Dlisted: The Truly Outrageous Adventures of Dr. Jennifer!

Friday, February 18, 2005

The Truly Outrageous Adventures of Dr. Jennifer!

Last week I reported that Dr. Jennifer may or may not have adopted a Russian baby. Well surely right after I reported this, I received an alarming telephone call from Dr. Jennifer herself. "What the hell!? Why are you spreading lies about me??" she went on to say. "I didn't adopt that baby! I don't even know where that picture came from!" I managed to smooth things over with Dr. Jennifer and everything seems to be fine now.

So after chewing me out, she invited me to join her for dinner. I of course agreed and she said she would pick me up in a cab. So she picked me up and we started to drive. She was talking about stupid things like Donna Summer and Roses. Anyhow, after about 20 minutes of driving I got sort of suspicious. I was so enthralled in our conversation that I hadn't even looked out the window. Well, when I looked out we were out of the city. I had no idea where we were going. "Where are we going, Dr. Jennifer" I asked. She responded with "To dinner silly!" So we kept driving.

It's then that we got to our destination, a small cabin in the middle of the woods. Dr. Jennifer hopped out of the cab and headed towards this piece of shit shed. I really didn't want to get out of the cab, but the driver yelled at me. So I got out and my only way out of this dump, the cab, sped away.

When I looked up, Dr. Jennifer was already inside. As I made my way inside, I noticed that the cabin was absolutely empty. This wasn't fucking dinner! I'm a bit afraid of her, so I kept my mouth shut. She started to tinker about in the cabin and then grabbed my hand and led me outside. She had me hold her purse and she ran to the back of the cabin. She re-appeared driving this green tractor thing with wood on the back.



"What the fuck are you doing?" I asked. But she didn't say anything! She fucking smiled at me and started to drive towards the main road. I tried to hop on the fucking thing, but she kept knocking me off! She started laughing and sang the lyrics "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go."



After about a mile of chasing after her, I finally gave up. I was fucking exhausted. Dr. Jennifer slowly grew smaller in the distance. I'm not sure what happened. But I looked in her purse and found a joint. So I sat on the side of the road and smoked it.

So...don't ask me how I got home, but it involved a trucker and some Crisco. Dr. Jennifer called me a few days later and simply said "You are the sunshine of my life" and she hung up. Sometimes, I never understand that girl.

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