On this night of a thousand stars...
So last night, EmAy (my assistant) and I went to open up our black, cold hearts to those less fortunate than us. We went to some fucking benefit for the Tsunami disaster at that tired club Crobar. Oh...there was magic. Serious magic. The entertainment included the heavily medicated Nancy Sinatra, the always a mess Cyndi Lauper and the queen of she-males Sandra Bernhard. This was a lovely night filled with melodic journeys and tales of the heart. Please read my thrilling and accurate account of last night's happenings:
"Oh no kids, it's me Nancy! Not Amanda Lepore, but Nancy Sinatra!"
NANCY FUCKING SINATRA
This bitch stumbled onstage like a pure (yet frozen) snowflake dancing slowly to the ground. She opened her tightly sewn lips and magic happened, people! This is a legend. We don't see these kind of women anymore outside of Palm Springs. She gave us everything. She showered us with her beauty and vomited her innermost thoughts onstage. She sang mostly songs I don't know. But she did chant Morrissey's "Let Me Kiss You" from her new album which had me at hello. She played a short but sweet set. This lady has class, sophistication and elegance. Oh Nancy, watching you makes me wish it was 1964 and I was an Iowa farm girl with luscious brown locks just getting off the bus to Hollywood with big dreams in my eyes. Nancy you are my everything!
"Ladies and Gentlemen, please witness the amazing Sandra Bernhard trying to grow a penis!"
So a horse gallops onstage and at first I thought I was watching a HS production of "Oklahoma" but it was actually Sandra Bernhard herself! Now she had the longest set. I've never seen her before and I was pleasantly surprised. She sang many covers from the heart. One of my faves and the audience faves was Journey's heart-stopping "Don't Stop Beleiving." Her voice sounds like two squirrels fighting under a blanket, but she does have heart. I'll give her that much.
"An Angel sings!"
I don't need to say much about her. She has one of the most powerful voices today. She fucking took my breath away. This bitch is a fucking star!
So let me wrap this shit up, because nobody wants to read this much shit. So, the three ended on a low and high note sharing Cyndi's "Girl's Just Wanna Have Fun" and Nancy's "These Boots Are Made For Walking." Both numbers were sinking ships, but these girls are doing it for a good cause. It was a beautiful evening and one that I will never forget...well...I'll remember it till 4pm this afternoon at least!
P.S - Nancy kept fucking taking all these pics with this digi cam! Jesus Christ! I guess she finally stepped into 1999!
"Nancy, you fucking said that those pics you took of my snatch were gonna be the last ones!"