucking collapsed during a speech today. That shit is hot! Don't worry, she ain't dead!

Hot Slut of the Day!


Fucking Dorian Lord: The Most Gorgeous Woman in the World!

Debra Messing is so jealous of Jane Krakowski!


"Daddy make me a Broadway star!

Kevin Spacey is the theater-fag-in-resident at The Old Vic in London. He's starring in The Philadelphia Story over there. Laura Linney was at one point in talks to co-star with him. But now, it looks like Debra Messing is wishing to join the ranks of other Hollywood Stars heading over to London to try and get some theater cred. Julia Roberts was also once in talks to take over the role made famous by Katherine Hepburn. I hope Debra lands it, because once Will & Grace ends this bitch is over! Wait, I fucking hope that movie she's in does fucking well too! I kinda like her, even though most of the time I just want to punch her in the throat!



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